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Mummy, I'm A Zombie (2014)
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Hi, I'm Dixie Grim. No! Come on, rise and shine! Not that long ago... Julia! ...school stunk. Dixie. And my life was pure misery. I had no friends, and everyone laughed at me. (Laughing) I wish I was dead! (Thunder rumbling) Ahhh! FATHER: Dixie! Then, something amazing happened. You're a zombie! At first it's hard to believe, but you'll get used to it. I don't want to be a zombie! There's only one way to return to your life as a mortal. How? The Azoth! (Gasping) Hmph! According to the legend. That's right! The Legend of the Azoth was my only way of returning to life among the living. But unfortunately... Thorko, find that young maiden named Dixie, and bring me the Azoth! (Growling) Get out! I wasn't the only one that needed its powers. Therefore, Nebulosa ordered her evil henchmen to capture me! (Groaning) What? That's how I met a crazy roguish pirate guy! What's your name? Gonner. Who stole the Azoth from me, so that Nebulosa could get her plan underway! Ready and willing to execute the plan! What master plan? You know, wreak havoc and evil from antiquity to the present day! (Nebulosa cackling) Ahh! (Dixie screaming) But what Gonner really wanted was to help me fool Nebulosa and recover the powerful jewel. Nebulosa realized this, and as a result, I had to confront her. Gonner and Isis were able to return to their lives as immortal, while I managed to defeat Nebulosa. That's when everything became so clear! Dixie? Dixie, please wake up! It was all a dream! Dad? Yes, darling, I'm here. So, what do you think, Dad? Isn't it possible that my dream actually happened somehow? And that Gonner and Isis really existed? It wouldn't hurt to thank them. My life has changed since then. I see things differently, and most importantly, I'm happy. (Wolf howling) BOY 1: Someone's totally gonna hear us! BOY 2: Are we there yet? Almost, now keep your mouth shut, will ya? Ahh! Oh, what now? I tripped! Then, keep your eyes open, dude! I'm scared! Shh! Okay, but if this takes much longer, I'm gonna lose it! Well, you better not. (Footsteps, leaves rustling) (Crow squawking) (Strange animal sounds) What are you doing? I'll wait for you here. You're joking, right? I'll keep watch in case someone comes. Who would ever come here in the middle of the night? You chicken liver! (Grunting) (Fabric ripping) Did you hear that? (Frog croaking) Dude, what was it? (Fabric ripping) Whoa, there it goes again! My pants! That's what you get for eating a dozen donuts a day. I only had eight today! (Grunting, groaning) (Popping sound) Guys, let's hunker down and get to work! (Machine beeping) Wires, you're in charge of the Ghostmeter K2-EMF! Uh, uh... I'll record the paranormal voices. Cricket, what's my job? You can hold the lantern. Oh! If there are any spirits here, would you give us a sign? (Marbles farting) What was that? Gross, smells awful! I need to go to the bathroom. Marbles, you're ruining our mission! Shh, the K2-EMF is picking up on something! Who are you, dude? (Static) Huh? (Voice muffled) Confess, mortal! Oh! Who gave you permission to enter this burial ground? (All screaming) Run! Mommy! Ugh! Ah! Get out! (Glass breaking) Ha! Ahhh! (Marbles whimpering) Oh, no, not again! (Grunting) Ha, ha, ha! (Grunting) Ha, ha! Come on, Marbles, move! Ha! Ahhh! Ugh! They escaped! Cool it, that'll teach 'em a lesson. Bye, Dad! Have a nice day! Without a doubt! The sky is blue, and the sun is shining. This is going to be a great week. Make the best of it, and have fun. (Sighing happily) Totally! What could possibly go wrong with the weather like this? Hi, Dixie! Oh, hello. Hi, Dixie. Take one. "Vote Penelope Primrat for president." (School bell ringing) Hi, Dixie. Hi. Hey, Dixie, do you want to meet up later to review our math notes? Sure, thanks, Ernie. I hope that this year someone different wins for a change. I know! You should run! You're so much better than the others. You think so? Thanks! (Chatter, indistinct) Look at her. I would have never believed it. She thinks she owns the school! Nothing like getting into an accident to get some recognition. It's so pathetic! That way, they'll really care about you. Well, the party's over. I've got an idea! What are you thinking? Let's turn Miss Congeniality into the biggest loser! No one will be able to stand her. Listen... (Whispering inaudibly) BOTH: Dixie! Dixie! (Clapping hands) Thanks for saving me a seat. We wanted you to sit by us. We're so sorry about your accident, just 'cause of our stupid joke in the funhouse. We didn't mean it. If there's anything we can do for you, we'd be thrilled to help! Nope, no worries. I love your earrings! Oh, thanks, Melissa. Your nail polish is so rad! Thanks, Alyssa. We're going to the movies tonight. You should come! I can't, I have to study math. Let's catch a movie tonight. Cool! BOTH: Hey, what up, Dixie? (Giggling) Don't be silly. You secret crush on Ray is safe with us. Our lips are totally sealed! (Giggling) Bye, Dixie. See you tomorrow! Hi, Mom! MAN ON PHONE: Some of the bouquets are wilted! I don't care if the flowers are wilted. I thought I was going to Dad's today. The flowers are awfully withered! That's why you should sell them immediately! (Sighing) I'm so tired of dealing with useless employees. (Motor starting) Hi, sweetie. There's a change of plans. You're sleeping at home tonight. Okay, great. You seem happier. Things changed a lot. Now, everyone likes me! It's like I'm cool. You were saying? Melissa and Alyssa can't stop apologizing! Weren't those the two girls who made fun of your clothes last year? Yeah, but now they love everything I wear. Isn't that weird? I'm not surprised that you've become more popular after adopting a new attitude. Me? Popular? You know, you should use this sudden new social status to set higher goals for yourself. Like what? Aren't the class elections around the corner? Why don't you run for president? That's funny. You're the second person to tell me that today. You see? The same people always win, and the school needs someone... new. With the right campaign, you'll attract votes like bees to honey. A campaign? Halloween's a week away. Why don't you throw a party and invite everyone? Of course! We can use Dad's place, it's perfect! (Laughing) Dear, you are supposed to entertain your guests, not terrify them in a morbid mortuary. Oh. You can have it here, you know. Thanks, Mom, ha-ha! Oh. (Whispering inaudibly) President? But to win, you'll need to beat Penelope Primrat! And she hasn't lost an election since kindergarten. Exactly! That's why I think I should bring change to make this a better place. And how are you going to take votes away from her? What about throwing a Halloween party? Awesome, we love costumes! We'll help you organize it, so we can finally do something for you. Thanks! I'm going to invite the whole class. MELISSA AND ALYSSA: Oh. What's wrong? Ew, no, you shouldn't do that. Why not? The first thing you need to learn about popularity is that if you want to cool people to come to your party, then you better forget about those weirdoes. I'm saying only one of them was a ghost! And the rest were zombies! Zombies? At least four of them! They smelled like rotten flesh! And their leader was floating in mid-air! And had an axe sticking out of her head! (Gasping) Piroska! (Birds tweeting) I love parties! Did you hear that, Mr. Molars? Well, I didn't want to bother you. What are you talking about? It's just what we need, a house full of life! I wasn't planning on having it here. The funeral home is perfect! Look around you! (Phil humming happily) Dad, things have changed! We'll stop dusting, and give spiders time to weave their webs. I have new friends now. I'll leave the autopsy room door open, so it smells like formaldehyde! No one treats me like a loser. And with those eerie, spooky lights in the front yard-- Dad, I want a normal party! Mom offered her place, and I said yes. Oh, I see. (Wind blowing) (Door creaking) (Wind blowing) (Dixie groaning) What's going on? Oh! Ah! Oh, Dad! PHIL: Don't worry, darling. Everything will be just fine. You relax now. I hope you don't mind sharing the backseat with Mr. Molars. Ah! Oh! He won't bother you. He's a man of few words. Oh! I didn't see that! (Crashing) Ahhh! (Dixie groaning) Oh! Ugh! (Whistling) (Whistling) (Tires screeching in distance) Huh? Huh? (Tires screeching) Ahhh! (Gasping) Doctor! Doctor! Hold on, honey. We're almost there. Okay, take it easy, everyone. It'll be over before you know it. Close your eyes, sweetheart, and count to three. One, two... (Voice distorting) Three. (Groaning) What happened to me? Appendicitis. The doctors had to slice you open to remove that little rascal. Ouch! How many stitches did they give me? As many as the number of days of the week! I'll look like the Bride of Frankenstein! It'll match with the rest of your wardrobe, sweetheart. (Door opening) Hmm, home sweet home. How do you feel? (Sighing) Good. So, you wouldn't mind going down to the preparation room to touch up Mrs. Wigwam? I have to make some phone calls. Sure. This place always gives me the creeps. (Screaming) Rowr! Ha ha! Isis! Arrr! No, please, no! DIXIE: Gonner? I'm sorry. I couldn't stop him from coming along. But how is this possible? Oh, cut it out! We don't have eternity. Listen, Dixie, we're here because something be very wrong. (Phil knocking) Everything okay? Everything's fine! I'm almost done! We'd better go somewhere else before my dad sees you. (Faint howling) The zombies in the cemetery are enraged by Piroska's sudden ghost visits. That nutjob has been going around saying that the Dark Soul is back. (Gasping) Nebulosa? Aye, your buddy. What is she up to now? Well, as the carrier of the Azoth, it's up to you to find out what she's plotting. And stop her in her tracks! Uh, wait a second. The last time we faced Nebulosa, I was a zombie. Or at least I thought I was, because the doctor said it was all a nightmare. Well, what do you think? Of course not! I'm sure that everything that happened was real. Ah, then what we be waiting for? Wait! I can't face Nebulosa. I'm a mortal now. Aye, lassie, we'll help ye. And you have the powers of the Azoth on your side. Oh! What's wrong with it? Why isn't it glowing? I don't know. (Gasping) It's lost all of its power! (Humming) Relax, my lady, relax! And Frisco! Where is my loyal Frisco! My cousin is no longer in your service. How dare that brute desert me! Actually, it was you that terminated his services. You blew him up. Oh, yes. But I'm his cousin Parisco! And I'm your new faithful servant. Simply lay back, my queen, and take it easy! How can you ask me to relax? I have to restock my lab with poisons and potions, create new ghost worlds! Your power is unlimited, but so is your temper, which can result in mis...calculations. Control, control. And your immense power will know no limits! (Snarling) We got it, my lady! Ah, Piroska! Do you have it? The essence of the Azoth, as you requested. How did you do it? (Giggling) I swiped it from Dixie while she was asleep. Oh! (Kissing) Now you can acquire the powers required to legitimize your position as leader of the zombies! And carry out my new plan. With the essence of the Azoth in your possession, you don't need to worry about the enemy anymore! Dixie Grim! Maybe you spilled salt and don't remember. Oh, no! Ahh! Or walked underneath a ladder leaning against the wall? No! Ahh! Heh-heh. Oh, oh! Have you come across a hearse carrying a coffin? Isis, I live in a funeral home. (Groaning) Cut it out with the creepy superstitions. Do you have a better explanation? If anyone knows what happened to the Azoth, it would be Vitriol! Oh, blimey, now what? Yeah, Isis, which way should we go? (Owl hooting) Hmm, this way! Wait, wait, wait! I said the other way. Aren't you always saying you have bad luck? (Giggling) (Both giggling) (Owl hooting) Aw, bummer, man. The Azoth lost its essence. Be that even possible? Well, yeah, sure, daddy-o. The Azoth is made up of this gnarly primary matter, and it is utterly fragile. Oh, how can we restore its essence? The primary matter consists of the four basic elements of creation. ISIS AND GONNER: Earth, fire, water and air! Only the righteous balance of these four elements can recreate the primary matter that nurtures the Azoth. So, what do we need to be doing? (Vitriol speaking Latin) Ya dig? "Search within, and by rectifying, you shall find the jewel that's hidden inside you." Check this out. A stone egg? Don't focus on the outside. Zero in on the inside, man. A stone chicken? It's a gnome, you dead-head! I came across this trippy little guy up north, and my soul told me it would come in handy. Now I know why. Oh! Aren't gnomes the magical entity of the earth? Yup, here's your first element. Get a move on, and hunt down the remaining three. The answers you're sniffing for lie in this book. Ugh! I'll take care of this. You don't even know your ABCs. But only the true bearer of the Azoth can find the undeniable answer. But, first, make right that which is wrong. The path lies in the heart, sister. But where we be digging up the elements? And how will we know if they're in balance? Dixie, are you even listening to any of this? What? Sorry, I'm just really tired. The sun be going to rise soon. Time for us to go get some shut-eye. Do you want to sleep in me tomb, Dixie? Who'd want to sleep in that dirty hole in the ground? Come to my super-roomy tomb instead, Dixie! Guys, I'm a mortal. I have a family at home waiting for me. If I don't get back by morning, I'll be in big trouble! But when will we see you again? Tomorrow night, same spot. (Ghostmeter beeping) I'm picking up on something! Is it a ghost? A zombie? It was Dixie! Dixie Grim! (Children laughing) (Alyssa giggling) If you want to be popular, then you've got to be exclusive. If everyone was popular, then no one would be exclusive. You let a few enter the inner circle while the others burn with jealousy. How is this going to help me get votes and become president? People would kill to get into your group! Hee-hee! They love you, they hate you, they do whatever you want. Hey, Dixie! Are we still on for a study session later? Yeah, of course. Ha, super. If you really want to win the election, you can't be seen with him! But he's... he's a really cool dude. (Girls laughing) What? The secret to our success is that we don't hang with dudes like Ernie, blah! The cool with the cool. And freaks with freaks! You want to win the election, right? And make the school a better place. Yes. (School bell ringing) You and Ray would be so much cuter together. But he's Julia's boyfriend. (Alyssa giggling) It's not like they're married! And Julia's my friend. Don't worry, maybe we can help you. I'm serious. You really shouldn't get involved. Oh, but you were meant to be together. (Dog howling) If they keep crossing off names, I won't even be invited to my own party. Ew, get your dirty hook of a hand off me! Ye old barnacle! What are you doing here? We were tired of waiting for ye in the cemetery, so we decided to go out and find ye! Did anyone see you? 'Twas close. I had to tie this lunatic's bandages to a tree so she wouldn't go after a group of mortals. Isis, you can't just go around biting people! Imagine the mess! Who said anything about biting? Those people were talking about some Halloween party you're throwing! Great, just what I needed. Oh, can I go? Can I go? Can I go? You definitely have a loose bandage. It's a party for mortals! But people dress up for Halloween! Nobody would even know we're zombies. Maybe I could even win a prize! (Giggling) No, no, definitely not. First of all, there'll only be food for mortals, so what would you guys eat? Rat guts? Dog brains? (Licking lips) We just wouldn't eat. Oh, and mortals clean themselves and smell good. Zombies reek of death! I'd rather die again than take a bath! We shouldn't mix different worlds. Mortals should stick with mortals! (Sighing) And zombies with zombies. Oh! (Seagull squawking) (Sniffing, meowing) (Sniffing) (Piroska grunting) Meow! Life is tough, huh? Don't worry, you'll be among the dead pretty soon. (Cat yelping) (Snarling) That should be enough for today. (Cats meowing) (Snarling) I'll take her down! You nutjob! Do you want to see that lady's face on the front page of all the mortals' newspapers tomorrow morning? (Cat meowing) It was just an idea. We can't leave any tracks! Remember the plan? Petey? Petey, Petey! (Cat meowing in distance) Oh! Vitriol was right! This book has volumes of useful information. Come on, Dixie. What be going on with us? I don't know what you're talking about. About us, remember? Am I not your sea dog anymore? Well, we're together now. Oh, but it's not like before! It's like I annoy you. I guess I'm just still surprised to see you guys, and face Nebulosa again. And then, there's my life as a mortal. If you only knew how complicated all this is! But do you still like me? I just need some time, that's all. Oh, Dixie! Hand me the Azoth! Chill out, Isis. You're going to break it! Give it to me! Vitriol said the path lies within the heart! Ahhh! Oh! Avast ye! The Azoth be a map! See, those be the hands of the compass. It's like Vitriol said! The first element was found in the north! So, then the element of air will be to the east! What are we waiting for? (Creaking sound) (Henchmen growling) NEBULOSA: Gently! That is a very rare artefact imported from Transylvania. Growl! Use caution! You cannot risk dropping it. We're home! I didn't give you a voice so that you could shriek. I know! Control, relax. My darling Piroska, what is it you bring me? Tasty cats to welcome our guests! (Cats meowing) We caught at least 100! The ideal reward once they answer your summons. Nothing can fail during my great convention. Ah, ah, ah! You mustn't flood the mind with negativity! It will be a monstrous success, you'll see! What did he say? (Sighing) What if the zombies ignore your call? Argh! I didn't say a word! It was him! Do you question my stratagem? Let us not be frazzled. We must temper our temper! How dare you cast doubt over me! (Roaring) Okay, take 10. Breathe deeply. Here we go. (Inhaling) (Cackling) (Roaring) You're right, I feel so much better. (Whimpering) "Emblems of the air element include the sky and the birds." And we'll need to draw on our omnipotent intuition to find it. Does it say anything about throwing yourself down a ravine? Oh! A dead end in the road! A bad omen I forebode! (Water rushing) Isis, how about ye take an eternal snooze and leave us alone? Look over there! GONNER: A lighthouse? Aren't we looking for a high place? The air element must be hidden up there! Let's go! Hey, you guys, won't it be dangerous? Remember the earthquakes that demolished the one in Alexandria! (Key rattling) You know, for a sea-faring bandit, you are totally clueless. (Lock turning) You were saying? Ha-ha! Beginner's luck. (Sound of footsteps) (Panting) I'm getting... dizzy! Would ye rather go straight... ...to the bottom? I hate to be the one who always has to remind you, but the proverb says, "If a ray of light flashes, zombies get turned into ashes!" (Wings flapping) The book said that birds are associated with the air element. Someone should go up there to look around! Okay, I get it. (Sighing) What be that? A snack we mortals enjoy. How can you think of food right now? It's not for me. Huh? (Squawking) Are you hungry, little birdie? (Squawking) Here, check this out! Oh! (Squawking) Ahh! Gonner, do something! I got myself out of the way, didn't I? (Chuckling) (Squawking) Oh, ah! (Cats meowing) Patience, it's almost ready. (Cats meowing) Hmm, Petey? Psst, I think Petey came back. (Bird squawking) Get it off! Get it off! Follow your gut. Focus on whatever catches your attention. (Bird squawking) (Gasping) I think I know where. What are the chances the air element is in here? Crack it open! Let's find out! (Tapping) It's hard as a rock! (Tapping) Ugh! Phew! (Shell cracking) Air! (Gasping) Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt you. Hey, look what I found! Ow! (Wings flickering) (Dixie gasping) (Bats screeching) Help! I'm coming up! Petey, Petey. Oh, simmer down now. I have your favourite dish. (Gonner panting) The light! (Bats screeching) Ahhh! Petey, Petey. What are you up to, you rascal? (Bats screeching) Ahhh! (Dixie screaming) Ha, gotcha! (Screaming) Ugh! (All groaning, bird squawking) (Doorknob rattling) Wh-- what was that? Somebody's coming! Hide! Petey? Oh, hmm. (Wood creaking) (Sighing) (Owl hooting, crickets chirping) VITRIOL: Ah, the creature you landed was a sylph. These fairies are the magical identity of the air. And why did it petrify? To preserve the power of the element it represents. Super groovy, protect it with your life. Boneville Cemetery, 11:00 p.m. I'm picking up something! Stop goofing off and shoot! Quiet! Oh, man, it's just Dixie. Again? Well, well, what an interesting coincidence. Did you seriously think I didn't notice your moves on Dixie? So? Heh-heh. Watch it. Dixie deserves a lot better than a cocky traitor like you! Or a blood-sucking friend like you. Am not! You Caribbean monkey-doo! Shh! No, no, no, no, no! What do you mean, shh? You can't shush me! (Skeletons chattering) Things have changed, you can be certain of that! But how can we be sure that Nebulosa's not going back to her old ways, huh? Her recent total extinction experience has taught her many things. Right, now she knows how to pop our brains out in half the time. No! I promise you that she wants the best for all of us! Come on, she's always used us to serve her best interests. Nebulosa deeply regrets her past actions, and wants to make it up to you! (Skeletons chattering) As proof of her good intentions, she has invited all of you to a grand reception in her lair where she will offer you all kinds of delicacies! There, she will announce to you a very important message, a revelation she reached during her transcendental experience! (Skeletons chattering) (Books clattering) Tell me it isn't true. What? You're the one that told Ray that I kissed Martin in the locker room. No! That happened years ago! Alyssa and Melissa. So, you were in on it. Yeah, but-- no! I never thought that-- Well, Ray broke up with me. I'm sorry. So, I guess now that you're popular, you feel entitled to mess up everyone else's life. That's not true! Now you can have Ray all to yourself. Isn't that what you wanted? (Crying) No, Julia, wait! Let me explain! Oh! (Footsteps) Sleep, sleep... (Groaning) Ahh! (Gonner laughing) Shiver me timbers, it's just us. It wasn't funny at all! (Gonner and Isis laughing) PHIL: Dixie? My dad! Is something wrong, Dixie? What happened here? Oh, there were two spiders! (Giggling) Where? Um, don't worry. I already got rid of them. (Giggling) (Sniffing) What is that rotten smell? (Sniffing) I don't smell anything. Oh, it's coming from under the bed. No! There's nothing there! Dad, forget about it. Oh, your boots. (Sniffing) Oh, let's get these out of your room. I think they need some fresh air. Oh, phew! (Exhaling) Dixie's feet smell like death! (Laughing) I don't believe that Nebulosa suddenly wants to do right by the zombies. Something's up! Totally agree. I'm sure she be up to some devious plan, and that this whole important message thing be a cover-up. Time is running out! We've got to find the third element! Now? We have to stop the witch before she tries to turn us into shark bait! Ahh! "The element of fire is associated with arid places. Its colour is red, and it resides in the south." Our graveyard! Let's take a break before Isis the parrot burns me brains with TMI! "You will need endless determination to find it, and its magical entity is the salamander." Isis, have ye ever heard of the word "silence"? CRICKET: Come out, zombie! Quiet, someone's coming. Quick, hit the deck! (Cat meowing) I'm certain this place is plagued with zombies. Our plan is fail-proof, no doubt about it. Why are so many cats disappearing in Boneville? Uh, because the dogs are hungry? Because there have always been mutts, and the cat population never change. Then, who? The zombies! The living dead are so crazy about cats! That's nice, heh-heh! No, stupid, cats are their favourite food! Ugh! If we want to trap one of those zombies, all we have to do is lure it with a tasty cat. (Meowing) When the zombie comes for the cat, we'll ambush it. And we'll burn it with our torches. Trap a zombie with a cat? How lame is that? Cats. (Clanging) What was that? I have an idea. Come out, zombie. We know you're there. (Howling) (Screaming) (Howling) (Howling) Huh? (Gasping) What's this? (Gasping) The salamander! Now you'll see. Mine! Ha! She's out cold. You asked for it! Eww, slimy. Where'd it go? Don't move. Not again! Creatures on my head creep me out. What's it doing? You don't want to know. (Groaning) I got him! (Blowing raspberry) That's enough! Wait till I get a hold of you. Got you now! (Whistling) Now what? Whoa! (Laughing) Dixie! Got it. You did it! You made it! Well, well, it looks like our three little pigs have reunited! (Laughing) I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow their raging party down. We're going to fix the Azoth Yeah, we did it We're going to fix the Azoth Yeah, we did it (Laughing) Interesting. It's perfect for the front lawn. Careful. What the matter with you, Dixie? Nothing. You seem so tired lately. Are you sure everything's okay? It's about the party. I thought you were excited. I am, it's just that Alyssa and Melissa aren't letting me invite anyone. Oh, really? They insist that I invite only the most popular people if I want to have a rad party and win votes in the election. Well, Dixie, there's something you should understand about social group dynamics. What? You have to pick and choose, love. You can't be in two worlds at once. But all those people are my friends too. Success requires big sacrifices. Hey! This is perfect for Dad's costume. Dixie, I don't think it's a good idea to invite your father. Why not? Thank about it: what if he embarrasses you in front of your new friends? Oh. Don't you want to win this election? You have so much to gain and so little to lose. There is a sense of dread at the core of my soul. Now, just relax. I feel like I am about to receive terrible news any minute. It's normal to be anxious. Your big moment is coming up! All must be perfect. Remember, take control of situations, you take control of the world! My lady! Piroska. Excellent news! Speak. Your summons to the zombies has been a success, my queen. Thousands of zombies from cemeteries everywhere will come to hear your message! Excellent! Magnificent! Splendid! But there's something else you should know. Yes. It's about Dixie. (Grunting) We saw her wandering through the forest with the other two misfits. (Grunting) Oh, let's not get flustered. Oh! But listen to this: they're going around looking for the Four Elements of Creation. (Laughing) (Cackling) The Elements? What in the world do they want the elements for? Don't you understand, fools?! They're trying to restore the essence of the Azoth. (Gasping) Oh, easy there. Deep breaths. Omm... Do it with me. Omm. Omm. (Grunting) Enough! Ah! (Grunting) (Sighing) Now I feel much better. Uh-oh. Find them and get that wretched girl out of the way. Don't worry, my lady, I have a plan that will lead us right to her. (Sighing) I really need to close my eyes for five minutes. Wait a sec, and I'll be all yours. No more noises. Hello, darkness. Nothing can bother me now. Blah! (Spitting) (Laughing) What are you doing here? I thought you'd be happy to see me. And I thought it was clear that I needed to rest tonight. Remember? Me hearty, what have I done? What's become of us? I bet Isis brainwashed you into thinking I was a rotten traitor. No, that's not true. 'Cause you're a mortal and I still be a zombie? Of course not. It's just that I am so tired. I never want to be tired. I didn't have to live two lives before in just 24 hours. Do ye still like me or not? Of course I do. But you need to give me some time. "I just need a little time." (Mocking) Mortals always take advantage of us zombies, thinking that we have all eternity ahead of us. This be like being dragged under the keel of a ship. I never understand lassies. Well, well. So you're still wasting time with that mortal. Whoa, there. If I wanted to destroy you, I would've done it before you had time to whip out that toothpick. Looks like trying to be a good boy has turned you into a fool. What do you want? Come on, Gonner. Mortals don't care much for putrid corpses like us. Dixie be different. That's what they all say. She doesn't stink like you. Oh, really? I bet you your pirate's booty she already has a mortal boy on her mind. Shut your trap! When you come to your senses, I'll be waiting for you. (Smooching) Me hearty would never double cross me. (Meowing) (Sniffing) Ah. Mm. (Meowing) Come here, kitty. Grab him! We got him! Ah! Get over here, zombie. Watch out for his teeth. Ouch! Did he bite you? No, dude, I'm cool, I'm okay. Dudes, we just caught ourselves a zombie. Thunderbolts! Let me out of here! From the yard, I will feed ye to the fish! Now we have the proof we needed. No one can "smock" us anymore! Mock us, moron. It's "mock", not "smock". Yeah, that. Oh, man. Oh, you. Ray, can I talk to you for a sec? Yeah, sure, babe. BOTH: Bye, Ray. I heard about you and Julia. Oh, Julia. Yeah, right. I want you to know that I'm really sorry. Yeah, I'm really broken up about the whole thing. I could really use a good friend to talk to. Oh, I understand. How about we see a movie at 5:00, baby? Oh, I don't think that-- Hey! Who said zombies don't exist? Yo, listen up, you guys. We captured one. Oh, you're crazy. Oh, yeah? It's our age and it looks like a pirate. It's in Wires' backyard. Who wants to see it? I do. Me, me, me. It's locked up in there. Let it out. I want to see it. So it can go rabid and maul everyone? Whoever wants to see will have to peep through this hole. She's covering up for the beast. That's a lie! She goes in and out of the cemetery every single night to hang out with him. I've never seen that thing before. He's your boyfriend. We saw him climbing out of your window. Are you kidding me? I couldn't be caught dead with that creature. I chill with people, like Alyssa and Melissa. I would never be friends with a ghoulish bloodsucker. Hey, leave her alone. You heard her. She's never seen the dead-head before. Oh, who's the filthy traitor now? Gonner? It's me, Dixie. I'm sorry about what happened. I needed to make stuff up so they'd believe me and I could rescue you. You understand, right? Wait a minute. (Gasping) Gonner? The balance between the spirit and the mind is most important. Peace allows for control and control turns into domination. I can't wait for the action to begin. (Gasping) Gonner! I knew you'd come back! Seize him! (Snarling) Wait, my lady! He's one of us again. He betrayed me by helping Dixie, and now he will pay. (Breathing heavily) (Growling) I can help ye catch her! Throw him into the pit. No! Please! Trust him, he's telling the truth. This slimy bilge rat hasn't said a true thing in his life. (Grunting) She's heading for the nymphs' pond to get the fourth element. You had better be right. It's a full moon! Time to hit the lagoon! Where's Gonner? Isn't he with you? No idea. He's gone off and disappeared somewhere. Typical Gonner. He almost blew my cover in front of the mortals. What did you expect from that weasel? We're better off alone than in such terrible company. Wait, Isis. We don't even know what Nebulosa's plotting. My horoscope guarantees a long journey with a pleasant ending. We don't need Gonner for anything. What if it's true that Nebulosa has changed? Even the message in my fortune cookie confirms that this journey will be a success. We are totally fine. Isis, I'm not a zombie anymore. I have my own life as a mortal. I don't care what you are. Well, I do, and I can't be in two worlds at one. I tried, but it was impossible. And who's going to find the fourth element? Who's going to stop Nebulosa? Zombie problems are matters of the living dead. Oh, of course zombies are too insignificant for a busy mortal like you to waste your time on. I just don't know who you are anymore, Dixie Grim. And who are you? It's pretty easy for you to act all tough when someone else is risking their neck. Right, Isis? Why don't you go? Me? Alone? With the help of your horoscope and fortune cookies, you should be fine. What's wrong? Dare ya. Well, maybe I will. Good luck. What if my horoscope was wrong? (Ringing) (Rattling) (Gasping) Ah! You have to help me. Ah! Let me go. Your pirate dude bit me. I'm done for. It won't be long before I'm a zombie. What should I do? Go to the woods and you'll find a mummy there named Isis. Tell her that I sent you and... You don't understand, man. My friends are armed and they're recruiting volunteers to go after the zombies. What?! If they figure out I'm one of the living dead, they'll hunt me down like an animal. Just be honest. They're your friends, I'm sure they'll understand. Be honest? Like you were in front of everyone when we captured the pirate? It's easy to act brave when it's someone else's problem. Hmph. I wasn't trying to act brave. Oh, no! Isis. I hope the water nymphs don't bite. Oh, I hate getting chewed up. What did my horoscope mean by "long journeys with pleasant endings?" And if the journey isn't pleasant, is it just like an ordinary journey? Of course, if my horoscope is wrong, there's always my fortune cookie. This is undoubtedly my lucky day. I shouldn't be worried. (Splashing) Oh, hi. My name's Isis. I just need one of you to help me. Oh, no, no. Don't be afraid. I'm not going to hurt you. Will you help me? (Giggling) Oh, you have no idea how grateful I am. (Giggling) (Growling) Stop it! Go away! Oh, it's okay. Everything's cool. No need to worry. Uh-oh. How do you like that? Good fortune is still on my side. Oh. Oh, no! Ah! You see, Isis, this is sheer luck. Oh, no. Yes! Oh! No-o-o! I guess this was a lucky break. Oh. I did it! What luck! I really was born under a lucky star. PIROSKA: Well, well, well. Oh! You should know that zombies and water don't mix very well. Oh, no! Ah! Why don't you go ahead and dive in to show me?! I couldn't care less about you, crackpot. I'm looking for Dixie. Where is she? I'll never tell you. Stop flickering like a candle and fight, coward. (Laughing) Chicken! You rotten hatchet head! You stinky zombie! Face me! Go, mummy, go! You are so courageous, so brave, and daring! Oh, Isis. What are you doing? (Laughing) You think you can take me? (Grunting) Isis, no! Bye-bye! (Laughing) Hey! Let go of me. You're a little late. (Laughing) See you never, Dixie Grim. (Chuckling) We shall refill this replica with the Azoth essence, which we so brilliantly stole from Dixie. No zombie will be able to tell the difference. (Laughing) The Azoth! Nebulosa is the bearer of the Azoth? All good? Dixie has turned into nymph food at the bottom of the pond. You can now carry out your plan, my queen. My fellow people of the night, I have called you here to apologize for any of my mistakes that might have harmed you in the past. My actions were harsh, and I am deeply ashamed of them. However, my true intention was to free us all from the painful existence we've always suffered. Because of the mortals, the walking dead live a life of secrecy, so as not to be hunted down mercilessly. Zombies of Boneville, we will put an end to centuries of subjugation. Now, with the Azoth in my power, we will all rise up and revolt against the tyranny of mortals. We must make the world ours. (Cheering) Look at them, my lady. They are all yours. Meal time. Serve them the hideous cats. We will need all of their strength. (Sobbing) Why did you do it, loony girl? What were you thinking? What's this? (Gasping) The last element. Oh, Isis, you're the bravest, smartest mummy in the world. (All groaning) Look at them, my lady. That's a legitimate army. Now, every mortal that gets bitten by a zombie will be transformed into the walking dead. (Groaning) There won't be a single mortal left in Boneville. (Laughing) They'll all be zombies! The success of the rebellion will spread through the region, and then across the country, and will reach every corner of the earth. In the blink of an eye, the whole world will become zombie territory. (Laughing) Dixie, where the heck are you, chick? Huh? Vitriol, I found it, the last element! Far out! Now let's get this baby rolling. Honesty, inspiration, will and courage. Search within, man. And by rectifying, you shall find the jewel that's hiding inside you. I don't understand. What's missing? I wish Gonner and Isis were here to help me. I miss them so much. (Sobbing) I'm so sorry. I was so ungrateful. So unfair. The essence of the Azoth. (Bicycle bell ringing) (Cheering) Go back to your rotting tombs where you belong. We'll count to three. One... Two... Three! Ah! Ah! (Screaming) Look how they run, my lady! (Laughing) The ghost wolves await your orders for the attack, my lady. Oh, the zombies can do this on their own. (Screaming) I don't see them. We got rid of them. (Screaming) (Meowing) (Grunting) WIRES: Hey, up here! MARBLES: Say cheese! (Meowing) (Chuckling) (Laughing) Our zombies are definitely getting their fill. Victory is yours. Not quite yet. This is just an appetizer. Cricket? Where have you been, dude? There are zombies everywhere. (Groaning) Ugh! Wait, listen to me. (Groaning) No, it's not what it looks like. Don't come near me! Scumbags. Cat killers. Take that! Huh? Oh. (Choking) (Yelling) What in the devil's name is that? The Azoth? By the power invested in me through this jewel, I order you to return to your tombs. (Laughing) And what power is that? The power of the real bearer of the Azoth. That Azoth is a rock. It has no real power. And you are a farce. She's not even a zombie. Who are you really, Dixie Grim? Earth, air, fire and water! Honesty, inspiration, will and courage! (Gasping) I thought you got rid of her. I don't understand, my lady. I saw her sink to the bottom of the pond. Leave the zombies alone. Just because they don't look like all of you doesn't mean they're so different. No, they are abominably boorish monsters. They should be annihilated. The two worlds don't need to destroy each other. Look at me. Half mortal, half zombie. You're an odd exception. Both zombies and mortals know that we can't coexist. We must fight to the death! (Meowing) Petey? (Meowing) No, you're not Petey anymore, you're a nasty varmint. Go away. Oh. Wait. Petey! Oh, you may smell like rotten fish, but you'll always be my Petey. Back-stabbing louse! Thank you. Now you're a real looker. Wow! Hey, cats, let me through. I'm with them. I'm coming too. Me too. I want to go, yeah. How dare they? Thou must maintain composure. Remember, control is power. (Grunting) Let us breath together. One, two-- Shut up, already. Who care about the Azoth? What intrinsic power can it actually proclaim? I have the power of darkness unchallenged. I am the queen of the night and all of its creatures! (Laughing) You obey me! (Gasping) Not her! Use the Azoth! (All gasping) (Laughing) Hey, she killed the true bearer of the Azoth. Go on! Leave at once! I am your queen! Get your odious hands off me! Thorko! Right on, sister. You found the path in your heart and took Nebulosa down. Oh, come on, cool cat. Wake up. Please. Come on, wake up. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up. Good grief, you finally came to. What happened? This feisty little appendix was the cause of all this mess. Perfect. We can use it as party decor. Oh, right. Your party. Our party! The one we're throwing at home, and absolutely everyone is invited! (Music playing) (Chattering) Rubber worms! Who wants one? Take it! It's the last one left. No, thanks. Save me, Sophia! The zombie hunters are after me! Help! You'll never escape, you putrid ball of flesh. (Grunting) Honestly, I could care less if the whole world's in there. I'd rather die than be with those geeks. Ugh! Whatevs. (Ringing doorbell) (Sighing) Wait for me. We'll only stay five minutes, okay? Isis, Gonner, if you can hear me, I just wanted to thank you for everything. (Gasping) (Laughing) |
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