Good morning.
Just a minute, please.
Will I fill it up, sir?
No, thanks.
I got off the main highway. Can you
tell me where I am? This is Cucamonga.
That's good.
We think so.
Were you looking for
anybody special?
I'm trying to find the Perkins'
farm. Oh, they're very good friends.
Go straight ahead
to the first crossroads,
turn left, and it's the
first house on your right.
Thanks a lot.
You're much obliged.
The salesman who allows the purchaser
to escape without buying anything,
is wasting his own time, the time
ofhis employer and the customer's time.
To our students we say,
be diplomatic,
but be firm!
If you meet with sales
resistance, attack it!
Break it down!
Aaah!
A humorous story will
detain the customer...
until you can think
of something to sell him.
For example, the following
humorous story should be memorized.
Ready?
Yes, sir.
A man and his wife were
quarreling in bed one night.
The wife was jealous of
her husband's stenographer. You catch?
So, the husband said
to his wife...
Turn over on
the other side.
"Turn over on
the other side"?
Turn over
on the other side?
Turn over.
Turn over, Benny.
Ohh! Turn the record over.
Excuse me.
Boy, am I dumb.
I didn't see you there, Mom.
You know, dear, I can't
help worrying about you.
Last night you played your lessons
until way after 10:00.
Mom, we must remember. I'm a slow
learner. Keeping such late hours...
and then getting up at
5:00 to do the milking!
It's just not good
for you, son.
You don't have to worry.
I'm up to my last lesson.
It's all over and boy, oh boy,
am I gonna make money!
I'm gonna fix it that you don't have to
work so hard anymore. Especially on Sundays.
Why, for $10,000, I can buy up
the ranches on both sides of us.
Then I can hire the hired men
to work for you.
I'm gonna buy you the best rocking
chair in the world. Oh, thanks.
But $10,000?
That's nothing at all, Mom.
A good salesman in one year can
make $10,000 just like that!
All you gotta do is learn how. It says
so on the records. Here, sit down, Mom.
I want you to listen to
Professor Watkins.
This is lesson 24.
You asked me what is
real salesmanship. I'll tell you.
It doesn't require talent to sell a
customer something he came in to buy.
Salesmanship consists in selling him
something he did not come in to buy.
Shall I repeat?
No, that's all right.
I'll repeat it.
Salesmanship consists in selling a customer
something he doesn't know he wants...
until you convince him of it.
You must look him confidently
in the eye and decide for him.
Do not take no
for an answer!
Ain't that guy terrific? Did I learn
a lot from him! I don't know, Benny.
It doesn't seem neighborly to sell
a person something he doesn't need.
Mom, that's
old-fashioned.
There's a customer now.
I'll prove it to you.
I go out there
and I'll face him...
and look him right in
the eye... confidentially.
And I won't take no
for an answer.
How do you do? What can I do for
you? The customer's out there.
How do you do, sir?
Helping yourself to some air?
It's free air, isn't it?
Yes, sir!
How 'bout some gas? Some oil? Nope. Nope.
How 'bout some... I don't
want any water either.
Oh, hey, mister! How 'bout some
nice, fresh California naval oranges?
My mama just picked them this
morning. I don't want any.
Oranges are good for you.
Oranges are good for you, huh?
My father owns a lemon grove, but
you say everybody should eat oranges!
There's vitamin C in oranges, and
everybody should have vitamin C.
For two years, the specialists have
been giving me vitamin A, B and D.
But, no, you're smarter.
You say I need vitamin C.
Look, mister...
I'm sorry. I tripped over the
oranges. Oranges are good for you?
Oranges are very good for you.
How 'bout some nice...
I'm sorry again.
I'm so anxious.
How 'bout a nice jar of
marmalade? I don't eat marmalade.
You don't eat marmalade. Why don't
you take a jar home to your children.
Let 'em have a spoonful. One spoonful, huh?
One spoonful of marmalade
for 11 kids.
But they're only my kids.
They're not entitled to any more!
Mister, take the whole jar.
Let the kids eat the whole jar.
Oh, they should stuff
themselves and get sick?
Now you've got me paying doctor
bills. I don't want you to pay bills.
Oh, a man goes to medical school for
eight years, studies day and night,
becomes a doctor,
saves my children's lives...
and you want me to beat him out of
his bill, huh? I didn't say that.
Oh, I said it. I go around
telling everybody I'm a deadbeat.
I hope you're satisfied. You stuff my
kids with your marmalade, you got 'em sick,
now I've gotta explain
to the doctors what's wrong.
You won't have to do that.
They'll find out for themselves.
Oh yeah? They can
experiment on my kids?
Use my kids for guinea pigs.
Say it. My kids are guinea pigs.
Your kids ain't guinea pigs.
Oh... they're just plain pigs, huh?
Mister, if you don't want the marmalade
that my mama made this morning,
how 'bout some nice fresh eggs
my mama laid...
I mean, the leghorns laid them this
morning. Buddy, I don't want eggs.
You don't want any eggs? No eggs.
These are very fine eggs. Even the
worst cook... Oh, the worst cook?
Now you're draggin' my wife
into the argument.
My wife is a rotten cook. Go on,
say it. Your wife's a good cook.
I suppose the indigestion comes
from the tonic I use on my head, huh?
Talk about my wife... I don't
wanna talk about your wife.
Now my wife isn't good
enough to be talked about!
Just come out and say it. I know what you're
thinking. My wife is a miserable old hag.
Just the thought of kissing my wife
makes a person sick and disgusted.
I wouldn't say that. I think
kissing your wife's a pleasure.
You're the guy, huh? Mister,
please, I don't mean any harm.
Please, leave me alone. I'm only
trying to be a good salesman.
And a good salesman should never take
no for an answer. What do you say?
No! Good. That's all I wanted to know.
It's nice doing business
with a man like you.
Good-bye.
Ma? Ma?
It worked!
It worked, Ma!
Benny? Ma, I did everything
I was supposed to.
I looked him in the eye, confidentially,
and I wouldn't take no for an answer.
Boy, did I sell him
a lot of stuff.
That's fine, Benny. How much
did it come to all together?
What? How much money did you get?
Money?
Hey?
Hey, you!
Hey, you,
come back here!
How do you like that?
A crook.
Ah, keep your shirt on!
Martha? Martha!
I didn't know it was you. You
don't have to take your shirt...
It was somebody else,
'cause when I was...
No.
Yes!
My last lesson.
And something else too.
Oh, gosh! I'm so proud of you, Benny.
Are ya? Mm-hmm. Nobody
thought you'd ever graduate.
That is, nobody but me.
I was sure you'd make it.
Today I am a salesman. Yoo-hoo?
Martha,
any mail for me?
No, Mrs. Miller. Come on. Let's graduate!
Oh, Mom!
Look!
Come on in.
You're just in time.
Ohh!
Give it to me.
I almost didn't graduate.
You better let me. You're too
nervous. It's the excitement.
Students and dear
friends and family...
who have congregated for this
joyful occasion, be seated, please.
Here, Martha, take this
chair. Oh, all right.
I'm not going to take up your time
with any long-winded congratulations.
By this time, you're probably sick
and tired of the sound of my voice.
Have you the registered container
that arrived with this record?
Martha's got it. Please
take out the diploma.
Now, student,
stand up,
and the closest of kin
will make the presentation.
The Record Correspondence School
takes pride in conferring upon you...
this diploma
of graduation...
and with it the degree of
B.S., bachelor of salesmanship!
Congratulations!
Congratulations, son.
Hail, Alma mater That's
my "Alma mama" song.
Ever be thy glory
Famed in song and story
Record Correspondence School
Deep our devotion
Over land and ocean
Proudly you will rule
Record Correspondence School
Are we happy? Well, I guess.
We're all students of R.C.S.
Yes, yes, yes.
R.C.S.
Record Correspondence School
Resume your seat, please,
and listen carefully.
Now that the door of success
is open to you, walk through it.
Don't waste your knowledge and ability
in a small place. Go at once to the city!
I'll go to Pomona.
A big city!
All right, San Diego. The
biggest city in the state.
Los Angeles? Yes, the
biggest city in the state.
Okay, Los Angeles. And go now... today!
That does it. You heard what the
man said. I gotta go now... today!
But, Benny?
Benny?
Mom, I'm going up and pack a
clean shirt. You heard the man.
I gotta get to Los Angeles. But
Los Angeles is such a big city.
What are you gonna do there?
Get a job as a salesman.
Listen, son, you can't just walk
into a big city like that...
and expect to get a job right
away. Uncle Clarence did.
That was 20 years ago, and he's been
with the same company ever since.
Don't you think he could get
Benny a job? Put in a good word?
Martha, that's a grand
thought! That's great.
I was gonna think of that myself.
Thank heavens that's settled.
Clarence will be delighted to have
his favorite nephew working with him.
Gee, ain't that great?
Who would've thought that Uncle
Clarence would have ever come in handy?
Well, Martha, the time
has come to say good-bye.
Bye, Benny. You are
coming back, aren't you?
I mean, someday when
you're a big success.
I'm only going on account
of you. You mean that, Benny?
I'm gonna go so I can come back with
a lot of money and lay it at your feet.
Oh, Benny!
Gee! What I've been missing
all these years!
This is my lucky day. First I
graduate, and now I'm engaged.
Engaged?
I kissed you, didn't I?
Oh, Benny!
Don't you wanna
see me go?
Bye, Benny, dear.
Bye, Martha.
Going up.
Hercules Company.
Tenth floor.
This is it.
Whitney 7039.
I'm getting your number.
Yes, dear, I think
I can be there.
Just a minute, dear.
Room 1026, right down the hall. Thank you.
I'm ringing them. Yes, dear. Yes, dear.
Excuse me?
Come in.
Thank you.
I'm looking for my Uncle
Clarence. Uncle Clarence?
Yes. Uncle Clarence.
That's the brother to my mother.
My mother's... Oh, could
you mean Mr. Goodring?
Uncle Clarence Goodring. I'm sorry.
He's in Mr. Morrison's office.
That's clearly understood,
I presume? Oh, yes. Quite.
That's fine. Have a cigar.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Oh, and you better have your
girl put this away, Mr. Morrison.
Mr. Goodring, you've been
with this company a long time.
I want you to know the president, Mr. Van
Loan, and myself, appreciate your loyalty.
Thank you, sir.
I've tried to do my best.
It's been difficult at times
keeping two sets of books...
Oh, yes,
I was coming to that.
I was going to suggest a little
raise for you. Let's say $20 a month.
Well, thank you, sir. Say nothing
about it, old boy. It's a...
Oh, excuse me.
I'm sorry. I...
Come in.
I've been expecting you.
Good afternoon, Miss
Temple. Good afternoon.
I'd like to get your reaction of Miss
Temple's idea of our new advertising campaign.
Do you mind? I'd love it. Of
course this is a rough layout.
With the right model and
the right photographer...
I like it! It's different. Thank you.
What do you think, Mr. Goodring?
I agree with Mr. Morrison.
He would.
I just gave him a raise.
I'll go back
to my office.
Are you expecting anybody else? No, dear.
Oh, darling!
Oh, did I hate you when that
alarm clock went off this morning.
Don't blame me. It was your
birthday. And our anniversary.
Married two whole months! Shh!
Never mention that around here.
Walls have ears.
Sorry.
I keep forgetting I'm
your secret bride. Shh.
Benny, there's nothing I wouldn't
do to help you and your mother.
That's what Mama says. Mama says you'll
be very glad to help me get a job here.
Ah, the trouble is,
I can't.
I don't see why not.
I'm a graduate salesman.
I'm a B.S.
Yes, I know, Benny. But there's
a strict rule in the office...
against hiring relatives
of anyone who works here.
Oh.
No relatives, huh?
Mr. Morrison made that rule
last year.
And nobody breaks any rules of Mr.
Morrison's, that is, not over once.
Good-bye,
Uncle Clarence.
Mr. Miller?
Mr. Miller?
Benny!
Close the door.
I'm taking a chance. After all, Anna's
my only sister. I'm her only boy.
And I'm writing a letter of
introduction to Mr. Morrison.
But, remember, don't tell him
that you're my nephew.
Who will I tell him I am? Just say that
you're a Benny Miller from Cucamonga.
But I am Benny Miller from
Cucamonga. I know you are!
Just a moment, please.
That model's here, sir.
Ask that young man to wait.
Yes, sir.
Thanks. I'll be back in a minute
as soon as I get a glass of water.
I drink four quarts of
water every day. Really?
Yeah. I used to drink five,
but now I don't get up so early.
I want to see Mr. Morrison. Come in
and have a seat. I'll be right back.
Send that young man in.
Come in, come in. Close
the door. Thank you.
I got a letter from my un... I mean,
I got a letter. It's about a job.
Yes, I understand. Take your coat
off, please. Take my coat off?
Mm-hmm.
Yes, sir.
Now, um...
And your shirt.
Take my shirt off?
Take your shirt off.
Why? I want to see your muscles.
Oh, you wanna see my muscles? That's right.
Talking about my muscles, I have
the biggest muscles in Cucamonga.
You know how I got 'em? I got those
big muscles from helping my mama.
She picks the oranges and
puts 'em in the crates.
I gotta lift the crates.
Gives me big muscles.
I'll let you know. Yes, sir. There you are.
Take off the rest of your
clothes! You mean, my pants?
Yes, please.
All finished. Ah, let's see. Turn around.
You certainly don't look
like Hercules to me.
Who wants to look like
a vacuum cleaner?
Who's talking about a vacuum?
I'm talking about Hercules, a man!
Surely you've heard of
Hercules? What's his last name?
Like Hercules Brown. Hercules
Ginsberg. Everybody has a last name.
No last name, just Hercules!
An old Greek hero.
Oh... him!
What's he do?
He cleaned out
some stables.
Cleaned out stables?
That's nothing.
I clean out stables
every week in Cucamonga.
But these stables
were different.
Did they have horses in them?
Certainly they had horses!
Then if there was horses
in 'em, it's no different.
I don't know what
you're talking about.
All I want you to do is pose as
Hercules in our new advertising campaign.
But, Mr. Morrison! Quiet! Sit down.
Mr. Morrison, here's
another idea for...
Excuse me.
Ohh!
Hercules.
It must be drafty
down there.
Come out before
you catch cold.
It ain't my fault.
He made me do it.
Here are your clothes. You can
"repants" yourself in there.
Thank you. I never was undressed
like this before in public.
Thank you
ever so much.
He's cute, isn't he?
Why didn't you introduce me?
Introduce you!
Don't try to rib me.
What's the idea of
sending me a guy like that?
Oh, Hercules! Of course,
silly. Show him your muscles.
Never mind, the job is yours.
Get out. Scram.
If he's Hercules,
who's that in there?
Maybe it's Cupid.
I'm not kidding. This can be
serious. Take it easy, Eddie.
Someone's probably just
ribbing you. That's just it.
If Van Loan hears, I'll be the
laughingstock of this office.
They'll be calling you, "Take 'em
off, Morrison. " Cut it out, Hazel.
We've gotta do something
to keep that little guy's mouth shut.
Pull yourself together,
big shot. Hazel will fix.
Come out, come out,
whoever you are.
I'm comin'.
Hello? Hello there. I'm Hazel
Temple from the art department.
I'm Benny Miller
from Cucamonga.
It's certainly wonderful meeting
a fellow from Cucamonga. Thank you.
Do you mind if I fix your
tie, Benny? No, ma'am.
Oh, you smell nice.
You smell just like... just
like... Like what, Benny?
Just like my mama's flower garden
on a bright moonlight night.
There, I said it.
Benny, there've been a lot
of mistakes made here.
Mr. Morrison made the first one.
He mistook you for somebody else.
Yes, I know. A Greek
strongman. He's awfully sorry.
Aren't you? Yes, I've never
been so embarrassed in my life.
I wish there was something I could do
to prove it to you. Shucks, you can!
You can give me a job.
Ajob?
What kind of a job,
handsome?
Oh, I ain't
really handsome.
I'll bet you haven't got a
salesman like me. Listen to this.
Salesmanship is an art
in knowing human nature.
It doesn't require great talent to sell
a customer something he come in to buy.
Good salesmanship is selling a customer
something he did not come in to buy.
Sometimes a humorous story will
do the trick. But, I'm afraid...
You're not going to let this
get away from you, are you?
Miller, I see you have a way
with women. They like you.
That's what we need, a salesman
with housekeeper appeal.
Report to work tomorrow morning
to Mr. Elmore. Oh, thank you.
It's quite all right.
Thank you too.
Good luck, Benny. You've brought
sunshine into one of my darkest days.
Good.
Ohh!
Madam...
No!
One, two, three, four.
"Rule four.
"When the door is open,
put your foot in it.
"This will prevent
an abrupt end...
to your
introductory remarks. "
Foot in it.
Okay.
I come here to sell you
something you don't want. No!
Whoo!
Hey, lady.
Give me back my...
Watch this Hercules machine
pick up the little pieces of paper.
It really does it
in a jiffy too.
There you are.
How's that?
Would you mind
holding this? That's it.
With this bag of soot... Please,
don't put that soot on my light carpet!
Have no fear. Hercules
will pick it up. Hercules!
There you are.
Thank you.
Watch this job.
Really picks it up,
doesn't it?
Now, how's that? But you've
left a stain on my carpet.
So I have. For that,
I must use a brush head...
made of fine,
long-wearing pig's hair.
Before I show you that...
would you hold this please?
I want to show you the
reverse flow of this machine.
If you do like this and turn it
around, it will de-flea, delouse,
fumigate your house from
your basement to your attic.
First, turn this knob.
Now, just a minute.
Would you please hold this?
Thank you.
Now you turn on the juice. Young man,
I've had quite enough demonstration.
Oh, mercy no! My love seat!
Shut it off, shut it off! Who
put the black stuff in here?
Give me that!
Give me that!
Been with us one day
and he's cost us $2,000.
Goodring, do you know
anything about this?
W-W-What was that name?
Hello!
Well, put him on.
It's Miller.
Hello, Benny, I have a letter
from a Mrs. Hendrickson.
It was awful. I tried to show her
how to fumigate her house...
and the big bag
with the dust and the soot,
it blew all over her white
curtains and her love seat.
Ohh! It's ruined.
You shoulda seen it.
And another thing.
I've been robbed.
What do you mean
you were robbed?
You mean to tell me
you let someone walk off...
with a brand-new
demonstrating machine?
Please, Mr. Morrison... Never
mind, you're fired. I said, fired!
I'd like to know
how he ever got in here.
And don't think
I won't find out.
Goodring, you know
everybody in the office. Yes.
Find out who sent that
apple-knucker into me.
And I'll fire him too!
Yes, sir.
Hello.
Yes, he's here.
It's for you, Goodring. Oh,
thank you, sir. Thank you.
Excuse me, please.
Goodring speaking.
This is Benny,
Uncle Clarence.
Don't call me that, you...
Oh, just a minute, Jenny.
This ain'tJenny.
It's me, Benny.
Eh, Jenny, I'm in
Mr. Morrison's office, dear.
I can't talk to you now,
Jenny.
Yes, you meet me in
MacArthur Park at noontime.
Good-bye, dear.
What's wrong
with my uncle?
You're a menace
to both of us.
I feel like a tin can
with a dog's tail tied to it.
Don't get discouraged. The
competition here is pretty tough.
I think you'd be better off
starting in a smaller town.
What small town? Well,
there's lots of them.
Have you ever been to
Stockton? Stockton, California?
Yes. The branch manager of Hercules there,
Tom Chandler, is a good friend of mine.
I'm sure if I asked him
he'd put you on.
He would?
Oh boy!
When do I start? Take the night
train, you'd be there in the morning.
Oh, you're wonderful,
Uncle Clarence.
Oh, please don't
call me that again.
That's a promise,
Uncle Clarence.
Psst. Psst!
What's your berth?
March 6th, 19...
Where do you sleep?
In bed.
On the train?
I don't know.
Have you got a ticket? Yes, sir.
Upper six. Upper six? Where's that?
Upper six.
Where's that?
Up there?
Ouch, ouch.! Hey.!
What are you...
What are you trying to do? Shh. Be quiet.
Everything's all right.
I'm gonna get him up here.
I'm sorry.
All right, madam. Go back to
sleep. Everything's all right.
Go back to sleep.
Don't make any noise. Shh.
That's much easier.
Tsk-tsk-tsk.
Ohh!
Aaah! Aaah!
Stockton in 20 minutes.
Ah, good morning,
Mr. Miller.
Stockton in 20... I trust
you've had a pleasant sleep.
Mr. Miller? Oh, Mr. Miller? Oh!
Mr. Chandler will see you now. Thank you.
Excuse me?
Come in. Come in.
Mr. Chandler...
Morrison, Morrison!
What's the trouble? Mr. Morrison,
he's in the other office.
Who? Mr. Morrison. Ah...
- Wait a minute.
- Calm yourself.
Everybody makes
the same mistake.
Mr. Morrison is Mr.
Chandler's cousin. Cousins?
His mother and my mother
were sisters. Sisters?
They both had the same mother,
my grandmother.
Everybody in our family
looks like grandma.
Ah, sit down, sit down.
Thank you.
This is strictly between
you and me, man to man.
What do you think of my cousin? Well...
I mean, I-I-I... You don't
have to tell me. I'll tell you.
He's a dirty, slave-driving,
double-crossing skunk.
You mean...
E.L. Morrison?
Yes!
He's a crook.
I'll say he is, and I'll never
do business with him again.
I'll bet he took the shirt
right off your back.
And my pants too!
Sure, he would.
You know what he did to me? No.
He dreamed up that "no relative" rule
just to get me out of town.
Boy, is he repulsive.
I'll say.
Why, he put a quota on this
branch that nobody can fill.
Twenty-eight vacuum cleaners a week
and only seven salesmen.
Tsk-tsk. Mr. Chandler, 28 vacuums
a week. That's a lot to sell.
And you only have seven salesmen? That
means they gotta sell 13 vacuums apiece.
You're right. You... 13 vacuum
cleaners apiece? Yes, sir.
What are you talking about? Seven
times 13 is not 28. Yes, it is.
Seven times four is 28.
Mr. Chandler,
seven times 13 is 28.
Seven times four is 28!
Did you go to school, stupid?
Yes, sir. And I come out
the same way.
Come here a minute.
You claim that seven goes
into 2813 times? That's right.
Prove it!
Go ahead, prove it, prove it!
Go ahead, go ahead. All right.
There's the board. Well, go
ahead. I'm gonna prove it.
You've got seven salesmen.
There's the seven. Where is it?
There. Now you've got
28 vacuums a week to sell.
I'm gonna divide. You claim
that seven goes into 2813 times?
That's right. Seven into two.
Seven won't go into two.
Certainly not. So I gotta take
the two from there and put it here.
Put it down there. I'm gonna use it
after a while. That's a cute little two.
Seven into eight, once. I'm gonna carry
the seven and put it under the eight.
Seven from eight, one. A minute ago I didn't
use that little two. What are you gonna do?
I gotta use that two now. I'm gonna
take it from there and put it there.
Now, seven into 21...
Three times.
Seven into 28, 13. Oh, no,
no, no. Nothing of the kind.
What kind of figures are these?
It's gotta come out right.
We'll multiply this.
Go ahead.
Multiply it? Put down 13. That's right.
And seven salesmen. Put
that down. Seven salesmen.
You claim that seven times 13
amounts to what? Twenty-eight.
Seven times three? Seven
times one? 21. Seven.
Seven and one? And a two is 28. Eight.
Now wait a minute! How do you
figure, boy? I figure good.
No, you can't do that.
That's right.
Nothing of the kind.
We'll add this up.
Put down 13 seven times. Okay.
One, two, three,
four, five, six, seven.
You claim that all that added
up amounts to what? Twenty-eight.
If it does, you've got a job. Thank you.
Three, six... Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Three, six, nine, 12, 15, 18, 21.
Twenty-two, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28.
You're hired.
Oh, it's you, Martha! It's
from him.! It's from Benny.!
From Benny?
Oh my goodness, I'm excited.
Oh!
Oh, I haven't my specs.
Here, you read it, dear.
"Dear Mama, I'm fine and
hope you are the same.
"I am now working in
our branch in Stockton.
"Uncle Clarence knows the manager
here and wanted to do him a favor...
"by sending him a good salesman like
me. Wasn't that nice of Clarence?
"So far I haven't sold
any vacuum cleaners.
"You better send me my correspondence
school records so I can study.
"Maybe I missed something. He missed
a lot of sleep, that's what he missed.
"Tomorrow night
there's big doings.
The president is going to
give us a long talk by shortwave. "
Following our usual custom,
I shall award a special cash prize...
to the salesman who has demonstrated
the most outstanding example...
of service and salesmanship
during the year ending tomorrow night.
I wish you all success
and happiness...
and again I remind you
of our slogan: "It's in the bag. "
I'm sure it was an inspiration to all of
us to have heard Mr. Van Loan's message.
To our branch offices I ask you to
extend your efforts to the utmost.
Ask yourself, did I do my
very best during the past year?
Did I use my best judgment? Don't
be afraid to be honest with yourself.
Even we in the home office
sometimes are fooled.
I will illustrate a point.
A few weeks ago,
a young man got into
my office seeking a job.
He had an honest face, even simple,
so we gave him thejob he asked for.
Ladies and gentlemen, not only
did he fail to make a single sale,
he involved us in a lawsuit,
and he lost his demonstrating machine.
So, to all managers, I say beware of
simple-looking little men...
with smiles on their faces
and sawdust in their brains.
Look around you. If you have anyone
like that on your payroll, discharge him.
Don't burden yourselves
with dead weight.
And in closing, may I repeat that I
expect every branch to meet its quota...
or suffer the consequences!
Good night and good luck
to you all.
Well, boys,
how do you like being spanked
on the pink network?
I'd like to show up
that egg, Morrison.
I realize that we're 12 cleaners behind in
our quota with only one day to sell them.
Tell you what I'll do. I'll double your
commission on every cleaner you sell.
Okay, okay, that's all.
Let's go home. Good night.
Thank you, Mr. Chandler. We'll make
our quota. I think we will. Good luck.
Miss Burke. Please. Yes, sir?
This guy Miller. Benny? Oh, he's nice.
How many cleaners has he sold
in the past two weeks?
I don't know exactly. I'd have
to look it up on the books.
I know. He hasn't sold any.
He hasn't even sold an attachment.
Make out his notice and give
it to him tonight. He's fired.
I'll tell you why he offered double
commissions. He's afraid of his job.
O'Brien, that dry wit
of yours kills me.
Ah, come on. Let's go down
toJoe's and get a couple of drinks.
Great, let's go. It's a
good idea. You comin' along?
He doesn't drink,
you dummy.
Well, good night.
Good night.
Benny?
Where'd the bunch go? They
went down toJoe's for a drink.
Why didn't you go along?
O'Brien says I don't drink.
Do you?
No.
Look, Benny, if you haven't
anything important on,
would you mind walking home
with me? I don't mind, I guess.
Thanks.
What's the trouble, Benny?
You're lower than a caterpillar
with fallen arches.
I'll be all right.
You want me to mail the letter
for you? Oh, there's no hurry.
You know, I've never seen you
like this before.
Has somebody hurt
your feelings?
No.
I'll be all right.
You remember the speech Mr. Morrison
made when he asked everybody...
to ask themselves if they
were doing their best? Yes.
I asked myself.
Do you know the answer I got?
Yes!
I was doing my best.
I learned that manual
word for word.
Still, I can't sell
any vacuums.
Well, maybe you're trying too hard. Maybe.
I'm the worst salesman
in Stockton.
Perhaps if you just relaxed a little
and then went to some other town.
Some other town?
Yes!
If a fellow can't "unlax" in
Stockton, where else can he "unlax"?
Oh, well, here's Joe's.
Here's Joe's.
Do you want to go in?
Yeah.
Come on.
Say, Mac?
Yeah?
Bring us another drink, will ya.
Coming up.
Hiya, cute and cuddly. Hiya,
wolves. I brought Benny along.
I come to unlax. Well, it's
about time. Come on. Sit down.
Thanks. What are you drinking?
A little scotch and water.
Come on, join us.
With you fellows?
Sure, pull your chair up. Thank you.
Baby, I got a hunch Gus is
about to buy you a drink. Swell.
You ready?
It's your turn.
One.
Joe!
I'm stuck again!
Hello, Miss Burke.
Hello, Joe, shake hands with Benny,
one of the boys from the office.
Sure.
Me too.
What'll it be? I guess I'll
take a short milk punch.
What's that? Milk with
a little whiskey in it.
I'll have a milk punch...
without the punch.
What kind of game was
you playing with the matches?
That's an old Egyptian
pastime called the "ibray. "
Yeah, it's, ah... sort
of a mind-reading game.
You try to guess what's in the other
guy's mind. That's almost impossible.
For most guys, but once in a while you
find a fellow that's... clairvoyant.
I got a hunch Benny could
do it. I don't think so.
Benny don't look very
psychic to me. You wanna bet?
I may be wrong. Pack of
cigarettes says Benny is the type.
Sure, quiet fellow like him
born and bred in the country,
all that fresh air and milk.
You got any cows on your farm?
Yes, I got a cow.
I gotta milk her twice a day.
Why? If I don't milk her, she moos.
What do you mean moo? Moooo!
That's what I mean. When Benny
hears the cow making that noise...
How does that go again? Moooo!
You see? Benny reads the cow's mind
and knows it's time to milk him.
Right?
Right.
I remain definitely unconvinced.
Okay, we'll prove it.
How? Put him in a trance? Oh, no.
We'll send Benny out of the room.
Then we'll pick some object on
the table that's in plain sight.
When Benny comes back, we'll concentrate
on the object and he'll guess.
I don't think I can do that.
Why, Benny, I'm betting you can.
You don't mind trying? I'll... I'll
try it. But I don't think I can do it.
That's very hard.
Okay, where do I go? Right
out there in the back room.
Oh yeah.
I'll give it a chance.
I'm just a little girl from a hick town,
but what's so funny about it?
The gag is, we don't pick out
any object. Nothing at all.
Whatever he points to... no matter
what... we tell him that's it.
I should stretch my girdle
laughing at that!
Wait 'til you see the expression on
his face. Believe me, it never misses.
Send him in, Joe.
Right.
Okay, Benny.
Everybody's gotta concentrate
or it isn't fair to Benny.
It's this.
That's right!
Holy smoke. Well,
I'm a son-of-a-gun.
Benny, how did you know
it was Ruby's glass?
W-W-Well, when Larry said
for everybody to concentrate,
I thought he was trying to throw me
off the track and get me mixed up.
- Did you, Larry?
- That's right, I was.
To settle the argument, do
it again, will ya? Oh sure.
This time he should be blindfolded
and cotton stuffed in his ears.
Sure, Benny doesn't mind.
Do ya, kid?
Oh, no. Putting cotton in my ears and
blindfolding me, that's got nothin' to do with it.
How do you do it?
Well...
I leave my mind go in a blank.
It's awfully hard to explain. Don't tell 'em.
It's a rare gift you should treasure in secret.
Come on, mastermind. Again?
Let's have a towel and
some cotton, Joe. Right.
Here you are.
How long does this go on?
When does he find out it's a rib?
Who tells him? You can tell him
if you wanna. You brought him here.
How do they generally take it when
you tell them? You'll find out.
Here we come.
Look out for the table,
Benny.
Look out for that chair.
Here we go. Here we are. Right there.
We're all concentrating,
Benny.
All right.
Is this it? Yes! No!
He did it again! I don't
know how he does it.
Give me the letter.
Sure. Are you satisfied?
Just try it once more. Okay.
Have a heart. Benny's tired. No, I'm not.
I am and if you don't mind,
I'd like to go home. Okay.
I don't know how to thank you for
showing me this wonderful power I have.
If there's anything I can do for
you, let me know. Thanks a lot.
If you could read my mind like I can
read yours, you'd know I mean every word.
Come on, Benny. Okay. Good night, fellas.
Good night, Benny. See you
tomorrow. Come on, Ruby.
We sure sold him. With all the attachments.
Benny.
Yeah?
Can I ask you something? Sure.
Would you feel terrible if you
found out you weren't really psychic?
How do you mean? After all,
it isn't very important, is it?
What good is it to you? That's
the key, the key to success.
How can I miss when I know what the other
guy is thinking as soon as he's thinking?
How do you know you can always do it? Look,
how did I know you wanted me to walk
you home tonight? Because I asked you to.
Oh... that's right.
I forgot.
This ain't brand-new.
I've been doing this a long time.
You have?
Oh yes.
Like the time I walked into the room and
saw my mama reading a letter and crying.
I knew something was wrong.
I said, "Aunt Beulah's dead. "
Was she?
She sure was.
I used to think I was a good
guesser, but now I know.
Benny, get your feet back on
the ground, will you please?
These mind-reading stunts,
they're all tricks, they're fakes.
No, it's not. It runs in the
family. Take Mama, for instance.
Months and months
before I was born,
Mama told Papa she was going
to have a baby, and she did.
Honest!
Here it is.
Benny, there's something I have
to tell you and I don't know how.
It's the reason I asked you
to walk home with me. Yeah.
It happened so suddenly,
there was really nothing I could do.
You don't have to tell me. Oh, but I do.
I've already read
your mind.
Ruby, there's something
I wanna tell you.
I want you to know that
I like you an awful lot.
But I'm already engaged
to marry someone else.
Gee, I wish I'd have told you
a long time ago...
before you got
so infatuated with me.
That's life.
I'm sorry.
You poor kid.
Jim? Jim?
For heaven's sake please don't forget
to stop at the vacuum repairman's.
Cleaning the house with a broom
really gets me down. All right.
Good-bye, dear.
Good morning!
Say, it looks like I've come to
the right place at the right time.
You gonna repair
my wife's vacuum cleaner?
I'm gonna sell your wife
a brand-new one.
Get a load of that machine.
Trouble-free, long-wearing Hercules.
Did you ever see anything
neater or sweeter? How much?
About what it would cost you to
buy your wife a birthday present.
This is something she'd really
like. You don't know my wife.
Show her what you've got. If she likes
it, it's hers. Here's my business address.
Okay! Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Yes?
Excuse me, madam. How would
you like a nice vacuum cleaner?
You must be a mind reader. I certainly
am and I know what you're thinking.
Oh, you do? You're
wondering if this is a trick.
And is it? No. This is a birthday
present from your husband.
Oh! What a marvelous surprise.
Bless his heart.
I know what else you're
thinking. Oh, do you?
You're thinking how jealous
the other women will be.
That's right. When the girls in our sewing
club see this, they'll all have to have one.
Sewing club.
You know...
Will you bring it in, please?
Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am.
I was wondering if I know some
of the girls. Oh, possibly.
There's Mary Davis
and Grace Hartman.
Be nice to me, cookie.
I drew a blank today.
This won't keep
you awake long.
There you are. I spent two
hours cleaning a dame's home.
What do you think I got? A ginger snap?
Two? Yeah, my mother-in-law
finally broke down.
Gee-willikers!
Did I have a day today.
And all on
account of you, Ruby.
Me? Didn't you take me to that saloon?
If I hadn't have went in, you couldn't
have showed me I was a mind reader.
That's all I needed,
believe me!
What's he talking about?
Does he think he's psychic?
Didn't you tell him it was a rib? I tried.
He's a hard man to tell. What's hard
about saying "The boys were kidding, kid"?
What did you talk about
on the way home? Listen...
Come on, come on.
Spill it.
Have three.
Have four.
Have five.
The poor guy must've
blown his topper.
Have six!
Could we be
legally responsible?
Seven? Somebody better stop
him before Chandler comes out.
Eight!
What's going on here?
Nine.
I sold nine cleaners.
Count 'em!
The whole row!
If this is a joke... This is
no joke, Mr. Chandler. Come on.
Look at my order book. Mr.
Chandler, get a load of these orders.
Mrs. Reeves, Mrs. Lowell,
Mrs. Brady, Mrs. Pedereechie.
I sold 'em to all the ladies in the
same sewing circle. Congratulations.
Benny,
we're proud of you!
Didn't you fire him
last night?
I didn't give him the letter,
but I'll give it now. Never mind.
Benny, my boy.
You don't know it,
but you've broken the all-time
sales record for one day.
I wouldn't be a bit surprised.
Al Williams held the old record.
He sold eight machines, but you
sold nine! How did you do it?
By reading people's minds. What?
I'm psychic. You mean,
you read people's minds?
Yes!
What am I thinking?
You're thinking I can't do it. I...
Well, that was
an easy one.
Let's try it again.
Now what am I thinking?
You're thinking of calling up E.L. Morrison
and telling him you made your quota.
Benny, you're marvelous!
Boy, will I rub it in.
Come in the office with me. Okay.
You oughta take up that mind-reading
stuff too! It'll do you good.
What?
You made your quota?
Stockton
made their quota.
Yes. How many?
Nine?
One salesman
sold nine cleaners.
Bless my soul.
Let me talk to him.
Well, hello,
Mr. Van Loan!
The president in person.
Yes, that's right.
A brand-new record.
And believe it or not,
he does it by mind reading.
Mind reading? I see.
He's psychic.
Oh, that's ridiculous. Mr. Chandler,
I don't care how he does it.
Any man that can sell nine cleaners
in one day belongs in the home office.
Put him on the train tomorrow and
the company will pay all expenses.
The president wants you
in Los Angeles. Sure.
Ah, it's okay, Benny. You
can keep your feet on my desk.
Yes, sir. I'll tell him
that he's won the annual prize.
Good night, sir.
Benny!
Wonder boy.
What do you mean,
you're a little disappointed?
I'm the best salesman Hercules ever
had, ain't I? You broke a record, yes.
Mr. Van Loan sent for me
personally, didn't he? Well, yes.
The least he could have done was
meet me in his big private limousine.
What? With no brass band? What?
Benny, don't be shocked, but Mr.
Van Loan doesn't even know your name.
Are you kiddin'? No. And when Mr.
Morrison discovers who you are,
he'll get rid of you fast if
we don't find a way to stop him.
I feel like bawling him out again. Again?
Yes. I felt like it
yesterday too.
Let's be serious, Benny.
What are you going to do when Van Loan
discovers you're not a mind reader?
But I am. That's the secret of my success.
I penetrate people's brains
and leave my mind blank.
It might be a good idea to
make Morrison's mind blank...
and tell him a few things
that nobody knows, like, for instance,
juggling the price
of Hercules stock...
and the two sets of books I have to
keep on account of his G.M.E. account.
What's the G.M.E. account? General
manager's emergency account.
Morrison's the only one
who can check out on it.
First he had me deduct 1%
of the receipts in that account.
Then he upped it to 3%. Now I deposit
4% of the receipts each month...
and every time he ups it,
he gives me a raise.
I'll see that he ups it again.
You'll do nothing of the sort!
If Morrison's pulling anything
crooked, which I think he is,
the law might consider me
an accomplice.
I tell you, I'm terribly worried.
Don't worry, Uncle Clarence.
Now I'm here at the home office,
I'm carrying a lot of weight around.
I'll fix it. That's what I'm worried about!
Okay.
So it occurred to me that Hercules
might get some inexpensive advertising...
out of the public's curiosity
concerning mind readers,
especially our mind reader.
Oh, what a lovely idea.
Yes?
Mr. Miller from the Stockton
office is here. Show him in, please.
Miller, Miller. Let's not
forget that name again.
Mr. Miller, this is
a great pleasure, I'm sure.!
Welcome to the home office.
I imagine you know who I am?
You're P.S. Van Loan, president
of Hercules Vacuum Company.
That's E.L. Morrison, general manager
of the Hercules Vacuum Company.
And the girl, now don't tell me.
That's Hazel... Temple.
Young man, that's clever,
no matter how you did it.
No matter how you did it is
right, Mr. Miller. Congratulations.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Just a minute.
I'll get you a chair.
Here, the couch.
Don't you say a word
about the trouble you caused.
Mr. Van Loan won't like it.
I'll explain to you later.
Ah, sit down.
Oh, does it hurt?
All it can.
That's a shame.
The company will formally express its
appreciation of your efforts tonight at my office.
We also have several surprises in
store for you. No more like this one.
Very humorous, very funny. That's
not funny. I'm not trying to be funny.
The first time I saw you... Uh,
hold everything. I want to apologize.
Just let's forget
the whole thing.
Now, if you could really read minds,
you'd know exactly how I feel.
What do you mean, if I could
really read minds? I can!
All you gotta do is
concentrate. Let's have fun.
I'll concentrate and you read
my mind. And then read mine.
You can deal me out,
folks. See? He's afraid.
There's things going around in your
mind that nobody else knows about.
Such as the time me
taking off my clothes in your office.
Getting fired.
And the G.M.E. thing.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
I'm sorry.
What is the G.M.E. thing?
Oh, the G.M.E.
My uncle, he told me...
No, no! My uncle
didn't tell me nothing.
My uncle and I,
we sort of get together a-a-a...
And sometimes, sometimes...
Sometimes I get so mad,
I make a mistake.
Do you know what he's
talking about? I think I do.
Benny tuned in on
the wrong wavelength.
G.M.E. are the initials of my
favorite uncle, Gregory M. Elliott.
That's what I was
concentrating on.
Could that
be the explanation?
Mr. Miller?
Huh?
Ohh! Yes, yes! Sometimes
I get my wires mixed.
You don't have to apologize. We won't
take up more of your time, Mr. Van Loan.
I'll take good care of
him. Say, good-bye, Benny.
Good-bye, Mr. Van Loan. I'll be
in my office in case you need me.
It's simply for your own protection,
Benny. We're your friends.
Miss Temple will explain anything
that confuses you. I am not confused!
She'll be back in a
minute. I'll be right back.
Miss King,
entertain Mr. Miller.
What does he mean,
entertain me?
Oh, play games with you, maybe. Play games?
I love games. Do you like
games? Oh, I love 'em.
Can you go like this?
Like this? That's very
important in this game.
I got a gadget here. I like it
so well, I bought a lot of'em.
I'm gonna sell 'em as a sideline.
This is very cute.
Wait'll you see this.
You're gonna love it.
You try it.
Ain't that cute?
All different colors too!
Swallowed one.
Who told him about
that G.M.E. account?
And what else does he know
about my business?
Is he a company spy? A blackmailer?
Or can he really read minds?
That's your job this afternoon,
pumping Benny dry.
So now I'm in it? You're in nothing at all.
You are just interested
in Benny.
Okay.
But I don't like it.
Oh boy.! What a
big bunch ofbubbles.!
All right, Benny, put your toys
away and say good-bye to Miss King.
Good-bye. You may have
this. Oh, thank you!
It's just what I wanted. I knew it.
How 'bout driving to the beach
for lunch? Would you like that?
Have you got a good place
to eat? Just leave it to me.
Miss Temple
is still out.
I'm Martha Hill. Oh, I'm glad
to see you. I'm Mr. Goodring.
How do you do? Come in,
darling. Come right in.
Sit down, my dear.
I'm sorry Benny's mother couldn't of
come with you to help us celebrate.
It isn't much fun trying to celebrate
when you have a cold as bad as she has.
No, I suppose not.
How is Benny? Oh, he's just fine, fine.
You didn't tell him I
was coming. Well, uh, no.
As a matter of fact, I haven't
seen him since I telephoned you.
Oh? You see, well, he went
out just before lunch...
with one of the girls in the office. Oh.
They have... Well,
that's part of Hazel's job,
entertaining the visiting firemen.
Oh. I can't imagine what's keeping Benny.
At last!
My little gray home
in the west.
For a while today, I was afraid
it was going to be paradise lost.
Put your things there, Benny.
Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! Did we
have fun at that place. Mm-hmm.
What was the name? The
Venice Amusement Pier.
That was a wonderful place. Boy,
did you spend a lot of money on us!
Especially on all the rides, those
terrific rides on the shoot-the-shoots!
Down and up!
And take my breath away!
And on the big, high Ferris wheel, did
we have fun when we was stuck up on top.
And then the tunnel of love.
You must like them things.
Oh yes!
I'm crazy about them.
Benny, do you mind if I get
into something more comfortable?
Will you excuse me?
Make yourself at home.
D-Do you mind if I have a piece
of candy while I'm waiting for you?
Aren't you afraid you'll wear
your teeth down to the bone? What?
Three packages of CrackerJack,
two sacks of peanuts,
one of those sweet, gooey
red apples on a stick...
and three chocolate
malted milk shakes.
You forgot the banana split
with all the fruit on it.
Hubba, hubba.
Relax, darling.
I gotta go home and get dressed
for the meeting tonight.
There's plenty
of time.
Why don't you sit closer
to me? I'm comfortable here.
What's the matter? Don't you
trust me? As long as you say so.
You know, there's something
you gotta know. Really?
Mm-hmm.
What is it?
Lips that touch liquor
will never touch mine.
Benny, I've been trying all afternoon
to get you to talk about yourself.
The real you. You're a frightfully
interesting character. Oh yeah.
I imagine most women find
you... fascinating. Mm-hmm.
Angel, you're sweet.
Hazel's dying to know all about
you, what you did in Stockton...
and how you found out all those
secrets you mentioned to Mr. Van Loan.
Won't you tell me...
in your own sweet way?
Mm-hmm.
You see, I said to Mr. Van Loan,
like this,
I said, "Mr. Van Loan,
you're... "
You're wearing that moonlight
and roses perfumery again.
Especially for you, Benny.
Am I very silly?
I gotta get outta here before
you lose control of yourself.
Hand me a smoke, will you? Yes, but
then I gotta leave right after this.
Oh, have a cigar. Benny, that reminds me.
Tonight at the meeting,
well, there's sort of a tradition.
Mr. Van Loan will hand you a
box of specially made cigars.
You're supposed to take one, then pass
the box around. Oh, no, I don't smoke.
I don't smoke anything.
I never even smoked corn silk.
Don't you think you better
practice on one now? Why?
After all, you're the guest of
honor! Oh, the guest of honor.
And you don't want to appear
foolish and amateurish. No?
No! Look,
I'll show you how.
First you
snip off the end.
Then you put it
in your mouth.
Now, we'll light it.
My Uncle Clarence will be
proud of me. Mmm, he will.
Now start puffing.
That's right.
You're doing fine.
All but the choking.
You shouldn't choke.
How do I not choke?
Clamp your teeth tight, and
don't puff so fast. Puff slow?
That's right.
I'll puff slow.
Fast and slow,
then fast.
It's marvelous the way you pick
things up. No wonder you're a success.
I love a man
with courage.
Keep puffing. Brother,
have you got it.
Keep puffing.
It shows in your eyes.
You have that mystic,
far-away look.
Keep puffing!
Here, come on,
sonny boy.
Straight ahead.
Hello?
What did you find out? Absolutely nothing.
That's just dandy. Look,
keep him right there with you.
Would it be too inquisitive
to ask how I do that?
Don't let him go
to that meeting tonight.
I hope you know
what you're doing.
All right.
Good-bye.
Get me long distance,
please.
Benny?
If you'll open the door, I'll give
you something to quiet your nerves.
Come on, Benny boy.
Oh, Benny!
Oh, for heaven's sake!
Come on, Benny.
Come on, Benny.
We'll get you all fixed up. Come
on. Get out of the tub. Okay.
I don't feel too good.
Come on, Benny.
Ohh!
Give me your coat.
My coat?
I'm so sick.
You'll feel better later on. I hope I do.
Ohh! Now, give me your tie. I'm so weak.
No more cigars
for me.
Benny!
Take off your shirt.
Hey! I ain't that weak.
I'll get it off myself.
When you get it off,
put this on. Yes, ma'am.
I'll call a tailor.
Is the tailor comin'?
He'll come and get all
your clothes dry and ironed.
Tell him not
to bring any cigars.
And I don't want no
chocolates either. Here, Benny.
Okay, Benny.
Come alive!
Oh, Benny.
I'm so sick.
You poor little thing.
Come over to the bed.
I want my mama. We'll
get her for you, Benny.
Here's a glass of water.
And here's something that'll
quiet you down, but good.
Just a minute, please!
Here you are, Casanova.
You're supposed to swallow
it like candy. All right.
Look, sweetheart,
the pill.
I'll take the pill.
Will you bring these back as soon
as you can, please? Yes, ma'am.
I hope nothing serious
has happened to Benny.
Maybe I better telephone
Miss Temple's apartment.
Let me see.
Here it is.
Starlight Arms Apartments,
Wilshire Boulevard.
Whitney 7039.
Ah, yes, sir?
Goodring, come into
my office at once.
Very well, sir.
Mr. Van Loan wants to see me
right away. I wonder what he wants.
Oh dear.
Hello?
Hello!
Hello!
Hazel? Hazel!
Hazel, Hazel? Before
I go completely insane,
tell me what
is this all about?
Hazel, before I toss this boyfriend of
yours down the elevator shaft, wake up!
This is a fine time
for company.
What do you want? Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm looking for Benny Miller.
You've come to the right place. I'll give you
what's left of him after I get through with him.
Oh, nothing's happened?
He's all right, isn't he?
Who are you?
I'm Martha Hill.
Benny and I are to be married.
Married? That's a laugh.
Come here. Take a look at your
loving bridegroom. Take a good look!
Benny! Who is she? That's my wife.
Wake him up so I can kill him
when I come back.
Benny? Benny, Benny!
Wake up, wake up!
Oh...
Hello, Martha.
How are you?
M-M-M-M-Martha!
Martha, I can explain
everything. I'm not interested.
Put on your clothes and get out and
I don't care what happens to you...
as long as you live!
Martha?
Martha!
Oh, what did
I do wrong now?
Thank you, Mr. Morrison. You're welcome.
Mr. Morrison, isn't it
terrible? Fine guy that Benny.
Calls on my wife and sends
his clothes out to be pressed.
Wait'll I get my hands on... Mr.
Morrison. I'm just as mad as you are.
But Benny's not like that. If
you'll just let me take care of him.
No, I'm bigger and stronger and
far more brutal. I didn't mean that.
Benny's a lamb, only
he belongs down on the farm.
I've got my car. I'll take him
back to Cucamonga tonight.
Cucamonga? Now? Mm-hmm.
Okay, take him away. I
never want to see him again.
Hey, where's...
Well,
how do you like that?
Trying to steal
my pants again.
That's...
Ohh!
Hello!
Oh, yes, P.S.
I'll be right over.
Mr. Van Loan, boys and
girls of the home office,
this reminds me of the wedding to
which everybody came except the bride.
Could it be that the great
mind reader is absent-minded?
No, I don't think so.
The truth of the matter is,
he's afraid to show up.
I can prove to you that he definitely
is not a mind reader and never was.
Uh, would you kindly come
to the platform, Miss Burke?
Oh.
Would you mind?
Folks, allow me to introduce Miss
Ruby Burke, Mr. Chandler's secretary.
President Van Loan,
ladies and gentlemen,
at the request of Mr. Morrison
I flew down from Stockton.
I don't care what you promised
Mr. Morrison, he don't scare me.
How can you be so
stubborn? I ain't stubborn!
And I ain't gonna leave until I get the
cash prize for being the best salesman.
Look, there's Ruby.
And who is Ruby?
She was the best friend I had
in Stockton. Ain't she cute?
You do all right, don't you?
Hazel, Ruby.
You don't need
to join the navy.
You don't understand. Ruby
was only trying to help me.
That's what I mean. You always
find some girl to help you.
First me, then Ruby,
then Hazel!
You can have them.
See if I care.
And get Ruby or Hazel or some other silly
girl to help you out of the mess you're in.
I wouldn't raise a finger
to help you.
And I wouldn't marry you
for anything in the world!
Martha, we're engaged!
And then the boys
started ribbing Benny.
You know, the old
mind-reading gag?
No matter what article he pointed
to, they'd say that was it.
It was pitiful the way
Benny fell for it.
The boys could hardly
keep their faces straight.
When Larry brought him in
blindfolded with a bar towel...
and big pieces of cotton
sticking out ofboth ears.
Well, on the way home, I tried to tell
him that he wasn't really psychic...
Didn't he believe you?
No. Not only that, but...
he thought I was
proposing to him.
Aw, come on,
just a little bit.
Aw, sweetheart, please?
Come on, darling.
Sweetheart,
won't you do that?
Just move a little.
Hello, Mr. Perkins.
Hello, Benny.
Will you give me a hand?
Sure.
I thought you
were in Los Angeles.
I was, but I come back
home. Something go wrong?
Everything. I lost my girl,
I lost my job,
I lost a lot of money, I lost
a vacuum... I lost everything.
Oh no. You still got a home
and your mother.
You betcha
I still have a mother!
Look, Mr. Perkins,
my mother loves birds.
I brought her home
a canary.
Will you give me a lift
to the house? I will.
If you help me get Astabula
home, I'll ride you to the house.
What do you want me to do? Take him
by the head and I'll get in the back.
Okay, come on, Astabula. All right.
Astabula, come on.
Pull, Benny.
Come on, Astabula.!
Come on, Astabula.
I wanna go home
and see my mother!
Astabula.
Come on, Astabula.
Mr. Perkins, you pull him
and I'll get up and drive him.
You get up here and I'll
get down near the head. Okay.
Wait 'til I get set.
Go ahead, push him.
Hey, hey, no!
Not this end.
Mr. Perkins! That's all
right. I got him by the head.
This is the end that
worries me, not the head.
Come on now.
Mr. Perkins!
Mr. Perkins, will
you stop teasing him!
I'm trying to get him to move
here. He's moving this other end.
Mr. Perkins,
don't try to pull him.
Come on this end and push,
push like that.
I'll push him from the
rear. Come on, Astabula.
Hey, Astabula! Astabula! I better get up...
Listen, Mr. Perkins!
No more of that.
Come on, Astabula.
Astabula!
Oh!
Mr. Perkins,
make him stop!
Mr. Perkins,
never mind.
Mr. Perkins,
I'm gonna walk.
Mr. Perkins,
I'm gonna walk!
My bird.
My bird!
Oh, he's here!
Benny, Benny!
Oh, Benny, I thought
you'd never come back.
You mean, you're not mad at me, Martha? No.
It was the longest, most horrible
night I ever spent. Me too.
I had a terrible time
hitchhiking up here.
Sometimes I'd get a ride and
sometimes I didn't. Mostly I didn't.
I'll bet Mom's awfully
disappointed at me.
Me coming home without
the $10,000 I promised her.
No. She never once thought
you'd make that much. She didn't?
Benny.!
Oh!
Mom!
I'm glad you're back,
son. I'm glad too, Mom.
Ruby!
Mr. Chandler,
Uncle Clarence, P.S.
Gee whiz, gosh almighty,
what did I do wrong now?
Hello, Benny? How's our star salesman?
It's about time
you got home, young man.
He thought he'd done
something wrong.
Now relax, Benny. Mr. Van
Loan drove us here in his car.
He's been telling us how you sold nine
cleaners in one day. It was a mistake.
No! When you believed you could
read minds, it gave you confidence.
I'm so convinced
you can do it again,
I'm appointing you sales
manager of our Cucamonga branch.
Me?
Sales manager?
What'll Mr. Morrison say? Mr.
Morrison isn't with us any longer.
Mr. Chandler is our
new general manager.
You? Good. Yes.
And here,
here's a check...
for that double commission
I promised you. Thank you.
And this is a
special cash prize...
you neglected to pick
up last night. Thank you.
I'm still a salesman
and now a manager. I...
Benny? All right, Benny. Benny!
Oh my goodness.
M-M-Martha!
Benny!
I must get my glasses. It looks
like $10,000! That's right.
And not a nickel too much when you
consider what Benny saved the company.
Mom, here's the $10,000 I promised
you. Here's the bonus check.
Buy your rockin' chair. Son.
Speech, speech.
Come on.
Oh no. I really
don't know what to say.
Sometimes when you get stuck for words,
a humorous story will do the trick.
The one about the husband
and the wife...
Wife?
Will you excuse us?
Surely.
Unfinished business?
Come on, folks.
Breakfast is gettin' cold.
Mama! Mama!
Martha just said yes!
We're gonna be married.