1
[footsteps]
[squawks]
[footsteps, panting]
[man] She went this way!
[bird squawking]
[man] I heard somethin' over here.
Don't let her get away.
- [man 2] There's nowhere to run.
- [woman panting, grunts]
You made that a lot harder
than it needed to be.
[gasps]
[dog growls]
Taz!
- [Taz growling]
- [man gasping]
[growling]
Don't you move!
Aah!
[man grunting]
[man screaming]
- [woman grunting]
- [car alarm blaring]
- [gasping]
- [growling]
[man 3] I'm gonna enjoy
putting you down, traitor.
[car horn honking]
[music playing]
[narrating]
Yo, I'm Angelino,
and our story takes place in a
shithole called Dark Meat City.
I was born here.
Probably die here too.
DMC.
As in depression, murder,
and crazy-ass motherfuckers.
Break it up!
I'm 22, and I'm
a pizza delivery guy, I guess.
I get paid, and I get
the fuck out of there.
Don't ask questions.
Don't get involved.
Just complicates things, y'know?
Already ugly as fuck. I don't
need no more complications.
[music continues playing]
When it comes to
the school of hard knocks,
I probably ain't
never gonna graduate.
But I ain't complaining.
So many others
just drop out.
What's up, Mac? Come on!
[Angelino]
Man, move your hobo asses!
What did I tell you?
Did I mention
I hate this place?
It's like everyone's
tryin' to take you out.
- [squawks]
- Aah! Shit!
Stupid ass bird.
Watch where you flying.
How was I supposed to know that one
little look would change everything?
They say real love stories don't
end up like they do in the movies.
- [truck horn honking]
- But how would I know?
I ain't never been in love.
I ain't never kept a job
longer than three weeks.
'Cause I'm "lucky" like that.
But I gotta pay rent somehow,
and I can't count on Vinz.
No one'll hire him 'cause he's
a fire hazard or some shit.
We're fucked.
Just keep your head down,
mouth shut.
You even think about
disrespecting these motherfuckers,
and you're done.
The rule is: Don't cause
no trouble for nobody,
and maybe they'll do the same.
Yeah, I get it.
I'm a joke.
But right now,
I just wanna get home.
Hey! Put your head
in a bag, ese!
Cover that shit up,
Holmes!
Alive, if possible.
Hotel Guadalupe.
It's like purgatory
but with cable.
Lived here four years.
[man] Straight from the mouth of
hell, Lucifer's favorite son...
- [Angelino] Yo, Vinz?
- Wassup?
What's with all this
shit on the floor?
[sighs] For real,
can you just clean up after yourself?
[Vinz] Whoa. What the fuck
happened to your face, bro?
Got hit by some big-ass truck,
came outta nowhere.
Man, people need to learn
how to drive in this town.
Oh, yeah,
and I got fired.
- Again?
- Yup.
Hey, you feed
the roaches yet?
Why can't they just eat
what's on the floor?
Nah, the floor's nasty.
Roaches have sensitive tummies.
I read that somewhere.
Real talk though?
I don't know how we're gonna do this.
Rent's two months late,
we ain't got no jobs.
Dude, I know Lucha ltima's on,
but we gotta figure shit out.
You think we should
talk to Willy?
Can we please leave Willy
out of this? He's weird.
Okay, come to Papa.
Ah! There ya go.
Daddy's got a little treat for you.
Oh, you brought some friends too.
That's cool.
Eww! That's gross, man.
And you're eating
the pet food?
The roaches
freak me out, man.
- Are you even listening to me?
- Yeah.
I mean, they're just taking over
the whole crib, bro.
I know this is a shit apartment,
but can we at least have some standards?
[man] Right to the jaw!
Hey, Vinz.
You know what'd really suck?
If even the roaches
get out of here before we do.
[snoring]
[snoring]
[snarling]
[gasping]
[muttering]
Hey! I think you're in the wrong
neighborhood, marica. [chuckles]
- [groaning]
- [man on TV] The terrorist attacks on the White House
- aren't just a threat to us on Pennsylvania Avenue,
- Shit. My head.
but to our entire nation
and the American way of life.
Lino, you look rough, bro.
You okay?
Couldn't sleep.
Kept having messed-up dreams.
Think that accident really
fucked up my head, man.
[Vinz] Bro, I think we should
go get that checked out.
You could drop dead or something.
Let's go see a doctor today.
[Angelino]
No way. No doctors.
They just make you
pay for bad news.
[man on TV continues talking,
indistinct]
- [knocking]
- Oh, no. It's Willy.
[knocking continues]
Shit, man.
Open up, jerkwads!
It's me! Willy!
[echoes]
[knocking continues] Come on.
I know you're home. I hear the TV.
It's not like
you can go anywhere.
You're a couple of broke
a-holes with no car.
- Vinz, I can see the flame on your head!
- Damn.
Come on! Open up! Hey-oh!
Man, I can't handle
that clown right now.
[grunting]
- Um...
- [hissing]
Shut the fuck up.
Your goddamn noise
is pissing off my snake.
[whimpering]
[Vinz] Oh, man. Now I have to let Willy
in, or the Nazi is gonna kill him.
[groans] I mean,
would that be the worst thing?
[Willy]
Ah! Took you long enough!
What are you doin' in here?
Smellin' each other's balls or somethin'?
Willy, please keep it down.
My head's gonna burst.
Seriously, what's with your neighbor?
It's a free country.
Our founding fathers died for
my right to yell in hallways.
I mean, back me up, Lino.
Am I right or am I right?
Whatever. Sure, man.
Just shut the fuck up, dude.
Huh? This guy again?
...until they themselves know
the terror they tried...
Terrorism,
blah, blah, blah.
So where are these
alleged terrorists, huh?
Playing poker with the tooth
fairy and my imaginary girlfriend?
Ha! I mean, look at
that guy right there!
Showing a face like that on TV,
that's terrorism!
Ooh, what a sick burn!
[mimicking machine gun fire]
[gasping]
What the hell?
Did you not just see that?
Those savages
ran off with my hot dog!
You're not gonna do
anything?
You know those things carry
a nut-ton of diseases, right?
Why are you here?
Uh, I don't know.
I missed you douchebags.
I wanted to go out,
get some froyo or somethin'.
Come on, let's get some air, 'cause, honestly,
Lino over here looks like a shit took a shit.
[Vinz] Everybody knows it's staged, Willy.
Diablo always wins.
I could put on tights, go into a
ring, and do the same exact shit.
- What?
- I'm serious.
Except you've got the bone
structure of a little bitch.
- Oh, yeah? Grr!
- [gasping]
[Angelino]
I fucking hate the bus.
But I read people get shot more
walking, so my ass takes the bus.
Don't get it twisted.
DMC's worse than it sounds.
And it will eat you alive.
Only question is when.
Me and Vinz talk about
escaping one day.
But we ain't foolin' nobody.
Got no car or money.
Just the roaches
and this motherfucking bus.
No, for real.
Like the rest of these poor fuckers...
no dreams, no hope, no future.
Ain't got a shadow
of a prayer.
[gasps]
[muffled] Lino, what you think?
Could Vinz be a wrestler?
Hello!
Is Vinz a bitch or not?
Huh? Oh, uh, I guess.
I just... Did you guys see the
priest walking by with the...
- [bell dings]
- Uh, never mind.
Oh, finally!
I can breathe again!
So where you guys
think we should eat?
Don't forget,
you jerks owe me a hotdog.
[Angelino breathing heavily]
[Willy, muffled] Did you know Diablo can eat
a whole bowl of hot dogs in three minutes?
- [Vinz] No, he can't. What are you...
- [Willy] He does!
I watched a behind-the-scenes
thing about it!
[Vinz, muffled] And again,
I'm tellin' you, that's all theater.
- It's fuckin' fake.
- [gasps]
- What do you think, Lino?
- What the hell?
You gotta take better care of
yourself, man. Let's go get some food.
[Angelino]
Maybe Vinz is right.
That truck must've fucked
me up worse than I thought.
Probably cracked my skull and now my brain's
gonna leak out all over my sneakers.
Or it's some bacteria-ass shit that makes
you go crazy and kills you two weeks later.
Bro, are you okay?
For real, man. You seem pretty out of it.
You wanna go home and chill?
I don't know.
I'm suddenly seein' all this trippy
shit and it's freakin' me out.
Like, look!
That dude over there.
You don't see anything weird?
Look at him!
[Vinz]
Remind me what I'm lookin' at.
[Angelino]
You didn't see his shadow?
With crazy tentacles and
shit coming out of his head?
[both] Huh?
[squawking]
- What? I'm not crazy, dude!
- Yeah, Lino, sure you're not.
[Angelino]
Fuck, what's wrong with me?
[Vinz] I think the sun's frying your brain.
It's too hot outside. Let's go.
Yeah, maybe. Let's find a
place to hang out and chill.
- [Vinz] So, Pipo's then?
- [Willy] Oh, again? But I want froyo!
[squawks]
[man on TV] The mercury has hit
another record high today,
with daytime temperatures soaring
well above the seasonal norm
for the third week in a row.
It's recommended that
elderly viewers and children...
Wrong. It's those chem-trails in
the sky that's making it so hot!
The government's ruining our climate so that
we buy more American-made cars and soda.
[heartbeat]
[Willy] ...fancy dinner where we what?
Yeah. Buy more soda!
Lino.
[Willy] I'm telling you man,
the sugar and car lobbies run our country!
What? Damn. Now see,
I would let her lobby at me all day.
[gasps]
She's looking at us.
Ooh, Lino,
she's checking you out, brother.
Seorita.
Yeah, uh,
let's get out of here.
What are you doing?
Why are we running?
[grunting] Wait up!
We didn't pay for the food!
Gracias, pero,
this is too much.
It's cool.
Keep the change!
[squawking]
[Willy] I don't know about you,
but I got that "itis."
[Vinz] Make sure you stay
downwind from me.
[Willy groans] Plus, I get gas.
It's genetic.
[Vinz] Genetic? It's not genetic,
Willy, you're just disgusting.
[Willy]
Don't judge me, man.
Hey, guys,
I think someone's tailing us.
See that one over there pretending
to talk on the phone that don't work?
- Huh? Wait. Where?
- Yo, be more discreet, dumb-ass!
- [Vinz] You mean, wing tips?
- [Angelino] Yeah.
The three of them been
following us for a while now.
Now I feel stupid.
They weren't after us, man.
What the hell is up
with you today?
You've been acting crazy
since this morning.
[all gasp]
[scoffs]
Still think I'm paranoid?
[Willy] Uh, why don't we just
ask 'em what they want?
Nah, man. I'm not askin' those Men
in Black motherfuckers nothing.
[whimpering]
What are we
supposed to do, Lino?
[Angelino]
We go into ninja mode.
We turn the corner, and as soon
as we outta their sight, we out.
[gasps]
Ninja!
- [nervously exclaiming]
- We've been made!
Don't let him get away!
What do they want?
[whimpering]
I'm slowin' down!
I... [groaning]
[grunting]
[screeches]
[grunts]
[screams]
Stop or I'll shoot!
Oh, shit, he's got a gun.
He's got a gun! Gun, gun.
Wait? What?
[screaming]
[gasps]
[heartbeat]
[groaning]
Go! Get the fuck outta here!
[Vinz] I got you, bro.
This fuckin' brick!
[whimpers]
I got you, Lino.
[groaning]
[exclaims]
We need to get outta here
right now. Let's go!
[Angelino]
Did you grab his gun, dude?
[Vinz] Why the fuck would I do that?
It's not GTA. Let's go.
[Vinz] What do you think those
dudes wanted from us, man?
[Willy] To kill us, obviously.
The whole damn city's nuts.
[Vinz] What could they want?
Dude, did you see their clothes?
They're not from here,
are they?
[Angelino] For real,
they weren't dressed like dealers, bro.
Looked like hitmen to me.
[Vinz] Hopefully, they're
looking for someone else.
You mean some other ugly bug-eyed
dude and a guy with his head on fire?
- [Vinz] Maybe they're CIA.
- [Willy] Yeah, right!
They wanted to know where we
were when Kennedy got shot.
Ba-bang! [chuckles]
Too soon?
- [Angelino] Whoa! A shooting star! You see that?
- [Vinz] No? Where?
[Willy] Uh, in the sky.
Where else, dumb-ass?
[Vinz] Fuck you, Willy.
I just didn't see it. The sky's big.
- [Willy] "Wah, my head's on fire, and the sky's too big!"
- [Vinz] Fuckin' rude. Why...
[Vinz] Hey! I saw one that time!
Look, there's another one!
Make a wish.
Make a wish right now.
What would you wish for,
Lino?
[Angelino] M-Me?
I don't know.
I just wanna be... a somebody.
[announcer on TV] That Diablo sure knows
how to please a crowd. Oh, what's this?
[officer on radio]
10-4. In sight.
[gunshot]
- [audience cheering]
- [officer on radio, cutting in] Three on the roof.
- Sun God slam! The crowd is going nuts!
- [officer] Still our suspect.
Fuck, man. What the fuck is wrong
with this janky-ass piece of shit?
Picking up the whole city.
[grunting]
- [Vinz] Do you hear that?
- [officer] Go.
W-W-Wait, stop that. Stop that.
Is that police chatter?
[officer on radio] Operation
Blackball is a go! Move, move, move!
What the hell is
Operation Blackball?
Huh?
For the last fucking time,
if you don't...
Contact in ten seconds.
[gasps]
I don't know
what's going on outside,
but whatever it is,
it's kind of weird.
- [Angelino] What the fu...
- Contact!
[gasps]
[gunshots]
Vinz, man, what the fuck
are you doing?
Get your ass
over here and help!
- [static]
- [shotgun blasts]
[officer on radio]
Status?
What's your
status report?
[splat]
This is my shithole!
Get the fuck out!
Did you just kill a cop?
- [grunts]
- [trigger clicking]
[gasps]
- Oh, they're gonna kill us. They're gonna kill us.
- Not yet.
[screaming]
Grenade. Grenade!
Lino, come on.
Come on, we have to go!
[grunts]
[gasps]
[growling]
Ha!
[groaning]
Huh?
Yo, this way, dumb-ass.
How is he doing that?
[siren blaring]
Psst. Hey, Lino.
Down here. Hurry.
Whoa, man. I'm not saying this
'cause we're in the sewer,
but I think you might be
a Ninja Turtle, Lino.
Shit.
You gonna tell me
you killed them?
Two idiot kids took out
an entire elite squad?
The abomination did this.
I knew that little bastard's
power wouldn't stay dormant.
And you assholes
let him get away.
The kid's a ticking time bomb that needs
to be extinguished before it explodes.
Un suplex, en serio?
Esas son mamadas!
Getting harder to work with El Diablo
in the ring. He's keeps goin' off-book.
Guy has, like, no boundaries.
Oh, come on. What?
You gonna cry about it?
He's El-freakin'-Diablo.
He may bust our balls,
but he's giving the crowd what they want.
Look, see?
Tell me that's not a sign.
Mmm?
Looks kinda like a cockroach.
Again with your damn signs.
Bullshit.
Now it's a roach
on your towel.
Last week you saw the Virgin
Guadalupe in your rearview,
and then some stupid face
on fire...
A flaming skull on my BLT.
In Aguascalientes.
Because the universe always writes its
most important messages on sandwiches?
I think you're just seeing what you
wanna see, reading into things too much.
I'm just saying, stop looking
for meaning when there isn't any.
You're gonna drive yourself
totally nuts with that shit!
You just can't accept the fact
that we're Guardians,
and as Guardians
it's our job to stay vigilant
for whatever the universe
throws our way! We...
- [audience cheering]
- He's right.
It was only by deciphering
signs and omens
that the ancients before us could
fulfill their true destinies.
Every generation of Guardians
exists to fight a specific battle.
Don't worry.
We'll get tagged in.
And then our purpose
will be revealed to us.
Hell, yeah!
Yeah, but, like,
a cockroach?
Can the universe
be clearer?
Our job is to be patient
and lie in wait.
And when the world finally needs
us, we'll know it.
[narrator] The Lucha ltima fighters are
descended from the Eagle and Jaguar tribes,
the most elite warriors
of the Aztec empire,
masters of the Mstica, the art of
unraveling the mysteries of destiny.
Generations of guardians
have waged wars in the shadows,
keeping us safe from evil
since time immemorial.
But today's luchadors
have no such battles.
Yet they stay in shape
with intense training,
donning tights and fighting each other
in spectacular choreographed shows
to pay the rent and stave off
existential boredom.
[yells]
Stop being difficult.
Mama.
We'll find him either way.
So, where is he?
[groaning]
[growls]
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
please protect my precious boy.
I assure you,
we'll find him.
[groaning]
This is your last chance.
Where is he?
I only have one request.
Please don't shoot me
in the head.
Hmm.
[gunshot]
[man] She knew what she was doing.
The bitch was playin' us.
Ah.
The kid's long gone by now.
[growling]
[groaning]
[Angelino]
My last quarter.
This shit better not go to
voicemail, or we fucked, man.
[phone ringing]
[groaning] Not now!
My ass is gonna explode.
- What?
- [Angelino] Hey, Willy. Is that you?
Oh, hey, my dude.
How's life on the run?
You need to find us another spot, man.
We can't hide out here.
We shouldn't be talking
about this on my home line.
The phones are probably tapped!
It's called surveillance, dumb-ass!
I know, I know, but this place is way too
hood, man. Like, I'm cool, but Vinz is...
Oh, my apologies!
- Caesar's freakin' Palace was all full up!
- [line beeping]
But, hey, why don't I just call
my buddy at the Ritz for ya?
What's with the beeping?
Stop pushin' buttons, dude.
I wonder if I can Google "hotels that
cater specifically to cop-killers."
Yeah, we fucked up,
and we totally owe you one.
But can you just hook us up one last time?
Like, a plan "B"?
Or like a relative we could
stay with or somethin'?
What am I,
your travel agent?
That's all I got, guys!
And you two better not come back
here, because the CIA!
And also, I'm dealing with an
emergency situation right now.
Willy, we're not
playin' around, man.
We're in some real deep shit
right now.
- [phone: disconnect signal]
- He hung up on me.
Oh, I see how it is.
Fine, guys. Be that way.
[yelling, shouting]
[Vinz] I don't think
we should stay here, Lino.
Look how much we stand out.
I'm half-naked.
Sorry. I know you
liked that shirt.
But we couldn't risk them
seeing you in green.
- [Vinz] Yeah, I know.
- [Angelino] Hey, but look on the bright side.
The cops ain't gonna find us, 'cause
they won't set foot in this part of town.
Even they're not
that crazy.
[Vinz] That makes me feel so
much better about our situation.
[Angelino] We just gotta keep our
heads down, don't disrespect nobody.
Just keep walking
and hope you don't die.
Same ground rules
as back home, right?
[squawking]
- [man] Yo. What's good, Cuz?
- [gasps]
This ain't no place for no
little motherfuckers like you.
"Give thy thoughts no tongue,
nor any unproportioned thought his act."
- That's Shakespeare.
- Yeah, that's right.
Oh, see, this guy Willy
is our friend, and, uh...
Well, it's kinda complicated, but...
I mean, we come from Dark Meat City,
and me and my boy Vinz here we needed a
little break, you know like a vacation.
So Willy hooked us up with a
place to chill for a bit...
- [gunshots]
- Fuck!
[yelling, shouting]
Yo, come on!
Come on, Vinz!
We gotta move!
[Angelino] Well, it's a shithole,
but at least we got a place to lay low.
That's what matters.
Just a place to chill
'till shit blows over.
[squawking]
What? Why are the crows
even aggressive?
[Angelino] It's weird
without my roaches.
I read that lost cats can travel, like,
hundreds of miles to find their owner.
I wish my roaches
could do that.
[squawking]
[Angelino] If we're lucky, maybe we'll get
shot before we starve, so there's that.
I was thinking just maybe
we can go to the cops.
- Tell them what happened, they'll let us go.
- Shit, you're right, bruh!
Too bad you didn't say nothin' to
the cops that was in our apartment
tryin' to kill us yesterday.
[Vinz] Oh, snap!
There's a box with a prize?
[sighs]
Man, we even got power?
[man on TV]
...are very dangerous.
These two criminals are wanted
for first-degree murder,
violence against the police,
resisting arrest,
and conspiring against
the United States government.
What? Is that us?
If you encounter
these individuals,
please do not approach or engage
them in any way, for your safety.
Jesus, what the fuck
is goin' on, man?
Still feelin' the whole
"turn yourself in" idea?
Wait, wait. Shh, listen.
Turn it up!
...at 666-33...
Ah, no, no, no, no, no!
Yesterday, I was just a normal
fuckin dude mindin' my business,
and today
I'm a goddamn terrorist?
[Vinz] Well, if you look
at the bright side,
at least we don't have to worry about
someone calling the police on us here.
[screeching]
[squawking]
- Huh?
- Hmm?
[man] No fucking around
this time.
You three, with me.
The rest of you, watch the front.
Check out the suits!
Y'all bitches lost or somethin'?
Hey, big boy. Put your dog on
his leash or I'll put him down.
You want us
to handle him, boss?
Who you gon' put down now?
Damn! Looks like you
need a new suit, bitch!
[laughing]
- [man] Ah, shit, they shot Peaches.
- Shit.
[man] Hey!
Everyone, over here!
Huh?
The sooner we take them out,
the sooner we get the kids.
Stop sleeping, man.
Something's goin' on out there!
Come on!
I want those two found now!
[gasping]
Vinz, damn, they found us!
Let's go, dude!
Come on. Move!
They're making a run for it
through the back door!
What are you waiting for?
Get to your cars.
"All the world's a stage, and all the
men and women merely players." Action.
"Tis now the very witching time
of night,
when churchyards yawn and hell itself
breathes out contagion to this world."
Suck this! Suck this!
Get those bitches!
You ain't gettin' away,
motherfuckers.
Eat this. Eat this!
"Now could I drink hot blood and
do such bitter business as..."
What the fuck?
This bootleg motherfucker.
"To be or not to be?
That's the question."
I can quote
Shakespeare too, bitch.
[man]
They got Shakespeare.
Drive.
[groaning]
Y'all fuckin' suits shoulda stayed
where you was from. [laughs]
This Palm Hill.
Hey, you heard me, homey?
[groaning, choking]
Ugh.
Uh-uh.
Oh, shit.
What the fuck was that?
What in the actual fuck
is that?
Yo! Yo, what is that, man?
- Get back!
- I don't know.
- [gasps]
- Get that shit. Get that.
What the fuck?
Huh?
It's... It's that shadow.
What the fuck
is that thing, Lino?
[gunshots in distance]
Huh?
[Vinz] Wait, Lino.
Stop, stop, stop.
This one has keys.
- [engine starts]
- [loudspeaker: music box playing]
Lino, we're not fucking sellin' ice
cream, bro. Just go!
Lino, pop the clutch and go forward. What
are you doing? Just drive. Drive the car.
Well, I'm sorry! I ain't never
driven no ice cream truck before!
Shit!
Come on, come on, come on!
[engine cranking]
[engine cranking]
There you are, fuckers!
They found us!
We gotta fucking go.
- [engine starts]
- [laughs]
Fuck.
[Angelino, Vinz]
What the fuck is going on?
Where are those horrible
tentacled creatures from?
The movies have
never been this insane!
And how does Vinz stay alive
with his head on fire?
[Vinz]
Wait, did I just say that?
- Try hitting 'em.
- Just shut up and drive!
Vinz! You gotta
try and slow 'em down.
How?
I dunno, do somethin'.
Anything.
Get me a good angle.
Wipe that shit off!
- Huh?
- [grunting]
Huh?
- Oh, shit!
- [truck horn honking]
I'll kill these bastards
myself.
Shit.
How we doin'?
We lost 'em yet?
[Vinz] No, no.
They're still on us!
[Angelino] Here.
Take this, see if it's loaded.
[muffled] Shoot that at
them, not in here!
What'd you say?
Do it out there,
not in here!
[tires screeching]
- [engines racing]
- [tires screeching]
[loudspeaker:
music box playing]
What the...?
- Aah!
- [hammer clicking]
Uh, Lino?
Looks like the cops
have joined the party.
Lino, red light! Red light!
Grab on to somethin'!
- [gasps]
- [groaning]
I'll fuckin' kill you!
[siren blaring]
[gasps]
Shit, shit!
See that?
I told you we'd lose 'em.
Uh, about that, Lino.
They're still here.
No fucking way!
Man, get off my dick!
Vinz, I'm gonna need you to sit your
ass down and buckle the fuck up!
Why?
Wh-What are you doing?
- What I'm doin' is fuckin' handlin' it!
- No, no, no, no!
[loudspeaker: music box
playing, warped, stops]
[both gasping]
Alive.
We're alive.
They couldn't have
gotten very far.
I want you to set up
a perimeter.
Start where they were
spotted last.
Get every man on the job
and tighten the net.
The kid is special.
If he actually can tell
Machos from humans,
then we're in
a world of shit.
I promised your mom
I'd find you, kid.
And I'm a man of my word.
[woman on TV] In other news,
the neighborhood of Palm Hill
became a veritable war-zone
this afternoon.
What incited the violence
is as of yet unknown.
Long-time rival gangs,
The Grapz and The Limz,
have joined forces against the police
units called in to manage the...
And the violence
only appears to be...
...to nearby neighborhoods.
Thank you, Sarah.
Have there been any reported casualties?
[Sarah] Sources suggest
at least ten killed,
and over 50
seriously injured.
Residents are advised to stay
indoors until further notice.
Please stay safe
out there, Sarah.
We'll keep bringing you
the latest updates
as we get more information
about the devastating riots
playing out on
the Southside of DMC.
And in a shocking new development taking
place on the other side of town...
Our phone lines have apparently
been flooded with eyewitness reports
that a huge colony of insects
has been seen leaving the city
and heading in the direction
of the desert.
[Tiger] Holy shit,
you were right!
[man on TV] We don't yet understand
the cause of this mass migration,
but in this
journalist's opinion,
if even the cockroaches
are fleeing DMC,
what hope remains
for the rest of us?
Man, I really hope Pipo remembers
that huge tip I left him.
[Vinz] I don't know about
this one, Lino.
[Angelino] How long has it been
since we ate somethin'?
[Vinz]
Is Pipo even here right now?
I am hungry.
[Angelino]
It's her.
- Lino, no, no. Don't go in.
- Trust me on this.
[no sound]
[Angelino] So that's how
we got mixed up in all this.
I-I know it sounds crazy,
but...
I believe you.
I mean, seriously,
and no offense,
but you two don't really look like
intimidating criminal masterminds.
Seriously, there's no way
you two can run forever.
I bet there are tons of ways
to prove you're innocent.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure there's tons
of ways they can frame us too.
[stomach gurgling]
Here. You guys look like
you need this more than I do.
[Vinz] Am I the only one that's creeped
out by the fact that Pipo's not back?
[Vinz grunting]
Get off me!
Like moths
drawn to the flame.
You did well, Luna.
For once.
See, boys? Follow your brain
instead of your dick.
Hmm.
I remember
the first time I saw them.
I was scared too.
Until I realized they're not
the freaks of nature...
We are.
[no audible dialogue]
[child laughing]
Mama.
Papa.
[wails]
[man] Nice to finally make
your acquaintance, Angelino.
[echoing] Angelino.
Angelino. Angelino. Angelino.
[Angelino] Who are you?
What do you want from us?
And where's Vinz? [echoes]
Inquisitive young man.
The real question is:
Who are you?
You, Angelino, are a being
unlike any other in this world.
But I imagine you've always
known that, deep down.
But where are my manners?
You may call me Mr. K.
I am of a race
known as the Machos,
spawned from the dark matter
of the universe.
You've felt that delicious surge of
rage and bloodlust course through you,
that uncontrollable desire
for destruction.
I know what you're thinking,
little one.
Your father was
just as stubborn.
You see, he was one of us.
He had so much potential.
That is, until the day he fell in love
and broke our most fundamental law:
Never breed with a human.
Macho blood flows
through you, Angelino.
Your father did you a disservice
entrusting you to the humans.
You've never been one of them,
and you know it.
You belong to the master race.
Yet you live
a wretched existence,
in a wretched city,
surrounded by wretched people,
who despise you
for being different.
Your so-called friends are
only companions in this misery,
failures keeping you from
reaching your true potential.
But now it's time to
spread your wings and fly.
Come be with your own kind,
Angelino.
Upon returning to your cell,
you will kill your friend.
Extinguish the pathetic
existence you've been living
since the day your
wretched mother birthed you
so your life can finally start.
Kill him
and take your rightful place.
Abandon your humanity
and become who you were
always meant to be.
Trust me, my dear boy.
We are offering you
a true family.
Huh? Kill Vinz?
He's almost ready.
You may now send in Luna.
Kill Vinz?
I have to...
[groaning]
- Huh?
- Angelino.
[groaning]
You must be so confused right
now, and I'm so, so sorry.
Embrace your true nature.
I've been where you are too.
You need to accept
who you really are.
Please, Angelino.
This is your destiny.
[groaning]
You and I could do
great things together.
I-I must kill Vinz.
[sinister laugh]
No point fighting it.
The battle has been won.
DMC was just phase one.
We've already begun infiltrating
the economic and financial strata
of every city in the nation.
We are in your police force,
on Wall Street,
in your White House.
Our presence in Congress
allowed us to push through laws
which let us spread our agenda
unhindered throughout the globe.
Cruelty, greed,
corruption, hate.
The earth is our playground.
We Machos sustain ourselves off
the bounty of negative energy
that seeps like magma
from mankind's every pore.
And, believe me,
when it comes to negative energy,
this planet's resources
are truly inexhaustible.
[woman]
Stay here, Angelino.
Mommy will be right back
for you.
Lino?
I just wanna be...
a somebody.
[woman]
Mommy's here, sweetie.
Mommy will always
be here for you.
[gasps]
[groans]
Must kill Vinz.
[Mr. K] It's all right.
He's just in shock.
Release him. Take him to the cell
where his skeleton friend is waiting.
Let him make
his own choice.
For the first time
in his miserable existence,
young Angelino will be the
master of his own fate.
And if his pathetic friend
is still alive in the morning,
kill them both.
But, sir,
with all due respect,
why even give him a chance?
The kid is a threat. If he's really that
powerful, why not just eliminate him now?
And that,
my dear Mr. Macchabee,
is the key difference
between our two species.
While you humans don't think twice
about massacring your fellow man,
Machos consider our brothers
and sisters lives to be sacred,
for we share a common ideal.
But I don't expect a human
to grasp such a concept.
- You're dismissed.
- Yes, sir.
Ensure that you do not question
my authority again, Mr. Macchabee.
Father,
you always told me
there was no way I could
survive outside the base,
that I was the only hybrid,
and humans would never
accept me.
- So how was he able to live...?
- And look at his life!
Is that the kind of miserable
existence you want?
I don't have time
for this, Luna.
There are more
important matters to attend to.
Make yourself useful elsewhere.
I will not hear another word of it!
[grunts]
[static crackling]
[Tiger] Are we seriously relying on a
swarm of cockroaches for directions?
[sighs] We should turn around.
This whole thing is fucking nuts.
[grunting]
Lino! Dude, I didn't know where
they took you. I was freakin' out!
I thought probably they killed
you or something, but...
[sighs] I'm really
glad you're here.
Whoa. Shit, man.
You all right?
We're leaving.
We must part from here.
Why are you talking about, man?
Haven't you seen where we are?
We're in, like, a bunker with
guards and cameras and shit.
It makes Guantanamo
look like a Girl Scout retreat.
Whoever put us here
doesn't want us to ever get out.
They ran all kinds of tests
on me, Lino.
Tests! Electrodes everywhere!
I mean, my head, my body.
They put it on my junk, man. My junk!
Shit's on you, bro.
We finally lost
those assholes...
[muffled] and you had to go trust
some bitch at Pipo's you barely knew!
I told you somethin'
wasn't right about her.
You had to think with your dick.
I hope it was fuckin' worth it.
Well, congratulations!
Look where your little crush got us.
For real, you need
to shut the fuck up, Vinz.
Man, I don't feel good.
I-I-It's happening.
Uh, Lino?
I can't control it.
Stay back!
Lino, you're starting
to freak me out, man!
I said,
get the fuck away from me!
Lino, you're hurting me.
Cut it out!
There is no Lino!
Lino is gone!
- Lino... [choking]
- I am not what you think I am.
That pathetic being you
called Lino was an illusion
whose only purpose
has been to hold me back!
Wretched creature.
Now do you see who I am?
You're my... friend.
Friend?
[gasping, coughing]
Looks like that
old bald dude was right.
I really am
just a fucking monster.
Holy shit, man!
What'd those assholes do to you in there?
I'm so sorry, Vinz.
I don't understand.
There's this... There's this
thing inside of me that's just...
[guard]
Quiet down in there!
Or I'll put my boot up your ass,
I swear to God.
You fuckin' scumbags.
That's it! No dinner
for you shits toni...
[screaming]
[chuckling]
Good. Very good.
Sir, we have a security breach
reported at checkpoint 4C.
A security breach?
How's that possible?
[security alarm blaring]
Okay, boys. You survey the
perimeter, I'll check the lab.
These science nerds and old
farts won't give me any trouble.
Yeah, try not to fall asleep,
tough guy!
[all laughing]
Fucking Doug.
He's not even funny.
[screaming]
[grunts]
We make our escape
now or never!
You ignorant sheep.
[screeching]
[gasps]
You can stay on the ceiling
if you like.
Vinz?
You're getting
real close to me, dude.
Vinz?
Huh? Huh?
Yo, I think
I'm losing it, man.
Vinz?
Who the fuck
are they shooting at?
[grunting, groaning]
[roaches screeching]
Hey, I think we...
You okay?
Stay with us, bro.
Lino, hold on. Hold on!
Vmonos!! Todos!
Shit! We're lost.
There's an exit here.
Stay with me, Lino.
Please don't fall asleep. [echoes]
Hold on, Lino.
[growls]
[gasping]
Daddy?
Daddy, is that you?
Your mother didn't
abandon you, Son.
She hid you from them.
Sacrificed her life
to save yours.
Your mother loved you
with all her heart.
I did everything in my power to protect
the two of you, to keep you safe.
But they were
too strong for me.
Daddy.
Become who you truly are,
my son.
The Machos
are malevolent beings,
nasty creatures who made a pact
with power-hungry humans.
But they never truly trusted them.
Not enough to breed with anyway.
So they created
their own hybrids in a lab.
Hybrids that feel
neither fear nor pain,
and aren't burdened
by conscience.
The perfect fusion
of the two species.
But this little fella's
different.
He's the organic, flawed fruit
of a forbidden love.
As you can see, offspring from such
a union inherit traits at random.
Their potential is limitless.
[Diablo] Yeah, yeah, Doc.
So how do we kill these Machos?
[Doc] Like all creatures from the
pits of Hell, they abhor the cold.
It's no coincidence
that for decades,
politicians have been
working surreptitiously
to bring about an era
of global warming.
Emitting greenhouse gases, massive
deforestation, subsidizing fossil fuels.
You get the idea.
It takes time,
this terraforming.
By pushing us
towards extinction,
they've tipped earth's balance
to their favor.
And why wouldn't they?
When their years of well-laid plans
could be irrevocably compromised
by some pesky winter snowstorm.
[gasps]
[Vinz] Lino!
[chuckling]
Yo, Sleeping Beauty!
You've been knocked out
for, like, three days, man.
I wasn't goin' to slip you
the tongue or anything.
I don't do that.
I'm a gentleman.
Vinz, where the hell are we?
- Time for a smoke break.
- Whatever. Just don't do that shit too close to me.
I don't want anything
to blow up.
Always "smoke break" this,
"pee break" that.
I need you gentlemen to hunker down
and focus. We have a world to save!
There's no way we're
gonna finish this in time.
My word, you lot are worse
than a bunch of whiny teenagers.
Stick to the plan,
and no more godforsaken breaks.
Buh-da-buh-da-buh
My name is Feliz
And I have gas
Uh, you in here,
skeleton man?
Hey, the kids went AWOL!
[Angelino] We didn't belong there, man.
Look at us!
We can't even save ourselves.
How we gonna save the world?
[music playing]
[man on radio] When you come to my
show, you're goin' to a war.
And I'm all for violence,
chaos... [voice fades]
[Angelino] Anyone who wants to
disappear goes to Mexico, right?
[Vinz] I don't know. It just doesn't
feel right, skipping town like this.
I mean, what are we even gonna do down
there? We got no marketable skills.
W-We'll figure it out, man.
Somehow.
Whatever. I'm just glad
Willy won't be there.
Oh, shit,
I forgot about Willy.
Poor little dude
probably thinks we dead.
I mean, we were kinda
his only family, right?
[Vinz sighs]
I still got a dollar left.
The phone's right there
if you wanna hit him up.
[phone rings]
[whimpering]
Ah, that must be them. You go off-script,
I'll blow your fuckin' head off.
- [phone line ringing]
- Hey, it's ringin'.
Uh, g-greetings.
Yo, dude. It's us.
What's good, man?
Funny you should ask.
I'm kinda in a situation right now.
Hey! I thought I told you not to pull
anything funny, you little piece of shit.
Hello? Hello?
Willy? Willy?
What's up with this
piece of shit phone?
[Willy] Uh, hello?
[Angelino]
Oh, good. I hear you now.
Me and Vinz got some real shit
to fill you in on, bro.
What a coincidence.
So do I!
"Capital Info.
Back home now.
Life or death question?"
Did I say it right?
What the fuck
are you talkin' about, dude?
Hey, is someone there?
[Willy] Just come back!
It's a super big emergency.
I can't talk about it!
[Angelino] What? Willy, man,
I can't understand you, dude.
Hey, are you on somethin', bro?
For real,
you're not making any sense.
Like, "capital info"?
What?
I don't know what to say.
Uh-uh.
I can't tell you over the phone.
Just get your asses here now!
- [phone: disconnect signal]
- What? Hello? Willy?
What's up?
What'd he say?
He said he needs to tell us
some important shit.
Then that motherfucker
hung up on me.
Was actin' real weird
the whole time, man.
[Vinz]
So? He's always weird.
I don't know, man. Somethin' sounded off.
I think we gotta go back.
Back to DMC?
Are you' crazy, man?
Yeah, you're right.
It's too risky.
Damn straight,
it's too risky.
Willy's a survivor.
He don't need us.
But if he's really in danger, we can't
just leave our boy hangin' like that.
Fuck Willy!
How long we gonna keep letting
this douchebag fuck our lives up?
He's your boy, Lino,
not mine!
It's not my job
to handle his shit!
What we have to fucking do
is get outta of here,
away from the DMC, away from the tentacle
mafia, and from motherfucking Willy.
He's nothin' but
fucking trouble, man! Ugh!
- Don't just look at me. Let's go save him.
- [chuckles]
[Angelino]
Hang tight, Willy.
[sirens wailing]
[man on TV] As DMC police try to quell
the violent riots plaguing the city,
President Gore Tex made an official
statement, declaring the riots...
- [man] Hey, hey, check these two out!
- Huh?
Sit tight, Cat Boy.
This better be your friends
or you'll be in a world of hurt.
Your performance
on the phone was shit.
Let's hope they bought it.
If not, I might get creative and shove
some fireworks up that furry ass of yours.
Cause, hey,
I'm feelin' festive!
Little secret: even as a kid,
I loved torturing animals.
So part of me hopes
your friends don't show up.
Oh, for fuck's sake.
I'm sweating my fucking balls off in here.
It's hotter than Satan's anus
in this piece-of-shit trailer.
Don't you have a fan in here?
Jesus Christ!
[gasps]
It can't be.
No fucking way.
They actually came back.
Those fuckwits are unbelievable.
[laughs]
Oh, this is
too perfect.
Your boyfriends
are here to rescue you.
Hold it.
Now say "cheese".
Come on.
Outta the way, asshole!
Don't move.
No, no, no.
Stay right there.
[man] Hey, you little puto,
I'm watching you!
[Crocodile] There you are.
Son of a bitch.
Come on.
Show me your eyes.
Ah.
Good night.
No!
[man] Did you see that?
[man] Let's get this motherfucker, man!
Get him!
Fuck you! Fuck you!
Where'd that come from?
No.
Puta madre!
Shit! Those shots
came from Willy's!
[shouting, yelling]
Oh, man.
Yaa!
Willy!
[screams]
[shouts]
[machine gun fire]
[woman on TV] What you're witnessing is
a Channel 7 "World's Ahead" exclusive.
A shoot-out has just erupted
in this Southland neighborhood
which had, until now, escaped
involvement in the surrounding riots.
Wait, hold on.
I can see a man climbing
onto the roof of a trailer.
Is it another terrorist? No.
Uh, he looks like
a lone wolf gunman!
Oh, you want a fuckin' war?
Then you'll get one!
Say hello
to my little friend!
Man, we gotta save Willy.
Huh? Are you crazy?
That's suicide!
[Angelino] But if I don't try,
I won't be able to live with myself.
Know what I'm sayin'?
I may be a loser,
but I'm not a fuckin' coward!
Lino, wait!
Fuckin' Willy.
Get the fuck outta here,
pendejo!
Wrong way!
[laughs]
Run, you little punk!
[laughing]
I got him!
[groaning]
[whimpering]
What took you
douchebags so long?
[woman on TV] Ladies and gentlemen, we
are now witnessing an extraordinary sight.
An unidentified
flying object...
[gasping] Huh?
Trajectory indicates that
it originated from the desert,
east of DMC.
We still don't know
what it is or why...
Ahh.
Vaya con Dios.
It's out of our hands now.
[woman on TV]
The UFO just exploded!
This must be the work
of terrorists...
[all gasping]
- Hey!
- Huh?
- [shouting]
- W-What's goin' on?
- Come on!
- Huh?
[groaning]
Lino?
Lino!
[thunder rumbling]
[gasps]
Huh?
Uh, Doc.
This wasn't part of the plan.
Wait for the temperature
to drop. You'll see.
Lino!
Holy shit, you're all right.
What the hell was that
in the sky?
You think it was
the Luchador rocket?
I don't know.
Why is it so cold?
[whimpering]
[shouting, screaming]
[shivering]
Yo, it's snowing
in the DMC!
That's sick!
Shit, Lino!
I-I can't...
I can't move!
I'm freezing up inside!
I'm scared, Vinz.
[Willy] Whoa! Lino, you're
turning into a popsicle.
Hey, you're not allowed
to die on us, okay?
I think I see the light
at the end of the tunnel.
It's in front of me.
[Willy] Then make a fucking U-turn!
Don't go into the light!
Huh?
You got a lot of nerve showing your
face around here after what you did.
Man, leave us the fuck alone! You've been
nothing but trouble since we met you!
Lino, please don't
fall for this shit again.
- Oh, shit, Lino.
- [gasps]
My heart.
It's warming up.
You did the same for me.
Thank you for showing me
there's another way, Angelino.
I believed no one
would accept me,
that they'd hate me,
so I hated them first.
But feeding on hatred
leaves such a bitter taste.
I'm quickly learning I much prefer
the sweetness of a stolen kiss.
Guys.
[grunts]
Why are you so desperate
to be like them?
Hey, you fucking pendejo!
[shouting]
They made me lose
my train of thought.
Where were we?
[groaning]
[gasps]
Mmm.
This has never
happened to me.
Get the fuck away from her!
[growls]
[both groaning]
Fight, Angelino!
Do somethin'!
Free your inner
tentacle monster, dude!
- You have to!
- I'd rather die.
Well, you're about to, Lino.
Get up! Transform!
Oh, shit, he's gonna kill him!
[Mr. K]
Abandon your humanity
and become who you were
always meant to be.
- [gasps]
- [grunts]
[Dr. K] Become who you
truly are, my son.
No beast.
Today it's gonna be you and me.
What are you doing, man?
You got tentacles! Use them!
Hell no. I'm never letting that
monster control me ever again.
Sort that shit out
in therapy, man.
You need to Hulk out
or you're dead!
I'm-a bust a cap
in your ass, dude.
You're not gonna know
what hit you.
[gasps, whimpers]
[growls]
[whimpering continues]
Uh, it looks like you guys got this!
See you back at Pipo's!
Such power at your disposal,
and you did nothing with it.
[panting]
Because
you're a goddamn coward.
And that's why you ended up
on the wrong side of a gun.
- "Thus bad begins...
- [guns cocking]
...and worse remains behind."
Hamlet, Act 3, Scene 4.
Eye for an eye,
motherfucker.
"He who lives by the sword,
dies by the sword!"
[all cheering, shouting]
Luna?
[Angelino] Luna?
My heart.
It's getting cold again.
[Diablo] So, Doc,
you think we got rid of 'em?
I mean, for good?
[Tiger] No one will ever know
it was us who saved 'em.
[Doc]
And we must keep it that way.
[Angelino] It's been over two
months since it all went down.
The snow is finally
starting to melt.
The city is slowly getting
its old groove back.
The news stopped talking about the
UFO, the snow, all of it.
They said
it was eco-terrorism,
that a satellite crashed
in the stratosphere.
And now, nothing.
None of it happened.
Life picked up
exactly where it left off.
Well, almost.
When your old president
freezes to death,
you elect a new one.
I don't know if they're actually
gonna be able to change anything
in this fucked-up country,
but I think there's reason to hope.
Still haven't heard from Willy,
except on the music channels.
He's goin' through
a mystical phase.
Just dropped his first single.
It's all right.
Yeah, yeah
It's ya boy Willy
Trippin'
In his ill shades
Livin' here
In outer space
Got no oxygen mask
But don't matter
Don't need to ask
'Cuz I'm your oxygen
Yeah, I'm the one
Multiplying the oxygen
[Angelino] His karma's
probably fucked,
but as long as he's
"multiplying the oxygen,"
then he's good, I guess.
Sooner or later he'll
come crawling back to us.
You'll see. Nobody can stand
Willy for more than a month.
Me and Vinz?
Our asses are back at Rios Rosas.
It's nasty as ever,
but, hey, it's home.
Plus, we found a new TV,
so everything's cool.
As they face off in a
traditional two-on-two match-up.
Oh, kick to the plexus!
And a Hammer Smash!
[Angelino]
Oh, I almost forgot.
My roaches are back too.
But without any Luchadores.
[screeching]
He falls on his back!
What's Tiger doing?
This does not look good!
[Angelino] Vinz finally
got hired someplace.
You ready for this?
At Pipo's,
where you and me first met.
Yo, I'm home.
- What's good, man?
- Eh, you know.
Just writing love letters
to a girl with no address.
Yeah. She wasn't at Pipo's
today either, man. Sorry.
Well, maybe tomorrow.
[Vinz] Maybe.
[Angelino] I still think
about you all the damn time.
Where you are,
what you're doing.
And you?
You ever think about me?
From time to time?
This has been Angelino,
coming to you live from Rios Rosas, DMC,
New California,
in the United States of America,
on the planet Earth,
which is located in...
You know what?
I got no fuckin' idea
what's out there after that.
[chuckles]
Thanks, Luna.
For everything.
[sinister laugh]
[Angelino] Oh, okay.
Life is a kiss
Outta control
Heart like a stone
Is starting to beat
Now our bodies
Ribboned with gold
Here we are
On the grave
Of broken dreams
Hard as a kick
Loud as a gun
Together we come
Together we leave
Surrounded by my cups
Overflowin'
Here we are
On the grave
Of broken dreams
Stage-diving
Has broken my bones
So tell me
What am I supposed to do
It's not a party, baby
But a revolution
'Cause I am all against
Institutions
If time is money for you, dude
I wanna spend it all
Baby, take the control
Of my body and soul
I'm coming back in the game
Because love is insane
There's no gain, just pain
Always the same
Life is a kiss
Outta control
Heart like a stone
Is starting to beat
Now our bodies
Ribboned with gold
Here we are
On the grave
Of broken dreams
Hard as a kick
Loud as a gun
Together we come
Together we leave
Surrounded by my cups
Overflowin'
Here we are
On the grave
Of broken dreams
Hard as a kick
Loud as a gun
Together we come
Together we leave
Surrounded by my cups
Overflowin'
Here we are
On the grave
Of broken dreams
Life is a kiss
Outta control
Heart like a stone
Is starting to beat
Now our bodies
Ribboned with gold
Here we are
On the grave
Of broken dreams