I told you to stay off the boardwalk.
Okay, boys, let's go.
You, too, off the boardwalk.
Keep going.
Hey, I liked that song.
Keep going, Mom.
-How about this?
-Hang on.
I don't see any bogeymen or nasty guys.
Keep going. You want to switch the band?
-Keep going!
-Wait. That's from my era!
We're almost there.
What's that smell?
That's the ocean air.
Smells like someone died.
Guys, I know the last year
hasn't been easy, but...
...I think you're really going to like
living in Santa Carla.
There's an amusement park
right on the beach.
Sam, tell those kids
to get something to eat.
Any jobs around here?
Nothing legal.
Come on, Nanook.
Dad?
Dad?
Looks like he's dead.
No, he's just a deep sleeper.
If he's dead, can we go back to Phoenix?
Playing dead...
...and from what I heard,
doing a damn good job of it, too.
This is a pretty cool place.
For The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
Come on, Sam, give Mom a break.
What's wrong with this picture?
There's no TV. Have you seen a TV?
I haven't seen a TV.
You know what it means
when there's no TV? No MTV.
Sammy, we are flat broke.
Lucy, you're the only woman I ever knew...
...who didn't improve her situation
by getting divorced.
I know.
But a big legal war wasn't going
to improve anybody's situation.
We've all been through enough.
Anyway, I was raised better than that.
Ouch, my hair.
Mom, you gotta help me.
Hey, guys, no running in the house!
Talk about The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
Rules!
We've got some rules around here.
Second shelf is mine.
That's where I keep my root beers
and my double-thick Oreo cookies.
Nobody touches the second shelf, but me.
There's another rule around here,
and I want you to pay close attention.
Don't touch anything.
Everything is exactly where I want it.
Grandpa...
...is it true that Santa Carla's
the murder capital of the world?
There are some bad elements around here.
Wait, let me get this straight.
You're telling me we've moved
to the murder capital of the world?
Are you serious, Grandpa?
Well, let me put it this way.
If all the corpses buried around here
were to stand up all at once...
...we'd have one hell
of a population problem.
Great, Dad.
Now, on Wednesdays...
...when the mailman brings the TV Guide...
...sometimes the address label
is curled up just a little.
You'll be tempted to tear it off. Don't.
You'll only wind up rippin' the cover
and I don't like that.
And stay outta here.
-You have a TV?
-No.
I just like to read the TV Guide.
If you read the TV Guide,
you don't need a TV.
I can't find my mom.
What's the matter?
Are you lost?
Let's ask in here.
Excuse me, I wonder if you could help us.
This boy is lost and we're wondering
if his mother might be in here.
I don't really know.
I was so worried!
Don't run off like that.
There you are.
Thank you.
Bye, Terry.
We only come here to watch one thing.
Well done.
No, thanks.
Well, on second thought....
I told you not to come in here anymore.
Wild kids.
Oh, they're just young.
We were that age, too, once.
Only they dress better. Bye-bye.
You have a generous nature.
I like that in a person.
-My name is Max.
-I'm Lucy.
-That's my dog, Thorn.
-Hi, Thorn.
Say "hello," Thorn.
So how may I help you this evening?
We have it all.
The best selection of video tapes
in Santa Carla.
No, I'm not looking for a tape.
What I need is...
A job?
...a job.
Yeah. I look that needy, huh?
-Where are we going?
-Nowhere.
So what's the rush?
You're chasing that girl, aren't you?
Come on, admit it. You're chasing her.
I'm at the mercy of your sex glands.
Don't you have something better to do
than follow me around all night?
Actually, I do.
Got a problem guys?
Just scoping your civilian wardrobe.
Pretty cool, huh?
For a fashion victim.
If you're looking for
the diet frozen-yogurt bar...
...it went out of business last summer.
Actually, I'm looking for Batman, no. 14.
That's a very serious book, man.
Only five in existence.
Four, actually.
I'm always lookin' out for the other three.
You can't put the Superman, no. 77
with the 200s.
They haven't even discovered
red kryptonite yet.
And you can't put the no. 98 with the 300s.
Lori Lemaris hasn't even been introduced.
Where the hell are you from? Krypton?
Phoenix, actually.
But, lucky me, we moved...
...here.
Take this.
I don't like horror comics.
You'll like this one, Mr. Phoenix.
It could save your life.
Come on, she stiffed ya.
-What was that?
-What was what?
-I thought I heard something.
-Forget it.
-How do you like that baby?
-It's a beauty.
Come on, let's get in.
Can I drive on the way back?
Fat chance.
Nobody drives this baby, but me.
We have to let it warm up a little.
Hear that sound?
Just like a baby pussycat.
Okay, let's go to town.
Are we having fun, or what?
I thought we were going to town.
That's as close to town as I like to get.
Total weirdo, man.
Noticed anything unusual
about Santa Carla yet?
No, it's a pretty cool place.
-If you're a Martian.
-Or a vampire.
Are you sniffing old newsprint
or something?
You think you really know
what's happening here.
Well, I'll tell you something.
You don't know shit, buddy.
You think we just work in
a comic bookstore for our folks?
Actually, I thought it was a bakery.
This is just our cover.
We're dedicated to a higher purpose.
We're fighters for "Truth...
"...Justice, and the American way."
All right.
Read this.
I told you I don't like horror comics.
Think of it more as a survival manual.
There's our number on the back...
...and pray you never need to call us.
I'll pray...
...I never need to call you.
Sure.
It look's great. Definitely. Enjoy it.
Thanks.
Excuse me.
It won't hurt.
It's a rip-off.
Hi.
If you want your ear pierced, I'll do it.
What's your name?
Star.
Oh, your folks, too, huh?
-What do you mean?
-Ex-hippies.
I came this close to being called
Moon Beam or Moon Child.
Or something like that.
But Star's great. I like Star.
Me, too.
I'm Michael.
Michael's great. I like Michael.
Want to get something to eat?
Okay.
Where are you going, Star?
For a ride. This is Michael.
Let's go.
Star?
You know where Hudson's Bluff is,
overlooking the point?
I can't beat your bike.
You don't have to beat me, Michael.
You just have to try and keep up.
We're going for a ride.
Come on!
Come on, Michael!
-What the hell are you doing?
-No!
Just you! Come on!
Just you!
Come on, just you.
How far are you willing to go, Michael?
Hit the rock box, buddy.
Not bad, huh?
This was the hottest resort in Santa Carla
about 85 years ago.
Too bad they built it on a fault.
In 1906...
...when the big one hit San Francisco...
...the ground opened up,
and this place took a header...
...right into the crack.
Now it's ours.
So, check it out, Mikey.
Marko....
Food.
That's what I love about this place.
You ask, and then you get.
Appetizer?
You'll like it here, Michael.
Ten o'clock. Lights out.
Did you brush your teeth?
Okay, 'night, sweetheart.
Mom?
Sorry.
I can never sleep
with the closet door open, either.
Not even a crack.
Sam, this is a terrible thing to admit,
but I think that...
...one of the reasons
I divorced your father...
...was because he never believed
in the closet monster.
Dad! Don't sneak up on people like that!
Brought you somethin'
to dress up your room with, Sam.
How do you like that?
Thanks, Grandpa.
Oh, Dad, really! You shouldn't have!
Lots more where he came from.
-Good night, Sam.
-Good night, Grandpa.
Lights, Sam.
As soon as I finish this comic, okay?
You're history, buddy.
Feeding time. Come and get it, boys.
Chinese. Good choice.
Over here, bud.
Guests first.
You don't like rice?
Tell me, Michael, how could
a billion Chinese people be wrong?
Come on.
How are those maggots?
Maggots, Michael.
You're eating maggots.
How do they taste?
Leave him alone.
Sorry about that.
No hard feelings, huh?
Why don't you try some noodles?
-They're worms.
-What do you mean, worms?
Don't eat-
They're only noodles, Michael.
That's enough.
Drink some of this, Michael.
Be one of us.
Don't! You don't have to, Michael.
It's blood.
Yeah, sure.
Bravo!
You were right, Marko.
You're one of us, bud.
Perfect timing.
What's going on?
Michael wants to know "what's going on."
Marko?
"What's going on?"
I don't know.
"What's going on," Paul?
-Who wants to know?
-Michael wants to know.
I think we should let Michael know
"what's going on."
Marko....
Good night, Michael.
Bombs away.
Bottoms up, man.
Come with us, Michael.
Michael Emerson....
Come on down.
Welcome aboard, Michael.
Fun, huh?
Hold on!
Don't be scared, Michael!
Michael, you're one of us. Let go!
And do what?
You are one of us, Michael.
David!
Mike, wake up.
It's Mom.
-Mom's home?
-No, on the phone.
What time is it?
It's two o'clock.
Give me those sunglasses.
You need sunglasses to talk on the phone?
Are you freebasing?
Inquiring minds want to know.
-Hello?
-Michael, are you still in bed?
No. I'm up.
Michael, would you do me a favor?
Max asked me to go to dinner with him
after work tonight.
Would you stay home with Sam?
Sam is old enough to stay by himself.
I don't need no babysitter, Mike.
Michael, you come home
in the middle of the night...
...you sleep all day.
I work all day. Sam is always alone.
It's been a long time
since somebody's asked me out to dinner.
I'd like to go.
Okay?
Okay, Mom.
Thanks, it's a real favor.
Bye-bye.
Anything in here
that might pass for after-shave?
How about some Windex, Grandpa?
Yeah, let me try some of that.
Have a big date tonight, Grandpa?
I'm going to drop off some of
my handiwork to the "Widow" Johnson.
What'd you stuff for her? Mr. Johnson?
See you two guys later.
That wasn't funny!
I'm gonna make you a sandwich.
Don't bother.
Lose the earring, Michael.
It's not you. It's definitely not you.
Piss off.
All you do is give attitude lately.
You've been watching too much Dynasty.
Mike, don't open the door!
What's going on, Mike?
Go take your bath.
Michael, are you there?
Nanook?
Michael, what happened?
-Nanook....
-What about Nanook?
What did you do to my dog, asshole?
Nothing. I didn't hurt him.
He bit me. This is my blood.
Why did he bite you, huh?
What did you do to him?
He was protecting you.
Look at your reflection in the mirror.
You're a creature of the night.
Just like out of a comic book.
You're a vampire, Michael!
My own brother,
a goddamn, shit-sucking vampire!
Wait till Mom finds out!
Sammy, wait! Sam!
-Stay back!
-Just let me talk-
Wait a minute! Sam!
Stay away from me, Mike!
You did the right thing by calling us.
Does your brother sleep a lot?
Yeah, all day.
Does the sunlight freak him out?
He wears sunglasses in the house.
Bad breath? Long fingernails?
Yeah, his fingernails are a bit longer....
He always had bad breath, though.
He's a vampire all right.
Here's what you do.
Get yourself a good sharp stake...
...and drive it through his heart.
I can't do that! He's my brother!
Okay, we'll come over and do it for you.
No!
You better get yourself
a garlic T-shirt, buddy.
Or it's your funeral.
Hello.
Sam, is everything all right?
Mom, I think we have to have
a real long talk about something.
Help!
What's going on there?
Sam, I'm starting to get worried.
What are you doing? Is that Michael?
Who's breathing like that?
-We should stay calm.
-Calm? Calm about what?
-Nothing, nothing.
-Who's making that noise?
Mom, I can't talk on the phone.
It's about Michael.
Don't listen to him, Mom.
He doesn't know what he's saying.
Shut up!
Mom! Help! He's coming to get me!
Oh, my God!
He'll kill me!
Honey, I'm coming.
Tell him to get away! No! Mom!
Open up!
Stay back!
Sammy, help me! Open up!
Help me!
Sammy, open the window!
Never! I knew it!
I'm not!
So what are you, the "flying nun"?
I'm your brother, Sammy. Help me!
Sammy, open up!
Please?
Please!
Thanks.
We've got to stick together, Sam.
What about Mom?
Just don't tell her anything.
I don't know, Mike.
It's not like getting a "D" in school.
We're gonna work this out.
I'm gonna work this out. Trust me, okay?
Sam, are you all right?
You had me scared to death.
I'm okay. I was reading a horror comic.
I thought I saw someone on my window,
but I guess I got carried away.
You got carried away by a comic book?
It was a scary comic book, Mom.
I'm sorry.
You know, I've just about had it
with the both of you.
What is this mess?
You spill milk on the kitchen floor
and don't even bother to clean it up?
I didn't spill it.
I can't believe you.
The refrigerator door's wide open!
Are you trying to refrigerate
the whole neighborhood?
You know, it's not fair.
I'd like to have a personal life, too.
Where's Michael?
He went to bed early.
Mom? Can I sleep in here
with you tonight?
In here? Are you sure you're all right?
I'm fine. It was a real scary comic,
that's all.
-Do you mind?
-No, I don't mind.
Have you been eating pizza?
No. Why?
You smell like garlic.
Who's there?
Hello, Thorn.
Is that you, Thorn, making all that noise?
I'm over here, Michael.
What's happening to me, Star?
What's happening to me, Star?
Oh, Michael!
Michael, I can't tell you.
I don't know how to help you.
What's happening?
Hi.
Aren't we friends anymore?
Sure.
Does that mean we are, or...?
We are.
Then let's act like friends.
Let's talk.
Michael, take off your glasses.
Michael, look at me.
If there's a girl--
I'm tired, Mom.
-We could talk about-
-I'm tired.
We can talk about anything
you want to talk about.
I have more serious things on my mind
than girls and school.
Things I'm dealing with-
Things I wouldn't understand?
Looks like I wasn't the only one
who got lucky last night.
Did you take care of everything, Michael?
What's the wine for?
My apology to Max for running out
on him last night.
Which, young man, you should be making.
I better bring this up to the house
or somebody's just gonna take it.
All right, I'll be here.
Hi, Thorn.
Mom!
Honey, get in the car! Get in the car!
The dog chased my mom like the Hounds
of Hell from Vampires Everywhere.
We've been aware of some very serious
vampire activity in town for a long time.
Santa Carla has become a haven
for the undead.
As a matter of fact,
we're almost certain that...
...ghouls and werewolves
occupy high positions at City Hall.
Kill your brother. You'll feel better.
Look, guys, my brother is not
a bloodsucker.
It says here that
if you kill the head vampire...
...all half-vampires will return to normal.
Guys, if my brother's a vampire,
believe me, he's only half.
Does he know who the head vampire is?
No, I don't think so.
Then you'll have to kill him.
And if you don't...
...we will.
It all started when my mom
went to work at Max's video store.
Max never comes in till after it's dark.
The dog who chased my mom
this morning was his.
Listen to this: "Vampires require
a daytime protector, a guardian...
"...to watch over them as they sleep.
"Fierce dogs, the Hounds of Hell,
are often employed for this purpose."
What happens if my mom is dating
the head vampire?
You could nail him and save Santa Carla.
"Truth, Justice,
the American way" triumphs.
Thanks to you two.
We'll check out Max.
Smells good. When do we eat?
I told Max eight o'clock.
Max?
Are we going to have company again?
Again?
You haven't had company in this house
since Mom died eight years ago.
Right. Now we're gonna
have company again.
Michael, Max is coming to dinner.
I'd like you to meet him.
I can't. I have plans.
Michael....
Things will change around this house
when school starts.
How you doing?
You must be Michael, right?
And you must be Max.
Well, you're the man of the house...
...and I'm not coming in until you invite me.
You're invited.
Thanks very much.
Hello.
Oh, hi. I didn't hear you come in.
Is it okay for the guest to see the food
before dinner?
You're thinking of the groom
not seeing the bride before the wedding.
Oh, yeah. I always get those confused.
Thorn sends his apologies.
Tell him I'm walking again.
He promises to behave if you come back.
Mom?
These are my dinner guests.
Edgar and Alan. The Frog brothers.
I didn't know you were having guests.
If we'll be in your way, we can eat
some peanut butter in the kitchen.
No, no, there's plenty for everybody.
Max, this is my son, Sam,
and Edgar and Alan...Frog?
Lucy, this looks terrific.
Well, I hope it tastes good.
Tastes wonderful.
Boy! Somebody around here
has bad breath!
Nanook, would you quit breathing on me!
Nanook, get upstairs. Go on.
You want some Parmesan cheese on that?
Yeah, Sam. Thank you very much.
Sam grated the cheese himself. My son.
A budding chef in the family.
Are you all right?
It's not cheese, it's garlic.
You hate garlic, don't you?
No, I like garlic. It's just too much....
It's raw garlic.
Garlic? How did that happen?
Guys, he likes garlic.
Here. Quick, drink some water!
Sam, what's the matter with you?
Does it burn?
Burn? Are you nuts?
It's freezing!
Look at your suit, Max. And your pants.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Now what?
Must be a circuit breaker.
He's not glowing.
I know. Hit the lights.
Sam! What's gotten into you tonight?
I think I know what's going on here.
You do?
Yeah.
I know what you're thinking, Sam.
But you're wrong.
-I am?
-Yeah.
I'm not trying to replace your father...
...or steal your mother away from you.
I would just like to be your friend.
That's all.
Good night, Lucy.
Thanks a lot!
I'm sorry, Mom.
Max, I'm so sorry.
Major mistake.
Our batting average isn't terrific, is it?
Zero for two.
You were so sweet to him.
I don't know what got into him.
He's not like that.
Kids Sam's age need discipline,
otherwise they run all over you.
He doesn't run over me.
Protecting mother.
Let's try it once more.
Dinner, my house, tomorrow night.
-I'm cooking.
-Okay.
Where is she?
Take it easy, Michael.
Where's Star, David?
If you ever want to see Star again...
...you better come with us now.
Michael, over here.
You don't want to miss this.
Initiation's over, Michael.
Time to join the club.
Now you know what we are.
Now you know what you are.
You'll never grow old, Michael.
And you'll never die.
But you must feed.
I wish Grandpa would stop giving me
these stupid things.
I know who I am now, Sam.
Don't kill me, Mike!
I'm basically a good kid, so don't kill me!
I can help you.
Just tell me who the head vampire is.
I thought it was Max, but I was wrong.
Just work with me and I can help you.
You'll be okay.
Michael!
Michael!
It's that girl from the boardwalk.
Is she one of them?
-I have to talk to you. Can I come up?
-No!
You shut the window and lock your door.
She's one of them!
And don't tell me it doesn't make her
a bad person, Mike!
You know where David took me tonight,
don't you, Star?
Who's David?
Yes, and it's my fault.
If you hadn't met me,
if I hadn't liked you....
I tried to warn you.
It was that night in the cave, wasn't it?
That wasn't wine they gave me to drink.
It was blood.
That was David's blood.
You drank someone's blood?
Are you crazy?
I'm just like David now, Star.
No, you're not. You're like Laddie and me.
-We're not one of them-
-Until you make your first kill!
Why didn't you kill me last night?
You were supposed to be my first.
That's what David wanted.
But I couldn't, Michael.
Why?
Because you care so much about me?
Yes, I do.
What are you doing here?
What do you want from me?
I wanted to tell you
that it's not too late for you.
But for me it gets
harder and harder to resist.
I'm weak.
Why did you come here tonight, Star?
I was hoping you would help
Laddie and me.
Star!
Don't kill anybody until we get back to you.
What are you doing?
I've got connections.
Okay. Where's Nosferatu?
-Who?
-The Prince of Darkness.
The night crawler. The bloodsucker.
El Vampiro.
Mike, they're here!
Grandpa, okay if we borrow the car?
Weapons check.
I don't want you going down there.
I'm going.
Look, this isn't a comic book, Sammy.
These guys are brutal killers.
So are the Frog brothers.
Check me.
Who'd you rather have go down there
with you? Them or me?
If something happens down there,
I won't have the strength to protect you.
This time I'll protect you.
Even though you're a vampire,
you're still my brother.
Listen, just so you know: If you try
to stop us, or vamp-out in any way...
...I'll stake you without even
thinking twice about it.
Chill out, Edgar.
Where did you say you met these guys?
Holy shit!
Vampire hotel!
Here's one. Let's stake her!
Don't you touch her!
Stay away from her!
Come on, vampires have
such rotten tempers.
The rest of them have got to
be here someplace. We'll find 'em.
Star?
-I'm taking you out of here.
-No, take Laddie first.
Please?
I feel a draft.
I think there's something up here.
-Let's check it out, Sam.
-Come on.
I'll be right back, Mike.
I hope.
Come on, Sam, let's go.
Move out! Move!
Flies!
We're on the right trail.
Flies and the undead go together,
like bullets and guns.
Come on!
What's that smell?
Vampires, my friend. Vampires.
It's freezing in here.
It looks like a dead end. Let's head back.
They must have hidden their coffins
here someplace.
There's nothing here. Let's go, guys.
Jesus!
I thought they'd be in coffins.
That's what this cave is.
It's one giant coffin.
Right now they're at their most vulnerable.
Easy pickings.
Remember, you just have to kill the leader.
We don't know which one he is.
I guess we'll just have to kill them all.
Let's start with the little one.
First come, first staked.
What was that, a little vampire humor?
It wasn't funny.
No!
Good night, bloodsucker!
You're dead meat!
Get him into the sunlight!
Tonight....
Mike! Start the car!
-We blew it, man! We lost it!
-Shut up!
-We unraveled in the face of the enemy!
-It's not our fault.
They pulled a mind-scramble on us!
They opened their eyes and talked!
I'll drive.
We don't ride with vampires.
Fine. Stay here.
-We do now.
-Yeah.
Come on! Sam, let's get out of here!
Burn rubber!
"Burn rubber" does not mean warp speed!
Cool it, Nanook!
Your dog knows a flesh-eater
when he smells one.
Take him outside, Sam.
Come on, Nanook.
Michael.
Do you know the rule
about filling up the car with gas...
...when you take it without asking?
No, Grandpa.
Now you do.
We definitely blew Plan A.
Time to activate Plan B.
-What's Plan B?
-We don't have one yet.
We have two and a half hours
to come up with one.
What happens then?
The sun goes down.
They'll be looking for us.
Sam, what are you doing here?
I've got to tell you something.
It's real important.
Santa Carla is crawling with vampires.
Mom, I'm serious!
Edgar staked one of them.
It was screaming and fizzing!
Look, there's evidence on my sweater!
Mom, you've got to tell someone!
-You've got to tell someone!
-This isn't funny!
I'm not kidding! They're coming
to the house when it gets dark!
Stop it! Right now! Stop it!
-But, Mom-
-Not another word!
I don't believe you're doing this.
I want to see Max tonight,
and you're trying to ruin it for me.
No, I'm not.
There's nothing wrong with Max.
I don't know why you don't want me-
I'm not talking about Max!
To hell with Max!
I'll deal with you later, young man!
Guys, we're on our own.
Good. That's just the way we like it.
Widow Johnson called.
Said to pick her up at seven, not eight.
We've got a date tonight?
I guess so. She said not to be late.
I better get cleaned up, then.
Die, Mr. Vampire!
They'll be coming for Laddie and me,
won't they?
They'll be coming for all of us.
Laddie, wake up.
-Oh, it's delicious.
-Thank you.
Thorn, stop that!
What's the matter, Lucy?
It's just old memories coming back.
No, seriously.
Why are you so jumpy tonight?
Well, it's something Sam-
He came into the store....
It was just a kid's imagination,
I'm sure, but...
...he seemed so sincere, but....
It's insane.
Tell me. I promise not to laugh.
Honest.
I think I should warn you all:
When a vampire dies,
it's never a pretty sight.
No two bloodsuckers go out the same way.
Some yell and scream. Some go quietly.
Some explode. Some implode.
But all will try to take you with them.
Nanook! I left him outside.
Don't go out there! Stop him!
-Sam, come back!
-No way!
Michael, they're coming!
They're coming!
Hurry up, man!
Take them upstairs!
-I say we terminate them right now.
-Laddie, run!
You're mine.
You killed Marko.
Yeah. You're next.
No. You're next.
Garlic don't work, boys.
Try the holy water, death breath!
Mike, wake up.
You missed, sucker.
Only once, pal.
Death by stereo.
Hey, it's me.
Are you okay?
I nailed one of them downstairs
with a bow and arrow.
We trashed the one
that looked like Twisted Sister.
We totally annihilated
his night stalkin' ass!
And Nanook helped a little.
Death to all vampires!
Maximum body count.
We are awesome monster bashers!
The meanest!
The baddest!
Holy shit!
The attack of Eddie Munster! Get him!
Stop! Get away from him!
Just stay away from him!
He's just a little boy!
You're afraid to face me, David?
I tried to make you immortal.
You tried to make me a killer!
You are a killer.
My turn.
Stop fighting me, Michael.
I don't want to kill you.
Join us.
Never!
It's too late. My blood is in your veins.
So is mine!
Don't let them see me like this.
Get away, Sam.
-Michael, what's wrong?
-I said, get away!
What's the big deal?
You destroyed the head vampire.
It's all over.
Nothing's changed.
He's right. I don't feel any different.
Then there's still one more.
I'll handle Mom. Come on, go.
Don't let her see the bodies.
What happened?
Where is Michael?
What happened to your face?
What happened to your face?
I don't want to hear another word
from you until I talk to Michael.
I'm sorry, Lucy.
This is all my fault.
David and my boys misbehaved.
I told you, boys need a mother.
Max, what are you talking about?
I knew it! You're the head vampire!
Sam, don't start this again.
You're the secret
that David was protecting.
Who's this?
But you passed the test.
Don't ever invite a vampire
into your house, you silly boy.
It renders you powerless.
Did you know that?
Of course.
Everyone knows that.
Has everyone gone crazy?
What's the matter with all of you?
It was you I was after, all along, Lucy.
What?
I knew...
...that if I could get Sam and Michael
into the family...
...there was no way you could say no.
Where's Michael?
It was all going to be so perfect, Lucy.
Just like one big happy family.
Your boys...
...and my boys.
Great. "The Bloodsucking Brady Bunch."
I still want you, Lucy.
I haven't changed my mind about that.
I didn't invite you this time, Max!
Michael!
Don't you touch my mother!
Don't fight, Lucy.
It's so much better if you don't fight.
Mom, don't!
Don't do it, Mom! Mom, don't do it!
-Are you okay?
-Yeah.
It's over.
Is everybody okay?
Oh, my boys.
How much do you think
we should charge them for this?
Dad?
Dad, are you all right?
One thing about livin' in Santa Carla
I never could stomach....
All the damn vampires.