1
(narrator reading)
It's a trap!
(disco music playing)
(continues reading)
(honking)
(clamoring)
Pilots: Let's go!
Step on it, slowpoke.
Come on, come on!
(horns honking)
(sighs)
keep your pants on, you'll get there.
Palpatine: Comrades in evil,
I'd like to tell you
that we are winning this war!
(cheering)
But I can't.
Because we're losing!
(groaning)
But, starting today,
things are going to change.
The jedi and their ilk have outsmarted us for the last time.
"the jedi and their ilk have outsmarted us
for the last time."
Wait, you can talk normally?
Only if imitating
someone else, can I.
Not can do, wise other.
Okay.
Victory will be ours.
Now that we have created
the ultimate weapon.
Jek-14!
I am ready to
fight for the sith.
That's your ultimate weapon?
A clone!
He's not just a clone.
He's a sith clone!
You guys seem
a little desperate.
(yelping)
And you seem a little fried.
Jek, show them what you've got!
Yes, master.
(gasping)
(exclaiming)
(cheering)
Hello, that's my theme song!
Can somebody say "diva"?
C-3po:
Members of the jedi council,
I have a terrible
confession to make.
I don't want to be
a substitute teacher anymore.
I enjoy calling the role,
And I'm a dab hand
at handing out worksheets.
It's not that I...
It's these padawans.
They're always
putting themselves in peril
And putting me there, too,
and I can't stand it.
I'm destined for
total meltdown.
Will you buzz off?
(beeps sadly)
Worry no more.
We will transfer you
to jedi temple food services.
That would be most acceptable.
But who will
tend to the padawans
Whilst master yoda
is away on his mission?
As it happens, we've already found the perfect substitute.
I can't believe
they've stuck me
With this stupid
babysitting job.
What would obi-wan say
if he knew about this?
(artoo beeps)
And you will learn
your place, young one.
Come on, artoo,
you took that out of context.
(artoo laughing)
Substitute-teacher anakin,
where are you taking us?
We're on a trip of discovery and contemplation
To a planet that has played a crucial role in jedi history.
Told you, it's hoth.
All: Aww...
Come on, hoth is great.
It's a little chilly, but it's exciting.
I love it!
General skywalker,
you're a great jedi,
But you're not
a very good actor.
(sighs)
(all gasp)
(cheering loudly)
A bad feeling
about this, I have.
Uh, yeah!
Pretty cool, huh?
There's only one jek now,
but soon, we will have thousands of him!
Count dooku has
perfected the art
Of instant clone
cloning of clones.
(all gasp)
Behold, the clone-amatic 11-38!
All: Ooh!
Sleek and practical,
Its twin-pods speed the transfer of genetic material
And the kyber crystal energy,
To make our sith clones
the best in the galaxy.
Another great product of the
lama su clone works of kamino.
(bell dings)
All: Ooh!
(groans)
(all gasp)
Don't worry about jek,
he'll be weak for a while,
But then he'll
regain his strength.
So we can make an army
of exact replicas of him.
Just like this one!
(in high-pitched voice)
I am ready to fight for the sith!
(laughing)
That tickles!
What are you guys looking at?
Dooku!
We're still
ironing out a few kinks.
Your kinks will be
forever un-ironed, dooku.
What he said.
Jedi knights?
Now run away.
Roger, roger.
(sighs) bad guys,
do your stuff.
(cackling)
Prepare to join
with the force, jedi.
Whoa!
My hair! (grunts)
(yoda laughs)
oh...
Sith clone, attack!
You are really
getting me steamed...
I've been waiting for this moment for a long time.
Boop.
Whoa!
Not cool. So not cool.
(whistling)
No. No.
The oppression of the sith
will never return, sidious.
No!
You have lost!
No, no, no, no, no...
You will be crushed!
Ha!
But not now, gotta go.
Palpatine:
Hasta la bye-bye!
A coward, this sith lord is.
And a thief.
He stole chancellor palpatine's shuttle.
Ha! You just
don't get it, do you?
What get, we don't?
Oh, uh, nothing.
Well, that wasn't too hard.
(grunts)
Feel the power
of the dark side.
(screams)
I believe I may
have spoken too soon.
Okay, we're here.
Everyone off the bus.
Vaash ti: Hmm!
Come on, the cave is
only 10 yards away.
You're not gonna freeze,
I'll show you.
See, I'm out here and I'm okay...
(creature whines)
(groans)
that was one of a kind freak...
(laughing)
Meanwhile, obi-wan gets to have all the fun.
(grunting)
uh, little help?
(grunts)
Not a good time, this is.
(groans)
(screams)
(grunts)
Victory is ours!
Jek, finish him.
But, master, he is unarmed.
Spoken like a jedi.
But you are a sith!
Now, finish him!
Made from a jedi crystal,
you were.
The force runs through you.
Choose the light side,
you still can.
I can?
As your master,
I order you to finish him!
Yoda: Order you, I will not.
Ask you, I do.
Choose your side.
Choose to join the jedi.
No, do as I say!
Yoda: The light
side choose, you must.
Dooku: No, the dark!
Yoda: Light!
Dooku: Dark!
Yoda: Light!
Stop!
Huh?
Huh?
I choose neither of you!
I'm sorry, what did you say?
I want to be me.
Uh, offer you that choice,
I did not.
(screams)
Go, you cannot!
Dooku: He's right!
Nobody does this.
Leave me alone!
(coughing)
Him, after!
After him!
Locked on him, we are.
Dooku: Hands off
the merchandise!
(yoda screams)
he's mine.
Get away from me.
(music plays)
Ah! A giant blue dog!
Grievous: To me, he looks
more like an ant-eater.
(screams)
(dinging)
Good-bye, forever.
That wasn't very funkadelic.
I love your robot arm, anakin.
Thank you for your help.
I don't know what I'd do without you.
Always happy to assist.
And you shouldn't
feel embarrassed at all.
I regularly get
the padawans to behave
By letting them admire
one of my cybernetic parts.
Anakin,
imagine how cool it would be
If your whole
body was like this?
How are things at the temple?
Rather too
hectic for my liking.
What
with the galaxy-wide search
For the escaped
sith clone and all.
What? Oh, come on!
Master yoda has
even had to resort
To hiring a bunch
of bounty hunters.
I should be out there!
Instead of stuck here on this snowball.
(grunts)
(laughing)
That arm is not for play.
Master ani, I'm terribly sorry, but I must get back to work.
My new position really keeps me on my toes...
Oh!
Food-bot, I can't hunt down prey
if my sandwich order is wrong.
Hey!
I distinctly
ordered light mayo.
Got it.
My cheek tubes!
I need those for
something or other...
I'll stick them back in.
I'll get you!
Meal time should be a happy time!
(screaming)
That's it.
(clamoring)
do we really need these unsavory fellows?
Crucial, finding this clone is.
And not with jedi alone,
can we do that.
Lucky we are, they refuse to work for the sith,
These bounty hunters do.
Dooku: Refuse our money?
Ridiculous!
Why won't these bounty hunters work for me?
The last one who did
work for you got... Uh...
Wiped out? Oh, yes, I forgot.
Bongo, was that his name?
Jumbo?
Or was it jethro?
Anyway...
Release the probe droids!
Narrator:
And so, both sith and jedi
Launch a massive search
for the sith clone jek,
Scouring every
corner of the galaxy.
(roaring)
(screams)
(blubbering)
I've got you now...
(growling)
Sorry.
(sighs)
every other jedi is looking for that clone,
And I'm stuck here
with a bunch of kids.
I'm sure the council had a good reason
For giving you this assignment.
Oh, sure.
To clear my mind of distractions.
I'm the chosen one!
I don't have distractions.
They think I'm not ready, but I am.
I'm not a child anymore.
I am going to bring balance to the force.
I can do anything.
Hey, where'd you go?
(artoo beeps)
Ooh!
They're beautiful.
For being part sith,
you're so gentle.
I don't want to fight.
I just want to create things,
And be left alone.
Anakin: That's him.
Wait till the council hears about this.
Not ready! Ha!
Master yoda, I found the sith clone.
I've got him here.
Something tells me you're not gonna get your wish.
Anakin, no!
Surrender, sith clone.
(screams)
(speaking robot language)
I have to go.
(groaning)
Please stay.
Sorry, but I have to
find a new home now.
Jek, look out!
(screams)
Padawans: No!
Got him.
(beeping)
Artoo, I think I'm a little
too impulsive sometimes.
(beeps)
Who's einstein?
Dooku:
You failed me as a warrior,
But don't worry,
I can still use you to make millions of clones.
(groans)
General, engage the new
and improved clone-amatic.
With pleasure.
Hmm?
Mmm...
(chuckles) wrong button.
(machine powering up)
Yes! Yes! Come to life,
my clone-cloned clones.
It's time to attack the jedi.
Grievous: The time
for the jedi attack has come!
Dooku: Err. I just said that.
Grievous: Well,
I wanted to say it, too.
(grievous coughing)
Windu: This is terrible news.
There's no limit to how many sith clones dooku will make.
And no doubt he's on his way here to attack us with them.
Anakin, your conduct
was rash and irresponsible.
I'll try to do
better next time.
No, try not, or do not.
But, try, do not.
Only, not try to do not, do...
(scatting) oh!
A better way to say this,
there must be.
Anakin, stay put,
don't do something foolish
Like rush back here
and join the battle to make up for your mistake.
(yelping)
Anakin: I guess you could say
that ship already sailed.
I better try to keep us alive.
(brakes screeching)
"risky to train him," I said.
Grave danger, I sensed.
Listen to me, did you?
It was qui-gon's dying wish.
Oh, no, don't pin this on me. You're the one who blew it.
Hmm.
(rumbling)
Yoda:
Defend the temple, we must.
Windu: We're on it.
Oh... What's going on?
Is something amiss?
Chancellor, we're being attacked by the sith.
Oh, that's terrible.
Terribly wonderful.
I'm sorry, what did you say?
Nothing, nothing.
Nothing short of fantastic.
An odd twitch, he has.
Poor man, the pressure must be getting to him.
Dooku: Yes! Yes!
Now we will see what an entire army of sith clones can do.
You guys need a hand?
Hurray, we're saved!
(padawans scream)
oh, man!
My mom says I'm not supposed
to be blown into space.
(beeps)
(screams)
artoo!
(explosions)
Oh, mayhem as usual.
Thank the maker
I'm in no danger.
(artoo screaming)
(grunts)
What just happened?
Something happened.
Because the room's
gotten very small!
And hot! (howls)
(beeping)
Padawans, we're not done yet!
Remember jek, and create!
Great idea, anakin!
Anakin,
I never thought I'd say this,
But you actually
taught me something.
That's nothing, watch this.
(fizzling out)
(coughing)
I can't believe
this ship didn't have a tiny vulnerable spot,
That if you shoot it, it'll make the whole thing blow up.
Say bye-bye, jedi.
(gasps)
(anakin screams)
Anakin!
(grunts)
Oh, man!
(cackles)
You're not a nice lady!
Hey! It does have
that one vulnerable spot.
Here's ani!
(screaming)
(cheering)
Great work, anakin.
Yoda, this is anakin.
I've saved the padawans and destroyed the command ship.
We're heading your way.
Hold me.
I am holding you.
Hold me like you mean it.
(both screaming)
(cheering)
Obi-wan:
Great work, anakin.
Oh! It looks like dooku and grievous are headed our way.
Yes, victory is ours!
Not! (cackles)
(all gasp)
What's wrong?
Why aren't they crashing?
Huh?
Oh!
(padawans yelp)
(all gasp)
Dooku: Jedi!
Surrender, or be crushed!
Surrender, we will not!
I'm sorry, did you say,
"surrender, we will now"?
Because I think
that's a marvelous idea.
What?
Just my two cents.
We will fight you to the death, dooku.
Now, give us that clone.
Delighted to.
I'm done with him anyway.
Jek!
(groans)
You see, I don't need him.
Because now,
I have all of them!
(gasping)
(cackling)
Cloned clones, attack!
(whistling)
How it all ended
like this, I don't know.
Fire!
(energy surging)
Not with my energy, you don't.
What?
It's jek, he's okay.
Hey, what happened?
What's going on?
Wanna fight?
(grunting)
Hurray!
Whoa, that was totally awesome!
Well, it was.
(yelps)
I thought I told
you to leave me alone!
Dooku: We'll meet again!
Jek, great is your heroism.
I'm proud of you.
That goes for you, too.
Oh, uh...
I like you all,
but I have to go my own way.
Please don't call.
Padawans:
Bye, jek. We'll miss you. Bye, jek!
Hey, my sunglasses
were on that ship.
Long remembered
in the chronicles of the jedi,
Will your exploits in this battle be, my padawans.
Proud of you, I am.
We couldn't have
done it without anakin.
Yes,
great was your valor today.
Need you back in the war,
we do.
Luckily, we already
have an experienced
Applicant to be
the new substitute.
Yes, I'm back in the classroom.
Thank the maker.
(chuckles) you're welcome.
(all laughing)
That's my boy.
Oh. I see.
Now, you take credit for him.
Oh. Well... Um...
Look, it's jabba the hutt.
Oh, no, you don't!
I have a couple of things to say to you.
Come on, leave me alone.
Hey, you get back here.
See you!
Obi-wan: We've got some unfinished business, mister!
(padawans laughing)