Some men are good
at hunting quail
Some like to sail
While others like to box
Some men prefer to surf
While others
like the turf
And lose a lot of money on thejocks
Some men sayjudo
is their dish
While others fish
Where mountain waters swirl
But let a girl appear
He'll pursue her
And run his fingers
through her curls
And that's the way
it's been
Since the world began
The favorite sport of man
Is girls
Some men put on
an aqualung
And swim among
The barnacles and pearls
But let a doll appear
He'll pursue her
And run his fingers
through her curls
And that's the way it's been
Since the world began
The favorite sport
of man
Is girls
Sorry.
I wasn't looking.
Hey, you can go now!
I beg your pardon.
Well, hi.
Um, I-I was going to
park here.
- How can you? I'm already here.
- I can see that.
But you'll have to move.
This is my place.
How could it be your place when I'm
already in it? I park here every day.
- Hey, buddy, this your car?
- Yes, officer, it is.
- Can't leave it here.
- Uh, I'll move it in a minute.
- If you don't, you'll find a ticket on it.
- Right away, officer.
Now, look, young lady...
You'd better move your car.
I think he meant what
he said. See that number?
Of course I see that number. It's 19.
- Well, I'm 19.
- You look older to me, but you never can tell.
Oh, we're not talking
about my age.
I know, but we've already
discussed the parking.
I shouldn't be
in a spot like this.
I don't think so either. Couldn't you
find a better place to propose to her?
Step on it. It's after
9:00. I'm not proposing!
Are we late?
Not if we hurry.
Better luck next time. You
can't leave your car here!
I already have, but if you
want to move it, go on ahead.
- I don't want to move your car!
- Good. Then just leave it right where it is.
She's not gonna
get away with this.
I'll fix her.
Hi, officer. Find what
you're looking for?
I wasn't looking
for anything.
You weren't? Just
trying to start this car.
Interesting way of doing it. You mind
telling me why? So I could move it.
- This isn't your car?
- No, it belongs to the girl that just left.
- But she's a friend of yours.
- I never saw her before.
This is getting more
interesting by the minute.
Better let me
see your license.
I, uh, must have dropped it
or something.
Here it is.
Well, well, well. Would you mind
hurrying? I'm late enough as it is.
Simmer down, Abigail.
"Abigail"? That's what
it says right here.
Let me see that.
This isn't mine! You don't know
how happy I am to hear that.
Here it is.
Roger Willoughby, hmm? Yeah.
You say you don't even know
this Abigail Page. No, I don't!
Officer, look,
this is all very simple.
The young lady parked
in my parking space.
I work here...
Abercrombie and Fitch.
I tried to explain to her, but the whole
thing got confused. You said it was simple.
It should've been,
but you know women.
She's the kind that gets you
confused. I meet 'em every day.
She said she was in a hurry. Then
they both started talking. "They"?
By that time there were two of
them. Two? You were in a spot.
Yeah. She said I could move the car if I
wanted to, but she left both doors locked.
Screwy story.
You think I made it up? No,
no. It's too real for that.
I got no reason,
but I believe you.
Well, if I could just
have my driver's license.
Well, I'll need it for
another minute. What for?
I can't give you a ticket without
a license. A ticket for what?
For leaving that car over there.
That's the one you should have moved.
Oh, Roger. There are
some customers waiting for you.
I got held up. Who's
first? Major Phipps.
He's been in rod and reels since the
store opened, and you know the major.
Mr. Willoughby, I wanted to ask you
about the best way to catch northern pike.
Well, sir. Uh, Joe.
I'll be with you in a minute.
Meanwhile, letJoe show you the new
nylon lines that came in yesterday.
They'll be
well worth your while.
Good morning,
Major Phipps.
Fourteen minutes and thirty
seconds. I beg your pardon?
That's how long I've been waiting
for you. I'm terribly sorry.
I had a little problem in the
parking lot. Let's stop wasting time.
I can get out of a couple of
board meetings next week...
and make the tournament
at... Lake Wakapoogee?
Splendid, splendid.
What can I help you with?
Rods, reels, lines, lures, spinners,
flies, bugs, spoons... the whole mess!
I see.
Well, then, let's, uh...
Let's start with the rods.
Cornerstone of the outfit, you know.
Let's see here.
Gonna win this year, Major?
I intend to keep on trying.
Good.
Oh, here we are.
This is the one
I would recommend.
Good morning, Tom!
It's light, flexible,
strong, perfectly balanced.
How does it feel?
Light.
Would you like to try to make
a cast? Yes, I think I would.
Mmm. Oh! Look at that.
L- I-It's my arm.
Machine gun bullets
during the war.
I can't get movement...
I'm ashamed of you.
Why? Haven't you read my book?
Of course I have.
Every word of it.
It says here on page 21, I think...
Yes. "You need
very little movement...
to make a good cast with a spinning
reel." I must've missed that.
Tom, show the major
a couple of casts...
and I'll explain it
to him as you go.
Now remember, Major,
10:00 position first,
10:00 position first.
Then 11:00,
11:00. Higher.
Then forward to 9:00. Try it, Tom. 9:00.
You see?
Isn't that pretty?
10:00, 11:00, 9:00.
10:00, 11:00, 9:00.
Try it again.
See? Very little
wrist movement.
Would you like to try it,
Major? I certainly would.
Now remember,
gently.
10:00, 11:00,
9:00.
Gently. 10:00,
11:00, 9:00.
Hey! Look at that!
Good! Good!
Roger, what would I do
without you?
I wish you were going to stay at
the lake during the tournament.
Why haven't you ever
entered the tournament?
I don't seem to have enough
time. Well, you should.
It's a rod, all right. What
kind of fish should I go after?
Bass, trout,
blue gills?
Let's see... Last year the
Wakapoogee was won with a bass.
Six pounds, eight ounces, I believe.
I know! I saw that old goat
Harvey Skaggs land the fish!
He used a plug, a green
Plunking Dingbat.
That's not what I asked you!
This isn't last year!
I want to know what to use
this year! Let's see, Major.
Roger! Phone.
Yeah? Oh.
Excuse me, Major.
I'll be right back.
- Good morning. Willoughby speaking.
- Roger, this is Jim Stern.
- Yeah, Jim?
- Listen, I'm up here at Lake Wakapoogee...
and I got the doggonedest
string of fish you've ever seen.
Well, good for you.
Um... Jim, what kind of
fish did you go after?
- Trout, like you suggested.
- And what would you say is the best time of day?
Between 10:00 and 11:00 in the
morning. 10:00 and 11:00 in the morning.
Uh-huh. What was the water
temperature? 68 degrees.
68 degrees. And how deep did you go?
Just below the surface. I
started with a Colorado Spinner...
- and ended with a Super-Duper.
- I see.
Well, thank you, Jim.
I appreciate your calling.
Bye.
Now then, what were we
talking about?
What kind of fish
I should go after.
I suggest trout.
Trout. Mm-hmm.
About 10:00 or 11:00 in the morning,
the water should be around 68 degrees.
68 degrees. What kind
of a lure, and how deep?
Just under the surface, and
use either a Colorado Spinner...
or a Super-Duper.
Amazing.
A Colorado Spinner
or a Super-Duper.
Good morning, Maggie.
Good morning, Roger.
Go right on in.
Oh, thank you.
Well, hi.
Hello.
Good morning, sir.
Willoughby! Come in, come in.
Miss Perkins, send in the
young ladies, please. Yes, sir.
Fine morning, isn't it? I want
you to... Ah, here they are now.
Miss Page
and Miss Mueller.
- Mr. Roger Willoughby.
- Yep. I knew it.
- We've met.
- Yes, in the parking lot.
Oh, fine. Please sit down and
we'll get on with this. Thank you.
Miss Mueller is the
daughter of Mr. Mueller,
who owns the lodge
at Lake Wakapoogee.
And Miss Page is director of
public relations for the lodge.
I see. Willoughby,
this is your lucky day.
- It is?
- Absolutely.
You are entering the fishing
tournament at Lake Wakapoogee.
Sir?
Stuns you, doesn't it?
You want m-me to fish in
the tournament? That's right.
As the official representative
of Abercrombie and Fitch.
M
- Mr. Cadwalader... Don't thank me, thank Miss Page.
It was all her idea.
You know, the more I think of
it, the more excited I become.
Your reputation will have considerable
influence on the publicity for the tournament,
- which will benefit the lodge...
- Beaver.
Oh. Thank you.
And will benefit us,
of course.
I tell you, Willoughby...
What's the matter?
Is something bothering you?
Mr. Cadwalader, it's just
that I don't... Just what?
I don't think I should enter
the fishing tournament.
Why not? Give us one good reason.
Well, because I... Well,
that's certainly no reason.
I didn't give a reason. Why?
Come on. We're waiting.
Now, now, just a minute.
I think I know
what's bothering Willoughby.
You don't think it's fair for the teacher
to compete with the pupils. Exactly!
- They might resent me, and that would defeat your purpose.
- Oh, horsefeathers!
Oh, my goodness! Oh, Abby!
Let me have your handkerchief.
Oh, it's perfectly all right. Don't
worry a bit. It... Forgive us, please.
- It'll dry out. It'll dry out right away.
- Well, good.
Silly, isn't it? My wife
makes me wear it. I see.
Let's get on with it,
shall we?
Yes, sir.
Yes, Mr. Cadwalader.
Let me see.
Where were we?
Mr. Willoughby said the other fishermen
might resent his entering the tournament,
and then I hit the ashtray.
That's exactly what I said.
I don't agree.
They would be flattered.
Oh, they would not! It would be like
playing on the same team with Mickey Mantle.
It's not the same! It's
exactly... the same.
Good thing you didn't hit the
ashtray. Stop being so modest.
I'm not being modest!
They're right, Willoughby.!
It's just your modesty talking.
I don't want to hear anymore.
Yes, Miss Perkins. It's
11:30, Mr. Cadwalader.
Thanks, Perkins. I have a luncheon
appointment. I'll be tied up this afternoon.
Willoughby, why don't you take the young
ladies to lunch and explain the details to them.
Uh... Miss Page, it was
a great idea of yours.
Mr. Cadwalader, didn't
you forget something? Hmm?
Your little thingamajig. Oh.
No, I didn't forget it.
Good excuse not to wear it.
Miss Mueller, thank you
very much. It was a pleasure.
Oh, by the way, Willoughby. Yes?
How is your
fishing gear?
Well, sir, with so little
chance, I... Just as I thought.
We'll get together in the morning and
pick out all the equipment you'll need.
Yes.
Good-bye.
Now, look, Miss Page... Please.
Please, I-I didn't realize that
I had taken your parking space.
I didn't know that you
were Roger Willoughby.
I thought some nut
pulled up...
Abby.
Well, I'm sorry.
So, please forgive me.
Please?
Oh, well, I...
Please?
I can't really
blame you, Miss Page.
But I wanted to talk to you... You couldn't
move my car because I locked the doors.
That's not what I wanted
to talk to you about.
You'd have had a hard time getting
into that car. That's possible.
The funny thing is, he almost
got a ticket. I got a ticket!
What, from the policeman? That's right.
Oh, no. Well, I told you you'd
better do what he said, didn't I?
Don't you remember?
I remember distinctly.
Don't get mad.
You have the faculty...
Don't forget you have
to work together.
That's what I want to talk about!
I want to get one thing straight.
Do you feel that you are too good
to enter our fishing tournament?
No, I don't! Ah, that's
what I wanna hear!
Let's have some lunch. Miss Page...
Don't hold a grudge.
I'll make you a deal.
Buy us two martinis, I'll
pay for your ticket. Okay?
Oh, hell.
Mr. Willoughby, I should have thought
that you'd jump at the chance...
to go fishing. Well, ordinarily, I...
Is it your wife? Doesn't she want
you to go? I don't have a wife.
Then your fiance?
Your girlfriend?
The girl I'm engaged to
has nothing to do...
with my not wanting to
enter the tournament.
At least we know
you're engaged...
and that you don't want to enter
the tournament. That's right.
I guess we'll just
keep wondering why.
I have no intention of
discussing the reasons with you.
Uh-huh.
Step right in,
please.
You'd better keep on trying. I will!
Well, hurry up.
Mr. Willou...
Oh, no.
What?
Well, I was
just thinking.
If you're up at the lake,
you'll be away from the store.
Yes, that's right. Well, you
don't want to risk that, do you?
Why? It's only a job. I mean,
you're afraid of the auditors.
The auditors may come in,
go over your books...
and find out that you've been playing
hanky-panky with the store funds.
What? Listen, Roger,
how much are you short?
I'm not short anything!
Shh. Shh.
I don't have anything to do with the money
in the store! She's just talking nonsense!
How can you say such a thing with those
people hearing you? They have three seats!
They might believe you!
Well, I just didn't think.
You know, I really can't
figure you out, Miss Page.
Either you don't know what you're
doing, or you just don't care.
Miss Page is so formal,
Roger. Call me Abigail.
I don't want to know you that well. Even as
a total stranger, you're too much trouble.
What'll it be, folks?
Martini.
Martini.
Make mine a double!
A thing like that could ruin a man's
reputation! Do you have a light?
You can't really believe I'm committing
larceny, but you made those people think so.
Before I met you, my life
was uncomplicated, peaceful.
Everything was fine.
Didn't have any trouble.
L...
Even with this lighter
I didn't have any trouble.
Are you always in the habit
of ruining men's lives?
Not really. I just try to
do my share. Who are you?
I'm confused.
Who is he?
I don't know, but he's
sure got a new approach.
Hi.
We thought we lost you.
That was a pretty girl.
Who is she? I don't know.
There you are.
Aren't you going to
sit down, Roger?
I'd rather walk.
Come on. Don't get mad. Sit down.
Come.
I'll have another.
Yes, sir.
We were talking, and
we couldn't remember...
a tournament that
you'd ever entered.
Miss Page...
Abigail.
Miss Page,
I don't compete with other
fishermen because I...
Forget it.
Can't you speak English?
I'm confused enough.
Here you are, sir.
Roger, please, don't. What?
Don't what? What? Don't take it.
Don't take another drink. I mean, it must
be terrible having a drinking problem.
What? We should've known
that liquor was your failing.
Now, just a minute, I...
It's that you're afraid when you go
away from home, you can't trust yourself.
That's why you never
enter into competition.
You ready for another?
No!
Oh, go ahead, Roger. Don't torture
yourself. I'm not torturing myself!
I don't compete
with other fishermen...
for a very simple reason. What is it?
If I tell you, do you promise never
to breathe a word of it? Certainly.
I don't...
Uh, that'll be $5.40,
please.
Let's get out of here.
Where are we going?
Someplace where no one will
hear what I have to say.
Roger, what on earth...
Never mind! Come on!
Roger, what... Would
you please explain...
Have any nickels or dimes? Yes.
Get 'em out,
will ya?
Okay, get the nickels.
He's crazy!
What?
He's crazy!
You're right!
If I tell you, do you
promise never to tell anybody?
Do you?
All right.
I cannot fish
in your tournament...
because I've never been
fishing in my life!
What?
You've never been fishing in
your whole... No, no, no, no!
Shh!
You promised to be quiet. Oh. Okay.
Rog...
Remember.
Did I hear you right?
I said I've never been
fishing in my entire life!
That's because you're a phony! I am not!
Of course
you're a phony!
Come on.
Don't run off, folks. The
lights'll be on in a minute.
Coming to this place wasn't such
a good idea. Anyway, now you know.
You've never really been fishing? Never.
No wonder you don't want to enter the
tournament. It was your idea, Abigail.
I'm sorry.
I was thinking.
You'd better decide
what to do.
I may shoot him or myself.
I suggest the latter.
You'd better figure it out.
I have things to do.
Taxi!
Good-bye. Don't worry.
I'll keep your secret.
Now that you know
I no longer can help you,
you'd better tell Mr. Cadwalader
you've changed your mind.
Have I? Have I changed my mind? Hmm?
Now just a minute... If you'll buy me
some lunch, we'll discuss the whole thing.
Come on. I know
a nice little place.
You know, you don't look
like a phony, Roger.
How did it all start?
I got a job...
Mm-hmm.
Selling fishing tackle
in a little place.
I listened to my customers.
Fishermen love to talk.
What one customer would tell
me, I'd tell the next one.
Then I got a job at Abercrombie
and Fitch and read up on fishing.
Why didn't you
just fish?
Because I happen
to hate fish...
To handle them, to smell them. Oh, no!
And I brought you to this fish place.
I don't even like them on
a plate. Order ham and eggs.
Yecch. Listen, it still
seems dishonest to me.
Does a man who sells canaries
have to learn to fly?
People ask questions. I give them
answers. I never claimed to be a fisherman.
You never unclaimed it. It
never seemed important until now.
I'm glad I didn't pay
$1.50 for your book.
$2.00!
$1.50's too much.
Four of my people have won cups.
You'd better start studying it.
Why? Because you wanna
enter our tournament!
I have no intention of fishing
in your... tournament. Shh! Shh.
Roger, it's up to you.
But you'd look pretty silly if the
truth came out. I'd look like a...
A phony.
I don't like that word.
But it's true, isn't it? No, it isn't.
If the customers learn
the truth, I'd lose 'em.
I'd lose my job. Cadwalader
would have me thrown out.
And if I entered your
tournament, they'd know. Maybe.
But they'd be
sure to know if...
You didn't.
Do you mean...
I'd tell 'em.
I believe you would.
You know I would!
You don't have to
win the tournament.
You just have to make a reasonably
good showing. How? You tell me how.
Millions of people
know how to fish.
I figure that you could learn,
with the right incentive.
Like keeping your job.
Did you take a special course
in blackmail,
or is it a natural talent?
It won't do us any good
to be bitter, Roger.
I know that you're a phony,
and you know that you are.
The tournament begins on
Friday, and today's Monday.
If you can be up there with
your equipment tomorrow,
then we'll have almost three
days to teach you. Who's "we"?
Easy and I.
We're both good.
You don't have anything to worry
about... Well, maybe one thing.
What? The girl that you're engaged to...
Did you tell her that you don't
know how to fish? It never came up.
Don't you think you'd feel
better if you told her?
I'll decide what to tell her.
It's risky. She may throw you out.
Is she rich? Miss Page,
I don't think that...
Well, anyway,
it's up to you.
Bring your book. You might learn
something from it. Wh-What about lunch?
Oh, I never eat lunch.
Bye!
Tuesday, Wednesday,
Thursday, Friday, Satur...
Six days.
I'm liable to kill her.
I'll be with you in
just a minute, mister.
White man have
long journey?
Oh, just from San
Francisco. Heap big place.
Many moon ago
I take trail to Frisco.
What tribe are you from?
Me chief
Wakapoogee tribe.
My name
John Screaming Eagle.
My people own this lake
before white man come.
Is that so?
Sorry to keep you waiting. Have
you a reservation? I believe so.
My name is Roger
Willoughby. Oh, of course.
Your name Willoughby? Mm-hmm.
My great-grandfather,
Roaring Buffalo,
once scalped man
named Willoughby.
Please,
you not be angry.
Oh, I...
I glad you no angry.
You ever fish Wakapoogee before? No.
You, uh, want win tournament? Yes.
See this? Genuine
Screaming Eagle bass plug.
Only six dollar.
This is a cheap imitation
of the Chugger Spook.
- It's made in Japan and sells for 68 cents.
- John, you picked the wrong man.
This is Roger Willoughby,
the famous fisherman.
Miss Page has a reservation for
you at the lodge, cabin five.
Oh, I don't want a cabin. I'd like
a campsite. Let me see what I have.
You'd be more
comfortable in a cabin.
Oh, no, I... They're newly
redecorated... air-conditioning, TV,
Gideon Bible,
the whole works.
Red man speak
with strange tongue.
I just talk that way for
the tourists. Take the cabin.
Oh, no, I, I, uh...
Why not?
Well, because my boss
wants me to camp.
Well, in the words of
our great chief Confucius,
"Man is much better off if he
obeys the voice that feeds him."
Confucius. I thought he
was Chinese. Chinese-Indian.
I can let you have
campsite C-11.
Nice place by the lake. You'll be
happy there. How do I get there?
Just follow the road. Campsites
are well marked. You can't miss it.
When do you expect the rest
of your party, Mr. Willoughby?
I'm alone.
All this equipment, just
for you? That's right.
How long do you
intend to stay?
Six days.
Six days? It'll take him
that long to unpack.
Miss Page! Miss Page!
- Yeah?
- I have a message for you.
Roger Willoughby isn't
coming to the lodge!
He's at
campsite C-11.!
Thank you! What would he be doing there?
We'd better go see. We can
go by water. It's faster.
Okay.
Why should this be
happening to me?
Holy smoke.
Look at that camp.
"Step six:
"Grasp tent
at point X and Y,
"except for model 42-B.
"See illustration 13
for further information.
Model 42-B discontinued."
This must go
somewhere inside.
Hi!
Hi.
Where did you come from?
Down at the lake.
What are you doing?
I am setting up a tent!
Ohh.!
Are you?
- After which I shall try making a bed.
- Can we help?
Yes. Go away.
Oh, good.!
Uh, listen, I'm curious...
What is all this about?
This is Mr. Cadwalader's idea of what
a well-equipped camper should have.
Well,
why are you camping?
Again,
Mr. Cadwalader's idea.
He seemed to be almost
inspired, since he met you.
Oh, well, now, don't be angry,
Roger. It wasn't my idea.
Miss Page,
Mm-hmm?
I had time to think
while driving up here.
I don't think you can ever
get me angry again.
Great. I'm glad you've
come to your senses.
Because this isn't going
to work. Of course it isn't.
What isn't?
Your camping.
You've never been
camping before, have you?
I'm doing a lot of things
I've never done before. Yes.
Are you supposed to be out of
the water with those things on?
We're not supposed to take them
off before we get out of the water.
You don't have time
to learn camping.
You'll have enough
trouble learning to fish.
After the tournament you can learn how
to make your bed. Mr. Cadwalader tol...
Phooey on Mr. Cadwalader.
Then what do I tell him?
What'll you tell him when he sees
you camping? He isn't going to see me.
Oh, yes, he is. He
phoned for a reservation.
See, smarty? He'll be up here tomorrow.
He will? Listen, Roger, there's
only one thing for you to do.
What? Move back to the lodge.
But before he comes.
Then what do I tell him?
Say that you... What?
I'll think of something.
Yeah. Oh, sure. Roger, if
anybody sees you here camping...
They'll know you've never
been out of a hothouse before.
We'll help you get
all of your stuff packed.
All right, John Screaming
Eagle. Come here.
How long have you been,
uh, standing over there?
There?
Mm-hmm.
Long enough to know he never been out of
hothouse before. Only for tourists, huh?
Will, uh, ten dollars
make you forget it?
For twenty, Screaming
Eagle was never there. Five.
She say ten. Five. And you
can help pack up this stuff.
As the great chief
Confucius say...
Five birds in hand
worth 20 who fly away.
You know him
better than I did.
Willoughby, did you
see this? Yes, Major.
I didn't know you entered the
tournament. It was a sudden decision.
You might've warned
your customers.
It's going to make the competition
stiff for us. So that's the way you feel.
And you won last year, Mr.
Skaggs. I beat Phipps hands down.
I figured I could do it
again. You just got lucky.
I can still do it.
You're still lucky.
With you in it, it's different. Then the only
sporting thing would be for me to withdraw.
Oh, no... What? Now, Roger, you see...
They consider it unfair
competition. I don't care what...
I feel that I should...
Hold it, Willoughby!
Withdraw nothing!
I've got my 10:00,
11:00, 9:00...
I've got it down pat,
and I'm going after you!
If Skaggs is afraid to,
let's let him withdraw.
Who said I was? I'm
glad he's here. You are?
If I lose to you, I'm losing
to a master and I don't mind.
But if I should beat you, that'd be
much more glory than beating Phipps.
10:00, 11:00, 9:00. Oh, stop it.
Just like I said, like playing on the
same team with Mickey Mantle, right?
Listen, gentlemen, if you'll excuse us,
we have a little business to talk over.
What?
Come on, Roger.
Excuse us.
Good night.
You two go ahead.
Yeah. Come on, Roger. What for?
We're gonna buy you dinner.
Is that what she said?
There.
Now, isn't that nice?
Just for the three of us. Very nice.
Glad you like it.
Come on, Roger, sit down.
Come on.
I shouldn't be so nice to you after that
sneaky trick you tried to pull out there.
Why don't you just make up
your mind that you're stuck?
Make the best of it.
You and I are going to work
together quite a bit of the time.
Why must we
be together?
I have to teach you
how to fish.
You don't want to do it
on your own, do you?
No. Well, then, we have to be together.
We don't want anybody
to find out about it.
Oh, say, did you tell your
girlfriend, Miss, uh, Connors,
that you can't fish? I
told you that was none...
But she made a reservation. I know.
I forgot to tell you. She's
coming up Friday. I know that too.
Would you like a roll?
No, thank you.
I'll give you one anyway.
I just don't want to make any trouble
for you by saying the wrong thing to her.
I guess you didn't tell her or
you'd say so. No, I didn't tell her.
Is that all right with
you? Sure, sure, sure.
Hi. Dinner is ready. How are you doing?
Just fine.
Making Roger mad again.
You'd better figure out where you're
going to take him tomorrow for his lesson.
Yes. A quiet place where murder
wouldn't be noticed. Oh, don't be silly.
That's a good idea! I know.
No, no, there is a
cove at the north end.
Nobody would see you, but
you'd better not go together.
I'll take the boat up about 8:00,
and you meet me at the north trail.
Where's that? You start at the
ranger station and go to the end.
But it's too narrow
for a car.
Take that little red thing you
had at the camp. The trail bike.
That'd be just perfect,
wouldn't it?
Uh, can you ride it?
It just so happens
that I can.
Well, you're just full
of surprises, aren't you?
Oh... Uh... Mmm...
Roger.
What's the matter?
Never mind. It's too
late. What do you mean?
It's just too late. What
are you talking about?
Does your salad taste good?
Mm-hmm.
Well, that's good.
It tasted very good.
Why? Well, because...
Nothing.
L... I can't tell you.
What are you
laughing at?
Do you really
want to know?
Yes, I want to know
what I'm laughing about.
Well, you know, just before you
took that first bite, Yeah, go on.
A caterpillar fell out of the
tree, right onto your plate.
It was a fuzzy one. He was crawling
around on the plate for a while.
Listen, cheer up.
Have some wine.
Hi there. Have you a motorcycle
just went up the road? Yes, I did.
Did it take you long to
teach the bear how to ride it?
It just took a minute.
Well, fell off
right around the turn.
Thank you very much.
That's all right. So long.
Hey, Roger. I'm sorry
I'm late. Good morning.
Good morning.
Hey, it looks like we're going to
get to use all this part of the lake.
What on earth are you wearing?
They're
inflatable waders.
They're what? Inflatable waders.
They have a built-in life preserver.
Pull this cord, and the gas bottle
inflates the thing, and you don't sink.
Do they work? I don't know.
I'm testing them for the store.
You don't need waders to get into
the boat. I do too. I can't swim.
Oh, no. You can't run a boat
either? I've never felt the need.
The need's caught up with you.
Come on. Get in.
It won't tip.
Huh?
Uh-uh. Just relax. Nothing's
going to happen. Let me outta here.
Get back in there.
Sit in that third seat.
That's a boy. Go all the way
back. Even if I don't want to?
Okay, now, stay right
there. You be careful.
The first thing you have to
learn is to start the motor.
I thought you were gonna
teach me how to fish.
Sometimes it's necessary to run
the boat out where the fish are.
All right. It's as easy
as starting a lawn mower.
First take ahold of the
starter-rope handle. Where's that?
That thing.
This?
Yank that back hard as you can.
But before you do that... Roger!
Roger, pull the cord
on that thing!
Roger?
Roger,
are you okay?
Are you all right?
Bring that boat over!
- Oh!
- You're getting too much air! Turn it off!
- O-Oh!
- Turn it off!
Hold your breath.!
You gotta
let the air out!
Help me!
Hold your breath.
Be just a minute.
Abigail!
There we are.
Bring yourself up!
Abby!
Please!
Abby!
Please.! Roger, hold your breath!
Abigail, stop!
Stop, stop!
Hang on, now.
Isn't that fun, Roger?
Hang on, Roger.
Here, drink some of this.
This'll warm you up.
Abby.
Hmm?
Let me see the soles of your shoes. Why?
Mm-hmm, that's it.
What?
I saw the same marks on my back
when I was changing my clothes.
Yeah. I was jumpin'
up and down on ya. Why?
Because that's the only way
I could get the water outta ya.
Just gallons and gallons...
Excuse me.
Hello? Mm-hmm, just a minute.
Mr. Willoughby, please.
It's for you.
Who is it?
Cadwalader.
Hello.
I just checked in. What
are you doing in your cabin?
The reason I'm not camping is...
Miss Page explained all that to me.
Why aren't you at the
lake? I've been at the lake.
- Studied it thoroughly?
- Yes, sir, from top to bottom.
Excellent. How about our
equipment? You want some?
Well, I tested the inflatable waders
this morning. How did they work?
I couldn't recommend them
to our customers.
Very well. I'll make
a note of that, Willoughby.
Just a minute, please.
I have to ring off now.
I have an appointment with a man. Perhaps
you know him. John Screaming Eagle.
Who?
He's the head
of the Wakapoogee tribe.
He's got some valuable
historical relics to show me.
I'll call you
later on tonight.
How. Good afternoon. Come in.
Did you bring them?
Shh.
Oh, this is
very exciting.
Is this really
General Custer's scalp?
Great Grandfather Roaring Buffalo
take in battle Little Big Horn.
Oh, then it must
be real.
Screaming Eagle give white chief
for present. I couldn't accept it.
Old Indian custom. I give
you gift. You give me gift.
Well, uh, what would
you like? Twenty dollar.
Well, that's
reasonable enough.
Hi.
Hi.
What have you
been up to?
I went over to see Roger for a
minute. He had dinner in his cabin.
And how is he?
Oh, he's all right.
I offered to help him
with the fire, but...
he said that I'd helped him
enough for one day.
He didn't want me to get
all worn out. He's just fine.
Oh, I got so scared today,
Easy. I almost let him drown!
He can't swim
and he got all full of water.
I had to drag him on the shore and
sit down on him to pump him out.
- And that's when I...
- When you what?
Oh, huh...
Gee, I did a silly thing.
I kissed him. Why, I do not
know. And what did Roger do?
He didn't kiss me back.
What did he do?
Nothing.
Why?
Because he was
still unconscious.
You better try it again when he's
conscious and find out what he does.
Oh, yeah? Okay.
Are you going out
with him tomorrow?
Well, 8:00 in the morning. Only this
time, no boats and no trick waders.
This is a nice place. It'll be much
better than fishing from a boat.
You can't fish from here. You
gotta wade into the lake. Why?
Because the fish aren't liable to come
this close to shore. Come on. It's okay.
You remember,
I can't swim.
Oh, Roger, the tournament
starts tomorrow. Come on.
Now, let's see. Cast
out there about 30 feet.
Yeah, but, uh...
Just pretend you're
Major Phipps. Oh, yeah.
See...
Okay?
Yeah.
10:00.
Oh, yeah, 10:00.
Eleven, eleven.
Oh, yeah, eleven.
Uh-huh, and nine.
Ten... Yeah.
10:00, 11:00, 9:00.
That's very good, Roger!
Oh! You hooked a fish! Oh!
Watch him. He's running. Here, here.
No, Roger. Stop him. How
do I do it? Blow a whistle?
Set the drag.
Oh, uh...
Okay, now reel him in.
Uh... Pull it up and reel him in. Good.
Come on. Even it off, Roger. I am.
Please,
a little faster.
But not so fast... You want it
slow or you want it... You do it.
You take ahold of that thing and bring
him in. Just do it evenly. That's good.
Come on. That's good. That's good.
Now, watch the fish, would you?
Okay, pull up. That's it.
Now reel him in.
Come on, Roger. Easy, easy...
There! Whoo! He's not very big.
He's a fish!
Yeah, but...
Take him off the hook. I'm not
gonna touch that thing. You take it.
It won't bite you. I can't stand the
feel. They're cold and they wiggle.
You have to take your own fish
off the hook in the tournament.
Every fish I catch I have
to take... Nobody else can.
Now, grab ahold of him
and get the hook out.
That's good.
Here, hold it.
Yeah.
Now, stick your finger
in there.
There. That's good. Hold onto him.
He's slippery. Don't
let go! Don't lose him!
Oh!
Got away.
Oh, I've got him! Yes! Yeah?
Roger, help me!
Not me, I...
Oh!
Ow! Roger, are you
all right? Ooh!
Hey, hey, I got it. Here he is. Huh?
What's the matter?
Oh! Abby, I got one!
What're you...
Oh! Oh! Oh! Don't come near me!
Help me! Forget it! You didn't give
me one single teeny bit of help.
Boy, you... Don't you dare throw
him away. Hang on to that fish.
I mean it.
Roger.
Yes.
How long do I have
to hold this thing?
Until I tell you
you can put it down.
Hey, there's Easy.
Hi, Easy!
Now it's going to rain. I guess we can
go in. You are going to learn to fish.
You just sit there and
hold that thing. Hi, Easy.
Hi, everybody.
What's up?
I brought you some... I brought you
some rain, and I brought you some news.
What are you doing with that
fish? Learning to hold on to it.
I don't understand. Did he
catch a fish? He caught two.
One. The other one I caught is
against all rules of fishing.
So he caught it in his pants! Oh, no!
He can catch fish, but he
can't stand to touch them.
I thought if he sat here holding one
for a while, he'd get used to it. Heh!
I could hold this 'til it turns into a
fossil and I still wouldn't get used to it.
You don't have to hold a thing
anymore, and you don't have to worry.
Mr. Kilroy's coming. The Chicago champ?
That's right.
How do you know?
The wire just came. They had to call
off the Oregon tournament... Bad storm.
He's driving up here this
afternoon. Hoo-hoo! Hallelujah!
Roger, our problems are over. Oh, yeah?
Yes, we don't need you anymore.
We don't need you anymore.
You can get out of the tournament.
How? Walk up to Cadwalader...
and say, "Look, Joe Kilroy's
in town and, uh, I quit."
Just that simple? No,
you can't do it that way.
Lemme think.
Uh, you know the rain
is making your shirt...
I've got it!
What?
If you're not able to fish, you won't be
able to enter the tournament, will you?
I was saying that the...
Did you hear me?
I said, if you're not able to fish, you won't
be able to enter the tournament, will you?
You can break your leg! I'd rather fish.
Or an arm.
I'd rather fish!
I'm tryin' to tell ya... I don't
mean really break your arm, but...
what happens when you break
your arm? It snaps and it hurts.
What happens when you
have to treat it?
You put a cast on it.
You've got it!
Anybody who sees a cast on somebody's
arm assumes they've got a broken arm.
We know a little first aid.
We get some plaster of Paris,
go into that woodshed and get all
that stuff and put it on him. Yeah.
Roger, are you paying
any attention? Yes, I am.
Why aren't you
looking at us, then?
Because you look like
you haven't any clothes on.
That's what I've been trying
to tell you. Come on. Let's go.
Let's go change. Then we'll
meet in Roger's cabin. Yeah.
Roger, are you gonna carry
that thing with you?
Well, too bad, because you were
just learning to pick it up.
I'm really gonna kill her.
I'm really gonna do it.
Hey, Easy. Look what I found.
Just exactly what we need.
They're perfect. Please hold your
arm out. What're you gonna do?
Hold still. I wanna
measure this. What for?
Well, because we can't let
all that plaster stick to you.
Do you have a pair of
scissors? I've got a knife.
Just as good.
Hey, stop that!
Don't make so much trouble. That's
the only pair of long underwear I have.
They're still good.
They are, huh?
One leg is a little shorter than the
other, that's all. Now take off your shirt.
What're you gonna do with my shirt? We
can't put the cast on over your shirt.
Oh.
Easy, are you ready?
Yes, I'm ready.
Here now.
Put this leg on.
And tell me, how do you
want to wear your arm?
What do you mean?
In what position do you wanna
hold your arm? In a sling, I guess.
Something like that? Okay,
that's all right. Now, hang on.
There. Does that seem like the same position,
the same angle? Mm, I think that's all right.
Hold it exactly like that. I'll put
this here so you don't get too dirty.
You start with the plaster. I'll
start with the bandage. Okay.
Put your arm down.
Come on.
You just told me to keep it
up. We come back to that later.
Oh, boy! Hey, this stuff
is gettin' all squishy.
This is all there is left.
Should I make some more?
I think that's enough. What am I
supposed to do after I get this thing on?
Weren't you even listening
to us out there?
I was a little bit distracted
with the rain and everything.
I'm not quite sure I understand what I'm
supposed to do. Would you please tell him?
After we're through,
we'll explain...
that you broke your arm. How?
You fell out of this tree. That's
the way my brother broke his arm.
What was I doing in the tree? Well...
What was I doing?
I know.
There was this little teeny bird
that had fallen out of its nest,
and you were taking it back
to its mother.
And you're going to tell people
that? Don't you think I should?
Don't you think
they'll cry?
I'll think of something.
Don't worry. I hope so.
Don't move.
I'll get it.
Wait, it might be Tex. I wouldn't want
her to find a strange woman in my cabin.
Oh, I can
take care of that.
Big Chief Screaming Eagle here.
Who speak other end?
Who is it? Harry? It's me. It's
the desk clerk. What do you want?
The ranger just called. He said to tell
you Mr. Kilroy was on his way to the lodge.
Oh, okay.
Thanks, Harry.
What is it? Mr. Kilroy just
passed by the ranger station.
We have to get cleaned up
before we meet him. We better go!
You're not gonna leave me like
this? Don't worry. We'll be back.
We have to wait 'til the cast hardens,
anyway. How long will that take?
If you don't have a watch, let
me set this thing for ten minutes.
When the bell goes off, your cast is
done. Stay there 'til the bell rings.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
How did it happen there,
Willoughby?
Well, an itty-bitty bird
fell on the ground...
and I was taking it back
to its mother.
Oh, no.
This is all wrong.
It oughta be like this.
It's all this up here.
Why'd they have to put it on my shoulder?
You'd think they were plastering a house.
They've got to get me
out of this.
Here comes your friend.
Evening, Major.
Evening.
First time I've been saluted
in years. That really felt good.
Nice boy. Very thoughtful. Yes, he is.
Ten-shun.
See that guy?
Roger, thank goodness!
I was looking for you.
I was looking for you. Look at this
arm. Look how I have to hold it.
It just doesn't make any
difference anymore. It does to me.
No, it doesn't. Come here and
look through this window. Why?
You see that man
with the cast on his arm?
Yeah. That is Joe Kilroy,
our Chicago champion.
He had
an automobile accident.
You can't both have broken
arms. His really is broken.
You mean I can't tell people
about the itty-bitty bird?
Right. I could've thought of something better.
Come on. We have to get that off your arm.
This saw ought to be
just the thing!
I don't think...
Put your arm down.
He's right. We couldn't tell where
the cast stops and the arm begins.
I think you're right.
How about the snippers?
Put your arm down.
I don't think...
There's not enough room between the
cast and the arm. That doesn't work.
I'm gonna call a doctor.
Wait, hold still.
That's pretty hard. A chisel
and hammer ought to do it.
Put your arm right down there.
Come on. Put your arm down.
Lean over this way. Down
flat so she can work on it.
Oh... Uh...
Ooh! Ohh!
That isn't going to work!
I know! Put his arm
over there in that vise.
I'm going to get a doctor.
You want that thing off or not?
Well, yes, but... Then
put your arm in here.
That's good. Wind him up tight. Okay.
This, this, this...
I'll get it.
Here we are.
- Oh, uh, uh...
- Hey, this is gonna work fine!
You're not gonna use that thing
on me! You said you wanted it off.
Not with that thing! It'll
be all over in a moment.
That's what I'm afraid of! You'll
never even know it happened.
O- O-Oh, please, Abby!
Shh! Roger.
Hello?
Hello, Roger? I can't sleep. Mm-hmm.
Who is this? This is
Abigail. I can't sleep.
Do you know
what time it is?
Just a minute.
I don't... I know what...
Hello? Hello?
I had to go in the other room
to look at the clock. It's 1:30.
I know it's 1:30.
You do? Well, why did
you ask? Of course I do!
I just wanted to see
if you knew.
- Yes, I just told you. It's 1:30.
- What is it that you want?
You don't happen to have any
sleeping pills on you, do you?
Yes.
Oh, good. I'll be right
over. Hey, wait a minute.
Say, uh, when will
you be back?
I don't know!
Just a minute.
Hi. Here's your sleeping pill.
This is better than a
corner drugstore. Thanks.
Uh, Roger, could I have a glass
of water? I can't take these dry.
I suppose so.
I'm so glad that you hadn't gone to bed yet
because I couldn't sleep, and I thought maybe...
What are you doing?
I'm taking my coat off.
Why? Because it's warm in here.
Anyway, I was thinking maybe you would
be awake, thinking about tomorrow...
and you might want to play a little gin
rummy. I do not want to play gin rummy.
My, but you're grumpy.
Is something bothering you?
What would people think, you
wandering over here, dressed like that?
They might think I have
funny-looking legs.
Yours are kind of
funny looking too.
Here's your water. Take
your pill. Mmm, thank you.
My, that's an ugly-looking pill.
I don't think I want it.
What? Didn't you just ask me... Well, I
asked, all right. But I changed my mind.
Don't you ever change your mind? Like
sometimes you want somebody to do something,
- then you find you don't want 'em to do it at all.
- Like what, for instance?
Like, uh...
Go on.
Just a minute, I'm thinking. Tell me.
Like, uh, kissing.
Kissing?
Mm-hmm. What has kissing got
to do with the sleeping pill?
Very little.
We were talking about asking someone to do
something, then changing your mind. You see?
No.
Let me put it this way.
Sometimes you meet somebody and you start
wondering what it would be like if he kissed you.
And you can hardly stand it
until he does kiss you.
And when he does you expect
maybe bells are gonna ring.
You think maybe you'll come unglued
and you'll fly out in all directions.
And you know what
happens? I can't imagine.
Nothing. Mm-mm. Nothing. Nothing?
You don't want him to kiss you anymore
because you've changed your mind.
You see why I do not
want to take the pill?
It's not too clear. Are you
gonna take that thing or not?
Well, I guess it wouldn't
kill me, would it?
What are you holding
your nose for?
Because I cannot stand
the taste of it.
What does holding your nose
got to do with tasting it?
Say, that's
a great idea, Roger.
Are you hungry? I could fix us
some sandwiches and coffee. No.
I am not hungry, and you should not
take coffee with a sleeping pill.
Why? Because it's a stimulant.
Oh? What should I take? Milk. Hot milk.
Have you got some? Why
did you suggest it? No.
I didn't. I was saying... You did say
coffee would be the thing I shouldn't take...
I don't have any coffee, any milk, and
it's after 2:00 in the morning. I know.
And here I am, keeping you awake and
you have to fish tomorrow. That's right.
I don't know, Roger. Everything
I do seems to be wrong.
When I got the idea
of getting you up here,
it seemed to be just the way
to help Easy and her father.
And I've given you nothing but trouble,
and you've been so sweet about it.
I haven't been sweet about it. You've
been a stinker some of the time.
But that's because I
was wrong. I deserved it.
Anyway, I don't think you'd believe me if
I told you I was sorry. But I really am.
Now, Abigail, I...
You're not angry?
Well, no. I mean... Oh, Roger,
when you're sweet to me
like this, it just...
Mm.
Oh, oh.
Wh... What's the matter?
Roger?
What is it? You know what
we were talking about before?
Uh, sleeping pills.
No, no. Do you remember
what we were talking about?
Wanting someone to do something, and then
wondering what it would be like if he did it?
You mean kissing? Yes. Roger,
I have to ask you a question.
What is it?
Would you please
like to kiss me?
Oh...
Would you?
Uh, that's
the telephone.
Shh!
All right,
all right.
- Hello?
- Hello, Willoughby. This is Major Phipps.
What can I do for you?
I'm here with your boss,
Harvey Skaggs and Jim Bush,
and we want to ask you some questions
before the tournament starts.
- We'll be over right away.
- What did you say?
We'll be over right away. Uh,
Major, just a minute. Where are you?
- At the bar in the lodge.
- Good.
I could use a nightcap myself, so
I'll come over there. Well, hurry up.
Yes, right away. Now I have
to get over to the lodge.
They were coming over here. It wouldn't
do at all for you to be found here.
I've got to get over there.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Roger, where do you keep your
cigarettes? Are you still there?
Yes, I wanted to ask you something.
Oh, I found the cigarettes.
Abby, I've got to get over
to the lodge.
I know.
I'm not keeping you.
But you didn't answer me, and I
had asked if you'd like to kiss me.
Oh, for Pete's sake.
I haven't got time!
I ask him if he would like to kiss
me, and he says he hasn't got time.
Well, he could've meant it
that way. Might've been nice.
If you specialize on trout or bass, you
have more of a chance on getting the big one.
And it's usually the big one that
wins the tournament. Makes sense.
That's good enough for me.
You've been a lot of help.
It's all in the book. Why don't you buy one?
All your money, you can't take it with you.
I can buy another drink
for everybody but you.
Not for me. I'm too
tired. I'll buy my own.
I'm gonna turn in. Good
night. Good night. Good night.
He's a great guy. A real sportsman.
Not many people'd help out a competitor.
Cadwalader, you're lucky
to have a man like that.
We at the store
feel very fortunate.
Abigail.!
A- Abigail, w-wake up.
Abigail, wake up.
Abigail, wake up. You
can't stay here. Wake up.
Abigail, wake up.
Abigail, wake up.
She's out cold.
She took that sleeping pill.
I gotta get some sleep.
Gotta be up in three hours.
I'll bet you $50 I top you. I'll take
it. And another $25 a day additional.
I beg your pardon, I'm the desk
clerk. Have you seen Mr. Willoughby?
He just left here. Oh, that's why
his cabin didn't answer when I called.
What did you want with him? Miss
Connors. She called from San Francisco.
Miss Connors? Was the message
important? The girl he's engaged to.
She was going to spend the night at Green
Valley, but arrive here early in the morning.
I wouldn't wake him for that. Yes, sir.
Why not let Miss Connors
surprise him? Yeah, why not?
How about another drink?
Charlie, come in here.
Who is it?
It's me, Easy.
Let me in.
What do you want? I
am looking for Abigail.
She's no...
- Who did you say it was?
- Easy. Can't you hear me?
Yes, I heard you.
Just a minute.
Roger, are you going
to let me in?
Yes, just a minute.
Soon as I can.
Good morning,
Roger, I was...
What on earth are you
doing in that thing?
The zipper's stuck. See if you can
help me. First, where is Abigail?
How should I know? She came over here
last night, and she didn't come back.
She didn't?
No. Now, where is she?
In there.
Well, Roger!
Look, I didn't have
anything to do... You didn't?
She took a sleeping pill. I slept on
the floor. Very romantic. What a pity.
Don't you believe me? Sure. But
I better get her out of here.
First help me outta this thing. I think
the zipper's jammed. All right. Let's see.
I can't seem to... Wait a
minute. It is stuck, isn't it?
I'm trying to find Mr. Roger
Willoughby. He's in cabin number five.
Yes, ma'am. That's right
over there. Thank you kindly.
Ow.! Don't be so rough.
Hold still.
It's not my fault
that the zipper is stuck.
I didn't say it was your fault. I
just wanna get out of this. Okay.
Put your hands up top here.
Hold on and I'll pull.
Well, I'll try, but...
Good morning.
Why, Tex! Uh, I didn't
expect to see you.
Obviously.
Didn't you get my message?
No, uh, I didn't. I reckon
you didn't. Uh, who's this?
Oh, this is Miss, um...
Mueller.
And Miss... I guess you're
gettin' awfully mixed-up, Roger.
Connors. So, you're
Easy? How do you do? Yeah.
His zipper got stuck... Tex, if you're
wondering what I'm doing in this...
What could you be doing in a
thing like that? I slept in it.
Why? What do you mean, why?
It seems a funny thing to do. Don't
they have beds in these cabins?
Of course they have. I was trying
out some new equipment. New equipment?
Yes, for the store. And Miss Mueller
happened to come by and find you?
Exactly.
Isn't that nice?
And, uh, she was helping
you with your zipper?
It was stuck before.
Good morning. Willoughby,
do you know what time it is?
You have less than ten minutes
before starting time. Yes, I'm sorry.
I'll get dressed right away. Before
y'all start, may I use your bedroom?
Oh, no, Tex! I feel all dusty,
and I'd like to freshen up.
But Easy can take you
over to the lodge.
I'll be glad to show
you. Thank you very much.
Roger, I'll see...
Good morning, everyone.
Roger, is this some of the
equipment you're tryin' out?
I hope the story...
Tex,
she came in last night just
to borrow a sleeping pill.
There's no use explaining.
She's never gonna believe you.
I certainly won't
believe you. Good-bye!
Uh, but, Tex!
Just a minute, Miss Connors.
Don't do anything foolish.
Just be thankful that Willoughby has sown
his wild oats before you were married.
Now he's got them all out of his
system. Haven't you, Willoughby?
I did not sow any wild oats!
Then what were you doing...
You mean that zipper was really stuck, and
all she wanted was a sleeping pill? Ohh!
Wait! Tex, please. You gotta listen to
me. There's a perfectly simple explanation.
I don't wanna hear it.
That's not fair. You've got...
Hey, only got five more minutes. All the
other fishermen will be wearing pants.
Tex, I've gotta go
or I'm gonna lose my job.
You got to wait until tonight so I can
explain everything. Will you do that?
Do you really think you can
explain? I can if you'll listen.
All right.
Good.
I don't know why,
but I'll be here.
I'll call you. It'll be
sometime after 6:00. Okay.
Willoughby, I don't mind your having fun,
but remember, you're representing the store.
Mr. Cadwalader, I've taken
just about all I'm gonna take.
I don't think you're concentrating
on this tournament! Shut up.
Very well, Willoughby.
Roger, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make all
this trouble. Everything you do makes trouble.
I just fell asleep! That's why I was in
your bed. Why come out and act as though...
As though what? Make
Tex think what she did?
Wasn't she mad? She was about
the maddest woman I've ever seen.
Is this here some new equipment
that you are trying out?
Well, I do not believe it!
Don't hit me, Roger.
I'm going in there and get dressed. If
you're still here by the time I come out...
Willoughby.!
Yes, I'm coming!
You've got three minutes.
Mm-hmm. Okay. Good. Bye.
Gentlemen, welcome to the 36th
annual Wakapoogee fishing tournament.
Printed copies of the rules have
been made available to all of you,
but I'm gonna run over them again
in case some of you missed a few.
There'll be
three days fishing.
Your best fish of each day
will count in your total points.
The tournament day will start
at the sound of this bell.
All fish must be
weighed in by sundown.
Are there
any questions?
In that event, gentlemen, the
best of luck to all of you.
Well, Willoughby, I see you
decided to wear pants after all.
Yeah. The fish might have gone
for those polka-dot pajamas.
Well, here we go. May the
best man win. Good luck, Major.
He'll need it. I'm gonna beat
you because I've got his book.
10:00, 11:00, 9:00. The
man with this book wins.
Well, come along. Come along,
Napoleon. This way to Waterloo.
You just read the book.
He wrote it.
Ah. "Fish are
likely to be found...
about 20 yards
from the shore."
"When casting, always aim the
hook at one particular spot."
Ow!
Oh.
Oh.
Read this book...
Fishing reel.
Now...
Oh.
Come back here.
And to think they call
this... fishing "fun."
I suppose you saw the
whole thing. Amazing.
Absolutely amazing. Not even
Confucius could comment on what I saw.
Now you want five dollars
not to tell people about it?
No, no, no. This one's on the
house. Nobody'd believe it.
That's quite a fish you caught. Yeah.
Take a real big one
to beat you today.
White man turning blue. White man
need fire inside, make white man warm.
When red man talk like that,
white man knows something's coming.
All right, go ahead.
Want a drink?
What is it?
Old Indian drink, formerly made from
moose blood 'til we ran out of moose.
What's in it now? Low cholesterol
tribal herbs, safflower oil,
a little alcohol,
120 proof. Very good.
How much?
Five dollars.
For one drink? Ha! One drink,
whole bottle. Five dollar minimum.
As the great Chief
Confucius... Never mind.
Too cold.
Ah!
Pretty good.
Roger Willoughby,
five pounds, eight ounces.
I got you beat! That's
a nice fish, Willoughby,
but Major Phipps leads you
by three ounces.
You mean the Major and I... Sure.
We're ahead of the whole bunch.
Unless somebody else comes in
with a bigger one real soon.
Never thought
I'd beat you.
Well, Major, you're one of the
few people that can say that.
I just went by your book.
That's all. Good. Keep it up.
Told you, Skaggs. The man
with the book wins. Yeah.
How much did that little
sardine you caught weigh?
Never mind. I'll pay
you the $50 I owe you...
if you'll stop talking about
it. Why don't you pay me now?
Hello?
Hello.
Oh, hello, Roger. How'd
y'all do in the tournament?
Pretty well.
I got a big one.
I'm in second place.
Well, good for you.
Hey, you don't sound
as mad as you were.
Well, it could be
I cooled off a bit.
When I thought about it, it
just didn't seem quite like you.
Just how did you mean that?
Not like you think.
All right. I'll come by
and pick you up.
Oh, Roger, I'm just
putting on my dress.
Why don't you go to the lodge,
and I'll meet you there, okay?
All right. Hurry up. Okay. Bye.
We hear you are second in the
tournament, Mr. Willoughby.
Yeah, I was lucky. Would
you like a drink out here?
Yes, thank you very much.
I'd like that.
Vodka martini
on the rocks.
- Make it two of'em.
- Yes, sir.
Oh, congratulations, Roger.
You had a great day.
Or is that the usual?
The unusual.
Keep it up.
I'm betting on you.
Oh, Roger, we are so proud
of you! We're all excited!
Abby just couldn't believe
it. You know what she said? No.
She said, "I knew
Roger could do it." Hmm?
Well, she said it.
Doesn't sound like her.
Oh, are you still
mad at her? Why?
Because of what
she said to Tex.
You speak as though Abby
meant to make trouble.
Trouble? That girl
is a walking disaster.
Every time I'm near her,
something awful happens.
Is that why you,
why you kissed her?
What? When?
Last night.
She asked me to. She doesn't
know what she's doing. She did?
Oh, Roger, do you always know
what you're doing? Of course I do!
And last night
you kissed her.
Well, I'd hardly
call it a kiss.
That's what Abby said,
but you did kiss her.
Yes, I did! You see, that's a beginning.
Oh, uh, two drinks.
Are you expecting somebody?
Is Tex coming?
Yes, she is.
Well, then I better
make it quick.
We were talking about...
You kissed Abby.
And I say this is some kind of a
beginning, isn't it? Beginning? Of what?
Don't you know what
psychiatrists say? No.
The love impulse,
Love impulse!
Especially in a male, shows
itself first in conflict.
That's probably why Abby
and you fight all the time.
What? Are you nuts?
You're as crazy as she is!
But, Roger, after all
we have done for you!
And Abby worked so hard
to teach you how to...
You catch one fish, and now
you start talking like this!
Oh, it just makes me mad!
Uh, Easy, wait.
Roger, I don't want
to talk to you. I'm mad!
Don't turn around! Just stand
still. Take off your hands!
What's the matter with you?
Feel the back of your dress.
What?
Your dress.
Oh, Roger, did you do that?
Of course I didn't do it. You must
have caught it on the back of the chair.
Well, do something about it,
but don't go away. I won't.
We've got to get out of
here. We'll just walk.
Okay. Right. Now, start
with your right foot. Ready?
Willoughby! I want
to tell you something.
Willoughby!
Ah, there, Willoughby,
I've been looking for you.
I'll be with you
in a minute, Cadwalader.
I'm afraid that boy's
in trouble again.
Phew! I thought we'd never get
out of there. Let me have a look.
I can't see here.
Let's go to the light.
Better hurry up.
Somebody's liable to come along.
Roger, I think
this thing is stuck.
Do you think you can
fix it? Yeah, let me try.
Roger, you better hurry.
I think... I am hurrying!
Roger, somebody is coming! Oh, my tie!
Wait a minute!
As soon as we get to...
Well, Roger, just how
do you explain this?
Well, Tex, I... Every time I see you,
you're up to your neck in zippers.
It was an accident. My...
She sat in a wicker chair...
And you just got your tie
caught in her zipper.
I tell you,
it was an accident.
I don't want to marry a man who
has as many accidents as you do.!
Good-bye, Roger!
And don't bother to call me.
Get this tie
out of here.
Uh, I... I...
You...
fish!
Major Phipps, four pounds,
three ounces. Good, good, good.
Congratulations, Major.
That's high for the day so far.
All right, dig in your pocket,
Skaggs. Come on. Pay up!
I'll give you the $50, but if you
mention that book, I'll make you eat it.
What about, Willoughby?
What did he do?
He hasn't checked in yet.
There's still 20 minutes left.
You still think you can
beat him? I led yesterday.
You want to bet on today?
Sure, I do. Certainly.
All right, between you and Willoughby,
I'll bet... Here comes Willoughby now.
What kind ofluck
did you have, Willoughby?
Oh, just fair.
Hey!
Wow! Fair, he said.
You still want to bet?
Roger Willoughby,
four pounds, eight ounces.
Congratulations, Willoughby! Fine work.
You two are
out in front again.
Only, Willoughby, now you lead the
major by... what is it... three or two.
Two ounces.
I'm sorry, Major.
Don't be ridiculous.
I'm tickled to be that close.
Two ounces isn't much of a lead.
I might make it up tomorrow.
You might just do that.
I'll see you.
You want to bet on
tomorrow? Against Willoughby?
What for? I make
enough money off you.
Hi there.
Hmm.
Well, now, that is
an enthusiastic greeting.
I was gonna ask you a question.
I think I'll ask anyway.
Did you ever dream that on the
second day of the tournament,
you'd be in first?
Now that's
an intelligent question.
I thought you'd say
something like that.
How did you
catch that fish?
You didn't tell me about the
first one. How'd you get this one?
I was climbing up a tree... Oh, please,
don't give me that stuff about the bird.
You're not gonna answer me, are you? No.
Why? What's the matter, Roger? Nothing.
Let me have another drink. Oh, no,
thanks. I don't really care for one.
You're sure? Positive. Is it Tex?
You couldn't convince her,
could you? Not in two words.
What? What two words? "Hello, Tex."
Then she hung up.
Did you call her back?
Four times. "Hello, Tex."
Hang up. "Hello, Tex."
I couldn't get past "Hello, Tex."
Now she's gonna have to call me.
Oh, she will. Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Yes, sir, she'll make up
some kind of an excuse.
"Roger, did you all leave your
cigarette lighter in my apartment?
Oh, you didn't? Well, I guess it was
some other gentleman caller then."
She'll make you
call her back somehow.
She's gonna have to wait
a long time.
How many drinks
have you had, Roger?
Confucius say, "Woman who stick
nose in other people's drink...
is liable
to get it punched."
Confucius also say that fisherman who
have too many martinis only catch olive.
I suppose you're right.
Let me have a check, please.
Come on.
I'll walk you home.
I hate domineering females.
I'll walk you home.
Okay.
Roger?
Hmm?
You know last night when
Easy's dress came unzipped?
Did you tell her that
you thought I was crazy?
Yes, I did.
I was kind of upset by the
way everything was happening.
Mm-hmm. Well, it's all
right. I don't mind.
After all the trouble
I've made for you,
I don't blame you
if you don't like me.
Oh, it isn't I don't
like you, Abigail.
Matter of fact, there are
times... What kind of times?
Times when I find you...
strangely attractive.
"Strangely attractive?"
What do you mean?
What's "strangely attractive?"
Well, like a bird
watching a snake.
Now I'm a snake. That's good.
Go right in there and...
I didn't mean it like that. I
mean it's... kind of a fascination.
I never know what you're
gonna do next. Oh, yeah?
It's like living on the
slopes of a live volcano.
Oh, well, I like being a live
volcano better than being a snake!
That's a pretty good line,
Roger. I mean you're exciting.
Oh, Roger, you mean there are
times when you like me? Yes!
Well, for Pete's sake, why didn't
you just come right out and say it?
I just did. Well, you said,
"strangely attractive."
That's something you say to the bearded
lady at the circus. All right, Abigail.
There are times
when I like you.
Is this one of them? I guess
it must be, because right now...
Right now I'm wondering what it
would be like if I kissed you.
You're wondering?
Yeah.
Well, for Pete's sake,
don't just stand there.
I mean, do something.
I mean, don't just stand there.
Are you gonna do it or not? Uh, I go
out of my mind... Will you shut up?
Ooh.
Mmm. Well, no!
What's the matter?
What?
That wasn't any good.
What wasn't any good?
That kiss.
What? The kiss wasn't any good.
Well, I'm sorry, Roger, but you shouldn't
waste your time if you want to kiss me again...
Of all the nerve. Because
it won't ever work out.
Because I'll always look
at you as a friend. Yeah.
Even though you can't kiss,
it doesn't make any difference.
I just am sorry, but what
else am I gonna say? Oh, hell!
I wasn't finished, Roger.
I had a few other...
Oh, got it
snarled again.
Ow!
Oh, uh... Uh...
Uh... Better pull him up
on the bank.
- Roger, look behind you!
- I will in a minute!
Roger, you dope.! Would you
please look where you're going.!
Come on, you! Get out of there! Come on!
Ooh.
Go on.!
Get going.!
Hey, Roger, hurry up!
You've got a fish, a big one!
- Well, you get him!
- I can't! It's against the rules! Come on!
No, no, no!
Roger, get the net!
Oh!
Oh, Roger!
Oh, that's a beauty!
A real big one!
Oh, I bet nobody...
Jeepers.
What's the matter with you? Oh, my
goodness! I never thought it'd happen.
You're liable to win
this tournament. Probably.
Then what?
And then what? Than I'll write a
new book on how to catch a fish.
You know how you do it? You sit on
a log and turn your back to the fish.
Or you climb up a tree
and fall on it.
Or you drag it up on shore until
a bear tells you that's far enough.
That's a fine way to catch fish. Yeah.
Well, it's all my fault.
I got you into this mess.
Well, at least I don't
have to catch any more.
What do you mean by that?
I mean the tournament's over.
After I turn this one in, I
don't want to see another fish.
No, I suppose you don't.
Suppose you don't.
I'll see you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah?
- Willoughby?
Yes? This is Cadwalader. Well, boy,
I always knew you had it in you.
Mr. Bagley just came in
with the final score.
You are now officially the winner
of the Wakapoogee tournament.
Willoughby?
Do you hear me?
Yes, Mr. Cadwalader,
I heard you.
Is there something wrong? No.
Why don't you come over here now and
have a drink with us and celebrate?
Yes. Willoughby, are you...
Unpredictable fellow,
that Willoughby.
Real genius.
Something's wrong with him.
Celebrate.
Who is it?
Roger, it's me, Abby.
Come on in.
I have to talk to you.
I don't feel
like talking, Abby.
I know, but I've got something
I have to tell you.
I know you're not gonna like
it, and I don't like saying it.
Abigail... But if you'll
just let me say it,
then I'll go away and won't
bother you any more. Abigail...
Now let me finish, please. Actually,
there are two things I have to say.
The first is that this has all
been my fault and I'm sorry.
I'm very sorry. Because
I won the tournament?
That's the second thing
I have to say.
You can't take that trophy.
You just can't take it.
Abigail... Now, please let me
finish. You can't take that.
You've got to tell them the
truth. Do you know what'll happen?
I know it'll mean you'll lose your job and
your customers, but you've got to do that.
Once you start fooling people, you have to
go on and keep on fooling them and, and...
you're too nice a guy
to be a phony...
and keep on
being a phony.
Now, that's all I'm gonna say.
If you'll...
Just go ahead and do that.
I just couldn't tell her
I'd already decided to do it.
It's funny.
She makes it easier for me.
Hi. Congratulations. Thanks.
Well, Willoughby.
Here's the champion.
What'll you have, Willoughby?
Make it something expensive.
Skaggs is buying.
Not for you.
I'm buying this one, gentlemen.
Before we have anything to drink,
I'd like to tell you something.
Yeah? What is it?
Excuse me just a minute.
Mr. Bagley, would you mind
coming over here for a minute?
I'd be glad to.
I'd like you to hear this.
All right. There's the
trophy, all shined up for you.
Yeah, that's just what I want to talk
to you about. That trophy isn't mine.
What? What? You're the winner.
Major Phipps is the winner. You're
off your rocker. I didn't win.
- Yes, you did, Major.
- Phipps didn't win.
I told you that. Willoughby, you
haven't been drinking, have you?
Not enough to make any
difference. And you feel all right?
Yes. Willoughby, I
weighed those fish myself.
Gentlemen, please,
let me talk. I saw it.
L- I-I...
I owe you an explanation.
L... I want to apologize.
You all took it for granted that
I knew all there was about fishing.
L- I-I wrote a book on it.
I must be a fisherman. Yeah.
Up until this tournament, I've
never been fishing in my life.
Are you telling
the truth?
Yes, I am. Then,
Willoughby, you must be a...
Fraud. That's probably the
word you're looking for.
Maybe a phony too.
And maybe you're right.
I never said I was a fisherman,
did I? No, you didn't.
I guess he didn't. I
only told you how to fish.
And you told it good. What about the
three fish you won the tournament with?
Well, now... Yeah! You didn't
catch them out of a book!
That was dumb luck.
It was a sheer accident.
No relation to fishing
as you all know it.
But you caught them. Oh,
yeah. One of them caught me.
The second one committed suicide
while my line was hung over a branch.
What about the third one? I
hooked that one, all right.
Then why are you
disqualifying?
Isn't there something in the rules that
says a fisherman can't get any outside help?
Yes, there is.
From any living source.
This one was living, all right.
I got help from a bear.
Which disqualifies me.
Look, fellas, I didn't earn
the trophy. Major Phipps did.
Well, by George. This
never happened before.
Willoughby, I'm stunned.
Completely stunned.
You're fired, of
course. I expected to be.
Congratulations, Major.
Thank you.
Good night, gentlemen.
Good night, Willoughby.
Well? Well, I don't know what to say.
Well, don't fall on your
sword about it. What?
That's a joke, son. Hell,
I just won a tournament!
I don't feel much like
celebrating, but I'll try.
Make mine a triple... because
I understand you're buying.
Good company, isn't he?
Easy, I thought
you were never coming.
You wanted to see me? The desk
clerk told me that you asked...
That was a half an hour ago.
I was beginning to wonder...
if you'd disappeared
off the face of the earth too.
Who's disappeared?
Abigail!
I looked all over the
place for her. Where is she?
Well, she...
She's gone.
What did you want with
her? I want to talk to her.
I'm sorry, but she doesn't want
to talk to you. How do you know?
That's what she said. How does she
know until she hears what I have to say?
I don't know, but that's exactly what
she said. Easy, I want to see her!
Why?
Because. You'll have to give
me a better reason than that.
Well, I... What? Go ahead.
I'm in love with her.
After all she's done to you?
Yes.
And don't ask me why.
Well, I don't know what
to do. I'll come back.
Oh, no, no, stay here. What do you
mean, you don't know what to do?
Well, you see, Abby made me promise not
to tell anyone where she has gone to.
And I just can't break
that promise. That's silly.
Now, come on, tell me.
Where is she?
Well, I'll do what I can.
You know I can't
speak German.
Roger, I am sorry, but I...
White man want translation?
Here it comes.
How much?
Well, in the mood you're in, it would
be pretty easy to put the bite on you.
But I don't want anybody to
think I'm mercenary. Five okay?
Go ahead. The frulein
said that Miss Page...
is camping by the waterfall
at the east end of the lake.
How do you know German? I
don't. I just took her there.
Well, you can
take me too.
One other item. I know. I'll give
you ten dollars more if you hurry.
That's the item.
Meet me at the dock.
You better be quiet. She's camped
right there behind those trees.
See where the light is? Yeah, I see it.
You want me to wait for you? No.
There's no way to get back.
There's no bridge. That's all right.
Want me to pick you up
like tomorrow morning?
Be just a slight charge.
I'll send up a smoke signal.
Keep some wood dry. Looks
like there's a storm comin' up.
One other thing before
you go. What'll it cost me?
This one's on the house.
It's free.
Just remember, a squaw never knows
what she wants until you tell her.
Is that from Confucius
too? No, that's from me.
Confucius didn't get
around as much as I do.
Be careful getting out. Yeah.
Will you give me
a shove off?
Happy hunting.
Roger, what are you
doing here?
I just wanted to... I don't want to
talk to you. I don't want to see you.
I want to be by myself.
So if you'll please go and
get in your boat and go home.
Roger, I thought
I told you to go away.
- I can't.
- Why?
I must've left the boat
untied. It's gone.
Well, that's just like you.
And I can't swim either.
Remember?
I suppose you'll just have to stay
then. But just don't talk to me.
All right. I won't.
You don't mind
if I sit down, do you?
I don't really care what you do.
But just don't talk to me.
Just wait 'til
I get a hold of Easy!
I told her I didn't
want to see you.
I told her I didn't
want to see anybody.
Don't talk to me.
That was an owl.
Roger? Did you tell the tournament
committee that you're a fake?
Yes, I did.
Did you get fired?
Yes, I did.
And I talked to Tex.
We're finished.
For good.
Then it was all my fault.
Look, why don't you just go away,
somewhere, so I don't have to see you.
What are you doing?
Getting in
out of the rain.
Well, you just get right
out of here. I will not.
This is my sleeping bag.
You think
I want to be in here?
Oh, you mean you don't?
No.
I'm just not gonna
stay out there and get wet.
Well, all right.
Then just don't talk to me.
What is it that you're
doing? You're too far over.
I'm what?
Move over here.
I will not. I'm trying
to get this zipper shut.
I can't do it if you
keep pulling the cover.
Oh.
Is that all right?
Thank you.
Roger... If I have to stop
talking, why don't you stop?
All right.
I certainly will.
I can't see why Cadwalader
would fire Willoughby.
It isn't clear to me either.
What will I do without him?
You're gonna lose more
money to me, that's what.
I don't care if he is a fraud. He still
knows more about fishing than any man alive.
Willoughby's no fraud.
He's an honest man.
Yeah, he just proved that. Yeah, he did.
What difference does it make
if he can't fish?
It's whether I can fish that's
important. I don't want to lose him!
I agree with you, but Suffering Sam
over there will never change his mind.
Look at him.!
Bleeding from a mortal wound.!
Probably thinking about the thousands
of people that'll read about it.
It's bound to hit the
papers. Yeah, that's...
Thousands of people.
Skaggs, you old goat, that's it.
What's it? What'd I
say? What you just said.
You gave me the inspiration
of my life. Come on.
Cadwalader,
I want to talk to you.
Huh? I said I wanted to talk to you.
What about?
Well, I, uh...
First, do something with that
thatched roof of yours. Oh, I'm sorry.
Cadwalader, you're an ass. An
utter ass. I beg your pardon.
Why? Why?
For firing Willoughby.
Oh, he can't fish.
Can't fish?
That's exactly what I want to talk
about. I don't follow you at all.
Because this was a tournament,
he disqualified himself.
But the fact remains,
he caught the winning fish.
Doesn't that mean anything
to you? I'm afraid it doesn't.
Oh, you mutton-head!
It means that any darn fool...
can catch a record fish if
he's using the right equipment.
Thousands of people all over the country
will read about it. Yes, isn't it horrible.
Horrible, nothing!
I know these amateur fishermen.
Roger Willoughby
will be an inspiration.
Every man jack will say,
"If Willoughby can do it,
just give me the right rod,
reel and lure, and so can I."
A million dollars of free publicity, and
you fired him. You ought to be ashamed.
Oh, my goodness! I never thought of
that! You want me to set him up...
in business in competition
to you? No, no, no, no, no!
If you don't,
somebody else will.
You better hire him back before he
gets away. And fix that roof of yours.
I must hurry. I've got to
find him. Thank you, gentlemen.
Thank you very much.
Oh, Willoughby!
Willoughby!
Oh, Willoughby.!
What do you want?
Hold it.
I think I hear them.
What is it?
Wh-What is it?
Sounds like Cadwalader.
Oh, look out, Abigail!
What? What's the matter? Don't move!
Why... What...
Where are we?
We're out in the middle
of the lake!
What are we doing here?
Hold still!
Willoughby! Can you hear me, Willoughby?
Yes, I hear you.
I made a mistake. We
need you back, Willoughby!
Hey, Roger!
You got your job back, I
think. Please, Willoughby.
Lie still! Look!
We're gonna tip over!
We'll give you a raise, Willoughby.
How much will you give him?
I'll talk to you later.
Will you come back?
Yes, Mr. Cadwalader!
Oh, that's fine, Willoughby. Do
you want us to send you any help?
Never mind, Mr. Cadwalader!
Do you think
he's in trouble?
Yes, but it's
too late to help him.
Listen!
Hmm?
Do you think you could like
me the way you did that night?
What night? You know,
when you kissed me.
You said that kiss
was no good.
Oh, I'm sorry
I said that, Roger.
I prefer to forget
that night ever happened.
Oh, Roger, I was Iying when I
said the kiss wasn't any good.
You were... Sure! Honest, I was!
I was just pretending.
Do you think that you could find
me... strangely attractive again?
Hmm?
Well, I don't know.
L... Mm-mm.
Maybe if you kissed me,
just a little.
Hmm? If you didn't
like it, you could stop.
Maybe you would like it, but
then again if you didn't...
Sometimes when people...
Mm-hmm. Will you shut up?
Oh, John, you shouldn't
have done that.
Why, Marcia?
Because this picture's over.
This is the end.