They got to have it.
It's like biological hormones
and pheromones and whatnot.
I mean, haven't you heard
of the freshman 15?
Yeah, the girl gains 15 pounds
in her first year of college,
right?
What? No, the 15 stands for
the 15 guys they must have
sex with their freshman year.
I'm pretty sure
you're wrong about that.
( horn honks )
Hello, hello.
What do we have here?
Hey, babes, how's it going?
We're going to a party.
How would you lucky ladies
like to be our dates?
( laughs )
The blonde was into me.
Don't you think she was a
little too old for us, dude?
Dude, 40-year-olds are
just teens with decades
of experience.
All right.
What if they had said yes?
They'd be pretty
disappointed when they find out
we didn't actually have
a party to go to.
Well, actually...
Oh, man.
Surprise!
Sorry, man, I had to promise
not to blab, you know.
Happy birthday.
Oh, there's my birthday boy.
Make a wish.
Maybe it'll come true.
Yay!
Sodas and pizza
by the pool.
Mark.
Can you help me?
Sorry, I, uh, need someone
to tie the back of my top.
Yeah, sure.
Let me help you
with that, sweetheart.
Honey, why don't you
go downstairs and help
entertain the guests?
- Oh!
- There you go.
He's on the Fulbright
Fellowship Board and
we've been pals forever.
Boy, I can tell
you some stories.
Anyway, he's a
good guy to know.
I could give him a call
if you'd like.
( audio blurs )
'Cause you know what they say,
it's not what they know,
it's who you know.
- Mark?
- Uh, yeah, yeah,
that'd be great.
And Mark,
if you need anything,
anything at all,
don't hesitate to call me.
Actually, I was wondering...
Yo! Have you seen
Melanie's new bikini?
Yeah.
I'm gonna go see if
your mom needs help.
- Uh, okay,
thanks again, Randy.
- Who's that dweeb?
Oh, he works with my mom
at the aquarium...
Cool, man. Anyway...
Listen, here's the plan.
Saturday night,
get your mom out of the house.
We raid your dad's
liquor cabinet,
invite over Melanie
and whichever friend has
the lowest standards.
I don't know if those
bottles are any good anymore.
They haven't been touched
in, like, 10 years.
Dude, scotch doesn't go bad.
It ain't like milk.
Oh.
I think everybody had fun,
don't you?
Uh-huh.
Oh, the pizza
was outstanding.
No more Little Gino's.
It is Brutelli's
from now on.
What did you think
of your presents?
Hello. Earth to Mark.
Sorry, mom, I'm--I'm writing
a really intricate line
of code right now.
But I had a great birthday,
thank you.
You know, there's a church
social this weekend.
I think there will be
a lot of nice girls there.
Maybe we should
go check it out?
Okay, Mom.
Okay, well,
happy birthday, baby.
I hope you had fun.
How we doing
there, Mom?
Mom?
Almost ready.
Thanks again for taking
her out, Randy.
Oh, happy to do so.
Ta-da!
You look incredible.
Yeah, really,
really pretty, mom.
All right, we will
be home before midnight.
No worries, it's cool.
- Don't worry about it.
- All right, okay.
I'll be fine.
I am safe and sound right...
We're clear.
Okay.
I feel the time has fallen
Down on me like a rain
And I know my days are
numbered...
Ever had a
Harvey Wallbanger?
Dude, that's all you got?
My dad wasn't
much of a drinker.
How do you make
an Old Fashioned?
Not with peppermint
schnapps and amaretto.
- Okay.
- I've got an idea.
Get some ice cream.
Ice cream?
Yeah.
Get some ice cream.
Okay. I got mint
chocolate chip.
Your drinks, my ladies.
These are really popular
in France right now.
Thank you.
He watches those kinds of
videos on his computer, hours.
He clears the search history,
but I know.
You sneak through his laptop?
Mark's a good kid.
I mean, he's going
through some--
some big changes in his life,
lots of heavy stuff.
And I just think that
he's at that age where
he needs some space.
That's soft.
Yeah, they're denim.
Maybe he could use
a male role model
in his life.
Do you know what, Randy?
I couldn't agree more.
You do.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, this is great because...
So I made a phone call and
I totally took care of it.
Called who?
( doorbell rings )
What the hell is that?
I don't know.
- Hi.
- Hey, Mark.
Hey, Deacon Williams,
my, uh, mom's actually
not here right now.
Oh, I'm here to see you, my boy,
'cause I understand
you're heading off
to college in the fall.
Princeton.
That's right.
Uh, but this really
isn't a good time.
Your mother asked me to stop
by and see if I could offer
some wisdom or advice about
the changes you're, uh...
Oh, you have company.
Yeah, just a few friends.
Well, perfect 'cause
I brought Bible trivia.
You are my sunshine,
my only sunshine
( humming )
So the Deacon said he
had a wonderful time
with you last night.
I'm glad someone did.
Mark, I need you to go
to the hardware store and
pick me up a new towel rack.
The one I bought
is the wrong size.
Okay.
And pick us up a couple
of smoothies, my treat.
Mmm.
Oh, there you are.
Excuse me, can you help me?
What--what is GPM?
I'm sorry.
Do you work here?
Um, no, but I--I think
I can help you.
Um, GPM is your flow rate,
gallons per minute.
Um, this has a--an eco-flow.
It's 1.5 GPM.
It'll save you money,
but there's no...
There's no oomph.
Exactly.
Now, uh, my mom
has this massager.
It's got a strong
pulsating spray
and I don't--
she swears by it.
Is your mother single?
Yeah.
Then, this will
do just fine.
Thank you.
Hey, what's your name?
What? Excuse me?
I'm Carissa Kensington.
And you are?
Uh, Mark.
Mark Richards.
Well, thank you for your
assistance inside, Mark.
No problem.
I'm just terrible at
this handyman stuff.
Probably put it in and
it'll still leak.
Oh, well, they make them
pretty intuitive nowadays.
You might have to seal
the pipe with plumber's tape.
Well, actually, I was hoping
you could do me a really big
favor and install it for me.
Would you mind?
I--I live just up the hill.
Uh, well, I--I'm supposed
to go back and help my mom.
I'll pay you for your time.
Princeton, wow.
You must've gotten
good grades.
Uh, valedictorian.
Yeah, I got a
full scholarship, actually.
Wow, impressive.
All I ever did was party with
my friends through high school.
You know what
that'll get you.
Uh, what?
An Arizona State degree and
a very rich ex-husband.
Well, it seems
to be working now.
Hmm.
Better make sure.
Would you care
to test it with me?
Try it before
the hot water runs out.
Get back in there, dude.
She's waiting for you.
Go. Now.
I won't bite.
Unless you want me to.
Where have you been all day?
Just out.
Hmm.
Did you put up
that towel rack for me yet?
I'm about to.
These are pretty.
Why are you so giddy today?
Am I?
No reason.
Just a good day, I guess.
Oh, I invited Wally over.
I hope you don't mind.
No, I don't...
Liar, liar, liar!
No, it's true.
Three times,
I'm telling you.
It was incredible.
- Liar!
- No, it finally happened.
I feel like a 5,000 pound
weight was just lifted off me.
Okay, so what's this hot, rich
make believe nympho's name?
Carissa Kensington.
Yep, it's totally
a fake name.
And how old is she?
- Like, 40.
- 40?
You're the one that said that
banging a 40-year-old's like
doing it with two 20-year-olds.
Yeah, I know I said that,
but what about Melanie?
I don't know.
I'm with Carissa now.
She's taking me out.
What?
Yeah.
Mom, have you seen my phone?
Check your jeans.
Watch out.
Three in a row.
Did you find it?
Yeah, it was in
my pants.
Wow. Don't you look nice.
Where are you
off to tonight?
Going out on a date.
Oh. With that,
uh, Melanie girl?
No, with someone else.
- Who?
- Someone else.
( clears throat )
Mark, um, if you're not going
to tell me who you're going on
a date with, then you
can't use the car.
I don't need the car.
- ( car honks )
- Gotta go.
I'm just gonna...
Yeah.
Huh.
That's a nice car for
a high school student.
Uh, computer science for
information management systems.
So you want to be like
one of those IT guys?
The nerd patrol that'll
come in and fix your laptop?
More like
a software developer.
Hmm, interesting.
Can't believe
they didn't card me.
Tell me more about
this computer program.
Oh, well, I've been working
on this app for the past year.
My little man.
Made it for my mom
for after I leave for college.
It's a cross between
a lifestyle app
and a personal assistant
for mothers.
How to reset the universal
remote control.
Yeah, it's supposed
to help with everyday
tasks and problems.
Uh, for example, how much
chlorine to put in the pool
or where do I find my car
in the parking lot.
How to install
a shower massager?
Exactly.
I think it's a
million dollar idea.
I love it.
- Really?
- I do.
In fact, I actually have
a friend
who works at
Intel Digital Labs.
Oh, IDL,
yeah, they're huge.
I can see him being
quite interested.
That'd be awesome.
Now, if I do this, I expect
something big in return.
I need to go
powder my nose.
I'll be right back.
Run, kid, run.
Sorry, you talking to me?
Get out while you still can.
Trust me, she's bad news.
I paid the check.
Ready?
Yeah.
You know how
to work a stick?
Sure.
Good. So do I.
I suppose since you are
all of 18 years old that
I don't need to know who you
were out with until 12:15 AM,
but I would appreciate a call
that lets me know you're okay.
Mark, I was
worried to death.
Sorry.
I understand that you're
almost out of the house
and you need your space,
but I worry about you.
You haven't been acting
like yourself lately.
I just want to make
sure you haven't fallen
in with the wrong crowd.
Wrong crowd?
Seriously, nobody's
doing drugs.
- Marijuana's a drug.
- I'm not smoking pot.
Cocaine?
Is that why you're so happy
and full of energy lately?
No. I gotta go.
Put your bowl in
the sink, young man.
Um, I--I'm gonna pick up
some chicken after work.
Will you be home for dinner?
No, probably not.
These suits are
pretty expensive.
Don't worry.
You'll work it off.
Can you have it
ready by tomorrow?
Sure. I'll put a rush on it.
Thanks, Jim.
Today, I thought
we'd hang by the pool.
And I bought you these.
Though you probably won't
be wearing them much.
( chuckles )
This house is amazing.
What does your ex-husband do?
He used to be a broker.
What does he do now?
Worm food.
I'm sorry.
Whatever...
That's okay.
I thought you were divorced.
Nope, trophy widow,
five years now.
Sorry.
That's okay.
Hey, want to rub some
lotion on my back?
Yes, please.
This place is incredible.
What's in that
shed over there?
Oh, that's
my torture chamber.
I'm kidding.
It's an outdoor sauna.
That's nice.
Mark?
Markie, you in there?
Mom, a little privacy.
I'm using the bathroom.
- ( water running )
- Okay.
I'll wait.
( shower running )
Okay, you're just
being ridiculous.
( clears throat )
Really?
It's too much to pick
up our own clothes.
Carissa?
( heavy breathing )
( shouts )
( screams )
( doorbell rings )
Could somebody
please get that?
Yeah, I'm on it.
Hi, sweetie.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Uh, did you not
get my text?
I--I thought
we were skipping tonight.
Well, I--I...
Hi, please--please
come on in.
Mark.
You must be Tanya.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- This is for you.
- Thank you.
Um, who are you?
I'm Carissa.
Kensington.
( Tanya clears throat )
Huh, hmm.
Mm, this wine is
really good, Carissa.
Oh, thank you.
It's my favorite Bordeaux.
Duax Melon.
Oh, that's strong.
Better.
The steak is delicious.
Not bad if I say
so myself and I do.
So, um, Tanya,
have you tried that new app
that your brilliant son
here created?
App?
Mm-hmm.
No, I don't believe
I have, have I, Mark?
Well, it was supposed
to be a surprise.
Yes, well, we are quite
good with secrets and
surprises now, aren't we?
Well, it--it's
very inventive.
And who knows?
If it takes off, he might
be able to just skip college
and start his very own
fortune 500 company.
Skip college?
Hasn't Mark told you? He has a
full scholarship to Princeton.
Not exactly
something you skip.
Uh, no, I didn't
mean to imply...
Do you have any idea how hard
it is to get into a school
like that?
Mom, she wasn't saying that...
I'm speaking, young man.
The hours he has
put into studying,
essays, the science fairs,
the volunteer work.
Would you really
encourage him to just
throw all of that away?
Mom, I'm not throwing
it all away.
That's an incredibly
irresponsible thing
for you to suggest.
No one's suggesting
anything, mom.
You're--Randy, can you
help me out here a little?
You really do
have some nerve.
Who do you think you are?
Look, I'm sorry
if I offended you.
You're damn right,
you offended me.
And while we're at it,
let me be very clear.
I do not approve
of whatever this is.
Mom, I can tell
you right now, this is...
I'm speaking!
Miss Kensington, my son may
look like a man to you,
but I assure you,
he is just a boy.
Well, with all due respect,
Mrs. Richards,
you're very wrong.
He is very much a man.
A man who's more than capable
of making his own decisions.
Don't you think
it's about time you
cut those apron strings?
Your audacity astounds me.
You may very well be
the same age as me,
but you are not his mother.
You don't get to suddenly show
up and start making decisions
and passing judgment.
Now, I don't know you,
Miss Kensington,
but it seems to me
that you are simply
a lonely middle-aged woman who
is out to satisfy some sick,
sexual thrill and I forbid
you to drag my son into
your perverse game.
Boy, that mother of yours
is a real piece of work.
I'm sorry.
She's just protective.
Mother sharks aren't
that vicious and
they eat their young.
Can you believe
the nerve of that woman?
The gall to suggest
I'm too clingy?
I'm the one letting him go
clear across the country
to go to college, aren't I?
What would an 18-year-old
boy want with a piece of work
like that anyway, hmm?
Goodnight, Mark.
Hey, wait, wait.
Are we good?
Well, it's just really
upsetting to know
that when push comes to shove,
you fail to come to my defense.
I tried, she...
Yeah, no, boys try,
men do.
A real man sees what
he wants and he takes it.
He doesn't ask permission
from his mommy.
You're right.
Do you even know
what you want, Mark?
When that boy gets back here,
I'm gonna sit his butt down.
We are gonna have
a conversation about this
because I am not
letting him out...
( car doors slam )
This is all I could find.
Hope it's all right.
Hi, handsome.
Are you ready to try something
a little more thrilling?
Isn't that what
we've been doing?
Child's play.
I'm talking about dangerous.
Dangerous is my middle name.
Oh, yeah?
( gasping )
That was intense.
Don't do it, Tanya.
Give him his privacy.
He's a good kid.
You should be
more trusting.
Darn it.
Wow.
Oh, my God.
That's the way to wake up
in the morning.
You just know you're gonna
have a good day.
So what are we
gonna do today?
Your choice.
Uh, you mean like
what position or what room?
I think we should
take a breather.
A breather, who
needs a breather?
Just a couple of hours.
How about the beach?
Oh, yeah, yeah,
sex on the beach.
That sounds cool.
My God, you are insatiable.
( doorbell rings )
Are you expecting someone?
No.
Why don't you jump
in the shower and get dressed?
Okay.
( beep )
Yes?
Hi, this is
Tanya Richards,
Mark's mother.
Oh, this should be good.
( door buzzer )
I wanted to stop by
on my way to work.
I just think we got off
on the wrong foot.
So you're here
to apologize?
Well, I can't say I'm all right
with you seeing my son, but,
um, I believe we both
have something in common.
Is that so?
We're both widows.
Mm-hmm.
I understand the loneliness
and what you're going through
and you know
what it feels like
to lose someone you care
about and love so much.
I do.
But let's cut the crap.
You're--you're here
for Mark, right?
You're gonna, uh, save your
little boy from me?
Mommy to the rescue?
Excuse me?
You're pathetic.
Go home, Tanya,
we're done here.
Excuse me.
We're not done here.
I want to see my son.
Get him right now.
Listen, I don't like you.
I don't like you
one bit, Tanya.
You're a self-righteous,
condescending bitch
who's afraid of letting her
son grow up simply because
she's afraid of being alone.
You have no idea what
you're talking about.
Don't I?
Mark is my son.
I'm his mother.
- Don't you...
- Oh, please spare me the
sentimental family bond crap.
I came here to make amends.
Clearly, that was a mistake.
Mark's not an idiot.
You know, in a couple of weeks,
he's gonna toss you aside
and then you'll be all alone.
Possibly.
Or more likely, after
a month of me
screwing his brains out
day and night,
I'll be able to convince him
to do anything I want,
including cutting you out
of his life for good.
Have a nice day.
Whoa.
Mm, smells good.
Cream?
Please.
Mm, blueberry's my favorite.
Almost as good as Mom's.
You know, Mark,
I was thinking,
maybe you should move in.
I've got this big house
all to myself and, well,
it would get you out from
under your mother's prying eyes.
Um, I don't know if that's
such a good idea.
Why not?
Don't you like it here?
Yeah, yeah, it's just
my mom still needs me.
And what's the point?
Summer's over in a month.
- Over?
- Yeah.
I'm gonna have to move all
my stuff to go to college.
I don't want to
move it twice.
You know, I think we should
skip the beach today.
I think you should go home.
What did I say?
Yo, this place is sick.
Let's go.
How many bedrooms
and more importantly,
how many bedrooms
have you done it in?
Just drive.
So what'd you do?
Did you eat all her
high fiber yogurt?
Did you TiVo over
her episodes of "NCIS"?
No.
Did you ask her to take out
her dentures when she wa...
All I did was imply that we
were having a summer fling.
You don't tell that to a chick,
especially one
who's only got so many
good years left.
She wanted me to move
in with her.
To the Pleasure Dome?
That's great.
My mom would kill me.
You gotta leave the nest
at some point so what's
a few weeks early?
I think she's gonna
break up with me.
I got it.
We buy her flowers
and butterscotch toffees
from the five and dime.
Just shut the hell up.
She's an evil, conniving,
back-stabbing man-eating tramp.
Randy, I'm worried
about my son.
I mean, he has no idea
that he's under this
vicious siren's spell.
Siren?
Yeah, is that a thing?
Daughters of the Greek god,
Achilles, mermaid-like creatures
who seduce young sailors
with song
making them crash their
ships on the rocky cliffs?
Uh-huh, that's her.
Anyway, I have got to find
a way to snap Mark out
of this trance.
- Or...
- Or what?
Nothing.
It's not my place.
Oh, come on, Randy,
of course it's your place.
Clearly, what I'm doing
is not working and you
always tell me the truth.
So what should I do?
I think you should allow Mark
to make his own mistakes.
He's a good kid.
All thanks to you.
You're a loving, caring
mother and he is the person
he is because of you.
But Tanya, you can't protect
him from all the dangers
of the world.
Sometimes, you gotta let
the baby get burned by the iron
if he's ever gonna learn,
get strong and, you know,
grow up.
Really?
That's your big advice.
What?
How can you take that
insane woman's side?
No, I don't think I was...
That is horrible advice.
What kind of idiot lets
a baby play with an iron?
The next thing you'll be
telling me is I drove him
to her, that it's my fault.
Unbelievable.
I'm just thinking that if
you wouldn't have made it
so difficult for Mark
to be independent,
he might have stayed
closer to home.
Who knows, you know?
Maybe he would've
gotten together with
that girl from the party.
Melanie?
The girl in the bikini.
Hmm, well, anything's
better than that woman.
I'm gonna call and
invite her over.
No, Tanya, that's
what I'm talking about.
You're going about
this all wrong.
You're right.
I'm gonna send her an email
from Mark's email address.
What? No!
That's even...
Thanks for the advice.
Tanya!
Oh, thank God.
Hello.
Hey, uh, I was
getting worried.
Did you get my texts?
I did.
I'm really sorry.
I didn't mean to say
those things to upset you.
No.
I certainly don't
want this to end.
It's been the best
time of my life.
I really, really
like you a lot.
A whole lot.
I know you do.
So can I come over tonight?
Gosh, do you think your
mommy will let you?
What does my mom have...
I thought you were mad
about me going to Princeton.
Don't be silly.
Of course I want you
to go to college, Mark.
But only if that's
what you want.
I fear you make all of
your decisions based on
what the queen decrees.
Hey, I know she's intrusive.
That's a very nice way
of putting it.
I'd use controlling
or manipulative.
That's not exactly fair.
My mom's supportive
and not as domineering as
you make her out to be.
Mark, downstairs.
What was that?
Uh, nothing.
Right now!
Is that your mother?
No. Just hold on.
What?
Uh, you're really pretty friend
Melanie's here to see you.
Hi.
Hey, sorry about that.
Hey, Carissa?
Okay, look, maybe
you can come over.
But you're gonna have
to promise me...
No, that's okay.
Uh, my mom needs me
for something.
We can get
together tomorrow?
Are you sure?
I--I'm gonna be up
pretty late tonight.
Tomorrow's fine.
Gotta go.
Bitch.
That was very delicious,
Mrs. Richards.
It was my pleasure.
And thanks for
inviting me, Mark.
Mm-hmm.
So Melanie, where will you
be attending college?
I've been accepted
at Columbia.
Oh, an Ivy League school
as well.
You two will
be close together.
I have a really
good idea.
You should rent a moving
truck and drive across
country together.
Don't you think that'd
be kind of fun, Mark?
Melanie, would you
like some dessert?
Uh, yeah, sure.
Oh, I didn't make any.
But you guys should go
get some ice cream.
You can take my car.
My treat.
It was lovely seeing
you again, Melanie.
You, too.
And you two kids have fun.
Stay out as long
as you like.
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
( no audible dialog )
I had to revoke her Facebook
privileges because she kept
posting baby pictures
on my wall.
Wow. I thought
my mom was bad.
No, she means well.
She just has no boundaries.
Yeah. Sounds like she needs
a hobby or a boyfriend.
Actually, there's this guy
she works with, Randy.
You met him at
my birthday party.
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah, yeah.
He's a really cool guy.
He used to be really good
friends with my dad.
Um, I like him, but
the guy won't make a move
to save his life.
The hypocrisy is pretty
thick out here, huh?
Are you ever going
to kiss me?
Um, yeah.
Yeah, I--yeah, I want to.
I mean, it's just, uh,
I've kind of been
seeing someone.
You have a girlfriend?
Not exactly.
It's--it's just like this little
fling that's--oh, screw it.
( chuckles )
Let's go.
Okay.
( chattering )
- So I'll call you tomorrow?
- Cool.
Okay.
Goodnight.
Goodnight.
( door opens )
You're home already.
Yeah.
Did you have fun?
Yeah.
What did you guys do?
We went and had ice cream.
Your treat.
Um, we went to the beach and,
I don't know, it was fun.
( radio blasts )
( screeches )
Shh.
Do you like her?
Mom, we're just friends.
Why?
I mean, she's awfully cute.
It's complicated,
all right?
Think you're so special,
don't you?
( whimpering )
That you can have anything
or anyone that you want.
Listen to me and listen
to me very carefully.
Mark is mine.
You can't have him.
And you will never,
ever see him again.
Do you understand me?
Never!
Now, just in case you forget,
this will help you remember.
( screams )
- Did you hear that?
- I did.
( screams )
( car speeds off )
Hey.
Hey.
Just one now,
they're not for you.
Okay.
So, um, do you think maybe
you'll call--
you'll call
Melanie today?
I might, but please
don't meddle in this, okay?
Just once, let me
do something on my own.
( chuckles )
( video call ringing )
Yeah, that's a good point.
( no audible dialogue )
Uh, hi. Hi, Sam.
Hey, Randy, can I, um,
talk to you for a second?
Yeah.
Uh, to be continued.
To be continued.
You here to tell me
that I'm right?
Your plan worked.
Mark and Melanie
hit it off last night.
That wasn't my plan.
Well, you gave me the idea,
so they're hitting it off
and no more Carissa.
You know what, Tanya?
I'm done playing your
manipulative games.
Look, Mark is gonna be
out of the house soon
and he's moving on
with his life.
And you know what?
So am I.
I don't know what
you're talking about.
I think you try to control
everything in your life.
Ever since Hal's been gone,
I have been there for you
and Mark.
I'm trying to fill this hole
in your life the best I can
and you--you find a way to
somehow push everyone who
cares about you away.
You obviously don't know
what you want or maybe you do.
It's not me.
I really don't know
where this is coming from.
I think you're just
overreacting.
Why don't you just--just
calm down and take the muffin.
I don't want
your damn muffins.
I'm tired.
It's been 10 years,
way too long.
It's my fault.
I should've said
something years ago.
I'm sorry, but I don't want
to be your safety net anymore.
Well, I--Randy, I...
Throw me a soda,
will you?
Yeah.
I don't get it.
I thought we had a good time.
I don't know why
she's not picking up.
You're such a pig.
I'm not a pig.
I'm into Melanie.
So you're just gonna dump
the woman who stole
your flower, that's it?
Dude, I already feel like
a sleaze for making out
with Melanie last night.
I need to break it off
with Carissa.
So, that's it.
You're done?
Yeah, completely.
Carissa.
I just love this place.
All the marine life,
so impressive.
Who's this big guy?
That's MC.
- MC?
- MC Hammerhead.
All the fish in the tank are
named after recording artists.
Oh, wow.
Uh, that one there
is the great Barry White.
Mm-hmm.
The fancy one shaking her
tail, that's Sharkira.
Her hips don't lie.
And, oh, uh, is the--is
the ray named Sugar or Charles?
Sting.
Very clever.
What--what's that?
Oh, this guy here?
Yeah.
- This is a trident.
- Wow.
Actually, don't touch.
They're very sharp.
Okay.
It's the weapon of
Poseidon and Neptune.
- Okay.
- Pretty cool.
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm, yeah.
So...
Uh, Tanya's office is down
the hallway to the right.
Oh, uh, well, actually, Randy,
I was, um, kind of here
to see you.
I mean, it's pretty obvious
at dinner the other night
that neither one of us is
having our needs met by
the Richards family.
I know what it's like
to give someone all your love
and have them reject you.
You are a siren.
Excuse me?
Could you please leave?
What?
Just, um, could you leave?
Wait. Are you kidding me?
I'm...
- Yeah, I'm...
- Don't. Don't bother.
I'm--I'm going.
Can I help you?
Damn, he wasn't lying.
Who?
Mark wa--Mark wasn't--
I'm Mark's friend Wa--
I'm Mark's friend, Walter.
I--it's very nice
to meet you.
Okay, yep.
All right. What are you--
I mean, did Mark send you?
Yeah, he, uh, he confided in
me that you two were on the outs
so I figured I'd come over
and lend a shoulder to cry or,
you know, any other
services you might need.
He told you we
were breaking up?
Yeah, he's crazy.
I--I don't understand why
you would trade in for
the newer model when you
have vintage classic at
home, you know?
Aren't you charming?
Women just love to be
referred to as vintage.
Why don't you go ahead and
make yourself comfortable?
Um, so I guess I should
just tell you about myself.
I come from strong
Dutch and German stock.
Come on.
Hey, uh, hello.
Uh, Melanie?
Uh, I can't really
see you, um...
Mark, I--I really
can't talk right now.
Well, I've been trying
to call you all day.
Yeah, I know, I--I'm not
feeling well.
Um, I've got to go.
Uh, do you want me
to come by?
I can bring you some soup.
No, no, no.
No, no. It's okay.
Uh, I'm not sure--I--
I don't think that we should
see each other anymore.
What? Why?
I'm sorry, I really
have to go.
Hi, sweetie.
Uh, hey, what's up?
Great news.
My friend from Intel
Digital's coming over tonight.
You ready
to pitch your app?
Uh, tonight's not really
a good night for me.
Can we do it
some other time?
Mark, I asked him to
do me this favor.
His time's very valuable.
I know. I--I'm sorry.
It's just...
But you see, this is exactly
what I'm talking about.
You're never gonna get
anywhere in life
unless you get over
your childish fears
and go after what you want.
I'm gonna pick you up
at 8:00. Dress sharp.
All right.
See you later, Mom.
Hey, honey, do you mind
coming in here and chatting
with me for a minute?
I--I can't.
I'm in a rush.
You going to see Melanie?
Oh.
So where did you
get those new...
Never mind.
Listen, have I
been overstepping?
Mom, we can talk when
I get back, but I--
I won't be out that long.
( car horn )
Promise?
I promise.
So it'll remind her when
to put oil in her car,
when to buy her vitamins,
uh, when her favorite
TV shows are on.
But the best part
is the ad potential.
My Little Man will
make suggestions to
the user throughout the day.
So, uh, hey, there's
a new low calorie yogurt
at the supermarket.
Um, you should
pamper yourself today.
Uh, this spa has seaweed
wraps and, uh,
well, basically,
that's my app.
Bravo.
Very impressive
presentation, Mark.
Thank you, sir.
It's hard to believe you're
just out of high school.
It's a million dollar idea,
isn't it?
- It is.
- So what do we do now?
Well, Montgomery Technology's
just put out their version of
your app last month.
You had a great idea, but they
beat you to the punch, kid.
They've had years of market
research and development.
By the time we got your
app up and running,
it would be obsolete.
Well, thank you for taking
the time to meet with me.
You've got top notch
programming skills.
When you're ready to join
the working world, I better
be your first phone call.
Okay.
Carissa?
Always a pleasure.
Thank you so much for coming
all the way out here, Trevor.
Helen says you're playing
tennis Sunday.
Maybe I'll see you
at the club.
Okay, great.
- I know the way out.
- Drive safe.
I should be going, too.
Wait. You're leaving?
I--I got us
some nice champagne.
I--I thought
we would celebrate.
Celebrate what, that fact that
I just spent six months
developing something that I
could've bought for a buck 99?
Mark, he just
offered you a job.
You're gonna be working
for one of the top software
developers in the world.
Yeah, in four years.
Well, I mean, I really
don't understand
why you're going to college
to--to get a job that
you can have today.
I don't know.
I--I just--I need to go away
and be my own man
and experience life
for myself, you know.
You want to party
and get laid.
No, that's not
what I was saying.
No, no, no. It's okay.
I get it.
Need to, uh, sow your
wild oats, as they say.
Just like our little fling.
It'll be one of
your many adventures.
Yeah, I guess so.
Well, then let's
toast to that.
- Okay?
- Okay.
Grab those champagne flutes.
Call me.
Yeah.
It really does open
the pores and
help to relax the muscles,
don't you think?
Why are you doing this?
Oh, sweetheart,
I'm not doing anything.
You're the one
doing it to me.
Don't you see that?
Stringing me along, making
me believe that you want to be
with me and--and really,
really be with me.
All the while just using me
and waiting to leave me
until you're done
getting what you came for.
Please let me go?
No.
I didn't let my husband
leave me for that
tight assed trainer.
And he was old and
wrinkly and useless in bed.
What are you doing?
This is all
I am to you right?
A little plaything,
a toy to help satisfy
that teenage libido of yours.
Here's your most important
life lesson, sweetheart.
Women are not trophies.
We're not to be traded
like playing cards.
We're not levels
of a video game.
Ow! Get off of me.
Please. You love it.
Now, stay still and
don't make me hurt you, Mark.
( crying )
Mark?
Mark?
Where the hell is he?
Blocked.
You've reached the
Walter Braunstein Experience.
For tickets and directions,
please leave your name
and number.
Thank you.
Uh, hey, Walter,
this is Tanya.
Um, have you seen
or talked to Mark?
He didn't come home last
night and, um, well,
I'm a bit worried.
So if you could call me
back ASAP, please, uh, thanks.
I'm sure he's all right.
Ah.
You want some?
Yes.
Too bad.
Ah!
Somebody!
Shh.
Relax.
You'll last longer
if you do.
Hi, Randy.
Sorry to interrupt you,
but, um,
have you spoken to Mark
in the last 24 hours?
I have not.
Yeah, he's mad at me, too.
It's not just like him
to completely ignore
my calls and texts.
Yeah, well, if you talk
to him, would you, please,
tell him that his mother
is very, very worried?
Yeah.
Thanks, Randy.
35 missed calls from Mom.
This bitch is crazy.
I'm at Carissa's.
Come get me.
( beeps )
Who is it?
Tanya Richards.
I'm here to pick up my son.
Oh, hello, Tanya.
Did you bring muffins?
I'm in a bit of a rush,
thank you.
Mark? Mark!
Where's Mark?
Come on in.
Have a cocktail.
I don't want
to have a cocktail.
Please send my son out now.
Well, Mark's--he's a
little hung up right now.
But, hey, do you mind
if we talk?
I--I mean, you know,
just until Mark's ready.
It's kind of important.
Fine.
Right this way.
Help!
Somebody! Help!
( Mark's voice echoing )
Mm, a Napa Opus One.
It doesn't get much
better than that.
Can I get you a glass?
No, thank you.
- I'll water it down.
- No, thank you.
Tanya, you have every
reason to hate me.
And then some.
But I'm about to give you
a very rare opportunity.
If you're selling
cosmetics, I'll pass.
I prefer not
to look like a whore.
We're about to find out how
much you really love your son.
I can save you the time.
I love my son more
than you can imagine.
No matter what he has
done, unconditionally.
I don't believe in
unconditional love.
Even a mother has a child
with the selfish reason
to have something
love her back.
But what if that child that
she gave birth to
one day grows up
and rejects her?
Stops loving her.
I'm done with this
conversation and I'm leaving.
Mark! Honey, come on.
Let's go.
Put those on if you ever
want to see your son again.
You really must
think I'm crazy.
On the contrary,
I think I am.
Mark!
Oh my God.
Oh, my God, Mark!
Poor baby!
He's been in here
almost a day.
I don't know how
much more he can take.
Why are you doing this?
He is a child,
for God's sakes.
Now, now, settle down.
I thought you
cared about him.
But I do.
That's why I'm gonna give
you a chance to save him.
There's one round
in this gun.
Mark's at death's door.
Now, you could either put him
out of his misery
or you could use the bullet on
yourself and I'll let Mark go.
What?
Why are you doing
this to us?
Mark and I had something
very special, Tanya,
and you went and
screwed it all up.
Now, I have to clean up
this mess and I'll be damned
I'm gonna be the one to take
the blame for what you've done.
Your son tried to leave me
and I couldn't let that
happen, Tanya.
Do you understand me?
He left me no choice!
He did this!
Hey!
Ah!
I'm speaking.
So what's it gonna be?
Mark dies or you die?
Seems to me that either way,
I win and you lose.
So what do you say we put
this whole mess behind us
and get on with our lives?
Well, or at least my life.
You really are
the goddamn devil,
aren't you?
Okay.
Well, I'll be waiting while
you sweat out your decision.
I know it's a tough one.
Mark. Mark, don't fall
asleep now.
You stay with me, honey.
I'm gonna get
you out of here.
Okay.
I don't know how, but
I'm gonna get you out of here.
Okay.
( cell phone vibrating )
Pick up, pick up.
Come on, Tanya, pick up.
Can't get to
the phone right now.
Please leave a message.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
That's not...
Come on.
Stick that pretty
little head in here.
Mark, Mark,
stay with me, Mark.
Come on, baby.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Mark...
Mark, um,
when your...
when your father died,
I, um,
I was just so terrified
of anything
happening to you.
I have been so, so selfish
and a coward.
Baby, I just--I just
thought I was--
I thought I was
protecting you
from dangers
of the world and I--
I was only protecting--
protecting myself.
And I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I love you.
I'm so proud of you.
One,
two...
( loud bang on door )
Hurry it up!
I'm not opening this door
until I hear a bang.
Oh, that's it.
Honey, come on.
Your mom's about to kick
the shit out of this bitch.
Oh, God.
( screaming )
That's it, mommy, do it.
( doorbell rings )
Who the hell is that?
( gunshot )
Wow. Look who had some
balls after all.
You don't get to win!
I win! I win!
I win!
( screaming )
Burn in hell, you bitch!
No, Mark.
Come on.
You're okay.
I got you.
Watch out.
Here, watch your head.
Watch your head.
Stay with me, Mark.
Don't go.
You're gonna be all right.
I'm gonna get you--
I'm gonna get you
to a hospital.
- Baby.
- No!
( shrieks )
( rattling )
( panting )
( police sirens )
All right, that
should be everything.
All right, thank
for your help, man.
Dude, it's still
not too late.
I could put in a good word
at the community college.
I'll see you at Christmas.
Okay.
Um, I could make you
guys some sandwiches.
Oh, we have fruit
and chips and soda.
We'll be fine.
Okay. Well,
take care of him.
All right, I'll try.
Don't let him get
into any trouble.
I just don't know what
I'm gonna do without
my little man.
Well, I'm sure your new one
will pick up the slack.
I'll do my best.
Thanks for
everything, Randy.
Yeah, you go it.
Okay, well, just keep it
under 60 and call us as soon
you get over
the Arizona border and...
Call me whenever you want.
Okay, love you, Mom.
I love you, too.
- Take back your gold
all the dreams that
Were sold to you
- Bye.
- Bye.
He'll be okay.
Walter, would you like
to stay for lunch?
Oh, I can't.
I'm going to the movies.
My girlfriend's
picking me up.
Girlfriend?
Whoa, look at you.
( car horn honks )
Oh, and there she is now.
Did you guys know that seniors
get half off on matinees?
It's awesome.
All right, baby.