PIERRE, A HAPPY MAN
This story is both
beautiful and horrible.
Most stories are.
The world is full of contradictions.
Nothing exists, unless
its opposite exists as well.
Good rubs shoulders with Evil,
Life with Death,
and intelligence with human idiocy.
I know this dual world well.
I've devoted my life to it.
I am a quantum physicist.
You, I, him,
this table, them -
we are all part of one whole,
linked by a fascinating,
mysterious phenomenon:
quantum physics.
The infinitesimally small
is so small
that we come to doubt
that we even exist.
The discovery
of wave-particle duality
compels us to question
everything we think we know.
It is energy and it is matter,
but it doesn't become matter
until we observe it.
Fascinating!
All humanity and
our whole world could well be
merely the reflection
of our own thoughts.
Consciousness,
the mind, the soul,
could be an eternal flow
of energy
which is and
has always been.
Matter?
A grand illusion.
Reality?
Simply a question
of perception.
May I?
A briefcase. Thank you.
We know already
that we won't find
a car or a piano inside.
What is this?
- A sheet of paper?
No.
It's an airplane.
Now what is it?
A plane crash?
Good. You're getting the idea.
But no, it's a ball of paper.
It's also an airplane,
and it is still a sheet of paper.
And now?
- A sheet of paper?
Not at all. It's the account
for your tuition fees.
You see, everything depends
on how we perceive things.
The class ended 5 minutes ago.
I won't keep you any longer.
Thank you.
Hello?
Mr. Pbret!
It's been a while.
What can I do for you?
Died? I'm sorry to hear that.
It comes to us all, doesn't it?
To each in his own time.
Aunt Jeanne?
My Aunt Jeanne?
No, I haven't seen her
for ages.
Not since she left for Canada,
I was 7 or 8 years old.
It's pretty late.
Can't this wait
until tomorrow?
An inn?
All right. I'm on my way.
Aunt Jeanne in Canada...
Her death reminded me
that life goes by as quickly
as a day at the fair
the summer I turned 6.
Buried deep in my thoughts,
I rediscovered the small boy
who dreamed of adventure,
snow and lands far away.
Oh, yes. The phone.
Hello? Yes, darling.
I'm just leaving, darling.
Yes... No, darling...
I'm sorry, princess.
I was lost in the snow.
I mean, it's Aunt Jeanne.
Hello? Hello? Hello?
I'm leaving. Yes. I'm leaving.
That was my daughter Catherine.
Here was my chance
to take her far away
from Paris to a place
where I could teach her
my philosophy of happiness.
If I could convince her to come.
Darling, I'm going to Canada,
and so are you.
No. That won't work.
Princess, did I ever mention
Aunt Jeanne?
Well, she died and
we're going to join her.
That won't work either.
Catherine!
Yes, sweetheart.
No, I had to see the notary.
Yes. About a contract...
It's complicated. Yes, yes.
No, I know I shouldn't talk
on the phone when I'm driving,
but remember, you called me!
I'll be there soon. Yes. Yes!
Yes! What a temper...
Catherine, pack your bags.
The New World awaits us.
Canada! You're mad.
Why on earth did you agree?
The notary had already
left me several messages.
Who wants her cabin in Canada?
It's miles from anywhere.
An innkeeper in Canada.
Far from the big city rat race.
It would be good for me.
Your mind is going.
And your social instincts.
Hello. What?
He's going to let that inexperienced
slut do the interview of my career?
The man has no balls!
Correction: he has got balls.
That's the problem.
Because the slut's main talent
is snuggling into his lap!
She mustn't write it alone.
Yes. Thanks.
Talk to you later.
Listen to this.
A picturesque village
with 400 inhabitants
on the banks of the majestic
Saguenay River fjord.
400? 1 ,200 people came to
the last party the paper threw.
A new life, isn't it great?
- No.
I have a life here in Paris.
And I think you should find
an apartment of your own
and settle down too.
You know...
Since Claudia left us,
I need to see you more often.
I know.
But four nights a week is a lot.
And Mother died 10 years ago.
I have my life to live,
I have a career, a boyfriend...
You say you don't love him.
- That's not the point.
He models in GQ, he looks like
a Greek god, that's all I ask.
Look! The will. Do you realize
we're the last of the family?
Stop carrying on about it.
You never saw
Aunt Jeanne again.
I can't!
My whole body feels orphaned.
My DNA's in mourning.
It's biological.
My every cell
howls in loneliness.
Right. Think about my DNA,
that'll calm you down.
We had more than enough
emotion for one night.
Sleep tight, Daddy.
Where's my Pekoe?
Oh, there you are, sweetie.
Time for beddy-byes?
Don't close the door.
Suddenly you're
afraid of the dark?
Sometimes I think you have
a mental age of 5.
I'll leave the door open,
but turn out the light.
Come on,
time for beddy-byes.
There we go, sweetie.
Good night, Daddy.
Good night, princess.
Know what?
To inherit Aunt Jeanne's estate,
we must meet one condition:
to live in the inn
for a year and a day.
Objection, Your Honour.
Please allow my client to serve
his time in his own country.
Lights out, please.
Or else all her property will go
to the municipality
of St. Simone du Nord.
What if it's
the call of the wild?
The only call I'm expecting
is from that rat Jean-Luc.
But not until tomorrow.
I'm going to sleep!
Lights, please.
Usually we turn it off
with the switch.
Princess! You're going to be
able to start your own paper.
Aunt Jeanne has left us
$1 ,673,000!
More than a million euros.
A million euros?
This is the call of the wild!
We have to get dressed.
- Let's get dressed.
Welcome to Montreal's Trudeau
International Airport.
It's 3:20 local time
and the temperature is -22C.
Thank you for flying Air Transat.
On behalf of captain Bonin and all
the crew, we wish you a pleasant stay
and hope to see you again,
next time you travel.
On behalf of Air Transat,
thank you.
I knew full well that it was
the money that convinced her.
That was her only reason
for coming to Canada.
But I would show her
thejoys of nature,
wide-open spaces
and simple things.
Seen from the sky, everything
is small. Infinitely small.
It's obvious that
we are all linked together.
Is it over? Are we there yet?
One last short trip by car
and we'll be there.
Hello, hello! Michel Dolbec,
Mayor of St. Simone du Nord.
Ma'am.
- Hello.
This way.
Here we are.
And the last one...
Poor Pekoe. Such a long trip
for such a good dog.
It's like being aboard the QEII.
Will we dock tonight,
or tomorrow at dawn?
Dear God.
It's the end of the world.
It's so quiet.
- Oh yeah.
Quiet as the grave.
Hear that?
No. I don't hear anything.
Princess.
Daddy,
this isn't going to work.
Of course it is, sweetheart.
You're tired.
It's a long trip
and you're jet-lagged.
Climb out and look around.
They don't look French.
No, they look Eskimo.
Listen.
You go in the back.
We don't want to scare them.
Come in and get warm.
Is that the inn?
Oops, the sandwiches.
No, it's over there.
The old, rickety one.
Typical, isn't it, darling?
Hello there!
C'mon in before
you freeze to a frazzle!
Watch how you talk
or they won't understand.
They aren't used to our accent.
Please. Do come in.
C'mon, c'mon, c'mon.
Strip off and thaw.
Let me take your coats.
Let me help you.
- Thank you.
Thanks, I'll keep mine on.
Mr. Martin, Ma'am,
as Mayor of St. Simone du Nord,
I'm extremely pleased
to welcome you officially.
We're so happy to meet you!
Shall we French-kiss?
We could start with a hug,
don't you think?
Oh dear, he's scaring
the sweet little doggie.
May I introduce Killer?
No, the dog.
My faithful hound.
That's Steven, my son. He's 27.
In 3 years he'll be 30 and
all grown up. If we're lucky.
Wow, cool!
- That's half his vocabulary.
That's not cool!
- That's the other half.
Michel, he's not a retard.
That's the way young people
talk these days.
Go back and finish
what you were doing, dear.
What?
Shove off.
No, thank you.
You'll be pleased to know
this is an offer to buy the inn.
A generous offer,
since it's falling to pieces.
That's not your fault.
But we can't leave you
with a dump
like that on your hands.
Also, I feel a bit responsible.
We really liked your aunt... er...
Jeanne.
- That's right.
No, thank you.
When I saw your suitcases,
I figured you'd be staying
for a few days.
Let me stop you right there.
We're not staying a few days.
No?
You'll be pleased to hear
that we're not going back.
We're staying.
What do you mean, staying?
From the verb "to stay" .
The opposite of "to leave".
We're staying.
Yes! We're taking over
Aunt Jeanne's inn.
Oh.
Aren't you pleased?
Steven, turn off that damned
video, it's driving me nuts!
I've told you time and again!
I'll bust it over your friggin' head!
Typical.
Delighted.
Never been
so delighted in my life.
Thrilled to death.
Daddy, we should go.
Our friends are tired.
Give us the key.
- What for?
Didn't you hear? We're tired.
Gimme the key to the inn.
Daddy!
They're staying. Blast it.
It's pretty. It's picturesque.
I think we're unwelcome here.
Oh, no. We just witnessed
an intergenerational conflict.
Would you undo this?
They're country people.
They don't express their emotions.
I can't get a signal.
- There's a phone and power.
No, I'm sure we'll all
get along beautifully.
It really is
the back of beyond.
They're staying, blast them.
They're moving into my inn!
It's not really your inn.
They don't want to sell.
I am not going to have another
generation of Frenchies in my inn.
Don't be like that!
I think they look nice.
Lulu, no more aliens
in St. Simone. Ever again.
My mouth hurts.
My whole face hurts.
I can't talk all pinched
like that for long.
You see?
They'll last a week.
Then they'll be gone.
Count on it.
Shall we go up
to that big double bed?
If you lock the door,
sweetie.
Oh no. Everything is frozen.
The dolt - I told him not to
leave the luggage in the cold.
It's so droll.
Look, it's frozen stiff.
Very funny.
Just look at my cream.
Hard as a rock. It's ruined.
It's good for nothing now.
What are you doing up so early?
I'm watching my inn.
You and your inn!
If your father hadn't been
so stingy, and so dumb...
He shouldn't have had
to buy his brothers out.
He was the eldest.
He should have
inherited it automatically.
Well, well, look who's here.
If it isn't Michel Dolbec.
It's been a while.
Did somebody die?
Yes and no. Those Frenchies
slept at my inn last night.
Your inn? Your inn?
The inn doesn't belong
to anybody now.
Before that Frenchwoman had it,
it was my grandfather's,
and it was built on
my great-grandfather's land.
Quit whining, Michel Dolbec.
Anyone can buy it.
Not if the Frenchies move in.
Not if they won't sell.
Not if they stay.
If they want to stay,
it's no skin off your nose.
What do you mean, if they stay?
Stay.
From the verb
"not go back home" . Get it?
Big Joe.
If you help me get rid of them,
I'll see that you get helluva plumbing
contract from the municipality.
Start by giving back the one
you cancelled last year.
That wasn't my decision.
The town council decided that,
I'll have you know.
Go ahead. Let him in.
Come in.
Shut the door.
It's cold outside.
Aliens!
I'll tell you this: no way are
Frenchies going to settle here.
St. Simone belongs to us!
It's our home,
and we're a family.
We must protect our village,
the land of our ancestors.
They're planning to buy up
everything and tear it down,
to build a big hotel complex.
Don't we have enough already?
It starts with an inn,
and next thing you know
they've bought the whole province.
Yes, Mario.
Excuse me, Mr. Mayor. But...
Yes?
Aren't the French our ancestors?
The Frenchies came yesterday
and they're about my age.
Who ever heard of ancestors
the same age as us?
Where did you get
an idea like that?
Any more smart questions?
Yeah!
- Yes, Mo.
Are we going to get
a skidoo trail this winter?
The municipal council has always
opposed a snowmobile trail.
I said so during the election
campaign and I'll say it again.
It attracts foreigners
who drive like maniacs.
Make a snowshoe trail instead.
A snowshoe crash
is less painful.
Anyway, that's not what
we're here to discuss.
Yes, Steven?
Are we gonna get a
snowmobile trail this year?
Blast it, didn't you hear
what I just said?
Pay attention, dear.
Never mind the snowmobile trail.
I'm talking about
the red, white and blue peril!
But what can we do?
I'll tell you.
There's an old French... er...
...Chinese proverb that says
keep your friends close to you
and your enemies even closer.
Did you get that?
Any more questions?
Aunt Jeanne...
Thank you.
Darling, it's almost Nirvana!
Your Nirvana needs work.
The plumbing is finished,
the bathroom's a wreck,
and all the doors stick.
Good! We start from scratch!
- Oh, yes.
Company! Who can it be?
- Wow. The suspense!
Mr. Mayor!
What a pleasant surprise.
Good morning, sir! Ma'am...
- Morning.
Mr. Martin, allow me to wish you
a happy day among us.
We figured that
the French eat croissants.
So here they are.
Oh! Thank you, that's very kind.
Thanks so much.
With a nice hot coffee,
they're something else.
No.
Thank you.
I'm sure we'll enjoy them.
Goodbye!
One more thing...
So they don't get stale.
Have a lovely day.
They're not so dumb.
It may be harder than you think
to stay close to your enemies.
Quit clowning and come on.
Okay. Don't get
your knickers in a twist.
You'll have a heart attack.
Right. I started a to-do list.
How can you eat that?
It's not fit for a dog.
Daddy!
You gave that muck to Pekoe?
That's disgusting!
- It's very good.
Don't you realize?
Pekoe is French!
It'll make him sick!
After that muck,
what's he brought now?
Daddy, I'm telling you
I don't like that man.
Give it a good kick
at the bottom!
Who is it?
It always sticks.
It's a man with a turtle.
Oh, how typical!
Mario Vaillant.
I worked at the inn.
I live across the road.
- How do you do. Pierre Martin.
My daughter Catherine.
My darling.
- How do you do.
Please come in.
May I offer you some coffee?
Do that. And a croissant.
What's your turtle's name?
- Felicity.
Funny name, isn't it?
It belonged to Jeanne.
She really loved her turtle.
I've been taking care
of it since...
since she left us.
What's wrong?
- Nothing. It's just -
it's Felicity.
I played with her
when I was little.
May I?
What a horrible creature.
I've never seen one
close up before.
Do you recognize me, Felicity?
Will you stop carrying on?
What will he think of you?
I know how he feels.
I had a hamster
when I was small.
But hamsters
don't live very long.
You lost your pet, too?
Yes.
Right.
She followed me everywhere.
Testing, 1 , 2, do you read me?
Wall to wall.
You're coming in loud and clear.
I repeat: loud and clear. Roger.
Mario's over there.
I should have known.
That guy's a pain in the neck!
Of course he went over.
He used to work for Jeanne. Roger.
I don't want anyone
helping the Frenchies, see?
I want them out of here!
Got it. Message received. Roger.
Big Joe?
- What?
Quit saying "Roger".
What are you doing here
with your binoculars?
Go home. They're going to
call you to fix the plumbing.
You have to be near the phone.
A Parisian girl won't last
a week without water.
Look at the lanky twit.
Interfering nuisance.
Damn. Damn, damn.
Damn.
What's wrong? Is there
a problem, Miss Martin?
I've been after them
for a week, Mario.
They still haven't found
the containers.
Two enormous containers, Mario!
Was there something important
inside them, Miss Martin?
No. Just trinkets.
I always ship them in containers.
Honestly, Mario...
Look what I found in the cellar.
Snowshoes!
And all kinds of
Christmas decorations.
We'll have to put them up soon.
The snowshoes are Jeanne's.
She used them right up to last year.
He's playing with snowshoes.
Can you answer the question
I've been asking you all week?
Where is your briefcase?
We need the shipping papers!
I think I forgot it
in the little plane.
Give me strength!
Don't you care?
My whole life is floating
out there somewhere
in two lost containers!
Calm down, darling.
We may have lost a briefcase,
but two huge containers?
We lost it? You lost it!
I took care of it.
The airline is going
to mail it to us.
Why didn't you say so?
When?
Well, as soon as they find it.
Yes. Because I'm not sure
I left it in the little plane.
Why, here's Mr. Big Joe!
I've never seen so much rust.
But the water's on now.
It's fine.
- About time.
Will you have some coffee,
Mr. Big Joe?
No, don't bother. I have to go.
Bye now. Thanks. Thanks.
We're most grateful.
- Speak for yourself.
Shut the door!
Hello, this is Plumber.
I repeat,
this is Plumber.
Operation Sahara completed.
Returning to base. Roger!
Sorry. Cancel the Roger.
Come on! Reverse, you old heap!
Ready, Pierre? Let's go.
- Good! You lead the way.
Pierre, may I introduce
the Saguenay Fiord.
It's majestic.
It's a million years old.
It's in good shape.
The ice is strong enough
to support the fishing shacks.
The water under here
is 100 metres deep.
Do the fish bite?
Do they bite?
I have to turn away to bait the hook.
I have to hide!
They jump at us.
Here we go.
You have to tease them a little.
Titillate the fish.
It'll amaze you.
Yes, hello. Pauline?
No. You're Pauline. I'm Pierre.
Right. It was a question.
In a manner of speaking.
That's right. Tell me...
No, I know you know
you're Pauline.
I'm Pierre Martin.
That's settled.
Tell me, is Big Joe there?
Big Joe who? Big Joe!
He's not there?
Oh, that's awkward.
Because yesterday
he came by to fix our plumbing,
and can you imagine?
Now it's...
Zapped.
Meaning it doesn't work.
Broken. Plumbing kaput!
Water not come.
Kaput, kaput, kaput!
I no understand
what you is telling I.
I think she understands.
Is Big Joe there?
Okay, me hang up now.
Enough is enough.
Do they think we're savages?
Who is it?
Kateri Tekakwitha's father.
Who?
- Nobody that matters.
When's the clown coming back?
Today. Or tomorrow. Soon.
I want a shower.
I'm fed up
washing at the basin.
We aren't living with savages.
I take it back.
We are living with savages.
You're exaggerating, princess.
What are you doing?
Darling Daddy.
If I want to go trapping one day,
I must get used to them.
Hello? Yes?
At last! Someone
who is properly speaking!
Yes, speaking. Yes indeed.
No. Pardon?
What?
Sank? Like the Titanic?
Oh, dear...
Hey!
Hi, Pierre.
How's it going?
Is she feeling better?
She's all right now,
but last night, she was very down.
She kept trying to salvage
her memories from the stormy seas.
This language is beautiful
when it's spoken well.
It's just harder to understand.
Hi, Mario!
Mario, please
don't ask me how I am.
Oh.
Good morning, Miss Martin.
How are you?
I brought the painting gear
you asked for.
Maybe we could do some
painting together tomorrow.
An excellent idea, Mario!
Yes. That's right.
We'll paint together tomorrow.
See how much birch
I've chopped, darling?
But that wood is green.
What does the colour matter?
I'm just going to burn it.
That's the whole point.
Maybe we could go down
to the Pier for dinner?
Do you know of another
restaurant around here?
Raymond? It's me.
They're heading your way.
Leave it to me.
I'll finish them off with poutine.
Hi, guys.
Good evening.
Oh, look!
The wee doggie
has a beautiful coat!
And bootees! That's so cute.
Right. This evening,
our famous poutine
would be on special.
Wait. Is it on special or not?
Don't be dumb.
I just said it's on special.
But you said " it would be" .
Yeah. So?
I'm trying to speak properly.
As a courtesy
to our French friends.
Fine, but "would be"
is future tense.
Conditional.
It would be on special
if you would order it.
We have several poutines:
the Italian, the Western,
also called the Country,
the chicken Galvaude,
and the Teriyaki.
Italian with hot peppers.
Poutine. Interesting name.
I'll try the Italian variety.
I'll have what Mario's having.
And you, darling?
For you, ma'am?
Ma'am will avoid the Tipoon
since she has no idea
what it is.
I'll have a salad.
I see. Our salads include
the Italian, the Western,
also called the Country,
the chicken Galvaude
and the Teriyaki.
Plain.
Like chicken Galvaude,
hold the chicken?
Exactly.
Ah. After all, why not?
It's like a cheeseburger
with no cheese.
It's a hamburger. Eh?
Plain...
You're really
going to eat that?
Oh, Mr. Big Joe!
Oh!
I haven't forgotten you.
He's laughing in our faces.
He's just dripping with guilt.
How very odd.
A plumber who drips.
Yes. Very funny.
The days went by and already
the legendary Canadian winter
was knocking at our door.
Its great white blanket covered
the great white blanket
of autumn.
Marcel, it's Michel.
Get Big Bertha ready.
I can't get over it.
Past New Year's and
the Frenchies are still here.
Looks like the Hundred Year's War.
Did you think they'd move out
at this time of year?
I won't have it, I tell you!
They'll be gone in a week.
That's just silly. In a week!
Lulu, mind your own business!
There, you see?
This whole thing is making you sick.
We have to attack by night.
Oh, good grief.
It's World War III.
Drat the man.
Alien, Frenchie
and a mental age of 5.
Steven! Come here
and make yourself useful.
Cool. Can I finish
my game of ping-pong first?
No.
Come on, Killer.
You're the third person
I've talked to.
We left a briefcase behind
in one of your planes.
You were going to mail it to
us here in St. Simone du Nord.
Yes!
I know it's January 4.
But you're supposed to be
the emergency service,
aren't you?
Yes, I'll hold the line.
What's he doing?
- I dunno.
Phew.
Hello, hello. This is Plumber.
I repeat, this is Plumber.
Will you quit repeating
everything and shut up?
Roger!
- If you say " Roger" once more,
I'll make you swallow
your walkie-talkie.
Watch it!
If you harm a hair of his head,
you're a dead man!
Man, she pisses me off! Roger.
Who does he think he is?
Hello? Yes, I'm still here.
And? Did they find it?
Yes, but they lost it again.
I need the papers to make
an insurance claim.
Are you sure?
The transporter's insured.
There's a copy somewhere
in France, for sure, Katie.
Don't call me Katie.
I hate nicknames.
Listen, Mario.
Just because we...
...did some painting together,
we won't get too familiar.
I told you that already.
Oh, yes. Okay.
It'll just seem strange
when we do the second coat.
Mario!
That's right.
That's good.
Frigging idiot.
Go for it, Steven.
Keep trying. You can do it!
Thanks, Mario. They sent it
here and it came back stamped
"not known at this address" .
It went back to France
and they sent it here again.
That smells like Michel Dolbec
to me. He can be nasty.
Yes? Yes, I'll hold on.
What is this stuff?
St. Bartholomew's Night.
It's my favourite.
Assertive,
with a long aftertaste.
Oh yes - it lasts forever.
It's well-named.
Jeanne had a wicked
sense of humour too.
She was bright, like you.
She used to say she liked
to lead men around by the fly.
- Very funny.
But the expression
is " by the nose" .
Isn't that what I said?
Did people like her?
St. Simone isn't Qubec.
It's an odd place.
They don't like strangers.
I'm from Riotord, 10 km away,
but to them I'm a stranger.
Michel Dolbec is the worst.
He's too full of himself.
Full of himself?
Proud.
He thinks he's special.
He owns the only store,
so he's the boss.
Pierre's the only one
who likes him.
My father likes everyone.
He's a physicist and philosopher.
A paradox.
A loveable paradox.
Yes, I'm still here.
Yes!
The bloody moron was
holding on by the cutter!
Hello? Hello hello?
Are you still there?
They say they mailed
the parcel to the inn.
I can guess who knows
where it is now.
Me too.
Are you okay, Steven?
Oops. Blast it!
Good evening, Mr. Mayor.
Or should I say Mr. Postmaster?
Good evening, Miss Martin.
I've been expecting
a parcel for weeks.
But it hasn't come.
I'm sorry but it's after four.
We're closed.
Winter hours.
The store is open.
The lights are on.
The store, yes.
But the post office is closed.
I've waited long enough.
You can make a small exception!
No, it doesn't work that way.
I can't open the post office
at all hours. There are rules.
When it's closed, it's closed.
I'll be happy to sell you milk,
but for your parcel,
Qubec Post sets the schedule.
Not me.
Imbecile. He did it on purpose.
I'm sure of it!
This bloody door!
All right?
Okay!
There we are, sir.
Have a nice day.
Good morning, Miss.
You're open. How nice.
From 10 to noon and 1 to 4
every day except Sunday.
A parcel was sent to us here.
For some unknown reason,
it was sent back to France.
But it'll come back any day now.
Have you received it?
I can't say off the top
of my head.
I'll have to check.
To make sure.
Right.
From France, you say.
- Exactly.
It wouldn't be a box in brown
paper, about this big?
Precisely.
Haven't seen hide
nor hair of it. Not yet.
You haven't seen it,
but you know what it looks like.
We never get mail. Never.
Not once since we arrived.
May I point out that I receive
the mail. I do not send it.
If you want to make a claim,
please call Qubec Post.
We have had no phone service
since yesterday evening.
Please, feel free.
OUT OF ORDER
This really is
a godforsaken dump.
The only thing I can suggest is
to send your complaint by mail.
Qubec Post is proud to have
been of service to you.
I assure you Qubec Post
will be proud to hear from me.
So there.
Cut the enemy lines
of communication.
ADDRESS UNKNOWN
RETURN TO SENDER
I bet she's looking for
a phone to call Qubec Post.
Hello, Marcel? Michel.
Get Big Bertha ready.
I'm on my way.
Hello, Mr. Mayor.
Lovely day, isn't it?
If you got lost in the forest
I'd like it even better.
Hello, Mr. Martin.
Do you know what? I think
the cold snapped my phone line.
The cold?
- Yes.
He's hopeless. The cold!
Tell me, Mr. Martin.
Are you ever in a bad mood,
even a tiny bit?
Never in Canada.
Nothing sticks to you, eh?
A real Teflon man.
Yep. Have a nice day.
You too.
Good morning.
May I use your phone, please?
OUT OF ORDER
Sorry, it's not working.
Thank you.
Hey!
Move over!
For heaven's sake.
Press the gas pedal!
Yeah, right...
Good riddance.
Catherine!
You're bad. It's not funny!
I'll call the cops
if you don't watch out.
Oh, princess!
They iced the road. I saw it.
The car spun out of control.
I nearly went in the river.
No, they didn't.
They were sanding it.
You're still shaken, princess.
Poor Miss Martin.
Catherine, my poor darling.
I'll make you some tea.
I tell you...
They iced the road.
Oh, no.
Here.
Drink this.
You'll feel better.
It's a huge conspiracy.
The whole village is in it.
I saw them.
All watching like hyenas!
They want us dead! Paris.
I must go back to Paris!
I must go back to Paris.
Hello, Miss Martin. Poor lady.
Are you all right?
It's the Mayor, darling.
You'll be fine, you'll see.
If she'd like to see
some shots of Paris on TV,
try Channel 5.
They have a lot about France.
Tune in anytime.
They run it all day.
Thank you.
Marcel, I have to give
you a black mark.
You salt the road
in the morning.
Thank goodness no one was hurt.
- Yes.
We'll see to your car,
Miss Martin. Don't worry.
Next time...
Come and use
the phone at the restaurant.
It's bad luck. I was starting
to salt the road.
Miss Martin...
It's me, Big Joe.
The plumber?
I haven't forgotten you.
Leave her alone!
Please forgive her,
Mr. Big Joe. She's in shock.
It's all fine now, right?
So we'll be on our way.
Marcel.
Mr. Martin...
Outside, Fang.
Get some air.
Freakin' hypocrites!
I'd like to break
his bloody neck,
the strutting phoney!
I didn't understand all that,
but she should rest now.
If you need anything,
I'm just across the way.
Pekoe?
Pekoe!
Come to mother, pet.
Pekoe! Here, darling.
Pekoe. Pekoe!
What's going on in the cellar?
Killer's playing
with the Frenchie's dog.
Don't let him hurt it.
No, no.
Pekoe!
Pekoe!
Pekoe?
What a bad doggie.
Killer!
Daddy isn't pleased.
Daddy's mad at you.
Daddy's mad.
Mr. Martin, as mayor,
I bring very sad news.
It's his... his collar...
What is it? What happened?
- I don't know.
He was playing with Killer and
...they got into a fight.
Blast it, I was too late.
What? I don't think I... Hunh?
- ...see the deceased?
Oh, the deceased!
Not until morning, I'm afraid.
But sometimes Killer
does a number 2 at night.
He ate him?
My deepest sympathies.
I don't know what to say to you.
Thank you for notifying me.
- Really, don't mention it.
My condolences.
Careful.
- Got it.
You have this.
But ... Catherine?
Catherine.
Catherine?
Catherine,
where are you, sweetheart?
Savages.
It's a country of savages!
Eaten by a mangy cur
under the indifferent gaze
of a pig!
Watch me! I'll grind that man
into sausage meat!
I'll cut him in pieces
and stuff the bloody balls
of his filthy beast
into his maw!
No, Catherine! Catherine!
Out of my way. I mean it.
I'm going to murder him!
Let me past!
I'm sorry, Catherine.
Forgive me.
Hang on, dearest. Hang on.
He ate my dog!
Deprive your enemy
of all means of communication.
...soaring turrets...
...long history...
Time for a tranquillizer.
There.
I'm going out to see
what happened.
I'll be right back.
Oh, Pekoe!
Dear Pekoe. Pekoe...
We lost the signal.
But it doesn't matter.
Little Pekoe...
I'll call the company.
No.
I'll drive into town.
I can't do that either.
I'll stay with you, princess.
Well? How is she?
See, Pekoe?
That's Louis XIV on TV.
It's always Louis XIV.
Oh, boy. She's talking
to Pekoe. That's not good.
She's avoiding reality.
And I think she took
too many pills.
Hi, Katie - Catherine.
Feeling better?
I guess not.
You won't have to spend much
on dog food this winter.
Hey! This gizmo works!
Course it does.
Michel Dolbec, you're a genius!
May I? Come with me, pet.
Make sure he really does pee.
What a hoot!
I've had about enough of this.
It's not right.
They're nice people.
You can visit them in France.
We're almost done, trust me.
They'll give up soon.
I gave you a contract. Right?
Remember your contract.
The power's off at our house.
Oh, good. It's on again.
I smell a rat. I'm going
into town for a generator.
Catherine needs to stay warm.
Thanks, Mario.
See you tomorrow.
The dope.
He left the door open.
It goes off, it comes on.
I left the doors open. I think
there's a loose connection.
You're a scientist, Daddy.
You know the principle
of alternating current.
It alternates.
Don't worry.
It's not important.
All that matters is that
we're together, the two of us.
Right. Goodnight, Eskimos.
Quit sulking and
go give Marcel a hand.
I want Big Bertha here
at 6 a.m. tomorrow.
It's hard for you, princess.
But they're good people.
They just don't know it yet.
Steven!
Shut it down!
Cool!
- I suppose.
Hi, Mr. Martin.
You're up bright and early.
I have a disaster in the cellar.
My pipes have burst.
Last night the power went off
so we had no heat.
And the phone's still out...
Mr. Martin,
I have great news for you.
As mayor and chairman of
the board of St. Simone du Nord,
I am proud - nay, delighted,
to tell you that your plumbing
problem is our top priority.
We'll start this very day
by digging a humungous -
a deep trench across your lot
so we can fix the main.
"Main" means the large pipe
supplying water to your house.
This is a major task and
we can't, unfortunately,
expect to finish it
before spring at the earliest.
But community spirit is strong
in St. Simone
and we decided
that you and your daughter
need and deserve
our support.
There, now.
Isn't that good news, sir!
Wonderful. You're wonderful.
We'd never get service
like this in France.
Our all-powerful bureaucracy
of technocrats
would cause endless delays,
despite the urgent need to...
Speaking of urgency,
I don't want to be a wet blanket,
but isn't your cellar flooding
this very moment?
Don't you have a major problem?
Major? Everything is relative.
Right now, every 7 seconds
a child dies of hunger.
My problems are minor.
But progressive people like you
are building a better world.
It's like meeting a childhood hero,
finding you here at dawn,
standing tall on your machine,
bravely confronting the land,
the burden of public service,
like Davy Crockett on his steed,
confronting America!
I guess... Yep...
Well, now...
That's harsh.
That's so harsh.
I can't cope.
That's harsh.
That's very harsh.
So harsh.
My head hurts.
I guess I'll go home now.
Too harsh.
I'll just go home.
Look, Steven, let's say
a customer buys something
that costs 99.
Who?
Somebody.
Buys what?
Something.
For how much?
99.
Why 99?
Let's pretend it costs 99.
Where are you going, dear?
It's noon and
you haven't had lunch yet.
I'm not hungry.
I had a slug of gin
and I think I'll go to bed.
Oh, don't do that!
Have some cereal first.
It'll do you good.
No, Lulu. It won't do me good.
No power.
No phone.
No heat, no car, no nothing.
His daughter's having
a breakdown.
I'm about to dig a crater
next to his house,
and he talks about Davy Crockett.
I remind him of Davy Crockett.
Why don't you leave him alone?
They're okay people.
Forget it and you'll feel better.
You'll see.
No, no, no.
I'm sick of being positive,
and what lovely weather,
and a better tomorrow,
beautiful Canada, air like wine,
and snowshoes!
It drives me nuts!
Things are bad, always have been,
always will be,
it's all gone to hell
in a handbasket!
The ping-pong parcel came back
from France again today.
Be a dear and give it to them.
Damn it.
No more decent wine.
Have to drink this rot-gut.
I'm going home.
Don't have to be
particularly pervish...
perkot... very partil...
pertin... peshtive...
persic... perstoop...
- Perceptive.
...per soosh. That's hard
to say when you're bombed.
A year and a day. Ha.
There isn't enough money
in the entire known world
to make me put up with these
degenerates for another day.
Don't say that, darling.
Hate breeds hate.
Love wipes it away.
That bastard ate Pekoe.
It's disgusting.
I'm leaving. I've had it.
He didn't do it. His dog did.
Pills and alcohol don't mix.
Why are you crying?
I'm not crying.
It's the smoke.
Press 9 twice. Go ahead.
No!
The 9 is this one up here.
That's the phone, honey.
Not the cash.
Sorry, Mom.
Work on it.
I'll put the potatoes on.
Now try it. Good.
It's time for drastic measures.
I'll fix them. Just watch me.
Come here, Felicity.
I'll tell you about your cousin Pekoe.
Where did your father go?
- Out hunting.
No.
Dear God above.
See, Daddy?
Even with Felicity
in my grasp, I'm unhappy.
Forgive me, princess.
I went too far.
It's my fault.
Listen.
First thing tomorrow,
we'll go back to Paris.
Retreating to Paris,
defeated by human idiocy,
unable to give Catherine
my philosophy of happiness,
was bitter to me.
I went to bid my dream farewell.
Farewell, winter.
Farewell, Aunt Jeanne.
Farewell,
majestic Canadian forest.
This time you won't come back.
Is that drastic enough for you?
No, no, no, Mr. Mayor.
I know you have Canadian blood
in your veins,
but you'll freeze
to death out here.
Mr. Martin! Are you there?
I have to talk to you!
Michel's flipped out.
We can't find him anywhere!
Thank God. I'm frozen stiff.
The storm's getting worse.
Michel's disappeared.
I'm worried sick.
Mr. Martin isn't here.
Lord, what a mess!
What are we going to do?
There. Feel better?
- Yes.
Human warmth helps.
No fire, and a howling blizzard,
but we have human warmth.
I... I'm the one who...
The parcel... I did it...
I know. I saw it there.
Thank you.
No, no! I mean...
I'm the one who shot it.
With the shotgun.
Well, we found it.
That's what matters.
The power - I cut it off.
From the dawn of time
until the 19th century,
we didn't have electricity.
We still managed to evolve.
The telephone.
I made Steven cut the wire.
As far as I'm concerned,
no news is good news.
Marcel iced up the road
on purpose, and... and...
I let Killer eat Pekoe.
I'm a bastard
and you're saving my life.
Why?
It must be my fate.
A long time ago,
I decided to be happy.
I don't know where I'll end up,
but I do know
I intend to be smiling.
All those things you told me -
we decide how important
we'll let them be.
That's the choice I made.
Lao Tsu made the same choice.
Lao Tsu.
You remember Lao Tsu?
Oh, sure.
He said something beautiful:
happiness isn't a destination;
it is a way of travelling.
I can't feel my legs anymore.
Frostbite. We must get you warm.
Don't squeak like that!
Did we ever discuss opposing forces?
- Not yet.
In this double world,
nothing can exist unless
its opposite exists too.
Newton was the first to ...
Sorry to interrupt, but
I'm in no position to take notes.
That last comment owes
more to science than to philosophy.
Briefly, there is both good
and evil in each one of us.
It's awful. We're stuck here,
and they're lost in the storm.
Lord, I hope it blows itself
out before morning.
Yes. It'll be better tomorrow.
We're closing up shop.
Closing up shop?
We're closing up shop.
We're leaving.
It's Parisian slang.
You're buggering off!
That's Qubec slang.
We are buggering off.
All under control.
I started the generator.
We have power, Katie.
It's Spiderman.
That's American.
I can't feel my legs!
Blessed Mother Mary!
Oh, honey...
Days passed and we discovered
that the eerie events
of the night of the snowstorm
had made us all reassess our lives.
As a result, my philosophy
of happiness spread like wildfire.
Fortunately, we quickly understood
that we belonged
to the large family of those
who chose to be happy,
joined for all time by a state of
permanent and collective felicity.
Oops... It doesn't matter.
Let it go right to the bottom.
That's where the fish are.
That's right.
- It's a long way down!
Set the stop...
Now we wait.
It takes time.
I'm in no hurry.
Now that Catherine was happy,
I had only one concern left.
How to tell her that
Aunt Jeanne's fortune
was only a figment
of my imagination.
All our differences smoothed away,
we realized we were
in total harmony.
At last, we were one!
The infinitesimally small
is so small
that we come to doubt
that we even exist.
I mean that you, I, him, them,
nature - we all form one whole,
linked by a fascinating,
mysterious phenomenon...
No. I don't know about you,
but I don't get any of this.
Okay.
Let me summarize.
One. All of us here are one.
That's what Pierre means.
Exactly, Michel.
How come we're one?
You keep saying that,
but there are
at least 30 of us here today.
Hey, cool! I get it!
Big Joe, what Pierre means is
in the infinitely small,
atom-size, we're united.
Attached to each other.
The table, the toaster,
the mixer, me, your tools,
it's all the same.
What a bright lad!
I didn't understand
a word you said, dear.
Hang on a sec.
You mean I am my plumbing?
When you look
at the infinitely small,
yes, Big Joe.
Infinitely small or life-size,
Big Joe can't be his plumbing.
He's the plumber!
It doesn't make any sense at all!
Typical.
It's not that hard, damn it!
What Michel's saying is that
in the infinitely small,
like atoms, it's all the same.
You're the same as poutine!
Are you insulting me?
What do you mean?
- The nerve! Calling me Poutine!
I never called you Poutine!
- You did so!
Michel! Michel!
Fix it amongst yourselves!
Everybody pipe down!
Just pipe down, all of you!
I guess it's not the time to
talk about the snowmobile trail, eh?
What a twit...
CANCOD CNST, Montreal