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Mister Blot's Academy (1984)
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MR BLOT'S ACADEMY PART 1 Prince Matthew's Adventure My name is Adam Niezgodka. I'm 10 years and 4 months old. I'm going to tell you now about Mr Blot's Academy. I was a helpless boy... Awkward, and always late for school. All thumbs, my mother said of me. Nobody ever asked me to join in any games because I was supposed to bring bad luck. But games bored me, I preferred books. I dreamed of marvellous adventures, though I was afraid I might really be no good. That is until the day... But wait and see for yourselves. Welcome, Adam, in our tale of Mister Blot's Academy. Mr Blot himself has invited you to join us. And you'll be welcomed by a song. In the land of Cockaigne Puss in Boots spins his cane And prances hand in hand With an ass on an ant A guinea hen they say Lays a golden egg each day An oak has apples on it Each in ermine bonnet A venerable whale Wears specs to read his mail There's salmons and sardines In tomatoes and baked beans And a circus of white mice Skating on a mountain of ice Where's that happy place? Vanished without a trace... I'm so pleased you found your way into our tale. I'm sure you'll like it here. You'll have great fun. The classrooms, bedrooms and dining-room are on the ground floor. On the first floor you'll find the kitchen, my study and doors leading to other stories. My secrets are on the 2nd floor where only Mat the starling and I are allowed. No entry except through the chimney. We'll start our tour with the kitchen. You can help me get the meal ready. Every story has its own favourite colour. Much depends on colour. Mood, effect and spontaneity. In our tale you'll find all the colours of the rainbow. Each stands for a quality I value highly: candour, energy and simplicity. Hand me a clean brush. Thank you. I know how to make edible paints which represent different flavours. Blue is sour, green tastes of mint, pink is sweet, red is bitter and yellow is salty. By combining different shades we obtain other more complicated flavours. Green and white with a touch of grey tastes of vanilla. Brown and yellow tastes of chocolate. White and silver with a hint of jade tastes of pineapple. Today we'll serve... flower soup. Flower soup in three flavours. It'll be ready in a moment. For the second course we'll serve duck. I'll just have to blow it up a little. That's what my magnifying pump is for. I'm not a wizard or a magician. I just like to invent things and I'm an expert story-teller. Let's hurry. Mat's ringing the bell for lunch. Pour the soup into the tureens and take them down. Meanwhile, I'll see to the duck. Alfred I, Antony and Andrew II. Adam II, Alfred, Andrew... and Adam. A new boy. What's your name? Adam Niezgodka. You know what's for lunch today? Duck. Dotty Duck I give you my word Was a very Peculiar bird Instead of Staying at home She took Long walks on her own At the barber's She quacked nicely "Please, just a quarter of cheese" And at the drugstore next door She asked for half a pint more At the laundry she ordered a yard of stamps To put on a card Her family set up a set up a howl Can nothing be done with that fowl? She hardboiled her eggs in the snow And pinned up her curls with a bowl It made the other ducks foam When she used a match as a comb Once when she'd gobbled a book She broke into gobbledygook She chewed up a lot of spaghetti And said she was making confetti And once she swallowed a dime Just for the sake The sake of the rhyme Her folks all quacked in distress Oh dear, what a terrible mess! At last, they found her a buyer Who said He was willing to try her He picked up our Dotti and trussed her And in the hot oven he thrust her But he wished he had saved his money When Dottie turned into a bunny That is the last news we heard Of this very peculiar bird. Flower soup! Adam! I'll serve the duck myself. You decide what we're to have for afters. I thought to myself this must be the start of my great adventure. I hoped it wasn't just make-believe. Well, what sweet have you chosen? Omelette and cherries in chocolate. Omelette and cherries in chocolate... That's a speciality of ours! I'm sure you'll like it. What'll you eat, sir? Two pills to make my hair grow and four freckles. Freckles are good for memory, mental powers and against colds. No more freckles? Go to Philip Barber for a fresh supply. Philip visits us every Thursday but I can't wait that long. You'll find his shop in Grey Street. I found the place without any trouble. I wondered what it was like inside. I'd never been to a hairdresser's before. Mr Aloysius! What are you doing here? My establishment is for adults only. A little thieving rascal, are we? Who are you and who sent you here? Mr Blot sent me for some fresh freckles. So you are a pupil at my dear friend's academy! Happy to make your acquaintance. You don't look like those affected little prigs he collects here. I'll find you some freckles right away. Straight from the safe, fresh in today... freckles. Mr Blot will be pleased. Tell him it'll soon be his turn... to do me... a favour. - What? - You look as if you... had your head screwed on properly. Yes... Soon, you'll all have a big surprise. See you soon, little know-all. Very nice. I was in a hurry to tell Mr Blot about this strange goings-on. Adam. I'm glad you're back. - Professor... - You'll tell me everything tomorrow. Have some wonderful dreams. - Goodnight. - Goodnight. Uncovered as usual. Oh, dear... Sleep tight. Good morning my merry warblers. Good morning. Mat, time to wake up the boys. Did somebody order a wake-up call? Why do you always start with us? The moon once visited a pool Because he wanted to be cool. Come and join us under the rain-tree. Who'll preside? Adam III. Please! The moon once visited a pool Because he wanted to be cool The fishes all came up for air And sang in great surprise Who's there? The moon flashed brightly on their tails "A goldfish, can't you see my scales?" "Oho my friend, you'll soon be mine" An angler cried and cast his line He caught him by a curly bean Ate him for breakfast braised in cream Ate him for breakfast braised in cream Is everyone up? Yes! No one's idle? No! Where are all the loafers? Loafing on the sofa! Loafing there is Lazy Len Len is shirking work again What do you mean by shirk? Isn't what I do work? Who ate Breakfast, lunch and tea And who's that Sitting here but me? Who scratched His head and then his nose Who sat Right here and wiggled his toes? And who mislaid his bat and ball? You see! I'm not an idle at all! Loafing there is Lazy Len Len is shirking work again Didn't I drink my cod liver oil? And didn't I watch the kettle boil? And didn't I nearly get stung? And didn't I put out my tongue? And didn't I let them cut my hair? You call that idle? It's just not fair Hello, my scallywags! Tell me about your dreams. We'll put the best in our album. With a piece of cotton wool soaked in sleepy essence Mr Blot collected our dreams in a big bowl. When they were dry he rolled them into pills which we took before going to bed. That way we had wonderful dreams. One of mine was put into album. It was a dream of seven glasses. But I will tell you about it next time. After soaking up our dreams Mr Blot put us to various tasks. You'll stay by the gate. Albert and Antony I will clear up the playground. Alfred and Antony II will lay the table. Arthur will dust off the schoolroom. Alfred II and Antony III will sweep the stairs and bedrooms. You'll go and get matches from the little matchgirl. - Dress warmly, it's winter in that story. - Yes, sir. Lessons after breakfast. I can see you are from another story altogether. What brings you here? Mr Blot asked me to bring some matches. Mr Blot sent you? I like that old fellow. You shall have some matches right away. Take them to Mr Blot and stop crying. This little girl is only pretending to be cold and hungry. It's just a story! Give my love to Mr Blot. My name is Hans Christian Andersen. Run along now. Mr Blot must be worried. In a trice I was back at the academy. I handed over the matches and joined the others. I won't bore you with the multiplication tables, or grammar, or fine handwriting... Or anything else usually taught at school. I'll simply open your minds and sharpen your wits. - Have I told you about flying carpets? - Yes! - Or the famous cap of invisibility? - Yes! - What about incredible shrinking objects? - Yes! I have it... Blottography! Blottography! Who'll begin? Me! Anastasius. Here you have a friendly bear Friendly bears are rather rare Bruin, give this lady your paw! You don't want to? What a bore! Dad was red and so was mum Red's my tail and here I come Red's the colour of my tribe Get away or I shall bite! When a boar is wild, he's wild And he keeps his tusks well filed If you see one, don't delay Climb the nearest tree straightway! Now maybe you'd like to meet A shaggy bison on his beat Come on, Bison, there's a dear Smile before you disappear When a boar is wild, he's wild And he keeps his tusks well filed If you see one, don't delay Climb the nearest tree straightway! Monkeys flying high for kicks Getting up to monkey tricks A baboon's a monkey too Take a look, he's just like you! When a boar is wild, he's wild And he keeps his tusks well filed If you see one, don't delay Climb the nearest tree straightway! If you find this creature quite absurd Is it a rhino or a bird? Enter in pairs. Careful! Take great care! This is a hospital for sick appliances. You must be careful not to upset any of them. Hello, how are you today? I see your temperature's come down. Feeling much better, aren't we? No more twinges, you look fine... It's healed up beautifully, quite beautifully. In a day or two you'll be as right as rain. Another patient... Well, how's the cough? We'll try a little oil. Don't worry. Soon you'll be perfectly well. Lovely! And now watch carefully. I'll teach you how to cure a cracked mirror. Just concentrate. Later we'll hang it up in the dining room. It's quite well again. Fine, don't disturb us. Now then, form two teams for a geography lesson. It'll be an exciting match. The two captains to me, please. Now take your places. Ready, steady, go! Europe! London, Berlin, Madrid, Rhine, Thames... Asia! Iran, Gobi, Omak, Ganges, Tokyo... America! Mississippi, Colorado, California, New York, Salem, Florida, Ontario. Occasionally something gets lost across the wall, but nobody ever brings anything back. I think I heard them say That's summer is on her way The mole grunts, for my part I expect her on a cart The magpie cries, oh no That really can't be so Last May I saw her plain She was riding on a train That's nonsense if you like I know she rides a bike No, she prefers a chaise! A chaise, I am amazed! I have it at firs hand She never comes by land Meanwhile summer pranced On foot, in meadows danced And in a blaze of flowers Welcomed the sunny hours In today's lesson you'll learn the language of birds, frogs, crayfish and fishes. As you know, these creatures all speak in verse. Don't worry, we'll try and save it. I can hear... I can hear... I can hear... I can hear... I can hear Mat calling us for dinner. We'll put off learning bird language until dawn. That's all for today. You've been very attentive. I'm happy to see you are all friends of nature and respect her ways. After the dinner the boys went fishing and Mr Blot took out his butterfly-net. Got you! I wanted to see him about my visit to Philip Barber. Come in. You've discovered my secret. I'll tell you my story and then you'll understand why I have such a large collection of buttons. Shut your eyes... It'll make it easier for you to imagine my adventures. Know that I'm not a bird but a prince. Once there was a great realm that lacked an heir to the throne. My birth, therefore, was anxiously awaited. Your Majesty, Her Royal Highness... has given birth to a boy! Our kingdom has an heir to the throne! The Island of Abracadabra, prosperous but in debt Cape Coswallow, very poor. The ambassador of Taledocia. Proverbia, a very rich country. My father was wise and benevolent. Many rulers sought his favours. I grew up amidst kindness and plenty. My slightest whim was law. Every smile of mine was entered in the Book of Royal Smiles. My youth was spent in riding and hunting. I did not neglect my lessons but the call for the saddle and the gun was stronger than anything else. I spent days on end on my favourite Ali Baba. This angered my tutors who persuaded the court physician to condemn my favourite pastime. His health and even his life are at risk. I have advised against it. The horse is wild and might bolt. Hear the royal wish! Motivated by concern for the health of our son and royal heir we have forbidden him to ride on horseback or to take part in shooting contests. The royal command filled me with bitterness. Have no faith in fortune You she has raised up high But on her turning wheel Keep a watchful eye What fortune has bestowed She can take away And no old circumstance Will help to bid her stay Those who gather round you And sing your praises now Are not drawn by friendship But to your fortune bow In spite of the prohibition I stole away. If I had known what the outcome would be I should not have defied my father's will. In the name of the king! Let me pass or I'll put a bullet through you! My dearest child... We are unable to stem the flow of blood. The wound must heal! By royal command! Hear the royal proclamation! Whoever succeeds in stemming the flow of blood, can have half the contents of the royal treasury. The wound went on bleeding. I became gradually weaker. The physicians' efforts were in vain. My father despaired utterly. But one day... We bring news of the arrival of Dr Pai Chi Wo, personal court physician to the emperor of China. Let him enter. Save my son, doctor! I'll give you as many rubies, emeralds and diamonds as will fill this chamber. I'll put up a statue in your honour and make you my first minister. Your Majesty! Wise and just ruler! Keep your jewels for the benefit of your subjects. I don't deserve a statue. In my country only poets are honoured thus. And I'd rather not be a minister as I might fall out of favour. Allow me to examine the patient. If I succeed in curing him, I beg you to hold a magnificent feast for all your poorest citizens. It shall be as you wish. Would you allow me to have a few moments alone with my patient? I was able to cure you because I command secrets known only to my people. I know how you came to your wound. You killed the king of wolves and werewolves and they'll wreak a terrible revenge. They'll never forgive you. That was the first wolf king to die at the hands of a human. You are in very great danger. I'll give you a magic cap that I had from the emperor himself. It may only pass into royal hands. Never part with it. Look after it like the apple of your eye. When your life is in danger put it on and you'll be able to change into any creature you like. When the danger has passed just pull this button and you'll regain your former shape. Long live the prince! Long live the king! Long live the prince! Long live the king! Sir, I bring dreadful news! Packs of wolves are ravaging towns and villages! They devour food supplies and attack people. Hordes of wolves from the south are trampling down the crops. They might even attack the capital. We must stand up to this threat! We march together No enemy we fear Before our mighty army All obstacles disappear Howl, wolves, howl! No mercy shall Shall be shown With iron jaws Iron will The world We'll call our own We advance and on the world Our shadow falls Brother wolves, forward! Destiny calls! Citizens! Your king appeals to you. Only you can save our country. We must not surrender a single street. Commander of Guard! Here, my prince. In the name of the wolf king I call on you to yield! Give way or you'll be shot. Traitor! I don't know what happened. When I awoke my parents were both dead. I remembered the magic cap. But without the button... I want to be a bird! I was captured by a bird-catcher and sold to a trader. What a queer fellow! Queer fellow! At the market I caught the eye of a travelling scholar. I'd be glad to buy this bird. What's your price? 100 pesetas is quite a modest sum, wouldn't you say? But I must know who is buying this bird who has mastered the human tongue. Doctor of chemistry, philosophy and medicine, disciple of Prof. Pai Chi Wo, lecturer in mathematics and astronomy. Ambrose Blot, at your service. Now you know my story. Today I am a starling. But I'm not at home either among birds or people. Don't be unhappy, Mat. I'll try and find your magic button. But why didn't Mr Bolt help you? After all, there's nothing he can't do. Mat! Adam! Adam! Mat! Adam! Mr Blot wants us to assemble in the square. I'd like us to be present at the lift-off of the balloon I'm sending together with my third eye to one of the planets of the solar system, known as the Star of Hope. If what I suspect turns out to be true I'll tell you another story, a tale of stardwellers. When will the third eye be back? I don't know, but certainly before Christmas. Fly towards the stars! Come along with us to the pond! We have a rabbit. I'm waiting to talk to Mr Blot about something important. Well then, we'll go without you. During time off everyone can do as he likes. While I was waiting for Mr Blot I thought about how easily he rose into the air and how wonderful it would be to fly like a balloon or a ball. Suddenly, I felt strangely lightheaded... I floated upwards without being afraid. A new adventure! All this time Philip Barber was working on his mysterious invention. What does he want? Who'll win this exciting duel? What new adventure awaits Adam? You can find out in Part Two of Mr Blot's Academy called The secret of Philip the Barber. PART 2 The Secret of Philip Barber After flying for some hours I landed outside the gates of a miniature city. Hi, I'm Susie. Open up, Tom! Is it you, Rex? What a lovely surprise! Rex was my favourite dog, who had got lost two years earlier. Come right in! You've come to our dog's paradise. We all live happily together. Come and meet my best friends. He'll ignore me, of course. Bulldog Tom, he served at the English court, that's why he commands such respect here. That Pekingese is a terrible chatterbox, called Glu Glu. Allow me... I'm Lord. Why do people put up notices saying Beware of dog! Dogs are not wicked. We have kind hearts and become attached to people. It is people who are sometimes wicked. Go away, that was tactless of you. And now please welcome our star performer, Susie, the poodle. Here are some aggravations That try a puppy's patience The first is That after dark They won't let us Run in the park The second That water's not dry The third There's a fly in the eye Then there's the fact That cats will scratch That chickens Are so hard to catch That one can't bite A postman's knee That sausages Don't drop from trees That man can ride And dog must run Alongside And not join the fun But just give Your puppy a bone The aggravation Is gone I'll show you round our town. We'll start with White Fang Avenue. That greyhound never loses a race. He eats too many meat-pies and has to be dosed with castrol oil. On the left is our Salami orchard and on the right we have black pudding and liver pate farm. In the square you'll see a chocolate memorial to Dr Dolittle. We eat it every day and put up a new one. When there's nothing left we know a day's passed. Now I'll show you Tormentor's Corner. I teased my dog by feeding it pepper. I pulled my dog's tail. I threw my dog into a hole filled with lime. Here we come to Merry Tricks Square. That's where we have our fun-fair. Have you noticed that there are no flees here? They can't stand our climate. Go on, Adam, eat it up! We've been promised some more this afternoon. I enjoyed staying with Rex but I soon become bored. I couldn't stand the sight of sweets. I never liked soup but now I longed for a plateful. I missed the academy and often thought about Mat's secret. Who's that? Mat! Here are instructions on how to steer your flight. So that you land right by the academy. And just then Mat brought me your letter. You've done very well. I'm going to reward you with a golden freckle. Wear it faithfully and never take it off. It's our academy's highest decoration. Aren't you pleased? What happened? Is anything the matter? At school they say I made up all my adventures. Have you thought about why they say that? I expect they are envious, just as Philip is envious of your academy and resents us all being so happy. When you come to us you were a nice, well-behaved boy. Now you are also thoughtful and considerate. Your parents will be pleased. Maybe you have a wish? I know you want to find Mat's magic button. That's simply a matter of determination. Maybe you would like to be let into one of my secrets? What is there on the other side of the academy? Look - my window gives onto the other side. From it you can see the future. I keep the curtains drawn because it isn't always a good thing to see ahead. Maybe it's better to enjoy every day as it comes? I was happy to be with this unusual man. Nobody suspected that at this very moment the barber... Mr Aloysius. Come here, please. Right away. You must always remember this moment. Here is the germ of a new order planed by whom? By you? That's right. By Philip, a modest hairdresser. Here you see a child of the electronic age. Steered by remote control, programmed throughout. Obedient, without any whims or fancies of his own. A disciplined computer terminal! This prototype is the first step towards regimented playgrounds, nurseries and schools. If it works, we'll control over every fairytale. You won't need to dress us up as a guard or a bird-catcher. No more jokes about hairdressers! No more untidy mops of hair! Imprecise dance-steps! Choreography will once again become... musical drill! We'll start with a certain long-haired band of nuisances. If it works, we'll start... mass production. What do you say? Only one question: how will he move? That's a minor detail I leave it to my good friend, Mr Bolt. We'll be monitoring it all I have my cameras all over the academy. I am a special, 'cos I know How to talk to my dog Joey I learnt how to from a manual Written by a clever spaniel When I call "Joey here!" He sits up an cocks an ear When I shout "Joey, hop!" He is gone before I stop When I whisper "Joey, lie!" He lies down and so do I When I scratch him On his chin His teeth flash In a wicked grin Of course he wouldn't Hurt a fly Though sometimes He pretends to try Joe likes to chew my shoe Something all dogs do When I started on this rhyme He slept by me all the time When he woke, he did a roll That means... Time now for a stroll We went out, my dog and I Joey made some feathers fly Joey barked, I did not We enjoyed ourselves a lot I am so happy, 'cos I know How to talk to my friend Joey Autumn is the best season for a treasure-hunt. Don't forget to look in the park. Go in pairs for the sake of company. I have a prize for the one who finds the best treasure. I found a hollow tree-trunk but I was afraid to explore it by myself. This is it. Not bad, is it? It looks quite ordinary. Just listen! Let's go in. Good! What are you waiting for? Today I'm just a memory A glimpse of a far-off time Once I was a dream you had When I called your whole world mine The world of childhood play and thought First joys And wonderful dreams Now when you shut your eyes In grey of memory Among pale shadows there It is me you see I am your tale Your fairytale The theme-song of your dreams I can see you are from the academy and have wandered into another story. The tale of the sad princess. It's a beautiful story, but it has no ending. I've been waiting for someone to finish it for the last 100 years. If you touch me, you'll turn into frogs and stay here forever. Do as I wish and I'll grant each of you a wish. I'd like a key to open all doors and a whistle to take ma anywhere I like. You'll find both in this box. I'd like the magic button of Dr Pai Chi Wo. Hurry up and you'll find it at the academy. I won't go on cutting your hair or that of the boys. I've enough of your promises. I'll be bringing him along this week. The academy was intended for students like him and not for that noisy band of pipsqueaks. No more free freckles! Wait, wait! I see the treasure-hunt was a great success. You've found many wonderful treasures. As a reward for searching so carefully you can keep all you found. After supper today I'll take down our album and read you Adam's dream. Oh goodie! Adam's dream. I dreamt that I awoke... Today I'll take you to China. We're off! Adam, save my train! Adam, you stole the cloud! There'll be no more rain or snow! We'll be parched with the heat and drought! Winter's bringing white Snow for your delight Now some snow we'll take And a snowman make We'll make him jelly fat Give him a pipe and hat Snow's falling on his head His nose is getting red Winter's bringing white Snow for your delight By eating flowers all day I'll make December May Adam, turn on the light, I can't see. I feel like a snack. What about the thunderbolt? Dancing, prancing Mister Blot We enjoy his games A lot Thank you. At last I have a glass of my own. A third eye! I can see the third eye! My third eye has come back from its trip into space. Fancy that! Fantastico! What fantastic view! No one's ever seen anything like this! I can see life on stars! No one's ever thought up a story to match it. It'll put all other tales in the shade. Tomorrow we'll invite the neighbours to a viewing. Tidy up indoors and outdoors and I'll get the projector ready. Space travel in academy! Fantastic! I thought a great deal about what the princess had said. Something very important happened that evening. What a storm! A good thing the third eye landed before the rain. We have visitors. That's strange. Open the umbrella. At last! I thought we'd drown. This is Adolf, a new student. He'll be your star pupil. He's welcome. Please, come in. In the academy, Adolf, you'll have many friends and an excellent teacher. Careful! He is tired. In the rain we lost our way three times before we found... the right turning. We'll ask Mr Blot to make your both some supper. There's no need to bother him. You'd better find Adolf a bed. There's a spare one in our room. I haven't much time so I'll be off right away. In his clothes? He doesn't like being woken up. You'd better let him sleep... in his clothes. If all goes well, I'll let Mr Blot have some fresh freckles. You'll get very fond of Adolf, just you wait. Look! Don't touch him! Go to bed! Goodnight. I don't like it somehow... I'll find Mr Blot. I was suddenly terribly tempted to steal a look at Mr Blot's secrets. I thought the entrance was in the sickroom. What brings you there? Philip brought a new student. Have you seen Mr Blot? He's not on the third floor. I thought he was with you boys. I'll go to the kitchen and you try the classrooms. Mr Blot's worried and he has been shrinking steadily. I'm afraid he misses his fresh freckles. Don't wake me... I'm having a wonderful dream. Look, Adam... This boy hasn't been dreaming at all. Did he come last night? Who is he? Look, he slept in his clothes. What's your name? It's a doll! You're right, Adolf's a doll. I was always afraid of having dolls in our academy. But it's too late now. He was smuggled in by a trick. He'll cause us a lot of trouble. We must teach him to feel, think... and speak. Perhaps I'll manage it? Pick him up and carry him carefully to my study. There'll be no lessons today. Remember to tidy up for our visitors tonight. After dinner we'll have my tale of star dwellers. You stay, Adam. You can help me. Here's an ointment made by Dr Pai Chi Wo. Rub Adolf's hands with it until veins and arteries begin to appear. I'll see the heart... and brain. Microprocessors, transistors, diodes... A doll equipped with the most up-to-date technology. Is that dangerous? Technology is neither good nor bad by itself. It all depends what use we make of it. We'll do our best to help this doll to feel, see and hear. But will it make proper use of these faculties? 9, 8, 7, 6... 5, 4, 3... 2, 1, 0 It looks as if we made it. Where am I? In Mr Blot's academy. Can I breathe? Of course. What's your name? Adolf. Give me a stick of some sort. Here's your new fellow-student. Is this a circus? Don't stand there and gape! I'm just going to take a look in the bushes. That's where you keep you treasures, isn't it? We'll soon get rid of them! Welcome to our story! Come join us. Come join us, we invite you Our story will delight you Leave behind what's dreary Here no-one's ever weary Pinocchio comes here daily To play the ukulele And kids all get to fly In an airplane in the sky There's sausages and cheeses And no one ever freezes And really, it's quite true Telltales have nothing to do Come join us, we invite you Our story will delight you Pinocchio comes here daily To play the ukulele We're having lots of fun So join us if you can Past hillock and past hollow Adventure bids us follow We'll seek her all together In this fine summer weather So join us if you can We're having lots of fun A certain hen, I have heard Was an awfully snobbish bird Good manners, she'd say Is what's lacking today She asked friends to a meal So they'd see what's genteel A donkey came in and brayed And broke a vase, I'm afraid And broke a vase, I'm afraid The hen cackled: Alas, it's quite plain he's an ass A cow came in, forlorn, Broke a pane with her horn Broke a pane with her horn Cried the hostess: now, now Don't be a clumsy cow! A muddy pig came through the door The hen was ruffled even more The hen was ruffled even more She gave an angry cry! My house is not a sty! A sheep came in late Broke a seat with his weight Now here, the hen said, Is a proper muttonhead Teaching manners to swine Is a sheer waste of time "I've had quite enough!" The guests left in a huff. Now did that hen display Good manners, would you say? Show our visitors to their seats. Mr Blot himself made all these delicacies. Another glass, perhaps? My dear friends! Beyond seven nebulas, beyond seven moons lives a planet wrapped in colorful clouds known as the Star of Hope. My third eye flew there and what it observed you'll see for yourselves. The flight took the whole summer. Many-coloured cosmic kites drift through space. The third eye flew to the most interesting part of our solar system. Where the collective memory of the universe is stored. There it was given details concerning the history and position of the Star of Hope. How interesting! Look, Little Red Riding Hood, how lovely! The planet's central computer was informed and an unmanned spaceship was sent to help third eye to make a safe landing. Star dwellers are hospitable but also sensible. They learnt to be careful in their war with King Chaos who set out to conquer the universe. They put the third eye through many tests to discover what my intention were. When they learnt that contact with another civilisation might help to unite mankind, the planet protective screen was raised and above the horizon appeared the beautiful Star of Hope, whose story I'm about to relate. What's the meaning of this? You're giving a party without me? Is that why I was sent out into the park? What are you staring at? Get out before I lose my temper! Get a move on, will you! Scram, you silly bird! Buzz off, dwarfs, or I'll jump on you. It's my turn to have fun. I'm the Queen of Toyland and I order you to stop! Too late, my lovely, I'm no longer a subject of yours. I'm alive now, thanks to this old idiot. We must examine him. Out of my way, doc, or I'll break your bones. What are you waiting for, you fat lump? Get out, Pinocchio, or I punch your nose. Out of my way, Snow Queen, or I'll melt you. Get out! That's not all! Your academy is finished! You'll be sorry you ever started on those stories. It's a pity I won't be able to finish telling you my tale of star dwellers. We must put it off to another story. It can't be helped. It's high time we all had our supper. Clear the room. There's still autumn to come before winter, isn't there? Yes. Cheer up! It rained throughout October and November. There were no more games outdoors. Mr Blot became melancholy and strangely quiet. He complained there were no butterflies. He neglected the kitchen and forgot about our meals. He neglected his freckles and didn't take his pills. As a result his shock of hair grew thin and grey. At last winter came, and with it Christmas. On Christmas Eve Mr Blot seemed his former self again when we sat down to supper. Sit down Adam. Boys, our tale is coming to an end. I'll be sorry to part from you. We spent a whole year together. It was great fun... but nothing lasts forever. What'll happen to us? You'll all go home for Christmas. Open the gate at midnight and throw the key into the pond. That'll be end of our tale of my academy. Won't we meet again? In another story, maybe. The story of my travels. It's time for some surprises. I've got ready some presents for you. Do you know what you're getting? The magnifying pump. Adam Niezgodka. Adolf. Someone's inside the secrets! There'll be no carols or presents... bur tears and gnashing of teeth! Here are your silly old secrets! You can't read it because you don't know Chinese, so I might as well tear it up. Go on, read it! The secrets will be torn into tatters! You've destroyed my secrets. For that you must be punished. Well, I was afraid my story would end like this. These scrolls contained the knowledge passed to me by Dr Pai Chi Wo. Now there'll be no more cooking in colours, flying in the air, healing furniture or making up magic songs and rhymes. But luckily I've taught you some of that knowledge. Before you unpack your presents, we'll sing a carol. So that's it, Mr Blot? That's how you stick to our agreement? I devoted 20 years to my invention. It was to allow me to find my way into every fairytale and destroy it from within. But you destroyed my doll, my life's work! All my efforts are wasted, although I went on supplying you with freckles in spite of the risk involved. I'll show you what I'm capable of when I set out to take my revenge. Just wait and see! I'll make this place go up in smoke! Here's the button you were looking for. Farewell. Hurry up, you'll find him in the study. Yes... Hand me that button. Matthew... Are you Prince Matthew or was it all a dream? I'm not a prince, Adam. I simply told you a story. I made up the adventure of the wolf king. And the prince, and Dr Pai Chi Wo? In fairytales good is always victorious. Maybe you thought this story was true because it was different? And you... I wrote the story of Mr Blot's academy. I wrote it because I'm very fond of children. Some people ever maintain... that I myself am that strange fellow Blot. |
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