(water lapping)
(seagulls screeching)
(plane engine roaring)
First time here?
Me?
No, I used to live here.
For almost ten years.
And you left?
Yup.
So what brings you back?
I'm here for a wedding.
Yours?
(chuckles)
No.
So is it good to be back?
Ask me in a couple of days.
Fair enough.
In the same
Rich path
You and I
Align
Patrick:
Thank you.
(overlapping chatter)
Agustn:
Look who's ambled into town.
Hey, boys.
I can't... I love
that you're late.
I don't think
you've ever been late.
Maybe I'm finally
becoming fashionable.
I love your beard. Hey.
Hey.
I told you nine months
is all it takes
to make a new man
out of him.
Stop it, stop it.
No, it needs more lift!
So masculine.
I can't believe we came here.
How long has it been
since we've been here?
Uh, my 23rd birthday.
I had sex with the waiter,
and you threw up
in that toilet over there.
Oh, good times.
Fuck, it is so good
to see you guys.
You too.
I'm sorry I've been
so bad lately.
It's just that work has
been super hectic,
and it doesn't help that
I deactivated my Facebook.
But that's not an excuse.
Don't worry.
It's all going fine.
Fine?
Last Tuesday, there was
a line all the way
down the block.
That's amazing.
It's getting there.
And he promised me tonight
he wouldn't check
the window, not even once.
Maybe just once.
No. No, you swore.
Not even
a fuckin' text, okay?
Okay. Jesus.
How's the Art Institute?
Oh, these punk
art school brats,
they have no respect
for the equipment,
but I can almost pay
rent now,
so, that's something.
Oh! Almost.
My balls are here.
Mm!
Wait, so what is
the plan for tonight?
What's going on?
Oh...
First up is Li Po
for Chinese Mai Tais.
What?
We haven't been there
in a million years.
I know.
Doris and Malik are
gonna meet us there.
Oh, nice.
How are they?
They're good, I think.
He hasn't thrown her out,
so that's something.
They went to Hawaii
recently, I know that.
Richie and Brady
are coming too.
What?
You invited them?
No, I'm kidding.
(laughter)
Don't worry, seriously.
I think, actually, it's
gonna be nice to see them,
both of them.
In fact, I actually made
a pact with myself,
on the plane,
that I was gonna try
and make a real effort
with Brady.
Well, that's good,
'cause he's pretty cool.
When he's not drunk.
Just sayin'.
Yeah.
Wait a second.
we gotta raise a glass.
Mm.
To the new,
grown-up Agustn.
Actually,
to all of us, really,
for finally finding something
close to adulthood, right?
Close to it.
Close, yeah.
Both: Yeah.
It took us long enough,
that's for sure.
Cheers.
Both: Cheers.
Would you stop
eating my balls?
I love your balls.
No, stop.
I can't get enough
of your balls.
Yeah, here we are.
Oh, my God,
nothing has changed.
Oh, my God!
You guys!
Hey!
Hey, stranger!
Hey! I know!
How's it going?
I'm good. I'm-- Yay!
Hey, it's so good
to see you.
Since you've been gone,
I've been embracing
my heterosexuality.
Yeah, she has.
Oh, my God,
I went on a wine tour,
a course.
Yeah, but she got thrown off
for getting wasted.
Okay, okay.
Oh, my God.
We get couples' massages.
Nice!
We got book club.
I had, like, dinner parties
where I kind of cook
a little bit.
Which we don't get
invited to, but, you know.
Oh, you'd come
if I invited you?
Probably not.
There's only,
so many times
I can hear you talk
about the Container Store.
I love the Container Store!
I know you do.
Oh, would you rather
me talk about poultry?
No, no, no.
Wait. Do I hear the ding-dong
of wedding bells?
Oh, God.
Are the two of you
gonna follow Agustn
down the aisle?
Yeah, right.
Mm-mm.
Sorry, Disney princess.
No, that dream's
not happening.
I'm embracing
my heterosexuality,
That's right.
but I'm not insane.
So that's a no?
Malik and I made
a very important commitment
to living in sin, okay?
Yeah. We're living in sin.
We embrace the sin.
Absolutely.
Sunday morning,
we're not in church.
Marriage is for the gays,
all right?
And you poor fucking bastards,
you can have it.
It's a magical time!
Aw!
(laughter)
Yay!
Aw, that was
the best news ever!
Yeah!
Doris: Congratulations!
All: Whoo! Cheers!
(cheering)
Hey!
Hi! How's it going?
My God!
How you doing? Congrats.
Thanks, man.
Hey, Brady!
The prodigal son returns.
Hi. It's good to see you.
Thank you, man. Likewise.
Thanks for coming.
Hey there.
How's it going?
Good. How are you?
Good. Doing well.
Nice, nice.
Yeah, yeah.
Hi, Kyah.
Hi!
Hi.
I am so the new Patrick
of the group.
Oh...
(laughter)
Hello.
Hi.
How are you guys?
I'm good. Hi.
Oh, my God.
We're all back together!
Oh, hi. Oh!
Hi.
Patrick, how is it going?
I want to hear about--
tell us about what your life--
I don't know.
Well, how's Boise?
How's Boise?
Well, it's Denver, not Boise.
(laughter)
Same thing, same thing.
But it's good.
It's really good.
I'm loving work
and I'm finally the head
of my own department,
so that's been
a long time coming, yeah.
That's fantastic.
No more cage-fighting homos?
No more otters versus owls?
Wow.
Is that the video game?
Not at work at least, no.
What is it
you're actually doing?
I've asked,
but nobody seems to know.
We're actually--
we're developing
this virtual reality
video game
Uh-huh.
where humans have
mated with aliens,
Yes.
and they've created
a super race
with special abilities.
I'm in. I'm so in.
Yes! It's actually
a really cool game.
Can I have one?
Absolutely!
Of course you're in.
Anything alien, sold.
But what is there to do
in Salt Lake City?
What do you do?
Richie: Denver.
Thank you.
In Denver too.
What do you do in Denver?
Goddammit, sorry.
Brady:
You don't miss it here?
I mean, I miss you guys.
I miss the people for sure.
But in a lot of ways,
the cities are very similar.
It's the same
small-batch coffee,
the same Korean meatballs,
except people there are
a little less,
you know, San Francisco.
In the way--
in the way the people--
Oh, my God, no, come on.
No, you know,
in the way the people
in San Fransisco
can be annoying.
You know what
I'm talking about.
I totally get it.
Are there any gays?
Are there any gays
in Denver?
Yeah, there's a lot of gays.
It's a-- it's a big city.
And Paddy's been making
the most of being
the single cowgirl
in town, right?
I have. I have.
Is it like
"Brokeback Mountain"?
Are you just,
like, having sex
with Jake Gyllenhaal?
(laughter)
No, but I, uh,
I broke this back-mountain
a couple of times,
if you know what I mean.
Oh, hey!
Yes, yes, yes, yeah.
Patrick:
I did, I did.
Girl, you've changed.
(laughter)
I can't believe I...
have this stupid bag.
Oh, God.
Your hair looks good.
(chuckles)
Thank you.
Kept it short, huh?
I did, yeah.
Short on the...
Yeah.
Short on the sides.
It's good
to see you.
You too.
Sorry I was
so incommunicado,
but it just felt
like the right thing to do
while I got settled,
and then...
You don't need to explain.
Yeah, but I left--
I left so suddenly
without much
of an explanation.
You did
what you had to do.
I did.
So, don't sweat it.
All right.
So what's it like
being back home
so close to your folks?
Well, I'm near home.
I'm not at home,
and that, uh,
50-minute car ride
makes all the difference.
Ah.
But, uh...
It's been pretty positive.
I never thought that
I could actually be there
and be myself,
so that feels like progress.
Well, that's good.
Yeah.
And how's your mom?
She's all right.
It's probably helpful
that I was there
and only semi-judgmental
about her choice
to drop my dad.
Mm.
How are you
about the divorce?
Me?
Yeah.
I'm 30.
(chuckles)
I don't think
that matters.
You know, she actually
dumped the guy
that she left my dad for,
Oh, my God.
and now she's having sex
with her therapist,
Dr. Sapperstein.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
She really likes making
a fucking mess of things.
But then, uh...
like mother like son,
I guess.
I'm saying nothing.
(chuckles)
So, I...
I finally followed
your advice and tried
to work things out
with my dad.
Good.
Yeah, it turns out
that advice totally sucked.
Oh, shit. Really?
Yeah.
I tried to honor the fact
that he would never be
completely happy
with who I am
and try to find
a common ground, but...
There was none?
Turns out he is
a raging homophobe.
(sighs)
It's like him trying
to understand me
undermines everything
he thinks about himself, so...
Oh, God.
Do you think
he'll ever come around?
He's a proud fucker,
so probably not.
Well, if I'm like
my mom, then...
(chuckles)
Shut up.
(chuckles)
But Brady has been really cool
about the whole thing.
He's been, um,
super supportive,
so that's helped.
Good.
What about
the barber truck?
I've been hearing
amazing things.
That's going really well.
And you don't miss Willy's?
Yeah, but it's also good
to be doing my own thing.
Actually, Agustn did
a really great job
with the paint work on it.
He's really good.
I can just picture you
cruising down Valencia
luring people
into your truck
for a fade.
Mm.
It's kind of perfect.
Sometimes
I want to drive to Reno
and start doing perms
in some casino parking lot.
What?
Just to do something
different, you know?
Oh, my God,
that would be, like,
the best reality show ever.
Or maybe the worst.
It's basically the same thing.
(both chuckle)
You should come by
sometime.
See me in action.
Yeah, I'd like that.
And if not,
you know, this trip,
then the next one
for sure.
Paddy! Hi!
Hi.
There they are.
Hey.
We thought we'd lost you.
I know. It's this bag.
Agustn has totally
convinced me
I'm pro-marriage now, sorry.
Traitor.
Yeah, you fucking traitor.
Wanna get married?
Right now?
Mm, maybe not
right now.
Come on!
Come on, babe.
You all right?
I'm good.
Good.
How are you feeling?
I'm good.
I'm a little tired.
You gonna sing?
Yeah!
Oh, good.
What are you gonna sing?
What are we gonna
sing together?
(laughter)
Let's do this.
All right.
I love that you've chosen
all of our old haunts.
Yeah, I felt like
I needed to return
to the scenes of my crimes,
like, one more time.
You're not dying.
I know, but this whole
"getting married" thing
is making me feel all...
I don't think that
the air quotes are necessary.
...nostalgic!
Oh, shit!
Bride to be.
(chuckles)
You made it!
Come on, of course.
Ooh! Ms. Murray!
Hello!
Hello!
Oh, yes!
Oh, my!
How's it going?
Yeah, good.
You what, you took
the Concorde in from Paris,
n'est-ce pas?
Mais oui. Yes.
It's so good to see you.
What a surprise.
What are you ladies drinking?
I'm buying.
Something cheap
and strong.
Yeah, that's like you.
Like? Oh, okay, all right.
I'm kidding.
I'll take it.
I'm kidding.
(laughs)
Whoa. So you guys
are friends now?
Like, actual friends?
Yeah.
Who reached out to who?
Well, I felt like I needed
to close that chapter
before I opened
the new one, so yeah,
I called him up.
I thought I told you.
No, it's great.
I mean, he's always
been a good guy.
Yeah, you know,
and just because
it didn't work out
doesn't mean it couldn't
turn into something new.
Plus, Eddie's cool with it.
Of course he is.
He's the best.
He's the best.
Look, uh, B-T-dubs,
you and I are singing too.
Oh, no. No, no, no, no.
Yeah.
No, come on
for old time's sake.
No, no, no.
Please!
I love you,
but bad things happen
when I get
behind a microphone.
No, no, bad-ass things happen!
No!
Please?
Both:
This time might be
the last, I fear
Unless I...
Oh, my God!
(laughter)
Why isn't he making
eye contact with me?
He should be
looking at me.
Dom: I can't handle this.
Sing to me!
Wait, wait. I remember,
I remember, I remember.
I think-- I think
his exact words were
"I'd rather seal up
my butt-hole and never suck
another cock again
rather than get married."
"I can't believe
that gay people are
"so fucking desperate
to be straight.
They shouldn't be
called "gay" anymore."
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Did I really sound
that annoying?
Yes.
Brady: I want
that Agustn back.
Nah, trust me you don't.
He was a total cunt.
Ooh, I miss-- I miss
the cunty Agustn.
He was so fun
at parties and stuff.
You've become
one of those gay guys
you've always hated.
Soon you'll be adopting babies
and going on family cruises
with all the other
Stepford homos.
Hey, leave him alone.
Yeah, yeah. Don't listen
to them, Agustn.
I think that what
you're doing is amazing.
It's okay, Paddy.
I can take it.
You know I'm kidding.
You know I'm messing
around with you.
I'm thrilled for you
and I think-- I think that,
Thank you.
uh, Eddie is a shining light
of awesomeness in your life,
and you're doing it
for the right reasons...
so what's there not to love?
Thank you, Frank.
Aw, that was beautiful.
Just don't fuck
it up, all right?
Yeah, like, stay away
from RentBoys for starters.
(laughter)
Okay...
I know that I said I wouldn't,
but fuck it, let's do this.
We're gonna sing?
Yes, we're gonna sing!
Can I finally be Dusty?
Yes, you can!
Oh, my God, let's do it!
Let's do this!
Dom:
"I will never suck
a cock again."
Frank:
That's my advice. Stay away
from RentBoys. Right?
Agustn:
This was actually
the first club me and Paddy
ever came to in the city.
Yes.
That's also where
me and Paddy hooked up.
True.
Ha. Yes, it was.
Ooh, hold on a second.
Muscle Mary
and Goody Two-Shoes?
Get the fuck outta here,
there's no way.
"Goody Two-Shoes"?
Really?
I didn't know
you guys hooked up.
Oh, yeah.
Yes, yes, but it was
a long time ago.
and we do not need
to go back there.
Uh, yeah, we do.
No, we do not!
Come on.
All:
Story, story, story!
Uh, once upon a time,
there was a pretty princess
called Paddy.
He was all by himself,
poor lonely baby.
Totally wasted and dancing
to Britney, remember?
Yeah. Mm-hmm. I do.
And I'm assuming we've all
seen Paddy's drunk dancing.
Uh-huh.
I have.
Oh.
Yeah? What's it like?
Enthusiastic.
(laughter)
Did you guys fuck?
(laughter)
I wouldn't say "fuck."
It was more like
side-by-side jerking off,
although, I do remember
almost giving you a blowjob.
Oh, I remember you
licking the sides
but refusing
to put the tip in.
(laughter)
What can I say?
I was very disease-phobic
in those days.
It's true.
I had a lot of
self-loathing back then.
Back then?
Aw, come on.
That was a joke!
It was a joke!
Well, I'm glad you cried
on my shoulder
and I didn't put
my dick in your butt
'cause look where we are now.
(chuckles)
That's true.
Right?
Yeah.
Hey, faggots!
(cheering, laughter)
Oh, my God, I am so glad
you came in for this.
He never would have did it
without his maid of dishonor.
I wouldn't have missed
this for the world,
are you kidding?
Please.
And this is my friend, Jake.
He's my oldest
and dearest from Chicago.
I'm trying to get him
to move here, so please
play nice with others!
Hi.
Oh, Jake, I want you
to meet Dom. Dom?
Hey.
Hi.
He has saw your pic
and he really wants
to taste your chicken.
Eddie! Shh!
(laughter)
Okay...
What?
What was that?
He's cute! You've literally
had nothing for months.
Exactly.
Plus, from what Eddie says,
he has the most beautiful
penis in all of Illinois.
Ooh!
Oh, shit!
Come on, baby,
dance with me.
Our last time as single boys.
Come on!
A nice Midwestern girl.
What?
He's really cute!
I feel like you should
go for it!
You're as bad as Doris!
Oh, come on.
What's the harm?
In a little--
Wait, wait, wait,
I gotta pee, I gotta pee.
Okay.
Hey, I wanna see you guys
on the dance floor later.
Both of you!
Tequila! Tequila?
Yeah!
Tequila?
I wanna dance
on the bar!
Hey.
Last time I was here,
I was in a leather vest.
Hey, hey
Oh, I remember.
Hey, hey
That seems like
a long time ago.
Yeah, it... it does.
Hey, hey
I'm glad you left,
you know?
Whoo!
What?
Well, you know
what I mean.
It...
Whoo!
It took
a lot of guts, and...
it seems to have
done you a lot of good.
You think?
Whoo!
Sometimes you gotta
leave things behind
so you can move forward.
Hey, hey
I got you a tequila.
Whoo!
Oh, good! Thank you!
Well, you haven't
tasted it yet.
It's the cheap stuff.
(chuckles)
Cheers.
Cheers!
I'm Miss American Dream
since I was 17
Since I was 17
Oh, that is the cheap stuff!
Get your ass
on the dance floor!
How can I resist
the call of Britney?
(laughs)
You coming?
Uh, I think I need
another drink first,
but looking forward
to seeing your moves!
You want a piece of me
You all right seeing him?
I can't hear you!
Another day another drama
Richie!
Guess I can't see the harm
It's fine!
Let's just dance!
Okay!
It's Britney, bitch!
It's Britney, bitch!
And you want a piece of me
I'm Mrs. Lifestyles
of the Rich and Famous
You want a piece of me
I'm Mrs. Oh My God
That Britney's Shameless
You want a piece of me
I'm Mrs. Extra! Extra!
This Just In
You want a piece of me
I'm Mrs. She's Too Big
Now She's Too Thin
You want a piece of me
I'm Mrs. Lifestyles
of the Rich and Famous
You want a piece of me
I'm Mrs. Oh My God
That Britney's Shameless
You want a piece of me
I'm Mrs. Extra! Extra!
This Just In
You want a piece of me
I'm Mrs. She's Too Big
Now She's Too Thin
You want a piece of me
Holy fuck!
That is--
Wow, you're
really good at that.
I've been training.
I think I want
you to fuck me.
Hm?
We don't have to
if you don't want to.
Don't you wanna fuck me?
Yeah.
Well, then do it.
All right?
Okay.
Oh, fuck,
you feel so good.
Oh, yeah. Uh, can you--
Hey, yeah, can you put
the brakes on a minute?
Yeah, sorry.
Is it hurting?
Don't flatter yourself.
Oh.
No, I just
don't wanna cum too...
Okay, it's way
too late for that.
Oh, shit.
Just go faster.
Okay.
Faster.
(groans)
Yes...
Oh, fucking--
fucking hell.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
(groans)
Oh, Jesus Christ, fuck me.
(groans)
Harder, harder, harder.
Oh, fuck!
Fuck, I'm gonna cum.
Okay.
Oh, yeah.
Fuck.
Oh, yeah.
Oh... oh, fuck.
Oh, fuck.
(groans)
(both groan)
So how do you like it
at Zynga?
Uh, you get free
Reese's Pieces,
so what's not to love?
Oh, that's how
they get you,
all that sugar.
But you gotta watch out.
You don't want to get stuck
in their flytraps.
Is that why you left MDG?
Something like that.
Oh, come on,
spill the beans.
Okay, fine. I was in
a relationship with my boss.
But after we broke up,
going into the office
was like that movie "Saw"
except without the cute guy
chained to the wall.
(beeping)
It wasn't
Kevin Matheson, was it?
What?
Oh, my God,
it was, wasn't it?
Why do say that?
I just-- I know he works
there and he's gay.
Ugh, that's why I hate
this fucking city.
It's so small.
Please don't tell me that
you had sex with him?
No, no,
but I... I would.
Oh, God, those ears.
I would tug on those babies.
But I... I did
interview with him
though,
back in January.
Oh, my God.
for my job.
Anyway, I didn't get it.
I, uh, I heard he hired
some 19-year-old
muscle queen from LA.
(chuckles)
Of course he did.
Uh, I take it
you two don't talk.
You and Kevin.
Talk? No.
But he, uh, he PayPals me
every now and again
for this game
we designed together.
Ah. Cha-ching.
Oh, I wish.
I would so happily
give up those $90
just so I don't see
his name in my inbox.
So why don't you?
You have to bury
your dead real good,
you know, so they don't
come back and haunt you.
Who made you
so fucking wise?
What? I'm 22.
I've had my fair
share of boyfriends.
Really? At 22?
You must have started
pretty young.
Uh, 16.
You had a boyfriend
when you were 16 years old?
Yeah.
He's quite butch,
isn't he? Kevin.
He's not so butch
when he's got his legs
in the air.
Is he a hungry bottom?
Super hungry.
Oh, fuck yeah!
That's awesome.
So is he why
you left San Francisco?
Kevin? No. He's not getting
full credit for that.
Then why did you leave?
A lot of different reasons.
To be honest, I...
sort of made a mess
of this other relationship
with someone else
I was with.
Hm, I'm sensing a theme.
Yeah, exactly.
And after Kevin,
I sort of realized
what an idiot I'd been,
but it was too late then.
That ship had sailed.
I'm sorry.
No, don't be.
It was actually
the best thing
for both of us.
And the truth is, even
if that ship hadn't sailed,
I probably would have
found a way to sink it
before it left
the harbor anyway.
So off you went.
Yes.
So then I just--
I went to Denver
and I swore myself off
relationships completely
in the process,
which was probably
better for everyone
in the long run.
But...
it was also...
about just being tired
of my life not moving
forward, you know?
Or at least not moving
in the right direction.
Going away was about
pressing the reset button
and starting over.
Do you know what I mean?
Sure, yeah.
And so?
So what?
Did it work?
The reset, did it work?
Tell me, how does one
learn that at your age
So that it sticks?
No more tangles
No more tears
No more reindeer games
Narcissistic queen
(footsteps)
Hey, lazy bones.
(groans)
Hi.
Could have slept
in your old bed.
I thought-- Wasn't that
Jake guy in there?
No, of course not.
Okay.
Thank you.
And Agustn's
at Eddie's place.
You could have slept
in his room.
I'm not getting
in those sheets.
I don't blame you.
What time is it?
It's the afternoon.
I gotta get to work.
You can come if you want.
Yeah. I wanna
see the window.
That way you can tell me
all the dirty,
disgusting things
you did to that poor child.
Oh.
(sighs)
I rimmed him,
he rimmed me,
I fucked him,
he fucked me.
It was very democratic.
I gotta say, I am loving
all this sex-positive sex
you've been
having lately. Huh?
You're sure it doesn't
make me a slut?
But does it make you
feel positive?
Most of the time.
Well, there you go.
But then afterwards...
I don't know.
What happened?
Nothing happened.
Then what?
I don't know.
Maybe it's that...
I went away to Colorado
and everything was
out of sight
and out of mind,
and now I'm back
and then there it all is.
There what is?
Everything I thought
I dealt with.
Like what?
Do you think I should
see Kevin while I'm here?
Oh, God, why would you even
think about doing that?
I don't know,
just to close the chapter?
Bury the dead?
See if he's gotten
fat and gross?
Just assume he's gotten
fat and gross and move on.
You're right.
Yeah, and trust me.
Totally, man.
Oh, my God!
I forgot that
you have a parklet!
Yeah!
Holy shit, it looks so good!
Right?
If this doesn't mean
you've made it,
I don't know what does.
You have a parklet.
Hey.
Hi.
Hey.
What, is it Bring Your
Daughter To Work Day
or something?
What are you doing here?
What are you doing here?
Well, I came to talk to you.
I didn't come to talk to you.
Go home.
I'm sorry. I can go home.
No, it's fine.
Fine. Please.
Um, does anybody first of all
have a donut? I'm starving.
And what do you do
for a hangover?
And I want to throw up.
Patrick:
And he was totally
into Dom too.
He was? Great.
Yes.
And was he nice?
He was very nice.
Oh! So did you fuck him?
Is he gonna move in with ya?
Help you clean
the grease stains
off your aprons?
Uh, no. No to both of those.
And do we really need to
have this conversation again?
Again? We're having it again?
How can that be?
I haven't seen you in months.
I saw you last night.
Aw, it didn't count.
Well, that was
before you ran home
for a hot bubble bath
and an early night.
Yeah, well, I don't get
to stay out the all hours
just enjoying myself anymore.
Eh, it never
used to stop you.
Um, not that I'm taking
Doris' side here,
but why didn't you have
sex with Jake?
He lives in Chicago.
It would just be sex.
Mm.
I want to keep
my focus clear.
I don't want to complicate
things right now.
(scoffs)
Complicate things.
Doesn't mean you gotta
turn into, like,
Sister Dominic
of the Tenderloin.
That's it!
That should be the name
for the second window.
Are you kidding me?
This is so what
he's like, Patrick!
This is what
I have to deal with.
The only thing
he ever thinks
about is work!
Dom:
Well, is that
so bad right now?
I think
that all we're saying
is it's okay
to have a little fun.
Yes.
Get your hands
on some skin
that doesn't belong
to a plucked chicken.
Ew.
Okay, listen.
I appreciate the concern.
I do.
But I'm fine.
You know, finally I know
what it is that I want,
and... better still,
I can actually see
a way of getting it.
I've got some purpose.
And you think sex
could risk that?
Yeah, or maybe even
a relationship?
Very possibly.
I don't...
God, I don't...
I don't want to sound
like some kind of...
one of those,
I don't know,
gross, coupled-up,
relationship evangelist
things...
And yet...
but you liked being
with Lynn.
Yes, of course I did.
But that's not
what I want right now.
I don't want to compromise
and relationships take
a lot of compromise.
Can I say one thing?
Would it matter
if I said no?
This...
this has happened.
It's working. You're all good.
You're not gonna fuck it up.
It's not suddenly
gonna turn to shit.
All right? And believe me,
I know the feeling.
But I'm not my mom.
All right? And you're
not your dad.
(phone rings)
Shit. I'm sorry.
You-- Am--
am I being too--
Oh, whatever.
(sighs)
Hey.
Uh... yeah.
Yeah, I can do that.
Yes.
Yes, yes.
Yeah, I'll meet you there.
Uh, yes, I will meet you
there right now.
Okay. All right,
I'll see you soon.
Bye.
Okay.
Does anybody want to
come with me to Indian Rock?
I think that Agustn
might be having a crisis.
Oh, fuck, no.
Not in a million years
do I want to do that.
Oh God.
I have to go.
You're on your own.
Okay. Good luck.
Good luck.
Good luck.
Yeah.
Mm, you're so gonna get laid
smelling like that. Bye.
(chuckles)
Oh, good, Patrick,
we're together again.
Patrick:
What happened?
You seemed so calm yesterday.
Yeah, I was calm,
but then I woke up
this morning with this,
like, pain in my stomach
like I had an ulcer
that was about to burst.
Well, it's a stressful thing
you're doing, getting married.
I guess.
I mean, you're getting
committed to somebody else.
That's a big thing.
I don't think your choice
of vocabulary is helping.
Do you love him?
Do I love him?
Yeah. Do you love Eddie?
I always used to say that
love is a social construct
that doesn't really exist.
I didn't believe you then
and I don't believe you now.
Okay, so what is it?
(scoffs)
Christ, don't ask me.
Seriously, how would
you define it?
Okay, let me ask you
a different question.
Does the idea
of being with Eddie
make you happy?
Like, the two of you getting
old and gray together,
smoking weed
to ease the arthritis?
Yeah, that thought
does make me happy.
Why?
Why?
Yeah.
I don't know. I...
I like his beard, I like...
(chuckles)
his hat collection,
I like that...
whenever I have someone
I want to bitch about
or there's something funny
that I see,
he's the person
I want to tell.
He's my best friend, I guess.
I'm oddly jealous
that I'm no longer
your best friend.
Okay, he's my best friend
that I want to have sex with.
Also, he has a huge penis.
Isn't that everything?
I mean, not
the penis part obviously,
but the other stuff?
Maybe if you just...
focus on that, this won't seem
like such a big deal.
Right?
Actually, I don't even think
this is about Eddie.
This isn't like some
"Runaway Bride" moment
where I feel like
there's someone else
out there for me.
Then what is it?
Remember when
we first came here?
After we started college?
Of course.
We talked about
our big life plan.
Among other things.
If you'd told me then
that a decade later,
I'd be working
at the Art Institute
as a shop manager
and getting hitched to a man,
I--
What did you know
about anything in those days?
I mean, we couldn't even
get married back then.
You heard those guys
last night.
Frank, especially him,
Dom, Brady...
Ugh.
Don't listen to
anything Brady says.
He's like a...
blog that nobody reads
but in human form.
But those guys
were right. I...
I used to think that
I would be like Keith Haring
or Robert Mapplethorpe,
but instead, I've become...
Neil Patrick Harris,
only not as cool
'cause I can't tap dance.
You could learn.
Ugh, I'm being
serious, Paddy.
I'm not who
I thought I'd be,
and that's tough
for me to take.
I've become everything
that I've rallied against
for years very loudly.
Well, you're allowed
to change.
Especially when you've found
something that works for you.
But what happens
if I get married
and I freak out?
Not about Eddie,
but about me.
What happens if I can't cope
that this new me is so far
from who I thought I'd be
that I fuck everything up?
What happens if I hurt Eddie?
I-- I don't want
to do that to him.
I-- I cant--
I can't do that to him.
What makes you think
you'll do that?
Because it's what I do,
for fuck's sake!
Before you know it,
I'll be on a...
on the phone with CJ,
and I'll get him
and a couple
of other RentBoys
to fuck Eddie
just so I can
feel better about myself.
I doubt that very much.
I think you learned
your lesson there.
(chuckles)
Did I?
You know what I love...
over the last couple of years?
When you found that
something didn't work for you,
you somehow found
a way to fix it,
and that made you happy.
Right?
I suppose.
I mean, you are happier now
than you've ever been.
Not in this particular moment,
obviously, but who cares
if you aren't who you thought
you were gonna be when
you were 18 years old.
You have had
10 years of experience
to figure out
what it is you really need.
That's...
that's well said.
And you know what?
This is not
a Katherine Heigl movie.
Fuck her. This is your
Sigourney Weaver
Alien trilogy.
(laughs)
You've got so much left to go.
(groans)
You could even start up
your art practice again.
Oh, no, that's
a scary thought.
(chuckles)
Scarier than the alien.
(chuckles)
That's true.
Forget I said the last part,
but you know what I mean.
I miss you.
I miss you too.
(sighs)
(buzzing)
Oh, my God, we're
just like Julianne Moore
and Annette Bening in
"The Kids Are All Right."
(muffled laugh)
Totally!
Who am I?
Annette Bening,
obviously.
"You're sleeping
with him, aren't you?"
(laughs)
Dom...
do you think things
would have been different
for me if I came out
when I was 16?
Different how?
I don't know,
just different.
More adjusted like Jimmy
from the other night
or better at being
in relationships maybe.
I thought you didn't want
a relationship.
Yeah, well, maybe
I was kidding myself
just a little bit.
At least you admit it.
(chuckles)
So what do you think?
Well, I may not be
the best person to ask
about relationships
since my history
is with a meth-head
and an old dude in love
with a dead guy, but...
(chuckles)
maybe it's not
worth thinking about.
You can't go back in time.
You know, maybe everything
would have taken
a very different turn
if you had managed
to shoehorn your dick
into my butt
all those years ago.
Oh, God, seriously?
Yeah.
I would have gotten over
my anal sex fear
a lot earlier.
Probably a lot
of other fears too.
Remember in
that movie "2012"
when California sank
into the Pacific?
You really think
it would have been that bad?
Yes.
And plus, we never
would've become best friends
and that would have
been a real shame.
That's true.
I am glad that
you're my best friend now.
Especially since Agustn's
out of the picture.
(chuckles)
So what if we got
together now?
Sure.
I don't want a relationship,
but for you,
I'll make an exception.
Oh, come on.
(coughs)
It's not the worst idea
in the world.
It's up there.
You just said
we're best friends, all right?
Yeah.
And that is the perfect basis
for a relationship.
Says who?
Says Agustn.
What the hell does he know?
I mean...
we don't make
each other sick...
like...
physically, right?
Or do I make you sick?
That depends
on what I've eaten.
I don't know. I mean...
maybe this has been
staring us in the face
the whole time.
You are actually
scaring me right now.
No, listen, we understand
and accept each other's flaws.
Your work is important to you
as mine is to me.
We like the same movies.
I mean, on paper, it's--
(chuckles)
Would you stop laughing?
On paper, it sounds
totally right.
You are not being serious.
(chuckles)
Not really.
Okay, good.
But it would be nice,
wouldn't it?
To...
suddenly find something
by mistake that makes sense.
That...
(sighs)
makes it all...
easier.
What just happened?
I kissed you.
Why?
I just-- I don't know.
I was just--
I felt like it.
I wanted to see
if you were right.
Okay.
And you looked
a little sad, so...
(both chuckle)
How did it feel?
A little bit weird,
of I'm honest, yeah.
Right? Yeah? Like kissing
your brother?
Yeah. Oh, God.
I can't believe we did that.
Oh... oh, my God.
Oh...
I think maybe
I'm a little stoned.
Yeah, me too.
Okay. Good.
Oh, we should sleep.
(chuckles)
I'm sorry I made you
make out with me.
Well, you did say
you wanted me
to have some fun.
So fun.
(both chuckle)
Go again?
(laughter)
Oh, God.
It's so hard to know
if you're doing
the right thing, isn't it?
Yes.
(sighs)
So what's the answer?
Oh, fuck knows.
Although maybe you were
right this morning.
About what?
About closing the chapter.
It's so easy to let the past
make a mess of the present.
You should try not
to let that happen, just FYI.
(text tone whooshes)
(phone chimes, vibrates)
(clicking)
Well, this is a surprise.
You're blond.
Yeah, I'm blond.
You had your hair cut too.
You look well.
(chuckles)
You didn't need to dress up.
Yeah.
Agustn's getting married
today, actually, so...
To Eddie? Fuck.
Yeah.
Well, I'd never put money
on that lasting.
Yeah, well, love is
a mysterious game, I guess.
Yeah.
You look well, too,
by the way.
Thank you.
So should we just stand here
and tell each other
how well we look
or should we go get
that coffee and explain
why you texted me?
Let's do that.
Okay.
I'm thinking this way.
Yeah.
Cool?
Yes, let's do it.
Cool.
So how's Denver?
I love what you guys
are doing there.
It's good.
Yeah?
Yeah.
I hear you're finally
heading your own chain.
That's a good thing.
That's something that
should have happened
a long time ago.
Thanks.
A word of advice though:
don't go falling
for any of your subordinates.
(chuckles)
I'll try my best.
How's MDG?
And Owen?
I haven't really--
Talked to him?
Yeah, I know.
Yeah.
He's good.
He's been promoted.
Oh, Meredith,
she finally came out.
What?
I'm kidding.
Here.
Thank you.
You look different.
Not completely
different, but...
Well, I lost a little weight.
Maybe it's that,
right?
Maybe.
I've piled on the pounds.
Jon finally embraced
my love of fried chicken.
Jon?
Oh, yeah,
we got back together.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
Oh, does that
surprise you?
I don't know.
Maybe not.
Do you know in many ways,
what happened between us
that was a good thing.
The breakup--
Barista: The large
filter, solo, black?
Yeah, that's me.
Thank you.
I mean, the whole thing,
it just made me think deeply
about what I wanted,
what I needed
in a relationship
to make it work.
So, in many ways,
I'm quite thankful
that you came into my life
and fucked it up
because...
because it's better now.
I don't really know
how to answer that.
Jon and me are
actually...
we're actually
really good.
We had some therapy,
which I would highly
recommend for you.
You're not the first person
to suggest that.
Not surprising.
And then we came
to fully understand
our wants and our needs.
You know, you've been
here too long.
You're even starting
to sound like an American.
Yeah, well...
Barista: Small ecstatic
iced coffee?
Thank you.
And now if I meet Chris Pratt
down at Fitness First,
I can jerk him off
to my heart's content,
and that's completely fine.
Well...
I'm happy for you.
Oh?
And Jon. And Chris Pratt.
Ah.
Well, I don't
100% believe that.
No, I...
It's not like I ever
wanted you to be miserable.
I'm... (sighs)
I'm-- I'm glad
it's worked out for you.
Mm-hmm.
Shall we sit?
Yeah.
Basically, I want
to hand over all the rights
to you for the app.
Okay.
Well, we didn't need
to meet for that.
I know, but this...
It's better
to do it like this.
I mean, I could have a guy
draw up a document,
but I feel like--
But what if it
makes a fortune?
It's hardly Minecraft.
Okay, but it could still
end up making us some money.
"Stereotyped,
cliche-ridden dross"
or my personal favorite,
"What the fuck is the point?"
Mm-hmm.
Why do you read
what people say?
Don't you?
Yeah, but I don't care.
Anyway, making money
was never the point.
What was the point?
I just...
I feel like
it doesn't make sense
for us to do it anymore...
together.
Okay, I'm going to
ask you something.
Okay.
Were you actually
ever in love with me?
Yes.
I... I think so.
I mean, I...
I certainly loved
the idea of us.
'Cause I could have
made it work.
I could've. When I said
I wanted to be monogamous
with you,
I meant it.
I didn't want you to make
a promise you couldn't keep.
Fuck you. How'd you know
I wouldn't keep it.
Anyway, that's not
why we broke up.
We weren't right
for each other.
No, no no, no, no, no, no.
How do you know that?
I just did. I...
I do.
But you--
you didn't even try.
You didn't even try.
You moved in one day,
you moved out the next.
You didn't even
fucking unpack.
Listen, I admit that
I handled that horribly,
Yes.
but I apologize for that.
And... (sighs)
Isn't it better to quit
rather than drag out something
that you know won't work?
Okay, well, in a nutshell,
there's your problem.
What is?
You, you, you.
You quit, you run away.
You don't take risks, ever.
What are you talking about?
I moved in with you.
No, no, no, no, no.
Patrick, the risk
would have been trying
to make it work.
The risk would have been
putting in the hard graft
to make it work.
Now, I-- I don't want
to seem like a cunt,
but you are a coward.
Oh, I don't think that's fair.
I couldn't trust you anymore.
And I-- I don't know
what hard graft means,
but I don't think
I've been a coward at all.
Okay, well,
I think the facts tell
a very different story.
Would a coward have moved
to a different city?
A new job?
Left everything behind?
(chuckles)
You-- you basically
moved home.
And are you sure
you didn't run away
and not move away?
They're two very
different things.
And what next? What next
for Patrick Murray? Huh?
When that doesn't
work out, I'll bet you
a million dollars,
you're already looking
for the next thing.
You are.
I know you.
You run away
and you are a coward.
You were a coward with me.
You were a coward
with Richie.
Enough, Kevin. Jesus.
You hit a few potholes
in the road
and instead of trying
to navigate through it,
you slam your brakes on,
you start crying
and you run
the other direction.
Look, I did not--
I did not come here
to get nailed to the cross
or to get us both upset.
So why did you
come here then? Huh?
Honestly, and please,
please don't use the app
as an excuse.
I came here
to close a chapter.
To see if we could
move forward from this.
Oh, what, become friends?
Is that what you want?
Cool. Why don't you
come over to my house
and then we can all
have a barbecue,
me, you, and Jon?
Do you...
I mean, do you really think
that you and me
could ever be friends?
No.
Sadly.
Sorry. I really didn't want it
to be like this.
I shouldn't have texted.
No, I mean, it's good,
isn't it? It's a good thing.
And it needed to be done.
Just, um...
Draw up the contract.
I'll sign it.
Thinking about it,
it's probably the right thing
for me too.
Kevin...
Do you honestly think
we would've worked?
I'd liked to have
given it a try.
Look, I wasn't
gonna tell you this,
but seeing as I'm gonna make
a fortune off "One Up Him"...
Tell me what?
I know of a, uh,
job position coming up here
that you'd be
good for, in SF.
At MDG?
I don't--
Well, don't worry.
I'm not going to be there.
Jon and I are
moving to London.
Really?
Yeah.
He got a job offer there,
and I've been
missing home a lot.
Are you done
with San Francisco?
So, if that something
you'd be interested in,
I can make it happen,
but I do have to warn you,
Owen will hate you,
but he would also
love to have you back.
Why would you do
that for me?
Seriously. After...
everything?
Well, because despite
everything, Patrick,
I just want you
to be happy, man.
Why?
Why?
'Cause I love you.
Look, don't stay in Denver.
Come back. And you can
take that from someone
who moves around
to constantly avoid
dealing with things.
It never works, but I think
you know that already.
Look, if you're interested,
just e-mail me.
We don't need to talk again.
One last hug?
(sighs)
Oh, shit.
Hey, sorry I'm late.
There was trouble
on the, uh--
That's okay. Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Are you-- are you good?
Yeah. I'm good.
Good.
Don't worry.
Where's Eddie?
Mm.
He's using the toilet
for, like, the 11th time.
I'm getting married
to an old lady.
Oh, where the fuck is he?
Hurry up, huh?
We're gonna lose
our spot in line.
Have you seen it up there?
It's like every
fucker in the city
is getting married.
I nearly got run over
by a stampede of bridesmaids.
Why don't we have bridesmaids?
You have us.
Yeah.
I'm Italian
for Christ's sake.
This is gonna be
the smallest Italian wedding
in the history of time.
Okay, this is just paperwork.
We're gonna party tonight.
Yeah? Then why
am I wearing this?
Like wearing what?
You're not wearing
a wedding dress.
Maybe I should be.
And maybe we should be
getting married in a church,
giving thanks
to the great white man
in the sky for our love.
That's not what I said.
Look, we're not doing this
for other people.
We're not doing this
for our parents.
We're not doing this
for people we don't give
a fuck about.
We're doing this for us.
That's what we discussed.
Well, shouldn't my mother
at least be here?
Otherwise, why are
we doing this?
I mean, what is this?
(chuckles)
Oh, my God.
Why are we doing this at all?
Okay, can we at least
check in?
I have to toilet again,
and this time, it's not pee.
No, no, no, no, no.
Hold it in, okay?
You have a powerful sphincter.
Come on. Vamos.
All right, uh...
I'll meet you guys up there.
Jake, can we get
Mama on FaceTime?
Yes, yes, yes.
I got this.
We should man the exits.
Eddie is surprisingly fast.
He's not gonna
do that, is he?
Mm, he's had that look
in his eyes before.
I think Agustn's gonna
figure it out.
Yeah, where were you?
Uh, nowhere.
So why do you look so--
I look fine.
Shit, I need to pee now.
Really?
So do I.
What?
I really do.
Okay, well, you guys pee
and I'll--
I'll meet you up there.
Yeah.
All right.
Woman:
...by the state of California,
I pronounce you
partners for life.
Now, you may kiss.
(laughter)
(cheering)
That's great.
Thank you so much.
Thank you...
(laughter, applause)
(footsteps)
Oh, hello.
Sorry, I think
that we're next.
Are you, uh, Rankin
or Lanuez?
Oh, no, I'm not
getting married.
It's my friends, but, uh,
they'll just be a minute.
They're, uh...
Last-minute nerves?
(sighs)
Something like that.
Well, it's very common.
I wouldn't worry.
Those two have been
together for 45 years.
That's amazing.
Yes, it is.
Can I ask you something?
Of course.
How long have
you been doing this?
A very long time.
Some people would
say too long.
(chuckles)
And, uh...
Are you able to tell
if it's gonna work or not?
Uh, sometimes...
uh, maybe I can tell
who wants it more
than the other one.
Yeah.
Or, you know...
who's gotten real
and whose head is
still in the clouds,
who's willing or unwilling
to, um, adapt.
And...
do you really think
that people can...
change for each other?
I prefer adapt to change.
It's, uh, it's a little
more realistic.
Plus, I read somewhere
that every part of us
has something to do with
the part that came before.
Every new part is...
Does that sound corny?
It's...
Well, it works for me.
Maybe that's why we keep
making the same mistakes.
(laughs)
Probably.
How long have
you been married?
Oh, uh-- uh...
between you and me,
not married.
But your ring.
It's a prop.
Nobody wants a fat trainer
at the gym.
You know what I mean?
Okay.
You okay?
You all set?
Yes.
Lanuez?
I got her.
Oh, it's my mom!
Mother: Oh, Agustn!
Say hi!
Hi, Mama!
Hi!
I'm sorry, I think we'll just
be one more minute.
Sure.
Okay. Thank you.
Take your time.
Thank you. Appreciate it.
Is everything all right?
It is now.
What'd you say?
Let's just say he's a big
Sigourney Weaver fan,
so, thank you for that.
Oh, it's my pleasure.
That's what, uh,
maids of dishonor are for.
I just told him that
this marriage can be...
whatever we want it to be.
Yeah, exactly.
I mean, it's not like
you're just gonna
suddenly be monogamous
and move to the suburbs.
Well, no.
And then I love him,
and he loves me.
What's the worst
that can happen?
Doesn't work out,
it doesn't work out,
but at least we tried.
Yeah.
Let's fucking do this.
Oh.
(cheers and applause)
Yeah, you got it
all done, right?
Yeah.
Great. Perfect.
And if you would just
take a look at that,
make sure we're saying
everything we want to say.
Agustn:
Yeah, yeah, I'm good.
Hey, Mama.
Woman:
Edward, you have chosen
Agustn to be
your partner in life.
Will you strive to love
and respect him always,
be honest and kind,
and stand by him
whatever may come?
I do.
Agustn, you've chosen Edward
to be your partner in life.
Will you strive to love
and respect him always,
be honest and kind,
and stand by him
whatever may come?
I do. Yes.
(both chuckle)
And do you both promise to
make the necessary adjustments
in your personal
and professional lives
in order that you may
live in a harmonious
relationship together?
Both:
We do.
Inasmuch as you, Edward,
and you, Agustn,
have pledged your love
to each other
in front of these witnesses,
by the power vested d d me
by the state of California,
I pronounce you
partners in life.
Mm!
Ah!
Now you may kiss.
(laughter)
(chuckles)
Mother: I can't believe it!
(cheers and applause)
Oh, my God.
Now what?
Uh, now we get drunk
and we take a lot
of fucking drugs.
Sorry, Mom.
Sorry, Mom.
(laughter)
Let's do this!
Surreal!
This is crazy!
Yeah, let's do this!
(cheers and applause)
You look great!
You look so good!
Oh, my God!
(lively chattering)
Congratulations.
You guys look amazing.
Hi.
Hi.
Hey, how you doing?
Good. How are you?
Really good. Good to see you.
Good to see you.
Hey.
Hey there.
How'd it go?
It was really sweet.
What's up, Malik?
Thanks for coming, man.
I really appreciate it.
Agustn didn't freak out?
(chuckles)
Yesterday, but not today.
Uh, Eddie though,
that was a close call.
Really?
Yeah.
It's so easy to disregard...
all of this,
all this, like,
being able to
get married stuff
and what it means,
but when we were
in city hall today,
in public, in front
of total strangers...
I don't know.
In a few years, this is all
just gonna be normal.
Right? It'll just be
a way of life,
and that's great,
but wow, now for us...
and for all those people
that came before us,
you know, that actually had to
struggle against something...
just pretty fucking
incredible, right?
It is.
And you can't help
but feel...
I don't know, validated.
Even though I know
we shouldn't need
that validation.
Because just because you feel
you shouldn't need something,
it doesn't mean you don't.
Hi, Paddycakes!
Hey!
Mm. Sorry I didn't
get you one.
That's okay.
What are we talking about?
Just... how great it is.
Them getting married.
Mm.
Champagne? Yeah?
Yeah!
Let's do this!
Whoo!
(cheering)
Hey, man, can I please
get a tequila?
Thank you.
Hey, have you seen Dom?
Uh, yeah, he's around
here somewhere.
Ugh.
I've been-- I've already--
I made a round. Oh, God.
I so know that look.
Weddings are awful,
aren't they?
They're horrible.
You have to take solace
in knowing that
it's gonna end in divorce,
guaranteed.
Malik seems to be
enjoying himself.
I know!
He's dancing
with a bunch of bears!
Oh, no, should I be worried?
Are you sure you don't want
to lock that down
with a wedding ring?
He's a total beef-cake.
Oh, God.
Wedding rings
don't do shit, all right?
Babies, on the other hand,
so much harder
to flush down a toilet.
You gotta really...
What?
...work out. What?
What? Oh, my God. What?
I'm so drunk, y'all.
What'd I say?
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, are you--
I'm not. No. no,
no, no, no, no!
I'm not, but think
I'm pregnant?
No, I'm not. I wouldn't be
drinking if I was.
Well, then again,
if I was my mother,
I would be, right?
Oh, my gosh,
you are, aren't you?
No, I'm-- I'm not, okay?
But okay, Sherlock Homo.
You got-- We're--
Malik and me,
we are talking
about having a baby, yes.
Doris, this is
incredible news!
Oh, God, is it?
Yeah!
That I'm becoming
this big, old cliche
is incredible news?
Cliche? No, if you want
to have a baby,
you want to have
a baby, right?
Yeah, I guess.
Oh, my God,
does Dom know?
No. I was gonna
tell him yesterday,
but then you ruined it.
Oh, my--
Get a second--
I haven't. Oh, God. Okay.
What?
Tell him now.
No!
What?
Tell him!
Oh, shit.
Take it easy, okay?
You're making--
I-- I-- Nothing!
It's just Malik and me are--
we're talking about
having a baby,
which probably--
What?!
I may not even
be able to have one, okay?
'Cause I'm old. There's gonna
be nothing but sand pouring
out of me, who knows.
Are you kidding me?
And if we have one,
it's gonna have
his weird chest hair
and my overbite.
Are you kidding me?
No, I'm not kidding.
No. We are-- we are
talking about it.
Yeah.
Okay.
Unfortunately, that's--
Wow, I...
Where it's going--
I can't...
I'm gonna be an uncle?
Yep, you're gonna
be a gunkle.
Why didn't you tell me?
Just-- I don't know, I just...
But why wouldn't you
tell me that?
I don't--
Because I guess I--
Because I thought that
if I was gonna have a baby
in my life,
I honestly thought
I was gonna have one with you,
and I'm not going to
be having one...
with you.
Doris...
I know it's stupid--
This is better!
Oh!
It's so much better!
All right, you're spilling
your beer all over me too.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Okay.
That's just fucking amazing.
Yeah.
Oh, the miracle of life.
Okay, listen,
I'm not gonna get married
though, all right?
Don't bring that up.
I believe that's such--
I'm gonna--
It's gonna be a bastard child.
That's what we want,
and for God sakes,
please let it be a gay baby.
I want a gay baby.
Well, with you as its mother,
the poor fuck
doesn't have a choice.
Right? I know.
But before I ruin my life,
I wanna do some drugs tonight,
pretend we're 25.
Fuck yes!
Handsome Jake has
some, uh, moon rocks.
"Handsome Jake"?
Are you up for it?
Yes, I'm up for it.
Yeah.
Handsome Jake is kind of
weakening my resolve.
Okay.
So yeah.
Okay, all right, yes.
This evening is
taking a little turn.
Yes!
I thought it was
gonna be a nightmare.
Wonderful.
All right, let's do it.
Let's do it.
(clears throat)
Hey.
Also, this does not
last forever,
this feeling you're having.
I know exactly what
you're feeling too.
This whole misery thing,
it passes. It does.
If you want it to,
it will, okay?
All right.
I'll talk to you later.
Automatic
What is this madness
That makes my motor run
And my legs
too weak to stand?
Paddy!
Hey, can I cut in?
Yeah!
I go from sadness
to exhilaration
All right.
Like a robot
at your command
My hands perspire
and shake like a leaf
Oh, wow.
Up and down
goes my temperature
I summon doctors
to get some relief
But they tell me
there is no cure
No way to control it
It's totally automatic
Whenever you're around
I'm walking blindfolded
Completely automatic
All of my systems are down
Down, down, down
No way to control it
It's totally automatic
Whenever you're around
I'm walking blindfolded
Completely automatic
All of my systems are down
Down, down, down
(cheering)
We have to tell
our kids everyday
that they are beautiful,
(cheering)
that their lives do matter,
that they deserve
to be healthy,
and happy,
and safe, and loved.
(cheering)
And that's what Eddie does.
Eddie does that everyday
when he goes to work,
and that's why
I love you, Eddie.
I'm proud of you,
I'm so happy that
you found a man...
(laughter, cheering)
...and thank you for inviting
me to be part of this tonight.
Now, where are those
maids of dishonor?
(cheering)
Patrick, get your
skinny ass up here.
Okay.
(cheering)
Oh!
Okay, you beautiful boys,
here we go.
Uh, I think everybody
in this room can agree
that this, on one hand, is
the most surprising thing
in the world,
but at the same time,
it makes total sense,
am I right?
(cheering)
Love you, Paddy!
No, this isn't about me.
I'm not gonna make
this speech about me.
Never gonna happen!
Aw!
I wanna talk about Agustn.
We have been friends,
uh, for a very long time,
and there are a million
reasons why I love you,
but one of them,
one of the biggest ones,
is that you are...
ha-- always have been
incredibly committed
to making the most
of your life.
And even when you fuck up,
and we all fuck up, right?
Crowd: Yes!
Yes, we all fuck up.
You-- you keep going
despite any sort of doubts
that you might have
and you keep trying
to find the things
that work for you,
and you-- you found Eddie.
Right?
(cheering)
And... Yes.
And it is really clear
that you two are
absolutely crazy
about each other
while at the same time--
at the same time
being incredibly realistic
about what that means
and-- and both being
really committed
to figuring out
how to make that work.
(cheering)
And I-- I...
I just think that that is...
Crowd: Aw!
Doris: Patrick!
Agustn: You're cute!
...amazing! And so, before
I start openly weeping,
let's raise a cheap cocktail
to Agustn and Eddie!
(cheering)
To Eddie and Agustn!
(crowd groans)
Patrick:
That too, that too.
And now, everybody,
please welcome to the stage
my fellow maid
of dishonor, Jake!
(cheering)
Jake:
Patrick, thank you.
That was beautiful.
Excuse me.
Hey, guys.
A better speech
than last time.
Couldn't really have
been any worse, right?
No, probably not.
Yeah, I need another drink.
Will you buy me another drink?
I don't have any cash left.
Really? You don't think
you've had enough?
Oh, come on.
Come on.
Big gay wedding, right?
I want to get super drunk,
so I can forget about
how dull we've all become.
Aren't you already
super drunk?
Less of the nagging,
'50s housewife please, okay?
We aren't married.
Oh, I always thought
you'd be the wife.
You'd look so good
in an apron.
What was that?
It was just a joke.
You called him
a nagging wife and I--
You would expect
me to be the wife.
Brady.
It was just a joke,
that's all.
Is your femmephobia
a joke all of a sudden?
Brady...
What? I'm kidding.
No, it's okay, it's okay.
You can say it.
It's not it's the, uh,
first time you've ever implied
that I'm everything
that's wrong with
the gay community.
Okay, I said you
and Kevin were, not you.
Although--
What are we talking about?
About Patrick being
a shitty gay!
Richie: Brady,
what the fuck? Stop it!
Oh, God!
I love it when gays argue
with other gays
about being gays.
Oh, it's fine.
That's awesome.
Brady thinks he's
the grand minister of queer.
The leader of the gay
thought police.
Uh, it's called having a brain
that thinks about things.
Sorry if I want us
to be a little better.
Okay, both of you, enough.
Wow. Okay. It's a little
frustrating that sometimes
Brady thinks there's only
one way to be gay,
and that way
is his way.
I'm just sick
of people like you
giving us a bad name, okay?
You would think that
if there was such a thing
as "us," there'd be
a little more solidarity.
Well, maybe
you don't deserve it.
Brady, seriously,
what the fuck?
I will never understand
why you're so intent
on making me feel bad
because I can't live up
to some ideal that
I'll never live up to because
it just isn't who I am!
If-- if you feel bad,
that's probably not my fault.
Enough, okay?
I'm sorry. Richie,
you're right. I'm sorry.
Brady, I apologize, okay?
And I promise to read
more of your articles
and hope that one day,
I can finally learn
how to be gay and be
as perfectly adjusted as you!
Yeah, fuck you!
Fuck you back!
Richie: All right, that's it.
We're out of here.
Why are you taking his side?
I'm not.
Then why does it feel
like you are?
This has nothing
to do with--
Fine, yeah.
Then-- then what
is it about then?
This is about you
being too drunk,
and this is a party
for Eddie and Agustn,
and it has nothing to do
with how you feel
about Patrick.
Well--
Or how he feels
about you, for that matter.
Typical that
you would take his...
Do you wanna be with him?
What?
Is that what this is?
After all the shit
he's put you through?
Okay, you know what?
We're out of here.
Because I can guarantee,
he will do nothing
but break your heart again.
Okay?
That your plan?
What?
You wanna fly in here
on your private jet
and steal
my fucking boyfriend?
Of course not.
Let's get the fuck
out of here.
You're not gonna
come, are you?
Come on, let's go.
Are you okay, bud?
He was just jealous.
What?
Everyone can see there's
something between you guys.
There's nothing between us.
We don't have anything,
yet I have managed to
fuck things up for him again.
Okay, that was totally
not your fault.
I could have just
shut the fuck up.
Why can't I ever
just shut the fuck up?
Oh, shit, girl. You all right?
Hey, wait a second,
you have a private jet?
How come you're
so fucking ashamed
that you have a private jet?
That's a legitimate question.
All right, let's just
stop this, okay?
I didn't come here just
to ruin everybody's weekend.
Oh, well...
Paddy, you don't
have to say that--
I do, I do, I do.
Let's just dance.
Can we please just dance?
All: Yes! Yeah! Okay!
Let's just all make
our way to the dance floor
and dance, all right?
Come on.
Let's do it.
Sorry, sorry...
(sighs)
Fuck.
You would never
call me baby
If you knew me true
Oh, but I waited
So long
For your love
I am scared, baby
That I can't keep
it up for long
Oh, I wish I grew up
The second I first
held you in my arms
Underneath this hood
you kiss
I tick like a bomb
You would never
call me baby
If you knew me true
Oh, but I waited
So long for your love
I will fight, baby
Not to do you wrong
I should tell you something.
What?
I'm thinking about
leaving San Francisco.
What do you mean?
I've been thinking about it
for a long time.
Me and Brady were
even talking about it--
Do you mean, like...
actually leaving,
like, for good?
You did it.
You had the guts to do it.
Yeah, but I...
I think I was just...
just running away.
Who cares?
Sometimes running away is
exactly what you need to do.
But you were born here.
This is your home.
I mean, you've
always been here.
Exactly.
Everyone else gets to
come here and start new.
I've...
I've never had that.
Where are you gonna go?
I have some family in Texas.
What are you gonna
do in Texas?
I can take the truck.
I can work.
At least there,
I might get to do more
than just fades
and hipster bullshit.
(chuckles)
Better not go
to Austin then.
(chuckles)
You know, it's...
it's funny or ironic
or something
that you're thinking
about leaving because...
just today, I, uh...
I was offered
a job back here.
Shit.
What?
I don't want you to do that.
What?
Come back here.
I need to do this, and I...
I don't need
the temptation to stay.
I...
I gotta get my head straight
'cause right now, it's...
all over the fuckin' place.
There's so much that
I need to sort out.
Like what?
I've been in a relationship
for a year with a guy
that I wasn't in love with.
I think...
right now, I just
need to be alone.
I get that.
I-- I...
I totally get that.
I get your desire
to be alone.
I mean, it's...
That's what I've just done
for the last nine months.
But at the same time...
being back here,
I've realized that...
being alone isn't all
it's cracked up to be.
Yeah, well...
we aren't the same person.
Well, we're not
that different either.
I mean, wouldn't you like
to be with someone
while you work
through your shit?
Someone who understands you,
someone who cares
about you?
Pato.
I mean, that way
you have someone
to hang out with, right?
You against the world.
(chuckles)
You got someone to...
make out with.
(chuckles)
Someone to sit on the sofa
and eat take-out with.
Someone to...
get old and gray and...
(chuckles)
I don't know,
watch "The Goonies" with.
(imitates Sloth)
Hey, you guys.
Oh, my God!
You saw it!
Yeah.
Twice.
You saw it twice?
Wow, you must've liked it.
(both chuckle)
Okay, so...
What are we gonna do?
This is...
this is insane.
I just broke up with Brady
not even two hours ago.
I...
I can't...
I can't do this now.
I know, I know, I know.
And if you want me to
shut up, I will, but...
if that's the case...
then why did you
come back tonight?
Why did you...
Why'd you come back
to the EndUp?
What are you suggesting we do?
I'm not going to Denver,
that's for sure, and...
(laughs)
I really need to
get out of here.
Then...
How about I come to Texas?
What?
Yeah.
Yeah, I'll come...
I'll come with you
or I'll-- I'll go there
after you've gotten settled.
And do what?
You have a job in Denver.
You have another job
lined up here.
Yeah, well, I can
work remotely.
I'll do my own thing.
I've always wanted to do that.
I-- They--
Do they have
computers in Texas?
(both chuckle)
And what happens
when you've sobered up, huh?
And the wedding's over, and...
you've lost this, you know,
sense of romance?
Is that what
you're scared of?
Of course I am.
I have met you.
(scoffs)
What happens
when you freak out?
Again? I-- I am...
so sick of taking care
of people.
I just-- I-- I--
I don't want to do that again.
I don't need you to
take care of me, Richie.
Okay? I don't.
I just...
I want to be with you...
while you...
figure out whatever it is
you need to figure out.
You told me once that
you were this close to
falling in love with me.
I was in love
with you back then.
I'm in love with you now,
except...
I was afraid of that feeling.
But I'm not afraid anymore.
What happens if it
doesn't work out? Hm?
What do we do then?
Well, if it doesn't work out,
it doesn't work out, but...
at least we tried.
Do you want to try?
(knocking)
Come in here!
Hello!
Come on!
Come on in here!
(both chuckle)
(indistinct chatter)
Eddie and Doris:
That's my paper plate.
(laughter)
All right.
Hi.
Hi, guys.
Hey.
Hello. Welcome.
You know, this city drives me
freaking crazy sometimes,
but right now, I think it
feels like the best place
in the world.
Mm-hmm.
Yes, it does.
My God, these eggs
are disgusting.
They are so good.
Right?
What is that?
Is that the moon rocks?
Maybe.
Paddy, I think
you should come back.
Mm.
Huh? What do you think, guys?
Yes.
Yes!
Mm-hmm.
Come back down
from the mountains
and live with us
happily ever after.
(chatter continuing)
Oh my God.
You've got like
two courses.
I'm gonna eat half
of this and then
I'm gonna send it back.
I'll see you through
That's what I'll do
When your dreams
are scattered
Just like
the wind-blown sand
And you feel
You feel you need a friend
I'll be there
Reach out your hand
And when
the tempest is raging
I want you to know
got a friend that's true
Just like a shelter
in a time of storm
I'll see you through
That's what I'll do
I'll see you
through your bad times
I'll see you
through your fears
I'll see you
through your hang-ups
Honey, I'll dry
all your tears
And when
the tempest is raging
I want you to know
got a friend that's true
Just like shelter
in the time of storm
I'll see you through
That's what I'll do
I will see you through
I will see you through
I will see you through
I will see you through
Let me hear the choir
I will see you through
I will see you through
Oh, yeah
I will see you through
I will see you through
When my load got heavy
Did you see me through?
When my load got
too hard to bear
Did you see me through?
What would you do?
I will see you through
What would you do?
I will see you through
What would you do?
I will see you through
What would you do?
I will see you through
Let me hear you
bring it down now
Let me hear you
bring it up now
Let me hear you
take it higher
Let me hear
you sing higher
Higher
If you're living
on the dole
And there's no sugar
in your bowl
All you need to do
is give a little knock
Don't despair,
He'll be there
With his loving
and his care
Marx will work for us
right around the clock
He's all right,
he's all right
He's all right
He's all right
He's all right
He's all right
He's all right
He's all right
He's all right,
he's all right
He's all right
He's all right
He's all right
He's all right
He's all right
He's all right,
he's all right
He's all right
He's all right
He's all right
He's all right
He's all right
He's all right
He's all right
He's all right
He's all right
He's all right
He's all right,
he's all right
He's all right
He's all right
He's all right
He's all right
He's all right