I was born jaundiced.
Once I sat on a toilet seat
at a truck stop and caught hemorrhoids.
I've learned to live with a chicken bone
lodged in my throat for three years.
So I knew dad would be devastated
when he learned my latest affliction.
Dad, I don't want
to upset you...
but my left breast is developing
significantly faster than my right.
It can only mean one thing: Cancer.
I'm dying.
Sweetie, hand me the mayonnaise
out of the fridge.
Who's in?
Raise your hand.
Are you coming or not,
Thomas J.?
- I don't think so.
- I knew he wouldn't.
I have to go home.
To play with his dolls.
Leave him alone.
Come on. Let's go.
You didn't pay me.
How do I know
you'll show us one?
You're a baby.
All right. Here.
Follow me
and don't say a word.
You ready?
You sure you want to see it?
Or are you yellow?
I'm not chicken.
Lean forward.
It's empty.
- You're so weird.
- I want my money back.
- I was afraid of this.
- Of what?
Sometimes
when we get them...
they're not
completely dead.
Like when they cut
a chicken's head off...
and they still run around.
You're full of shit.
I bet she's roaming
around this house somewhere.
There she is
in the rocking chair.
Hi, Gramoo.
Vada, would you bring down
my cigarettes?
See you later.
- Did you know he was my wood shop teacher?
- You took wood shop?
I made a tie rack.
- The fluid's mixed?
- Yes.
Put them on the stool.
Guess what?
I beat Thomas J. in Monopoly.
The rack holds six ties.
I still have mine.
- Arthur!
- Vada!
- I beat Thomas J. in Monopoly.
- Good for you.
Once you put hotels on Boardwalk
and Park Place, you're a shoo-in.
- I like to buy railroads.
- We're trying to work.
Cruella De Vil
stole all the puppies.
She was going to make
fur out of them.
Hand me the cannula.
There he was
just-a walkin' down the street
Singin' "doo-wah diddy-diddy
dum-diddy-doo"
Poppin' his fingers
and a-shufflin'...
- Vada!
- Dad?
I'm embalming my high school teacher.
Don't sing.
All right, Arthur.
Slide him to me a little bit.
Let's put him in
a nice model C-501...
bronze stainless
Eternal Journey.
He'll look like a champion.
Is Mr. Harry Sultenfuss in?
Sure. Come on in.
Have you had
the unfortunate experience...
of recently
losing a loved one?
Could I see your dad
for a second?
Dad! Somebody's here!
He's downstairs
working on Mr. Layton.
Prostate cancer. Once it hits
your prostate, you're a goner.
How may I help you?
I'm Shelly DeVoto.
We spoke regarding
the makeup artist job.
- Yes.
- It's still available, I hope?
I think so.
I'm a licensed cosmetologist.
I worked for two years
at the Dino Raphael Salon.
My customers cried
when I said I was leaving.
I have a wonderful disposition.
I put people at ease.
These people
are already at ease.
This is not a beauty parlor.
It's a funeral parlor.
- They're dead?
- They are.
Stiffs?
Deceased.
The ad just said
"makeup artist."
Excuse me a second,
will you?
Sure.
Hi, George.
This is a 1258.
I didn't want
the burnished handles.
- Is that your camper?
- Yes. It is.
That's really cool.
Hello.
She's shy.
Put it back
in the display room.
Daddy, how come
that coffin's so small?
They come in all sizes,
just like shoes.
- Is it for a child?
- Of course not.
Then who's it for?
Short people.
Very short people.
Excuse me.
What about the job?
Pardon?
I need the job.
You still want it?
Even though...
Sure.
It's no big deal.
You see,
all my former clients...
will eventually die...
and all your clients
used to be alive.
So they have something
in common.
You'd do hair and makeup
and answer the phone.
- You've got a deal.
- You can start right away.
Call me Harry.
Is this what
you'd normally...
wear for work?
Don't get me wrong.
I like it.
- But...
- I'll take good care of these people.
They deserve it.
They're dead.
All they've got left
is their looks.
Look at this.
No feet.
Wow.
A real Evel Knievel.
What are you doing in my garage?!
Get out of here!
Hi, Veda.
What's wrong today?
I'm very sick.
Take a seat.
I'll check if the doctor can see you.
Vada's here.
She says she's sick.
She looks all right.
He'll see you.
Why don't you go in?
Well, what is it?
I can handle it.
You're perfectly healthy.
That can't be.
I have the classic symptoms.
Did they bring
Mr. Layton to your house?
- Yes.
- You've got to stop this.
There's absolutely
nothing wrong with you.
I'll just have to get
a second opinion.
What did he say
is wrong with you?
The whole medical profession
is a crock.
Wait up for me!
- Look!
- At what?
That's Mr. Bixler.
Let's go talk to him.
I don't want to talk
to no teacher.
Mademoiselle Sultenfuss
and the amazing Dr. J.
- How's your summer?
- Okay.
Mr. Bixler, I finished all the books
for summer reading.
Really? Already?
The summer's just begun.
Yes. Now I'm reading
"War and Peace" for fun.
No wonder
you're my prize pupil.
- What about you, Thomas J.?
- I haven't started.
Get on his case, Vada.
How come you're painting
this house?
Well, I just bought it.
Now I'm fixing it up.
This is one big house
for one single person.
Well, you never can tell.
I might get a pet.
How are you going to pay
for this house if you're not working?
I'm going to teach
creative writing.
- I'm doing some work.
- How much does it cost?
- Thirty-five dollars.
- What do you get for that?
Me. Two hours a week
talking about poetry.
Is this an interrogation, Vada?
No.
Well, I guess I'll go home
and finish off "War and Peace."
It's summer.
You're kids. Go play.
Want to go to Gray's Orchard
and pick some peaches?
No. I'm going home.
Why? It's not dinner time yet.
You're like a dog.
You just go home to eat.
Don't pee on the hydrant!
Bill
I love you so
I always will
I look at you
and see the passion
Eyes of May
Oh, but am I ever
gonna see
My wedding day
Trooper Gwynn called.
There was a big accident.
They're bringing
in two tomorrow.
Excuse me.
I finished Mr. Layton's hair.
He kind of looked...
- What's wrong with her?
- She's pretending.
Get up and eat your broccoli.
I think it's my prostate.
Something like
a" Sky Lounge? ''
How many removals...?
I got rhythm
I got music
I got my man
Who could ask for anything more
I got daisies
In green pastures
I had a body
in my bedroom.
I got my man
Who could ask for anything more
- Who's winning?
- I am.
Look!
Vada and her little boyfriend.
He's not my boyfriend.
I bet she kisses him
on the lips.
- You think I'd kiss that ugly thing?
- Yeah, anyway.
Come on. Let's go.
Judy's father
owns the Bijou theater.
We see all the movies
we want for free.
- Maybe you can come sometime?
- Don't invite her.
She'll bring her boyfriend.
Vada and Thomas
Sittin' in a tree
K-I-S-S-I-N-G
First comes love
Then comes marriage
Then comes Thomas J.
in the baby carriage
You know...
don't let them upset you.
I'm not upset.
I would never play with them.
I surround myself with people
I find intellectually stimulating.
Want a piece of chocolate?
- I'm allergic to it.
- To chocolate?
- He's allergic to everything.
- Chocolate?
To everything.
That's a pretty ring.
It's a mood ring.
- It tells my mood.
- It doesn't work.
- It's always black.
- Only when you're around.
You put me
in a bad mood.
Maybe black
means you're happy.
I don't think so.
Shelly,
how can I get $35?
She's crazy. She wants to go
to school over the summer.
It's not a real school.
A writing class.
I want to be a writer.
Her sweetie pie's
the teacher.
Shut your
big, fat mouth!
I think you'd make
a fine writer.
Did you ask your dad?
He won't give it to me.
You don't know that.
Ask him.
Edith, what channel
is Cronkite on?
Channel two, Archie.
The one we don't watch
because you always say...
Walter Cronkite
is a communist.
I never said that, Edith.
The man ain't all red.
What's wrong with this?
Nothing's coming on.
I'll help you, Daddy.
Daddy, can I have $35?
That's a lot
for a little girl.
It's for school.
A summer writing class.
Any more soda left?
Shelly thinks I'd be
a good writer.
Last month you wanted to play violin.
Then you wanted to be
a ventriloquist.
Dad?
I love this guy.
- Dad
- What?
The money?
Maybe next summer.
He forgot about the time
I wanted to be a magician.
I was really great
at making myself disappear.
Want to play?
No, I've got to go
to a cemetery.
Keep your head up.
Don't look at the ball,
look at me.
See? You were lookin'
at the ball.
All right?
Keep your head up.
Gimme some skin.
Please!
Open the door, please!
Someone open the door!
Please!
Please, open the door!
There he was just-a walkin'
down the street
Singin' "doo-wah diddy-diddy
dum-diddy-doo"
Poppin' his fingers
and shuffling his feet
What happened?
My ball.
I lost my ball.
Come on.
Excuse me?
Could you take a look
at Mrs. Porter?
Didn't I give you
a picture of her?
You don't like it?
This was
the Reverend Porter's wife.
You have her looking
like a two-dollar hooker.
I think she looks nice.
Her lips are very thin.
I used the gloss
to give them a sensual quality.
And her eyes
just needed a little definition.
And her hair...
Nobody wears this hairdo in 1972.
She did.
This photo was taken a month ago
at the church food drive.
I wanted to get past
the schoolmarm image.
That wasn't an image.
She was an old schoolmarm.
Fix it.
I was just wondering...
if there is anything wrong
with Vada?
What do you mean?
- The other night...
- Oh, that. She likes to play.
I don't think so.
I think she's confused
about death.
She was raised in a funeral home.
She knows a little about it.
I really think...
She's a happy
eleven-year-old girl.
Look...
don't give me any advice
about my daughter, okay?
Late last night
Not the night before
Twenty-four robbers
came a- knockin' at my door
As I went out
To let them in
This is what they told me
And this is what they said
Patty-cake, patty- cake
Turn around
There's Shelly!
Can we look around
in your camper?
Sure. I'll give you
the royal tour.
This is the coolest thing.
You can really
eat and sleep here?
I'm going to drive us
to Liverpool.
Big Ringo fan.
- Would you like a soda?
- I would.
- Thomas?
- Yes, please.
What are you reading?
You shouldn't be looking at that.
It's too old for you.
Did you read
all these books?
What are they about?
Mostly love
and romance.
Gross.
They're just fun to read.
Here. Cheers.
Are you married?
No. I'm divorced.
Daddy says it's bad
when people get divorced.
I know.
Sometimes married people find out...
they can't live
with each other.
The Meyers are divorced.
Can I have a cookie?
Where are the cookies?
Well, I guess you found
my secret hiding place.
What are you saving for?
Nothing in particular.
Just for a rainy day.
I'm supposed to be home
at noon for lunch.
Thanks.
Bye.
Well.
- Let's head back.
- Can I use your bathroom?
- Sure.
- You don't have to wait.
Daddy will be mad
if you're late.
"The great way is not difficult
for those with no preferences.
With the absence
of both love and hate...
everything becomes clear
and undisguised."
That was written by a Chinese
philosopher in the year 600.
Why would I bring that up
in a creative writing class?
Because...
the absence of judgement
helps us to appreciate reality.
In other words, I want you to listen
to your classmates' writing...
with a clear
and open heart.
So, who's first?
I got one.
"I sang a song
for you to hear.
I painted a picture
for you to see.
I picked a rose
for you to smell.
I planted grass
for you to touch.
But you did not
hear my song.
You did not see
my picture.
You did not smell my rose,
and you did not touch my grass."
Maybe she was
out of town?
That's not funny.
His poem is about futility.
We toil
in unrewarded obscurity.
I hear judgment.
Let's not forget
the part about the open heart.
Is there something
I can do for you?
I paid the money.
For this class?
I want to be a writer.
But, Vada, this is
an adult writing class.
I think it's beautiful.
She wants to be a writer.
More power to you,
little sister.
You sure you want
to do this?
Welcome to the class.
Go find a seat.
Who's next?
I experienced something
with my boyfriend the other day...
and I wrote
a few words down.
The floor is yours, Ronda.
"He covers me
like a blanket...
from the cold,
dark night.
As I look into his eyes,
I know it's right.
To touch.
To feel.
I know he's real.
Flesh all a-mesh.
I can't fight it.
There's no point.
I wake up
and light a joint."
I wrote a poem, too.
Please.
"Ode to Ice Cream,"
by Vada Sultenfuss.
"I like ice cream a whole lot.
It tastes good when days are hot.
On a cone or in a dish,
this would be my only wish.
Vanilla, chocolate, rocky road,
even with pie a la mode.''
That's all I got so far.
I hear that.
"Flesh all a-mesh"
or "rocky road."
It's about desire.
It's very sweet
and it rhymes.
That's also good, but...
you're not expressing to me
what's in your soul.
I want you to show me
how you see the world.
Your fears,
your desires.
Your innermost secrets.
My fears and secrets.
I'm afraid
I killed my mother.
Cannot do without
Harry's wild about me
Excuse me, Harry.
I'm sorry.
The flowers were delivered,
and the room's all set up.
Thanks.
Listen, I want to apologize...
for the other day
about Vada.
I was harsh.
I shouldn't stick my nose
in other peoples' business.
It's just that
I like Vada very much.
After my wife died,
Gramoo moved in here...
to help us
take care of Vada.
They were very close.
But lately, as her mind's
been wandering more and more...
Vada's been acting
kind of crazy.
I'm sure she'll
snap out of it, though.
I'm sure she will.
Nothing's biting today.
Maybe they had
a big breakfast.
I'm going to be an acrobat
when I grow up.
Big deal. I can do that.
You got something.
Hurry!
I'm trying.
Reel it in.
It's a sunny.
Throw it back.
I don't like
touching fish.
I'll pull the hook out
without touching it.
You're hurting it.
Darn hook! I'm bleeding.
Did he get away?
Go look.
He got away.
Come on. Let's go.
We can become blood brothers.
I don't want to.
You could pick
that scab on your arm.
It's a mosquito bite.
It'll bleed.
If I do it,
can we go?
Rub them together.
We're blood brothers
for life.
Hi. What can I do
for you?
Nothing.
I was just wondering
what you were doing.
I'm just typing up
a funeral notice.
When someone dies,
we put one in the paper.
It's a service
we provide for the family.
Right.
"Bader, Lorenzo.
Died June 22, 1972.
Devoted husband to Nicolette.
Cherished father
of Fabrizio and Heidi.
In lieu of flowers, please send
donations to the Holy Name Society."
I wrote that.
No kidding?
It's good.
"In lieu of."
I love that word, "lieu."
I prefer it to " instead.''
It has more dignity.
"In lieu." "Instead."
No contest.
It's no big deal.
You have to learn
how to take a compliment.
"Movies.''
"Love Story'' at the drive-in.
Cried my eyes out.
Did you see it?
I haven't been
to the movies in ages.
I love to see movies.
Especially at the drive-in.
I don't think there's anything
more romantic than the drive-in.
I'll let you
get back to work.
I do enjoy
playing bingo.
If you'd like to join me
tomorrow night, you're welcome to.
- Are you going out somewhere?
- Nope.
- Why put on lipstick?
- A girl's always gotta look her best.
I think lipstick
looks fake.
No one's lips
are that color.
Have you ever tried any?
No.
Come here.
Sit down.
Go like this.
Little less.
All right.
Now first we blot.
Take a look.
It looks nice on you.
Do you think I'm pretty?
Yes.
I think you're very pretty.
You've got these
great, big...
sparkling eyes.
Cutest little nose.
An amazing mouth.
Boys at school
don't think I am.
They'll come around.
Close your eyes.
I want to bring out
the gorgeous color in them.
Now the first rule
in applying eye makeup...
is you can never wear
enough blue eye shadow.
Do you like putting makeup
on people?
I've been trying to get
to Hollywood...
to do makeup
for the movie stars, but...
I haven't gotten there yet.
All right.
Open your eyes.
I would definitely hold off
on that Hollywood thing.
- Your lip bleeding?
- No.
What's wrong
with your eyes?
A girl can never wear
enough eye shadow.
Where's your bike?
In the garage.
Walk me over.
It's only a garage.
Come on.
One of my streamers is gone.
It probably fell off
in here.
Look at this.
That was Gramoo's.
It's a phrenology chart.
They used to study
bumps on your head...
to see if you had
a good personality.
- I'll diagnose your head.
- I don't wanna.
Come on.
It's fun.
- Interesting.
- What?
You have no personality.
- Where does it say that?
- Never mind.
Is that your dad?
Who's that with your dad?
That's my mother.
- Do you remember her?
- No.
Gramoo said she's in heaven.
What do you think it's like?
- What?
- Heaven.
I think everybody gets
their own white horse.
All they do is ride
and eat marshmallows all day.
And everybody's best friends
with everybody else.
When you play sports,
there's no teams...
so nobody gets picked last.
But what if you're afraid
to ride horses?
It doesn't matter
They're not regular horses.
They got wings.
And it's no big deal
if you fall.
You just land in a cloud.
That doesn't sound so bad.
Come on.
We're gonna find
that streamer.
Well. What's going on in here?
Nothing.
I'm dressing.
You're dressing.
Don't you know
it's not nice to lie...
to your big brother?
- Watch the hair! The shirt!
- Give!
All right!
I'm going out with Shelly.
Yes! That's great.
- I'm very nervous.
- Why?
The last date I had
was 20 years ago.
True.
Sit down.
Let me fill you in
on today's woman.
Since the last time you dated,
something happened.
The sexual revolution.
Before, you had to hold a door
for a woman...
pull her chair out,
pick up the check.
No more.
You know what else is missing?
Bras.
- Oh, come on.
- I'm serious.
Trust me, Harry.
This women's lib thing is in.
You gotta treat her
like every Tom, Dick and Harry.
Are you sure?
Did you not tell Vada
I'm a womanizer?
I'm running late.
- Shelly will be here any minute.
- She's picking you up?
You're on
the right track.
She's just driving over.
We're taking my car.
How do I look?
Like a Sultenfuss.
Go get her.
'Night.
Why are you dressed up
to play bingo?
I want to look nice.
You never cared before.
Shelly's coming.
We're going together.
- Why?
- She likes to play bingo.
Can I go too?
No. You'd better
stay and keep Gramoo company.
I've got to admit,
I'd as soon...
not have any more bounty prisoners
coming through Dodge any time soon.
It's a bit wearin'
on the nerves.
This day was starting off just fine,
and I'm gonna keep it that way.
Doc, you never
answered my question.
- Where are you?
- Here.
- Don't do that.
- Sorry.
What do you want?
My mom will skin me
if she finds me out here.
Let's go to the church.
They're playing bingo.
I told you,
I'll get in trouble.
- Pacifist
- Am not.
- Bed wetter.
- I stopped that.
N-38.
Under the " N''...
Don't laugh.
There's a strategy to bingo.
For instance, on a given night,
anybody can win.
I play the odds.
When choosing bingo cards...
I use the laws of probabilities
to avoid duplicate number systems.
You get much more activity.
Does it make it easier
to win?
No. Just more activity.
l- 1 7.
Under the "I," 1- 7.
Hi, Carl, Vern.
They won't let us in.
We're kids.
We're not going to bet.
We're just going to watch.
Watch bingo?
I don't even like to play.
Duck.
N- 4-2.
Under the "N," 4-2.
Great!
There's your dad
and Shelly!
I don't want them
to see me.
B- 4.
Under the "B," 4.
O- 69.
Under the "O," 6-9.
- I just had a terrible thought.
- What's that?
I'm going to be putting makeup
on some of these people soon.
Why do you think
these seats were empty?
B-6.
Under the "B," 6.
- Can we go yet?
- Go!
I'm not allowed
out by myself after dark.
I'm just not lucky.
It's not always luck.
Depending upon the numbers...
a guy with ten cards can win
as easily as a guy with a hundred.
Kind of like men.
How do you mean?
You can be in a room
with 100 men...
and not like any of them.
Or you can be in a room
with just one man.
He's exactly
the one you want.
Bingo!
We have a winner.
Will the winner raise their hand?
There was no bingo.
It came from outside.
How could someone outside
get a bingo?
Someone outside
didn't get a bingo.
Someone outside yelled "bingo,"
you moron!
- Who are you calling a moron?
- Put a lid on it.
If you weren't 200 years old,
I'd kick your wrinkled ass!
Fellows!
- It's only bingo!
- We can go.
Cards and bad prizes.
A cheap clock, some ugly glassware.
I had a good time tonight.
I haven't had
a bingo partner in ages.
Would you like to see my house?
Just for a minute?
Home sweet home.
It's nice.
I did it myself.
I read a magazine article
about how to maximize small spaces.
Well, it certainly
looks bigger than it seems.
You can look in the bathroom,
if you want.
People are always
curious about that.
Like what happens
when you flush.
Are you mad at me?
No. Why?
I don't know.
You just seemed a little cool.
Not opening car doors...
That was Phil's
advice on dating 70s women.
I'm out of touch.
I haven't dated in ages.
Not since my wife died.
What happened to her?
Complications during childbirth.
She died two days
after Vada was born.
Did she ever see Vada?
I brought the baby
into the room...
a couple of times.
She opened her eyes.
I think she saw Vada.
It was...
Did I ruin this?
Dance with me?
Here?
This is where we are.
Is there enough room?
- I haven't danced...
- In ages.
I know. Me neither.
Bra?
See? You're not that
out of touch.
You're good.
At Woodman High,
I was considered a hot date.
I did a killer Trug.
What are you wearing?
Old Spice.
Phil says
it's a timeless classic.
So do you want to?
Want to what?
Kiss me.
- Yes.
- Good.
Good at kissing
and dancing.
I'm very optimistic.
I'd better go.
It's only a clock.
Good night.
Well.
I guess it's official.
We had a date.
Maybe we can play bingo
again sometime?
I'm tired of bingo.
Maybe we should try
that drive-in of yours.
Good night.
Before class started...
Ronda and Justin wanted to lead
the class in a group meditation.
That's really cool.
What we're going to do is
send our vibes out into the group.
Everybody hold hands...
and close your eyes.
Relax your muscles
and take deep breaths.
Now try to feel...
what the other person is feeling
without speaking any words.
Send out your vibe...
and receive the vibes from around you
at the same time.
Can you feel it?
Open your eyes.
What did everybody feel?
I felt Mrs. Hunsaker's strength.
I can feel that Ronda
is one with the earth.
She's so cosmically in tune.
So right on.
That's exactly what I sent out.
And I felt like you were full...
of inner peace and harmony.
Vada, what did you feel?
- I felt Justin's hangnail.
- No, Vada.
That's not what we're looking for.
A hangnail is insignificant.
What's in my soul...
feel my aura.
I don't think I'm allowed to.
Tell you what.
Let's try it again.
Hold hands.
Gramoo once had a hangnail
on her big toe.
It got infecfed and traveled
to her vocal chords.
Ruined her singing voice.
I don't think Gramoo
thought it was insignificant.
And some lettuce.
Watch out for the rust
when you get lettuce.
I thought I recognized you two.
We're just picking things up
for the barbecue.
Me too.
Mind if I tag along?
Not at all.
- A lot of potatoes.
- It's for Shelly's famous potato salad.
I'm looking forward to that.
Damn it!
- Watch what you're doing!
- Sorry.
This'll be my first July 4th picnic
in a long time.
Dad, didn't you say you needed prunes
real bad?
Just put anything you want
in the cart.
I don't know
what's gotten in to her today.
I need olives.
I used to like to play
with my Ken and Barbie dolls.
Ken was my favorite.
Then one Christmas, I got them a camper.
All they wanted to do
was hang out by themselves.
So I wasn't too upset when they took
that wrong turn and went over the cliff.
Gave proof through the night
That our flag was still there
Oh, say does that star-spangled
Banner yet wave
I told you, use fewer briquettes.
Now look what you've done.
- You've cremated them.
- That's what I do.
Do you want to do it?
Why don't you pre-measure the briquettes
in little packages?
Put out a product.
Support me a while.
How's it going, chef?
- I love your apron.
- Thanks.
- Is it ready yet?
- No, sweetie. Not yet.
- When.
- Soon, honey.
- When?
- In a minute.
It's hot. You'll burn your nose.
Look out.
- Just a minute, Mom.
- Dinner!
Rub-a-dub-dub...
thanks for the grub.
- Yea, God.
- I'll second that.
Shelly, like seafood?
Why?
"See food."
That's attractive.
Shit.
Excuse me.
Hey, who lives here?
The Addams family?
- Danny, what are you doing here?
- What am I doing here?
Hi, Ralph.
Danny, how'd you find me?
You told everybody where you were going.
I'm here for the motor home.
These two people
do not have a good relationship.
I've been living in it.
The camper is mine!
"Mutual asset."
That's what the lawyer said.
It's supposed to be ours.
- Not Shelly's recreational vehicle.
- Would you keep your voice down!
My boss is watching us.
I'm impressed.
- I guess I have to introduce you now.
- All right.
Vada Sultenfuss?
Tough break.
I like my name.
This is Danny and Ralph. They own
the Dino Raphael Salon in Detroit.
We were married.
Are you here to take her back?
Nice to meet you. We've got burgers
and hot dogs, if you'd care to join us.
- Can't stay. I'm here because my wife...
- Ex!
My ex-wife seems to have ripped off
my camper.
Honestly, he got the Mustang.
- I promise...
- I don't think so.
I've got a copy
of the property settlement here.
Shit! This is my lease.
Damn it. I keep forgetting things.
Getting senile.
What?
I know you've suffered
a terrible loss...
and there's nothing
anyone can do to comfort you.
I urge you to focus on the times
you had with the camper...
the trips you took,
the sights you saw.
Those days are gone, but they'll live on
in your heart forever.
Is he boinking you?
That's a real bonehead thing to say!
You're not gonna take her camper.
- Oh, no?
- It's her home. It's where she lives.
Really? Fine. Go cook.
- Give me the goddamn keys!
- That hurts!
What you do that for?
- Who are you?
- I'm his brother.
- Then you'll be visiting us quite often.
- Why?
Because if he ever tries to take
Shelly's camper again...
I'm gonna bury him in my front yard.
Your father's a savage.
Bye, Ralph.
Well, you were pretty great.
Is it really your camper?
- Can we see them from the back yard?
- You can get the general idea.
There they are.
They always look the same every year.
Look.
Did you love him?
I would never marry anybody
I didn't love.
He must like Shelly.
I never saw him hit anyone in his life.
He likes her.
Does he love her?
Probably.
Do you like her?
Yes, I do.
I think she's very good for your father.
Why?
After your mother died,
he was sad all the time.
But before that,
he was pretty funny.
Really?
Now when I see him with Shelly...
sometimes he seems like
the old Harry.
My dad was funny?
He wasn't one of the Marx Brothers,
but made me laugh.
My uncle fought in the Korean War.
He had a steel plate
put in his head.
Daddy said he didn't come back
the same.
One night, we picked up a radio station
from Oklahoma in his teeth.
It was really neat.
- What?
- Can't you see it?
- No.
- It's there.
There is no chicken bone
stuck in your throat.
Dr. Welty,
are you sure those are yours?
So you fill it with water, like this.
And what have you got?
A water gun.
Cool.
Can I get one for Vada?
Let me ask you a question.
Does Vada tell you
why she comes here so much?
- She's dying.
- Do you think she is?
Why do you think she says that?
She scared of all those dead people
in her house.
You know that saying, " If you can't
beat them, join them''?
If she's one of them,
she won't be as scared.
You know what I think? She's very lucky
to have a friend like you.
She's my best friend.
Miss Vada, how are you feeling?
As good as can be expected.
- Guess what we got?
- What?
- This!
- Hey, you! I'm gonna get you!
Give me that!
- I just got you.
- You didn't.
- Whoa.
- What?
- There's a bee hive.
- So?
Stand back.
Are you crazy?
You'll get stung!
You're right.
Let's knock it down.
- What do you want if for, anyway?
- 'Cause they're neat.
Got it!
My mood ring fell off!
I gotta find it!
They're alive!
Run for your life!
- Run faster! They're after us!
- I am running faster.
- Hurry!
- Jump in the water!
- I have my clothes on!
- Do it!
- Vada, is that you?
- Yes.
Guess what? We're going
to the carnival tonight.
Be ready to go in 10 minutes.
Shelly's coming with us.
- Vada, what's your favorite ride?
- I like the freak show.
I know. Let's go on
the "sit on the bench and rest ride."
I don't think that roller coaster
agreed with your dad's stomach.
You have to watch what you eat here.
Once I went to a carnival
with my cousins, David and Frank.
They ate hot dogs, and the next day
came down with nephritis.
Nephritis is a kidney disease.
You don't get it from hot dogs.
All I know is,
the next day they had high fevers...
and their faces got very fat.
It baffled medical science.
They were in a magazine.
The were! "Popular Mechanics"...
No, "Popular Science."
I don't know. It was "Popular."
- They're trying to hit that poor thing!
- Watch you don't knock out a fish.
Just arc it.
I don't know which ball's mine.
- I won!
- Great!
We have a winner!
There you go, little girl.
See how easy it is?
That's a gorgeous goldfish.
Where'd you get that ring?
Did you win it?
We have something to tell you.
We have some good news.
We're getting married.
My fish!
We're having the wedding
sometime near the end of the summer.
You'll be okay, little fish.
Should we get you another goldfish?
No. He's fine.
Fish are very resilient animals.
Don't worry.
I won't get another fish.
The bumper car!
For just 50 cents... a half dollar...
five dimes... ten nickels...
we have a ride guaranteed to rearrange
all of your internal organs.
Don't pass me by.
That's the bumper car ride!
Bumper cars! You can't go to a carnival
and not ride them!
I'd fall asleep at the wheel.
I'll ride them with you.
Great!
Come on.
I got the blue one!
I'm gonna come get you.
Veda, keep your hands on the wheel.
Careful!
Look out!
- Can Thomas J. come out?
- Sure. Come in.
- Wanna ride bikes?
- Sure.
- Did you make your bed?
- Yes.
- You're sure?
- It's made.
Come here.
You've got a milk moustache.
Let's go.
- Bye, Mom.
- Have fun, kids.
- I'm running away.
- Where are you running to?
California. I'm going to Hollywood
to live with the Brady Bunch.
- I wanna live with them too.
- You can't.
They have enough kids. You'll have
to live with the Partridge Family.
Really?
That's it.
- Get up.
- I'm tired of running away.
Besides, we passed this place twice.
We're not getting nowhere.
- Why are you running away?
- My dad gave Shelly a ring.
Wow! Was it a decoder ring?
You're such a retard.
It was an engagement ring.
They're getting married?
Now you have a mother.
- I don't like her.
- I do. She's real funny.
He likes her better than me.
- I'm hungry. I can't last any longer.
- Then go home, baby.
I have to anyway.
My mom will be worried.
Leave, then.
Some friend you are.
You can come to my house for dinner.
No. I'm hiding out.
See you.
Are the gentlemen
going to stay or not?
Perhaps you didn't hear what I said.
The whole Circle fortune
goes to you.
- Twenty million dollars.
- I heard you, all right.
That's quite a lot, isn't it?
- It'll do in a pinch.
- I wonder why he left me all that money.
I don't need it.
In school, we learned some people stole
the Lindbergh baby out of his house.
I think I'll sleep
with my window open tonight.
Oh, my God!
Daddy!
What's the matter?
- Where's Daddy?
- He just left. What's wrong?
- I'm hemorrhaging.
- What do you mean?
I don't want or need your help!
Did this happen in the bathroom?
- How old are you?
- Eleven and a half.
It's okay.
Come upstairs. We have to talk.
My mommy and daddy did that?
It's actually a very beautiful thing.
There wouldn't have been a Veda.
I think it should be outlawed.
Believe me.
Someday, you'll feel differently.
That's probably Thomas J.
I don't want to see him.
It's not fair.
Nothing happens to boys.
Hi. Can you come out?
- I don't know.
- Please!
It's real hot.
Maybe we can go swimming.
No! Get out of here!
And don't come back
for five to seven days!
I'm going to the bathroom.
I'll be right back.
Stay here.
It's quarter to three
There's no one in the place
Just you and me
So set them up, Joe
I've got a little story
you ought to know
We're coming, my friend
- To the end of brief episode
- I'm so sorry.
- So make it one for my baby
- All right. It's okay.
- And one more for the road
- Very, very sorry.
What were you thinking?
It's your responsibility to watch her!
Do you have any idea
how upset those people are in there?
Why do you think people
want to get married?
When you get older,
you just have to.
I'm going to marry Mr. Bixler.
You can't marry a teacher.
It's against the law.
- It is not.
- Yes, it is.
'Cause then he'll give you all A's,
and it won't be fair.
Not true.
Have you ever kissed anyone?
Like they do on TV?
Maybe we should, just to see
what's the big deal.
I don't know how.
Here. Practice on your arm,
like this.
Like this?
Enough practice.
Close your eyes.
Then I won't be able to see anything.
Just do it.
On the count of three.
One.
Two.
Two-and-a-half.
Three.
Say something.
It's too quiet.
Just hurry!
"I pledge allegiance
to the flag...
of the United States of America.
And to the republic
for which it stands...
one nation, under God...
indivisible,
with liberty and justice for all."
- You better not tell anyone.
- You better not either.
Well, let's spit on it.
- See you tomorrow.
- See you.
What?
- Would you think of me?
- For what?
If you don't marry Mr. Bixler.
I guess.
Get away!
- What are you doing?
- Feeding my fish.
Is that the fish you won
at the carnival?
He's getting big.
Come here and sit down for a minute.
Something happened to Thomas J.
last night.
He stepped on a beehive.
I told him not to tease those bees.
Did he get stung?
Maybe I should go over and yell at him.
No, sweetheart.
You can't.
Why not?
He was allergic to bees.
He's okay, isn't he?
There were just too many of them.
What's wrong, sweetheart?
- I can't breath. I'm suffocating.
- Relax. Let me look.
It's okay.
Come up here. Let me have a look.
That's a girl.
It hurts so bad!
- Make it stop!
- What hurts?
The bee stings!
I can't breathe!
I'm leaving some food by the door
in case you get hungry.
Is Veda home?
She is. But she's very upset
so she's not seeing anyone.
I'm Judy.
I go to school with her.
I wanted to tell her
I'm sorry about Thomas J.
Maybe she'll feel better
in a couple days.
Will you tell her I came by?
- Sure.
- Thank you.
Bye.
- Hi, Harry.
- Hi, Reverend Moss.
I know the Sennetts want to thank you
for taking care of things so quickly.
I see you took your tray in.
Maybe you should come down
for the funeral.
Sometimes it helps.
She won't come out.
It's been a whole day.
You have to do something.
- The funeral's starting.
- She's 11 years old!
Her only friend is dead!
I know!
What do you want from me?
Stop hiding!
You run.
When I came here, the idea of working
with dead people didn't thrill me.
When I saw a family lived here...
I thought...
if I'm living without a family,
at least I can work with one.
And maybe, once and a while,
be invited for supper.
And when those suppers are disrupted
when there's a car crash...
or a little boy
steps on a beehive...
I'm not asking you to stop feeling
for those people.
But life isn't just death.
Don't ignore the living.
Especially your daughter.
Excuse me.
The minister's about to begin.
Thank you, Arthur.
We are here to...
honor Thomas James Sennett.
He was born May 7, 1961...
in Madison, Pennsylvania.
He's survived by his loving parents...
Charles and Susan Sennett...
his grandparents,
William and Gloria Sennett...
and Gerald and Marjory Finn...
and many relatives, friends
and schoolmates.
The internment will follow
at Madison Memorial Park.
The family has asked me
to say a few words before we proceed.
No words I could say
would begin to express...
the loss and grief.
One word that keeps ringing in my ear...
is "why?"
Why would God choose
to take this little boy from us?
Why? I cant give you an answer
to that question.
I can tell you...
God has chosen Thomas J.
for some very special reason.
We must find solace in knowing
that he's in God's care.
In that place,
there is no sorrow or suffering.
The lion lies with the lamb.
The day is not divided.
I'd like to read a passage
from the Bible.
This is Matthew 19.
At one point, children were
brought to Him...
that He might lay his hands on them
in prayer.
Disciples began to chastise Him.
But Jesus said,
"Let the children come to me.
Do not hinder them.
The kingdom of God
belongs to such as these."
He laid his hands on their heads...
before he left that place.
Let us pray in silence.
Wanna go tree climbing?
His face hurts!
And where are his glasses?
He can't see without his glasses!
Put his glasses on!
- He was going to be an acrobat.
- He's gone, sweetheart.
Wait!
I was just on my way to your house.
You all right?
I'm so sorry about Thomas J.
We don't have to talk about him!
It's okay.
We won't talk about him.
Justin and Ronda say that I should
tell people what I feel.
Come here.
Sit down over here.
I love you.
I love you like my dad loves Shelly.
And I wanna live here.
I think your dad would miss you.
No, he wouldn't.
I can't go home.
Hank, I'll be ready in a second.
I can't find my other earring.
This is Veda.
- I'm really sorry.
- Could you give us a minute?
Who's that?
That's Suzanne.
She and I are gonna be married
this fall.
I was gonna bring her to class
next week.
I want her to hear your poem.
Please, honey.
I cared for him too.
- Please!
- Get away from me!
Sweetheart, don't...
Why do you think people
want to get married?
When you get old,
you just have to.
Who's that with your dad?
That's my mother.
I'm gonna be an acrobat
when I grow up.
Would you think of me?
If you don't get to marry
Mr. Bixler.
Now we're blood brothers for life.
- We haven't found her yet.
- She can't be alone in the dark!
- We'll keep looking.
- We've been looking since this morning.
Her teacher said...
I know. You told us.
Are you okay?
I should have told Thomas J.
he was my best friend.
I'm sure he knew.
I stole some money
from your cookie jar...
to pay for the writing class.
- It's okay.
- I'll pay you back.
Besides, I don't think
I'll ever go to class again.
Tell you what.
You dedicate your first book to me.
I'll forget the whole thing.
I will. I promise.
Get into bed.
'Night.
She's here.
- Did I kill my mother?
- What?
The bees killed Thomas J.,
and I killed my mother.
That wasn't your fault.
Things like that aren't anybody's fault.
It just happened.
I found this.
I forgot about that picture.
- Where'd you find it?
- In the garage.
That little Chevy
was your mother's favorite car.
What was my mama like?
She was pretty.
Kind.
She had your eyes.
Did she love to laugh.
Sometimes when you laugh,
you sound just like her.
Really?
Know what she did when she found out
she was going to have you?
She came home
and painted this whole room pink.
She was so sure
she was going to have a little girl.
Do you miss her?
I did very much...
for a long time.
Even now, I get a little sad
when I think about a pretty flower...
or a beautiful sunset
she would have liked.
I think every time I see a climbing
tree, I'll think of Thomas J.
That's good.
Memories are good, sweetheart.
I'm sorry.
I was trying to keep it from you.
I just couldn't.
You're a good girl.
I want you to be happy.
Don't be an old grump like me.
See you in the morning.
Daddy.
It's not so bad to be like you.
How are you doing?
Some days I think I'll be okay...
Others...
I have to force myself
even to get out of bed.
I know it's crazy, but sometimes I think
he's just away at camp.
How's Veda?
She's doing much better.
She's just inside.
I've been wanting to see you.
Thomas J. had this on him.
I thought you might like to have it.
You were such a good friend to him.
I hope you'll still come by
and visit me.
I will.
I promise.
Thomas J. will be all right.
My mother will take care of him.
Thank you.
"Encased in talent,
like a uniform...
the rank of every poet
is well known.
They can amaze us
like a thunderstorm...
or die so young...
or live for years alone."
My advice to you on our last class:
Be a thunderstorm.
What exactly do you mean by that?
I mean, be dangerous...
and unpredictable.
And make a lot of noise.
We missed you, man!
Give me a hug.
I was hoping you'd stop by today.
Can't stay.
I just came to read my poem.
We'd love to hear it.
"Weeping willow with your tears
running down...
why do you always weep and frown?
Is it because he left you one day?
Is it because he could not stay?
On your branches he would swing.
Do you long for the happiness
that day would bring?
He found shelter in your shade.
You thought his laughter
would never fade.
Weeping willow, stop your tears.
There is something to calm your fears.
You think death has ripped you
forever apart.
But I know he'll always
be in your heart."
Things are a little better these days.
I finally swallowed that chicken bone.
Judy and I are going to be
in the same homeroom.
And the Republican Party
just renominated Mr. Nixon.