He's coming.
I love you.
Jessie!
Oh, I missed you.
More!
Again!
What will you do with me now, sir?
Find a priest, take our vows
and live happily ever after.
But what of your mother?
You know how she feels
about mixed marriages.
By sunset
we will be man and wife,
and the Queen, bless her soul,
will be out of my life.
- He's coming! He's coming!
Let's go.
Everybody!
Stand back. Make way.
I am the Prince.
We are here
on the Queen's business.
We have orders
to arrest your peasant girl.
Over my dead body.
Do not draw that sword
unless you intend to use it, sir.
I think he means it.
Sir, a word in private.
We're mere soldiers
working on the Queen's business.
Can't you try to see things...
No, don't!
Unhand her!
- My prince!
- Jessie!
- I love you!
- I love you!
- My prince!
- Jessie!
William!
Queen, the queen!
Stop picking on those soldiers
and get away from that peasant girl.
Hit the ground, you scummy toads.
I love her, Mother.
I will always love her.
Be still, my son.
She's only after the royal jewels.
You know she's not our type.
Now, come home with me
and we'll discuss it over some mutton.
Give her the gift.
- Well, my little sweetie pie.
- I don't want your gold or your jewels.
Get out of the way.
No? Then how about gold and jewels?
Jessie, let us make this
a symbol of our eternal love.
Then I will wear it forever.
You have cursed my gift!
It's not me, darling.
It's the work of Spretzle.
Brilliant. Simply brilliant.
Frozen forever.
That little curse was nothing,
my queenie. Nothing, no, nothing.
Mother, I have never
asked you for anything.
But I beseech you,
take my life and spare hers.
All right,
since you're such a romantic.
A thousand years,
or until she meets a true love
from another land.
Only then can the cursed necklace
be removed.
No!
Is it a deal?
Yes, but you have cursed your kingdom
for 1,000 years.
And that is the legend
of Hauptmann-Koenig's
enchanted peasant girl.
Of course, nobody
really believes the legend.
Now, if you'll step this way,
I'll show you our famous collection
of umbrellas through history.
Is it true
the statue's going on tour?
Yes.
"Nobody really believes
the legend"?
My great, great,
great, great, great,
great, great, great...
Do you mind? Thank you.
Great, great grandfather
was never wrong:
And very soon, my darling,
you will be alive and belong to his
great, great, great, great,
great, great, great,
great grandson.
That's me.
See you, Mom.
Jason, your breakfast.
You have to eat
before you start a new job.
Thanks, Mom.
- Did I keep you up last night?
- You work too hard.
Well, all right.
So, marry a rich girl, and I'll retire.
- So, find me a rich girl.
- All right. I will. So, go.
Don't be late.
I'll be waiting up for you.
Mrs. Williamson!
Mrs. Williamson!
- What happened?
- I'm married!
- Oh, I don't believe it.
- Thank you!
- Thank you!
- Well, thank you.
He's the most beautiful man
I have ever met.
Oh, wonderful.
Come in. You'll tell me.
- Is he rich?
- Yes.
- Does he have a Gold Card?
- Yes, he does.
- Does he have car?
Does he have a condo?
- Yes.
Maybe I'm crazy
but I'm no fool
I know where I stand
All of your reasons
and all your rules
Don't stop me again
Because a lie's a lie
and a fact's a fact
You can try
but you can't change that
I've got something
to make you see
And that something is me
You better wake up
Because my time is coming
And I'm running all the way
Wake up!
My engine's humming
Running down the road to paradise
Wake up!
No time for sleeping
Going to drive all night
Wake up!
And start believing
Racing through the darkness
to the light
Make me an offer
I can't refuse
Near my back to the wall
Fold me a bed
with those concrete shoes
It don't matter at all
Through the fire, on the ice
I've been knocked down
once or twice
I've got something
left to prove
Going to prove it to you
You better wake up
'Cause my time is coming
And I'm running all the way
Wake up!
And start believing
Racing through
Racing through the night
Wake up!
- Oh, thank you.
- Hold it.
Start believing
Ooh, you better wake up
Wake up!
I like to get candids.
Come with me.
Yeah, it might just be
your ID badge,
but I try to capture
the essence of every Prince employee.
Here, sign this.
I'm Andy Ackerman, Security.
I don't miss much.
Hi, I'm Jason Williamson.
I guess you're wondering what
I'm doing with a steering wheel, right?
Steering wheel?
Oh, that.
No, I assumed it was a key chain.
No. No, I just don't want
my jeep stolen.
You don't have to worry about that
with me around here.
- Isn't that hair spray?
- Yeah. Well, I sort of
flunked Mace class.
Oh.
You blind one instructor,
- they make you wait six months.
- Yeah.
Oh, here. Don't lose this baby.
You can charge anything in the store
with it. 10 percent off, too.
- Come with me. I'll help you check in.
- Thanks.
I'm supposed to report
to a Mr. James.
- Do you know...
- Oh, boy. Yeah.
Has the shipment arrived
from Hauptmann-Koenig yet?
- It's coming in this afternoon.
- Not good enough.
- I want it this morning.
- That's impossible, sir.
Nothing is impossible.
"Impossible" is a dirty, dirty word.
- Dust.
- Pardon me?
I smell dust.
Dust your counter.
Make a showplace
of the workplace.
"Make a showplace
of the workplace."
I want a major employee turnout
at the airport tonight.
This whole event
has to go off without a hitch,
otherwise, heads will roll.
He's not kidding.
That's him right there.
Mr. James, I'm so sorry.
It was an accident. It will
never happen again, I promise.
- Excuse me, Mr. James?
- Not now.
An accident?
You destroy a mannequin
during store hours
and you call it an accident?
- Mr. James.
- Not now!
What do you do, Albert?
I work for Mr. Montrose, sir.
On the Hauptmann-Koenig
presentation?
- Mr. James.
- Not now!
Do you realize
how important that presentation is?
The cream of Philadelphia society
is going to be here.
The eyes of the entire city
will be on that presentation
and on this store and on me.
- Do you understand?
- Yes.
- And have you learned your lesson?
- Yes, sir.
Good. You're fired.
For best effect,
deplore neglect, demand respect.
"Deplore neglect,
demand respect."
Now.
I'm Jason Williamson.
I think I'm supposed to report
to you. I'm the new trainee.
Ah.
Well, lucky you.
It seems we have an opening
on Mr. Montrose's staff.
Just because Hauptmann-Koenig is drab
does not mean that we have to be.
I'm going to breathe some life
into this presentation.
Remember, the password is pizzazz!
Stop! Wait!
Do you remember Miss Diana Ross
in the movie Mahogany?
Yeah.
Give me cheekbones,
or give me death!
Five, six, seven, eight.
Mr. James is coming!
Mr. James is coming!
Scatter, children! Scatter!
Bring down the curtains!
Montrose. Montrose!
I need to talk to you.
The Wizard's not here.
Go away. Go away.
- Montrose!
- Laughing, joking, kidding.
I'd like you to meet
your new assistant.
What happened to Albert?
Albert was a blemish
on the face of Prince and Company.
I fired him.
Just like you did
those 18 other assistants?
Guess there's no use in worrying
about the pension plan around here, huh?
He's got a sense of humour. I like that.
We can use that around here.
No peeking!
- Why won't you let me see it?
- Because I am an artiste.
You wouldn't want to interrupt
the creative flow, would you?
Montrose, this show
will be elegant and demure, won't it?
- No crazy stuff.
- You have my word.
Fine.
The pursuit of excellence
begins with elegance.
"The pursuit of excellence
begins with elegance."
I haven't been elegant and demure
since I graduated from finishing school.
Entre.
She's pretty.
What is all this
enchanted-peasant-girl stuff?
Oh, it's a typical old world tale.
Girl meets prince.
Evil sorcerer turns girl into wood
for 1,000 years,
Lord knows how.
Wooden girl becomes
major tourist attraction.
Yeah, that's pretty typical,
all right.
Would you like to try
one of our new fragrances?
No, thanks.
Tabu. How mysterious.
Hit me again, Gail.
You never buy, Hollywood.
Well, no. That is because
I am constantly evolving.
Put it right here, Jason.
- How about a gift for your girlfriend?
- Oh, I don't have one.
So you're looking.
For true love. Yeah. Sure.
True love is like
the Loch Ness monster.
Everyone has heard of it,
but no one has ever seen it.
- I have.
You know, I don't know.
I think there's someone out there
for everyone.
I couldn't agree more.
You just have to follow your heart,
and your nose.
Well, my, my, my.
Aren't we the little coquette?
Forgive me if I'm wrong, but, Jason,
I think that if you asked Gail out,
she would probably say yes.
Am I hallucinating, Gail?
Excuse me, I'm beeping.
Pardon moi.
Put it right there, Jason.
Well, I am free Friday, Jason.
I'm free, too, Gail.
Well, why rush it?
I mean, looks like we're going to be
working here together.
- Why don't we just, you know...
- Something terrible has happened.
The enchanted peasant girl
has been in an accident!
Come on. We must go.
Follow me! Move your buns!
Still free Friday.
My little nip and tuck
derriere is going to be in a sling
if anything happens to that statue,
those clothes or the royal jewels.
I'm sure
everything's going to be fine.
Oh, it's just the word "jewels."
I have these beads and baubles,
mementos of old flames.
Souvenirs for old
Mr. Left Behind Hollywood.
Oh, it's just so cheap and tawdry.
Well, at least they thought
enough of you to give you the gifts.
I bought them myself.
Wow!
Hold it right there, man.
Someone please kill me!
I don't want to live!
Just breathe or something,
would you?
Jeez! The whole thing's going to go!
Get out of the truck!
Be careful. The girl will fall out.
We must secure the doors.
All my years on the force, I never saw
anybody more stupid than you guys.
The sign said "keep right."
To the end of the bridge,
where the street is.
Hoist her up.
But the peasant girl!
- It's going to go! Get out!
- No!
I'll save you!
Oh, chivalry's not dead.
Let go!
Where is Jacques Cousteau
when you need him?
Give her to us. She's ours.
Take it.
- There he is!
Don't you ever touch
the enchanted peasant girl.
Oh, my hero!
You saved the presentation
and my phoney baloney job.
I could have sworn she was real.
She's a mannequin.
I could have sworn she was real.
She's the enchanted peasant girl.
Let me guess.
You must be the boys
from Hauptmann-Koenig.
My, haven't we been
hoarding the steroids.
We are here to guard
our national treasure.
Oh, and doing a fabulous job.
Did you recover
the rest of the sacred wardrobe?
I thought Arnold did.
I thought you did.
No!
Goodbye, boys.
Jason, let's take the mannequin
back to the store.
Yeah, we wouldn't want her
to catch cold.
They're so dumb.
I just love that in a man.
This is the strangest thing
that's ever happened to me.
Believe me,
stranger things have happened.
Yeah? Well, not to me,
they haven't.
Do you think
these jewels are real?
Honey, this little country girl knows
jewels and, believe me, those are real.
It's your fault.
No, it's your fault.
We have to catch a ride.
I know how.
Hey, look!
I don't believe this.
I don't believe it.
Whoo!
Hey!
All right,
let's give them a ride.
Oh, baby, yeah.
- Get in.
- Get in.
Get in. I told you it would work.
Take them up.
Did you get my note?
- Yes, Andy, I got it.
Well?
Look, you're very sweet,
but you can't buy my car insurance.
- Why not?
- Andy, can I give you a little tip?
Car insurance
is not very romantic.
Say that
after a major injury accident.
Andy, let's just leave it
that we're friends.
Really? What kind of friends?
The kind that
don't talk to each other much
and never go out.
Excuse me, just one sec...
You boys have been playing
in the Kitty Litter.
No, we have to ride
in garbage truck.
Have you seen
the enchanted peasant girl?
No. But you could imagine me
in a different outfit.
- Ja.
- Come on. We have to find her.
- Here, have a little.
- That's nice.
We have to get ourselves
some new clothes.
Ja, we do stink.
What are you so nervous about?
You were made for each other.
Estelle, this is Clark.
I command you to come to life.
I must be crazy.
Oh, yeah.
There is definitely
something wrong with me.
2.5 billion women in the world and
I'm trying to score with a statue.
- Gesundheit.
Danke schn.
You're welcome. Whoa! Whoa!
- My prince.
- Stay back.
Why are you running?
Why am I running?
Why are you moving?
I saw you in the water
and in the fast wagon.
Water. That's it.
It's the toxins in the river,
they do strange things to your brain!
My prince,
why are you doing this?
- Have you lost your memory?
- My memory.
- This is a dream.
- It is I.
Jessie, your true love.
- You're real?
- Of course I am.
You're beginning to frighten me.
When was the last time
we saw each other?
I mean,
before our little swim today.
Just a few minutes ago,
on the bridge.
- What bridge?
- The one near the castle.
We were on our way to be married.
Don't you remember
the soldiers and the sorcerer?
The legend is true.
What legend?
That sorcerer guy,
he put a curse on you.
You've been frozen
for 1,000 years.
- Oh, my Prince William, always joking.
- Yeah.
I'm not kidding.
This is the 20th century.
- 20th?
- Yeah.
Look.
Bet you've never seen
one of these before.
Sure I have.
Those are jesters' shoes.
Jesters' shoes.
- Hey, how about one of these?
- No, I'm not sure.
Oh, I guess she is real.
- Anything?
- Nothing.
The Count will have us
tarred and feathered.
Yes. Then he will torture us.
Hi.
No, no, no, no.
Just lie still for a minute.
Are you okay?
I love you.
I'm Jason Williamson
of Germantown, PA.
- I'm not a prince.
- I don't care. I still love you.
- I think you're still in shock.
- Forever and ever and ever.
I don't even know you.
Yes, you do.
You just haven't realized it yet.
You really do love me,
don't you?
More than anyone is going to
in your whole life.
I think she's here.
Who is that?
- I know this is the place.
It's him,
the guy from the river.
What have you done
with the enchanted peasant girl?
You guys are not
supposed to be back here.
I'm going
to have to call security.
There she is.
That was a close one.
Not a word of this to the Count.
- We don't want to get him upset.
- Ja, ja, ja.
If we don't go to the airport
to greet him, he will be upset.
Guys, you know,
she's going to be okay here.
I mean, we lock this up at night.
It's very safe.
Oh, good. Let's go.
Thanks a lot, little fellow.
Hey.
- Who were they?
- Don't do that anymore.
What do they want with me?
You're a national treasure.
Those were your personal guards.
I don't like them very much.
What's that noise?
It's my stomach.
I haven't eaten in 1,000 years.
Come on. I know a great place
near here where we can go to eat.
Oh, good.
Do they have boiled weasel?
You won't be able
to tell the difference.
And the first thing we need to do
is get you something to wear.
- Do you remember this?
- Sure, it's your necklace.
Right.
Hello!
Hello!
This is so much fun!
The lights are beautiful!
So, when the little person
is blinking, then you can walk?
- Right.
- Wow! I love cars! I love electricity!
I love America!
How does it all work?
Well, that's going to take
a little longer to explain.
There you go.
So, what do you think?
Is it better than weasel?
Well, it's not as salty,
but it's good.
It's the best meal
I've had in 1,000 years.
It'll probably stay with you
for another thousand, too.
What's the crunchy stuff?
There's not supposed to be
any crunchy stuff.
That's the paper.
You're eating the wrapper.
You don't eat this outside,
white stuff.
- It's good. Try it. It's good.
- No. Thanks.
Listen, you know,
you're going to need a place to stay.
And I was thinking,
you're welcome to stay at my house.
Really.
I mean, no strings attached.
You know, you'll need an address
for, like, a green card for a job.
What do you do?
What do you like to do?
Well, at first
I wanted to be a sheepherder.
But every time I got near the sheep,
I would sneeze.
So, then I tried weaving.
And I can weave an entire blanket
in 17 months.
- No!
- That's pretty fast.
That's amazing.
- Can I ask you something?
- Sure.
Are you betrothed?
Betrothed?
Well, I'm just going to tell you.
There is someone I've been seeing.
I'd like to introduce you to her,
if it's okay.
Harriet. Harriet, this is Jessie.
Jessie, this is Harriet.
Please don't embarrass me in front of her.
No, no.
It's not what you're thinking.
You are so suspicious.
She's terrible.
And no,
I'm not betrothed to anybody.
Yay!
All right, people.
- Give me an "H"!
H.
- Give me an "A."
- A.
People, where is your enthusiasm?
Everybody to move! Move!
- Get out of the way!
- Move! Move!
- Give me an "H"!
H.
- Give me an "A"!
A.
- Give me a "U".
- U.
Count Gunter Spretzle
of Hauptmann-Koenig.
Koenig.
Koenig.
May I say
what a pleasure it is to...
On behalf of...
On behalf of Prince and Company...
What you look at?
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Sorry.
On behalf of Prince and Company,
may I say what a pleasure it is
to have you hair.
Wart! Here!
It's a pleasure
to have you here.
- Count Spritzle...
- Spretzle.
Pretty.
May I present Hollywood Montrose,
our chief of visual merchandising
and an artist, in every sense of the word.
He is the gentleman
who is in charge of your display.
This peacock here
put his hands on my statue?
Listen,
have you ever thought about
putting a few African trading beads
la Bo Derek on that?
It would be absolutely smashing.
Just a suggestion. Ow!
Count Spretzle, I think you'll be pleased
at our handling of your presentation.
Good. And you promise that this
will bring attention to my country?
National publicity.
Good, because my tourism, you know,
income is down slightly. We...
Oh, I don't know, we gross
maybe $52 and change last year.
And we would like to get it up to maybe,
oh, I don't know, three figure next time.
Perhaps, you should charge
admission to see that face.
What he say?
He said he has such admiration
for Your Grace.
Well, that's okay.
Good. Well, your car is waiting.
It's waiting.
Hollywood, just walk fast.
I've got an important meeting to go to.
That hair!
Are my accommodations ready?
Oh, yeah, the very best in the city.
Take us to the YMCA,
and step on it.
- Slippers! Wow! Look at all the colours.
- Some things never change.
Okay. All right,
stand right here.
Close your eyes.
That's good. Turn around.
Okay. Smile.
Okay. Open your eyes.
- Get me out of the box!
- Shh! It's okay.
She's fine. She's a little...
It's this cheese steak.
You're okay. Okay, look.
See, you're out of the box now.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- You saved my life. I'm so lucky.
- Yeah.
I guess we're both pretty lucky.
Come on.
Oh, yeah, yeah. Come on in.
Nice to see you again.
Oh, the crab dudes.
These dudes must be all right.
Come on in and have a good time.
Oh, definitely. Definitely. How you doing?
Your boyfriend still in prison?
Yeah.
- Good.
No, no, no, no. You go on.
Look, just join your friend.
What'd you all do?
Take the bus up from Jersey?
Get on out of here.
Hey, lose your boyfriend,
you're in, darling.
- Bye, Tony.
- Step off, Junior.
Oh, let's go in here.
No, this is the most exclusive club
in the city.
I've been trying to get in here
since it opened, there's no way.
Oh, that's too bad.
It's just for royalty, huh?
Hey, hey, hey, hey, Goldilocks.
Come here.
- Girl, where have you been all my life?
- Frozen.
I can dig that.
Yeah, come on in. Come on in.
- Really?
- Yeah, come on.
Hey, you and me
dance a little later? Yeah.
Hey, what's this, prom night?
Take a hike, man. Go on.
I hate taffeta.
I have to go into the trees.
- The trees?
- You know, someplace private.
Oh, the ladies' room.
Here, it's right over here.
- Thank you.
- Right through there.
I'm going to stay here.
Sorry.
- Wow.
- Hi.
That's really beautiful.
Passion Pink.
All the guys love it.
You want to try?
Thank you.
Look, you have to turn it.
Like this.
Oh.
Did you make that?
- You've never tried lipstick before?
- No.
Well, you put it on,
you rub it on your lips.
And then you go like this.
- Okay?
- Oh, yeah. Everything's just fine.
Still here.
And what about you know who?
Who?
Who? The enchanted peasant girl,
you idiot.
- That's who.
- Oh, yeah.
- Is she safe?
- Ja. Yes, of course.
Good. Good. Oh, that's good.
You see, my plan, it is working.
We have succeed to get her
and the jewels out of Hauptmann-Koenig.
In a few weeks,
we be off to Bermuda.
Bermuda.
Never to return to that queen
and that armpit of country again.
What country is that?
Hauptmann-Koenig, stupid!
I'm sorry, honey, but the bartender's
never heard of yak's milk,
so I brought you Pepsi instead.
- You want to run a tab?
- Yeah, thanks.
It's diet soda.
No calories, no sugar, no caffeine.
Oh, we had something like that
back home called water.
This is easier to find.
Well, I love this place.
Mmm.
Good.
- Do you want to dance?
- Oh, I'd love to.
All right, let's go!
- Hi, precious.
- I think he's cute.
- Hello, beautiful.
- Hello.
- Are you a general?
- I'm a notary public.
- You want to dance, baby?
- I already have a man.
Come on, feel the beat.
Okay.
That's it.
Are you under
some kind of a spell?
- Come on, Jessie, follow me.
- I'm trying.
Wait. Wait. That's not dancing.
That's not dancing.
This is dancing.
I've danced alone
a thousand times
To songs that no one else
could even hear
I've reached
into the flame of love
I couldn't hold it
And it disappeared
I've lived to learn
to hate the blues
I've lived with
everything but you
I can't believe my eyes
I see you here
Looking just the way
you should
Now, you comfortable?
As comfortable as I can be in front
of the probing eye of the camera.
Oh, come on,
you're not on national television.
This is just your own
personal dating videocassette.
Now, relax. We're rolling.
Okay. What is your name?
I am Mr...
- Jones.
- Good. Very good.
And, Mr. Jones,
what is it that you do for a living?
Well, I am the manager of a major...
Dog...
Pet...
A major pet emporium.
Now, tell me, what is the most
exciting thing that ever happened to you?
That would have to be knee surgery.
You know, I think we should
take a different tack.
- Is this your cottage?
- Yeah.
Your mother must be
a very wealthy lady.
Well, as a matter of fact,
she does have her own business,
but we don't want
to discuss it with her. Okay?
We'll just... We'll be very quiet.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Here is our dating dossier.
You just look under the category
that you're interested in.
Age range, personality preferences.
You know, it's all listed.
- Oh, you're home late.
- Oh, yeah.
Stopped off to look
at an apartment.
Well, you know, it wouldn't be
the end of the world if you stayed here.
This is a perfectly nice,
normal home.
Mom, I'm a big boy now.
I need to be on my own, okay?
Good night.
- What are you doing?
- Oh, I've changed my mind.
I've made a terrible mistake.
You don't know me.
I have never been here.
You have never seen me.
I have never ever...
Oh, I'm sorry.
Here's $10.
Here's money for the tape.
I'll pay for that.
Send me the bill.
Wow. This is a palace.
I love the 20th century.
This little painting
looks so real.
It must have been done
by a great artist.
It's a snapshot
taken by my Uncle Bob.
That's my dad.
He... He passed away a couple
of months after that was taken.
You both have the same smile.
I wish I had a snapshot painting
of my family.
I miss them so much.
Yeah. I know what you mean.
You know, sometimes I can
picture myself back in your time.
A prince alone in a strange land,
armed only with my sword,
taking on the world for love.
- It's just a fantasy.
- No, you are a prince.
As great and valiant
as there ever was.
I'm so glad
I'm not alone anymore.
I'm never going
to leave you alone.
Good night.
Girl, there's so much
in this world that I'm sure of
But, girl, I believe
what I need now is your love
The way you touch me
with your eyes
The way you heat me up inside
Is why I want you
And I want you to feel
the way that I do
Like I do, like I do
I want you
And I want you to feel
the way that I do
Like I do, like I do
Got to say the words
you've got
Of all the things
that get me hot
That's why I want you
And I want you to feel
the way that I do
Like I do, like I do
I want you
And I want you to feel
the way that I do
Like I do, like I do
You, cooking?
What's the occasion?
- I'm hungry.
- Uh-huh.
And, by the way,
who's in the bathroom?
A friend. No questions, please.
I always respect your privacy.
- Did you sleep with this friend?
- No, I slept on the couch, thank you.
And, Mom,
thanks for respecting my privacy.
No problem.
- Where'd you meet her?
- At work.
She's a model.
Foreign, I think from Bavaria.
Bavaria. Oh, your father always claimed
to have royal Bavarian blood.
Of course, he also claimed
to be a Harvard graduate,
the only one who ever worked
at Abe's Fish Market.
- Did you ever hear of a Prince William?
- No, but I'd sure like to meet one.
- Am I going to meet her?
- No.
That's my kid.
Jessie.
Good morning. Jessie.
Will you stop doing that?
I can't tell if you're kidding or not.
Jessie?
Hello?
Oh, no.
Come on, Jessie. Come on.
You're real. Yes, you are.
Come on. Come on, baby. Come on.
Don't... Don't...
Don't be a dummy now!
Come on, please.
You're so hard.
I'm talking to a dummy.
I was dancing with a dummy.
Breakfast. Come on, eat!
Oh, God.
Come on, honey.
Jason, what are you doing?
This is the girl
you brought home last night?
- It's not what you're thinking, Mom.
- And you want your own apartment.
I've danced alone
a thousand times
To songs that no one else
could even hear
Care for anything else?
- Either of you?
- No, thank you.
I've reached
into the flame of love
I couldn't hold it
And it disappeared
Thank you.
Darling,
I need the banner over here.
Yes, oh, that looks smashing, fellows.
You're doing a wonderful job.
- Hollywood, you got a second?
- Always have time for a man in uniform.
Yeah, how can I get Gail
over in Perfumes to notice me?
Well, now, Andy, I am flattered.
Of all the people here
at Prince and Company,
you've chosen counsel
from the Gangster of Love.
No one else had any ideas.
Mmm-hmm.
- Gail in Perfumes?
- Yeah.
Andy, she is not good enough
for you.
You have made overtures
for the past few weeks
and all she has done
is ignore you,
humiliate you and treat you
like so much dirt on the ground.
So, what do you think?
Buy her chocolates or something?
- Jewellery, baby. Jewellery.
- Jewellery. Yeah. What kind?
There is but one kind, Andy.
Expensive.
But, Andy,
I think you should ignore her.
That always seems to work best.
Play hard to get. Thanks, homeboy.
Knew I could count on you.
- Oh, Andy?
- Yeah.
Wedgie.
And when you get a chance, I think
you need a visit with the Minister of Style.
Oh, Montrose, the Count is here
to preview the display.
I'm not superstitious, but are you sure
you're supposed to be out in the daylight?
Get back.
Hollywood really is a genius.
His designs have put
Prince and Company on the map.
- In fact, he is responsible for...
- I don't care about this nose hair.
He's nothing.
Well, colour me hurt.
I want to see
the enchanted peasant girl now.
Right this way, Your Assholiness.
- What did he say?
- He said, "This room is a total mess."
- Please.
- Oh, that's okay.
You know, Count,
you should try and lighten up.
Not take things so seriously.
Learn to enjoy life more.
Voil.
- She's gone!
- Where is she?
Where is she?
- Potty.
- Potty?
Search the store! Everybody!
We must found her!
And if we don't found her,
I will personally chop off your hands.
And for the rest of you,
I lock you in dark room with rats!
Big, ugly rats.
And that is scary, believe me.
Hold the rats, Your Nauseousness.
Here she comes.
Jason.
Jason, come on.
Excuse me.
Why you... Why you dress her
in these vulgar clothes, huh?
- Trash! It's absolute trash!
- Junior Miss.
Oh, wait, just a second.
That's from our exclusive
Junior Miss designer collection.
Good.
Plugging the store's merchandise.
Well done, Williamson.
You're like the son I never had,
and never really wanted.
This is an insult to my entire kingdom.
She is not to be touched again.
We
Have met before someplace,
no, what, maybe, yes?
I think I would have remembered.
Well, let's get busy.
We have a presentation.
Yes. Perhaps you'd care to see
the rest of the store?
No. No, I would like to be alone here
for a moment, please.
You heard
what the count said. Move!
Everybody to get out.
Move! Move!
Oh, my darling.
My darling, very soon,
very soon you be alive, huh?
I wait for that moment
as the greatest day in 1,000 year.
Get out of the way.
Well, he's a real charmer.
Probably grows fangs at night.
- Would you like a cappuccino?
- No, thanks.
I'd better get to work.
I don't know what happened last night.
I don't even know if you're real.
If you can hear me,
I want you to come back.
I need you to come back, Jessie.
Oh, he's in love.
Now, who is Jessie?
Her.
Oh, Jason.
Hear that? Hollow.
Now, we do not fall in love
with empty things
unless, of course,
their daddies are rich.
And in this case, her daddy's a redwood,
so I'd forget about it.
Hollywood, last night
the most amazing thing happened.
What?
Forget it.
Nothing happened.
Okay, well, in that case,
why don't you run down to the storeroom
and get the rest of the wardrobe?
Someone has got to
glitz up this presentation.
You little tart.
What have you done to my protg?
I'll tell you what.
You let me borrow this fierce necklace
and all is forgiven.
Oh, me, oh, my,
I'm in love with you, baby.
How did I get back in here?
What's that?
Who's there?
Hello?
Are you looking at me?
Are you looking at me?
You must be.
There's no one else here.
Get back, Bobby De Niro.
Some day
Look at me.
Oh, how about this one?
- Oh, I like that one.
Wait, look at this one.
That's nice.
That goes good with your eyes.
Hello.
All of you look very cute.
Come here, come here, come here.
Come on.
Come here, come here, come here.
We are something, huh?
Oh, you are really, really something.
Yes. Oh, yeah, really something.
I want you to take hat, both hats,
and put it right over your face.
That's it.
You idiots, idiots, idiots!
Now get out of here,
and go guard the girl!
Would you like to try
our Black Forest Dew?
- It's our Hauptmann-Koenig special.
- Oh, thank you.
Oh, that smell reminds me
of my old friend, Inga.
Poor, poor Inga.
- What happened to her?
- She was eaten by a boar.
Oh, well. Oh, you know Jason.
Jason? Oh, yes.
He let me sleep in his bed last night.
He did?
Well, if you don't mind my asking,
how was it?
Wonderful.
He showed me things I never
would have imagined in 1,000 years.
I must go find him.
One of these days
I'll rip that wart out of his face
and make him eat it.
Shh! He could be anywhere.
Hey, you, fancy guy. What are you
doing with that necklace?
This is property
of Hauptmann-Koenig
and they are not for you
to play dress up with.
And if we ever,
ever catching you...
Listen, the girl is gone again!
What have you done with her?
Just let me figure what I'm doing
on the floor and I'll get back to you. Okay?
The necklace is here, but
the enchanted peasant girl is gone.
You don't think there's really
something to this curse thing?
If it's true,
we have blown our trip to Bermuda!
Bermuda!
We must tell the Count.
Egon, you tell him.
Fellows, you are hurting me.
That's my earring.
Phone call
for Count Spitzle. Urgent.
Please pick up
any white customer phone.
- Spretzle.
- Spretzle.
- That's good.
Count Spretzle.
Hello, Your Majestic Magnificence.
Shut up, Spretzle.
I have been looking for you.
Here I am,
Your Queenly Greatness.
I told you I didn't want
this silly publicity tour.
Especially now when our weather
has turned so beautiful.
Also, someone has stolen
our precious crown jewels, Spretzle.
Heads will roll, do you hear me?
Yours and those three idiots
you brought with you.
- Do you hear me, Spretzle?
- What?
If I don't find
those crown jewels...
Your Majesty, I'm sorry,
I can't...
Oh, this connection,
it's fading, Your Majesty.
It's fading, it's fading away.
I can't hear you no more, you...
Your breasts
smell like toe jam. What?
"Dear Count,
the enchanted peasant girl
"is missing again."
"Please do not hit us."
Find her now!
This one's too wide.
Wow!
Hello!
You know, we can make your home
look just as nice.
I don't have a home.
Oh, it's been nice talking to you.
But my friend, Jason,
would love furniture like this.
Well, hello again.
This is his picture.
His picture, yes, but...
Well, yes, he looks like he could
use some really nice furniture.
Well, I have no silver.
Oh, nobody uses cash anymore.
We'll just put it
on his employee account.
What exactly do you want,
and when would you like it?
Oh, well, it must be soon.
I don't know how much longer
I will stay alive.
That's too bad.
Well, I have
a delivery date this morning.
Oh, good.
We can have it delivered then,
and who knows, you may still be alive.
It must have been something I ate.
No more sushi at 3:00 a.m.
What's the matter, Hollywood?
I'm not sure, my man.
I'm just not sure.
I just got back
from a trip to Oz.
- Where's Jessie?
- I don't know.
- What do you mean, you don't know?
- Well, she was here,
and when I got back from
the yellow brick road, she was gone.
We got to find her.
She could be in trouble.
Hold on.
You said you wanted to tell me
about last night. What happened?
She came to life. She was alive.
I mean, this whole curse thing is true.
I can't explain it. We ate.
We walked around. We went dancing.
- I know you think I'm nuts.
- I certainly don't.
This has happened before.
- I believe you.
- You do?
Yes, and we better hurry up
and find her
because those goony boys
are looking for her, too.
Come on! Go!
I can't believe it.
Arnold, Egon, come here!
Look, the girl.
She's alive! She's moving!
- It's not possible.
- Yes, it is her.
She know us.
Come!
Go!
Oh, she isn't even stiff.
That's for sure.
Can I help you?
- Could you make me look different?
- Honey, we can change your whole life.
Once you did it for pity
And you did it for pride
Oh, you did it for fashion
Or some voice inside
Yes, you do it for virtue
Or to prove you're tough
Well, if you're going to do it
Do it for love
Do it for love
Now you've done it for money
And you've done it for fame
You might do it for power
Or to win some game
You can do it for kicks
But that's never enough
If you're going to do it
Do it for love
No.
No, no, no, no, no. It is.
Uh-oh.
It is him!
It is him.
I knew I knew that guy someplace.
It is Prince William,
curse the ages!
Herr Count. Count Spretzle.
Count Spretzle,
she's come to life.
- The enchanted peasant girl's alive.
- That is impossible.
It can't be. No. She is mine tomorrow.
I've spent years calculating the best site!
You know, the exact moment
of her re-animation.
Someone has removed the necklace.
Maybe she has found true love.
I want...
See that guy down there?
I want to kill him, I want to hurt him,
and I want to eliminate him now!
Go! Now!
No one, no one messes
with Count Spretzle,
and his love life.
Oh, no! What are you doing?
Okay, you mess with Count Spretzle,
I shoot you.
I shoot you
not through the mouth,
not through the eye,
but through the heart.
- Anything?
- No, not a trace.
I thought Cupid
aimed for the heart.
I'll get you this time,
my little sweetie pie.
- What the...
- Hit the deck!
- I learned this from the Marines.
- You were in the Marines?
Yes, they were looking
for a few good men, and so was I.
Okay.
- Okay, we better split up.
- Where have I heard that before?
- Get down, honey! Get down!
- Get down!
You take the second floor,
I'll take the third. Go.
There he is.
There he is!
It backfired.
Wow, what a fit, and no wrinkles.
- It's polyester.
- Polyester.
What plant is that from?
The New Jersey one.
Will this be cash or charge?
Who uses cash these days?
- Jessie!
- Jason!
- Jason!
We lost him.
I'll be right back.
This time we really kill him!
Hey!
Oh, look out!
Jason! Jason, come on!
Look out!
Stop her!
Get out of the way!
Are you okay? I never thought
I'd see you alive again.
What?
I said I never thought
I'd see you alive again.
I can't hear!
Look out!
Keep going! Keep going!
Look out! Look out!
Get out! Get out!
Hold on!
You okay?
Look out for the window!
- Go out the window?
- No! No!
- Jason!
- Jessie!
- I can't stop it!
- Use the brakes!
Push the pedal!
Look out!
Hey! Hey, come on!
Let's go to the store!
What the heck is going on here?
Find that boy!
He has stolen enchanted peasant girl.
Montrose. Montrose!
Your new assistant, where is he?
Let's go.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait one minute.
We are going to follow fancy pants.
And get me out of this armour!
Wow, she's got
a great sense of direction.
Look, your mother gave me
all these people's lives.
Jessie, I was scared
I was never going to see you again.
My love was stolen once before,
but it's never going to happen again.
Nothing will ever come between us.
Could you do that again, please?
- Where did all this furniture come from?
- It's my gift to you.
- You bought it?
- Yeah, with your little magic card.
Ouch!
Okay. Okay, look, we're going
to have to get out of here.
- We got to go. They're going to come here.
- Wait, where are we going?
We'll hide anywhere,
we just have to get out of here.
Wait. I love you.
What is that?
Oh, it's too late.
Look, just stay here, okay?
- Just don't...
- More.
- Okay, just...
- Again.
Just...
Oh, Jason, the heat is coming.
- What's going on?
- Where is she?
That is him.
The peasant girl must be here.
- You're in big trouble, pal.
- Listen, I...
Search this house.
Check out the back. Nobody escape.
Me, I will look her upstairs.
Hey, no! You can't go up there!
Don't ever, ever touch a count.
Okay?
When I want to go up the stairs,
I go up the stairs.
And I feel like
going up the stairs now.
You have the right
to remain silent.
Anything you say can and will
be used against you in a court of law.
- It's you!
- No, it's not.
You understand these rights?
- Don't be afraid to use the gun.
- You can't threaten my son!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Is everything all right?
Everything is perfect.
Sorcerer.
Oh, my little sweetie pie,
you have to come with me because,
well, we must fulfill our destiny.
I love Jason.
You can't make me go with you.
Here now,
my lovely.
You've even been stealing
furniture from us. Shame!
I didn't steal it.
She bought it for me.
- Who? The enchanted peasant girl?
- Yes!
You are a certified sicko.
And to think
I even gave you my flower.
Oh, look,
there's your main squeeze.
Jessie. Come on, let her go.
Look, she's real, I swear!
Oh, my God!
He's in love with a dummy.
Wait a minute, honey.
I was going to do that.
Okay, we have what we come for. Right?
Now, to the airport, quick.
Just one little minute.
Count, we have a presentation
tomorrow afternoon.
I know that but...
And we have a contract
that you are not going to break.
- I know that but...
- Grab the dummy.
The other dummy.
Easy, easy, easy.
All right, it's all right.
You must be very, very gentle.
The necklace!
That's it! That's what he's using!
Just take the necklace off,
you'll see she's real. I swear!
- Take it off!
- Yes, and I'm Rumpelstiltskin.
Get him out of here.
No, no, it's true. It's true.
No one could make up a story like that,
except perhaps someone like myself.
And, Count, please,
don't worry your pretty little wart...
Face about all this.
We'll have some very large,
armed gentlemen to guard her.
Tomorrow afternoon,
she'll be all yours.
Thank you so much.
I never had this problem at Kmart.
Too much red meat.
All right, come on.
So, all we have to do is wait till
the presentation is over tomorrow.
They will hand us the girl.
Then it's off to Bermuda.
Bermuda!
Up, shut up!
Go on, get on now. Go, go, go.
Go, ja. Go.
I am so sorry, madam,
to have taken all your time.
Once again left holding the bag.
Oh, nothing personal.
I've danced alone
a thousand times
To songs that no one else
could even hear
I've reached
into the flame of love
I couldn't hold it
And it disappeared
I've lived
to learn to hate the blues
I've lived
with everything but you
I can't believe my eyes
I see you here
Looking just the way
you should
Oh, so good
It's too good to be true
I lived my life
To be lying here with you
I'm here to pick up one of my men
and take him downtown.
- We are downtown.
- Oh.
I mean down downtown. Way, way down.
He's going to be digging latrines for years.
Who are you?
Staff Sergeant Montrose, sir.
Butch Montrose.
What do you want with the prisoner?
Well, he took a powder, you know.
What's that word?
- AWOL?
- That's it.
He's going to be court-martialed
at 2500 hours.
- You got a name?
- Staff Sergeant Butch Montrose.
Not yours, the prisoner's.
Oh. Williamson, sir.
Jason Williamson.
- The nut with the dummy!
- I know. It's sad, isn't it?
Hey, Al, take this guy
down to the holding cell.
Give him 307,
you know, the dummy kid.
Thank you, sir.
Hey,
You didn't sign these.
So sorry.
Ta.
Williamson,
got a friend of yours here.
Williamson, follow me.
- I hope this works.
- Too outrageous not to.
Let those feet hit that street.
- Hey!
- We're moving.
Hold it right there!
Run, Jason!
Get back here!
Get back here!
Sorry.
Car!
- Mom!
- Come on, what kind of kid did I raise?
You got cops on your tail,
you keep your head down!
I have to save her, Hollywood.
They are guarding her like Fort Knox.
But, hold on tight.
This old bossman's got a plan.
Sheila Barberstein and her sister.
Sheila's father does marvellous work.
Nice to see you.
Well, Count.
May I call you Gunter?
No, no. Uh-uh.
Everything seems to be going
very smoothly.
Well, you better hope
it stay that way, huh?
Yes. Well, I've personally attended
to every...
Oh, my God.
Teen-A-Rama, Philadelphia.
You know what this means?
We'll be swamped with teenagers.
- That's terrible, sir.
- No, that's wonderful, you tall twit.
Teens are insatiable consumers.
They spend hard cash. Take a memo.
Mark everything in the
Junior Department up 10. 15.
I want to be sure
that the Prince and Company banner
will be prominently displayed on...
Will be prominently displayed
on the screen at all times.
Relax, man, I'm not the director.
Is there someone I can talk to
who will give me a little respect here?
I doubt it.
Thanks a lot. Got to bail.
Hey, any time.
Any time you want the job.
Good luck.
- Oh, careful!
- Careful!
Ladies and gentlemen,
the show is about to begin.
I must say, I did not think
that you could pull this off.
It is very, very dignified.
Well, thank you, sir.
When it comes to dignity,
I am the master.
Yes, fine.
Then you will reach perfection
when you zip up your fly.
I'm just kidding.
It's a Count Spretzle joke.
Hello.
Is everything in readiness
for our immediate departure?
- Transportation has been arranged.
- Very good. Very good indeed. Very good.
I don't know
if you can hear me or not,
but if you can,
I want you to take
very good care of Jason.
He's a prime catch,
and you are a very,
very lucky mannequin.
Hey, hey.
Who are you talking to?
Just wishing her luck.
She's the star of the show, you know.
What are you doing here?
You're 10 minutes late.
- I just love all that hair.
- Why, thank you. Here, it's yours.
It's the wrong style, honey.
Do you really think
we're going to pull this off?
Of course, mi amigo.
You better get going.
Okay.
Come on, girls.
Less than a minute. Let's go.
The lights. The excitement.
Showbiz is my life.
Oh, excuse me.
I'm Muriel Dawn Williamson.
You. You call this dignified?
Well, I think it's kind of hip
in a rad sort of way.
There she goes! There she goes!
Come on, baby.
Once upon a time
a peasant girl
was victim of a crime
Was frozen ever since
she dared to love
the handsome prince
Is that so wrong?
But, alas,
a thousand years have passed
since that spell from hell
had been cast
Where is she?
Today, my friends,
that spell will end
There she comes!
There she comes!
Ladies and gentlemen,
Prince and Company
is proud to present
our beloved
enchanted peasant girl.
And here to free her forever
with the kiss of life,
the prince.
That's my kid.
Stop this music!
Stop this nonsense! I will not.
I will not let it continue!
- Count Spretzle...
- No one, no one treats my culture like this.
Someone stop this fool before
I strike him with this microphone.
He's about to ruin
my presentation.
- Get him out of here!
- Let's go.
Outrageous!
Go ahead, laugh.
Laugh and have fun,
my little stupid Americans.
Boo!
Boo to you, too. Boo.
Because this party is now over.
And I am taking my peasant girl
and getting out of here.
Boo!
Unhand that damsel.
I command you to step aside.
Are you kidding me or what?
She belong to me.
She is a living soul.
She belongs to no one.
Then we will settle this like men.
Come on, Jason.
For love and honour!
Come on, Count.
For money and Bermuda!
Shut up.
I come from a long line of fencers.
I have royal Bavarian blood.
Which I will be happy to shed!
I wait 1,000 year for this moment,
and no pipsqueak like you is going
to interfere with that destiny.
Touch.
Looks so painful.
Good.
- Jason.
- Everything's going to be okay.
Come on, you've got to be kidding.
That's not fair.
So I cheat. Sue me!
This is my store, my presentation
and career. How dare...
I'm in trouble.
Get a doctor, on the double.
"I'm in trouble.
Get a doctor, on the double."
Stop it! Stop it!
"Stop it! Stop it!"
This fairy tale's
gone far enough, huh?
- Come here, my dear.
- No!
No? Look! Look! Look! Look!
Look! Look at this! No! Come here!
Don't you move.
You move. Come on.
That's it.
Nobody move.
Come on.
He's not getting away with this.
- I'm right behind you.
Come on. Come on.
- Let me go!
- You want me to use necklace again?
Get out of the way!
Get out of the way!
Keep them back! Keep them back!
Keep them back!
- I'll take the one on the right.
- Come on.
- Come on. Come on.
- I'll take them.
Gentlemen, leave them to me.
- Oh, my eyes.
- That's extra-firm hold, too.
He's taking her to the roof.
Come on, we'll take the stairs!
- Must we?
- I'll watch the goons.
- Down on your bellies, now!
- Andy, you're so forceful!
I do not believe it!
Let me go!
I thought you got helicopter for me!
What you do?
I thought
this would be more romantic.
More romantic?
Get out of the way, you idiot!
Stand aside.
Dancing strengthens the legs.
Stop it!
Jason.
Go ahead. Make my day!
Only one little gun?
Honey, I am from North Philadelphia!
- What are you doing?
- It's stuck.
Stand back.
- I'll take care of this.
- No, Hollywood. This is my job.
You're not taking her
to Hauptmann-Koenig, Spretzle!
I won't allow it! Let her go!
Hauptmann-Koenig?
That dump? Are you crazy?
We are on our way to Bermuda.
Look out!
Allow me.
- Jason!
No Jason for you.
- Jessie!
- I guess I win, right?
Whoa!
Jason!
That must have been very painful,
huh? But enough of this.
Now that we are finally alone,
at last, in our little balloon,
how about
a little smoochie-woochie?
Leave me alone!
Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh.
Don't ever, ever refuse a count.
No!
- You want me. Come on. Come on.
- Stop it! Get away!
Spretzle, you let her go!
Jason loves her!
Come, my princess,
you must learn to obey me.
Stop it!
- Not if I have anything to say about it.
Jason!
Oh, I can't do it.
Good. Good. That's very good.
- But guess what? I can.
- No! No!
- Let him go!
- Down, my little prince. Down you go.
Goodbye, my little pest.
In 1,000 years, on a single day,
only if you love me, take the curse away.
Jason, it worked.
Oh, no!
Catch him!
No! No!
- No!
- Oh, no!
- Count.
- I can't believe it.
We've blown our trip to Bermuda!
Wait.
If we be putting him back together
and finding him a true love,
he will be coming back to life.
Ja.
- Wait, look out!
- Oh, my prince.
- My princess.
- Forever.
- And ever.
And that is the legend
of Count Spretzle.
Of course,
nobody really believes it.
Now, if you'll come this way,
I'll show you our Hall of Galoshes.
Looking in your eyes
I see a paradise
This world that I've found
Is too good to be true
Standing here beside you
Want so much to give you
This love in my heart
that I'm feeling for you
Let them say we're crazy
I don't care about that
Put your hand in my hand, baby
Don't ever look back
Let the world around us
just fall apart
Baby, we can make it
if we're heart to heart
And we can build
this dream together
Standing strong forever
Nothing's going to stop us now
And if this world
runs out of lovers
We'll still have each other
Nothing's going to stop us
Nothing's going to stop us now
I'm so glad I found you
I'm not going to lose you
Whatever it takes
I will stay here with you
Take it to the good times
See it through the bad times
Whatever it takes
is what I'm going to do
Let them say we're crazy
What do they know
Put your arms around me, baby
Don't ever let go
Let the world around us
just fall apart
Baby, we can make it
if we're heart to heart
And we can build
this dream together
Standing strong forever
Nothing's going to stop us now
And if this world
runs out of lovers
We'll still have each other
Nothing's going to stop us
Nothing's going to stop us now
I'm so glad I found you
I'm not going to lose you
Whatever it takes
I will stay here with you
Take it to the good times
See it through the bad times
Whatever it takes
is what I'm going to do
Let them say we're crazy
What do they know
Put your arms around me, baby
Don't ever let go
Let the world around us
just fall apart
Baby, we can make it
if we're heart to heart
And we can build
this dream together
Standing strong forever
Nothing's going to stop us now
And if this world
runs out of lovers
We'll still have each other
Nothing's going to stop us
Nothing's going to stop us
Ooh, all that I need is you
All that I ever need
And all that I want to do
Is hold you forever
Ever and ever
Hey!
And we can build
this dream together
Standing strong forever
Nothing's going to stop us now
And if this world
runs out of lovers
We'll still have each other
Nothing's going to stop us
Nothing's going to stop us
And we can build
this dream together
Standing strong forever
Whoa
Nothing's going to stop us now
Nothing's going to stop us now
And if this world
runs out of lovers
We'll still have each other
Nothing's going to stop us
Us now