Chapter one.
Sometimes, despite your
best efforts otherwise,
life will give you lemons.
When that happens, you've
got two choices, friend.
You can wear a sour face
or make lemonade.
I never should have
booked this city.
Come on,
come on, come on.
Finally!
H uh?
What, did you swim here?
Might as well have.
This is exactly
why I tell you
you gotta fly in
the night before.
The less time I spend
in this city, the better.
I know, I know, I know. But
you'll be enthused to know
that I reamed
customer service.
Your bag is gonna be
on the very next flight.
But have no fear.
There is a brand-new suit
waiting for you right here.
Where'd you conjure
this up from?
Well, rainmakers
make rain...
Room key.
Voil.
There's a gorgeous
latte-colored silk tie in there.
I think you're gonna love
it. It's subtle... Latte?
Okay, there's a red
one in there, too. Okay?
Can you please just look
your best? Please, okay?
Listen, all three U nicom
suits will fly in from New York
day after tomorrow to
see if we can make a deal.
All three of them?
I'm Lane goddamned Marshall.
Burke, for once in your life,
can you please take the elevator?
See you.
Coming to the seminar?
Okay.
Okay. Big day. Big day.
And don't forget
the DVDs and audio books
available for purchase
all through the week
at our booth down the hall.
And now,
without further ado,
the author of the bestseller A
Path Through Grief, my friend...
No, my inspiration,
Burke Ryan.
All right!
Thanks, Lane. Wow!
Whoo!
You guys make
a guy feel good.
I'm feeling okay.
How are you?
A- Okay!
Good.
Let me ask you a question.
Any football fans
in the house?
Certain co! Ego team not too
long ago lost their season opener.
They're going nowhere fast.
Then something happened.
Thank you.
An event that changed
everything for their coach.
The guy started
sleeping at the office,
reinvented the playbook,
studied film.
He was on the case 24-7.
They went on to win
the national championship.
Well, after all the fanfare and
the champagne, he traipsed on home,
went upstairs,
went to his closet
and removed his Browning
double-barrelled shotgun,
put it to his chin
and pulled the trigger.
See, the event
that changed it all
back at the beginning
of the season?
His brother, his best friend in
the world, died of a heart attack.
You might be able to get back
on the horse, do great things.
Hell, you might even win
a national championship.
But if you don't pay the
piper, he will come calling.
I want to thank each
and every one of you
for having the courage to really
feel the loss of loved ones.
I know it's not easy.
I've been there.
How are you?
You okay?
A- Okay!
Good. A! Right. Say it
one more time. How are you?
A- Okay!
All right.
I'll see you in workshop.
Perfect. Perfect.
Good. Good. Great.
Come on, loosen up a little
bit. You need a drink?
Maybe you need a drink.
Waiter!
Please, no drink.
Chapter 12.
"Alcohol's no more a cure-all
than a Band-Aid on a bullet wound."
All right. Now flash me
that sign of yours.
Great. Give me that.
Great. So, tell me,
what motivated the book?
U h, my wife died.
I know.
Why tell the whole world
about it?
It was a way to coach myself
how to get through it.
You know, I never intended
for anyone to actually read it,
but my manager gave it to
a publisher and here I am.
Yes, you are.
What happened?
U h...
She was driving us
to dinner.
Dog in the middle
of the road.
Car swerved into a pole.
She died instantly.
It must have been awful.
I'm sorry.
Appreciate it.
Well, I think
I got what I needed.
Great! Fantastic. N ice
to meet you, Jessica.
N ice to meet you.
You take care.
Thanks.
This way, guys.
Follow Burke.
All right, everybody.
Those of you who signed up
for the morning work group,
you're in for a treat.
Let's go! Let's go!
Come out in the middle here.
Excuse us.
Thank you.
Excuse us for a second.
Sorry. Come on out here.
Come on, everybody out.
I want you to take
a moment and look around
and tell me what you see
and what you hear.
Okay? All right.
Okay.
Lorraine.
Cars. Honking cars.
Good. Natalie?
Jackhammers.
Anybody else?
Stoplights.
Stoplights.
Cement.
A homeless person.
Trash.
Middle fingers.
Good. Excellent.
Now remember that
and follow me.
All right. Now what
do you see? Lorraine?
The ocean.
Good.
Trees.
The Space Needle.
Skyscrapers.
Mount Rainier.
Rivers.
Beautiful rivers.
The sun.
Good.
Naked hot-tubber.
Wow. Little bit different
up here, isn't it?
And yet, it's the same.
We haven't gone anywhere.
We're just looking at things
from a new perspective.
Inside of each of you, there are
sirens, honking horns and gridlock,
but there's also this.
We just have to do the work
and climb the stairs
to find it.
You have the reporter at noon and
I think you're gonna like her a lot.
Look, I don't
really give a rat's ass
what your
cancellation policy is.
I am leaving and
I want my money back.
Sir, it's not that simple.
I'll be right back.
Our cancellation
policy clearly...
Hi. Becky? What seems
to be the trouble here?
Mr. Ryan, this gentleman
is refusing to adhere...
Thank you.
Hi. I'm Burke.
You are?
Walter Mayfield.
Walter. Where you from?
Billings. Drove out
from Billings.
Montana.
That's quite a drive.
Yeah. Look, I don't think
this thing is for me, okay?
Okay. You mind
if I ask why?
Well, frankly, my sister
talked me into it, and the...
You know, the whole...
And the feelings...
I understand.
I understand.
Can I ask you,
why did your sister think
it was so important
for you to come here?
My son.
And what's his name?
Stephen.
And when did he...
Does it really matter?
It matters to me, Walter.
I'd like to hear.
Do you have a picture?
I'm sorry.
Walter, I know how you
feel. I've been there.
My wife died.
Three years ago.
I want you to know that
you've taken the first step
just by walking through these
doors, and something inside you,
whether you know it or not,
made you drive all this way.
If you want to leave,
we'll honor your request.
I hope you don't.
Thanks, Becky.
Think about it.
Chapter two.
Happiness is a state of mind
and, like all things,
it takes practice.
Devote five minutes a day
to smiling, just smiling,
and after a while
it'll come naturally.
Sorry. I didn't mean to...
Hey, you forgot your pen!
Quidnunc? Quidnunc?
What can I get you?
I would like another
Seven-and-Seven, and a tomato juice
for my virtuous friend here.
Tomato juice.
Thank you.
So, as far as
Unicom knows,
I'm a hair away from signing
a deal with Time Warner. Okay?
I'm expecting the offer
by lunchtime tomorrow.
That means TV, radio,
publishing. All of it.
Are you as hot for me right now
as I am hot for me right now?
So hot.
And check it.
Ted Vernon, the CEO himself, is gonna
fly in for the end of the seminar.
My guess, a little warm and
fuzzy contract-inking party.
Who knows?
Your drinks, gentlemen.
Thank you.
It's a long way
from booking you gigs
writing columns
for Psychology Today, huh?
I'll get you a Learjet.
You like Learjets?
Lane.
Come on. You know
that's not why I wrote it.
You do know that you're
helping people, right, man?
This is your moment.
You have to give yourself
permission to enjoy it, brother.
Come on, man.
Live a little.
Yeah.
What?
You're right.
Excuse me. I'm sorry.
Hi. Do you remember me?
From the hallway upstairs?
You dropped your pen.
Um...
Would you like to
have a cup of coffee?
Ah.
Right. Um...
Well, we could bring him along
if you want. Double your pleasure.
I'm sorry.
I... I... You...
See you, Ricky.
Later, Eloise.
Hey, baby. What's this?
Delivery.
Wow. I was in the neighborhood,
so I figured
I'd bring you lunch
'cause I knew you'd
be working so hard.
Wow, you didn't
have to do that.
Polished up,
ready to go.
Hey, Eloise.
Hi, Ian.
How's your boss
treating you today?
Oh, he's all right.
The lead singer of the Stereo
Kings trashed his Les Paul.
Look at that fretboard,
man. As good as new.
Make sure
he signs for it.
No problem.
Did you have company?
U m...
Yeah. I told you Frank and
I were working last night.
Frank wears lipstick?
Hey, listen. El, it's
not what you think.
It's business.
Totally platonic.
You know what? You
used that one last time.
No, she's got ties
to Sony. Hey!
Listen to me. You gotta
listen to me. Eloise!
I don't want to hear it.
How you
doing today?
Pretty good, thanks.
All right. Okay.
What's your name?
Alberto.
See you at workshop,
okay? Goodbye.
Mr. Ryan.
You are something.
Yes, sir.
Say, would you mind signing that
to "Donald and Shirley," please?
There you go.
Say, do you mind
if I share?
Share?
Yeah. See, there's
this fellow in his 60s
and he thinks he's just gonna, you
know, sail through his retirement.
But then one day, three
years and 13 days ago,
his daughter dies.
And the truth is he hasn't
been doing very well.
He doesn't sleep much,
and he and his wife, well...
You can understand.
But his daughter's husband,
well, he doesn't
seem to be having
any of these kinds
of problems. No.
She was crushed to death in
a car crash, but he, well...
He's making lemonade out of
lemons. Isn't that how it goes?
When are you gonna
stop lying, son?
Hypocrite.
Burke, I am so sorry.
God. The balls on him!
I'm fine.
Who does he think he is?
Her father.
Even so,
way over the line.
Forget that. You know
what? She'd be proud of you.
All right,
you're pissed off at me.
A thousand times you said no to
Seattle, but I wouldn't listen.
You gotta be
pissed off at me.
I'm fine.
Burke?
So, take a good look at them,
mister. A little preview of tonight.
I know how you love
the high heels.
I'll see you tonight at 8:00.
Standing ta!
Big kiss.
Love you.
"So, my ass don't
fit no Cosmo cover
"You think I can't be
some hot animal lover?
"You scared of my cerebral cortex?
That I'm Gloria's fish, chromosome X?
"Or maybe you're just afraid
of my battery-operated sex'
What do you think?
Hello.
There's something
wrong with that girl.
She said
she wanted to hear it.
Marty. Slam poetry,
coffee house.
My shop, work. Please.
Yes, ma'am.
Are there any
new receivables?
Just that birthday
arrangement I told you about.
Right. Great.
Marty, you did not
cauterize the stems.
Oh.
I was just about to.
You know what?
Here's what happens.
The sap pollutes the water and
then they die twice as fast.
I know, I know, I know, I
know. I'll get it. I promise.
I don't understand this. We
have roses, we have all of these.
I mean, come on. These are
flowers living out of water.
Are you all right?
Look, I just had a really... I've
had a really bad couple of days, okay?
Would you like to
talk to me about it?
No, I don't.
Because you weren't this mad the
last time I forgot to cauterize.
Tyler.
And some groupie.
Again?
Yeah.
No. No!
I know. It's crazy.
I can't believe it.
God, you know what? No, I can
believe it. I can totally believe it.
Excuse me. What does that
mean? What does that mean?
It's so clear to me.
Oh.
It means that you
manage to choose guys
that guarantee
that at some point,
we are going to be
standing here
having this same
conversation again.
And you're gonna be shocked at the
outcome of the relationship again.
But most of all,
I just hate seeing you get so
disappointed and hurt every single time.
Am I being too harsh?
Yes. No.
Yeah.
Yeah. Okay, I'm gonna...
Cauterize.
Yeah.
It was because they were
feeling pain and resentment.
I want you to re-read
Chapter 12, okay?
The cigarettes are more than just
a habit. They're a denial mechanism.
Oh.
Okay?
"Mental health
begins with..."
"Physical health." Okay.
And how you always say it's
important to remember the person,
how they lived,
not how they died?
Well, my husband loved my
oatmeal-raisin cookies so much.
So, I took his ashes and...
Meet my Stanley.
Don't those
look delicious?
I'll see you in workshop.
Oh, thank him.
...event next week
in the Junior Ballroom.
But then Julie was wondering
if we could get the side...
Excuse me. ...arrangements. Excuse...
Oh, my God. Oh, my God,
there's been a healing.
You like making
a fool of people,
pretending
to be Helen Keller?
U h, well, technically,
she was blind also, so...
Okay. Will you
excuse us for a second?
Thank you.
See, I happen to know
a thing or two about people.
You get approached a lot.
Probably have since the day you
strapped on your first training bra.
But you're smart and you're
creative and you're caring and deep.
But how come the guys only
see the package it comes in?
Sure, you're flattered, but
ultimately, ultimately, it's tiresome
because it has nothing to do
with you. You were born that way.
You can't take credit for it.
Your insides, though. That's yours.
That's what you want someone
to truly see, even a stranger.
Ergo, you fake a handicap
rather than deign to have a
conversation with a fellow human being.
You prefer sign language?
Fine.
Smooth. Real smooth.
Ha!
Excuse me.
This is the men's room.
You know what?
Excuse me.
What did you have in mind?
Some sweet,
romantic courtship
in the bar
over some warm peanuts
before we consummate our love in
the glow of Spectravision porn?
You...
God, I'm so sorry your little
ego took such a bruising.
But you know what? I bet the next
chick that you meet in the elevator
or, I don't know, the gym,
is gonna fit that bill
just fine. Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.
Even though I bet you have a
wife who is actually stupid enough
to believe that you're the one
guy with integrity. The one guy.
Until, of course, she finds that
lipstick mark on your boxers,
and then it's
game over, pal.
And that one thing
that you held so dear,
that one thing that you loved
more than anything in the world,
is tainted and ruined
and destroyed like that.
Ergo, if you had
a brain in either head,
you would realize that
I was doing us both a favor.
Excuse me.
Sure. No problem.
Is that my flower
you're wearing?
No.
Yes. Yes, yes, yes, it is.
But I... I took it before,
when I thought you were deaf.
H mm?
Not that I would steal
from a deaf person.
All right.
Goodbye.
My God.
All right,
this one's ready.
Where's that headed?
Don't know.
He said you'd know
where it was going.
H i.
Don't you look grand.
Thank you.
My, my, fancy.
Thank you.
All right.
The concierge
said it's good.
That's good.
He should know.
Yeah.
It stopped raining.
It sure did.
Carrot-ginger and
the spinach soup.
You know, I have to say, I have
never been on a date with someone
who has a cardboard
cutout of themselves.
Well, I mean, they're...
They're really...
They're good
for the carpool lane.
Oh.
Got it.
You know, we take long walks on
the beach together, go fly kites.
He's the kite.
Because he's cardboard.
Right.
Your salads. Enjoy.
Thank you.
Thank you.
So...
"Quidnunc"?
Yeah.
You weren't really supposed
to see that, but, you know...
They're just...
They're just words.
So, there's
more than one, or...
Mmm-mmm.
Thank you.
Well, your concierge called
it. That was real good.
Right.
Thank you.
My pleasure.
So, I gotta... I'm gonna go. I've got...
It's a school night
for me, so...
I understand.
It was very nice.
Thank you. Okay.
All right.
Thank you. Great.
Goodbye.
See you later. Thanks.
Eloise!
Oh.
You know, I haven't... I haven't
been on a date in three years.
'Cause see, I was...
I was married.
And I mean, normally, I'm...
I'm quite dashing and debonair
and whatever other
"D" word there is
that would
really impress you.
But it's painfully apparent
that I'm... I'm a little rusty.
Why... Why wouldn't you
just say so?
I don't know, a desperate
attempt to hold on to
whatever shred of masculinity
that I have left?
Okay. So...
So then I'm your... I'm
your first since a divorce?
U h, you are the first...
Well, that's good.
Because that explains a lot.
Because that in there...
It was... It was bad.
Really bad.
Well, I have to go pick
some phalangiums right now.
Would you like to
come with me?
Yeah.
Good.
Personally, I like to put the
waffles and bacon in first.
I'm increasing
the pH level.
Hey. You do your thing.
I'm still trying to wrap my
head around what your thing is.
You're just gonna
have to read my book.
You're slippery.
I prefer "mysterious."
How long you
been at this?
Oh, I've always
wanted to do it.
I finally got up the guts a couple
of years ago to open my own shop.
Good for you.
"Julie, we have
never met..."
No. Hey!
Wow. Nosy.
I'm sorry.
Sorry. I don't mean to...
But these are just...
They're from deliveries.
They're copies I've made
of cards that have,
you know, stuck with me.
So...
Can I...
Really? Would you... Yeah. I'd like to.
Okay.
"Julie, we have never met,
"but I've watched you
lovingly all these years.
"Congratulations
and have a beautiful wedding.
"Love, your father."
May I?
U m...
Let's see.
"Stacy, these are supposed
to last two weeks.
"I'll be back in time
to see them bloom."
Yeah, deployed Marine.
He never saw them bloom.
One last one.
"My dearest wife,
happy 50th anniversary.
"Sorry about
the rug burns last night."
Thanks for the visual.
Life on a 3-by-5.
Okay, well, I mean, if
this is the candle of truth,
then I guess
I should be honest.
I... I used her
life insurance money
for a down payment
on a condo in Mexico.
Well, because we had talked about
it before. He liked the idea.
So, I... I made
a mold of his, you know...
That way, when he was gone,
we could still, you know...
Who's next?
Walter?
Not much to say, really.
Walter, there's always something
to say. Come on, tell us.
How did your son die?
I used to be a contractor. He
was my little right-hand man.
Only 12, but he could frame a
garden shed better than I could.
We stopped by my
construction site.
I had to pick up some
blueprints from my trailer.
I told him to
wait in the car.
He fell off a scaffold and
snapped his spinal cord in two.
J just like...
J just like that.
And every day...
Every day is...
I should've known he
wouldn't stay in the car.
Walter, you said,
"I used to be a contractor."
I can't even walk
into a hardware store.
I clean buildings
at night now.
And I lost my business.
My wife left me.
Thank you, Walter.
There's a dirty little
secret. It's fear.
How many here
don't fly anymore?
Come on, raise your hands.
Who here gets an annual
checkup three times a year?
How many of you
don't take elevators
or gave up skiing, biking, surfing,
kayaking, whatever it might be?
Well, listen to me.
Fear is a state of mind.
We're gonna prove
that right now.
Let's put
our hands together.
Ready? Here we go.
Step, step, step, step.
Okay? Come on, Natalie.
The only thing separating
you and me is in your head.
Come on. You can do this. Come on.
Okay. Walter?
Come on, Walter!
Come on, Walter!
Here we go!
Come on, Walter!
Here we go.
Come on, Walter!
Come on!
Walter.
It's okay. It's okay.
I'm sorry.
This is just silly.
I'm not gonna
feel A-Okay
because I walked
across some damn coals.
Okay, then it shouldn't be
that big of a deal, Walter.
It's not a big deal.
It's just...
It's a step.
It's an important step.
Well, it has nothing
to do with my Stephen.
Walter, would Stephen
want you like this?
Or would he want you to move
on, to take a step forward?
You don't know
anything about my son.
Walter, watch.
Walter, come on.
Come on, Walter.
You can do this.
Come on.
Walter!
Okay. All right,
we all go at our own pace.
He'll get there.
All right, well, let's give
ourselves a round of applause
For daring to kick fear
right where it hurts.
Buddy, this stuff
is gonna hurt.
How many layers of skin
do you think you have?
Not enough.
You know, you can't
do the work for them.
You know that, right?
The guy needs help.
Fine, but you can't
do it for them.
This is gonna
sting a little bit.
Ready?
Count of three.
One.
Lane! You're fired!
Once you sign with us, you're no
longer an independent contractor.
You've got all 32 divisions
funneling your image 24-7.
Within a year, we'll increase your
household name recognition by 65%.
The Burke Ryan Show will subsequently
launch in the third quarter.
Followed by the DVD
line, a new set of books,
syndicated
talk radio, et cetera.
"Et cetera" is good.
All of this lays the foundation
for a branding strategy
that taps into demographics
well beyond your current base.
Studies indicate that persons
grieving the loss of a loved one
put on 30 to 40% more weight
than the national average.
Introducing the Burke Ryan
Calorie Reduction Plan.
"Finally, a loss you
can feel good about."
Ooh.
Look at that.
I like that picture.
Wow. Are you kidding me?
You look strong,
you look happy and...
Right.
It's a mock-up at this point.
Anyway, continuing on...
Hey, that was great.
Don't forget,
when Mr. Vernon
gets into town...
Hey, I gotta take them
down to the museum
and show them
around like an idiot...
Did that beep? Hey,
Burke. It's me, Eloise.
So, where are we going?
It's all good.
You'll see.
Okay, I will be right back.
Is this...
Is this your house?
No, it's my mom's.
I'm just gonna
go grab something.
I mean, you're more
than welcome to come in.
Okay.
H i, Mom.
Oh. H i, honey.
Bob left the keys
on the counter.
Oh, great.
Great. How was your day?
Oh, fine. I had
lots of coupons.
Oh, really?
So, that was busy, huh?
Mmm-hmm.
H i. I brought you flowers.
Oh. Those are
so pretty. Thanks.
Mom, I'd like you
to meet a friend of mine.
I wasn't expecting company.
H i. I'm Burke.
Burke Ryan!
Ellie, you didn't tell me
you were dating a celebrity.
Well, we're not dating.
I wish you would have told me.
I look like hell.
Not at all.
It's just the opposite.
I see where Eloise
gets her looks.
Let's show him
your pictures.
You know,
no, I don't think so...
I'd love to.
No, really.
You know... Okay,
I'm gonna get the keys.
My word, you have
Pocahontas here.
Eloise was state archery
champion two years in a row.
No.
Oh, Mother.
Don't be modest.
This is Burke Ryan.
I loved you
on The Today Show.
Now how old is she here?
Okay. I got those keys,
so thank you for that.
We gotta go. Look how cute you are here.
A- Okay.
A- Okay.
It was very nice meeting
you. N ice to meet you.
Hope to see you again.
Yeah. Take care. Bye-bye.
I am so glad you're not
dating that musician.
Mother. Oh, God.
I love you.
Thanks. Thank Bob.
Burke Ryan.
Oh, my God!
Wow.
She's so sweet.
She loves you.
I really enjoyed that.
It was very sweet.
Oh, Mom. No, no, no.
This way. Come on.
Where are we going?
It's fun not knowing,
isn't it?
Ah.
You'll see.
What, are you trying
to avoid the FBI?
You'll see. Please,
just get in the truck.
I think I forgot
my hard hat.
Oh, really?
Well, here you go.
What you doing?
Your chariot awaits.
Seriously?
Me, in bucket?
Yes. Trust me.
Have you had any
cold medicine today?
Not today.
We're good.
Okay, now watch this.
Very dangerous. Fingers. U h-huh.
Lock us in. Got it?
Do you know what you're doing? U h-huh.
Ready?
Oh, Lord.
Are we in? Buckled?
Locked? Loaded?
Okay.
All right, here lies
Burke Ryan, dead...
Oh, stop it. I had a crash
course this morning from Bob.
Who is Bob, and why is
my life in his hands?
Bob's my mom's neighbor.
Current boyfriend
of the moment.
Mmm-hmm.
Okay. Here's
what I was thinking.
I wanted to pick up
from last night.
And I wanted to get you
tickets to Rogue Wave,
but they've been
sold out for weeks.
So, I figured where there
is a will, there is a way.
Heaven is a switchboard
that you meant to fight
She would D even miss you
if you taught her sight
Power politician
leaning to the right
Baby's got a trust fund that
she'll meant to go off like that
Get off my stack
Leave a little window
Get off of my stack
Now we wear
same-colored yellow uniforms
Sky is burning
but at least we're warm
If I had a nickel for
every time I saw a concert
from a telephone truck,
I'd be...
Thank you.
It was exquisite.
Don't thank me.
Thank Bob.
Thank you, Bob.
Hey, I got your book.
I'm halfway through it.
Really?
Well, wait till you get
to the recipe chapters.
They're top-notch.
I'm sorry
about your wife.
How come you didn't tell me
that's what happened?
I don't know.
Never came up.
Well, it sounded like
you really loved her.
Yeah, I did.
But that was
a long time ago.
Three years?
Twenty-one in dog years.
I had a really,
really great time.
Me, too.
That was really fun.
What?
I'm waiting to watch you strut
back to your bitchin' rig.
All right.
Bye.
Is that the international
song for "got laid"?
No! Hardly.
Come on, throw me a bone.
What happened last night?
It was fun.
So, are you going
to see him again?
I don't know. Maybe.
May I just point out that you
broke up with Tyler 72 hours ago
and now you're dating
some other guy
who's not even gonna be
in town for 72 hours?
Can I just point that out?
Okay, we're...
We're not dating.
We just met and,
you know, I like him.
We're just hanging out.
Well, just be careful.
Men are hairy.
Thank you for that.
Two minutes.
Give him two minutes.
He gets called away
for emergencies, you know.
"Her freckles frame eyes
the color of mermaid's tears
"Her ears like waking up to
the sound of children at play"
"My first five senses are reeling
like an old-school cassette tape
"rewound and played
electric relaxation all day"
"You and your phallus
may run this world
"But this Amazon bitch
will cut you down to size!"
Thank you.
That was slamming.
Thank you. I tried to mix
up the iambic pentameter
with a little
haiku motif.
Kick-ass, Mart. Drink?
Yeah, all around, on me.
And can we have more of the
Istanbul Black Demon shisha, please?
Black Demon?
Thank you. So wicked.
Want to try it?
Go ahead, try it.
Okay.
"Try me."
Sure.
Shit. Excuse me for
one second, will you?
Who is that man?
I beg you, please
make sense of this.
I'm just enjoying
a little local flavor.
Since when do you
enjoy anything?
How did you even find me?
I'm Lane goddamn Marshall,
okay?
You asked directions
from your concierge.
What is going on here?
We're on the verge of the
deal of the century here
and you're off playing
Prince of Persia.
Drinks, gentlemen?
No. Get out of here.
Hey, Lane.
No, thank you.
Will you calm down?
I will not calm down.
Their CEO is coming
in two days.
Do you have any idea
the blood, sweat and tears
it's taken me to put
this thing together?
You know, U nicom didn't even
know your name six months ago.
I know and I appreciate it.
No, you don't.
Yes, I do.
No, you don't!
Lane.
Friend to friend,
do you not want this?
You can tell me.
Look, I'm ready.
Okay?
So, for the next two days,
you're gonna be
where I tell you to be
when I tell you to be there?
Yes. Scout's honor.
You with the scouting.
Oh, God.
Will you relax? You're
gonna have a heart attack.
I had a heart attack. I had four
heart attacks on the way here.
So, who are these fine folks
that you're consorting with?
J just people I've met.
Yeah?
Her name's Eloise.
Well, what hath struck
the earth? Details.
She's...
Yeah?
That's great.
Yeah.
That's great.
So, I'm gonna get back.
Yeah, we'd better.
All right, yo, a pleasure to meet
you guys. Welcome to the rainy city.
Should I belly dance?
It's tragic.
They were so young.
It's just so sad.
I know.
I don't know how you deal
with all that death every day.
Well, I have to deal
with it no matter what.
I think that funerals are
archaic and a waste of money.
Actually, funerals are an important
ritual in the grieving process.
They don't just recognize
that a life has ended.
They recognize
that a life was lived.
My wife's funeral...
Burke, you don't
have to.
No, it's okay.
That's okay.
Which was actually here in
Seattle, was a celebration.
It was a beautiful day
in March,
St. Patrick's Day, actually.
And her family
has a little plot,
so we set up
chairs and candles.
And it had been raining for
two weeks straight. Pouring.
But on that day,
the sun came out.
The dahlias were
blooming in the ground
as if they were
welcoming her.
It was... It was magic.
That was a healing
for my family.
Dahlias?
Dahlias.
Dahlias. That was
her favorite flower.
Dahlias don't bloom
here until the fall.
Well, maybe they were
early that year.
It's getting late.
We should hit
the road, Burke.
He didn't go, did he?
No.
Oh.
So beautiful here.
Look. Look, you can
see my parents' house.
Right... Yeah, right there.
Okay, your turn.
Big smile. Time for
that tourist snapshot.
It's gonna go right on the
wall in the living room.
You're not smiling.
Would you smile, please?
Okay, three, two, one.
Say "cheese."
Recovery starts with
acceptance, Olivia.
I think you're well on
your way. Okay. Good.
Who's next? Anybody?
Come on, people, this is what
these smaller sessions are for.
Let's get our hands up.
Come on, participate.
Martha, please.
I don't know. I...
No, Martha, "I don't know"
never got anybody anywhere.
So, please,
this is your assessment.
Let's make
the most of it, okay?
I think I'm coming to
terms with some of my anger.
Good.
And I'm gonna try
to stop projecting it
onto others.
Fine. Work on that
in group this afternoon.
All right?
All right, next. Anybody.
Come on, people.
Walter, how about you?
I feel I'm getting
a lot out of the seminar.
Like what?
Come on, there's no right
answer here. Open up.
Well...
It's just...
It still hurts.
Okay, that's a given, Walter.
What are you doing about it?
I'm trying.
No, Walter. I don't think that
you're trying hard enough.
I don't know
how to try any harder.
You don't know how?
You don't know how? Have I not
been up here the last three days?
Have you not been
listening to me?
I mean, you don't know
how, Walter?
No, I...
Then spit it out!
Come on, what is it?
What is it?
You want to know what?
He should be pitching
Little League right now.
If he'd stayed in the car,
he'd be playing video games,
he'd be spray-painting
his skateboard,
he'd be pissing me off
by being a kid,
but he's never
gonna do any of that
because he's
in a goddamn box!
Walter.
You're stuck.
You can't move
forward because
you've got your eyes
on the rearview mirror.
The death of your son has
become the death of you,
It's just...
I don't know
how to get it back.
You're a contractor, right?
Build it.
One brick at a time.
Watch your step.
Little field trip today.
Thank you.
H i. How you doing, Brenda?
Good. Trust me.
All right, follow me.
Wait right around the
corner, Lorraine. Thanks.
Now, watch your step.
I'll see you
out there, okay?
Okay.
You all right there? Okay.
Thanks.
I'm not going out there.
I can't go out there.
Walter. You're not a janitor.
You're a contractor.
After you.
Now let's fill
this thing up.
All right, gang, let's go.
He'd have gotten
a kick out of this.
Thank you
for reminding me.
You reminded
yourself, Walter.
I couldn't hold him.
At the end,
I couldn't hold him.
The paramedics said
not to move him, so...
I want you to have this.
Beautiful boy, Walter.
If you ever need
a remodel.
I'll be right there.
I didn't go to her funeral.
And I...
Look, I haven't spoken
to her parents since I...
Yeah, I didn't
take care of Rocky.
I stopped talking
to her friends.
I threw out everything
that even smelled of her. I...
Listen, I wasn't judging you
or trying to trip you up.
Can I say something?
And this comes from a
place of total humility.
With the acknowledgment
that my life
is a day-by-day experiment
in really bad decisions.
But...
You're really messed up.
I mean, maybe
you need someone
to nudge you to do these things
that you don't want to do,
like talk to her parents
or take care of Rocky,
whatever Rocky is.
What is Rocky?
It's a parrot.
Parrot?
Her parrot.
He's loud and he shits
all over the place.
It's a parrot.
She made me promise
that if anything ever
happened to her that I'd...
I mean, it sounds... It's crazy. What?
That I would release him
into the wild.
And you haven't
done that, have you?
No. No,
her parents took him.
Didn't you say
her parents live here?
Mmm-hmm.
Two birds, one stone.
Come on.
Eloise, no.
Why?
Because it's her...
Her father...
H mm...
No, you know...
It's just... It's more
complicated than that.
I'm sure it's... I'm sure
it's very complicated.
Eloise, no.
So, that's it.
That's it.
Do you want me to...
Do you want me
to go with you or... No.
I don't think that would
go over so well.
Look, you know what? I don't
even know if they're home.
They probably didn't
even keep the bird.
Burke.
Did I mention that her
father is an ex-Marine?
Ex-Marine. Yeah.
A! Right, now. So, you add
in some of these mega-mergers
that we're talking about.
BHP...
That's right.
Guess who.
You never thought you'd
see me again, did you?
Another damn commercial. How
about some fresh tea, hon?
Oh, thanks.
What the hell's
going on with you?
H uh? What are you
up to now?
What, honey?
I'm talking to Rocky.
Honey,
don't tease him.
You know it gets him...
I'm not teasing him.
He was doing the damn
car alarm again.
Honey, could you get
me some lemon, please?
What?
Could you get
some lemon, please?
Yes, it's right here.
Shut up!
J just don't cut yourself
when you're slicing it.
I won't cut myself.
Don't worry.
Go! Go! Go!
Start it up, go!
What's going on?
Go. J just drive.
What?
Go. J just drive.
I'm going. I'm going.
J just drive!
Come on, let's get
out of here. Go, go!
Go, go, go go!
Jesus, what happened?
I got the bird.
That's all that matters.
Oh, God. Were they...
Were they that upset?
They will be.
What?
What happened to
"two birds, one stone"?
One bird's all
I could manage.
Eloise, they never would've
given me that bird.
Trust me.
You don't know that.
I cut my losses.
If she wanted this
bird turned loose,
this is the way
to get it done.
Okay. All right.
This isn't animal cruelty
or something, is it?
It wasn't my idea.
It was your idea.
It wasn't my idea.
It was her idea.
Well, let's let him decide.
Okay.
This looks like a good place,
so I guess this is goodbye.
Go on.
Come on, Rocky.
Fly away.
Come on, let's go!
Giddyup!
You'll see the world.
Come on. Meet some girls.
No, come on.
Go on, get out of here.
No, Rock. Come on. Go.
Come here.
Fly away.
Rocky, look at me.
Giddyup! Giddyup!
All right,
now you're pissing me off.
You want to go back
to Semper Fi's house?
All right, you know what?
You're on your own.
How'd it go?
Mission accomplished.
Was he happy?
Are you happy?
It's a bird.
I set it free.
Oh.
I need you to take me
back to the hotel.
Okay.
I feel better
for having done it, okay?
Listen, you don't have to talk about
it if you don't want to. Really.
J just tell me what to say
and I'll say it.
No.
I don't... I don't know.
I'm not good...
I haven't thought
this through.
You know, Burke,
I like you. I like you.
Not the author.
Not the guy
with the microphone.
And I just...
I just want to help.
You know what, Eloise,
I just...
I need you to take me
back to the hotel, right now,
and I need you to respect
that. Burke, I will...
Damn it! You just don't
know when to quit, do you?
I asked you to stop
and you just keep on.
Maybe you're the one
who needs psychoanalysis.
Leave me alone,
all right?
I can catch
my own ride back.
It's about time.
Oh, my God! Where the
hell have you been?
It's not important.
U h-huh.
Well, let me tell you
something that is important.
You blew off dinner
and Vernon's here.
I mean, Jesus,
you have got to...
Lane!
I'll meet with him first thing in the
morning, make sure he feels the love.
You, meanwhile,
accept their offer,
but tell them the DVD
rollout is too late.
I want it bumped up
to next month.
Jesus.
What the hell
happened to you, man?
I can't wait to
get out of this city.
Hey!
Is everything cool?
Absolutely.
Yeah? Anything of note
happen this afternoon?
Not particularly.
What about Eloise?
Stop! Wait! Listen to me.
You know, you can
talk to me if you want to.
I know. I get all mixed up. I get
caught up in this business shit,
but I want you to know
that I'm there for you
if you need me to be.
She's gone.
She's gone? What do
you mean, she's gone?
I don't know, man, I just...
I screwed it up.
I threw all my...
All my bullshit in her face.
It could've been something.
Night, Lane.
Burke.
Sleep well.
Big day tomorrow.
Burke.
She'd be
proud of you.
I didn't go
to her funeral.
Hypocrite.
You're stuck.
You can't move
forward because
you've got your eyes
on the rearview mirror.
You're
really messed up.
Swerved into a pole E.
She died instant! Y.
When are you gonna stop
lying, son?
Good morning, sire.
This way.
What happened to you?
Went for a little run.
It's refreshing.
You know, Vernon went for the
international and DVD rollout.
Yeah. Old man likes what he
sees and we are Rolls-Royce.
Get it done.
First things first,
I need you to shake some
hands with somebody here.
Mr. Vernon,
it's a pleasure...
Lane goddamn Marshall.
Well,
this is unexpected.
I'm sorry.
Lane told me the truth.
You don't deserve what
you put yourself through.
I hope that
you can find a way
to somehow give
yourself a break
because if you don't, this
is... This is gonna be your life.
I just think that's...
That's just sad.
That's it. That's...
That's all I came to say.
So, just take care
of yourself, okay?
How's about it,
folks, huh?
Has it been a week
of miracles or what?
How many of you can't
get enough of Burke Ryan?
I bet that you
would love to see him
in your living room from 3:00
p. M. To 4:00 p. M. Every day
on your local
syndicated channel.
Huh? Yes!
We'll see what we
can do about that.
Now, without further ado, the
man of the hour, Burke Ryan.
Thank you.
Please have a seat.
Thank you.
Have a seat, please.
Gosh, I'm...
I'm feeling okay.
How are you?
A- Okay!
Sir, I need to
see your badge.
I'm sorry, what?
Sir, your badge.
I got a badge. He's a
damn thief, you know.
Son of a bitch broke into
my house and took something.
There's your badge.
You can keep it.
You keep it!
We have made a lot of
progress in the last few days,
but don't forget,
it's just a foundation
for the future.
Excuse me.
You know...
Boy, I'm sorry.
I... I've...
I can't lie
to you guys anymore.
You know, I stand here
and I watch you all
confront your pain.
And I envy you
because
I haven't confronted mine.
I didn't want it
to be my fault.
My wife's accident.
It was raining.
This dog
in the middle of the road.
We had been arguing
over paint colors
for the kitchen.
Paint colors.
But what I haven't told you
Is that I was
driving the car,
Not her.
I killed my wife.
I'm so sorry.
It was just
an accident, son.
That's all it was.
There was nothing
you could have done.
No.
No, it's true.
It was just one of those
freak accidents.
Listen to me.
We never blamed you.
Never.
All we really wanted to do
was mourn with you, son.
We didn't know what to do.
We couldn't find you.
That's been the worst part.
It's okay.
Hey. Come here.
I was thinking that maybe I should've
had you do that a long time ago.
You gonna be all right?
Yeah, in time.
Mr. Ryan? Ted Vernon.
That was something.
Yeah, that was
something, huh?
That was reality
up there, Mr. Vernon.
And if you can't accept
that for what it is,
then you can take your deal and
you can shove it up your ass.
I found it refreshing
and I respect you for it.
Thank you.
I'm sorry. Are we still...
We'll see.
This is why
you keep firing me.
I'll be right back.
Mr. Vernon?
There's something I don't
think you ever realized.
As far as
we were concerned,
we didn't just
lose our daughter.
We also lost our son.
I'm sorry.
We understand.
And she would want you to
just get on with your life.
And don't be a stranger.
But next time make sure
you use the front door.
I will. I promise.
And listen. Thank you, son. Thank you.
Look, I should have done this
a long time ago.
No, no, no,
not about that.
For getting rid
of that damn bird.
I love you, kid.
I love you, too.
Hey, I got your bear grass.
Oh, great. Thank you. H i.
H i.
Well, the thing is
you've spent
the last few days
getting to know
the part of me that...
That wasnt
really available.
So, I was wondering, if I
haven't screwed it up too bad,
if you would be interested in getting
to know the part of me that is.
Yes, she would.
Marty!
Sorry.
Yes.
Chapter 15.
During your travels,
it's important to always
keep one thing in mind.
When one thing ends,
something else begins.
Jeez.
Is it yourself?
Yes, who else would it be?
Come on, climb on. Come on.
Hello.
Hello.
I won't ask you where
you've been, not that I care.
Hello.
Hello.
Back to the salt mines, kid.
Hello.
Hello.
Goodbye.