(narrator reading)
(cackling)
That's general grievous.
After him.
General grievous
to count dooku,
All is going according to plan.
Excellent.
Our plan is going perfectly.
I just said that.
Well, I wanted to say it, too.
Narrator:
Meanwhile, at the jedi temple academy,
Master yoda instructs his padawans in the holocron vault
Unaware of
the peril that awaits.
Attention to the hologram, pay.
The skills of a famous jedi who a padawan like you once was
You will see.
Who is it, master?
I bet it's a great warrior.
Only the greatest warrior
of all.
Anakin skywalker, yes.
We are actually
related in a way.
He constructed me, you know?
Yes, never fail to remind us
of that, do you?
Now, learn and watch.
C-3po: There he is.
My hero, master ani.
Ooh!
Such style. What courage!
Save me. I can't
afford to be smithereens.
(laughing)
Thank you.
That's quite enough.
You can turn that
off now, master yoda.
(gasps)
Huh.
Master yoda?
Bene: Master, I sense
something troubles you.
A disturbance,
I feel in the force.
Growing, the power
of the dark side is.
A new threat, I detect.
What threat?
Know not, I do.
But very powerful, this feeling is.
Do what you wish
with the lightsabers,
All I care about are the kyber crystals within them.
Are you ready, general?
I was born ready.
Then launch your attack.
What, you mean now?
No, a week from now!
(sighs) incompetence.
Okay. Palpatine time.
Master yoda,
thank goodness I found you.
We've received a distress call
from obi-wan kenobi.
He's under attack. You...
(beeping)
Sorry. I have to take this.
What now?
When you said,
"a week from now",
Did you mean...
I was being sarcastic!
(beeping)
hold on.
Yoda, sorry to cut...
Still me.
What are you waiting for?
Attack! Now!
(muttering)
(groans)
Yoda, general
kenobi is on alderaan.
You must rescue him at once.
The destiny of
the republic is at stake.
Then rescue him, I will.
My padawans, leave you, I must.
We wanna help, too.
Take us with you.
Too dangerous, this mission is.
Padawans: Aww!
Your substitute teacher,
3-poc is.
Me?
(padawans groan)
the odd numbered problems
On page 46 do.
All work, show.
A rescue mission,
I must launch.
All the best men, I need.
(gasps)
You too, that means.
(artoo beeps)
(whimpers)
Mace windu reporting
for service, master.
Clone trooper:
And I'm with you, bro.
Wait. All us jedi
have to call you master,
But he gets to use "bro"?
How I roll, that is.
Outtie, we are.
(chuckles)
C-3po: Master yoda did not say
you could have class outside.
I wasn't fabricated yesterday,
you know. Now turn to page...
(grievous cackles)
hey, you can't come in here.
(blasting)
(grunts)
I mean, make yourself at home.
There's alderaan.
I only hope we're not too late.
Hmm...
General kenobi,
master yoda this is.
Answering your
call for help, we are.
Obi-wan:
I didn't call for help.
I'm on vacation down here.
A mystery, this is.
Mystery solved.
Ah! It's a trap.
Well, duh.
(grunts)
(cackling)
Give me your lightsabers.
Ah! Oh! I surrender to you in my capacity as acting teacher.
I mean,
I am temporarily in charge.
I don't teach acting, per se.
Mind you, I've always wanted
to give acting a go.
Nothing big of course,
character parts probably.
Silence!
Of course, not another word.
So long, kiddies.
Why did he have to say that?
Attack.
Attack.
Lost, this battle is.
And awkward, this moment is.
Retreat to coruscant, we must.
Ackbar: Yes, sir.
Making the jump to light speed
in three, two, one...
(groans)
gets better and better, this day does.
(all scream)
Padawan:
Give us back our stuff, you bad robot.
Don't poke my eyes.
Those are my only original parts.
(grievous cackling)
Uncouth creature.
Complete lack of etiquette.
At least he only
snatched your lightsabers.
And now we have
to get them back.
I'll start the bus.
Wait.
No, I forbid you to
board that vehicle.
Let's go, people.
Whoa!
I forbid you to lift off.
Lifting off.
I forbid you to cheer.
(cheering)
I am definitely
putting in for overtime.
(screaming)
Ooh... Mmm!
Like this place, I do.
Live here someday, I could.
(sighs) cuckoo.
C-3po:
You're wasting your time on this wild sith chase.
The odds of finding your lightsabers
are 15-trillion-975 to 1.
They're on tatooine. I feel it.
C-3po: What?
They're near the dune sea.
(cheering)
You can't feel that. Who do you think you are?
A jedi...
Oh, right.
I feel it, too.
Might I enquire
just how you plan
On getting halfway
across the galaxy
In a bus?
I've made a few modifications.
Well, unless those
modifications include...
Hyper drive engines?
Pretty cool, huh?
Totally awesome.
I hope someone gets
our distress signal.
I can't believe we were betrayed today.
Who could've done that to us?
A secret sith lord
among us, there is.
Tell us his identity,
the forest will.
Nothing, I got.
Me neither.
(whimpers)
C-3po:
I don't wish to be negative,
But do you think the force will lead you to your lightsabers
Before I melt
into a golden goo?
Oh, I don't understand.
My every feeling tells me our lightsabers are very close.
(groaning)
(chuckling)
General grievous gave that slimy slug our lightsabers.
And we're gonna get them back.
I was afraid he'd say that.
Could master plo
koon be the sith lord?
Him? Never.
(beeping and whistling)
Both: Huh?
Kit fisto?
How about master matta?
Not sure who
that even is, I am.
(whistles)
yoda: Hmm?
Chancellor palpatine.
Chancellor palpatine.
Yes! We can ask him who he thinks the sith lord is.
Brilliant idea, that is.
Man: Hands up, trespassers.
Hmm...
This is a restricted planet.
You have some
nerve coming here.
Just kidding.
I got your distress call.
The name's calrissian.
Lindo calrissian.
And this is my son, lando.
How's it going, fellas?
Welcome aboard
the millennium falcon.
The finest traveling night club in the galaxy.
Night club?
(disco music playing)
Yoda: Happening, this ship is.
Lindo: (chuckles)
would you care for a refreshing beverage?
Yoda: Worse ways to travel,
there are.
(artoo beeps)
This could be
a terrible mistake.
Just say what we wrote.
You'll be great.
(gasps)
Oh...
(speaking foreign language)
Jabba the hutt
is an over-pumped inflatable
Who smells like
a tauntaun's laundry basket.
Oh!
(speaking foreign language)
You heard me, lumpy head.
(growls)
And you, sir,
Do not have
anywhere near the physique
To pull off the shirtless look.
(grunting angrily)
You did not go there.
(roars)
(screaming)
Your plan is going perfectly.
Malakili:
You're going down, goldie.
(chuckles) this is
gonna be so easy.
(gasps)
(all gasp)
There they are.
(imitating lightsaber sounds)
Careful, bobby.
Whoa!
(roars)
Time to go.
Hold it.
You kids are rancor food.
That's what you think.
Padawans, assemble.
Huh?
Huh?
The kyber crystals are gone.
Get them.
(speaking foreign language)
Sorry, ian.
Both: Huh?
(gasps)
I'm free. I'm free.
Let's get out of here.
(roars)
I don't think there's anything
in our workbook about this.
This isn't nearly as
much fun as it looks.
Go get 'em, rancor!
You are a good boy.
Now sit.
(rancor panting)
Hop on.
I do hope you remember where
we parked the bus, because I don't.
Malakili: What have they
done to my baby?
They've ruined him.
(comforting in
foreign language)
Dooku: We have retrieved the kyber crystals
from the padawans' lightsabers
And have combined them back
into one all-powerful crystal.
Now we are ready to create
your new weapons, my master.
Excellent work, count dooku.
(coughing)
And you, general grievous.
Did you think I coughed because
I was mad at you
for not praising me?
I was just coughing.
I cough all the time.
(coughing)
See?
Just get to work!
(disco music playing)
Master yoda,
we've had a dreadful time.
We barely escaped
from tatooine and...
Wait a minute, you're not yoda.
What have you done with yoda?
Have you kidnapped him?
You beast.
I think this gent could use a refreshing beverage.
3-poc,
why go to tatooine, did you?
Master yoda, you're safe.
Are you at some kind of party?
Uh...
My question first, answer.
Well, it's rather
a long story, but...
A coughing robot
took our lightsabers
So we had to get them back
from the worm guy's house,
But somebody stole the crystals so now they don't work.
(gasps)
Well, I wouldn't have put it
quite like that, but yes.
That just about covers it.
Oh, well, the way the cookie crumbles, that is.
Back to coruscant, go now.
(chuckles)
But...
Heard me, you did.
To coruscant, go.
Fine, everything is.
Dory-hunky. Bye-bye.
The lightsaber crystals.
Know of their power,
only count dooku would.
This means just one thing.
Dooku plans to use the kyber crystals to make sith clones.
To kamino, we must go at once.
Take us there, can you?
It's all good, greenie.
Nothing can stop us now.
Lindo: Good luck, guys.
Lando, punch it.
Consider it punched, papa bear.
Lindo:
May the funk be with you.
Man, that family
knows how to live.
Agreed.
Now, stop dooku, we must.
(groans)
Wear shoes, I really should.
Dooku: Yes.
Arise, my sith-enhanced clones.
Fast so not, dooku.
Master yoda.
So, we meet again. Again.
Failed, your evil plot is.
(cackling)
We think failed, it is not.
Talk like that, only I do.
(high-pitched screaming)
Always lose, evil will.
Feel the righteous
power of the jedi.
Not finished yet, I was.
Purple lightsaber.
Nice.
Hey. Thanks for noticing.
Green, what's wrong with?
(grunts)
Dooku: My cloning crystal.
Ended,
your evil quest is, dooku.
In your face, dark side.
The jedi have
an ally more powerful
Than all your stolen
crystals put together.
And that's
the power of goodness.
(chuckles) yeah.
You're darn right
You should be in awe,
because...
Uh-oh.
I am ready to fight
For the sith.
Clone, attack.
(artoo screams)
My, I sense artoo is in danger.
We have to save them.
You don't have jedi powers.
No, but I do have wi-fi.
Now turn this heap around.
Ah. You have done well,
my creation.
But I have more of you to make.
Rebuild my cloning room.
Yes, my master.
That guy's good.
Yoda: Wrong.
Bad, he is.
You know what I mean.
(coughing)
(laughing)
(coughing)
(creaking)
My joints.
They're rusting in the rain.
Should've paid extra
for the undercoating package.
Blaster fire, eat.
Not good, this is.
Can someone please
get me an oil can?
Ah! I'm back in business.
Finish them.
Yes, my lord.
I said finish them. Now.
Yes, master.
C-3po:
Step away from the jedi.
Threepio. My padawans.
A bus full of children?
I'm terrified.
We made a few modifications.
Well, unless those
modifications include...
Giant laser cannons?
Uh... Oopsie.
No!
The crystal. Still in
the cloning room, it is.
Not anymore. Look.
(cheering)
Go. Run away.
Count dooku and I will hunt you down.
Right, dooku?
Sorry, only room for two.
Dooku? But I
thought we were buddies.
Save the republic,
you padawans did.
(sniffles)
Proud of you, I am.
But master yoda,
the sith clone survived.
And dangerous, he is.
But find him, I will.
A promise, that is.
Dooku: Lord sidious.
Allow me to present
our most powerful new weapon.
Sith clone number 14.
Jek.
At your command, master.
Excellent. You and I are going to lay waste
to the galaxy together.
(cackling)
I made it.
Don't worry. I'm fine.
Oh, wonderful.
Yes, isn't it?
I'm happy to see you, too.
Sarcastic.
Sarcastic.
Oh, right.