This is Intercepter One, It's going down,
I repeat, the Bogey is going down,
Detail, attention!
Yes, sir!
You! You!
Present arms!
Present arms!
- Sorry I used the security phone, sir.
- That's all right, Max.
- My golf's not what it was.
- This sounds crazy. I think we have a...
Max, what could be worse
than invading Europe?
After you, sir.
- Brief me.
- It entered our air space last night.
It made a mockery of our intercepters.
According to our pilots, it suffered
a malfunction and crashed in the desert.
Was there a crew or any survivors?
The egg-heads found the remains
of two creatures and pulled the engine out.
They want time to study it.
- Has the press gotten wind of this?
- We don't think so, sir.
But we can't keep this on ice indefinitely.
Get rid of it.
Right away, sir.
So, what I've attempted to do here
is to instill in you a basic scientific curiosity
about the world we live in.
Sherman, tell me about your science project.
Mr Roberts, I've studied the accuracy
of the Gregorian calender
in relation to the vernal equinox.
Good. Ellie, tell me about yours.
Well, Mr Roberts, I'm doing the...
I want you to listen!
I'm doing the effects of ultaviolet rays
on plant fungus.
That's outta sight, Ellie.
Would you call me Bob?
Only the pigs call me Mister.
They're not getting away with it. Harlan!
Why not tell us about your science project?
What?
This is science class.
Your science project?
- I'm working on it.
- You're working on it?
Hey, Mike.
Ciao, babe!
How is that, two weeks before graduation,
a man of your mechanical capabilities
hasn't finished his science project?
I've been working at Charlie's garage.
It cuts into my free time.
- Yeah.
- You know.
I don't make the rules around here,
but bottom line, golden rule -
no project, no diploma, babe.
Oh, yeah.
I thought I could, maybe,
rebuild a carburettor if that's OK.
Come on, Harlan. You do that in your sleep.
Do something special, something original.
Come on, man.
And don't forget your science final tomorrow.
Hey, man. I don't like to hassle you, Mike.
Have a nice day.
- Nice day?
- Yeah. Come on!
I was your age once - in the '60s when all
you needed to finish school was a Frisbee.
A gas mask helped!
- See ya later, Bob.
- Protest songs, white rabbits.
TNT didn't hurt anything.
"Take tea and see".
Free love!
Cosmo says that today is the day,
so get rid of 'em.
Hey, Crystal. How you doin'?
Michael, I can't keep this mink wheel.
What? Why not?
We must seek different destinies, Michael.
Our song is over, finis. Comprendez?
No, wait a second.
Talk English, will you, Crystal?
You're more interested
in your stupid GTO than me.
Wait. Whose name is on my fender? Yours!
Don't we go out all the time? Don't we?
- To car shows, drag racing, junkyards.
- So what?
- That's not what I want.
- So what do you want, Crystal? Him?
Michael, I want to be swept off my feet,
seranaded, worshipped like a goddess.
Come on! Bullshit!
That is exactly what my "Cosmo"
romantiscope said you'd say, Michael.
Ta-ta for ever, monkey wrench!
Romantiscope?!
Ellie, I know it's short notice but I was
wondering if you wanted to go to the prom?
Look, Sherman, can we talk about it later?
Gotcha! Finally! Now I need
some information from you, OK?
- Pull the plug will you?
- It's for the yearbook. I need stats now!
- You got lousy timing.
- I know.
It's a flaw in my character.
Now, what's your sign, Harlan?
Pontiac.
"Bimbo leaves Harlan in limbo!"
Makes a great yearbook headline,
don't you think?
Newsflash update.
- I dumped Crystal.
- That is not what I heard.
- No?
- No!
OK. What do you want to know?
- Your major?
- Yeah.
Major? I don't know. Auto shop.
- Favourite video game?
- "World Series".
All right, how many times
did you see "Jedi"?
- I never saw "Jedi".
- You never saw "Jedi"?
Have you been under a car for ten years?
- All right, what do you like?
- What do I like? I like cars.
I like Springsteen.
I like... I like my goat, you know.
- Goat?
- Yeah.
- OK, yeah, but...?
- But what?
What do you do in your spare time?
Cars. Bye.
What goat?!
I want you!
Mike! So what's the dish, cousin fish?
What happened? Talk to me.
- What? With who?
- With Crystal.
Everybody know about this but me?
In "Dynasty", this guy got a girl back
with a Chihuahua fur coat!
Vince! She doesn't want a fur coat.
She doesn't even want me.
- Yeah? What does she want?
- I don't know. She wants to be... romanced.
- Swept off her feet.
- I'd sweep her off her feet with a left!
- A girl pulls that back in Brooklyn. Bam!
- OK, Vince.
Hey. You're cool, right?
You're cool?
Yeah.
I'm cool.
I don't know, Vince.
- Crystal.
- Why can't women be like cars?
You put gas in a car and you cruise.
Try and treat that girl nice
and she leaves me in the dust.
You know, my old man says
treat broads like dirt and they love ya.
Yeah? What's your old lady say?
My parents are divorced. That's how come
I'm living in the sticks with the old man.
- What did Sawyer want?
- I don't know. Yearbook stats.
- I hit on Sawyer once.
- Yeah?
I tried to give her this Italian macho bod!
- What did she do?
- Poor girl lost out!
Called me a word I had to look up
in the dictionary. Psych majors are trouble.
- I'm serious!
- Check this out. I put in new lifters.
- Blow Matuski away!
- Matuski's a fag!
Yeah, man! Let's roll!
Come on, Sawyer! Move that thing away!
Come on! Get it out of there!
- What's going on, Sawyer?
- If I knew that, Harlan, I'd fix it!
OK! Come on,
you're holding everybody up. Get in the car.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Motorhead Mike!
Show-off!
I don't believe this.
OK, Sawyer. What's going on?
Distributor caps don't just pop off
unless you want 'em to.
OK.
It's confession time.
I need you to save me
from being voted Senior Class Spinster.
What?
Be a boy scout and give me a date.
Sawyer!
Too much!
OK.
OK, Sawyer. I'll pick you up at eight.
Be outside.
- Outside? Won't you meet my parents?
- Yeah. Outside. No way.
You're better with cars than with people.
Look, if you don't want to do this, it's fine...
No, Harlan. Really.
I'll be outside at eight. Fine.
OK.
Oh, yeah, one more thing.
Do you read that mag "Cosmo"?
That rag? Are you kidding?
Good.
- Harlan?
- What?
The name's Ellie not Sawyer, OK?
Right. Ellie.
Hey, let's move it or we'll move it for ya!
- Let's go, Sherm the worm!
- Move the heap, gonad.
Get it outta the way!
Here you are. A bit more!
It's so good!
Mikey! Mike!
This is my kid here.
- Hi.
- I didn't expect you home so early.
I... I got take-out here.
Why don't you grab yourself a table?
Oh, no, no. That's OK.
Oh, Mike, I'd like you meet Delores.
She's the sales representative for...
- Betty-Jo.
- Betty-Jo Cosmetics.
- How do you do, Michael?
- Hi.
I'm so pleased to make your acquaintance.
I gotta get going. I've got a date.
I'll just... I'll just take a beer.
Nice meeting you, Louise.
Come on, Skipper.
Ciao, Michael.
Louise?
- You're really out to impress me, Harlan!
- What?
- Breaking and entering on a first date!
- Come on!
I can't believe this.
I must have a masochistic tendency
I didn't know about.
Doesn't anybody
wine and dine a girl any more?
Come on!
Keep it down, will you? Get down!
Oh, come on, Harlan. Wait up! Harlan!
This may be a stupid question,
but what are we doing in a junkyard?
- This isn't just any junkyard.
- What's special about it?
It used to be an old military testing ground.
Now they just dump all their old junk here.
I thought you'd like it.
- You want to be a reporter, don't you?
- Yeah. Or a psych.
- What's that got to do with anything?
- Look around.
Everything here's got a story behind it.
Yeah. You know, you're right.
I never really thought about it.
Harlan!
What are we doing here?
I need a project to graduate.
I can't do anything scientific.
What I can do is... is restore old machines.
I might find something to pass off
as my science project.
Michael! Are you OK?
Yeah. Just get that light out of my eyes.
Sorry.
- What is it down there?
- I don't know. A fallout shelter or something.
"You can protect yourself
from radioactive fallout. "
- Michael, what is it?
- Nothing. Please keep your voice down.
OK.
Michael, where are you?
Michael, it's really spooky up here.
Please come back.
Yeah. Just a second.
"Property of US Government".
Michael, I think I heard something.
"To be opened by authorized personnel
"only under controlled conditions".
- Ellie, toss me that big light.
- OK.
Thanks.
What...?
Michael, please come out so I can see you.
Hey, Ellie?
OK, that's it, Harlan.
This is the end of the line for me.
What are you doing up there?
We've gotta get outta here.
- On that ratty ground?
- There are worse things than rats.
- Yeah? Such as what?
- You kids! Hold it right there!
- Jail. Come on!
- Oh, God!
This is Federal property!
Just great! I'm gonna get arrested and end
up in some woman's prison somewhere.
Will you stop talking and run?!
- So, you come here often?
- Come on!
Come on, girl. Let's get 'em.
So what do you do for fun?
Hurry up.
Stop, you two! Freeze!
Hold it!
- Well, a night to remember.
- Look, I...
What was that?
I don't get it.
What did you do?
Nothing. It just died. Doesn't make sense.
I just tuned this thing.
- What's going on?
- Don't ask me. You're the car nut.
- What's going on?
- I don't know.
Damn!
Lucky we're close to town.
- Yeah? How's that lucky?
- We can walk.
- Not me.
- What are you talking about?
- I'm stayin' here.
- Staying here? Why?
First, I'd never leave my goat here, all right?
Secondly, if I walked into town
the whole world would know I broke down.
- Come on! It happens to everybody.
- Not to me.
Then why are we standing here?
- Oh, thanks.
- Are you OK?
I got a little car problem.
Can I use your radio?
Sure.
- Can I get channel 18?
- Yeah.
- Slower...
- Brooklyn Boy! Do you read me?
Rene...
Brooklyn Boy, read me?
Whoa! Come on.
Wait a minute. Wait. Oh, man!
Mike, is that you?
Yeah, it's me.
Listen, I got an SOS, OK?
Five miles north of town on 73,
do you read me?
- Hey, I'm comin'. Chill out.
- Hey, Vinnie!
My partner needs me. We're outta here.
So what am I? Kryptonite?
- Do you want a sip?
- I don't like beer.
Right.
Sawyer and Harlan!
Wait till Crystal finds out about this.
Rene, zip it up!
Hey, you punks! Move that piece of junk
to the side of the road.
Sit on this, butt plug!
Punk!
All right! Yeah!
OK, ease up. This is it.
That's good, Vinnie.
Not now. I'm not in the mood no more.
- You'll be begging me later.
- If you're lucky.
Motorhead Mike broke down?
Wait till we spread that around school.
I had a... really neat time tonight.
Yeah. Sure you did!
No, no, really. It was...
It was a surprise.
Like you, Harlan.
Hey, Ellie?
The name is Michael.
OK?
OK, Michael.
- Good night.
- 'Night.
- Let's go, Vinnie!
- Blasting off!
I thought you had dibs on Sawyer, Sherm.
Look, do we have a deal or what?
Messing with Harlan and Tonto's
gonna cost ya.
- How much?
- One video cassette.
- Term paper.
- Science project.
You got it!
Let's go.
Ninety-seven, ninety-eight,
ninety-nine,
one hundred.
You ain't exactly been
the perfect date, Vinnie.
- You ain't exactly been a perfect date.
- Since when?
Since you still ain't turned
into a pepperoni pizza!
Well, you can just drift, hum hole!
The sock ain't foolin' anyone!
Poor girl. You know, I've seen this movie
where this haunted car flames guys out.
Yeah! Wonder what the hell
shorted out the electrical system.
- This starter's totally shot!
- I swear somebody's got it in for you, Mikey.
- It pisses me off.
- I remember this "Mannix".
These dudes are after another dude
so they put dynamite in the first dude's car.
- When he turns the ignition...
- He gets flamed, right?
- You seen it too?
- Oh, Vinnie!
What's this piece of junk?
I don't know.
I found that at old Dawson Field.
Figured I'd pass it off as my science project.
Well, good luck. You'll need it.
Yeah. Thanks for helping me out, Vinnie.
No sweat. See ya at the brain fest tomorrow.
- OK. Take it easy.
- Yeah, 'night.
Good night.
Somebody's definitely got it in for you, Mikey.
- Yeah? Like who?
- Some low-octane type. Crystal, maybe.
Right.
Vinnie?
Holy sh...
- Look at this!
- My God!
- You all right?
- Yeah.
- What do you think it is?
- Could be an engine.
But an engine to what?
I wonder what this thing runs on.
Unleaded.
- Maybe premium!
- Shut up, Vinnie!
Holy smoke! My box! Ga...
- What happened?
- I don't know. Brand-new batteries.
- Yeah.
- That pisses me off.
Go get that battery.
I wanna run some juice through this.
All right. Move, move.
- OK, hook it up.
- Why me?
If it blows up in your face you've got
nothin' to lose. OK, move outta the way.
Where shall I put this?
I don't know. Be careful.
Shit!
- Put that thing out! It'll blow up.
- I'm getting outta here.
Holy smoke!
What's it doing? Vince!
What was that noise?
- Look, look, look.
- Yeah! Disconnect it!
You disconnect it. I'll watch.
What's it doing?
Vince?
Weird!
We're hallucinating, right?
No "Outer Limits" I ever seen had
this stuff before. What do we do?
We disconnect it. Come on.
You disconnect it. I'll watch.
- Go ahead. I'll stand guard.
- Yeah.
OK.
Mike, remember the show
in which the Egyptian vase just...
Give it a rest. OK, Vince?
Yeah, sure. I'm cool. Yeah.
- Yeah, we're working on the car.
- I don't work on the car.
- Should we tell sombody...?
- No. Not yet.
The science final! Grab that thing!
Just grab it! Come on!
Put that on there.
- That's good.
- OK. Come on.
That's weird.
Wait a second. It's gotta be wrong.
So how come everybody's leaving
like school's over?
- I don't know.
- Stay tuned.
- We went two hours into the future.
- What?
Sherm! How's life in the fat lane?
Vince Latello, comedian.
You guys lost or something?
We're not lost, Sherman.
We came for... a book.
- A car book?
- No, not a car book.
A book about... strange things.
- Like Vince?
- Sayonara, big nose. Hold me back.
Take it easy. Look, Sherman,
we just want this book. Help us out, OK?
- OK.
- OK.
What kind of strange things?
Well... sort of like stuff...
Stuff vanishes then stuff comes in from other
times, but you can't touch the stuff.
- 'Cause it kinda disappeared.
- Like you if you flap your fish lips again!
- That sounds like magic which is section...
- No, magic's make-believe.
Yeah, we're talking about
the flip side of reality.
Well, this is the science section.
It's about as real as you can get.
What's the title?
What?
Author.
- I don't know.
- Well, what's it about?
Monsters, flying lawn-mowers, weird shit!
No, no. It's about these two guys, right?
They go into this room and these things
come in and out of the walls.
- Sounds weird all right.
- See, these guys leave this room.
- It's two hours into the future.
- Only it felt like ten minutes to the two guys.
That sounds like
we're dealing with a time-space warp.
- A time-space what?
- Warp. A time-space warp.
- How does it work?
- Simple.
It's kinda like breaking through the barriers
between time, space and all dimensions.
You mean outer space?
Yeah. Right.
- So, they're all connected?
- Precisely.
They coexist within the same space
on different planes of reality, that's all.
So, like, something could warp in
from one dimension to another?
- Sure, but only if the warp got outta control.
- Outta control how?
Einstein theorised it would take great power
to break through a barrier.
The danger is, once you unleash the power,
you'd lose control of it.
- Yeah, and then what?
- Earth's energy field would go crazy.
A chain reaction could start.
Weather could change.
And boom! You're all cosmic dust!
- Hey, Mike. Banks!
- What?
We point the gizmo at the greenery. Bammo!
It vanishes into our car. We make a fortune!
Your pilot light is out.
- Well, what do we do with it?
- It's my science project, remember?
Turn it in, get my diploma
and kiss this school goodbye.
- You're pullin' my zucchini.
- You got a better suggestion?
Yeah. I say we sell it to "60 Minutes".
"60 Minutes"?
- See ya.
- There he is. Bob!
- Listen, about the...
- You cut my science final. Where were you?
- In the auto shop.
- In the ozone.
In the ozone, blow zone!
I'm tired of you four Fs.
I'll tell you one thing, unless your project
is dyno-supreme, you both get Ds.
- Hey, I'll take it.
- I wanted to talk about my science project.
Maybe you'd come by and take a look at it.
I'm off to an anti-war alumni meeting
and I'm late. Can you dig it?
- You're the only one who'd understand this.
- Don't bet on it.
- Give us a break.
- All right.
- I'll be here grading papers at nine o'clock.
- Nine o'clock?
What are we fighting for?
Don't ask me I don't give a damn
Next stop is Vietnam
So how come you didn't tell him?
- We got a door to the "Twilight Zone"?
- You're gonna blow his doors off with this!
- Yeah. You got any change, Vinnie?
- School tax, jellyfish. Come on.
Here. Drift!
He had to take a leak.
- Hello.
- Hey, Ellie, It's me, MichaeI,
- Hi, Michael.
- Would you like to go out tonight?
- Sure. I'd like to.
- Could you bring your camera?
- My camera?
- To take pictures,
We're not going to a junkyard, are we?
To a great life.
You're all mine.
You're all mine.
- What the hell happened here?
- Oh, Mike!
How do you like the colour scheme?
Delores did it.
You remember Delores?
Hello, Michael.
It's so lovely to see you again.
Lovely. Lovely.
I hardly recognise the place.
I know we shouldn't have gone off to Reno
to get married like lovesick puppies!
Don't worry, sugarplum.
I'll have a talk with him.
You are going to socialise
with your new stepmother.
Do I make myself clear?
Stepmother?!
Quiet, Skipper.
Eyes right!
Burn it!
Any time, Vinnie.
Vinnie?
Open sesame!
Watch out, watch out.
What is this? Night school?
- Something's going on around here.
- What did they rip off in the auto shop?
"Who's the father of the H-bomb?
Boy George. "
That's nuclear power for ya.
- Sorry we're late.
- I'd given up on you guys.
I really appreciate this. Here it is.
What is it? Put it on the table.
I'll get a look at it.
You don't know what it is?
I'm just testing you guys!
Yeah.
OK. Now, watch this.
Press these two things, right?
See those lights?
Weird!
- Yeah.
- Listen when I pull these levers out.
And back.
Pretty amazing, huh, Bob?
- It's incredible, huh?
- Psychedelic!
- Go on. Touch it.
- Yeah?
Go ahead.
What we should do first
is find out what metal this is.
Here we go.
Have you seen my neo-spector?
Let's just...
It's unreal. I mean...
It doesn't... It doesn't show up
on our metal spector.
I mean, it's some sort of...
It's some sort of power plant.
Hear that, Mike? It's an engine!
- An engine for what?
- Wait, where did you guys dig this up?
- Michael found it at the...
- No. I found it at the...
at the old junk yard outside of town,
Sam's place.
I'd like to know whose it was.
This is generating
power and light without heat, Michael.
- How is that possible?
- It's not possible.
I mean, not on this world, anyway.
Whoa! What world are we talking about?
- It's broken.
- Vinnie, get that battery.
Wait. Bob, why would that be broken?
Because if it isn't broken, Michael,
this is older than Earth. All right?
Bob, wait until you see this.
Hook it up, Vinnie.
- No. You hook it up.
- I did it last time..
- I'm not going near this thing.
- Vinnie, please...
Wait! I'll hook it up.
OK, Bob.
It goes on these things.
All right.
- Look at that.
- Wow!
I seen lights like this
at a Ozzy Osbourne concert.
Can you imagine the advanced
alien civilisation that created this?
I mean, this is...
This is bigger than all of us.
This is... This is bigger.
Bigger than any of us.
This is bigger than the planet.
It's...
It's even bigger than the solar system.
Bob, is this like when you said
we could smoke banana peel?
Oh, ye of little faith!
- What is it, Bob?
- I'll tell you what it is.
It's a time-space warp
that's created by this gizmo
and we can travel through time and space.
Yeah? Let's call "People" magazine.
No. I vote we tell the police.
The pigs? No pigs! No. No!
- Unhook it, Vince.
- No!
Don't you touch that, Vince.
It's an implosion meltdown.
Whoa. It slimed out the battery.
- What shall we do, Bob?
- I'll show you what we'll do.
Who hit the lights? What's going on?
Forget it. Let's do it anyway. Come on.
All right! Let's do it! Let's go!
- Mr Roberts!
- What's going on?
The dimension barriers.
They're breaking away. It is! It is a gateway.
- Disconnect it, Vinnie.
- No, Mike. You disconnect it!
You don't know what you're looking at.
You don't know what you see. It's pure time.
Pure space...
- Michael, don't listen. Stop this!
- Stop it!
I'm at the headquarters of creation.
I feel the whole universe in my fingertips.
- Mr Roberts!
- No! Bobby!
I feel... I feel...
the Earth, infinity, what a rush!
- No!
- What a ride!
Oh, God!
What happened to him?
A souvenir!
It's Christmas time!
Look at that!
It's like "The Blob". The more power,
the stronger it gets. What's goin' on?
All right! Do it!
- Hey!
- It's Harlan. Let's run!
Mikey, the warp. We gotta stop the warp.
Yeah.
Michael, is Bob dead?
- I don't know.
- Great! There goes my D.
What are we gonna do?
- We'll stop it ourselves.
- What?
If we break the connection,
the gizmo can't reach the power station.
- Nobody'll know anything.
- So what's the plan?
We black out town.
Black out town!
- But how?
- Blow up the power lines.
De-mo-lition!
Keep it down. The old man's upstairs.
- Michael, isn't this a bit dangerous?
- Think of the fun!
- Come on, Vinnie.
- Vinnie!
Vinnie! Come on! Come on!
- Mikey, dust it off!
- I'm movin'.
Michael, it's coming! Hurry!
Come on! Dynamite!
- Dynamite!
- You know what you're doin'?
Sure! We do it all the time
in Brooklyn!
Mikey, I thought you had
more under the hood than this!
Go, baby! Go! Go!
Come on, baby. Come on!
- Hit the blower.
- OK. Hold on!
Whoa! Now we are talking hyperspace!
Michael, this is too fast for me.
Don't worry. It's like a ride in Disneyland.
Hold on!
- Mikey, we've done it!
- We did it!
Brake!
Now, that was a ride!
OK. This is it. Let's go.
I kinda feel like Gregory Peck
in "The Guns Of Navarone".
- Latello!
- All right! Hold your horses here!
Caps to the dynamite. Dynamite to the legs.
Caps to the dynamite. Dynamite to the legs.
- Vince?
- Caps to the legs. Legs to the dynamite.
- Come on!
- Good thing I watch TV, huh?
- Come on! Ellie, hurry up.
- OK.
I'm gettin' outta here!
Here!
- Hook it up.
- You hook it up.
- Latello, come on!
- OK. Chill out!
Legs! Legs!
- Please, Michael! Do it!
- OK. Get down. Come on! Ready?
- My car battery.
- Car battery!
Open! Come on! Open!
- Get back!
- Get down!
We did it!
Come on. Let's go.
How do we get the gizmo
outta school past the fuzzballs?
Damn!
Police!
Those maggots!
Come on!
- Don't you think we should tell the police?
- Tell them what?
- We sent our science teacher into a warp.
- What are we gonna do?
- One to five with good behaviour.
- Vinnie!
- This is me!
- Yeah, OK.
So! You're cool! I'm cool! We're cool!
Thank you. Good night.
Good night.
Do you copy?
...across the county tonight,
and the deliberate dynamiting
of power lines by unknown individuals,
Police hope to have more to report soon,
This concludes our speciaI bulletin,
You know, I...
.. I can't stop thinking about Bob.
Neither can I.
I'm really scared, Michael.
I mean, what is this thing?
I don't know.
Whatever it is, wherever it's from,
it's over with now, OK?
- We stopped it, so don't worry about it.
- OK.
My parents are gonna have
a hormonal disturbance!
I've gotta go.
Good night.
Ellie?
Ellie?
I was...
I was just thinkin'.
How come we spent four years in the same
class and never even talked to each other?
I don't know.
Maybe because...
you lived under cars and... I lived in books.
Yeah.
Good night.
Good night.
Good night.
You're right, you know.
About what?
Just about... me being better with cars
than with people.
I guess it's 'cause I trust them
more than I do people.
Maybe you've just been trusting
the wrong people, Michael.
Yeah.
Maybe I have been.
My retainer.
Sorry!
Hey, Skipper, how ya doin'?
Watch it, boy!
Welcome home, kid.
- Where you been?
- Who the hell are you?
I'm the long arm of the law,
the public conscience, Detective Jack Nulty.
I didn't do nothin'.
Hey, Dad. What is all this?
I told Detective Nulty everything about
the break-in but he insisted on talking to you.
Well, hell, yeah!
I haven't had a real good case in a long time.
I ain't about to piss this one away.
Know what I mean, kid?
Yeah. That's your job, right?
- That's what I like to hear.
- I'm gonna take care of everything.
You need a court order for this!
What's the charge?
No charge - yet.
Three eye-witnesses
put you at the school tonight.
There's this little business about stolen
dynamite, and where's your pal?
That ex-yippie science teacher,
Bob Roberts?
- I don't know.
- That a fact?
- Yeah...
- Tell you what.
- Let's take a ride down to the station.
- What for?
- I'm enjoying the conversation.
- I'm going with you.
Bring your wife, your kids, the whole family.
- Can I get my jacket? Is that OK, mister?
- Fine by me.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Hello... Michael?
Bring the gizmo to the police station...
Bring the gizmo to the police sta...? Michael!
- I demand...
- Mr Latello. Mr Harlan.
- This is Sergeant Jones.
- Tax dollars at work!
- Give me your name.
- Latello's a delinquent anyway, but don't...
- Mike.
- Tell him all your personal information.
- Don't do it.
- Michael Harlan.
- That's him!
- Kiss your asses goodbye!
- That'll be enough outta you, Meatball.
- Chill out, Mr Spock!
- I don't know what I'm doin' here.
- Tell me a fairy story about this, boys.
You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say can and will
be held against you in a court of law.
- OK, McCloud!
- You have the right to an attorney.
- Ellie!
- Sherman! What are you doing here?
Seeing what Harlan and Vince are up to.
I'm warning you, Ellie, they are in big trouble.
You'd better leave before the police find out
you're involved. I'll cover for you.
- I'll say Harlan forced you...
- Sherman, get outta my way.
Wait! So this is what
they were talking about!
- It's none of your business.
- What is this thing?
Leave it alone. It's dangerous.
You could wind up in a...
Another dimension?
This is amazing.
- It's absolutely incredible.
- Sherman.
- Sherman, just give it to me.
- I can't believe it!
No!
- Hi, Mom.
- You little cockroach.
- What? I got boogers?
Hey, kid.
Why do you wear sunglasses at night?
When you're cool,
the sun shines on you 24 hours a day.
Oh, yeah?
Chill out, Butch! And get a shave.
The gizmo.
What the hell happened here?
- Ellie's at the school. We've gotta get her.
- Let's jam! Let's jam!
My prisoners! Come back here!
Where are my god-damn prisoners?
- Vinnie!
- I've always wanted to do this.
- Meet me at the school.
- You got it.
Yeah!
- Head boy Sherman!
- What are you doing here?
- It's not my fault.
- Where's Ellie?
- I didn't know.
- Where is she?
She's in the tower.
The school's in the warp.
It's the end of the world.
- Cheerful, ain't he?
- You comin' or not?
- OK. OK.
- Where you goin'?
I'm comin'!
But if I wind up in another dimension
like Bobarino, I'm goin' in there packin'!
Good luck!
This is no time to be sittin' around
sucking snot! After you, lunch meat!
No! We'll never come back!
Somethin' tells me
we ain't in Kansas no more, Toto!
See? I told you guys.
The warp's expanding.
Look, it's people from the past
and the future.
And we're all here together!
This is like a...
This is like a crossroads of time and space.
- Yeah.
- Wow!
I don't believe this. Do you, Mike?
- No.
- Unreal!
Radar her!
- Vinnie, keep it under control, all right?
- Danger makes great sex!
- I'll check you guys out later.
- Come on!
These are optical delusions like ghosts,
so it's cool. Here comes Latello!
- Help me!
- Vince!
Son of a bitch!
What do you call this, wawa?
Actually, I think you'd call it
a Neanderthal man.
I don't care what country he's from.
One shot and he's down. I don't believe this.
- I could be watching "Magnum".
- Stop whining!
Whining?
Barney Rubble just tried to flame me out.
- You guys, wait up!
- Vinnie, come on!
Hey, scope that faggot in the tutu!
- Paisano!
- We're friends, all right? Friends.
- What's he saying?
- He's going to kick our ass.
Come on!
- He's dead.
- He's been dead a billion years.
Hey, Mike, you OK?
- Yeah.
- Come on, Sherman. Help him up.
- Can you walk?
- Yeah.
Legs! Legs!
- Are we in trouble!
- The warp's getting stronger.
Get down.
Get down!
- Exchange students!
- Latello!
Come on.
- Vietcong.
- Sh!
- We're out.
- What?
- It's empty.
- Give me that.
- Back me up, all right?
- You got it.
- Get their guns! Come on!
- Huh? That's OK. Don't get up!
Optical delusions, Latello!
- Thanks. I owe you one.
- Yeah. Take it easy.
Ciao!
Let's rest here for a while.
Hey, round boy.
How d'you learn to fight so good?
Cliff Notes, Latello!
How do you work these things?
Well, according to
"Stoddard's Guide To Modern Weaponry",
you eject the spent clip,
you pop the fresh clip into the chamber...
.. pull back the cocking mechanism
and you're ready to rock 'n' roll!
What he say?
Come on.
Go ahead! Make my semester!
Very smart, Latello!
Latello!
Come on. Put it down.
Would you put it down?
- Who are these guys?
- Mutants from after the apocalypse.
Let's get outta here.
- Come on!
- I don't need this.
We're gonna get flamed
by something that don't exist yet!
Not in our dimension, but with relativity...
- Relativity? Shut up, you fat toad.
- Come on, Vinnie!
- If it weren't for him we wouldn't be here.
- Look, up the stairs and we're at the lab.
- Yeah. Or on flippin' Pluto!
Come on!
- What is that?
- I don't know.
My ears are ringing like the "Gong Show".
I can't hear nothing.
And I don't see that neither.
- Sherman?
- Got me, Mike.
Terrific! The answer man is stumped.
This plant has been extinct
for 60 million years.
Yeah? Well, I ain't never seen one before.
- You gonna make it, Vinnie?
- Me? I'm so scared I'm thinkin' about God.
It's God-funking-zilla!
Get down.
- I just don't believe it.
- I just want to be home watchin' cartoons.
Stop talking, OK?
- Sherman!
- Asshole!
It's my allergies.
I've had it. I'm goin' in. Back me up!
- Vinnie! What are you doing?
- Come and get me!
Latello!
Suck lead, lizard!
Vinnie!
No! What?
Vinnie!
Vinnie!
- You OK?
- Yeah. I think so.
- Where's Vinnie?
- I don't know.
- Vinnie!
- Oh, man!
Oh, man. Mikey!
- Oh, my arm.
- Come on. I got ya.
- 17 years of TV down the drain.
- Yeah. I got ya. Come on.
- There you go.
- My leg!
All right! The cheque's in the mail!
Let's go!
One question, what now?
We get Ellie and get outta here. Let's go!
What are you doin'? Let's go! Ready?
Ready!
Hit the dirt!
- Cover me.
- Don't get too close to the gizmo, Mike.
Ellie!
- He's been sucked up.
- Shut up. You're making me nuts.
You're making me crazy!
Ellie?
Ellie?
- Look, he's got her, Sherman.
- He's got her!
- Is she OK?
- She don't look too good, Sherman.
Ellie?
- Ellie, I'm so sorry. If I only knew...
- OK, Sherman.
- Can you walk?
- The question is, can you run?
Yeah. Yeah, I can.
OK. Let's go. Come on.
Yeah. Fine.
- We got company.
- Who is it?
- It ain't the Brady Bunch!
- We're not home!
I gotta stop it. Take my gun.
- Sherman.
- Michael!
Ellie, get back!
- Michael!
- Ellie, get back here! Ellie!
He's gone, I know. Michael!
Michael!
Oh, no!
Michael!
Michael!
No.
- He's gone.
- Mike?
Mike! He's back!
Michael.
Michael, are you OK?
Yeah. I think so.
Are you?
I am now!
Mikey, this is no time for romance here.
Scaramouche! Let's go!
You thought you heard what?
Watch out.
Come on, clear out of here. It's dangerous.
Keep moving. Stand back.
You know, Sherman? You're all right.
For a wimp virgin, I mean.
Coming from a greaseball like you,
I take that as a real compliment.
Listen.
No one says nothin' about this. OK?
Yeah, OK.
All right.
- OK, kids. Get outta here.
- Easy, easy. I'm comin'!
- So it's out, right?
- Hell, no! We won't go!
Hell, no! We won't go! Chicago!
- Mr Roberts?
- Bob?
Flower-power children,
Beatle concerts, anti-war rallies.
I'll be dipped in shit!
- What happened?
- I was blasting through on a tour of the '60s.
I didn't know what even to say, man!
I mean tripping trip, man!
- What's your name, cowboy?
- Robert Roberts esquire to you, honky!
That a fact? Well, Miss Esquire,
where the hell have you been?
Woodstock - oinker!
- Woodstock?
- What's Woodstock?
- OK, Captain Kirk.
- It's not Boston Pops!
- You got an A in your science project.
- I do?
On one condition. Get rid of the gizmo.
The world is not ready for space and time.
It's only for such rare individuals as myself.
And the future is a groove, man!
I made sure of that. It's a funky high!
- Get in the car.
- Easy on the fringe, Kojak!
We're outta gas.
Well, it's lucky we're close to town.
I mean, we can walk it.
Wait a second, Michael.
If we walked into town,
the world would know that your car broke...
It's just a car.
Right?
Right.
What are you looking at?
Girls, what's for lunch?
Hey, girls! Boola! Boola!
- Dykes.
- You little weasel!