- [breathing heavily]

thud!
[baby crying]
[pounding on door]
- LYDIA!
OPEN THE DOOR.
LET ME IN!
[pounding]
LYDIA, I KNOW
YOU HAVE THE CHILD.
THEY'RE COMING FOR YOU, LYDIA.
LYDIA!
THE PECKS JUST WAN THEIR BABY.
[baby crying]
[choking]
- [groaning]
crack!
AH!
[breathing heavily]
[speaking French]
- [crying]
[pounding on door]
- [speaking French]
- LYDIA!
DON'T!
PLEASE.
- [speaking French]
PARDONNEZ-MOI, MONSIEUR.
PARDONNEZ-MOI.
[baby cooing]
- [screams]
[gunshot]
[ominous music]

- [inhales deeply]
[clamoromh]
- GIVE ME MY BABY!
OH, MY SON!
[screaming]
[screaming]
YOU KILLED MY BABY!
I WANT MY SON!
[sprawling rock music]

- PICK ANY 13-YEAR PERIOD IN
THE HISTORY OF THE STOCK MARKET,
AND YOU'LL SEE AN INVESTOR
MADE AT LEAST 10%.
THE LESSON?
SLOW AND STEADY WINS THE RACE.
- BUT DOESN'T THAT INVESTOR HAVE
A RESPONSIBILITY TO BE ACTIVE?
TAKE ANY OF THOSE
AND LET ME MAKE ONE TRADE,
JUST ONE TRADE.
THEN 10% CAN BECOME
- OR IN THAT ONE TRADE,
YOU COULD LOSE IT ALL.
- IF YOU CAN'T TAKE THE HEAT,
THEN GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN.
- JUST LIKE A WOMAN TO COMPARE
INVESTING TO COOKING.
- [chuckles]
- OKAY, THAT'S ALL FOR TODAY.
SEE YOU GUYS NEXT WEEK.
- JENNY-BOO.
- HEY.
- HEY?
I TOOK THE DAY OFF WORK
IN CELEBRATION OF YOUR BIRTHDAY.
ALL I GET'S "HEY"?
- I'M SORRY.
THANK YOU.
NO, IT'S JUST, SO FAR,
YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE
WHO'S REMEMBERED.
- REALLY?
- YES.
- NAH-AH.
- ANNETTE HAS AN ENTIRE
FOOTBALL FIELD
SING HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO HER.
ME?
I GET MY BALLS BUSTED BY
PROFESSOR DINGLEBERRY IN THERE.
- [laughing]
UGH.
WELL, WHAT ABOUT EVAN?
- HE'S PROBABLY SLEEPING IT OFF
IN SOME FRAT HOUSE.
- OR NOT.
- HAPPY BIRTHDAY,
JENNIFER RITCHIE!
- I'M OUT OF HERE.
BYE-BYE.
- HEY, WAIT.
WHAT ABOUT TONIGHT?
- I'M GONNA TRY
AND MAKE IT.
- HILLARY.
- IT'S KEN.
HE HAS A NEW ROLE-PLAYING
SCENARIO ALL PLANNED OUT,
WHERE HE'S THE AMERICAN
WOUNDED SOLDIER,
AND I'M...
[in French accent]
THE FRENCH NURSE.
I KNOW, I MEAN,
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO
[in French accent]
A SIMPLE FINGER IN THE BUTT?
IT USED TO BE ENOUGH.
- [laughing]
EVEN WITH THE ACCENT,
IT'S STILL GROSS.
- YOU HAVEN'T HAD BOYFRIENDS
WHO LIKE THAT?
- NO.
- REALLY?
- NO. NO.
- OKAY, SO I'M A SLUT, THEN.
BYE.
- HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
- HMM.
- WHAT'S WRONG?
- DO YOU THINK
I'M A GOOD FRIEND?
- YOU'RE AN EXCELLENT FRIEND.
- THANK YOU.
I THINK SO.
I REALLY TRY TO GO OUT OF MY WAY
FOR PEOPLE
TO MAKE THEM FEEL SPECIAL
ON THEIR BIRTHDAYS.
HILLARY, I TOOK HER ON
A SHOPPING SPREE TO FOREVER 21.
ANNETTE, I BAKED HER THA RIDICULOUS VEGAN-IZED CAKE.
I DON'T EVEN--I STILL DON'T EVEN
KNOW WHAT IT IS,
BUT I DID IT.
- HEY, WELL, REMEMBER,
JUST GIVE IT TIME, BABE.
THE DAY IS STILL YOUNG.
- YEAH.
YOU REMEMBERED, RIGHT?
- WAIT, WHAT ARE WE
TALKING ABOUT?
OF COURSE I REMEMBERED.
COME ON.
- OKAY.
SO WHAT DID YOU GET ME?
- HMM.
DOESN'T FIT IN MY POCKET.
GOT TO TAKE YOU TO IT.
- GOT TO TAKE ME TO IT?
- MM-HMM.
- OKAY.
WE ARE NOT GOING
TO BURGER KING AGAIN.
EVAN REYNOLDS,
EVEN AS A JOKE,
THIS WILL BACKFIRE ON YOU.
- JENNIFER RITCHIE,
IT'S NOT BURGER KING.
- OKAY. GOOD.
THAT'S GOOD.
SO WHEN DO I GET TO SEE IT?
- HMM, HOW ABOUT RIGHT NOW?
- YEAH?
YOU PACKED A BAG?
- MM-HMM.
- WE'RE GOING SOMEWHERE?
- MM-HMM.
- I LOVE IT.
- COME ON. LET'S GO.
- YES.
WHERE ARE WE GOING?
- HMM, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
- [laughing]
I'LL BE LIKE THAT KID:
"WHERE WE GOING?
ARE WE THERE YET?
ARE WE THERE YET?"
[somber piano music]
I WANT TO OPEN MY EYES.
- YOU KEEP YOUR EYES CLOSED.
- I CAN'T.
I'M STARTING TO GET CARSICK.
- THERE IS NO SUCH THING
AS GETTING CARSICK.
IT'S A SCIENTIFIC FACT.
- FINE, BUT IF I PUKE,
I'M DOING IT ON YOU.
SCIENTIFIC FACT.
- YOU KNOW, SOME PEOPLE ARE INTO
THAT SORT OF THING, YOU KNOW.
- WAIT A MINUTE.
ARE YOU TAKING ME
TO A REMOTE LOCATION
WHERE YOU PLAN ON MURDERING ME
FOR MY BIRTHDAY?
- DAMN IT.
SUPPOSED TO BE A SURPRISE.
- DON'T WORRY.
I'LL ACT SURPRISED.
[laughing]
- HEY, NO PEEKING!
- I'M NOT PEEKING.
- KEEP 'EM CLOSED.
- WHO WAS PEEKING?
- DO IT AGAIN.
SEE WHAT HAPPENS.
ALMOST THERE.
KEEP 'EM CLOSED.
- WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
- WELL, I DON'T WANT I TO COME TO THIS,
BUT IF I HAVE TO MAKE YOU
GO DOWN ON ME, I WILL.
- I WILL BITE IT.
- [laughs]
[foreboding orchestral music]

- WE'RE HERE?
- YOU READY?
- YES.
- OKAY.
YOU CAN OPEN THEM.
IT'S A HOUSE.
- YEP.
WHAT THE FUCK?
- JENNY, WHAT?
- NO, IS THIS--
IS THIS A JOKE?
- NO, IT'S NOT A JOKE.
- DID YOU THINK THAT I WOULD
THINK THIS IS FUNNY?
- IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE--
- BRINGING ME TO A HAUNTED HOUSE
ON MY BIRTHDAY.
- IT'S NOT A HAUNTED HOUSE.
IT'S NOT SUPPOSED
TO BE FUNNY.
- TAKE ME HOME.
- THIS IS HOME.
- WHAT?
- I BOUGHT THIS PLACE...
FOR US.
- HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?
WHAT ABOUT OUR APARTMENT?
WHAT ABOUT SCHOOL?
THIS IS SO FRICKIN' YOU.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S ME?
- ALWAYS BOUNCING AROUND
FROM ONE THING TO ANOTHER:
CHANGING JOBS,
CHANGING MAJORS,
MOVING EVERY SEMESTER.
WE SHOULD BE INTERNING
THIS SUMMER, EVAN,
LOOKING FOR A JOB,
NOT OU IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE
ON SOME CRAZY
REAL ESTATE SPECULATION.
LOOK AT THIS PLACE.
IT IS TRASH.
- LET'S GET MARRIED,
ALL RIGHT?
NO, NO, WAIT.
I NEED MY SPACE.
NO, NO, NO.
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
WE SHOULD SEE OTHER PEOPLE.
NO, WAIT!
WAIT, I MISS YOU.
LET'S GET BACK TOGETHER.
- WHAT THE HELL
DOES THAT MEAN?
- IT MEANS I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE
THAT'S BOUNCING AROUND.
OPEN IT.
- "TO THE LOVE OF MY LIFE,
"THE ONE THAT I WANT TO BE
MY WIFE.
"I KNOW IT DOESN'T LOOK
LIKE MUCH,
"BUT I HAVE
AN EXTRAORDINARY HUNCH
"THAT IF WE FIX THIS UP,
"WITH ANY LUCK, WE'LL SELL I FOR A MILLION BUCKS.
THEN WE CAN RETIRE
AND HAVE SEX ALL THE TIME."
REALLY?
- I KNOW THAT LAST LINE
DIDN'T RHYME,
BUT IT CAME FROM THE HEART.
THERE'S ANOTHER PIECE OF PAPER
IN THERE.
- YOU SIGNED MY NAME?
- YOU ARE A HOMEOWNER.
- I AM A HOMEOWNER.
- IT'S A PROPERTY INVESTMENT.
I'VE BEEN LOOKING EVERY DAY
SINCE DECEMBER,
AND I FOUND IT ONLINE.
SO I DROVE UP HERE, AND I MADE
AN OFFER THAT DAY.
AND, LOOK, I KNOW IT'S NO YOUR DREAM HOUSE,
BUT IT'S BIG,
AND IT COMES
WITH A LOT OF LAND.
- HOW MUCH LAND?
- 40 ACRES.
- WOW.
- I ASKED THEM IF THEY COULD
THROW IN A MULE,
BUT NO DICE.
- NO DICE.
- IF WE MARKET IT RIGHT,
WE COULD FLIP THIS HOUSE,
AND WE COULD MAKE
A LOT OF MONEY:
PAY OFF OUR STUDENT LOANS,
AND WE COULD DO THE WEDDING
IN HAWAII.
- I WAS HOPING FOR A RING.
I WAS.
BUT THIS IS VERY ROMANTIC
IN A VERY WEIRD KIND OF WAY.
- EXACTLY WHAT I WAS HOPING
YOU WERE GOING TO SAY.
- OH...
I HAVE TO CALL HILLARY.
OH, MY GOODNESS.
TELL HER WE GOT A HOUSE.
- [laughs]
OH, THAT'S THE ONE THING:
SHITTY CELL SERVICE.
- YEAH, SEE, I KNEW IT WAS
TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE.
- HEY, STOP IT!
- I'M OUT!
[laughing]
- WHAT DID YOU PAY
FOR THIS PLACE?
- 10 GRAND.
- 10 GRAND.
- EVERYTHING IN MY SAVINGS.
- THAT'S, LIKE, FREE.
WHY?
- BECAUSE THIS IS
THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE,
AND NO ONE ELSE WANTS TO BE
OUT HERE.
- [laughing]
I'M SORRY I WAS SUCH A BITCH.
I'M SORRY.
I'VE JUST BEEN STRESSED OU AND...
- HEY, IT'S OKAY.
AT LEAST WE HAVE EACH OTHER.
- THAT BETTER BE ENOUGH,
BECAUSE WITH A HOUSE
IN BUMFUCK, EGYPT,
WE REALLY DON'T HAVE
MUCH CHOICE.
- JUST WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE
THE REST OF IT.
DON'T MESS WITH A GUY
THAT'S IN LOVE, ALL RIGHT?
- [laughs]
[ominous music]

[clamoring]
GOT IT?
WOW.
LOOK AT THIS PLACE.
THIS IS EXCITING, BABE.
- YEAH.
YEAH.
- I'M READY.
- HOPEFULLY OUR KEY'S
GOING TO WORK.
- OOH.
THAT'S AN INTERESTING SMELL.
- SMELLS LIKE
YOUR BELLY BUTTON.
- [laughing]
THAT IS JUST SEXY.
- LET'S GET SOME LIGHTS.
DAMN.
I CALLED TO GE THE POWER TURNED ON,
BUT I GUESS
THEY NEVER MADE IT.
- WHAT?
NO SOLAR PANELS?
NOT VERY GREEN OF YOU.
[flicking light switch]
- DAMN.
[flicking light switch]
WE GOT PLATES.
- NO, EVAN.
THIS IS ANTIQUE CHINA.
THIS IS REAL SILVER.
LIKE, WHY WOULD THEY LEAVE
THIS STUFF BEHIND?
IT'S, LIKE, GOT TO BE
FAMILY HEIRLOOMS OR SOMETHING.
- THE CONTRACT SAID WE GE ALL THE FURNISHINGS.
- REALLY?
[laughing]
THIS PLACE IS INCREDIBLE.
- RIGHT?
- THE DOWNSTAIRS IS BIGGER
THAN OUR APARTMENT.
- WAIT FOR IT.
WAIT FOR IT.
- OH.
THIS STOVE IS AMAZING.
- I KNEW YOU'D LOVE THAT THING.
- OH, I THINK I ACTUALLY SAW
SOME POTS AND PANS.
- YEAH, THERE SHOULD BE
EVERYTHING THAT WE NEED HERE,
PRETTY MUCH.
IT CAME PRETTY LOADED.
- THERE THEY ARE.
- ALL RIGHT, GIRL.
I KNEW YOU'D FIND THEM.
HEY, REMEMBER,
IF YOU FIND AN OLD TWINKIE,
IT'S STILL GOOD.
- [laughing]
THAT'S REALLY GROSS.
LOOK, BABE.
WE GOT RUNNING WATER.
WATER COMPANY MUST HAVE COME.
- HMM.
BUT IT'S RUN
ON AN ELECTRIC WELL.
OH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
HEY, HOLD ON A SECOND.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
HMM.
[tense music]

WHAT THE HELL?
WHAT THE HECK IS THIS?

HUH.
- EASY, KID.
rip!
- FUCK!
- DAMN!
SCRAPPY LITTLE
SON OF A BITCH.
- [breathing heavily]
WHAT THE FUCK'S
YOUR PROBLEM, MAN?
- HEY.
YOU'RE ONE OF THEM
SENSITIVE BOYS, AIN'T YA?
AIN'T A THING
TO BE ASHAMED OF.
A LOT OF PEOPLE LIKE THAT.
YOU KNOW I'M HERE
TO TURN YOU ON, RIGHT?
- WHAT?
- YOUR POWER.
WANT YOUR HOUSE TO BURN DOWN?
- THE BREAKER BOX IS OVER THERE.
- I'LL TAKE CARE OF YA.
I'LL TAKE CARE OF YA GOOD.
- AH.
OW.
WHAT THE HELL?
IS THIS NATIVE AMERICAN?
[grunts]
OH, SHIT!
UGH!
[sniffing]
[groans]
[eerie music]

COOL.

- OH, YEAH.
THAT'S MY GIRL.
THERE WE GO.
[anxious music]

[buzzing]
- OH!
- WHOA!
- OH, GOD!
DON'T SNEAK UP ON ME
LIKE THAT.
- OH, SHIT!
THAT IS SO DISGUSTING.
OH, IS THAT PINEAPPLE?
I FUCKING HATE PINEAPPLE.
- GET IT OUT OF HERE.
- I THOUGHT THE KITCHEN
WAS YOUR DOMAIN.
- EVAN REYNOLDS,
IF YOU EVER WAN TO SPEAK TO ME AGAIN,
YOU WILL GET THAT THING
OUT OF HERE.
- OKAY.
[groaning]
OKAY.
ALL RIGHT.
COME ON, PORKY.
LET'S GET YOU LORD OF THE FLIES
TO TAKE THE REST ON.
[exhales deeply]
- GO!
- I'M GOING.
- UGH.
[laughter]
- UNLESS I'M MISTAKEN,
I THINK IT'S BEER 30.
- THAT SOUNDS GOOD.
WHERE ARE WE STAYING
TONIGHT?
- I BROUGHT THE CAMPING GEAR.
- SEE, I WAS KIND OF THINKING
ABOUT THAT HOTEL
OFF THE INTERSTATE...
- THE ONE THAT'S, LIKE,
AN HOUR AWAY?
- YEAH.
- COME ON.
WE GOT TO STAY HERE
SOONER OR LATER.
IT'LL BE FUN.
- FUN?
- YES, FUN.
YOU REMEMBER
WHAT FUN IS, RIGHT?
- YEAH, I REMEMBER
WHAT FUN IS.
YES.
I LIKE FUN.
- YEAH?
- YES, I LIKE FUN.
- I KNEW YOU DID.
[eerie orchestral music]

[crickets chirping]
[creaking]
bang!
- HEY.
DID YOU HEAR THAT?
- [mumbling] I DON'T KNOW.
NO.
[ominous music]

- [heavy breathing]

- [giggling]
- MARY, WHAT DID I TELL YOU
ABOUT STAYING AWAY
FROM THAT BOY?
- I WAS JUST--
- YOU WERE NOTHING.
NOW GET OUT OF HERE
BEFORE I TELL YOUR MAMA.
I'M GONNA COUNT TO THREE,
AND THEN I'M GONNA MAKE YOU WISH
YOU WERE NEVER BORN.
ONE...
TWO...

- WHERE DID YOU GO?
- I HAD TO TAKE CARE
OF SOME BURGLARS.
- HMM.
THANKS, HONEY.
- YOU'RE WELCOME.
[jovial banjo music]

- OOH.
- [laughing]
OOH!
- WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?
- IT'S AN OLD-FASHIONED
IDIOT DETECTOR.
AND LOOK--
IT'S WORKING.
- I DON'T GET IT.
- THAT'S 'CAUSE
YOU'RE AN IDIOT.
- OH.
squeak!
- CAN I HELP YOU FOLKS
FIND ANYTHING?
- AH, YEAH.
WE'RE ACTUALLY--
DO YOU HAVE ANY PAIN AND DROP CLOTHS, BY ANY CHANCE?
- I SURE DO.
I'VE GOT SOME COLOR CHARTS
UP FRONT.
LET'S GO TAKE A LOOK.
- OKAY.
- I'M FRED.
- JENNIFER, EVAN.
- YOU'RE DOING SOME REMODELING.
- WE JUST BOUGHT THE OLD
TUCKER PLACE UP THE ROAD.
WE'RE GONNA BE FIXING IT UP.
- IT'S A GRAND HOUSE.
- GRAND, MY ASS.
- WE CALL HIM MR. PECK.
- SURPRISED IT'S STILL STANDING
AFTER 50 YEARS.
- IT'S ACTUALLY
IN PRETTY GOOD SHAPE.
- YOU DON'T SAY?
- TUCKERS DIED IN '61.
THE PLACE HAS BEEN ABANDONED
EVER SINCE.
- ACTUALLY, DO YOU KNOW WHY
THEIR FAMILIES NEVER CLAIMED
THEIR THINGS?
- WELL, THERE WASN' ANY FAMILY LEFT.
THE ESTATE,
IT DIED WHEN THEY DID.
- HOW'D THEY GO?
- THEY DIDN'T TELL YOU
AT THE ASSESSOR'S OFFICE?
- THINK THEY'D HAVE BOUGH THE PLACE IF THEY DID?
- GIVE IT A REST!
I'M SORRY.
- WHAT'S THAT ABOUT?
- LOOK, MISTER, IT'S NO MY PLACE TO TALK ABOUT IT.
I AIN'T SAYING.
- JUST DON'T GO DIGGING
IN THE BACKYARD.
THAT'S ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW.
- WHY?
- OKAY, UM,
LEMON YELLOW.
- WHAT?
- YES. LEMON YELLOW.
THAT'S WHAT I'D LIKE TO PAIN MY KITCHEN.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
- WITH A LITTLE SEMIGLOSS
WHITE TRIM,
YOU'LL HAVE A BEAUTIFUL KITCHEN
IS WHAT I THINK.
AND I'LL DIG UP A COUPLE GALLONS
OF THE STUFF,
AND I'LL BRING IT BY TOMORROW.
- THANK YOU.
COME ON.
THANK YOU.
- I REALLY HOPE YOU KIDS BRING
SOME LIGHT BACK TO THAT HOUSE.
IT'S HAD A DARK CLOUD OVER I FOR A LONG TIME.
squeak!
- WE'LL TRY.
- PUT THAT DOWN.
[bells chime]
- LET ME KNOW WHEN...
WHEN YOU FIND THOSE PAINTS.
I'LL TAKE IT OVER.
- WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO DO THA TO YOURSELF?
- I WANT TO MAKE SURE WHAT WAS
BURIED STAYS BURIED.
- [inhales deeply]
[tense music]
- DIE!
- PEOPLE DON'T COME BACK
FROM THE DEAD.
- I WANT TO MAKE SURE.
- HEY, SAY THAT AGAIN.
I'M STARTING TO LOSE YOU.
OKAY, GREAT.
THANK YOU, MR. BROWN.
ALL RIGHT, I'LL--
HELLO?
HELLO?
ARE YOU STILL THERE?
GOD DAMN IT.
LOST HIM.
- WHO WAS THAT?
- THAT ANTIQUE COLLECTOR.
HE'S GONNA COME BY TOMORROW
TO APPRAISE
EVERYTHING IN THE HOUSE.
HE SAID
SOME OF THOSE HEIRLOOMS
COULD BE WORTH
MORE THAN THE PROPERTY ITSELF.
[ominous orchestral music]

I STILL CAN'T GET OVER
THAT OLD KOOK.
- WHAT DO YOU THINK
HE WAS TALKING ABOUT?
- I BET HE WAS JUST PISSED
THAT WE BEAT HIM TO THE PUNCH.
HE'S PROBABLY IN THE PROCESS
OF COUNTING HIS PENNIES
BEFORE I SWOOPED IN AND
SNATCHED IT OUT FROM UNDER HIM.
- [laughing]
LUCKY ME.
I GOT MY OWN DONALD TRUMP
SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO ME.
- AT LEAST WE HAVE
OUR FRIENDS HERE
IN CASE HE TURNS OUT TO BE
A TOTAL NUTJOB.
- WHAT FRIENDS?
- FEAST YOUR EYES,
BIRTHDAY GIRL.
- AH!
[laughing]
[upbeat rock music]

- HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY,
SUPER CUNT.
- NICE WORK.
- HI.
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?
- YOU LIKE THIS?
- I LOVE IT, MAN.
I'M GONNA BE OUT HERE
ALL THE TIME.
- WHAT DOWN PAYMEN DID YOU PUT DOWN ON THIS?
- I THOUGHT YOU, LIKE,
HATED ME OR SOMETHING.
- EVAN MADE US PROMISE.
HE WANTED IT TO BE
REALLY SPECIAL.
- YOU DID LOOK SO SAD YESTERDAY,
AND I FELT TERRIBLE.
I WAS GONNA TELL YOU
IF YOU STARTED CRYING.
- THAT'S VERY SWEET OF YOU.
- SO THIS IS IT, HUH?
- YEAH.
- IT'S REALLY CUTE.
IT'S, LIKE,
BED AND BREAKFASTY.
- FOR THE MANSON FAMILY.
- YOU'RE SUCH A BITCH.
HEY, GUYS.
WHERE YOU GOING?
- AH, WE'RE GOING OVER
TO THE GRAVEYARD.
- THE GRAVEYARD?
THAT'S SO CREEPY.
- TOTALLY.
- OKAY, LET ME SHOW YOU
THE REST OF THE HOUSE.
YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE
WHAT THEY LEFT BEHIND.
- DID THEY TELL YOU
HOW MANY ACRES THIS IS?
- IT'S ABOUT 40
GOING THAT WAY.
- DUDE, YOU SHOULD SET UP
A SHELTER
FOR AGRICULTURAL RENTALS--
WRITE THE WHOLE PLACE OFF.
WHAT?
I STUDIED.
- IT'S NOT THAT MUCH
TO WRITE OFF, BUDDY.
I APPRECIATE IT.
- NOT EVERYTHING'S
AN INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY.
- I MEAN, HAVE YOU EVEN BEEN
ON A REAL VACATION?
- YEAH, THERE WAS THAT YOUNG
LEADERSHIP CONFERENCE IN BURMA.
- THAT DOESN'T COUNT.
IT DOESN'T COUN IF YOU HAVE TO BE THERE.
- HEY, CHECK OUT THIS STAFF
I FOUND.
- HOLY...
- CHECK THAT BABY OUT.
I THINK IT'S NATIVE AMERICAN.
- NATIVE AMERICAN?
WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS IS, LIKE,
A FALCON HEAD OR SOMETHING?
- HEY, GET BACK HERE.
[eerie music]
- WHAT THE HELL?
- THIS IS BADASS.
- WHAT?
- THIS WASN'T ALL
DUG UP BEFORE.
- SO?
- THIS IS WHERE I FOUND
THE STAFF.
WHEN I PULLED IT OUT,
THERE WAS JUST A TINY HOLE.
THERE WAS A RAUNCHY
FUCKING SMELL,
BUT IT WASN'T ALL DUG UP
LIKE THIS.
- WELL, SOMETIMES
WHEN I PULL IT OUT,
THERE'S A RAUNCHY SMELL TOO.
- YOU'RE FUCKING DISGUSTING.
- I KNOW. I'M SORRY.
- MAYBE, LIKE, A GOPHER DID THIS
OR SOMETHING.
YOU KNOW, ANIMALS ARE ATTRACTED
TO STRONG SMELLS.
- YEAH, REMEMBER
BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL
WHEN I BURIED THAT WEED
IN MOM'S ROSE GARDEN
AND MAGGIE DUG IT UP?
- I DO REMEMBER THAT.
YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY
I REMEMBER THAT?
'CAUSE THAT WAS MY WEED.
- NO, IT WASN'T.
WAS IT?
FUCK, I LEARNED MY LESSON.
NEVER HIDE THE KUSH
IN THE BUSH.
GO FOR BIG.
- HEY, LOOK.
DON'T TELL THE GIRLS ABOUT THIS,
ALL RIGHT?
I DON'T WANT TO GET THEM
ALL FREAKED OUT.
- ALL RIGHT.
MY LIPS ARE SEALED.
- OH, YEAH?
SO WERE ANNETTE'S.
- COME ON, DUDE.
THAT WAS A LONG-ASS TIME AGO.
SHE'S LIKE MY LITTLE SISTER NOW.
- SO YEAH, YOU WANT TO FUCK
YOUR LITTLE SISTER?
- YOU'RE DISGUSTING.
- I SAID "LIKE"
MY LITTLE SISTER.
JUST MEANS...
- SHUT UP.
THAT SHE'S SIMILAR
BUT NOT EXACTLY--
I'LL FUCK YOUR LITTLE SISTER,
THOUGH.
- COME ON, MIKE.
- SHE'S GOT BIG TITS
FOR A 14-YEAR-OLD.
- WHAT?
- SHUT UP.
SHE WAS IN A WHEELCHAIR.
[eerie music]

[car horn honks]
- PAINT'S HERE.

YOU GOT HERE FAST.
- I DON'T...
MIND GETTING OUT OF THE SHOP
IF I'VE GOT AN EXCUSE FOR IT.
- WELL, WE'RE HAPPY
TO BE YOUR EXCUSE.
- YEAH.
[laughter]
- MR. PECK?
[engine turns over]
HEY.
IS THERE SOMETHING I SHOULD KNOW
ABOUT THIS HOUSE?
GOSH.
- WHAT'S HIS PROBLEM?
- SOMETHING FREAKED HIM OUT.
SOMETHING REALLY SPOOKED HIM.
- NAH, HE'S JUST PISSED
HE LET THIS PLACE
SLIP THROUGH
HIS DIRTY OLD FINGERS.
- I DON'T KNOW.
HE LOOKED PRETTY SCARED.
HERE, GIVE ME THAT.
THANKS.
THAT WAS SO WEIRD.
WHAT ARE YOU CARRYING?
NOTHING?
OF COURSE.
- HEY, JEN.
I BET I KNOW WHY HE WAS
ALL BITTER.
HE PROBABLY WANTED HIS HANDS
ON ALL THE ANTIQUES.
- ANTIQUES?
WHAT ANTIQUES?
- IT'S A GOLD MINE, BROTHER.
- STUPID FALCON HEAD.
- HAVEN'T CHECKED THIS OU REALLY YET.
- OH, MY GOD.
[chuckles]
OH, THIS HAS GOT TO BE
GOOD STUFF.
- GIVE ME THAT.
DUDE, YOU CAN'T DRINK
THIS STUFF.
THIS IS, LIKE, $1,000 BOTTLE
OF WINE.
- WHAT?
SHUT UP.
- YOU, MY FRIEND,
HAVE HIT THE BOOZE JACKPOT.
THESE REDNECKS GOT THEIR HANDS
ON SOME PRETTY FUCKING RARE
FRENCH WINE.
THIS IS--
THIS DATES BACK TO...
FUCK,
WHEN LINCOLN WAS IN OFFICE.
- SHIT.
- OH, LOOK.
WE CAN DESIGN OUR OWN CLOTHES.
- OH, LOOK.
WE CAN HAVE TEA PARTIES TOO.
- MOST GIRLS LIKE TO DESIGN
THEIR OWN CLOTHES.
- WELL, I LIKE 10-YEAR-OLDS
IN CHINA TO SEW MINE.
[laughter]
- AND YOU'RE GOING TO HELL.
- YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY:
HEAVEN FOR THE WEATHER,
HELL FOR THE COMPANY.
- [laughing]
SPEAKING OF HEAVEN AND HELL,
HOW'S IT GOING WITH YOU AND KEN?
- WELL...
- WELL?
- I JUST WEAR
THAT SLAVE LEIA COSTUME,
AND I GET ALL THE ATTENTION
I WANT.
- OH.
- I HAD A THOUGHT.
- MM-HMM.
- YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE FUN?
- NO.
- A LITTLE MIKE AND ANNETTE
ACTION.
- OOH, YEAH.
- NO!
- YEAH!
- YOU USED TO THINK HE WAS HOT.
- YEAH, WHEN WAS FIVE.
- AND YOU'RE NEWLY SINGLE.
AND--NO.
IT'LL BE FUN.
- HE HAS MORE HAIR ON HIS BACK
THAN HE HAS ON HIS HEAD.
- I KNOW, BUT THEN
YOU COULD JUST RUN
YOUR FINGERS THROUGH IT.
- A LITTLE TESTOSTERONE OVERDOSE
WOULD BE GOOD FOR YOU.
- IT'S GOING TO BE
A LONG WEEKEND.
- I WOULD NOT BANG MIKE
TO SAVE HIS LIFE.
- 10 BUCKS SHE DOES.
- I'LL TAKE THAT ACTION.
- YOU ARE SO IMMATURE.
- BANG HIM,
AND I'LL SPLIT IT WITH YOU.
- OH!
EW!
- [sniffing]
OH.
- IT SMELLS LIKE SATAN'S BALLS
IN HERE.
[coughs]
I'M GONNA GO CHECK
ON THE GIRLS.
- PUSSY.
- YEAH, I THINK I'VE HAD ENOUGH
FOR ONE DAY TOO.
- COME ON, MAN.
NO. COME ON.
WE GOT TO GO BACK THERE.
THERE'S PROBABLY, LIKE,
A DIAMOND MINE IN THERE
OR SOMETHING.
- I DON'T EVEN THINK I HAVE
THE KEY FOR THIS.
YEAH, NO, I DON'T.
- WHAT?
FINE.
[tense music]

- [laughing]
OH, MY GOD!
THAT WAS FUCKING PERFECT.
DUDE, YOU TWO WERE SO SCARED.
YOU ALMOST SHI EACH OTHER'S PANTS.
- FUCK YOU.
- WHERE THE HELL
DID YOU GET THIS?
- I SAW IT WHEN I FIRST CAME IN.
I'VE BEEN WAITING
TO SCARE YOU GUYS WITH IT.
- [laughs mockingly]
- OH, SHUT UP.
THE ADRENALINE'S A RUSH.
YOU KNOW IT.
- YEAH, WELL, PAYBACK'S A BITCH.
- KICK HIS ASS, DUDE.
- SPREAD 'EM.
HELP! HELP!
RAPE! RAPE!
- JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED.
- OKAY, LADIES.
WHAT DO YOU THINK,
CHIC OR SHRIEK?
both: SHRIEK.
- OH, WOW.
- HEY, THIS WOMAN IS WEARING
THAT DRESS.
CHECK THIS OUT.
- OH, WOW.
THAT'S SLIGHTLY CREEPY.
- NO, IT'S TOTALLY CREEPY.
- OH, MY GOD, YOU GUYS.
YOU HAVE TO COME
CHECK OUT THIS TUB.
IT'S AWESOME.
- LOOK AT YOU GETTING COMFY.
- I CALL DIBS.
- OH, WELL, I BELIEVE
MY OWNING THE HOUSE
TRUMPS YOUR DIBS.
- OVER MY DEAD BODY.
- [laughs]
- GUYS, COME LOOK AT THIS.
THERE IS SO MUCH OF THIS.
- IS THAT STUFF REAL?
- WHO CARES?
THE COSTUME SET'S WORTH
A FORTUNE TOO THESE DAYS.
- HEY, JEN, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
IS THIS TOO MUCH FOR ME?
JEN?
WHAT IS THAT?
- LOOKS LIKE
MRS. TUCKER'S DIARY.
LYDIA BEAUMONT,
WHOEVER THAT IS.
- FAMILY MEMBER MAYBE?
- YEAH.
- WHAT DOES IT SAY?
- CHECK THIS OUT.
"LEONARD'S CONDITION WORSENS
WITH EACH DAY.
"SINCE THE DAY MRS. TUCKER
CUT LEONARD'S SCALP,
"THE INFECTION HAS SPREAD FASTER
"THAN ANY MEDICINE OR PRAYER
CAN HOLD IT.
"ANOTHER BAD DAY FOR LEONARD.
"I CANNOT BELIEVE HIS CONDITION
HAS GOTTEN SO GRAVE.
"HE IS NO LONGER ALLOWED
TO ATTEND SCHOOL...
- IF LEONARD CANNOT GO ON,
NEITHER COULD I.
- "I COULDN'T BARE TO OUTLIVE
MY OWN CHILD."
- OH, IT DOES NOT SAY THAT.
- WOULD YOU STOP?
I GET NIGHTMARES.
- [laughs]
FINE.
LET'S GO FIND THE BOYS.
WE HAVE SO MUCH CLEANING
TO DO.
- YEAH, THEY'RE GONNA WAN TO CLEAN.
I DO NOT THINK ANYBODY'S
GONNA BE DOING ANY CLEANING.
- YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?
IF THEY WANT ANY MORE BEER,
THEY'LL CLEAN.
[eerie music]

[lively percussive music]

klink!
- [moaning]
- [shushing]
- OH, BABY.
- [shushing]
YOU ARE SO FUCKING LOUD.
- OH, WAS I?
I'M SORRY.

- [breathing heavily]
- YOU ARE AN ANGEL, LYDIA.
- YOU DO NOT TREAT ME
LIKE ONE.
- I DO.
- ONLY WHEN WE ARE ALONE.
- IF THEY FIND OUT ABOUT US,
THEY MIGHT WANT TO TAKE LEONARD.
- I KNOW.
- I'M TAKING CARE OF HIM,
AREN'T I?
- MON FILS,
HE IS NOT DOING MUCH GOOD.
- ABRAHAM!
ABRAHAM!
ABRAHAM!
WHERE IS SHE?
- GET BACK IN THE HOUSE,
CLAIRE.
- DON'T YOU EVEN DARE.
ISN'T YOUR RETARD SON
PROOF ENOUGH THAT IT'S WRONG?
[dramatic music]

LYDIA, THERE ARE CONSEQUENCES
YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT.
I TOLERATED YOU
AND YOUR BASTARD CHILD.
YOU SHOULD HAVE LEF WELL ENOUGH ALONE.

[choking]
crack!
[gentle acoustic guitar]
- WOW, IT IS GORGEOUS OUT HERE,
ISN'T IT?
- YES, IT IS.
- JUST WAIT TILL WE'RE DONE
WITH RENOVATIONS.
- NOTHING LIKE WASHING DOWN
A CHEESEBURGER
WITH A $1,000 BOTTLE OF WINE.
- HEY, GIVE ME
THAT LEFT BOTTLE.
IT'S THE LAST ONE.
THE REST ARE GOING
TO THE AUCTION.
- DOES ANYBODY WAN ANOTHER BEER?
- I DO.
- NO, THANKS.
- THAT'S GOOD STUFF.

- [vocalizing]

- SOMETHING WRONG?
- HM.
JUST THINKING ABOUT THE TUCKERS.
THEY HAD EVERYTHING
YOU COULD WANT, YOU KNOW.
AND FOR WHAT?
I BET THEY WERE NICE PEOPLE.
- [burps]
WELL, IT DOESN'T MATTER NOW,
DOES IT?
THEY'RE DEAD.
- I WONDER IF THEY WERE HAPPY.
- I HOPE THEY WERE HAPPY.
- ME TOO.
- I MEAN, LOOK AT THIS PLACE:
ALL THIS LAND
AND ALL THE WINE.
COME ON.
HOW COULD ANYTHING GO WRONG?
- WELL, WHATEVER HAPPENED
TO THEM,
I GUESS IT'S NO OUR FAULT, HUH?
- YOU'RE JUST BRINGING
SOME LIGHT BACK INTO THIS PLACE.
THAT'S ALL IT NEEDS.
- WOW, BABE.
THAT'S DEEP.
- OCCASIONALLY I DO LEAVE
THE DEEP END.
SHALLOW END.
[laughter]
GOT THAT SAYING WRONG.
- SENATOR KEN SAYS
IT CAN HAPPEN.
- YOU KNOW, MIKE WAS SAYING
THAT THE BARN WAS PRETTY COOL.
YOU WANT TO CHECK IT OUT?
- WHAT?
- BY CHECK IT OUT,
I MEAN HAVE SEX.
[laughter]
- [inRussian accent] IN THIS
CASE, WE WILL CHECK IT OUT.
- MMM, YOU BIG
RUSSIAN MINX, YOU.
[laughter]
- WATCH OUT FOR
THE AUTOMATIC MILKING MACHINE.
IT STICKS A LITTLE.
- OH.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH.
WOW, BABE.
THAT IS AMAZING.
LET'S GO TO BED.
YOU ARE SO DONE.
- OKAY.
- WE'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.
- GOOD NIGHT.
- GOOD NIGHT.
- HEY, MAN, WHAT DO YOU WANT ME
TO DO WITH THE FIRE?
- UM, JUST THROW A LITTLE BEER
ON IT.
- [laughs]
- NIGHT.
- NIGHT.

- HUH!
- I'M KIND OF TIRED.
- ME TOO.
- A MASSAGE WOULD BE NICE.
- OH, YEAH?
GOT SOME SORE MUSCLES.
NEED WORKIN'?
- [laughs]
- I COULD TEACH YOU A FEW THINGS
I LEARNED IN THAILAND
LAST SUMMER.
- OH, GOD.
- BUT FIRST,
YOU HAVE TO GET NAKED.
WELL, BOTH OF US.
AND THEN YOU WALK BAREFOO ALL OVER MY BACK,
AND THEN YOU
STEAL ALL THE MONEY
FROM MY WALLET.
- [laughs]
COME ON.
- WHAT ABOUT THE FIRE?
- OH, I THINK IT'LL BURN
ITSELF OUT.
- I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT.
- COME HERE.
- [in Russian accent] DO YOU
WANT TO SHOW ME YOUR NEW GUN,
MR. BIG RUSSIAN
ILLEGAL ARMS MAN?
- [in Russian accent]
YES, AND I THINK
YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE
THE NEW ATTACHMENTS.
- OOH, LET'S GO UPSTAIRS.
- STAY IN CHARACTER.
[ominous music]

[bird squawking]

[rustling]

[both moaning]
- THAT WAS TOO QUICK.
- HEY, WELL, YOU KNOW,
I WAS BORN WITH
THE SPORTS MODEL;
I MIGHT NOT BE AS BIG,
BUT I'M TWICE AS FAST.
- JUST WHAT EVERY WOMAN WANTS.
- I GOTTA GO.
I GOTTA RECOUP.
YOU KNOW, I GOTTA GO--
I GOTTA GO MAKE TINKLE TINKLE.
- HURRY UP.
DADDY'S GIRL'S READY
FOR THE NEXT DEMONSTRATION.
[laughs]
- [grumbling]
[urinating]
OH, YOU JUST COULDN'T WAI FOR A SECOND HELPING, HUH?
crack!
- MR. ARMS DEALER?
WHAT'S TAKING YOU SO LONG?
[ominous music]

HELLO?
KEN!
- [grunting]
- THERE YOU ARE.
COME ON.
MY DADDY MIGHT GET HOME
ANY MINUTE NOW.
DADDY'S LITTLE GIRL
IS GETTING VERY, VERY FEISTY.
[tense music]
[screaming]
[fire crackling]
- [exhales deeply]
WHAT THE HELL?
"LEONARD'S DISEASE SHOWS
NO HOPE FOR REMISSION.
"TODAY HIS FATHER EXPELLED HIM
FROM THE MAIN LIVING QUARTERS.
"HE IS TO LIVE IN THE BASEMENT,
EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY.
"IF HIS CONDITION
CONTINUES TO DIGRESS,
"TUCKER SWORE HE WOULD TAKE
MATTERS INTO HIS OWN HANDS.
"HE THINKS ITS CRUEL TO LET HIM
LIVE ON THIS WAY,
BUT WHAT CHOICE DO WE HAVE?"
[speaking French]
WHAT IS THIS?
WHY IS THE REST OF THIS
IN FRENCH?
IS THIS VOODOO?
[clamoring]
[eerie music]

[birds chirping]
KEN?
HILLARY?
[eerie music]

[sizzling]
- YUP.
- HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN
KEN AND HILL?
- I THINK THEY MUST HAVE GONE
INTO TOWN FOR BREAKFAST.
- SUCKS FOR THEM.
- HEY, THANK YOU FOR CLEANING UP
AFTER ALL OF US LAST NIGHT.
- WHAT DID I DO?
- NO?
- NO.
- BABE?
- UH, YEAH, YEAH.
NO.
- [laughing]
I DIDN'T THINK SO.
BUT YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THA KEN AND HILLARY CLEANED UP?
- I DON'T THINK THAT SOUNDS
LIKE HILLARY.
- NO.
- A LITTLE SALT AND PEPPER
FOR YOU.
- OH, EVAN, I DON'T USUALLY
EAT BREAKFAST THIS EARLY.
- JEN?
- OH, THANK YOU.
OKAY.
SO WHAT ARE YOU BOYS UP TO
TODAY?
- WELL, WHEN MIKE
FINALLY WAKES UP,
WE'RE GONNA WORK
ON THE WIRING.
- ALL RIGHT.
WELL, UM, I'M GOING TO GO
INTO TOWN
AND RUN A FEW ERRANDS.
- OH, CAN I COME?
- YEAH.
YOU WANT ANYTHING?
- YEAH, CAN I GE A DOUBLE TALL LATTE
AND A LOW-FAT APRICOT MUFFIN?
- RIGHT.
HOW ABOUT A BIG OLD PLATE
OF SOME CHITLINS AND CRAWFISH?
- MMM.
CRAWFISH.
- [laughs]
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BREAKFAST.
THAT WAS REALLY SWEET.
- MM-HMM.
- BYE.
- HA!
- BYE.
[pleasant mandolin music]

- GOD BLESS AMERICA.
LET'S EAT.
- YEAH, HEY, PICK UP
WHATEVER YOU THINK WE NEED.
I'M JUST GONNA GO
CHECK OUT SOMETHING.
- COOL.

[eerie music]

MR. PECK?
MR. PECK?
MR. PECK?
- FIND WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR?
- I'M SORRY.
I GUESS I'M NOT USED TO SEEING
WHERE MY FOOD COMES FROM.
- THAT'S WHY WE, UH--
THAT'S WHY WE DO IT OUT HERE.
WANT A DRINK?
- I'M GOOD.
- I KNOW WHY YOU'RE HERE.
- I WANT TO KNOW
WHY YOU RAN YESTERDAY.
- I HAD TO GET TO WORK.
- MR. PECK, I KNOW
THAT THERE'S SOMETHING
THAT YOU'RE NOT TELLING ME.
I FOUND A DIARY.
IT'S A WOMAN'S:
LYDIA BEAUMONT.
YOU KNEW HER.
- I KILLED HER.
- WHY?
- GIVE ME MY BABY!
[gunshot]
- SHE WAS A WITCH.
- THERE'S NO SUCH THING.
- I WOULD HAVE SAID
THE SAME THING
IF I HAVEN'T SEEN I WITH MY OWN EYES.
HELL, I EVEN DEFENDED HER.
WHEN THE ANIMALS,
WHEN THEY CAME UP MISSING,
PEOPLE SAID IT WAS
FOR HER VOODOO.
I SAID IT WAS A FOX.
WELL, I WAS WRONG.
- SHE WAS KILLING
FARM ANIMALS?
- SACRIFICING THEM,
MORE LIKE IT.
I MEAN, MAYBE
IT WOULD HAVE BEEN OKAY
IF IT STAYED
WITH CHICKENS AND GOATS,
BUT THEN THAT'S WHEN
THE TOWNFOLK
TOOK THE LAW
INTO THEIR OWN HANDS.
THE BOY GOT SICK,
UGLY SICK.
PEOPLE SAID THA IT MADE HER MAD,
CRAZY.
- LEONARD, RIGHT?
- YEAH. LEONARD.
- WHAT WAS WRONG WITH HIM?
- HE WAS DEVIL-TOUCHED.
IT'S THE ONLY WORD
TO DESCRIBE HIM--
HIM AND HIS MOTHER.
- [crying]
- SHE STOLE MY BABY.
SACRIFICED HIM
IN THE NAME OF MAGIC,
ALL TO SAVE THAT EVIL
BASTARD OF HERS.
THE ONLY THING IN THE WORLD
THAT I WANTED
WAS TO SAVE MY BABY,
AND THAT ONE WAS TOO LATE
FOR THAT.
ALL I WANTED TO SEE
WAS HER BURNED.
- [screaming]
- YOU GOTTA LEAVE THAT HOUSE.
DO YOU HEAR ME?
YOU GOTTA LEAVE THAT HOUSE.
HE'S COMING BACK
TO AVENGE HIS MOTHER.
YOU HEAR ME?
HUH?
[shouting]
YOU HEAR ME?
HE'LL KILL YOU ALL!
YOU HEAR ME?
- AH!
- JESUS.
YOU OKAY?
- YES, JUST SOME SERIOUSLY
FUCKED-UP PEOPLE IN THIS TOWN.
- WHAT HAPPENED?
JEN, WHAT HAPPENED?
- I DON'T KNOW.
JUST, LET'S GO.
I'M REALLY STARTING
TO HATE THIS PLACE.
- I THINK JEN'S STARTING
TO LIKE THIS PLACE.
- YEAH?
THAT'S GOOD, MAN.
- HEY, WOULD YOU HAND ME
A BULB?
- UH...
KIND OF BUSY;
GIVE ME A SECOND.
- DUDE, JUST HAND ME A BULB,
YOU HOMO.
- [drops tool]
DAMN IT.
DAMN IT.
YOU SUCK.
YOU KNOW, YOU GUYS
SHOULD REALLY THINK
ABOUT REDOING ALL THE WIRING
IN HERE...
I MEAN, IF YOU'RE EVER PLANNING
ON SELLING IT.
- HEY, GIVE ME THE BULB.
- OH, SHIT.
HERE.
I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE THA YOU PUT THE DEED IN HER NAME.
THAT'S JUST LIKE NOT GETTING HER
TO SIGN A PRE-NUP.
- AHA!
smack
- OH.
DUDE.
- THANKS, BRO.
- I'LL GO CHECK THE BOX.
- YEAH, PLEASE DO.
- [growling]
[metal scraping]
- WHERE IS IT?
DID IT WORK?
- DID YOU FLIP IT?
- YEAH. FLIPPED IT.
- LOOKS LIKE THE WIRES
ARE CROSSED.
PROBABLY SOMEWHERE
IN THE BASEMENT.
SEE HOW IT RUNS DOWN?
I'LL GO CHECK IT OUT.
- IF YOU'RE NOT BACK IN A WEEK,
I'LL DRAG THE LAKE.
- YEAH, ALL RIGHT.
- AND STAY OUT OF THAT WINE!
[eerie music]

- HELLO?
HOLY SHIT.
FUCK ME.
OH.
EVAN'S GONNA FLIP HIS SHIT.
YO, "E"!
OH, MY GOD.
- [grumbles]
- [laughs nervously]
OH, SHIT.
OH, DUDE, THAT WAS--
YOU SCARED ME.
ALL RIGHT, YOU GOT ME.
WE'RE EVEN.
UGH!
- HEY, MIKE!
I TOLD YOU STAY AWAY
FROM MY WINE.
- [moaning]
- FRIGGIN' DRUNK.
- YOU FUCKER!
FUCK!
NO!
[moaning]
- MIKE.
GOD DAMN IT.
MIKE!
MIKE!
SWEAR TO GOD, IF YOU THROW
THAT SCARECROW AT ME AGAIN,
I'M GONNA PUNCH YOU
IN THE SAC.
COME ON, MIKE.
IT'S NOT FUNNY ANYMORE.
WE GOT STUFF TO DO.
YOU GOT THE DOOR OPEN, HUH?
WHERE'D YOU FIND THE KEY?
MIKE?
WHERE ARE YOU?
HEY, I SEE YOU, DIPSHIT.
ALL RIGHT, ENJOY THE SMELL.
I'M LOCKING YOU IN.
WHAT'S UP WITH YOUR FACE?
- [grumbling]
- [screams]
HEY! HELP!
AH!
SOMEBODY HELP ME!
[tense percussive music]

[breathing heavily]
- [growling]
crack!
crack!
UGH!
- AH!
UGH!
[dramatic music]


- OH!
OH!
- WHO'S THE CREEPER?
- IT'S OKAY.
I KNOW HIM.
- YEAH?
- YEAH.
COULD YOU PULL THE CAR AROUND?
- YEAH.
HEY, SCREAM IF YOU NEED ME,
ALL RIGHT?
- YEAH, I'LL MEET YOU INSIDE.
- I DON'T MEAN TO BOTHER YOU,
BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN MR. PECK
OUT HERE TODAY, HAVE YOU?
- ACTUALLY, I JUST LEFT HIM
DOWN AT THE STORE.
HE--HE WAS REALLY DRUNK
AND ACTING PRETTY STRANGE.
- IT'S THIS PLACE.
IT DREDGES UP A LO OF REALLY BAD MEMORIES FOR HIM.
- YEAH, HE TOLD ME...
EVERYTHING.
- EVAN?
MIKE?
HELLO?
[ominous music]

[laughing]
"FOR YOU."
IT LOOKS LIKE A KINDERGARTENER
WROTE IT.
[water running]
MIKE?
MIKE?
COME OUT, COME OUT,
WHEREVER YOU ARE.
- IF YOU DO SEE HIM,
YOU'LL GIVE ME A CALL, RIGHT?
- OKAY.
I'LL DO THAT.
- GOOD.
- HEY, FRED.
WHAT IS MR. PECK SO AFRAID OF?
- THE PAST.
[eerie music]

crash!
[water running]
- [sighing]
[door opens]
[ominous music]

[screams]
- ANNETTE.
YOU UP HERE?
ANNETTE!
AH!
[crying]
[foreboding music]

- [coughing]

- [crying]
[ominous music]

[screaming]
[crying]

OH!
[grunting]

crack!
AH!

[footsteps]
SHIT.
- OH, THE DEVIL.
THE DEVIL!
- AH!
[door opens]
[foreboding music]


- [groaning]
[engine turns over]
NOT THIS TIME, ASSHOLE.
[dramatic orchestral music]

[car horn honking]
I'M RIGHT HERE, ASSHOLE!
- [crying]
- [moaning]
- EVAN. EVAN.
HONEY.
[crying]
OKAY, COME ON.
WE'LL GET YOU OUT OF HERE.
OKAY, I GOT YOU, BABY.
BABY.
[crying]
[door closes]
[gentle piano music]

thud!
[whimpers]
- COME ON, LEONARD!
COME ON, YOU SACK OF SHIT!
[brains squishing]
SICK SON OF A BITCH!
[ominous music]

- I'M SENDING YOU BACK TO HELL,
MOTHERFUCKER.
[horn blaring]
- COME ON!
SON OF A BITCH.
HUH?
YOU'RE ONE SICK
SON OF A BITCH!
I KILLED YOU ONCE.
I CAN DO IT AG--
AGH!
[tense percussive music]
THAT'S THE BEST--
THE BEST YOU CAN DO?
OKAY, BOY.
[coughing]
[laughing]
THAT'S A PRETTY NEW FACE
YOU GOT THERE.
OH, YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL,
YOU FUCK FACE!
OOH!
WOW!
YOU'RE AFRAID OF ME,
IS THAT IT?
WELL, I AIN'T AFRAID OF YOU.
I AIN'T AFRAID OF NOTHING.

COME ON.
FUCKING FREAK!
HUH?
COME ON.
COME ON!
COME ON, TRY TO KILL ME.
OOH!

- LEONARD!
LET HIM GO.
- [grumbling]
- YES.
JUST LET HIM GO, OKAY?
THERE YOU GO, BABY.
- I'M SO PROUD OF YOU.
- [whimpering]
[dramatic music]

- UGH!
- I DID IT--THE 3-YEAR-OLD.
I DID FOR THE BABY.
I KILLED HIM.
- YEAH, YOU DID.
YOU DID.
LOOK, WE'RE GOING TO GET YOU
AN AMBULANCE, OKAY?
- YOU HAVE TO BURN HIM.
BURN...HIM.
[dramatic music]

- WOW!

- WAIT!
WHAT EXACTLY HAPPENED HERE?
- YEAH, FRED FROM
THE GENERAL STORE CALLED US
AFTER MR. PECK WENT MISSING.
WE STUMBLED UPON THIS MESS.
WE'RE STILL TRYING TO PIECE I TOGETHER.
SHE'S A LITTLE SHAKEN UP,
AS YOU MIGHT TELL.
JENNIFER.
JEN, I WANT TO SPEAK TO YOU
FOR A MINUTE.
- HI, JENNIFER.
MY NAME IS ARTHUR BROWN.
I'M REALLY SORRY.
THIS MUST BE REALLY HORRIBLE
FOR YOU.
I SPOKE TO EVAN ON THE PHONE
YESTERDAY,
AND HE ASKED ME
IF I'D COME OUT.
I WOULD APPRAISE THE ANTIQUES
IN THE HOUSE,
AND I CAN TELL YOU
THAT YOU ARE SITTING ON OVER
A MILLION DOLLARS IN ASSETS.
NOW, I DON'T EXPECT YOU
TO ANSWER ME RIGHT AWAY,
BUT I WOULD LIKE TO EXTEND
THE OFFER.
- I'M SORRY.
- NO, I'M SORRY.
I LOOK FORWARD
TO HEARING FROM YOU.
- THANK YOU.
- THANK YOU, SIR.
- APPRECIATE IT.
THANKS A LOT.
YOU CAN GO NOW
IF YOU WANT TO.
GOT YOU A HOTEL ROOM
OUT THERE AT THE INTERSTATE.
STAY AS LONG AS YOU WANT.
THE COUNTY WILL TAKE CARE
OF YOU.
I CAN GET ONE OF MY OFFICERS
TO KEEP YOU COMPANY
TILL YOUR PARENTS GET HERE.
ALL RIGHT, THEN.
HEY, HOLD HIM UP.
SHOOT.
GET THIS SORRY SON OF A BITCH
IN A BODY BAG.
[tranquil orchestral music]

- [weeping]
[ominous music]

[screams]
[heavy metal music]