[woman] Hello. Rachel Hamilton.
Yes, thank you for calling me back.
Yes, Mr. LeRue told me
you were coming in tomorrow.
Well, I promise, once you hear our pitch,
there will be no doubt in your mind
that LeRue is the company
to make you
America's next favorite potato chip.
Excuse me,
the world's greatest potato chip.
[chuckles] Right. Well, anyways,
I'm sorry for calling on a Sunday, uh,
but I actually... won't be
in the meeting tomorrow, unfortunately,
so I just wanted to make sure
we had a chance to connect.
Mm-hmm? Why... won't I be there? Uh...
- Actually, I'm getting married today.
- [woman] Come on, Rachel.
[chuckles] Yeah, I know, it is exciting.
I wish I could serve your chips
to my guests.
Maybe I should placean order right now
and just postpone this wedding, huh?
["Come See About Me"
by The Supremes playing]
I've been crying, ooh, ooh
'Cause I'm lonely for you
Smiles have all turned to tears
But tears won't wash away the fears
That you're never ever gonna return
To ease the fire that within me burns
It keeps me cryin', baby, for you
Keeps me sighin', baby, for you
So won't you hurry?
- Come on, boy, see about me
- [camera shutter clicking]
- [photographer] Breathe.
- Sorry. [chuckles]
- I'm not used to having my picture taken.
- [photographer] It's fine.
I mean, the best wedding photos
are the ones that show terror and fear.
[chuckles]
My friends are gone and you have, too
No peace shall I find
Until you come back and be mine...
- [photographer] Oh, I love your pearls.
- Ah, thank you.
- [camera shutter continues clicking]
- They were my mom's.
Keep on cryin', baby, for you
I'm gonna keep sighin', baby, for you
So come on, hurry
Come on and see about me
[photographer] All right, loosen up.
Show some teeth.
- [laughing]
- [chuckles] I feel so awkward.
[photographer] We're getting
so much good stuff.
- Wonderful! I think we got it.
- Good. Okay.
Good, very good. Okay. Heh.
[chuckles]
Come see about me
See about you, baby
Come see about me
You know I'm so lonely
Come see about me
I love you only, come see about me
See about you, baby
Come see about me
- Hurry, hurry
- [indistinct chatter]
[string quartet playing "Canon in D"]
["Bridal Chorus" playing]
Hey Penny, it's Rachel.
This is a reminder to make sure
that the team presents
the Cara's Cookies materials tomorrow
in the pitch meeting.
And make sure that they say
it is Whole Foods'
top organic cookie seller,
and that we created the brand.
Uh, what else?
- Please ma...
- We have to go.
Uh... the... I gotta go.
["Bridal Chorus" continues playing]
Can I give this...
Uh... [clears throat]
[exhales deeply]
[camera shutter clicking]
[sighs]
- [guests murmuring]
- [man] Wow! [chuckles]
Hi, everyone. I'm Frank LeRue.
I'm Rachel's boss.
And according to the Internet
and the state of New York,
I am here to join...
my star employee...
and Owen...
in holy matrimony.
Now, Owen, from what I've gathered...
you are a very smart,
kind, adventurous guy.
A physical therapist...
- a great pasta maker...
- [guests chuckle]
...and one of the last remaining
in-line skaters.
- That takes dedication!
- [Rachel and guests laugh]
Now, some people don't think
that there's such a thing
as a branding emergency.
But if there is...
- Rachel... is our EMT.
- [guests chuckle]
[Frank] She's committed,
dedicated,
and inspiring.
And now...
the good stuff.
Will you please join hands?
- [Rachel] Oh... [chuckles softly]
- [guests muttering, laughing]
- [bridesmaid] I'll get it.
- [Rachel] Okay.
[whispers] Sorry.
[chuckles]
[scoffs]
[softly] I can't do this.
- What?
- I'm so sorry.
Oh, God, Rach.
- I'm so sorry.
- [guests whispering]
- [Owen] Sorry.
- What is he doing?
Owen? Wait. Owen.
[Frank] Uh... just a minute, folks.
This is, uh...
This is a new thing
that Rachel and Owen are trying out.
You know, they're innovating.
Always. [chuckles]
Sorry. I'm so sorry.
I know I wasn't supposed to bring it.
But... um, please,
you cannot do this right now.
I know this is insane.
Oh, my God.
Were you on a call
before you walked down the aisle?
Yes, but see how well you know me?
See? That's why we're supposed
to be getting married today.
Come with me...
- Come on.
- Wait.
- Owen?
- I'm sorry.
I love you.
I really, really do.
I can't believe I'm doing this,
but I can't have this conversation again.
And not here.
I wanted this to work...
- more than it actually can.
- Oh, my God.
- [crying]
- [Owen] I know you've tried.
Even our wedding can't make you change,
and that's okay.
It's just not okay with me.
- [chair squeaks, clatters]
- [man grunts]
[guests gasp, mutter]
Dad?
That's your dad?
[sighs] Excuse me.
[sniffles] I have to get out of here.
[panting]
[horn beeps]
I'm a fucking bride,
you fucking cocksucker!
[gasps]
- [elevator bell chimes]
- [indistinct chatter]
- [phones ringing]
- [woman] Good morning. LeRue.
- [man] Oh, no. Is she really here?
- [woman] I can't believe she's here. Oh!
- [woman 2] What is she even doing?
- [woman 3] Awkward.
- [man 2] Hold on. Rachel's actually here.
- [man 3 inhales sharply]
- [man 2] I don't know what to say.
- [muttering continues]
Morning, Penny.
- [Frank] Morning.
- Good morning.
[Frank] You know you have
two weeks off for that cruise, right?
Uh, I do, yeah.
Thanks, but I don't... I don't need it.
Hmm.
I'm fine.
I am. Really.
I'm... I'm sorry about yesterday.
That was very dramatic, but, um...
[inhales sharply] You know, deep down,
I know it was the right thing, and, uh...
I'm moving on to more important things,
like the Evie's pitch at 11:00.
Did you talk to your dad?
Well, you saw him run off. So, no.
And honestly, I hardly know him,
and I have no idea why he was there.
So, it doesn't matter.
What matters is that I'm here.
I've been trying to land this account
for months.
So, uh... if you don't mind...
I'll just take the next five minutes
to prep.
[Frank] Uh-huh.
I do not mind.
[calming music playing]
[announcer] Evie's.
From our hearts to yours.
You're probably wondering
why we didn't talk
about how good your chips taste.
That's because...
any chip company can say that.
And they'd be right,
because all chips are good.
I mean, they're chips, right?
But what we think is special
about your company,
what... what makes it unique...
is you guys.
Your chips aren't just a snack.
They are an act of love.
And here at LeRue,
that's the story we want to tell.
God, uh...[chuckles softly]
[voice breaking] Honestly, when we moved
out of Brooklyn two years ago,
I never thought we'd be back in New York
doing something like this.
Oh. We'd just gotten so caught up
in the momentum of our draining
everyday jobs...
[voice echoing]...we'd forgotten
how important things like...
creating a human connection
with our work was.
It... it touches me deeply to know
[in normal voice]...that's what
you'll be helping us continue to grow.
Can we answer any more questions
you may have?
Uh, it's, uh, not really a question.
I just want to say thanks to all of you.
I mean, this is all really impressive.
Yeah, we know they're just potato chips,
but they really are a... a part of us.
So, I hope you'll understand
if we take some time
with the decision.
Yeah. Of course.
- Of course. Yeah.
- [man] Thanks.
And, uh, Rachel...
Thank you so much for... for being here.
I mean,
your new husband must really be so cool
- to not have minded you coming in today.
- [woman] Yeah.
Oh. [laughs] Yeah, he's the coolest.
[woman] Tell him thank you for us.
And have so much fun on your honeymoon.
I will.
That was brilliant.
I can't believe she almost cried.
That was amazing.
Did you see their faces?
[Frank] I gotta hand it to you guys,
that was a brilliant job.
Really well done. Rachel... incredible.
[chuckles] I can't believe I tried
to send you home.
- It's...
- [grunts]
[loud crashing]
- [woman] Oh, my...
- [woman 2] Jeez!
[clattering continues]
[panting]
[sighs]
[grunts]
[sniffles]
- [woman on TV] What's going on?
- [man] Get inside! It's not safe!
- [woman] Not safe? What is that thing?
- [creature roars]
- [woman] Oh, my God!
- [chortles]
[intercom buzzes]
[suspenseful music playing on TV]
- [woman screaming]
- [creature snarling]
[buzzing continues]
[gulps] No, Owen,
I think what you did was completely insane
and entirely unforgivable.
Yeah, well, fuck you, too.
[inhales, exhales deeply]
- Hello?
- [man, over intercom] Rachel. It's Dad.
I mean, it's...
Harry Hamilton, your father. [sighs]
Hello?
You there?
Yeah, I'm here.
What do you want?
Look, um...
I could probably come up with, uh...
a million excuses, apologies...
But that won't change the past.
You hate me, and you probably should.
But I came yesterday because I thought
it would be the best day of your life,
and therefore,
a good day for me to show up. And...
I didn't realize that...
That what?
That...
That...
well, you know, you were there, so that...
plan didn't exactly pan out.
I'm sorry. And I realize you...
probably don't really want to talk to me
right now, or anybody for that matter.
But I thought
maybe you could use a drink.
You don't have to talk to me at all.
Come on, one drink.
["With Fun In My Life"
by Marva Whitneyplaying]
[indistinct chatter]
[stool squeaks]
Are you drunk?
Can I get a Manhattan, please?
- Make that two.
- [man] What type of bourbon?
- [both] Woodford.
- [man] Coming up.
Fun in my life
With fun in my life
I find the simple life
That's a pretty strong drink.
How many of those you had?
Three. I thought we were drinking,
not talking.
But, girl, I'm trying...
I'm going to need three more,
exactly like this, right away, please.
Oh, with fun, fun in my life
Ah.
But, girl
I'm trying to make the most of my time
[jukebox clicks]
["I'm Blue" by The Ikettes playing
on jukebox]
I'm blue
Doo-bee, doo-bee, doo-bee-doo
Gong-gong, gong-gong, gong-gong
Gong-gong-gong, gong-gong, yeah
I'm blue
Doo-bee, doo-bee, doo-bee-doo
Gong, gong, gong, gong-gong...
How did you know I was
getting married yesterday?
Ha, blue...
Well, there's a website called The Knot.
And then I found...
Owen and Rachel get married dot com.
- Cute engagement photos, by the way.
- [scoffs] Of course. It was Owen's idea.
[softly] Smug asshole.
My love with you was doomed
- [glasses clink]
- I hope her reading was wrong
I hope she was wrong
'Cause you been gone too long, come home
Hey! Gong, gong-gong
Gong-gong-gong, yeah
I'm blue
Doo-bee, doo-bee, doo-bee-doo
Gong, gong, gong
Gong-gong, gong-gong, yeah
I'm blue
Doo-bee, doo-bee, doo-bee-doo
Gong, gong, gong
Gong-gong, gong-gong-gong, yeah
I'm blue, ha, blue
Doo-bee, doo-bee, doo-bee-doo
[munching] There's...
theories about about this way
of eating pizza, you know?
I see that you're a flat... pizza-eater.
I'm a folder.
[slurring]
If they wanted you to fold it...
- they would serve it like... like that.
- It's more manageable, in a way.
- No, the chef wants you to eat it...
- Would hand it to you like a sandwich?
- Yeah, it's not a sandwich.
- Right.
- Hang on. Let me have more beer.
- Know what you're looking for?
- I'm looking for my beer. Yeah, thanks.
- You're looking for a calzone.
- That's your problem.
- Hey!
Gong, gong-gong, gong-gong-gong, yeah
I'm blue
Doo-bee, doo-bee, doo-bee-doo
Gong, gong, gong
Gong-gong, gong-gong-gong, yeah
I'm blue, ha, blue
Doo-bee, doo-bee, doo-bee-doo
- [cell phone ringing, vibrating]
- [car door closes]
I might be wrong,
but I think that driver's calling you.
Hmm?
[Harry] Mm. Mm-hmm.
[gasps] Oh, shit.
[slurring] That's my honeymoon.
[both laughing]
[Rachel sighs, groans]
- [cell phone continues ringing, vibrating]
- [both continue laughing]
[sighs]
- [ship horn blows]
- Hmm?
[groans]
[sighs]
- What the...
- [horn continues blowing]
[Harry groaning]
[gasps]
- Hi, sweetheart.
- Oh, shit.
[gags] Ooh, shit...
[groans, retching]
[coughing]
Good start.
- [Rachel continues retching]
- Good start.
- [toilet flushes]
- [lock clicks]
[exhales deeply]
[steel drums playing]
I didn't see any luggage.
I didn't pack any.
If I recall, you insisted
that the clothes we were wearing
would be fine.
- [scoffs]
- It seemed to make sense at the time.
- Less sense now.
- [groans]
You don't remember anything about it,
do you?
No, not really.
Do you remember inviting me to join you?
No. Sorry.
Want to go see if they got an extra room?
Yeah. It...
- No offense, just...
- Not at all.
Your snoring's louder
than this thing's horn, anyway.
- ["Hot Hot Hot" playing]
- Ol, ol, ol, ol
- [indistinct chatter]
- Ol, ol, ol, ol
Feelin' hot, hot, hot
Feelin' hot, hot, hot
[ringtone playing, cell phone vibrating]
[Harry sighs]
Uh, miss, I'm so sorry,
but we really are fully booked.
[Rachel sighs] Shit.
[woman] Oh, congratulations.
What? Ew, that's my dad.
Oh. I am so sorry.
I just figured, you know,
with the honeymoon suite and...
you know...
Um, there's a pullout bed in the couch.
Pre-made.
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.
Let me know if I can book any excursions
for you.
They are completely full.
She says there's a pullout bed
in the couch.
Rhum-boom-boom-boom
When we get to Jamaica in two days,
I could buy a plane ticket and fly home.
Yeah.
I think we should both fly home then.
I need to get back to work.
Ol, ol, ol, ol
Sorry... that this whole thing happened.
Sorry to interrupt.
We just wanted to say congratulations.
[giggles]
- [Harry] Thank you.
- [woman] We're neighbors.
[man] Hi.
We saw you going into one
of the honeymoon suites this morning.
- We're honeymooners, too.
- Mm-hmm.
[woman chuckles]
You two look so happy together.
Thank you. That's very nice.
So, when did you get married?
We thought maybe it was last night
because of, uh, how, uh, drunk you were
- getting into your rooms this morning.
- [couple and Harry chuckle]
Well, we're headed to the spa.
- Nice meeting you.
- [woman] You, too.
I need to get out of these clothes.
[sighs]
Well, I'm sure there's a golden sarong
around here somewhere
with your name on it.
Why don't you let me take you shopping.
My treat.
Sure. Okay.
This outfit has become one with my body,
I've been wearing it for so long.
[Harry] I feel the same way
about my underwear.
- Don't talk about your underwear.
- [whirring]
What the fuck is happening?
Are we on a fucking floating bar?
[Harry, chuckling] It seems we are.
Want to get a drink?
You're breaking up, but...
- I'll be back in the office on Thursday.
- [Frank] Wait, what day?
- Thursday.
- I thought it was ten days.
- I'm leaving early.
- Why?
- Because I don't need a vacation.
- Yes, you do.
- Wait... So, your dad's there?
- [whispering] Yes, he's here.
- [laughs] How drunk were you?
- [in normal voice] Quite drunk. Okay?
- Oh, my God.
- Just... set...
a dinner meeting with them
on Thursday night.
I can take the chipsters out myself.
- You know?
- No, no, don't. I will handle it.
- All right. Whatever you say.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- Bye.
[line disconnects]
You know...
if you want to talk something through,
I'm an accounts man, too.
How did you know what I do for a living?
Google?
It's not hard to find out information
about anybody these days.
- You're saying you never Googled me?
- No. Why would I have done that?
My wedding, my job...
You read a lot about me, huh?
Mm-hmm.
Everything I could find.
You really never Googled me?
No.
The service is terrible. I...
- I'm gonna go take a walk, try to...
- I'll go with you.
Let me put my shoes on.
Maybe we should take
our bathing suits that we bought...
We can try that surfing thing.
I've wanted to try...
[band playing funky music]
[singer] Here we go, here we go
Here we go, now
- Here we go, here we go
- [man speaking indistinctly over PA]
Yeah. I think that surf thing's
over on the other side of the ship.
- Should we do it?
- Yeah, I just need to send this e-mail.
It's kind of important.
I'm on the verge of a promotion.
- Promotion?
- Yeah, I'd be the accounts director.
Well, if we land this company,
a hippie potato chip maker from Upstate.
The chips are oddly good, though.
There we go, now
There we go, there we go
It's just not... [sighs]
Yeah, I...
I'm not getting as good of service
out here as I thought I would.
I'm gonna go back to the room,
try to settle this. [sighs]
There we go
Whoo, whoo!
Whoa
Yeah!
I may be hard up,
but I am definitely not that hard up.
And I'm not goin' anywhere...
Hey!
[Harry laughing]
- [man] Damn you!
- [man 2] Man overboard!
[man] I'll get you for this, you...
[mutters]
- Not my tool belt!
- Hey, hey...
- Boat movies on a boat. [chuckles]
- [woman] Keep going!
- [man 2] As you wish.
- You're supposed to call it a ship.
[splashing on TV]
[man] If I ever catch you, lady,
you're dead meat. You got that?
[jazzy steel drum music playing]
[indistinct chatter]
[scoffs]
[mouthing]
Ugh.
I feel like Owen set this whole thing up
because he knew I wouldn't have service
in the middle of the ocean.
- Loser.
- Yeah.
He had nerve wanting the person
he was spending time with
to actually pay attention to him.
Why are you here, Harry?
Well, you practically forced me
into that town car.
You may not remember,
- but you were aggressive.
- Uh-uh.
I don't care why you're on the cruise.
Why are you here... after all this time?
Why now?
Okay.
You want to do this now?
Leaving you was...
Please don't give me some rehearsed speech
with a bunch of lame excuses
about why you left.
I don't care why you left.
I really don't give a shit why you left.
Okay? I care while you're here.
You showed up on my wedding day.
Now you're acting like we're best friends
who have spent our lives together. Why?
Why now, Harry?
Well...
- Gabe, my partner...
- Oh, shit, you're gay?
Oh, I didn't know you were gay.
No one told me that.
[chuckling] You think I'm gay?
Not that there'd be anything
wrong with it if I was, but... no.
Gabe is my work partner.
We built a successful business together.
But, uh, I had some...
some time off from work. And...
Gabe always says it's never too late.
So, here I am.
Oh. So, you had time off,
and then your friend told you to come.
- Okay. I'm gonna get hash browns.
- I wanted to come, too...
- No, that's...
- Hash browns?
I got extra for the table,
and I don't eat them. Too many carbs.
So glad you lovebirds
could finally join us.
- [man] Hey.
- [man 2] You must be Rachel and Owen.
We're your assigned tablemates.
This is my gorgeous boyfriend, Steve.
I'm Jim.
From San Francisco. Been dating two years.
That is Shirley and Leonard
from Palm Beach.
- Hi.
- [Jim] Look at their outfits.
Are they not the cutest thing? I love 'em.
- They are celebrating, get this...
- [chuckles]
- ...their 50th wedding anniversary.
- Congratulations.
- [Shirley] Thank you.
- [Jim] Dan and Beth.
Second marriage for them both.
The right one.
And... from Wichita?
- Yes. Very impressive, Jim.
- You're right.
- [Jim] Why, thank you.
- Jim's insanely good
at remembering things about people.
It's...
part of what makes him a good therapist,
and it's gonna make him such a good dad.
- [Jim] We're adopting.
- [Steve] Yeah.
We're on the waiting list,
so, don't wanna jinx it.
We're manifesting.
If we think it, it's gonna happen.
- [Steve] How did you guys meet?
- [Jim] Yeah, what's your story?
- How'd you catch the silver fox?
- Mm.
[sighs]
Hi, I'm Harry, actually, Rachel's dad.
Rachel and Owen
decided not to get married,
so she invited me to come.
You see, I left her...
when she was five years old.
It's unforgivable. I know.
So, I showed up
at their wedding a few days ago,
and Owen decided to be a little bitch
and leave Rachel at the altar.
So, I took Rachel out and got her good
and drunk, and, uh, we're here.
[chuckles] It's nice to meet you all,
but we're gonna be getting off the ship
when it docks in Jamaica tomorrow.
So you see, we have very little time,
and um...
I'd like to congratulate all of you
for your love.
That's really great.
[man] Can we have a couple
of lemon wedges? Thank you.
- Hi, I'm Rachel.
- [Leonard] Hi.
- [Dan] Hey. Hey, Rachel.
- Nice to meet you.
I don't think you needed to know
all of that,
but now you do, so...
Sorry that we're leaving tomorrow.
Not as sorry as we are.
I mean, this is more interesting
than what they got in the brochure.
- Honey.
- Yeah. I'm sorry.
You guys hadn't seen
or spoken to each other in how long?
- Twenty-five years.
- Twenty-six.
- Wow.
- I see.
So, why don't you just stay with us?
- [Beth] Yeah.
- We're really good people.
At least come hang out with us today.
Leonard and Shirley were nice enough
to get us a private table
in the adults-only section of the pool.
- No kids.
- Mm-hmm.
- Don't nothing ruin a vacation like kids.
- Mm-mm.
That's nice, but no thanks.
I have a lot of work to do.
May I ask all of you a question?
Who here likes potato chips?
- [overlapping chatter]
- [Harry] See? There. Job done.
All right? You can stay.
[band playing funky music]
[man over PA] Good morning, good morning,
good morning, Royal Caribbean passengers.
It's Captain Johnnyfrom the bridge.
It is an absolutely glorious 78 degrees
on this beautiful Tuesday morning.
Today, we are at sea
as we sail our way to Jamaica,
which means lots of time
to enjoy our incredible ship activities.
So have a wonderful, wonderful day,
- [indistinct chatter]
- [singer] You feel the funk
Everybody getting funky
I feel the funk
Gotta have that funk
- You feel the funk, everybody move
- [children exclaiming]
Suddenly, Gabe's bag drops, pops open,
and there's a 30-year-old bottle
of Macallan
he's bought at duty-free.
Then we end up
rolling all over the floor, plastered.
And that is
how we landed the Cannon account.
- [tablemates laughing]
- [Leonard] I got a plumbing contract
for the entire Baltimore school system
because I passed a roll of toilet paper
to someone in the bathroom I was fixing.
- Remember that, honey?
- [Shirley, laughing] I sure do.
That toilet paper pass changed our lives.
No shit.
[laughing]
[loud slurping]
[smacks lips] This story is just as good
the third time,
and I'm glad you're rich.
Thank you for the cabana.
But we got something more pressing
to deal with right now. Rachel...
- Earth to Rachel. Rachel?
- [knocking on table]
What's going on?
How are you?
How are you feeling
about the "Owen" of it all?
Oh, um...
I'm fine.
I really am fine.
I feel great about it, because...
you know, he was never going
to let me be the person that I want to be.
So, I think it... it really worked out
for the best.
[Jim] Okay.[inhales sharply]
And who does she want to be?
- Someone who can't interact?
- Babe. [shushing]
[Jim] I mean, I'm just trying to help.
- I don't want our daughter like this.
- Don't jinx it.
I'm reminded of a time we were
trying to pitch a client in Hawaii.
And I was allergic to the leis.
Oh, you're gonna love this story.
Rachel, would you mindgrabbing us
another round at the bar?
Thank you.
- [Jim] I love Hawaii.
- [singer] Thank you, thank you.
Sit back, relax, while the boys
and I play another set.
[man] Hi.
I'm Jeff.
From Edmonton, Alberta. It's in Canada.
Hi. Rachel. New York.
New York, USA.
I get that. I've been there.
- Cool city.
- Mm-hmm.
Big. Big city.
I was there for a stag party 10 years ago.
You call them bachelor parties.
- Mm-hmm.
- It was fun.
We went to a steak house.
It was expensive.
- Excuse me.
- Um, what brings you on the cruise?
You, uh, here with your family?
Husband? Boyfriend?
Girlfriend? Solo cruiser? Solo cruisin'?
Can I get a round of drinks
- for our group?
- Yes, of course.
- I'm... I'm here with my dad, actually.
- Wow.
That's amazing.
I would only do that with my dad
if it was his 200th birthday.
I mean, like, a very special occasion.
[clicks tongue] Actually,
Jeff, if you can believe it,
I was left at the altar a few days ago.
Uh, and my dad, who I haven't seen
since I was five years old,
showed up to my wedding unannounced.
We got drunk together the next night,
and I dragged him on this cruise
that was supposed to be my honeymoon.
Pfft. That's fucked up.
Well, I, uh...
My wife left me a few months ago.
And my sister brought me on this cruise
to kind of...
cheer me up.
I guess it's working.
I developed a mantra...
Well, I didn't develop it,
I read it in a book. But it's this:
"Yesterday's the past,
tomorrow's the future, today's a gift.
[both] That's why they call it
the present."
I've heard it.
- [Jeff] Pretty good. You heard that?
- Yeah.
It's... it's a kind of...
Like, it's a well known phrase.
- [Jeff] Oh. I never heard it. I read it.
- [Jim] Oh, sexy rabbi alert.
Ooh...
- Can you say "rebound"?
- [snickers]
Shirley.
- Hello, chaps.
- [Beth] Oh, hello.
- [woman] How you doing?
- [Beth] Good.
I'm gonna get back to my dad.
- [Jeff] Cool.
- But we're leaving tomorrow, actually.
So, maybe if I see you before then...
we can, I don't know, hang out,
live in the present... or something?
Sure. Uh, yes.
- [Rachel] Okay. All right.
- I would love that.
I'll... I'll find you.
[woman] Yes, it's a trivia game show.
Would you be...
[Jim] Rachel, you're back from flirting.
Great.
- This is Ginny. Love that name.
- [Ginny] Mm-hmm.
[Jim] This is Ginny.
She's the activities director
on the cruise ship,
and she has arranged for us
to get
into the sold-out Gigantic Game Show.
You're gonna love it.
It's task-oriented, just like work.
So, guys, who's in?
- Oh! The Taubmans are there.
- Mm-hmm.
- [Ginny] Oh, yep. Oh!
- [Dan] Mm-hmm.
[Jim] I love anything gigantic.
- [Ginny] Oh, I'm excited.
- [upbeat music playing]
[Beth] I hope they pick Dan
as a contestant.
He is so good at trivia.
I just learned
that dealing with people's teeth,
it's easier to distract them
with trivia facts.
- Ah.
- Like, you got a cavity? It's okay.
Worldwide, approximately
2.43 billion people got cavities.
- [whistles]
- Does anybody brush their teeth anymore?
[chuckling]
[jazzy band music playing]
- [audience applauds]
- [host] Let me hear you!
Come on!
- Yeah, all right!
- [cheering]
- Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo!
- [woman cheers]
All right, I said, hello, everyone!
[all] Hello.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't realize I was
on the senior citizen cruise.
I said, hello!
- [audience, loudly] Hello!
- [host] That is so much better.
All right,
welcome to the Royal Caribbean's
Gigantic Game Show.
I am the host with the most,
your friend from the West Coast,
your lover, your guide, your dearest dear,
Jimmy Deer!
- [cheering]
- [Jimmy] Ooh! You're too kind.
This evening, we have quite a treat.
Okay? We have a special,
special edition of the Gigantic Game Show.
I'm thrilled to announce
that we will be playing...
- The Honeymooners edition, right?
- [audience] Ooh!
Okay. That's right.
We'll be getting our contestants
from all you crazy lovebirds
in the audience.
Oh, look at that! Right on cue.
My assistant Alexa.
Okay.
Contestant number one...
Let's find a name.
Random, right, Alexa?
We have...
Samantha Soren
- from Cherry Hill, New Jersey.
- [exclaims]
- Nicholas Rea from Chicago.
- Oh! [laughs]
- Sadie Rogers, from Syracuse, New York.
- [exclaims]
And finally, last but not least...
- Rachel Hamilton from New York City.
- Uh, hey.
So sorry to interrupt,
- but they just called your name.
- What?
They want you to go onstage.
Harry, go with her.
[Shirley] This is gonna be so funny.
- I'll take pictures.
- No, no, I'm not going onstage.
You can pick someone else!
- Come on. Let's just do this.
- [booing]
- What? That's so stupid.
- [woman] Do it!
- [audience cheers]
- [Jimmy] Come on, Rachel!
Come on down!
- [Jimmy] Funny story...
- Okay?
- Okay.
- Uh-huh.Okay.
- [whispers] I know that we can win.
- I don't care if we win. [sighs]
How?
All these newlywed games are the same.
All the questions can be answered
by a few set responses.
That's not gonna work.
Maybe it will, maybe it won't.
But just in case...
If it's a location, we say Hawaii.
If it's a food, we say pizza.
If it's an activity, it's...
jumping jacks.
If it's a color, we say black.
- If it's a number, we say 22.
- That's stupid.
Hawaii, pizza,
jumping jacks, black, 22!
[Jimmy] All right, here we go!
Samantha, the question was...
What were the women
that Russ dated before you like?
- "Ugly skank whores!"
- [audience laughs]
Ooh, the triple threat of my heart.
All right, Russ,
let's see what your answer was.
What were the women
you dated before Samantha like?
- Loose! Ooh!
- [audience laughs]
[Jimmy] Ooh! Not the same.
Unfortunately, Russ and Samantha,
if Rachel answers this question correctly,
you are done.
All right, Rachel.
What were the women that Harry dated
before you like?
[sighs]
- [audience murmurs]
- Black.
That's an answer. Okay.
Harry...
To move to the next round...
What were the women that you dated
before Rachel like?
[chuckles softly]
- [audience cheers]
- We've got black!
[Jimmy] Holy moly!
Moving on to the next round.
Rachel, if you weren't on this cruise,
you would be in...
[audience cheers]
[Jimmy] Neither one has a ring. No rings.
- Oh, oh! I got one!
- We got one ring!
Rachel's got a ring.
- [audience cheers]
- [Jimmy] Nicholas got one!
Come on, Harry. Find that ring,
or we're getting divorced.
[Jimmy] Ooh, Rachel means business.
You're outta sight
- So fee-fi-fo-fum
- [sighs]
- [audience gasps]
- [Jimmy, chuckling] 22 times a week.
Wowee, that's a lotta whoopee!
Seriously, how are they doing this?
So get ready...
All right, Rachel...
the glass is just a little bit higher.
There you go.
And now, to move on to the finals...
Here I come...
Harry... what's your biggest fear?
Is it pizza?
- [audience cheers]
- Pizza!
Can you believe this competition?
Brad and Sadie, I've just been told...
A new course record. Can you believe it?
That should add years to your marriage,
no doubt.
Now, Harry... and Rachel.
For the use of a private cabana...
for the rest of this trip...
you two must complete this course...
in a world-record time,
one minute and three seconds.
How are you feeling?
- Great.
- Great.
- Jazzed.
- Jazzed and great.
Those are adjectives.
They used them.
- [audience laughs]
- On your marks...
Get set...
Go!
All my friends shouldn't want me to
I understand it
Be all right
Rachel off to a huge, huge start.
Harry is... not good at this.
[Rachel] Harry! Come on!
Pedal, pedal, pedal! What are you doing?
- [groans]
- Here I come.
[Jimmy] Breaking through the altar...
Eighteen seconds.
They gotta pick it up.
- Cake toss!
- A love that's true
So get ready
Underhand? Better. Better strategy.
- Nice pass.
- To make love to you, so get ready
- [Rachel] Come on.
- [Harry] I hate balloons.
You're being a pussy!
[Jimmy] Into the Tunnel of Love
at 36 seconds.
Thirty-six seconds.
How nervous are you two? Nervous!
Get ready
No, no, you have to fall backwards.
It's a trust fall.
- Audience, give her some support!
- I got you. Trust me.
[Jimmy] Time... is... running... out!
Second place walks the plank. [whoops]
[bell rings]
Check the fucking clock!
Let me check the clock!
- [Jimmy] One minute and two seconds!
- [Rachel and Harry exclaim]
Ladies and gentlemen, our winners...
- Rachel and Harry!
- [cheering]
[whoops]
Unbelievable.
- To the champions!
- [tablemates cheer and laugh]
[chuckling] My favorite newlyweds.
[Leonard] Mazel tov!
- [glasses clink]
- [Dan] For you!
- [all cheer]
- ["I Want It That Way" playing]
Ooh, I love this song.
- Yeah
- [Rachel] Go, Dan!
You are
My fire, the one
- Desire
- What do you say we take this partnership
up to the stage?
Maybe "Sweet Caroline," huh?
[laughs] No, I don't think so.
- I want it that way
- [Harry] Want to get some ice cream?
Tell me why
Ain't nothin' but...
If I'd known you could get ice cream
all the time,
I would have taken a cruise
a long time ago.
Ain't nothing but a mistake
- Gabe would love this.
- Tell me why
- I never wanna hear you say...
- Ice cream and karaoke...
It's... funny.
Can I just...
You know,
you really talk about this Gabe a lot.
[Harry] Well...
I spent...
a lot of my life with him.
Working with him. You know?
He's divorced, too,
so he and I kind of... kind of became...
- my um...
- He's your family. Got it.
Hear you say
I want it that way
'Cause I want it
- That way
- [tablemates cheer]
You know,
I heard on the last night on the ship,
they have a big karaoke competition.
I hate to keep bringing him up,
but if Gabe was here, he'd do it.
What do you think? Want to try?
No, we're leaving tomorrow.
Remember? We're not gonna be here.
- Right. I forgot.
- We can find
Why don't you come with me
Little girl?
- [Rachel] Hey!
- Hey, hey!
- [Rachel] Hi!
- How's it going?
- Good.
- Hi. This ship is crazy, right?
It's so big. How does it float, even?
[chuckles]
That's what I keep thinking, I don't know.
Hi, uh, I'm Jeff Friedman.
Uh, I met Rachel earlier.
I'm from Edmonton, Alberta. Canada
I'm a teacher. Nice to meet you.
- Let the sound take you away
- [Rachel] Want to have a drink with me?
- Yes.
- [Rachel] Okay.
- Thank you. Yes. Uh, yeah.
- [Rachel] Come here.
[Dan whoops]
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- Yeah.
- Cheers.
I was born in Saskatchewan.
I moved to Edmonton in grade two,
or second grade, as you guys call it.
- I looked around
- Harry. Harry!
I just want to say, I'm...
I'm sorry if I was forward before,
you know, with Rachel. I just...
Family therapy's my area,
and I am fascinated by your relationship.
I mean... the bond you two share
despite all these years apart,
- is incredible.
- Mm.
I only hope that we share
something like that
with our future imaginary child.
We cheated.
- What?
- And, more importantly,
she hates me. Frankly, I can't blame her.
She doesn't want to know about me.
She doesn't ask me anything.
She's never even Googled me.
And she doesn't want to know why I left.
No, no, no, you gotta tell her, man.
You gotta tell her. I'd want to know.
I'd have to before starting over.
- Tell her.
- [Harry] I've tried,
but she's always on that phone of hers.
Honestly, I'm starting to see why
that son of a bitch Owen bailed on her.
You know, Harry,
I think you guys are a lot alike.
I know.
At first, I thought it was great,
but I'm starting to think she's a jerk.
Look, I've been a therapist now
for four months.
Okay? So I want to give you
my professional opinion for free.
[inhales sharply] You fucked up.
You fucked her up.
You fucked everything up,
and it's all fucked.
- So what are you gonna do?
- [sighs] Hmm.
- [Jim] It's all your fault.
- Thank you.
- [Jim] You're welcome.
- Okay.
- Come here.
- Yeah.
That's just great.
I'm going to bed.
- [Jim] Bye.
- You don't know
[scoffs]
[sighs]
[grunts]
- [phone dials]
- [line rings, connects]
Yes, hello. This is Harry Hamilton. I...
Yes.
Yes, we are having a chance to reconnect.
Thank you. It... it is wonderful.
Listen, may I ask you a favor?
Is it possible to connect
to another passenger?
To their room?
Yeah, it's, um, uh, Jeff.
Jeff from Canada... uh... [sighs]
Freya... Fried... Fried, Fried... stein,
Friedrick... Friedman!
Yeah, that's it. Thank you.
[line disconnects, ringing]
Come on. Answer the phone. Come on.
[sighs]
Two seventy-six. No, 274.
No, two 276... 236.
Rachel. Rachel!
Rachel! It's Dad!
Hey! I don't know who the fuck Rachel is,
but it doesn't seem like she's here.
[man] Will you keep it down?
Hey, you're Harry from the game show.
- Rachel!
- [door squeaks]
- [Jeff] Hey.
- Hi. Listen...
Uh, Rachel didn't come back.
I'm worried about her. Have you seen her?
You hear stories about people
falling overboard off these ships.
Oh, my God, Harry. You're insane.
What are you do... Ugh.
- Thank you.
- Yeah, great to... Yeah.
- Yeah. Okay. Great.
- Good hanging.
How was I supposed to know
you were doing that
instead of hanging off of the ship?
- I was worried about you.
- Why?
You haven't been worried for 26 years.
I am sorry, okay?
I got overprotective,
but you don't do that!
You leave somebody waiting, wondering...
worried!
We don't even know who this Jeff guy is.
Maybe he's some kind of a rapist
or a murderer.
I was being protective. Rachel!
You said you don't do that?
Ooh, you don't do that.
Oh, you know what else you don't do,
Harry?
You don't leave your family.
Okay? And you don't get to come looking
for me
in the middle of the night
after not looking for me my entire life.
- Okay?
- Fine!
But we are in a strange place.
You don't know this guy. I didn't want him
to take advantage of you.
Taking advantage of me?
Do you mean having sex with me?
- I don't want to hear this.
- You don't want to hear it? You're gonna.
Because he had sex with me.
Big-time. And I loved it.
All three times.
You don't like that?
You don't like that I am a human being
who can have sex whenever I want?
Well, news flash, Harry.
I've been fucking since I was 17.
I'm not gonna stop, 'cause I enjoy it.
- I'm not hearing this.
- No, Harry, we're bonding.
We're bonding, just like you wanted.
We're sharing like best friends.
Am I making you uncomfortable?
Are you uncomfortable?
Well, guess what? I don't care!
- [steel drums playing]
- [indistinct chatter]
[sighs]
[clears throat] Yo.
- Rachel.
- Oh.
- [Jeff] Good to see you.
- Yep.
[Jeff] Yeah.
I have good news, I hope. Um...
I heard you flight wasn't till tonight,
and you're gonna go on the hike.
so I asked if I could switch
into your group,
- and they said yes.
- [clears throat] Oh.
- Is that cool?
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm. Great.
- Great. Cool.
- Hi.
- [Leonard] Hi.
- I'm Jeff.
- Hi.
- Hi Jeff.
- What's up?
- Uh, I'm, uh, Rachel's... uh, ship friend.
- Friend.
[whispers] She fucked him.
- Mm-hmm.
- [Jeff] We met on this ship...
and we're friends.
So I'm gonna be hiking with you guys.
So that's exciting.
Gotta work off these pancakes, right?
How good were those?
- You try the boysenberry stuff?
- [Steve] Yeah.
That was good.
It's...
So I'll see you guys, uh, in the van.
- Uh, super psyched!
- Great. Thank you.
Good to see you. Yes.
- [Steve] Great to meet you, man.
- Bye.
See ya in the van.
Rachel, can we get you some maple syrup,
or, uh, did you have enough last night?
["I'll Never Grow Old"
by The Maytals playing]
I will never grow old
I'll never grow old
I'll never,I'll never, I'll never
I'll never, I'll never grow old
'Cause I walk
And I walk
- And I talk and I talk
- [chickens clucking]
I've kinda just been throwing myself
into my work more than anything,
and the kids are...
they're... they're great.
After the divorce,
they all signed a card for me.
Uh, some of them even said
they would marry me.
[chuckles] Which was funny.
They're seven, so it was kind of weird,
but... honestly, like...
being here... in this country...
and meeting all these people...
It makes you realize
that you have a new...
like, a second chance at happiness.
And that's... It's just so... It's...
it's honestly exciting. Right, Rach?
Sorry, can you pull over?
- [retches, groans]
- [Jeff] Ooh...
Ah.
You did try those boysenberries. Nice.
Yeah, mon. I have something to help that.
[inhales deeply]
Yeah, mon, that's smooth.
[Jim] It's my turn, thank you.
[coughs]
Hey, now it's for her. To cure the nausea.
Mm.
- You sure? It'll make you feel better.
- I feel fine.
- You look gross.
- [Rachel] What?
I... I'm stoned, I'm not blind, okay?
This girl needs to lighten up.
She looks pretty light, personally.
[chuckles]
Thank you, Jeff.
I'll never,I'll never
I'll never, I'll never
Give it to me.
I'll never,I'll never, I'll
Never, never, never, never
Never, never, never
Never, never, never, never...
- [exhales]
- No, I'm okay.
- [man] Come on. It's Jamaica, man.
- I've never smoked in my entire life.
And I'm pretty proud of it. [chuckles]
- Good for you.
- Thank you.
- I gotta set a good example for the kids.
- Ah...
- Everybody ready to go?
- [all laugh]
Yeah, mon! Okay!
[chuckles] Come on.
Look at those rocks, how pretty they are.
Are we going to be back in time
to make our flight?
- Watch your step.
- [yelps, laughs]
There's a place that makes smoothies.
So good, with fresh vegetables.
Uh, I go visit my nieces.
What do you do on an average Saturday?
Saturday... uh...
I'm usually pretty hungover
from the night before, taking clients out.
Oh, you, uh... you drink a lot.
Yeah, usually.
- Thank you, Harry. Thank you.
- [Harry grunts]
Thanks, Har.
I got it.
[man laughs]
[Jeff] Here you go.I picked this for you.
- Oh.
- Thanks.
[Jim] Don't touch that,
that's poison oak.
[Dan] Man, getting high and hiking.
Who thought of it?
[grunts]
[Harry] Okay. I got another one.
- [Jim] Go ahead.
- Why is it hard to play cards
in the jungle?
- [Steve and Beth] Why?
- There's too many cheetahs.
- [all laughing]
- [Jeff] That's good!
[Dan] Don't say that shit
while I'm smoking.
You're gonna kill me.
[coughing]
- [Jeff] I'm not stoned, and that's funny.
- [Dan gasps]
[Beth] Honey... [laughs]
- [water flowing]
- [man] We're almost there.
[gasps]
We made it!
[all exclaim]
- [Jeff] Amazing!
- [Leonard] Look at the water!
- [Beth] Beautiful!
- [Jeff] I'm going in!
- So slippery!
- [man] You can climb behind the fall
over that way and jump
or you can just go in right here.
[all chattering indistinctly]
[Jeff] Not too bad!
[Jim] Here I come. Catch me!
- [Harry] You gonna take a swim?
- Uh, yeah. I just wanna send one email.
I didn't realize we'd have
such great service out here.
What the...
Harry, what the fuck?Why did you do that?
[Shirley] Okay.
Oh...
I'm comin' in!
- [Rachel] What were you thinking?
- I'll be honest, I wasn't thinking.
Maybe it wasn't the best idea,
but I'm worried about you.
Look at this place. It's beautiful.
And you're sending e-mails!
That's my phone!
I have important shit on there!
I think we should stay on the cruise.
Ugh! I don't really care what you think.
You go on back to New York. Go ahead.
Get back to your job,
start making a lot of money.
But all the Owens out there,
they'll keep leaving you.
It is not my fault Owen left!
Nor do I care.And I don't need you
or anyone else worrying about me.
[Harry] What are you going to do
when you get back?
Are you going to go on pretending
you're still fine with what happened?
You can't admit
that all this is fucking crazy, huh?
[gasps] I found it! [sighs]
For some insane technological reason...
it still works.
Excuse me.
- Is that a sea turtle?
- Oh, wow! Probably!
[indistinct chatter]
- How's it going?
- Huh?
I, uh, I just wanted to say I'm sorry.
You know, you're, uh...
You're the first person I've been with
since I got divorced and...
I think I maybe like... uh...
got swept up in it
and built it into something
that it wasn't, and uh...
I invited myself on this hike,
and If I made it uncomfortable,
I apologize.
Fine. I'm... I'm really sorry.
- I didn't mean to lead you on.
- No. You don't have to be sorry.
And I really... I really hope
that, you know, you work things out
with your dad and all that.
Thanks. Thanks.
Okay.
Well, uh... I'm gonna go for a swim.
- [shouts]
- [tablemates cheer]
- [Dan] He really did it!
- [Jim whoops]
[Steve and Beth cheer]
[Beth] All right! All right!
Mm... [clicks tongue]
When I was young...
I had a vision of how my life
was gonna be.
Top of my field...
Fancy dinners, corporate cards.
All of it.
I never saw myself with a family.
And then you came along.
And I was only 24.
I quit work for the first few years.
You were...
the sun in the morning
and the moon at night.
But something was missing.
I started feeling like the dad
who was around physically,
but wishing he was somewhere else,
and...
I didn't want to be that guy.
Your mom and I decided
I should go back to work.
Then after a while, with...
the trips away...
it started to feel like a release.
Not from you, but...
from the version of myself
that wasn't very happy.
So that's it?
You... you couldn't come visit?
You had to disappear completely?
I guess you were too young to remember.
I came back every week.
But...
[crying]...every time...
we had to say goodbye,
it got harder and harder.
You were...
you were better without me there.
And, uh...
Finally, I just didn't come back.
Sorry.
[clicks tongue, sighs]
I really, really am so sorry.
It was the biggest mistake of my life.
[sighs]
[breathing heavily]
[crying]
[sobs]
[sniffles, sighs]
[exhales deeply]
[both laugh]
I did have a really good childhood.
Mom made it seem completely normal...
for it to just be me and her.
And obviously, I Googled you. I mean...
[both chuckle]
Before the Internet, I looked you up in...
every phone book and every memory box,
in Mom's closet, and...
I wrote you...
so many letters that I didn't ever send.
- I even prank called you a couple times.
- [laughs]
Maybe a lot of times, like... around 1994.
Oh. [chuckles]
Fuck it. Let's just stay. [sighs]
- Really? [laughs]
- Yeah. Really.
I have the time off work.
And, let's be honest, I could use it.
- I'm going to go for a swim...
- Ah.
Nice idea.
- [Jim] Oh, yeah! Go!
- [Beth cheers]
- [Beth] Yes!
- [Steve whoops]
["Never Going Back Again"
by Fleetwood Mac playing]
- [Rachel] Get your butt down here, Harry!
- No, no!
- I'll meet you down there.
- [Jim] Come on, Harry! Don't be a baby!
[Jeff] Yeah! Don't feel pressured!
- Fuck it!
- [Jeff] It's really hard!
- [Beth whoops]
- [Dan] Harry, don't do it!
- [Jim] Come on, Harry!
- [Rachel] Let's go! Come on, Harry!
- [Jim] Come on!
- [all cheering]
Made me see where I've been
Been down one time
Been down two times...
[chuckles] Sorry,
the humidity was making my hair
into a shag carpet.
Looks fine.
[Leonard] Here they are.
- [Harry] Hello, you all.
- Oh, hey!
You clean up nicely. [chuckles]
[Steve] I like your dress. Very nice.
[indistinct chatter]
You don't know what it means to win
If I get it, I would basically be
second in charge at the company.
And I would be managing
all the face-to-face with the clients
on a very personal level. You know,
traveling to see them a lot,
entertaining them when they're in town,
and, uh, translating all theirneeds
to our team.
It's a big deal.
[Beth] Ooh. Sounds good.
- [Rachel] Wish me luck.
- [Leonard] To Rachel.
- [Steve and Jim] To Rachel.
- [Dan] You got it.
Come down and see me again
[no audible dialogue]
Been down one time
Been down two times
Mm, never going back again
Mm
- [indistinct chatter]
- [dance music playing]
- Ready?
- [Jim] To friendship.
- [both] Friendship!
- Hold it. One more!
- Whoa! One more! One more!
- One more!
Thank you.
- All right, down the hatch!
- [all cheer]
- ["Vacation" by The Go-Go's playing]
- I love this song!
- Ah!
- Me too, me too!
- Let's go dance.
- Over here.
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
Now listen,
I know you said no to this before,
but don't you really want to be
the Royal Caribbean Karaoke Queen?
- [Rachel] No!
- [Harry] I thought...
this could be something we both enjoy
and do it together.
What do you think?
If I say yes,
will you please let me dance?
- Yes?
- Okay! I will karaoke with you!
- On the last night. Okay?
- [laughs]
Can't seem to get my mind off of you
Back here at home
There's nothin' to do
Now that I'm away
I wish I'd stayed
Tomorrow's a day of mine
That you won't be in
- [cheering]
- When you looked at me
- I should have run
- [Steve] My boy's a surfer!
- But I thought it was just for fun
- [Harry] Ooh!
[Beth] I don't like this.
I don't like this!
[Beth groans]
I see I was wrong
[Dan gasps]
- Wait, they went back upstate to the farm?
- [Frank] Yeah. [sighs]
Did they say who they were gonna with
before they left?
[chuckles] No, they said
that they were going to meditate on it.
No, no. Then we just have to let them
meditate on it for a bit.
- [scoffs]
- What are you gonna do, right?
- If I were there, I would drive upstate...
- But you're not here,
- and that's okay.
- I know. I know I'm not there.
Hey. How's it going with your dad?
It's...
Uh...
It's better.
- Vacation, all I ever wanted
- [phone vibrating]
Vacation, had to get away
Vacation, meant to be spent alone
[Harry and Rachel singing along]
Vacation, all I ever wanted
Vacation, had to get away
Vacation, meant to be spent alone
I don't know... I...
- I think it's a little on the nose.
- Agreed.
Yeah. We'll just find a better song.
- Okay.
- Hey, can we see that book again?
["Escape (The Pia Colada Song)" playing]
Do you...
I don't think this a good song, either.
- Why not?
- Do you know what this song is about?
Pia coladas.
- It's about cheating.
- What?
This guy places a personal ad
because things aren't going well
with his wife,
but his wife ends up answering
the personal ad,
because she was thinking
of cheating as well.
- [smacks lips] I had no idea.
- Yeah.
[chuckles] Well, I always thought
it was about pia coladas.
That's sad.
- Let's pick another one.
- Okay.
May we see that book again, please?
If you like pia coladas
- [screams]
- And getting caught in the rain
[yelps]
If you're not into yoga
Make sure you just do your shoulders
and your arms are relaxed.
- I know. I know.
- And you just... You just...
- I know how to play mini-golf. Okay?
- Okay. Fine. Fine. Go ahead.
- I knew her smile in an instant
- [ball clicks]
- [Harry] Oh, what happened there?
- Okay, well...
- It's because you're in my ear.
- Because I'm watching? I know.
- I'm going to stand here. Go ahead.
- Watch, just stop talking.
Yes, I like pia coladas
And getting caught in the rain
I'm not much into health food
I am into champagne
- [laughs]
- [both speaking indistinctly]
- [Rachel] Whoo!
- Cut through all this red tape
At a bar called O'Malley's
Where we'll plan our escape
[tablemates cheering, laughing]
Whoo!
Oh! Hold on. I'll be right there.
Mm, this is nice.
It is, isn't it?
Maybe Owen wasn't such a fucker after all.
This was his idea.
I think maybe I'm an asshole.
Owen and I dated in college,
and we eventually broke up and lost touch.
And then, I met up with Owen again
three months after my mom died.
Three months after that, he proposed...
and I said yes...
because he felt familiar.
Because he felt like family.
And I did not...
want to end up alone...
the way she did.
[clicks tongue]
I was in a cab when she died...
because I had a meeting that ran long.
She was alone...
again.
I'm sorry.
I just never should have said yes to Owen.
[sighs]
That's all.
Fear of loneliness
is a very powerful thing.
- [scattered applause]
- [laughs]
- [chuckles]
- Thank you.
[laughs] I'm gonna run outside
for just one sec.
That was really fun.
I'll meet you back in the room?
We're going to win this thing, Harry.
Are you serious?Well, that can't be.
A debt collector?
Well...
Are you sure they called looking for me?
[band playing in distance]
Bankrupt?
Well, I don't care if I'm his daughter,
I'm not bailing him out.
Motherfucker!
I gotta call you back.
[sighs]
I'm not sure why they even
have these on a cruise ship.
What do you think? I got you one.
- Did you charge that to the room?
- What?
Because I just got a call
telling me that you're fucking bankrupt.
- You came here because you need money?
- No.
Progressive Collection Services
in Los Angeles just called my office
looking for me.
Your bankruptcy payments are late.
Because I'm your daughter,
they wanted to know where I was.
Okay. Is that why you came to find me?
Because you wanted to get me
before they did?
I can't believe I trusted you.
Oh, my God, I'm so stupid.
I want you out of my room.
You are a selfish, cold-hearted,
- horrible human being.
- Rachel.
Was it not enough you left me
when I was five?
Now you're trying to steal my money.
- [sobbing] Is all you want to do hurt me?
- No!
Oh, my God. Know what?
You can stay. Stay.
I'm gonna sleep with Jim and Steve,
- and there's no way...
- Stop talking for two seconds!
- In fact...
- Gabe is dead!
What?
He died. Two months ago.
I promise you, I'm not after your money.
[sniffles] Yes, I'm bankrupt.
And I owe a fair amount.
But I promise you, I'm dealing with it.
That was not why I came to find you.
I am sorry.
They should never have called you.
[sighs]
My best friend died.
He was all I had in the world, and...
now I'm alone.
So I came looking for you.
I'm sorry. That's not fair to you, but...
that is the truth.
Why didn't you tell me that sooner?
I... I wanted to, but... [chuckles]
...you were going through your own stuff,
anyway and...
Well, honestly...
being with you, it was nice just to forget
about everything that happened.
So that's Gabe?
- [sniffles]
- What happened to him?
[sighs]
[clicks tongue]
He was always the organized one.
We traveled around the world
for business,
and he would make sure
we got where we were going,
and when we were supposed to get there.
He'd look after the details, you know.
Then he started making mistakes.
He'd get confused and...
repeat himself.
When the doctors told us
it was early-onset Alzheimer's,
we were... [sighs]
He was just 52 years old.
We'd lost most of our clients by then,
because of the mistakes and...
he didn't have any family
to look after him.
So I quit working...
and moved him in with me.
Eventually,
I couldn't look after him alone anymore.
Had to hire some help,
and that's where the money went.
[chuckles softly]
Anyway...
I was gonna spread his ashes in New York,
'cause that's where he's from.
So, he was...
with me that night when we, you know...
[chuckling] So, along he came.
I figured...
the Caribbean was nicer anyway.
Wow. [clears throat]
Sorry, I don't know what to say.
[chuckles]
[crying] I don't want your money.
I sold my house,
and I'm just waiting on
some paperwork to go through, and...
I've even started packing up.
I'm gonna finish the job
when I get back from the cruise.
[sniffles]
- Where are you gonna go?
- I'll get an apartment or something.
A little late in thegame
for me to get a job-job, but...
I can do some consulting.
I'm gonna be just fine.
You don't have to worry about me.
So I guess we should karaoke
in Gabe's honor. [chuckles softly]
Yep. [chuckles]
- [indistinct chatter]
- [Jimmy] Hey, kids.
- It's your old pal, Jimmy Deer, here.
- [woman] Love you, Jimmy!
Now...
while I couldn't be sadder
that soon this ship will be docking,
[woman 2] Say it ain't so!
I also couldn't be gladder...
- that tonight we will be rockin'! Yeah!
- [audience applauds, cheers]
[Jimmy] Tonight...
is my favorite night of the entire cruise.
I give to you...
the Royal Caribbean's
Karaoke Championship!
Hey!
["Tainted Love" playing]
Sometimes I feel I've got to
Run away, I've got to
Get away
Yeah, I wanna dance with somebody
- With you.
- With me?
With somebody who loves me
Smile. Smile.
[operatically] I'm all out of love
I'm so lost without you
I know you were right
Believing for so long
I'm all out of love
What am I without you?
I can't be too late
To say that I was so wrong
But when you touch me like this
And when you hold me like that
[chuckles] I just have to admit
That it's all coming back to me
And when I touch you like this
And when I hold you like that
It's hard to believe
But it's all coming back to me
Don'tcha wanna dance?
Say you wanna dance
- Don'tcha wanna dance?
- Dance!
Don'tcha wanna dance?
Say you wanna dance
- Don'tcha wanna dance?
- Dance!
Don'tcha wanna dance?
Say you wanna dance
- Don'tcha wanna dance?
- Dance!
I'm too sexy for my cat
- [hisses]
- Too sexy for my cat
- Poor pussy, poor pussycat
- [yowls]
I'm too sexy for this song!
- [Jimmy] Oh! Make some noise!
- [audience cheers]
For Dan and Beth! Whoo!
Newlyweds from Wichita, Kansas,
with a hauntingly sexual rendition
of that ditty.
Oh, thank you, Alexa.
Make some noise for Alexa.
- [crowd cheers and applauds]
- My lovely assistant.
Now, wait, hold on.
I am being told by the judges
that this contest is too close to call,
with one couple remaining.
- Are you ready for that couple?
- [audience cheers]
Coming to the stage,
our final couple of the evening...
You know 'em, you love 'em,
our favorite non-honeymooners,
Rachel and Harry!
- [crowd cheering]
- [Jimmy] Make some noise!
[woman whoops]
- ["Come Sail Away" playing]
- [woman 2] Rock it out!
- Ugh. Pfft. Way to be obvious!
- [chuckles]
Fuck, that's genius.
They're totally gonna win.
- I'm sailing away
- [man] Yeah!
Set an open course
- For the virgin sea
- [man 2] Wow!
'Cause I've
Got to be free free
Free to face the life
That's ahead of me
On board I'm the captain
So climb aboard
We'll search for tomorrow
On every shore
- [both] And we'll try
- [chuckling]
The best that we can
To carry on!
[crowd cheers]
[Steve] Go, Rachel!
A gathering of angels appeared
Above my head
They sang to me this song of hope
And this is what they said
They said, come sail away
Come sail away
Come sail away with me
- Come sail away
- [Jim whoops]
Come sail away
Come sail away with me
[audience whooping]
[man] Yeah!
- [Rachel] Guys, come up! Come!
- She's talking to us!
- [Rachel] Come on!
- [Harry] Come!
- [Beth] Let's go!
- [Jim] Don't have to ask twice.
- [crowd cheers]
- [Harry] Our table!
- [Rachel] Do the robot!
- [Jim] We gotta do the robot.
- [Harry] Yes, yes.
- [Rachel] Come on! Come on! Follow me.
- [Leonard] What are we doing?
- [Rachel] Rock out!
- [audience claps]
- [man] Yeah!
- [man 2] Nice!
- [man 3] Yeah!
[both] I thought that they were angels
But much to my surprise
We climbed aboard their starship
- Pick me up!
- And headed for the skies!
Come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me
- [Rachel] Everyone!
- [all] Come sail away
Come sail away, come sail away with me
- Lads!
- Come sail away
Come sail away
Come sail away with me
Come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me!
- [Jimmy] Rachel and Harry!
- [crowd cheers]
Hold on, let me check with the judges.
Who am I kiddin'?
There's nothin' in my ear! Our winners!
- Rachel and Harry!
- [both exclaim]
[Jimmy] Let's give them their crown!
[all cheering]
If it helps,
we promise to name our baby Gabe.
Jim, what if it's a daughter?
Gabe-ette.
Gabriella's actually a girl's name.
Let's just do Gabriella.
- We could do that.
- [chuckles] It's okay, you two.
You don't need to do that.
The reason I didn't tell you all
about Gabe was because...
I didn't want to believe he was gone.
He was a good man, a good friend.
Loved karaoke.
[chuckles]
We were each other's family
for a long time.
I'm sure gonna miss him.
[whispers] So long, pal.
- Do we clap?
- [Steve] Babe...
Oh, Jim.
[both laugh]
[Harry] It's all right. It's okay.
The last thing Gabe would want
would be for us to be all mopey.
[chuckles]
Why don't we all head back inside
and enjoy one final night of...
unlimited sugary cocktails?
- [chuckles]
- Come on, let's go.
Hey, I was thinking maybe after this
I would come to California for a few days.
Help you move?
What about work?
I was thinking about work.
Actually, it's funny,
because I wasn't thinking about work,
but...
a few days isn't gonna make a difference.
I'd like to help.
Moving's hard work.
I got a lot of stuff. [chuckles]
Are you sure?
I can handle it.
I want to see where you live.
Lived. Sorry.
Isn't that what family is supposed to do?
I guess so.
Yeah. Then I'll come to California.
I'm gonna go inside.
I'll be in in a minute.
Hey, Dad?
Thanks for coming to find me.
[gulls cawing]
Mm-hmm? Yes. Yes.
That is the first phone call
I've seen her pick up in days.
I gotta admit,
she looks like she's doing very well.
Oh, she has been relating to us
like a human.
I hate to brag,
but you two are some of my best work.
- Hello?
- Oh, Jim.
- Okay, it was all of us. Mostly Harry.
- [Leonard] Thank you.
Either way, I hope we have a little girl.
Know what?I want to propose a toast.
[clears throat]
To Rachel and Harry.
You guys have made this cruise
so much more fun.
And it's really nice to see you reconnect.
- To forgiveness.
- [all] To forgiveness.
And I'd like to add something else
to this toast.
That was my boss.
I am the official accounts director.
[Steve] Congratulations.
Thank you. We got Evie's chips. So...
Whoo!
Strategy meeting
first thing in the morning,
And then, up to Upstate New York
this week.
- Oh.
- Mm...
Sorry, I think that changes our plan
a little bit
about me going with you to California,
but...
- I figured you'd understand.
- I do. That's fine.
- I'm so... I'm really proud of you.
- Yeah.
And I... I'll see your place in California.
- We have a ton of clients there, so...
- [cell phone rings]
- I will be out there.
- Great! I'll show you my new place.
Great. Okay, I've gotta take this. Hi.
- Shirley, would you pass the salt, please?
- Of course.
- What time does your car come? Oh.
- Oh, half an hour or so.
I'm really sorry that I can't stick to
our plan
about coming to California.
Oh, that's all right.
I'm really proud of you.
Thanks.
[cell phone vibrates]
Oh, I gotta go. My car is here.
I have to run home
before I go to the office, so... [sighs]
Um, when's your flight?
This afternoon.
Any idea when you might get to California?
I... I have no way of knowing,
'cause it's entirely dependent on work.
Yeah. Sure. Sure.
Look...
This week... has been...
[laughs]
I'm glad I pushed you in that town car.
I'm glad that somewhere in my drunk brain,
I wanted to get to know you,
and find out you were
not as shitty as I thought you were.
- [chuckles] Thank you.
- You're welcome.
But this is vacation,
and I have to get back to real life.
Yeah.
- Which I've worked very hard for.
- I know.
I'm... I will see you at some point.
- Okay.
- [both chuckle]
Okay.
I really am proud of you.
Thanks.
I'll see ya when I see ya.
See you when I see ya.
[door shuts]
["Save it for Later" playing]
Two dozen other dirty lovers
[indistinct chatter]
Must be a sucker for it
Cry, cry, but I don't need my mother
Just hold my hand
While I come to a decision on it
Sooner or later
Your legs give way, you hit the ground
Save it for later
Don't run away and let me down
Sooner or later
You hit the deck, you get found out
Save it for later
Don't run away and let me down
You let me down
You run away, run away
Let me down
Run away, run
Black air and seven seas
Are rotten through
But what can you do?
I don't know how I'm meant to act
With all of you lot
Sometimes I don't try
I just, now, now, now, now, now
Now, now, now, now, now
Now, now, now
Sooner or later
Your legs give way, you hit the ground
Save it for later
Don't run away and let me down
Sooner or later
You hit the deck, you get found out
Save it for later
Don't run away and let me down
Let me down, run away, run away
Let me down
So, I think what the game plan should be
when we get up there,
I will take Ben and you take Evie.
How does that sound?
Great.
She's got you staying in some guesthouse
that's attached to the barn.
She says it's "magical."
That was her word.
She also said something like,
"You need to be near the potatoes
to sell the potatoes."
Anyway, I...I got a really good feeling
about this company.
I think Evie really likes you,
and I have always found
that my biggest successes
come from when I become friends
with my clients, you know?
I think you staying in the barn
is a great first step.
It's like you're practically family.
Why don't you just hold me?
Why don't you hold me and kiss me...
Do you have any flights to Los Angeles?
- Wait...
- What happened to Syracuse?
- Wait, what's going on?
- I'm sorry, I need more vacation days.
Can you get me on a flight to LA?
I have a flight to LA in 45 minutes.
- I can get you on it.
- [Rachel] I'll take it.
- Okay. You're set, but you gotta hurry.
- Okay.
Who's in California?
My dad.
Hold me
Why don't you hold me and kiss me now?
I want you to hold me
Why don't you hold me
And kiss me, now?
Save it for later
Ooh, mm
Don't run away and run away
Run away, run away, run away
Run away and let me down
Run away, run away and let me down
[knocking on door]
[knocks]
[doorbell rings]
[Jim] I don't care how successful
you were,
there is never a need for 278 ties.
You can't even wearthe ones you like
that often. It is insane.
That is not a word I'm supposed to use
with patients.
I'm not one of your patients.
All right, then.
Oh, shit.
- Hi, Steve.
- [Jim] You saw her. Now shut the door.
[clears throat]
I had a few extra vacation days.
Well, like nine years' worth,
so I figured I'd...
[clicks tongue]...take some.
I love you, Rachel.
- I never stopped loving you.
- [sniffles]
Thank you for coming here.
- It's more than I deserve.
- [crying]
[sighs]
You don't have to say you love me,
you know.
[laughs, sniffles]
How about I just start by becoming inside?
Good plan.
[upbeat instrumental music playing]