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Lover's Prayer (2001)
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I fell in love over the course of a summer in my youth. Before the war in Crimea, I was living in Moscow with my parents. They took a house for the summer near the Neskootchny Park. I was preparing for the University, but worked little and slowly. I used to go for walks in our garden or in the park. I would take a book with me and spent most of the time repeating lines of poetry aloud to myself. There rose, like the grasses of early spring shoots of happy feeling, of young and surging life. I remember that at that time the image of woman, the shadowy vision of feminine love scarcely ever took definite shape in my mind but in every thought, in every sensation... there lay a half-conscious awareness of something new, sweet, feminine. This presentiment, this sense of expectancy was in every drop of blood that flowed through my veins. Soon it was to be fulfilled. How was your horse behaving, sir? I stopped her oats to gentle her. She's all right. I'm used to a more spirited horse, though. Are you then, sir? I'll oat her. Mashenka there makes traps, does she not? I'd like to catch a pheasant for my father. Very well, sir. I shall get a trap from Mashenka for you. Dimitry, do you know who our new neighbor at the other house might be? - The Princess Zasyekin, ma' am. - A princess? A poor one, I expect. They came in three cabs, ma'am and the furniture isn't worth mentioning. All it takes to spoil a summer is a neighbor. I was in the habit of walking around every evening with a gun looking for crows. Suddenly I heard the sound of voices. And there stood, on a lawn flanked by green raspberry canes, a tall, slender girl in a striped pink dress with her hat dropped onto her back. I forgot everything. My eyes devoured the graceful figure, the lovely hair, the charming smile. I dropped my rifle. Young man! Hey! Is it proper to stare at unknown ladies like that? As I was going to bed, without quite knowing why I spun around two or three times on one foot. Then I put pomade on my hair and combed up a dashing lock for my brow. It may seem clumsy to say it but all of the sudden... I liked me. - Dimitry. - Vladimir's Mah Jang. I turn upon you as one gentlewoman to another. Moreover, I am delighted to make use of this opportunity to call you over to me or I over to you. Vladimir! Go to that Princess, so called, next door and explain to her that I am ready to do anything within my power to offer help to her ladyship. And ask her to do me the honor of calling here. - Dimitry, are we free tomorrow? - Yes, you are, ma'am. - At six o'clock tomorrow. - Yes, Mother. - You see what to do then? - Yes. I'll go straight away. - What do you want? - Is the princess Zasyekin at home? Stepan! Have you been to the police station? - Old bag. - What? Is there somebody there? - The young gentleman from next door. - Show him in. Silly old cow. Would you come into the drawing room, sir? Have I the honor to address the Princess Zasyekin? I am the Princess Zasyekin. I have come to you with a message from my mother. Won't you sit down? Stepan, where are my keys? You haven't seen them, have you? My mother says she is ready to offer whatever help she can to your ladyship. And she bids for you to please call upon her tomorrow at six o'clock. Very good. I shall be pleased to call. But how handsome you are. And young. How nubile. Would you consider yourself nubile? Are you a milksop, would you say? I don't know. I haven't considered. - Do you know what this is? - No. It is a picture of George Washington saying goodbye to his mother. - Very good likeness, don't you think? - It's very nice. Please make yourself at home. We're very simple here. Too simple, I could not help thinking. Zinaida! Oh, Zinaida. This is my daughter Zinaida. This is the son of our neighbor. - What is your name, if I may ask? - Vladimir. - And your patronymic? - Petrovich. I once knew a Chief Constable by the name of Vladimir Petrovich. Stepan, don't look for the keys! They're in my pocket. I have already seen Monsieur Woldemar. You will let me call you so? Yes please, call me Monsieur Woldemar. Please do as you wish. - Are you busy at this moment? - No. Would you like to help me wind my wool? Come with me. I moved as in a dream and felt through my entire being an intense, almost imbecile sense of well-being. What did you think of me yesterday, Monsieur Woldemar? You disapproved of me, I suppose. No, Princess. How could I? I didn't think anything. Listen, you don't know me yet. But since you are the neighbor's son, let me tell you, I am very strange. I am mature, you see, for one of my years. You must tell me the truth at all times and do what I tell you. Always. I take it you're at a stage of fascination with fossils and steam engines? - Models of ships? - No, I don't. Never. If you are through with toys, you have much to discover. Look at me. Why don't you look at me? Do. I like your face. I have a feeling that we shall be friends. And do you like me? Princess... First of all, you must call me Zinaida Alexandrovna. And secondly, how queer that, that young gentlemen do not say straight out what they feel. Do you like me, don't you? Yes, of course, I like you very much, Zinaida Alexanfrovna. I have no wish to conceal it. - Have you a tutor? - No, I haven't had one for a long time. That was a lie. Yes, I see. You are quite grown up. Hold your hands straight. You haven't brought me anything, except for your lustrous eyes, have you? Perhaps you haven't any property of your own. Not yet, I suppose. I gazed at her and how dear she already was to me and how near. She was wearing a dark rather worn dress with an apron. How gladly would I have caressed every fold of that apron. The tips of her shoes looked out from under her skirt. And here I am sitting opposite her, I was thinking. I have met her. I know her. God, what happiness! How you do stare at me. Zinaida! Boris has brought you a kitten! A kitten! What a funny little thing. And what large ears. I do thank you, Boris Yegorich. It's very sweet of you. You were kind enough to say yesterday that you wanted a tabby kitten with large ears. And here, you see, I have procured one. Your word is law. - In return for the kitten... your hand? - Both of them. What a pink little tongue. Take it away. Zinaida, come. Sign at the bottom. - What is the matter? - Your mama has sent for you. Your mama is annoyed because you haven't come back with an answer. Why, have I been her long? - Over an hour. - Over an hour? - Where are you off to? - I'm afraid that I must go home. So I am to say that you will honor us at six o'clock? Yes, that's right, my dear. You say just that. Now, Monsieur Woldemar, mind you come and see us again. That Princess Zasyekin seems to me une femme tres vulgaire, with her requests to do something for her daughter. She seems to have endless lawsuits and affairs. Des vilaines affaires d'argent! Tiresome woman. I did, however, invite her and her daughter to dinner tomorrow. I remember now who this lady is. In my youth, I knew the Prince Zasyekin. A very well-bred man, but a ridiculous man too. They called him the Parisian because he spent much of his time in Paris. A relative of the late French Duke, in fact. Then he married some minor official's daughter and began to speculate in a rather large way. He completely ruined the family. - I hope she won't try to borrow money. - That is quite possible. You've invited the daughter too? Somebody was telling me she is a very charming and cultivated young lady. - She can't take after her mother, then. - No. Nor her father. I wonder what on earth she's doing here. I felt very uncomfortable during their conversation. Frankly, it seems like a rather unlikely place for them to have chosen. You say you knew this Prince Zasyekin? - Is that the young Princess? - It is. Why, do you know her? I met her this morning at her mother's house. That's well caught. At least we won't have to take out the buckshot. Julius Caesar was distinguished for military valor. I have a feeling that we shall be friends. How you do stare at me. If you are through with toys, you have much to discover. What's all this? You're not at the University yet. Heaven knows if you'll get through the examination. Your short coat wasn't made so very long ago. You can't throw it away yet. - Visitors are coming. - Nonsense. Visitors indeed. Stop. Come on, take it off. Put on the other one. Wash this stuff out. Giant sea slugs. Our Dimitry is responsible for the table as always. Rolled carpet bag. We have the cabbages from Mashenka's garden, I believe. And a pheasant trapped by Vladimir. Yes, using one of Mashenka's traps. Not a milksop then. I shall rely on your kind aid and protection, Maria Nicolayevna and Pyotr Vassilitch. What can one do? Time was, you know, but that is over. And here I am, a princess! A title's no good without any food. And I must say this is really very good food. Extraordinary. And you know, I do relish good food. And this is devilish good food, devilish good. Pardon. Thank you. My compliments, Maria Nicolayevna on your arrangements here. Modern furnishings are not to my taste, of course. But it really is a very nice house, nonetheless. He looks very familiar. You know he is a criminal. Come and see us at ten o'clock, do you hear? Don't fail me. - Very hard staff. - Yes, that's probably true. What a tiresome woman. Dreadful! And no, I don't like her daughter at all. She seems terribly conceited. What has she got to be so very proud about, "avec sa mine de grisette"? - You've evidently never seen Grisettes. - No, thank God. Yes indeed, thank God. Only in that case, how can you have any views about them? Stop, stop, stop! Another guest. We must give him a ticket too. Come along. Messieurs, may I introduce you? This is Monsieur Woldemar, our neighbor's son. And these are the poet Maidanov, Doctor Looshin, Retired Captain Nirmatsky, Count Malevsky and Boris the Hussar, whom you've already seen. You will all be friends, I hope. Count, write out a ticket for Monsieur Woldemar. That's not fair. This gentleman did not take part in our game of forfeits. It's not fair. Write out a ticket, I tell you. What is this, a mutiny? Monsieur Woldemar in here for the first time. And today the rule does not apply to him. No grumbling. Write out the ticket. That is my wish. At least may I be allowed to explain it Monsieur Woldemar what this is all about? You see, young man, we are playing a game of forfeits. The Princess has to pay a forfeit. And the winner, whoever draws the lucky ticket will have the right to kiss her hand. Do you understand what I'm saying? Maidanov, you as a poet should be magnanimous and yield your ticket for M'sieu Woldemar, that he may have two chances instead of one. I won't. No, I won't, Princess. All right, all at once. Kiss! Bravo, he wins! I am so pleased. - And are you pleased? - I... Sell me your ticket. I'll give you a hundred rubles. Oh, Boris. Well done! I, as master of ceremonies am obliged to see to it that all the rules are kept. So, Monsieur Woldemar go down on one knee. - Yes. - That is the rule. - Down on your knees. - Down, down, down. Splendid! Princess Zasyekin, I am sent by the legal department of the township. - Please, won't you sit down? - I'd rather not. - Secret! - Bis! Well, come. Tell me your secret, Monsieur Woldemar. Mine? Now sing your regimental song! Higher. Higher, Doctor! Come here, little girl. Come here, little girl. Where are you going so late in the forest? - I'm going to see my grandmama. - You're going to see your grandmother! The house was quiet. Dimitry lay asleep on the stairs. I sat down as if under a spell and remained so for a long time. Soon I noticed gleams of light constantly lighting the room. I stood at the window. The thought struck me then, that I was in love. It was here. This was love. Your honor, the law department official has been paying calls about the property. Would your honor like to hear about it before riding, sir? Yes. What of it? This official wrote up a report. And in it he says that Mashenka is accused of going around and milking other people's cows at night. Does Mashenka move around at night? No, sir. Not except as to take tea over to the monastery or to take some food over to Father Pascom. She never came home with milk or carrots. And this official says he had his head in the house where that Princess Zas... Zasyekin. Where Princess Zasyekin has come to stay. He wants Mashenka to inform on them if the candles are burning at night, sir. I'll see what I can do. Oh, God! - Your soot's caught fire! - I know. We can't put it out! Denis, be careful! Mother of God, save us. You look ill, absolutely ill. I'm perfectly well. What kept you so long at that woman's house? You're not to from attachments over there, do you hear? It's just that there were visitors. We played the piano, and the young Princess sang. It was cheerful. Rubbish. They're a gruesome set of people. On the contrary, they were very kind to me, very nice. All the same, they are not comme il faut. And I don't want you wasting time in such company. You should be working for your examination. All of Gaul is divided into three parts... Who recruited you? It was my great uncle, the French Duke who renounced his title for peace and justice and repentance and the glory of the gospels. And who did you recruit? I cannot tell you, because I love him! Yes, he is my love, and he will save me! No one can possibly save you now, my dear, except for... Yes, Dragon Man, as you were saying? Except for Woldemar! I told you he would come. - Oh, no! Dashed! Ruined! - Wait! We can win. - We'll destroy him! - Men of Gaul, prepare to die! A man amongst boys. Well done. Denis, thank you. I'm so grateful. Call me whenever I can help you. I'm at your service. - We've always been neighbors after all. - Yes, we've always been neighbors. God bless you. Have you had any news from Vesya? When will the Army let him come home? He's somewhere in Poland. That's all I know. You poor woman. I did get some money from Vasya last month. As I said, if there's anything I can do. Thank you. There is a sleigh outside. It's loaded with wood but I haven't been able to get it into the barn. I haven't been able to do it. Yes. I'll come around then to help you. I'll expect you then. At your service, your ladyship. Would you be so kind as to copy out a petition for me? - You are educated after all. - With pleasure. Only mind, make your letters nice and big. Could you please do it today, my dear sir? I'll do it now, ma'am. Zinaida. I say, Zinaida! Zinaida guessed at once that I'd fallen in love with her. From that day, my passion began. Not that I alone had fallen in love with her. Here is a very beautiful day. - Don't you agree, Denis? - Yes, it is - And you are as beautiful. - Am I? I have to tell you my real feelings or I will die. I must. I must tell you. I suffer so. Or perchance it some secret rival that sudden cast his spell on thee. Where to for, I thus suspect a hen would near thee lay. Big dogs what? Only at that instant did the thought flash through my mind. My God, she has fallen in love. I kept watch on Zinaida. A change had come over her. She began to go for long solitary walks. Would you receive this young gentleman, sir? Why do you keep trailing in and out of here, young man? You should be studying, working while you're young. Instead of which, you're doing what? You can't tell whether I work at home or not. A lot of work you do. You've something else on your mind. I won't argue. At your age, that's natural enough. But your choice isn't very fortunate. Can't you see what sort of a house this is? - I'm not quite sure what you mean. - So much the worse for you. It's all very well for people like me, for old bachelors to go on coming here. It can't do too much to us old bachelors. But you have a tender skin. - What do you mean? - You well now? Are you in a normal condition? Do you consider that what you feel now is healthy? What am I feeling now? Bless you. Whatever is in your heart is still written all over your face. How can you, with your intelligence not see what's going on around you? Why? What's going on around me? What do you mean by bringing that hoe into this house? Take it out this instant! You said you'd pay me last week, and now it's this week. And you're not getting rid of me again. If you refuse to pay me, I'm contacting law! That is an insolent remark, and you are a peasant! And you shall no talk to me in that tone of voice! I am a peasant, but I'm not a serf. Money is owed to me, and you will pay it or you will talk to the law. How dare you... How dare you suggest such a thing in my house! You're already famous, you know. For being a regular soldier's wife yourself. Oh, yes. That's no business of yours. How would you like me to clap you in that fat face! That is enough! You've gone quite far enough! Stepan! Looshin! I can go much further, you know I can. Now, the money please. You'll get it soon enough! You'll get it. Now is better, for your sake. Stepan! Looshin! Looshin, I have a toothache. I have a dreadful surly peasant here and a toothache! And here we have Zinaida who spends the whole day wandering around out of doors like a Biblical Hebrew without orientation! I'm at my wit's end with this house! - Looshin, do something. - Such as what, Princess? Tell her off. She wanders... She drinks iced water the whole day long. Can that be good for her, with her weak chest? - Why do you do this? - Why? What can it do to me? Do to you? You could catch cold and die. - Really? Then that would be that. - I see. So that's how it is. Yes, that is how it is. Is life so gay then? Why, if you look around you, is it so very attractive? Do you think I don't understand? Can you seriously maintain to me that this life is not worth risking for the pleasure of iced water? Enough, dear Zinaida. Your entire nature is very aptly conveyed. No, you've missed, my dear doctor. You're not a good observer. Put on your spectacles. Help? Monsieur Woldemar, I cannot bear to be pitied. Zinaida. Zinaida! It is bad, bad, young man. The atmosphere in this house. Did you tell him about the inspector from the legal department? Several days ago, ma'am, yes. - What was his reply? - Not much, ma'am. But he went directly across to the Zasyekin lodge. - What did he propose over there? - I'm sorry, I don't know that, ma'am. Thank you. And drown an eye unused to flow. Loathsome. Maidanov, I'm sorry. Your poem stinks. It isn't mine. It's Shakespeare. - I thought he was supposed to be good. - Very famous, you know. He is good. Good, at the very least. "Drown an eye unused to flow"? It's insipid. Does he not simply mean cry or weep? He should simply say that. "I wept" or "I cried." I order Shakespeare stricken from the house. Hugo is a first rate writer. I have Hugo. Tronkosheyev too, in his Spanish novel "El Trovador." The book with the question marks upside down? No. Let's play a game instead. - Forfeits? - No, forfeits are boring. I propose a game called Analogies. An object will be compared to something else. Whoever thinks of the best analogy will win a prize. - Very well. Let's play! - Yes, let's play. What are those clouds like? I think they're like those purple sails on the golden ship on which Cleopatra sailed to meet Antony. Do you remember? - Yes, yes. - Yes, precisely. - Exactly. - Perfectly. How old was Antony then? - He must surely have been young. - Yes, young. I beg your pardon, he was over forty. Over forty. Will the gentlemen please let me pass? Yes. Yes, of course. Good analogy. Mashenka! Everything about her fascinated me. I was constantly curious and used to sneak up to her house hoping to find her idle and wanting company. - Are you gathering onions? - Yes, Princess. You know, my mother is very cross with you. She could make trouble. But that's not what I want. Let's have a secret. - A secret, Princess? - I enjoy natural bathing when it's hot. But it must be hidden. A place no one will catch me. I know a cool pond yonder, Princess. I have bathed there myself. Is it very hidden? So hidden that you could even meet a lover there and never be found? - I have never done that, Princess. - But you could. You see, Princess, no one can look here. Even from the nearest hill, you cannot see the pond. Yes, I see. And so you bathe here, naked and unafraid? - Yes, Princess. - Then do so. Prove it. But I'll just get dirty again when I gather the onions. You said this pond was a hidden place and secret enough to meet a lover. I want you to assure me. Undress yourself. Gregory, I want you to sit over there and look into the wood to look out for me. Sing your Captain song, the whole thing. - And don't look around, do you hear? - All right. I admit I was engaged in a supreme ungentlemanly act. I spied on, however. Now undress me. - Have you ever met a lover here? - No, Princess, never. But you have sometimes wished to do so. Isn't that true? My husband is in the Army so I have thought like that, yes. That is also the way I feel sometimes. - I will keep that a secret, Princess. - Yes, you must. - I keep secrets very well. - Do you? Who's there? You. Come here, spy. - It hurts! - It hurts, does it? And do you think it doesn't hurt me? Doesn't hurt me? What have I done? Poor Monsieur Woldemar. I shall put your hair in my locket and I shall wear it. This will perhaps comfort you a little. And now, goodbye. I gave myself up to fruitless speculation always looking for secluded places. A youth afflicted by such misery, solitude and grief. How I reveled in these melancholy feelings. How I adored them. Silly, what are you doing so high up there? I'm thinking. You always declare that you love me. Well then, jump down onto the road for me if you truly love me. Oh, my darling boy. How could you do it? How could you listen to me when you know I love you? Please stand up. Get up, you naughty boy! You idiot! Why are you lying in the grass? Give me my parasol. See where I've thrown it on your account. Don't look at me like that. It's too ridiculous. You aren't hurt, are you? Don't look at me, I tell you. Why, he doesn't understand a word, he doesn't answer. Now, don't argue with me. We have a lot to think about. You are to sit. Don't dare to move from your place. I've not managed to find you a quiet horse. Denis says he absolutely guarantees one, but I feel afraid. Afraid of what, may I ask? Of what? Why, you don't know how to ride. I dare not think what might happen. What is this whim that's come into your head suddenly? That's my affair, you beast. I can always ask our neighbor, Vladimir's father, for a horse. I see. It's him you mean to go riding with. - With him, or someone else. - As you wish. I shall find you a horse. But don't go and get me an old cow. I want to gallop. Gallop as much as you want. Who is it then? Is it Malevsky you want to go riding with? Now calm yourself, and don't glare so. I'll take you too. - You only say that to console me. - Does that console you? Oh, the warrior. And you, Monsieur Woldemar, would you come with us? No, I'm not fond of large company. He wants to go alone with me. Freedom to the free, heaven for the holy. Off you go, Boris, and do something. I must have a horse for tomorrow. And where is the money to come from? I'm not asking you for it. Boris will trust me. Boris will trust you? Boris, a word please. Really, this is splendid. This is a letter for your mother. Here's a letter for you. Open it. Gregory, go to the hayloft. See if the swallows have hatched. The Army's discharging Vasya. He's being sent home. When? Does it say? He's already been released. He'll be here soon. Well then, you can be an honest woman again. - I'm not going to live with him. - He's your husband, isn't he? Do you think it's as easy as that? I never loved him. I married him against my will. My mother made me do it. Don't try to get out of it. Tell me this, were you married to him in church or not? Of course I married him. I love you. I want to live with you till I die. Let people laugh, I don't care. We have sinned, you and I. We must listen to our consciences and fear God. We must ask forgiveness of Vasya. He's a quiet man, he won't kill you. It's better to repent and restore your home. - I love you, Not him, you. - There's Gregory to think of too. Did you think of him when you where pulling me to the ground? What do you want? I came to call upon the young Princess, naturally. She is unwell. Look. Lilac. All medications have their source in herbs. Even morphia is derivative. - I thought she was a flirt. - Yes. Evidently to sacrifice oneself is the height of bliss for some people. What are you trying to say? I beg your pardon. I'm not trying to say anything. No, it's all over now. I'm a little tired, but that will pass. And you will be the same as you were before? - Why? Am I changed then? - Yes, you are. I have been cold to you, I know. But you should not have taken any notice of it. You just don't want me to love you, that's what it is. No. Love me, yes. But not as before. What am I to do then? Let us be friends, that's what. We are neighbors after all, aren't we? - Am I only a child to you? - Yes, a child. But a good, sweet, clever child whom I love very much. I'll tell you what. As from today, you are appointed to be my page. And always remember that pages must never leave their mistress' side. And here is the token of your new dignity. Follow me, my page. The same dog, the same pine cone and the samovar was still cold. Your turn, Boris. What was your latest dream? I dreamt I fed carp to my horse. My horse had a wooden leg too. Ate the carp, didn't like the carp. My poor dream began as a lady sudden deceived her adored man. - Rot! - Music floated from afar. There were talking flowers and standing forlorn upon the sepulchers, I saw great angels with lyres. - Absolute rot! - Do shut up, Maidanov. Yes, I agree. Boris, if your dreams are so dull, invent a story then. I can't think of anything to say. Can't you imagine? Let's say that you are married. Tell us how you would arrange your life with your bride. - Would you lock her up? - I would. And would you remain with her yourself? Certainly. I would certainly stay with her all the time. Admirable. And if this happened to bore her and she deceive you? I would kill her. And if she ran away? I would pursue her and catch her and kill her. I see. And supposing that I were your wife, what would you do then? I would kill myself. If I should need to have somebody killed, I would send directly for you, my great Hussar beast. Now imagine a magnificent palace, a ball being held by a young queen, set with every conceivable luxury. - You like luxury? - Of course. Don't interrupt. Well, then, the ball is magnificent. There are many guests. Young, brave, beautiful and all are madly in love with the Queen. - Are there no women among the guests? - No. Or wait. There are. - All ugly? - No, ravishing. But the men are all in love with the Queen. She is tall and graceful. Upon her locks is set a diadem of gold. They all throng about her and flatter her. And she likes flattery? He will interrupt all the time. And who doesn't like flattery? As the ball proceeds, the Queen ignores her guests. She gazes into the garden. She thinks, you all throng round me. You are all ready to die at my feet, you are my slaves. But there, by the fountain, by the plashing water he whose slave I am awaits me. No one knows him, but he waits me. Sure that I shall come. No power on earth can stop me when I want to be with him in the darkness of the garden. And then as the Queen rushes into the garden, do we not see the Queen's imbecile page trailing along, carrying her train? I never gave your excellency the right to be insolent. And therefore, I must ask you to leave. - I protest. I beg you. - The Princess is right. I did not suppose, I never imagined. Well, surely there was nothing in my words that I wouldn't remotely think of insulting you. Please forgive me. I am showing you the door. Good night. Who is he? These words seemed to stand before my eyes in the darkness. At whom, at what could she have been hinting? Look, Dad! Look at the colt. This one's my favorite. - How many have you got now? - I've got five. I'm not your wife anymore. I don't want to live with you. We have sinned against you, Vesya. We have grievously sinned against you and against God. Forgive us, for Christ's sake. Mashenka, it is your solemn duty to wash your husband's feet and drink the dirty water as penance. Monsieur Le Page. Delighted to see you. What is your lovely queen doing? Are you still annoyed? You really shouldn't be. After all, it was Zinaida who called you a page. They're usually to be found with queens. But let me tell you that you're not carrying out your duties at all well. And why is that? Pages ought never to leave their mistress' side. Pages should know everything their mistresses do. They should watch them day and night. - What do you mean by that? - Yes, what do you mean by it? Mean by it? Day and night. In the daytime it is light, and there are lots of people about. But night, that's when anything may happen. Keep watch. Watch with all your might. I shall show the whole world, and Zinaida too, that I know the meaning of revenge. I thought I heard the creak of a door opening, then the faint sound of a snapping twig. There was a sound, quite distinct of footsteps in the garden. They were carrying towards me. Here he is. Whoever he is, he is here at last, I thought. Oh, God, it was my father. What is all this? A dream? A chance coincidence? The ideas which suddenly entered my head were so new and strange I did not dare let myself dwell on them. Good afternoon. Here, my dear Woldemar, is a friend for you. He is called Victor, my little brother. Please get to like him. He is still a wild, shy little thing but he has a kind heart. Show him the Neskootchny Gardens. Take him for walks. - You will do it, won't you? You will. - Yes, of course. Go on, children, give one another a hug. I'll take you to the Gardens if you like. Very kind of you, I am sure. Hadn't you better unbutton your collar? No, thanks. We're quite used to it. Pardon me. - Today am I only a little boy to you? - What's the matter? What is it? I know everything. I know. Why did you play with me? I am guilty before you. I am terribly guilty. I have so much in me that is dark, evil, wicked. But now I am not playing with you. I love you. And you haven't an inkling why and how much I love you. But anyway, what is it that you know? What could I tell her? She gazed at me, and here I was, utterly hers from head to foot. She did exactly what she liked with me. What? You lie! Don't you, you've got... Act as though you deserve to be treated with respect, I'll treat you with respect! With what you've been doing! - Where is my father? - What right...? My instructions are to seat you alone. - You lied all the time. - I've lied? I just never understood that. You have lied for years! - Shut up, will you! - You sit there! How can you sit there after what you have done? I know you. You're a disgusting cheat, yes, you are. You're a liar! You're a sneaky bastard. You and your whore next door. Don't exaggerate, please. No boring hysterics. Just die, can't you? Just die! God should snuff you out for your lies, your hypocrisy! What lies? You're full of conjecture and fear. You smell of it! You've never understood me, have you? Fear? Of course I've got fear in me, for God's sake. Because you have lied all of our marriage. When did I lie? You're constantly calling me a liar. You keep me in a cage. I feel like. There's been a letter. Otherwise these things should never come into the open. - Was there really a letter? - Yes, sir, there was. Not that your father wasn't careful, just as you were, sir. Forgive me, sir, in the garden. But the servants come to know these things, you see. It can't be done without servants either. There's always something you can't do without. Hiring a carriage, things like that. She's locked you up! You're twitching like a fool! You think it's passion? It isn't. It's money. What a charming fraud. Is she calling it a loan? What money? Who on earth are you talking about? That vulgar old princess! Fool! Now we see, you burnt out old hag! - Bastard! - You're an old toad! - Devil! - Now we see what you're really made of. - I have it in a letter. All of it. - What all of it is that? Zinaida! The loan to her mother. All of it! God, how could you be so stupid? I told you she was une femme capable de tout. You see? I know everything. - Give it to me. - What are you? For your own sake, give me that letter. Zinaida was your mother's name, wasn't it? I'd forgotten that. You know I can hurt you and very badly. Come on then, kill me! Stop! Stop frightening her! Don't you hurt my mother! Stop it, I will! - Oh, gosh. - Be quiet. Leave this room! - Are you in love with her? - Yes, perhaps. I know you want to see her. I know she's there. No doubt, she likes to see you too. But listen to me. I'm going to ask you to do something very brave and manly. I want you to grow up if you can, quite suddenly, and in a really unusual way. And not see her. Can you do that, Vladimir? Yes, I can. Won't you sit down. Vladimir. Love between a man and a woman is a Lord of most terrible countenance. It seemed to me all was ended. In one swoop, all my flowers were torn up by the roots and lay about me, scattered, broken, trampled underfoot. Dimitry, make preparation for our return to Moscow. We are moving back to town. Do everything quietly and without any haste. Vladimir. I want you to go to that Princess and tell her. Tell her? Send her my compliments, and express my regret that ill health prevents me from saying goodbye in person. I walked over to the Zasyekin lodge as if I had lost my life, longing for it all to end. One thought held on me. How could she? What did she hope for? A young girl and a Princess, how could she ruin herself? And I remembered Looshin's words... To sacrifice oneself is the height of bliss for some people. Your people seem to be getting off in a terrible hurry. Why is that, my dear sir? I heard your voice and came at once. You find it so easy to desert me then, you wicked boy? No, I came to say goodbye to you, Princess. Probably forever. You have heard, perhaps, that we are leaving? Yes, I've heard. Thank you for coming. I had begun to think I would not see you again. You must not think too ill of me. I have sometimes tortured you. But I am not what you imagine me to be. Really, I am not like that. I know you have a low view of me. - I? - Yes, you. No, believe me, Zinaida Alexandrovna, that whatever you did and however much that you make me suffer. I will love you and I will adore you until the end of my days. Goodbye. I cannot even begin to convey the feelings with which I left her. I never wish to experience them again. But I should count it a misfortune never to have had them at all. - Count Malevsky. - How dare you send for me! Some days ago, your excellency was shown the door of a certain house. I do not wish to enter into any kind of explanation, but should we ever meet in Moscow, I shall throw you in the river, sir. I do not like your handwriting! Yes, some days ago I was shown the door of a certain house. I did not realize I was there as your guest. A letter of mine has arrived at the wrong address. But if you, sir, cannot account for the confusion, then of course, neither can I. Goodbye. Drive on! We moved back to Moscow. - Shall I bring the last chest, sir? - Yes. Will you check the master... Towards my father, I actually bore no ill feeling. On the contrary, he seemed even to have grown in my eyes. Let psychologists explain this contradiction if they can. One day, I was walking in the street and to my indescribably joy ran into Looshin. - Hey, young man. - Yes. So it's you. Let's have a look at you. Still pretty green. However, the old nonsense seems to have left your eyes. You look like a man, not a lap dog. Off to University? Yes, it's University now. That's right. Good. The main thing, you know, is to live a normal life and not be carried away by this or that wave which always turns out badly. Better have a rock to stand on. Now you see, I've got a cough. And Boris, have you heard? - No. What? - No trace of him. Disappeared? Comes from not knowing how to break off in time. He got caught in that net like a fish, didn't he? I'm glad you escaped all right. Permit me to say I hope you never see her again, now that you're well. - Goodbye. - Goodbye. But I was destined to see Zinaida again. - Wait here and hold the horses. - Why? Where are you going? I need to see a man about some business who lives up the street. How long will you be gone? Not long. Only a minute or two. You stay here. Hello, love. Want some company? Good morning, sir. What are you doing standing here with the horses? Sorry. A nice bit of tobacco for a nice old girl like me, sir? It's a cold morning, sir. A little bit of tobacco helps. For Pete's sake, are you deaf? Please leave me alone. I was utterly stunned. This, I admit, I did not expect. Do you want to end up like that? My thoughts were in a dreadful whirl. But I could not begin to grasp what it was that I had witnessed. They are beating her, I thought. Beating, beating. Vladimir, what are you gawking at? Give me my horse. What happened to your whip? - Why? Did you get bored waiting for me? - Yes, a little. - Did you drop it? - No, I didn't drop it. I threw it away. How could one bear to be struck by a whip by any hand however dear? And yet it seems one can, if one is in love. His body was discovered by Dimitry as I slept upstairs. There's a letter on the desk which I think you ought to see. There I discovered a letter which he had begun, addressed to me. "My son," he wrote, "beware of the love of women." "Beware of that ecstasy, that slow poison." The letter broke off there. He had not finished when death occurred. My mother sent a considerable sum of money to a Moscow address. Monsieur Dolsky, how are you enjoying this representation of Othello? I think it is very good, Monsieur... - Maidanov. - Maidanov. Of course, thank you. It is very colorful. Our box has a fair view of it. Ah, sorry. - How is your view of it? - Ordinary, I suppose, for a box. I rather meant, for instance, do you sympathize with Othello's passion? I'm not a jealous man, I'm sorry to tell you. That's a woman's passion, as Aristotle reminds us. I never understood it in a man. Wouldn't your wife be disappointed to hear that, sir? I expect she would not. Perhaps she would. That is an interesting point. I wonder if she would indeed. Is that not Monsieur the page? Maidanov. Yes, it's you. What a long time it's been. It must be quite... Five or four years it's been. You know, incidentally, that Madame Dolsky is here. Madame Dolsky? Surely you've not forgotten the former Princess Zasyekin. You remember we were all in love with her. Yes, and you too. You remember, in the country, near the Neskootchny. - She's married to this Dolsky? - Yes. - Is she here in the theater? - No. In Moscow. She came here a day or two ago. She is going abroad. What is he like, this Dolsky? Very nice fellow, and quite well off. A colleague of mine here in Moscow. You're in government service then? The poet becomes a civil servant? Yes. That fate has taken me there. Whimsical, isn't it? So she settled on this Dolsky? You understand, after that episode. You must know all about that. It was not easy for her to find herself a suitable Parti. And it did not end there. But with her brains, nothing is impossible. I have her card. Do go and see her. She will be very pleased to see you. She is more lovely than ever. Yes, certainly, I will. I'll go tomorrow and see her. Certainly. Vladimir, look at this. The French, the English, the Turkish too? Do we really mean to fight them all at once? Where are you off to so early in the day? I must pay a call on a friend at the Hotel Demuth. Have you forgotten your appointment or change it? My appointment? Yes, of course. With the estate agent. You have forgotten it. - You're right. I will see to it. - Today, mind. I want all our affairs in order in case there is a war in the Crimea. Yes, I will. Also, I've made an appointment with the admiralty as you asked me to. There's a chance they'll offer you a commission if you go to them directly. That is, you can present yourself at Thursday morning at ten o'clock. I promised to pay a call on a friend here in Moscow. I would have to leave straight away. - I thought you wanted a commission. - I do, as I've said. One might keep one's appointments at the admiralty in that case, may I suggest. Captain Nirmansky. Admiral Nirmansky, Monsieur Woldemar. You are aware, I take it, of the very real possibility of war in the Crimea. Yes, sir. Indeed I am. The course of your studies at University does not lead to a Naval appointment in an obvious fashion. It says here you are responsible for your mother who was widowed. Are you the only child? Yes, Lord Admiral. But she would not object. - If you knew, I take as your meaning? - Correct. What if, under the circumstances, we agreed to offer you a commission as an ensign? - What would you say to that? - God save the Czar. You will find a very good military tailor for your uniform at Savilev's here in Petersburg. I can recommend them. Report for duty in Kronstadt in two weeks. Yes, sir. Better? Yes, these are correct. When can you have these ready? - Very quick, sir. Four days. - No. Not sooner? I'm sorry, sir. So many gentlemen ahead of you. This delay will oblige me to stay in Petersburg waiting, you see. I live in Moscow. I regret it so much, sir. But I cannot do better than four days. Very well. My card. Ensign what? Who? Give that to Madame Dolsky. She will know me. Impossible. - How can it be? - Looshin! - But it might be good for her. - What is the matter? Come in quickly and be quiet. Stay here. I'll fetch you. I think it's good you've come. That sword, that sword, take it off! You are not Dolsky. You are not Dolsky at all. Because where is our Dolsky? Lost in the center of town, the idiot. Again! Isn't that typical of him, wouldn't you say? I'm afraid that we've never met. Her child was breached and stillborn. She hasn't long. Don't look like that. I'm quite serious. Follow me. Monsieur Woldemar, how kind of you. No, Vladimir. Listen to me. You were our neighbor's son one summer in the country. We had a friendship there, you and I, long ago. And once, you won my kiss. - No, twice. - But that is all. The rest must never be spoken of. It must not be remembered by anyone. I must not be connected to what happened and to your poor father. It is happening to me now. God is justice. He is just. I see it. But promise me you will never speak of it. Never. I will never speak of it. I assure you, it will be all forgotten. Thank you. But if one day hence, not soon, you wish to write some words about me in a poem or a novel, I would like that. And people would not entirely hate me then. They would love me a little too, wouldn't they? - Wouldn't they? - They would. The past rose and stood before me. So that was to be the final answer to it all. So that was the final goal towards which this young life all glitter and ardor and excitement, went hurrying along. Here, not far from me, who was still living and perhaps only a few steps from where my father lay. And so I took my leave from the brief phantom of my first love. And what has become of it all? Of all that I had hoped for? And now when the shades of evening are beginning to close in upon my life what have I left that is fresher, dearer to me than the memories of that brief storm that came and went so quickly one morning in the spring. How handsome you are in your uniform. By the time you get to Kronstadt, you'll be all wrinkled and covered in dust. I have a clean one. I'll change before I report. Don't worry. I shall not worry. Do you know what? I'm sorry Zinaida never saw how fine you are, how brave. - Am I brave? - Yes. I look at you and I think, now there is a man. Voila un home. Goodbye. But I was not brave. Lord, forgive me my sins, forgive me my sins. Forgive me my sins, forgive me my sins. Forgive me my sins. Lord. Please forgive me my Lord. And I remember that there by the deathbed of that poor beautiful girl, I grew afraid, afraid for Zinaida. And I wanted to say a prayer for her, and for my father, and for myself. |
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