Usually it doesn't snow
on Christmas Eve in Laurel, Illinois,
but this year, we're lucky.
Funny that it happened tonight
Don't get me wrong.
Sometimes snow can really
kick you in the ass.
But it's beautiful and it's magical.
And trust me, a little bit of snow
can make a big difference.
Even if you don't know it yet.
Girl, something here is different
I couldn't high didn't find
Alright, we're off.
Make sure the doors are locked.
You take care of yourself, OK?
- Love you.
- Love you.
See, here's the thing.
Snow can change
the way we look at the world.
Or hide the things
that are right in front of us.
Girl, girl, girl
I don't need a tree full of girls
I didn't and neither make a list
It can even push you down the path
you least expect.
I hope all the rest are like this
Oh, girl
Selling out Chicago's Allstate Arena
last night at just 20 years old,
huge thanks to Stuart Bale for coming in.
Uh! Before we lose you,
any big plans for the holidays?
Still figuring it out.
But above all,
snow has the power to get you stuck.
And sometimes, just for a moment,
and especially on Christmas Eve,
that's exactly where you need to be.
Girl
This ain't any Christmas
I can't believe that it's the first
Christmas that I love you
- Next!
- Hi. Uh...
I'm looking
for a New England farmhand elf.
I ordered it online, but made the mistake
of ordering a Volume One.
What you need is a time machine to go back
to August when I had some.
Um... OK, is there...
Is there anywhere else that might have it?
My mom's entire Christmas
kind of depends on it.
On Christmas Eve?
If you find one, you tell me,
'cause I'll make a fortune.
Next!
Ta-da!
Remind me again, your DJ name is...
K-Pow?
Is it Kapow?
No... No. It's DJ K-Star-Pow-Money.
It's so obvious.
It looks a text a baby would send.
Yeah, well show me the baby that got
DJ Tempest to come to his party.
His name is Rob.
Just like a regular name.
And just 'cause he DJs
the Circus Circus pool party
doesn't mean he gets to rename
himself Tempest.
Look, he's coming to the party
and if he likes the set,
he's gonna hook me up with DJ gigs
and that's one step closer to my dream.
Bam!
So, I locked everything breakable
in your father's office.
Oh, what about that lamp?
Someone could break that.
- Someone should break that.
- Someone should break that.
I'll be at yours in an hour.
I'm picking up chips.
What's your dip pairing?
It's Movie Marathon Day, so...
- Queso Deluxe!
- Queso Deluxe!
Imma get my face in that cheese!
Imma eat so much cheese,
I'll give myself a heart condition.
Oh, my god. We must stop.
Alright.
Bye, K-Star-Dollar Sign-Pop-Money-Crunch!
Bye! I hate you!
Woof, man.
- My balls just retracted into my body.
- What?
Tell her that you like her.
That's...
You know, I'm going to.
Today.
I'm gonna do it today.
Movie Day.
Is that official?
Can I get that in writing?
I've known her since I was five years old,
man. It's not that easy.
No, it actually is that easy.
You just have to tell her
you want the same relationship,
plus boning.
Yeah? That's pretty good, man.
Hey, let me get a pen
and write that down, huh?
All I'm saying is you need to live
in the truth.
There's nothing better than to live in...
Tobin!
What are you doing?
I'm not gonna drink
until I graduate from college with honors.
What are you doing here? You left.
Flight got canceled. Too much snow.
Here. You should go, Tobin.
Whoa! Sorry.
So sorry.
You're being so weird.
I don't get it.
Why haven't you texted her?
Dude, I've written and rewritten, like,
800 texts to her in the last two weeks.
Let me see that picture of her again.
- OK, she's very, very cute.
- Isn't she?
OK, we should get going.
I'm dying to show you
this present I'm getting you.
I just have to make sure you like it
'cause it's a pretty pig commitment.
Wait, a pig commitment? Is that a clue?
It's the summation of everything we've
been obsessed with since we were 12.
Oh, my god! I can't wait!
What's wrong?
Oh, nothing.
Jeb just liked one of Madison's photos.
Yeah, he didn't only like it,
he also commented
a squid and piano emoji.
Wonder what that means.
Yeah, I don't know.
Let's go,
'cause I have to be at work after.
Seriously, though?
A squid and piano?
Like, what is that?
Could be a joke, from Debate.
Yeah. They're probably debating
whether or not to bang right now.
And look at his smile.
OK, so he's smiling. So what?
In a picture with another girl.
He's gonna break up with me.
Ads, he would have to be the dumbest
human being on Earth to do that.
Like, dumber than the people
who blow on ice cream before they eat it.
He's not gonna break up with you.
I swear.
Mm?
Check it out.
Tin Foil Woman, in the flesh.
In the foil.
Tyler P. saw a NASA pin
on the back of her truck. Proves it.
She was the first woman
on the space shuttle, but got booted.
No way.
She's on the run
for murdering a loan shark.
Or she thinks she's a burrito
and that the Earth is a giant microwave.
I think she's something cool.
D, she's wearing sandwich wrap.
So? Maybe she doesn't care
what people think of her.
Well, she should.
Or maybe she cares what the important
people in her life think,
not people she has to chase.
I'm not chasing anyone.
I'm in a relationship, so I care.
I know that could be
hard for you to understand.
Jeb's house is right around the corner.
So, I'm just gonna go.
That was what I wanted to show you,
by the way.
Um... Excuse me.
Look, um... now right now, OK?
I'm really trying to stay low-key, so...
You dropped this.
Uh...
I'm so sorry.
Even if I was into your music,
I'm not the type to throw myself
at someone
just because they're famous, so...
You don't seem...
Oh!
That was the train.
Oh, my god. Was that Stuart Bale?
I really don't care.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Neither do I.
I just have a friend who'd like to do
bad things to him.
I pictured a rainbow
You held it in your hands
I had flashes
But you saw the plan
I wandered out in the world for years
- Tobin?
- Oh! Yeah. Yeah?
Hey, what's up?
Oh, I'm up, thanks. I'm good.
Yeah, I'm good.
OK.
See you downstairs when you find a bra.
The whole of the moon
- So... about today.
- Uh-huh.
Do we want to watch movies
the entire time, or...
I was thinking the same thing.
Totally up for a change.
- And speaking of which...
- Your chest is bleeding.
Oh.
Yeah, I was doing push-ups...
over... mm... glass.
- You were doing push-ups?
- Mm-hmm.
Over broken glass?
Yup. It motivates me.
You don't know everything about me.
I kinda do.
So...
Do you remember JP Lapierre?
JP Lapierre...
Soccer captain
in the grade above us?
Yeah. Anyway, he's home and he invited us
to his college friend's party today.
- Us?
- Well, I mean...
he invited me, but...
Would you wanna go?
With you and JP Lapierre?
I don't know,
I think it could be fun,
but, like, if you're down. If you're not,
I don't... I...
If you don't wanna go, that's fine,
but I...
No, no. You know, if... I mean,
if you want to go, then...
Really appreciate a buddy.
Totally. I am that.
Seriously, I am getting
a Band-Aid for your boob.
So, is Carla OK to drive us?
Oh, she's talked
about nothing else.
Did she get a lot of work done?
On the D.L., she got new brake pads,
her hood ornament's been straightened,
and her side panels buffed.
Tastefully done.
- Mm.
- You can hardly tell.
Very festive.
Ladies and gentlemen,
we apologize for the delay.
We are doing everything we can
to get you moving as soon as possible.
Snow on the tracks.
Conductor says
we'll be here at least an hour.
He also called me "sir",
which answers
my concerns about this shirt.
This is ridiculous.
I live just over that hill.
Just so you know, I'm not stalking you,
I'm going home.
I'm just going to that restaurant, so...
I'll call TMZ.
Hey.
What are you even doing
on a train?
Well, I wanted to take a break
from the tour bus.
Feels good to be
in the real world for a few hours.
You know,
If the train made you feel real,
Waffle Town is gonna blow your mind.
I thought you had the day off.
Oh, you didn't hear?
The universe is against me.
It's not possible, dude.
The universe is not some wicked lady.
The universe is one infinite hug.
First my party gets shut down
by my parents,
and then he calls me because Janet...
She's going
through a really rough time right now.
Dirty-ass Janet...
has her car stuck in the driveway?
Snowed in? That's so...
Selfish.
Thank you.
I really need to have this party.
Wait. Addie's mom's away!
- Addie's mom's always away.
- Yeah!
We can have it at her place!
Call her! Call her!
OK, first, chill.
Second, no. Addie is preoccupied.
What do you mean? Where is he?
He got picked up.
Uh... Picked up by who?
I don't know. He told my mom
he was going to the Waffle Town.
Was he picked up by a girl?
A bunch of people,
but yeah, a girl was driving.
I knew it.
Say it to yourself. Out loud.
Affle Town.
Awful Town.
If you're a fan of coffee,
do not order one here.
Then maybe we should grab a waffle.
What?
Why?
Um...
I mean it would be terrible if I got
photographed in an Awful Town alone.
Listen, no offense.
I just don't like this place.
Alright, look. I called my car already.
You have a hard out.
One waffle.
Holy shit!
Um... Stuart, this is Billy.
Hi.
'Sup?
I was hoping for some breakfast.
Oh!
You uh...
Really gonna eat all that?
Oh, yeah, I don't waste any food.
Like... ever?
Ever.
Mm... What if you're eating something
and it falls on the floor?
Then I feed it to my dog.
What if your dog isn't around?
Then I locate a dog.
What if you're on a dog-free island?
You're doing a concert
on a dog-free island somewhere.
I'm sure the island has other animals
that eat food that falls on the floor.
Damn it.
You're probably right.
So, why don't you ever waste food?
Hunger is...
It's a thing for me, you know?
Um... A cause.
Why?
You know, I'm a pretty important person,
so I like to do
a lot of uh... important charity work.
Come on.
I don't know.
I guess we didn't really grow up
with a whole lot.
- I don't know if I want many carbs today.
- I definitely want carbs.
Oh, my god!
- Let's sit down and just order.
- French toast...
Maybe the universe isn't against me.
Maybe it's telling me
to have my party here.
The universe...
always has the answer, Keon.
You just have to subscribe
to her newsletter.
Well, does that mean
I can have my party here?
Aren't you glad I called you in today?
Dude, yeah!
Yes, thank you!
OK, look,
you're gonna have to clean up tomorrow.
You're gonna have to play some good music,
and you're gonna have to give me
a ride home
because I bicycled here this morning
and it was real slip-slidey out there.
- Done!
- OK.
Thank you!
Keon!
That girl and I...
kinda had, like, a thing.
You... you hooked up?
Yeah, but I don't know,
it was more than that, like...
Have you ever been with someone
and you stay up until, like, 4:00 a.m.,
just talking about everything,
like how you're both super scared
of getting old
and what it felt like the first time
you saw the Goblet of Fire
and you're just like, "I can't believe
I get to exist at the same time as you!"?
No. But...
Like, I'm really happy for you!
I really, really liked her.
The way she would, like, talk super fast
when she got excited.
It was really cute.
I'm gonna do it.
I'm going over there.
Play it cool, though.
You know how to play it cool.
I can play it cool.
Wait, how do you play it cool?
- You just go over there,
- Uh-huh.
and then you ask her if her
and her friends will stay for the party.
OK.
You got this.
Hey!
How are you? What are you doing here?
Um... Hi.
It's so crazy.
I was actually just thinking
about you this morning
when I was in the shower.
Oh, no, not like that. Not like a weird...
No, 'cause I have one of those soaps
that has a little toy in the center.
It's not, I mean...
I'm not like a toddler or anything.
It's just one of those, like,
"let's bring back the '90s" type things.
Anyway, I got the toy out, finally,
this morning, and it was a horse!
And I remember you said
horses are just basically big dogs.
So I... I thought of you.
OK, whatever.
Can we, like, order now?
- I definitely want the waffle sandwich.
- French toast.
- Can I get the waffle bites?
- And, like, the waffle...
- I'm sorry.
- We'll get a couple orders of bacon,
like, maybe four for the table?
Angie, you made it!
Hey, JP!
This is my friend, Tobin.
I know Tobin!
- You do?
- You do?
Of course!
You sat behind me in Physics!
Yeah. Yeah, I mean... I know that,
I just didn't think that you'd know that.
Come on, man. Bring it in.
Oh, yeah.
So you guys play broomball?
Love broomball!
Alright, sweet! You're on my team.
Come on, man.
You love broomball?
I've never heard
you once mention broomball.
That's because I don't like
talking about broomball.
I love playing broomball.
I'm nice on the ice, which is a phrase
other people have used to describe me
and how good I am at broomball.
OK, because you usually never like
to play sports, so...
Broomball is not a sport!
It's a leisurely holiday pastime.
Besides, who are we playing,
the broomball Olympians?
Yo, JP!
Holy shit!
We came to play!
You guys ready or what?
The Reston brothers?
This is their party?
I thought they went to jail.
I think they just got probation for that.
Hey, man.
I saw you roll up in your pussy wagon.
That's clever.
Christmas time
JP!
The world's so fine
I'm open!
Tobe!
Brotherhood
- Woo!
- Home boy's gonna feel it!
- You alright, man?
- Yeah, all good.
You gotta try to stay vertical, my man!
Ooh!
Let's get you back out there, alright?
Come on.
Back up, back up! You got this, T!
You got this, T!
Come on. Step up, step up!
Hey, look out!
Oh!
Ooh, ooh, ooh!
Woo! Woo!
You alright?
Yeah. Yeah.
Duke, pass!
- There you go, T. There you go!
- All right!
There you go!
- You got this! You got this, man!
- Shoot! Shoot!
Let's get together
- Oh, yeah, I'm not doing that.
- Why? It takes like two seconds!
What... What are you doing right now?
Nothing, I'm just...
They... They see me,
but you know, you don't need to...
Ah, shit.
It's happening. I'm... I'm sorry.
Go. Men's bathroom window.
Go. Go, go, go.
- Hey!
- Was that Stuart Bale?
Mm... Yeah.
Yeah, Stuart Bale is eating
at the Waffle Town.
And Lady Gaga is just buying tampons
at the Gas and Go. So...
No, that was my...
that was my step cousin Bryant...
And his name is Bryant.
Oh, really?
Then why did he just run off
to the bathroom?
Well why would you run to the bathroom?
Oh. Ew!
I'm sure there's a way
to do this and still look cool. Oh!
Nailed it.
Yeah, thanks uh... thanks for the help.
Any time. OK.
I'm gonna go now.
Look, it was... it was really nice
and totally bizarre
and random to meet you, but...
I gotta go. I have a lot to do.
Like what?
Like meet my mom.
Er... Don't worry about it.
I mean, I'm not worried, I'm... just...
Look, I have a lot to do.
I have things to do.
Like what? Tell me.
I have to make a decision that impacts
the entire rest of my life, OK?
I got into Columbia. In New York.
Also, my mom is sick.
And we don't know which way it's gonna go,
so I have to stay
and I have to take care of her
because this might be
the last year I have with her.
And I asked for a deferral,
but they said I'd lose my scholarship.
Sorry for the... massive download.
I just haven't actually said that
to anyone.
Anyways, Merry Christmas. I gotta go.
Wait. Where are you headed?
I told you, I'm meeting my mom.
At our winter holiday pageant.
Sounds fun.
Hey, this is Jeb.
You know what to do after the beep.
Hey!
Hey!
Yeah, can I help you?
Yes, please. Um...
I'm, like, stranded in the snow.
Can you give me a ride to the Waffle Town?
Sure. Yeah, it's snowing.
There's no buses running. Yeah, get in.
Thank you!
Are you crazy?
- Are you out of your mind?
- What?
You don't go getting into people's cars
you don't know!
Relax! I have my phone.
Well what the hell does that have to do
with anything?
Like, if someone were to hurt me,
I could call 911.
Well what if they took your phone?
Well if the phone was still in the car,
it's pinging off the cell towers
and tracking where I am.
Oh, well what good is that
if you're murdered?
Well hopefully that knowledge can be
a deterrent to the murderer.
OK.
What were you doing
out there all by yourself anyway?
My best friend left me.
Sounds like a great best friend.
OK, she didn't leave me.
I was in a situation
she didn't understand.
My boyfriend's being weird.
He's not answering any of my texts.
He knows where I am, though.
Oh, my god, now you're scared?
You have terrible instincts.
Has anyone ever told you that?
It's 'cause you're relying on that thing
instead of yourself.
Mm-hmm.
A 156-piece elf village?
Some people's moms,
they knit stockings.
Mine collects elves
and their communities.
So, what are your plans for the holidays?
I'll just be at the hotel.
Christmas in a hotel?
I'm used to it. I travel a lot.
Do you like it?
Honestly, I really would love to be
in one place,
just for a little while.
Well, maybe we just... we switch.
Singing and dancing can't be that hard.
OK. I'll send you my set list.
So why your mom like Christmas so much?
Uh...
I think...
You know, it's 'cause my... my dad, he left
in between Thanksgiving and Christmas
and now my mom kind of wants
Christmas to be...
amazing and spectacular and...
for me.
That's sweet.
Kind of, I guess.
This place is beautiful.
It's like the perfect holiday card.
Snow hides a lot.
It's like the Spanx of weather.
Where did you grow up?
Ah. Guessing most people already know
that about you.
I grew up in Atlanta.
I grew up more of a loner.
But I had music, so... it was cool.
But my dad didn't really like it.
He was real strict.
I mean even now, he doesn't think
music is a real job and...
Have you told him it is?
The point is...
you can do a lot worse than this place,
trust me.
Yeah, well I guess I have
the next several years to find out.
The Reston brothers?
I thought they were in prison.
Well, apparently not.
Dude, get away from them!
I can't, man.
It's... It's their party
and we're here so Duke can hang out
with JP Lapierre.
- Hello?
- That was a moment of silence
for your hopes of ever being
with Duke.
Thanks, man. That's... that helps.
Especially since he just finished telling
us about his semester in Kenya,
building schools and stuff,
Dude, if she's hooking up
with JP Lapierre...
They're not hooking up.
Yet.
I can't leave here, man.
You have to!
I'm having my party at the Awful Town.
I need you to bring beer!
I have dancers here, OK?
You get here, we'll have drink!
OK, I think I have a plan.
Thank you! You see? I just...
Hey, man, I just want to apologize
for them. It wasn't cool.
- No, that's cool. That's cool.
- No, no.
No, no, no. You can be reasonable and calm
about it, but I'm not.
It's not OK what they did to you.
You know she's right, T.
You bottle up all that emotion,
it turns into anxiety.
Recently I started doing
this Qigong meditation.
I'm sure you've heard of it.
Yeah, you know, I mean...
I've heard of... meditation.
Anyway, it's this type
of mind-body exercise,
really great for martial arts training.
I think
you'd be really good at it, man.
Thanks, man.
So what do you say
we get out of here, huh?
- Uh, yeah, I'm down.
- Same.
Cool. And we're taking their keg.
Now the king told the boogie men
Let's go!
- Go, go, go, go!
- Hey!
Hey!
Shit!
- You're dead, man!
- That's our keg!
- The car, man!
- Fucking dead!
- Go, go, go, go, go!
- Woo!
The Sheik he drove his Cadillac
He went a' cruisin' down the ville
Alright!
The muezzin was a' standing
- Woo!
- Woo!
- Floor it, T-bird!
- I'm trying!
The Shareef don't like it
Rockin' the Casbah
The Shareef don't like it
Rockin' the Casbah
Why are we slowing down?
Oh, no, no, no!
- Wait.
- Oh, god!
Oh, god!
Incoming!
Come on, Carla! Don't be a little bitch!
Yeah, Carla!
Work that ass like I know you can!
Guys, I know it's a car,
but I'm also a feminist, so...
- Oh!
- Ooh!
Go on, man!
Gosh!
- OK. Come on, let's go.
- Alright, we're moving.
- Here we go.
- Come on.
They're right behind us, bud. Come on!
Come on, Carla!
- Right here!
- Turn right!
Rock the Casbah
The Shareef don't like it
Rockin' the Casbah
Rock the Casbah
Woo!
- Oh, my god!
- Yeah! Woo!
Way to go, T-man!
Woo! Yes, Carla!
That was insane!
Seriously, T-rex,
you're a hero, man!
Wow! Some action hero shit!
The way we were sliding and drifting...
- Uh... Tobin, brake.
- Guys?
- What's happening?
- Press the brake!
I'm trying to press the brake!
I mean I am pressing it!
- Bre... Stop! No!
- No, no, no!
We're in a ditch.
Everyone all right?
Um... Dude? Dude...
I think your nipple's bleeding.
I weigh the water
I feel it all
I ask myself a million questions
in the dark
I lay in silence, but silence talks
It tells me heaven is
no closer than it was
Hey,
I... I just want to say I don't really know
what that was back there, but...
All mixed up inside
When I get too on ya
And I wanna call ya
With late night feelings
On and on and on
Feeling on and on
On and on, on and on
I have not stopped thinking about you.
I want to go sledding.
What? Now?
Yeah.
You don't have a sled.
Young moms.
That's my sweet spot.
Hey.
Hi.
Yeah, you guys mind if I borrow your sled?
Hi, I'm Stuart. Nice to meet you.
Hello.
Oh, yeah, let's get a photo.
Boom!
Alright. Very nice to meet you.
I'll bring this back, OK?
Got us a loaner.
Is... uh...
that OK?
I... Yep.
Wait!
Look...
Anything can happen.
Good...
bad...
anything.
OK.
- Let's go.
- Let's go.
Let's go.
Woo!
We're good! We're good!
Oh, whoa, whoa!
Ooh!
Stuart!
Whoa!
Woo!
So I'm guessing it went well.
And did she say
they're gonna stay for the party?
Well...
there wasn't a lot of dialogue.
But yeah, I think they're staying.
OK, great, great! So, body count.
Six dancers, if they stay,
plus Jeb and company,
and then Tobin...
- Wait, Jeb's here?
- That's 12...
Is that too little? Is that weird?
- Do you think that's weird?
- What?
Does this thing go any faster?
It's a tow truck in a snowstorm.
No, it does not.
The answer is not in there.
It's like you're standing on a whale
fishing for minnows.
- What? That's a weird metaphor.
- You know what?
- Hey!
- Look around at the actual world!
You don't know what I need.
And if you don't give me my phone back,
I'm gonna call the police.
Oh, yeah, really? With what?
- Uh-oh!
- OK! Alright, how would you feel
- if I just took your tinfoil hat?
- Hey!
I don't know why you wear that thing,
but I'm pretty sure you're attached.
There are theories, you know.
About you, your hat, your past.
NASCAR driver, ex-cop...
baked potato.
Well what does your magic phone say is
the correct one?
What is it with old people and phones?
You know all the things I can do
with that phone?
Do you know that I could read a book?
Write an essay?
Learn Spanish, track my steps?
Absorb the fact
that Jeb has literally never liked
any picture I've posted of us,
and that he's going to break up with me
on Christmas and start dating Madison,
who he's currently with
at the Waffle Town,
which I know thanks to
Bahar Rizwell's Snapchat!
Can you do all of that
with your magic hat?
That's what I thought.
- I'm gonna take my phone. Hey!
- Hey! No!
Hey, missy! Hey!
- Hey!
- Whoa!
No!
I'm sorry about that.
Why does everybody call you "The Duke?"
Oh, it's Tobin's fault.
Why is that?
Growing up, I was always one of the boys.
Tobin thought I should be
distinguished for that.
He's an original, I'll give him that.
He must do pretty well with the ladies.
Tobin?
No.
No, not really.
Well, I think
when he gets to college,
that's gonna change.
Sorry about that.
Tow truck's on its way.
I don't think she suffered.
She died doing what she loved.
Getting really low gas mileage.
Shit, guys, it's the twins. Come on!
Get down, get down.
Get down.
Alright. Let's get off the road.
Can't believe
I'm hiding out in a church.
Wow! Look at this thing.
Oh, my god, Tobin, play something!
No way, man, you play?
Yeah, he's so good.
Whoa!
Play Whole of the Moon.
I pictured a rainbow
You held it in your hands
I had flashes
But you saw the plan
I wandered out in the world for years
While you just stayed in your room
I saw the crescent
You saw the whole of the moon
The whole of the moon
You were there in the turnstiles,
with the wind at your heels
You stretched for the stars
and you know how it feels
To reach too high
Too far
Too soon
You saw the whole of the moon
I spoke about wings
You just flew
I wondered, I guessed and I tried
You just knew
I sighed
But you swooned, I saw the crescent
You saw the whole of the moon
The whole of the moon
Unicorns and cannonballs,
palaces and piers
Trumpets, towers and tenements
Wide oceans full of tears
Flags, rags ferryboats
Scimitars and scarves
Every precious dream and vision
underneath the stars
Yes, you climbed on the ladder
With the wind in your sails
You came like a comet
Blazing your...
...trail too high
Tobin, should we play "Sound and Vision"?
No, I'm... I'm all good.
- Oh, come on, man. One more.
- What?
No, I think I'm gonna go check on Carla.
- The guys are probably gone by now, so...
- Wait, wait, wait, we can all go.
I'm gonna go alone.
Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?
- Hey.
- What?
What? What do you mean "What?"
You're being weird.
- Leaving suddenly and...
- How is that weird?
- Tobin.
- Angie.
Why are you calling me Angie?
Well isn't that
what you like to be called? Mm?
God, since when did you get so sensitive?
OK, are you mad about JP?
Why would I be mad about JP?
Are you jealous?
Yeah. Yeah, Angie.
I'm jealous of... of JP.
I'm jealous of the enlightened,
broomball-playing, meditating college boy.
Fine.
Be that way.
Oh, shit.
Shit.
You a wise man?
Are you one of our three wise men?
Yes, I'm a wise man.
Great.
No fair!
Um... We didn't order that.
- Oh, I know. It's...
- Also, what is that?
I call it a "Quaffle Waffle."
Best enjoyed
with a tall glass of Butterbeer.
It's from Harry Potter!
Isn't that, like, for children?
I'm pretty sure it's universally beloved.
Also, I'm supposed to tell you guys
that there's gonna be
a party here later, so...
you should stay.
Can I get another iced tea?
Are they leaving?
Because Tempest just texted me
and he said he's gonna roll through.
This is so messed up.
Thanks again for walking me here.
It's nothing.
Hey, I didn't...
tell my mom about Colombia,
so when you meet her,
- just don't mention anything.
- Why didn't you tell your mom?
Because I didn't want her to worry,
and also, try to convince me to go, so...
Hi, Sweetie.
Hey.
Here are the clothes you asked for.
Thank you.
Why did you need Grandpa's?
Oh.
- Uh... Mom, this is Stuart.
- Hi.
Hey.
Are you at school with Julie?
No.
Are you kidding me?
You met him on a train.
- He could be a...
- He's not.
I don't mean to interrupt.
I... I would just like to say, you know,
I'm pretty responsible.
You know, you look like that singer.
He smiles like he's holding in a fart,
you know?
Mom!
Oh, my god!
Oh, god.
I... I'm sorry.
I'll let my publicist know that one.
It's not all the time, you know?
Only from certain angles.
OK, Stuart, here's some new clothes.
- Mom, you should sit.
- I'm gonna go change.
Hey, what's up?
Hey, babe... Um...
I thought we were gonna meet up later.
Why?
Did you not want me to know you were here?
No, I, you know, just thought...
What, you just happened not to mention
that you were coming here?
That's why you didn't answer
any of my texts?
Are you rolling your eyes at me?
No.
Psycho.
What did you say?
I called you a psycho.
Oh, she did not just call
that girl a psycho.
She legit just called her a psycho.
Girl!
Got it.
'Cause as captain of the debate team,
I know words are super important to you,
so technically, if I were psycho,
I'd probably do this.
Oh, my god!
- Oh!
- Did that just happen?
Oh, my goodness!
What is wrong with you?
Jeb?
No! I'm not going with you.
Excuse me?
I am just hanging out with my friends.
OK? I don't have to see you
every second of every day.
It's so annoying.
Seriously?
Are you OK?
I mean, is he serious? I'm annoying?
What the hell?
And he's staying in there with her?
Seriously?
Come on, that was a little over-the-top.
You can't...
Over-the-top?
- Whose side are you on?
- I'm not on a side.
I just... It's like you're so lost
in your own drama,
you don't even realize the things you say
and do impact other people!
Do you know the day I've had?
- And now Jeb...
- Stop it!
Stop pretending
this whole thing is about Jeb!
What are you talking about?
I'm talking about your insane need
for attention
from people who don't seem
to give a shit about you.
If Jeb breaks up with you,
you'll just find someone else
to chase after and freak out about
and I'll still be here,
same as always,
waiting to do this all over again,
just hoping you finally figure out
how to stop caring about people
that don't care about you!
Fine. God damn it!
At this time of year
In our town
We recognize traditions
From all around
From lions and goddesses
To frankincense and myrrh
From Solstice to Kwanzaa
So much to offer
From lighting the Diya to Jesus' birth
We're gathered to celebrate
All life on Earth
So please will you join us
In singing and cheer
And acceptance in sharing
Our cultures this year
Then the wise men traveled
across Westeros.
Welcome.
This is the best part.
The wise men present the baby Jesus
to the goddess Lakshmi,
and then everyone lights the menorah.
This is one of the best, most insane
things I think I've ever seen.
Pops, this is uh... Stuart.
He's gonna be joining us for dinner.
Why is he wearing my clothes?
Uh... we went sledding and he got wet.
What kind of a person goes sledding
in improper attire?
Uh...
I do, sir.
It was my idea.
So you're spending time
with my granddaughter
and you have bad ideas.
Stuart, would... you want to help me
in the kitchen?
Now that is a great idea.
I'm gonna... yeah.
Julie, he's not keeping those slacks.
I'll break it to him gently.
It's okay to have scars,
they will make you who you are
It's okay to have fear
As long as you're not scared
of coming here
And in the middle of the night,
just call if you wanna talk
'Cause you know that I wanna talk too
Oh, shit!
...think of what might go wrong
But you can't blame me
for secretly hoping
That I'll prove you wrong
It's okay that I pray
that you will miss your flight
And have to stay with me another night
Hey, are you OK?
What the...?
What? I drove around.
I saw you fall.
- Are you, like, stalking me?
- No.
Don't you have somewhere else to be
on Christmas Eve?
Don't you?
No.
Guess not.
Everyone hates me.
My best friend, my boyfriend...
Even my own mother doesn't want to spend
Christmas with me.
Wow. That's...
I'm sorry, that's painful.
And you go and lose my phone.
So... so now, you...
you basically have nothing.
Well, you know what?
That is actually a really good time
to look around
and see what you really want.
Like if you could have
anything for Christmas,
what would it be?
I want my best friend back.
OK.
You want a ride?
Yeah.
Will you explain the whole tin foil thing?
No. I'm not doing that.
It was worth a try.
There's a candy store in the woods.
So?
It flouts
basic urban planning conventions.
- Hmm...
- I'm with Pops.
It's weird.
Hold on, I... personally love it.
- Hm.
- You know what you can call it?
If a Treat Falls in the Woods.
Yeah, right?
- That's amazing.
- Right? Yeah!
Am I missing something here?
- Um...
- I Googled you.
You grab your crotch a lot.
Oh, no, I'm just saying, you know?
Why is music today all about the crotch?
Oh, come on, Dad.
Y... You like Mick Jagger.
And he wore pants so tight
you could see everything.
No, I liked him for his blues influence.
- Not for his...
- Let's not say that out loud.
Exile on Main Street is
the finest album ever made.
Where are the settings?
You just took a selfie.
Exile on Main Street, it's a...
it's a great album,
but uh... I think you'll find...
it's Goat's Head Soup.
Ha! Now, Jagger...
he could dance!
Oh, Jagger was the master! Mm-hmm.
Wait, wait. What's that supposed to be?
No, no, no, no, no.
You gotta stick your chin out.
Oh, my god.
Oh, is t... is this actually happening?
Mom, take it easy.
I'm fine.
Mom?
I'm fine.
OK, there you go.
Just breathe.
Just breathe, OK?
That's it. Just breathe.
Hey.
Hey.
Sorry about that.
With my mom.
You don't need to be sorry.
I'm sorry if me...
being here made it worse.
No, no, don't worry about that. You...
You didn't. It's just...
This is a cycle, you know.
She says she's fine, she's not,
and then I worry.
Anyway, she's uh... she's doing better.
- She's laying down.
- Good.
But uh... you can understand why...
I need to stay.
I...
understand how that could be difficult.
Yeah.
I think you should let me help you.
What do you mean?
I see how going off to college could be...
hard, you know, but...
I see other things too, Julie.
I see that you're smart.
I see...
that you're aching
to get out of this town.
So, I mean, I could get you a nurse
to help with your mom.
Like... what?
I'm a charity case?
No, that's not what I said.
No, but it's what you meant.
No, it's not.
I mean, you said it yourself.
You're this famous, important guy
with all your charities.
I was joking! That was a whole diff...
My town doesn't exist just for you to come
and prance through it.
- Prance?
- Yeah, like it's some sort of...
zoo or something.
I'm not prancing through a zoo.
No, but you can just leave your tour bus
and be a part of the real world, huh?
I would appreciate you not taking
my words out of context anymore.
OK, so what is this then?
Today. All of this.
What are you doing here?
I was having fun.
Fun?
Less now.
OK, I understand things are difficult.
Do you?
I don't know if you do,
Mister Christmas in a Hotel.
I think that things come
pretty easy for you.
I think you just let things roll
right off your back.
Well, they don't.
You know why?
Because I'm a person,
but people feel like they can say
whatever they want to me.
And I get it, I'm a fantasy or...
a joke, or whatever.
But I have feelings.
I haven't even felt happy in a while.
You know?
But I felt good this afternoon.
I feel good being with you.
I didn't question it, I just took it.
Life offered it and I took it.
Why do you think
somebody's by themself on Christmas?
'Cause they're promoting an album.
Or because they don't have
anywhere else to go.
Or... maybe they don't have
a family to celebrate it with.
Maybe the staying in the hotel part is
just the best option.
I might have left my life
for a couple hours, but not to...
prance through a zoo.
But because I wanted to spend
more time with you.
I really didn't mean for that to rhyme.
I didn't mean to say you prance.
Um...
Uh...
I... I should go get that.
Hey, I'm Kira. I work with Stuart.
Oh, my god. Please, next time get lost
somewhere with a Starbucks.
What the F are you wearing?
Please tell me nobody got
a picture of him in that.
No.
Do you have any hand sani?
H... Hey, guys. J... Just so you guys know,
quick update on what's going on.
I have alcohol on the way,
so don't go anywhere.
It'll be here in a few ticks,
and we'll get this party really popping.
Billy!
I need some fuel, man!
I need some party fuel!
Well, I would love to help you, Keon,
but I am not allowed
at the liquor store anymore.
The owner will not serve me.
I have tried using a disguise
and he always knows it's me.
Anyway, look, you have to let go
of your expectations, man.
Well, Tempest is gonna be here in an hour
and this party sucks, so...
I don't think you're hearing me, Keon.
The universe will provide for you
exactly what you need.
Oh.
OK.
And... send.
Done.
Ugh, god, I hate snow.
I mean what even is it?
Nobody knows, you know?
OK, listen, I'm gonna send you an NDA,
which is like a promise to Stuart
that you won't post anything,
any pictures, any stories,
anything about today.
I wouldn't do that to him.
We're friends.
Oh, sweetie, no, no, no, no, no.
Don't get attached.
He makes every girl fall in love with him.
It happens all the time.
That's why he's a star, right?
It was just one day.
Oh, thank god. You're hot again. Let's go.
Say your goodbyes.
Look, she's... uh...
She's my publicist,
so she can be kind of...
It's fine.
Look, I meant everything I said up there.
Thank you. I...
I'm glad we met.
Come with me.
What?
Come with me.
I hung out in your world,
come hang out in mine.
I can't.
I...
How?
We can figure it out.
No, this was... this was just a day.
One day doesn't change anything for...
for... for either of us.
You... go back on your tour bus
and I... I stay in this town.
You should tell your mom
that you got into Columbia.
You think you could wait for me?
I don't know, hurry up.
I just got a call from dispatch
about a moron who got
himself stuck in a snowbank.
Hey, so...
I'm gonna go to this thing,
this party.
JP's friend's party.
Cool. Cool.
I'm just waiting for the tow truck.
And then I should probably deliver
this keg.
Have a great fun.
Have a great time. Have a great...
Have a great time. I wanted to say have
fun and have a great time at the same...
No, no, no. O got it. I got it.
Hey.
You feeling OK?
I'm fine, Honey.
Are you?
You don't really need to worry about me.
Maybe I do.
Maybe more than I have been.
Sorry your friend had to go.
- He wasn't really my friend.
- Right.
Mom, I'm not...
going to college.
What?
What are you talking about?
Who's gonna take care of you? Pops?
- Yes.
- Really?
And who's gonna take care of him?
We will take care of each other.
That's not how it works.
I'm not mad at you.
- It's OK if you're mad at me.
- I'm mad that...
- I'm not mad at you.
- You sound mad at me.
- I'm not mad.
- It's OK if you are.
OK, I'm mad!
Look, I never want to feel it,
I never want to say it, but I'm mad.
I'm mad that you think that you're fine
and then you're not
and I'm mad that you think that this is
just some perfect little elf village,
but it's not, it's real life.
And I got into Columbia.
You got into Columbia?
Congratulations!
Why didn't you tell me?
Because I can't go.
Were you gonna check with me or just...
be in charge of the whole situation
on your own?
The second one.
Listen to me.
Things happen in life.
Bad things.
Sickness, divorce.
It's scary.
And it's survival to retreat.
But if you retreat,
you also miss the good things.
Do you understand?
I know we don't talk
about this stuff too much, but...
Mom, I can't leave you. What if...
Your life is to be lived.
Not put into a neat container
to try and control.
It's not possible.
Trust me.
And I'm sorry if I haven't been
clear enough about this,
but... I want to now.
When life offers you something special...
you take it.
Baby.
I wanted to get you that elf.
Just to make your Christmas.
No, Sweetie,
you did make my Christmas.
OK, so the road is that white thing
between the mailboxes.
If you hit a ditch or...
a living room, you're doing it wrong.
Got that?
Got it.
So...
Merry Christmas!
Thank you. You too.
Uh... Hey.
- Why do you wear the...
- No!
No.
Yeah.
Merry Christmas, D.
You got me the pig?
It's an apology pig.
D, I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry too.
I shouldn't have said
that thing about you needing attention.
Or I should have said it...
more gently.
I was frustrated
and sad
and, um... embarrassed
about stuff.
Dorrie, I'm gonna need you to look at me
and listen to what I'm about to tell you,
OK?
I don't know what's going on,
but I do know this:
You are 1000% flawless.
Like there is
literally nothing wrong with you.
You are an incredible friend,
you make me laugh when I'm freaked out.
Even when I'm being a complete dick,
you're still there for me.
You are the coolest,
most badass human being on this planet.
OK? If you and Beyonc were trapped
in a house that was on fire
and I could only save one of you,
I would let Beyonc die.
And if somebody doesn't see that,
that's not your problem
because you deserve to be with someone
who wants to shout from the rooftops
how great you are!
Tobin! Yes, you baller! Yeah!
Hey, Chad, you know,
I swear I've seen that keg before.
And you know,
I know I've seen that kid before.
On his ass,
on the ice.
So?
So?
So I stole your keg.
Come on, man.
Bring it on.
Try me. Huh?
You don't know my story. You don't know
where I'm from. You don't know me.
Yeah, I went to piano camp.
So?
You know, I used to have
a peanut sensitivity, but I beat it.
Do you know how hard that is?
Do you?
Fear of raccoons? No, couple of months
of therapy, and done!
This guy...
is crazy, man!
That's what I'm talking about!
Wearing a weird-ass costume,
yelling about raccoons and shit,
fucking nipple bleeding?
Let's get this guy a drink, man!
Let's turn this party up a notch, huh?
Whoo!
So who's thirsty?
Look, I don't know
what's going on with you,
but I'm not doing this hot and cold thing.
I liked you.
And when we hung out,
I felt like we really got each other.
I kind of thought you felt the same way
and that's rare, you know, but...
it's bullshit,
how you've treated me today.
Whatever your problem is,
it's got nothing to do with me.
Don't throw up.
Own this moment. Don't throw up.
But then the other half of me is like,
"Kylie Jenner didn't go to college."
I can live at home and save money
and... and focus on my songwriting.
Yeah, I think you should listen
to that half of you.
It's um... a solid plan.
Would you excuse me?
Oh, my god.
How long was I talking for?
I'm gonna go get a couple of drinks.
- I have one.
- They're both for me.
Hey, yo, it's popping off
at the Waffle Town.
Get your asses down here now.
Hey.
Hey.
Angie, I'm in love with you.
And it's not, like,
you know, in a traditional sense
or anything. It's...
It's more like, I think of you
every moment of the day.
You know, I just want you to think
I'm cool all the time.
You know, when something funny happens,
you're the only person I want to tell.
When something sad happens,
I just want to know if you think it's sad.
And when I saw you with JP, I...
I... I wanted to kill him.
Like I actually wanted
to murder him.
I want to be with you
for the rest of my life, Angie.
Wow.
That was actually pretty traditional.
It was... It was pretty tradi...
You know, as soon as I said it, I...
Yeah.
Now I want to tell you something.
I freaked out about it being you,
for me.
But it is you.
And it's always been you.
Can I ask you a question?
Can we still hang out with JP?
I like that guy.
Yeah.
Can I ask you a question?
Yeah.
What the hell are you wearing?
I'm a wise man.
We got sharps on the ground!
Nobody sit down! Alright, here we go.
Julie, could you actually save my life
and get a mop from the closet?
- It's by the office.
- Uh... Yeah, sure, OK.
No way.
Aw, that's nice.
Oh, hi, guys!
- Hey. Hi.
- Hi!
So, do you guys mind if we borrow
some of that electricity
for these colorful bulbs?
To listen to, laugh to,
talk in the bath to
Bye-bye darling we don't have a choice
We had a run good run darling
don't you cry
I know in the end
it's gonna be just fine
Hey.
Hi.
Sorry to interrupt,
but um... can I talk to you for a second?
Dorrie, I'm...
I'm really sorry.
You were right.
When we hung out,
that was the best night of my life.
But... I lied to you.
I'm not out.
Wait, what?
You...
You had that whole story about your mom...
Yeah, because you told me your story,
and it's so exactly how I want mine to go.
I want to be like you.
You're just...
You're out and you're so sure of yourself
and you're open and you're like...
intimidatingly cool.
I'm not intimidatingly cool.
You know, when I saw you today, I was...
so excited.
But also crazy scared 'cause...
my friends don't know, so... um...
I handled it, like, really badly.
Like really, really badly.
But you inspired me.
I mean, just like that night, you...
You make me feel brave
and you make me feel like I want to be
the best possible version of myself. So...
- Oh!
- Oh!
What's up? What happened?
Tempest isn't actually coming anymore.
Oh, OK.
That sucks, man. I'm sorry.
You know,
I'm OK with it.
Have you seen a pig?
Look out for the pig!
Have you seen a pig?
What? Like ever?
Forget it.
That's my pig!
Oh.
Cool.
- Guys, this was a crazy day!
- Oh, my god, tell me about it!
At the beginning of today,
I actually hated this song,
- but now I think I actually...
- Love it?
This ain't any Christmas
I can't believe that it's the first
Christmas that I love you
What are you doing here?
I uh...
never got to try that waffle.
I um...
I was actually thinking about you,
and um... what I said earlier.
Turns out one day actually can make
a difference.
Oh girl, something here is different
I couldn't high didn't find
To high didn't find
To you, girl
This ain't any Christmas
I can't believe that it's the first
Christmas that I love you
Holy shit!
Stuart Bale is at my party?
Oh, yeah, yeah, he was here earlier.
What?
So,
any plans to be in New York?
When does Columbia start?
I wish will it snow
either to get Snowden
With you
The darlit does his rain
to my whole life
I so pride to
I don't wanna wait 'til Christmas
To see you
I don't wanna wait 'til Christmas
to be with you
I don't wanna wait the moment coming
See? Didn't I tell you?
Snow can make a difference!
Especially on Christmas Eve.
And sometimes it's not just the eve
of Christmas,
it's the eve of everything,
of the rest of your life.
So even if it gets you stranded,
or stuck in a snowbank,
or makes you fall on your ass,
sometimes, you just gotta let it snow.
Girl,
something here is different
That is such a good song!