Riggs, you sure we're on the right street?
We must be getting warm.
-You see anything?
-Where? I don't see anything.
This must be the place.
Holy shit!
What the hell is that?
Jesus!
Who's this joker?
I don't know.
A spokesman for the NRA.
Regular asshole.
What do we do now?
Run him over.
What if he shoots us with that rifle?
-He hasn't yet. Maybe he won't.
-What if he does?
Don't be a Don't-Bee.
Be a Do-Bee. Be positive.
Positive?
-Run him over.
-Glad you see things my way.
I hope he doesn't turn.
He won't. We'll creep up on him
so he won't notice.
Will him not to turn.
Power of positive thinking.
Don't turn.
Will him with me.
Don't turn around.
I need you.
Don't turn around!
Just believe!
Don't turn around!
We're better than him.
We're better!
He's turning.
They just bounce off him!
I saw! We're in trouble!
Shit! I'll draw his fire.
You run for cover.
No, I'll draw his fire.
You run for cover.
Are you crazy?! You got a wife, kids.
I got less to lose!
Get out of here!
I'm not supposed to tell you,
but Lorna's pregnant.
What'd you say?
You'll be a father!
She was afraid to tell you.
She was afraid you'd get angry.
You never talked about children?
-Shit!
-A baby.
There's something I'm not
supposed to tell you too.
Rianne's pregnant. You're going
to be a grandfather.
Rianne's what?!
Rianne can't be pregnant.
She's not married.
I don't think she intended to get that way.
They asking me to be a granddaddy?
Here's what we'll do.
Take your clothes off!
What for?
Okay, you run.
Flame-O sees you in your undies.
It distracts him, then I shoot.
-Shoot what?
-The valve on that napalm tank!
Before he shoots me?
-Maybe.
-Maybe?!
Is he black?
Too much armor on.
I can't tell!
No! Not him!
The father of the baby!
Please let him be black!
Get going! Here he comes!
Are those hearts?
Not now, Riggs.
Just hit the damn valve!
Also, flap and make noises like a bird.
Flap my arms? Why?
It'll distract him more.
I need him to turn.
-On 2!
-We always go on 3.
No time for 3. 2!
-What about 1?
-Okay. 1, 2, go!
I don't want to die in my underwear!
Why are you waiting?
Shoot the bastard!
Riggs, you think that bird thing helped?
I just wanted to see if you'd do it.
Cute shorts.
Go spit!
I'll buy you a doughnut.
Don't hug me when I'm naked.
You're ashamed of your butt?
He's a lively one.
That shark hurts my boat,
I take it out on you, Leo.
-I didn't mean to catch it.
-Why do you want to keep it?
Yeah, why keep a shark?
The teeth'll look great on a wall.
They got to stop snapping first.
Maybe he'll fall asleep.
Converse with him.
He'll nod off.
-He don't look tired.
-Chewing on Leo will wear him out.
Sharks eat their own kind?
Stop it!
I'm in stitches!
Okay, where's my bag?
Starboard side aft.
Starboard, that's left, right?
No, port's left.
Starboard's right.
Right, yeah. Right side aft.
Got it!
-Whatever.
-Check both sides.
Careful!
He's behind you, shark!
Maybe we should throw him overboard.
Throw them both overboard.
No witnesses.
We'd probably get away with it.
You too?
I kept my nose out of it...
...but you and Lorna.
You're having a baby,
you're living together.
You're not marrying.
Why, does that violate your
family values system?
I'm just trying to understand.
Rianne's not married either.
That's hitting below the belt.
You know, when I was married...
...it was good. You know.
You put the ring on.
You make the commitment.
You do all the....
She's dead because I'm a cop.
She's dead because I'm a cop and I...
I don't wear the ring anymore...
...but I look, and it's still there.
I still feel it.
It's like I'm not finished with that yet.
I can't explain it.
Is that bullshit?
No. It's not finished.
It's not finished.
Okay, you did say "aft"?
A-F-T. Aft!
That's a fucking word?
In the back on the right side, Leo!
Why didn't you say that
to begin with, Roger?!
People get around boats and water,
everything becomes nautical!
"Astern! Avast, you landlubbers!
Man the bilge pump!"
Pump your fucking ass!
All right, all right!
No problem, no problem!
What's Lorna say about it?
She doesn't like nautical terms either.
We haven't discussed it.
That's pretty messed up.
The baby's due in days and you
haven't talked about marrying?
No.
I haven't done it at all.
Do we want Leo to shoot the shark?
I want Leo to shoot...
No, Leo!
What?!
-What's the deal?!
-You're shooting a gun on my boat!
I'm not shooting your boat,
I'm shooting Jaws.
Nobody's killing it
just to have its teeth!
You're grumpy since you
learned you'll be a grandpa.
Get off of me, will you?
Don't fool around!
Some piece of hardware!
Got a permit?
Of course!
I'm a P.I. now.
A gumshoe! You get in
ugly situations. I got guns!
You are an ugly situation.
You don't deserve this.
You're not safe.
Smart move, Riggs.
Shit!
Hard right!
You hear shots?
Coast Guard, this is Code 7.
We're in L.A. Harbor.
We got an 07.
They're getting away!
Who was it? Do we know?
No, no, I'll drive!
-Want me to help?
-Get out of here!
This your gun?
Yeah, want laser surgery?
You could blind somebody!
Coast Guard, this is Code 7,
in pursuit of freighter.
Heading north.
Awaiting instructions. Over.
Code 7,
maintain your present course.
We have a cutter en route.
Why you slowing down?
We'll hang here.
Coast Guard'll be here soon.
-What do we do now?
-Show them our badges.
LAPD!
LAPD!
Los Angeles Police Department!
We heard gunfire!
The Coast Guard's on the...
Coast Guard!
Freighter's on fire!
-Let's board them.
-What are you talking about?!
Fire on the freighter!
Okay, I'm upside.
Now what do you do?
They're getting away.
Get me up there!
Hell of a fishing trip!
Shut up and keep your head down!
LAPD!
Stop where you are!
Hold it right there!
He's got it! He's got it!
What'd he say?
Watch his back!
You didn't say you'd shoot!
Tie it up!
Pull it up!
Great!
I said keep the boat closer!
Why listen to Leo?
Shit!
You all right, Riggs?!
Look!
Shit!
Jump! Jump!
Where are you?
My boat! My new boat!
-The shark.
-What about the shark?
Shark!
Don't leave me!
Come on!
-Hurry up!
-I'm coming!
You'll make it!
This is all I got left.
Four sets of papers, totally genuine.
They'll get in the country
and can stay forever.
U.S. citizens.
Ask them to vote the incumbent party.
Help me keep my State Department job.
Bloody marvelous!
They red-flag Asian visas.
Those were hard to slip through.
The ship's been impounded.
What about the family?
We don't know yet.
Don't worry. I'll take care of it.
Something wrong?
A small delivery problem, Mr. Proody.
Goodbye.
Leave!
I'll find them.
Now.
Coast Guard interdicts
about one a month.
Pretty raggedy-looking.
Six weeks locked in a hole
with one toilet.
Rice and some fish to eat.
Lousy deal for 35 grand a head.
Where'd they get that kind of money?
Didn't. Got to work it off from
the snakeheads, the smugglers.
-They sell them as cheap labor.
-Sell them?
Like slaves.
These must be the lucky ones.
They'll claim asylum. Say they were
persecuted, like everybody else.
We'll send them packing.
Cost you and me a fortune.
What happened to,
"Bring me your tired, your poor...
...your wretched masses,
yearning to be free"?
Now it reads, "No vacancies. "
I guess your parents
were Native Americans.
They pop one every boatload.
Shows the rest what'll happen
if they run off.
He's nobody's slave now.
Don't coddle them, move them!
I see this barrel coming down.
Murtaugh didn't see it,
so I push him.
I knock him over.
We're in the water.
I pull because he can't swim.
I got to save him.
There's that kid.
What's his name? Bissel?
-It's a food.
-Burger!
No, Biscuits or something.
He always kisses my ass,
gives me coffee and shit.
Sergeant Riggs, Sergeant Murtaugh.
What are you doing here?
-That's a long story.
-You're all wet!
-You need a blanket?
-I'm fine.
-Somebody get this man a blanket now!
-Yes, sir!
-Get this body out of here.
-What do we got here?
Step back, step back.
Shit!
He's dead.
He's fucking dead!
-Shit!
-What?
This is how he wanted
to come to America?
Was he in the killing section?
This guy's been shot four times!
At close range, like he was executed!
He was executed.
By the crew.
People get killed left, right
and center in this town!
Now we import victims?
Gangbangers kill each other,
no problem!
One of us gets shot,
occupational hazard!
But just a normal guy?
What did he ever do to anybody?!
-That ain't right.
-Easy, Biscuits.
You'll get an ulcer.
Settle down.
Blanket!
Sorry, Blankets.
Sorry, I'm losing my head.
I hate to see bad things
happen to good folk.
We'd stick around, Butler,
but you're in charge so...
You should take this, it's free.
You're all wet.
-Get some vapor rub on your chest.
-All right, Boogers.
Hey, get them out of here!
Get them out of here!
He takes the job kind of personally.
Yeah, he's pretty serious, I'd say.
Overzealous.
Jealous of who?
-I don't know. Who?
-You said he was jealous.
You just said...
I said he was zealous.
Full of zeal.
He's loud too.
-He's loud!
-What?
We better get up
before the sun's up.
I got something in the lifeboat.
That's okay,
I'll catch a squad ride.
I'm sorry about your boat.
-I'm sorry.
-Shit!
Suddenly, a big fucking shark comes...
Can I say that?
You can say it, but we can't air it.
So this big darn shark comes along....
My Code 7.
-You were coming home last night.
-I'm sorry.
I had some bad Chinese.
You look a little banged up.
You look a little knocked up.
Are you okay?
You sure?
Easy, tiger!
There he goes again.
There she goes again.
You okay?
I'm better than Roger.
His boat sank.
-Boat sank?
-I had something to do with it.
No! No grease!
-Have some cookies.
-What happened?
Gunfights, explosions, sharks.
The usual.
Here, boy.
Thanks.
You were fishing.
Does trouble go looking for you?
It seems to know pretty much
where I am most of the time.
You finished the nursery.
Yeah, I did.
It's good for a girl or boy.
Cute, huh?
It's a dogfest!
Did you get the whole 1 01 ?
I know. I got a little
carried away with puppies.
Kid'll probably hate dogs.
You know, Lorna, we never
ever talked about marriage.
I figured you didn't want that.
You want to get married?
Well, no.
Me neither.
Breakfast?
Serve and Protect.
Since when do you read this smut?
It's not smut, it's Ebony Clark.
Trish gave it to me.
"Every fiber in his being
desired her.
He devoured her with his eyes. "
Can we try this thing
on page 1 96 sometime?
There's a good one on 1 68.
Maybe later.
Nothing comes between
a pregnant lady and a meal.
Have I ever
"made your womanhood reach peaks...
...to rival the Himalayas"?
-Foothills of Malibu, maybe.
-Not even a Teton?
-I don't think so.
-Thanks.
I thought I'd at least
rate the Rockies.
You know I'm kidding.
-You say that to make me feel better.
-No, I don't.
You know I'm playing.
I've been to plenty of
mountaintops with you.
It's just that I'm hungry.
When you have that kid,
we'll blow up Mount Saint Helens.
-I brought you a doughnut.
-Police food!
How did you know?
I dropped by lnternal Affairs yesterday.
How's the rat squad?
-I picked up something good.
-Some cheese?
I.A. got an anonymous tip.
The person said Roger's on the take.
No, he's not.
I know! It's probably
some jerk he put away.
But with new boats
and putting 2 kids through college...
...I thought you ought to know.
I actually tried to
persuade him to take money.
Stop it, Riggs!
I can't hear that! Nothing!
I won't say anything anymore.
I'm kidding.
-That's awful.
-I'm kidding.
Don't tell him I said it.
With his problems...
...he'll blow his top.
Just don't say anything.
What do you mean?
Like what?
-In general, problems.
-You mean something specific.
I got a nose for these things. What?
You're pushing me.
I don't want you to go there.
Get it off your chest.
You'll feel better.
I won't leave you alone
till you tell me.
Tell me.
I'll tell you!
Pregnancy destroyed my brain cells!
What? What?
I'm drooling. What?
Promise me you'll never
say a word about this ever.
-I swear, I swear.
-Right hand!
I swear I won't, ever.
I promise. What?
You know how Roger is
about his daughter dating cops.
He'd kill them. So?
Rianne married one, her baby's father.
She's afraid to tell Roger.
They met, fell in love.
She got pregnant, they got hitched.
Nobody's telling Roger?
After the baby's born.
It's a package deal?
Take it or leave it?
-Does Trish know?
-She knows.
She doesn't know you know.
But Trish knows.
Who's the lucky soon-to-be-dead
son-in-law?
-Who?
-Sergeant Lee Butters.
This just gets better!
No wonder he sucks up to Rog.
Brings him apples,
blankets, coffee....
Not a word.
I'm telling you, nothing!
I won't tell. He'd shoot me
just for being the messenger.
He's my best friend. It'd be wrong
to mess with him. I won't.
Promise.
We don't have to discuss boys' names.
We're having a girl.
Okay. Piadora.
I like Piadora. That's sweet.
I love that name.
We're talking kids' names.
Has Rianne picked any out?
We don't want to double up.
Oscar for the boy,
Loreen if it's a girl.
I like Lee Butter.
Better! I like it better.
-Don't get me started.
-I like those names.
Captain wants to see us.
Trish'll be right down.
Have fun shopping for the baby.
Bye-bye, honey.
Who had the sleepover?
Just airing out camping gear.
-We're out of here.
-Something smells good.
Really good!
Trish has food on the stove.
We're out of here.
That smells like Chinese food.
Chinese food?
She's into Chinese cooking.
I got to taste this.
-I love Chinese food.
-Hold it! Please!
Please!
There's a Chinese person in the kitchen.
I saw him.
A couple of Chinese people.
Actually a whole family.
Large family.
Hey, guys!
-It does smell good.
-Great!
They hid in the lifeboat.
I had to do something.
-So you brought them home.
-It took two trips.
-Really?
-They fit in the station wagon?
That's Ping with his grandfather, Hong.
He's head of the family.
Speaks English.
Hong, this is my partner,
Martin Riggs, and Lorna.
Wife?
Can we speak?
Lorna, this is the best breakfast.
I'm hungry. I'd love some.
This is illegal.
As in, "against the law".
You'll bring a shitstorm
down on you.
Just hold on!
Just wait a frigging minute!
The way I see it,
those are slave ships out there.
And I'm freeing slaves...
...Iike no one did for my ancestors.
It's my chance to do something
and do it right.
Why didn't you say so?
This won't be boring.
Need any help?
Where is he?
What this time,
food or money?
-Food and money.
-Money.
I see you more
than when you lived here.
We're independent now.
What's the money for?
-Hookers, drugs...
-Contraceptives.
Can you believe how
they talk to me?
It costs more to go to school now.
I get the tuition bills.
And the grades too!
This is a down payment
on a future ass-chewing.
Get out and go to school.
I see the tuition.
I want to see some grades!
I want more cluck for my buck.
Thanks for the money.
I'm tired.
Me, I can't win.
Boy!
Did we get a raise
and nobody told me?
I got to get to the bank.
How can you when you're taken
to the cleaners all the time?
Hey, guys.
Hey, Trish!
-Both the kids leave?
-Yes. And we're broke.
Is Lorna here?
She's in the kitchen,
on her third breakfast.
I remember those days.
-I'm sorry!
-I love it when you do that.
You look terrific.
Wait till she tries raising
that baby by herself.
I'll be fine.
Move back in and Grandpa'll
be up nights with the baby.
Better than her
marrying the wrong guy.
A cop or something.
True.
Come on, guys.
See you.
I should say goodbye.
Hurry up!
Stuffing your face!
Stop kissing me.
Try that.
Stay away from my girl.
I'm not joking.
Stay away from my girl.
-Joking!
-Got the baby beeper?
-I know.
-It's your fault.
It's your fault.
All the chicken shit.
Flapping all over the place.
All right, everybody!
It's been a year almost.
This shit ain't funny no more!
-Enough is enough!
-Please! Enough!
I'm the one that gets it in the neck.
Can we exercise maturity?
If I find who's doing this,
I'll kick his ass.
I catch that asshole who
put my picture up, that's it!
-Cut their balls off.
-Captain.
I look out expecting
to see all the old faces.
Instead, I see kids
whose names I barely remember.
Will you sit down?
We're dinosaurs headed for extinction.
Speak for yourself.
We're making way for the new police:
Guys with guns and psychology degrees,
like Butters out there.
Biter has a psychology degree?
-More like a psycho degree.
-Times have got to change.
I once got shot by a hot-rodder
with a zip gun.
That's how far back I go.
You wanted to see us?
Some things don't change.
-Here we go.
-The department lost its insurance.
All the damage you've done,
they can't get a new one...
...while you two still run around.
They can't fire you either.
So, they're promoting you.
-Lieutenant!
-There's no open lieutenant spots.
So the chief used his special privilege,
making you captains.
-Better.
-Captain!
Time was when this would send me over
the falls. I'm getting old.
What do we do now?
Captain shit!
-Hang out.
-Take long lunches.
Yell, "Riggs, Murtaugh,
I'm the captain. "
"Chief's shitting bricks! "
You finished?
Can you stay out of trouble?
Absolutely.
-Captain Riggs!
-Captain Murtaugh!
You want your badges?
Let me see those sergeant badges.
Throw them over here.
This is the most painful
experience of my life.
-Now get out!
-Thank you, Captain.
Thank you, Captain.
Enough with the "Captain" shit!
Get out of here!
After you, Captain, I insist!
"O Captain! My Captain! "
-Captains outrageous!
-News travels fast.
Get a break from real police work.
Play golf, tennis....
They got brown rings
Around their noses
Now that you're captains,
come up in the chopper.
-Not for me.
-I'll take a rain check.
-If you change your mind, call us.
-He's down-to-earth.
I'm sorry.
Can we knock this off?
This is your captain speaking.
The man's got feelings, you know?
Congratulations.
Look at you!
Captain Murtaugh.
I don't know how to say this,
but you really inspire me.
Keep it up.
How's it going, Burton?
-It's Butters, Captain.
-I'll remember that.
-Kid really likes you.
-I wish he'd cut it out.
He likes me?
Likes me?
You don't think he likes me...
...Iikes me like that?
It's the police,
not the military.
The millennium's upon us.
The captain said:
"New people, new department. "
Dr. Woods?
Captain Riggs.
-Don't run.
-I'm in a rush.
-I need to talk to you.
-What is it this time?
Recurring dreams about flying dwarfs?
-Or did you cook up something new?
-I'm sorry about all that.
I want your advice.
I was thinking of...
-Thinking?
-Marriage.
Marriage?! The "M" word?
Does "confidentiality" mean anything?
That's funny.
You know what'd happen?
We'd go in my office...
...and you know what you'd tell me?
You'd tell me something like, "Doc...
...I want to marry Murtaugh. "
Or your mother.
Or Nelson Mandela!
Nelson Mandela?!
Something to ridicule me, Riggs.
Something to get a rise out of me.
Listen carefully!
I'm...not...stupid!
And my time is reserved...
...for police officers with
real needs and real problems.
Have you got that?!
-Have you?!
-Ask me again?
No. And you know what?
I don't like you.
Stephanie?
I can't go out with you.
I'm in a relationship.
I think you need to see someone.
You'll find someone to love you.
Not in this department.
But stop bothering me!
You're disgusting!
What's the matter with you people?!
What's shaking?
-Captain Riggs.
-Captain Murtaugh.
Turn around and do that.
We're captains.
Heard you were up to your ass
in Chinese.
The taller ones come up to the navel.
Big enough to kick your ass.
What can I do for you?
One of the ship's crew shot an illegal,
apparently under orders...
...and we'd dearly like to know
who's smuggling Chinese.
We're pretty sure the big boss
is Benny Chan.
Uncle Benny?
You know him?
-When he was running smack.
-We never nailed him.
Benny's slippery.
Where's he hang out?
He's got a nightclub,
some restaurants.
He operates mainly out on North
Broadway. Here's the address.
Hi, fellas.
There he is.
Hey, Burger! Summers.
Butters.
What you got on the freighter homicide?
I talked to some illegals.
They only knew the shooter by sight.
The boat's registered under
a dummy corporation out of lndonesia.
It'll be a rough one to crack,
but we'll nail them.
You ever hear of Benny Chan?
No. What kind of bad man is he?
Real bad.
Crime boss in Chinatown.
If it's dirty and Chinese,
Benny's doing it.
Where do I find him?
At this restaurant.
I'm hungry for Chinese.
How about you?
We're going there anyway.
We'll drive you.
Let me get my jacket.
-Not with him.
-He's doing good.
We might need backup.
Spend time with him.
You might learn to love him.
Like a son.
In law...
...enforcement it pays to know
your fellow officer.
Sir, it'll be an honor
to share egg rolls with you.
Yeah, all right. Let's go.
Share?
Butters, it seems like you hate crime
in a sort of personal way.
Why do you say that, sir?
Last night I noticed you were
more than slightly miffed.
Wasn't he, Roger?
Any particular reason?
About 1 50,000 of them.
That's how many bullets zinged
my neighborhood growing up.
Couldn't go outside.
Couldn't go near a window.
Lived and ate on the floor,
slept and watched TV on the floor.
I didn't learn to walk
till I was 1 0.
Spent my formative years
nose-to-nose with the family beagle.
When I work on a crime,
I ain't thinking about the crime.
I'm thinking about that floor
and it pisses me off.
-We supposed to meet Leo somewhere?
-No, why?
Because he's following us.
Don't look.
-Who's Leo?
-Maybe it's a coincidence.
-What does he want?
-I don't know. Let's find out.
-Fucking asshole!
-Bite me!
Whatever! Whatever!
Jerk!
You looking for us?
-You saw me?
-Yeah, we saw you.
What you doing, Leo?
I'm perfecting my tailing technique
now that I'm a P.I.
He's a private eyesore.
Inconspicuous vehicle! I like it.
Riggs, who's the perp?
-What'd you bust him for?
-I'm a perp?
A brother in a police car
is automatically a perp?
Look at my suit!
Do I look like the Crips' accountant?
Look at this badge, bitch!
Check out the gun.
Put the gun down!
License! Registration!
Urine sample!
I got a badge too!
German Jews didn't have it
easy as kids!
So don't think you're the only one.
I knew you were a cop.
I was kidding.
I can smell a cop a mile away.
You saying I smell bad?
Don't turn everything around!
You're so touchy.
These guys'll tell you.
We got a history together.
Maybe we'll work together someday!
I'm the bomb!
We'll work together when I open
a cereal shop, you leprechaun!
I didn't call you names, fuckface!
Don't start!
Don't fool around!
-These guys'll tell you.
-You're double-parked.
Officer, I'm just talking
with the detectives.
We don't know this guy.
Think he was drinking.
They're kidding.
Come back!
I wasn't drinking!
They just said that.
Blow your breath in my hand.
I can smell it already.
Blow in my fucking ear!
You're all mine.
You're mine!
You promised to deliver the family.
They're not at the detention center.
They must have escaped.
The uncle won't finish until
he sees them.
Don't worry, they'll turn up.
In Hong Kong, you'd already be dead.
Where's Uncle Benny?
-He's not here.
-Is he in there?
-I'm sure he is.
-This way.
Yes, it's a two-way.
We have 3 people.
The restaurant's over there.
Go this way, please.
They see us,
but we can't see them.
-Where's your green card?
-That's a racist remark.
I'm a policeman
who asked for your green card!
This is not the way.
You're the boss
till we get up in his ass.
It'll be fine.
They've refurbished!
I couldn't stop them.
-Out, out!
-Can I get drink or food?
Uncle Benny!
I hope this is a bad time.
-He still has unclipped eyebrows.
-What'd we tell you?
-We hate not disturbing you.
-This is Detective Buckles.
Sell any heroin? Kill anyone lately?
How's the restaurant?
Eat something.
Give you the police discount.
Flied lice?
It is fried rice, you plick!
I'm busy.
What is it this time?
Tell him, Buttkiss.
Know about a boatload of
illegals that went aground?
Just what I saw on the news.
Someone lost big money.
And missed making them slaves.
You are cops.
Smuggling Chinese is an INS problem.
We found 3 bodies full of holes,
so now it's a cop problem.
Three dead Chinese?
-Billion more where they came from.
-Yes, life's cheap.
But he shot at us too.
That pisses us off.
Too bad they missed.
But I know nothing about it.
Who's he?
He looks unhappy.
What's his name?
Who's this guy?
Is he just appraising your furniture?
He doesn't speak English.
Then he doesn't understand
words like "scumbag"...
... "eat shit"?
I think he understands good.
-Enter the drag queen.
-The insurance, remember?
If you have nothing on me,
get out.
We're still around.
I'm on your ass too.
But the door is this way!
This is quicker.
This is quicker, really.
See? It's quicker!
Don't forget my
You in Hong Kong,
you'd be dead.
No, not that!
Riggs! Don't!
The insurance....
What the hell?
Hurry up!
Try it sometime.
It's satisfying and therapeutic.
-Saves the cost of shrinks.
-Bad guys can't call the cops.
-Why not? We're already here!
-EI Ni o!
I know this guy.
That's the captain.
Hold it!
Remember, no damage!
Shit!
LAPD! I'm commandeering
your bike. Here, $200.
Riggs, I'm coming!
Somebody stole your bike!
Stop!
Police!
Out of the way!
Butler!
Chase the fast one!
You have Alzheimer's?
Stop! Freeze!
Stop in Chinese, motherfucker!
Halt!
Out the way! Police!
He's getting away!
Excuse me!
Out of the way!
Get down! LAPD!
Stop, you little shit!
Get down!
Get the fuck down!
My arm!
I didn't do anything!
I got you covered!
You got the right to remain silent!
So shut the fuck up!
You got the right to an attorney.
If you can't afford one...
...we'll provide you with
the dumbest lawyer on Earth!
If you get Johnnie Cochran,
I'll kill you!
Don't jump!
You're going to be a father!
Don't jump!
Hold on!
Hold on! I'll get you!
Riggs, don't move!
I won't move.
Hold on! I got you!
You'll catch me?
No, I won't catch you.
I got a dumpster here.
You didn't do nothing.
Why'd you run?
Butters!
-Get over here!
-Shit!
Hurry up!
Come on!
Hold on!
A bit more to the left!
Move this there!
Now!
No, the other left!
Make up your mind!
You couldn't find something smaller?!
It's all I could find!
I got it here!
Now, jump on "three" !
Ready?
Ass first!
It breaks the fall!
One...
...two, three!
Son of a bitch!
You all right?
I should've had him.
Damn right, you should've!
Who's your partner?
-Son of a bitch!
-I don't have a partner!
The guy you ran with!
I'm a waiter.
You guys pull a gun,
try to kill me!
You physically abuse me.
I want my lawyer!
If you're a waiter,
what's today's special?
What's today?
Wednesday!
Sweet and sour pork,
barbecue spareribs...
Shut up!
Next time, don't run!
Stay still!
Johnnie Cochran!
He fight for me!
...rebellion against his
domineering father.
Finally, Mao left home
to continue his schooling.
-Sorry, Sergeant Murtaugh.
-Sit, please.
And it's Roger.
-It's your chair.
-Really, it's fine. Sit.
Something to drink?
Tequila?
Thank you so much.
From Mexico.
This can't be the first time
you had tequila, Hong.
-Yes.
-No!
Bread.
Bread.
Toast!
Yeah, toast!
Bread!
You know anybody here?
My uncle.
He pay so we can come to America.
You been in contact with him?
No. I leave message.
What's your uncle do?
In China, he's artist.
An artist?
It's tough leaving home, huh?
In America...
...my children have chance
to make good life.
We want the best for our children.
And our grandchildren!
You believe
I'm a grandfather?
That's right! Little Ping!
You're a grandpa!
Where's the time go?
Don't know.
Have no watch.
You have no watch?
Here.
This is my pop's. Take it.
He got it when he retired
from the force.
No, I cannot!
I want you to have it.
It belonged to a good man.
It ought to belong to another good man.
Thank you so much...
...Roger.
Shit!
Hold him!
Push him off!
Get him!
What's wrong?
It's the shoulder.
It's an old injury.
I'll have to toss in the towel.
It happens periodically.
I was just getting going too.
You're lucky, kid.
-You're lucky he didn't kill you.
-You owe me a rematch!
-Anytime you want.
-I might even train for it.
Better bring your own paramedic too.
-I'll get ice for that shoulder.
-It's okay.
There's nothing wrong with my shoulder.
I was faking it.
Faking it?
Gomez was killing me out there.
I didn't have anything left.
I told you that kid was good.
He's good, but it's not all him.
I've been feeling it lately.
You know the other...
Like, on the ship
when that guy nailed me.
And yesterday I couldn't catch him.
I just thought,
I'm out of shape or something.
You know.
But it's more than that.
It's like,
I hate to say this but...
You're getting too old for this shit.
How about that?
Finally.
No, but I can't be.
I mean, I'm only....
-Jesus.
-Yeah, you're only.
Can't beat the clock, Riggs.
Murphy's right. We're dinosaurs.
What'll I do?
Accept it.
Like I do.
No. Bullshit!
I won't accept it.
I'll will it not to happen.
You're going to will it?
I'm not too old for this shit.
I'm not too old for this shit.
We're not too old for this shit.
We're not too old for this shit.
We're not too old for...
Say it like you believe it.
We're not too old for this shit.
I'm not going to buy
a hemorrhoid cushion.
I won't get corns!
I got corns!
I won't wear a suit!
What's wrong with wearing a suit?
How's it going, Captain?
Thanks a lot, guys.
Very funny!
That cop tried to strip-search me!
-You get his phone number?
-Funny.
Sugar-glazed with jelly.
Thanks, Leo.
-What happened? The scratches.
-A dog.
A dog catch you
drinking out of his bowl?
I'm working on
an important P.I. case.
Did the dog hire you?
No! The people that
lost the dog hired me.
Sounds like a big case.
It is a big case, Mr. Big Shot.
It's an expensive dog.
-A Bolshoi.
-Borzoi.
Whatever, whatever!
And you found it?
Sort of.
Listen to what happens.
Instead of going looking for the dog,
I went to the pound.
I take the dog home, dye him.
It looks exactly like their dog.
Dog was a real rat, though.
He scratched me.
But I got the job done.
Some kind of P.I. business you got.
Douche Ventura, pet infective.
It's grand theft.
With trickery, it's a felony.
It is?
You guys are always kidding.
I get it. Here comes
that touchy kid. I'm not here.
Putter!
The guy you chased in Chinatown?
His gun matched slugs
on the bodies on the boat.
He's your shooter.
Guy that got away from me.
He didn't get far.
They found him on a rooftop nearby.
Strangled.
And pigeons ate his eyeballs.
Cool.
Excuse me.
I hate these phones!
You get a call, they cut you off.
You make a call, they cut you off!
You know what they're doing?
They fuck you with cell phones.
They love when you get cut off.
You know why?
When you call back...
...they charge you for the first
minute again at that high rate.
If you're able to call back...
...because the 3-hour battery
you got only lasts 20 minutes.
If you're behind a hill, it goes....
Or you go through a tunnel.
And they keep making it smaller!
You know why?
So you can lose it.
So you buy more phones.
I never lost my mother's phone!
Take you two hours to make
a long-distance call.
I messed up! Hang up.
Got to do it again!
I never lost my
Sports Illustrated swimsuit phone.
And scanners! They get your
number and call all over the world!
Somebody took my number
and called Afghanistan!
I don't know what fucking
Afghanistan look like.
Even if I did, I would not talk
to their Afghan ass for 3 hours!
I won't talk to my daddy for 3 hours!
They fuck you with the cell phones!
You know when you go to a drive-through?
Hold on.
Why am I talking...?
-Leo Getz, private investigator.
-Private investigator?
I wondered if you'd
investigate my privates.
Investigate what?
My privates, you stupid shit.
Shut the fuck up!
Very funny!
You're costing me money.
$3 to answer a call.
They fuck me, now you!
You're tough when on the phone.
Right!
Telephone tough guy.
Why are we talking on the phone?
Get out of here.
Go home!
What happened to your face?
"No" means no!
He'll like me, I can tell.
He'd be the first.
Whatever! Whatever!
You know, we should hire Leo.
Hire Leo?
He can follow Uncle Benny around.
-Benny'll see him.
-Yeah!
-He'll drive him nuts.
-Benny'll shoot him.
Let's hire him!
I smell like stale coffee.
Why do you care if I go home
and change shirts?
A coffee stain's not something
that'd bother me.
Look at the way you dress.
What's that supposed to mean?
I don't have nifty suits like you.
Not many cops do.
What's that supposed to mean?
I've wondered,
where's the money coming from?
Where do you think?
-Where do you think?
-I don't know.
-It's none of my business.
-You don't know!
Trish gave me some money.
Money from my Aunt Anne, who died.
All right. Sorry.
Whose car is that?
I don't know.
It looks like a full house
for Lamaze class.
You know that car?
Here you go, Captains.
No charge for the ride.
-Rianne and Lorna are here.
-I'll put it on your account, Captain.
Hey, honey.
What's going on?
I came home to change my shirt...
Why are you here?
They took the Hongs.
Shit!
Drop it.
Girls, get out!
Look who we got here.
-Uncle Benny's friend.
-Hey, Bruce.
Nice pajamas.
Where are the Hongs?
Drop your guns.
-Drop them!
-Okay, take it easy.
Don't stand for that, honey.
Son of a bitch!
Let the women go.
I can't breathe!
Son of a bitch!
I'll be damned!
Thanks, kid!
Ping, cut us loose!
Cut me loose!
Go ahead, cut me.
It's all right.
You okay, honey?
I owe you one, kid.
-The keys to your car?
-They're in the car.
We need a radio.
We have to go.
How will we find them?
We got to catch them assholes!
-3-William-56, this is Air 12.
-We need your eyes, guys.
Looking for a black Mercedes
and a black Continental.
Vicinity of Ladera at the 210 freeway.
Black Mercedes and black Continental?
Shouldn 't be hard
to find in this town.
Just give it a shot, will you?
-Be cooperative.
-That's a roger.
Will wonders never cease?
We've got 2 black Mercedes,
one heading east, one west.
Eastbound's on the Valley View ramp.
We'll take it.
Locate the Continental.
-Is it the right one?
-I don't know.
We're going east and China's east.
-China's west too.
-We can't divide.
Think positive!
You crossed two lanes!
You see him?
Watch the road!
I'd give my right arm for a siren!
Why'd they take the Hongs?
Maybe they're shaking them down
for more money.
Hong's uncle paid already.
He got in touch with his uncle.
He left him a message.
It's how they know where I live.
There's the son of a bitch right there!
Bastards left us to burn!
I want to talk with them.
You don't have any guns!
Get me near this trailer.
But you're driving!
No, you're driving!
There's cruise control.
Just steer!
Why make shit complicated?
Closer. Don't be shy.
Get up there!
Closer! Closer!
That's it!
Here, asshole!
Come in!
I need to ask you something.
Where's the Hongs?
Where's the Hongs?
Where are they?
Get him!
Highway Patrol, this is William-356,
southbound on highway!
Officer in trouble!
Oversized trailer.
LAPD! Pull over! LAPD!
LAPD! Pull over!
Pull over! See that?!
Right! Fuck you!
I got an ass with a phony badge
trying to pull me over!
Get away from my boy!
Son of a bitch!
I got you!
Get in here!
Get the fuck in here!
Ready?
-Welcome back.
-What a drag!
-Thanks, Rog.
-And the Hongs?
We'll ask the other guy. Go!
Pull over! Son of a bitch!
Keep your hands inside, then!
Out of the way!
Wait! There he is!
Keep going!
We're gaining!
I got him!
You okay?
Yeah, I think
my heart's still beating.
Maybe a little too close.
You are now entering an
international holding area.
Please have proper documentation ready.
General.
Are you armed?
When will you have
the money for their release?
Very soon.
Brother...it's been a long time.
It'll be our time again soon.
America has many laws.
But written by men.
Money can change everything.
-Sorry about your loss.
-Thank you.
How's my hero?
He's a little sad,
talking about his mom and dad.
Here's Butters.
How's it going?
Why are you here?
I heard it on the radio.
I'm sorry about your house.
This is Detective....
Butters.
Trish, my wife.
Nick, Carrie...
...Rianne.
Everybody okay?
You know who did this?
It was Benny.
Leo!
-You got a phone?
-The little Fonzie guy?
That's him.
-You be okay?
-We'll be all right.
Call me.
He's there?
We'll be right there.
-Butters, can you drive us?
-Yeah, let's do it.
Leo's got him at the dentist.
Let's go!
Sit down.
Captain Murtaugh...
...I know this is a bad time...
...but there's something
you need to know about me.
I think I know what it is.
You do?
It's okay.
It is?
People have the right to do
what makes them happy.
Just don't expect me to like it.
I know this must be hard for you.
It's impossible for me!
I hoped we'd get together
for the holidays, say Christmas.
Why should we get together
and see each other on Christmas?
-I'm trying to reach out.
-Reach somewhere else!
Do what you want,
but leave me out of it.
-I got it.
-I don't want to hear about it.
Not a word.
Why you grinning?
Think about how we can talk to Benny.
I got it all worked out.
What's the matter?
My ass hurts.
My tooth!
Is this a dentist or proctologist?
-Please be quiet.
-I'm trying! I'm in pain!
Why don't you go see
your own dentist?
My dentist's in Detroit or I'd go!
-Oh, brother!
-Oh, brother?! Get the dentist!
I'm sorry to bother you.
It's an emergency.
A man walked in off the street.
He's in a lot of pain.
You better come.
Okay, you can come in now!
-Leo can pull this off?
-Leo's got a B.S. in B.S.
Coast is clear.
Talk to the hand!
One second.
-Wait a minute.
-Let me do my job!
You hurt me, I'll stick
an egg roll up your ass.
Don't be alarmed.
It's only a drill.
Don't say a word.
Shut up.
Where are the Hongs?
Open wide and tell me.
I don't know any Hongs.
Their uncle paid you
to get them out of China.
More smuggling?
We went through that.
We're going through it again.
I have nothing to say.
These look very interesting.
You're not going to use it.
You won't shoot me.
-You're lousy cops.
-We're good cops.
This will settle him down.
Breathe, Uncle Benny.
Breathe!
Crank up the nitrous.
Crank that baby up.
You said it wouldn't hurt!
I'm holding this. Go ahead.
Deep! Right down to your toes.
-He's wasted!
-Have some more.
He'll talk.
Good, breathe.
-That's me.
-That's you.
Now, where are the Hongs?
-What's renminbi mean?
-Renminbi means...
...renminbi.
-You're a funny guy.
-This guy's wasting our time.
Time!
Time for Four Fathers!
Washington, Jefferson?
Those guys?
Roosevelt?
I'm sleeping with my wife's 2 sisters.
You lucky son of a bitch!
That's a good one.
Not so good...
...when my wife finds out.
I don't need needles!
Let's shoot his legs with Novocain...
...and watch him
try to get out of here.
What you got in your hands there?
A nut cup.
I got some big nuts!
That's nitrous...
...oxide!
Laughing gas!
We're stoned!
Murtaugh! Hurry up!
That's one funny son-in-law
you got there, Rog.
After tonight it be too late.
Too late for what?
Why'd you call him my son-in-law?
Uncle Benny? He's too old.
Buy Four Fathers back
at Four Fathers' store.
Why's he talking about his ancestors?
I don't know.
Why you call him my son-in-law?
Because I am!
I thought he was....
No, I'm....
Bloody marvelous!
Your baby is having my baby.
My baby is having his baby.
And your baby? Whoa, baby!
Whoa, baby! My baby!
What are you doing?
I couldn't stall anymore.
What happened?
Rog, look at this.
Does that hurt?
Uncle Benny,
anything happens to the Hongs...
...we'll come back
and rip you a new one.
That's two for Benny.
Bloody marvelous!
-Are you crazy?
-Why did you do that?
For keeping it from me
and letting me think....
Hit him, not me.
As soon as we find the Hongs,
we're getting into this.
Uncle.
You're all here?
All here.
What's going on?
As payment for bringing you
to America...
...your uncle's working for us.
Now finish the job.
What job?
No time to talk now.
Take them to their new homes...
...and guarantee their safety.
Then I'll finish.
Finish now or watch the others die.
Rimminy ?
A young bimbo? A jumping jiminy?
I don't know.
I can 't remember.
No, Riggs. Renminbi.
Say that again.
That's it!
You got it.
Means, "people's money. "
People's money?
What else did Benny say?
He was talking about
buying back his ancestors.
And about how tonight's...
...too late.
Mean anything to you?
No, nothing at all.
And the guy who torched my house?
Benny was afraid of him.
If Benny's scared,
he's got to be a Chinese Triad.
Those guys kill anyone
in their way.
Including cops...
...and their families.
Watch your asses!
-Thanks, Ng.
-Keep me posted.
Pick up your wife, my daughter.
-I'll get Trish, you get Lorna.
-Her and Ping.
What?
You want to get married, don't you?
No.
Yes. Yes, I do.
But if you don't want to, it's okay.
Why didn't you tell me?
Because I didn't want to put
any pressure on you.
If you want to someday, that'd be great.
If you don't...
...I love you.
I'll take you any way I can get you.
Feel that!
-Ping, feel the baby!
-He's really dancing.
He's kicking. You feel him?
You're okay.
Riggs. Pick up, Riggs.
Riggs, it's Murtaugh.
I'm sick of these fuckers.
Let's just find them and shoot them.
Meet me and Butters on South Spring.
What's going on?
They found my watch.
They killed Hong, his uncle,
Uncle Benny too. Bodies are in there.
-Where's the rest of the family?
-They're okay.
INS raided a Chinese sweatshop.
Hong's family was being held there
and they led them back here.
They were making funny money.
Ink's still wet.
-Where are the faces?
-It's why I call it funny.
Why are they making Chinese money?
Can they even exchange it here?
-Only in China.
-Renminbi.
I remember.
Hong's uncle was an artist.
Maybe an engraver.
Bringing over his family could've
been how he was paid for the job.
-That's thin.
-It's not.
Keep talking. What?
Benny said something about paying...
...buying back his forefathers.
What'd you say?
Benny said something about buying
back his forefathers.
You said ancestors.
What's the difference?
The number four.
Four Fathers.
They were the top guys
of the Hong Kong Triad.
They disappeared from prison.
Reds jailed them when they
took over Hong Kong.
I bet they're here.
Damn, we're good.
Grab Ping. I don't want him
to see the bodies.
...and where the Four Fathers are.
Let me make a call.
Don't leave without us.
Good work!
You must be a detective.
I have my moments.
Uncle Benny.
I was actually starting
to like the old goat.
Bloody marvelous.
And it's fried rice, "you plick. "
-Which one is Hong?
-In front of you.
I want a complete set
of forensics on all three.
Dads and their kids.
I'll take care of yours, buddy.
We got to go!
-Take care of yourself.
-Where're we going?
-L.A. Harbor.
-What's there?
It's a foreign trade zone.
Shady deals with the Chinese military.
It's run by a corrupt Chinese general.
I got it, a corrupt Chinese general
brought the Four Fathers here...
...and the Triad's
buying their release.
That's what Uncle Benny meant
by buying them back.
That general will shit
when he sees the money's counterfeit.
Let's tell him.
Hi, gang.
LAPD.
I saw Hong.
This is what Benny meant
by buying the Four Fathers.
Harpo, Groucho, Chico and Fucko.
How are you, boys?
Who's the naughty general?
Who's been lining his pockets?
Naughty!
Speaky English?
What do you want?
See this?
I hope you need lots of
toilet paper back home.
That's all it's good for.
Take the Four Pops back to China.
We don't give a shit.
The Four Pops!
Don't want them no more.
It's counterfeit.
Triads never prosper
cheating a general.
See for yourself.
Money losing face.
General losing face.
Hard when Triad try to sit on it.
I fucked you. I fucked you!
We fucked you.
It's beautiful!
Don't we get a hand?
Keep your head down!
Let them shoot each other!
Watch out!
Thanks!
Was this a good idea?
It was an idea!
You?
Wheel gun. 6 shots.
Four!
Why are you lying to me?
I.A. says you're on the take.
I'm on the take?!
I think it's crazy!
But you're spending lots of money!
You ever hear of Ebony Clark?
Yeah! She writes those
cheesy sex novels!
Are you boinking her?
No, I'm not boinking Ebony Clark!
Trish is Ebony Clark.
You are boinking her!
Yeah, I'm boinking her.
Too embarrassing to tell anybody.
Yeah, I don't blame you.
-She makes lots of money.
-How many you got?
Two.
I'll look for more ammo.
Who's in white pajamas?
Wah Sing Ku. The Four Father
with him is his older brother.
No kidding?
-Hey, Butters.
-Shit! Shit!
Now you got my name right.
I'm out.
I got to find some rounds.
I'll help you.
Never been shot before.
Take care of my son-in-law.
-You all right?
-No, I got my ass kicked again.
Shit, I'm out.
I hit the bastard. I thought
I missed him. Where'd they go?
Come on!
We got Door Number 1 ,
Number 2, or Number 3.
-Looks like Number 2, Monty.
-Let's go.
What's behind Door Number 2?
Bingo.
Now you've done it.
Now he's really pissed.
Son of a bitch will be a handful.
Since I met you, I've done some
hairy shit. But this won't happen.
I'm going to be a grandfather...
...and you and Lorna will have a baby.
He ain't worth dying for, Riggs.
Yeah, you're right.
If he gets away we can
track him down later...
...with a howitzer or something.
Your son-in-law's bleeding.
We should get him and go.
-Shit, it's raining.
-I'm too old for this shit.
Guy's too damn good.
How'd he do that thing with the gun?
He took my gun apart with one move.
How'd he do that?
How?
Yeah, okay.
Let's go ask him.
Are you up there?
Are you all right?
Where are you, Riggs?
Will it to me, Riggs!
Where are you?
Will it to me!
Will me, Riggs.
You going to have a baby. Will me!
You son of a bitch.
God! Will me!
I hear you, Riggs.
I got you! I'm coming!
I heard you, Riggs!
You willed me to it!
What took you so long?
What the hell do you mean?
I was knocked down over here!
I couldn't even get up!
Come back here!
Let's go home, man.
Let's get out of here.
I haven't been here enough
lately, Vicky. I'm sorry.
I need to talk to you about Lorna.
Me and Lorna.
It's like this.
She wants to get married...
...and I love her.
I won't lie to you. I do.
And I want to make her happy.
I'm looking for help here, honey.
I don't know what to do.
Funny talking to you about
this stuff...
You want to get yourself shot?
What the hell are you doing here?
I was tailing you.
Sorry.
I'll leave you alone.
I guess you want to be alone.
I'd appreciate it.
When I was a kid I had a pet frog.
What?
Give me a second.
Let me tell you this.
I had this pet frog, name was Froggy.
He was my best friend in the world.
I didn't have lots of friends.
In fact...
...I had no friends.
I used to kiss the frog too.
I thought maybe...
...it would turn into a princess
since I was a boy.
And it could be...
...my mother.
They told me that
she left or something.
And my father was no bargain.
And so, just the frog...
...Froggy, was my friend.
I loved him and took him
everywhere with me.
I was riding my bike one day...
...he jumped out of the box...
...and I ran him over
with the back tire.
I killed him.
I was really heartbroken. Really.
He was my best friend,
the only thing I ever loved.
And then I met you...
...and Roger.
You looked after me
a lot more than you had to.
I'm terrible to you, Leo.
No, it's okay.
It's okay.
You're my family...
...and my friends.
You're not better friends than Froggy,
just different.
I just thought that
might be relevant.
Okay, I'll leave you alone now.
I got a funny f...
What's wrong?!
I'm having a baby.
Lorna beeped me.
Yes, it's Lorna.
She's having the baby.
-I'll get the car.
-I'll be behind you.
You picked a strange angel, honey.
But I got the message.
I got the message.
I'll always have this.
Always have you.
In here and here.
Thanks, honey.
I got to go. Bye.
I am not ready to have this baby!
You're as ready as you're going to be.
Fine! Just wheel me in.
My legs are staying closed!
Give me this!
Ma'am, let go!
I am a police officer!
And I am not ready!
Are you all right?
-Are you the husband?
-Yes.
Honey, are you all right?
No, I'm not.
I said I didn't want
to get married, but I do.
I want to be a wife
before I'm a mother.
I know you don't want to.
-You said "okay"?
-Yes, I did. Okay.
Let's do it.
He said okay.
-Congratulations.
-He said okay, Leo.
Oh, my God!
What's that smell?
I was on my way to the toilet
and she grabbed me.
-I'm so sorry.
-Have a nice baby!
I'm so sorry.
Will you marry me?
You bet I will.
Let's go.
I'm not going! Wait!
-Get a minister.
-Now?
Now. We're getting married.
Here comes another one.
We need a license...
I want to hear it
before the baby comes!
It's coming now.
Listen, I am getting married
or there is no baby.
This could be an aspect
of a transition phase.
This is no goddamn aspect
of a transition phase!
Honey, everybody, calm down.
Calm down. Okay?
Get a priest, minister, anything.
Go get a priest!
Goddamn it, Leo!
I got it. Okay.
Pant, pant, blow.
Remember Lamaze class?
Pant, blow. Come on!
But I want to say "I do. "
Here he is!
This is Rabbi Gelb.
A rabbi?
You said anything.
He'll do.
For what I'll do?
We'd like you to marry us.
Please.
-You're Jewish?
-Not necessarily.
-You got a license?
-No.
Please don't go!
She needs to hear the words
before the baby comes.
Are you both serious?
I don't have time for hijinks.
We're very serious.
I could do it.
It wouldn't be official.
I just want to hear the words.
What the hell! Your names?
I'm Martin and this is Lorna.
Martin and Lorna.
What am I doing?
How do the goyim do this?
Dearly beloved!
Dearly beloved,
marriage is a spiritual union....
Faster!
She's heading for the home stretch.
Martin, will you take
Lorna to be your wife?
Will you honor, love, etc...
-...till death do you part?
-I will.
Lorna, will you take Martin
to be your husband?
-I do.
-The same thing.
I pronounce you man and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
You already did.
-Let's go.
-No, wait!
Hold it!
What is it?
Let me have this glass!
No, goddamn it!
What are you doing?!
Talk to the hand!
I'll be right back.
You know how long it took me
to fill that thing? All day!
This is unsanitary.
What is this?
-Break the glass.
-I'll get piss on my shoes!
You got to do this!
Mazel tov !
Come back here, you little son of a bitch!
Pant, pant, blow.
Leo, please.
Your work is over here.
I think someone else needs you.
Good luck, Lorna, Riggs.
Thanks a lot.
Stick around.
Meet the kid.
Good luck, Lorna!
Here it comes.
Here he is.
He's looking right at you.
He knows it's you.
Rog, look what I found.
-Look at that.
-What a beauty!
Look at those eyes!
-He looks like his mother.
-Yes, he does.
Murtaugh!
No, Butters!
Butters' baby.
Better not be Murtaugh.
It's Butters.
Look at that baby.
Look at the hair.
That's my baby!
Look at her. You're so cute.
Look at you!
of bringing a camera?
Leo, your plastic's flaccid.
These machines wreck your plastic,
then give you the camera.
The camera doesn't work.
They're trying to...
What are you doing here?
Look at these two babies.
A little something from the squad.
-Give back the captain badges.
-Why?
Congratulations, you're sergeants again.
The city's self-insured.
I thought they'd make us president.
By the way, Grandpa,
you owe the chief one.
He went to the INS...
...and they're giving asylum
to the Hongs.
All right!
We're going to take a picture.
Squeeze together.
Candy stripers out.
Out! Okay. Out!
I can't.
There's not enough room.
You got to back up.
I'm taking big steps!
Get this guy to take it.
Doc, can you take a picture
of all of us?
It's my best man, after all.
Get my grandbaby in it too.
Are you all friends?
No. We're family!
Okay, on 3.
One, two, three!