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My Name Is Bill W. (1989)
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How's Dr. Bob, Lizzy? He didn't touch a thing. Since Anne died, he just doesn't care. At this rate, he's not going to last long. Well, I wish we didn't have to leave. Thank you, Lizzy, for everything. All loaded up. Time to say goodbye? Yeah. Well, smitty, I'm finally getting my man out of town. Way out. You have a wonderful trip, Lois. You've earned it. Thank you for spending these few days with me. I'll send you a whole bunch of postcards. I promise. Thank you again, smitty. For everything. Nah. You got that backwards, Billy. I owe you the debt. Remember that very first day? "Make it snappy," you said. "I'll give you 15 minutes." I talked for six hours. How far we've come together. Brought a lot of people along with us. Over 100,000, last reckoning. It's been a bumpy trip at times. I'd take it again in a minute. So would I, smitty. So would I. When I think how much our lives have changed just because we didn't drink. No matter what, we just don't drink. It's that simple. That's what we've got to remember, Billy. Keep it simple. Always keep it simple. None of that freudian stuff, right? Right. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. One day at a time. Goodbye, smitty. Goodbye, old friend. You're going to miss him. Yeah. Smitty's always been my anchor, and now he won't be around. Well, you'll always have the fellowship. And me. I've always needed you, lo. Now more than ever. But when smitty goes, I just don't know how I'm going to... Bill Wilson! One day you can stand up at an a.A. Convention and mesmerize thousands, and the next, you're still wondering if it'll all work out. You, the man who, by his own admission, won the world war all by himself. I want you to know I did just that. I know. No, I did. I did. You were my conquering hero. pack up your troubles in your old kit bag and smile, smile, smile hey, bill! Bill, thanks again. You're leaving? Say hello to Mrs. bill Wilson. Ward t. Hogg, ma'am. Your husband saved my life. Let's stay in touch. Brooklyn's not far from new Jersey. He just got married. Bill, I'll sure miss you. How's your dad gonna keep you down on the farm now that you've seen paree? Hey! We did it. We won, and I'm back with the two people I love the best in the whole world. Now it really begins. what's the use of worrying it never was worthwhile so pack up your troubles in... what? I just realized. I won't get saluted anymore. Did you like that? I loved being an officer... Being a leader, giving orders. I was good at it. My men liked me. I understood how they felt... Away from home, alone and afraid. It was the first thing I was ever really good at. Oh, not so. Oh, yeah? Here we are. Third floor. You like it? It's great. Real cozy. It's nice. Bill... Wait. I was expecting when you went overseas. I didn't find out until you were gone. I wanted to write. I tried to. I lost the baby three months into the pregnancy. It's all right, lo. We'll have a dozen kids. You just wait. What if... You... You're all I need. You're more than I ever deserved. You're the most... Can't believe you turned them down. That's right. You came out top in the exam. You won the prize. Let's conduct this conversation in more civilized surroundings. You're crazy to turn down a job with Thomas Edison. Why'd you do it? Thomas Edison is top banana in that outfit. I'm going to be top banana in my own outfit. How will you do that? Where's the real money being made? Right here. Ha! In a speakeasy? Not here, dummy. Wall street. I've made the world safe for democracy. Time to stop fooling around and get on with it. But I need your help. Sure. How? Put in a word for me with Frank Shaw at the brokerage firm. He's a partner, right? All I need is a start. One break, and I'm on my way. May you die with the teeth you were born with. Ha! Telephone, 85 1/2. Big steel, 59 1/4. Jersey oil, 177. General auto, 119 1/4. Unchanged. Chicago pacific, 55 1/4. Unchanged. Northwest, 78 5/8. So he says, "Mr. Wilson, we button our collars" at rice & company." Buttoned collars, high socks, no smoking. It's dumb. It's not what's important. It's the industries, the companies, the stocks, the missed opportunities. You haven't been there that long. Writing numbers on a chalkboard. This is definitely not for me. Bill, I have something to tell you. I've got more ideas in my behind than they got in the whole company. I... i saw the doctor today. If I could just get Frank Shaw's ear. I've got this project that could change wall street. Bill, the doctor says I'm pregnant again. Hey. That's great. I'm so frightened. I burst into tears when the doctor told me. I'm just so afraid of being happy now and then losing it again. It can't happen again, can it? Absolutely not. The second time's a charm. Wow. Me, a father. Oh, wow. Lois, I just had a couple of beers. I'll be home in an hour. I got to sell this guy. Honest. Absolutely. I promise. Ok. Yeah. Yeah, me, too. I got to go. Bye. Sorry. Had to talk to the wife. She's not feeling good... pregnancy. If you need to get home... No. This can't wait. It's too important. We're in New York guessing about what's happening. We don't know those companies. We only hear what they want us to. Companies go belly-up like northeast metals... General fasteners. Exactly. A guy in the field could've seen that coming. Let me go there. Get on the inside and report. How would you travel? As inconspicuously and as cheaply as possible. It's a great idea, right? A great idea. It's an interesting thought, but it's a little too unorthodox for my blood. Thanks for thinking of me. I wish you luck. Ebby, give my best to your dad. Hey, wait a minute. Bill. Frank! What's the matter? Why didn't you bore in? To hell with that guy. To hell with all of them. If they don't have the eyes to see, they can roast in their own fat. I'll show them all. Hey, pat. Yeah? Double. Yeah. Ebby? Yeah. Make it two. Barney Google with the goo-goo-googly eyes Barney Google had a wife three times his size she sued Barney for divorce now he's living with his horse Barney Google with the big goo-goo-googly eyes Barney Google with the goo-goo-googly eyes Barney Google thought his horse would win the prize but when the horses ran that day sparkplug ran the other way Barney Google with the goo-goo-googly eyes nurse, I was told that Mrs. Wilson... Lois Wilson was on this floor. Are you a relative? Her husband. Mrs. Wilson's father... I mean Dr. burnham... Would like to see you before... He assisted the surgeons and is still waiting. Please have a seat. I'll go get him. She had a hysterectomy. She would've bled to death waiting for you. I had to use force to bring her in. She's lost her uterus and fallopian tubes. The surgeons saved her ovaries. They don't expect any complications. Have you understood? That's all I have to say. You'll excuse me. Mr. Wilson? This way. Did you talk to father? No babies for me... Ever. I got drunk, lo. I didn't intend to. Or mean to. It never seems to matter what I tell myself. I start... And then... Oh, lo... lo. Forgive me. I promise I'll never... Shh, shh, shh. Shh. Let's get out of this, lo. Let's just get out and start over. I've got an idea. Frank Shaw turned me down, but I can prove him wrong. Trust me, lo. Will you trust me? I'm so sorry, lo. Bill: Thanks a lot. I really appreciate it. Great guy. Really talkative. He says they're building another generating facility across the river. The whole region will double in 10 years. The stock's a terrific buy. I'll wire Shaw the information. He'll change his tune. You're so good at getting people to open up. Oh, there, there. Ok. Ok. Now smile. Will you smile? Those frogs are noisy. Tell them we want to sleep. That's the way they make love. I like our way better. So do I. Can we just stay like this always? Even better, lo... I'm going to buy you the world, have it tied up in beautiful ribbons just for you. I don't want the world. Just you and this... Forever. Tell me again what the telegram said. Well, I'm glad you asked. "Good work, bill. "Excellent report Portland cement. "Holding bonus stock certificates for you. "Want you to investigate company called general electric. Welcome to the payroll." "Frank Shaw." I'm sorry, Mr. Wilson. I wish there was more we could tell you, but, well, general electric is in a very competitive industry. What about a plant tour? That's out of the question. All our manufacturing, especially our research and development, are off-limits. However, I do have brochures I can show you. It was the first day on the job. I didn't know they'd do that. Bill here works for Thomas Edison. Where? New York. We're working on amazing things. Well, so are we. All three of us work at the g.E. Research plant. So wade was telling me. All due respect, I don't think a company on earth could match. Edison's technological advances. Amazing. You couldn't be more wrong. Let's take this New York refugee and show him stuff that'll make his eyes pop. I like that. "Refugee." Ok. Sure. Come on. Lois! I did it! Lois, I did it! Lois! Lois! You won't believe th... A knife? What's the matter? I've been so frightened. I've been hearing noises all night. Oh, what's the matter? Bill, you've been drinking. No. You promised. Lo, a few beers to prime the pump. That's all, honest! Sweetheart, I'm fine. I can even whistle. [Whistling badly] It was only business, just to loosen some guys up. Lo, what I've seen tonight is incredible. It's an honest-to-God look into the future. Radios that can reach Canada, Europe. Moving pictures that can talk. A wireless so small you could fit two or three in this tent. New electric appliances, and, God, what they're developing... It's unbelievable. Something great's happening in this country. I can feel it. I want to be a part of it. First thing tomorrow, I'll wire Frank Shaw. I'll tell him buy, buy, buy. Honey, honey, we're on our way. And said, "mister, if I could do that", I'd be babe Ruth." Excuse me just for a second. Leonard, Dorothy, join the party. How's my darling sister? Hi. How are you? Lo, there's another doctor in the house. It's like a convention. I'll take this. Thanks. What a beautiful place. I had no idea. Told you the man's a wall street whiz kid. Didn't a Butler come with these digs? Gave him the night off. Come on in. Lo! Like a drink? Trust me on this, Leonard. Get your money out of those bonds. They're going nowhere. Let me put you into stocks. It's 1929. Stocks is where everyone should be. Bill, I get nervous. Have I been wrong yet? I guess not. Then give me $20,000. I'll put it into $200,000 of penick and Ford on margin. You'll be a millionaire before Dr. burnham can yank out another appendix. Ha ha! If he feels better keeping it diversified, let him have his peace of mind. No speculation here. I just don't want him to be a bum. I'd have to support him. More wine? Can't let a 1912 richelieu spoil. Can't stand on one leg, either. You know, Dr. b., you should visit the stock exchange someday. I could show you around. Not on your life. It's like a zoo... A bunch of wild animals all trying to get to the water hole. Four-hour-a-day, five-day-a-week parade of heart failures. You don't have to worry about my heart. Aah! My hands, yes. My heart, no. Not everyone would try that trick with a 1912 richelieu. Well, it's getting late. I have patients to see in the morning. Bill's drinking is no longer a joke, Lois. I've talked to him, father. He's trying harder. Tonight he's just excited about everything, that's all, just celebrating. Now, don't you delude yourself. He should see a specialist. I could never tell him that. If he loves you, he'll do it. Dr. silkworth at towns hospital specializes in people with drinking problems. Now, you call him before it's too late. All right. Hmm? How old are you, Mr. Wilson? When did you start drinking? Uh... First, during the war. Made efforts to quit? Some. Ever have any memory loss, lapses? Uh, no, not that I can recall. Shakes, tremors? No. Numbness? No. Does it interfere with your job? I work for myself. I'm an investor. Does it interfere with that? Interfere? You don't understand, doctor. It's part of my business. I've made over half a million in two years. I've got a maid, radios in every room. I'll charge accordingly. I'm just answering your question. If drinking interfered with anything, I'd stop, wouldn't I? Your liver's enlarged. I beg your pardon? Your liver's somewhat enlarged. You can probably feel it when you tuck in your shirt. Here. I'll show you. Oh! Look, Nate, I know everybody's going crazy. It's just one of those days. How are my margins holding up? What about my penick and Ford? What did the doctor say? I'm on the phone! I just wanted to know if everything's all right. Yeah, Nate, sorry. Sell some of the Portland if you need to. Shore up my margin on penick and Ford. I gotta keep that baby going. Ok? Good. Good. I'll see you at Joe hirschorn's party. Ok. Good. Bye. Now can you tell me what the doctor said? I have some enlargement of my liver... minor. Did he prescribe any medication? He says I should stop drinking for a while. Oh, good. It's temporary. The liver repairs itself. I don't think so. Bill... Lois, lay off! Hello? Oh, tom. Hi. Yeah, uh, can you hold on? Sweetheart, I'm sorry. Let me finish this call, and we'll talk about it. Hi, tom. How are you? Uh, did Nate call? Well, uh, I got a great buy for you. The way the stock market's tumbling, I'm losing my confidence. What do you think? It's a temporary correction. See, the smart money looks into the future. The surface is a mirage. It's what's underneath that counts, a record budget surplus, a rising production rate, record profits. Yes, some stocks are overpriced, but they will correct. I'd be more cautious than that. Let's hope bill's right. I'd like to drink to that. Oh, well, thank you. Hmm? After what the doctor said? That's wine, not booze. There are some people I need to see. I'll be back in a minute. Hi. I'm lottie rich. I live next door. Nice neighborhood. It'll do. And you? Bill Wilson, lowly stockbroker. Want some dessert? What did you have in mind? Champagne. Have you seen bill? I think he was trying to sell the Petersons last time I saw him. When was that? Not too long ago. Bill: Hey! That's... Look at... Hah! Oh! Whoa! Oh! Ah! Oh! Oh! Ohh! You like it? Ohh! Bill! Oh! Ebby! Everybody's looking for you. Hey, look, pal. Hey, come on. Have a drink. No, no. This is lottie... Jeez! Frank! Well... Oh! Oh! What's going on here? Lottie wasn't feeling good, so... Her husband's waiting upstairs to take her home. No! Stay. This isn't one of your dives. It's my dearest friend's home. Frank, we were just having a glass. Don't you have any self-respect or respect for me? Our reputation? Frank, if I wanted a lecture, I'd... I'd buy a Professor. Frank, we can take care of all this. You bet we can. We're through, finished. I don't want a bum for a partner, not me. F-Frank. Hey, Frank! Frank! I'm so sorry, lo. I didn't think I could ever feel so ashamed... So terribly humiliated. I know I've said it before, but I swear... Lo, after tonight, I will never... Stop it! I don't want to hear any more promises or apologies. I can't take this anymore, bill. It's not just the drinking. It's simple, common decency. And when you've lost that, where does it end? Ebby! Hey! I can't reach Frank. Where is he? How bad is it? Everybody's getting called in. Their margins are being closed all over town. Gotta get to a phone. Good luck. I'm not going down with everybody else. I can tell you that. Hey, tom! I need a phone. Can you help me? They're all tied up. You must have something. Use the one in the back room. Great. Thanks. I won't forget. Excuse me. Oh, damn. Aha! Operator, yes, give me bowling green 0075, please. Mr. Wilson? Hold on. Yes? Oh, thanks. Hello? Oh, Nate, good man. Right where I need you. Where's Shaw? Huh? Thank you. Uh-huh. How bad is it? Uh-huh. So what can we salvage? Uh-huh. Ok, listen. Dump the Portland and the g.E. Sell emerson only if you have to. Please tell dink to stop pushing it so hard. Yeah. You're a good man. Bye. Oh, man, it's hot in here. Sid, hi. Bill Wilson. Yeah, boy, I know. Well, there's always a port in a storm, and have I got one... Penick and Ford. It's a safe bet. Solid. Solid as a rock. Yeah, well... Yeah. Sure. Hey, no problem, sid. Yeah. Next time. Right. God damn! I called everywhere, ebby. No one's seen him at all. He was here before. He looked as crazy as everyone else around here, but he's gone now. You are not notifying me, dink! But Nate said we have a couple of hours. He said two or three hours! No, you're not! Dink, you're... Hello? Din... Yes, who is it? This is your landlord, Mrs. Wilson. Bill, honey? Bill, come up. Please. I said it's your landlord. I have bad news for you. You're being dispossessed the first of the month. It's over! Bill? You hear me? It's over! Bill! Bill! Bill, come back. Please! Please come back! Bill! Bill! Come on, old-timer, watch your step. Get in. I'll go in first, ok? Remember, it's only temporary, until you can get back on your feet... And get well. We both appreciate this, father. And there won't be any problems, I promise. Only I know it's difficult to understand that he's still drinking, but he keeps trying. He really does. Oh. Trying, my God. A little spunk, that's all it takes. I... I keep alcohol in the back office. Should I lock it up? Yes, but it won't make any difference. Lois, why do you put up with it? Because I see things in him that he can't see in himself, wonderful things. He wants to stop, and I want to help. But you have tried and you have tried. Just how much longer? Well, if we can just find Adele. Good morning. Ah, here she is. Good morning, Adele. This is Lois. Lois Wilson. It's good to meet you. Adele gentry manages our children's wear. She'll show you the ropes. Any more questions, you know where to find me. And remember, it's guy, not Mr. kolb. Thank you. He's a nice friendly executive. Mmm. Real nice. Just keep your girdle on and your collar buttoned. Look at this. Oh... Oh, what a mess. Look at this. I can't believe... Trying to get my hat. It's ok. Trying to get my hat. Let's get him upstairs. I have something that will help him. You big palooka. Stop, ugh. Lois... oh, God. I love you. I don't care about anything except you. Please, get out of this now. This will quiet him down. You don't deserve it. Just get out. Get away from me. Just get away from it all. He's right, darling. Get out of this now. For your own good. You can't help him anymore. Lois, don't leave me. I need you. Don't leave me, please. Father moved out when mother died, and it's just gotten more difficult to manage. So you'd like a raise. Just a small increase. You've been here what, a year and a half now? You're the most cheerful person on the floor, and you go home every night to a drunk. I had no idea. I just wanted you to know why... Does he ever sober up? He's sober now. He goes a whole month sometimes. A woman like you shouldn't have to measure out her life like that. Want my advice? You chain that guy to a radiator. Go out and have some fun. How about some dinner? Maybe a little dancing? I just asked you for a raise. That's all. If I can't have it, just say so. Bill. How are you? It's a struggle, Frank, but we're making it. That about describes all of us these days. So, what can I do for you? I got another winner for you, Frank. I got a really big winner. It's... [Clearing throat] A company in new Jersey. I made some notes on it. It's a real steal. Seems interesting. Uh... It's a good one. Look, bill, here's a small advance until I have time, to study it further. Don't worry, Frank. I'll trust you for the balance. Well, I'm sorry. I've got to run. I've got people in the office. No problem, Frankie. Frank... You'll... You'll like this. Lo? Where are you going? You have to leave. I'm working. Not anymore you're not. Here, look at this. Look, uh... Please, be quiet. We need someone from security in the children's department. We can get out of here, you can pack it in. What are you talking about? I can't quit. Come on. This way. Why... why not? Why not? May I help you, sir? I'm talking to my wife. Get your hands off me! Bill! Oh, my God! You grab his head, I'll take his nose. It's paraldehyde, buddy boy. Come on. Down the hatch. It will stop the shakes. How is he, Dr. silkworth? The contusions and bruises will heal. It's the other condition that alarms me. Condition? His liver isn't cirrhotic, but it's badly swollen. He's in the early stages of delirium tremens, the shakes, and quite possibly he may have some brain damage. Brain damage. Oh, my God. I've seen a lot of men like bill. I've got a theory not too popular with my fellow doctors. Excessive drinking is a disease, an allergic addiction. It's got nothing to do with a lack of willpower or moral fiber. Some people can't be temperate drinkers. I told this to bill. What good is knowing it if he can't stop? I know, but he has to. Otherwise, you're going to have to confine him, lock him up someplace, if he's to stay sane or alive. The way he's going, he can't last the year. I'm glad you're home. How are you feeling? All right, I guess. Can I ask you something? I guess I've been afraid. Does it have anything to do with me? Your drinking? No. It's not you. It's me. Why? Why do you do it to yourself? I've been standing here all afternoon asking myself the same question. Why? I look out the window, and I watch all the normal people walking by. It's funny, I don't think I've ever felt really normal all my life, I mean, like other people. I feel differently somehow, like I don't quite measure up. Ever since I can remember I've had this feeling... Deep down in my gut. Scared. I see people... Laughing. At ease with each other. I'm on the outside looking in, afraid maybe that I won't be accepted. And then... Overseas, I found that a drink... A few drinks makes me feel comfortable, like I always want to feel. It gives me courage... To be with people, do things. To dream. The money, the success, the respect, it was all good for a while, but it never seems enough. I always want doubles of everything to make me feel alive, worthwhile inside. But then... That all began to slip away. I feel cheated. Angry. Always so full of fear, so I drink... More... And it makes it ok for a while. I convince myself that things will turn around, tomorrow, soon, that I'll make it all up for you, but it only gets worse. I... I keep promising you, others, myself, that's it, no more, going on the wagon. That's it! And I think I mean it, but... But the guilt... And the depression... I can't look in a mirror... Or... At you. Especially you. Especially at you. I've stopped believing in everything. People... God... Mysel... myself. I know it sounds insane, Lois, but in spite of all this... What I want right now more than anything else is another drink. Have a seat. Mr. partlin will be right with you. Thank you. I'm sorry I'm late. Thank you for coming. I don't think I could do this alone. I had no idea things had gotten this bad, Lois. When I stopped by to see you at the store last week... You know I'd do anything for bill... And you. I only wish it wasn't this. I almost wound up in a place like this. You look so much better. How long have you been sober? Almost four months. What's your secret? How did you do it? I got religion. Mrs. Wilson? Yes. I'm Jeremy partlin, administrator of elmwood. Hello. This is Mr. Thatcher, a close friend of ours. May I show you our facilities? This way, please. Don't be alarmed, Mrs. Wilson. He's not in real pain. More imagined than physical. Here, we can tell the difference. Alcoholics... They imagine things, see things, if you know what I mean. Dr. silkworth tells me your husband has been drunk for more than three months. Does he still have bowel and bladder control? Yes, of course. He's not... Yes, certainly, Mrs. Wilson, but we have to ask, you understand. I wanted to show you our sun room. The admitting office will answer your questions about the legal procedures for committing your husband. I hope I've helped. You have. Thank you. Please forgive me, but I have a patient to see. Oh, you'll have to leave the way we came in. These doors are locked. Oh, ebby. I know. I can't put him in here. If you've found something that works, you have to talk to him. One thing I've found, Lois, is you can't help somebody that doesn't want help. But you have to try. I know bill wants it. Please talk to him. Please. I will. I'll give him a call. Ebby. Ebby, come in. Come in. Let me take your hat. Sorry. I was, uh... Just getting dressed when you phoned. Oh, out of the blue. God! Ha! How you been, ebby? Huh? Why haven't we heard from you? I was in pretty bad shape. I guess didn't want anyone to see me... Even you. Oh, a man on... whom the sun never sets. Let's go get us a little pick-me-up. Boy. Sit down. We got a lot of catching up to do. Here we go. A little gin to clear the vision. No, thanks, bill. Can't drink gin? I don't drink anything anymore. I gave it up. Come on, ebby. Come on. Just one little hooker. No. I found a way to stay sober, bill. Well, here's a toast... To whatever it is you found... And to old times, if that's ok with you. Bill... Let me tell you about this... So what's this thing you found, ebby? Huh? Dame? No. Actually, it's a... It's a form of religion. Oh, cripes. Well, I just finally threw in the towel. I hit bottom. I admitted I was licked. What brand of religion did you buy, ebby? It's no special brand. It's called the Oxford group. We have meetings. We try to be absolutely honest with ourselves. We pray. You pray? Yes, and we reach out to others. It keeps me sober and alive. You have to believe in something, bill. I've talked to all those people. Ministers... Priests... I just can't swallow the way they peddle God. If you don't buy their God, then you choose your own. It begins by admitting that there's a power, whatever you want to call it, that's greater than ourselves. Now you listen to me, ebby. I know you're from an old family, but I didn't know you were on the guest list of the last supper. You might just think about it, bill. That's all. Can't hurt. I know you... I know you mean well, ebby. You stay in touch, ok? Bill... If you ever need to talk... Yeah. Bill? Are you home? Is that you in there? No. It's the crazy man you think you're gonna put away in some sanitarium. But... but you're not going to. Not bill Wilson, you're not. Just... Who do you think you are, trying to play this game? Who am I? Who am I? Don't you even recognize me anymore? I'm Lois burnham Wilson, the wife of a helpless, hopeless, drunken sot, a selfish, sick alcoholic who's kept me imprisoned in this dismal sanitarium for more years than I care to remember. Who am I? I am your nurse, your caretaker, your cleaning lady! When all I ever wanted to be was your wife. I let you drag me down with you, deprive me of love, warmth, friendship, even common decency! But I won't go on with it anymore. I can't! If you want to die, die! But I won't let you take me down with you. I want to live. I'm going to live. I'm... I'm going to live! [Sobbing] I'm going to live. I'm not... I'm not crazy! Not going to put me away. I'm not crazy. I'm not crazy... Not crazy. She's not going to put me away. God, man! Why don't you watch where you're going? You bum! Hey! Get out of the street! You want to get killed? What's the matter with you? You, too! You don't know what you're talking about! Hey. Hey, you ok, buddy? I want... I want to... I... I need to... I... I want... No... No... Oh... Oh... Something happened. What is it? All I remember is... I was asleep... And yet I wasn't. I had this terrible fear... Sense of dread... That I was... Going out of my mind, dying. And yet I wouldn't let go... Couldn't. And then... How do I explain this? The room was filled with light... From out there. And I was at peace. A kind of comfort I have never known before. And then the light was gone... But the peace still remained. Dr. silkworth... Tell me this is not another hallucination, the condition of a damaged brain. From the look of you, bill, right now, I'd say no. But, well, I'm a man of science. I don't pretend to understand something like this. Whatever happened, hang on to it. It's so much better than what you had yesterday. Ahh... I know I keep saying it, Lois, but I can't tell you how different I feel. I can taste again and feel and smell. I'm alive. Really alive. I haven't felt this way in years. You are different. I can tell. I called ebby this morning and told him. He understood. He said in order to keep it, I've got to share it. Gave me a lot to think about. Think about this. What about this? Ha ha ha! Watch your step. A little soup sound good now? I'm still dizzy. Hey, ebby? Al? Hey, fellas, this is monk. He spent the past few days in bellevue. He could use a good meal. Take him in the kitchen. Make him feel at home, ok? Eb? His teeth are in his left front pocket. Where's Lois? She's upstairs. I think she's pretty done in. You're not asleep yet. Good. Maybe we can talk a minute. Bring home another convert? Yeah. I think this one's serious about not drinking, though. He's been through the mill and back again. That's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about, lo. You still working and all and this added burden... Cooking and cleaning after all these guys I bring home. I mean, it's a lot to ask, isn't it? If it's what you really want to do... How am I ever going to make things up to you? You keep giving, and I keep taking. Maybe... Maybe someday. I've been missing you, lo... Missing being near you. I have, too. Bill! Bill! Bill, we need your help. That new guy's going berserk! He's throwing things and threatening Al. I'll be right back. They need me, Lois. Let them handle their own problem for once. Go to your fool drunks. I should know by now who comes first. He's not the man you knew. He feels he has a mission. He finds drunks and tries to help them out. He brings them home. That can't be easy on you, Lois. Well, especially not now. Unfortunately, not one of them has remained sober... Except bill, of course. And, well, I think he's getting pretty depressed about the whole thing. How long's he sober now? Five months. That part must be great for you. I mean, really being together again. Yes, it's better, but... Oh, it's not him. It's me, too. For years I prayed he would get sober. And now it's not what I expected it would be. Is he working? Does he need a job? That's really why I came to see you. I thought if we could resume our lives... Sort of a new beginning... Well, some investors I know have a situation in akron. Something bill's good at... A proxy battle. That sounds wonderful. Thank you. Maybe if you tell me I'll understand. I thought you'd be grateful for this chance. It's a little late for gratitude, isn't it? What do you mean? My whole damn life! Zero. Even these past five months... Hauling bums to salvation. Where did it get me? They're all still drunk. And me? Well... It wasn't a bad thing to do. What did it prove? That you can stay sober. Sober? What's sober? All that proves is I'm still a drunk who doesn't drink. Do I have another shirt? One downstairs I haven't ironed. Why don't you wait another day? I can't wait another day! The investors want me in akron tomorrow for the proxy fight. You're afraid I'll get drunk. It's written all over your face. Put your mind at rest. I didn't say that. Put your mind at rest! I've had my last drink, Lois! I'm not going back to it... Ever. No. It's still going badly, Frank. I'm having trouble getting on the inside. These akron steel folk are pretty conservative. No, I can't say how much longer. Oh, I'll give it a few more days, but it doesn't look so hot right now. Yeah. Ok. Sure. You, too, Frank. Bye. Excuse me. I've got some time on my hands. I'm awaiting the outcome... Well, anyway... Are there any tours? Anything to see in akron? There's the tire plants, but they're having a sit-down strike. Not much else, really. I suppose I could always go to a movie. The rialto's just down the street. Thank you. Sir, what's your pleasure? Nickels. Can I have some nickels? Nickels? Sure. Yes, can I speak to the reverend Holland, please? Yeah, I'll wait. Reverend Holland, I got your name off the... Well, I'm a stranger in town. I'm a drunk, an alcoholic, and I need to talk to another drunk. Can you tell me where I could find one? I know it sounds peculiar. No, no, I'm not drunk! I said I have to talk to another drunk. Ah. Oh, oh. Well, thank you anyway. Is father John peestrock there, please? When will he be back? Thank you very much. "Reverend Walter tunks." Thank you, reverend tunks, thank you. Yeah, 5 P.M., the gatehouse of the seiberling estate. It's Mrs. Henrietta seiberling? The name of the man I'm to meet is Robert Smith? Dr. Robert Smith. Yes, I have it all. Thank you again. Wilson. Bill Wilson. I'm from New York, here in town on some business. I really appreciate reverend tunks and Mrs. seiberling getting us together like this. I'm not really feeling too well today, Mr. Williams. Bit of a headache. I told henrietta I couldn't spend too much time, but as an accommodation, I'd... Strange you should be a doctor. My father-in-law was a doctor. I don't mean to rush you, Mr. Williams, but... Wilson. Wilson. Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Wilson. Yes. The reverend tunks and henrietta are... Good friends. They're caring people, and it's because of them that I... Well. Look, I... I've had more than my share of, uh, help, you might say. Doctor... Let me tell you straight out... I consider my problem personal. I don't ask help from well-meaning strangers. Doctor, I'm a... No, listen to me, Mr. Wilson. The best have tried their wares on me... Medical men, psychiatrists, ministers. I've been prayed over and carved up more than a Christmas Turkey. So just what do you think a man like you could do for me? Dr. Smith, I didn't come here to help you. I came here to help me. And on that occasion, I was so hung over I turned in three empty exam books and was summarily asked to leave medical school. Oh, henrietta. I was only going to give this mug 15 minutes. But is it ok if we stay a while longer? Of course. I'm in no hurry if Mr. Wilson isn't. Mr. Wilson, I can't thank you enough. We're just jawboning, Annie. That's all, nothing more. Of course. Those two would do almost anything in the world for me. They mean well, but... We got to do it for ourselves. Oh, I've tried that. Once I was on the wagon for two years, but I always came back to it. Then one day I stayed. I don't mean by ourselves. I mean for ourselves... Together. You mean, two drunks helping each other? Of course, I didn't want to admit it at the time, but I could actually see the light in his eyes. Uh-oh. Good grief. I'd better get Annie home before she flays me alive. Are you busy tomorrow? Not too busy for this. It's what our lives have to be about from now on... Staying off the booze. When I think about what I threw away... 10 years ago, I was one of the best doctors in the state. I had a wonderful practice, I was respected by my peers. Now... I know. Believe me, I know. Of course you do. I saw that yesterday. The strangest feeling, yet a... A calm, safe kind of feeling. You really understood. I like that. Sure this is ok with Anne? Me in your spare room, the star boarder? Anne is delighted. I'll bet the coffeepot's perking already. I'll tell Lois what happened, that we'll be here a while longer. I got it. Nah, you just lead the way. "Smitty and I have discovered more together "these past four weeks "than I learned through my months of failure "back in New York "when I was trying to shove religion down the throats of those poor, confused, and unwilling drunks." He adds a few personal things. He says to give you his very best and he'll keep in touch. Keep in touch. I only heard from him one time since he's been out there. Ebby, what's wrong? I know you miss bill. So do I. I haven't seen you this way in a long time. Oh, I'm all right. Really, Lois, I'm fine. It's just one of those down days, I guess. It might work, bill. It never occurred to me to help others as a way of staying off it myself. But it can't be like my New York experience. I gathered up guys like these, dragged them home, lectured them, preached at them. A real Bible thumper. Here you go. Thanks. It just didn't work. Getting preached at would ruffle my feathers, too, even though I'm a believing man. Maybe that's the secret. Do just as you did with me... Shared your booze experience. No preaching. Smitty, look. See? That makes you realize that drunks care for each other. Drunk or sober, there is a bond. Buddies on the stormy sea of booze. We'll start with guys who are ready to admit they've had enough and help them find a God they'll be comfortable with. Yeah. No matter who they are, where they're from, how much they make, none of that means a damn thing. And they shouldn't fear being found out. We've got to promise they'll be anonymous. Every drunk should feel like we do together... Safe, secure. We haven't been at this very long, but it's working for us. How about we find someone else to try it out on? I'm game. It's good to see you, Dr. Smith. How've you been? Sober. I'm glad. You look very good. Mr. dotson's in room 1204. He knows you're coming, but he's not in good shape. He struck a nurse the other night. He's vicious when he's drunk. Well, thanks for your help, Meg. Take care. Thank you. Hi. I'm Bob Smith. Bill dotson. Bill did you say? My name's bill, too. I'm a doctor, bill. I'm a doctor who's also a drunk. We're both drunks. Alcoholics. I hit a nurse last night, a young woman. She was just trying to help. Well, we know how you feel. We've both done terrible things, things that... That we're ashamed of. Would you like to get off it, bill, stop drinking? If you think you could lick it all by yourself, stay dry the rest of your life, that would be great. We found we couldn't... Not alone we couldn't. We think we can do it together. How long have you been dry? About seven months now. A few weeks. You some kind of religious people? No. We're just drunks like you. Well, we know you're not feeling too well. We'd be happy to come back tomorrow and talk about it, you know, if you're... Well, bill. Goodbye, bill. Goodbye, bill. I... Hope you feel better. Hey. Uh... I'll see you tomorrow? You bet. Ebby! Thanks for coming to meet me. Have I got a lot to tell you. Let's grab a taxi. Ebby, something great happened in akron. It could be what we've been looking for. Come on. I'll tell you about it. Taxi! Ebby, you're drunk. No. No. I just don't feel so good. Why? In heaven's name, why? Be-because I... I don't know. I guess I just felt that... No. No. It's stupid. What? Tell me. It used to be you and me. Practically all our lives, you and me. Then Lois told me about you and that Dr. Smith, about all that work you were doing with him, and it wasn't you and me anymore. That's not true! If you'd called, I would have been back. It'll always be you and me, pal. Hell, you're the one who got me sober. Ha! Well, I'm glad one of us made it. You'll make it, ebby. Look, we're going to start getting together, people like you and me. Having meetings. There's so much to do. I'll need your help. Yeah. That's... That's not what I need right now. You... you know what I need. No. Ebby, don't. Eb... Ebby! Ebby, no! Ebby! Still thinking about ebby? I'm sorry, lo. This is my homecoming. I'm nuts to louse it up. Anything wrong? You went out there for a few weeks and stayed four months. You came to visit. For a week. And I loved it, but akron isn't our home. It was something I needed to do. Tell me something. Now that you're sober, why are we drawing so much further apart? It isn't just me. Be honest, Lois. You don't seem to... I don't know how I feel anymore. Can you say why? Neither can I. It's strange. I used to think, being a drunk, that one day I'd just quit, be rid of it, and then I'd feel different, better. No more knots inside. What I know now is that I will never be rid of it, and I'll spend the rest of my life dealing with it, facing the truth about myself, and trying to make it better. When I saw ebby today, it made me realize that not drinking is the most important thing in my life. It's the only thing I really care about, can think about. Including our marriage? I found out what I have to do not to drink. In my case, I have to be with other drunks. You tried that before. I'll try it again because I know now it really works. I don't know where that leads to, but it's what I have to do, Lois. And it's what I'm going to do... Absolutely. You're right about this one-day-at-a-time stuff. Hell, after I broke my sixth pledge, I broke Barney Stein's jaw. Now he won't let me drink in his stinking poolroom anymore. He's doing you a big favor, arty. Look, I got three months now. My wife called me yesterday. She might want me back, being sober and all. Trouble is, one look at my mother-in-law, and I'll be drunk again. Not so, Mike. I have to believe that if bill here can stay sober, any of us can. Charley's right, Mike. If what Dr. Bob and I found can work for this drunk, it can work for anybody. By the way, the meetings in akron and Cleveland are getting bigger and bigger every day, much like our experience here in New York. Which brings me to a point. Hank and I found this building on 24th street. It's a bigger meeting place. It'll probably make Lois happier, too. The only problem is there's going to be rents, expenses... Maybe we ought to have dues. Some can't afford it. They could afford to drink. Some drunks get awful cheap when they sober up. Well, passing the basket's worked so far. Besides, things are looking up. The book I wrote with a lot of help from all of you about our a.A. Experience, how it works, is getting attention from the public and the press. Told you my promotions would pay off. Dr. Bob's coming next week for an interview that Hank set up with the Saturday evening post. You're going to be big shots. Anonymous big shots, Artie. The writer's agreed to use only our first names. That's ok. We just hope it helps spread the word. Ok, is that it? I guess that's it, except to say thanks for keeping me sober one more day. All right. See you Thursday night. Bring another drunk. We can always make room. I need volunteers so Lois doesn't yell at bill. Lo? I was wondering where you were. I've been out walking since I left work. It's after 10:00. Did a lot of walking... And a lot of thinking. What about? Us mostly... And other things. Like what? Like... Will things ever be normal between us? Will you ever get a regular job and come home at night for dinner? Will we have a home? We could be dispossessed with all the bills piling up. Will our lives ever be simple, balanced... Like other people? I don't know. Nor do you seem to care. I care, Lois. It's just that I could never go back to... To the way it was. It may have had some satisfactions for you... Wait. Wait. Are you... Saying I wanted you drunk all those years, all that heartache? Not consciously, no. But I was a drunk. It was our whole life. You stayed with that. You're saying that I wanted you drunk? You... You... I can't believe this. Maybe I should start drinking. Then I'd get the same consideration you give your alcoholic friends! You being sober, it's what I prayed for, but I prayed that it would also include me. Maybe it never will. This story is wonderful. It'll carry the a.A. Message to so many people. Today the Saturday evening post, tomorrow time magazine. They called. They want to do a cover story. Can you beat that? I thought only presidents and babe Ruth made the cover of time. You know? Our plane has finally taken off. I think we should keep our feet planted firmly on the ground. Flap your wings a bit. You deserve it. Bill, you and I know from hard experience that the alcoholic has no tolerance for the limelight. That's why we harp on anonymity. Not just to protect the drunk from public stigma, but mainly to keep our darn fool egos under control. It's that simple. That's what we've got to remember, Billy. Always keep it simple. Always. You bet. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. One day at a time. Now, don't you keep Lois waiting. On your way. Goodbye, smitty. Goodbye, old friend. We've come a long way, haven't we, lo? Who ever could've dreamed of all the things that have happened? Well, you always wanted to be somebody. Now you are. Careful of my humility. Oh, what humility? There, look at that. There is civilization in California. Just 26 more Miles. Good. We'll have time to bathe and eat. Shall we get some coffee? Uh, yeah. We have time. Uh, howdy. Oh, hi. Welcome to our a.A. Group. I'm Zack. Just visiting? Tourists, you might say. My name's bill. Bill w. From New York. This is my wife Lois. Hello. Lois. Pete, norene. I'd like you to meet bill and his wife Lois. Bill w. How do you do? Ellen. Yeah? Bill and Lois. Hi, bill. Hi. Hi. Have you been around before? Oh, no, they're just traveling through. Been in the program a while, bill? You might say that. How long? Well, since 1935. 1935? I didn't know it went back that far. You must've known some early members. Matter of fact... Yes, he did. I did. Back east? In New York. Didn't it begin there? Yes, that's where we... No, it didn't, Pete. It was akron, Ohio. You sure? Positive. We're glad to have you and your wife visiting. Get a seat now. The meeting's going to start. Thank you. Thank you. Now, if everybody would take their seats now. Please take a chair. Take your places. Well, before we close, if anyone has anything else they'd like to share, now is the time. In that case, after a moment of silence, we'll close with the serenity prayer. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Keep coming back. It works. It works. That was a nice meeting. Hmm. I love the west, little towns like this. What makes that noise, locusts? I don't know. I don't know. Are you upset because they didn't recognize you? No. Oh, maybe just a little bit. I'm going to get some coffee. Do you want some? No, thanks, sweetheart. Cicadas. What? Them insects. They're cicadas. Thanks. My name is bill. Fred. Is this your first time? Yeah. You look like you have some doubts. Well, I only come 'cause the missus walked out on me and took the kids. Says she ain't coming back unless I make an effort. You know, maybe this meeting wasn't enough for you. Could you use another one? Just you and me. I want my kids back. It's like any journey, Fred. It begins with the first step. I thought you might like some anyway. Thanks, lo. Fred? Yeah. I may be a while. Is this ok? I'll be waiting back at the motel. Thanks, lo. I'll be there. I lost part of my family once long ago when I was drinking, and then after I got sober, I gained so much more back. How long have you been drinking? Since I was 17. That sounds about right. Yeah. Did it click the first time you had a drink? Did it click? Yeah. You know that click? You know that one, that little click? Yeah... Been going downhill ever since that click. Yeah. But this is it, I mean... My boys. How many boys you got? I got two boys. Two boys. They're 6 and 9. Oh, you're very lucky. |
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