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Mariah Carey's All I Want for Christmas Is You (2017)
MARIAH: I'm gonna tell you
the story of my first love. It was cuddly with fuzzy ears and a little wet nose, and, well, more about that later. It happened at Christmas time. Hey, come on now. I said, "It happened at Christmas time." MAN: Happy holidays! MARIAH: That's more like if. GIRL: What are you getting from Santa? MAN: Great to see you! (BELL TOLLING) (INDISTINCT CHATTER) MARIAH: Every Christmas, I asked for a puppy to love, and this Christmas, I especially wanted one. Hi, Mariah! I like your dog. Oh... Thank you. Have you heard of the Community Charity League fashion show we're putting on? Mmm-hmm. I signed up to do refreshments. MARIAH: Of course I had heard of it. It was only the biggest talk of the town. Such a cool idea to raise money for the pet shelter. Fashion and friends. Matching outfits for you and your pet. We're talking about being in the show. Really? Oh, my gosh! I would love to be in it! Thank you so much! Great. We're short one girl with a dog. Oh... I don't have a dog. Mmm, sorry. We thought... Wait! I'm gonna have one soon. I'm gonna ask for one for Christmas. Supercool! Perfect! Come meet us at school today at 4:00 for rehearsal. We are so excited for you to be in the show with us. Be on time! Be on time! MARIAH: Vicky and Grace were only the coolest girls in my whole school. I mean, these two had it going on. They were going places. BRETT: (SCOFFS) Good luck with that. Mariah, why did you tell them that? Mom and Dad won't let you have a dog. MARIAH: My little brother and sister, Brett and Beth. So supportive. (BRETT AND BETH LAUGHING) They loved teasing me about how much I wanted a dog and how many times I had asked. But they were right. Who was I kidding? I'd been asking for a puppy every Christmas, every birthday, every... You get the idea. But my mom and dad always said no. To be fair, my dad was allergic to dogs. (HUMMING) (DOG BARKING) (SHRIEKS) (SNEEZES) MARIAH: I'm talking really crazy allergic. (LOUD SNEEZE) (DOORBELL RINGS) MARIAH: And Mom was very, well... She liked to keep the house just so. (VACUUM CLEANER WHIRRING) (HUMMING) Oh, honey, we're doing all red and white this year. MARIAH: Since Mom and Dad wouldn't budge on letting me have a dog, I went over their heads, straight to the big guy. We're talkin' Santa Claus. Every year, I put "puppy" on my list. I was sure Santa really wanted me to have a puppy, but, for whatever reason, he couldn't seem to get it together. I mean, I didn't know how they ran things up there in the North Pole. (HUMMING) (WIND BLOWING) Dagnabit! But it seemed to me like maybe Santa was in over his head. (HUMMING) Um, boss? Excuse us, sir. You forgot a couple... (DOG WHIMPERS) (SANTA LAUGHS) MARIAH: Hmm... I'm not sure about that. Maybe Mom and Dad had something to do with Santa not getting me a puppy. (SANTA HUMMING) Sorry. I'm running late again. Butterscotch. My favorite! You can have the cookies as long as you don't leave a dog. MARIAH: Nah. Mom and Dad would never have done anything like that to me. Anyway, this Christmas, I was determined my present would be a puppy. (BARKING) Gorilla! Come back, Meatball! Whoa! Gorilla! Down, Meatball! Mariah! What's up? (GIGGLES) Hi, Holly. Hi, Ernesto. Let's do a whipsnake! Yeah, yeah, yeah! Uh, I gotta go. We just got here. I have fashion show rehearsal with Vicky and Grace. Vicky and Grace? Ooh! Popular. I thought you and me were doing refreshments together. Uh, well, loan still do 'em both. I'll see ya. We can skate tomorrow. (BARKS) What's wrong? I'm on time. "On time" is almost late. Let's get going. Our motto is, "You snooze, you lose." (BOTH LAUGHING) MR. TYABJI: Remember, students, you'll be making your final outfit choices today, and you must bring them home so they can be laundered and pressed for the dress rehearsal. Aw! How cute! Don't forget to come Thursday dressed in your outfits. MARIAH: I had gotten myself into a fix. I wanted a puppy, but now I really needed one. I had pretty much given up on Mom and Dad, and Santa, too, but when everyone else lets you down, there's always Grandma, right? Honey, my hands are cold. Let's step in here. But it's almost 6:00. I think she'll stay open for us. (DOOR BELL TINKLES) Merry Christmas, Emiko. Mariah! So nice to see you. Hello, Lucy. So sorry, Mrs. Inadomi, I know you're closing, but... Oh... Isn't he darling? Sure, but you know what Mom and Dad say. "Dogs are trouble!" But ever so worth it and ever so snuggly. Grandma! Is that even sanitary? MARIAH: Did you see that? Remember what I said about grandmas? They have a sneaky way of figuring out how to make everyone happy. Mariah, I hear you're working on the pet fashion show. Thanks to you kids, we'll be able to have our adoption fair. She's a little older, and those puppies were climbing all over her, so I moved her to her own special apartment. She's a quiet little girl, never hear a peep out of her. MARIAH: And that's how it happened, love at first sight. Oh... She's so sweet! So well-behaved, and doesn't shed. She's hypoallergenic. Did someone maybe tell you my dad's allergic to dogs? Huh? I was just pointing out one of her many attributes. She's such a little princess in every way. Oh, that's such a perfect name. Princess! MARIAH: That was it. I was hooked. I didn't want just any dog anymore. I had to have Princess. Christmas time Is in the air again Christmas chimes reminding me Of when we Fell like the snow So deep in love High above us, the evergreens Sparkle with lights and feel the breeze As we made future Christmas memories (ALL CHEERING) For a honey to hold Christmas Day And to feel love like ours always And the dream is to share this Christmas cheer With you all throughout the year And not wait till the morning When Christmas time Is in the air Christmas time is everywhere Christmas time Is in the air again Again And again Naughty! (LIGHTS FLICKERING) (POWERING DOWN) MARIAH: Oh, Grandpa Bill. Not again. (LAUGHING) Grandpa Bill! Not again! (GASPS) You've just got to stop this! I am sick of these blinkin' lights keeping me awake all hours. MARIAH: Mmm-hmm. Funny, seeing as Grandpa's room was at the back of the house. What was really goin' on was he had Christmas display envy. Mom liked things tasteful, you know, understated. So, Grandpa took out his frustrations on poor Mr. Ingersoll's blinking lights. You're gonna get in trouble! Plug those back in! Can't remember which one goes in which. Come here, show me. Nuh-uh, I'm not trespassing. (POWERING UP) Come away from there! (MARIAH GASPS) Where are you going? Cut it out! Come on! (LOW SHRIEK) (GASPS) Quick! They're gonna catch you! Catch us, my partner in crime. (GIGGLES) I'm not your partner in crime. (MUSIC PLAYING) You're impossible. MARIAH: So, on top of keeping Grandpa out of trouble and making sure I had Princess by the fashion show, I had a lot to deal with that Christmas. Auditions for the spring musical were coming up, so I was dying to make a good impression on my choir teacher. Beautiful! (ALL VOCALIZING) (HUMMING) MARIAH: And I had to get my little brother to keep our back door shut. Uh, the back door was wide open. I know I closed it. Brett? Sorry. What were you two doing outside? Oh, darling, we've been admiring Ingersoll's Christmas display. It's a doozy this year. PENELOPE: There's no accounting for taste. It's an eyesore. Oh, there's my girl. Come here, Penny. I have a vision for a whole reindeer herd pulling a sleigh the size of a Winnebago that can fit the whole family. It'll wrap around the house, continue up on the roof. A thousand blinking lights. Let's see Fred Ingersoll top that! Blinking lights? Tacky. Not in our yard. BILL: Ow! (MARIAH LAUGHING) Wait till they're baked. Oh, come on. (MUTTERING) (LAUGHS) (HORN HONKS) Dad's got the tree! Brett... Close the door, dude. (LAUGHTER) MARIAH: I had to give it to Grandma. She knew how to work it. She really made a case for Princess. You can't use the dog allergy excuse this time. Ahhh! Mom! You heard me. The dog's hypoallergenetic, or whatever they call it. Oh, Brett, sweetie... Let's not do tinsel. It's so... ALL: Tacky. And you can't say she hasn't earned a pet. She's so responsible and thoughtful. Does her chores and everybody else's chores, too. (GIGGLES) Ouch! Top of her class, soloing in the choir. Model United Nations representative. Mrs. Reyes better elect her Model UN president. Oh! I so hope that she gets it. What does Mariah hope for? These are Mariah's goals. Maybe 'cause someone told her they should be. BUD: Ow! Ma! Lucy, all her accomplishments could fall apart with a distraction like a pet. What's wrong with a distraction? She needs to be a little girl. She doesn't know what she'd be taking on. Uh, Bud, that garland's upside down. (SIGHS) And when she finds out she's in over her head, I'll be the one taking care of a mutt. It's time to put the topper on the tree. I've got that totally covered. Daddy. BUD: Up you go, Supergirl. (GASPS) (MARIAH GIGGLES) Isn't she the most beautiful dog you've ever seen? Where are you going? I got to get ready to take my brother to the airport. Oh, I have something for Uncle Reg. I made him a potholder. Hmm. Yeah, that's very thoughtful of you, Mariah. I'm sure he'll treasure it. (HUMMING SOFTLY) What do you call that thing? It's not a thing. She's a dog. I asked Santa for her. MARIAH: Well, a lot of good that had done me in the past, but I was still hoping that somehow Santa would get it right this time. Her name is Princess, and she's a poochon. A "poo-chon"? (LAUGHING) MARIAH: Such a loving and supportive little brother. (SIGHING) Dopey, it means part poodle and bichon. And she's perfectly perfect. BRETT: Oh, look, now she's part pug. Brett... (CONTINUES LAUGHING) (SIGHS) You're such a clown. Jealous. Priceless. I can help, Mariah. No, thanks, Beth. You're scared I'll mess her up. No, I'm not. It's just... I'm done. There. MARIAH: Daddy could never say no to me. Look, Daddy! MARIAH: But he always figured out a way to do it without saying it, especially when it came to a dog. Possible. Maybe, maybe not. I'll get back to you on that. I'll have to discuss that with your mother. You'll have to take that up with Santa. MARIAH: But this Christmas was his best yet. He really pulled a fast one on me. (LUCY HUMMING) I can wrap some of yours, Mariah. Um... I think I've got it, but thanks. Mariah, I think you hurt your sister's feelings. Oh, no. I didn't mean to hurt her... Couldn't you let her wrap just one? Does it really matter how it looks? Well, this one's for my teacher, so it's got to be perfect. PENELOPE: We should've discussed this. It'll work out just fine, trust me. (GIGGLES) Well, lookie here. What's that, Daddy? I have a proposal for you. Can't wait to hear it. Reggie needs a dog-sitter for, you know, his, uh, pooch, while he's away. Uncle Reggie has a dog? Mmm... It was a recent acquisition. Thought he couldn't have pets at his apartment. Well, they made an exception for this one. Mmm-mmm-mmm. Can I dog-sit the dog? I can dog-sit! MARIAH: Oh, no, you didn't. No. Oh, Daddy, I'd be the best dog-sitter ever. Let me see! Let me see! MARIAH: And I fell right into his trap. But, wait! Here's the deal. Let's see how you do dog-sitting this guy, and then we'll see about... What's her... Princess! I can have Princess if I dog-sit? Grandma! Dog-sit well. I'm all about well. That's me. I can do well. I promise. Let me see him. I bet he's so cute. (CHUCKLES) Yeah. He sure is. Something like that. Okay. Oh, boy. Bud, you're not going to... Oh... He's a... Is that a dog? MARIAH: Ugh! Uh... Don't worry, Pen, I'm pretty sure Reggie house-trained him. What's his name? Huh? Don't look at me, darling. Oh, yeah. Uh... (BARKS) MARIAH: Did Uncle Reggie even train him? Hey. Jack! MARIAH: Come here, Jack. Come here, baby. PENELOPE: Bud! Come over here. BUD: It's harmless. MARIAH: Oh, no. Come here, good boy. (CONTINUES BARKING) Catch him, Grandma. Come here, you! BUD: I said, "Hey"! Demon. Bud, do something! Settle down now. I'll get you. PENELOPE: Ooh! Off the couch! BUD: Hey, now stop that. Can you sit? Stay? Lie down? Catch him! Good Lord, I think he has rabies! BUD: Come here, you! Jack. Whoa! (PANTING) (SNIFFING) Where's he going? My steaks. (HUMS) (SHRIEKS) Stop! Hey. Hey! Hey! (SCREAMS) Drop it, you thief! BRETT: What's for dinner? ALL: Shut the door! Whoa! Some kind of giant rat thing just ran past me. (SIGHS IN FRUSTRATION) Steak! All right! I know. I know, Pen. We should've discussed this together first. Oh, Bud, dear... It looks like he took your steak. Jack! Here, boy! Here, baby! Come here, little guy! Jack! Uh... Hi, Mr. Ingersoll. Did you maybe see a small dog thing around? It's just befuddling. Can I help you with something? What's that? Oh! Hello, Mariah. I just can't figure out why my lights aren't blinking. I bought blinking lights. Just not as cheerful when they don't blink. Not sure, Mr. Ingersoll. Jack! Where'd you go? Jack! Jack? (LOW GROWL) Hold still, guy. (STRUGGLING) (SNIFFING) MARIAH: Yum! This looks so tasty. (SMACKS LIPS) (WHIMPERS) Scrumptious. This is the best steak I've ever had in the world. Yum-yum. Nuh-uh! This is my dinner. Yum... Come on, you know you want it. Follow me. That's it. Just a little further. (SIGHS IN RELIEF) Ha! I got ya! Hi. Oh, congratulations, Mariah. Let's take a look. Oh, he's a beautiful specimen. Grandpa, did you do something to Mr. Ingersoll's lights? It's my secret weapon. The Unblinker. You screw it in anywhere on the strand, and they all become Unblinkers. It'll drive Ingersoll blinkin' mad. (EVIL LAUGH) Grandpa, that's so naughty. (BARKS) Oh, honey, I think this dog is too much of a handful. Don't feel like you have to keep him. MARIAH: No way, Mom. I'll do anything to get Princess. I'm taking care of this dog. Dad and I have a deal. (WHIMPERS) I can do it. I know I can. Hmm... Well... I guess if anyone can do it, you can. He's gonna need a leash for starters. Oh! I know all about dog supplies. PENELOPE: And a bath. (JACK WHIMPERING) MARIAH: It's just water. Ow! Have you ever had a bath before? Come here! Stop it! What is she doing to him? (TOILETRIES CLATTERING) MARIAH: Let me dry you. Poor little guy. Oh, honey, I wouldn't... MARIAH: Hey! (GROANS) Beth! Where'd he go? (SIGHS) Did Jack come in here? Nope. Haven't seen him. Not in here. Been swimming? (BRETT LAUGHS) Is the back door closed? Yeah, it's closed. It better be. (MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO) Ho, ho, ho, who wouldn't go? Ho, ho, ho Click, click Down through the chimney with good St. Nick MARIAH: Dad. Huh? You didn't happen to see Jack, did you? Wait, what's that? You've lost him? No, no. We're playing hide-and-seek. Hmm? Yeah, it's so much fun. Hmm... Ho, ho, ho Hmm? (SNEEZES) MARIAH: Uh-huh! Mmm-hmm. Jack? Here, boy. Come on out now. Jack? (GASPS) MARIAH: (SCREAMS) Jack! (MUSIC PLAYING) (ELECTRICITY CRACKLES) (MUSIC LOWERING AND STOPS) (LUCY HUMMING) Aren't you handsome now that you're all clean. (SIGHS) Thanks, Grandma. Night. Night, sweet pea. (SWITCH CLICKS) (JACK WHIMPERS) Off! You can't be up here. Even if you did get my extra-special spa treatment. I did do a pretty excellent job. You are sort of handsome. Okay. Just a few days, and I'll have Princess. I can stand it. MARIAH: That's what I thought. (SIGHS) The things you do for love. Just when I thought he was sort of, kind of cute. Well, he would start acting like a dog. Ugh! Don't kiss me. And especially not my face. (BARKS) You can stay up here as long as you don't try that again. (CHOKES) Why are you doing that? What's the matter with you? (GRUNTS) No. Oh, please, you're not... Oh, no. Don't you dare! No.No! No! No! (JACK VOMITS) Gross. MARIAH: Gross! Ew! When did you eat zucchini? (BARKS) MARIAH: The next day things were better. I was feeling pretty confident about getting Princess. So, I went shopping. Uh, I said, "Shopping." (DOOR OPENS) (SIGHS) The door... (DOOR CLOSES) What is all this pink stuff? Doggie supplies. But isn't Uncle Reggie coming back soon? And Jack's a boy. These aren't for Jack, they're for Princess. You got color-coordinated poopy bags? (LAUGHING) That's priceless. (BOTH LAUGHING) Pink poopy bags, priceless. Not nice. Kindness, please. (MUFFLED SNIGGERING) (LAUGHTER) (SIGHS) Come on, Jack. (BARKS) (SNIFFING) Nuh-uh-uh! That's Princess' bed. You can borrow her collar, but not her bed. (WHIMPERS) No, this is for the toy drive. (LOW GROWL) No! Argh! (BARKS) Give me that. (JACK BARKS) MARIAH: Come back here. (CHUCKLING) Argh! Grandma, why does he hate me? He doesn't hate you, sweetheart, just teething, probably. Teething? He has enough teeth. (LOW GROWL) Seem to remember someone else who gave me a lot of trouble teething. Oh, Grandma. Just need to get him a good bone. I'm talkin' real bone, with beef. The handbook doesn't say anything about beef bones. (LAUGHING) MARIAH: Thank goodness Grandma was able to work outside the handbook. (BARKS) If only I could have had Grandma with me everywhere. Heel, heel, heel, now sit! MARIAH: But, unfortunately, that wasn't possible. It's just befuddling. (SIGHS) Okay, walk on, let's go. (GROWLS) Jack, they're not real. (BARKS) Jack, no! (SIGHING) Ooh, my lil snowman He's the coolest cat in town (BARKS) He's jolly and he's happy Nothing's gonna bring him down All the people say that there ain't no way Hey! This Christmas he ain't comin' around Ooh, my lil snowman He's the finest boy to me Look at that dog! Ooh ooh ooh He's got them pretty little eyes (DOGS BARKING) And the biggest belly you've ever seen Ooh ooh ooh He's got his hat to the back 'Cause he's cool like that Oh, hey! (BARKS) Ah! And they don't know how he makes me feel (GROANS) Sorry! Ooh, my lil snowman Does what no one else can You can't tell me he ain't for real (LAUGHS) Baby, baby, my bah)' Ooh ooh ooh (CHOMPING) Baby, baby, my bah)' (JACK URINATING) Ooh ooh ooh Ooh, my lil snowman Does what no one else can You can't tell me he ain't for real MARIAH: Jack, stop! Sorry! Jack! (BARKING) Mommy, it's a monster. Make him stop, Mommy. Ooh, my lil snowman He's the coolest cat in town (CRYING) (MARIAH GROANS) He's jolly and he's happy Nothing's gonna bring him down (SCREAMING) (BARKS) All the people say That there ain't no way (SOBS) This Christmas he ain't comin' around Ooh, my lil snowman He's the finest boy to me Oh, no. Whoa! Ooh! Yikes! Whoa! ERNESTO: Right, check it out. (CHILDREN GIGGLING) Whoo! Yeah! That's what I'm talking about! Come on, Mariah. MAN: Watch out! Whose dog is that? (BARKING) Ooh, my lil snowman Does what no one else can You can't tell me he ain't for real PRINCIPAL REYES: Hello, Mariah. (GASPS) Oh! Hello, Principal Reyes. (CONTINUES BARKING) That's not your dog, is it? MAN: Hey, that's my scarf! Oh! No, of course not. So irresponsible letting a dog run loose here. (TUTTING) Dangerous. Hey, Mariah! MARIAH: Whoa! Help! (SCREAMING) MARIAH: No! Jack didn't take out the principal. The one who was recommending me to lead Model United Nations. (CHILDREN LAUGHING) Whoa! (BOTH GROAN) Mariah. (GRUNTS) I'm so sorry, Principal Reyes. Are you okay? (JACK BARKING) Jack! Not my face, Jack. I thought you said that wasn't your dog. He's not. Stop! Jack! I'm surprised at you, Mariah. I've never known you to lie. (GLASS PIECE SHATTERS) (GROANS) Is this your new dog? He's the best. Where's your skates? He's not my dog, and he's not the best, and I don't have time to skate. Why are you so busy suddenly? (SIGHS) Well, you know, you snooze, you lose. MARIAH: I had a wonderful reputation. Upstanding, thoughtful, witty... Jack was determined to ruin it. He has no shame. Hey, he's putting us to shame. (GROANS) Okay. You can put up one display, just one. Really? Oh! This is so great, Penny, 'cause wait till you see what I've got in mind. (CHEERING) Small, understated, tasteful. Oh, absolutely. Evening, partner. (SIGHS) Hello, sweetheart. Off the couch, Mr. Whiskers. Are you ready to call it quits? MARIAH: No way. I've gotten this far. I'm not giving up now. Besides, Jack and I are having the best time. He's the best. (GROWLING) (SIGHS) (BARKING) MARIAH: What on Earth? Jack, what have we talked about? (JACK WHIMPERING) Argh! (LOW WHINING) (SIGHS) BUD: Mariah, didn't you take Jack out? We've been out all day. BUD: Well, he's left a little present for you at the bottom of the stairs. You better get busy. What? How is that even possible? I never took my eyes off you. (SIGHS) Can't believe this. (YAWN S) PENELOPE: Need some help, honey? Nope, I got this. Not a problem. Stay. MARIAH: Apparently, my brother wasn't the only one who had trouble closing doors. Nice look. Fashion was very important to me, as you can see. Yep, what I said about closing doors. (WHIMPERING) Jack, Jack, it's me, come back. Ugh! No way! (LOUD GRUNT) BUD: Mariah, what's going on? Nothing. Everything's just perfectly perfect. On! (LAUGHING) Well, I'll be. (SIGHS) I had to clean up after him. And now... (SIGHS) LUCY: on! I see he really decked the halls. (LAUGHS) I seem to remember someone who had me cleanin' up a lot. You went through diapers like nobody's business. Oh, Grandma, please, do you have to bring up me as a baby? (LAUGHING) Oh, honey, don't ever ask me not to bring up you as a baby. Come on, I'll help you out. Thanks, Grandma, but I got this. I can do it. Mmm-mmm-mmm. (SIGHS) Jack, come out, I look normal now. Yuck! Don't lick me. (GIGGLES) Okay, okay, please, just don't lick me. Let's go to bed. (LAUGHS) You're silly. MARIAH: Okay, so we had moments of sweetness, but little did I know, it was only the calm before the storm. (WHINING) You got your bone, you've got water, food. You're good. You stay in there. BUD: Wow! Nice. (FRONT DOOR CLOSES) You're sure that dog's secure? Sure, let's go. Gonna be late. Honey, he's too lonely to be left there. (JACK WHIMPERING) Oh, gosh. Okay, I'll bring him. FRED: Oh, I see you're finally making an effort, Bill. Nice (CLEARS THROAT) item you got there. Oh, is that Mr. Marshmallow or a snowman? (JACK BARKS) Oh! Hi, Mr. Ingersoll! (BARKS) (LAUGHING) (AIR HISSING) Uh-oh! (INGRID LAUGHING) Oh! Dog has good taste. (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS) (SIGHS) Well, we can't wait all night for Mariah, even if she is the soloist. The show must go on. Everybody! (BLOWS WHISTLE SOFTLY) Deck the halls with boughs of holly Fa la la la la, la la la la 'Tis the season to be jolly Fa la la la la, la la la la BUD: Better hurry, Supergirl. Don we now gay apparel Troll the ancient Christmas carol Fa la la la la, la la la la See the blazing Yule before us Fa la la la la, la la la la Strike the harp and join the chorus Fa la la la la, la la la la Follow me in merry measure Shh! Jack! Cut it out! (HOWLING) Fa la la la la, la la la la Deck the halls with Pup's got a set of pipes on him, that's for sure! And a set of teeth. 'Tis the season to be jolly Fa la la la la, la la la la Don we now our gay apparel Troll the ancient Christmas carol Fa la la la la, la la la la Follow me in merry treasure While I tell of Christmas treasure Fa la la la la, la la la la (DOGS HOWLING) Fast away the old year passes Fa la la la la, la la la la I've never heard this version. This rocks! Sing we joyous all together Heedless of the wind and weather Make them stop, Mommy. (RUMBLING) (ALL GASPING) I wanna go home! Mariah! MARIAH: The spring musical wasn't looking so great at that point. In fact, it looked like I could say goodbye to choir altogether, thanks to Jack. Jack! Cool it! MARIAH: And Jack wasn't finished destroying my reputation. Oh, no. He had much bigger plans for me. Hey, buddy. Mariah, Mom says you need to get ready for your dress rehearsal if you wanna be early. (SIGHS) I was supposed to do that. Yesterday. I would have done it. It's okay. I know you hate it. Hey, where'd Jack go? Did you close the back door? Uh... MARIAH: Jack? You up here? Jack? MARIAH: Unbelievable how such a small creature could be capable of so much destruction. (BARKS) Jack! Drop it! Jack, give that to me. Nice doggie. Don't move! Give that to me. Jack! (GROANS) (GROANS) Jack. Come here, you! (STRAINS) Give it to me! Oh, no, no, no! PENELOPE: Mariah, are you okay? Jack's not getting into trouble, is he? No. Everything's great. (SIGHS) You little... (SOBS) Hey, Mariah. Yeah? What's wrong? Oh, no! I could help. H ow? I don't mess up everything. I didn't say you did. BETH: I got an idea. Okay. What is it? MARIAH: Yep, that was the Christmas I was turned into a trespasser to save Grandpa, and a thief because of Jack. We're just borrowing it. (GIGGLING) She looks Christmassy. MARIAH: What do you think? Works for me. I guess. MARIAH: Are you kidding? I could make anything look good. Even a borrowed Mrs. Santa suit that had been outside for maybe 10 Christmases. What about the dog? I don't have one yet. Yes, you do. Hmm. Pretty cute. Better than leaving him here. He'd eat the house. (SIGHS) Something tells me this is not a good idea. MARIAH: And did I listen? No. PENELOPE: We better get going. Don't forget your toys for the toy drive. Thanks for helping me, Beth. At least he didn't ruin this. Not for you, buster. (HUMMING) Don we now our gay apparel Troll the ancient Christmas carol Fa la la la la What is wrong with you? OVER SPEAKER: Ho-ho-ho! Ho-ho-ho! Ho-ho-ho! Come on, Jack, we're late. Don't you know, you snooze, you lose? Gotta go. Bye, Mom. MR. TYABJI: We're going to get started, so please, everyone, take a seat and settle, if you wouldn't mind. I, Mr. Tyabji, the Community Charity League Director, welcome you to the Fashion and Friends show! Thank you for coming. Proceeds will benefit our local pet shelter, a cause we all care deeply about. Let's see how you and your best friend can be fashionable this season. Let's get this show started! (APPLAUSE) MR. TYABJI: Who says dog is only man's best friend? Here's Cindy with her best pal Orbid wearing this attractive matching ensemble. What happened to you? I'm so sorry, girls. I... Is that the dog you brought caroling? He's just a stand-in, till I get my real dog. Don't worry, he'll be fine. (WHINES) Hey, where'd you get a hat? Looks great. Good thinking. MR. TYABJI: And look who's ready for duck hunting season. Mario and Sparky with a red camouflage number. Is something wrong with him? MR. TYABJI: Who says fashion can't be functional? Uh... Stage fright? These high quality sporty outfits and more are available at Ingersoll's Hardware. MARIAH: Oh, yes, this was my finest Christmas performance, and Jack made it all possible. MR. TYABJI: And just when you thought Christmas was over... Okay, that's us. Chausette, walk on. Liebchen, heel. MARIAH: Oh, boy. Here goes nothin'. MR. TYABJI: on sale at Mendel's Yardage and Sundries. Buy a size up and your daughters and their pets will be ready for next year's holiday season. (GASPS) What are the Ingersolls doing here? What's wrong? They are big sponsors. They're going to arrest me. For modeling? Shh! Let's go. Come on, Jack. Don't fail me now. MARIAH: Jack performed as well as I had imagined Princess would. That's amazing! I want a dog like that. So cool! What an amazing dog! (WHISTLES) MARIAH: But that lasted for about two seconds. (APPLAUSE) Ingrid, there's something familiar about that Santa suit, isn't there? (SHUSHING) (WHISPERS) Sit, Jack. (JACK WHIMPERS) Oh! (GASPS) (INDISTINCT MURMURING) Jack. (BARKS) Whoa! (GIGGLING) (JACK VOMITS) Ahhh! MR. TYABJI: Keep calm, ladies and gentlemen. Stay in your seats. We'll get janitorial in right away. That's disgusting! GIRL: Gross. MARIAH: I don't know how I ever lived that down. I tried to repair some of the damage Jack caused, but things just kept going downhill that Christmas. (BILL GROANS) Oh! (LAUGHS) Let's see you find this one, Ingersoll. Yes, yes, yes! (SCREAMING) (BILL GROANS) (MARIAH SIGHS) (BARKS) I'm sure they don't want me in the show anymore. Oh, honey, I doubt that. He hoarked up the sleeve of my Santa suit! (GRUNTS LOUDLY) Hmm... Well... Mr. Ingersoll's lights stopped blinking again. Mom, gotta get some more ribbon. You stay. Don't forget to close the door! (LAUGHING) (DOOR CLOSES) MARIAH: I don't think I ever would have been bold enough to sneak onto the Ingersolls' property alone, at night, but after all the trouble Jack had caused, I guess I had nothing to lose. (WHISPERS) Grandpa? Grandpa? Grandpa, are you here? (GASPS) MARIAH: You gotta be kidding me. Now, Mariah, it's not what it looks like. MARIAH: Looks to me like he was about to fall into a fish pond and get electrocuted. Oh, no! Gosh! Wow! I'm going to the outlet. I'll unplug you. Oh, forget about that 'cause Ingersoll, of course, locked it. Hmm, smart. Okay, don't move. Don't breathe. Please don't fall. Please don't fall. (BOTH SHRIEK) You are trespassing? (SHUSHING) Grandpa? (CONTINUES SHUSHING) (LAUGHING) Oh, wow! If he falls through that ice with all those lights on... Zap! Yeah. I get it. I got a plan. You have a plan? If you can trespass, I can have a plan. Ooh! (BRANCH CREAKS) (GASPS) Oh, gosh. Oh, gee. Busted, jail time. Juvie! Drama queen. Community service if. Let's go! Nuh-uh! I can't. Can't move. BRETT: Too tall. Too short. Just right. Come on! MARIAH: What are we doing? BRETT: Lift this guy. (STRUGGLING) (SIGHS) Come on, grab a leg. No! Grandpa's leg. Oh! (MARIAH GASPS) BRETT: NOW pull! (SCREAMS) (MARIAH STRAINING) Ooh! Oh, dear. (SIGHS) (BARKING) It's just us, little guy. Hey, someone stole my sandwich. Was it you, Jack, buddy? LUCY: Old man? Where are you? I'm coming. That's it. Ingersoll got me beat. (BILL SIGHS) You saved him. MARIAH: HOW humiliating. My slacker little brother had to take charge. See? I'm not totally worthless. I know. (BARKING) (GIGGLING) Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. MARIAH: Okay, so I guess if it hadn't been for Jack, I wouldn't have gone to save Grandpa, either, given I had nothing to lose after Jack ruined my reputation with my Community Charity League director and my choir leader and my principal and my friends. (SIGHS) I almost could forgive him, but then... (JACK BARKS) (LOW GROWLING) Jack! No! Get back here, you little scamp! (LAUGHTER) It's Santa Claus! OVER SPEAKER: Ho-ho-ho! I got you!! Mommy, it's a monster! I wanna go home! (MARIAH GRUNTS) (ALL LAUGHING) (SIGHS) Come on, Jack. What did I tell you about licking my face? (GROANS) Okay, not good. MARIAH: Not good at all. I happened to know the elves were the mayor's personal favorite, and I think the Ingersolls donated them. I wasn't very confident about getting Princess anymore. It was the night before Christmas Eve. I only had one more day to prove I could take care of a dog, but I didn't think there was anything worse Jack could do at this point. (CHITTERING) (LOW GROWL) (BARKING) (GROWLING) PENELOPE: What's going on? BUD: I'm sure it's nothing. BRETT: What's wrong? What on Earth? BILL: Oh, dear. What? Huh. Priceless. (BUD SNEEZES LOUDLY) (MARIAH GASPS) (SNEEZES) (GASPS) It's Santa Claus! It's Jack! (BARKS) What a mess you've made of our living room, Jack! He's made a mess of Christmas. He's made a mess of my whole life. You're the worst dog ever! I can't wait to get rid of you. (WHINING) Mariah! He's just a pup. (sesame) (GRUNTS) (SIGHS) Uh, I'm sorry I yelled at you, Jack. Grandma's right. You're just a pup. (SIGHS) Won't you come out? Well, suit yourself. MARIAH: Now Jack really had done his worst. Or had he? The fire is burning The room's all aglow Outside the December wind blows Away in the distance The carolers sing in the snow (WHIMPERS) Everybody's laughing The world is celebrating And everyone's so happy except for me tonight Because I miss you Most at Christmas time And I can't get you Get you off my mind Every other season comes along and I'm all right But then I miss you MARIAH: Jack? Most at Christmas time Jack! Where are you hiding? Brett! The door! The shelter will call us if they find him, honey. There's nothing else we can do. BUD: I finished calling the neighbors. They couldn't... They can't stand Jack. They aren't gonna help. Well, they haven't seen him. Well, what will I tell Uncle Reg? He'll be heartbroken. He'll never speak to me again. Mariah, I have a confession to make. He wasn't really Uncle Reggie's dog. What? What? He was a stray Reggie found. He was gonna drop him at the shelter, but then I got... One of your ideas? BUD: I got a collar. I thought if you had a taste of a brute like Jack, you'd change your mind about having a dog. So you wouldn't have to say no. Son, I might be a devil of a prankster, but even I wouldn't stoop to such a rotten trick. That's so, so... Passive aggressive? Yeah. It was a dirty trick. No one could have handled that mutt. I'm so sorry. We still should find him. We will, but there's somewhere we need to be first. That's right. The adoption center closes early on Christmas Eve. You mean... Let's go pick up Princess. Really? We decided. Decided. Oh, Daddy! Thank you! Hopefully Princess won't be anything like Jack. I'll say. Huh? Oh! You made it. I wasn't sure you were coming back. Remember, Dougie, I told you some folks had come and put a deposit on this puppy. Would you like to pick out another pet, son? No, thanks. Not today. Bye, Rascal. (LOW WHIMPER) Oh, my. That's the first time she's ever made a sound. I didn't know she could bark. Come on, son. Yeah, I know. You snooze, you lose. No, you don't lose. Wait! I... What is it, sweetie? The puppy is yours. What? What? What do you mean? If you still want her, you can have her. For real? Thank you. Rascal! I'm not sure I understand, Mariah. You said Princess was your dream dog. I was wrong. My dream dog is Jack. Jack? That monster? He isn't a monster to me. Well, maybe he is a monster, but I love him. You couldn't. She could. What do you think? Can't just take a dog in and not keep it. Okay, but he ran away. I know. And it's my fault. I don't want a lot for Christmas There is just one thing I need I don't care about the presents Underneath the Christmas tree I just want you for my own More than you could ever know Make my wish come true All I want for Christmas Is you Where are you going? It is freezing out there. (CLATTERS) I've gotta find Jack. Here, Mariah. I made these. Thanks, guys. Let's go hang 'em up. (GASPS) Mariah, we heard about Jack. We came to help you find him. You... You did? Of course. I thought you were mad at me for not hanging outwith you. But Jack messed up the rehearsal. MR. TYABJI: But that's what puppies do. Don't be silly. You're our friend. Yeah. We wanna help you find him. He's got a rather nice howl, actually, an alto. But we ruined the caroling. We don't care about that. We care about you. And your pet. He is your pet, isn't he? Yes. He is. And we're gonna find him. (CHEERING) Here, everybody! Take some fliers. I don't want a lot for Christmas There is just one thing I need And I don't care about the presents MARIAH: Jack! Jack! Underneath the Christmas tree I don't need to hang my stocking Here, Jack! There upon the fireplace Jack! Jack! Santa Claus won't make me happy With a toy on Christmas Day I just want you for my own More than you could ever know Make my wish come true All I want for Christmas is you You, baby I won't ask for much this Christmas I won't even wish for snow I'm just gonna keep on waiting Underneath the mistletoe I won't make a list and send it To the North Pole for Saint Nick Jack! Jack! I won't even stay awake To hear those magic reindeer click 'Cause I just want you here tonight Here, buddy! Holding on to me so tight What more can I do? Baby, all I want for Christmas Is you Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack All the lights are shining So brightly everywhere Jack! And the sound of children's laughter fills the air Here, boy! Jack? And everyone is singin' I hear those sleigh bells ringin' Santa, won't you bring me the one I really need? MR. TYABJI: Principal Reyes! Won't you please bring my baby to me? Oh, I don't want a lot for Christmas Here, Jack! Where are you? This is all I'm asking for I just wanna see my baby Standing right outside my door Oh, I just want you for my own More than you could ever know Make my wish come true Baby, all I want for Christmas Is you Jack! All I want for Christmas Is you, baby Where could he be? There isn't anywhere we haven't looked. Why don't you ask Santa? I don't think he wants to talk to me. Oh... That's right. Bad idea. What is it? I think I will ask Santa. OVER SPEAKERS: Ho-ho-ho! (SIGHS) Jack! I'm so sorry for being so bossy. And for talking about Princess all the time. I love you, and I want you to be my dog. Who's she talking to? (SHUSHING) I don't get it. Is he in there? I promise to be perfect. Forget about perfect. I'll just do my best to take good care of you if you'll give me a chance. Come on, Jack. Come to me. Come on, boy. Come. OVER SPEAKERS: Ho-ho-ho! (GASPS) (CHEERING) Ugh! Okay! Go for it! Jack! You're so crazy! (LAUGHING) BRETT: We found Jack! All right! Merry Christmas! ALL: Merry Christmas! (ALL GASP) ALL: Tacky. Grand, isn't it? Oh, it's something all right. (BARKS) Hey, I see you found your pup. Glad to see it. Thank you. Merry Christmas. Hopefully, that'll restore some Christmas spirit that you all are clearly in need of. (PENELOPE SIGHS) (GIGGLING) Oh, that does it. Bill, you have my permission to decorate till you drop. Yes! I really wanted this! Oh! (LAUGHTER) Santa really came through this time. Thank you. Sit, Jack. Would you look at that? Told ya, got to be beef. MARIAH: Turns out, Dad wasn't allergic to dogs after all. Guess that sneezing stopped. Yep. It's a Christmas... (SNEEZES) (CHITTERING) (SHRIEKING) Get 'em! Come here! There he goes! There they are! Get 'em! Yeah! BUD: Over there! Behind that snowman! Jack was innocent. It was the squirrels the whole time. PENELOPE: Get those squirrels! (MUSIC PLAYING) (CHUCKLING) (BARKS) MARIAH: So, you see, my first love was a lot of trouble. But definitely worth it, and definitely snuggly. (ALL CLAMORING) MARIAH: Jack showed me my dog didn't have to be perfect. And I didn't have to be perfect, because love is. |
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