Who the...
Stay here, don't do anything, OK?
Valentine, Valentine, don't
do this... it's crazy, you hear?
Good evening, Lithuania
Just like every year on February 14th,
this is our special Valentine's Day show!
And as strange and unexpected as it may
seem, today we are talking about... what?
About love!
Excuse me, but why do
you find that strange?
Skaiva, come one, how much can you
keep talking about the same old thing.
What do you mean how much-you can
talk about love every day, all year long
So just try to imagine, if we had to talk about
love every day, that's the same thing as...
You wrote a book?
I wrote one too.
A textbook for math students.
You know how much I paid in taxes?
You know, my neighbor-an old
communist - he rents 3 apartments.
So you know how much he
pays in taxes? Half a percent.
Well, admit it, it doesn't make
sense. 51% versus 0.5 %
I mean, this is a book-you have to be able to
think, create, you have to have an education.
And that-half a percent...
It doesn't make sense.
I mean, these girls come in to take exams.
All plumped up, pretty, perfume, fur...
God, it's all got to cost a
thousand euros, at least.
But look at it from my point of view -
I'm a lecturer, an associate professor,
and I can't afford that, but they can.
I watch movies; You know
what pisses me off the most?
There's some AI Pacino or
De Niro or someone, you know?
But I mean, they're already
old men. Come on!
And then some little thing happens and bang
he's got a young girl throwing herself at him.
At least half his age.
But this-come on, tell me-is this normal,
like some kind of common
denominator, something to aspire to?
Is this considered good?
Professor, do you have a wife?
Haven't for a long time.
Sit down.
Thank you.
Sit down properly.
...OK, OK, let's leave it alone and
answer the simple question -
what Valentine's Day means to each of us.
Well the answer is simple-tratata.
Aistis, that is so low, grow up for once.
How is that low, what's so
low, today is the day when.
So, me and my wife, you know?
I say to her, why do you
need so many rags.
I mean, there's one or two and that's it, but she
has them all over the place, I mean, wherever...
And the way she peels
potatoes. Right in the sink.
I tell her-well it doesn't make sense, peel
them right into the trash, why do two jobs...
No - she says-that's not
how I'm used to doing it.
So it doesn't make sense.
At home she takes 3
dishes and washes them.
There's a perfectly good dishwasher
I tell her-put them in there,
we have enough dishes at
home, we can feed 80 people...
It doesn't make sense...
Go on, go on.
These days broads expect
men to be like broads,
and then those same broads get all
upset that there aren't any men.
Well it doesn't make sense.
So tell me, professor,
what's going to happen
if they're all standing at the stove with
aprons, washing dishes... Paternity leave...
A man, he has to be a man, he has to work, he has to
be in charge, make money, write a book, after all.
Well, I don't know, it doesn't make sense.
Professor, I don't think I
love my wife anymore.
Skaiva, what does Valentine's
night mean to women?
Mindaugas, to most women, Valentine's night is, I
don't know, something like a night of miracles.
Well of course, I mean, there's tratata!
Aistis, don't make such a
big deal of that, come on...
OK, OK, my understanding
of a miracle is very simple.
Like on Christmas Eve, water
turns to wine. It's a miracle.
Animals speak - now that's a miracle!
Valentine's Day should be
spoken by all of our hearts.
Yeah, and if they got up they would say.
What are you getting up again, come on, why do
you always have to go on about the other end;
?f our hearts could speak, they would
tell us if that love is really real,
if we're in love or if we're
just pretending to be.
OK, point-blank, what love really is
answer that and you get the Nobel Prize.
I'll answer that for you, easy: Love can be all kinds,
it can be diverse, it can be very, like, youthful,
it can be wild, it can be extremely passionate
and crazy, and it can be boring, right?
It can be routine.
OK, and there can also be love for money.
Well yeah.
Yeah, of course.
He bought it.
Me?
Hey, listen, there are
people who think, like-
I don't have feelings, but I have a lot
of money and can buy everything.
And it's not like that at all,
because you really can't buy love.
Aistis has a phone number.
I have a phone number.
Guys, there's no such thing as love without
trust, without sincerity, without...
Well obviously, but with tratata.
Do you know the formula for love?
Yes.Tra-ta-ta.
No. 1 +1 equals...?
Three, later.
No, 1 +1 equals 1, because, for
example, when a person loves,
that is, then two people become like one.
One feeling, one love.
I sleep with my wife,
but I think about her.
I eat with my wife, but I think about her.
I watch basketball, but
I still think about her.
And what do you think,
does she think about you?
No, wait, I'm not an idiot, I understand
it's only to get a better grade.
Look at it from my point of view, I'm no
longer at an age where I can be arrogant
when a black swan like
her proposes it herself.
She even gave me her card, see, look.
Contact psychotherapy.
I don't know, maybe that's
what it's called these days.
And I understand that my wife could find it, but I
don't throw it out, I can't throw it out, you know?
All I need to do is close my eyes
and I can see her with me...
Doctor, my marriage is falling apart,
and I'm thinking about her boobs.
Tell me about that.
About what?
About her boobs.
So you're serious.
Well yeah.
So why did you even bring me here?
What do you mean, why? The tickets
have been paid for, the hotel is reserved,
go there, spend some time with yourself.
Oscar, we've been planning
this trip for 3 months.
You're the one who's been planning; I
bought the tickets and forgot about it.
I'm telling you-important
stuff has come up.
On Valentine's Day.
Don't start; Valentine's Day, not
Valentine's Day, who cares.
Listen, I have a bunch of serious
people standing behind me,
and if they say that lam now a
public figure, that I'm vulnerable,
then I have to be careful and at least
officially get my life together. Officially.
I don't understand, what
are you talking about here?
Well, kiddo, I have to go see the president
on Monday, get photographed, shake her hand.
And I have to do that with
my significant other.
Well, sorry, but this time it's
not with you. You have to wait.
Well I don't want to wait anymore.
Listen Sandra, dammit, are you trying
to annoy me on purpose, huh?
What part don't you like? I pay for your
apartment, I pay for your studies,
I got you an internship with
Valentine, at the best clinic in Vilnius,
and you still just whine, whine, whine...
Oscar, I don't want to wait anymore!
Sandra, dammit, you
better be more careful.
You're going to get on my nerves.
Listen, girlie, you better
know your place, huh?
Look. Look, there's that, well that, look,
look... no, "I love you, maybe I love you..."
Yeah, go hook up with him and play those
games of yours-I love you, I love you not.
I can't believe my ears. Oscar,
you're a complete moron.
Sandra, goddammit,
now I'm out of patience.
That's it, there was nothing between us.
You don't get it? I don't know you.
Get me my stuff out of the trunk.
Hey, bitch, stop!
Stop, goddammit, bitch,
stop, 111 fucking kill you!
Doctor, I've always known what kind of woman I
can have, and what kind I can only dream about.
Well, think about your own ideal woman,
the one you always dreamed about.
How she walks up to you in the morning,
all radiant her eyes are sparkling,
her lips-barely opened-are
shining, she's breathing heat,
her skin, it's all glowing, it's so soft, like
velvet, and she presses her entire body against you,
her boobs drown into you,
and her face is right there,
and you feel like all you have to do
is lift your head and... her aroma...
just call her and tell her yes.
Have you talked to your wife?
To my wife?
About what?
That your passion has
faded, about the peels.
No, wait, professor, you
didn't understand.
No, you told me a lot about what you want
But what does she want, have you asked?
You see, she always manages
I have a hard time understanding,
I mean, you get her talking and.
I'm sorry, but your time is up
No, wait, but I didn't understand,
tell me, what am I supposed to do?
I'm not a magician, I'm a psychologist.
I can't give you a set answer or solution.
So... 200 an hour, right?
Right.
Well, we've made great progress
you've learned to open up.
Listen, how should I.
First talk to your wife.
Not just any old way-be prepared
Make it a little celebration for her.
Today's Valentine's Day,
are you celebrating?
Oh God, what a holiday.
Well... think about it.
Well, but about this, should I...
Well, plough or not plough?
Meaning?
Fuck or not fuck?
Not fuck. Don't start.
OK. Right. Good.
Thank you, thank you.
You know, I really do feel better.
Thank you.
Take your supplements.
No, I don't need those chemicals.
These aren't chemicals. It's all
natural. Deer antlers, grated.
Maybe I'll do without the antlers.
Who the...
You didn't go?
No.
Why?
What do you mean why?
I miss you.
This is for you.
And seriously?
Seriously.
Can you imagine?
I pretended that I was late.
Everyone flew out, but not me.
But no big deal, it wasn't a full delegation,
you know, one penguin more or less.
And why are you all like that?
Like what?
Well aren't you cold?
was in the shower.
Thanks. For the flowers, thanks.
What kind of bullshit is this?
Who makes movies like that? What crap.
Oh, right, so I get to the airport,
park the car, and there's my client.
I authorized financial aid for him
recently, maybe a month ago,
for like catfish or worm farming or
something, whatever, you know.
He saw me too.
He's with this girl. She
gets out, this young girl.
You see, I know his wife.
One grabs the snowboard cases,
the other grabs the Samsonite rollers and
there they go, all happy, off to departure.
He didn't even fucking say hi, asshole.
So you know, I'm sitting there in the car,
and I'm thinking that I don't
want to fly anywhere.
No Brussels, no Copenhagen,
no Stockholm, nowhere.
You know what I realized?
That I want to be with you.
No, I mean, where's the justice, when
this dickhead gets financial aid from me
for growing worms or catfish or shit, and
then flies off to the mountains to ski
with this little mermaid, with
breakfast in bed, there you go.
And me and my penguins have to go to
Brussels to account for that shit of his.
Whatever, tomorrow I'm going
to set him some criteria...
He'll ski over on the first
plane right to my office.
And take his breakfast in bed with him.
What am I...
The towel is dry.
What?
You said you were in the
shower, but the towel is dry.
Oh, well I was depilating,
different places.
We'll have to check.
Maybe we should eat first, hm?
You're hungry, I can tell,
will you eat something?
Do you have anything?
Go to the store and get something, huh?
Maybe we should order in, huh?
Oscar, can you even imagine how long
well have to wait on a night like this?
Come on, go to the store
and get something.
Sorry, I don't feel like it.
Why don't you check, maybe there's some spaghetti
or whatever, come up with something, OK?
OK, so let's imagine a man
who can afford everything.
For a man like that, women are just
something to add to his trophy collection.
Let's talk about trophy love.
Hold on, and since when do you
think women can be trophies, huh?
What do you mean since
when, since the Stone Age.
But it's the 21st century, Aistis.
Well and so what, the years go
by, but men don't change.
Just imagine-these men
feed on other people's envy.
Yeah, I agree with Mindaugas-a man like that
defines himself by that collection of his,
so he can't have something
that's not perfect.
If it's a house, it has to be the biggest, if
it's a car, it has to be the most expensive,
if it's a wife or a girlfriend or someone,
she has to be the most beautiful.
Yeah, everything has to be "the mostest", but I-
just explain it to me-1 don't understand your logic.
What do you need all that for?
Well, think about it, if a person can't establish his
status with creativity, brains, or scientific inventions,
then the only thing left for
him to do is collect trophies.
Right, collect trophies; And the trophies on that
shelf - let's say his wife-she has to be impeccable.
She has to be perfect, fresh and worthy
of this kind of public admiration.
So that everyone says
"perfetto", wonderful.
Qui pesa, si...
Spaghetti, pasta.
How is this not Rome, huh?
How is this not Rome.
In general, I think I should
have taken you to Paris today.
Where?
Oh, I mean, to Brussels. I guess
I've been working too hard.
You know what I felt today?
I want to be with you. And not because
of this stupid Valentine's Day, no,
I just, you know, felt that
I want to be with you.
In general, Laura, we haven't spent time together
like this in a while-wine, candles, conversation.
I mean about everything, in essence.
Today I felt that I want to talk to you.
So this is all because of that
old man with the mermaid?
No. Although yeah, obviously he also had something
to do with it. That's a different story.
After all, he's not the one who should be
flying with breakfast in bed - I should.
I mean, we should.
I'm dying to go somewhere
with you. Seriously.
Just not to the mountains.
Screw that, it's cold.
Let's go where it's warm. Oh, like Thailand
Well get a little hotel on the beach, conditioning,
fresh juice, shrimp, elephants, yeah.
Or you know where, where you wanted to go,
far away from civilization, like Vietnam,
what's it called, Shantaram, Myanmar,
that place you wanted to go to.
Let's go there. Let's go
where you want to go.
We don't need air conditioning, nothing.
Let's get some scooters
and go to the jungle, huh?
We'll sleep in those, what
are they, bungalows?
We'll make love loudly...
We'll make love so loudly that the Vietnamese
will think that the Americans are back.
Right?
Everything's great there's
just one little problem.
What?
You
You've got to work with
yourself before Shantaram.
Meaning?
Do me a favor and take out the trash.
I'll take it out later.
Well thanks for not calling the police.
Can we get this over with?
Then let's go together.
Don't mind this, it's rented.
Right.
So here's 400, and I'll bring the other 3 by
another time. That's all I have right now.
That's OK, I'll get by somehow.
No, no, I really will bring it over,
just give me your number.
OK. Are you going to enter it?
I'll write it down.
Mhm, go ahead.
86...
Wait.
86...
Right.
20...
52...
OK.
Did you make these yourself?
What is it, an owl? Cute.
Oh, it's to give my brain a rest
from studying sometimes.
You're a student?
Medic.
Oh. So you're not just
pretty but smart too. So...
It doesn't hurt?
What, my face?
What, it's that bad?
It's all blotchy.
Wait, can I see it?
Of course.
Oh, shit. I've got a shoot tomorrow. Listen,
do you think it'll be better by tomorrow?
So what am I supposed to do now?
I think you should put something on it.
Remember back when you were about 20?
I don't know, I don't remember,
I was 33 when I was born.
I remember.
No, I'd still like to talk about that time,
because then, at the time, love is so...
So... so hormonal.
Stop being so vulgar.
Sex on the beach...
No, come on, I'm serious, when
you're over 20, around 20.
Your head is empty, you don't think, you know, about
what's happening, why it's happening, etcetera.
You're burning, you're on
fire, you want to bloom.
Yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly. I agree with
Aistis, because we're talking about two people
who are like burning volcanoes, two beasts
of passion who approach each other,
10 centimeters, then 5, then 2, and...
And then there's a short circuit.
I really am sorry that I ruined your Valentine's
Day. What's your girlfriend is going to say now.
I was going to my mom's.
Oh. So she's probably really worried now.
It's OK, I texted her to
tell her I'd be late.
I see.
Stand up.
Unbutton your shirt, all the way.
What, it's that bad?
Apparently the coffee really was hot.
Good.
Don't squirm.
You're pretty.
Just imagine, you have butterflies in your stomach,
wind in your head, a rainbow in your eyes,
each time your see each other it's like the last time
ever, and every separation is like a complete tragedy.
It's the kind of love that stretches
from Palanga to Hong Kong.
It's the kind of love that you fall
into without even thinking,
because love doesn't require you to think, you
have to drink it in gulps, right here, right now.
And then - even a flood.
Hi, are you the one who called?
Contact psychotherapy.
Oh, yes, of course, come in.
Shit.
You're sure you don't want any wine?
What did you say your name was?
I didn't.
Alfred.
Like Hitchcock.
Like Kinsey.
The famous psychologist. Long dead.
He researched how wasps make love.
You're interested in psychology?
And? You've read them all?
Maybe not all of them. This is
more a part of my collection.
You're a collector? And
what do you collect?
don't know. Emotions,
impressions, memories.
What about me?
Would I be fit for your collection?
Perhaps you could take that off...
Is that everything?
No, half.
Don't worry, well share, no big deal.
Laura, I want us to begin a new stage.
I understand that so far you haven't
been, well, happy enough.
But you know, I want you to know that everything
that I do, I do for our happy future.
For what?
Everything that I do, I do for us.
Laura, you know, you, well, you are
the woman of my life. Seriously.
I mean, with you, somehow,
really, I feel really happy.
You're the one I want to come home to.
And in general, you are the most amazing
woman I've ever, well, you understand.
Close your eyes. Close your eyes.
Come on, don't worry, close your eyes.
Marry me.
You didn't expect that, did you?
What's wrong?
What a fantastic day.
This morning I was still in London,
and by evening I was in an accident,
got scorched with hot coffee,
and ended up in bed with a girl.
How's my face?
You'll live.
Hey, what's wrong?
Hey, everything's good.
Leave me alone, OK?
It was a wonderful day for him,
see. I hate Valentine's Day.
Sandra, but what did I
do, huh? What's wrong?
Everything's just perfect. What time is it?
Are you in a rush somewhere?
You're in a rush, home, to see your mom.
If I hurt you somehow, I'm sorry. Hm?
I really do like you.
Is that what you say to all the
girls after you get them in bed?
Sandra, I don't know what kind of nonsense
you've read or hear. But I'm not like that.
Do you think maybe I used you
because I didn't take that money?
You idiot.
You're not the one who used me.
I'm the one who used you.
What are you talking about now?
That's right. I'm the one who used you.
What do you think, that you're
so good-looking and awesome
that you can just find some
unhappy girl and fuck her?
Because you're a star and no
one can resist you, right?
You know what I say?
You're shit, not a star.
The tanker prince, that's what you are.
It's not a tanker, it's a
cruise ship, actually.
And you're not the one who
fucked me. I fucked you.
You think you males are the
only ones who can do that?
Hell, no. I can too
I can take you and fuck every inch of you, and then
just throw you out like the last piece of trash.
And that's what I did. I took you, fucked
you, and left you empty-handed.
So get out of here.
Good evening everyone, this is M-1
with our special Valentine's Day show.
OK, listen up; I have a topic-let's talk about the
autumn of a man's life and what place love has in it.
Wait a minute, what, you guys are
already moving into autumn?
Well, I'll admit, when I was a lot younger,
I thought 40-year-olds were hopeless.
I'm not even talking about sex anymore.
Hold on, guys, I - I mean -
I don't feel hopeless at all.
Fine, but wait, so tell me, when does that
"autumn", as you call it, begin in a man's life?
When a man no longer understands what
he wants and what he can have, I mean,
there's a difference, right,
between what you want
and what you can have, and often
they're at odds with reality altogether
So he thinks that he's still full of strength,
that he's full of creative potential,
that he can move mountains, and this is where
the big question comes up: Can he or can't he?
But you know, somehow it
occurred to me that us women,
well, we kind of like those men who are
transitioning into autumn because...
Just dust off the cobwebs...
No, come on, this is kind of
like Indian summer, right?
All of the work's already been
done, the autumn bounty.
Yeah, the bounty is key.
Refined pleasures.
Come on, Skaiva, what kind of refined
pleasure is there when you're well over 60
and you can have a girls that's one-third your
age, but you can only take her to Turkey,
because your heart can't
handle the Maldives.
Yeah, yeah, yeah... But, well, for
example, let's take this situation
you take her to Turkey, and what do you
do? I mean, your equipment is unreliable.
So you sit her down on the seashore and look
at her-she's beautiful, you hold her hand.
And?
And you know what you do?
And?
You recite poetry.
Thine eyes I love, and they, knowing
thy heart torments me with disdain,
have put on black, looking with
pretty ruth upon my pain.
Let it then as well beseem
thy heart to mourn for me,
mourning doth thee grace,
and suit thy pity like in every part.
Then will I swear beauty herself is black,
and all they foul that thy complexion lack.
Did you write that yourself?
It's Shakespeare.
Professor, I get paid in advance.
What's your price again?
What's yours?
And why did you call me professor?
The deconstruction of sexual pathologies.
What?
We studied your books at
the university, professor.
An autograph, perhaps?
It would be better if you left.
That'll be 1,000 litas, and that's with
a 30% Valentine's Day discount.
Yes, Valentine, hello.
Valentine, I can't talk right now.
What is it?
I can't hear you, what?
In what closet?
Val, stop kidding around, I don't have
time right now, call me tomorrow,
today is your day, go
celebrate. That's it, bye.
Val, I told you, not now. I'm busy.
What are you, drunk? Val, I have my own life
too and today's a very important day for me.
Do me a favor and call me tomorrow.
Do you want to talk?
I really won't tell anyone.
How much do you cost professor?
Well, I mean, how much
does your consultation cost?
And what do you do for those 200?
Well... I don't even know anymore.
I guess I listen.
I also know how to listen.
I don't think so.
Sit down. Sit down, sit down.
Hi Valentine. Happy name
day, happy name day.
You know, right now I can't... I don't
get it, why are you whispering?
Where? In what closet?
No, you're something else. No, I can't, I'm in
the middle of a show, I can't just up and leave.
I can't, got it?
Shit, Val, I'm te... Val, I'm telling you,
can't leave in the middle of the show.
Is that Valinskas?
You listen to me, this
is not a request show,
I can't do that, my boss will grab me by
the balls for saying something like that.
Fine, go ahead. What is it,
an address or what? What?
2 Upes Street? Oscar Bartashka. Car,
what kind of car? A Jaguar, right?
We pronounce it "Yaguar" around here.
A Yaguar, right?
Jaguar..
Shit, Val, well OK, bye
Jourself.
New Jork
Joungster
He's so jouthful.
Apparently he likes to jell.
He was just jelling.
I don't get it, if you don't want
to get married then say so
I don't know.
What don't you know?
You always wanted to.
I wanted to.
So what happened, why
don't you want to anymore?
Because you have no idea what I want.
You don't even understand what kind
of relationship people should have.
OK, so what kind of relationship
should people have?
Listen, come on, stop
crying, I can't stand that
I can't even cry with you. And what I want,
what I care about - it's all the same to you.
Laura, it's not all the same to me,
it's definitely not all the same,
do you hear what I'm saying?
I want you to be my wife. I want
you to be happy. With me. Happy.
How? How are you going
to make me happy?
It's easy, I'll give you
whatever life you want.
Oscar, you don't even understand
what I'm talking about.
I'm not a thing, I want to
do stuff, grow, create.
I mean, can't you see how I've
wilted over those three years?
Like a flower that doesn't get watered.
Sometimes I feel like when I dry out
completely, you'll just throw me away.
Like those shoes of yours that you
never wore and have gone out of style.
Oscar, look at me. People
should love each other.
Well, what we?
We're not together.
You're there, somewhere.
Oscar, you're not with me.
You come home, I ask you - how are you?
And you're all-wait, I don't have time.
And that's it.
I sit and wait.
So you want me to come home from work
and cry on your shoulder like some fool?
Fuck, I'm a man, I can't wimp out
Right now I have a chance to make
money, so I have to use that chance
and I have to make that money 24
hours a day, I have to make money.
I'm laying the foundations
for us to have a normal life.
And when I deal with
the fundamental stuff,
then I'm going to take care of credits and
loans and stuff, yeah, and then we can talk.
About us, being together, I'm
a thing, wilting, not wilting...
Laura, you not hearing
what I'm saying to you.
And I'm saying that I love you, I want to
be with you, I want a wedding. Now.
Attention, this is an
important announcement.
A Jaguar belonging to Oscar
Bartashka is parked at
2 Upes Street in Vilnius and is blocking
access for emergency services.
Is that me?
I repeat, a Jaguar belonging to Oscar Bartashka
parked in the second courtyard at 2 Upes Street
is preventing emergency
services from doing their job.
That's me.
Please move the car as soon as possible; Otherwise
it will be towed to the police parking lot.
Wait. Where are those keys.
Fuck, that bitch stole the keys.
Who's that bitch7
Think of something, Oscar, I'll wait.
So we continue with our Valentine's celebration on
the air, and Skaiva-this is a question for you.
Go ahead, Aistis.
What do you think, what kind
of love is the most beautiful.
love is the most beautiful.
Well, what do we have here?
But just think yourself, I mean, two people
who have known each other for a long time,
right, they trust each other, love
each other, it's nice, isn't it?
Let me step in here for a second, I mean,
is that romance when two people know
each other inside out? Boring. Boring.
I don't know, I think that
this is just a type of love,
where, you know, it's not all that simple, you have to water
it, fertilize it, so that... tree of love doesn't wilt.
Ah, by the way, Aistis
Hey, fertilize!
Hey, Aistis is right, you know, because love is
not a noun, love is a verb, because it's work,
I mean, you have to work constantly
for that love of yours to stay alive
Just imagine, like how great it is when someone is waiting
for you to come home as if it was a little holiday,
or how great it is to come
home when you know
that you'll finally get to see her again,
after being apart all day long...
I'm going to kill you.
What now?
Vilyte, what happened?
What?
Oh Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.
Come on, tell me what happened.
Don't you know that
the elevator is broken?
Broken?
It's impossible to get through
to you on the phone, as always.
What? Vilyte, what is it?
Huh, did your shoe rip?
Did you get a blister?
Come on, I'll help you.
You help me, like I'll ever get
any-careful-help from you.
I lugged those huge bags up to the 6th floor all by
myself... Let me go, don't touch it, it hurts...
You should have worn those
regular, those comfortable ones...
Yeah, thanks, professor. Fuck, well
yeah, those red sneakers, right?
At a live broadcast from parliament! Right!
The committee chairman brought in a bouquet of
roses like this today, and gave them all to Irena.
He walked right by me as if I wasn't there.
So what are you nodding about, I can't take it anymore,
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph... I can't live like this..
The elevator doesn't work, my husband is lame,
my foot will probably have to be amputated,
screw this... this... what's this?
Well I thought maybe someone
would come home from work tired...
Hold on, I got so caught up at work,
I must have missed something...
Do we have some sort of occasion?
Well yeah. We have us and
we have Valentine's Day.
Hold on, Valentine I understand,
but what do we have to do with it?
Well after all, Valentine's Day is...
What?
Well it's like the day for people in love.
For who?
I mean, it's the day of love.
The day of love?
Old man, you old man.
I mean, I understand, two people
met, made love, and, well,
if you didn't enjoy it, you didn't
enjoy it, just go ahead and say so
So you think I made love
to you? This was revenge.
What?
What do you think, I'm such an idiot
that I can't tell my gears apart?
I rammed into your ass on purpose.
Hold on. I don't get it. What do I
have to do with anything? Why?
Because I'm not in Paris right now.
Because he told me to go
and have sex. With you.
He thought I'd lie there like
some wimp. And cry all alone.
But I up and did it. I
had sex with Baumila.
Baumila.
Whatever.
Hold on. So someone told you
to go and have sex with me.
That's right.
And you rammed into my ass on purpose.
Yeah. I did.
No, you're really screwed up.
For that money you could have
found someone at least as good.
Take the money. Take
the money, I'm no slut!
You ass, take that money!
Listen, leave me alone, bitch, OK?
I'm telling you, take the money!
Get off of me, you psycho! Let go!
Vilyte.
The professor knew how
to turn on the oven.
Alittle tomato, mm, smoked bacon, mm...
That's right. Wine?
Vaicekauskas forgot that I drink
white. It's OK, it's OK, pour, pour.
Oh, I'm sorry.
No regrets, no regrets, no regrets...
Greek salad, wow...
I'm going to have beer, OK?
So.
Vilyte...
I want to say something.
Yes.
You and I have been together for 24 years.
Hard to believe.
Can you imagine?
We brought up the kids.
I don't regret a single day.
What I really want to say is, you...
That's right, Jonas called...
He asked us to come over on Saturday,
he's going to slaughter a pig.
Let's go out there, huh?
I mean, I was just at the store
and spent 120, just like that.
Yeah..
I'm sorry, Vaicekauskas is going to speak.
Thank you. Right.
Living with you, I really have
become a better person.
That's nice...
Honestly, you were always my
greatest helper and friend.
No, I mean, Vilyte, I just want to say that
you are my best friend and, you know,
there comes a moment in everyone's life when
they have to change something a little.
Like the furniture.
Not exactly change, I just want
to say that I've decided...
What have you decided?
Well not exactly decided, I just, well,
I've just realized, I mean, I've come
to the sensible decision that
the way it's been so far, well it
just can't be like that any longer.
You have another woman?
Kitty cat, there's no one else.
It's just a stupid situation.
Get out of here Oscar.
I'll be a good husband, I just
love coming home to you.
But I really do.
Oscar, get out of my sight!
Fine, if that's what you want, we
can do it like this. Let's draw a line.
Forget the past and begin a new stage.
Open a new, clean, white
page in our relationship.
No, Oscar.
Do you even know yourself how
many times you've hurt me?
How many nights I've spent crying
while you chase after your girlfriends,
coming home all dean,
fresh from a shower.
Well I also pretended that
I didn't notice anything.
I honestly believed that if I give you a
home, warmth, love... that you'll change.
You will love me for real.
I was so naive.
You don't love me, Oscar.
Tell me the truth for once.
What do you need a wedding for?
Why the circus?
And they're like cockroaches,
you can't get rid of them,
they just keep coming out of the woodwork
with their lame little problems...
Professor, you're the only one
who can help me, professor,
I'm losing my grasp, professor,
your therapy isn't helping me.
How is it going to help you if God put a
butt muscle where your brains should be.
Oh, 30 years of this, 30 years
of the same old thing,
it's always-professor,
professor, professor.
I'll give you a professor!
Client?
Personal. He can wait.
So why don't you tell them that?
Your patients?
Because they pay me money.
Do you tell your clients if
theirs is short or crooked?
No, for the same reason,
but the difference is that I honestly love
them for that hour, and you hate them.
Why do you hate them?
Because I envy them.
How I envy them...
Their love, lack of love, fidelity,
infidelity, youth, their pain.
Because if a person hurts,
it means that he's alive.
Nothing hurts me anymore.
Can you feel the fresh air?
And the cold?
And what about now?
And now?
Listen to me, you're going to end the pity
party and stop preparing for your funeral,
and God dammit, stop provoking fate.
If God gave you time then enjoy it.
Listen, there are thousands
of wonderful single women
just waiting for someone like you
to call and invite them for coffee.
So pick up your toys and get the
fuck out of this crib of yours.
Go to Australia, Lentvaris, Cuba,
around the world, it doesn't matter.
Just get up and go.
Hello?
No, I can't
No, Valentine, I can't right now.
I'm with a client.
In what closet?
You're not making any
sense, fuck, I really can't.
I really won't go to another
doctor, Valentine,
please, wait, wait, no, no,
come. OK. Ill come.
Sometime.
Do you have a car?
What?
Can you give me a ride?
Sure.
So you woke up Baumila?
You're totally out of your mind.
Well you're kind of cute.
Want some wine?
Maybe some water?
Get your strength back!
It's back!
Come over here.
Would you like anything else?
Surprise me.
So that's what you'd like.
Oh, no... no...
Yes!
That's not necessary..
It is, it is!
Don't pick up.
See who's calling.
Valentine Work
My boss, I have to answer.
In the middle of the night?
It's my job.
Hello?
Hello?
No, I don't have any other
woman, listen to me...
You do, you do, you do.
Vilyte, bunny, do you really think I'd make
all this for you if I had another woman...
That's the only time you men are good,
when you've done something wrong...
I haven't done anything wrong.
Well, but, but you've decided, you've
gone and made a decision already...
Well, no... I just made the very
important decision to stay with you.
But I want it to be quality time.
Oh, so you even have a choice.
Yes, I do. Imagine that, I do.
I have a choice.
Because the way we've been living
lately, well it's not acceptable to me.
It's not acceptable to me that
we don't even make love lately.
Not to speak of the fact that we
don't even shower before bed.
It's not acceptable to me that I don't
interest you anymore, as a man.
I'm just always guilty and that's it.
It's not acceptable to me.
That you find that animal
magazine with wedding comics
a lot more interesting
than your own husband.
Who is it?
My good old friend Valentine.
Valentine, how symbolic.
Valentine, Valentine's Day... Strange, why
don't you two celebrate together, huh?
Fishing with Valentine, in the
garage with Valentine, right?
Your Friday tastings, but us?
When's the last time we went somewhere?
Right, to visit your parents
in the countryside.
That's probably how you imagine
exotic trips, all-included, right?
So he's not getting enough sex.
Here you're thinking how to survive,
how to pay for the electricity,
and he misses the smell of a woman.
Dear professor, for your information,
sex doesn't start in the evening,
it starts in the morning.
What kind of sex can there be
when the first thing that comes out of
your mouth in the morning is what?
Shit!
Val, I can't right now, I'm
talking with my wife!
Sorry. Where did I finish?
I mean, where did you finish?
I didn't finish.
I haven't finished for six months.
Sweetheart, if you want to have a
wife, then at least act like a husband.
Yeah?
So how am I acting then?
But you're always criticizing me.
I'm criticizing you?
Nitpicking?
Me? Oh, the potato peels aren't
in the right place for him.
Correct, it doesn't make sense.
Please don't say those words
to me, I don't want to hear it.
Hold on.
I won't hold on. Who is it?
Valentine, probably.
I can see that.
What address is this?
Why is there an address?
Whose address is this?
I see
It's a woman's address.
What kind of nonsense
are you talking about?
I'm talking nonsense?
It says right here, 2 Upes
Street, apartment 16.
That's right nearby.
Right here.
You little cheat, right in
your own backyard.
Violeta, what are you saying?
Go to...
Wait, Violeta. Violeta, wait!
Look, where are you going?
Vilyte, look, what are you doing? Don't
do this, Vilyte, give me the phone back!
I'll show you, give it back!
Jesus Christ, Violeta!!
OK, fine, let's talk seriously now.
So before we weren't serious.
Now this is really serious.
Laura, I'm not an ass, I understand that
was, well, not good enough to you.
I'm sorry.
I'll make it up to you somehow.
Believe it or not, I love you.
And I don't want to lie to you anymore.
Are you going to have any more?
No, thanks.
Right, so now let's be open.
The European Parliament
elections are coming up, right?
I have a really serious crew behind me.
The party, you know.
I've already spent 3 years working for
them through the Evrosoyuz agency.
This apartment, everything around you,
your Evoque, everything that
we've acquired together.
That you've acquired.
You can interpret it any way you want,
but I'm just saying the way I see it.
So basically, there's an offer for even
bigger projects, even bigger money.
Welland they think I
should be a candidate.
There's a good chance I'll get it.
I have strong backing, I'm
eloquent I look good,
I have an indisputable reputation, the
right genes-the child of an exile.
All I have to do is get my
personal life together.
I mean, a wife, a family, kids.
And I want to get my personal
life together with you.
Hey, I'll be a good husband.
I promise.
Wait!
Come on, I'm begging you.
Hey, don't do this, Vilyte.
Give me the phone back.
Don't embarrass me.
Vilyte, wait, I'll tell you a secret.
What other secret is there?
So you knocked her up too?
What are you talking about,
I went to see a psycho.
A who?
I mean, a psychologist.
Why did you go there, I don't get it.
I wanted to talk, about you, about
myself, about our relationship.
So what did he say?
He said, he said, well,
that I have to try harder.
What a surprise.
Professor...
And how much did you pay
for that bit of enlightenment?
God, what difference does
it make how much I...
A big one.
It's not important at all.
It's very interesting.
Well, he's a very serious psycho, he
gets 200 an hour, but he really is good.
200 litas per hour?
For you to find out that
you have to try har...
God dammit, Vaicekauskas...
Please.
Per day. In the best case Id get
those 200 litas per week...
I'm begging you, calm down.
won't calm down.
I won't do you a favor.
Please...
200 litas consultation on
how to leave your wife.
I don't want to leave you!
Well I do...
Vil... Vil, I'm begging you,
wait for me... Wait...
Come on, please, don't embarrass me...
I'm going to kill you!
Stop, let's talk... Please, Vil, come on.
Laura, the situation is very clear.
I get in, and I get 40 grand a month.
I'll split it with you.
Down the middle.
20 for me, 20 for you.
Do whatever you want with
the dough, live like a queen.
But let's get married.
This month.
So you're proposing a deal.
Come on, why does it have to be a deal...
No, I mean, you want to buy me.
No, I'm offering you new opportunities.
New quality.
Well and after all, a new stage for us.
50/50, just like that.
Although really, yeah, it's a deal.
I'll take out the trash
No, wait, what's going on here?
Nothing's going on.
Who are you?
Vilyte, don't get all excited, wait.
So you're Valentine?
And who are you, Justin Bieber?
What?
Vaidas, wait, that's not Valentine.
Is this 2 Upes Street?
Is this 2 Upes Street, apartment 16?
So where's, where's...
Where's Valentine?
Lady, there's no Valentine here.
Hold on, I, wait, it can't be.
Laura, tell them that
there's no Valentine here.
There isn't any Valentine here, is there?
Val, run!
I don't love you.
I haven't loved you for a long time.
No, come on, listen, this just tops it.
Take it easy, take it easy.
Violence is no solution,
stop it, everything can be...
Calm down, OK?
Vaidas...
Jesus Christ, that hurts.
Awesome.
Lady?
So this is that magical Valentine's night.
Skaiva, did your heart begin to speak?
It did, Mindaugas.
And so what did it say,
if it's not a secret?
It's not a secret, Aistis;
My heart says that
the most important thing is not to lie
to yourself, and to listen to your heart.
Well, here I would tend
to agree with Skaiva.
Finally.
We definitely need one day or night in the
year when we can - when we have to -
clean out the closet of our
feelings and take inventory,
so why can't that be Valentine's Day.
Well it can...
It's a great opportunity, a great one.
Thank you, thank you,
Mindaugas, for your support.
You know, it really is important to
take one day to stop and ask yourself
if the person next to you now,
that really the person that you want
to spend next Valentine's Day with.
Or the one after that, or after that?
Or ultimately, the one you want to
spend 50 Valentine's Days with?
And if you have doubts,
don't ruin each other's lives
and just go your separate ways, right now.
But if you feel that this is the
person that you will love
with that same passionate and powerful
teenage love for years and years to come,
then hold that person as hard
as you can and never let go.
No matter what happens.
You're almost like a priest. Awesome.
You can marry people.
Your face is red again.
So maybe you have some
more of that ointment?
Vilyte, if only you knew how
much I love you, Vilyte.
My little Bruce Willis..
Let's go home?
A wonderful specimen, huh?
Would it go with your collection?
Is this one free?
Rich too.
And 5 minutes to becoming a politician.
So where's Valentine?
He left.
Hi.
Hi.
I'm Monica.
Oscar.
Where did you come from?
You want to come with me? Huh?
Well, let's go then.