1
It's been
a lot of fun, ginger.
We've had some
good times, right?
I know I have,
and I think
you feel the same way.
[Mimicking ginger]
Oh, my God.
Don't say what I think
you're gonna say.
[As himself]
Ginger...
We had a good run.
The sex...
The pointless conversations
before sex,
all of it.
But let's face it,
we have nothing in common.
[As ginger]
Don't, Dylan. Please.
You mean everything to me.
This will rock my world.
You complete me.
[As himself]
Shh, t-t-t-b-b-b-bye, ginger.
It's over.
Now, you're a good kid.
I know you're gonna
land on your feet.
[Bird chirps]
Please don't cry.
[Squawks]
Shh.
[Sighs]
No good.
It's not you, ginger,
it's me. I come from a--
Dylan?
What are you doing here?
You don't smoke.
Yeah, I know.
I'm trying to start.
Ginger, I think
we should talk.
I gotta get ready
for work.
Fine.
Ginger, we've had
some good times.
Dylan, before you go
any further,
there's something
I've been wanting to say.
I don't think I'm the girl
you're looking for.
Oh, my God, don't say
what I think
you're gonna say.
You keep trying
to change me.
No, I don't.
Yes, you do.
You can't accept the fact
that I don't like
caddyshack or ac/dc.
Well, you never listened
to their first album.
And what's with the
community college crap?
Are you telling me it
wasn't you who put these
under the sink next
to the tampax?
Nice touch.
Don't you get it?
I already have a career.
Come on.
Look, Dylan...
We have nothing in common.
What about the sex?
Oh, Dylan,
sex isn't everything.
And you said that yourself
just the other night.
Well, that was right
after we had sex.
Don't listen to me.
There's a...
Weird half hour there
where somehow
it isn't important
to guys anymore.
Shh, shh, shh. Look,
I can't do this right now.
I'm almost up.
It's over. We're done.
So accept it.
Be a man.
Well, when you put it
that way,
I don't know why we went
out in the first place.
[Knocking on door]
Hey, ginger, you're up.
It's coming back to me.
Miss you.
[Van halen record plays]
You, too.
Warner home video
hey, thanks for coming.
Enjoyed it.
Hey, boss.
Hey, man.
Hey, Lisa.
Hi, Dylan.
That's a cool dress.
You want to play motorboat?
I'll start.
[Imitates motorboat engine]
Keep laughing.
You're next.
Ricky, you get that
same lunch every day.
Mmm.
We're gonna have to
name it after you soon.
[Mouth full]
That's fine.
Keep eating.
Don't slow down.
You guys ok here?
Great.
Could use
some water.
Can we get
some water on 9?
First one's free.
Hey, buddy.
What do you got
goin' there?
Not hungry?
Better eat up.
Don't want to end up
like me,
skinny and dumb.
Not the way to go.
Turtle, what
are you doing?
Hey, boss.
I'll tell you what.
I got those plates
looking wonderful.
[Coughs] How was
that shit sandwich?
We serve those now?
Go take care of that.
You're dealing
with customers.
Whoa, fire. Fire!
Fire! Fire!
Put it out!
I got it. I got it.
I got it.
You ok?
Yeah.
Ah, great.
86 the souffls, guys.
You know the Norton's have
been waiting 30 minutes
for one of these?
Relax, mark,
I'll handle it.
How am I supposed to put out
50 entrees tonight
with only one oven?
I'm sorry.
You want me
to let the place
burn down?
You know what?
At least we would've gotten
the insurance money.
I told you, don't worry
about the money.
I'm meeting with ray
in the morning.
We're gonna get
the loan.
Really? When?
I mean, I've been hearing
about this phantom loan
since you talked me into
this place 3 months ago.
I mean, look around
you, Dylan.
You got one oven
on life-support,
a freezer
that doesn't freeze,
an ice maker that makes...
You know, really cold water.
If we don't make a move
on the space next door soon,
somebody else will.
I mean, come on.
I got a wife and kid
to think about.
Mark, I get it.
Uh, no, I-I-I-I don't
think you do.
You see here, not only
are we not gonna be able
to get a new place--I mean,
we're gonna lose this pla--
[muffled] Never listens!
Never listens!
Likes to talk!
Hears himself talking!
Are you done?
[Sighs] Yeah.
Good. Everything's
gonna be fine.
Remember our deal...
You worry about
the food,
I'll take care
of the business.
Where are my souffls?
Ask him.
No more souffls.
Hey, boss,
you got a minute?
Uh, I guess so, Wally.
Remember the time when
it was really slow here
and I was sitting down
watching Sally Jesse
and you shot me with
a rubber band to my arm
and said, "Jesus, Wally,
stop itching your butt
and get a life"?
Sure, that was yesterday.
Oh, yeah.
Well, anyway,
I decided you was
absolutely right.
I gotta broaden
my horizons.
If I end up a lifer here
like turtle,
I'll kill myself.
That's why there's
no time to waste.
I want to be exactly
like you, boss.
I want you to be
my mentor, my guru,
my rabbi.
When you're chopping the
heads off the chickens,
I want to be there.
When you're squeezing
the melons,
when you're hitting
on the customers,
I want to be right there
with you, boss.
You know, chopping,
squeezing, hitting,
you know? I mean, I want
to just follow you
wherever you go!
Just about a foot
feels good.
Right.
Well, you're--you're very loud
and that's flattering.
Uh-huh.
Uh...
It's good to hear
that stuff.
Maybe you would even consider
moving in with me.
Really? You mean it?
No. Big no.
But I think turtle
might have bunk beds,
so if you two could
figure something out...
[Gags]
[Laughs] You got me,
boss. Good one!
Hey, took care
of the nortons.
Everything's cool.
I'm gonna take off now.
What do you mean?
Uh...
I can't do this right now.
My head's not in it.
Let me guess.
Cowgirl gave you
the boot.
No.
Yes.
But I got
the last burn on her.
I said, baby,
when the phone ain't ringing,
that's me not calling.
Yeah.
Really, you said that?
No. But I should've.
Damn it, I just
thought of it right now
when I said it to you.
You know, one day
you're gonna meet
the right girl...
You're not gonna
know what to do.
You know where to find me.
Oh, yeah.
Turtle, never
date a girl
who pays her rent
in singles.
Ok.
Bills, crap, junk...
"Have you seen me?"
No.
Ahh.
Afternoon, ladies.
Oh, you'll never
leave me.
Ooh, there's a bargain.
[Dog barking,
cat screeching]
Jack!
Oh, are you all right?
I'm sorry. I didn't see you.
Are you--are you hurt?
Uh, no, that's ok.
I'm on the pill.
Forgive me. I'm sorry.
Jack!
Wait! Where--
where are you--
ok, girls, who wants
egg salad?
Oh.
You made it?
Yes.
No,
thank you.
No, forget it.
[Knocking on door]
Come in.
Hi-hi-hi,
Mrs. stubblefield.
Oh, Dylan,
you found whiskers.
Where was she?
Oh, she was
behind a dumpster.
Some dog chased her
back there.
Oh. Well, thank you.
Well, if it ain't
the shorty express,
right on time.
Hello, ladies.
Would you like to
join us for a drink?
Oh, no, thanks.
I already had
a roofie for lunch.
Mmm. Nice pants.
What she means
is nice ass.
[Chuckles]
Anyway, I wanted to ask
you a quick question.
Oh, don't tell me.
Let me guess.
The new girl
in apartment 6-c.
Hmm...
You want me
to hook you up?
No, thank you.
You'll ruin it.
What? I ain't no
cock blocker.
Oh.
Where is Mildred?
We sent her for
a beer run an hour ago.
Well, there's a heinie
in the lettuce drawer.
Dibs.
[Farts]
Whoo, look out, girls,
I'm crop-Dustin' again.
Ohh.
Lord.
I told you to stop
eating those crab cakes.
Anyway, Dylan...
Her name is lila Dubois.
And she just moved in.
And she seems
nice enough,
except for that
dog of hers.
Dreadful animal.
Ok. All right, well,
nice to see you,
ladies. Tah.
No, wait, Dylan.
Um, wouldn't you like to
join us for one hand?
No, no, no, no.
I'm not the type of guy
who steals pension money
from widows and orphans.
Oh.
Oh, go on.
What's the matter?
Your nuts as puny
as you are?
[Laughing]
Deal me in, bitch.
King of the road
Clara, quit
dropping things.
We all know what you're
doing under there.
It slipped, I swear.
6 times?
I fold.
Me, too.
I'll see you
your socks
and raise you...
Your shorts.
You couldn't raise
my shorts with a crane.
Besides,
you're bluffing.
Only one way to find out...
Big guy.
[Groans]
Straight flush.
[Cello music]
Ooh. Ow. Ow. Sharp.
Ow.
Hey!
What are you doing?
If you get fresh
with my wife,
you'll have
to deal with me.
I lost a penny.
Have you seen it?
Yeah. Uh, it had a picture
of Lincoln on it.
You know, the president when
you were in high school.
Lady: He has
a nice tush.
Man: Hilary,
for heaven's sake.
Well,
he does.
Ahh. God.
Hey, how's it
hangin', ray?
Uh, low, loose,
and full of juice.
Come on, ray,
we all know
you haven't been laid
since the shuttle
exploded.
And that was for all
the wrong reasons.
Anyway, how's
the loan coming?
Dylan, you're
overextended already.
[Sighs] We gotta have
this loan or we're dead.
What do you need,
some collateral?
You don't have
any collateral.
[Intercom beeps]
Hello?
Woman on intercom:
Line 3. It's millstone.
Oh.
Hello, sir. Sorry to keep you
waiting, Mr. millstone, sir.
Uh, yes, sir. Yes.
Everything is in order, sir.
Yes, sir, you can
count on me, sir.
[Chuckles]
Wow, that crazy
ass-kissing
was hard to watch.
[Mwah mwah mwah]
[Mimicking ray]
Sir, sir.
That ass happens to belong
to the President of the bank,
the one who
approves loans.
Ooh, in that case,
tell him to bend over,
I'll be right up.
Maybe some other time.
He's busy right now
planning a little soiree
for Saturday
to raise money
for the arts.
Ray, are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
Hire you to cater it?
No, let's go down to
the lake and make out.
Of course, hire us
to do the catering.
We'll do it for cost.
You can show your boss
that you've got
what it takes
to be a tight-fisted
prick
and we'll show him
we're worth the risk.
[Sighs] Ok, I'll try, but
I can't promise anything.
Yes. You're a stud.
Thank you, ray.
There you go.
Hey, ladies.
Caffe di mare.
Bring your mommies.
[Whistles]
Sir, we have
fresh fish daily.
Great place.
Ah, nothing like
the thrill of the hunt.
[Barking]
Jack?
[Barks]
Where's your mommy?
[Cello playing
scales off key]
[Knocking on door]
Watch your
intonation, ok?
Ok.
Hey.
Hey.
Hi, again.
Have you two met?
Jack. Thank you.
Where have you been?
T'etais o toi,
dis donc?
Encore parti?
He was way over
on the pier.
Huh, you bad dog.
I should spank you.
Ooh. Hey, I was way over
on the pier, too.
I was kidding. I mean,
I was over there, but...
That was a joke.
Maybe not.
No, no, I get it.
You're projecting
yourself
into the place
of the dog,
joking for me to
spank you, too, no?
Yeah. Pretty much.
Uh, Steven, tu reprends
depuis le dbut,
s'il te plait.
Huh?
Again, please.
[Sighs] Sorry, um,
I don't even
know your name.
Oh, Dylan Ramsey.
Mm, nice to meet you,
Dylan Ramsey.
And thank you.
Yeah, no problem.
Hey, I don't know if
you're busy or not--
[crash]
I slipped.
Oh, sorry,
I have to go.
Oh, ok. I'm over in 10
if you ever need anything,
milk, flour...
Husband.
[Classical music plays]
Isn't it great?
I came all the way
to America
to play at the mall.
Lila, it's a paying gig...
In town.
[Classical piano playing]
[Applause]
I'm responsible
for that piano.
He didn't even ask.
It's ok, Peter.
I know him. It's ok.
Lila, mon amour.
Rene.
Lila, you break
my heart.
I've come halfway around
the world to find you.
And I came halfway around
the world to lose you.
You're more beautiful
than ever.
Did I not make
you happy? I love you.
Oui, me, 3 percussionists,
and half the wind section.
What can I say?
I'm a man who
loves too much.
I was stupid.
Oh, not as stupid as I.
So what are you doing
here, really?
I came here for you.
Allez, au revoir.
I've got to get
back to work.
Work? This is not work.
This is a waste
of your talent.
It's only
a matter of time
before I'm playing for
the philharmonic, ok?
You haven't even
tried out, have you?
Come on.
I just thought
that you might like
to have dinner
with me tonight.
I know what you came
here for, rene.
And do you really
think I'm just gonna
throw myself
at you again?
No. It's just I'll be
dining with Max ubermann.
He's the director
of the philharmonic,
is he not?
But anyway, if you're
too busy...Performing...
I'm telling you, man,
3 times this week I've
returned that mutt of hers,
and every time
it's the same story.
Sorry, I'm busy. Bye.
If it wasn't for
that stupid dog,
I'd never see her
at all.
I don't know, man. This girl
sounds too real for you.
I don't even know
why you like her.
Wait a minute.
She's French, right?
Probably doesn't speak
any English.
You guys don't have
to talk to each other.
She's perfect.
Hey, you're the one
who told me
there was a girl
out there for me.
Please, I'm just
talking out of my ass,
trying to end
the conversation.
Kind of like I'm doing now.
So we can get out of here
and see if ray called
about the party.
Great.
Double or nothing.
If I make this, not
only do I win the game,
but I get lila, too.
Uh-huh.
Get in there.
Unh!
All right, it's late.
Good game. You win, kid.
Hey, what about
my $5.00?
I said "doll hairs."
Hustler.
Pussy.
Jeez, you jumped
a couple of steps there,
didn't ya?
Careful. She's
probably in a gang.
So what do I do
about this girl?
I don't know.
What about the pizza man?
Ooh, it's not
gonna work.
She's worldly,
sophisticated, French.
I'm gonna have to
come up with something
a little more inventive.
[Knocking on door]
Dominos.
Yes?
Is this the squankmeyer
residence?
Squankmeyer? No.
[Chuckles] I'll tell you,
these complexes
are so complex.
I get all twisted around.
Sorry. Good night.
Who was it?
Nobody.
Mercedes, huh?
So was it one of
those little, uh,
280 sls or the...
Big kick-ass
500 series?
Uh, I think it was
the "I've got the girl
"and you're whacking it
in the bushes
with a cold pizza" series.
I can't stop thinking
about this girl.
Oh, Dylan, stop
torturing yourself.
I mean, look, you know
how this is gonna turn out.
It won't be any different
than it was
with your little rodeo rider
from the saddle sore saloon.
You'll go out,
you'll become infatuated,
then in 6 weeks, if she
hasn't already left you,
you'll find some reason
to dump her.
I mean, either way,
you're gonna end up alone.
Again.
Thanks for the pep talk.
Why don't you go coach
the clippers?
[Baby cries]
I'll get her.
Hey, do me a favor.
Hold onto this for me.
What is it?
It's Gail's anniversary
gift. Check it out.
Oh.
Yeah.
It's nice.
Yeah. It's a surprise,
so just hold it for me.
No, I shouldn't
hold onto that.
Well, I can't
keep it here.
I don't want her to
find it. Just keep it,
and I'll tell you
when I need it back.
I'm not the guy for that.
No, I'm gonna get it
back from you.
I don't want it.
Why not?
I don't need things
like this in my life.
I'm asking for
one stinking favor.
Just take it.
Coming back.
Hey, look who's here,
sweetie.
It's Uncle Dylan.
Yes.
Do you want to?
Sure.
Here you go.
There you go.
All right, you little punk,
I got you...In my grips.
You like that?
All right,
you get a little,
but if you garp any back
on me, I do it to you.
Ok, look, here's
the bottom line.
When I first met you,
I thought you were
kind of a jerk.
Your mommy's kind of
a bitch sometimes.
Until I got to know you.
And then I could see
how really sweet you are--
a-a-at least
intermittently.
I mean, what
I'm trying to say
is that if you really
like this girl,
she has to get to know you.
Gail's right.
Hey, you're
a closer, man.
All you need
is some quality time
with this girl.
[Whispers]
Quality time...
Come on, lila,
I'm really sorry.
I really thought he was
going to be there.
He was not. He was not.
What can I do?
But I promise,
tomorrow I call Max
and I arrange
for you to meet.
It's all right, rene.
Thanks for trying.
Good night.
May I come in?
No.
A lot of work.
[Toy squeaks]
Hey, Jack.
[Squeak squeak]
Oh, no, sorry,
mon vieux,
I don't have time.
[Squeak squeak]
No, I can't.
Jack!
Jack!
Jack!
Hey, neighbor.
You haven't seen Jack,
have you?
Oh, I'm so late.
Well, go on, get out
of here. I'll find him.
Oh, no, I can't
let you do that.
He's my problem.
I was gonna look
for a dog today, anyway.
This is perfect.
Are you sure?
Yeah, I don't care.
Scoot. Skedaddle.
I'm gonna lock up.
Hey, thanks.
[Car backfires]
[Whistles]
It's strictly business,
Jack.
No hard feelings.
[Arf]
Hey, it's Dylan.
Can I talk to mark?
[Toy squeaking]
Thanks. Yeah,
hey. It's me.
Look, buddy, I don't
think I'm gonna be able
to make it in today.
Yeah, I'm waiting
for the cable guy.
My TV's broken.
I don't know. I don't know
what's wrong with it.
[Arf]
It keeps making barking
noises. Yeah.
[Arf]
Shh. You want a boot
in your butt?
Not you, the phone guy.
Yeah, uh, he's here, too.
The, uh...
I don't know
what's wrong with it.
My phone, it's just, uh,
keeps disconnecting
at the weirdest--
[beep]
All right,
what do you want?
All right, give me that.
There, go nuts.
What part don't you
understand?
I throw, you fetch.
It's the latest craze.
All the cool dogs
are doing it.
[Pants]
Ok...
What do you want to play?
How 'bout
the quiet game?
Go.
[Arf]
You lose.
[Toy squeaks]
[Toy squeaks]
[Arf]
Hide and seek?
You crafty canine.
Where could it be, Jack?
Where, oh, where?
The fridge?
Maybe.
The plant?
Not my first guess.
I'd say right here.
Ahh. I found it.
[Arf arf arf]
You want to play again?
No, thanks. I think
it's more fun for you.
So, you do that,
and let me know
how it goes.
Great.
Oh, beat it, will ya?
Go take a dog nap.
When's your mom come home?
It's time to go
look for you.
Yaah! No, no, no, no.
You don't get this. Shh.
I know you want it.
Look at how sparkly it is.
[Chuckles] You want that?
Yeah, you and every
single girl in the midwest.
Ohh LA LA.
I wish I had it.
[Arf arf]
Jack, I thought
we were just friends.
[Car backfires]
Oh. She's home. Come on.
Come on, come on.
Get rid of you.
Come on, buddy,
into the bathroom.
There you go.
Oh, you sucker.
You're too easy.
Didn't your mommy
ever tell you?
Never follow a stranger
into the bathroom.
Ow!
Oh, hey, are you ok?
[Tearfully]
No, I'm not ok.
I just got fired.
I can't help it
if the child is tone-deaf.
How is that my fault?
The parents, they pay me
to give him lessons,
but I'm not
a miracle worker.
When I was a child, I used
to sleep with my instrument.
It had its own pillow.
And this little shit
leaves his out in the rain,
and they wonder why
the music sounds terrible?
I'm sorry.
Uhhh!
I have no career.
Who am I kidding?
[Sobbing]
Well, I bet you'll feel
better when you find Jack.
[Sobbing]
And my dog is missing.
It's gonna be all right.
[Hiccup]
Oh!
And now I've got
the hiccups.
I could kill that dog.
[Hiccup]
He does this
all the time.
Eventually
he always comes back,
but he doesn't know
this neighborhood.
[Hiccup]
Well,
I tell you what.
I guarantee you'll
get your dog back.
I bet...In 2 hours
you'll have him. Ok?
Yeah?
You think so?
I know so.
Come on.
Let me grab this.
Let's go.
[Hiccup]
Uhhh!
[Chuckles]
How many
you got in here?
You ok?
Yeah. I...I usually
work with barbells.
This is a more...
Awkward...
Situation.
Hey, you know,
this park is great.
If I was a dog,
I'd come here.
Oh, God.
I can't help feeling
like I've wasted
my whole life.
I mean...
All I've done since
I was 5 years old is...
Play music.
Jeez, the only focus
I had when I was 5
was not to wet
the bed.
I used to sprinkle cereal
on my sheets at night,
and then when I'd hear
"snap, crackle, pop,"
I'd wake up and run
to the bathroom.
Of course, I had
to kill those guys.
They knew too much.
Snap and crackle
were cool,
but pop had a little bit
of a tooth problem.
[Chuckles]
[Laughs]
She smiled. Finally.
[Sighs]
Ooh, a playground.
Let's play.
Dylan, what are you doing?
Shh, shh, shh!
You'll spook him.
Settle in.
Ok, what you got,
horsy?
What you got?
That ain't much.
Hee hee hee! Ooh!
Yeah!
Is that it? I saw
your mommy at kmart.
You can ride her
for a quarter.
That's what I said.
Ohh!
Oh!
Are you--oops!
Are you ok? Sorry.
Was that 8 seconds?
Oh, my God.
[Chuckles]
You almost
made me forget
how terrible this week
has been for me.
Oh, it can't
be that bad.
Ha! And on top
of everything,
my former fianc just
showed up out of nowhere.
He expects me to forget
everything that happened
between us
and fly back
to Paris with him.
Can you believe it?
That bastard.
And just because he's gorgeous
and talented and charming
and rich
and famous and...
I get it.
Keep goin'.
He thinks I'm just going to
forget about how he treated me.
Unhh!
The things I hated
the most were his lies.
Without honesty,
you have nothing. You agree?
Yeah.
Uh, honesty is
very important.
Ice cream!
Now, that's...
Really important.
All right.
I tell you what.
You've had
a long day.
Uh...Why don't you
go inside,
take a bath, relax,
light some candles.
I'll get out there
and do a final pass
of the neighborhood. Ok?
You would do that?
Sure. Yeah, no problem.
And I'll see you later.
I mean, if I find him.
Dylan?
Yeah.
I'm very lucky to have
a neighbor like you.
Yeah.
[Door closes]
Oop. God.
Ooh, burn on me.
You got out
of the bathroom door.
You want to call
letterman, or should I?
[Imitating letterman]
This dog has a gift.
[Autodialing]
[Ring]
Hey. Wally, it's Dylan.
Yeah. Can you get
lasagna and salad for two
delivered to my house stat?
And make it nice.
Thanks, pal.
You don't need
my credit card.
I own the place.
Remember?
All right.
You're doin' good.
Well, well, well.
It's time to take you
home, buddy,
and earn
my hero stripes.
Yeah!
[Whimpers]
You did not.
Where's the ring, Jack?
I need to have it.
Look at me,
you little tarantula.
I know you know
where it is.
Do the right thing,
and point your snout at it.
Talk to me.
[Knock knock]
Who is it?
Wally.
Oh...My...God.
Oh, no.
It's single
white female.
So, let me get
this right, boss.
You lost mark's ring,
and then you stole
some broad's dog
to help you
find the ring,
and then the dog
lost the...
Oh, wait.
Let me start over.
Just look.
You want some flowers
for that vase?
Huh?
Hey. Don't give him
any of that.
He doesn't get anything
till we get the ring back.
Heh heh. This dog'll
eat anything.
Hey, there's
my mail key.
[Grrr]
It's difficult to tell.
This could be
the ring right here.
And you know
what that means.
Sure. Cut him open, doc.
I'll grab his paws.
That's a little drastic.
If it's in there,
all you have to do
is wait for it to pass
through his system...
And then retrieve it.
I think you're
the only one psyched-up
for that treasure hunt,
doc.
Oh, you won this round,
my friend,
but this is
far from over.
What are you sniffin'
around for? It's all good grass.
Just do it.
I don't have all day.
Hey, I got an idea.
This worked on me once
in summer camp.
Oh...
Yeah.
Ooh!
Doesn't that feel good?
Nice warm water.
Loosens everything up.
It's so relaxing.
Yeah.
Great. Now I gotta go.
All right.
Put you right here.
Stay.
I'll be real quick.
Just number one.
[Grrr]
[Grrr]
Jack?
[Pooping noises]
Jack, wait!
Come on.
Uhh.
How we doin'?
[Sighs]
Sorry, boss. No ring.
Well, thanks for
comin' over, man.
I value this time
we spend together, boss.
Did I get any on me?
Mmm...A little
right here.
You got it.
Clean up.
Sure thing, boss.
[Jack panting]
Oh, my gosh. The only thing
worse than doggy breath
is doggy morning breath.
Go!
Wait. If you're up here,
then what's poking in...
Yoo hoo hoo! My God!
What?!
What are you doin'
in my bed?
It was cold
on the couch, and...
Besides, I heard a noise.
You just snuggled up on me
like some sort of pea pod.
[Chuckling]
Yeah.
Get out.
Wait.
Where'd you get
those underpants?
Oh, outta the hamper.
I had to dig a little.
Oh, my God!
That's disgusting!
Take 'em off!
No, don't. Wait.
Just...Get out.
[Doorbell chimes]
[Arf arf arf]
[Doorbell]
I'll get it.
[Arf]
Shh! Shh! Shh!
Shh! Shh!
Who is it?
It's lila.
God!
[Whimpers]
[Whimpering]
Shh!
Look out.
[Uneasily]
Hi.
Sorry. I didn't want
to interrupt you. I--
[chuckling] You didn't.
There's--we're not--
there's nothing--
we weren't--
there's noth--
[chuckling]
That's funny.
Uh...
Hi.
Good morning.
Good morning.
I'll go make
the bed.
Aaah! Ok.
This guy's, uh...
No, it's ok. I'm open.
Uh, I guess you didn't
have any luck last night.
I mean...With Jack.
Uh, so I made,
uh, posters.
And do you have something
to hang them with?
Yeah. Sure, I do. Wait here.
I'll go with you.
No.
No, no. It's no problem.
No, I'll be right back.
Just 2 seconds.
Ok. Let's do it.
I figure we'll start
on bradbury
and work our way north.
There's a little coffee shop
if you want to grab a bite.
I really...Appreciate
your help, but...
Isn't there somewhere
you have to be?
I own the place, baby.
I don't punch a clock.
Besides, you shouldn't
do this by yourself.
Dylan...
Rene called last night,
and I told him about Jack.
I must've been
very upset, but...
He offered to help me.
Like that's gonna work?
What a worm.
The guy thinks
he can weasel his way
back into your life
through your dog?
How could I say no?
I'll coach you.
Mm-hmm.
[Arf arf]
Were you hungry, too?
There you go.
[Chuckles]
Knock yourself out.
Plenty of vitamins.
Good for your coloring.
How's this?
I think a little incentive
would not hurt.
A reward, perhaps?
No. I cannot.
I don't have enough.
But I do.
Give me the pen.
Oh...Thank you!
Merci!
You're welcome.
Wow. A hundred dollars.
It's a lot of money,
you know?
Yeah, if you're tryin'
to get a chicken back.
Loo loo
no. I cannot--
shh.
I insist.
Uh-huh. We are
talking about dollars.
I see.
Are you crazy, rene?
This is too much. I cannot--
uh! Let's be adults
about this, shall we?
Ha ha! Are we done?
Oh, yes. We're done.
What business did
you say you were in?
Oh, I own a little
restaurant. Italian food.
I hope you sell
a lot of noodles.
The life I lead
is the life of a dog
I may have fleas,
but I run our yard
I see those clones
lookin' down on me
but unlike those clones,
this dog is free
oh, lord,
it's a dog's life
oh, lord,
it's a dog's life
dog's life
oh, lord,
it's a dog's life
oh, lord,
it's a dog's life
dog's life
I'm feelin' kinda high,
really high
high, high, high, high...
the life I lead
is the life of a dog
I may have fleas,
but I run our yard
I ain't no slave
to a suit and a tie
no rat-race clone,
I'll never be that guy
I ain't caught up
in some selfish career
I'm livin' in love,
oh, not in fear
I see those clones
lookin' down on me
but unlike those clones
oh, lord,
it's a dog's life
dog's life
oh, lord,
it's a dog's life
dog's life,
oh, lord, it's...
I know what
you're trying to do,
but it won't work.
I know what you did do,
and you don't deserve her.
Listen, man,
she speaks 5 languages,
plays 6 instruments.
She eats les coquilles,
les grenouilles.
She drinks montrachet
and chateau margaux.
So if you think
you're gonna get her
with some spaghetti
and meatballs...
I think you're
out of your mind...
And out of your league.
She and I have
a history together.
And in case
you haven't heard...
How you say?
History repeats itself.
Well, rene, you may
have all that over me.
In fact, you do.
But the good thing
about me is,
I don't have to stop in
the middle of a lame cutdown
to ask, "how you say?"
What's that about?
"How you say?" Now, I know
you gotta scoot along.
You don't want to be late
for your...How do you say?
Dipshit convention.
Yeah. I'm from here, buddy.
I think fast,
and I talk fast.
I'm a local yokel.
[Cell phone rings]
Gimme a sec.
Yeah.
Ray's here
for the tasting,
and I don't know
how long I can stall him.
Where the hell are you?
I told--
that was
a close one.
Ha ha ha!
Walk away.
We're walking away.
[Beep]
[Sighs]
Too soon, I guess.
Give it some time.
Well, um...
Thank you for
everything and, um...
[Clears throat]
Good night.
May I have
a glass of water?
Sure.
No ice.
Merci. Have a seat.
Lila...
Remember...
When you used to
come home at night...
Tired...
And I used to
massage your feet?
Come on.
Give it to me.
Wow.
Why are you
so tense?
Wow. I still have
magic hands.
You remember
the magic hands?
Relax. Come on.
Lie back.
Lie back.
Close your eyes.
Close your eyes.
Oh, lila...
My God, I missed you.
No, I can't do this.
I'm not doing this again.
Shh. Relax. You can do it
because you trust me...
Because I'm
a different man...
Because I've evolved.
Ohh! No. No.
No. No, no.
No, no, no, no.
Ok. Ok.
I've been selfish.
Now...Let's slow down.
Ok.
Ok.
I gotta go
to the bathroom.
You remember.
This is rene...
Liar, cheat,
potential carrier
of venereal disease.
It's been a while,
though.
People deserve
a second chance.
Maybe he's changed.
What?
Arrete!
Come on!
Va-t'en.
Va-t'en.
[Door closes]
Lila! Where is
your sense of humor?
Makes me laugh.
Connard!
I have her
just where I want her.
[Whines]
What did you do?
Are you ok?
[Whimpering]
You don't look so hot.
Yeah.
[Rock playing]
Arf!
[Whining]
Arf arf!
[Woman rapping]
Good...Puppy.
[Whining]
He's a good doggy.
[Grrr grrr]
Sing it, baby.
Come here, buddy.
[Burps]
Aha.
There you go.
Mmm.
Drink.
All right, don't be
so grumpy, buddy.
We're in a dog store.
This place should be
like Disneyland to you.
Hmm.
These look good.
Mm-hmm.
"Tartar control"?
You know what the leading
cause of tartar is?
Eating your own poop.
Yeah. Don't play dumb.
I've seen you.
Hmm.
Look, mommy. It's the lost
doggy in the picture.
[Dylan gasps]
What's goin' on,
boys?
Just a little friendly
goldfish hunt.
There you are.
Come here, friend.
Oh, you are a winner.
Hee hee!
Ooh, looky here, Jack.
Hee hee hee hoo!
I got one.
Looky, Jack.
A new buddy.
You want
a new friend? Huh?
Want somebody
to play with?
You give me the ring,
I'll buy you the fish.
[Gulps]
[Whistling]
Polly want an earthquake?
Polly want an earthquake?
Polly want--
Brian, play nice.
Polly want an earthquake?
Brian, you heard
your mom. Play nice.
You're not my boss.
I know I'm not your boss,
but if you shake that cage
one more time,
I'm gonna start
my own little earthquake
on your face.
Get it? Got it? Good.
Hah hah! Is that it?
Is that your
big, bad speech?
Well, I got news for you
and your fag dog, mister.
You're outta
your league.
That's the man, mommy.
He pat my bottom,
put me in his lap.
We played santy claus.
He touched
my naughty place.
Get it? Got it?
Good!
[Chuckles]
Easy, kid.
You run the show.
We're all friends here.
Everybody walks away.
Sorry, bird. Did--aah!
Uhh!
Ay, caramba!
Let's get outta here.
[Woof woof]
[Arf]
Shh. Come on.
You be good,
or you don't get that
stuff in the car. Ohh!
Dylan?
Oh!
Yeah!
[Lila humming]
Dylan. I thought
it was you.
Hey, lila.
What are you doing?
Uh...Laundry.
But shouldn't you
undress first?
No. I gotta let it
soak in.
Shout it out.
[Chuckles]
Are you sure you're ok?
You seem to be
a little bit...
Anxious.
I'm fine. Just waitin'
for the dryer to dry.
This might help.
Oh.
[Dryer runs]
[Thumping and banging]
[Jack yelps]
[Thump thump]
[Bang thump]
Wet clothes.
[Jack yelps]
[Thump]
And boots.
[Chuckles]
Big load.
[Bang thump bang]
[Yip]
Ok. Bye.
Ok.
Oh, ho, ho, ho.
Jack.
Oh, yeah.
I'm sorry, pal.
[Whines]
That was uncool.
[Static electricity
crackling]
Yeah. [Chuckles]
I should've
thrown in a bounce.
All right, you're
fine. You're fine.
Rrrr!
[Sniffing]
[Toilet flushes]
Oh, hey, boss.
Wally, why do you have to
wait to get to my house
before you throw down
a big Stanley steamer?
How did you get
in here, anyway?
Oh. I had a key made
while you were sleepin'.
I didn't want
to wake you up.
Did you ever work
for Selena?
[Bitingly]
Hello, Jack.
Anything you want
to give me?
[Whining]
Hmm.
Now we play my way.
Wally, load it up.
[Neigh]
[Neigh]
[Woof woof]
[Woof woof woof]
[Woof]
[Woof woof woof]
[Woof]
[Grrr woof]
[Grrr woof]
[Woof woof woof]
[Woof]
[Woof woof]
He's mine.
[Woof woof woof]
Let me do it.
[Woof]
[Woof woof
woof woof]
[Click]
[Barking continues]
[Grrr]
[Gunshot]
[Yip]
[Gunshot]
[Yip]
[Gunshot]
[Yip]
[Gunshot]
[Yip]
See what happened to him?
And he was a good doggy.
Startin' to get it?
[Knock on door]
Did you order pizza?
Mm-mmm.
[Crying]
Who is it?
It's lila. I want
to talk to you.
Uhh.
Chew. Chew. Quiet,
quiet, quiet, quiet.
Lila: Dylan.
Here. Take him
in the bathroom.
Hmm?
Go in the bathroom.
Be quiet.
Hide, hide, hide.
Is everything ok?
Yes! I'm just cleaning up!
It's a mess!
Stay in here
and be super quiet.
But, boss, I can't be quiet.
I got the dog on--
no, no.
No. No. Shh!
Stay. Shh. Quiet.
Hey.
Hey! I know you.
I'm not interrupting
something, am I?
No, no. Don't
be ridiculous.
Is there a girl
in there?
A girl? You're
the only girl I know.
[Chuckling]
Oh.
Well, um...
I just wanted to
come by and say hi.
Just say hi.
Interesting.
No, actually, I, um,
I wanted you to know
that I'm sorry
for being such
a terrible neighbor.
I should not have made
Jack your problem.
Trust me...
I made Jack
my own problem.
Ohhh...
You're so sweet.
I am sweet.
I've heard that.
Anyway,
you said it yourself.
He's run off before.
I'm sure he'll pop up.
Hey! Oh!
Mosquitoes.
Oh, my God, you're
gonna get eaten alive.
Let's get outta here.
I know the perfect spot
to take you.
How long have you
owned it?
3 months.
I like it.
Yeah?
Let me show you
something really cool.
Hey, where I come from,
this would be illegal.
A harmless little b&e?
6 months to a year Max.
Got it.
What is this place?
Well, this is hopefully...
The new wing to my restaurant.
Doesn't look
like much right now...
But use your imagination.
Over here is gonna be
all big windows.
Back there's gonna be
a bar, really cool.
And up front in the corner,
I'm gonna have live music.
It sounds like you can
already see it.
Yeah. Yeah, of course.
Just picture it in your head,
then you make it happen.
Wow. You're so positive.
Nothing gets
in your way.
Well, it's easy.
Isn't there something
you've always wanted to do?
No.
No, I don't.
No? Come on.
Well, um,
it's embarrassing.
Um...
Yeah, I'm...
I'd love to play my cello
on the great stage
in front of thousands
of people, but...
But...You ever imagine
yourself doing it?
Mmm. It would be
pointless.
I'm too afraid to even
have an audition.
Rene used to tell me
that I don't
have it in me.
I think that's why
I really left France,
to prove him wrong.
Well, I don't know.
Well, he is wrong,
and you just haven't
proved it yet.
See, I pictured you
with a smile.
Look what happened.
What are you all
dressed up for?
Road trip.
And what's that for?
You'll see.
Come on.
Ok. Don't mind
that sign.
Back up, back up.
Back up.
Where are we?
I can't ruin the surprise.
Just go straight.
Ok, come on.
Step, step.
Are you sure?
Watch your step.
Watch your step,
I can't watch anything.
You'll be very safe.
Don't take advantage, huh?
I'm not.
It's just a minefield
I wanted to show you.
All right, we're
coming this way.
You're fairly safe.
You're gonna go right
about to here and...
That's it?
I'll be right back.
Stay there.
You're fine,
you're fine.
Ok, and take it off.
I don't believe this.
How...
It's amazing what
a free pizza
will get you.
Now, come on, we don't
have all day.
I don't understand.
Play.
But...But there's
nobody here.
I know. Baby steps.
You gotta crawl
before you can walk.
Use your imagination.
This is silly.
Ladies and gentlemen,
the captain and tennille
will not be seen tonight
so we may bring you
a special presentation
of miss lila Dubois.
[Imitating applause]
Show us your boobs!
And I have to?
No, that's worst-case
scenario.
When people yell it
at me, I just, uh,
I just ignore 'em.
That's very easy to say,
but what about when
it's full?
You gotta remember,
they're all
on your team.
The people that come
to listen--
they're here to escape
screaming kids
and honking horns
and ringing phones.
Any noise that comes
out of that cello
they're gonna love.
And what about the guy
who wants to see my boobs?
Well, that's me,
and I promise I won't
yell during the show.
Now play.
Ok.
There you go.
Get the bow.
All right,
crank it up,
plug it in,
whatever you gotta do.
Pull out the antenna.
All right, axl.
That was so great.
You are good.
Hey, I pictured the house
full of people.
That's right,
standing room only.
Thank you. It felt so good.
No problem.
You were the one--
man: Hey, Dylan!
Thanks for the extra
anchovies.
Ok.
Uh...
All right. Well,
let's get outta here.
I'll carry this.
You carry this.
Is there a handle?
Wally, this better not
be a waste of time.
I'm telling you, boss.
If anyone can get
that ring back,
it's my Uncle Harry.
Dip.
Oh, he's cool.
Dylan: Are you sure
this guy's
a certified
dog whisperer?
Oh, yeah, boss.
My mom said he normally
only works with racing dogs,
and she said he was
on that's incredible.
Man: Next.
That's us.
Hey, Uncle Harry.
Hey, Wally.
They add a little
too much batter
at the cloning lab?
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Hey, I see large
and small.
What happened to medium?
We get it.
Uncle Harry taught me how
to wrestle when I was 7.
Wally!
Don't forget about
our little secret.
Can we talk
about the ring?
Thank you.
Is he always this quiet?
What's that? Really.
You don't say.
You don't say!
What is it?
He didn't say.
Uh, come on,
Uncle Harry.
We really gotta
get that ring.
Ok, ok!
All right, come on.
Talk to me, baby.
I see.
Stay.
Come!
I didn't what him
to hear this.
You want that dog
to help you find that ring,
you'd better start
treatin' him nice!
What? Didn't he tell you
how much fun we had
at the pet store
or the goldfish buffet?
What does he
want me to do,
lick his nuts?
[Barks happily]
Sounds like
a resounding yes to me.
I'm sure it would be
more fun than the dryer!
That's incredible.
That's what
Fran tarkenton thought.
Well, what am I
supposed to do?
Just think what would make you
happy and do it with him.
Not that!
Ok, Wally, let's wrestle.
Shirts and skins!
Like the old days!
Ah, your mother
can't help you now!
You know, I've been--
I've been thinking about it.
I just--I really think we
should go with the lobster.
Ok, fine. We'll go
with the lobster. Great.
Wait, wait, no, no, no.
Bad--bad idea.
I mean, we're talking
200 people here, right?
Somebody's bound
to be allergic
to shellfish, huh?
So, uh, what
about the beef?
Definitely, definitely
the beef, hmm?
All right, relax, rain man.
This is your department,
you make the call.
I gotta go.
Now do me.
Well, I'm back again
you thought
you got rid of me
I talk too much
and all I care about is me
I'm back again
I'm here to waste
some time of yours
I'll just need
a couple bucks or maybe more
and then what'd she say?
Oh, I can't wait
to tell the girls. Ha ha ha.
Oh.
Yeah.
Rather. Mm-hmm.
You'll be the talk
of the town.
All-you-can-eat buffet
for free.
Better than Vegas.
Here's a good one.
Wanna watch Lassie?
[Arf arf]
Yeah. Oh, she's hot.
Almost too pretty though,
you know.
She definitely puts
the ass in Lassie.
[Whines]
You got the ring!
You're a good boy.
You're the best doggy
in the whole world.
I love...
Oh, my God! You suck!
You lost the best part.
I'll kill you!
Get over here!
You rat! You dirty
little hamster!
Bad boy! Come here!
Heel!
[Arf arf]
Don't you--don't try it.
Oh, we were just
starting
to get along,
weren't we?
[Arf]
Oh, you're dead!
Come on!
Heel! Stop!
Stay! Bad dog!
I'll teach you
to play dead.
[Arf arf arf arf]
Blah, blah, blah.
You mess with the bull,
you get the horns.
[Clatters]
Jack!
Jack!
Jack!
Ja...
Oh, I was dreaming.
Oh, it was so real.
It was like Jack
was here.
Yes, but we know
he is here.
No, we don't. Rene!
Yes. Jack!
Come out, baby.
Dylan, I'm so sorry.
He's being delusional.
I shouldn't even be here,
but I didn't want you to
have to deal with him alone.
It's no problem.
Hey, you know what?
What're you doing
tomorrow night?
I'm catering
this little shindig.
Oh, I would love
to go, but I can't.
I have plans to attend
a function with rene.
Hey, not as a date,
just a friend.
Max ubermann, the director
of the philharmonic,
will be there.
Is this bad?
No, that's great.
That's the same party
I'm working.
Come on, Jack, baby!
I know you're here.
He's not here, rene.
I'm telling you he is here!
This guy over there
is a liar.
Now, rene,
that hurts down here.
Why would I do something
like that, anyway?
Why? To get into her pants.
What? Rene,
only you would think
of something
that filthy.
[Bowl clatters]
What is this?
Oh. That is
a refrigerator door handle,
and this is my cereal.
Oh, yeah?
I think I will eat some
because I'm hungry.
Want some?
Now we're leaving, rene.
We're leaving?
I'm dreaming.
Fine.
I'll call you later.
I'm on to you,
Mr. local yokel.
Smile. We'll see
who's smiling
when I find
that mutt of hers.
Ooh!
Dum dum dum
what a weirdo.
[Retching]
Dah dah dah dah.
[Arf arf arf]
$5,000? Do you have
anything maybe smaller?
Not that would fit
this setting, sir.
Why don't you and me
make a deal?
Let's kick the shit out
of the middleman
and split his cut.
You know where he lives?
There is
no middleman, sir.
Well, is there anybody
you'd like me
to kick the crap out of
to get this price down?
Seriously, just point 'em out.
They'll never trace
it back to you--
manager, boss...
Life partner.
If I may suggest, sir,
you could always
go zirconium.
No. No, I can't.
That ring belongs
to my best friend.
I can't put in
some cheap rock.
All right. Can I get
this one by tomorrow night?
That'll cost you
extra, sir.
Of course it will!
Why wouldn't it?
You know, it's lucky how
that works out for you?
'Cause it could have
fallen either way.
Tonight's the night.
The big night.
Champagne and swans.
Just tell me one thing.
Just tell me you brought it.
Oh, yeah,
it's right here.
It's right here.
Got it.
I got it.
You wanna feel? Grab it.
No.
All right, get in there.
[Knock at door]
Rene? The door is open.
Bon jour.
I'll be out
in a few minutes.
We don't have all day.
Good fortune
and good cheer.
Oh, thank you,
kind sir.
Bless you.
My, what fine animals
you have.
Animals?
Your 2 dogs.
2 dogs?
This one's mine.
I don't know where
the other one came from.
Oh, this little one
is worth $10,000.
[Telephone rings]
[Answering machine beeps]
Man: Hi, I'm calling
about your reward poster.
We--we found your dog.
Yeah, he's doing fine.
He's down here by the pier.
Hello. Oui. Yes.
Yes?
Yes. Don't move.
Don't move.
I'll be right there, ok?
Lila? I forgot my wallet.
I'm leaving the invitations
on the table, ok?
You meet me at the party.
Bye. Hurry up.
Hey, rene!
I call.
Me, too.
[Knock at door]
Come on in.
Hey, what's up,
ladies?
Well, if it isn't
the pillsbury doughboy.
Just put it down.
What do I owe you?
How about a lap dance?
Uh, sure, maybe later.
Let's see. That was
3 large pies with 4 toppings.
Or was that 5 pies
with half and half?
What do you guys
usually pay?
Well, 40 ought to do it.
Do you remember
the 21st night
of September?
thank you.
You're welcome.
Another.
Yes, sir.
Uh-oh, ray.
What're you drinkin'?
Dewars on the rocks.
It's the old man's drink.
Old man?
Yeah...Millstone.
Dylan: Oh.
Dylan?
Lila. Oh,
you look great.
You, too.
Hey.
Who's your friend?
She's hot.
Yeah.
I'm ray.
I'm kind of a hugger.
Ok, keep up
the good work, ray.
There you are,
you mutt.
Oh, thank you
very much.
I'm gonna take him
out of your hands.
Excuse me, excuse me.
According to--to your poster,
there's a little issue
of money to contend with.
Oh, yeah, sure,
you're right.
You give me
your phone number,
and I'll give you
a call, ok?
I want my money.
I want my money!
Help me! Mister!
The short guy with the hair.
Where is his car?
Over there by the van.
Oh, what a night
late December back
in '63
what a very
special time for me
I remember, what a night
oh, what a night
no, I didn't even
know his name
I was never gonna
be the same...
lila!
Rene.
Did you find
your wallet?
What?
Oh, yeah, sure.
Of course.
Rene, it's good
to see you.
Of course it is.
Ah, there's ubermann.
Lila, come let me
introduce you
and let our friend here
get back to the kitchen.
Good luck.
Wally: I'll get it.
[Telephone rings]
Hello?
Wally. Finally.
There you are.
Hey, run over
to leder's jewelers,
pick up a package,
and bring it to me.
You got that?
Ok, boss. I'm on it.
Uh, sorry, ladies.
Duty calls.
Take it easy.
I hope they fit!
All right, you clowns!
Which one of you
is responsible
for this crap, huh?
Just kidding.
I really scared the hell
out of you, though, there,
didn't I? Ha ha!
I'm sorry, kids.
I just have to tell you
I'm really impressed.
I think the food is a-plus.
Congratulations.
Thank you. Does that
mean we get the loan?
Oh, no, no, no,
it doesn't hurt,
but, son, when I loan money,
I'm not just looking
at balance sheets
and credit references
and pastry swans, no, sir.
I'm also looking at character
and commitment as well.
Oh, we are committed,
and I'll tell you what.
If you give us that
loan, your first meal
at the new restaurant
is comped.
I'll tell you what, son.
If I give you that loan,
they're all comped.
Keep up the good work.
Keep your feet on the mats.
Excuse me, miss.
I think you're in my seat.
Oh, hi.
Hey. What're you
doing alone?
Besides you and rene,
I don't know anyone here.
What about Carl over there?
How are you, buddy?
Look at you,
you old sheep humper.
Give me a jingle.
I'll catch you on the jangle.
Call the old number.
It'll give you a new one.
Good stuff.
Love to bitzy.
Who is that guy?
I have no idea.
So what happened
with ubermann?
Did you get
the audition?
Um...
I haven't met him yet.
Rene thought I should
wait until later.
Of course he did.
Come on. Let's go.
Oh, no, I can't.
No, come on.
We have to.
Baby steps. Come with me.
Ok.
And what if rene's correct,
and I should wait?
Hey, rene doesn't
want you to audition
and show everyone
how great you are.
He wants you to be afraid
so you'll need him.
There's ubermann.
Lila, what are you doing?
My gosh, it's pepe lepuke.
I told you,
this is not the time.
Please get out
of my way.
Come to your senses.
This is not you acting
like this. This is him.
Come on, baby. This isn't
in you to do such a thing.
You're wrong.
Remember when you freeze
who tried to stop you.
Give this to ubermann.
It's a little
bootleg I made
live at
the Hollywood bowl.
Ok? Now, pearl jam's
on there, too,
so I need it back.
Go, go, go.
Sorry to interrupt you...
Oh, it's gotta sting
a little bit.
We'll see.
Hey. Hey, Dylan.
Come here a sec.
Give me the ring.
I'm gonna stick it
in one of the swans.
The ring?
Yeah.
Now?
Come on, hurry up
before she sees us.
Ok, all right.
The ring is a, uh...
It's a funny story.
You're gonna think
it's funnier than
anybody because...
Hang on. 2 seconds.
2 seconds. Wait here.
I got it.
Wait there.
Where is it?
Oh, hey, boss.
Come on.
God! Oh, my God,
you're so fired,
you're rehired.
There it is, your ring.
Nice and shiny,
safe and sound.
Great. Thanks.
Where's the box?
The box?
Screw the box!
Who cares about the box!
You want the ring
or the box?
Get a grip.
You're scaring people.
All right. I'm just saying.
[Jack barking]
Jack, what are you
doing in there?
[Arf arf]
Meant for someone else,
but not for me
love was out to get me
that's the way it seemed
disappoint and heartache
are my dreams...
a treat for the lady.
Oh, I can't even look
at one of those.
Yeah, well, this one
is a little different.
No, thanks.
Bear--bear with me.
Just, you know,
take a bite right here,
right where the spoon is,
right from the middle.
No.
Just eat the swan for me!
Ok, ok, ok.
Mmm!
What, something
in there...Hard...
Oh, boy. Huh?
Hey, how was
the surprise?
That is a sweet diamond.
Diamond? Yeah.
You know how much a diamond
like that one cost?
It's cubic zirconium.
The setting is mark's
grandmother's.
I made a deal.
The restaurant takes off,
I replace that with a diamond.
Great.
I gotta throw up.
Mr. millstone, can I talk
to you for a minute?
[Cell phone ringing]
Yes. Hold that a second.
Sure.
Hello? Speaking.
What?
Oh, no, that's terrible!
Yeah, I understand.
These things happen
all the time.
Yeah, well,
thanks anyway.
Bye-bye.
Something wrong?
Yeah, big time.
Neil diamond's plane
got delayed.
He was flying
in here tonight
to sing for
my wife's birthday.
Now he can't make it.
Wow. That's too bad.
Hey, if I could just ask you
about this loan--
oh, look, I can't talk
to you about that now.
Look, son, I know
you're a nice guy
and you make good food,
but I got
a real problem here.
Can you understand?
Neil diamond is
her all-time favorite.
Excuse me.
Bandleader:
Hey, thanks a lot.
We'll be right back
after a short break.
[Brother love's traveling
salvation show plays]
[Lip-synching to Neil diamond]
hot August night
and the leaves
hanging down
and the grass
on the ground
smelling sweet
move up the road
to the outside of town
and the sound
of that good gospel beat
sits a ragged tent
where there
ain't no trees
and that gospel group
telling you and me
it's love, brother love
say brother love's
traveling salvation show
Halle-- Halle--
pack up the babies
and grab the old ladies
and everyone goes
'cause everyone knows
brother love's show
the room
gets suddenly still
and when
you'd almost bet
you could
hear yourself sweat
he walks in
eyes black as coal
and when he
lifts his face
every ear in the place
is on him
[record stops]
[Guests groan]
[Laughs]
Get off.
Ooh
no.
Ooh
ooh
ooh
starting soft and slow
like a small earthquake
and when he lets go
half the valley shakes
it's love
brother love,
say brother love's
traveling
salvation show
Halle-- Halle--
pack up the babies
and grab the old ladies
and everyone goes
'cause everyone knows
brother love's show
hallelujah
brother's
Halle-- Halle--
I say, brothers.
Brothers!
Now you got yourself
2 good hands.
And when your brother's
in trouble,
you gotta reach out
one hand for him,
'cause that's
what it's there for.
And when your heart
is troubled,
you gotta reach out
the other hand.
Reach it out
to the man up there,
'cause that's
what he's there for.
Take my hand
in yours
walk with me
this day
in my heart,
I know
I will never
stray
Halle-- Halle-- Halle--
Halle-- Halle--
Halle-- Halle--
Halle--
love, brother love,
say brother love's
traveling salvation show
Halle-- Halle--
pack up the babies
and grab the old ladies
and everything goes
oh, I'm all right.
Love, brother love,
say brother love's
traveling salvation show
sing it, baby.
I said love!
[Cheering]
Mrs. millstone,
I know I'm no
Neil diamond,
but Happy Birthday
anyway.
Ohh. [Laughs]
That's all right.
You won me over.
Now give me some sugar.
Oh.
[Laughs] I tell
you what, son.
What you did here
was priceless.
So congratulations.
You got the loan
on sheer guts.
Good luck, son.
Come on, Mildred.
Let's get you
cleaned up.
Oh.
What the hell was that?
I don't know,
but we got it.
I know, man.
Yeah.
Hey, let's go
tell Gail, huh?
Yeah.
Bastard.
Honey, we got the loan.
Dylan, what are you
all dressed up for?
Forget about it. Did
you hear what I just said?
We got the loan.
We got the loan.
Wally: Hey, boss!
Look what I found.
Jack.
Jack, what's up,
buddy? How are you?
Oh, you owe me
5 grand.
Where was he?
Oh, it was
the strangest thing, boss.
He was inside your car.
What?
Rene: I knew it.
Hey, rene, good news.
Jack's back.
Good news for Jack.
Bad news for you
when lila finds out.
Take him.
Oh, no, you won't.
No way.
You take him.
Give him back to her.
Hey, do I get the 10 grand?
What are you
talking about?
There was no 10 grand.
Well, I don't want him.
Jeez.
He had the dog
in his apartment all along.
Oh, yeah.
That's right.
We took really good
care of him.
We got to play,
watch TV--
Wally, don't help.
Wait a minute.
You stole her dog?
Isn't that a felony?
Gail, "felony"
is such an...
Accurate word.
Please don't use it.
Let's just say
I borrowed him.
Guys, don't look
at me like this.
It's both your faults.
You're the one who said
I need to spend some
quality time with her.
It was just supposed
to be for a couple hours.
We'd go look for Jack,
we'd have some fun
together,
she'd like me,
then I'd return him,
I'd be a hero.
What?
[Sighs]
Don't worry,
you are a hero.
My hero.
[Answering
machine beeps]
Lila, are you there?
It's Dylan. Hey--
lila, I know
you're upset,
but it was all--
lila, please don't
fast-forward.
Ok? Please. Just...
Please, look
at your front door.
I know there's no excuse
for what I did,
but there is an apology,
so please don't
throw this one away.
Hey, what do you
want from me?
[Arf]
[Arf]
[Sighs]
[Telephone rings]
[Telephone rings]
[Answering
machine beeps]
Rene: Lila,
c'est rene.
Allo, allo.
Are you here? No?
Ok, so I've
got the tickets,
second flight
to Paris
on Friday night,
if you want,
on twa, 10 P.M.,
and, uh...
I'm going
to call you
tomorrow morning.
I love you.
Au revoir,
mon amour.
[Sighs]
[Machine beeps]
Mover: Watch the corner.
Hey, you want to give me
a hand with that?
Second mover:
Hold on to it.
Damn.
No, no, no, no.
What are you doing?
Lila?
Lila?
Ho-ho-hold it, pal.
You can't go in there.
Lila.
She ain't here.
Where is she?
Is she coming back?
She ain't here.
Can you at least
tell me
where you're taking
her stuff?
No. Arty,
watch the corner.
Heads up, pal.
Get off.
You gotta tell me
where you're taking
this stuff, man.
If this couch goes,
my whole life goes
with it.
You're starting
to piss me off.
Come on.
You know how you spend
your whole life
looking for
the perfect one,
you finally find it,
and you let it slip
through your fingers?
Buddy, it's just
a piece of furniture.
I'm not talking
about the furniture,
I'm talking about
a girl.
The girl.
Everything
was perfect,
and I ruined it.
I'm so stupid.
That's touching,
but you're still
not getting an address.
Now get off of there
before you hurt yourself.
Too late.
God.
That about does it.
Thank you.
I'll have my guys
come in
and take care of
this trash for you.
For what it's worth,
he sounded sincere.
[Laughs]
If you're gonna
throw all this out,
you mind
if I keep this?
Thank you.
[Laughs]
Boss, can I get you
anything to drink?
Uh, no, I'm good.
Thanks.
Hey, what are you guys
doing with that?
We're throwing it
away. It's junk.
Well--
here, check it out.
New menus came.
[Laughs]
Look at this.
I don't believe it.
I mean, we actually
did it.
I know. This is--
this is great, man.
Oh, this is great, man.
Come on, buddy.
Snap out of it.
I know. I'm sorry,
buddy.
I'm gonna go
show these to Gail.
Ok.
Hey, boss,
I'll be back
in about an hour.
Wally, come here
for a minute.
Oh, sure thing,
boss. What's up?
Let me have this.
I need to go for a drive.
Take the floor for me?
[Laughs] You almost
got me again, boss.
That was good.
That was good.
I'm serious, man.
Cover for me?
Yes! Yes! Ha ha.
[Jack barks]
Jack?
Hey.
Jack. Wait!
Jack.
Come here, buddy.
Jack?
Where are you?
Still chasing
the same old dog?
And what are you
going to do
when you catch him,
kidnap him again?
You know what,
I deserve that.
I did a bad thing.
I was wrong.
But you know what?
I think we had fun
together.
And you and I
did ok, too.
So--
so what?
So--
so.
Show me your boobs.
Ok.
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no.
Don't. I was kidding.
Jack just ate,
and I...[Laughs]
You know what?
Look at this place.
Remember what I said about
conquering your fears up here?
Forget it.
This place would
scare me shitless.
My God. Look at
all the seats.
So what are you
doing here?
This is a special place
for me.
I once made out with
a cello player up there.
Oh, yeah.
Truth is, she got
a little handsy, and...
I'm a bit of a prude,
so that didn't fly.
[Sniffs]
You know what they say
about cellists?
They do it in a chair
with their legs
spread wide.
Good God, ma'am.
There's a dog
in our presence.
Oh, I know.
And he misses you.
Wow.
[Laughs]
Let's get
out of here.
Yeah.
So why did you
come here?
Was it my letters?
No. They were nice,
but...
Was it the hat?
No.
It was the party.
Oh, when I gave
the tape to ubermann.
No.
When you sang.
Really?
I didn't know
you could be so sexy.
[Laughs] Oh, yeah.
I didn't know you were
a Neil diamond fan.
He's got
a hundred hits.
I'll do a different one
every night.
[Humming]
Let's get through
today first.
Ok.
[Rene sighs]
Stewardess.
How much longer
do I have to stay
in this God-forsaken
place?
It'll be about
another 10 minutes
before we take off.
I'm sorry.
Your "sorries" don't
help us get off the ground.
Forget it.
Where is the bathroom?
Right back there.
You are little,
I'm big.
You lose.
That's the man.
He's the one
who did it.
He patted my bottom,
put me in his lap.
We played santy claus.
[Groove is in the heart
plays]
Warner bros.
Dig
Tommy0412
the chills that you
spill up my back
keep me filled
with satisfaction
when we're done
satisfaction
of what's to come
I couldn't
ask for another
no, I couldn't
ask for another
another try
your groove
I do deeply dig
no walls,
only the bridge
my supper dish,
my succotash wish
sing it, baby
I couldn't
ask for another
uh-huh uh-huh
no, I couldn't
ask for another
I--I--I--
I--I--I
no, I couldn't
ask for another
dj soul
was on a roll
I've been told
he can't be sold
he's not vicious
or malicious
just de-lovely
and delicious
I couldn't ask
for another
uh, something that's
in this torso yeah
pop gotta deal it,
bone and on and on
Dee-lite-ful,
truly Dee-lite-ful
like making it, doing it,
'specially at a show
feeling kind of high,
like a hendrix cd
music makes muscle move
like amazing
artist stylin',
all is special here
flow of the rhythm,
yeah, I wanna be
come on, flowin',
glowin' with electric eyes
as I dip to the dob,
baby, you'll realize
baby, you see
the funky side of me
maybe you'll see
that rhythm is the key
get-get
with it-with it
can't think
quit it-quit it
stomp on the street
when I hear
a funk beat
playing pied Piper
follow this troop
baby, just sing
about the groove
sing it
groove is in the heart
na na na na
groove
is in the heart
na na na na
groove
is in the heart
na na na na na
groove
is in the heart
[pop]
1, 2, 3
[shudders]
Blow them
on and on
aah
man: Groove is
in your heart.
Groove
is in the heart a-ah
groove
is in the heart a-ah
groove
is in the heart
groove
is in the heart a-ah
uh uh uh
[laughs]
Crew: groove
is in the heart
groove
is in the heart
na na na na
[new song begins]
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
you've got the burden
of your baggage upon you
you've got your ragged
entourage and you know
you've got the rain
beating down around you
but a coward
in the shadow
of your very soul
is telling you
to leave
before a chemical
reaction reveals you
you've been deceived
by some person you've
acquired to shoot you
and I can see
that you operate
on a thousand
different levels
it's a bitter feud
but you know
it's been decided
I can sympathize
I slipped
a note into your
birth control pill case
and now I'm waiting
for the moment
when I see your face
well, it's all on you
but you know
it's been decided
I can sympathize
I slipped a note
into your
birth control pill case
ooh ooh ooh ooh