1
["star wars theme" playing]
[narrator reading
on-screen text]
[]
Narrator:
Luke's just a little bit off.
Man:
Come back here, lad!
Uh, I'm sorry.
The holo-what, now?
Holocrons.
The jedi holocrons.
The force led me here
to find them.
Oh, the jedi holocrons.
Never heard of them.
Oh, man.
We do have some lovely
pre-owned imperial ships
From the old days
you might like.
This baby belonged
to general grievous.
Only drove it on weekends.
Thanks, but no thanks.
Oh, this is awful.
Without those holocrons,
I'll never become a jedi. Unh!
[creature growls]
[both gasp]
[roaring]
I'd suggest
you become a jedi fast.
[]
I got this.
C-3po:
Oh!
[all screaming]
Oh, man.
Help me, luke skywalker!
You're my only hope!
Hang on! Here I come!
[grunts]
Lord vader,
let me remind you,
I've got a fever, and the only
prescription is those holocrons.
Yes, master.
Once I find luke skywalker,
He will lead me
to the holocrons,
And I'm close to discovering
his location.
How close?
Pretty darn close.
[]
Why won't that guy
leave me alone?
I didn't blow up
the death star.
I just stopped him
from stopping luke
From blowing up
the death star.
[groaning]
It's not
the same thing.
Whose side
are you on anyway?
[brakes screech]
Whoa!
Whoo! Ha, ha, ha!
All right, chewie.
[groans]
Ha, ha, ha. Well, that's
the last we'll see of him.
I got a good feeling
about this.
Vader: Unh!
Huh?
[]
Best surprise entrance ever.
[both grunting]
Unh!
Now you will feel
the wrath of...
Whoa. This is the ship
that defeated me?
What a piece of junk.
Hey, nobody asked you
to come aboard, pleather pants.
Don't call me
pleather pants.
You are going to tell me
where luke skywalker is.
How should I know? He's been
nothing but trouble for me.
For all I care, he could be
in a hole in the ground.
Luke:
Almost there.
[creature roars]
Ah, this is a deep hole.
Luke...
Aah!
I have news
about the holocrons.
Did I call
at a bad time?
No, just saving my friends
from a giant falling dragon.
[roars]
Yoda and I hoped you'd find
the holocrons on your own,
But now vader is on the hunt
for them, so there's no time.
They're buried
under the dune sea.
You must go to tatooine
at once.
After you get out of
this little scrape, of course.
Gotta go.
May the force
be with you.
Who are you gabbing with
up there?
It's kind of complicated.
[roars]
I'll save you!
[grunts]
[rumbling]
[]
Leia:
Whoa!
[shrieks]
Safe and sound.
Look.
I believe the name
is master luke.
Not "luke," look!
[snarling]
Uh-oh. Hang on. Unh!
Oh! Wrong way!
Right way!
[]
All:
Whoa! Unh!
[cheering]
Hold your applause.
He's still coming.
We'd like to take
a test drive.
I'll need your driver's license.
Luke: No time.
[roars]
Unh! The hatch,
it's rusted shut.
If only you had something
that could cut through metal.
Oh. Right.
Unh! I don't know
how to start this thing.
Sync into the computer system.
[beeps]
You do so know where it's been.
It's been right here.
[roars]
just do it!
[]
[roars]
[roaring]
let's get out of here.
[all scream]
Luke:
Huh? Sorry.
[shrieks]
[choking]
I find your lack of telling me
what I want to hear disturbing.
For the last time,
I don't know where luke is
Or what he's doing.
Luke: Han? It's luke.
We're on our way to tatooine
to get the holocrons.
They're buried
under the dune sea.
Huh?
Uh, I meant the dune sea hotel
On naboo.
That's right.
I'm gonna head there
right now.
Nowhere else.
See ya. Not on tatooine.
Tatooine.
Victory is mine.
You and your puny--
where'd they go?
The old "hide
in the escape pod" routine.
A brilliant plan,
if I say so myself.
Uh-oh.
Vader: Bye-bye.
[han screaming]
Next stop, the dune sea.
[engine powering up]
[engine stalls]
Oh, come on.
Work with me here.
[engine revving]
Vader:
No one will beat me
to the holocrons now.
[]
[jawas chattering]
[metal clanks]
Utinni.
[power surging]
Utinni.
Luke:
We'll be on tatooine in no time.
Nice job
flying this rust bucket.
Thanks.
This is fun.
Those old school bad guys
had some pretty cool ships.
Um, master luke, do you know
a captain wedge antilles?
Wedge? He's my pal.
We go way back
to the battle of yavin.
Well, he's currently aiming
his laser cannon at us...
And firing!
Luke:
Oh, man!
We've got that imperial ship
on the run, red leader.
Copy that, red five.
Hey, no fair.
I'm red five.
Wedge, it's me, luke.
Luke? Are you out there?
Luke: Yes.
Great.
Wedge:
You can help us attack
this imperial ship.
Uhh. Some friend.
You better fight back.
Luke:
I guess I have no choice.
Oh, this stuff
only happens to me.
[humming "the imperial March"]
Huh?
Hey, I'm one of you.
Vader:
Whoa!
Oh, no. Come on.
Now you decide to have good aim?
Over there.
Shoot it!
Sorry.
There. Get him! Yes!
Sorry, guys.
I'm not enjoying this.
I got him.
I got him! Pew! Pew! Pew!
It's fun to win
every once in a while.
Chewie, did you put on
deodorant today?
[groans]
I know you can't help it.
It's just that we're going
to be stuck in here for a while.
Or a few more seconds.
[groans]
Well, wherever we are,
it could be worse.
[groans]
Uhh. It is cold.
Here's a nice warm cave.
[both screaming]
What kind of crazy place
is this?
Not a place to go without
reading the brochure first.
[chuckles]
yo-yo?
Ian?
Both [in unison]:
It is you.
[both laugh]
[groans]
Long story.
[]
Vader:
Yes. Firsties!
Next stop, the dune sea.
Unh!
Excuse me.
You just watch yourself.
We're wanted men.
I have the-- aah!
Oh, great. Now everybody
has a light saber?
The force tells me we'll find
a vehicle if we go this way.
Excuse me.
Don't hurt us! Please! Oh!
We'll be good!
Hm. What an odd fellow.
Happy birthday, chi chi.
Me's a one proud papa-san.
[creature growls]
[band playing "cantina theme"]
[chattering indistinctly]
[creature growls]
Attention, scum.
[music stops]
I am darth vader, and--
[alarm blaring]
hey, you have to wait outside.
What?
We don't serve droids here.
[alarm stops]
I am not a droid.
Oh! On second thought,
all droids are welcome.
Droid:
Hooray! The ban is repealed!
[droids beeping]
[band playing "cantina theme"]
Now, who would like
to loan me a vehicle?
I'll be happy to,
mr. Non-droid, sir.
Droid:
Hurry, hurry. They are
letting us in now.
The force will guide me
to the right vehicle.
I can feel it.
I can smell it.
And by "it," I mean everything.
Master luke,
I really don't know why
You had to bring us back
to this wretched hive of scum.
Hello there. Heh.
Ew!
Uhh. Nice to meet you too.
See anything you like?
No.
No.
Yes.
I want that pod racer.
And I want a nose job.
Gonna to cost you.
There aren't any pockets
in this outfit.
Heh. No money, no pod.
Bye-bye.
Oh, I don't think so.
You will do as I say.
Heh, heh.
What's with you jedi?
Your stupid mind tricks
don't work on me.
Oh, yeah? Well, guess what.
She's a jedi too.
I'm not a jedi.
But he doesn't know that.
Play along.
You will do as we say.
Do as we say.
Heh. Yeah, I don't think so.
Both:
You will do as we say.
[]
Huh.
I will do as you say.
And I will too. I am at your
complete command, o great one.
Threepio?
Droids can't get
mind tricked...Can they?
I am most faithfully
at your service, sir.
Here to do anything you wish,
anything at all.
Well, you can calm down,
for starters.
Of course. If you want me
to be calm, then I will be calm.
I'm doing it now.
Oh, boy.
The pod is yours.
Name your price.
Do you see how calm I am?
Do you?
Yes. Thank you.
You will loan me the pod.
I will loan you the pod.
And you can take my droid
as collateral.
I will take your droid
as collateral.
You okay with that?
Okay?
I'm ecstatic.
I am going to be collateral.
We'll be back, threepio.
I know you will.
Heh, heh.
My friend,
I'm gonna put you to work.
I can't wait. Oh, working
in your employ will be such fun.
It is fun.
Whee!
Uh, it's a little sluggish
in second gear,
But you just have
to ride that out.
Don't let it go below
a quarter of a tank.
Hey, that's my ride.
Hey, that's my ride.
[]
Now I have you.
[chokes]
Why me?
Why is it always me?
Once get used to the snakes
and diseases I did,
A nice place to live
this became.
It's awesome. So, listen,
luke's a wonderful guy,
But he's a pain in my neck
sometimes.
He's not really
some kind of super kid, is he?
A great jedi
he is destined to be,
But need the holocrons
for his training he does.
Young he is,
and easily distracted from--
In danger he is!
Yapping too long I have been.
Go, go!
Help him you must.
But we don't have a ship
anymore.
My ship you can take.
Great. Where is it,
behind that big trash can?
Um, not exactly.
[chewbacca groans]
Whatever you do, don't burp.
[groans]
And don't even think about
doing that.
[clicks tongue]
Die wanna wanga.
Die wanna wanga.
[vehicles approach]
Die wanna wanga.
[]
Utinni.
Luke: My holocrons.
Vader: My holocrons.
[shouting indistinctly]
Hey, those holocrons
belong to me.
Vader:
Wrong. They belong to--
--Me.
Like they say,
always wear a helmet.
Give up, vader.
You'll never win.
Oh, yeah?
[both grunting]
Utinni!
[engine stalling]
Those holocrons
are mine, vader.
They're gonna make me
the greatest jedi ever.
That's impossible,
'cause you're looking at him.
Utinni!
[engine starts]
utinni!
You'll never
get your hands on them.
Uh, fellas?
Both [in unison]:
Not now, leia.
The forces of good
will always beat evil.
You just keep
telling yourself that.
Hello!
Huh?
[engine revving]
All [in unison]:
Utinni!
All [in unison]:
Whoa.
After it.
After it.
[]
Should we?
Seems reasonable.
[]
[]
Most impressive.
Obi-wan has taught you well.
What? I can't hear you.
The music's too loud.
Never mind.
What?
I said, "never mind."
We did it, chewie. We can save
luke at the last second again.
We're here for you, kid.
Where'd everybody go?
Darn it.
One more time, chewie.
Not without us
you don't.
Leia: Scootch over.
Han: You scootch.
[playing lively music]
[screams, grunts]
[cackling]
[screaming]
[grunts]
[laughing]
[]
[both grunting]
You can't win, vader.
Don't you ever get tired
of saying that?
Unh! Uhh!
Uhh!
[grunts]
Jawas:
Utinni!
Ho, ho, ho!
Mine, they're all mine!
[]
Ho, ho, ho, ho!
Hm?
Don't count your holocrons
before they hatch, vader.
Mine. Mine.
Mine.
The jedi
will always prevail,
Because the jedi represent
all that is good.
That's what I'm counting on.
[gasps]
Whoa! Hyah! Ha! Hey!
Threepio!
Here comes master luke.
I knew he'd come back for me.
And he's going to crush me.
Aah!
[vader grunts]
[slurping]
C-3po:
No!
[grunting]
Oh!
[c-3po grunts]
[]
[grunts]
[grunts]
Stupid cape.
Loser.
[grunting]
Lord vader,
I tracked you here.
Our shuttle is waiting in--
no talking. Go, go, go!
Hm. A simple thank you
would have sufficed.
[]
Master luke! Master luke!
You have disintegrated,
but I'll put you back together.
Uh, but which bits are you?
Is this your head?
Threepio, I'm right here.
Thank the maker. Are you, uh,
fully functional, sir?
I'm fine.
You were almost destroyed.
It was
quite terrifying.
I believe
I may have oiled myself.
But the holocrons,
you let darth vader take them
To save me.
I had to.
A jedi looks out
for his friends.
And I am a jedi,
like my father before me.
Yes, um, about that...
We're here for you, kid.
Darn it.
[droid beeps]
Noble luke's act was,
But disastrous it is
that the holocrons vader has.
Use them to attack us
the emperor will.
And luke's training
will suffer.
Those holocrons
were our last hope.
No.
There is another thing
We could do
If we felt like it.
Or not.
An old friend
we can call on.
Helped us in the past
he has.
Help us now I hope he can.
[]
Be great if did it too
you did.
Oh, yes, yes,
of course.
[arm buzzing]
Uhh. Come on, yoda.
Five more minutes.
Whoa! Unh!
Okay, okay.
I'm coming.
[]
["star wars" theme playing]