1
(RADIO STATIC
WHISTLING AND BUZZING)
Hey, this is
radio station WSKEE
We're taking calls
on the wish line
Making your wacky wishes
come true
Hello? I wish I was
a little bit taller
I wish I was a baller,
I wish I had a girl
Who looked good,
I would call her
Wish I had a rabbit
in a hat with a bat
- And a '64 Impala...
- (CROWD BOOING)
- BOY: Hey, four-eyes!
- GIRL: Loser!
JORDAN:
Allow me to introduce myself.
BOY:
Get off the stage!
That's me, Jordan Sanders.
Well, actually, this is me now.
I know. I get it.
Big change, right?
But that was me in 1993,
the day I decided to show
everyone at Windsor
Middle School what I did best.
The laws of science.
They're actually true.
I can trust them.
I can rely on them.
- Who cares?
- (LAUGHTER)
There she is.
You know her: the person
who just can't let you live
your best life.
Prepare to behold
a death-defying feat!
(SCATTERED LAUGHTER)
I trust the conservation
of mechanical energy 100%.
So much, in fact,
that I am willing to risk
my very life to demonstrate.
Boo!
- (CROWD JEERING)
- Um... (CLEARS THROAT)
Because this ball
should not be able
to pass this very spot again.
Go.
(CROWD OOHING)
(CROWD GASPING)
Hello? I wish I was a little
bit taller, I wish I was...
Now, this should have been
my moment of victory.
And for seven glorious seconds,
I was on top of the world.
(GRUNTS)
- (GRUNTS)
- But then,
just like that, it was over.
(LAUGHTER)
Ow. Ow, ow, ow.
Something changed.
Little did I know,
that something would be me.
Jordan, I know you had
big plans to go out there
and show those kids
how awesome you really are
so they wouldn't be so hard
on you at school every day.
Being me sucks.
I want to be someone else.
(SIGHS)
I know it's hard right now,
but that's just because
you're little.
When you grow up,
it won't be like this.
- It won't?
- Nope.
- Because you're smart.
- Yes.
I am smart, aren't I?
DAD:
And do you know what happens
to smart people
when they're big?
They become the boss.
- Really?
- Really.
And nobody...
and I mean nobody...
bullies the boss.
Well, then I can't wait
to be big.
So I can be the boss
and no one will bully me.
- Now that's my girl.
- (JORDAN CHUCKLES)
Because I'll bully them first.
("WHERE MY GIRLS"
BY DAI BURGER PLAYING)
Hey, hey
- Ladies
- Hey
Where my girls
with the blonde hair?
Where my girls, where my
girls with the jet black?
- Jet black
- Hey
Where my girls
with the purple hair?
Whip it, whip it everywhere,
wh-wh-whip it everywhere
If you don't need
no validation
Wave them hands in the air,
no hesitation...
- (MUSIC BOX MELODY PLAYING)
- (ELECTRONIC WHIRRING)
AUTOMATED FEMALE VOICE:
Jordan, it's time to wake up
- and live your dreams.
- (JORDAN SNORTS)
Jordan.
- I said wake up, girl.
- (JORDAN EXHALES)
Let's get this shmoney, okay?
(SIGHS)
(SIGHS)
(GASPS)
HomeGirl, call April.
HOMEGIRL:
Take a whoosah, girl.
Fact: April Williams
is your assistant.
"Assist" is in the job title.
Calling April.
(RELAXING NEW AGE MUSIC
PLAYING)
(BELL DINGS)
MALE NARRATOR (OVER EARBUDS):
So, you want to slap your boss.
You're not alone.
We all have stress triggers.
People who are vampires,
bloodsuckers,
- just plain evil.
- (MOUTHING): Evil.
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
AUTOMATED FEMALE VOICE:
Jordan Sanders calling.
Jordan Sanders calling.
Jordan Sanders calling.
- Jordan Sanders calling.
- Oh, shit.
Hello?
Are you awake?
Yeah, I-I'm awake.
I was just meditating.
Wake up!
Be awake when I call.
APRIL:
But... (STAMMERS)
I don't know
when you're gonna call,
so when would I sleep?
When I'm not calling.
(VOICE BREAKING):
April, listen to me.
I'm sad this morning.
(FEIGNING SYMPATHY):
Oh, why?
I have asked you
a thousand times
to have my housekeeper,
Elaine...
Linda is her name. Linda.
...put my slippers 53
centimeters away from the bed
so when I hop out
my feet can land on them.
I mean, am I being
unreasonable?
(MOUTHING):
Yes, bitch.
Is that too much to ask?
No, it's not
unreasonable at all.
Damn right, it's not too much.
I can't be any kinder
to you, April.
Why are you not at work?
I don't need
a stay-at-home assistant.
I'm on my way.
- I'm on my way right now.
- Go!
You're so damn electro-cute
- All right
- You know you got that juice
- Yeah
- You know you got that juice
- You know you got that juice
- Uh-huh
Now squeeze all that
passion fruit
- Squeeze
- Ain't no one fresher than you
Ain't no one fresher
than you
And if they try
to break you, you say
- Down, dog
- Don't think about it
- Keep your eye on the penny.
- I got the juice.
- Hey, Tony.
- Hey, April.
Can I get a raspberry jelly,
and...
you can just put
a line of sprinkles out,
and I'll snort 'em.
(CHUCKLES)
Take it the boss lady's
on the warpath this morning.
- Every morning.
- (CHUCKLES)
- Focus.
- (CHUCKLING): All right.
Oh, Stevie didn't go
to school today?
Yeah, I gave her the day off.
Those bullies
just won't let up.
I can relate.
Hey, April.
- Hey.
- Want to see a magic trick?
- Yes.
- I'm gonna take this penny
and turn it into a quarter.
Can you get my paycheck next?
(APRIL CHUCKLES)
STEVIE:
Ah, Jesus.
- Ta-da!
- (APRIL LAUGHS)
Wow.
That was... magical.
- (CELL PHONE RINGING)
- Thank you.
It's like she senses
my happiness.
Yes, Jordan?
Did you call Amex
and schedule my call?
I need to have it...
HomeGirl, end call.
HOMEGIRL:
Mm-hmm. I got you.
Good morning, Trevor.
Oh, good morning, Jordan.
What are you still doing here?
I overslept. Forgive me.
You always have an excuse.
Why you always got
your guard up, huh?
Have I ever hurt you?
No, you haven't,
because my guard is always up.
- Why do we have this discussion back and forth?
- Wh... (SCOFFS)
I should've known
what you was about.
You got my name as "D Boy"
in your contacts.
Yes, I saw that.
"D" is...
it's-it's DeAndre,
which is French for Trevor.
- What?
- You know what? I don't have to explain myself.
- Jordan, come on.
- Why were you going through
- my contacts in the first place?
- Come on, Jordan.
- (STAMMERS) DeAndre?
- You have to go.
- No, no, no.
- Oh, my...
- Are you serious right now?
- I'm not go...
What? You strong, ain't you?
Come on, Jordan.
I'm just trying to get you
to open up to me, all right?
- Come on.
- I have a company to run.
You-you can run me. Come on,
you know how we do. Come on.
- (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
- You get it. You know. - Mm...
I'm trying to put you
- To bed, bed, bed
- (SNAPS FINGERS RHYTHMICALLY)
I'm trying to
put you to bed
Yeah. Bed, bed.
- Give it to me now. Come on.
- No, no.
- No.
- Wow.
- (TREVOR SIGHS)
- Oh, wait, I need my key back.
- What? Huh? I can't...
- That-that was for one night.
I can't hear...
I can't hear you. What...?
- D Boy!
- What you saying? What? What?
Did you have to do all that
sex stuff in front of my child?
Oh, please,
he just popped out of you.
I am sure he knows
the territory down there.
She's four.
Oh. He's transitioning.
Well, good luck, little fella.
I like you.
Now, your mama's
a different story.
(MUTTERING)
If you need a drink,
come over here, little man.
- I got you.
- (DOOR CLOSES)
HomeGirl, play "Put Me to Bed."
HOMEGIRL: You removed all
love songs from your playlist.
Right. No softening.
HOMEGIRL:
I tried to tell you.
HomeGirl is playing your jam.
("MONEY" BY LEIKELI47 PLAYING)
Talking, always talking
That's your problem,
you always talking
Rock star mixed with
a ghetto chick
Try me?
I wish, I wish you would
Hol' up, who gon' hold us?
- La la la la la la la
- Huh
Not the cemetery
or the penitentiary
Damn my contemporaries,
I'm too legendary
It's so money
- I got money
- Ooh
Money, I got money
- (SIGHS) Perfect.
- Ooh
Right now I'm chasing yen
in Dover Street again
I'm introverted, I'm not open
to new friends...
Excuse me.
- (BOY GRUNTS)
- (THUD)
(WOMAN GROANS)
And look like money
(MAN GASPS)
Money
Back. The usual.
- Money.
- (OTHERS MURMURING QUIETLY)
Thank you.
And don't hate the player,
y'all.
Hate your little
broke-ass game.
Have a cheap day.
Oh, good morning, ma'am.
How would you know?
- (CAMERAS CLICKING)
- (JORDAN GASPING)
(CUP SHATTERS)
- (ALARM WHOOPING)
- Whoa! - Whoa.
Beat it, boys!
This ain't the hood!
(ALARM STOPS)
(GASPING)
- Vince, you read my lips.
- Okay.
If you see Lil Weezy
or any other delinquents
near my baby again,
you better body-slam 'em,
or I'm gonna body-slam you!
Y-Y-Yes, ma'am.
And then I'm gonna
get you fired!
Yes, ma'am.
I-I would hate
for that day to come.
(ENGINE REVVING)
(TIRES SQUEALING,
HORNS HONKING)
(CHUCKLES, SNORTS)
APRIL (OVER PHONE):
Hey, Jordan.
Did my new seat cushions
arrive yet?
Mm, not yet.
Clearly, you don't care
if my ass is in pain.
Of course I care
about your ass.
You wouldn't happen to be
shoving a doughnut
into your face, would you?
- Good-bye.
- Huh?
Oh!
Oh, my God. Are you okay?
- Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- So sorry.
- April, I am so sorry.
- No, it's my fault.
I'm sorry. How's your...
Is your doughnut okay?
Oh, it-it'll survive.
(CHUCKLING):
All right.
I got... I got your sugar
all over me. (CHUCKLES)
Wow, that looks so good on you.
- Huh?
- Huh?
- I-I thought you said something.
- No, uh... (LAUGHS)
So, wait... so are...
Wait, are you gonna do...
gonna pitch your idea
to Jordan today?
- Yeah. Today is the day.
- Yeah? Yeah!
But tomorrow's also good,
too, I heard.
No, no, wait, you...
April, you've been
saying "tomorrow"
for, like, months now.
DiscoverEyes is great.
Yeah, you got to go for it.
Hey.
You got this.
- Okay.
- (BOTH CHUCKLE)
- You got this.
- Yeah. (LAUGHS)
- Oh, wait, that's a step.
- I got it. I'm good.
(LAUGHS)
And you can get this.
- I'm sorry, you say something?
- Huh? No, no, no.
Jordan, Jordan, yeah,
you can...
you can get the product,
the apps...
(COFFEE MAKER HUMMING)
APRIL:
Mm!
Not gonna catch me slippin'.
Mr. Connor.
May I help you?
I am waiting on Jordan.
Oh, well, um...
would you like to wait
in our lovely lobby?
Nope. She's fine with me
chilling in here.
- Um...
- Cool, cool.
Oh.
Uh, of course.
She is gonna love
that you're sitting
at her desk with your feet up.
I'm just gonna go get her.
She's here!
Take cover, everyone!
- (FRANTIC CHATTER)
- I've gotta be at my desk!
- MAN: Hurry, hurry!
- (EXHALES) I'm sorry.
- Yes, you are.
- Good morning.
APRIL:
Okay.
- So, Connor...
- Shh!
- (LAUGHTER OUTSIDE)
- WOMAN: How did you do that?
STEVIE:
Thank you.
Why are y'all out here
congregating
like you were in a yard?
- Sorry, ma'am. Sorry.
- (OTHERS MURMURING)
That's not what
I'm paying you for.
Can I interest you
in some magic?
There is no such thing
as magic.
Well, what about
Black Girl Magic?
You're a black girl
fire hazard.
Now, go and disappear.
STEVIE:
What? (SIGHS)
Happy birthday!
Call the city
and get JS Innovations off
- that dumpy doughnut truck's delivery route.
- Grab the cake!
- Of course. Immediate...
- (YELLS)
Who did this?
I told you guys
no carbs around me!
Oh, uh...
Um...
(JORDAN SIGHS)
Your biggest client
is in your office.
Connor?
How did he get up there, April?
You know you're not supposed
to speak directly to him.
I didn't. I... He was
already there when I got there,
and I-I tried
to tell him it's...
Shh.
There she is.
Connor the Incredible.
What a pleasant surprise.
Please, stay seated
with your feet on my desk.
It's... actually fine.
They got to be on the desk.
Up top!
(EXHALES)
Well, what can I do for you?
I am bouncing to another firm.
What?
No. No.
Connor, you can't jump.
You're my biggest client.
That's why I wanted to give you
the heads-up in person.
Wait a minute.
Where is this coming from?
We just want a fresh voice
to bring in new tech ideas.
Listen, my next product,
it-it's still in beta testing,
but I promise you,
HomeGirl, it's gonna be big.
It's-it's more than
a virtual assistant.
It is a virtual assistant
if she were your homegirl.
It's just not for us.
All right.
Story time, JoJo.
Oh, not again.
When I was a kid,
I lived a hard-knock life.
- Mm-hmm.
- Anyway,
I started getting into tech,
and one day,
I had to come to my dad
and ask for a $10 million loan
to start my company.
And he's like, "What?
"When you start a company,
you don't get ten million.
I'll give you five million."
- And that hurt.
- Wow.
'Cause I was expecting ten.
I had budgeted for ten million.
Mm.
So I go to Grandmother
and Grandfather.
And I'm like,
"Can you invest more millions
of dollars in my company?"
My grandfather's like, "Well,
I don't know what this is."
- No.
- That was hard,
but he gave it to me.
And then, finally,
I sell the company
for $400 million.
So, that's my struggle.
That's how I came up.
I felt that. I do.
I mean, you could
give me a chance
like Grandmother
and Grandfather gave you,
and just... just...
take that leap of faith
and-and-and-and-and-and-and...
and-and-and-and-and-and-and...
- and... and...
- Look, JoJo, okay.
I'm meeting with another firm
to talk about
new gaming app ideas on Friday.
- I'm sowwy.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Connor, please just
give me a chance
before you make any rash moves.
(GROANING SIGH)
All right, fine.
48 hours. Cool?
- Yes. I will take it.
- (PATS BACK)
Thank you.
And I promise fresh voices
coming at you.
Also, you...
do you know you have, like,
three dinner napkins
on your back?
I didn't know
if that was a choice
or if you leaned
on something or...
No, it's fashion.
It's fashion. It's...
- Oh. You got one shot, JoJo.
- It's fashion.
Don't blow it.
- (MURMURING)
- All right, people.
- (MURMURING QUIETS)
- Settle down.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Oh.
Apparently, it's lunch,
since Scott wants to eat
during our meeting.
Okay.
(PRESTON GROANS QUIETLY)
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
There you go.
Take a bite.
(CHUCKLES)
We don't have all day, Scott.
Eat.
Yummy.
Anybody else hungry?
PRESTON:
No. I just had salad.
- Mm, I'm fasting.
- JORDAN: All right.
Connor wants a new gaming app,
the best thing
we've ever come up with,
and we're gonna give it to him.
It needs to be big.
- It needs to make noise.
- PRESTON: But when you say
"make noise," do you mean,
like, literally make noise,
like the app makes noise,
or is it just a...
Okay.
I-I get it.
I know that face.
We've got 48 hours
to save our asses.
So let's go.
- (WHISPERS): Go.
- JORDAN: Impress me, people.
Um, an-an app like, uh, Tinder,
uh, but instead of
matching people for dates,
you match with people
for dating advice,
uh, and then analyze
why all your dates went bad.
So, like Tinder but sad.
Like how your parents felt
the day you were born.
- (WHIMPERING): Oh. Okay.
- Next.
Um, a crossword puzzle app
for news junkies.
So, like a crossword puzzle
that makes you angry.
- No...
- Exactly how I'm feeling
- right now when you come up...
- (EMPLOYEES GASPING)
- WOMAN: Ow!
- ...with those ding-dong,
- ding-dong, bad ideas!
- (GROANING)
(HIGH-PITCHED): I think I have
a pretty interesting idea.
(NORMAL VOICE):
What? You do, April?
I don't even sound like that.
What's going on?
- Nothing.
- What?
I didn't say anything.
Somebody said something.
(SCOFFS) Uh, y'all...
y'all need to be quiet.
- We having a meeting up here about important stuff.
- Shh.
PRESTON:
Sorry about that.
So, you have nothing?
You have nothing?
Wow.
Nothing.
She didn't say anything.
He thought he heard something.
Y'all ain't said nothing.
Connor is out the door
unless we crack this.
And in case I wasn't clear,
if Connor is out the door,
all of you are out.
Bye-bye, health care.
Which you know you need.
Bye-bye, Ping-Pong table.
Bye-bye, ergonomic chair,
- which...
- Sorry. Dang.
(MUFFLED WHIMPERING)
You better stop
quivering that lip.
- You better not cry.
- (WHISPERS): Stop, girl.
- Stop crying.
- This isn't about you, Melissa.
Are there no more ideas?
Fine.
Once again, I will have to
figure it out myself.
- Go. Go!
- (EMPLOYEES GASP)
- I can't look at you anymore.
- (EMPLOYEES MURMURING)
I have an idea for a new app?
Are you asking me
or telling me?
I'm telling you.
I'm telling you that I have
an idea for a new app.
It's called DiscoverEyes,
and I...
No. I don't take pitches
from assistants.
It's just...
I've been here for three years,
and you promised
room for growth and...
So I owe you a promotion?
No, no, no.
That's not what I'm saying.
I... I know this is
a terrible time,
but I-I really think
I could help this company
if you just gave me
a chance like...
someone gave you a chance.
Let me explain something
to you, Miss April.
Nobody gave me anything.
I saw an opportunity,
I took it, and I ran with it.
And you know what?
I'm still running.
Every single day.
You know how many times
I had to pitch my first idea
before I sold it?
Seventeen.
And I sure as hell
didn't take no for an answer.
- Wait, so does that mean you'll hear my pitch?
- No.
You know what it is?
I'm a taker.
You're not.
So just concentrate
on being my assistant
and try being good
at that first.
You can't talk
to April that way.
Who let the fire hazard
in here?
She's just making deliveries.
Come on, Stevie, let's go.
Were you always this way?
- Was I always what way?
- Mean.
No. Actually, I used to be just
like you when I was little.
And you know what?
People treated me like crap.
Then what happened?
I got big, and I got rich.
So, now who gonna
check me, boo?
Well... well...
(MOCKING):
"Well... well..."
Well, you ain't ready to play
with the grown-ups,
so go ahead
with your little self.
I wish you were my age.
Then I'd check you.
Everybody who you're awful to
would check you, too, boo.
Well, I wish your little
cartoon dog would bite you.
I wish you were little.
(BELLS CHIMING)
What was that?
What was what?
What was...?
(PANTING)
Get out. Get out.
Get that little
chocolate Hogwart out!
Are you okay?
'Cause you don't look so good.
No, you don't look good.
No, you don't look good.
That's what happens
when people don't eat carbs.
They start seeing Satan.
- Move!
- (GASPING)
- Go back to work!
- Yep.
Work! Work!
(ELECTRONIC WHIRRING)
HOMEGIRL:
Morning inspiration.
It is better to have money
and be brokenhearted
than be broke
and brokenhearted.
Let's wake up
and get this money.
(YAWNS)
Come on. (SIGHS)
(GROANS)
I need coffee.
I told you watch it.
(SCREAMS, GRUNTS)
(LAUGHS)
(GASPS)
I swear to God,
when I see you again,
I will whup your butt!
(GROANS)
I'm not the one.
- What was that about?
- Beats me.
The usual.
What's your usual?
(SCOFFS)
You playing with me, right?
(SIGHS)
Here.
Does that help you remember?
Triple espresso with foam!
You know, too much caffeine
stunts your growth.
- First of all, shut up.
- (MURMURING)
And second of all,
does all this body
look like my growth
has been stunted?
Depends.
How old are you?
Thirty-eight.
(LAUGHING):
Well, then yes. Yes, it does.
(LIGHT LAUGHTER)
What the...?
Oh, my God.
I need to go to the hospital.
(LAUGHTER)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- (KEYLESS LOCK CHIRPS)
- Security!
Homeless kid
is trying to carjack!
Who's missing a bag?
No! Back off!
No one is touching this bag!
(GROANS)
- (YELPS)
- Step away from the car.
It's me, Jordan.
This is my car.
I'm not losing my job
over this!
(SCREAMING)
- (GRUNTS)
- Ha!
- (JORDAN SCREAMS)
- (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
(GRUNTS)
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
Hey, little girl.
Who are your parents?
Um, Jordan Sanders is my mom.
Uh-uh.
Jordan doesn't have a child.
Well, she keeps me hidden.
Just, please don't tell anyone
you saw me.
You poor child.
That woman is even
more horrible than I thought.
She is not horrible.
She just has
a very demanding lifestyle
that might be giving her
a nervous breakdown.
Hello?
Hello, Child Services?
Stop.
Stop talking like that.
How do you know
what I'm gonna s...
...say?
(GASPS)
Where are my natural
teardrop boobs?
I paid 15 Gs for those things.
Why?! Why did you change?!
This can't be happening.
(BLOWS)
(SIGHS)
Okay.
No.
Not this girl.
Jordan, it's me.
- (DOOR CLOSES)
- (SIGHS)
I got all 15 of your messages.
Oh, aren't you cute.
(CHUCKLES)
Are you related to Jordan?
So you see her, too?
See who?
The little girl.
Where's Jordan?
Jordan?
Do you really want to know?
Yeah.
(WHISPERS):
She's inside me.
(WHISPERS):
So you ate her?
Is that what happened?
Did you cook her
in your little Easy-Bake Oven?
(LAUGHS)
Jordan, hey, I'm here.
Where are you?
I got your dry cleaning.
(SCOFFS)
Did not pay me to babysit.
I'm just gonna call her.
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
She would never give her phone
to a child.
Got that right.
I don't know what you did
or how you did it,
but you did something
to Jordan,
you crazy little Chucky doll.
I'm calling the cops.
Um, you had
a strawberry doughnut stain
on your shirt yesterday.
What the hell?
One night, we were
brainstorming a dating app,
and you were telling me
the lamest story
about how you lost
your virginity
in the back of your mom's
Dodge Ram van.
But you told
your college sweetheart
that he was your first.
You lying thot.
What in the black Jesus?
This doesn't make any sense.
You went to bed grown,
and then you woke up...
Little.
But that's for white people.
'Cause black people
don't have the time.
- I know!
- What happened?
I can't even think of what
could possibly have happened.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I mean...
how did you go
from this to this?
That's...
I have never seen
a better glow-up.
April, can you help me
and figure this out?
No, you're right.
I'm... sorry.
Let me just focus.
Think.
- I got it.
- What?
Gucci Mane.
He's had a better glow-up
than you.
I mean, he's happy,
he's healthy, got a six-pack.
He has a really nice smile,
and I don't know
if those are veneers,
- but people say we smile alike...
- April!
Can you help me?
Mm-mm.
I don't like that.
- What?
- I like kids to have old-school manners, so...
I'm not a child.
- Mm...
- Okay.
(SIGHS)
Please help me.
"Please help me...
Miss April, ma'am."
Are you kidding me?
No.
(JORDAN SIGHS)
Please help me...
Miss April, ma'am.
Okay, child.
Okay, um, well,
try Benjamin Button syndrome.
No.
That's when you're born old,
and then you age backwards
until you're a baby again.
Oh, well, my bad.
I must have gotten my
magical body curses mixed up!
(JORDAN SIGHS)
Wait a minute.
- What?
- That's it.
That girl.
The fire hazard
from the doughnut truck.
She was waving that dumb wand
and wished I was little!
Yeah, wishes don't come true.
'Cause if they did,
I'd be on maternity leave
- with Michael B. Jordan's baby by now.
- (JORDAN SIGHS)
Okay. So you're gonna go
to the office,
stop by the truck, kidnap her
and bring her back to me, okay?
I have some duct tape.
We'll just starve her
until she reverses this.
Yeah.
Okay, or we could just ask her
to use her toy wand
to make another wish,
'cause that's way less
felony-ish.
JORDAN:
Just...
- What are you doing?
- What?
I need a glass of ros.
It's too early
for tequila shots.
You're too young to drink.
Relax. Just a couple of sips
to take the edge off.
"Female...
Gary Coleman disease."
He died?
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
Nosy neighbor.
Swear to God,
you're gonna learn today.
What?!
Child Protective Services.
Are your parents
or legal guardians home?
Oh, um...
(CLEARS THROAT)
April!
(WHISPERS):
Sorry.
What you got there?
Nice ros?
So, who's in charge?
BOTH:
Me.
I have that, uh, Jordan Sanders
is listed as the owner
of this apartment.
Correct. Paid in full.
Okurrr? (CHUCKLES)
You told me your name
is Jordan Sanders.
I did.
Well, the, um...
the other Jordan, the owner,
he's, uh, my brother.
Yeah. My-my dad.
I'm a junior.
Yeah, 'cause women
can be juniors, too.
And where is your father now?
JORDAN:
Mm.
My, um, father.
That is a good question.
- Auntie?
- Mm-hmm.
Where's Daddy?
(CHUCKLES):
You know exactly where he is.
- Um...
- He's, um...
- overseas.
- Space.
- Uh, in a space overseas.
- JORDAN: Mm-hmm.
Space Force.
Got it.
And your mother is where?
She's a crackhead.
Yeah, Jordan is a crack baby.
It's so sad.
That's why she's so hyper
all the time.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, okay,
let me just document this.
- Aunt and crack baby.
- (CAMERA CLICKING)
No, no, no, but this-this is,
this is just temporary,
because she's going back
to her dad soon.
Mm-hmm. Very soon.
- Back where?
- Home.
In Hawaii with my brother.
That's President Barack Obama.
Hmm.
No, that's... my brother.
(LAUGHS) Like, do they just
think we all look alike?
Same dog and everything.
Okay, uh, and could you please
tell me why you aren't
in school today?
- Hmm?
- School?
(SCOFFS)
Girl, bye.
I haven't been to school
in, like, years.
No, that's not what she meant.
That's not what you meant,
right?
JORDAN: Oh, yeah,
that's not what I meant.
- Mm.
- Joking.
Okay, good,
because any parent or guardian
of a child during the ages
of mandatory attendance
shall send such child
to public school,
private school
or a homeschooling program.
Furthermore,
any parent or guardian
who violates this code section
shall be subject to fine,
imprisonment,
community service
or any combination
of such penalties
as the court sees fit.
Say what, now?
"Say what, now" is
enroll this child in school,
or somebody is going to jail.
That's what now say what.
By "somebody," do you mean...
You. That would be you.
Now, the school district
which Jordan
would be assigned to
would be... ah...
- Windsor Middle School.
- Windsor?
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, hell no.
Yes. Hell yes!
(LAUGHS)
We love that school.
Enroll her there today,
and I will be
checking that you do so.
No.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Look here, lady.
I am a businesswoman,
and I have a company to run.
She sells Girl Scout Cookies.
She just takes it
really seriously.
- I'm like...
- So I don't have time
for Child Services,
and I sure don't
have time for school, okay?
Let me be clear.
I will have you in foster care
and your goofy aunt over here
in jail if you don't. Okurrr?
Yes. Okay. Yes.
- No problem.
- Excellent.
Now, if you don't mind,
I'm just gonna get
- a video of you two together.
- Are you gonna... post this?
And this apartment because...
I like the evidence.
I can't go to school.
I'm not going to jail.
(SIGHS)
I can't believe
I have to say this.
You're gonna have to be me
in the office.
They're not gonna listen to me.
I'm like the homey.
You have to make them listen.
I'll be on the phone
in your ear,
so don't say anything
I don't tell you to say,
don't do anything
I don't tell you to do.
So you're still in charge?
Always.
Just keep everyone focused
on fresh ideas,
or else the whole company
is over.
That just really makes me
uncomfortable.
Oh. But do you know what else
is uncomfortable?
Unemployment.
Okay.
I will agree to cover
for you at the office
if you agree to promote me
to creative exec.
What'd you just say?
(QUIETLY):
I said, um,
for you to promote me
to creative exec.
Well...
look whose balls just dropped.
I got to take what I want.
- Isn't that what you said?
- Maybe.
So, deal?
Deal.
Yes!
(JORDAN SIGHS)
- Just...
- You know, since I have to be you,
I should probably
dress the part
and borrow
some of your clothes.
Your body can't fit
into my clothes.
This is squats.
This is Pilates.
That body looks like BabyGap,
Gymboree,
OshKosh B'gosh to me.
(CHUCKLES)
(QUIETLY):
Ooh, you get on my nerves.
Fine.
- Yes!
- (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
This is ridiculous.
Let me get this straight...
you went to Target,
and you got me this?
"Tarjay."
The overalls is what I got.
The shirt is mine.
- I look great.
- (JORDAN SCOFFS)
Looking like Cookie
from "Empire."
April. (CHUCKLES)
- Uh, you know this kid?
- APRIL: Oh, hey, Vince.
You know how Jordan always
asks me to do everything?
- Yeah.
- Uh, well, this is her niece.
Yeah, I'm watching her
while she's out of town.
Oh.
That-that explains it.
Yeah, we had a little confusion
with her yester... Um...
Uh, did-did you guys, uh,
call Lyft?
No. I got my keys.
No, actually, Jordan
left these for me.
Yeah.
It was part of our agreement.
I-I don't think
Auntie said that.
Now, stay out of
grown folks' business.
Let me just take... Give me
the keys I let you play with.
(LAUGHING):
She's so funny.
- (KEYLESS LOCK CHIRPS)
- Ah, here we go.
(APRIL LAUGHING)
(APRIL WHOOPS)
Okay, how do I close the doors?
(BUTTON CLICKS,
DOORS WHIR SHUT)
(GASPS)
Now, how do I start the car?
Just put it in electric mode.
- It's easier to...
- (ENGINE REVS)
- Whoa! Stop! April!
- (TIRES SQUEAL)
APRIL:
Okay, I got it. I got it.
JORDAN:
W-Watch it! Stop!
What-what are you doing?!
Whoa! (SCREAMS)
APRIL:
Okay, I got it. I got it.
- JORDAN: No, you don't.
- Oh. No, I don't.
APRIL: Oh, I got...
okay, I got it now.
I can't go in there. Mm-mm.
You heard Agent Bea.
If you're not registered today,
I'm going to county.
But this place, the memories.
It was so hard for me.
I never felt so small.
I-I know this is hard for you,
and I'm sorry,
but I'm not going
to jail for you.
You got to...
you're going to school.
If you think I'm listening
to someone
with such poor control
over their edges as you,
then, girl,
you are severely mistaken.
- Okay. That's it.
- (JORDAN SIGHS)
Listen, I'm the adult,
and you're the child,
so when I say something,
you listen.
(LAUGHS) Please.
If you don't stop
embarrassing me
in front of these
white people...
Well, you're
embarrassing yourself.
You know what?
I'm sick of you.
Say one more thing.
- I dare you.
- Fine.
You're too fat for that skirt.
You know what?
If you want to take it there,
we going old-school.
(JORDAN GRUNTS)
- What?
- Oh.
- Let's go.
- I'm requesting backup.
We have a BMW situation.
Black mama whupping.
- How you like that?
- Mm-mm!
- (JORDAN GRUNTING)
- (APRIL GASPS)
(JORDAN WHOOPS)
- Try me. (WHOOPS)
- Okay, see?
- How you like that?
- No. You tried it. (LAUGHS)
No, you tried it.
'Cause I've been looking at you
like a little girl,
but you a grown-ass woman,
and you gonna catch
a grown beat.
Fine. 'Cause I got
this good knee back.
(GRUNTS)
And how about this?
- April.
- Should I sell it?
- Give that back to me now.
- What you gonna do if I don't?
(SCREAMS)
- I told you not to test me!
- (JORDAN GRUNTING)
- Yes!
- (SIGHS)
Start spanking your kids!
(LAUGHS)
Remind me of my mama.
Can't believe
I'm back in this hellhole.
APRIL:
That must be Principal Han.
Just shut up and stay cool,
and I got it.
- Hey. Nice to meet you.
- Hey.
Nice to meet you.
Welcome, Jordan.
Uh... (CHUCKLES)
She's just nervous.
- Aw.
- Oh. Okay.
Well, let's get you started.
(QUIETLY):
Come on.
Pull it together.
Oh, there's your teacher,
Mr. Marshall.
("DIDDY BOP" BY NONAME
FEAT. RAURY AND CAM O'BI PLAYS)
I'm ready, I'm ready,
I'm ready, I'm ready
I'm ready,
I'm ready, I'm ready...
ALL:
Damn.
Daddy turn bibby up,
Henny invented
The catalyst
for happiness in my cup...
How I get detention?
Yeah, I'll be just fine.
(JORDAN SIGHS)
- Hi.
- APRIL: Hi.
We are so... (CHUCKLES)
excited to attend this school.
- This is Jordan.
- (PATTING BACK)
She's feeling nervous
about joining your class.
Oh, yeah. Hey, listen,
don't be nervous, okay?
Perfectly normal,
but don't be nervous.
I'll be with you
the whole time.
Promise?
- Promise.
- Okay.
Your daughter's adorable.
(LAUGHING):
Oh, not my daughter.
(GROANS)
That's my niece.
- Oh.
- Um, and I'm April.
- April. Gary.
- I'm single.
But not looking.
I'm not desperate.
Just... open and available.
(CHUCKLES)
Got it.
That's where I'm at now.
- I just got divorced.
- You got divorced? Oh, no.
- So I'm, like, totally desperate.
- That's great.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- (APRIL AND GARY CHUCKLE)
- Anyway...
All right, uh, well,
school gets out...
Okay, we should, um...
we should go.
- Okay. Yeah.
- Okay. Bye, Gary.
We can get it.
(CHUCKLES)
Run, run, run,
mama say come home
- Before the streetlights do...
- (SIGHS): Okay.
We have a new student
joining our class.
Ladies and gentlemen,
this is Jordan.
All right?
And here's what we're gonna do.
We're gonna give her
a nice, warm...
a Windsor welcome.
Huh? Let's start with...
There you go.
- What are you doing?
- (LIGHT LAUGHTER)
This is not a Windsor welcome.
This is not wh-what...
what I-I taught you guys.
- Hey, hey, hey.
- I blame the parents.
You know what, Mr. Marshall,
I'll just take it from here.
(SIGHS) Hi, everyone.
I'm Jordan Sanders.
And I want to make a few things
clear before we get started.
First of all, you're meeting
the new alpha of the class.
I can establish
my dominance easily,
or you can make it hard
for yourself.
Oh, nice pants.
If the floods are a-comin'.
- (LAUGHTER)
- GARY: Come on.
Yeah, your clothes suck.
Charlie, zip it.
Thank you, Gary.
- It's Mr. Marshall... for you.
- (JORDAN CHUCKLES)
I'm the teacher.
Mm-hmm.
And I'm the student.
Okay, where was I?
Yeah.
We're gonna skip the
"haze the new girl" thing. No.
It's dull. Predictable.
And I will strike back
with a vengeance
like you've never known.
Well, if you didn't want
to be hazed,
- you should have combed your hair.
- (CAMERA CLICKS)
- (LAUGHTER)
- GARY: Okay, you know what?
One more outburst,
and I'll cancel Spirit Day.
I'm not joking around,
young lady.
But you can't cancel
Spirit Day, Mr. Marshall.
I am Spirit Day.
- Oh, good Lord.
- Which reminds me...
get your tickets to the hypest
school spirit pep rally ever.
This year's theme
is Winchella.
Windsor's
most talented students...
and others that we couldn't
block from signing up
because of new rules
of inclusion...
(LAUGHTER)
...will show what makes
Windsor the best.
(WHOOPS, GIGGLES)
Yeah!
GARY: All right,
all right, all right.
Thank you.
Pipe down. Pipe down.
Open up your books.
You know what I mean?
We're gonna do some learning.
Start pretending to read.
Oh, boy, you know,
meeting new people.
It won't always be
like this, okay?
'Cause I could tell
when I met you
that you are
a special young lady.
You know what?
- I feel like you get me.
- Really?
I feel like I get you, too.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
So, you feeling
what I'm feeling?
You want to quit?
(CHUCKLING): I think about
quitting every day.
But I can't, because I have
a responsibility.
Wh-What are you feeling?
Oh. No, I'm not
feeling that at all.
I'm a... I'm an adult...
adult man.
And you should have a seat.
Okay, Mr. Hard to Get.
I see you.
Mm-hmm.
Go ahead and sit down.
It's time.
Time to sit down.
Just don't...
you know, just look...
look-look the other way.
Look the way... look the...
look up there.
Look away from me.
- (SOFTLY): Teach me something.
- Don't...
- (SIGHS)
- (STUDENTS CHATTERING)
So, uh, what are
us kids into these days?
I'm looking for
the next big thing, you know.
Uh, excuse you.
Cutting without tipping
is rude.
(LAUGHS)
Ugh.
(GASPS)
Really?
You feed this to children?
- To eat?
- Mm-hmm.
(SIGHS)
Postmates.
(SIGHS)
(STUDENTS CHATTERING
INDISTINCTLY)
You got this, Jordan.
You're grown.
You're successful.
These kids can't hurt you.
(TAKES DEEP BREATHS)
(STUDENTS LAUGHING, MURMURING)
(LAUGHTER GROWS LOUDER)
GIRL:
Next table.
Oh, my... She's coming over.
Oh, really?
- It's like that, sister?
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay. Fine.
- (LAUGHTER)
Come on. Come here.
Hey.
- (SIGHS)
- Come here.
Oh.
Never thought I'd say thank you
to anybody offering me
the worst table in the house,
but, um, thank you.
- Sure.
- Mm-hmm.
Why do you guys need
a "safe space" for lunch?
(LAUGHING, SNORTING)
- Stop.
- (LAUGHING STOPS)
- It's becoming clear.
- DEVON: Three years ago,
I answered too many questions
correctly. Friend Zone.
I didn't have any new clothes
at the start of school
one year.
Over.
I don't even know why
I'm he-he-h-here.
- Who did this to me?
- (LAUGHTER)
You better show yourself!
ISAAC:
D-Don't-don't worry.
No one gets s-s-stuck
in the Friend Zone forever.
You're cute for thinking that.
Keep living.
No. He's right.
Once everyone sees our talent
at the pep rally,
we can finally get out
of the Friend Zone
and be in the center of it all.
We'll be cool with everyone.
ISAAC:
It's gonna be very
"wh-what's up, what's up?"
in the hall.
Who does that Jasmine girl
think she is?
J-J-Ja-Ja-Jasmine, sh-she's...
Sing it, Isaac.
She's so
Perfect.
He doesn't stutter
when he sings.
I see.
- These answers better be right.
- Duh.
What is wrong with this school?
(CELL PHONE CHIMING)
- What is it?
- (LAUGHTER)
STUDENT:
Guys, check this out!
JORDAN: "When you can't afford
a blowout or new sneakers"?
- Look at it.
- (LAUGHTER CONTINUES)
(DOOR OPENS)
Order for Sanders.
That's me.
All right.
Thank you.
GARY:
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
There's no Postmates
in school, okay?
Sorry.
You know what?
I am done chasing you.
A man who finds a wife
finds a good thing.
That's Bible, Gary.
What a weird little girl.
April, you have to
come pick me up.
These kids are demons.
Jordan, I have my first
meeting, and I am freaking out.
I-I don't think I can do this.
Calm down.
Put me in your ear,
like, on Bluetooth.
(SIGHS)
- PRESTON: Hey, April.
- Hey.
I heard...
Okay. Uh...
- I heard Jordan was sick.
- Yeah, she's...
definitely gonna be out
for, like, a day or two.
You ready to hold it down
without her?
Mm-hmm.
All right, well,
I'll see you in the meeting.
And I'm sure
you're gonna shine.
- You shining already.
- (CHUCKLES)
Okay. (CHUCKLES)
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
JORDAN (OVER EARBUD):
Okay.
Command their attention.
- MAN: VR goggles...
- MAN 2: Good idea.
Oh, I think... I think
we should do the... Right?
Guys, I need to command
your attention, please.
Uh, can we all just quiet down
and focus, please.
- (SHUSHING)
- (CONVERSATIONS SLOWLY STOP)
Thanks.
Where's Jordan?
Um, she's under the weather.
So I'm here
just filling in for her.
Is that why
you're wearing her clothes?
These aren't her... This?
The-These aren't her clothes.
These are my clothes.
You don't wear cheetah.
I always wear cheetah.
(SNARLS)
MELISSA:
Jordan is never sick.
She must really be
on her deathbed.
(CHUCKLING): Oh, which would be
a developer's, uh, dream.
- (LAUGHTER)
- Yeah.
Was that Preston?
Oh, if he wasn't so talented,
I'd fire his butt.
And he also has a good butt.
He does.
April's right.
We need to focus.
Thank you, Preston.
No. No. Uh-uh.
JSI is going under.
I'm gonna need Melissa
to shut up.
- I need to get a new job.
- No, you don't.
I'm looking at
Jordan's Facebook right now.
- Don't check it.
- This is off the rails.
You have to show them
you can be crazy.
- Y'all, I can be crazy, so... chill.
- SCOTT: Shoot. Okay.
Do it now,
or you'll never get control.
- Do what?
- Do it now!
- I said listen up!
- (EMPLOYEES GASPING)
You want to see crazy?!
I can show you crazy!
(GRUNTING)
Uh...
(PANTING)
(GRUNTS)
(EXHALES)
What, y'all put bricks
in here or something?
Y'all recycle a lot. Wait.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
JSI is doing fine.
We all have jobs.
Let's do... Let's innovate!
- We're JS Innovations.
- (JORDAN SIGHS)
- I'm in charge.
- (EMPLOYEES MURMURING)
(EXHALING):
Oh, God, this is so hard.
I don't know
what that was, and...
What are you wearing?
You look like a cheerleader
for the Migos right now.
This is the worst day ever.
I'm gonna need a stiff drink
and some clothes that fit.
Corner table for two.
Right this way.
(JORDAN SIGHS)
Can I start you
with something to drink?
Oh, yes. I'll have a glass
of ros, please.
Scotch on the rocks.
Two rocks.
And I mean two.
If there's three,
it's going back.
(CHUCKLING):
How cute are you?
- Are you in charge?
- Mm-hmm.
Let's get real.
This black card's in charge.
- What is this?
- The kids' menu.
Would you like this kid's foot
up your...
Oh, she'll have
a Shirley Temple.
Porterhouse, rare.
Right away.
Thank you.
Any leads on
the doughnut truck?
The city doesn't provide
contact info for the trucks,
and since someone took them
off our route...
- Damn it.
- But...
these trucks need to be
inspected every year,
and they can't just go
to any auto repair shop.
So I narrowed it down to a
dozen repair shops in the city
that handle
food truck inspections.
And I have an intern
making calls,
so we should have a lead soon.
- Thank you.
- WAITER: Here you go.
Yes. Thank you.
(SIGHS)
Mm.
This is heaven.
- I would... You know.
- Mm-hmm.
APRIL:
Mm.
Mm-mm-mm!
Oh, it's not all bad
at your school, though,
'cause can we talk about
Mr. Marshall,
- the other white meat?
- (LAUGHING)
Oh, girl, I was thinking about
going back to pork.
(LAUGHING):
Hello. Oink, oink.
Him fine as swine.
(SIGHS) I'd like to
teach him some things.
What are you gonna teach him
in that scrawny, flat body?
Well, at least I'm not dried up
like a creek hit by a drought
down there.
Please stop.
Just a dusty bed of rocks
where water once flowed.
First, that's not...
it's not dusty.
Anyways, what's up
with you and Preston?
Making puppy dog eyes
at him all day.
We're just friends.
Well, yeah, 'cause you're
too scared to get at him.
You see, that's your problem
with work and men.
You can't close the deal.
Wh-What about you?
You hire employees
but don't trust them.
You meet people
but don't make friends.
You date, and you don't commit.
(SCOFFS)
Committing is overrated.
I'm a boss.
I can't be heartbroken.
Men want me to be just like
a Mary J. Blige song.
Just down without them.
But I'm too strong
for that mess.
- Okay.
- (JORDAN SIGHS)
Wait. Oh, can you actually
just leave the whole bottle?
'Cause she left her card,
right?
(LAUGHING):
She comes from money.
What are you doing?
Mm, nothing.
Why are you sniffing
and holding my glass?
My hand is not on your glass.
I literally see
your baby fingers right now
gripping my glass.
Well, I think
you're seeing things.
Jordan, no drinking.
I mean it.
You got my aunties
over there trippin'. Stop.
Relax. I'm fine.
She's fine.
It's a game we play.
I'm drinking.
You're drinking.
(SINGSONGY):
One, two, three, drink.
("I'M GOING DOWN"
BY MARY J. BLIGE PLAYING)
Girl, that baby's drunk.
(SINGING ALONG TO SONG):
Time on my hands
Since you've been away, boy
I ain't got no plans
No, no, no, no
But, see, I do got plans,
'cause I'm the boss, okurrr?
(JORDAN CLEARS THROAT)
And the sound of the rain
- Against my windowpane
- APRIL: Stop.
- Jordan, get down.
- Is slowly
- Is slowly driving me insane
- APRIL: Stop.
- I'm sorry.
- Boy
What are you do...? Why are you
embarrassing me like this?
I'm going down,
I'm going down
Go down, then.
Go... Come down.
'Cause you ain't around,
baby...
Some kids need more
than just time-out.
First of all,
I am a great mother.
I encourage
this type of behavior.
- Matter of fact...
- ...side down...
- (JORDAN GRUNTS)
- Sleep don't come easy
Boy, please believe me
- Don't worry.
- I'll be right back. (GASPS)
- Sorry. - MAN: Okay.
Since you been gone
- Everything's going wrong
- (MAN GASPS)
Everything. Everything.
Yes, Auntie!
Why'd you have to
say good-bye?
Look what you've done to me
- Who is this?
- I can't stop these tears
- From falling from my eyes
- You don't know her? - Baby...
Ooh, baby
I'm going down
I'm going down
'Cause you ain't around,
baby
- My whole world's
- (WOMEN HUMMING, CHUCKLING)
Up... side down
Oh, I don't know what to do
If I ever lose you
I'll be going down
- MAN: Oh!
- I said I'll be going down
- Oh...
- (MAN GRUNTING)
- (MAN WHIMPERS)
- (JORDAN GASPS, STAMMERS)
- Oh, my word.
- Please forgive me, baby
I'm so sorry, sorry,
sorry, sorry
(APPLAUSE)
I'm going down
I'm going down.
All right, I'm out.
April.
Y-You can't leave.
If Vince sees you
outside leaving,
then he might call Agent Bea.
Are you asking me
to spend the night?
I don't know how much longer
I can take being 13.
Please...
Miss April, ma'am.
Thank you.
JORDAN: Well, see you at
the crossroads, Wicked Witch.
So, how's it look?
Um...
it'll get you
through the night, yeah.
You like this movie?
Yeah, I love it.
Work! Work! Work! Work! Work!
Yes. Come through.
And all lunch hours
are canceled!
- (CHUCKLING): Are you serious?
- EVILLENE: Now suffer!
Really?
Evillene was a boss.
I learned so much about
running a company from her.
MAN: We haven't had
a lunch hour in six months!
That explains a lot.
But I wasn't always
this hard on people.
When I was first this age,
I stopped being open and kind.
Every time I tried to fit in,
kids would just beat me down.
Make fun of me, bully me.
At that point,
I just gave up on people.
(SIGHS)
It hurt too much to care.
(TAKES DEEP BREATH)
Anyways, when I grew up,
I guess I just
attacked people first
before they could attack me.
I get it.
You know,
it's hard out here for girls.
It's like, you get one shot
if you're lucky,
and if you don't hit
the bull's-eye,
people will drag you.
Am I done?
You finished and done.
Cool.
(KEYS JINGLE)
HOMEGIRL: Initiating
"Bed" light sequence.
- You're welcome, ladies.
- ("BED" BY J. HOLIDAY PLAYS)
What is going on?
J. Holiday
Oh, oh...
- He's here.
- Who?
- Yeah, yeah
- Put you to bed
Bed, bed,
put you to bed, bed, bed
Oh, my God.
Did you order him?
Girl, change into
that Victoria's Secret thing
That I like
All right, okay...
Is this rich people Postmates?
Perfume, spray it there,
put our love in the air
- Now put me right next to you
- Ooh.
Finna raise the temp
in the room
First rub my back
like you do...
He's doing the dolphin.
He could flip me.
Right there, uh,
you touch me like you care
Now stop and let me
repay you for the week
- That you've been through
- Oh, my God.
Working that 9:00-to-5:00
and staying cute...
Throwing flower in the air
(APRIL CHUCKLING)
I love it, I love it
You love it,
you love it every time
- Every time
- Yes.
We touching, we touching
I want it, I want it,
you want it, you want it...
Ooh, put me in the middle
of that. Yes, yes. (LAUGHS)
Wanna put my fingers
through your hair...
Oh, no, you can't look at this.
This is for grown folks'
eyes only.
Till your eyes roll back
I'm trying to put you
to bed, bed, bed
- I'm-a put you to bed...
- (GASPS)
- TREVOR: Kid, stop looking!
- (MUSIC STOPS)
- Oh, my God.
- TREVOR: Oh, my God.
- Oh, just calm down. It's fine.
- Oh, no. It's fine.
JORDAN:
Just relax.
TREVOR: No, it is not.
No, it is not fine.
What... what's wrong with you?
Oh, 'cause she's a child. I...
- You a child. (LAUGHS)
- Oh, right.
What?
What-what are you doing here?
Well, what are you doing here?
This is my house.
Who are you?!
Oh, um...
Well, I'm April,
with an "A" for "available."
(CHUCKLING): It's so good...
so nice to meet you.
Yes. Ooh.
Wh-What I'm trying
to understand is...
why would you be in Jordan's
apartment watching some...
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
I know exactly who you are.
You do?
(GASPS)
Well, sure.
Man, listen, listen,
everything's gonna be okay,
all right?
Don't worry,
everything's gonna be fine.
We're gonna figure this out
together.
It's-it's gonna take
some adjusting, and...
To be honest,
I'd always imagined
having my own kids
at first, but...
I guess, when God sends you
a child to love,
it doesn't matter
where it comes from.
Wait, what the hell
are you talking about?
This is why Jordan
was so closed off to me.
She was embarrassed to tell me
she's a single mom.
Oh, God, no.
- No, no, no, no, no. Get out.
- APRIL: You know what?
- I think you better go. You should go.
- Go!
Look at you. You're so cute,
like a little doll.
APRIL: We can go together,
but... you got to go.
Just lovable. Look at...
No, no,
wait, wait, wait, wait.
Oh, my God, you're so strong.
Key.
You sound just like your mama.
That... that tough exterior
just trying to...
just trying to protect
what's on the inside.
Look, you ain't
got to do that no more.
- Just give me the key.
- Okay? I'm here for you.
All right?
And look, don't-don't...
Listen, don't...
- don't tell your mom, all right?
- (BELL DINGS)
Just-just give me a chance
to explain, okay?
I'll-I'll be back, all right?
I'll be back. Daddy's home.
Mama's home, too. (CHUCKLES)
(WHOOPS)
I'm on Hinge, Tinder
and Christian Mingle.
(CHUCKLES)
So, now what?
I hate to say it,
but I have to go back to work.
And you have to go back to...
No, no, no.
Please don't say it, April.
To school.
We can't risk it
with Agent Bea.
You don't understand
what school was like.
Or is like.
The way this Jasmine girl makes
people feel about themselves?
She's mean, cruel, a bully.
Doesn't care about
anyone's feelings.
(JORDAN SIGHS)
Yeah, I can't imagine
what that's like.
You're not talking about me,
are you?
There's probably a reason
why you became this Jordan.
You know, maybe you have to do
something differently
at this age.
Botox?
I'm just saying...
you have a chance
anyone would kill for.
You get to be a child again.
So, knowing what you know now,
what would you do different?
I'd stun on those kids.
Yeah.
("LOST SOULS" BY H.E.R.
FEATURING DJ SCRATCH PLAYING)
Confusing self-conscious
with self-confidence
Confusing self-conscious
With self-confidence
Confusing self-conscious
With self-confidence
- Hey.
- Look.
I don't clique up,
I don't clique up, nah
I don't clique up,
I don't clique up...
- (GASPING)
- Mm!
- Straws? It's me.
- Oh, my gosh.
The hot pink.
- I know. I know.
- Look.
Oh, my God. Is that...?
Custom? Yes. Yes, it is.
- RAINA: Jordan.
- Yeah?
- You look...
- I know, I know.
Wow. Jasmine gave you respect.
That's huge.
(BELL RINGING)
- It's time! - Yeah.
- Time for what?
- Time for everything to change around here.
- Yeah! - Uh-huh.
Winchella auditions
starting now.
- JORDAN: No. No, no, no.
- Yes!
No talent shows, no auditions.
We got this.
Isaac's got the voice.
La.
And we've got the moves.
- 'Ey! 'Ey!
- (GRUNTING RHYTHMICALLY)
It literally cannot go wrong.
Yes!
- Let's do this!
- (LAUGHING EXCITEDLY)
Come on.
It's gonna be great.
Gimme, gimme,
I'm worth it
Give it to me, I'm worth it
- Know what I mean?
- Baby, I'm worth it
- Gimme it
- Uh-huh, I'm worth it
Gimme, gimme, I'm worth it
Give it to me,
I'm worth it.
(FLOOR SQUEAKING)
(AUDIENCE GASPING QUIETLY)
That was amazing.
See you all at Winchella.
- (LAUGHING)
- Yeah!
Oh, except for you, Becca.
You suck.
- Hm. - (QUIET CHATTER)
- Come on, guys.
Next.
S-Sure you don't want
to join us, Jordan?
Yeah. We could really use
one more dancer.
- You could freestyle.
- No way.
I am never going on that stage
and sharing myself again.
I landed butt first in a stack
full of cardboard boxes
the last time I tried that.
Next!
Hi.
Okay. So, what's your talent?
Uh, uh, I'm-I'm-I'm singing.
(CLEARS THROAT)
A-And, a-and
A-And, a-an-and, a-and...
A-A-And we're finished. Next!
(SCATTERED LAUGHTER,
INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Okay, so...
sometimes he gets nervous.
B-But trust us, he's amazing.
And then we do this, like,
really hype dance,
- and we back him up.
- RAINA: Yeah, yeah.
So we'll just skip to the part
where we dance.
Music.
W-We'll just go. Um...
a-five, six,
seven, eight, and...
(GRUNTING)
Oh. Sorry.
- (GROANS)
- Oh!
(SCATTERED LAUGHTER)
Okay, that's enough.
You're in.
See you all at Winchella.
Awesome. Thank you.
You guys are gonna be
blown away. (CHUCKLES)
We already are.
- Yes.
- (QUIET CHATTER)
See?
See what?
That was a disaster.
It wasn't as great as we-we-we
thought it was gonna be.
But that's okay. We'll totally
kill it at-at-at Winchella.
Right?
- Yeah.
- Are you crazy?
She just let you into Winchella
just to make fun of you.
I don't know.
I mean, she seemed pretty nice.
RAINA:
Yeah, plus they won't laugh
when they really see
what we're about.
- Forget showing who you really are.
- Yeah! - (LAUGHING)
That is social suicide.
- Huh?
- You know what?
Let me teach you
how to be somebody else.
Somebody that a bully
wouldn't dare to make fun of,
because you're living a life
that they can only dream of.
And that can't happen here.
- Oh...
- I-I-I've... I-I've never skipped
a second of school
in my whole life.
Mm-hmm. And, uh,
where has that gotten you?
Let's go.
- (GASPING)
- Whoa.
Wow.
- Wow.
- Whoa.
You live here?
- ISAAC: This is so c-c-cool.
- DEVON: Whoa.
- Is this what having money feels like?
- DEVON: Wow.
Okay, guys, now, focus.
This is about showing Jasmine
and the rest of the school
what they're missing out on
by not being friends
with you guys.
So we have to look like
we're having the most fun.
Isn't it easier to...
just to really have fun?
Ain't nobody got time
for reality.
We're talking about
the Internet.
(SIGHS) Okay.
Um, HomeGirl, a vibe, please.
HOMEGIRL:
HomeGirl doesn't know you.
Voice recognition denied.
I said,
"HomeGirl, a vibe, please!"
HOMEGIRL:
All right.
- Playing a vibe.
- (SIGHS, MUTTERS)
- Okay.
- ("LURKIN" BY DANILEIGH PLAYS)
So, no one's gonna be jealous
of you guys looking like you.
So we have to change
all of this. Follow me.
Why you always lurkin'?
Why you always lurkin'
on my Instagram page?
All on her timeline-line,
all on her timeline-line
All on her time,
all on her time
All on her timeline-line
- (CHUCKLING): Yeah.
- You slide into her DMs
Hopin' she gon' see it
She don't press allow,
she press decline
'Cause she don't need it
- (LAUGHING)
- Oh, yeah!
- You likin' all her photos
You lookin' hella loco
You comment, that's a no-no
They got me like,
"Ay, coo"
You spent all
your rent money, yeah
Don't even get money, yeah
Act like you
spend money, yeah
No, that's your
chick's money, yeah
Now you gon' check
for me, yeah
Post up and flex on, yeah
Why you likin'
on my page, page?
I'm-a always ask you
the same thing
Why you always lurkin'?
Why you always lurkin'?
Why you always lurkin'
on my Instagram page?
- Yeah.
- Why you always lurkin'?
- Why you always lurkin'?
- No, no, no.
- Why you always lurkin'?
- Why you always lurkin...
(GROANING IN PAIN)
Why you trippin'?
Let me look
Hey, let me read you
like a book
Girl, you know
I ain't no crook
I just wanna take
a look, hey
- I just wanna take a look
- (ISAAC WHIMPERING)
All on her timeline-line,
all on her timeline-line
All on her time,
all on her time
- All on her timeline-line
- (GRUNTING)
- (GASPING)
- All on her timeline-line
All on her time,
all on her time
- All on her timeline-line
- (GASPING, PANTING)
- Why you always lurkin'?
- Why you always lurkin'?
- Why you always lurkin'?
- Why you always lurkin'?
Why you always lurkin'
on my Instagram page?
- (ALL SIGH)
- (CELL PHONE BUZZING)
That was awesome.
- We look so cool.
- Oh! L-Look, look!
- Look at all these likes.
- RAINA: Wow.
Even Jasmine
kitty-cat-heart-eyed our story.
I mean, I still think
Winchella would have been fun.
One wrong move, and then
you lose all your followers.
Forget Winchella.
She's right.
We can't mess this up.
I've changed your life
for the better.
My work here is done.
Your Lyft is downstairs.
- Thank you. - Bye.
- (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
What are you doing here?
(SIGHS)
I don't know, okay?
I-I-I... I walked into a store,
there was pink everywhere,
and the next thing I know,
I'm handing over
my credit card, and...
You... you probably don't
play with toys, huh?
I should have thought
about this.
Look, I'm-I'm nervous, okay?
I just want to make
a good impression
on you and your mom.
- Wh-Where's Jordan?
- Business trip.
Look, do you want me to send
her a message or something?
N-No. I-I mean... yes.
(SIGHS) There's just
so much I want to say.
But your mama just makes it
so hard to talk face-to-face.
(SIGHS)
Just... come in.
(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS)
(CHUCKLING):
Hey.
- What is happening?
- Hey. (STAMMERS)
N-No, n-no.
Yo, these are dope.
Uh, thanks.
(CHUCKLES)
So, you ready?
Uh-huh. Uh, no.
I can't do it. I can't run
another pitch meeting.
And it's fine.
It's good. I'm good.
April, you have so many
dope ideas. Look at this.
You know, you could really
bring a team together.
I can't do it like Jordan.
Yes, thank God.
She never lets us get
our ideas out, and that's...
that's including you.
You're right.
So, what you gonna do?
I-I guess I'm gonna run it...
like me?
I'm sorry, I couldn't hear
what you said.
I said I'm gonna run it
like me.
I'm sorry,
I-I couldn't hear you.
- I'm gonna go up there...
- Uh-huh.
...and run that pitch meeting
like April, who's me.
- Uh-huh.
- And I'm gonna kill it.
- You gonna kill it?
- Yes! I'm gonna... up there,
- I'm gonna kill it.
- You gonna kill up there.
- Yes.
- Okay.
April, when I first heard
that you were leading
the pitch meeting,
I really only came
for the bagels.
(EMPLOYEES MURMURING,
CHUCKLING)
But this is the first time
I feel like my pitch
has actually been heard.
MELISSA (CHUCKLES):
Tell me about it.
I haven't even taken one
of my antianxiety pills today.
I mean, look at us.
I mean, this is nice, right?
I mean, this is, like,
a very positive,
like, A.A. meeting, right?
- (LAUGHTER)
- SCOTT: Yeah. Right?
Well, thank you, guys, so much.
I-I'm so glad this is fun.
But I have to be honest.
The ideas
just aren't there yet.
We got to do better.
CONNOR:
Let's hear 'em!
Ready to make that money!
- Uh...
- Is-is that...?
APRIL:
Mr. Connor.
- How long have you been here?
- I don't know.
I never learned
how to tell time.
Someone else does time for me.
Well, the-the pitch
isn't until tomorrow.
Where's Jordan?
Jordan...
Can I see it?
(CLEARS THROAT)
She's at home...
dealing with some stuff...
in her private area.
That's... Whew!
It is on fire.
Mm. Got a hotbox down there?
I've dealt with a few o' those.
You said you dealt
with a... a few?
So, what have you got?
Come on,
the suspense is killing me.
(CHIMES)
So, what's your plan
for my mom?
(CHUCKLES)
There is no plan.
I enjoy spending time with her.
Well, that can't be it.
There's got to be some...
angle.
Well, there isn't.
(SIGHS)
I see her, you know?
I mean, she's only tough
so no one can hurt her.
But on the low...
(CHUCKLES)
your mom is really,
really silly.
Like, I can't even tell you
how many times
I caught her goofing
and dancing around here
when she thought
no one was watching.
Mm-hmm.
(CLEARS THROAT)
All right.
Then let's get real.
TREVOR:
Mm.
You're here for her money, huh?
(CLEARS THROAT)
What?
- (TREVOR CHUCKLES)
- Mm-hmm.
No, I'm not here for her money.
I, uh...
I do pretty well for myself.
You're a starving artist.
Yes, I am an artist.
Your mom only assumes
I'm starving.
I actually just had
a great show
at the Studio Museum in Harlem.
I am surprised that I...
my mom didn't know that
about you.
Oh. I mean, how could she?
Right?
She never asks me anything,
and...
she definitely doesn't
tell me much about herself.
I mean, I...
I didn't know about you.
Then...
if she's so tough,
then why are you here?
(TAKES DEEP BREATH)
I care about your mom.
To be that guarded...
it has to be lonely.
I just want her to know that,
even though she may feel
like she's on her own,
no matter what,
I truly have her back.
That... is very nice to hear.
You see, I could...
I could do this.
I can do this, right?
I-I could be a great dad.
You know what?
This was a really good talk.
How about you just
give me a hug?
(CHUCKLES) Okay.
- Yeah.
- Oh, my gosh, you're so cool.
I knew it. I knew
we were gonna hit it off.
Okay. All right.
All right. Oh, oh.
Okay. All right. Okay.
Let go. Uh-uh. Mm-mm.
Ah, wait, wait, wait.
Get... Ah-ah-ah.
A-All right, all right.
Oh, w-wait a minute.
Hold on. Wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, no.
What-what are you doing?
Oh. (GROANS)
Right. Um...
No, don't.
You're on time-out.
You need to stay here and...
Matter of fact,
you go sit in the corner,
you think about what you did.
I-I'm gonna leave you
by yourself.
No, just... wait.
- (DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)
- Come back.
(CHIMES)
(SIGHS)
Come on.
- What's-what's her name?
- Oh, it... that's April.
April. April!
- Hey.
- JORDAN: Put me in your ear,
and I'll tell you what to say.
Time is money. Bring it.
- What do you got?
- JORDAN: April?
- I got to go.
- Don't you dare hang up on me!
Sorry. It's...
Can't hang up.
It was like, "Can you
hear me now?" And then it...
April!
Uh, the idea that we want
to pitch tomorrow
is called, um...
It's called DiscoverEyes.
It's an interactive game
where you can see the world
through the eyes of a child.
(EMPLOYEES MURMURING QUIETLY)
Or, you know,
we have other ideas, too.
- (STAMMERING): You... She...
- Mm-hmm. Right?
No.
That's the one I want to hear.
DiscoverEyes.
- Dope.
- (CHUCKLES)
I'll be back in 24 hours
to hear the pitch.
(EMPLOYEES MURMURING QUIETLY)
- DiscoverEyes.
- APRIL: Yes.
APRIL and EMPLOYEES:
DiscoverEyes.
- Sounds promising.
- Yeah. - Right.
DiscoverEyes.
- Scott?
- Yeah.
(LAUGHS)
MELISSA:
You did it.
- We did it, guys.
- (OTHERS WHOOPING)
You did what?!
I never approved DiscoverEyes.
I never approved
you even pitching that idea.
And now my future
of my whole company
is gonna be running off
an assistant's pitch?
Well, what did you want me
to do? You told me to help.
You serious?
Disloyal, self-serving!
Huh.
You did this for you, not me.
Not the company.
So I'm self-serving?
You're the one who only cares
about yourself.
You're nasty to everyone here,
like we're not trying to help
make your company great.
Yeah, right.
Sure. You stab me in the back,
then blabbing
all your bad ideas
to my top client
to get your first shot.
How would you know?
'Cause you've never even
heard my pitch.
You are such a child.
Whether you're 38 or 13,
it's still the same mess
with you.
You see, now I know why you're
too scared of taking risks.
'Cause you don't even know
what the hell you're doing!
You should just stay scared.
You know what?
I'm sending all the pitches
in your in-box, including mine,
because, clearly,
you want to do this
on your own, which is fine.
Yes, that's exactly
how I want it.
You know what I want?
(GROWLS) Carbs!
That's what I want!
I quit!
- Go, then!
- I'm doing that right now.
I'm not following
your instructions anymore.
So, girl, bye!
Girl, bye!
What'd you say?
Bye, girl!
Girl, bye-bye!
Bye, bye, bye! I'm NSYNC.
(GROANS) And take
your damn bagels with you.
Oh!
Was that an everything bagel?
You are nothing!
And bring me back my clothes.
Too late. I stretched them out.
(CHUCKLES)
- I still want them!
- Too bad.
- (JORDAN GROANS)
- MELISSA: There's only one
person I know
who acts like that.
- Don't say it.
- Jordan Sanders.
(PRESTON TAKES A DEEP BREATH)
- PRESTON: Hey.
- What?
- Who are you?
- Excuse me?
- Whose child are you?
- Whose child are you?
Whose child is this
walking around here
in a tiny pink pantsuit?
JORDAN:
Shut up! Get back to work.
MELISSA:
You know what?
She need a whupping.
What's in my purse?
- PRESTON: What you doing?
- Let me go.
You know, I'm gonna go get
a belt, 'cause I sure ain't...
Yeah, get a belt.
Whup somebody else's child.
You know, is it bad I hope
Jordan never comes back?
EMPLOYEES:
No.
WOMAN (CHUCKLING):
God.
(DISTANT SIRENS)
("BLACK NAILS"
BY TIERRA WHACK PLAYING)
What is happening to me?
Reading my open mail...
God, just...
please send me a sign.
- (STUDENTS CHEERING)
- If I just be myself
I'm a head and you're tails
Red paint on my nails
(CELL PHONE CHIMES)
I'm doing so well
- Listen to myself
- (SIGHS)
Writing bars in my cell
Rice next to my kale
Shirt holy like grail
Distant for my health
My name Whack ring bells
Yes, I've changed
like Wells
I'm doing so well
- So I say, "Oh, well"
- (TAKES DEEP BREATH)
I don't tell no tells
Should've spent time
in Yale...
- (KEYLESS LOCK CHIRPS)
- Oh, hey, little lady. Stop.
Oh, um... hey, Vince.
I appreciate you being
so conscientious,
but it's fine.
I'm not going to fire you.
Yeah, but Miss Sanders will.
I have to make something right,
and I can't do it
without my precious baby.
Wait, no way. Come on.
Come on, give me the keys back.
Fine.
- I'm sorry.
- Thank you.
(VINCE GRUNTS)
(STAMMERING)
(ENGINE REVVING)
(HORNS HONKING,
TIRES SQUEALING)
(MUSIC THUMPING IN TRUCK)
Hey, girl.
How old are you?
(SIGHS)
I don't even know, man.
I don't know, either.
(LAUGHS)
Hey. I have that address
you were looking for.
- The what?
- The doughnut girl.
But it's gonna be tough
to find her after today.
Their route's, like,
impossible to track.
Thank you.
(SIGHS)
Go!
Woke up feeling like
I should run for president
Even if there ain't
no precedent
- Switching up the messaging
- (CELL PHONE CHIMES)
I'm about to add
a little estrogen...
Hello?
I'm still mad at you, but I
found Stevie and the truck.
I don't know how long
she'll be there.
(SIGHS) I have to get to
Winchella to help those kids.
Look, I screwed up.
I told them not to do
their stupid dance.
But I was wrong.
Well, I'm just letting you know
that this may be
your last chance to reverse
whatever this is,
or you'll be living
that preteen life forever.
So, do what you got to do.
You're right.
- Do your thing...
- (ENGINE REVVING)
- (CROWD CHEERING)
- (BAND PLAYING UPBEAT TUNE)
(CAMERA CLICKS)
(CHEERLEADERS WHOOPING)
Who's got that
Winchella spirit?
(WHOOPING)
- Yeah!
- Come on!
Guys.
You guys have to perform
tonight.
B-But you said that was
s-social suicide.
Look, I'm not gonna lie...
you guys could go
to the hospital
if you guys go on that stage,
but that shouldn't stop you.
What? N-No.
That should definitely
s-stop-stop us.
You guys may be too young
to understand this,
but I bailed
on being my true self
because people told me
I didn't count or fit in.
You're only like six months
older than us, Jordan.
Everyone thinks
you have to grow up
to figure out who you are,
but they're wrong.
When we're kids,
we know who we are.
It's just the world
that beats it out of us.
So, with that being said,
you guys should
perform the dance
that you guys worked
so hard on.
Come on, guys.
What do you say?
No, uh, we're-we're-we're good.
We're just chilling.
Yeah, we'll sit this one out.
It's Jasmine's world.
Who's got that
Winchella spirit?
(CROWD CHEERING)
I'll teach you guys there's
nothing to be afraid of.
What are you doing?
(CROWD CLAPPING RHYTHMICALLY)
STUDENT:
Get off the stage!
- What's she doing over there?
- (CROWD BOOING)
- Move it, Sanders!
- Get off the stage!
- (CROWD BOOING)
- Lame!
No, guys,
let's give her a chance.
See what she got.
Give her some music.
GIRL:
Yeah, let's see it.
(BAND PLAYS MARCH)
BOY:
Do something!
Oh, my God.
STUDENT:
That's not cool.
- Get off the stage!
- Boring!
(STUDENTS SHOUTING
INDISTINCTLY)
STUDENT:
Yeah, get the running man.
Okay.
(STUDENTS WHOOPING)
- Stanky leg!
- Yeah!
(WHOOPING)
(CROWD GRUNTING RHYTHMICALLY)
(CHUCKLES)
- Get it, Sanders!
- (WHOOPING)
(CROWD CHEERING)
- (GASPS)
- (SCREAMS)
- (GRUNTING)
- (CROWD GASPING) - Oh!
(CROWD GROANING, BOOING)
ISAAC:
Oh, no, Jordan!
Jordan, are you okay?
- Jordan!
- (LAUGHTER)
- Are you okay?
- I'm sorry, guys.
- (ISAAC GROANS)
- It's okay. You were great.
That was the nicest thing
anyone's ever done for us.
A-And the most
d-da-dan-dangerous.
STUDENT:
Boo!
- (STUDENTS CHUCKLING)
- Go away!
(CROWD BOOING)
STUDENT:
Boo!
BOY:
What's he doing?
(CLEARS THROAT)
GIRL:
What are you doing?
And I am telling you
I'm not going
I'm the best man
you'll never know
There's no way
I can ever go
No, no, no, no way
No, no, no, no
And you and you and you
- You're gonna love me
- (CROWD MURMURING, WHOOPING)
You're gonna love me
- Oh...
- (WHOOPING)
- Hit it.
- (CROWD CHEERING)
STUDENT:
Let's go!
(BAND PLAYING UPBEAT TUNE)
STUDENTS (WITH BEAT):
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
(CHEERING)
- Hey, oh!
- Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Hey, oh!
- Hey, oh!
- Okay.
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
Go! Go! Go!
Ooh... Hey!
(CHEERING)
- (WHOOPING)
- CROWD: Hey!
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
(CHEERING)
Hey! Hey! Hey! Oh!
Hey, oh!
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Oh!
Hey! Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
- (CHEERING, WHOOPING)
- Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
(MUSIC ENDS)
(CHEERING)
I thought you weren't coming.
Well, I mean, I wasn't,
but a good friend of mine...
who I should really stop
being mean to...
helped me realize something.
Even if it means I have to be
a child for the rest
of my life.
I have no idea
what you're talking about.
I do.
MAN:
All right, sweetie. Time to go.
- Hey, Dad.
- Hey, Mom.
- We-we did it.
- Hey, you made it.
Did you see me? They loved it.
What are you doing here?
Being a friend.
You're the evil lady
from the office?
Well, um...
(CLEARS THROAT)
yes, but I've had
real emotional growth
in a few areas.
Just turn me back.
- Mm-hmm.
- Me?
Yep, that thing right there.
Just point that...
- Yep.
- (SIGHS)
Wait.
If I do, are you gonna
be all mean?
Didn't you just hear me say
I had emotional growth?!
Jesus.
I apologize for yelling.
That was mean.
I'll be nice.
Hurry up and do it.
Okay.
I wish you were all grown-up.
- Uh-oh.
- Just...
give it to me.
(SIGHS) Okay.
Turn me back.
Big Jordan.
Grown-ass Jordan.
Come on.
Come on. I really need this.
- Come on.
- Uh-uh, girl.
- That's not how you do it.
- Well, how do you know?
You didn't even know
you did it.
Give me my wand!
- I wish you were a marshmallow.
- What?
STEVIE:
I wish you were chocolate cake.
Man!
She tried to turn those
white people into marshmallows.
STEVIE: I wish you were
sweet potato pie.
That was black girl tragic.
So, um, I've decided
to come clean with everyone
about whatever happened to me,
because this isn't changing.
- (SIGHS)
- Are you sure?
I hid this little girl in me
for so long.
Trying to be someone I'm not.
(SIGHS)
But no more.
This is me.
(JORDAN SIGHS)
Hey, so I, uh...
I looked at your app.
It's good.
- Really?
- (SCOFFS) No.
The truth is...
it's really great.
I just got jealous.
I thought you were trying to
steal my thunder or something.
But it was petty of me.
- Yeah, it was.
- It was small.
Very small.
I'm s... s...
sorry.
What?
I've just never heard you
say those words before.
Thank you.
You're really talented, April.
I mean it.
You were right.
I was trying to take my shot.
With Connor.
But I wasn't trying to stab you
in the back or anything.
I just... wanted to get mine.
Well, good for you.
That means you're ready.
So I got this?
Are you asking,
or are you telling?
No, I got this. I got it.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
And you know I have
your back, right?
'Cause I know how much
winning means to you.
But I've been winning
the wrong way.
I realize that I wasn't
letting people be themselves
because I never
accepted myself.
Now I know that I can win
and still be me.
So go and pitch your idea
tomorrow.
Without you?
(SIGHS)
When you win,
my whole company wins.
(CHUCKLES)
And also...
you're a really good friend.
Honestly, my first.
So that's why
you're so bad at it.
- (CLICKS TONGUE)
- (LAUGHS)
Come here with
your cute little self.
- Okay.
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
You're adorable.
- (ELECTRONIC WHIRRING)
- HOMEGIRL: Morning inspiration.
Even if you press
the snooze button,
it's never too late
to become the person
- you've always wanted to be.
- (CURTAIN OPENING)
Wake up, Jordan.
(SIGHS)
(SIGHS)
(SIGHS)
Uh...
(SIGHS)
I'm back! I'm back!
I'm back!
(CRYING):
I'm back!
I'm back! (YELLS)
I'm back! I'm back! I'm back!
(CRYING)
I love you! I love you!
I'm never leaving you again!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah
- Ooh, ooh
- Ooh...
- (GASPS) Oh, God. Oh, God.
- Ah...
Here I come! I'm back!
Connor, thank you again.
We are so excited
to pitch this idea for you.
- We've been working hard. It's...
- Oh.
Jordan Sanders sighting, folks.
(CHUCKLING):
Connor.
Well, you know
I wouldn't let you down.
Jordan, you're big. Ba-Back.
- You're back.
- Oh, she's...
- Yep.
- She back.
- (LIGHT LAUGHTER)
- I'm back.
Thank you, Connor, so much
for just coming
and allowing us to share
this pitch with you today.
I mean, I personally...
I love it.
And, um, I love the person
responsible for it, so...
Please let me
reintroduce you to...
my colleague,
Ms. April Williams,
who'll be pitching
for you today.
She is the brains
behind DiscoverEyes.
Okay. I know I said
"fresh voices," but...
this whole thing
is your assistant's idea?
Yes.
- Yeah, it is.
- Yeah, it is.
It is, and you get ready to
have your khakis knocked off.
- (LAUGHTER)
- CONNOR: Uh...
I'm not wearing khakis.
Are you sure? I thought...
In my mind, you were.
(WHISPERS):
You got this.
(TAKES DEEP BREATH)
Remember the innocence and
the optimism of being a kid?
You were brave enough
to be yourself
and to do things your way.
You saw the possibilities,
the...
the wonder of the world
around you.
Before you grew up,
before the walls went up,
before somebody told you
the rules or where you fit in,
you were brave enough
to see the magic in you.
That is DiscoverEyes.
An app that transforms
the ordinary
- into something extraordinary.
- (KIDS CHEERING)
Because we're all
extraordinary.
- We just have to discover it.
- Pass.
CONNOR:
We had a good run, Jordan.
JORDAN:
You're gonna regret it.
(WHISPERS):
We should probably go, guys.
(PRESTON CLEARS THROAT)
SCOTT:
Good try, April.
So I didn't got that.
- I blew it. I'm sorry.
- No.
No, no, no. April.
We can sell this.
Come on, you can't give up.
I'm not.
I'm gonna schedule
16 more pitches.
- There it is.
- (APRIL CHUCKLES)
That's my girl.
Oh.
M-My purse?
Yeah, it's...
your purse is right there.
Are you gonna...?
- Hmm?
- You're not...
- You got to...
- No, you big.
(LAUGHING):
You big. You're back.
(JORDAN CHUCKLES)
I'm back.
Mm, mm, mm.
Morning.
One second.
I said good morning, woman.
When I say good morning,
you say good morning back.
- (JORDAN GIGGLING)
- Mm.
- Good morning.
- Mm-hmm.
We're screwed.
It's over.
I tried.
We all tried.
DiscoverEyes is not happening.
- JORDAN: Everybody, outside!
- SCOTT: Oh, God.
- (EMPLOYEES MURMURING)
- JORDAN: Now!
Oh. Better bring my Xanax.
- JORDAN: Closer. Closer!
- (BULLHORN FEEDBACK SQUEALS)
Don't be scared. Come in close.
Okay.
(SIGHS) JSI?
(FEEDBACK SQUEALS)
Well, we've reached the end
of a long,
humiliating,
self-esteem-crushing
road of noes.
No! No, no, no, no!
No, no! No, no!
No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no!
No, no, no
No, no.
But as a wise person once said,
all it takes is one yes.
So please take your little
exhausted hands,
and put 'em together
so we can congratulate April,
who has officially sold
DiscoverEyes!
- What? Oh, my God. - What?
- (APPLAUSE, LAUGHTER)
She did it!
And that's not all.
It is officially the
biggest deal in JSI history.
We are rich!
(CHEERING, LAUGHTER)
- Oh, my God!
- Yeah!
A new day is dawning at JSI.
And it's not just about me.
It is about us.
With that in mind, please...
(SIGHS)
...let me introduce to you
JSI and Associates!
(EMPLOYEES MURMURING,
CHUCKLING)
- Step right up, associate April Williams.
- Oh, that is...
Thank you.
(LAUGHING)
I need a magnifying glass
to see it, but okay.
Nah, if you, like...
if you just, like,
look right...
like, if you get this close...
like, if you put
your forehead on it,
you can see all of
"and Associates." That's...
- That's nice.
- Yeah. That's us now, guys.
- Ooh. (CHUCKLES)
- We're a team.
- And I am so proud of you, April!
- (FEEDBACK SQUEALS)
Thank you.
Y-You know, I'm right here,
so you don't have to use that.
(CHUCKLES) Okay,
if there's one thing I know,
it's how JSI and Associates
like to celebrate.
Carbs!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
JORDAN: You get a doughnut!
You get a doughnut!
You get a doughnut!
- (SQUEALS) It's a doughnut.
- You get a doughnut!
You're incredible.
Congrats.
You can't do that.
I'm a boss now.
What?
Just kidding.
You can get it.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
- JORDAN: Oh, my gosh!
- Oh, no.
JORDAN:
Guys!
What are you doing here?
- (LAUGHS) I'm so happy to see you.
- (KIDS GROANING)
I brought these awesome kids
that you've
never, ever met before
from Windsor
to test out HomeGirl.
- Well, that's awesome.
- Yeah.
Thanks for coming, guys.
JSI!
Are y'all ready to party?
(CHEERING)
HomeGirl, I need a vibe!
HOMEGIRL:
HomeGirl playing JSI vibe.
Be yourself
(LAUGHTER, INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- Be yourself
- Yes!
- 'Ey!
- (LAUGHING, WHOOPING)
- You were gonna call her back
- (WHOOPS) Yeah.
- And I ain't gonna hold you back
- 'Ey!
- And there ain't nothing wrong with that
- Uh-huh.
Got you
then I give you back
Why you even bother me...
JORDAN:
So that's me now.
Jordan Sanders
and my best friend April.
Yeah, I've got a best friend.
And that's the story of how
the little girl in me
came back to show
that you can't let
anyone else define you.
Of course, there's always
gonna be people out there
who just don't want you
to live your best life.
The trick is
not becoming one of them.
Be yourself
If you want, let it go