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My Best Friend's Wedding (1997)
2 and 2, menu.|Brian, 22, immediately.
Guillermo, two pigeons, right away.|Very important table right here. - Give me two grain.|- I'll take that polenta. This is the one I'm waiting for.|I need that meat Pastry, get ready. I'll kill your|whole family if it's not perfect. I'm writing it up as inventive,|and... confident. - Did the chap from Newsday call?|- I'll check. Is it an interview,|or a guy you're setting me up with? You never know what to do with men. It's Michael.|Jules, it must be months, huh? I can't wait to talk to you.|I'm in Chicago at the Drake Hotel. Call me anytime. We got to talk. - Your man of the moment?|- No, my Michael. Michael O'Neal. - Sounds desperate to talk to me.|- The sports writer, right? Sophomore year at Brown.|We had this one hot month... But you know me, I got restless.|I got up the nerve to tell him... And he gave me this look...|And he said, "It makes me want to cry. I'm|losing the best friend I ever had". I felt the same way. So I cried for maybe the third time|in my life, kissed him, and we've been|best friends ever since. We've seen each other|through everything... Losing jobs, parents, lovers...|And we've travelled all over. Best times of my life, maybe.|Drinking and talking... - Even just on the phone.|- Moving Kindred spirits, eh? No, he's nothing like me.|He's like you, only straight. I remember one night in Tucson... He takes a razor, cuts his finger,|then does the same to me... He says, "Swear if we're not married|at 28, we'll marry each other". We never talked about it again.|What made me think of that? You'll be 28 in three weeks, right?|How old is he? - You think..?|- "Desperate... to talk". - No...|- Cheers. Courge! It's Michael.|Jules, it must be months, huh? I can't wait to talk to you.|I'm in Chicago at the Drke Hotel. Call me anytime. We got to talk. - Good evening, The Drake Hotel.|- I'm calling for Michael O'Neal... You've been enrolled in the|Obscene Caller's Club. It's great to hear your voice.|I've been calling for over a month. I've been on a book tour.|My machine eats all my messages. - You take 30 days to call back?|- Less, for you. I have to ask you something.|I hope you don't turn me down. If I could just|tell you something first... This'll probably give you the|biggest laugh of your adult life... I was thinking about you.|I was remembering that night we spent in Tucson,|about 1,000 years ago. - You probably won't remember...|- I think about it all the time. - You do?|- But it's not why I called. - It's not?|- I called because I met someone. Well That's great... You haven't|seen anyone since dingbat Jenny Lee. I've never felt this way about|anyone, and she's all wrong for me. - There's a good start|- She's 20 and at university. Her name's Kim. She's beautiful,|and her dad's a billionaire. And I've always been uncomfortable|with rich people, but they're not like that they're|wonderful. Salt of the earth. - So you've met her parents?|- Yeah. We're getting married this Sunday. Hallo? It's Wednesday. How can you|be getting married on Sunday? Actually, it starts tomorrow.|It's a four-day wedding. - With about ten million guests...|- Aren't you working this weekend? The Sox are at home. "Sport"|wants a profile on Frank Thomas. You think it's irresponsible to take|Off a weekend to get married? Jules, I'm scared. - Maybe we should talk.|- I need you. If you can't come and hold my hand,|I'll never get through this. I can't wait for you to meet her. Take a later flight. No, I've got just four days to break|up a wedding and steal the groom. He adored me for nine years. Me And she's known him for about five|seconds. But she's rich and perfect. So don't go feeling sorry|for Miss Pre-teen Illinois. I can't lose him, George.|I'm gonna bring him back. - Can you believe I'm doing this?|- Not hardly. This makes everything perfect.|All I've heard is "Julianne..." I've never had a sister. I have a favour to ask you. My best friend shattered|her pelvis dancing in Abilene. Will you be maid of honour? How about someone|you've known a bit longer? I've only two relatives under 40,|and they're vengeful sluts. My exit So I have four days to make you|my best friend. Let's get personal. - You like the colour?|- It's beautiful. This will be tighter. You don't|want these things to fall out. I don't want her to trip,|so I'll take this up a bit. Would you rather the daffodil? I thought bridesmaids|all wore the same? Not you. You have to be distinctive. - What else did he tell you?|- You hate weddings, you never go. You're not up for anything that's|conventional or a "female priority". Including marriage,|romance or even... Love? - Michael and I were a wrong fit.|- He said that, too. I thought I was like you, until|I met rumpled, smelly old Michael. Then I found I was as sentimental|as those nitwits I'd always pitied. Funny, huh? I need a cigarette. George, all she does is talk about|her and Michael's future. And she's just so bright-eyed|and dreamy and... I don't know if I can do it. - Want me to turn around?|- You're not who I was expecting. - I've seen you a lot more naked.|- Well, things are... Things are different now. Yeah, I guess so. You look really good...|without your clothes on. George? She's toast. So the honeymoon is where? If San Antonio sweeps Sacramento,|we could start there. Or Phoenix... Garden spots|lf you disregard the temperatures. - But there's always Embassy Suites.|- It's his career. I'm supportive. I've been everywhere.|I want to be with the man I love. He's lucky. One woman in a billion|could put up with his array of shit. - You know his symphonic range...|- Of snoring? It's even worse. You know that snaffle one? Now it's got this phlegm thing|rattling behind it. Earplugs work. And I got him|to stop smoking in bed. But the bathroom's a swamp,|and he likes action movies and karaoke bars.|And I can't carry a tune - He sucks soup through his teeth.|- That's his trademark. - Don't touch that one|- But he sure can kiss. It's been a while.|I'll take your word on that. After two weeks of listing|all his faults, I made a decision. I threw the list away.|Loving him means loving all of him. - Do you ever get claustrophobic?|- Nothing could make me hesitate. - Or get hysterical in small rooms?|- Except one thing. You You'll always be in his mind.|This perfect creature that he loved. - Well, perfection can get wearying.|- I really had to face up to it. But can I be jealous of you forever?|Our paths will keep on crossing. He'll always talk about you|But the answer was so simple. - I was gonna predict that|- You win. - I've missed a step.|- He's got you on a pedestal. And me in his arms. It's the bride, and|the woman she'll never live up to Are you okay, honey? - Did she say the wrong thing again?|- We're the vengeful sluts. - Just call us eager.|- Have you seen the groom's men? But the short hairy fat one is mine. - Kimmy's a virgin|- Is this Michael's Julianne? I'm Isabelle Wallace.|He scarcely did you justice, girl. My husband says we should take you|to the ball park, to see Michael. First you must meet these old women.|If you've had enough profanity. Who ordered a beer? - Let me help you.|- Are you implying I'm clumsy? I'm confusing you with someone else.|This is Hank and Eric from "Sport". They were kind enough|to give me a job. - This is Walter, my father-in-law.|- Future father-in-law. If he gives you any grief,|come and see me - And this guy you know.|- Papa Joe. We had to make|Michael's baby brother best man. Best looking guy in any room Scotty, that'll do It's the duty of the best man to|dance with the maid of honour - You can't dance.|- I've got moves you've never seen. You're an imposter What did you do with my best friend? I'm still your best friend. You|just haven't seen me for a while. All I'm saying is, some people might|find all that perfection boring. See, that's what I thought at first. No potential for the long range. - But she has a few good traits.|- Such as? When I hug her, even in public,|I don't have to let go right away. She lets me hold her|as long as I want. - What?|- Nothing. I forgot...|you and that "yukky love" stuff. - You always get like that about it.|- I do not - When we were...|- Together? - Did I..? When..?|- Yes. - I did what?|- Pull away when I tried to hug you. Well, I've changed.|I'm not the girl I once was. Any relationship over two weeks|I should know about? It's not about longevity, Michael. It's about being comfortable. With the "yukky love" stuff. And I am. - Karaoke How did you find this?|- The doorman told me. - I didn't know there was karaoke.|- This is great. My two best girls. - Margarita. Blended, no salt.|- Margarita. Straight up. - Amstel Light.|- Two words for you: Margarita. Vespa. - Florence|- Me hanging on in the rain... - I love Florence.|- And the guy with the thing... - 'Where's my pass?"|- "The pier is for fishing" - I've always loved Florence.|- You should take her there. She deserves a honeymoon. Oh yeah, "lf San Antonio|sweeps Sacramento..." You're off the road in September.|When does your fall quarter start? I'm not coming back to senior year. Don't architects find a degree...|an asset? - Well, I travel every week...|- Being together is more important. Say, Pinky|I want to hear you sing. No, Kimmy hates to sing. My bride-to-be here is about to|kick some ass on... what? - No, it'll be fun.|- Michael, she doesn't want to. Ladies and gentlemen Please give|it up for the vocal stylings of: Miss Kimberly Wallace You suck That was terrible Terrible - You won't be lonely without us?|- Desperately - Maybe we don't have to go.|- To your grandmother's dinner? I'd babysit you, but my loyalty is|to the bride in her time of need. - It's not really that.|- Okay, if you're sure. - Sure?|- Then I'll stay with Michael. - Call me later?|- Of course. Have fun. - You were shocked when I told you.|- Shocked? No. A little... a lot. - I fell off the bed.|- That explains the thump. You like her, don't you? - Yeah... I do.|- That's enthusiastic - No. She's great.|- "No, she's great". She seriously can't sing a note. - But what a sacrifice...|- What sacrifice? - Leaving school?|- All of it. Giving it all up|to follow you in this dumb job where you travel all year to|places like College Station, Texas. - Dumb job?|- It's not a grown-up job, Michael. - My job never bothered you before.|- It doesn't bother me now. But I'm not Kimmy. Her father owns|the Sox and Cable Sports. - I'm surprised it hasn't come up.|- What? Corner office with a view.|You, in a nice blue suit. - Living here, close to Mom and Dad.|- No, never. She would never even think of that. You don't know her. But Michael loves his job. Sure Bad games, bad pay, bad towns,|bad hotels, real bad food... Homeless, rootless, lonely. Your|copy gets into one issue in four... Why would he trade all that for a|PR job at a firm like your father's? - My father and I discussed that.|- I'm not surprised. So, do you think he'd really accept? Michael? It would be the greatest|thing that ever happened to him. Present company excepted. So...|We make your dad a co-conspirator. Walter's re-organising PR|and needs a brilliant guy that he can completely trust. Then you beg: "Michael, do this|for Daddy, just for six months". - He'll see right through it.|- Only if he wants to. At the end of six months,|he will be happy, - - settled, successful. - Beautiful Do you have a date?|- You never can tell. "Just the way you look tonight". Okay, kid. You're up. My father needs a favour. He's re-organising|some of the company divisions. Public relations|is a real problem area. It would only be for six months. - Or three or four...|- And you knew about this? I think you ought to listen to her.|It's her life, too. Are you telling me that|Walter thought this up? - Why don't you be honest, Kim?|- I am being honest I'm supposed to just drop out of|school, forget my family and career? - Forget all my plans?|- Forgive me for that. I'm glad I'm hearing about this now.|What am I supposed to do? I have a low-paid, zero-respect job,|which I happen to love. Michael,|it sounds like a great opportunity. Really? How come you never took|a sell-out establishment job? - It's not you, and it's not me.|- Okay, if that's how you feel... Just say it. My job's not|good enough. I'm not good enough. - I never said that|- Yes, you did. You wait till two days before|our wedding to lay this on me. I'm an insensitive, sexist asshole.|You're better off without me. No, Michael You're so... so right.|And I'm so wrong. We settled this and I reneged.|It wasn't fair. You have to forgive me|and forget this, or I'll just die I'm sorry... George and Werner are not in.|Brevity is the order of the day. George! Answer this, damn it!|I'm in a meltdown! She double crossed me. She grovelled!|She's so wrong for him. Michael and I are the same person.|Self-absorbed and vaguely lovable. I'm running out of time and sneaky|ideas. I'm at the end of my rope. George,|you have got to think of something! Coffee, anyone? - George|- This is very Marcel Marceau. Relax|We don't want your face coming off. Hideous room Death by mini-bar.|How glamorous - You flew here. You hate to fly|- I have to go back this evening. You're butting in. What I mean by "annoyingly perfect",|is her perfection isn't annoying. It is vulnerable and endearing.|And that is annoying - You like her|- If I didn't hate her I'd love her. This is my whole life's happiness.|I have to be ruthless. He was in love with me.|I can make him happy. I may break her heart,|but I'm really doing her a favour. She would be so miserable tagging on|after this insensitive doof us. Jules... Do you really love him?|Or is this just about winning? In the beginning it was mostly...|a prior claim. He belonged to me. But now, when I'm with him... He's just so wonderful How come I never knew that before? It's the clarity that comes|with psychotic jealousy. George, believe me... If he felt like me,|he would know how I feel. It's horrible. Just tell him you love him.|Julianne Tell him you loved him|for nine years, but you were afraid of love. - Afraid of needing.|- Needing what? To belong to someone.|We all are, sweetheart. I'm sorry. Tell him it's the worst, cruelest,|dumbest moment to do this, but he's got to choose. Tell him the actual truth? Maybe not the actual truth.|Highlights. Arms at your sides, please. - Morning|- Michael, I have to talk to you. No, I don't like the suit,|but it's not that. - Guard this with your life.|- What is it? The ring.|I don't trust Scotty with it. Please... you're practically|the best man anyway. Open it. - She'll like it, won't she?|- Yes... So, what was it? You wanted to talk to me|about something? We've known each other a long time.|20 years? Okay, not that long. And in that time, we've grown... close. Very close.|Do you know what I mean? I think so. So, sometimes... Could you excuse us, please? Sometimes people think they know|how they feel about each other. But they don't... until... until they do. I have a point.|The question is, am I getting to it? Whatever it is,|it can't be that big a deal. Oh, Michael|"Big deal" is... a relative term. Who's that guy? George. He's my editor. - Why is he here? Are you working?|- No... - He's here to be with me.|- Why? Because he's my friend.|My good friend. My best friend, these days. You've been busy. So... all of this|has been about George? - I'm speechless.|- Well, that's Jules. - Congratulations|- Congratulations I told him. If we're engaged,|we shouldn't be ashamed of it. He's racing back to New York.|He just came by to... Well, it takes a few hours. Give me your ring - I have to have an engagement ring.|- I don't believe this... - I came here to help you|- For one day, find me irresistible. Stop it Something wrong? It's just the way you always talked|about George. It always seemed... seemed like...|it sounded like George was... - Gay?|- Actually, yes. - Common misconception|- It is. Because George likes to pretend|that he's gay. Why would you do that? - I find it attracts women.|- It worked for me. Big time. - Race you to the altar.|- Underplay Hey, I'm Jules' fianc, George.|Just in town for a quick... visit. - Are you going to humiliate me?|- Only if I can. George I don't know why|I'm so carried away - It's so...|- Against God's plan? No, it's wonderful Mom - You have to meet George.|- Kimmy's little sister? They're gonna be married - What's going on?|- Julianne's getting married. I wanted to shout it from the|rooftops, but Jules said no. "This is Kimmy's day.|Let's not take the attention". "Dear, sweet, adorable,|chocolate-covered Kimmy". Those were her very words. - I think I'm gonna cry.|- Me, too. It's so sweet of you to come.|I insist you stay to lunch. Love to Love the bag,|the shoes, love everything. - What about your flight?|- Cancelled. I was very worried about you. - About me?|- Well, what I heard was hilarious. But all those broken relationships,|all those men... It must have hurt. Hurt? She couldn't sit down|for seven years. And all the while, the man of your|dreams was right in front of you. She's talking about me. George,|how did you and Julianne meet? George is my editor. But we met long before that.|It's a very romantic story. - Would you like to tell it?|- No. It's private. Not any more. I first met Julianne|in a mental institution. She was visiting a French chef|she'd sent insane. And I was visiting Dionne Warwick.|Well, that's who he thought he was. - Who is Dionne Warwick?|- Sacrilege - She's Whitney Houston's aunt.|- She's on "Psychic Friends". So there I was with "Dionne",|having one hell of a sing-song. Then suddenly, breezing out of|the electroshock room, I saw her. A vision in pink. - Pink? You don't wear pink.|- She does, Michael, sometimes. - You do.|- I do. I said to Dionne,|'Who is this vision?" She must be the understudy|to some Broadway star. Her skin, her hair|ln that moment, I knew. - We don't all need to know...|- Yes, we do - I'm very curious.|- They do. I knew,|that some day we'd end up like this. Like some glittering|Doris Day-Rock Hudson extravaganza. And I said to Dionne,|"Dionne, I'm in love". Could this siren love me?|Are the gods that kind? Dionne turned to me,|opened her lovely eyes and said... What did she say? The moment I wake up... before I put on my makeup I say a little prayer for you while combing my hair now and wondering what dress to wear now I say a little prayer for you for ever you'll stay in my heart|and I will love you forever, we never will part|oh howl love you together, forever, is how it must be|to live with out you would only mean heartbreak for me! Go, Granddaddy All right, now - Heartbreak for you, actually...|- Just get on your plane. I'll call at the turn of the century|when I've forgiven you. - It'd never have worked out.|- It was dishonest. Different temperaments. Look. Tell him you love him.|Bite the bullet. George What will he do? He'll choose Kim. You'll stand|beside her at the wedding, kiss him goodbye,|and go home. That's what you came here to do. So do it George isn't my fianc, Michael. It's been over for ages,|but he can't accept it. I'd built you up so much,|I couldn't let him lose face. He could never stack up to the|one man I measure everyone against. This is strange... When you told me|you were marrying George... ... I got this really strange... You were jealous? Crazy jealous. I'm sorry. Can we spend some time alone|this afternoon? Would that be all right? I've been thinking a lot,|the last couple of days, about us. Have you? - There are a lot of memories.|- It's more than that. It's kind of embarrassing|to say it this way, but... You've sort of been...|the woman in my life. You've been the man in mine. I was thinking,|this could be our last time alone. - Except for an affair twice a year.|- Except for that. I mean, you commit to this wedding,|and then... And then there's this momentum,|and you forget you chose it. You and I didn't... in our|relationships with other people... We didn't use the word "love" a lot,|did we? Kimmy says, if you love someone,|you say it. You say it right then, out loud - Otherwise, the moment just...|- Passes you by. We don't even have a song.|Kimmy and I... We don't have a song.|You think that's a bad sign? Some day,|when I'm awfully low and the world is cold|I will feel a glow thinking of you and the way you look tonight - Is your dance card filled?|- I'll have to check my power book. Is that right? Excuse me... - I thought Michael was taking me?|- I said I'd do it. I'm kind of unofficial best man... Kim said there was no friction|with Michael over the job? - Friction? No|- Good. - I haven't caused a problem?|- No, nobody has. You're a little bit early. I need to make some calls.|Could I use your office? - Of course At the end of the hall.|- Thank you. Take your time E-mail... New letter. "To Eric Isaacson..." "Senior Editor,|Sport Magazine". "From: Walter Wallace". You can do this, it's easy.|Just do it fast, get it over with. "Eric, I need a favour". "My daughter's very happiness|is in your hands". "I have offered Mike O'Neal, my new son-in-law, a great|opportunity with my company". "To his own detriment, Michael will not|accept our offer, while he works for you". "My daughter joins me|in this plea for your co-operation". 'With gratitude, Walter". SEND? Why would I send this?|He'd get fired. No. "Save for later". I'm not sending it,|just saving it for a few hours. Till we come back and Michael|can see it. Perfectly harmless SAVE Send out this, this, not this,|... that's it. And there are four or five e-mails|I wrote over lunch. Send them, too. - I can't believe it Try every key|- It's the wrong set. There's got to be a janitor,|or a guard, or a cleaning woman Somebody has to be in there|I need a brick... What's the big deal|about getting this file tonight? - I have a deadline.|- And I'm getting married Exactly|Everyone is going to be so busy... So it's my last chance to|get up there to Walter's office... - Then I could e-mail it out now.|- Tomorrow's Sunday Monday morning, crack of dawn,|Walter will walk you right up there. Give it up, kid You can't win them all. Goodnight. Jules... - This thing means that much to you?|- Yes. Come on, we'll phone from your room.|Walter's probably not even asleep. We'll drive up, get the right key,|and go back to the office. But if I fall asleep on the altar|tomorrow, you'd better be there. These are all from Eric.|This fax is from Eric, too. - Can't he ever leave me alone?|- Maybe it's congratulations. What is it? "I can't believe I'm doing this|just before your wedding, but you need and deserve to know|what you're marrying into". "l received the following e-mail|this afternoon". "Eric, I need a favour.|My daughter's happiness..." Isabelle, I need to talk to Kim. - Is there anything wrong?|- No, I'm just tired. Jules...|Could you give me a minute? Please? Excuse me, miss.|Are you locked out? No, I just stepped out...|It's a non-smoking room. It's a non-smoking floor, too.|Why don't you go down to the lobby? Why don't you have me arrested? I mean it|I am a dangerous, criminal person. I do bad things to honest people. Make a citizen's arrest It'd be like getting Al Capone|on tax evasion. Can I help you, miss? - Do you smoke, Richard?|- Yes, I do, but... It's a non-smoking floor. But, you know what? You know,|my grandmother always said: "This, too, shall pass". Thanks, Richard. I want you to quit this shit.|It'll kill you. What happened? It's over. She denied it.|She said I was crazy and paranoid. A bad combination. There's a big brunch tomorrow|at her parents' house. And she said,|"How can I call it off?" 'What do I tell everyone?"|No, it's for the best, it really is. She was right. I am crazy... to fall for someone|I hardly knew. I'm so glad you're here. You still got that ring? I tried it on,|and it won't come off. Why don't we take a walk,|or have some food sent up? I just want to be alone.|Is that okay? Sure. Maybe I'll go back to New York|for a while with you. Eric will understand. Or we could|go somewhere, if you want. "If San Antonio|sweeps Sacramento..." I've never been to Texas. What? Can I try that? Excuse me. - So this is how you call it off?|- I came here to confront them. - Besides, she hasn't told anyone.|- Michael, there's a wedding at six. Have you changed your mind?|Do you want to marry Kimmy? I made a decision.|It's over. I'll go tell them... First... Do you think she's all right?|Maybe you could go check on her? These are the most beautiful flowers|I've ever seen. How is he? He's wondering why you haven't|told your parents the wedding's off. I'm still hoping for a miracle. How could he think|we would do such a thing? I only minored in psychology,|but... Maybe Michael couldn't commit|to this marriage. So he created a delusion. Produced an unconscious|psychosomatic manifestation of... I'm better with food. Okay... You're Michael.|You're in a fancy French restaurant. You order...|crme brule for dessert. It's beautiful. It's sweet. It's irritatingly perfect. Suddenly, Michael realises|he doesn't want crme brule. - He wants something else.|- What does he want? - Jell-O.|- Jell-O Why does he want Jell-O? Because he's comfortable with it.|Jell-O makes him... comfortable. Compared to crme brule, it's...|Jell-O. But that's what he needs. - I could be Jell-O.|- No Crme brule can never be Jell-O.|You could never be Jell-O. - I have to be.|- Never Tell your parents. Don't wait for|"Do you take this man..." I love him The delusions I drove|him to have some truth in them. I want him to work for my father.|I want to stay in school. Please, tell him it's my fault,|and that I love him. You're the only person that I trust. I'll be right back. How is she? - Hey, knock it off|- Yes, sir - I asked...|- She admits that it's her fault. Do you think she still loves me? Love... it's a strong word. I don't know that I'm qualified... I guess I could say that in her way|she has strong feelings... Sure she does, Michael.|She's crazy about you. Tell her I'll marry her at six,|if she'll still have me. Please? I'll be right... right back. What did he say? He said... "Marry me". Thank God you were here - I got so confused.|- It happens. - Got a minute?|- What's up? I'll say this quickly, or I'll have|a coronary and you'll never hear it. This is, by far,|the dumbest thing I've ever done. So dumb, in fact, that I can't...|But I'm gonna What's wrong? Michael...|I love you. I've loved you for years, but I was|too arrogant and scared to see it. Now I'm just scared. I realise|it's an inopportune time, but I have|this gigantic favour to ask of you. Choose me. Marry me.|Let me make you happy. That sounds like three favours,|doesn't it? But... Kim Michael They're lovely together That's our maid of honour.|She's from New York. Michael, wait|You'll never catch her. Doesn't anybody leave their car|unlocked? Nobody trusts anyone Ah, a good Samaritan. "Shy tendrils of russet pleasure|began their unbidden journey". "She moaned. The tonnage of years|of anguish, sacrifice, mingling..." It is not going well This is what comes|Of telling the truth! - Justice isn't fair!|- Where are you? I've stolen a bread van.|I'm chasing Michael on Michigan Ave. It's all your fault I told him|I loved him, and I kissed him. - Jules, did Michael kiss you back?|- We were lip-to-lip - But did it give you any hope?|- We were interrupted. - By who?|- Kimmy. Now he's chasing her. Michael's chasing Kimmy.|You're chasing Michael. Who's chasing you? Nobody|There's your answer. You're not the one The wedding is at six p.m. You have a small opportunity|to do the right thing. George? All aboard I have a confession to make.|Another confession. Besides that I love you.|This is even worse. The e-mail that Walter sent|to your boss... I wrote that. I wrote that. I'm the bad guy. Are you crazy?|Jules, are you completely insane? I mean...|Jules, how could you do that? It wasn't supposed to get sent. I just wanted you|to get mad at Kimmy. I've done nothing but underhand,|despicable things since I got here. I was... I was just trying to... win you... win you back. But that doesn't excuse any of it.|I'm pond scum. Lower, actually. I'm like|the fungus that feeds on pond scum. Lower. The pus, that infects the mucus, that cruds up the fungus,|that feeds on the pond scum. On the other hand... Thank you.|For loving me that much. That way, it's pretty flattering. Except it makes me fungus. Well, that part I knew. God I'm glad|you didn't get on that train. I came here looking for her. - Why would she be here?|- This is where I proposed. I had to cover a game in Milwaukee.|She saw me off. The train was starting to leave... I jumped up on the step|and held the handle. Without a thought in my head,|I just shouted, "Marry me" And the train was pulling out,|and she suddenly screamed, 'Yes" Just once. And blew me a kiss. It would have been a nice wedding. You can't believe you've lost her You'll find her,|and see all that love in her eyes. I just hope it's soon, or I'd hate|to be you at six o'clock. Wait. We'll split up. Go to every|romantic place the two of you have. And I'll go... someplace brilliant.|We'll find her. We will find her - Wallace residence.|- Have you heard from Kimmy? - She slipped out in the commotion.|- Commotion? My sister licked an ice sculpture|and her tongue froze to it. - That's a commotion?|- It's a sculpture of the "David". - And so Kimmy would be...|- Probably with Michael, doing it. Or else crying in Comiskey Park.|Some guy said he saw her there. Can you bring my dress to the|church? I have to get something. Don't forget to shave. Here's the hair dryer. It's going to be okay.|No pictures, please Kimmy - I know you're in here.|- Leave me alone, you bitch Who the hell do you think you are? - Cat fight|- You pretended to be my friend. - And I made you maid of honour.|- Who asked you to do that? - Michael trusted you, so I did.|- You didn't trust me for a second. - I was right.|- Yes, but that's not my fault. You kissed him At my parents'|house On my wedding day - Tramp|- Shut up I'm not giving this man up to some|two-faced, big-haired food critic. All right, I kissed him I tried to steal him. I lost. He doesn't love me.|He loves you. I haven't done much that|I'm proud of the last three days. I'd like to take you to the church. So you can walk down that aisle,|and marry the man of our dreams. Because he sure wants to marry you. So let's wish Mike and Kim|every happiness, for a long and happy life,|filled with... happiness. - I guess that's it.|- To the bride and groom Now let's hear from the maid|of honour, the lovely Julianne. I had the strangest dream. I dreamed that some psychopath|was trying to break you two up. Luckily, I woke up, and I see... that the world is|just as it should be. My best friend|has won the best woman. I didn't get you a gift... However... this is on loan... until you two find your song. - It's mine|- I don't think so. I got it Bye - Hello, George.|- Having a good time? - No, but I did what I came to do.|- You split them up? - No, I said goodbye.|- Good girl, I'm proud of you. - But you should be dancing.|- I have big plans for that. Just give me 30-35 years. The misery, the exquisite tragedy,|the Susan Hayward of it all. I can picture you sitting alone|in your lavender gown. - Did I tell you it was lavender?|- You haven't touched your cake. Probably drumming your fingernails|on the white linen table cloth. Perhaps even thinking,|I should have had that manicure! - But it's too late now!|- I didn't tell you it was lavender Suddenly, a familiar song... And you're off your chair|in one exquisite movement wondering, searching,|sniffing the wind like a deer. Has God heard your prayer?.|Will Cinderella dance again? Then suddenly, the crowds part and there he is. Sleek, stylish, adiant with charisma.|Bizarrely, he's on the telephone. But then, so are you. And he comes towards you, like a jungle cat And even though you correctly sense|that he is... gay, like most devastatingly handsome|single men, you think,|'What the hell, life goes on". Maybe there won't be marriage. Maybe there won't be sex. But, by God, there'll be dancing Bond. Jane Bond. |
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