How do you like that?
"Wanted for vagrancy".
- What's vagrancy?
- Boy, are you stupid.
You take a flower, and
it smells real nice.
That's vagrancy.
- We can beat that rap.
- You chowderhead.
Vagrancy is when you're
a hobo or a tramp.
Oh oh. We can't beat that one.
- There's only one thing left to do.
- Yes?
- We gotta pull up stakes...
- Yes?
- get out of town...
- Yes.
- ... and go to work.
- No.
Oh, you said a nasty word.
Now, listen, you nitwits.
There's a lot of rocks in this county...
and the sheriff just loves
to have guys like us...
make itty-bitty ones
out of great big ones.
- We gotta hit the trail.
- Where'll we go?
We're headin' west. There's
a beautiful little town...
about 40 miles from here
called Peaceful Gulch...
where you can lounge in the lazy sun.
The breeze blows over the open range.
The birds sing.
The bees hum.
- Get up, you guys!
- What's up?
The bees bit me or something.
Wait a minute. We gotta get going.
Here. We're headin' west.
That's Red Morgan and his gang.
Last night they robbed
the Express office.
Did they get the mine payroll?
No. I've got that in my bank...
but they'll be after it.
We've gotta find somebody
to run these hoodlums out of town.
There must be someone that...
I got it. Look.
We print this picture in the paper
and say they're three famous marshals...
coming to clean up the town.
It might work, and give me
time to get rid of the payroll.
- That's right.
- Uh-huh.
"Law officers on the way.
Famous marshal and deputies
expected soon to clean up the town. "
Hey boss, we'd better
call off that bank job.
We'll knock that job
over before they get here.
I wish you'd get a new
face. You scare people.
Boys, watch your chance to gun 'em down.
But remember: they're killers.
Glad you got here so
soon. Welcome, pardners.
- Howdy, pard.
- Nice knowing you, stranger.
Glad to meet you gents.
My name's Cassidy.
- Cassidy?
- Do you suppose...?
What might your front name be?
Oh, shucks. Clarence.
Clarence Cassidy?
Don't sound quite right nohow, somehow.
Mr. Higgins'll be mighty
glad to know you're here.
I'm gonna go tell him right now.
I'm ridin'.
That's ridin'?
Never hurt none.
Hey, what's all this
talk about Mr. Higgins?
Oh, he must be batty.
Say, this is a dirty-looking place.
Maybe we can promote a job here.
Wait a minute.
They could use some good
cleaner-uppers. Come on!
- Who's the boss of this place?
- I am. Why?
Well, mister, we aim to do a
little cleanin' up around here.
Oh, no wait a minute.
Let's talk this thing over.
How about a drink first?
Well, we don't mind if we do. Come on.
Set 'em up, boys.
Go ahead.
Hello, handsome.
Did somebody come in?
Come on, big boy. Let's dance.
- I don't...
- Sure, you do.
Your partner's doing all right.
Left and right Come
back with all your might
Swing, swing
Excuse me while I cut in
on the light fantastic.
That's dancin'.
Have a drink. It's
on the house, partner.
Thanks. I reckon I'll have a bottle.
- Cuttin' in.
- Oh, pleasure.
- You dance divinely.
- Oh, thank you.
Wait a minute, you
earthworm. Get out of here.
I thought those hombres looked familiar.
Vagrants, huh? Show this to the boys.
Tell 'em to start shootin' when I do.
Vagrant! Try to fool me, will you?
Stick 'em up! Get over
there, you ornery sidewinder!
- Now I'm gonna let you have it.
- No. Wait.
Think of my family.
They'll never see me again.
They'll be heartbroken,
all of them. Yes, they will.
There's my ma and pa and grandpa
and grandma and all the kids.
I got a little golden-haired
sister looks just like you.
She's this high. And a
baby brother this high.
And a great big brother
that's this high.
All right. Don't move
a muscle, you guys.
I knowed there'd be a ruckus,
so I come back to take care of things.
- I reckon I'd have wiped 'em out.
- I reckon.
Well, let's get 'em along
to jail, where they belong.
All right, sister. Get going,
or I'll knock your brains out.
Hey! Is that a way to talk to a lady?
All right, sister. Get going,
or I'll knock your brains out.
- That's better.
- Go on.
All right. Come on up out of there.
Come on. Get a move-on here.
- Go on. Go on.
- Into the hoosegow. Come on.
Oh no, you don't! In here.
Hey, bud, you got a calendar?
Wait a minute! Wait a minute!
- What's the big idea?
- Come on. Get going here.
Boys, Mr. Higgins wants to see you.
He's moved the money
to the old Horton place,
wants you to guard it.
Right.
- A job's a job.
- Yeah.
Hi, Al. What kept you?
Higgins stashed the money
at the old Horton place.
They're guarding it.
Well, there you are.
You won't be bothered
here none, I reckon.
Folks don't come around much.
No? Why not?
Some foolishness about an old spook
supposed to hang out around here.
- Spook, eh?
- Yeah. Old Indian chief.
Years ago, Jeff Horton
blew the chief's head
off with a shotgun.
They said the old boy comes
back here lookin' for his head.
Well, I'll be seeing you.
Hey Moe, I don't like this.
Yeah. Suppose that old chief
comes back lookin' for his head.
Cut it out. That spook stuff
is all a lot of foolishness.
What's the matter? You scared?
- No. Just apprehensive.
- Oh.
That's a mighty fancy word.
What does "apprehensive" mean?
It means you're scared,
with a college education.
- Oh, you're pretty smart.
- Oh, yeah.
- What's that?
- That's a hand.
- Good. What's that?
- That's a fist.
- What was that?
- A punch in the eye.
Right.
Now, cut out this
nonsense and listen to me.
Larry, you take the
couch and get some sleep.
Go ahead. Shemp, we'll
take turns standing guard.
- Come on. Follow me. Get going.
- All right. All right.
Go on. Sit down and
keep your eyes open.
Gosh, I hope nothing happens.
You give me a pain.
What could happen?
Come on. Answer me that.
- What could possibly happen?
- Nothing, I guess.
Well, then, shut up.
We're as safe as a babe
in its mother's arms, I tell you.
Who is it? Moe? Shemp? Is that you?
If it ain't, don't answer me.
He came back! I saw
him! The Indian chief!
- The chief?
- Yeah.
What kind of nonsense is this?
I saw his head!
Where it wasn't...!
Oh, fine. You dreamed it, you birdbrain!
You go on. Get some shut-eye.
This fraidy-cat will stay here with me.
But Moe, I'm a fraidy-cat too.
Go on! Get going!
Moe, it was awful.
He was eight feet
tall, nine feet wide...
Oh, shut up. You make me tired.
Why don't you get yourself
a book and read it?
Improve your mind.
Oh, skip it.
Come on, you're blocking my light.
I'm sorry. I need this...
Hey! Let me out! Where's the light?
Guess I'll be safe in here.
Hey, wait a minute. I...
Moe, Larry!
Help, Moe, Larry! Let go of me!
Let go! Let go, I tell you!
Let me go! Let me go, I tell you!
Oh, it's only you!
Nice work, Pete. Where's the other one?
I don't know. Maybe Shotgun's got him.
That's all right.
These boys'll tell
us what we wanna know.
- Won't you, boys?
- Why should we?
Because we'll fill you
full of lead if you don't.
- Now, where's the money?
- I don't know.
- Wait a minute!
- We don't know!
- But Moe...
- Shut up!
These tinhorn outlaws haven't
got the nerve to shoot.
If they did kill us, they'd all hang.
That'd make things even.
Don't sound very even to me.
All right. You guys asked for it.
Now you're gonna get it.
Oh, hello, Shotgun. Did
you find the other one?
- You've got five...
- Shotgun, what are you doing?
Not a false move, either one of you!
It's me! It's me, Shemp!
Hold off!
Stand where you are, you.
Now I know how a frankfurter feels.
Take it off, will you?
- Good work, Shemp, old boy.
- Thanks.
- I got her covered.
- You have.
Get an axe, will you?
Well, I see you got 'em.
Good thing for them I wasn't here.
I'd have blasted 'em.
I'd have filled 'em
full of holes. I'd have...
What's the matter, Cassidy?
Blood.
What's the West coming to?
Moe, what'll we do with the girl?
Oh, throw her to the dogs.