1
You Mcmasters?
Where's your father?
- Who are you?
- Who am I?
Harry Maddox,
Townville financial.
I'm the owner of this shit hole.
- He's not here. -Yes, I
know he's not fucking here.
- But where is he?
- At work.
And what about you, son?
You work?
I use that to make
a little on weekends.
- How much?
- For you? 100 bucks.
100 bucks?
I heard you lived here
all alone.
No dad,
no adult.
Just you
in this dumpy little palace here
all by yourself.
Your father owes me $23,000.
And as much as I'd like you
to mow my lawn
230 times...
He's gotta pay.
- Where is he?
- I told you.
Tell me again!
Perhaps I'm not making myself
clear to you.
A, tell me where your father is.
B...
Let's say you don't
wanna know that option.
Plan b?
- Wait.
- Just a second, son.
No!
Wait!
I don't know where he is!
Is this thing gassed up?
It's been over a month!
Spark plugs maybe.
He has a girlfriend!
- Where?
- I don't know.
No! No! No!
Cut the engine.
Cut it!
Now, get in your car and leave.
You got 48 hours
to get outta here.
You don't live here anymore.
And I'll be seeing you around,
won't I, sweetie-pie?
Sure will.
Go down to miss Johnson's.
She'll find you a place to stay.
Okay?
Ugh! And stay out
of trouble.
Cutshaw, way back!
Oh! Hey, that totally
would have gone in.
Where's this crate?
That crate is in the classified
sector until the 23rd.
No, it's not.
How long till the plane
takes off?
- 20 minutes.
- How far to the airfield?
- 20 miles.
- No problem.
Think that shitty
American junker's
gonna make it to the airfield?
Pardon you, but under the
hood of that junker's
a 402 big block with a 650
carburetor and a 12 bolt rear end.
This beast has 850,000
fucking miles left on it.
We're gonna catch
that goddamn plane, sergeant.
- Buckle up.
Nuclear fusion triggers, sir.
Do you even know what a nuclear
fusion trigger is, sergeant?
Yes, sir. It's an electrical
component that initiates
a nuclear firing sequence.
Sir, I was unaware of that fact.
Shut your bullwash,
you fucking pogue!
At ease.
Do you know what was supposed
to be on that plane?
Yes, sir.
Food, sir.
Right again.
Nutritious, delicious food
for the starving nation
of Malawi.
Unbelievable.
You ever been hungry, Mcmasters?
He doesn't know a damn thing
about being hungry.
Captain, there was a mistake
with the inventory, sir.
The... the barcodes,
there was an error,
after which the crate was placed
in the unclassified section,
not the classified.
Barcodes.
You ruined yourself here,
Mcmasters,
pulverized your career.
Do you have any idea how far up
this is going to go?
- Sir, i...
- Go ahead.
Apologize, it'll go on record.
Captain Starke, sir,
understandably you are very upset.
We all are.
You have been a mentor
to me, and I'm...
- I'm sorry.
- Enough!
Now I'm gonna go on record.
Mcmasters, as sergeant first
class of the fortune cargo bay,
you along with
sergeant Stuart Cutshaw,
are responsible for sending
nuclear fusion triggers
to Zomba, Malawi.
In doing so, you violated
countless rules and regulations
of the United States
armed forces
and jeopardized the national
security of the United States.
- Sir, if I could just explain.
- No!
No, you'll shut the fuck up
is what you'll do.
I trusted you, Mcmasters.
I trusted you and you blew it.
I have to go to the bathroom.
Let the investigator
know they're here.
Oh, Jesus.
Come on, Unitas.
You always gotta be such a...
Prick.
They're really gonna love fucking
you at fort sill, aren't they?
Can you believe this shit?
I'm the one who started
that food program,
me, and nobody else
even wanted it.
So I sent the wrong crate
one time,
one time.
Will you, please?
I mean, how many
right crates were sent?
How many little bellies
are now filled
with nutritious foodstuffs?
I don't know,
they never mentioned it.
Which one's Unitas's car?
That one.
With a program like this,
mistakes happen,
all the time.
Starke's throwing me
under the bus.
Two years I kissed
that guy's ass.
You know, he once tried
to kiss me when he was drunk.
Really?
How much cash do you got?
- Not much. You?
- Not much.
Mcmasters, how the fuck is that?
You're like the biggest
spender I know.
Yeah, don't worry,
I have credit cards.
What, are you fucking high?
That's the first place
they'll look
to try to trace us.
We need cash.
And... there.
Townville.
How long since
you been home, Princess?
Fuck that town.
We're not stopping there.
- You don't know anyone there?
- No.
No family?
Friends? Baby mama?
Drop it already.
It ain't happening.
How about this option?
What are you doing?
Do not turn
into that bar, sergeant.
Come on.
One drink.
The MP's haven't
talked to the cops yet.
Posse Comitatus, motherfucker.
How do you know
who's talked to anybody?
Get back on the road.
Come on!
Have one drink.
You're blocking the door.
Game on, player.
Ted crump, a Townville man,
beloved by all.
The champion of progress,
the Townville way.
Yes, friend, as your mayor,
we've had some good years
here in Townville.
Let's have a few more together.
What is that noise?
We love Ted. We love Ted.
Oh, my goodness!
I'm Ted crump
and you know who I am!
This Tuesday, vote crump.
Crump! Crump! Crump!
We always had a few
Afghan army with us.
They would just stop
in the middle of patrol
and then just roll up a joint
and start smoking it.
- Jesus Christ.
- Like, on patrol.
So you ever been to Kabul there,
soldier Slapnuts?
That's on a need
to know basis, turd.
Hey, my name
is Paul Gerard, marines.
Floyd.
Army.
Yeah, all right.
So what, you getting ready to
push overseas here pretty soon?
So are you gonna be
one of those guys
that come back fatter?
What you drinking there?
Sour apple liqueur.
Rocks.
Barman!
Two sour apple liqueur, rocks.
You didn't have to do that.
But I wanted to.
It's my favorite drink.
A lamb cooked on stone,
delicious.
Sprinkle a little
gun powder on it...
I'm serious.
You'll try it.
Can you get us
another one, please?
- Okay.
- That one's on me.
Save it.
The owner comps his drinks.
All of them?
Yeah, some kind
of charity, right?
Why?
Paul here won
the medal of victory.
Come on.
Tell him about it.
Tell him about it.
Come on.
All right, all right.
Me and my 12-man team,
there was a tree line,
a creek, tree line.
We are first group
of guys across
the little creek.
I don't know
what they stepped on,
but they were killed instantly.
Heavy machine guns, RPGs,
I mean, they were just
lighting us up.
So you let off
a few rounds right away,
just to get
control your breathing.
We started putting them down,
a few guys to my left and right,
you know, their guns
stopped firing.
I looked around,
everybody was dead.
Sorry, man.
Then I ran over to one of my
buddies who carries the saw,
you know...
It had full machine gun...
Full auto.
I linked up
a couple hundred rounds
and I watched him walk away,
and I watched the path
that they walked.
I snuck up
to where the house was
and they had
no security outside.
I mean, I said, "fuck it,"
so I kicked in that door.
You know,
I just started shooting.
I ended up killing
everyone in the house.
So I'm staggering
outside the house,
and I get on the radio and I
told them, "send it heavy."
Next thing I remember,
I woke up in the hospital.
You know, I couldn't sleep.
I can't sleep.
And the funniest thing
about it is
through all of that,
they give me this,
because I didn't die.
Like it means something.
Grab it, touch it.
Touch it.
And that little piece of flair
is supposed to make
everything just a-okay.
Now, take this time
you have before you leave,
and look at yourself,
'cause you're never
coming back the same.
Here's to you.
Paul, I'm sick of this shit.
Get over here now.
The wife.
Yeah, I heard you,
your voice carries.
This doesn't look like you
went to the store.
Are you gonna get hit
in the other eye?
I did. I got
groceries in the car.
Are you drunk? Want to get
hit in the other eye?
Wanna few more drinks,
you wanna have a few more?
Can we get a few more
drinks over here?
- Hi, I'm Ann Marie.
- And I'm Reginald.
And we're two
of the happiest people on earth
thanks to the help of one man.
Harold w. Maddox,
of Townville financial.
- Hi, Harry.
- Hi Ann Marie.
Hi, Reggie.
How's your new home?
It's everything we ever dreamed
it could be, Harry.
I'm overjoyed.
Friends, you know me,
I'm Harry Walter Maddox,
founder and CEO
of Townville financial.
And I'm running to be
your next mayor.
Why, you ask?
Let's just say it's because
I know what dreams are made of.
Yes?
Another round
for everybody, please.
And I say, "be not afraid,
tonight everyone
goes home for supper."
Your life is amazing.
You know what?
It is.
I think...
Oof, I'm drunk.
Stay with me tonight.
What are you doing?
- Hey, let's go.
- You're disgusting!
Hey! What?
No, wait!
What did I do?
Thanks a lot, man.
I was like this close.
Yeah, maybe on a map where
that's like a thousand miles.
- Are you drunk?
- No.
- You drunk?
- No.
2.5! Ooh!
You all right, man?
Always.
You need a ride?
No, uh, no, man, I'm fine.
I'm just gonna just
psych myself up here.
- Hoo-ah.
- Hoo-rah.
Quit, uh, excuse me,
you're driving.
Are you crazy?
I'm not driving.
Well, I'm not driving either.
No, why would I say that?
I love you.
You're drunk.
Hello?
Oh, boy.
It's coming.
Pull over.
- No, hold it in.
- No, pull over.
- Hold it in.
- Pull over.
Whoo!
That's the good stuff.
Can you hear that?
Maybe it's another road?
Yeah.
Another road.
Was that marine
driving a white truck?
Fuck! Fuck!
- In my pocket.
- Just breathe, man.
We'll get you to a hospital.
- Just take it!
- What?
It's the death of me.
Thank you.
- Give me your phone.
- Why?
I'm calling police.
You crazy?
We're both awol driving drunk.
And you took his medal.
I didn't take it.
He gave it to me.
Do you think anyone's
gonna believe that?
Fine.
We'll drive a minute,
then call it in.
That's the first dead body
I've ever seen.
How much gas we got left?
Half a tank.
Or less.
Fuck.
Just let me do the talking.
All right, you fucking
perpetrators,
sheriff's department.
Put your hands
where I can see 'em.
Hands! Now!
Go! Go! Go! Go!
Step outside.
Better keep your hands up.
My partner here is working
on two hours of sleep
and he's got a loaded weapon
pointed right at your head.
Hands on the hood!
It's not our fault.
- You hear that, Rayburn?
- Not their fault.
Someone walked into the bar
and force fed these two invalids
a whole pint of whiskey, and then
sent them back out on the road.
Fucking invalids.
- You gotta be kidding me.
- I said shut the fuck up.
Shut the fuck up, yes, sir.
- What's that, chunky?
- Ow! Fucking asshole.
- Shit. -Did you forget
your cuffs again, sheriff?
Get over here
and give me a hand.
- Put the shotgun down.
- Right.
Sheriff.
What is this?
Well, goddamn.
This is yours?
Whose else would it be,
Cro-Magnon man?
Look!
The medal of victory!
- Damn.
- Look, officer...
He's modest.
Goddamn it, Rayburn.
How many times
do I have to tell you?
Put it down.
Now cut it out!
Do you wanna go to jail first
and then to the brig?
It's not mine and never will be.
- I'm not wearing it.
- Just pretend.
Here, put your uniform on,
soldier.
- Perfect!
- Rick Ford.
First name's Rick,
last name's Ford.
Say, I didn't catch
your boys' names.
Well, we're really
in a rush, Rickford.
Rick Ford.
Come on, let's go
get you some eggs.
Thank you, but I think we'll
just catch 40 winks right here
until the sun rises.
On the road?
Son, you are drunk.
Come on, you boys
are going with me.
Hop on board.
You boys out on detail
or something?
Personal business stuff
for my family.
It's family business.
It's personal.
Sheriff Ford, call the office.
Hicks, here.
There's bring a break in
at city hall
and a robbery
in the mayor's office.
Mayor's office.
On our way.
Proceed with extreme caution.
And a beautiful morning it is.
Whoo!
Excuse me, ma'am.
Ma'am?
Ma'am?
Did you see either
of these men here last night?
You ready, deputy?
Good man.
Ransacked.
And how many people did you say
you saw on the security tape?
Oh, there were three...
No, uh, maybe four people.
It's cued up on the inside.
Don't you let
anyone see you in there.
When are you gonna
trust me, Wallace?
What are you doing here?
- Beat it!
- You beat it.
- You seen Rayburn?
- No!
Sheriff, what happened in there?
You, come with me.
- You, scram.
- Enough.
Let's go, sheriff.
Tell me, Rick,
is that Tennessee Whisky
or Kentucky bourbon I smell?
Hi.
- Hold on.
What is it?
I love you.
What the fuck, Floyd!
They say I gotta ship out
to Guam, I go to Guam.
- What was I supposed to do? -You're
supposed to fucking tell me about it.
Well, I'm telling you now.
Oh, my...
Come home.
Just talk to me.
I love you.
- Hello?
- I just got to the airport.
Listen, I'll call home
when I can.
You can go fuck yourself!
Look, they say I go to Guam,
I go to Guam.
Goodbye, Floyd.
- What is that?
- Is this the medal of Vic...
- No.
- It's the medal of victory?
- Well, yeah.
- What's all this shit?
Oh, your boss' office was
just ransacked. Comment?
Do you ever sleep?
Who's this?
It's Mcmasters.
Voting for Ted crump, I hope.
I'm not voting for anybody.
- You what?
- He's not voting.
Jonathan Blaine.
It's a pleasure.
Blaine, excuse me, but your
boss's office was just pillaged,
- perhaps you'd like to say something?
- Learn not to fuck up
a few quotes,
I'll give you a few more.
Stay right there,
you look fantastic.
- Listen, Grady.
- No, you listen.
I'm gonna go back in there
and take some pictures.
Here is my cell. If you see anyone
coming close to the building...
- Take the card.
- Listen, Grady, I cannot,
- absolutely cannot get involved in this.
- Why not?
You're here.
You're healthy.
Take the fucking card, Floyd!
- I thought you had no one in town.
- I don't.
Well, swallow your bacon, Ted.
There's been a break in.
What?
Jesus Christ!
That's it, we're ruined.
Ruined!
Deep breaths, Ted.
I've got good news, too.
I found a medal of victory
winner right here in Townville
and he's undecided.
A medal of victory winner.
Well, keep him happy.
I'll be out in a minute.
That is why,
if elected your mayor...
No. That is why,
when elected your mayor...
yes?
Thievery? Why,
you have nothing to steal.
I think you staged that
to frame me.
And why would I want
to frame an opponent
who is five points
behind me in the polls?
Because I just pulled ahead.
Well, when you lose on Tuesday,
I am going to cram
my winning headline
right up your
gout-stained asshole.
I've got it, and it's good.
Good, good.
How old is she?
No, no, no, no.
Don't tell me.
Today I need a surprise.
See you in 10 minutes.
Look here, if I don't arrange
for mayor crump
to shake hands with the Townville
medal of victory winner,
well, sir, it'll be my black
ass bent over backwards.
We have to go.
Oh, we'd love to.
When?
Oh, he's on his way right now.
- Que suerto.
- I can't...
Morning. I'm Wendi Mann,
I work with Harry Maddox,
the next mayor of...
Oh, my!
Is that a medal of victory?
- Excuse me. -Harry is going
to love to meet you.
He's on his way here right now.
- Fantastic.
- I can't even vote here.
Oh!
Hello, Wendi.
Grady here.
Might wanna wrap
things up in there.
- Oh, Mcfloyd.
- There's a crowd out here.
Listen, you're not
gonna be out there
when I get out, are you?
Actually, I was thinking
of just leaving town.
Oh, what a pity.
Don't worry. You never
have to see me again.
- Oh, I'm not worried.
- -Me neither.
Well, great, I'm glad we agree.
- Freeze, perpetrator!
Grady?
What the fuck happened?
I got her, sheriff.
Got her?
Or shot her?
Grady's been shot.
Yeah, won't you supposed
to call her or something?
Shit! Shit! Shit!
Floyd!
What about the mayor?
What...
What's happening?
Mr. mayor, we've apprehended
a suspect.
Fine work, sheriff.
Let's make it official.
So there you are.
Come on, hurry up!
We haven't got all day.
Officer!
Asshole!
You're supposed to warn me
before someone comes
- and blows my fucking head off.
- Look at me,
this is all just a big mistake,
- she's a journalist. -There's
no mistake, sergeant.
With my own eyes
I witnessed her crimes.
- Now, come on, Grady! -No, no!
Not until you fucking decide...
- you know I'm up
for a promotion.
How do, everybody? Thank you
so much for coming down.
- Our esteemed sheriff here...
- Mayor crump...
If it true that the city
is in a financial free-fall?
Free-fall?
Ladies and gentlemen,
under my administration,
our town is
at its celestial zenith.
Skip, how's things?
Unemployed.
And my wife left me
because I'm unemployed.
- I... I'm... -you know you
look like a bloated hog.
Hey! You watch your mouth!
Hey!
Where in god's name
did he stash that movie?
Taped to the bottom
of his desk drawer.
- Naughty, naughty Ted.
- Mm-hmm.
I just needed some space,
all right?
Where was he really?
Who knows?
Who cares?
Look, I fucking loved you,
you jerk.
- Sergeant, be quick!
- Mcmasters!
- Over here! Sergeant!
- How did you make the arrest?
- Over here!
- -Back!
- Who fired the gun?
- Mcmasters, who fired the shot?
Sergeant, think quick!
Break it up.
This man won
the medal of victory.
Let go! Move!
Floyd, get me my bag.
Get the bag, Floyd!
Congratulations, boy.
Just smile, I'll do the shaking.
We were dead in the water,
dead in the water!
And then that man right here
charged the enemy line.
Harry Maddox, running for mayor.
Don't fall for his tricks, boy,
he'd steal that medal
right off your chest.
Son, can you trust a man
who has a 70-year-old mistress?
- Grab him!
- Give me that, you goof.
He stole that from my office.
Welcome home, sergeant.
Good morning.
Good morning. My name is
sergeant Floyd Mcmasters
and I called earlier about one
of your inmates, Grady walls.
Uh, yes, she is here,
and her bail is set at $10,000.
$10,000?
Yes.
Are you family or spouse?
Neither.
Thank you.
Uh, regarding your visit,
she quotes,
"take that lying degenerate
scumbag back to Guam."
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
$10,000.
Jesus.
Fuck her.
We got work to do.
Right.
Car's this way.
Yeah, that pukey piece of shit?
I'm not setting foot inside
that car, neither are you.
What are you talking about?
That medal.
It's our ticket outta here.
Aw, hell no!
We go to the car...
And then what, genius?
We gonna hitchhike 900 miles
till we run outta gas?
- We'll figure it out.
- Yeah, that we're broke.
We're not staying here, Stu.
Look, these two fuck-knobs
need a hero.
To pose with.
And we need cash.
What?
Sell my endorsement?
Hel, yeah.
I'm not endorsing
either of those two runts.
Especially Maddox.
The man's an unruly sociopath.
Okay. And you don't
wanna take his money?
No, I don't wanna
take a dime from him, ever.
In fact, if I never see
his ugly fucking
pickle face again,
it'll be too soon.
Listen, I'm not rotting
in some fort sill shit hole
because you can't face reality.
Face reality?
It's not my medal.
Beep, beep, motherfuckers.
Need a lift?
Gentlemen! Gentlemen, so
glad you could make it.
- Hungry?
- Ravenous.
Welcome Mcmasters,
we're proud to have
a true American hero
in our midst,
aren't we folks?
- Hoorah!
- Hoo-ah!
Sorry about the mess here.
Normally we spend our days
providing people
with the right loans.
Cars, houses.
We're the currency
of contentment.
Clean up your fucking desk!
Damn!
Where's the jam?
- Jam?
- For their toast, idiot.
When I called, I specifically...
Oh, just forget about it.
I see you've added
some wings to that waist.
Trim up!
I always tell them,
the only number for me
is 36-24-36.
Harry, isn't it?
How can we help you?
Where you from, Mcmasters?
Here.
What street?
West boulevard.
West boulevard.
On the east side?
In any event, welcome back.
Tell me, Floyd, who are you
voting for this election day?
I think I'll be sitting
this one out, actually.
I don't blame you.
You look like a bright guy.
I get that you're a man
who needs some hard evidence
before he goes in
and pulls a lever.
Gentlemen, under
great risk to himself,
one of my operatives
took this video
at a voting registration office
on the north side of town.
- Well, hello.
- Good afternoon.
Hi, come on in.
So, it's 50 bucks for every
family member of voting age.
So write their names down here.
30 seconds.
No! Who are you voting for
on Tuesday?
I'm voting crump.
Good man.
Have a good afternoon.
Good work. I second that.
Things are goings
exactly as I planned.
You know who I am!
See?
Behind every great fortune,
there's a great crime.
Was that last part fake?
Uh, he meant that it was so
shocking that it seemed fake.
What?
Mr. Maddox, your hourly
poll report, sir.
It's saying you're, um,
down by one point.
- Shit. Susan, get your fat ass in here!
- Yes, sir.
What the fuck are you doing
buzzing me during a meeting?
- You said to always...
- Do you wanna work
in the mayor's office
or do you wanna be half a cunt?
Listen, son, I need the services
of a decorated soldier
like yourself for one hour.
And I'm willing to pay.
About $160 a minute.
Shall we dance?
- I'll think it over.
- No! You think about it now!
Is that what I'm worth?
It is today.
- We want double.
- No doubles.
When that phone rings
you pick it up.
It'll be me.
When this deal's down,
we're gonna require
another envelope
of a happier size.
Okay, boys, thank you very much.
It was a pleasure.
Get some rest, you guys.
You both look terrible.
Ta-ta!
I hope your mind's
not as empty as that desk.
Decorated soldier,
like yourself,
for one hour,
and I'm willing to pay.
Hells motherfucking yeah,
sergeant.
What did I tell you?
Mm-mmm.
Smell that money?
Can you believe how Maddox
just shits on his employees?
One day that guy's gonna
get f'd right in the a.
So you wanna stay the hour
or you wanna take off?
Just count me out my half.
I don't if you were
actually listening,
but that wasn't option.
I need it.
- Why?
- Give me the money.
Ooh, now I'm really not gonna
give you the money.
I need to bail Grady
out of jail.
What?
Mcmasters, are you so
profoundly desperate for pussy
that you're willing to spring
your ex-girlfriend
of nine years out of jail?
Just give me the money.
Whatcha gonna do?
You gonna beat me up?
Son! You're a real
bit of hope around here.
Oh, gee, thank you.
Hope you're staying with us.
Actually, we were just leaving.
Leaving? Already?
Son, this is your home.
Not anymore.
Your home's your home.
- Hey.
- Be nice.
You know what I think?
I think this place sucks.
And I think that
every second I spend here
I add one more sucky moment
to my otherwise blissful
little existence.
Taxi!
- What a fucking asshole.
- Right?
African geopolitics
were rocked this morning,
when news spread that the small
African nation of Malawi
may now be armed
with a nuclear device,
due to a mishap
with army logistics.
An investigation
into the matter is underway,
and is expected to reach
the highest levels
of the military.
Motherfuckers.
What?
You bailed me out?
Yeah.
You look awful.
Those are really nice shoes
you're wearing.
Hold on!
Okay.
All right, I'm gonna go.
- That was a mistake.
- Wait a minute.
- Big mistake. Huge. -Come on,
don't you want to hear my story?
Don't worry,
I've heard it all before.
- I had a meeting this morning.
- Oh, really? Fancy, fancy.
Don't you want to know
where your camera is?
- What?
- And your bag?
Come again?
I have a certain
incriminating cassette tape,
but... I guess you just don't
want to know about that.
Well, gotta go.
You think this is some
kind of a game, Mcmasters?
No!
Listen, you're gonna tell me
everything I need to know
in the next two seconds.
Oh, okay, okay.
Just let go, Jesus.
Yourself, for about one hour.
- And I'm willing to pay.
- Brilliant.
Listen, if you see him
again, call me.
Thought you wanted me to go.
My husband won one of those,
you know.
Husband?
Fought in Naziriyah.
It was posthumously awarded.
Saved 11 people before he died.
Wow.
You sacrificed once
for your country, Floyd.
Do it again for your hometown.
It needs you.
What did she do in there?
Fondle your balls?
Oh, I'm sorry.
You must've fondled hers.
Actually, we made out.
Who's car is this?
The mayor's,
with whom we have
a rendezvous in 15 minutes.
Hmm, no thanks.
Come on. We both know you're
broke as a joke, Sarn't.
Get in.
Great meal, Monty, and again,
thank you so much
for your support.
Ah, so good to see you,
sergeant.
Say, how would you like
a parade in your honor
- straight through town?
- That's okay.
No, too late. Jonathan here has
already been making plans.
It's gonna be humongous.
Mayor!
Looking forward to unemployment?
What... what was that?
Suck some Chuck,
hag-fucker!
Oh, Ted.
Move!
I'm real sorry about the mess
in here, gentlemen.
If you'll excuse me I have
a quick call to make.
- Go ahead.
Make yourselves a drink.
- What do you want?
- Nothing.
Come on.
It's good stuff here.
Maddox cannot find out
about this, you understand?
There's things at work here,
at play.
He won't find out.
Yes he will, Stu!
Then what?
Drink, for god's sake.
You look like shit.
Jesus, will you keep
your head screwed on?
I'm telling we were
in Maddox's office.
What?
No.
- Don't do that, Floyd.
- Oh no?
Who's running this outfit?
Oh, don't fucking
pull rank with me.
Mcmasters.
Excellent work
earlier today, son.
That reporter has been a real
heel for us, isn't that right?
Oh, yeah.
Splendid.
Splendid.
Splendid.
So, Mr. mayor...
We've already been
to see Maddox.
- You... you what?
- Say again?
We enjoyed coffee and eggs with
him in his office this morning.
Boy, that was tasty bacon,
right, Stu?
Look, Mr. mayor,
like he said,
we're just trying on
different drawers.
- Drawers? -What the
hell is going on here?
He showed us
some disturbing footage.
- He's exhausted.
- I'm not believing this.
Jonathan, are you
believing this?
Cash.
On a big table.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Get Andy in here now.
Does Andy know how
to make a decent cocktail?
Can we just talk
this over for a minute?
No, tell me, how long have you been
colluding with that cryptofascist?
You think you're gonna win
without this guy?
Do you?
That medal there is a symbol
of unbridled conquest,
a freedom thrasher.
And whoever holds it Tuesday
wins and you know it,
so you'd better start
negotiating,
or we'll throw ourselves
right back into the loving arms
of Harry Maddox.
Would you please fix me a drink?
So what'll it be?
- 20,000.
- What?
- 50.
- 50?
- You're absolutely sure.
- Jonathan, are you hearing this?
New poll numbers, chief.
It's a dead heat.
- Fine, 50.
- 50? 50 what?
- We'll take it. -What
the fuck just happened?
- Pack an envelope.
- Ted!
Just do it, Jonathan.
Be sure it's legal sized.
Right.
Legal.
Drink up.
We're going to the courthouse.
Meet us outside in five.
I ought to slap the shit
out of you, man.
One stupid day and you can't
keep your shit together?
- Yeah?
- Your hour starts now.
- Go ahead.
- Meet me on the ninth floor
of the courthouse in 20 minutes.
The courthouse?
- Why?
- Fuck you, why.
Be there or the deal's off.
- Shit.
- No bueno, Sarn't.
- What floor are we on?
- Three.
I'm game.
You?
Yeah.
Come on.
We're late.
- Where's the money?
- After we see the judge.
Come on!
It was a chaotic scene
this morning
after a burglary
at mayor Crump's office.
An unidentified army sergeant,
- reportedly the recipient of the
prestigious... -That's him!
- Medal of victory...
- Real son of a bitch.
Apprehended a suspect
before police arrived.
- In other news, Afghanistan veteran
Paul Gerard... -Captain Starke?
- Was discovered dead in his vehicle...
- He's here.
After an apparent crash
earlier this morning.
This judge, Parr is his name,
he's a real war buff.
- Where'd he serve?
- He didn't,
and he picks
every election judge in town.
However, I can't keep on carrying
you for the rest of my life,
people say, "when is he
gonna get a real job?"
Christ, you're an embarrassment.
His man doesn't vote 'em.
He counts 'em.
And if the number's not right,
he'll keep on counting
until it is.
- How long do you think we'll be?
- How long?
Look, just don't say anything
while we're in there, all right?
Not a word.
Stu, do you...
I don't know,
- want to hang out down here?
- Hang out?
Right.
'Course. Love to.
- Good idea.
- Don't come upstairs at all.
Where do you think you're going?
But I thought
I was supposed to...
- Stay with the fucking car.
- Scrub the rims.
Nobody wins without the judge.
He controls the election.
Yeah, come in.
Hello, judge.
Sit down, make yourself a drink.
Heard about your office, Ted.
- Real shame.
- Don't I know it.
My nephew's doing
elections this year.
- Who's this?
- Judge, this is...
Are you trying
to get me indicted?
Do you want me to die
in a six by nine?
Judge!
This is Floyd Mcmasters.
Winner of the medal of victory?
Oh, yes!
From the TV
earlier this morning!
Son, I'm your biggest fan.
There aren't any cameras
down that hallway.
Well, maybe we should
go install one.
It almost seems fake.
On my life, judge,
it's completely genuine.
Shit!
It was only me alone
in that ditch, my friend.
With my bolt action
thirty-ought-six
and my shrapnel-filled
dead leg.
And I felt a rumble,
and over the Ridge 150 Taliban
fighters on horseback
come thundering over the Ridge,
- and just as I raised my gun...
Finish your story, Mcmasters.
Could you excuse me
just one second, please?
- Hello? -It's me.
Did he call yet?
No, not yet. Look, I'm a
little tied up right now.
Meet me at the
courthouse right away.
Why?
I need you to meet
someone with me, a judge.
Where are you?
Like, a minute away.
I'll meet you there.
Stop!
- Don't go in there.
- Where's he at?
I'm supposed to tell you
it's cancelled.
The judge's wife, uh...
She had, uh, a family...
A birth!
In the family.
I thought his wife was dead.
That's what I meant.
And here is my prized Luger po8.
No telling how many bodies
are on this one.
Tell Floyd to get
his ass up here.
Ah, well, now we can start the meeting.
Come in!
Start the meeting?
Wait! Don't...
Afternoon, your honor.
Excuse me, but we're discussing
official city business here.
What is this?
Please be seated.
I don't sit down with thieves.
Thieves?
You're the thief!
Everyone, sit down.
Hey.
I'm not supposed to talk to you.
You don't have
to tell me anything.
Just take this tape
and listen to exactly
what I say.
Now, these have been prosperous
years, no doubt.
But it's time now
to rethink old models
and to look to the future.
What is the deal, judge Parr?
You both want the same thing,
you tell me.
All right, judge.
Seven percent salary increase
for next year.
- Eight.
- Bastard. Nine, judge.
Where did you come from?
Right there. Looks like
they're closed, though.
No, judge always stays
late for a drink.
Listen, he's got random
salary increases,
dodgy expense reports, and
he's appointed every election
judge since crump took office.
- You don't say.
- Plus, he's a big war buff,
- so I need you. -Can't we
just do this tomorrow?
Thought you were
leaving tomorrow.
You're right, I am.
Here we go.
Twenty, and...
An autographed letter
from general
George s. Patton himself.
Goodness me!
This is gonna be
one tough decision.
Judge, you should be aware that
I've already secured
the endorsement
of medal of victory winner,
Floyd Mcmasters.
Wasn't he just here, Ted?
That's right judge, he was sitting
right there in that chair.
Ma'am? The building's
closed for the day.
- We gotta see the judge.
- Do you have an appointment?
I have a medal of victory winner
with whom the judge is eagerly
anticipating a meeting.
He's already in a meeting.
With who?
Well, why don't you ask him?
He came in with him,
rode up the elevator with him.
Well, go on, ask him!
- Floyd?
- Um...
Where the hell were you?
I'll be right back.
What is she doing here?
This shit's over.
We have to abort.
Tell me who's
in judge Parr's office.
- The mayor.
- And?
The other guy, Maddox.
Clyde.
Yeah, it's me.
No, I'm out of jail.
Listen, get every reporter
you know
down at the courthouse
immediately.
I'm not aborting this mission
and neither are you.
You don't run this outfit.
I never wanted to come back here
in the first place.
I hate this town, hate it!
Impossible, judge.
I don't know who this man
brought into your office,
but I can assure you
he was a fraud.
Fraud? Ha!
Floyd Mcmasters
is the most courageous citizen
this town has ever known.
- Get off me!
- Listen!
You want to earn
that medal or what, soldier?
This medal...
Is a curse.
Enough. Wendi, go get
Mcmasters right now.
Don't let that Luger fall!
Judge Parr?
Felix?
We have to...
We have to call an ambulance.
Nobody's calling anybody.
- What do you got?
This way, everyone.
- We have to.
- He's dead, Floyd.
Felix!
God damn
this sour-bellied town!
You're a malediction,
all of you!
Take my fucking money,
and run across town
to that gerontofile?
They called the press.
Son of a bitch.
Next time I see you, I'm gonna
put a bullet in your head.
You understand? You're dead in
this town, Mcmasters. Dead!
Floyd, we gotta move
out of here, now.
Right through that door.
What did you do?
Why did you kill the judge?
I didn't kill anybody.
Wait.
- Holy Christ. -Knock 'em
out and drag 'em in.
Wait.
How much for a mow, Floyd?
Just gonna sit there with that
dumb look on your face, Princess?
- Start blasting, Mcmasters!
Come on, Mcmasters,
get your head out of your ass!
Shit, it's the captains.
Act professional.
What do you think, captain?
Sweat balls, both of em!
Floyd, help me!
Posse Comitatus, motherfuckers!
Stu?
Game over, game over.
No!
Sergeant?
You got a visitor.
A soldier named Paul
gave it to me.
And why would he do that?
He said he
didn't want it anymore.
Wow.
So many lies.
Look...
- I didn't mean to... -yeah,
you didn't mean to what?
You didn't mean to lie
about that medal?
That you're awol from the army?
That you're conspiring
to rig this election?
Which of those lies did you
not mean to tell, Floyd?
Look...
All I ever wanted
to do is send food
to starving kids in Malawi.
All I ever wanted to do
is feed the hungry.
Is there something
wrong with that?
I'm glad you finally
came back, man.
'Cause now I know how truly
fucking crazy you are.
I'm sorry.
I never should have left you.
Not ever.
That's what you do, Floyd.
You run away.
Tell me where Maddox
has my bag, please.
In his office safe.
Your tape, the camera,
it's all there.
What are you gonna do,
just walk in there?
Just worry about yourself, okay?
- Grady.
- What?
Your husband.
How'd he fall?
He threw himself on a grenade.
Friends...
In this vote-harvesting
season,
may I suggest something?
There is no left or right,
no forward or backward,
only what we know
to be morally right.
I keep telling them,
the only number for me
is 36-24-36.
Man!
- That felt phenomenal.
- That's it.
That's the number.
- The what?
- For Maddox's office safe.
- Did you get any sleep at all?
- Rayburn.
I need to make a phone call.
I'm trying to watch my stories and
you want to make a phone call now?
Yeah, now.
Can I use your cell phone?
I don't even
know the... oh.
- Fuck.
- Damn, damn, damn!
None of that, sheriff. Considering
all your small town handicaps,
most notably this idiot
fucking deputy you got here,
I'd say you've done
an exceptional job.
- My what?
- Now...
Gentlemen...
I need to make a phone call.
You are a wanted...
I'm sorry, sheriff.
Formerly wanted individual,
who will be charged in both
military and civilian courts.
Non-compliance
with procedural rules,
desertion,
leaving the scene of a crime,
the murder of a beloved
public official
and stealing my fucking car!
There's no one to call.
I need a phone.
Now.
Where's the fucking medal,
Floyd?
He doesn't have it, shit bag.
He got rid of it.
- This one?
- Fuck me.
Stealing off a dead man, huh?
Nothing sacred in your world,
is there, boys?
He gave it to me.
You think I don't know
what happened?
Lance corporal Paul Gerard,
crashed his car about
five miles outside of town.
You two idiots show up,
steal the medal
so you can pawn it off
as your own.
And then you let a soldier
die all by himself.
- That's not true.
- Everything you are
spits on that medal.
Hand it over.
It looks like you might just have
to come take it from me, sergeant.
- Keys.
- Now wait just a goddamn...
Sheriff, this is my show.
Floyd, you have no idea
just how happy this is...
You been knocked out!
Put that gun on the table
and back the fuck up!
Now.
Oh, no.
You're fucked for this,
Mcmasters!
Completely and totally fucked!
I'm sorry.
All I wanted to do was make
one goddamn phone call!
- Dammit.
- Oh, god, I gotta pee.
I'm sorry I hit you.
I had it coming.
Jesus...
You really pummeled that guy.
Who were you trying to call?
Grady.
So where we going
in this stolen police cruiser?
Maddox's office.
She needs the number.
Yep.
We're fucked.
- Oh, Jesus.
- -I got the number.
What the hell happened?
- 36, 24, 36.
- What?
For the safe.
Trust me.
We're fucked.
Yes!
Hide.
All right, boys, find that footage
and don't be neat about it.
Oh, it's already gone.
Stop firing!
Drop it, big boy.
Don't shoot us.
Oh, my god.
What are you doing?
Are you crazy?
Christ, Ted.
You had no right
to steal that photo.
Ted!
- Jonathan.
- Look.
- Where is it?
- -Oh, Ted.
Oh, my god.
The stuff from the safe, where is it?
Hand it over.
I got it.
And I'm taking it
right out that door.
Shoot him.
You ugly son of a...
Jesus.
Now we leave.
Tell me, Mcmasters.
You still mowing lawns?
You're done.
You were done the second
you threw us out on the street.
Done.
No, no, no, no, no.
I haven't even started.
You, pistolero.
You're hired.
Aah, fuck me.
Sarn't.
Hey!
How does it feel
to turn into a broke,
delinquent liar,
like your old dad?
You know, some nights
when we were hungry,
I used to go to the bathroom
and lock the door,
drink enough water out of
the faucet till I was full.
So I could sleep.
Time to go, sergeant.
Townville financial,
we're the currency
of contentment.
But I need the services
of a decorated soldier
like yourself for one hour.
And I'm willing to pay.
About $160 a minute.
Who is this?
Good morning, Mr. Maddox.
Susan, good morning.
I just wanted to let you know
that I won't be coming in
to work today
because I'm at the FBI.
- Susan?
- -Hello, Maddox.
Why don't you grab a cup of
coffee and come down and see us?
Unless of course you'd like
to meet in your office?
You're driving.
Okay, I'll drive.
I'm staying.
You're way too serious
right now.
Come on, get in the car.
Come on, man.
Get in the car, me and you, in
this car, driving out of here.
Not this time.
Always a pleasure.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hey, Mcmasters.
Figured you'd want it.
For luck.
Luck I got.
- Oh! Whew!
You gotta love
sour apple liqueur.
Get in.
- Floyd, this is my son, Jake.
- Hello.
Hello.
What's wrong with your leg?
Got shot.
You need a lift somewhere?
Where you going?
Hold it right there.
Hey, watch yourselves.
We've got a fifth grader
right here.
- Dammit. -You forget your
cuffs again, sheriff?
Just... restrain him.
Be careful, walls.
This man is not
who he claims to be.
Oh, really?
Rayburn, take him downtown.
You got it, sheriff.
What's he charged with?
Excuse me?
Go ahead.
I'm listening.
Beautiful morning,
ain't it, sergeant?