Welcome to Bouzolles in the Department of Limarais,...
one of those villages known only to its inhabitants.
Even maps of France ignore it.
This is Papi Jacquou, my great-great-grandfather.
Only commoners don't work, he had convinced the village...
to maintain him, instead of working.
Without realizing it, he had invented unemployment.
Hey, Tuche!
Today, nothing has changed.
Who gets up early in the morning. And prevents people from sleeping?
The bosses.
They exploit the planet and so what if they fart?
That's my dad, Jeff Tuche. Like Papi Jacquou,...
he tried to persuade the village to maintain him,...
but to his surprise,...
the people refused.
Oh, oh, the bosses!
Then my father's soul met its death,...
when went to work at Billasse as ball bearing inspector.
18 years as ball bearing inspector.
And one morning...
I've been fired!
Long live Europe, long live the Bulgarians!
Jeff, I just heard. We'll go to management.
Certainly not, wretch! I'm unemployed, Monnier!
I'm unemployed!
That was it, Papi Jacquou...
could finally rest in peace.
The honor of the Tuches was safe.
Unemployed, my father was able to pursue his passion, football.
Come on, go ahead.
These are the youngest of the Bouzolles football club.
My father trains them. They lost a fifth game in a row.
You've fought well.
You should be able to sleep well.
Everyone goes home.
Tuche!
Your trash, pig!
~ I'm calling the police.
~ Go on home,...
you're scaring the birds.
We've had enough of your shit.
~ Layabout!
~ Jealous!
Rather redo the front of your wife!
Repeat that!
I don't have the time.
Good night, Monnier.
That's my mom,...
Cathy Tuche.
She loves us with all her heart.
My mother always managed things so that we had enough to eat.
Scalloped or fried, or both on weekends.
For Mom, the thing is Monaco.
Especially Stphanie. She loves her.
Like a sister. So when she's sad,...
she broods about Stphanie.
Stphanie...
Stphanie?
Stphanie?
~ Cathy! Come eat!
~ OK, OK, I'm coming!
~ The music, turn it down!
~ All right!
I can your tell more about the village.
My sister Stphanie.
My mother wanted to name her Grace Kelly, but the mayor refused.
She was elected Miss Bouzolles and wants to be a star.
Here's Wilfried, my brother. He was almost named Albert.
He spent half his life in this chair...
the other half on the sofa.
He's unemployed, just like Dad.
You're educating yourself?
~ Yeah.
~ Beautiful body.
Okay, my Quack-Quack?
Quack-Quack, that's me.
My parents called me Donald,...
because the midwife said she saw me:...
What are you going to name this duckling?
At that, my Dad said "Right, then: Donald!"
My grandmother, Granny Suze.
She drinks Suze from morning to night.
Vazniek.
She lost her mind when her dog Teuber died.
It gave her a shock. Since then, she says "vazniek ",...
and she had Teubi stuffed.
When you come to Bouzolles, ask about the Tuches. You'll be told:...
When Jeff Tuche got fired, he changed.
Unemployed, he got a big head.
They have poached trout and sold them off at my place!
It affected the whole family.
He came at night to decorate the Christmas tree with his socks!
A multinational! Gain: 60 Euros!
He offered 20 euros one day to bless his soul,...
and his children aren't baptized!
A bastard.
FRIED!
We, the Tuches, we're not rich but we are happy.
Oh, I don't have four arms! Give me a break!
Fries, I'll get right into it.
Maggot, you're not fat.
Play sports.
I - DO - NOT - LIKE - FOOTBALL!
Books, yes.
Did you see the newsletter?
It's OK, some bad notices.
I say this to you.
You will have hair and you don't like football.
You're gay,...
~ Quack-Quack?
~ Enough with the name Quack-Quack.
It's Donald. Your plate, my duck.
Battle stations!
It must be Monnier.
Eat shit, Monnier. Shit!
The tadpole!
We had always avoided seizures.
But we needed more imagination.
Help me.
Your mother already died last month.
Not true.
After you left, she moved, stood up.
A miracle.
But look here, it won't happen again.
Let us pray.
It could have gone a long time,...
among the benefits, the system D.
Our Father...
Who art in Heaven...
After the tadpole's visit,...
our whole life would change.
He'll be back, that tadpole. You can't die every month.
Enough. I'm going to Miami.
"The last issue: #16.
"Here is the complete draw for this Tuesday:...
"4,...
"8,...
"14,...
"36,...
"20,...
"9,...
"and 16."
Well, Mom!
For years, every Friday my mother played...
her birthday and that of Princess Stphanie.
That night, they were all displayed! It won us 100 million euros.
Without luggage, we climbed into the Nevada and left Bouzolles
The others have nothing.
It's over, Tadpole, the end of my problems...,
we've gotten rich.
It's a sofa bed when you're full.
CHIPS, CHIPS, CHIPS!
We drove...
for a long time, a very long time, throughout the night...
without knowing where we were going.
~ I think we're here.
~ Monaco...
~ L'htel Royal, my little chickadee!
~ Whatever you want, my darling.
In Monaco, everything was different...
buildings, weather, cars, people.
It was another planet.
Except that here, we were the aliens.
~ Don't forget Teubi.
~ Come here, Granny.
Hello, sir. Would you care to leave me the keys to the vehicle?
I took his number.
I won't leave the Nevada like that.
OH!
Oh, the cow!
But...
Quiet.
Did you see how big it is? It must cost a fortune in fuel.
Take off your hat.
Thank you. It's a pleasure.
They're all yours, sir.
As we...
have...
we ought to get some sleep.
I'm sorry, sir, but the hotel is full.
Make a reservation first next time.
I know an guest house in Menton.
It's filled with rooms.
We're not in the high season.
See you then.
Wait here for me.
With 100 million in our pocket...
you can have fun with your banker.
Listen, do not insist.
We are overwhelmed.
In Menton, Le Crdit Agricole...
would be happy...
And they will accept my check?
Oh, fucking whore.
Oh, fucking hell.
Monsieur...
Tuche.
I should have greeted you on your arrival. I'm sorry.
Welcome to the Bank of Zurich.
Pray be seated. Have a cigar.
Anything you want. It's yours.
I'll take that.
Since I don't smoke...
Of course, Monsieur Tuche.
~ Can I keep it?
~ It's yours.
So where we will place it,...
~ the money?
~ In a chest.
Yes, of course.
Given that this is the first payment,...
the costs of the operation are imposed.
So, happy?
Oh, yeah!
There are some documents to sign.
My whole family's waiting for me.
At L'htel Royal? Very well.
I do not know. The boss, or the janitor, will not...
give us...
a room.
They should stop...
giving you a rough time.
I'll fix it.
This is Mr. Speck.
~ The director.
~ Speck.
Spick.
Spuck.
Spock.
Yes. Mr. Speck. I'm with a Mr. Tuche, who wants a room.
Yes, all guaranteed. You'll arrange that for me?
A room...a suite?
Whatever...there are seven of us, including Teubi.
There are seven of them, including Teubi.
The grandest suite. 36,000 euros.
We didn't want to buy it.
Come, come.
Don't push.
The suite of Alain Delon.
Wait, we don't want to disturb him...
But he's not here.
Oh, OK.
Excuse me.
What a bitchin' hotel!
You are right, sir. You are at home.
I'll allow myself to offer you...
a glass of Champagne?
Hey, Mom, there's no Tahiti shower gel!
Come in.
Your Tahiti shower gel with flowers of passion.
Thanks.
You've saved my life.
You're in luck.
I couldn't find the Genie without rubbing, so I took the Chanel.
Your feet don't smell.
Madame, we offer room service to do that.
Because of our small machine. Please help me.
We left quickly...
and didn't take much.
We need clean pants.
I prepared a list of clothes to buy.
20 euros for a T-shirt, it must be the brand? It's expensive.
Madame, this is not a sales catalog,...
but the laundry.
~ Hotel bastards.
~ Yeah.
It fell into my coffee.
~ Is that normal?
~ No, sir.
Monaco is full of change.
That night, nobody slept.
We were all afraid it was a dream.
We did not want to wake up back in Bouzolles.
FRIES!
FRIES, FRIES, FRIES!
FRIES, FRIES! AH!
What's that?
Papa is the best!
Good.
Cathy,...
the kids, Granny...
Yeah?
I must speak.
You got the Lotto?
There's a time to laugh...
and a time to say things.
Henceforth, we will live in Monaco.
But be careful...
Of what?
We're not yet Montecarles.
"Mongasques".
It is not...
because we have a big bank balance that we will...
be accepted just like that.
We'll have to fit in...
to our new country...
and show them...
that we are worthy of belonging to the principality.
We will live on this small piece of rock...
no bigger than a rock,...
hence the name:...
the Rock.
Your Dad's right.
Not to worry. Besides, everywhere...
we've always been loved,...
appreciated.
What?
This won't change.
But we have to make the effort...
to become...
genuine...
Monacans...
real Moni...
"Mongasques".
Vazniek!
You're right, Granny!
Les Tuches, I have to do it.
You'll spend...
some time in town.
Take it all in.
Oh, yeah! Shopping!
I love you, Dad.
Cathy, you can you get me...
some batteries?
I think we'll be happy here.
I didn't find anything.
~ This is great, Monaco.
~ 2 km.
~ Whatever.
~ Stop, you two.
We're going over there.
Stay natural, don't show we're newcomers.
Donald, stand up straight.
Wil, stop with this. Let's fly away.
Where to?
To find a point of view to see our home town.
Vazniek.
Hello.
It's beautiful.
All of these flats!
That must be the suburbs!
Donald, check out the boats.
They look like toys.
There's the Rock.
It's there!
Are we allowed to approach it, Captain?
~ Do you think we will see Stphanie?
~ At this time of day,...
she must be at work.
I know where to find her.
Vazniek!
When I think she comes here.
You should tell Dad not pee in the pool.
~ Wil...
~ I know they're there.
You shifted his massage to 4 PM,...
~ He will provide this in the steam room.
~ Sir, behind you.
Can I help you?
Don't bother,...
we just here to join the club.
Is she here, the Princess Stphanie,
swimming?
It's hard to say. We'll go see.
Wait. To enter, you need a sponsor.
I have one, but he's in Bordeaux.
That's what comes from separating. Everyone knew,...
the neighbors,...
his wife...
Sorry, I don't understand you.
We forgot: we won the lottery.
It's not about money. In Menton,...
there are lots of things.
Menton, yet? We want to go there.
We have to wait until you friends who will make you welcome.
Have you just arrived?
Yeah, from Bouzolles.
In France?
~ By Limarais.
~ I don't know it.
~ In a camper?
~ No,...
in Alain Delon's room.
We're in L'htel Royal, in Monaco.
The poor...
Sorry, I can't let you enter.
In my lifetime, I mean. Good day.
~ I'm going to blow up his mouth.
~ Well, that's fine.
Look at us. We look like tourists.
We'll go back.
To be accepted,...
we would have to...
make a great effort.
First thing to do: become homeowners.
My father had already thought about this.
Fuchs, this villa is the gem of the Rock.
6000 m of garden decoration signed by...
~ Garcia.
~ Sergeant Garcia?
No.
He has no time, he's busy with Zorro.
I suppose.
Jos Garcia?
No, Jacques Garcia, the decorator.
I don't know him.
We'll see an exotic greenhouse, a pool,...
a wonderful place.
Mr. Fuche?
Mr. Fuche?
Mr. Fuche!
In the master bedroom...
Claudia Schiffer has slept here.
I sleep with Alain Delon.
That's good. Well, then, the room?
It won't...
It won't...
It won't...
~ Well?
~ It won't...
Ah, Mr. Muche. So, then?
It won't...
Well, Mr. Buche?
It won't...
Well, Mr. Vuche?
This will do.
But my name's Tuche, with a T. Like "Mr. T".
You're there or you're not there? Which are you?
You're not here? Ah, you ARE here!
With a T, like Tuche. Like you're here. Tuche.
Well, I'm here.
Ahead a little.
There you go.
You can open your eyes.
~ Where are we?
~ You don't recognize your room?
Go ahead.
Go ahead.
Go on and open it, my darling.
And that's not all.
For Granny, a fountain of Suze.
Vazniek!
And for you,...
a fry stand!
And there...
our new house!
OH!
Wow, the house of bastards.
9 bedrooms, 6 full bathrooms, 2 kitchens, a swimming pool,...
3 drawing rooms, 7 half baths, and 5,000 m garden overlooking the bay of Monaco.
We had the most beautiful property on the Rock.
It only remained to get to know everyone.
Jean-Wa!
Jean-Wa!!
Jean-Wa, please!
Shut up, I'm working!
Stop with the ball.
Is that how you speak to your son?
Habibi.
Go on, go.
Let's go to the party at the Tuches'.
~ You're not coming?
~ The Tuches'?
The new neighbors...
who won the lottery.
Your good taste among rednecks?
~ It would please your son!
~ I'm busy.
Stop with this camera. Here we go again.
Neighbors? Give me a break! Dad's right.
Don't you want a laugh?
Seen like that, OK. I'm ready.
But to put it another way,...
you're older than 20.
I don't understand, we invited the whole neighborhood.
There'll be more for us.
~ Listen!
~ It can't be the tadpole, I paid!
Hello.
Hello.
Mouna El Assad. My daughter, Salma,...
and my son, Jean-Wallid Junior. Here.
~ Thank you, you needn't have.
~ It's nice.
Cathy Tuche. My husband, Jeff Tuche.
My daughter, my princess,...
Stphanie.
My son...my burden in life...
Wilfried.
And my little champion,...
Donald.
And also Granny Suze...
who's asleep.
Oh, my, come in!
Come in! You're the first to arrive.
~ I'm hallucinating.
~ Stop it.
~ It's a...
~ A photo booth.
If you need pictures,...
feel free.
Don't bother going...
to the station.
I've never done that.
So go in a group,...
it's funny.
You adjust the seat. You turn.
In the frame. Press the red button.
That's fine.
~ And then we choose.
~ OK.
And Mouna for a heap!
Specialty of the Tuches.
What does she want, mayo, ketchup, cocktail sauce?
Nothing, thanks.
Plain! With salt. It's good, salt.
Without it, you won't get thirsty.
Look at that mess.
I'd expected 100 people. What are we going to do?
~ Oh! Mashed party!
~ Good idea!
She like mash?
She like mash?
Mash?
Mash?
Mom, I'm afraid.
Do you know Paris Hilton?
Well...sure.
Her jacket is from the MTV Awards.
Awards.
Yes.
You like Paris Hilton?
She's a model.
Imagine, she has it all.
Wealthy parents, hotels, swimming pools...
A real Frenchy.
Well, that hasn't been enough.
She created her own destiny.
Like me.
To become Miss Bouzolles, I had to kiss the mayor's son,...
~ He ruled the lobe.
~ The lobe?
Because he made himself eat Kevin's ear.
Kevin's his handicapped son.
They put him in prison.
He escaped to Martinique...
the cops found him at a restaurant.
He was eating...
pigs' ears.
Your parents also won...
~ the lottery?
~ No. My father runs...
a business. The Stock Exchange.
But that's also a lottery.
Stphanie, can I take a shot?
Oh, yeah, sure!
~ For the net?
~ For me.
No close-ups...
I'm not quite made up.
Call me ST.
"Ice Tea"?
No...
ST: Stphanie Tuche.
~ Jean-Wa, show us what you know.
~ Can I?
That's not a good idea.
Jean-Wa, like Zizou.
Jean-Wa!
Mouna, Mouna...
Let him go, your kid.
Here.
With your head! Another one!
It is awfully good, sparkling tone. It looks like real Champagne.
Good, good. Go on and shoot!
Yes!
Go on.
You know you're good?
~ Do you play in a club?
~ No. My father prefers school.
That doesn't matter. Donald doesn't play, but gets nothing but zeros in school.
We are happy to be here. It's great, Monaco.
In Bouzolles, nothing happened,...
except the Tour de France once a year.
But last year,,...
they changed the route.
Before that, it was through Pauzat, St. Rattle, so on to Bouzolles.
Tell me, Mouna,...
~ have you already met her?
~ Who?
The Princess.
What did you make of them?
Rednecks, but they have something.
What thing?
They are endearing.
Can I play football at the Tuches?
~ Look...
~ It's OK with Mom.
But not every day.
After three weeks,...
without going to school, I asked to go to a private academy.
We chose the most expensive.
Mr. and Mrs. Tuche,...
I reviewed your request, but I have...
to register my veto.
A veto? He's not a dog! Be a pediatrician,...
Mr. ...Van Brick.
You have misunderstood, Madame. I refuse your son...
entry to our institution.
He has not...
attained a sufficient standard for admission.
Van Brick, are you Belgian?
There was our traveling cousin, Michel...
Yeah...
He often goes to Bruges,...
and he tells us that it is very beautiful.
That's true, it's very beautiful.
The Venice of the North,...
its winding canals...
Its French Fries!
I love the Belgians!
I feel it!
But it's not enough.
Your Donald isn't...
sharp as an arrow.
I kill myself to say.
Let's see here, Mr. Brick.
In the name of Franco-Belgian...
amity,...
on behalf...
On behalf...
On behalf of solidarity among expatriates...
Give him a chance. Please!
You've got a nice face, tell you what!
I'll give you ninety days...
as a trial period.
Let's go.
~ "Vive la Belgique"!
~ "Vive la Belgique"!
Oh, a little kiss, anyway.
That smell.
Oh, good God! You smell like a good potato.
I miss it.
Here in Monaco, we eat sparingly...
Prince Albert is not very starchy.
What a pity.
It's still beautiful, the sea.
That's right.
But it's always the same, just the water moves.
It's beautiful, that's what I said.
I'll consider making some French Fries for Brick.
Yes, it will corrupt the potato.
~ Hi, Jeff!
~ Jean-Wa! Hi, Zizou!
Come on, Quack-Quack!
~ I don't like football.
~ Oh...Come on.
You're right, my duckling, rest.
The family Tuche, right?
Oh! Mouna!
Cute, your kid, and he plays well.
You will not mind him?
Think it through --- it'll keep Jeff busy.
That's just fine.
Jean-Wa, he seems to get bored less than you.
I'm more laid-back.
A small glass?
I don't mind.
I take the same sparkling wines as you do.
What are you reading?
A report on mines in China.
You talk like my Dad.
What's he do?
He won the award for manager of the year.
Tsunami!
How's that for a Dad with style!?
Do sea lions! Do sea lions!
Oh, guys, look. Albanian tourists.
Where are they going?
Meanwhile, Wil, my brother,...
had realized his dream of doing nothing...
being busy.
Hummer H2. Respect, man.
~ Thank you, man. You can touch it.
~ They kill, these rims.
~ What's your name?
~ Raphal,...
but they call me Raph.
And you?
Wilfried.
I call myself Tuche Daddy.
To see you...
Is to love you...
I'm sure...
he has a mistress.
A 20 year old slut who makes him believe...
he fucks like a god. You bet!
~ Why do you put up with it?
~ What can I do?
Leave and return...
to Beirut?
Beirut!
Yeah, yeah...
I wasn't born here.
I was born there, under the bombs.
There was nothing,...
but we had everything.
Pay attention, Cathy,...
money,...
it can be poison.
So how...
Then tell us, Mouna...
You go there, you,...
to...
to the Country Club?
Well, yeah.
You cannot know how happy I am.
~ Without you, we wouldn't have gotten in.
~ It's not won yet.
Who's the geranium with Mouna?
Her neighbor.
The one that won 100 million in the lottery.
She has a French fry van in her garden.
~ I'm ill.
~ And a photo booth...
in the living room.
Monaco is really changing.
Madame.
No, thank you. I have mine.
I feel like I'm at the zoo.
I know. Don't fret. They will get tired.
You think I will become a Mongasque?
I think you have to stay yourself.
Come on, Mouna, it is too good.
In Bouzolles, I didn't swim at all, there's just mineral water.
Help!
Help!
Come on, Madame.
It's all right, Mouna, it's fine.
~ What just happened?
~ Just a malaise.
You should wait two hours after eating...
otherwise, it's risky.
~ This is electrocution.
~ Hypothermia.
Yeah, both.
I opened the spa...
to rest.
~ Thank you.
~ You're welcome.
Congratulations on your reaction.
I didn't stop to think.
What courage. Mouna El Assad.
Daniel Bichard.
My dear. Cathy Tuche.
My pleasure.
I have to go...
~ get changed.
~ Yes, of course.
Nice, my friend.
Hello!
I'm Jeff Tuche. Vive le Prince!
~ Do you have season tickets?
~ Yes.
I'd like two.
A real Mongasque must support...
~ his team
~ Yeah...
Do you have a fight song?
~ No.
~ I knew it.
But I didn't learn the words.
Now me, I have...
written it down.
We'll ask for help from J.-J. Goldman...
or from Christophe Mah. That's an idea.
Oh Monaco...
Oh Monaco...
Your place is always warm...
Oh Monaco...
Oh Monaco...
Your rock...
is the most beautiful.
Oh Monaco...
We support you also...
in the pubs...
O-o-o-oh!
There we are.
I do not know what to say.
Me neither. I'm very moved.
How much do I owe you?
Well, 1,500 Euros.
OK...400,...
500, 600...
You found someone?
Oh...No.
~ The last threw in the towel.
~ I was in charge of a club of kids.
I should do it...
again. It's my civic duty...
to help our youth.
I'll talk to management.
Your savages, I will...
make them champions! One thing:...
they don't have to pay me, or I'd be employed.
~ Would that be possible?
~ Yeah.
Let me introduce myself.
I'm Jeff Tuche,...
your new trainer.
Before, you were on holiday. I'm tough, but fair.
Rest assured, everyone will have a chance.
With Jeff Tuche,...
no one sits on their...
butt!
You see, I also...
have a little humor when needed.
Good. The important thing...
in a team, it is precisely...
the team.
Example: You have done your shopping at Ed's.
Ed...
Ed!
~ Your last name, Ed?
~ Hdiard.
Good. I think we will not understand.
Let the words...
present pictures. Jean-Wa!
I present your new striker: Jean-Wa: demo.
Good, Jean-Wa!
Great, my Jean-Wa!
There we go.
15 days of the Tuche method, that's all it takes.
Now, pumps!
And remove me from the hair brushings of fags!
Comb normally!
As you knead well.
My Cathy, the kids aren't there.
~ No, not yet, my Jeff.
~ Well, I'm going.
~ Where you going?
~ To buy an Audi SR8.
~ Good car?
~ The Iron Monster.
Fortunately, it's not "Louis the Flea!"
Very funny...Do what you feel.
You must...
fit in. I'm going...
with Mouna.
Get me some batteries!
Don't burn your fingers.
Remain flexible in your lap or you'll have backache.
It's been five years since I went to the hypermarket.
~ We're getting ice cream?
~ No, Mouna!
~ The last ice cream!
~ Ah?
The promos, it is played at the top of gondola. It opens the eye.
Chips...
A barbecued pork flavor.
What car did you have before?
~ A R21 Nevada.
~ OK...
I can take off the helmet, in the city?
Yes, but now we keep the time with my watch.
It's going fast?
Brake, there!
~ You OK?
~ OK.
~ Oh, Mr. Tuche!
~ I love veal!
I saw death.
So there...
This is the best time. Which one?
A private appointment in a Leclerc --- What an idea!
One for Tuche!
TUCHE FOR ONE!
Food:...
8,000 Euros per month. Clothes: 15,000.
School, singing lessons, beautician,...
restaurants, batteries...
Hunt the natural, it is galloping.
In two months, we've spent 20,000,000 Euros.
Hi, Cathy. A helping hand?
Daniel! How are you?
Fine, and you?
My husband, Jeff.
My kids...
Daniel Bichard.
I've spoken about you.
"Baywatch".
I don't run at idle.
Everyone can...
get around by walking
Oh, yeah! Hello, Jeff. A pleasure.
A helping hand?
A helping foot, rather.
I'm going to get some beer.
Is that you, Donald?
Ho-ho!
Is there a mattress for me?
~ Mouna!
~ Cathy.
The ball!
Daniel, what a pleasure.
I'm tired of the Tuches!
Be careful, I might drown.
Mouna...
Mouna?
A nice beer...
There's no such thing.
Do not worry, it just happens.
~ Have you been in the country?
~ No, I travel around.
I recharge my batteries here.
If you have to recharge often, it's an alternator problem.
~ What kind of car do you have?
~ I don't.
My car's an Iron Monster.
Super. It should go fast, that.
You like veal?
~ What?
~ Never mind.
~ I'm going swimming.
~ Yes, do that.
Hold this.
OK, Buddy.
Good, vazniek...
Bichard? My mother used go drinking with him.
She wants to make the friend of my father.
My mother will not worry about a boyfriend, she has a crush on him.
To the water!
Attention, cannonball!
Do you think they will stay long?
I do not know, Jocelyne. I do not know...
This Georges Dieu, of l'AS Monaco.
He's ugly.
I find him beautiful. Her boyfriend, too. Shall we go?
Are you crazy? Not in front of my father.
Saving Willy!
And Private Ryan!
Another week at this rate and the whole country will be a campsite.
You chose pretty colors, Granny Suze.
~ You're familiar with him?
~ What?
The new trainer for the junior football club?
~ You won't leave your son?
~ Of course not.
~ TO THE TABLE!
On that day, watching my parents,
I learned something: you have to be yourself.
It's decided: Quack-Quack, it's over.
I'll show them who's the real Donald Tuche.
See for yourself.
20 is the standard.
Geography: 20/20.
~ Whoa!
~ I see, I see.
French: 20/20.
You, 20/20? Well done.
~ English: 20/20.
~ You're catching on.
Math: 21/20.
No, there it's wrong.
The teacher wanted to mark the occasion.
This has been going on...
~ for two weeks!
~ That's almost 15 days!
It's amazing, right?
You're proud of yourself, like he says?
We are sorry, Mr. Van de Brick.
If he cheated, this must be understood.
It's too much pressure, the trial period.
He wanted to do well.
Put yourself in his place.
You're his son,...
in R'n'B. His father, a coach.
His sister, Miss Bouzolles. His mom,...
at the Country Club. That's a lot.
Quack-Quack, you apologize.
Family Tuche, this may come as a shock,...
but understand that Donald...
is a prodigy.
A killer!
A genius!
Unheard of.
He'll skip a grade,...
~ maybe even more.
~ Maybe my son cheated,...
but you don't have to make fun of him.
Exceptionally gifted, I'm not kidding. He doesn't cheat anymore.
~ What's the story, my duckling?
~ Good, we'll talk about this later.
But not today, I've got a match.
Case closed. Van Brick,...
no hard feelings.
I forgive you.
You won't get away with it, you hear me?
They always take me for a loser.
It's your own fault, you're a shirker.
You got zeros 12 years, why?
I don't know.
When I was three, I learned to read on my own.
My brother, at 13, was struggling. I was afraid.
I know, kid.
Come on!
Go on! What the fuck! Scrub, Monique!
Think of the prince!
No, losers!
Woe to us!
The ball, that's it.
You don't know?
This is nonsense!
To applaud,...
what are they thinking?
We're with you, Jeff. It's not over.
Kids, let's go, let it go!
That's nice, Bichard, now let me speak.
~ Locker room.
~ I'll warm up the fans.
~ Why are all the parents here?
~ I passed the word.
I'll go back, they don't know, for the second half.
You guys are proud of yourselves?
7-0 at half time, it will end...
with a basketball score.
~ You piss me off!
~ Sir!
Quit the "sir"! There's just Jeff suffering here.
His boys give up.
His guys are wankers...
who are already beaten. Do we even play football.
~ Money doesn't count here.
~ You can buy the referee.
No, asshole! You can't buy honor.
Honor,...
that's on the field, not in the bank.
I'm going to ask you one question.
Is there anyone here who will salvage our honor?
Will we let them win...
these fags from Nice?
Can you score a goal?
I can't hear you!
YES!
There, that's better.
Get on out there.
With pride. Heads held high.
~ Salvage our honor.
~ OK.
We'll all fuck them over.
Good! With Jeff Tuche, no one...
~ Sits on his...
~ BUTT!
Good, good...
Go on, pass...Pass to Jean-Charles.
~ Go on.
~ Go.
Fucking hell!
Yes! Did you see that?
WE'RE THE WINNERS! WE'RE THE WINNERS!
FINGERS UP THEIR NOSES!
THEY'VE LOST THEIR FINGERS IN THEIR ASSES!
We have just received word...
from China, concerning the anger of tungsten miners...
after the accident Thursday.
A strike notice was issued...
for the next 24 hours.
Turn off the TV and come to bed.
Don't forget you're being punished.
I can't sleep.
Let's go.
You've got to be ready to get good grades without cheating.
I got those good grades without cheating.
Don't talk back.
Go on, off to bed.
And give me a kiss.
You don't deserve a kiss.
Good night.
Good...Donald?
~ Vazniek.
~ That's right, Granny. Go ahead and pick...
some flowers.
Good night.
Monaco! Monaco!
Monaco won! 8 - 7, a magnificent match!
The whole Country Club...
was there! We are Mongasques!
Check out the champagne!
Where are the kids?
I don't know.
What?
On a night of victory?
Well, thanks to me.
What happened to you, my dearest?
~ Aren't you proud?
~ Yes, but...
It's Donald.
I'm worried...
~ he's lagging behind.
~ That's hardly new.
He keeps saying he didn't cheat.
21/20, how can we believe that?!
At the same time, for him it's a lot of changes.
For us too, for that matter.
You think?
OK...
It's weird, though.
We have everything we want...
and at the same time...
I don't know.
I feel like we're missing something.
Our old life in Bouzolles?
No, not necessarily.
It's good here. And we're starting...
to make some friends.
Quack-Quack's in bed?
Yes. He's being punished, I remind you.
He went off without giving me a kiss.
Right, then...
Quack-Quack.
Quack-Quack!
We won. 8 to 7.
Jean-Wa scored 6 goals. I signed autographs.
~ Join the team whenever you want.
~ Let me sleep.
Your football gives me pain.
Don't talk about football like that. Excuse yourself.
And you, excuse yourself for waking me up!
I don't like football.
Now buzz off.
Place your bets.
~ 9,000 on 20.
~ Betting's closed.
30 and Red --- they go hand in hand.
My youngest doesn't care a bit about a night of victory.
5,000 on 17.
What happened at the stadium, it was beautiful.
Seeing those kids behind you...
who would not let go,...
it gave me goosebumps.
Not to slam your money, but you've got better things to do.
Like, you could be club president.
17 Red and Odd --- no winners.
L'AS Tuche Monaco?
Hey...
Place your bets.
There we go.
This failure of Quack-Quack.
What?
Be proud of me.
I didn't dare tell you, Jeff,...
but that's it. That's it.
Eat, or it'll get cold.
You're going out? Where are you going?
To go dancing with Ice Tea.
You're beautiful, Salma.
Before, you dressed poorly. But now you're getting it.
Mom, why are we sleeping over at the Tuches?
Well...because...
Do you still love Dad?
Of course.
I've always loved your daddy.
But right now, we no longer understand each other.
That's how it is, Jean-Wa. That's life.
Jean-Wa.
Jean-Wa?
I'll trade you a week's homework...
for your father's email address.
I'm tired. I scored 6 goals today.
Even if it looks like you'll have 21/20 in math?
elassad.omar@assad.fr
Thanks.
~ Things OK tonight?
~ Trust me.
~ This is the place to be.
~ You prefer the marina?
You want to be a star? Let's play, Cinderella.
You can clear the track...
and put this?
I play my own CD.
It was a favorite of my sister, who died.
~ It's at least 4,000!
~ Really?
I never believed.
I would have said...
~ They makes you afraid, those black holes?
~ Yeah, really.
A shuttle to Pluto, you'd take it?
Heavy. Pluto, I won't refuse.
~ Can I offer you a drink?
~ How about a bottle?
For him, I'm just the mother of his children.
He's forgotten I'm a woman.
Cathy, he hasn't touched me for over five months.
But I still love him.
My poor dear. Me, Jeff, it's more like every five hours.
And Bichard?
Bichard doesn't even look at me.
It's impossible not to look at a girl like you.
He knows you're married.
He respects you.
I'm sick of respect, I want him to kiss me a little.
Can I ask you something?
Since you got rich, are you happier?
Oh, yeah. The money changes everything.
~ The thing is...
~ Yeah?
My father no longer makes fries.
Ah!
One for Tuche...
The next day,...
Mouna and Jean-Wa went home.
Mom decided we needed a big family meal.
French fries!
French fries!
Here, dig in!
And with cheese, too!
Listen up...
Along with Mouna, we're organizing a sale for the association...
of Princess Stphanie.
I'm to disguise myself?
A football fan?
Very funny.
A Masked Ball charity,...
isn't...
No, imagine a fair,...
a draw,...
like a raffle.
What do you say?
I'll dress like Tuche Daddy.
We won't disguise ourselves.
Just the fair, that's not a good idea.
If you used...
the niche fair trade show...
and a merchandising ethic,...
why not?
You're possessed, Quack-Quack?
What film is this?
This is the result of my reflection.
~ What are you talking about, fag?
~ Wilfried! Knock it off!
Let's hear what you've come up with.
I can defend myself. His sarcasm...
only conceals a denial...
of his homosexuality.
Say that again!
Your outfit...
and your macho attitude isn't fooling anyone, Wil.
You've got more jewelry that Mom and Stphanie put together.
~ Well...
~ Wil?
~ Are you gay?
~ Give me a break!
Shut up. You're talking bullshit.
Who do you want?
Raphal? Puff Daddy? Both?
Wil! We happen to be having a meal here.
I'm going to bed, I'm sleepy.
If you didn't spend your nights...
you know...
much less...you'll have to see...
Right?
On this day, it looked like a rainy Sunday...
in Bouzolles.
Okay, the report, Mr. T.
~ You are Mr. Assad?
~ Come on, we need to talk.
~ Hello.
~ Hello.
It's funny, huh? This is unprecedented.
Here you are, my duckling.
~ How was your day?
~ Fine.
Donald, my Quack-Quack.
I told you, with Mouna,...
we're organizing a charity event to benefit...
the Association of Princess Stphanie.
~ Are you in?
~ Yes.
Perfect.
~ Good bye.
~ Good bye.
You see, Valentina, finally, you're made for camping.
~ Hi, Granny.
~ Vazniek.
Honestly, Stphanie,...
I'm not sure that this enthusiasm is genuine. We're just...
a distraction to the establishment.
They grow weary of Tuche.
You talking to me?
BARONESS, THE FLEET!
BARONESS,...
THE FLEET!
BARONESS, THE FLEET!
Congratulations, you're the best!
Ladies and gentlemen, next lot:...
a beautiful basket mold.
The basket mold, for your applause.
Granny Suze...
Suspense.
And the winner is number...
~ Nianf!
~ 28!
We must give it.
Here we are. So, Valentina, how does it feel to win?
I am so happy.
I thank Cathy and Mouna...
for this raffle...
at 5,000 Euros per ticket.
What a great idea.
Thanks also...
to Jeff Tuche for his commitment...
to our children.
Long live the Tuche family,...
and thank you! Thank you!
~ You're a star, Jeff.
~ Oh, please.
You know, people adore you.
Ah, shit.
What? You've got a problem?
It's my bank in New York,...
who want to follow me on Zizou's case.
Too bad, a big blow. I'm sorry.
But you're too cool, Diouf!
If you tell him, my father will kill you.
I love you, I have no choice.
Georges, I'm yours, but watch out.
Play defensively, avoid the fouls, otherwise it's a red card.
And not tonight. OK, my love?
I love when you speak.
"Like a Hurricane" by Stphanie of Monaco.
"Only the thunder resounds,...
"swirls...
"Tambouronne!
"Like a Hurricane...
"The storm in me...
"has swept past...
"having devastated our lives...
"This is a fire...
"which can't be stopped."
Now, I call on my husband, Jeff.
Come on.
~ It's a bit your song.
~ Especially your song.
"Like a hurricane that passed over me.
"Love...
"took everything...
"having devastated our lives.
"Raging waves can no longer stop..."
Mario, Babalido, Kikou,...
the three leaders.
The top names, the future of football.
How much do they want?
100 million among the 3.
In two years they will be worth...
~ three times that
~ Even ten times?
This is serious football, Jeff. You won't want them...
in your club? Imagine your family...
in the gallery...
next to Stphanie of Monaco. Donald would be proud.
What does Zizou say?
He's my friend. He informs me and I'm doing things myself.
But I still have only 80.
Really?
Forget it.
It will be a matter for another day.
Wait. Wait.
We can do what?
20 million is missing. Apart from the mortgage...
~ on your house, I see it.
~ Cathy would not want...
~ to give up the house.
~ No,...
the bank lends you money with your home as collateral.
I didn't know. That's good.
Therefore, I'll get a mortgage. I'll talk to Cathy.
If you want, but it's not good to mix women and business.
The Lotto was a fluke,...
but this is a decision of the head of the household.
Leave Cathy out of it.
To the Tuches?
Tuche!
If the Chinese miners continue to strike...
there will be a huge shortage.
More than just tungsten. Do you follow me?
Hurry. You're supposed to be in art until 6 PM.
I've almost finished.
Well, I'm going on.
Our financial transaction is to buy
a low-cost Western tungsten mine...
closed as non-competitive.
I've located one...
in Portugal. It's...
the largest deposit...
in Europe. You can have it...
for 150 million Euros. That's good, right?
Any questions?
This is business, man.
~ There are other partners.
~ No. We must act now.
~ You trust me?
~ Yes.
I only have 70 million. We're 80 million short.
80? My father has that. I'll go talk to him.
Your Dad?
Right now, in your supermarket in Monaco...
take advantage of a kilo of tomato promotion...
for 19.90 Euros.
Hello, who's this?
Georges Diouf?
Diouf?
Diouf, Diouf...Diouf? Diouf?
Of l'AS Monaco?
There's an autopilot.
You know that?
"The Seasons" by Vivaldi. I know the number.
What is it? It was good, his music.
Can I...
~ talk to you?
~ News travels fast.
Hey...
It's not done yet, but I wanted to say...
I've got big plans for you.
Must not talk, eh?
When that is done, I want you to consider...
as a benevolent father...
that will sustain you.
It touches me deeply.
A Tuche, who touches you.
~ Thank Stphanie...
~ Who, Stphanie?
We want to get married.
Are you stupid or what?
My daughter can't get married.
~ Because I'm black? Racist!
~ Me, racist? Repeat that!
~ She's 18, and you're a grownup!
~ I'm 21.
~ That's five years difference!
~ Three.
~ Three?
Right, three. Your daughter has changed my life.
She is so perfect.
She's Miss Bouzolles.
I should have told you about before. I love her.
It's me who's sorry.
You're a good guy, it shows.
It's just...
I have not seen her grow up, the little one.
I'll always remember her at age five.
I'll tell you one thing,...
if you have a son who plays on my team, I'd like it.
You'll be my eyes.
What do you mean, your team?
Yeah, Bichard, don't worry,...
the bank agreed to mortgage the home.
I'll bring you the 100 million in cash tomorrow.
All right, L'htel Royal. 5 PM, that's fine.
Bye.
Omar?
It's me. Bad news,...
my father is going to get ripped off.
You sure about this guy? You risk losing your dough.
It's my friend, Bichard.
And Zizou is his friend.
Look, I'll call him.
~ I never want to see you in Monaco again.
~ OK.
Get out.
Thanks.
"Daniel Bichard. I'll take a message. Dany Bichard. I'll call you back."
What has happened?
They took the money.
Pull yourself together.
Go on, Mom.
~ Enter Grenoble on the GPS.
~ Yes, dear.
I sign for the mine in Portugal in two hours.
Are you sure about this?
Suppose it makes no money?
He won't miss it. My dad acted like a kid.
He has no concept of money. This money has turned his head.
I could have said that they had lost nothing, we were rich,...
but it would again be like before.
So I said nothing. I let him squirm.
100 million and there's nothing left?
No, but...is this a joke?
It's Georges Diouf.
He has Zidane on the phone.
He doesn't know Bichard.
Bichard? But how we could we be conned?
Don't touch me.
Pardon, my dearest.
I wanted to fart higher than my butt.
Fortunately, we have a home.
Oh, no,...
You're not telling me...
I mortgaged it.
MOM!
Back to square one.
Don't say that.
Close enough.
We're meant to be poor. That's how it is.
I'll never be a star.
I guess not. Stay here with Georges.
No, I can't leave my family.
It's not possible.
We'll survive together.
Explain that to my parents. They want a divorce.
I'm sorry.
I'll miss you, Cathy.
Thanks for Jean-Wa.
I never knew how to deal with my kid.
You bet. What about me?
Quack-Quack isn't the idiot of the family --- that's me.
It's a shame, I liked Monaco.
The air felt good.
Mom, you've sobered up?
Vazniek.
VAZNIEK.
How are you?
You can't leave...
like that.
How about the kids' match? And my son?
I've made my decision. It's better this way.
I understand.
He said yes!
OH MONACO...
OH MONACO...
IT'S ALWAYS WARM AT YOUR PLACE.
OH MONACO, OH MONACO...
YOUR ROCK IS VERY BEAUTIFUL.
OH MONACO...
OH MONACO...
WE ALSO FOUND YOU...
AT THE BISTRO...
One for Tuche!
TUCHE FOR ONE!
You're leaving Monaco?
Yeah.
Come back whenever you want.
Thank you, Stphanie.
What's wrong, my dearest?
It's all right.
Now we can go back to Bouzolles.
Are you asleep?
No. I can't.
You know, my boy,...
I wanted to tell you that from today,...
you're not Quack-Quack anymore.
You're my Donald.
I'm not too busy for you.
Now, we'll do whatever you want.
If you don't want to play...
football, it does not matter.
You'll do rugby.
How about basketball?
OK.
You won't do sport. It's not important.
You see, what counts,...
is that you're happy.
Because if you're not happy,...
well, I won't be happy, either.
And above all...
Above all, I would like to say...
Yeah?
That I love you, my Donald.
Shut that album and eat your yogurt.
We got back to Bouzolles...
and we again become a real family.
This is the end of the story.
The end, almost the end.
A year later, Omar called me.
Our investment in the mine yielded quite a bit.
We had doubled our money: 200 million.
I had to break the news to my parents.
~ Well, Mom?
~ Cathy?
Vazniek!
Well, as long as we don't repeat the mistakes of Monaco.
My parents understood that their place was in Bouzolles.
So we invested it.
I convinced my father to buy balls.
Today we have the first factory in the world where you work four hours a day.
My father has invented the 20-hour work week.
That's the French Tuche.
~ One for Tuche!
~ TUCHE FOR ONE!
Tuche! Your trash, shit!
You're a real village idiot!
"Oh Monaco...
"We'll also find you...
"at the bistro."