THIS ISN'T HAPPENING TO ME.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
TO YOU, SHAWN?
ONLY THE WORST THING EVER!
A MISSING CAPTAIN DELICIOUS
MAGIC MOOD RING!
DAD, THIS IS A CRIME.
CAN YOU HAVE THEM
ARRESTED?
FIRST OF ALL, SHAWN, NO,
THIS IS NOT A CRIME.
CAN'T YOU JUST HAUL THEM IN
FOR QUESTIONING?
LAY INTO THEM A LITTLE?
AND WHO IS "THEM"?
YOU KNOW, THE CEREAL PEOPLE?
OH, THE CEREAL PEOPLE, HUH?
I'LL TELL YOU
WHAT, SHAWN.
YOU CAN SPEND A LOT OF TIME
CALLING 411
TO GET THE NUMBER
FOR YOUR CEREAL PEOPLE.
THEY'RE GOING TO STICK YOU
ON HOLD FOREVER,
LISTENING TO BAD MUSIC,
FINALLY YOU'RE GOING TO GE SOME DIM-WITTED SECRETARY
WHO'S GOING TO TAKE
YOUR MESSAGE,
AND THEN SHE'S GOING
TO THROW I
IN A WASTEBUCKET.
OR YOU CAN USE
THE SKILLS I TAUGHT YOU,
AND YOU CAN OUTSMART 'EM.
WHAT AM I MISSING?
WHERE IS THE RING?
WELL, IT'D BE AT THE BOTTOM...
NOT OF THIS BOX.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
THE BIG OLD BAD CEREAL
COMPANY MESSED UP.
SO YOU GRAB ANOTHER BOX.
TOUGH LUCK.
WHERE'S THE RING NOW?
AT THE BOTTOM.
NOW I'VE GOT TO
EAT THE WHOLE BOX.
AND WHERE'S THE RING NOW?
AT THE TOP!
THAT'S RIGHT. YOU SEE,
SOMETIMES, SHAWN,
YOU DON'T HAVE
TO DIG SO DEEP.
ALL YOU'VE GOT TO DO
IS TURN SOMETHING UPSIDE DOWN
TO MAKE IT RIGHT-SIDE UP,
AND THEN...
YOU GET YOUR PRIZE.
THANKS, DAD!
EXPLAIN TO ME AGAIN
WHY WE COULDN'T SI IN A RESTAURAN
AND EA LIKE CIVILIZED PEOPLE.
MOVING IS GOOD, GUS.
IT HELPS THE DIGESTION.
PLUS, YOU AND I NEVER
DO THIS ANYMORE.
WHAT, EAT AND JOG?
NO, TALK. JUST TALK.
CHECK IN WITH EACH OTHER
AS MEN.
I WANT TO KNOW
HOW YOU ARE.
I WANT TO KNOW
HOW GUS IS.
REALLY? LIKE YOU'RE
REALLY ASKING ME?
YES, I'M REALLY ASKING,
BECAUSE I CARE.
WOW. OKAY.
WE'VE BEEN WORKING CASES
NONSTOP FOR A MONTH.
TO BE HONEST, I'M BURNT.
I JUST WANT TO TAKE A NAP.
I COULDN'T AGREE
WITH YOU MORE, BUDDY.
I THINK WE SHOULD
LAY LOW FOR A BIT.
NO MORE CASES.
OH, I'M SO GLAD
TO HEAR YOU SAY THAT.
I WAS KIND OF WORRIED
ABOUT TELLING YOU.
DON'T BE A SILLY GOOSE.
NOW, WE'VE HAD
A GOOD TALK,
I THINK
WE BOTH FELT IT,
AND LOOK AT THIS.
HERE WE ARE.
WHAT IS THIS, SHAWN?
OKAY, HERE'S THE THING.
THE POLICE MAY HAVE
FOUND A BODY,
WHICH I MAY HAVE
PICKED UP
ON MY POLICE SCANNER,
WHICH I MAY HAVE
BROUGHT WITH ME.
NO CASES, SHAWN.
NO CASES.
WE GO IN, WE SEE,
WE SAY HELLO, AND WE LEAVE.
SAY HELLO?
THIS IS A CRIME SCENE.
YOU CAN'T JUS WALK IN THERE.
McNAB!
NABBY!
[TO GUS]: BUZZ.
BUZZ? SERIOUSLY?
DON'T YOU EVER
TALK TO HIM?
WHY WOULD I TALK TO
ANYBODY NAMED BUZZ?
SHAWN! MY MAN!
POW!
OKAY WITH...YES.
YOU LOOK TRIM.
SOMEBODY MADE THEIR
WEDDING WEIGHT.
FIVE MORE POUNDS.
I'M CLOSE.
BUT I STILL
HAVE A MONTH.
YOU'LL GET THERE.
YOU REMEMBER MY PARTNER?
SURE, YEAH...
MATT, RIGHT?
GUS.
RIGHT.
SO, WHAT HAVE YOU GO GOING ON UP THERE?
DON'T HOLD OUT ON ME, NOW.
LOOKS LIKE
SUICIDE.
THE GUY FROM THE PHONE COMPANY
FOUND THE VICTIM
IN HIS APARTMENT.
BEEN UP THERE
FOR A FEW DAYS ALREADY.
A FEW DAYS?
YOU MIND IF WE HEAD UP,
TAKE A LOOK,
POKE AROUND A LITTLE?
AW, I DON'T KNOW.
LASSITER'S UP THERE,
AND HE'S
IN A MOOD.
YEAH, WE JUST...
WE GOT HIS COFFEE.
WANT TO BRING IT BY,
MAKE IT RIGHT.
OH, THAT'S NICE OF YOU.
HE ASKED ME TO GET IT,
BUT...
BUT THIS IS PERFECT.
HEY, DID YOU JUST SIP THAT?
YOU DON'T TASTE
LASSITER'S COFFEE
BEFORE YOU GIVE IT TO HIM?
THAT SURPRISES ME,
BUZZ.
HE'S SO PARTICULAR,
WITH NO CREAM, NO SUGAR...
IT'S THREE CREAMS, FOUR SUGARS.
YEAH, IT IS.
SHARP AS A TACK!
YOU!
AND FIT!
WE FOUND A NOTE.
THE BODY'S BEEN HERE
ATST THREE DAYS.
ALL SIGNS POIN TO AN 11-44.
THREE 11-44s
IN FOUR MONTHS?
THERE MUST BE SOMETHING
IN THE WATER.
ALL RIGHT, LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN, LISTEN UP.
YOU KNOW THE PROCEDURE.
I WANT THIS DONE RIGHT.
I DO NOT WANT ANY MISTAKES.
HEY, BLOWIE.
I KNOW YOU'RE NEW,
BUT IF YOU WAN TO GET YOUR SPI
ALL OVER THE EVIDENCE,
WHY DON'T YOU JUST LICK IT?
CLEARLY HE DOESN'T NEED
ANY MORE COFFEE.
OKAY, THERE'S
THE DEAD GUY.
CAN WE GO NOW?
RELAX.
WE JUST GOT HERE.
HAVE SOME MEE KROB.
HOW DO YOU JUST EA
WHEN THERE'S A DEAD GUY
LAYING THERE?
WHAT, IS THAT RUDE?
AM I SUPPOSE TO SHARE?
FORENSICS.
ACT NATURAL.
OH, THAT'S IT!
WHAT?
WHAT DO YOU SEE?
RED PEPPER FLAKES.
IS THAT A CL
OR SOMETHING?
NO, IT'S A DELICIOUS SPICE
AND IT'S EXACTLY WHA MY MEE KROB NEEDS.
I TOLD YOU THIS.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
THIS IS A CRIME SCENE.
YOU CAN'T TOUCH STUFF.
WHAT?
SERIOUSLY,
CHECK THIS OUT.
A MARINATING STEAK?
WHAT, YOU WAN TO EAT THAT TOO?
NO, BUT DON'T YOU FIND
THAT A LITTLE ODD?
THAT A MAN WOULD
EAT A STEAK?
THAT A MAN WHO WAS READY
TO KILL HIMSELF
WOULD TAKE THE TIME
TO MARINATE A STEAK
FOR A FUTURE MEAL?
DUDE...
THIS WAS NOT SUICIDE.
THIS WAS MURDER.
THE DOOR LATCH IS STILL INTACT.
NOW, I ASK YOU,
IF YOU WERE GONNA KILL YOURSELF,
WOULDN'T YOU WAN THE DOOR TO BE LOCKED
SO NO ONE COULD BARGE IN ON YOU?
WHAT?
I DON'T--WHAT IS--
I DON'T--
WHAT IN THE NAME
OF SWEET JUSTICE
ARE YOU TWO DOING
IN MY CRIME SCENE?
YOUR CRIME SCENE?
THAT'S FUNNY.
I DIDN'T SEE YOUR NAME ON IT.
HEH HEH. GET OUT.
WE ARE.
JUST THOUGH YOU MIGHT WANT TO KNOW
THAT THIS THING HERE,
NOT A SUICIDE.
GREAT.
THANKS FOR THAT. REALLY.
AND THANKS ALSO FOR BRINGING
A SNACK TO THE CRIME SCENE.
OH, BOY!
I'M SENSING A...
I'M SENSING THERE WAS
SOMEONE HERE,
SOMEONE HERE
IN THE ROOM
WITH THE VICTIM
WHEN HE DIED.
SOMEONE WITH A SLIVER OF GREASE
ON HIS OR HER SHOE.
NO, I'M NOT SENSING
A STRUGGLE.
NO STRUGGLE...
[BANGING]
THE DOOR.
DID YOU HAVE TO BREAK DOWN
THE DOOR WHEN YOU GOT HERE?
NO, IT WAS OPEN. WHY?
NO, NO, NO,
DON'T ENCOURAGE HIM.
GET UP.
McNAB, I WANT YOU TO ESCOR THESE TWO MEN
OUT OF HERE NOW.
OH, COME ON.
LET ME READ THE WITNESSES.
YOU KNOW, DUE DILIGENCE.
SPENCER, WE DID
THE DUE DILIGENCE.
IT WAS A SUICIDE.
THERE IS NO CRIME.
THERE ARE NO WITNESSES.
YOU'RE WRONG.
THERE IS A WITNESS.
THERE'S A CAT.
I WANT TO TALK TO THAT CAT.
AS SOON AS HE'S FINISHED...
LICKING HIMSELF.
WOW. I'M JEALOUS.
BELIEVE
YOU TOOK THAT CAT.
GUS, THEY WERE GOING
TO SHIP HIM OFF
TO AN ANIMAL SHELTER.
WHAT CHOICE DID I HAVE?
PLUS THIS CA IS THE LEAD WITNESS
IN A MAJOR MURDER
INVESTIGATION.
YOU WANT TO HOLD HIM?
OH, NO, YOU DON'T.
YOU TOOK THE CAT,
YOU CARRY IT.
WE'RE RIGHT ON
THIS THING NOW.
I DIDN'T HAVE
ANYTHING SUBANTIAL.
A STEAK?
THE CHAIN THE DOOR?
A STAIN ON THE CARPET?
I WOULDN'T HE BELIEVED ME.
WE NEEDED AN "IN,"
NOW WE HAVE ONE,
PLUS HE CLEARLY LIKES YOU.
GIVE HIM A SNUGGLE.
YOU KNOW, I'M ACTUALLY
GOING TO ENJOY THIS,
YOU HAVING
TO CARRY THIS CAT AROUND,
PRETENDING YOU CAN
COMMUNICATE WITH IT.
I'M BUYING A DISPOSABLE CAMERA
FOR WHEN YOU HAVE
TO CLEAN OU
HIS DIRTY LITTER BOX.
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.
THIS CAT HERE IS A GIFT,
A CONDUIT FOR US
TO SAVE LIVES,
AND HE HAS MORE TEGRITY
IN HIS LITTLE FURRY HAND...
PAW.
PAW, THAN MOST PEOPLE
HAVE IN THEIR WHOLE...
APPENDAGES...
APPENDAGES.
WHAT?
ALL OF...
THAN MT PEOPLE HAVE IN ALL
OF THEIR APPENDAGES...
COMBINED.
OH YEAH?
I THINK HE WANTS
TO SLEEP ON YOUR CHAIR.
HOW LONG ARE YOU GOING
TO KEEP THIS UP FOR?
UNTIL WE SOLVE THE CRIME.
DON'T YOU OR YOUR CA GET MAD AT ME,
BUT I DON'T THINK
THERE WAS A CRIME.
OH, REALLY?
YOU DON'T THINK SO?
TRY TELLING THA TO THIS POOR LITTLE GUY,
WHO TRAUMATIZED
SEEING HIS OWNER KILLED.
TELL HIM.
I'M JUST SAYING I CAN KINDA GE WHERE LASSITER IS COMING FROM.
A FEW SUICIDES IS NOT UNCOMMON.
GUS, DID YOU LOOK
AT THE SKY TODAY?
BLUE, CLEAR...
AND DID YOU FEEL I OUT THERE?
WARM. NICE. STATISTICALLY,
PEOPLE IN MILD CLIMAS
ARE FAR LESS LIKELY
TO KILL THEMSELVES.
NOW, IF WE WERE
IN VLADIVOSTOK,
WE COULD TALK.
THE POINT IS,
AT THE END OF THE DAY,
THIS WAS A 50-YEAR-OAN
LIVING ALONE WITH A CAT.
OH. OH.
DO YOU WANT DOWN?
YOU CAN GET DOWN.
YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.
I KNOW I'M RIGHT.
IT'S PROBABLY A SUICIDE.
THANK YOU.
THAT WAS BIG OF YOU TO ADMIT.
I'M UNCLEAR
ON ONE LITTLE THING.
WHAT'S THAT?
HOW DO WE EXPLAIN
THE SECOND BODY THEY JUST FOUND?
DETECTIVE O'HARA.
WELL, YOU'RE HERE
ALL BY YOURSELF?
AH.
DAMN IT ALL.
COULD HAVE HAPPENED
TO ANYBODY.
TALK TO ME.
WELL, VICTIM IS A FEMALE
IN HER LATE 20s,
GLORIA STARKS.
WE'RE WAITING FOR
FORENSICS TO CONFIRM,
BUT IT APPEARS TO BE
A SUICIDE.
CARBON MONOXIDE
POISONING.
ASPHYXIATION.
OOH, I'M AFRAID
THE CAT DOESN'T THINK SO.
TURN AROUND AND WALK AWAY.
THIS CAT CAN TELL US
IF THE KILLER HAS BEEN HERE.
ALL I NEED IS 30 SECONDS.
WATCH THIS.
YOU READY, BOY?
HUH? YOU READY?
WHAT? WHAT, OVER HERE?
WHERE?
WHAT...
THAT IS--
THAT IS VERY THOUGHTFUL.
I'LL TELL HIM.
HE SAYS THE FAC THAT YOU TAKE
THREE CREAMS AND FOUR SUGARS
IN YOUR COFFEE?
DANGEROUS.
IS THAT TRUE?
DO YOU REALLY TAKE
THREE CREAMS
AND FOUR SUGARS?
SO WHAT?
THAT IS A HEART ATTACK
WAITING TO HAPPEN.
YOU'RE STILL A YOUNG MAN.
THAT WAS AMAZING.
HOW DID YOU DO THAT?
IT WAS A LUCKY GUESS.
DON'T YOU GET TIRED
OF SAYING THAT?
WITH YOUR PERMISSION,
I'D LIKE THE LITTLE BOY CA
TO SNIFF OUT THE CAR.
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
OOPS!
WHAT DID I JUST SAY?
JUST RELAX AND LE HIM DO HIS J.
HE MIGHT FIND SOMETHING.
HE'S PEEING.
NO.
NO, HE'S DRAWING YOUR ATTENTION
TO THE EVIDENCE
IN THE BACK SEAT.
BY PEEING ON IT.
NICE.
COME HERE, KITTY, KITTY, KITTY.
NICE KITTY.
YES, DID YOU MAKE GOOD PEE-PEE?
DID YOU MAKE
GOOD PEE-PEE?
YES, YOU DID.
WHAT?
THAT'S--THAT'S
A LITTLE INAPPROPRIATE.
I'M SORRY,
THAT'S RUDE.
HE WAS JUST SAYING
THAT HE WOULD HAVE DONE
THE SAME THING
IF HE'D KILLED
HIMSELF.
HE WOULD HAVE
SWUNG BY THE DRY CLEANER'S
AND GRABBED THE PANTSUIT FIRST.
MAYBE SHE PICKED UP
THE DRY CLEANING
DAYS AGO.
DID THE CAT EVER THINK OF THAT?
WHAT IS HE DOING
RIGHT HERE?
HE IS MEASURING
THE AMOUN OF CARBON MONOXIDE EMITTED.
OKAY. I KNEW THAT.
[SHAWN]:
YEAH, YOU DID.
[STARTS ENGINE]
[RADIO BLARES]
WHOA!
NOW, DOES SHE STRIKE YOU
AS THE TYPE
THAT WOULD GO FOR HEAVY METAL?
ANY NUMBER OF PEOPLE
COULD HAVE CHANGED
HER RADIO STATION.
MR. SPENCER,
IF YOU AND YOUR NEW PARTNER
ARE FINISHED
URINATING ON THINGS,
I BELIEVE
YOUR WORK HERE IS DONE.
CHECK OU THE DRY CLEANING.
I'M ON IT.
LOOK, I DON'T CARE
WHAT LASSITER SAYS,
THE CA IS NOT MY NEW PARTNER, GUS.
DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.
THEN TELL ME AGAIN WHY THE CA GETS TO RIDE SHOTGUN.
HE GETS CAR SICK,
AND YOU KNOW THIS.
DO YOU WANT HIM TO THROW
UP AGAIN BACK THERE?
IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?
THAT'S NOT FUNNY, SHAWN.
HERE. LAY THESE DOWN.
HE'S DOING FINE. AREN'T YOU?
[GUS]:
THIS IS A COMPANY CAR, SHAWN.
THAT MEANS I HAVE TO RETURN I IN LIKE-NEW CONDITION.
LAY THESE DOWN.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
LOOK AT THIS.
WHAT?
AND WINDOW PANES.
EVERYTHING MUST GO?
GUS, FLIP IT OVER.
IT'S HER.
STRUGGLING ACTRESS
LANDS BIG BREAK
IN SANTA BARBARA PLAY.
AND THEN KILLS HERSELF?
I DON'T THINK SO.
OKAY, YOU MIGHT BE ON
TO SOMETHING.
THE PLAY'S CALLED
"DAZZLE AND STRETCH."
DAZZLE AND STRETCH?
[KNOCKING]
I WAS WONDERING
IF I COULD ASK YOU A...
A QUESTION.
I COULD REALLY USE SOME ADVICE.
YEAH, ALL RIGHT.
GET ON IN HERE.
WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU, McNAB?
IT'S JUST THAT--
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED, RIGHT?
ARE YOU TRYING TO PISS ME OFF?
NO, SIR. NO, I--
I JUST HAVE A QUESTION.
ON YOUR WEDDING NIGHT,
DID YOU FEEL ANY...
WELL, ANY ADDED PRESSURE
TO PERFORM?
EXCUSE ME?
IT'S JUST THA MY FRANCIE
IS GOING TO BE EXPECTING A LO
ON OUR FIRST NIGH AS A MARRIED COUPLE,
AND I WAS WONDERING
IF YOU HAD ANY TIPS
FOR ME.
WHAT THE HELL
KIND OF SICK BASTARD ARE YOU?
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, SIR.
I APPRECIATE IT.
SO WHAT YOU'RE TRYING
TO TELL ME IS
NOW IT'S THE CA
THAT'S CONVINCED
THESE WEREN'T SUICIDES?
YES.
DO YOU REALLY THINK
I'M GOING TO OPEN
A BUNCH OF CLOSED CASES
JUST BECAUSE A CAT TELLS ME TO?
[MEOW]
THIS IS IT.
[MEOW]
YES.
THIS IS IT.
THE GIRL THAT WAS FOUND
IN HER CAR,
GLORIA STARKS.
SHE'S HERE.
SHE'S HERE WITH US.
[IN A WOMAN'S VOICE]:
OH, DESPAIR!
I FEAR THAT YOU WILL LEAVE ME!
WHAT CHOICE
DO I HAVE?
I DAZZLE
AND I STRETCH
I DAZZLE...
AND I STRETCH
WHAT THE HELL
IS GOING ON
IN HERE?
SHH.
MR. SPENCER,
THIS IS
TELLING ME NOTHING.
HE CAN'T HEAR YOU RIGHT NOW,
'CAUSE, SEE,
HE'S CHANNELING THE CAT,
WHO'S CHANNELING GLORIA.
I DAZZLE
THEN WHAT ARE WE LOOKING AT?
I STRETCH
BAD ACTING.
[GUS]: I THINK SHE WANTS YOU
TO SEE SOMETHING IN THE PAPER.
GLORIA IS TRYING TO TELL YOU
SOMETHING.
STRETCH
DAZZLE
STRETCH...
AND WINDOW PANES.
EVERYTHING MUST GO.
STRUGGLING ACTRESS
LANDS BIG BREAK
IN SANTA BARBARA PLAY.
SO WHAT?
[GUS]: SO WHAT?
DOES THAT SOUND LIKE A WOMAN
WHO WOULD KILL HERSELF?
PLEASE, ALL ACTRESSES
ARE CRAZIES.
I KNOW.
I DATED ONE IN COLLEGE ONCE.
SHE HAD A NOSE RING.
GOOD WORK,
LITTLE BUDDY.
WHOA.
I DON'T KNOW.
THIS IS SOMETHING.
[SHAWN]: SOMETHING?
OH, COME ON, YOU GUYS.
THAT'S THE BIGGEST THING
THAT EVER HAPPENED
FOR THAT GIRL.
YOU NEED TO STOP WAITING AROUND
FOR ANOTHER SUICIDE
AND START LOOKING
FOR A SERIAL KILLER.
SPENCER?
get off my leg
WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?
I HAVE NO IDEA,
BUT I SEE IT ON NUMB3RS
ALL THE TIME,
AND IT SEEMS
TO WORK FOR THEM.
YOU READY TO GIVE UP?
FOUR SEPARATE SUICIDES,
TWO OF WHICH OCCURRED
BEFORE WE CAME ON THE CASE,
AND I DON'T SEE A PATTERN
OF ANY KIND.
DIFFERENT AGES,
DIFFERENT SEXES.
DIFFERENT SOCIO-ECONOMIC LEVELS.
DIFFERENT METHODS OF DEATH.
NO DUPLICATE WEAPONS, LOCATIONS.
WHAT DO WE GOT?
FIRST WE HAVE A JUMPER,
SECOND, AN OVEN, THIRD, PILLS,
FOURTH, CARBON MONOXIDE.
THEY ALL HAVE TO BE CONNECTED
SOMEHOW.
WHAT I SEE
IS A WHOLE LOT OF NOTHING.
NOTHING.
YOU SEE, SOMETIMES, SHAWN,
YOU DON'T NEED TO DIG SO DEEP.
YOU JUST NEED
TO TURN THINGS UPSIDE DOWN...
TO MAKE THEM RIGHT-SIDE UP.
AND THERE'S YOUR PRIZE.
WAIT A MINUTE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'M TURNING THINGS UPSIDE DOWN
IN ORDER TO MAKE THEM
RIGHT-SIDE UP.
AND THERE'S THE PRIZE.
[GUS]: THIS IS THE PRIZE?
GOING TO THE FIRS DEAD GUY'S PLACE, AND WHAT?
TALK TO A DEAD GUY?
NO, WE TALK
TO DEAD GUY'S BROTHER.
THE DEAD GUY'S BROTHER LIVES
AT THE DEAD GUY'S PLACE?
THEY WERE ROOMMATES,
BUT THAT'S THE POINT.
HE'S GETTING RID
OF THE APARTMENT,
AND WE'RE HERE TO RENT IT.
WE'RE WHAT?
WHY CAN'T WE FOR ONCE
JUST TALK
TO SOMEBODY AS US?
BECAUSE, GUS,
I DON'T WANT HIM
TO BE ON GUARD.
IF HE THINKS WE'RE
INVESTIGATING SOMETHING,
HE'LL CLAM UP.
WES HILTONBOCK.
YEAH.
HEY, SHAWN SPENCER.
I TALKED TO YOU
ON THE PHONE
ABOUT THE APARTMENT.
THIS IS GUS.
IT WOULD ACTUALLY BE
FOR BOTH OF US.
YEAH. OKAY, COME IN.
THANKS, MAN.
JUST SO YOU GUYS KNOW,
THE UTILITIES ARE INCLUDED,
BUT I WOULD REQUIRE
FIRST AND LAST MONTH
AND A SIZABLE SECURITY DEPOSIT.
OH, THAT'S NOT A PROBLEM.
DO YOU TAKE CATS?
AH, I GUESS SO.
YOU TWO GUYS HAVE A CAT?
WE DO, ACTUALLY.
HE'S SORT OF
LIKE OUR CHILD.
I SEE.
HOW DO YOU GUYS
KNOW EACH OTHER?
WE'RE PARTNERS.
GOTCHA.
OH, NO, NO--
NO, NO, IT'S FINE.
REALLY, I'M TOTALLY FINE.
NO. WE'RE PARTNERS
IN A PRIVATE--
RELATIONSHIP.
BELIEVE IT.
IT'S BEEN A WHILE.
WE FINISH
EACH OTHER'S SENTENCES.
SO, TELL ME, WES,
WHY WOULD YOU
WANT TO GIVE UP
SUCH A HANDSOME APARTMENT?
DO YOU NOT LIKE IT ANYMORE?
OOH! GUS!
GOOD NEWS.
SHOWER FOR TWO.
UH, ACTUALLY, I JUST HAVE
SOME BAD
MEMORIES HERE.
I USED TO LIVE HERE
WITH MY BROTHER,
BUT HE PASSED AWAY.
[SHAWN]:
OH, I'M SORRY, MAN.
WAS HE SICK, OR?
HE KILLED HIMSELF.
OH, GOOD LORD.
I'M SO SORRY.
YEAH, I'M SORRY.
YEAH, ME TOO.
WE WERE REAL CLOSE,
YOU KNOW.
WAS HE DEPRESSED?
I MEAN, WERE THERE SIGNS?
DID YOU--
WHAT AM I-- I'M SORRY.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO
ANSWER THOSE QUESTIONS.
NO.
ACTUALLY, I HAD NO IDEA
ANYTHING WAS WRONG, YOU KNOW.
I MEAN, HE HAD
SO MUCH TO LIVE FO
HE'S A GREAT GUY,
YOU KNOW.
SMARTER THAN ME, MORE TALENTED.
HE WAS A GREAT SINGER.
HE WAS REALLY GOING PLAC.
SO, LOOK, ARE YOU GUYS
INTERESTED IN THE PLACE, OR?
WHAT DO YOU
THINK, HONEY?
I THINK IT'S GREAT.
I THINK IT'S PERFECT.
ALL RIGHT, THEN.
I'VE GOT ANOTHER COUPLE
COMING BY LATER,
SO...
BUT I'LL LET YOU GUYS KNOW
EITHER WAY.
SHOWER FOR TWO?
THAT WAS SO I COULD
SEE YOUR FACE WHEN I SAID IT.
YOU KNOW, YOU ENJOY THESE THINGS
MORE THAN YOU SHOULD.
I SUFFERED THROUGH
THAT FOR NO REASON.
WE LEARNED NOTHING.
YES, BUT I GRABBED THIS
WHILE WE WERE UP THERE.
YOU TOOK HIS MAIL?
IT'S NOT LIKE I TOOK
HIS SPORTS ILLUSTRATED.
IT'S A PHONE BILL.
YOU CAN'T OPEN
SOMEONE'S ELSE'S MAIL.
IT'S A FEDERAL OFFENSE!
GUS, HE'S DEAD.
SO WHAT?
I'LL HOLD IT TO MY HEAD
AND READ IT PSYCHICALLY.
HURRY UP, SHAWN.
GUS, WHO'S GOING TO SEE US?
HURRY UP.
WHY, THERE'S LIKE--
THERE'S LIKE 16 CALLS HERE
TO SOME 1-800 STRESS LINE...
INCLUDING THE LAST CALL HE MADE.
I'VE SEEN THE ADS FOR THAT.
SO WHAT?
A DEPRESSED GUY
CALLS A STRESS LINE.
I BETCHA A HUNGRY GUY
CALLS A PIZZA PLACE.
THAT DOESN'T TELL US ANYTHING.
YEAH, BUT IT MIGH GET US A LINK.
I'M GONNA RUN
THE OTHER VICTIMS'
PHONE RECORDS.
WITH WHAT?
YOUR DO-IT-YOURSELF
PHONE RECORD RUNNING KIT?
THE NEXT BEST THING.
THE ANSWER IS
THE PHONE BILLS.
ED YOU TO RUN
THE VICTIMS'
PHONE RECORDS.
WHAT? NO C THIS TIME?
I HAVE A STRG SENSE
T A STRESS LINE,
AND I KNOW THE LINK
IS IN THE PHONE RECORDS.
I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU WOULD THINK
I WOULD DO
SOMETHING LIKE THIS FOR YOU.
SOME HAVE SAID IT'S THE HAIR.
REALLY? WHO SAYS THAT?
OH, GUESS WHAT.
WE ALREADY
RAN THE PHONE RECORDS
AND CHECKED OU THE DRY CLEANING.
PANTSUITS WERE PICKED
UP OVER A WEEK AGO.
WHAT KIND OF
DOG AND PONY SHOW
DO YOU THINK
WE RUN HERE?
GUS, YOU WAN TO TAKE THIS ONE?
NO.
LET ME PUT AN END
TO THIS NON-CASE.
YES, ALL THE VICTIMS CALLED
THE 1-800 STRESS LINE,
NOT JUST ONCE,
MANY TIMES OVER.
DETECTIVE LASSITER AND I
HAVE COMBED EVERYTHING.
WE'VE GONE TO THE BONE ON THESE.
ALL THE WAY TO THE BONE?
I KNOW THIS IS
HARD FOR YOU TO GRASP,
BUT THESE PEOPLE DID HAVE
SOMETHING IN COMMON.
THEY WERE TROUBLED,
AND THEY WERE
DEPRESSED,
AND AS SAD AS THAT IS,
THEY ALL COMMITTED SUICIDE.
CASE CLOSED.
WE'VE CLEARLY
WASTED YOUR TIME.
IT'S NOT OVER,
IS IT?
COURSE NOT.
THEY ALL CALLED
THE SAME HELP LINE
AND THEY ALL KILLED
THEMSELVES? COME ON!
SHAWN, THAT'S WHA RESSED PEOPLE DO.
IT'S STRANGE
HOW HE GAVE UP SO EASILY.
YEAH, IT IS.
MAYBE WE SHOULD
TAKE A CLOSER LOOK
AT THAT STRESS LINE.
GLORIA STARKS
ONLY CALLED THAT LINE
BECAUSE SHE WAS STRESSED
ABOUT AN AUDITION.
YOU CALL A HELP LINE,
THEY FIND YOU DEAD?
THAT'S NOT VERY HELPFUL.
WHAT IF SOMEONE THERE
IS KILLING THE CALLERS
AND MAKING IT LOOK LIKE
A SUICIDE?
GUS, WE GO TO
THE STRESS LINE,
I THINK
WE SOLVE THE CASE.
COME ON.
WHAT IS THIS?
YOU'RE LOOKING A OUR NEW BUSINESS.
MAZEL TOV.
ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?
YOU RENTED OFFICE SPACE
FOR THIS?
GUS, DON'T BE A CRAZY HOOLIGAN.
I RENTED A SIGN.
NOW, LET'S GO SAY HELLO
TO OUR NEW NEIGHBORS.
HELLO, EVERYONE!
WHO WANTS PINEAPPLE?
BE HONEST.
YOU GUYS CAN SLICE IT UP
AND FIGHT OVER IT LATER.
I'M SORRY, GENTLEMEN.
MAY I HELP YOU?
I'M TERRANCE.
I RUN THE LINE HERE.
TERRANCE. HELLO.
I'M SHAWN SPENCER.
THIS IS MY PARTNER,
GUS SILLYPANTS
JACKSON.
JUST CAME BY
TO SAY HELLO.
WE'VE OPENED UP OUR OWN LITTLE
NOT AS BIG
AS YOU GUYS.
MORE OF A CLOSET, REALLY.
YOWN 1-800...THINGY?
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
IT'S CALLED
"DIAL A PSYCHIC."
MAYBE YOU RECOGNIZE US.
I'M THE LEAD PSYCHIC
FOR THE SANTA BARBARA
POLICE DEPARTMENT.
THE McCALLUM MURDERS.
THE EDMOND ROBBERIES?
OVER THERE.
YOU? NOTHING? NOTHING?
WOW.
WHAT, DO YOU GUYS
LIVE IN THIS ROOM?
[CHUCKLING]
SO YOU CAN KNOW STUFF ABOUT ME
JUST BY LOOKING AT ME?
YEAH. PRETTY MUCH.
DO IT.
DO IT?
GO AHEAD.
SHOW US.
LOOKING FOR A LITTLE DEMO.
WELL, THEY DON'T LIKE PINEAPPLE.
I DON'T KNOW, GUYS.
I DON'T THINK BIG T. WANTS US
TO TAKE UP ANY MORE OF--
OH, NO, NO, NO, NO.
GO RIGHT AHEAD.
HALF THE LINES ARE DOWN,
THE PHONES
ARE BEING WORKED ON RIGHT NOW.
WE HAVE TIME
FOR YOUR LITTLE TRICK.
OH YEAH?
LET'S SEE
WHAT I CAN COME UP WITH.
LOOSE, FLOWING STANZAS,
BOBBY FROST.
ARE YOU A POET, BY CHANCE?
YEAH.
YEAH, I AM. WOW.
HOW DID YOU
KNOW THAT?
I GUESS YOU COULD SAY
I'M A BIT OF A PSYCHIC POET.
OH, PLEASE. STOP.
'CAUSE I'M, LIKE...
I'M FREAKING OUT.
DO YOU SEE HIS EYELINER?
THE GUY COULD BE THE
DRUMMER FROM THE CURE.
WOW.
YOU CAN SEE WHY YOU
COME OUT HERE TO EAT.
IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
THE SOUND OF THE SEAGULLS,
THE SMELL OF THE OCEAN,
THE SALT AIR...
HMM.
I NEVER NOTICED.
WHAT DO YOU GOT THERE?
IT'S WHAT YOU ASKED FOR.
I RAN THE SHEETS
ON ALL THE VOLUNTEERS
AT THE STRESS LINE.
DO YOU MIND?
IT'S POLICE BUSINESS.
SCRAM!
LET'S SEE WHAT WE GOT HERE.
WELL, LOOKEE THERE.
IT'S A PICTURE
OF AN OLD FRIEND.
HMM.
HEY, RORY.
WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?
I'VE BEEN SITTING
ON THIS MOP BUCKE
IN THIS TINY CLOSE FOR THE LAST HOUR AND A HALF.
I'M ALL CRAMPED.
WELL, GET UP, MAN.
DO SOME PUSHUPS OR SOMETHING.
I NEED YOU LIGHT AND LIMBER.
DO SOME PUSHUPS?
SURE,
LIKE CLINT EASTWOOD
IN ESCAPE FROM ALCATRAZ.
SURE, HE SPENDS THE WHOLE MOVIE
IN THE TINY LITTLE CELL, RIGHT,
BUT HE'S IN THE BEST SHAPE
OF HIS ENTIRE LIFE.
GIVE ME A LITTLE PIECE OF TAPE.
WHAT HAPPENED TO
THE BIG TICKING TIME CLOCK?
GUS, WHAT DO YOU THINK
I'VE BEEN DOING ALL DAY?
MY WORK HAPPENS HERE...
AND HERE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I AM TRYING TO CREATE
A PLEASANT WORK ENVIRONMENT,
AND I CAN TELL BY LOOKING
AT YOUR LITTLE AREA
THAT YOU DON'T CARE.
WE DON'T WORK HERE, SHAWN.
WE DO UNTIL WE SOLVE
THESE MURDERS,
BUT DON'T WORRY.
I HAVE A PLAN.
YOU ARE GOING TO CALL
THE STRESS LINE
AND PRETEND
TO BE DEPRESSED,
AND I'LL GO DOWN THE HALL
WHEN YOU MAKE THE CALL.
ASK FOR RORY
SO THAT I CAN SEE HIM
IN ACTION.
WHY DON'T YOU CALL HIM?
GUS, PLEASE BE SERIOUS
FOR ONE SECOND.
NO ONE'S GOING TO BELIEVE
THAT I'M DEPRESSED.
I'VE GOT AN IDEA.
WHY DON'T YOU HAVE THE CA MAKE THE CALL?
HE'S LIKE YOUR NEW PARTNER,
RIGHT?
WHERE IS HE, ANYWAY?
GUS, HE'S FAR MORE COMFORTABLE
IN YOUR CAR,
PLUS I NEED HIM
WELL RESTED
FOR WHEN HE IDENTIFIES
THE KILLER.
NOW, WAIT EXACTLY TWO SECONDS,
AND THEN MAKE THE CALL.
I HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT I'D EVEN SAY.
HERE'S A GOOD OPENER.
HELLO, MY NAME'S GUS.
I HAVE A DEEP-SEATED JEALOUSY
FOR A TINY LITTLE BOY CAT.
WHY WOULD YOU PUT THEM
ON SPEAKER PHONE?
SEE, BECAUSE I THINK
THAT TENDS TO UNDERCUT--
BIG T!
LOOK SHARP.
WHAT IS IT NOW, MR. SPENCER?
JUST WANTED TO
PICK YOUR BRAIN.
HOW MANY LINES
DO YOU GOT GOING HERE?
WELL, I HAVE 12 LINES,
BUT I'M ADDING MORE
ALL THE TIME.
I GET IT. I GET IT.
THE MORE LINES, THE MORE GREEN,
AM I RIGHT?
I'M A NON-PROFIT OPERATION.
THE CALLS ARE FREE.
I'M NOT IN THIS FOR THE MONEY.
REALLY? THAT'S WEIRD.
SEE, I'M THINKING OF CHARGING
FOUR BUCKS A MINUTE.
RORY.
RORY!
[KNOCKING]
HEY, ROR.
HEY.
WOW, YOU REALLY DO LOVE
YOUR MUSIC, HUH?
YOU KIDDING?
MUSIC INSPIRES ME.
YEAH, YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T REALLY
STRIKE ME AS THE...
CHARITABLE TYPE.
I WAS GOING TO SAY "SENSITIVE,"
BUT SURE.
ACTUALLY, I'M HERE
AS PART OF A COMMUNITY SERVICE
ON THIS ASSAULT BEEF.
I GOT INTO I WITH THIS GUY
WHO DIDN'T LIKE MY POETRY, SO...
TWO FITTY? WOW.
THAT'S INTENSE.
[BANG]
RORY?
TAKE LINE SIX!
I'LL LET YOU GET BACK TO WORK.
SORRY.
[SIGH]
HELLO, STRESS LINE.
THE EXTRA "S"
IS FOR EXTRA STRESS.
THIS IS RORY.
UH-HUH.
SO YOU'RE EXPERIENCING
SOME STRESS.
CAREER AND PERSONAL?
WELL, YEAH, I SUPPOSE.
I MEAN, MY CAREER'S NOT EXACTLY
WHERE I WOULD LIKE IT TO BE.
NO. NO, I DON'T HAVE
A GIRLFRIEND RIGHT NOW.
IT'S BEEN A WHILE.
RIGHT.
RIGHT.
THAT'S NOT GOOD.
UM, DOES IT MAKE YOU
HAVE DARK THOUGHTS?
LIKE HOW DARK ARE YOU TALKING?
LIKE "WANNA BE DEAD" DARK?
OKAY, EASY.
NOW, I JUST WANT TO SAY THIS,
LIKE, RIGHT OFF THE BAT.
SUICIDE IS NO THE ANSWER.
WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT SUICIDE?
I JUST SAID MAYBE I SHOULD FIND
A NEW HOBBY,
LIKE COIN COLLECTING,
OR SOMETHING AT THE BEACH.
I LIKE WATER ACTIVITIES.
LIKE DROWNING?
[GUS]: WHAT?
DROWNING?
I DON'T WANT TO DROWN!
NO, NO, OF COURSE YOU DON'T.
THAT'S AWFUL, OKAY?
BUT I DON'T CARE
WHAT YOU SAY
ABOUT SUICIDE IN A LAKE
BEING POETIC, YOU KNOW,
LIKE, YOUR BODY FLOATING
TO THE TOP OF THE PRISTINE,
SERENE WATERS,
AND YOUR FINAL BREATHS
RIPPLING OU
IN AN EVER-WIDENING
CIRCLE,
YOU KNOW, LIKE
THE CIRCLE OF LIFE,
BUT YOU HAVE TO STOP
THAT KIND OF THINKING.
YOU HAVE SO MUCH
TO LIVE FOR.
YOU'RE DAMN STRAIGHT.
I HAVE A LOT TO LIVE FOR.
OF COURSE YOU DO.
YOU SEE, I CAN TELL,
THIS PHONE CALL
IS HELPING YOU ALREADY.
DUDE, WHAT THE HELL
WAS THAT?
WAS HE TRYING TO HELP ME?
I FEEL REALLY CREEPED OUT.
DUDE, HE PUT YOU
ON THE CREEPY TRAIN
HEADED FOR CREEP ISLAND
WHERE THE NATIVES
DRINK CREEP NECTAR
OUT OF CREEPY
COCONUT SHELLS.
SHAWN,
IT'S HORRIBLE.
YEAH, SORRY.
HE'S NUTS, SHAWN.
YES.
AND WORST OF ALL,
HE ACTUALLY MADE
SOME GOOD POINTS.
PHARMACEUTICAL
SALES? NOT SEXY.
YOU ARE MY ONLY
NON-WORK FRIEND.
THERE'S GOTTA BE SOMETHING
WRONG WITH THAT.
HEY, HEY, HEY, WHAT IS THIS?
WHAT?
"HANG IN THERE."
HE'S RIGHT.
I NEED TO START TAKING
SOME MORE RISKS.
DOES THAT MEAN WE CAN
GO CLIFF-DIVING?
NO. I'M BEING SERIOUS, SHAWN.
LOOK, WOULD IT MAKE YOU
FEEL ANY BETTER
IF I TOLD YOU
HILTONBOCK CALLED?
WE GOT THE APARTMENT!
WHAT WOULD MAKE ME FEEL BETTER
IS IF WE CALLED THE POLICE!
THIS GUY IS
DANGEROUS, SHAWN.
LET'S CALL VICK.
MAYBE GET HIM ARRESTED.
GUS, GUS...
WHAT?
THE ONLY THING
THIS GUY IS GUILTY OF RIGHT NOW
IS BEING A BAD POET.
YOU KNOW HOW THIS GAME WORKS.
WE CANNOT JUST PICK UP THE PHONE
AND BEG THE POLICE
TO COME AND SAVE US.
LOOK, JUST...JUST STAY AWAY
FROM THE WATER FOR NOW.
FINAL DECISION.
WE WAIT.
UM, NO, IT'S THIS WAY.
YOU SURE?
YES.
NOW, WAS THAT SO HARD?
MYBE YOU'D CARE
TO EXPLAIN THIS.
MY EYELINER PENCIL?
SO YOU ADMIT IT'S YOURS.
FUNNY HOW GLORIA STARKS'
SUICIDE NOTE
WAS SCRAWLED
ACROSS HER WINDSHIELD
IN BLACK EYELINER,
YET NO EYELINER WAS FOUND
AT THE CRIME SCENE.
YOU, MY FRIEND, ARE LOOKING
AT EXHIBIT "A."
BAG IT, O'HARA.
YOU LIKE YOUR MUSIC,
DON'T YOU, RORY?
YEAH, I DO.
IT'S MY INSPIRATION.
I BET.
I BET IT INSPIRES YOU TO KILL.
THAT'S WHY
YOU COULDN'T RESIS
PLAYING YOUR BIG-HAIRED,
DRUG-INDUCED DEATH MUSIC
ON MORTIMER TILDEN'S STEREO
WHILE YOU FORCED HIM
TO SWALLOW ALL THOSE PILLS,
OR ON GLORIA STARKS' CAR RADIO
WHILE SHE SLIPPED
INTO UNCONSCIOUSNESS,
AND EVEN NOW.
LET'S HAVE A LITTLE LISTEN,
SHALL WE?
[PLAYS "UP, UP AND AWAY
IN MY BEAUTIFUL BALLOON"]
WHAT, YOU THINK YOU CAN
PULL A FAST ONE ON ME,
SWITCHING OU YOUR HEAD-THRASHING CRAP
FOR THIS NOISE?
THIS CRAP
IS ALL I LISTEN TO.
I HATE METAL MUSIC.
I USE THE DETAILS
THAT I GET FROM CALLERS
TO WRITE
BETTER POEMS.
I'M NOT A KILLER.
NO, YOU'RE A POET...
BUT YOU'RE ALSO AN ASSAULTER,
AREN'T YOU?
WHO DO YOU THINK ARRESTED YOU
ON THAT ASSAULT CHARGE?
OH, A GUY FROM THE PHONE COMPANY
FOUND THE VICTIM.
I DIDN'T KILL ANYBODY.
GET HIM OUT OF MY SIGHT.
WHAT?
YOU'RE NOT TAKING NOTES?
HOW COULD YOU LE HIM DO THAT?
NOW LASSITER GETS CREDI FOR SOLVING A CRIME,
AND WE DON' GET PAID.
OH, WE'RE GONNA GET PAID.
HOW DO YOU FIGURE?
LASSITER DIDN'T SOLVE THE CRIME.
RORY'S INNOCENT.
HE DIDN'T DO IT.
HE DIDN'T?
NO.
THEN WHO DID?
JUST GRIP THE SPIKE
WITH YOUR LITTLE FOO
AND CLIMB! COME ON!
WHY DO I GOT TO GO UP FIRST?
'CAUSE YOU'RE A
CLIMBING MACHINE, GUS.
JUST, YOU KNOW, BE CAREFUL.
GRIP THE SPIKE
WITH YOUR FOOT!
OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.
GREASE.
DUDE! DUDE! DUDE!
I KNOW WHO THE KILLER IS.
CAN I COME DOWN, THEN?
NO, NO, I HAVE TO FIGURE OU WHERE HE'S HEADED.
WHO IS HE?
WELL, PUT IT THIS WAY.
TAKING THE APARTMEN ISN'T SUCH A GOOD IDEA,
UNLESS YOU THINK IT'S COOL
THAT OUR WOULD-BE LANDLORD
IS A SERIAL KILLER.
HILTONBOCK?
THERE WAS A PATTERN.
SEE, ALL THE MURDERS
COINCIDE WITH DATES
THAT HILTONBOCK
WAS SERVICING THE PHONE LINES.
THAT'S WHEN HE HAD
ACCESS.
WITH THIS?
YES. YEAH, YEAH,
SEND THAT DOWN.
PERFECT!
SEE, THIS DEVICE STORES
ALL THE INCOMING
AND OUTGOING CALLS.
MY GUESS IS WHATEVER
NUMBER HE DIALED LAST,
THAT'S WHERE HILTONBOCK
IS HEADED,
AND WHOEVER THAT IS
IS PROBABLY HIS NEXT VICTIM.
[RINGING]
HELLO, YOU'VE REACHED
BUZZ McNAB.
I'M NOT IN RIGHT NOW,
BUT PLEASE DO LEAVE A MESSAGE,
AND I WILL GET BACK TO YOU
WHEN I GET IN.
OH, NO.
WHO ARE YOU CALLING?
HELLO, CHIEF?
HEY, UH, SHAWN SPENCER HERE.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
LOOK, I'M GETTING A VIBE
RIGHT NOW AS BIG AS A BUICK.
STAY, BOY CAT!
HEY, McNAB.
SO THIS IS THE PLACE, HUH?
IT'S NICE. IT'S REALLY NICE.
DROP IT!
DON'T COME ANY CLOSER!
I WILL DROP YOU!
I SWEAR TO GOD
I'M GOING TO SHOOT HIM!
DROP IT!
EVERYBODY, BREATHE.
JUST BREATHE.
GET OUT OF HERE.
WOW, THE OTHER ONES
MUST HAVE GONE
A LOT SMOOTHER THAN
THIS, HUH, HILTONBOCK?
YEAH, COMPARATIVELY,
IT WAS PROBABLY
PRETTY EASY
TO GET MORTIMER TILDEN
TO SWALLOW THOSE PILLS.
YOU WANT TO DIE,
OLD MAN, HUH?
EAT 'EM.
BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT REALLY
A COLD-BLOODED SERIAL KILLER,
ARE YOU?
HE ONLY THREW HIS OWN BROTHER
OFF A BUILDING.
I DIDN'T PUSH HIM
OFF THE ROOF.
NO, NO, NO, NO.
NO, YOU DIDN'T.
YOU DIDN'T DO THAT.
BUT YOU WERE THERE.
YOU SAW IT.
YOU SAW THE WHOLE THING.
YOU SAW HIM JUMP OFF THE BALCONY
OF THE APARTMEN THAT YOU SHARED.
HE WAS WEAK.
THERE'S A LOT OF WEAK PEOPLE
OUT THERE, HILTONBOCK.
YOU GOING TO TRACK
THEM ALL DOWN, HUH?
ONE AT A TIME?
PUNISH THEM FOR THEIR WEAKNESS?
YOU WANT TO GET BACK
AT YOUR BROTHER SO BADLY,
YOU DON'T EVEN...
YOU DON'T EVEN CARE
WHO THESE PEOPLE WERE,
JUST THAT THEY CALLED A LINE.
LOOK, YOU WERE GOING
TO KILL McNAB HERE
JUST BECAUSE HE HAD
A FEW PRE-WEDDING JITTERS.
I WAS JUST LOOKING
FOR A LITTLE ADVICE.
NOBODY ELSE WOULD TALK TO ME.
IT'S OKAY, BUZZ.
WE ALL HAVE STRESS.
ALL OF US.
RIGHT HERE IN THIS ROOM.
I MEAN, TAKE A GOOD LOOK,
HILTONBOCK.
WE ALL HAVE PROBLEMS.
WHO ELSE DESERVES
TO GET SHOT OR HUNG?
MAYBE IT'S GUS.
THAT'S ENOUGH,
SPENCER.
OH, SHOOT HIM.
WHAT ATE YOU DOING?
YEAH, MAYBE I SHOULD.
DON'T LISTEN TO HIM!
HE'S A CRAZY PERSON.
HE'S CRAZY.
THAT'S RIGHT. I AM CRAZY.
SO MAYBE YOU SHOULD SHOOT ME.
OKAY.
HERE'S THE BEST PART.
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT I THINK,
BECAUSE YOU HAVE A PROBLEM
THAT'S A LOT BIGGER THAN ME...
THIS GUY.
THE MAN WITH HIS GUN
TRAINED ON YOU
IS NOT ONLY A FINE HUMAN BEING
WITH A STRONG IRISH HAIRLINE,
HE IS AN EXEMPLARY
PUBLIC SERVANT,
AND ARGUABLY
THE FINEST DETECTIVE MIND
IN THE LOWER WESTERN
SANTA BARBARA COUNTY AREA...
OVER THE AGE OF 35,
AND RIGHT NOW,
WHILE I'M SPEAKING,
HE IS DEVISING A SWIF AND STEALTH-LIKE TACTIC
THAT IS GOING TO DISARM YOU...
AND BLOW YOUR FREAKING MIND.
ANY TIME YOU'RE READY.
ALL RIGHT, WE'VE GO TO MAKE THE MOVE.
OW!
OW! OW!
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
THAT WAS ADEQUATE, SPENCER.
DON'T THANK ME.
THANK THE LITTLE BOY CAT.
OW! OW!
THERE YOU ARE!
THERE'S MY BIG GUY.
THERE'S MY BIG GUY.
YOU'RE A HERO!
YOU'RE A HERO TODAY.
YES.
SPEAKING OF HEROES,
McNAB, I WAS GOING
TO GET YOU SOMETHING
OFF THE REGISTRY ONLINE,
BUT IT TURNS OUT THE CHIEF
ALREADY GOT YOU
THE ASPARAGUS
STEAMER, SO...
INSTEAD, I GIVE YOU
THIS LITTLE GUY.
YEAH.
IF YOU TAKE HIM IN THE CAR,
HE LIKES TO RIDE UP FRONT.
SHOTGUN.
Is something beatufull clolor ABOUT THE COLOR
FRUITY PUFFS TURNS THE MILK.
I THINK IT'S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL
THING IN THE WHOLE WORLD.
I'VE BEEN THINKING.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE
WHO HAS A CHARMED LIFE,
SHAWN.
I'VE GOT I PRETTY GOOD TOO.
YES, YOU DO,
AND IT MAKES ME GLAD
TO HEAR YOU SAY SO.
I MEAN, THE OTHER DAY
AT WORK,
THIS DERMATOLOGIST,
KATIE FINESTATT,
COMMENTED HOW I LOOKED HANDSOME
CARRYING MY SAMPLE CASE
INTO HER OFFICE.
FINESTATT SAID THAT?
YES, SHE DID.
AND SHE IS FINE.
SO IT GOT ME THINKING,
MAYBE PHARMACEUTICAL SALES
CAN BE SORT OF SEXY.
THERE ARE TIMES WHEN I HAVE
TO STAND A FEW FEET AWAY
BECAUSE YOU'RE LITERALLY
SIZZLING.
YOU SEE WHAT I'M SAYING?
I MEAN, YOU MAY BE MY
ONLY NON-WORK FRIEND.
BUT YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND,
AND HOW MANY BEST FRIENDS
DOES ONE GUY NEED, REALLY?
THAT'S MY POINT.
IT'S ALL IN THE ATTITUDE,
GUS.
EXACTLY. NOT SWEATING
THE SMALL STUFF.
LIFE'S TOO SHORT.
TOO SHORT.
CHANGING MY ATTITUDE, SHAWN.
WHERE THE HELL IS MY PRIZE?
WHERE'S MY RING, SHAWN?
EASY, NOW.
NO, NO. I TIMED THE BOWLS
OUT PERFECTLY, SHAWN.
ME, THEN YOU, THEN ME,
THEN YOU,
THEN I GET THE PRIZE.
SO WHAT HAPPENED TO NO SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF?
LIFE'S TOO SHORT?
ALL THAT?
DID YOU OPEN THE BOTTOM
OF THE BOX?
WHY WOULD I DO SOMETHING
LIKE THAT?
THAT'S MY RING.
HMM?
YOU KNOW I WOULD KILL
FOR THAT RING, DON'T YOU?
UH, YOU'RE UPSETTING ME.
YOU JUST CHANGED MY MOOD
FROM AN ORANGEY YELLOW
TO A MUDDY BROWN.
YOU NEED TO SAY
SOMETHING SWEET, QUICK.
GUS...
THAT'S SO CHILDISH AND...
I'M GOING TO EAT YOURS.