This isn't any cheap X-rated movie
or any fifth-rate porno play
This is the show you want: Lady Divine's
Cavalcade of Perversion.
The sleaziest show on Earth.
Not actors, not paid imposters,
but real actual filth who have
been carefully screened
in order to present to you
the most flagrant violations
of natural law
known to man.
Hey, where the fuck are we anyway?
Timonium, I think.
Are we gonna do that pyramid shot
like we did yesterday?
I hope not.
I can't take that crap again.
Hey, where's my blouse?
These assorted sluts, fags, dykes
and pimps know no bounds!
They have committed acts
against God and nature
that would make any decent
person recoil in disgust.
You want to see them,
and we've got them.
Every possible thing
you can think of.
Come on ladies! Come see
Lady Divine's Cavalcade!
Come see the show.
- Does it cost?
- It's absolutely free.
- Do we have time?
- Yes, but I don't know.
Oh, come on. It's free.
Step right up. This is Lady Divine's
Cavalcade of Perversion.
Do we have time before lunch?
This isn't one of those
sex shows, is it?
You'll see, sir.
Go right on in.
Come on, folks.
It's about to begin.
Lady Divine's
Cavalcade of Perversion.
You can still see
the complete show.
What you'll see inside this tent
will make you literally sick!
We got it all,
and we show it all.
Hurry on in, folks. There's not much
time left to see the complete show.
We've got it all, and
it's all about to be seen.
You will witness the smut session
of a pornographer
and his slut of a girlfriend
as she, in her naked depravity,
exposes her sacred
reproductive organs
to the ever probing eye
of the flash camera.
She must be an addict!
She's a dyke!
Look at those tattoos!
- What's this obsession with pornography?
- Look at her cunt!
She's probably got the crabs.
I can smell her all the way
over here.
- God, she guzzled that wine.
- What a repulsive body.
No wonder they didn't charge
any money to get in here!
Cheeseburgers!
Only a dollar!
No decent people
would be in this show.
Decent!
She doesn't know what that means.
Cigarettes!
Cheeseburgers!
Come on in, you've got about
three minutes left to catch
"The Puke Eater". He'll lap it
right up for you, he loves it!
Sounds weird.
You're weird! It's sickening.
I'm not going to jail
just to see someone puke.
Yeah, but they got
puke eaters, lesbians,
mental patients and stuff.
You'll see two actual queers
kissing each others
like lovers on the lips.
These are actual queers!
Are they repulsive???
Filthy!
But that one looks masculine!
Yeah, but look at
George Hamilton.
I've known a couple of queers.
In fact,
I think my hairdresser's queer.
They hang in bus stations,
you know.
It's just sick.
See an addicted heroin addict
going through the mental and
physical agony known as
cold turkey!
This particular addict has been
hooked for over eight years
and must constantly lie, rape,
mug, and steal
from hard-working wage earners
in order to satisfy
his neverending crave
for hard narcotics!
Watch, as this
drug-crazed animal
loses all sense of human
dignity and decency!
He will literally become a
maniac before your very eyes.
God, a needle!
That poor soul!
Got any fives?
Got any aces?
Go fish.
You got any jacks?
Ricky! Ricky!
Yes, madame?
Bring me something strong.
Something I can
get off on.
You're not ready yet?
Jesus, you come on
in a few minutes.
Suppose the cops get here?
You can't keep
this set up very long.
Will you stop
badgering me?
My nerves are
already a wreck
without your nagging!
I'm ready.
All I have to do is to
slip into my outfit.
We've done this
enough times
so we don't have to worry
about anything happening.
But the cops! All we need
is one porkchop patrolman
who starts nosing around.
It's gonna be quick...
Oh, fuck the cops!
They never bust anybody
until the show's over
and by then...
Ricky! My medicine!
- Which ones are these?
- Your diet medication, madame.
Thank you Ricky, darling.
Gilbert! Gilbert!
Yes, madame?
Roll me a few joints.
Just relax.
I have to see Mr. David!
I have an audition!
Who is that?
I came like you told me,
to audition...
And you must be Lady Divine.
I've heard so much about you.
Oh, boys. Please remove this slut
from my presence immediately!
How dare you
contaminate my dressing room
with this little
piece of filth?
She is not. She's an autoerotic,
a coprophasiac,
and a gerontophiliac
and I just thought
you might be interested
in her for the show.
Yes, I can start immediately.
I have this great act worked out
with this great old man
in his late seventies.
Well, actually he's my uncle
but we used to have kind
of a thing together
and I heard about this show
and I thought
"What an ideal setup!"
Get her out of here!
Just get her out!
How can you flaunt your cheap
one-night-stands in my face,
especially
at a time like this?
I thought you might be
interested in her for the show.
Well, I'm not!
Get her out before I pull
those hairs out of her head.
You're a fool!
Get out there! It's time for my act!
Hand me my hose!
- What else do you have to do?
- To slip into my outfit.
You misunderstand
everything I do.
I misunderstand nothing.
- We'll talk about it later.
- Yes. MUCH later.
Just a minute!
And now, ladies and gentlemen.
You are going to see something
that will make your eyes pop out!
Because of so-called guardians
of public decency
we are not permitted to describe
to you in any way
the hardcore, live, in-person
monstrosity we have with us tonight.
All I can say is that this sight
won't be easily forgotten.
This sight will be branded
in your mind for ever and ever.
Anything you may have seen earlier
will be a mere warm-up.
You are kindly asked to follow me
into our special display room...
Right this way!
There's no extra charge!
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
I can't say no more.
I give you Lady Divine!
Drop' em boys!
Quiet! Quiet when
I'm speaking!
You will not be injured
as long as everyone cooperates.
Kindly hand over all wallets, jewelry,
handbags, any fur items,
all loose change and any narcotics
you might be carrying.
The first person to give anybody
any shit will be immediately eliminated.
- She's sick! We'll never get out of here!
- What did you say?
I said you're sick and repulsive!
And you, my dear, are dead!
I said no shit! And I meant it!
- Any dope?
- They don't deserve to live!
- More cheap costume shit.
- A box of Norforms!
- Here's some diet pills.
- Two-fifty? Jesus.
- Here's some fake ID for you.
- What ugly children they have!
Wait 'til we get back in the car.
Psst. Mr. David. Mr. David!
What are you doing here?
Trying to get us both killed?
You must be freezing, Ricky
darling. Put some clothes on.
Yes, ma'am.
It's chilly.
Hurry up.
I'm beginning to get upset again.
My nerves are cracking.
I'm getting too old to play this circuit.
I'm sick. I'm tired of this show.
We just ought to pick them up
and shoot them.
Fuck all this Cavalcade
of Perversion shit.
Just pick 'em off the street,
tie 'em up and kill 'em.
We could move a lot faster that way,
three or four loads a day.
I could get rid of all these tent rentals
and all the other people in the show
and it could all be mine
to do as I please.
I told you to get out
of here, I told you!
Mr. David. I have to see you again.
- I want to perform acts with you, now!
- You know that's impossible.
Oh, please, please.
God, goddammit.
Listen, we'll meet later at Pete's bar
on Broadway.
You know where it is.
Around two o'clock.
Yes, I'm going right there
right now and wait.
If I have to wait for a hundred hours,
I won't budge until I see your face.
- Just get the fuck out of here!
- Mr. David!
I'm only trying to protect you.
She's getting worse.
Every minute she's alive
she gets worse and worse.
I would risk anything
to be with you again.
Leave. Go to Pete's. I'll be there
as soon as I can get away.
Hurry, Mr. David. 'Cos I want
to perform acts with you
more than anything else
in this whole wide world
and it makes me sad you are
so upset because of that Lady Divine.
She's not a very
friendly person.
But I've got to admit she
sure is beautiful and glamourous.
But I bet she couldn't do some of
the little things we can do.
You'll feel better
when we get back to the house.
Where's David?
- Where have you been?
- Takin' a piss. Do you mind?
Yes I mind because
I know you're part of it.
- Part of what?
- Trying to purposely get on my nerves.
I know that!
Purposely trying to annoy me.
But I'm not going to
put up with it.
Do you think just because
I've known you for 6 years
that I won't suspect that you're
tryin' to get on my nerves?
It's you that's getting on my nerves.
The whole show is.
We can't do this anymore.
What, are you chicken?
Is that it? Lost your nerve?
I got better sense.
You're not man enough to stay
around with me, baby.
- I'm not fool enough.
- Ah, well, then. Get lost!
I just can't stand it.
If you don't control yourself better,
you're not going to make it.
It's bad enough doing
these things week after week
but you're just making it worse for
yourself and making everybody else nervous.
I wish somebody'd stop and
think about me once in a while.
If it wasn't for me,
you'd still be back in Boston
doing poodle-nappings
from those old bitches
and if it wasn't for me,
all the other people in this show
would be out on the streets
snatching purses and committing sex crimes.
And if it wasn't for me,
you'd be in jail.
- Do you want a tranquilizer?
- I don't need any tranquilizers.
As far as the police are concerned,
you're the one who's going to end up in jail
because killing people isn't too bright
when we're doing this kind of thing.
I should have killed them all.
I wish I could go back there and...
Do you think that makes me afraid
of you?
Do you think that makes me listen
to your ranting and raving?
Let me make one thing clear.
If you can't control yourself better,
the jig's up and the show's over.
- The police aren't stupid.
- Shit! Aren't stupid?
They know we're not stopping. They know
the last 3 shows something happened.
You're wanted for murder now,
and they usually catch murderers.
Oh, and how about you, Mr. Angel?
How about your being an accomplice?
And how about Sharon Tate?
How about that?
I told you never to mention that again!
I don't remember anything about that.
I won't have you mentioning it.
I just wanted you to know
I haven't forgotten.
- Had a real ball that night, didn't you?
- Stop it!
- Yessiree, a regular little orgy.
- You were there.
- I didn't do what you did.
- SHUT UP!
- P-I-G.
- STOP IT!
You're the one who's going to jail.
If I go to jail, it'll be for other things
and I might start remembering.
That's why I'm holding you
responsible for what happens to me.
If I start remembering, I might have
to crack that Tate case for them.
- What have I got to lose?
- That isn't even funny.
- Didn't mean to be funny.
- Who's Sharon Tate?
It doesn't matter, darling.
Go fix yourself a sandwich.
Is there any bologna in there?
Yes, and some cheese. Just go ahead
and fix yourself a sandwich.
Cookie? Is that my little
Cookie darling?
- Why isn't she in school?
- 'Cos I told her to quit and she did.
Is that your idea of a good time,
destroying your own daughter?
Oh, yes, officer, yes.
I have a confession to make.
It's about my boyfriend, Mr. David.
He's sick, very, very sick.
And he's done something
very, very bad. Please, help him.
He did something to the most
beautiful girl in Hollywood.
Cookie! Cookie!
Hey, ma. I was so worried about you.
You've been gone so long.
I'm glad you got back safely.
Ma, this is Steve, he's a Weatherman.
I met him in D.C., during the riots.
Steve, this is my mother, Miss Divine.
She's gonna be stayin' here
while she's in town.
- Hi.
- Hello, Steve.
How'd it go today?
Did you get me anything?
- Yes. Some jewelry and a couple bucks.
- I love jewelry.
Had I known you were entertaining,
I would have brought something for Steve.
A Weatherman? You must be
a very brave young man.
It takes a lot of courage and nerve
to do the wonderful things you do.
My little Cookie has
excellent taste.
Cookie filled me in on your show.
Sounds great.
- Did you get any pigs today?
- Yeah, honey. A few.
- Wish I'd gotten some.
Don't be silly. You don't have
time for show business.
It's more important that you're out
there, protecting me and my people.
It's comforting to know the Weatherman
is out there doing his job.
I wish I could be that political but I'm
so involved with the show
but I guess that's doing
my part.
Where are Mr. David
and Ricky?
Cookie, I've been wanting to talk
to you about Mr. David.
He's downstairs.
He's been getting on my nerves lately.
Purposely trying to rile me.
And encouraging insubordination
among the other actors.
- Kick him out then.
- Kill his ass.
But then I won't have a boyfriend.
You can find another one, it's easy.
I mean, like Steve here.
We just kind of ran into each other.
It was weird. This tear gas had gone off
and this other guy was after this pork
we were chasing and Cookie came over
with some vaseline for our faces.
Then we ran down to this clump of bushes
next to the Justice Department.
The smell of gasoline
was all over the place.
We wore handkerchiefs
over our mouths.
-Then we just lay there and made love.
-And fucked.
It was really strange.
We were blinded from the tear gas.
All the pigs were running,
people were yelling.
We were fucked up from inhaling
all this Freon shit.
I didn't even know
we were in Washington.
Then we went down to this big bank
and busted all these windows
and lit some fires and then
we hitch-hiked home.
I've got some good dope.
Want some?
No, not in front of Ricky.
You'd only upset him.
Here, have one of these
for your nerves.
Oh, thank you.
Pete's...
Yes, there's a blonde in here.
Hey, blondie!
Telephone call.
For me?
Oh, thank you!
Hello, this is Mr. David.
Listen, I'll be there as soon as I can.
It's very difficult to get
away from here now.
Just wait there.
I've got to talk to you. It's important.
Oh yes, I'll wait til you get here.
Oh, yes, yes. This is a nice club.
Everyone in here is
treating me so nice...
But I miss you.
Please hurry.
Don't talk to anybody.
I'll be there soon.
You know, Cookie.
Mr. David doesn't really like you.
Oh, I don't like him
much either.
Ever since we've been going together
he uses you to throw up in my face.
He says I'm fuckin' you up.
Well, I'm glad you did!
That fart! I couldn't be happier!
I have a wonderful apartment,
a beautiful mother, and a great boyfriend.
Dealing's been good lately too.
-You still dealing grass, honey?
Here, hook Mom up.
Yeah, grass and speed
when I got it.
I almost made two hundred dollars
last week, and it was a down week.
And that beats working,
that's for damn sure.
Ain't it?
Would you care for
anything else, honey?
No... No, thank you.
You can't just sit here
with nothing to drink.
-A Coke then. A Coke will be fine.
-A Coke it is.
-Mr. David!
-Let's go to this back table.
This is a lovely club.
-It all depends on your mood.
-Aren't you in a good mood?
A shaky one. You have no idea
what it's been like with her lately.
She's gone completely
out of control.
Why was Lady Divine
so mean to me today?
You don't amuse her,
that's all.
Why did you tell me
to come, then?
I thought she might
fall for it.
But I don't have
an act for the show.
We could have fixed it up.
I think I'm going
to leave Lady Divine.
Oh, Mr. David.
How wonderful.
She'd kill me on the spot
if she knew, or have me arrested.
What could she have you
arrested for?
There's hardly a law
I haven't violated.
Why can't we just go to
California or Mexico?
She'd never find us there
and then we could have each other.
We wouldn't even get
one hundred miles out of town
before she'd have
the police out.
I don't care where we go!
Let's just get a room upstairs
so we can perform acts!
I feel lonely without you and miss you
and you just talk about Lady Divine.
I hate her!
Let's kill her!
Quiet! Keep your voice down.
These place is crawling with spies.
Miss Cookie Divine's number, please.
No, I don't have her address.
Yes, Yes... 235-2354.
Thank you very much.
I'll get it!
Hello...
Speaking...
This is Edith from down Pete's.
I don't want to cause you no trouble
but I thought you would like to know
that your old man is down here
with another broad.
A blond?
Thank you very much!
That bastard! I'll get him
this time if it's the last thing I do!
What's wrong, Mom?
-Mother's going out for a while!
-Tell me, Mom. What's the matter?
-That bastard!
-Mr. David?
-Yes!
Don't worry about a thing, Mom.
Just change the locks.
I'm afraid it's not that
simple, Cookie.
I'll come back later.
I was in agony.
I've been raped before,
but never in such an
unnatural and brutal way.
Only because of David's arrogance
could those two guttersnipes
think they could get away
with something like this.
And then to my
horror and amazement
the Infant of Prague
appeared before me!
His angelic gaze hypnotized me.
I was dumbstruck!
How had he gotten to Bond Street?
How did he know I need him
at this very moment?
Had God sent him to me
as some sort of sign?
This could only prove that my
suspicions of Mr. David betrayal
were not unfounded, and
that my decision to murder him
had been approved
in the heavens above.
I took his outstretched hand
and let him lead me.
I literally put my future
into this little saint's hands.
He kept mumbling:
"The more you honor me,
the more I bless you".
I didn't know what to do!
It was the first time in my life
that providence had helped me
to carry out my plans.
He led me for, it seemed, blocks.
I could not speak;
my head was spinning.
I could not believe this had
actually happened to me.
It was almost as if my guardian
angel had revealed himself to me
after so many years
of uncertainty...
He led me to a church.
St. Cecilia, I later found out,
as if he meant me to go in.
"For what?" I wondered.
To pray? To mumble a few words
of thanks for his help?
To examine my conscience?
Only now do I realize
this great saint
had led me to a church
that was to change my life
from the moment I stepped into
its hallowed halls.
I went in, not knowing what to expect,
and paused to light a candle.
Oh, Jesus! Oh, Mary!
Oh, St Joseph! Oh, Moses!
Thank you for sending
a divine messenger
in my time of physical
and spiritual trouble.
Before the Infant appeared to me
I felt what you could even call remorse
for the fact that Mr. David's
time was obviously up.
But now, thanks to your guidance,
I realize that one should always follow
their own conscience regarding utmost
personal matters such as these...
I took a seat in the back of the church
and tried for the first time to make
some sort of spiritual contact
with my maker.
This great story moved me
to such lengths
That I tried to reflect on my
own life
and its religious
connotations.
Oh, St Matthew! Oh St Jude!
Oh St Cecilia!
I honor you with all my heart
and soul, but at the same time
I find it hard to bow down my head
to you in prayer.
My conscience is so immaculately clean
that I fear I nitpick
in trying to search my soul for any
immoral acts I may have committed.
I can only feel a sort of
comradeship to all of you.
I mean, yes, I realize you have lived
entirely chaste lives
But I myself have done
practically the same thing
since the days of my
First Holy Communion.
I realize that some more
uneducated members of the clergy
would be quick to point out
that I have murdered, robbed
and whored myself daily
but they fail to realize
the clear conscience
I have done it all with.
Even as I leave this church,
I plan to murder the man
who has been closest to me.
It was about this time I realized
my thoughts were not
entirely on my own.
Even as the picture of Christ's great
miracle dawned on me,
I felt it being sucked out by some
unknown presence in this church.
I dared not turn around
to confront this personality
that was robbing me
of my pious thoughts
and forcing me back into my
everyday search for self-gratification
at whatever cost possible.
I tried to bury my mind in prayer.
She coughed, as if
to attract my attention,
and gave me a lewdy
religious glare.
I realized that I had not discouraged
her one bit but continued to pray.
It was then that I realized that my
thoughts were being picked up
by the lady behind me.
Her presence was everywhere!
Again, I tried to rid my mind
with prayer...
Jesus tried to
wake the apostles,
but they continued to sleep,
and Jesus continued to pray.
Oh, St. Joseph! Oh, St. Peter!
Oh, St. Bernadette!
Help my mind not to wander!
As Jesus prayed, Judas led
a couple of Roman soldiers
into the garden. According
to his agreement,
he identified Jesus
with a kiss.
The soldiers began to beat him.
Judas ran away cowardly,
realising what he had done.
When the apostles saw Jesus
was making no use of
supernatural tendencies,
they ran for their lives!
Jesus was taken by the guards,
stripped off his garments
by these cruel soldiers.
No torture is too hideous to them.
They beat him with chains
and whips for hours
until his flesh
was covered in blood.
Jesus couldn't use his powers
to get free from his torture,
as this torture was
a sacrifice for all men,
a sacrifice that would
always be remembered,
as long as
mankind survived.
By this time I had picked up
a strong sexual vibration
from the lady behind me.
Felt it only proper to move away.
Not personally enjoying sexual
encounters with members of the same sex,
I made every possible move
to discourage her.
She seemed so sure of herself,
something I naturally admire on people
since I possess this same
strong characteristic myself.
Although lesbianism has never
really appealed to me,
there still was an aura about her
that attracted me to her,
even in all my distaste
for such perversion.
After carefully considering it,
I decided since the Infant of Prague
had brought me to this church,
I should more or less
let fate have its way.
I felt if I cooperated with
this mysterious woman,
I could somehow benefit
spiritually from the experience.
Little did I know
what she had in mind.
I felt her hand reach down
and touch my leg, not at all casually.
I realized it was too late
for social introduction!
This lady had a grip on me that even
now I find it hard to describe.
She kissed me as if Christ himself
had ordered every move
of her experienced tongue.
I was suddenly uncontrollable!
Although she had only said
seven words to me,
these words proved to be the key
to the most satisfying
sexual experience
of my entire life!
Think about the
Stations of the Cross!
It was then that I realized
she was using her rosary
as a tool of
erotic pleasure...
My head was spinning,
and at all once she inserted
her rosary into one of my
most private parts!
Second Station:
Jesus is made to carry his cross.
Consider how Jesus, in making this journey
with the cross on his shoulders,
thought of us, and offered
for us to His Father
the death that
He was about to undergo.
Third Station:
Jesus falls the first time.
Consider this first fall of
Jesus under His Cross.
His flesh was torn by the scourges,
his head crowned with thorns,
and He has lost
a great quantity of blood.
He was so weakened
that He could scarcely walk,
and yet He had to carry...
Four Station:
Jesus meets his afflicted mother.
Consider the meeting
of the son and the Mother,
which took place on this journey.
Jesus and Mary looked at each other...
Fifth Station:
Simon helps Jesus to carry his cross.
Consider how the Jews seeing
that at each step Jesus,
from weakness, was on the point
of expiring, and fearing
that He would die on the way,
when they wished Him to die
the ignominious death of the cross,
constrained Simon the Cyrenian
to carry the cross behind our Lord.
Sixth Station:
Veronica wipes the face of Jesus.
Consider how the holy woman
named Veronica,
seeing Jesus so afflicted, and His face
bathed in sweat and blood,
presented Him with a towel, with which
He wiped His adorable face.
Seventh Station:
Jesus falls the second time.
Consider the second fall
of Jesus under the cross,
a fall which renews
the pain of all the wounds
of the head and members
of our afflicted Lord.
Eight Station: Jesus speaks
to the women of Jerusalem.
Consider how those women
wept with compassion
at seeing Jesus in so pitiable
a state, streaming with blood,
as He walked along.
But Jesus said to them:
"Weep not for Me,
but for your children."
Ninth Station:
Jesus falls the third time.
Tenth Station:
Jesus is stripped of His Garments.
Consider the violence with which
the executioners stripped Jesus.
Eleventh station:
Jesus is nailed to the Cross.
Consider how Jesus, after being
thrown on the cross, extended His hands.
Twelfth Station:
Jesus dies on the cross.
Consider how thy Jesus, after
three hours' agony on the cross...
- God, it's snowing or something!
- Want to get a drink somewhere?
Well, no... I would, but...
- Have you got any money?
- Not a cent.
Can I kind of hang out with you
for a while today?
I'm supposed to meet somebody
at St. Ursula's later, but not till tonight.
I don't want to get there early
'cos I'm heaty up St. Ursula's.
I'd never done anything like that
before. It was wonderful.
Everybody says that
once they get into it.
I don't even know your name.
It's Mink. But lots of people just
call me "the religious whore".
Oh, Mink. It was a
wonderful experience.
I'm pretty good at it. As a matter of fact,
it's the only thing I ever do
so I guess I should be
pretty skilled by now, huh?
Do you live around here?
Sometimes. I don't have my
own place or anything.
I usually sleep in churches...
in the confessionals.
They lock the churches up now
because of thieves
and they never check
the confessionals.
Saturday nights are the only problem
and nights before Holy Days
because of the early masses
the next day.
And Lent. Shit, forget it!
I gotta sleep in synagogues then
and it's just not the same thing,
if you know what I mean.
-Yeah.
-What's your name?
It's Lady Divine, but you can
just call me Divine.
I wish I wasn't so heaty.
Up Immaculate Conception I got
caught once and over St. Theresa's
they heard about me
so whenever I come in they
send a nun in to snoop around.
But I got a nun once and let me tell you
it was just what she needed!
- Please Mink! People will stare!
- I thought we had a thing going!
- We do, Mink. But first I've got
to find my husband.
What? You've got a husband?
Well, actually, he's my boyfriend.
But we're through now.
- Well, I'm going to walk up to...
- No, Mink! You've got to help me!
Oh, Mr. David!
This is even better than amyl nitrate!
This is better than Carbona!
It's even better than heroin!
Go slow...
Turn over!
Oh, Jesus!
This is even better than last time!
If only we could perform acts
24 hours a day!
Oh, that would be
supreme happiness.
You've been fucking
somebody else.
No, no. I haven't,
Mr. David.
Not since last time with you
at the movie theater.
- Somebody's been there.
- Not since we saw Inga together, I swear.
- You're lying!
- How could I?
I'd never had an experience
like that before.
- Well, somebody has!
- No, I swear.
Well, no MAN has.
No one has been near
my private parts
except for this old lady
I met on the bus.
You've been lying
all along.
Oh, no, Mr. David!
It was just that she was so old
that I felt bad for her.
I only let her...
Well, you know.
It was no big production or anything.
It was on the bus and all.
It's almost better than
what we did at Inga.
No, Mr. David.
Nothing could be better than that.
- Do you remember that usher?
- Do you think he saw us?
Well, he saw the dildo!
You do it better than anybody!
Performing acts is my
specialty. Turn over!
He's going to regret having ever met
me once I get ahold of him.
C'mon, Mink!
That slimy little pigfucker!
The Cavalcade? Are you from
the Cavalcade of Perversion?
I read about that
in the morning paper.
I run it, baby.
It's my show.
Oh, Jesus. You're my first
celebrity I ever gave a rosary job to.
And at St. Cecilia's!
Wow, imagine!
I can tell you, the master of
ceremonies is soon to be eliminated.
- How? Are you going to do it?
- Yes, I am!
Are you going to do it?
Oh, please let me come! Please!
I've wanted to perform Extreme
Unction on someone all my life!
I'll do anything you ask
but please let me come.
I don't give a shit who comes.
All I know is once I find him
I'm going to make sure he won't
walk out of that room alive.
He's got on my nerves
one time too many.
I don't care if you throw
a party for it.
I wish I had a chance to call on all
my friends and invite them over to watch.
I wish I had a movie camera so that
I could record every second of it
so afterwards I just could sit and
gaze at all my lovely work.
Oh, and that cheesy
little streetwalker!
Neither one of them deserve
an ounce more oxygen
running their putrid little lungs.
I hope they've had their fun
because it'll be the last fun
they ever experience.
Oh, another girl!
A double ceremony!
Oh, Lady Divine! This will be
my supreme day on Earth!
I've wanted to perform Extreme Unction
on someone since I was seven.
And now, not only one body
to bless but two!
Oh, Lady Divine. You're going
to make me a very, very happy girl.
Mr. David, am I better
than Lady Divine?
Different.
Just completely different.
Yeah, I guess Lady Divine is what
you men call a real piece.
She's lost all the sex appeal
I thought she might have had.
Does she love you?
Well, she used to. But now she's
incapable of even liking anybody.
I don't even want to think about her.
She's keeping us apart.
She didn't used to be such a monster.
When I met her...
in 1963, she was just an ordinary
shoplifter with lots of fun inside.
What were you, though?
Oh, I was unemployed.
I always was 'til I met her.
She taught me all the ropes:
dog-napping, phony credit cards,
blackmail, swindling,
drug dealing.
But then she got really shaky.
She became so hostile.
You couldn't depend on her
just to pull off a job.
No, she always had to stick around
and rough them up.
She never picked the places we
did because of the amount of money.
It was always because of the
person that ran it.
She didn't like something about
them. Their looks, their voice...
That would be the place
we'd have to rough.
Then she got really bad:
she killed a cop, it was really stupid.
He was just standing there,
directing traffic.
And she was in a particularly
shitty mood.
She had a new Eldorado then,
she was making good money.
He was standing there, and she
just headed right for him,
floored him and
ran him right down.
Why we didn't get nailed
for that one, I'll never know.
It was awful. She flattened
him like a pancake.
School children were around,
screaming...
She just laughed and went on.
We heard the ambulance sirens but
she just reached over
and turned up the radio.
It made her happy. She loved it.
From that day on,
if she gets to kill a cop
it's one of her most
satisfying days.
Didn't anyone get your plates?
I don't know. She abandoned
the car the next day.
She always used to dress up
real straight.
Like a schoolteacher
or something.
Oh, Mr. David. I can't think of
anything but to kill her!
We're together now,
aren't we?
But I mean living together,
day in and day out.
I'm afraid of her. I tried
not to let you know, but I am.
I've seen her in action
for too many years.
If she found us, she'd kill us both.
We'd be through.
Then it'd be self-defense.
We'd have to.
Bonnie... Have you ever killed
anyone before?
No, I haven't.
But it would be something new.
Something to prove how much
I love you.
A gift from me to you.
- How would we do it?
- Haven't you ever killed anyone?
I've been with Lady Divine
many times when she has.
It used to upset me but
I have to let her do it now.
She claims I did once but I
can't remember anything about it.
It's just a blank, you know.
We were in Hollywood and...
Oh, Bonnie. I don't
want to talk about it.
Mr. David. If you'd killed
someone you'd remember it.
I can't, though.
I honestly can't.
Then I'll do it all by myself.
It's the only way I have
to prove to you how much
I cherish our relationship.
If you did that for me,
I could never ask
another thing from you.
Then it's settled.
Get dressed. We'll have to do it
now or I'll lose my nerve.
Okay.
But how?
She'll be home...
We can go there.
You'll wait outside the door.
I'll leave it unlocked.
I'll try to talk to her.
I'll try to calm her down.
We've got to catch her
off-guard.
There's a gun in the car.
I'll give it to you.
I'll go in and try
to make love to her.
Then, I'll cough loudly.
That will be your signal.
You come in quietly, I'll jump up
and you shoot her.
Then it will be over.
We'll just leave her there.
She's wanted for so many murders
the police won't even care
who killed her.
But, Bonnie...
You'll have to do it.
I realize I am as guilty as you are
but I just can't do it.
Mr, David, it sounds fantastic.
Let's go there right now!
Will anyone else be there?
Cookie, her daughter.
But she goes out eventually.
She goes out every day.
She's a whore, just like her mother.
Mr. David, after this is all over,
I'm going to show you what
happiness is all about!
Where would you like to go?
California? Mexico?
We'll lead a life of constant acts
performed to perfection!
I love you so fucking much
that I could shit!
This is the place!
Pete's? I was there once.
A lot of hippies go here.
Yeah? Well, I know of two who are
going to be leaving real soon!
- Suppose no one answers?
- I'll kick the door in.
Hold on, hold on...
Oh, it's you, Lady Divine.
- Where are they?
- They left 15 minutes ago.
- Are you lying to me?
- I ain't lying. I called you, didn't I?
They took a room upstairs.
I thought you'd be here sooner.
I had some complications.
Uh, oh.
We've got company.
OK, girls. Let's have some ID papers.
Got something for me today, Edith?
Oh, yes, yes. That's all I've got
today. A twenty.
I'll have the rest at the end
of the week.
- What'd we do?
- Let's see the ID.
I don't recognize you girls
from around this neighborhood.
We don't like your kind
around here much.
If you know what's good for you,
you won't be walking the streets.
Suppose you let me make up
my mind for myself. OK, copper?
Get smart with me lady
I'll run your ass in.
I don't have any ID papers, officer.
But we didn't do anything.
Yet, you mean. I know your type.
You're lezbeen hookers.
We don't like no lezzies
in this neighbourhood
so get on a bus and go uptown
or wherever you came from.
Hey, you're talking to a lady!
You better watch your language, pig,
before I turn you
into a piece of bacon!
Why aren't you out catching
criminals?
- I'm worried about mother.
- For what?
That shithead Mr. David is
giving her trouble.
I told her to get rid of him.
He's an asshole!
She doesn't need the aggravation.
She's not herself lately.
I mean, she's always jumpy.
But not this bad.
All I can say is I wish
somebody'd give me my pay.
- She'll pay ya.
- But when?
She made plenty in D.C. last week
and she didn't give me a penny.
Maybe this is Mom?
Mom?
- Where's your mother?
- She's out and what do you care?
Don't be smart.
Remember who you're talking to.
-And who's that?
- Your mother's boyfriend, don't forget it.
- I think Mother's forgotten it!
- What's that supposed to mean?
And Ricky, what do you
think you're doing?
Lying here on the couch,
relaxing and taking dope.
Don't you ever wear clothes anymore
or are you some kind of nudist?
You had one trick earlier,
wasn't that enough?
- Really, your mother's employees!
- Get out of my face, will you?
Remember, this is my apartment
and I'm being gracious enough
to let you stay here.
If you ever came to my door alone,
I wouldn't ever answer it.
I wonder how you mother
would appreciate this kind of behaviour!
Lying around all day, screwing
anything that's handy,
taking dope constantly, and stealing
and whoring in the streets at night!
Well I haven't heard
any complaints from her.
And I think she's quite happy
with the way I'm conducting myself.
She told me she thought I was
a very brave and charming young lady
and she also told me
that she had it with you.
You get on her nerves.
Excess baggage!
She's outright this minute
looking for you to tell you
and I'll laugh my ass off when I
see your face after she's through.
All I can say I wish somebody'd
give me my pay.
Nobody's going to so why don't you
just get your clothes on and get out?
- Keep your fucking mouth shut.
- Don't say "fuck" to me!
Look Mr. Fag Man, you didn't hire me
and you're not going to fire me!
Calm down! Calm down!
Sit down!
You'll get your pay,
don't worry about that!
I oughta let him rip your ass
apart. We'll see who gets fired!
Mother doesn't make
many mistakes in her life,
but when she does she sure picks
a lemon. God, you make me puke!
This is my house! I'm trying
to respect my mother's wishes!
I hope she changes her mind about
a few people. I suspect she will!
What's "Mr. Fag Man"'s
supposed to mean?
Just keep your fucking
mouth shut, alright?
Even if I was a fag, which I'm sure
you realize it's not the case,
you would be my very last choice
as a mate.
Even Liberace would be more
appealing to anyone with the
particular neurosis you so
rudely attribute to me.
Oh, you're both horrible and
disgusting!
I hope you're not here when
I get back.
I don't ever want to see
your faces again.
I hate you! You've driven
me from my own home!
Mr. David!
She saw me, I had to!
Aim at him!
Aim at him!
I thought she was her!
She looked me right in the eye!
- Just aim the gun at him!
- Should I kill him too?
- If he tries anything, shoot him.
- What are you doing?
Being awfully polite now, aren't you?
Get your head down!
Tie him up and
gag him good.
Don't move an inch or she'll
shoot your brains out!
I'm sorry. I know it was dumb
but I saw her and she scared me.
- Who is she?
- Divine's daughter.
I feel kind of bad about it
but everything'll be all right, won't it?
Hurry up! She'll be home any minute.
We've got to hide them.
- He called us lesbians, that pig!
- Cops are always hassling me.
Just 'cos I'm pretty
they think I'm a whore.
As far as being gay, how long
have you been a lesbian?
Gay!? I'm no lesbian.
At least not until a little while ago.
You're the first female I ever
did anything with.
I'm glad I was the one.
Will your boyfriend be mad?
Who knows what that moron
will think?
I can't even think straight
after that copper.
I tell ya, Mink. I got one once.
It was a real kick!
I ran him down in my new Eldorado.
And there was another one,
one time back in California.
He gave me a warning ticket
but I wouldn't take it.
Last goddam warning ticket
he ever gave.
But I never had one with
my bare hands. I'm sure I'd like to.
I just tried to be polite so that
we could get away from him.
I think they have my description
in one of their files.
It's getting so I can't even
step in a First Friday service
without somebody getting
uptight. And now my whole day
is ruined. You had me all
worked up thinking I was
going to perform Extreme Unction
on your boyfriend and his date.
I knew it was too good
to be true.
Don't you worry about that,
honey! We'll get them!
We'll go back to my daughter's
place. They'll be there alright.
You'll love my little Cookie!
I'm so proud of her. A real little lady!
- And who'll you say I am?
- My new girlfriend, Mink.
Here comes that copper again.
I thought I told you
two to beat it.
Officer, we're trying to leave but
we can't find the bus stop.
- We're lost. Will you help us?
- It's up Broadway.
- I thought it was about that way.
- Up where?
Up there!
- Get him, Divine! Get him!
- Help me!
Just like roping hogs, ain't it hon?
C'mon, we've got 2 more dead
creeps waiting up at my place.
Let's put her back there.
God, we have to go through
with it now.
If Lady Divine sees this, she'll die.
She'll be foaming at the mouth.
This excites me, Mr. David.
Does it excite you?
- In what way?
- You know.
- Don't you ever think of anything else?
- Yes, but it's all boring.
- Make sure there is no blood around.
- Get me a rag!
We've got to hurry.
"Arrest Weirdo in Tate Murder".
God, she was lying the whole
time! That cruel bitch!
"Charles Watson, Patricia
Krenwinkle, Charles Manson".
I never heard of these people!
That lying bastard!
- Lying about what?
- Sharon Tate.
- You knew her?
- Oh, God! Sharon Tate!
God, she's home!
- What should I do, Mr. David?
- I'll cough. That'll be your signal.
I'm nervous, Mr. David.
But it's all for you.
- Where's Cookie?
- She went out.
- Out where?
- Just out, that's all.
That's a lie! Why are you bringing
this slut to my daughter's
apartment?
That's not very polite.
- I notice you're not alone.
- Yeah. Anything to say?
Nothing. I'm just rather
surprised at your taste.
- What's that supposed to mean?
- Take it for what it's worth.
Not much, coming from a shit
like you.
This is Mink Stole. She's going to be
travelling with me for a while.
So you finally turned dyke?
I'm not surprised.
Dyke? Look who's talking,
all peroxided up!
And what's with her?
Is she some kind of mute?
- I can talk.
- Then say something real cute, hon.
Lady Divine, there's no reason for us
to be mean to each other.
Mr. David and I are in love,
and you have someone else too.
So there's no reason for
any hard feelings.
Oh, God. She can talk.
How unfortunate.
Sit down, Mink.
Make yourself comfortable.
I've got something to tend to
in the kitchen.
I hope you two will be
very happy together.
Yeah? Well, I don't like people
calling me a dyke
when it's obvious that you have
extremely perverted tastes yourself.
Mr. David, I can only take
so much of this kind of talk,
specially from a common lesbian.
Well, my dear, at least I'm not
a bleach-blond hussy
that goes around
screwing unhired gigolos.
Remember you're speaking to someone
miles above your element.
Where did she pick you? On the streets?
Or were you her gym instructor?
Lady Divine, this asshole is getting
awful disrespectul to me
and his scummy little girlfriend too!
I can only sit around here
and be insulted by turds for so
long! Everyone has a limit!
- Where's Ricky?
- He quit.
That's a lie too!
He quit because you still
had not paid him.
Was I talking to you, miss?
He demanded money from me,
I wouldn't give it to him and he left.
You fired him and you know it!
Maybe you can pull this shit over
on this little trick,
but I'm Lady Divine,
just remember that!
At least I'm not a
fat hog like you!
- Oh, God!
- Shoot her! Shoot her!
You're next!
Take this and cover me!
- Can I do it now?
- Do anything you like! She's all yours.
But hurry. Pretty soon you'll have
a backlog of work to do.
- Divine, think what you're doing!
- You knew she had that gun.
You were going to let her kill me!
Couldn't do it yourself, coward!
You can't scare me anymore.
I know about Sharon Tate.
They arrested 3 people for
killing her. I don't even know them!
- Maybe they got the wrong people!
- It's the right people! It's headlines!
Yeah? Well, I don't see where that
makes much difference now!
So what? In a minute, I'm going to
dismember you
in front of your very eyes.
I wonder how it'll feel to be
hacked to pieces with a butcher
knife? Think it'll hurt?
Be human! Six years!
You can't wipe it out that easy!
- I'm having no trouble.
- Please... Oh, God.
- I'm finished. Is he really yet?
- NOW HE IS!
Oh, Divine! What a wonderful
afternoon!
You can't imagine what it's like
for me! It's like fucking Jesus!
Performing Extreme Unction is
practically the most erotic
and stimulating act
I can imagine.
Look, Mink. He's just meat now.
Common ground beef! And he deserves it!
I love that feeling when the knife
goes in and resists a little.
After that, it's almost
a letdown.
Isn't there anybody else we could
do this on? I'm all worked up!
There's nobody left,
nobody!
- We could find someone.
- Who, though, who?
God, there are hundreds of people
I have in my fantasies.
Ann Margret, Tricia Nixon,
Shirley Temple, THE POPE!
Oh, Mink! We could go on for days.
Ronald Reagan and his family,
the entire Baltimore Police Force,
and BARBRA STREISAND!
This will be a day I can never forget!
I've experienced raw happiness!
You fool! You fool!
You've killed Ricky!
I didn't know! He scared me!
I thought he was one of them!
You killed him! The only person
that didn't betray me!
- Don't make me shoot you, please!
- You killed him!
Oh, Divine! You're still beautiful!
Nothing can change that!
I love you! I love your sickness!
I love your crimes! I love your murders!
Oh, Divine! I love your twisted mind!
I love you so much!
You're still the most
beautiful woman in the world!
Nothing can change that!
And now you're a maniac! But
what a state of mind that can be!
How exciting! How stimulating!
And now you're alone.
The way it should be,
the way it will be!
Cookie! Oh, God!
COOKIE!
You're finally there, Divine.
And you don't ever want to go back.
I have to go out now.
I better change.
Oh, Divine. You have to go out
in the world in your own way now.
You know it's all right.
You know no one can hurt you.
You have x-ray eyes now
and you can breathe fire.
You can stomp out shopping centers
with one step of your foot.
You can wipe out entire cities
with one blast of your fiery breath.
You're a monster now and
only a monster can realize
the fulfillment I'm capable
of feeling.
Oh, Divine. It's wonderful
to feel this far gone.
This far into one's
own depravity!
I am a maniac.
A maniac that cannot be cured!
Oh, Divine!
I AM DIVINE!
LOBSTORA!
AAAAH!