You can't have your phone on.
Its electromagnetic field
deharmonizes the subtle energies
we're dealing with.
It's not mine,
I don't have one.
Sorry, it's mine.
It's been proved
that cell phones fry your brain.
They should be banned.
Yes, it's a matter of time.
Mom, what's wrong?
THE OPPOSITE OF LOVE
Dickhead!
Control, this is engine 511
requesting an ambulance...
Be honest, Ana Mari.
You're coming back.
I see you in front of a camera.
What's more,
it has a great impact.
-I knew it.
-It's very clear.
They want you back.
So do I.
I've danced so often to your
''Diagnosis: in love''.
That song was about me.
About you and all women.
The illness of love.
When will it happen?
Soon?
Don't be so impatient, Loreto.
It's going to be tough,
but it'll all end well.
Doesn't your sister
have any questions?
No, no.
The cards have something
to tell you.
Cut.
Go on, I'm paying.
Don't worry about me.
I like life to surprise me.
It will surprise you.
Are you in love?
I've been alone for a year.
There's a new love coming.
True love,
the kind that's very rare.
But it all depends on you.
I don't want a boyfriend.
When I have one,
I don't like myself.
It brings out the witch
that's inside me.
''Big news.''
''Fortune teller predicts
triumphant comeback. Ha ha.''
Turn that off, I'm never
coming with you again.
If you'd give up the zen thing,
you'd look great in this.
Yeah, sure.
It was made in Bangladesh
by kids with no shoes.
They should be grateful
they've got a job.
It says China here,
not Bangladesh.
It's you, isn't it?
Or isn't it you?
Depends on who you mean.
What a blast!
You're Loreto Monedero.
When I was 1 4, I dressed up as you
for Carnival in my town.
I won second prize!
-What an honor!
-This is amazing!
In a bar we go to every Friday
they always play your song
at 3.00 a.m., don't they?
I'll have to drop by!
I know the choreography
of ''Diagnosis: in love'' by heart.
-Really?
-I taught it to my sister.
How sweet.
No second record?
There was one,
but it wasn't promoted enough.
By the way, I'm on Twitter.
Join and spread the word.
She updates it
every ten minutes.
I love sharing my life
with people.
It must be really interesting.
-What's up?
-I dreamed of this!
-Stay calm.
-Nobody move!
Fire service.
I'm Loreto Monedero.
You know,
the singer, actress...
I can't hear you.
What did you say?
I presented ''Chill out, buddies'',
remember?
The kids' program.
Is it really you?
Those "'Interviu"'photos
were a shock for the kids.
I had to boost my career.
Marisol did it too.
If this interview lasts
any longer I'll scream.
Everyone OK?
-No!
-Yes!
Don't worry.
How are you?
On duty.
Don't worry.
Stop telling me that!
Shit, I've screwed up my back.
Thanks, but I'm not that heavy!
You're very calm. I wish
everyone was like that.
The worst was
listening to them.
Out of the way, grandpa.
Now you.
''Stuck in an elevator
with my sister and two fans.''
''What a sight.''
Thank you.
You look familiar
but I don't know why.
People say that,
but you know what?
I'll soon be more familiar.
Are you a masseuse?
Metamorphic.
A metamorphic masseuse,
not like the others.
And what's that?
It's a technique
that consists of harmonizing
your psychosomatic balance,
but it doesn't help
with simple lumbago.
That's interesting.
Do you do it
in a clinic or at home?
Good morning.
-How are you?
-Awful, don't talk to me.
I told Santi
to go screw himself.
Good morning!
My cat had five kittens
last night. It was lovely.
Lucky you!
Now you've got a family.
-What's her problem?
-The usual.
And how are you?
I don't know.
I feel kind of
expectant.
My heart is saying:
''Stay calm'',
but my head is saying:
''Watch out''. You know?
You're so profound.
-How are you?
-Same as ever.
Merce!
-What?
-Who do you give our cards to?
It's amazing.
There are three gorgeous hunks
asking for you.
Share them out, you won't
be able to attend them all.
Remember us?
Sure, the firemen.
It's a coincidence.
We've got the same shifts.
And the same free time.
OK, how can we divide them up?
-I'm free right now.
-And so am I.
We're all excellent.
Who's coming with me?
Well...
I guess...
-We can wait.
-Yeah, we'll wait.
I'm in no hurry.
I'm very shy.
I need to know someone a bit
before I undress.
I see.
Well...
Who's first?
No, no! That's not necessary.
No?
I only work on feet,
hands and head.
Not the glutes?
They really ache.
Isn't it hot here?
Maybe you got me wrong
the other day.
-I'm not a physiotherapist.
-No?
Know what happens?
Girls
judge me because
I'm good looking.
And that's
hard, very hard.
Yes, but it's best
if we don't talk.
With all this touching business
a lot of guys
must get a hard on, right?
Yes.
And then I charge extra.
So be careful.
Really?
I reconnect you
with your prenatal period.
You may experience strange feelings
or emotions will be unblocked.
That's strange.
What's happening?
What did you do?
It's a gift I have.
Let it out, don't worry.
I'm used to this.
-I don't feel anything.
-Are you sure?
-I feel you're blocked.
-I feel ticklish.
What about my lower back?
That was great, really.
It's been ages since...
Yes, it's very liberating.
Call me if you want.
To go out,
whatever you want.
I swear,
I don't usually do this,
but when I saw you
you seemed very special.
If you want to have a drink.
I'm good on computers too.
We can talk more
about ''metaphorical'' massage.
What?
-Are you coming?
-I'm on my way.
Did you get him something?
Yeah, of course, it's
fantastic, you'll see.
Got to go,
don't start without me.
Sweetheart! Darling!
Happy birthday!
Look what mom got you.
How old is my boy?
How old is he?
Remind your mom,
she forgets.
-Who am I?
-Loreto.
Hello, love.
We finally see you,
but only because
it's Samuel's birthday.
I'm really busy.
You're always busy.
One more candle.
Great!
You can't miss
a chance like that.
Screw all three
and pick the one you like most.
Who do you think I am?
You?
Why didn't they hit on me?
I guess I was nervous and sweaty.
They seemed kind of dumb.
Dumb? They were hunks!
You always go with
skinny, complicated guys.
We're complicated enough.
Just make the most of it.
You've dated no one
since Joaquin.
She's better off like that.
Don't listen to her.
Mom, we're talking.
Can't I give my opinion?
Is that present safe?
It stinks of glue.
You could've spent a bit more.
I bought him ''Toy Story"'.
Then I'll shut up.
Call the dark haired one.
He was the best.
No, I didn't trust him.
The other one seemed nice.
Which other?
The handsome one
had something too.
But I'm not calling
any of them.
I thought you might like to...
Friday?
I'm off!
At this time?
Don't be late!
Don't be late!
Here.
I don't drink alcohol.
You didn't tell me.
You didn't ask.
All right, sure.
Tonight, then?
Girls are always
intimidated by me.
I think being a fireman
is a big turn on.
It is, isn't it?
Yeah... Well, I don't know.
I guess so.
-I've never been in love.
-I don't believe you.
l swear,
I don't know what it is.
-But you've had girlfriends.
-Yeah, sure.
But not all that thing
of being in love and suffering.
But being in love
isn't just suffering.
-It's a lot of other things.
-What things?
They saw me in the calendar
we do every year
and wanted me to be
''eye candy"' on a TV show.
But I said no.
Obviously.
But I wonder how my life
would be now if I'd said yes.
...understanding, affection,
support,
but nowadays no one seems
willing to offer all that.
We're badly formatted.
Hey, man!
-How are you?
-Great, and you?
Great, having a drink.
Well, thanks.
It was a pleasure.
Is that it?
Is that it?
Is today OK?
Is today OK?
Sure.
So,
you're a vegetarian.
For any special reason?
Shit, my drops!
Well, it's because
meat today is full
of hormones and antibiotics
and it's hard for your body
to eliminate that shit.
And it causes cancer
and loads of illnesses.
Homeopathy for anxiety.
Just relax.
You think I'm nervous?
No, but you said
that the drops...
Never mind.
But they say vegetables are
full of pesticides, don't they?
Or do you only eat
ultra-biological stuff?
I try to,
-as much as possible.
-Of course.
For later.
-It's odd, a fireman who smokes.
-Well, I'm one.
Some wine?
I don't drink alcohol.
A lot of limitations.
You think so? You must think
I'm kind of paranoid.
Are you?
I watch myself.
But I'll make
an exception today.
I don't believe
in couples anymore.
I did, when I was stupid,
but not now.
I don't know why people
insist on pairing off.
Isn't it absurd?
No one is willing to give way.
And I'm the worst.
If I'm dating
I become really possessive.
Being your boyfriend
can't be easy.
Well, it's the wine too.
I'm not used to it.
Give me some more!
-Really?
-Yes, go on!
I think we're all crazy,
simple as that.
You know?
And after what happened
I don't...
I don't want long relationships
or commitments
or anything like that.
-A rose for pretty girl?
-No, thank you.
I do want a rose
for the handsome guy.
As you won't do it...
Thank you.
Here, for being handsome.
-Did you want me to buy you one?
-No, not at all.
I don't always catch on.
Neither do l.
Now I am ''pretty girl''.
At times I don't know
what planet girls are from.
From Earth, like guys.
Why do they always say:
''I love you as you are''
and then try to change me?
You have to be cold,
forget about your heart.
They say girls prefer
commitment to sex,
but I don't think that's true.
I could tell you about a few...
The homeopath told me
to take what I wanted,
what was important was that
I shouldn't get obsessed.
Yeah, it's strange.
-Well...
-It's...
Would you like another drink?
I'm on duty tomorrow.
And I'm working tomorrow!
We met on a Sunday,
the worst day!
If you'd called me Friday,
or Saturday...
Thank you so much for dinner.
I hope all those vegetables
didn't disagree with you.
No, my digestive system
is very grateful.
We'll talk another day,
if you like.
Yes, we'll see.
Anyway...
-This is Station 8.
-Go ahead.
Received Key 6 from 811.
Well?
A lady left her cooker on.
Where's Tono?
What?
Come here, quick!
-Why all the hurry?
-I want my money.
I screwed the masseuse
on Saturday.
Merce?
She rang you?
Yeah.
-Was her name Merce?
-What?
I screwed the masseuse
on Saturday.
So cough up the money, guys.
What do you mean?
I screwed her.
On Saturday? Impossible.
-On Friday.
-She's something else!
I saw her on Sunday.
-You didn't screw her?
-She's weird.
I thought she was nice.
Weird? She gave you
the brush-off.
We should've gone after
the sister, she was famous.
She was so horny
she was bound to call all of us.
So, is it a draw?
-We'll leave the fund for later?
-I'm sick of this game.
Yeah, because you lost.
-Or because you really liked her?
-You're a dickhead.
-Who's calling you?
-Your mother.
It's not the masseuse,
is it?
-Is it her?
-Is she calling?
The bastard bit me.
-Are you there?
-Yes, I'm here.
I thought I'd give you a call
to see how you are.
I'm fine, great.
I'm here,
working too.
Saving lots of lives?
No, it's quiet today.
Just as well.
Maybe you'd like to meet,
have a drink...
This week I'm really busy, but...
-I'll see.
-Sure, we can talk later.
-OK.
-Work hard!
You've got over 300 films?
And really good quality. I've got
them all, whatever you want.
I don't really know
how to copy films.
No, I download them,
but I pay for them.
I'll lend you my hard drive
and you can copy them.
Want to come to the station
for lunch?
If you're paying...
Hey, don't go.
They weren't that hot.
This is shit!
No one's written
a single comment!
I'm erasing it.
Want to do a gig?
Another one?
In Benidorm.
They don't pay much
but they want a familiar face.
-What do you think?
-No more disco gigs, Fidel.
No, thank you.
You want work,
I'm offering you work.
This is all there is.
I need quality work
to make my comeback.
You're my agent, sell me!
I'm trying, love,
but they want new faces.
You were over-exposed,
they can't slot you anywhere.
They still play my song
in gay clubs!
They know what's good,
not like TV executives!
Calm down, Loreto,
sweetheart.
See how I can get angry?
I could do it on a TV program
and make a fortune!
Get me on some channel.
All in good time, my love.
-I have faith in you.
-Same here.
I have faith in me.
How much do they pay
in Benidorm?
How are you getting on?
I'm still the same.
I go out on some calls,
the simple ones,
when we're short staffed,
but I try to work on the radio.
When the siren goes off,
I'm terrified.
I can put you on sick leave
any time you want.
No, no, not again.
I prefer to stay in the station.
Otherwise, it'd be like
feeding my paranoia.
Excuse me.
Call rejected
It's my first time.
Afriend says it's very liberating.
Yes, it is, just relax
and turn off your phone.
At times I think about it:
going to the country,
quitting the job,
doing something else...
Excuse me again.
Hello?
Call rejected
-Answer it, if you want.
-No.
It's a girl.
She's being a pain.
That's it.
Shall we talk about her?
We went out for dinner,
it was great.
She's bit crazy,
very different from
the girls I usually date.
They're kind of silly, but...
But...?
I don't know.
I think she's one of those girls
you get now
who screw guys without
thinking about what they feel.
That's interesting.
Something's happened.
Isn't that what women
accused you of doing?
Come on, let it all out.
That's it, very good.
Go on, let it all out,
by yourself.
Yes?
Do it yourself, let it out.
Raul.
What a surprise!
Fuck!
What's up?
Aren't you training today?
I'm checking out
what you brought.
You've got loads of films.
I told you.
Can you work it?
Did you lend these
to anyone else?
No, just you. Why?
You know what's in here?
I thought it was
''Terminator Salvation''.
I swear, and I found this.
Rough, isn't it?
Yeah, very rough.
-Hey, I'm not...
-No, don't worry!
Anyway, they"re totally
different things.
-But there are more.
-Really?
I didn't realize.
-Have you seen them?
-I just had a quick look.
Why?
What's up, fags?
Just checking the sports pages.
Want an ice cream?
No. Do you?
No, it was in case you did.
I don't want anything.
-I can get you one...
-No, I don't feel like it.
This is weird, isn't it?
Why?
Well, the other night was very...
Or I thought so.
It was the wine,
you aren't used to it.
Really? Just the wine?
Your pals told you, didn't they?
Told me what?
I didn't call them back,
I called you.
I'm very traditional,
what else can I say?
I don't sleep with a guy
the first night.
You did with them,
but I didn't want to.
Why not? What happened?
I was shitting myself.
The meal disagreed with me.
I wasn't going to take you home
and then sit on the toilet.
I'm single, I can sleep
with whoever I want.
I don't have to apologize.
But I do.
Forgive me.
This is stupid.
At times
we pick a girl we like
and we bet to see
who gets to sleep with her.
Can you explain that a bit more?
No one ever called all three of us.
You were the first.
I'm really ashamed about it
and I'm sorry.
I'm even sorrier.
You bastards!
Where are you going?
Tell your pals
they"re only average in bed.
They"ve got a lot to learn.
-Wait, have an ice cream!
-Go to hell!
MISS ASS WITH CREAM
From the town of Pedreguera
we have Carmen Maria.
She considers herself
broad minded and liberal.
She likes powerful motorbikes,
stiletto heels and wearing
traditional costume,
and in bed she is
very, very playful.
Leave some for the others,
greedy-guts!
-Give me a kiss.
-I can't.
It's all I want.
-Just a kiss.
-Leave me alone.
Loreto, it's just a kiss.
What the hell
were you doing in there?
Having a drink with the owner.
And powdering your nose!
I saw you earlier.
What do you mean?
Here, keep this for me.
Where did you get this?
I've got bills to pay!
You're a star!
A star who lives on Earth
and needs money!
Get me better jobs!
Why don't you sell
that fucking car?
No! I bought it
with the money from ''Interviu''.
It was my dream.
I'll never give it up.
Keep this for me, please.
But you don't get 15%
I negotiated it.
As you're so good
at negotiating contracts
tomorrow we're breaking ours.
I represent artists, not...
Fuck! Afew months ago
I didn't have this.
What's going on in there?
Look, Paraca,
who says that drinking
after a meal dissolves food?
All of Spain says so.
Come here
and help me with this.
Tonito can help you,
I have to do the shopping.
Will you help me?
OK, are you ready?
One, two, three.
A phone's ringing.
It's mine.
There, that's it.
How was the fireman?
A big nothing.
A mirage. He turned out
to be a dickhead.
Like all men.
Nature is playing
a dirty trick on us.
Maybe men and women
aren't meant to be together.
You got nothing better to do?
Will you ever
speak to me again?
No, and get off my bike.
Will I do that?
Thank you.
I was really hurt
by how you judged me.
I'm sorry.
You really do that with girls?
What if we re-boot
and start over again?
OK, but I don't want
anything serious.
-Why do you think I do?
-You've come here...
-You called me.
-This isn't working.
Let's do another re-boot.
Where are you running to?
If I can find the door,
to work.
It's over there.
There's something
I didn't tell you.
The slut inside me
made a bet too,
with my sister.
To see if I could sleep
with the three of you.
And look...
I did it!
I knew all that promiscuity
wasn't normal.
You're the best of the three,
by far.
Well, OK, we'll talk, I guess.
I'll give you a lift.
Very nice of you.
-There's no obligation.
-Did I say anything?
All right, bye.
You were joking about the bet,
right?
You're late!
We're going for tea.
Want to come?
What's it like
being an urban hero?
Come on, that's...
Everyone loves firemen,
not policemen,
but they love firemen.
They're like real life versions
of superheroes.
No, it's no big deal.
And he's humble too.
I'm not crying.
You've got a heart of stone.
I'll manage it one day.
Something tells me you'll cry
over me before I cry over you.
You're so sure!
What do you bet?
What do I bet?
You're going
to cry rivers and waterfalls.
You're much softer,
it's obvious.
-It's obvious.
-I'm a real tough guy.
You act tough but you're a big softie.
What was that?
A reflex action.
Is there a problem?
You see?
I want my money.
This is just sex, don't get
emotional and start wanting more.
Of course not,
I'm just using you.
Put on your uniform.
-It's in the washing machine.
-Even better.
Christ!
What would I do there?
You'd be with me.
Isn't that enough?
Today, Maestro Canete is
channeling Maprem Deva Ranga,
a Tibetan entity who tells
the truth about each one,
the truth one refuses to see.
You believe that nonsense?
Of course, why not?
I need a beer first.
Just one!
What we wrongly believe
to be love
is really an unhealthy,
fleeting mirage
that usually lasts
very little time.
Soon there is fear,
suspicion, resentment,
criticism.
All the states that imply
the illness that is love.
True, authentic love has
got nothing to do with that...
Take off your shoes.
I'll take them off,
but it's your responsibility.
What is this, Marcela?
Forgive me, maestro,
it's all been settled.
Continue, please.
If there's noise
I lose the thread.
I know, I apologize.
Sorry.
Don't you have watches?
We thought it was at 8:00.
It was at 7:00.
Why are you here?
We're interested in the subject.
I am, in particular.
And he isn't?
Isn't he in love?
Thank you.
No, not at all.
Neither am I.
No? It's obvious
you're crazy about each other.
Don't you want to admit it?
That's logical.
Love between lovers ends
the moment both confess for the
first time they love each other.
That's when you think that
the other has become your property.
You think such a special feeling
can't be ephemeral.
But it is,
and you must be prepared
to face what lies ahead.
Good luck.
-He's a dickhead!
-Please...
Can nobody disagree with him?
Merce, l didn't
expect this from you.
Please forgive us.
I should have come alone.
It won't happen again.
Are you drunk?
Me? No, not at all.
You've got the wrong idea
about me.
I've got no problem
with eating this.
So I see.
You're hungry.
What a pathetic vegetarian.
Hey...!
But if I keep drinking,
anything could happen.
A question.
What you said back there,
were you serious?
What I said...?
What did I say?
-Yes, is it true or not?
-Yes, love is different.
-So shall we stop?
-We haven't started anything.
You're a bit of a messer.
No, you're messing me up.
I like you, all right?
That's it.
Don't drink any more.
I listen to you
and start talking nonsense.
I like you too.
See? I talk nonsense too.
Really?
The beginning of the end,
Maestro Canete says.
What a drama.
They want me?
We've broken our contract,
you can deal with them.
No, no.
I mentioned your name
and their faces lit up.
You can't miss this chance.
You've been with me
in good and bad times.
If you want to come back
I want you back.
All right,
but on one condition.
When you're working,
you don't take that shit.
I only take it occasionally.
-It's not a problem for me.
-It is for me.
Especially after Benidorm.
What about Benidorm?
You're an adult, but at times
you don't act like it.
I hope you don't
do the same thing again.
If I hear that you have,
I'm quitting.
-Aren't you answering it?
-No.
-What are you doing?
-You don't clean much, do you?
A girl comes in.
Every three months?
I'm off, I've got a game.
How about supper on Friday,
at my house?
-As a friend.
-All right.
There's no hurry,
you don't have to,
but my mother's kind of anxious.
I can't. Friday is
Paraca's birthday.
What about lunch on Saturday?
We'll talk about it.
I have to go now.
Like the fortune teller said,
I'm on TV again!
-What fortune teller?
-Really?
The interview's on Tuesday.
We'll know for certain.
Let's celebrate.
Have you any wine?
I do, but you could have
brought some.
Mom's going to be on TV again!
Yes, she is!
-Hello!
-Sweetheart...
-What's up?
-We've had a few drinks.
and we're going for supper...
I can hardly hear you.
Have a good time,
enjoy yourself, love.
Text me later and
remember that tomorrow...
Raul?
Hello?
Supper!
I can rent a bigger place
and take him with me.
These days, programs
don't last long.
Some do. Why not mine?
What about your guy?
He's fine.
Who didn't want a boyfriend?
He's not my boyfriend.
You've cleaned the house
and searched the drawers.
The first, yes,
the second, no.
I don't want to say
too much but...
I don't know.
I'm surprised at myself.
I like how I am with him.
For now.
Why?
He's a great guy,
different from all the others.
He's romantic,
affectionate.
He takes care of me,
he listens to me.
He's a good person.
And he's very noble.
He's a good lover.
And he's hot!
Don't trust a guy
who seems so perfect.
I mean, he must have some fault.
It's Friday night.
Why aren't you with him?
The other night at a party
I saw that basketball player,
the one in the NBA.
Listen, he's a giant.
He's so tall!
If I was standing up, in heels,
I could still suck him off.
Excuse me a minute.
Got any?
-Any what?
-You know.
-Cigarettes?
-Viagra. Give me one.
You've really got
a gorgeous ass.
The prettiest I've ever seen.
Yeah, right.
You like my ass?
Look how hard it is.
Do you like yours
more than mine, or what?
The number you've reached
is unavailable.
Did you make it clear
it was today?
Maybe he associates paella
with Sundays.
He must have forgotten.
How odd.
-Did you call him?
-She's called him five times.
I think he's scared.
You went too fast.
It's his loss.
This is delicious, isn't it?
Delicious.
Delicious.
He had to come along
and turn your head,
and now
you're hung up on him
and embarrassed by this.
It's no way to treat
a girl like you.
He doesn't deserve you.
In this family
we can't choose men.
Look at Samuel's father.
A disco smartass without a job.
He's running a dog hotel now.
-Then he should pay child support!
-Stop!
Right now,
I need your solidarity.
Dad was a shit and a drunk,
but all men aren't like him.
We have to trust people.
If not, what have we got?
What if something's happened?
LOVING WITHOUT SUFFERING
Hello.
Sweetheart...
You're alive.
How are you?
Hung over.
Do you know what day this is?
Sunday?
We waited all day
for you yesterday.
Yesterday?
Shit, I'm sorry.
We got carried away
and I lost my phone.
I had to ask Salva
for your number.
We all ended up drunk
in my house.
Some of them
are still lying here.
What was it,
some kind of gypsy wedding?
It was Paraca's birthday
and that's special.
You're not angry, are you?
No, not at all, I'm sure
Paraca deserved his party.
I had a great weekend too.
At home,
very relaxing,
with my mother, my nephew,
my self-help book.
Happy as could be.
So everyone's happy.
I'll come by some other day
to meet your mother.
For a relationship to work
you have to accept,
trust,
put up with his defects,
respect his space.
Yes, I read that book too.
Have you read, ''Think the worst
and you'll be right''?
I can recommend it.
On my birthday, I picked up
a real pain who wouldn't leave.
The kind who plays the little girl,
''Look after me'', that shit.
Fuck!
At times I prefer jerking off
to being with a girl.
It's not the same.
Look, I can enjoy myself more
on my own:
porn, joints and hand jobs.
Self-sexuality.
It's the most practical.
A life-long jerk off.
Well...
And proud of it.
And who sucks you off?
The ladder is playing up.
It's switched on, right?
Tono and Salva, get in the basket.
The others, come with me.
I don't know what's wrong!
It's jammed!
Shit, that's all we needed.
Lately you've been
kind of avoiding me.
-What? No, I haven't.
-I think you have.
-I haven't.
-Whatever you say.
-No, man.
-Ok.
I saw the films you lent me.
The normal ones,
not the others.
I saw a bit of the others too,
-and...
-Don't they turn you on?
I don't know
what it is about them.
I think they"re the most
heterosexual thing in the world.
And I'm not into guys.
I'm a bit screwed up
with all this.
That's normal.
I mean, those actors,
they're so masculine
they can't be gay, can they?
They must be like us.
It must be like
a new sexual tendency,
like Paraca was saying before.
I've done everything with girls
and I'm fed up.
It's like we're from different
planets, we don't connect.
I've learned how to download them,
but I pay for them.
Very hunky, with policemen,
firemen, mountaineers
Want to see them?
Come in,
make yourself comfortable.
Feel at home.
Want a beer or anything?
Look, that one's neat.
Tape that one for me too.
Do you mind if...
No, not at all,
I might do it myself in a while.
Go ahead.
Don't worry, I won't ask you
to suck me off.
Neither will I.
That's fag stuff.
And we're not fags.
No fucking way.
That's not my thing.
-Jerk off, maybe.
-Look at him.
Look at his back, man,
just look at it!
Do you think it's natural?
-Yes?
-Hello!
It's Silvia.
What are you doing?
-Yes?
-Hi, it's Eva.
What are you doing?
It must be hard
being a fireman.
Well, you get used to it.
You must have been in some
very difficult situations.
Afew.
And you must have rescued
lots of cats from trees.
That too.
I dated a fireman.
You never told me.
I was very young.
There wasn't much to tell.
He wasn't very bright.
...the age of young people
taking drugs
is getting lower every year.
I was lucky my daughters
turned out so well.
-Who were you talking to?
-Nobody.
I want another.
Another?
I've finished this one.
You've had three and I'm only
half way through my tonic.
Well, drink faster.
I'm not that thirsty.
How many beers
can you drink in one night?
What is this?
Am I out with my mother?
Oh, God, it's Laurel and Hardy.
Did you arrange this?
Yes, didn't I tell you?
You don't want another?
I haven't finished this one.
Every guy I go out with,
it's the same question.
Always.
How many men have I been with?
I don't know.
And they get annoyed.
-And you?
-Me, what?
-Come on.
-How many I've been with?
Not one man.
Sure, we're sluts
and you're smart asses.
This is great fun, isn't it?
Cheers!
We should do something
together, the three couples.
Maybe a weekend in the country.
I love the country.
Shall we go and dance?
-I'm tired.
-Don't be a drag.
I've got a headache.
We're leaving.
She's tired.
And I've got a headache.
I've got aspirin.
-I hope you feel better.
-Thanks.
What's up? Everyone was
having fun except you.
-I can't stand those two.
-I thought they were nice.
You want everyone to be like you.
Sorry, but we're not as perfect.
Who were you calling
on the phone?
-Don't start that.
-You see?
I have no idea
who you really are.
What really happened
that weekend?
I knew this would come up
eventually.
You went whoring, is that it?
Is that what I can expect?
-You're crazy!
-How could you last so long?
-With pills or what?
-I don't have to explain anything.
-Oh, no?
-No.
Maybe you were so drunk
you picked someone up
and now you just want to move on.
You're really disappointing me.
Same here.
I'm the way I am.
you can accept me or not.
I accept you with all your
odd ideas and paranoia.
Accept me as I am or this
has nothing to do with love.
It's just the opposite of love,
and I've been there before.
OK, maybe it was all a mirage.
-Maybe it was.
-Not maybe. I'm sure of it.
What?
I wanted to ask you something.
-Did we split up or not?
-Didn't you say we had?
-So it's over.
-Don't drive me crazy.
-Well, goodbye.
-Goodbye!
You've got lots of ghosts,
and a judge inside
that won't let you enjoy life.
-You're an outdated hippy.
-And you're vulgar.
-What's up with you?
-No, what's up with you?
Let's change the subject
before I get angry too.
And the great program
that'll make you a star again?
-When do you start?
-Today.
There were technical
problems but it's OK now.
-I don't want to talk about that.
-Or anything.
You're really pissing me off!
Go do your yoga, don't take
your temper out on me!
Stop the fucking car!
I'm taking your son.
Come on, love.
That's it.
I'm tighter
than the screws on a submarine.
What are you doing?
-I don't know if this'll work.
-Just do it.
One of them will come out OK.
All right.
Go on.
-And if we put them on Internet?
-Why would we do that?
-They wouldn't see our faces.
-You're crazy. No!
-Shit.
-Right, that's enough.
-One more.
-It's my turn.
The fucking star.
Let's see.
Shit, man, I look great.
Fuck, what an ass!
How many sit ups do you do?
-Did you close the door?
-It's OK, they're all having a nap.
Right...
Now, surprise me.
That's it.
Kind of depressed.
Pensive.
Now, annoyed.
I didn't get that.
Can you do it again?
-It's after the gesture
-Oh, right, sorry.
Fuck!
Are we back together?
No way.
We're back as friends.
Fuckfriends, it's called.
You call me,
tell me where you are,
I go there on the bike and...
That's it.
I don't know why I came.
I'm teasing you, silly.
Don't play with me, OK?
Listen.
The more freedom you give me
the closer I get to you.
The more you want to control me
the more I pull back.
You have to trust me.
Are you sleeping over?
Wait, what time is it?
It's my first program.
Call in and win 300 euros.
It's easy.
Who's face is it?
Chick peas, face!
It's urgent, viewers.
I need a call. Are there no calls?
One of you guys call.
You call, it costs a fortune.
Don't leave me on my own, viewers.
There's a call!
Hello? What's your name?
Mercedes, well, Merce.
Merce? Well, tell me, Merce,
what famous face do you see?
I couldn't say.
Look,
a clue.
It's a singer.
Ana Belen?
Is it Ana Belen?
Nooo! What a pity!
You look lovely.
Do I hang up now?
That was my sister.
We had a row, but she still
made the first call.
Isn't that nice?
Anyway...
Another call!
What's your name?
-Raul.
-The fireman?
He's my sister's boyfriend.
She's off her head.
-Victor Manuel.
-For God's sake, no!
For your first day
it wasn't so bad.
I just want to give you
some guidelines.
Not now!
Was I snoring?
A little.
Was I?
A lot.
You should check it out.
You're smoking before breakfast?
Are you with me
or in the parallel world of Matrix?
Loli, I told you before,
I love a joint before breakfast.
What did you call me?
Shit, I'm sorry,
I wasn't thinking straight.
-Who's Loli?
-Nobody.
An old girlfriend who gave me
a hard time about joints.
l'm sorry, my subconscious
betrayed me.
-She was called Loli?
-Yes, Loli.
-Loli...
-Yes, Loli.
And there were a lot more.
All right.
You lived with her here.
didn't you?
I'll buy something
for breakfast.
What are you doing?
I'm thinking.
Think on.
I'm going to fix you
an amazing breakfast.
Can I ask you something?
If you have to ask that,
it's a bad sign.
It's a coincidence that the day
your subconscious betrays you
and you call me Loli,
she phones you.
I saw your phone.
Three missed calls
from that Loli.
-You looked at my phone?
-Do you two talk every day?
-Yes.
-Why?
She wants us to get back.
I said no,
because I'm with you.
But after this,
I might think about it.
Forgive me...
What?
It's me.
Hang on.
Come in.
I'm about to go on the air.
I'm fucking it up.
Can we talk later? I have to piss.
I'm on in 15 minutes.
All right.
I think I'm wrecking
the relationship.
It's as if his past
is so present in our present
that it endangers our future.
You get in a real mess
with your time travels.
What's this?
Do you take this shit too?
Occasionally, to liven up.
It's like having a coffee.
Loreto, please.
People get scared about this.
It makes me feel great.
If I take five gin and tonics
and then a line, I'm fine,
and I can have
a few more drinks.
You can take
seven gin and tonics?
Yeah, if I'm out,
like everyone.
And my dealer
supplies those actors
who go on all the demonstrations
and he swears that 0,5%
of what I pay
goes to the children
in the ''Samwagui'' desert.
Great, you're helping
a good cause.
Aren't I?
You can say what you want
to justify taking this shit,
-but I don't want you doing it!
-I blame your ex.
He put a lot of prejudices
in your head.
Yes, prejudices.
But be careful, you can get hooked!
-Hello, what's your name?
-Enrique.
Hello, Enrique,
where are you calling from?
-Palencia.
-Valencia?
Palencia!
Palencia or Valencia?
Monedero, you're a slut!
Cocksucker! You sucked off
my cousin in Benidorm!
Come here, look me in the face,
-and say that again!
-Loreto...
I want to tell
those creeps who rang
that I'm her mother
and she's a decent girl,
a good daughter
and I'm very proud of her.
Mom, don't call anymore.
I'm hanging up.
Shame on you all!
It doesn't affect me.
Who do they think they are?
At times I wonder how much
I'm responsible for all this.
What did I do wrong?
How did I end up here?
I'm going to call.
Why?
To insult her,
like everyone else.
-Don't.
-Why not?
She's my sister-in-law!
What's this?
A surprise visit.
Is it a problem?
No, no.
How are you?
Fine, and you?
So-so.
Which is yours?
That one.
-May I?
-No, don't...
Let me do it.
Why does the fireman thing
turn girls on?
I don't know.
I'm not a fetishist.
It was a question.
I've apologized loads of times.
I hate that you're not
more relaxed about us.
You're losing interest
in being with me.
They"re calling from HQ!
-A domestic fire!
-Answer it!
Take my boots off!
-Like it was easy.
-Hurry up!
I'm sick of you bringing girls
to the station.
I'm taking them off!
Aren't you going?
The fire was
very complicated.
A building with several floors,
victims, it was horrible.
I was on my own.
The flames surrounded me
and I lost consciousness.
A companion
managed to get me out.
Since then I feel like a fraud.
I go to a psychoIogist,
I'm terrified of fire.
I very rarely go out on calls,
I try to stay on the radio.
You're the first girl I've told.
Thank you.
Is that why you drink
and smoke so many joints?
Don't screw it up.
I always drank and smoked,
I like it,
Stop analyzing me, I've got
a psychologist already, thanks.
Forward,
raising the quadriceps
upwards,
contracting the gluteal muscles...
Breathe, breathe.
Hold your breath.
Joaquin?
What are you doing here?
Are you with anyone?
Yes.
Well, no.
I'm seeing someone,
but it isn't serious.
It's been a while since
I've been like this with a girl.
I don't know.
There's tension.
I think the thing
doesn't flow.
He's nothing like me.
He smokes,
he drinks.
Too much, I think.
I feel I've been judged
and sentenced by her,
and I don't know
what my crime was.
I hate that
she tries to change me.
He's a bit of a sexist.
He doesn't worry
about what he eats
or about his breath.
She's got lots of crazy ideas,
fears,
that don't let her value
what we've got.
We belong to
totally different worlds.
He doesn't recycle!
She's too complicated for me.
She's obsessed with what
according to her is good or bad.
I see things differently.
Yes, I think
he fools himself.
I think
she fools herself.
If you think that,
why don't you finish it?
I guess because
I love her.
Deep down,
I feel that
the relationship
is doomed to fail.
I'm still on my own
and I still miss you.
Bring me one.
Do you just want to accompany me
while I self-destruct?
No, I reaIIy want one.
Joaquin calling.
Aren't you answering?
It was my mother.
I'll call her later.
What'll we do this weekend?
Paraca is having a party.
Another one?
A housewarming.
I said we'd go
but maybe you don't want to.
If it doesn't last all weekend...
I don't want you to think
I'm a party pooping witch.
Take me with you.
-Commercial break.
-There is none.
No? Well, hang on,
I have to do something.
She's going too far.
All right!
Another call!
Hello! What's your name?
Monedero!
You're a fucking whore!
I want those bastards'
phone numbers!
I'm not some freak
people can just insult.
[ Skipped item nr. 1261 ]
What is this?
She's singing!
What the hell's going on?
It's no big deal,
let her sing.
Cut! Put on the auto-promo.
Do you want
to wreck the program?
Idiot! I was giving you gold!
Television gold!
I'm fucking sick of you!
Stop insulting her!
I won't let you insult her!
Don't touch me!
Don't you dare!
Leave me alone!
Mind your tone,
you're being offensive.
Stop, you moron!
What? Have you cut?
Before, they"d have renewed
my contract for two more years.
Now look at how they thank me.
Stop it!
It's not worth it.
Aren't you tired of yourself?
Believe me,
none of this is important.
Just accept your defeat
and that's it.
Everything's OK.
You don't have to kiss me.
I just want you
to let me look after you.
I'll settle for that.
-Hello.
-Hello.
I'll get some drinks.
What do you want?
-A beer.
-Are you sure?
I've got a right to liven up.
Hello!
Hello.
-Have you seen those two?
-No.
They never answer our calls.
-Are you on your own too?
-No, Raul's here.
I told you, they dumped us.
You always think the worst.
We have to be positive.
What time is it?
What if we skip Paraca's party?
And the girls?
To hell with them.
We didn't sign a contract.
I feel sorry for them.
They're at the party, and
we're here with our weird hand jobs.
They"re not weird.
I think this is normal.
All right, this is the game,
let's see.
If you've done what they're saying,
you take a drink.
Whoever drinks most,
apart from getting blasted,
is the winner.
Easy, simple,
and for the whole family.
-Who'll start?
-I will.
I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready...
Say the first thing
that comes into your head.
-So I can say whatever I want.
-Exactly.
-And it's like...
-Whatever comes into your head.
Come on!
You can't think.
I never
eat onions because
they disagree with me.
-Who cares about that?
-Say something stronger.
Next!
-Come on.
-Let's see.
I...
I never piss sitting down,
for example.
You're wicked!
You've done it some time.
No, no, no.
People are getting stuck.
OK, you do it.
All right. Well, I've never
slept with a black man.
Well...
All right, let's see.
Now I see what this game
is all about.
I've never gone down on a guy,
obviously.
All right, my turn.
I've never...
I've never...
I've never done it with a girl,
obviously.
It's great.
What do you mean?
You're drinking every time!
You're wild!
This girl has lived her life.
Yours, and that of others.
Here's a suggestion.
I'll be the one with the beard
and you're the bald guy.
We each do
what our character does.
What do you say?
-Are you kidding me?
-What? Don't you like the idea?
Look at me,
look at how I am.
You're losing the plot.
Why? It's no big deal.
Look.
That's lousy.
I have to go down on you.
Just relax and enjoy it.
No fucking way!
You're drunk, leave me alone.
Have you seen any fag here?
Have you?
I haven't.
Come on!
-What are you doing?
-We're having a great time.
Christ!
You've gone too far,
way too far. Get out.
I've never done it in a plane.
I have, loads of times.
I don't believe it.
Your girlfriend's randy.
-She's joking.
-Yeah, sure.
I've never put two dicks
in my mouth.
So long.
I've never played this
with my boyfriend.
What's wrong?
Was all that true
or were you having us on?
-What does it matter?
-I need to know.
You can go partying
and I can't ask questions,
but now you want to know
all I've done.
I feel I don't know you.
-I know the feeling.
-Was it true?
Now you're messing it up.
-Did you do all that?
-I won't answer you.
Those party games aren't
so funny now, are they?
You think you're a saint
and I'm a devil.
I mightn't smoke or drink
but I've lived.
-So it's true.
-Go to hell!
I'm not a drug addict
or an alcoholic.
I'm not going to change
and I don't have to apologize.
If you like it, fine.
If not, goodbye.
I say the same. If you want,
it's over. Go fuck yourself!
Raul, this party is a drag.
We're going to a bar. Coming?
I'm coming!
Time to wake up!
What time is it?
Almost two o'clock.
I drank so much last night.
But why?
You never drink.
That boyfriend...
We've finished.
I don't believe it.
You'll be calling
each other tomorrow.
Why is it all so difficult?
Sweetheart, listen.
Learn to accept
the other's failings
or you'll end up on your own.
You choose.
What's happened?
I was calling you.
I'm sorry, I slept in.
We've got someone for the radio.
We're short of men.
If there's a call
you'll have to go out.
You're in group 2.
We're going over
to Patricia Guzman
who is at the spectacular fire
in a warehouse in Fuentiduena.
Ten units of firemen
are there trying to put it out.
What is the latest, Patricia?
It's a chemical fire
that's broken out at several points.
Go round the back
before it spreads any farther.
LOVING WITHOUT SUFFERING
(PART 2)
Darling?
-Did you water?
-I forgot.
It's all right.
WHATMATTERS IS YOU,
with Carmen Banos.
Those images are part
of one of the most popular videos
seen on Internet last year.
After this media boom,
the protagonist, Loreto Monedero,
received offers
from many TVchannels,
but, Loreto, you disappeared.
Why this silence?
Well, Carmen, I took some time
to find myself.
I decided to focus
on myself and on my family.
And the rumors that
this disappearance was due to
your interest in Scientology
and one of their de-tox programs?
They're lies.
I had an iron deficiency,
that's why I was bleeding.
You're here today
because you're in the news again.
A new, surprising cover
on the magazine "'Interviu"'.
A fantastic article and,
by the way, congratulations.
They don't have to be at odds,
do they?
-Station 12 from HQ.
-Go ahead.
Soundcheck.
How do you receive me?
Loud and clear.
-It weights a lot!
-And you don't have it all on.
When the siren goes
do you have time to put it all on?
Of course,
or we wouldn't go out.
I look like Robocop!
-There's also the belt.
-The belt too? What's in it?
Am I intruding?
Hello!
Shit, you're all so handsome.
I'm not leaving without
a photo with all of you.
I'm cooking today.
You staying for lunch?
I'd love to.
Mind what you cook, I think
Salva is getting a spare tire.
-What?
-Yes, you are.
-Yes, it's true.
-Are you kidding me? I look great.
-You're gorgeous, but...
-I'm great.
Listen for a minute.
Isn't this like the start
of a porn movie?
This fax has just come in.
A race is planned for Sunday
in memory of our colleagues
who died in the fire last year.
My baby!
You've got so big.
This idea of appearing starkers
showing your stomach... It's not...
You're old-fashioned, mom.
Darling, pour me some wine.
-You can't drink, love.
-A little won't do any harm.
Sweetheart, no.
-A drop, to celebrate.
-No.
Why not?
-Can I say something?
-No!
Mom, what's wrong?
Dickhead!
How are you?
-May we?
-Yes.
-Hello.
-Come on, Samuel.
She's beautiful!
How are you, love?
It's a girl.
She's beautiful.
What are you going to call her?
I've got no idea.
Listen,
did you really
crash into a fire engine?
At first we thought it was worse,
but she's just fine now.
Someone to see you.
-What's your name?
-Raul.
He's the one got you out
from under the truck.
Thanks for coming.
How are you?
I'm fine.
Joaquin, could you go out
for a minute?
I'll be outside.
They say there are
no coincidences.
So they say.
I've left the radio.
I'm back on the truck.
I'm glad.
I don't smoke joints anymore.
Why?
I started thinking strange things,
getting paranoid...
-That's scary.
-They're stages.
And when I go out
I have a few beers and I go home.
I'm still vegetarian.
I don't care.
A strict one now.
And about that game...
Yes.
Once I put two dicks
in my mouth.
One was Joaquin's,
my boyfriend,
and the other was a black guy"s.
He was from Brooklyn.
We were on a hippy commune
in India, and we did everything.
Fucking hippies.
I can't forget you.
Nor I you.
You see.
It wasn't so hard.
You really haven't smoked?
Well, one,
but it was just marihuana,
or I wouldn't have had
the balls to come here.
Oh, God, Joaquin.
Does this mean
we're back together?
We've got a lot to negotiate.
I've got no interest
in negotiating.
Negotiate what...?
Adaptation: D. Mac Closkey