1
The key to being a good mistress,
is to always having you wanting me,
more than I want you.
It's about the effort
I'm willing to make,
when the other person who's
at home doesn't anymore.
I like making you feel
like the priority.
I'm independent, financially stable,
and will never be a burden
to you or your family.
My days aren't filled thinking about
how to make our relationship work,
how to keep the spark,
or what I need to do to
keep you on the hook.
Of course, there are rules.
Don't put me in situations
that might be risky.
I don't want the accidental
run-ins with your friends,
or to be taken to a restaurant
you go to with your wife.
I don't want to be on the radar.
I'm willing to live in the shadows,
and I prefer it that way.
I won't be your first phone call
when you and your wife have a fight.
You have friends for that,
and I am not your backup plan.
Yes, I'm your friend.
I'm happy to listen
and discuss the things
that are important to you,
but I'm not interested in
hearing about the issues
you and your wife deal
with on a day-to-day basis.
When all is said and done,
my hope is that I'm
out of the picture,
and you and your wife will
live happily ever after.
The time we spend
together is our time,
but when we're separate,
we're separate.
You have your life and I have mine.
I'm the only one,
there will be no others.
There will be no expensive
gifts or money exchanged.
We don't do holidays.
As far as I'm concerned,
Christmas should be
celebrated with your family,
not with me.
But the most important
rule of them all,
I am not your possession.
So you'll treat me, and my time,
with respect.
Have I told you how
incredible you look tonight?
You have Nathan, thank you again.
So, the last time we were together,
I was telling you about that deal,
the Jamison Merger?
Oh yes, that's right.
Veronica,
I closed it.
Congratulations.
That one was not easy,
but if everything pans out
we'll be opening offices
in Tokyo come August.
Fantastic.
Don't worry, I'll only be
gone a couple of weeks.
Sorry.
What if it's important?
You should take that.
She can wait.
Nathan, you're not where
she thinks you are.
You should answer it.
If I answer that here,
she'll know I'm not where
I'm supposed to be.
Then why don't you go
outside and call her?
Now, go on.
Order us another bottle,
I'll be right back.
Look I told you I
couldn't be interrupted
while I was meeting
with these investors.
What's up?
Say again?
You what?
Is everything okay?
I have to go.
Why Nathan?
I'm sorry we didn't get
to have dinner together,
but at least we got
to share some wine.
I took care of the bill.
I'll call you tomorrow.
Hi, Ian.
Wow, Veronica, you look amazing.
Oh you're so sweet,
how much do I owe you?
Uh it's gonna be $17.63.
Keep the change.
Thanks.
So did you just get
dressed up for me,
or what's the occasion?
No occasion.
My evening just ended early.
If I was taking you out,
the evening wouldn't end early.
You know I'm old enough
to be your mother?
So?
I live enough on the edge as it is,
go.
Bye Veronica.
Gonna have a talk with the President.
Oh, telling him we're gonna rob him?
Not a good idea, man.
I'm not telling, you idiot.
Oh,
you're the one stealing from the mob,
but I'm the idiot?
Point taken.
All right man, good luck,
you outta here?
You get caught,
your father,
he may forgive you, but not--
Touch, touch, touch, touch, touch,
touch, get up there,
touch, touch, out and hold.
Hold.
Hold.
Another two is now, let's go.
Come on, you're better today
than you were yesterday,
but not as good as you'll
be tomorrow, come on.
Ronnie, can you get that?
Just coming.
Bookaneer, can I help you?
Oh, hi Margie.
Oh, let me ask Trent,
hold on one sec.
Trent?
Did Margie's order come in yet?
Just, it's in the drawer
with her name on it.
Yep, it's right here.
Uh, no no, you can come in
tomorrow anytime after 10.
No, no no.
Right, bye bye.
No no no no no, you call her back.
Why?
You're meeting Adam tomorrow
at the Summerland
Estate at 11 o'clock.
You can handle Margie.
Just because I can,
doesn't mean I want to.
I know.
You do know, don't you?
You're enjoying this, aren't you?
She's fun.
She's awful.
I'm not even in the front door, and
you two are making fun of my outfit.
Hi, hon.
Hey Brandon.
What did I miss?
I'll fill you in at lunch,
I'm just gonna go get my purse.
Great, now we can charge double.
I'll make sure Ronnie gets
a couple of more copies
for you guys next week.
What we really need,
is for you to do an in-store signing,
it would really liven up the joint.
It's not my thing.
Could be.
Ready.
So, am I losing you for
the rest of the afternoon?
You're not gonna close
up early again, are you?
That happened once,
and it was an emergency.
No,
I wanted to show you my new routine.
Oh, we certainly can't miss that.
Honey, I'm gonna be there,
later tonight.
It's okay Trent, I'll have her back
in a couple of hours.
Don't forget my doggie bag.
Woof.
Woof.
So, how was your date?
He left before dinner.
Oh, how are we feeling about this?
It's conflicted, you know.
I know I ought to feel mad,
but I don't and,
feel a little bit jealous,
and I shouldn't.
Jealous about what, exactly?
About my place,
and list of priorities.
I get that.
But he is married.
I know,
and I accept that but sometimes
it's harder than
others to understand.
So you like this guy?
As much as I like any of
the guys I go out with.
So, not enough.
What's that supposed to mean?
Am I supposed to want to
break up their marriage?
I want you to care enough
that you'd want them
to only be with you.
Is that what you would've
liked when we were dating?
Well, I would have been
the cause of your divorce,
and then we couldn't be the
friends that we are right now.
You didn't cause my divorce.
My marriage did.
Hey, my grandnephew's
birthday's next week.
Can you help me pick
out a present for him?
Great, how old is he?
Seven, I think.
No,
I'm sorry that title's out of print.
Yeah, even in paperback.
Out of print, is out of print.
Okay, oh gotta go.
All right, thank you.
Ho ho ho.
Beg, beg.
Ah, Portofino Italian Bistro,
my favorite.
Thank you.
Thanks for lunch.
My pleasure.
Thanks for helping me
pick out a gift for Bobby.
Movie tonight?
Ronnie, my showcase is tonight.
I guess that answers that,
do you want to join us?
I have to take a rain check.
Sure.
Hey, I'm going up the
coast to San Luis Obispo
to scout for my new book.
Wanna go?
I love our trips, yeah, I'm in.
Great.
What?
Nothing.
Okay.
What?
Nothing.
Have fun tonight.
Bye.
What?
Nothing, go, do, I'll see you later.
I'm glad you could make it today.
Thank you for arranging this.
The vultures will pillage everything
but the paint from the
walls when they arrive.
But you get carte Blanche.
In here.
Why?
You know how I always
take care of you.
Love is a smoke
raised with the fume of sighs,
being purged, the fires
sparkling in lovers' eyes.
Being vexed, a scene
nourished with lovers' tears.
What is it else?
A madness most discreet.
A choking gall.
And a preserving sweet.
You know this?
Of course, Romeo and Juliet.
The forbidden lovers.
Have a drink with me tonight.
Adam, you're married,
and I'm seeing someone.
You know I'll keep
asking until you say yes.
And history has proven that.
Well, points for persistence.
Help me,
I want to get these to the store.
Oh Ronnie,
we really hit the jackpot here.
Tell me about it.
Hi Margie.
Good day, my dear.
Hello Trent.
Hello.
There you go.
It's for my grandson.
Oh, it's very mature reading.
Well, Lord knows I don't
want him falling prey
to the liberal down slide.
What is he, eight?
Yes, a very impressionable age.
So, what do I owe you?
45 dollars and 87 cents please.
I have exact change.
Of course you do.
Here it is.
Now, when are you getting married?
Ah, well just as soon as I
find Mister Right, Margie.
When you stop looking,
that's when you're going to find him.
You know I met Harold
when I was on a train trip
in Europe with my sister, Edna.
Oh, that is so romantic.
I met my Steve on a train.
We got married last month.
Thank you for the book, dear.
Really? On a train?
I couldn't resist.
Plus, telling a dinosaur that
you met your husband online,
doesn't have quite the same effect.
Now, speaking of which,
can I create an online
dating profile for you?
I don't trust people online.
They lie, and they'll say
anything to get you to meet them,
and then when you do,
it's a big disappointment.
You ever tried it?
I don't need to.
I've seen 20/20.
Hold a sec, you and
Brandon have a history.
Yeah.
Well, he's single now,
and you're kind of whatever,
so why don't you guys pick
up where you left off?
I don't want a relationship.
I'm happy.
Why doesn't anyone believe me?
You are in a relationship,
with Brandon,
you just don't see it.
You guys go to concerts
and movies together,
you do lunches and dinners,
you're practically best friends,
you're just not having sex.
Oh, um,
was he bad in bed?
So, great in bed,
and a dear friend,
what's the problem?
Well, he's never shown any
interest in being with me.
I don't think that's true.
The entire time I've known him,
we've only been together once,
at his house,
and he was still married.
That's my wife.
I know it, don't move.
Don't say a word.
Wait until I'm out of bed
before you answer that.
Hello?
Hi.
Hey hon.
Guess who caught an early train.
I need you to pick me up.
Where are you?
In town at the station.
I love that.
All right, I'll be there in 20.
You went to his house?
That's not like you.
Well, I wasn't as careful
then as I am now.
Hello?
I left my earrings there.
Okay, where'd you put them?
They're on the nightstand
on your side of the bed.
Okay, I got 'em.
What do I do with these?
Do you have a place
you can hide them?
Just give them to me
when I see you again.
When Rachel comes home
from a trip, she nests.
She goes through things and
reorganizes everything.
All right.
Do you have a gift box?
Yeah, I got one.
And a ribbon?
I got a bow.
Well, if that's all you've got,
then sure.
Hey what am I doing with these?
Put the earrings in the box.
Wait, am I giving your
earrings to my wife as a gift?
And tell her you were
thinking about her
while she was gone.
That's probably gonna work.
You're the best.
Are we good?
Take a breath.
Go get her.
Lucky for him they
were my good earrings.
So that's why you don't go
to their houses anymore?
Well, that's just one reason.
I have a delivery
for Veronica Malloy.
Who are they from?
Card's inside, sign here please.
Okay.
Thank you.
Hmm, beautiful.
Here, for Steve.
What, no likey?
Oh, they should be with somebody
who can actually enjoy them.
Okay, thanks, but
why aren't you enjoying them?
Because they cause more problems
than they actually solve.
Trust me.
Veronica, can I get you
anything else this evening?
What about a creme brulee?
What's the occasion?
Just because.
Coming right up.
Thank you.
Hey sweetie.
Oh baby.
And what is for dinner?
Smells fantastic.
My newest creation, mondiale amore.
Okay.
Oh honey, that is delicious.
Yeah,
I'm gonna put it on the fall menu,
I think the owners are gonna love it.
Well they are crazy if they don't.
Oh there's what you got for me.
Geez, must have cost you a fortune.
Actually, it's a re-gift.
One of Veronica's suitors is
trying to buy her affections.
How is our girl?
She's fine.
Oh and by the way, the loved
the pastries you sent over.
Of course she did,
they were wonderful pastries.
Actually, I'm a little
concerned about her.
Here, wine.
Yes.
I want her to have what we have.
But if she continues down
the road that she's on,
she's never gonna find it.
You need to be a supportive friend,
and leave her alone,
she needs to find her own way.
But why can't she and
Brandon be together?
Come on, they're perfect, they fit.
Don't meddle.
Go get washed up.
Dinner is almost ready.
Oh and take down the sling,
it's getting dusty.
I told my mom it's a hammock.
You're kidding.
I'm not going to Tokyo.
I'm sorry, did the deal fall through?
No, everything's still on course,
but there are more pressing
issues here at home.
Andrea lost her job last week.
She's devastated, and I want
to be there for her right now.
It's not like we need the money but,
this is something that
was important to her.
You know when we first met
you said you had to be there for her,
and now you want to be there.
It's nice to hear.
I hope this isn't goodbye.
Nathan, it would make me happy
if I never heard from you again.
Gee, thanks.
Honey, if I do it means that there's
something wrong in your marriage,
and you're not fixing it.
Affairs are like drugs,
they can become addictive.
But at the base,
you're just using it
to escape problems
that you don't want to face.
I will miss you.
Be happy.
So, Steve introduced me to
something new last night.
Trent, we've already
discussed oversharing.
New recipe.
Oh, is it good?
Ah, to die for.
I'm telling you,
that man can really cook.
Oh, good morning Adam.
Still straight, Trent.
Still married.
For you.
Thank you.
Oh, and I've got something for you.
Thank you.
Well, I guess I'll see
you at the next sale?
Wait a second.
Aren't you forgetting something?
What's that?
You made me a promise.
Did I?
Really?
Remind me.
Well, if I have to remind you,
clearly it's not that
important to you.
I guess you're right.
About what?
We met over a year ago,
and I've been ridiculous so,
I don't want to bother you anymore.
So?
So, I give up.
Well I guess I won't be seeing you
for drinks later tonight.
Okay, and I guess I won't see you
at that bar at 5th and Elm at eight.
Hey, I'm not standing
up here for my health.
Oh I'm sorry.
See you later.
You know it.
Ronnie, you just went through
a breakup two hours ago.
Don't you think you need
a little time to heal?
Heal from what?
My relationships always
have an expiration date.
It's a matter of when, not if.
And you don't see
anything wrong with that?
Okay, you know what your problem is?
You're emotionally claustrophobic.
Look,
I'm not looking for a relationship.
Lord knows the drama
that comes with one,
I have right here with you.
Oh, okay.
Gorgeous.
Thank you.
Sorry I'm late, life.
Excuse me, sir.
Scotch neat, please.
So, tell me,
what changed your mind?
I wasn't available until now.
Oh, I see.
Well I'm sorry it didn't work out.
That's the last lie you're
ever going to tell me.
Thank you.
Excuse me.
Sure.
Are you okay with the
fact that I'm not yours,
and I never will be.
I know my place and I'm
comfortable with it.
Else, I wouldn't be here.
Cheers?
Cheers.
Are you seeing anyone else?
Aside from my wife?
No.
Let me lay it out for you now.
Do, please.
I have been mad about you
since the day we met,
and I can't stop thinking about you.
I'm not leaving my wife.
But I have to be with you.
You are very quiet this morning.
I just wish someone knew
how I really want it to be.
Do tell.
Well, I know it sounds selfish but,
there are times when I wish a guy
would pay attention to my needs
as much as he pays attention to his.
So, safe to say that Adam
will only be filling our
shelves from now on.
No, I don't know about that.
Look, what you need,
is a guy that isn't
splitting his focus,
like Brandon.
Trent, you know me,
as soon as I get into a
relationship I push them away.
It's how I'm wired, it's who I am.
And I don't want to
do that to Brandon.
Well if Brandon is any evidence
of how you push people away,
then you my dear are very bad at it.
I tried, he just wouldn't leave.
He just stuck in there and,
I've grown to love our friendship.
But that was him, it's all him.
So I guess we are back to square one.
Well,
can we see this when we're up there?
Oh, butterflies.
It's gonna add a couple
hours to our trip.
I'm not in any hurry to get back.
All right, we'll see.
Hi.
Hi, sleepy head.
Where are we?
Come on, I'll show you.
Oh my God, the butterflies.
Thank you.
Now I feel bad about falling asleep.
I wanted to surprise you.
I wonder how many
butterflies come here.
I don't know about that,
but at least 100,000
humans come here each year.
This is unbelievable.
Did you know that these butterflies
have a lifespan of six months,
whereas the common monarch
only lives for six weeks.
Wow.
Say cheese.
Cheese.
Oh it's pretty.
Wow.
Hey, your clothes, can we move them?
That's my bed.
Sorry.
Hey, you hungry?
Yeah, I could eat.
You want to go out or you want
to get something delivered?
Let's order something in,
then we can watch a movie on TV.
Oh, that's a good idea.
I'm sure there's a
pizza place close by.
God, not pizza.
You love pizza.
I've eaten a lot lately.
Okay well,
I guess that only
leaves us one option.
Dinner is served.
And don't say anything,
you wanted to see the butterflies,
so that's what you get.
Otherwise you would
have been home by now.
Well, it was worth it.
I know you're used to fine cuisine
at five-star hotels,
but this is as good
as it's gonna get.
What do you got there?
Rollos?
Maybe.
Okay, catch.
Thanks.
Can I ask you something?
Yeah, anything, what?
I get the VIP treatment,
and the fancy nights out.
What do you see in these
guys that you go out with?
Well, they fit into my schedule,
and they don't ask questions.
Is that enough for you?
Well, it has been so far.
I like my independence,
I liked deciding
what I want to do and when,
and I like having the freedom
of not being tied down.
So that's it?
Yeah, that's it.
I like my life the way it is.
It's not complicated.
And besides the most honest
relationships I've ever had,
have been when I've been a mistress.
But...
don't you want emotional intimacy?
I know you, you have the
most beautiful soul Veronica.
I just don't get it.
I have just learned not to need it.
Besides I have friends for that.
I have Trent, I have you.
And I have Steve.
So it's all about the
physical with these men?
No, it's about making my life easier.
I don't have to invest.
I can walk away when I want to.
Well, that's a pretty
pathetic way to live.
I mean sure maybe you don't
get hurt along the way,
but years from now?
Don't you judge me,
I mean you fix your insecurities
with the occasional woman
who feeds your ego,
and I fix mine by not letting
anyone know all about me.
I mean we're basically
doing the same thing,
but in different ways.
And yes, it can get tiresome
to always have to
stay on my game but,
beats the alternative.
And the alternative is what?
Having a meaningful,
valuable relationship
with a man that you're intimate with?
Look I know, I've been
guilty of feeding my ego.
But in the meantime,
I know deep down what I really want.
Do you think for a second
there haven't been some
of these one-nighters
that I didn't have some
hope that maybe, just maybe,
I'd meet somebody special?
No.
No?
To me,
the alternative's being vulnerable
and being vulnerable,
vulnerable people get hurt,
and I just don't want
that to happen to me.
And are you really so
deluded that you think
that a one-night stand could
be any more than that?
By very definition it's nothing more
than a one-night affair.
I'm not trying to
pick a fight with you.
We just have never had
this discussion before.
I'm just trying to understand.
Chalk it up to being a better friend.
And you're right,
a one-night stand is just that.
I've just never known
anyone like you, that's all.
And since we're sharing,
why don't you tell me the
story about your divorce,
and why haven't you ever told me?
Well, we met in photography school,
and...
as soon as we graduated
we really struggled to find work.
But I just kept feeding
my passion for shooting
landscapes and coastlines,
and in the process I built a career,
but she was still floundering.
She couldn't find her voice,
you know?
Well that's a dangerous
place for an artist.
And time went on and,
I was being published,
and her career was stagnant and,
more and more, she just
wouldn't even look at my work,
like she resented me.
I think she fell out of
love with photography,
and in the process,
fell out of love with me also.
It's sad.
The one thing that brought
the two of you together,
is the one thing
that drove you apart.
And I didn't tell you because,
even though you weren't
the cause of my divorce,
you were definitely a symptom
of the erosion of my partnership.
What are we gonna watch?
Hitchcock.
Hitchcock, he made a lot of movies.
Hitchcock, the movie.
You'll like it.
I think it has nudity in it.
Scooch over.
You ready.
Darling, we've watched
the film a hundred times.
She doesn't blink.
What?
Nothing.
Okay.
What?
Nothing, shhh watch the movie.
So with very little effort,
and the reflex time
of a garden snail,
how does a tortoise's
day compare to ours?
In the time it takes
us to drive 10 miles,
the tortoise manages to
move about 100 feet.
While we eat an entire meal,
he has nibbled on some vegetation.
And as we spend a day filming
another sequence,
for him, it's time for a nap.
The tortoise's way of
making up for that,
isn't to eat more, but to do less.
Good morning, sunshine.
Hey.
I know you're like a
bear with a sore paw
when you don't get
your caffeine fix so.
Thanks.
You know they say this stuff
is actually flammable.
You missed a call.
Thanks.
Voicemail received.
You should check that.
Yeah, I'm just gonna brush my teeth,
and then the bathroom's all yours.
Okay.
You all set?
Why haven't you told me about her?
Excuse me.
Who's Kristen?
She's just a woman I know, why?
I think it's a little
bit more than that.
Okay.
Seriously, Brandon?
I mean you're not gonna
tell me about her?
I knew it, I knew it,
that day in the store
when you picked up that text message,
I knew something was up.
Why couldn't you tell me?
What do you want to hear Veronica?
I saw a picture of
you and her kissing.
Is this new, how long
has it been going on?
So you woke up and
you went to my phone?
No Brandon, the phone woke me up,
and I was startled by the picture.
Startled, really?
Isn't that a little bit extreme,
Ronnie?
To wake up in a bed
that I shared with you
to that picture,
you tell me.
We didn't share the bed, Ronnie.
We fell asleep watching a movie.
What?
Just,
just get me home.
Hi honey.
Hey.
Welcome home, hotshot.
Oh, thank you, sorry I'm late.
Traffic was hell.
Of course.
God I missed you.
Oh, dinner smells great,
and so do you.
What's this?
That is a birthday present
for your grandnephew.
I figured with all the traveling,
you wouldn't have time,
so I picked it up for you.
Thank you.
You are welcome.
Why don't you open up that bottle
of wine right there, do you mind?
I tried but I couldn't.
So, how was the trip?
Got some good shots.
I think the publisher's gonna
like the direction it's going.
Can't wait to see it.
What?
Nothing.
Okay.
Would you mind lighting the candles?
Sure.
You know how I am with fire.
I can't believe that he's been
seeing her for six months,
and he's never mentioned
her to me, not a word.
I mean, I mean call me crazy but,
when you know someone
that long and that well,
doesn't it seem odd,
and why has he never
introduced me to her?
I don't care.
Come here.
You are fantastic.
Stay with me tonight.
No.
I'm clear until tomorrow.
She's out of town on business.
I can't.
I don't want to get used to this.
Well, I guess that's something
I'll have to get used to.
You know there's something
I've been meaning to ask you.
I have a client who's
looking for a rare book,
and we can't seem to find it.
What is it?
It's called the Emerald Whaler,
written by William Jr Lowbenstein.
Lubby.
Oh, you've heard of him?
Maybe.
Well, I need a first edition,
1960, signed copy.
Can you find that for me?
It'll be rare, expensive,
and if I say yes will
that persuade you
to stay with me tonight?
No.
But it'll make me very happy.
Can I help you find something?
Oh hi, yes thank you.
Well I'm looking for a book about
dating after divorce.
Hmmm,
well I'm not sure reading a book's
really gonna help you.
What would you look for in a man?
Well that varies actually.
But he doesn't have to be
a saint though, does he?
I tell you what, why don't you
make me a list of attributes
that I might possess,
which will be attractive to a woman,
such as yourself.
Trent.
Need your help.
Someone will come and help you.
I can wait until you're through.
I'm sorry.
No it's just that I've
been married for 30 years,
and now, newly single.
Well, being a gentleman
never goes out of style,
and women love honesty.
Brandon?
Hey.
Hi Trent.
What?
Let me take care of this guy.
Why?
He's cute, he's single,
I thought you'd be thrilled
that I'm talking to him.
He's gay.
No.
Trust me.
He is?
I know it.
Worked it out with Brandon,
he's cuter.
Fine.
Hey.
Seriously?
You pitch a fit up in Pismo
and now you're not taking my calls.
That sounds about right.
Ronnie, clearly you're upset,
but I haven't a clue--
Don't you understand why I'm upset?
Please, please, tell me what exactly
I'm dealing with here.
You lied to me, you kept secrets.
I lied?
What did I lie about?
Okay, I haven't mentioned
Kristen to you, but lied?
It's a lie by omission.
A what?
If you lead someone
to believe one thing,
based on your words and your actions
and then it turns out to be
something completely different,
that's a lie.
I still don't get it.
Of course you don't.
I didn't lie, I just didn't tell you.
Yeah, well that's just
guys' slight of hand.
Where am I going?
Goodbye Brandon.
We're not done here.
Yes we are.
I'll call you later.
He didn't technically lie to you.
Don't you start now.
Veronica,
he doesn't owe you anything.
He owes me respect.
I couldn't care less that
he's seeing somebody,
but hiding it from me?
Telling somebody that
you've never lied,
just because someone hasn't
asked a specific question,
doesn't somehow make the truth.
Wasn't Trent fantastic
the other night?
Oh, the show was great.
I'm so proud of you.
Thank you, not too blue?
No.
Well, you did push the
envelope a little bit,
but yeah, it was really good.
Why didn't you do your bit
about the royal family?
Well I like to think
I have a little more
originality than that.
Huh.
Huh?
You know I was laughing so much
I had tears rolling down my cheeks.
Really?
You know you should do more comedy.
I think you may have
missed your calling.
Maybe I will.
Still not speaking with him?
No.
- Who?
- Brandon.
What did he do now?
Well he didn't do anything wrong.
You tell it, what did he do?
Is a lie by omission a lie,
or is it the truth?
But there's no truth in a lie.
But it's not a lie if no
one actually said anything.
Schschm...
Is what Brandon didn't tell you,
not said maybe to
spare your feelings?
Look it doesn't matter how I feel.
I thought we were closer than that,
I thought we could tell
each other everything.
Now I, I don't trust him anymore.
Bring me up to speed here.
Okay, here's what happened.
Ronnie found out that Brandon
has been seeing someone.
So?
For over six months?
Oh honey, he has feelings for you.
He's been single for
almost five years.
He's never made a move on me.
He's never even offered
me any kind of affection,
other than friendship.
And we've always had this
open line of communication
when it comes to dating.
I mean, we practically
tell each other everything.
So you were closer with
Brandon than anyone else?
Don't you think it's kind of odd
that you haven't
found a relationship?
Maybe he's just filling the gap
of what you expect from men?
Look, we all know, everyone knows,
that the two of you have
feelings for each other.
Maybe he didn't tell
you about the girl
because he knew it would affect you.
No, I would have been
fine if he'd told me.
Really, I want him to be happy.
Then why are you ignoring his calls
instead of celebrating with him.
Let's do a little survey shall we?
Oh yes, let's.
Mm-hmmm.
When you're not with Brandon,
do you think about him?
Yes.
But I also think about Trent.
Okay, fair enough.
Where did Brandon have
lunch last Monday?
Piccolo Paradisio.
Where did Trent have lunch yesterday?
I didn't have lunch,
I stayed in the store, remember?
I've got one.
Who do you call when you
need help with something?
Brandon.
Mm-hmm, and yet I'm closer.
Do you answer his texts
when you're with someone else?
Sometimes, it depends.
Mm-hmm, depends.
Where does Brandon get his hair cut?
Oh, the Last Tango.
Karen's been his girl for years.
Where does Trent get his hair cut?
I cut his hair.
I knew that.
Bullshit.
Can he answer all those
questions about you?
Um, most of them, but probably not
where I get my hair cut.
I rest my case.
You say that you want
Brandon to be happy,
but you are the one that wants
to make him feel that way.
See, he's not just a great cook,
he's also a genius.
Genius.
Genius.
You keep pushing him away
and you're gonna lose him.
It's about time.
I know, I'm sorry.
Can I come by so we can talk?
Sure, I'm in.
Please, come in.
Can I get you anything?
Do you have some wine?
I think I do.
Here, open this will you?
I'll get some wine glasses.
All right.
Nice work.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I'm here.
I have to come clean
with you about something.
And I need your help.
All right.
Is that all I get?
I'm not sure what it is
you've come here to say.
First of all,
I am sorry that I reacted
the way I did in Pismo.
I mean that was a nice trip.
I felt like I ruined it.
And second?
I have hard alcohol if
that'll make this easier.
Brandon don't joke,
this is hard enough as it is.
I see that.
I don't know where to start.
You're the only person that
I can talk to about this,
and yet at the same time
you're the only one I can't.
Oh Ronnie, it's okay.
You're safe with me.
My anger came from jealousy.
And it's not right, it's not me and,
I don't want to feel the way
that I feel about you and,
and I want you to help
make those feeling go away.
What feelings?
The ones that make
me want to kiss you,
when I look at you sometimes.
I'm trying to understand why
you need those feelings to disappear.
Because they're not right, or fair,
or safe for me to have them.
What are you afraid of?
Losing.
Me?
No, me.
Hold that thought.
In here, honey.
I am such a dip,
I can't find my phone.
Hi.
Hello.
Honey, this is Veronica.
Veronica, meet Kristen.
Oh my God.
It's so nice to finally meet you,
and I'm sorry I'm in such a rush.
Oh, here it is.
And I'm late, I gotta go.
Nice to meet you, Kristen.
Nice meeting you too.
Okay, great, drive safe.
Let me know when you get there,
please.
He's always making me check in.
See you later.
Wow.
Living together in
less than six months.
What?
Nothing.
- Okay.
- What?
Nothing, I think I should go.
No, hold on a second.
You want me to believe you
have these feelings for me,
but for a whole week
you've been cold,
unkind, and ignore me to the point
that I thought you never
wanted to speak to me again.
You have a very strange way of
showing your heart, Veronica.
You know me
better than anyone else.
But I don't want to have
these feelings for anybody,
let alone you.
And then to have your
girlfriend thrust in my face,
it completely broadsided me.
I didn't even know how to act.
And you really want these
feelings to just go away?
Yes, desperately.
And if Kristen wasn't in the picture,
would you feel differently?
I don't know. She is--
When has that ever mattered to you?
Oh that's not fair.
I have so much more to lose.
Do you?
Oh make love to me.
Please.
Call you tomorrow?
I'll be at the store.
Goodnight.
Goodnight.
I know you want to make more room,
but we could store most
of these in the back,
and you could sell them online.
They're all going to
the local libraries.
Even better.
What time do you have?
Quarter to four.
What?
Take these out please.
Okay.
Ronnie, Brandon's on line one.
Hi.
Hey.
I was wondering when you might call.
Yeah, I'm sorry I just got out
of a meeting with my publisher.
Oh well, I've been busy, it's fine.
How did it go?
I'm not convinced they're in love with the
concept of my new book, but such is life.
Wasn't it just a scout?
Yeah yeah, and I did a tap
dance to put them at ease,
but I'm definitely gonna
have to go back up north
and give them some new looks.
Sooner, rather than later.
Anyway, so what's new?
Um, nothing.
Just today.
Oh,
I told my agent I'd get back to him
after my meeting.
Can I reach out to you later
about us maybe getting together?
Whatever works.
Okay great, chat soon.
Veronica.
Hi, Ian.
Haven't seen you in a while.
You miss me?
How much is it, 17 something?
Yeah, $17.63.
Keep it.
Hello.
Sorry about this afternoon.
It's fine.
What's up?
I just remembered Trent's
thing is tomorrow night.
It is.
I've already cleared my schedule so,
where and when am I meeting you?
Just meet me at the store,
we'll go from there.
Sounds good.
Okay.
See you there.
Who here is planning
tonight after the show
to go home and have sex?
Just, show of hands.
Okay, no one, really?
All right, so you guys are all
like me then, you're married?
Okay, what is it about marriage?
It absolutely kills your sex life.
Careful.
Careful, somebody want to
give me a ride home tonight?
I might need one.
Um, another thing that
really gets in the way
of peoples' sex lives, is pets.
Yeah, have you ever noticed that when
there's an animal in the room,
it's almost impossible to
keep your mind in the game?
Right? It's kind of
distracting and creepy,
'cause they watch.
I will kill you bitch
if you tell that story.
Oh you've said that so many times.
So tonight, and they're
giving me the light now,
it's time for me to go.
I'm gonna go home with my husband
and we're going to
have some ice cream,
and get into our PJ's,
and watch the Golden Girls.
And not have sex.
All right, I'm Trent Masterson,
goodnight everyone.
Thank you.
Yeah, he did.
I am really glad that he
brought that animal bit
back into the act.
Come on,
everyone's had that experience
once or twice, right?
Tell them about the moray eel.
Oh no no, that hurt.
No, you've had that happen, right?
Come on Brandon.
Oh you don't have to answer that.
Don't worry, I won't.
Kristen's sorry she
couldn't be here tonight,
she really wanted to come.
Well, you all just have
to come to the next one.
It's a date.
Great.
Who wants more wine?
Yes please.
She's looking good, isn't she?
Yes, she is.
So glad you guys made up.
Steven, where do I find
your bottle opener?
Second drawer on the left,
right by the stove.
Second drawer down.
Got it.
So, Brandon, do you know where
Veronica gets her hair cut?
I can't say that I do, why?
Just wondering.
Oh crap!
What, you all right?
Yeah, I will be.
I'd better give her a hand.
I broke the cork.
Let me help.
Wa la.
Show-off.
Thanks for including me tonight,
that was fun.
I'm glad you enjoyed yourself.
What's wrong?
Nothing.
Okay.
Okay?
Forget it.
I don't think I can do this.
Do what?
This, us.
It's not fun anymore.
Did I not just tell you
what a good time I had?
Yeah, in words, but your
actions didn't show it.
My actions?
What are you talking about?
I don't want to play this game.
I'm sorry, you've lost me.
I don't think we're capable
of going back to where we were.
What's different?
Seriously?
Is this about what
happened the other night?
Partly, but mostly it's about you.
It's about me?
Please, just dumb it down
for just a little bit.
I opened up my heart to you,
and basically all I got
was a sexual thank you.
So it was about the other night.
I thought if anyone was
mature enough to handle that
it was gonna be you.
You're the one that
changed Brandon, not me.
Oh really?
What's changed Veronica?
This, this is what's changed.
Our friendship just doesn't
seem natural anymore.
You put me in a position
of being a mistress
without the respect that
I've come to deserve.
Well,
I'm not gonna be your plaything.
We've got to communicate,
I just don't know where I
fit in your life anymore.
I'm in a relationship.
What do you want from me?
Not a god damn thing.
You know but now we're here.
I mean I'm just curious,
what sort of a lie did you tell her
so you could spend
the evening with me?
I don't have to lie
to the people I love.
Well, now I know where
I fit in then, don't I?
We had a good time Veronica,
that's never been our problem.
Your maintaining has
been our disconnect.
You don't know what love is.
You pretend to be a fairy
godmother sprinkling fix-it dust
from married guy to married guy,
so you can stomach the
lifestyle you've chosen.
You're a lonely, desperate
empty soul, who has no idea
how to have a transparent
and honest relationship.
Go to hell.
See you there.
Well, you certainly don't disappoint.
What can is say,
I learn from the best.
So I guess we're done then,
aren't we?
Then we're done.
Hey, how's everyone doing?
Yeah, good, all right.
Awesome, great,
well I've gotta be honest,
I'm actually a little bit anxious.
Yeah, I've got a high
school reunion coming up,
and I don't want to
say which one it is,
because that would be a
little bit depressing,
but I will say that
the president of the
United States at the time.
Lincoln.
No, no no, not Lincoln you asshole.
No, Mister Jimmy Carter, good guy.
And I was reminded of this recently,
because I was going through
a bunch of old stuff,
and I found that presidential
physical fitness award that I got.
Remember those?
You had to do like a million pushups,
a million chin-ups,
and you had to run really fast,
and you got an award.
I was shocked that I got
a physical fitness award,
but I was really good at
running away from bullies,
and I usually got away.
I'm a little bit nervous
about seeing the bullies
at the reunion,
but I figure by now they're
all probably divorced
and just driving for Uber.
One of the bullies who was
on the football team, and I,
made out underneath the bleachers.
Yeah, and thus started
my illustrious career
as a blackmailer.
Yeah, oh yeah, I worked it.
I was the first nerd in that school
to get a jock to give me his
lunch money, and a hand job.
And that was the day
I lost my virginity.
Goodnight everyone.
Thank you.
I'm gonna go find Trent.
Hi.
What are you doing here?
I got an email Trent
was doing a show,
and I figured you'd be here.
So I am.
Ronnie, I hate how things ended.
Can we talk?
About what?
Seriously?
I think I've heard everything
I want to hear, from you.
Look, I feel awful about
some of the things I said,
it wasn't fair,
and I wanted to apologize.
So, go ahead.
Oh, I can see this is gonna be fun.
All right,
when we were together,
I didn't know how to react.
I mean I'm in a relationship,
I'm living with someone,
and then you and I,
and it felt right,
and I know somehow it did for you,
too.
It doesn't matter how I feel,
you have Kristen.
It shouldn't matter to you, either.
Take her out of the
equation for a minute.
I can't, and neither can you.
Try.
I am not gonna have
this conversation now,
and especially not here.
Fine.
This better?
When I lashed out at you,
I said that if anyone
was mature enough to
handle what happened,
it would be you.
The problem was, I couldn't.
Look, you've already shown
me that you don't love me,
you don't have to keep proving it.
Well, that's where you're wrong.
I need your help here.
I know you don't want commitment,
I know you don't want
to be domesticated.
Kristen wants those things,
I didn't think you of all people
would want me to give that up.
Why do you keep telling me this
if you have no intention
of being with me?
I have no intentions
of being with you?
Well, now you're being stupid.
Okay,
let me tell you how this is done.
Remember when my father got sick
and I had to fly to Chicago?
Of course, how can I forget?
And you came by to pick
me up for the airport?
And I was a wreck,
and I hadn't packed a god damn thing,
except a pair of dirty
socks and a toothbrush,
and you came in,
and you calmed me down,
and you helped me get it together,
and I saw compassion in you
that I had never seen
in anyone before.
And when I was back there,
you stayed in touch with me
every step of the way.
You were right there by my side,
even though we were so far apart,
and the whole time I was gone,
all I could think
about was this angel
that made me feel safe and secure
through those vulnerable moments,
and I felt assured that
life was gonna be okay,
and that's when I
fell in love with you.
How could you never tell me that?
I didn't think you were ready.
Veronica we both know
that you know how to act
like you're feeling something,
but you don't really truly feel.
Brandon, I am so invested in us,
that I could never walk away.
So I'm afraid.
Afraid of what?
Of failing, of letting you down,
I don't know how to have
that kind of a relationship.
Just let your guard down,
and allow me to love you.
I did.
And then everything changed.
So, where do we go from here?
I've got to break
it off with Kristen.
No, no.
You think it's okay that while
I'm sharing a bed with her,
I'm telling somebody else
that I'm in love with them?
You know, you're the only
person in my life, that's stuck?
You know me better than anyone else,
and I love you,
but I don't want either
of our lives to change.
I just want to bring sex
into the equation and,
and I only want it to be with you.
Let me get this straight,
you want to be my mistress?
Yes.
Please, say something.
Do you really love me?
Oh I love you with all my heart,
that's why I want you to be happy.
I can't bear not
having you in my life.
But I've also come to realize
that I like who I am,
and relationships,
are tenuous at best,
and they're ever-evolving.
A friendship?
That's something that
can last a lifetime.
Why would I want to be with anyone
who doesn't want all of me?
Who's scared to take the risk
of putting her feelings on the line?
I think you're still just
taking the easy way out.
So you want me to change who
I am to be loved by you?
I mean you of all people,
I never thought you'd ask me that.
And I don't want the
kind of relationship
that you're used to having.
It's not enough.
It's not enough.
How can this not be enough?
I'm giving you the world.
I want someone who wants more from me
than the parts that
make them feel good.
I want them to care enough
to be committed to be in the moment.
I want someone who cares for me,
and loves me,
and will be in the trenches with me,
and not just throw me
a rope to help me out.
But you have Kristen for that.
I want you for that.
But I'm a mess.
I'm broken.
I'm emotionally claustrophobic.
I'm--
Lovely.
What's this about?
I can't imagine my life without you.
I love you enough to make this work.
Your way.
Huh?
What?
Nothing.
Okay.
What?
Nothing, nothing.
Come on, you guys.
This isn't that kind of venue.
Get a room.
Hi beautiful.
As requested I brought some
more copies of my book.
Put them on the table,
I'll get right to them.
What?
It's daylight, it's public.
What are you thinking?
I'll roll the dice.
Wait a minute, I didn't
know we were scheduled
to have lunch today.
We're not.
I'm here to take out the
number one salesman of my book.
I told him if he sold three copies,
I'd buy him lunch.
And they're all gone.
All right,
well that means desert too.
Excellent.
Well, bring me a doggie bag.
What's in it for me?
My gratitude.
That means everything.
Ah, bye.
Great show last night.
Thank you.
How's Steve?
Oh, I hope to have him
barefoot and pregnant in
the kitchen in no time.
Sounds like you're
making steady progress.
That's us, a happily married couple.
Okay, so what's up?
You and I never had
any lunch date planned
for me selling your book.
No.
And I'm also very
disappointed in you.
I can see that.
And what's the problem?
The problem is I don't
know why we're at lunch.
Oh,
and also Ronnie told me this morning
about your little arrangement,
and I don't approve.
That's why we're here.
Can you keep a secret?
By now you should know I can.
I mean from Ronnie.
I want your word that
what I'm about to tell
you stays between us.
You can't tell anyone,
not even your husband.
Okay well, one of the reasons
we do have a happy marriage
is because we don't keep
secrets from one another.
Fair enough.
Okay, you get a pass on that.
But I want you to promise that Steve
will keep it in the vault.
As long as whatever it is
doesn't hurt Ronnie, yeah.
I broke up with Kristen.
I'm in love with Veronica.
I have no interest in
being with anyone else.
Wow!
Well, why can't we tell?
This would be so good for her.
Because that woman's a rare breed.
She's not wired like anyone else,
and you know it.
Okay, so why are you telling me?
Because you've always been
a little bird in her ear,
telling her to go out
and find a single guy,
and leave the attached ones alone.
Well, you can't do that anymore.
I am the single guy.
Okay, and just how long do
you plan to keep this up?
As long as it takes.
I'll tell her eventually,
but until then,
I need you to keep this a secret.
A lie by omission.
I knew there had to be a good kind.
Those are called surprises.
Oh.
What are you doing?
Well,
can't I text Steve now and tell him?
Knock yourself out.
Hey guys.
Hey, I may not be as cute as Ian,
but it's delivered.
Thank you.
Well, you still come a close second.
How was lunch?
It was great.
I told him if he
sold three more books
I'd take him to Disneyland.
Don't worry, I gave him a talking to,
and no more lies,
only nice surprises.
Thank you, Trent.
So, how about dinner and a movie?
Well, that's a nice surprise.
Wonderful.
I'll see you at seven.
If you need to make a call,
it's okay.
Nope.
Everyone I need to
talk to is right here.
Hmm.
What?
Nothing.
Okay.
What?
Nothing, really.
At least you could
promise me a movie.