I love Christmas.
The tree, the lights,
even the shopping.
And this Christmas
was all about new beginnings.
I was starting a new job
at a new school
and having my very first baby.
Well, that's what
Christmas is all about.
Family.
The only problem was,
I didn't get on with my family.
Especially my twin brother Roderick.
But I wasn't going to
let that spoil things.
No.
Hi!
No, I just had a feeling...
- Want to put this on the tree?
- ...this was going to be
the best Christmas ever.
Higher. And back. No...
Ooh! Ohh!
- Donald, are you all right?
- Yeah. I'm just a bit stuck.
- I love Christmas.
- Yeah.
I'm glad that we're here
and I'm glad that we've moved away.
Yeah.
What was the Headmistress like?
She seemed good. Seemed like
she really knew what she was doing.
- Did you meet anybody else there?
- No, she didn't want me to.
No, from what she said,
the staff are fantastic.
Sounds like the perfect school.
Argh! Argh!
Yargh!
Mrs Bevan?
Mr Lambert. Supply teacher.
- Mr Lambert.
- Lambert.
Oh, I'm so pleased to see you
and so grateful.
This is what it's like
when you have a baby.
Whoa!
And our last teacher, Mr Maddens,
he had to go to America,
so we lost him unfortunately,
but you're going to love Mr Poppy.
Mr Whippy Poo!
Enthusiastic, energetic.
- Ready?
- Yes.
Fire!
Ohh!
Don't throw the eggs.
Everybody, give your eggs to me.
Um...
So your class is just down here.
They're great kids.
They're lively, feisty.
What do you think? Yes!
Who put you up to this?
Mr Poppy.
- Mr Poppy!
Good morning, boys and girls.
Good morning, Mr Shakespeare.
Who will win a Song for Christmas?
This Christmas, Coventry's own Oakmoor
School will be shining a light on our city
at the prestigious
A Song for Christmas Contest.
A Song for Christmas is open
to any school soloist or Glee Club
up to the age of 18.
I'm only six.
We tick the box.
Now, it's taking place
at Llawen Castle in Wales.
The competition will be hosted
by singing sensation... Angel Matthews.
I love Angel Matthews.
She's the one that sung...
And competing alongside Oakmoor School
will be St Cuthbert's Choir
and they're from London
and they're led by
a renowned conductor, Roderick Peterson.
- Never heard of him.
- He's a sensational young talent
and, um,
he's going to have a top-notch choir,
so we've really got to come up with it,
OK?
The winning song will win...
- 10,000!
- WOW!
And could even become a Christmas No. 1.
Final closing date for entries...
is tomorrow.
Right, OK, my little mystic monkeys,
I want you to go through the school,
tell everyone we are holding
secret Song for Christmas auditions.
And if anybody comes up to you
and asks you,
you need to say...
"What Song for Christmas?"
What Song for Christmas?
Yes!
Jingle Bells
Jingle bells, jingle bells,
jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open
Sleigh
Sleigh, hey!
We're going to win
A Song for Christmas
Because it's Christmas
and it's snowing outside
It is cold
But I don't care
Because we're wrapped up,
even warmer inside
- You're going to go through to boot camp!
- Yay!
Christmas is here
- Yeah!
Christmas is here
- A-ha.
Christmas is the time to cheer
- What is it?
Christmas is here
- It's here?
Yeah, Christmas is here
- Really?
Christmas is a time to cheer
Anything else?
Is that it? Are you all out?
Are you spent?
Oh...
Fantastic!
I had a little turtle
His name was Tiny Tim
I put him in the bathtub
to see if he could swim
We love Christmas
We love C-C-C-Christmas.
P-P-Presents, p-p-pudding
And also pulling, pulling p-p-p...
Pulling crackers
Crackers, c-c-crackers
Everyone start to join in now.
They tried to make me go to rehab
And I said no no no
Sparkle and shine
Planets gather round
I am the angel
I come from heaven and...
And... and I've gone to Devon
Every day I...
and I sing a song at Christmas
.. everything I...
I don't care if you know my name
I will sing a song for you
I don't care
I don't know how to say hello
And I'm made of yellow
Good morning, boys and girls.
Good morning, Mrs Bevan.
Well, you're all looking
very sparkly today, aren't you,
on this lovely sunny morning.
And that's because
we're on the countdown to...
Christmas!
Now, some of you are very excited
about a competition that I've heard about
that's happening in Wales.
Well, children, I have to tell you
that St Bernadette's will not be going.
Ohhh!
The thing is, we simply don't have
the money, the talent or the time.
But to make up for it,
we are going on a special visit
to see Father Christmas.
Isn't that exciting?
Away In A Manger
Away in a manger...
Oh, my goodness me.
Please tell me this is a joke,
Auntie Pat.
What do you mean?
- You're not going to Song for Christmas.
- Well, you're not.
Well, I've already been doing auditions
for the children, OK?
Desmond, not again.
You promised me you wouldn't do anything
unless we spoke about it first.
Please, come and sit down.
I didn't want to have to do this,
Auntie Pat,
but I would like to speak to
your supervisor, please.
- What?
- Yes.
Like to speak to your... manager.
- Get them in.
- Desmond!
Do you understand
that you're only here because...
...You are my nephew?
You're not even a qualified teacher.
You can barely read and write!
So if we find a proper teacher,
we can go, right?
Every time I find anybody,
you do something so appalling
that they leave.
It is not happening.
Do you understand that?
N- O, no, Desmond.
Right, you are not my best friend,
Auntie Pat. All right?
And you are not in my team any more.
As of this day I am freezing you out.
Plaaa!
We three Kings of Orient are
Bearing gifts, we traverse afar
Field and fountain, moor and mountain
Following yonder star
Oh, lovely finish. Just love it.
I can see the star.
I think maybe you're a star.
The stars in the bright sky
Look down where he lay
This is a national competition.
This is the gateway to stardom!
God rest ye merry gentlemen
Let nothing you dismay
For Jesus Christ our Saviour
was born on Christmas Day
To save us all from Satan's power
When we were gone astray
- There it is.
Oh tidings of...
That's Christmas for you.
Jingle bells, jingle bells,
jingle all the way
Go and sit down!
With th'angelic host proclaim
Christ is born in Bethlehem
Hark! the herald angels sing
Glory to the newborn King
O Christmas tree
O Christmas tree
Thy leaves are so unchanging
Nice try, Ravi.
OK.
Mrs Bevan has done
a complete freak-out on me.
She pulled the plug.
She's just...
...on everything.
Teachers are losers.
Yeah, teachers are losers
and what are we?
Winners.
Well, that's a bit rubbish.
We've got to turn it round.
We've got to do something.
- We're going to turn it round big-time.
- We're going to turn it round big-time.
Do we need a teacher?
No!
Do we believe in this class?
Yes!
Who believes we can win
- Song for Christmas?
- Me!
Who wants to go and
see Father Christmas?
- Me!
- Well, come on, then.
Jingle bells, Batman smells,
Robin flew away
Michael Finlay lost his willy
on the motorway, hey!
Jingle bells, jingle bells
'Scuse me, can I help you?
Yeah, I'm just here to see Mrs Bevan.
- Yeah, what about?
- I'm Donald Peterson.
I'm the new Class Seven teacher.
Hello.
I actually can't understand what
you're saying.
- Um, what's your name, sorry?
- What's your name, sorry?
- Right. I tell you what I'm going to do.
- I tell you what I'm going to do.
- OK.
- I'm going to count to 10
and if you're not out of that gate,
we are going to freak you right out
and take you down.
Sorry, is that a threat?
10!
Nine,
eight, seven,
- six...
- OK, everyone.
...five, four,
three, two,
- one.
- Charge him!
Oh, no,
I've got to see the Head teacher.
- This is not funny.
- This is...
Take him down!
I've got a letter.
Mr Poppy! Stop it!
Stop it!
Was that man in charge of a class?
Not in charge, no, no, no, no.
We wouldn't put him in charge.
He's an assistant.
- That man is a Classroom Assistant?
- That's right.
- Does that not worry you?
- Well, yes, and that's why we need you.
We need discipline and focus
and you're the man to give it to us.
If you can work with him till Christmas,
I'll make you Headmaster in January.
- You can't do that.
- I will.
Jingle, merry, merry,
merry, merry elves
We've got many, many, many bells
We're in the workshop all by ourselves
It's Mr Shakespeare.
Santa's little helpers,
Santa's little elves
We think of you and not ourselves
We've got our toys
lined up on our shelves
Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas
Elf Olaf is a guiding star
He's the greatest elf by far
You'll get a laptop, you'll get a car
Merry, merry elfin Christmas
Shake your bells if you love elves
Shake your bells if you love elves
Shake your bells if you love elves
Merry, merry elfin Christmas
Well done, everyone,
absolutely marvellous.
Hello, Mr Poppy.
How wonderful to see you.
Hello, boys and girls.
- What are you doing here?
- What are you doing here?
Well, we're here practising
for our Song for Christmas
and I think we did very well. Don't you?
Yes, Mr Shakespeare.
We're going to be going to
Song for Christmas.
- You are? Oh, really?
- Yes, really.
This is a national,
national competition.
Yeah, and we're going to win it.
But this is like
Saturday night television live.
Yeah, I know, and we're
going to be on it.
We're going to be on it and win it.
- We're going to be on it and win it.
- You're not, we are.
- We're going to win.
- We are.
- Right, who's going to win it?
- We are!
I feel sorry for you, I really do.
Not only are you poor and thick,
you're actually taught,
allegedly, by this man here.
- Excuse me.
- No, no...
- Jess, stand there.
- We need to see Father Christmas.
- Come on, kids.
- No.
Thou shalt not pass.
Don't be so ridiculous. Please.
Don't you shout at me.
- How dare you!
- You...
- Ha!
- Rip my ears off,
- I'll rip your head off!
- Argh!
Stupid man!
Rip my head off?
Agh!
Right.
Let's go. Let's just go.
Licking my face. It's hideous.
Come on, children.
Stay away from him, please.
Father Christmas, we've come to you
because you are our only hope.
Oh.
We need you to help us
grant our Christmas wish.
We're having a nightmare, to be honest,
aren't we, kids?
We really want to go to
Song for Christmas
but, like, Auntie Pat won't let us
because she's saying
I'm not a proper teacher
and saying we haven't the money
to get a bus to get there.
But it's at this castle in Wales
and you can win, like, 10,000.
Christmas No. 1, album.
Everything will be sweet.
We've got to make it happen.
Nobody believes in us any more, Santa.
Well, we're not very good singers.
- Yes, you are.
- We are.
- No, we're not.
- Santa, nobody likes us any more.
Please help us win the
Song for Christmas.
I will try and make that wish come true.
I will do that, Mr Poppy.
Close your eyes and wish.
I think that's a very
good wish, that is.
With all that effort, I think
we might be able to get there.
Thank you.
Now, listen up, guys, OK?
Do not mention Song for Christmas.
What Song for Christmas?
All for one and one for all!
Mr Poppy.
- OK?
- Mm-hm.
I feel like I've got an apology to make.
I'm really sorry about what happened.
It was basically a dare
that got out of hand.
- It was a dare?
- Mm.
- Who dared you?
- One of the children basically dared me
and I don't know if you know about dares
but you've got to do the dare.
If you don't do the dare it turns into
a double dare, then triple, quadruple,
and the last time that happened,
we lost a child.
- Right.
- Just so you know,
I've been with this class now
for a couple of years.
- No, I understand that.
- You know, we're not really a class,
- we're like a family.
- Sure.
I'm like the Dad of the family,
they're like my children.
We're willing to let you audition
for role of Mum.
OK, that's not how it's going to work.
What we're going to do now
is we're going to get the kids' coats off.
You're going to hang your parka up,
we're all going to come in here
and get to know each other. How's that?
- Hello, what's your name?
- Sam.
- Do you want to slip your hat off?
- Sorry, this is a lucky hat.
You can't take that off. She wears that
in the bath, for dinner, in lessons.
Mr Poppy, Mr Poppy, shh, shh.
Sam.
Whoa, she's betrayed the hat.
It's just a hat, guys.
OK, boys and girls,
lovely to meet you all.
My name is Mr Peterson and now
I've got to get to know all of you.
What's this class been working on?
Yes.
Yeah, we've been doing a song,
writing for Song for Christmas.
What Song for Christmas?
- What?
- What Song for Christmas?
- What Song for Christmas?
- What did you blurt that out for?
- What is that?
- It's a national competition.
All the schools are entering it.
It's nationwide.
The only thing is,
you've got to sign this to enter us
because we need a proper teacher
with a PGCD, whatever you've got.
So if you put your teacher's email there,
signature, we can get that in the post.
- Why has no teacher signed this already?
- Because Mrs Bevan doesn't want us to go.
Mr Poppy, if Mrs Bevan has said no,
then...
- It's not far. It's just Wales.
- Wales?
Yeah, it's great.
There's a castle. It's in a castle.
Look, it's my first day here.
I can't be signing forms, allowing you to
take a class of children to Wales
when the Head Teacher said no.
- It'll put the school back on the map.
- It'll put me out of a job.
No, it won't. Please, Mr Peterson.
If you put your name on there,
then you're in the team.
The family.
- This is something you all want to do?
- Yes!
You got much to say about it?
Do you want to do it?
That's Tommy and he has not spoken
since his dad left the home.
But he can sing. He's got the most amazing
singing voice in the world.
What's the song like?
Yes!
Mr Peterson, I give you St Bernadette's!
Christmas tinsel and jingle bells
Presents beneath the tree
Ho, ho, ho, ho
Father Christmas and his little elves
Making stuff for you and stuff for me
You want your big Christmas Day
You want your Santa and sleigh
Don't forget about the baby
who was born in the hay
He was born in the hay
Danger danger in the manger
Don't give baby to a stranger
Nasty Herod on his way,
hide the baby in the hay
Don't be a sheep, just be a King
King, King, King
Very good.
Look, I thought you were all great
and I think it's really exciting
that you've got this singing club
and it's great to see
you doing your stuff
but, um...
What Mr Peterson is trying to say
is it's good but we need a gimmick.
- Anyone got any ideas?
- That's not...
Have smoke coming up from the stage.
Baby Jesus could come up.
Yeah, we can get a baby.
Yes.
Who's got a baby?
Nobody's bringing any baby brothers or
sisters or nephews or nieces into school.
I think what Mr Peterson
is trying to say
is tomorrow what we should
be doing is a show and tell
where you each bring
your baby brothers and sisters in.
That's very much the opposite
of what Mr Peterson is trying to say.
Tomorrow we'll be in class.
We'll be doing some maths, some literacy.
This is all great and
it's very good fun.
And some of you are very talented.
But there is no bringing babies to school
tomorrow. Is that understood?
Oh, excuse me!
That is my private cupboard, thank you.
Who's that man?
That's Mr Maddens.
- And he's...?
- He used to be a teacher here.
- Ah.
- Yeah.
- Right.
- And you could take a few tips from him,
if you like,
because he's the sort of man that would
have been up for babies being in plays
and he's the sort of man that would have
built the costumes and created the thing.
Desmond, you do know there's no way
we can enter this competition?
- What do you mean?
- Stop raising the kids' expectations
that they're going to win prizes
and be the Christmas No. 1. It's not fair.
Excuse me, Mr Peterson,
but maybe you should take
a good hard look at this man.
Look in his eyes.
He was the greatest teacher we ever had.
Right.
Well, he's not here any more, is he?
No. He abandoned us.
Like you'll probably abandon us
in a couple of weeks' time
when you decide
that we're not good enough for you.
Mr Poppy, I'm here for the long haul.
I'm here to make these
kids' lives better.
Mm.
Do you fancy maybe going for
a sausage sizzler at the park?
- We always used to do that.
- Oh, I've got to get back.
My wife's quite pregnant.
I should really shoot home.
But maybe another night, yeah.
I'd really like that.
OK.
OK? We good?
Are we agreed?
Yep.
See you in the morning.
- Oh, Mr Peterson.
- Oh, hi, Lucy.
Oh, hello. Hi, Donald.
- How are you settling in?
- Not bad. Yeah.
Good. It's great news about the...
the Song For Christmas.
Oh. You know about that?
Oh, Mr Poppy's told me.
Right. Well, I'm afraid
I had to put a stop to it.
I thought there were
baby auditions this morning.
No, no, we cancelled them.
- Really?
- Didn't we?
- Did you?
- Did we?
Jingle Bells
Has he got any special skills?
Brilliant! Brilliant!
Is he any good on a skateboard?
No, no, no. No, no.
You're not putting a baby on a skateboard.
And then maybe a little...
And then jump off...
.. and into the crib.
Would you mind maybe
if we were to put a little beard on her?
No.
What about me covering the baby in meat?
Why would baby Jesus be covered in meat?
Well, Lady Gaga covers herself in meat.
She wasn't the son of God.
Has she got any tricks,
little party pieces?
We can train the babies up.
You can't train babies.
- We can send the baby to boot camp.
- We're not going to this competition.
We're going to go to the competition
and win it.
Yeah!
Ah!
- Does he know the way to Wales?
- Know your way to Wales?
I think he said yes.
He's just a bit tired.
.. open sleigh
Absolutely unbelievable!
At last.
Where've you been?
I think he's actually
certifiably insane.
I mean,
he dresses like a lunatic.
And the nonsense
that comes out of his mouth.
This competition...
Today, 25 babies show up.
We're not going to Song For Christmas
like I've said 250 times already.
- "No, you haven't. "
- Yes, I have.
- "You never told me. "
- Yes, I did.
- "You promised. "
- I never promised.
Don.
You're just insane!
Things are about to get worse.
- How can they possibly... Who's that?
- It's your father.
What?
He phoned a couple of hours ago.
He wants to
come and spend Christmas with us.
- He can't come here.
- Well, he is.
- For Christmas?
- Yes.
Why is he coming here?
Go and answer the door.
I don't want him shouting at us.
Answer it!
- At last!
- Hi, Dad.
What did you think I was?
A bunch of carol singers?
- Hold on. Madge, Madge...
- Nice surprise.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I thought you knew. Yes.
For the next two weeks, I'll be away.
That's right. Absolutely everything.
Just cancel the lot.
That's it. Good. Thank you.
Just one minute. Donald.
Coat.
Thank you.
- Hi, Dad.
- Thank you very much. Thank you.
Well, I have had the journey from hell.
Oh, sorry to hear that.
Sit, Donald.
So, new house.
New town.
New job.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
I'm not going to beat
about the bush.
Your job, a primary school teacher,
is leading you nowhere.
How much a year do you get paid?
This job isn't about the money.
That's not...
Everything is about the money, Donald.
Do you know what your brother
has gone on to do?
Oh, I know...
Are you aware, frankly,
of what that boy has achieved already?
And what he's going to achieve.
Your brother
is going to be on TV tomorrow night
in A Song For Christmas.
- A Song For Christmas?
- Yes.
A competition.
Which he undoubtedly will win.
Roderick's choir
is the best in the country.
I've actually never said this to anybody
but when I looked at you both in that cot,
when you were both born,
I could see this little halo above you
and I thought to myself,
"You're going to be the one.
You're going to be the one
to take on the mantle.
The Peterson mantle.
And go on and achieve. "
And somehow a cloud came over you.
And it shone on the other child.
And that child took off.
I'm very proud of your brother.
I really am.
I make no bones of it.
I am disappointed in you.
And have been for quite some time.
Roderick this, Roderick that.
"Isn't Roderick amazing?
Look at his amazing job. "
Look at this.
Everyone says we look alike. I don't
think we look at all like each other.
No, I don't think you
look like each other either.
I'm certainly not entering
that competition now.
I'm really sorry
to call you here so early
but Operation Song For Christmas
is underway.
The most important thing
is the guys staying behind to cover...
you've got to make sure that Mrs Bevan
thinks the lessons are still running.
All for one and one for all!
Operation Song For Christmas is go!
Go, go!
- Mr Poppy?
- Come on, jump aboard.
- What's this?
- We've got to go,
otherwise Mrs Bevan'll turn up
and we won't get away.
- I told you, we are not going to Wales.
- Get on the bus!
No, no! Back in the school.
Get back in the school right now.
You need to calm down, Mr Peterson.
It's not just you you're affecting,
it's the baby.
- I...
- Come on!
Mr Poppy...
Agh!
Right, come on. Back inside, come on.
Back inside the school.
Mr Peterson, this is for your own good.
Bundle!
Mr Poppy!
Scream if you want to go faster!
Mr Poppy, stop this bus!
Warming up, warming up, warming up
Warming up, warming up,
warming up, warming up
We're warming up our voices
OK, everyone, let's go and win
A Song For Christmas!
Jingle Bells
On the bus, on the bus, on the bus.
.. open sleigh
Sleigh, hey!
Come in.
Oh, morning, Ryan. Morning, Keith.
Thank you very much.
So... What is this?
- Full attendance.
- Full... Excellent.
Thank you very much, Alistair,
- and...
- William.
- Keith.
- Mason.
William and Mason.
Thank you. Shut the door.
Now...
- OK, you can release him now.
- Thank you.
Sit down.
Right, Mr Poppy, stop the bus.
- No!
- Stop the bus right now.
- Why?
- OK, I'm calling the school.
I'm not going to turn the bus...
- Bob.
- No, no, no.
Give me that back. Give me that back!
That's my phone!
That... My...
- That is not good.
- Just calm down, Mr Peterson.
Listen, have you any idea
how serious this is?
Look at it. Look at this.
Do you want to go to Song For Christmas?
Yeah!
My wife is at home, pregnant,
with a baby that could arrive any second
and I have no phone, no way of getting
in touch. Please turn this bus around.
Just tell her in the morning
you had a sleepover.
Why would I have a sleepover?
Mr Maddens used to have sleepovers
at mine.
I'm a grown man.
Grown men don't have sleepovers.
Yes, they do. And midnight feasts.
Oh. yeah!
Mr Poppy, my brother
is entering this competition.
- You've got a brother?
- Yeah.
Now, my brother is a world-class
classical composer and conductor.
You really want to break little Pixie's
heart? She's just lost her grandma.
This Song For Christmas
means everything to her.
How is this going to help?
Because it'll just turn all her frowns
upside down.
Here we go,
here we go, here we go, here we go
Here we go, here we go,
here we go, here we go
Here we go,
here we go, here we go, here we go
Off to sunny Wales
- Now, everyone,
I think we're going to be coming close
through a little village called Llawen.
And if you'll just come in you'll see...
Isn't that St Bernadette's, sir?
Wow.
Did you see that cool bus, sir?
Turn away, turn away.
We've got the best bus.
We've got the best bus in show business.
How much... How much would it cost me
to get you to untie me?
20?
50?
60. That's my final offer.
Quick, untie me.
Get me out of this chair.
All right, I'll get you out
but I need some money.
- I haven't got any.
- He told me he's got 60.
- Well, get it off him.
- Lucy.
- Search him.
- No, no.
- Frisk him.
- Lucy.
- Look in his back pocket.
- This is theft.
Mr Poppy!
Mrs Bevan.
Come in, Miss Rye.
- Just a quick word.
- Yes.
Most of Mr Peterson's class
appear not to have turned up for lunch.
Everything's all right in there.
Ah, naughty boy.
What are you doing standing out here,
Malcolm?
He doesn't want anyone in today.
Mr Peterson doesn't want anyone in.
Step... Just step aside.
- He doesn't...
- Thank you, Malcolm.
Mason, stop it.
Ah, Mr Peterson, where are you?
Mr Poppy. Where's Mr Pet...
Oh!
Ah! Oh!
Where's Mr Peterson?
They went to Song For Christmas.
What Song For Christmas?
I need a wee, Mr Shakespeare.
Me too!
We'll find a place to stop
and have a wee-wee.
Mr Shakespeare,
I really need a poo.
Well, hold it in,
hold it in. Don't do it on the bus.
It's just down there.
Anywhere by the hedge there. That's it.
Good. Good, good.
No, anywhere. It doesn't matter.
Do it in the road.
That's it, are you all right?
That's it, keep going.
Just come this way.
See that?
Just turn it round.
Turn it right round.
All the way, all the way.
That's it, that's it, that's it.
That's it, that's it, that's it.
Come on.
Come on, come on, come on!
That's it.
Come on, in you come.
On the bus, on the bus, on the bus.
On the bus, on the bus,
on the bus, on the bus.
On the bus, on the bus.
Turning right, turning right...
Turning right,
turning right, turning right
Aren't we going the wrong way,
Mr Shakespeare?
Wait! Mr Shakespeare!
Look, I can see a sign for the castle.
There's a little girl.
Who is that?
Hold on.
I'm going to go and find out what she...
- Who are you?
- Elena.
Where's Mr Shakespeare
and the rest of Oakmoor?
He's gone to Song For Christmas.
What, and they left you here?
He just went off without me.
- How do I know you're telling the truth?
- I always tell the truth.
- Do you think I'm ugly?
- Yes.
That's not very nice.
I was telling the truth.
All right, let me just consult my team and
then I'll be back to you with an answer.
Wait a few minutes, please, caller.
- Right, shall we let her on the bus?
- Yeah.
If she tricks us, though,
we're going to freeze her out, yes?
No...
It's your lucky day,
little Miss Shakespeare.
On you jump-
Everybody ready?
We're off!
The Man With The Bag
Next stop, the castle.
Woo-hoo!
What was that?
- Who's doing that?
- Mr Poppy, I think there might be a baby.
- What?
- There's a baby in the back.
Wow!
It's a little baby...
Aw, you're beautiful.
He's got chubby cheeks.
Hey!
Hello, little baby.
- Whose baby is this?
- Not mine.
Not mine.
I don't even have a baby.
I can't believe you've done this.
I didn't do it.
- This is really serious.
- It's got nothing to do with me.
Mr Peterson, it's a sign.
- Yes!
- It's a sign we're in a lot of trouble.
Oh, look, there's a letter.
What does it say?
"Heard you needed a baby
for Song For Christmas.
I hope I'm all right for you. "
You're more than all right.
This baby's gorgeous.
Oh, this is the best Christmas ever.
You're right, Mr Peterson.
it is the best Christmas ever.
I was being sarcastic.
You're going to help us
win Song For Christmas.
Yes, you are.
Sure you know where you're going,
Mr Poppy?
I haven't seen a sign for miles.
I know the way. It's fine.
You just need to trust me.
- Mr Poppy.
- It's this way.
- Mr Poppy.
- It's this way!
Mr Poppy, look!
Sleigh Ride
- Woo-hoo!
- What's happening?
We're swimming!
- What do you mean?
- It's a duck bus.
How cool is this?
Hey, kids,
can anyone see any sharks?
I get seasick.
Hey, everybody, look for the castle.
What's up now?
The thing's stopped working.
The needle on the thing.
- What does that mean?
- It's stopped. The needle's going down.
It's not going.
We're out of fuel?
Well, if I just give it
a bit more of a pump...
You didn't fill it up with petrol!
So we're stuck.
Everybody ready? Off the bus.
Mister Santa
Oh! OK.
Get your ukuleles.
And your bags.
It's all right, you can jump.
Ooh, agh!
All right, thank you,
thank you, Mr Poppy.
Right. Come on, everybody.
You don't know it's over there.
This is... brilliant!
This is ridiculous. This is... Wait!
How's the baby? Is the baby getting wet?
The baby's fine.
Whoa! Whoa!
- Mr Poppy!
- Whoa!
Oh, it's a bit slippy.
And watch out for the crocodiles.
Yay!
- Who's coming next?
- Me!
No, I know, I know.
It's all right. It's all right.
- Just breathe.
- Mr Poppy.
- Be back for you in a minute.
- Mr Poppy!
Oh, wow!
- A donkey!
- Aww.
Hello, donkey.
It's probably a sign, Mr Peterson.
It's not a sign. It's a donkey.
Well, it can help us carry Mary.
We can't just take this donkey.
It'll be somebody's property.
Maybe it's trying to show us the way.
Do you know the way?
I think we've found ourselves
a magic donkey.
Really?
- Ready, Mary?
- Yeah.
- Ready, everyone else?
- Yeah.
Come on, then, donkey.
OK, let's go.
Let's follow the magic talking donkey.
Wow.
Well, this is it,
Oakmoorians.
This is our destiny.
This is the seat of kings
and the site of many battles
and we are going to win.
We are going to win
the Song For Christmas!
All right. To the castle.
Gracie, lead the line.
Grace, stop. Stop, stop.
Where's Elena?
Where's Elena?
Wh... Where? Where's Elena?
When did you see her last?
The toilets, sir.
Was anybody looking to make sure
she was getting back on the bus?
We were too busy
turning round the sign, sir.
Shut up.
Now, we mustn't let this distract us.
Keep coming through. Come on.
- Don't ever say that again.
- Win, win, win when we sing, sing, sing.
Win, win, win when we sing, sing, sing.
Why are you stopping? Keep going.
Why are you...?
That's St Cuthbert's.
Eyes front.
It's Roderick.
Angel Matthews, please make your way
to the Great Hall. Thank you.
Rhys, Angel is entering the
Great Hall now. Over.
Angel.
Roderick, it's so wonderful
to have you here.
- Marvellous to see you.
- Thank you so much.
Thank you so much.
To have a world-renowned conductor
like you here is...
It's beyond words. I am humbled.
Me being here is not about the MBEs
and the Grammys.
I'm here as a contestant
like anybody else.
I know exactly what you're saying.
- I want to make it plain.
- Mm-hm.
I don't expect any... favouring
of our group,
any sway that you might have
over the judging panel.
We expect to win by merit alone.
Of course. Absolutely.
I know you're a man of integrity.
Miss Matthews. Um, sorry. Um...
Rhys, could you please deal with
the gentleman?
A bit concerned I don't have
a private space backstage.
Would that be something we can sort out?
- Could you show me?
- Of course. It's just down here.
Terrific. Thank you.
So it's Oakmoor Primary School.
What was your name, sir?
I'm Shakespeare.
Where's our dressing
rooms and everything?
- It'll be a shared space but...
- A shared space?
- Yes.
- You're not providing us -
Oakmoor school -
with the chance that other schools
are getting.
- I'm merely trying to...
- I've got your number, Poirot.
Don't try it on with me.
Come on. Let's go.
Get away from all this fleece and fluff.
I've never seen so much pink.
You'll get static on you.
Welcome to Song For Christmas.
What's the name of your group?
The Christmas Puddings.
- Mr Peterson?
- Yeah.
I think baby's done a do-do.
It really stinks.
Look. Let's try that barn.
Change the baby and get out of this rain.
Go on. Let's go.
- Wales?
- A Song For Christmas?
They are expecting them for a sound check,
for which they are five hours late.
When they get there,
they will contact me immediately.
You have a school party out there
with two teachers
and you have no references
to where they are?
What sort of ship are you running here?
A very tight ship, Mr Peterson,
until your son arrived.
Sorry to disturb you, Mrs Bevan.
Some parents are waiting in the hall.
Good afternoon, everyone.
Thank you so much for waiting.
It appears that they are in transit
at the moment.
- To Wales.
- Wales?
I think you owe it
to everybody in this room
to give them a clear plan
of what you intend to do.
We're going to go down there.
We're going to be there when they arrive.
If they arrive.
If they don't arrive,
we'll go and search for them
and we will not let one hair
on their heads be harmed.
I'm sorry. I don't want to add to
any of the trouble.
Yes?
They might have a baby with them.
- A baby.
- My baby.
Come on. Come on.
You're a bit stinky, aren't you?
I think you've done
quite a lot of poo-poos.
- All right?
- I thought you might want to...
- ...change him.
- Really?
You're going to have
to do a lot of this.
A lot of nappies and poo and wee.
Sick.
Yeah. OK.
OK.
Oh!
Urrrgh!
That is fierce.
Whoa! Urgh!
Tommy, can you throw your hat over?
Oh!
Sorry, Tommy.
- Anyone got any scarves?
- Check 'em over.
Wrap it under.
Are you really having
a baby, Mr Peterson?
- Yeah.
- What are you having? A boy or a girl?
- We don't know yet.
- It could be an inbetweenie.
- I don't think you get them.
- Yes, you do, yeah.
Who do you prefer? Mummy?
Or Daddy?
Mummy...
or Daddy?
Mum-my? Or Daddy?
Whoa! Boats.
Children! Baby's found some boats.
Come over.
We could use the boats
to go down the stream.
We're walking that way anyway.
No, no, no, no. We'll never get
the donkey in the boat.
- Donkeys can fly.
- What?
- Donkeys can fly, can't they?
- Yeah!
- They'll say yes to anything you say.
- No, they won't.
- Try it. Go on.
- Who wants to be eaten by a shark?
No.
- That's the exception.
- I rest my case.
That's the exception
that proves the rule.
They only say yes
to things they want to do.
They want to do this, so buckle up.
Let's go!
- We don't have a helmet for the baby.
- Babies don't need helmets.
- They do.
- They don't. They bounce.
- I fell off a table when I was a baby.
- That explains quite a lot, frankly.
- Let baby decide.
- What?
If baby claps, we go on the boats.
No! No, no, no.
Clap hands, Baby.
That's cheating.
It's not going to happen. Is it?
- Thank you.
- Trust me.
Ahhhh!
Hold on tight, Mr Peterson.
Mr Peterson, you doughnut,
try and keep up.
There's a rock!
Ah!
No! Ah!
Ah! Arrh!
Hold on!
Mr Poppy!
- I don't like this.
- Mr Peterson, it's brilliant.
Yeah!
Oh! Ah! Oh! Mr Poppy!
Mr Peterson, what are you doing?
Argh!
Come on!
Get me out!
Get me out! Get me out!
Why did you decide to jump in?
We haven't got time for leisurely swims.
I didn't jump in.
I fell! Ah!
We need to get going, Mr Peterson.
We can't just dally about.
I nearly drowned!
You didn't drown. You're fine.
You're just a bit wet.
Shake it off like a dog.
What have you done to me?
What have you done?
I nearly died in a river
in the middle of nowhere because of you.
Look! It's the donkey.
Wow!
How did you get here?
How did you get here?
How did you get here?
- Ha, ha, ha.
- We could have walked.
Come on. Let's go to the castle.
Hello, magic donkey.
You flew here, didn't you?
I told you he could fly!
if you long to give to somebody else
It's probably Christmas time
- I'm soaking wet.
- We'll find somewhere you can dry off.
Calm down.
- Mr Poppy, there's a cave.
- Shall we go in?
- Yes!
- Why would we go in there?
- Pixie, do you want to go in the cave?
- Yeah!
Come on, everybody.
Let's go in the cave.
Come on, then, you.
Wow. It looks brilliant in here.
Come on.
I don't want to go in the cave either,
Mr Peterson.
No, I don't fancy it much.
- Who wants to build a fire?
- Me!
- Are you scared of the dark?
- Yes.
- I'll do it if you will.
- OK.
- Deal?
- Yeah.
OK. You go first, then.
Mother, Father
Sister, brothers
Let all that I have be yours
What's yours is mine...
Oh, wicked!
What do you think, Mr Peterson?
Very nice, yeah.
- You still as frightened?
- I wasn't frightened anyway.
It was...
I wanted to make sure it was all right.
We've saved you some spaces.
Dressing up in your Sunday best
You're blessed and it's Christmas time
Must be it's Christmas time
- I'm sorry.
- What for?
I didn't realise that you were
so frightened of water.
My dad used to...
He had this thing about
toughening us up.
One of his brilliant plans was
he'd take us swimming every week
and chuck us in the deep end.
He had this real fixation with
holding your breath for a long time.
I think he thought the longer
you could hold your breath,
the more of a man you were.
So he'd hold us under water.
It worked for Roderick.
Just made me scared.
Dads are rubbish, aren't they?
I never even got to meet mine.
Oh, I'm sorry.
When I was little, I used to pretend
my dad was Father Christmas.
One Christmas I stayed up all night
hoping he was going to come
but he never arrived.
Like Tommy. We're both still waiting.
You can have my dad if you like.
I don't want him.
Sssh.
Sssh.
I've got to speak to my wife.
She doesn't know where we are.
Mr Peterson.
I really hope you don't mind
but I kept this back for emergencies.
You've had a phone in that bag
this whole time?
Yeah.
I thought you might like to call
your wife...
I cannot believe you.
There's no signal. Take the baby.
Ssh.
I'm going outside.
Mr Poppy, is Father Christmas
really your dad?
I wish he was.
But I don't think so.
strumming
When I was a boy
I dreamed he'd find me
Fall down from the sky
To come and guide me
Take me by the hand of life
And show me all he's learned
Everybody's got a dad but me
It's my phone.
- Sarah, it's me.
- Donald?
- Donald?!
- Sarah?
Donald?
Oh, man.
I need a dad to keep the demons
from my door
- I need a dad to stand beside me
- Oh! Oh!
- Hello?
- Sarah! It's me.
- Donald, I love you.
- I love you.
- I don't know if you can hear me.
- That idiot!
Still beating for
The silly fool has finally
got himself lost.
- What does he think he's doing?
- No idea.
I still dream he'll find me
Catch me if he can
The ties still bind me
Lead me down the rocky road
And show me who I am
Sarah!
Sarah, please wait. Wait!
Why?
The whole of your life
all you've ever done is put him down.
No wonder he's panicking about
how good a father he's going to be.
You're the only example that he's had.
You go back in there with Roderick,
your favourite son.
I'm going to find my husband.
Everybody's got a dad but me
Everybody's got a dad but me
Right, Oakmoorians, this is it.
What I'm looking - one or two of you
to nip down the corridor
and see if we can find out exactly
what these other acts are about.
Let's have a look.
Ah. Snow Angels.
This is Lloyd and his Snowballs.
I heard them singing in the corridor.
- What were they like?
- He's as good as Justin Bieber.
- Justin Beaver? Who's that?
- He's a singer, Mr Shakespeare.
Well, we must have a Justin Beaver.
- Sam, you could do that, couldn't you?
- Yes.
- Do you know any of his moves?
- No.
But when he swishes his hair
the girls go crazy.
Swish your hair for me.
Throw some shapes.
That's it! You've got it.
You can be our Justin Beaver. Excellent.
Angels, Christmas Fairies, Puddings,
Christmas Joy...
We can beat all of them, can't we?
We've got Justin Beaver.
Now, let's sing our winning
Christmas song.
When you're poor at Christmas
When you're down and...
Hello. Hi. So great to meet you.
Um, extraordinary to meet you.
I can't believe I've got a poster
on my wall.
Would you vacate this room, please?
Sorry?
As soon as possible, please.
The boys need to prepare.
With all due respect,
my children need to prepare as well.
This is not your room.
Would you leave, please?
It's got a star on the door
so it's obviously our room.
- Come on.
- No, Scott. Don't move.
Sam, don't move.
Crispin,
can you alert security?
I see. It's just one rule for one,
and one rule for another.
- Can you remove these, please?
- All right, I'll take them.
Sebastian, can...
Can I just say.
Yes, I've got your poster on my wall.
You should have my poster on your wall.
That Angel Matthews, the way she looked
at me - or didn't look at me -
I was disgusted.
It's just too much.
All my life I've tried to do well.
Tried to gain respect,
conduct myself with dignity,
behave impeccably, be an inspiration.
- I'm Shakespeare.
- Let the small man through, boys.
I'm Gordon Shakespeare.
With the emphasis
on the Shakespeare.
We've got Justin Beaver in our team,
don't you worry.
Ignore the silly little man.
OK, boys, it's time.
Inhale success.
Exhale doubt.
Inhale.
Hold that breath.
Hold... that... breath.
Sound check, sound check,
sound check.
One, two, three.
One two, three.
Name's Angel Matthews.
That normally gets a big laugh.
Of course,
everybody does know who I am.
Oh, holy night
While stars are brightly shining
She just won't shut up.
How long's this going on for?
Little wave and off.
Angel has left the stage. Thank you.
We're just going to run through
our number.
No photography in the auditorium, please.
Not during our rehearsal.
Hear the good news
Sent from on high
Glory to God
A new king is nigh
We celebrate the coming of a baby boy
We celebrate a light across the world
Rejoice, rejoice,
a saviour born to hear our song
To right the wrongs
A joy across the world
Joy of joy
r Joy of joy!
King of kings
King of kings!
Peace and joy
Peace and joy!
Joy!
Joy! Joy!
Joy!
Joy!
Yeah.
Shut up. Shut up. Stop it.
We're ready for your group
to do your sound check.
Thank you.
My team, come on.
Boys, girls, Grace, some on. Jessica.
When you're poor at Christmas
When you're down and out
When you've no food left to eat
And you've no shoes on your feet
And there's nothing in your sack,
nothing and nowt
There's no magic at Christmas...
- It's very musical theatre, isn't it?
- Oh, in the worst possible sense.
- Lowest common denominator.
- Derivative, yeah.
The audiences love this kind of thing.
Really?
Christmas ain't for paupers
Not for scum like us
No nice presents to unwrap
Just a bin bag full of rubbish
And a big spot on your chin
oozing with pus
Happy Christmas!
Christmas comes but once a year,
but not for these boys and girls,
I fear.
Not for them are those Christmas pies.
Christmas is... a pack of lies! Ha!
Where is Christmas?
Hiding underneath the tree?
But this kind of... sentimentality...
...it's rather rewarded, is it?
A little boy in a hat and glasses,
singing his little heart out.
That's what wins prizes, I'm afraid.
Ah.
Could it be that Christmas
has abandoned me?
Cold and hungry, cold and hungry
Cold and hungry, cold and hungry
Cold and hungry, cold and hungry
Merry Christmas.
Solo like that could really win you
the competition, Roderick.
Really?
And they're definitely on after us
in the running order, yes?
Yes, that's right. They are.
Interesting.
Mr Peterson, it could go...
I'll just stop here for five minutes.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Why are we stopping? We've got to go.
Listen. We need to properly talk
about what we do next.
- What do you mean?
- These children are cold and tired.
- The children are fine.
- It'll be very dark very soon.
And then we'll be stuck.
Jessie and Pixie are passing out.
- Yeah.
- Jessie and Pixie are my children.
- I know all about them!
- Mr Poppy, they are not your children.
You're a classroom assistant
and you're not a very good
classroom assistant
because you've led these children
to the middle of nowhere and now what?
This is not a great big adventure.
This is serious and we're in trouble.
I'd like to think that you were gonna
help us get out of here.
But, frankly, so far I've seen nothing
but irresponsibility.
So grow up, stop behaving like a child,
and help me to sort this out.
Do you know who you sound like,
Mr Peterson?
Your dad.
That is...
I don't think I'll ever
get a best friend.
I'll be your best friend.
But you'll just leave,
like everyone else.
You'll leave school and move on.
I need a friend I can be with forever.
A forever friend.
I'll be your friend forever.
- Really?
- Yep.
Your best friend.
What's that, Mr Peterson?
Oh, it's just a little thing
my mummy gave me, a long time ago.
That's my brother. We're twins.
He's got the other half.
Well, at least he used to.
When you put it together,
it makes a heart.
But we don't really see each other
any more, me and my brother. No.
Did you have an argument
like you just did with Mr Poppy?
Not really an argument.
We were just...
...very different types of people.
I think you should say
sorry to Mr Poppy.
Yeah, maybe I should.
I'm not very good at saying sorry.
Come on, Mr Peterson.
Oh, all right.
Oh, shh. He's coming.
- I'm not speaking to him.
- OK.
I'm gonna do all my
speaking through you.
Pixie has convinced me
that perhaps I snapped a little,
and I've come to apologise.
Tell Mr Peterson
I've just had about enough
of him making promises
and then breaking them.
Mr Poppy's had enough of you
promising promises and breaking promises.
It's not exactly what I said,
but it'll do.
Pixie, can you convince Mr Poppy
that I'm genuinely sorry?
Mr Peterson says
that he's convenuinely sorry.
Jessie, can you ask Mr Poppy
where the baby is?
- Cleo, have you got the baby?
- Yeah, but I gave it to Sadie.
- Sadie, have you got the baby.
- I gave it to Elena.
- Who's got the baby?
- Where is the baby?
- Where's the baby?
- We can't have lost the baby.
Baby!
Mr Peterson, I'm really,
really sorry.
I should never have taken the class,
escaped from school, and got to...
Mr Poppy. That's not helping.
Ba-by!
- Baby!
- Ba-by!
Hey, Louise.
You had us scared to death.
Did you bring this baby today?
I just thought she'd like to be in
the Song For Christmas.
Oh, Louise.
Mr Peterson!
Hey, look.
- Look, we've found her.
- He's found the baby!
That's too high! Goodness sakes!
Shh. Mr Poppy.
- We're in this mountain range here, yeah?
- Yeah.
- The castle is just over that mountain.
- Just over there.
- Well, we can't climb that mountain.
- Yes, we can.
Isn't there a way round the side?
We haven't got time
to go around the side, Mr Peterson.
We're gonna have to go over.
Yes, we can climb the mountain
If we all share the load
Yes we can reach the summit
at the end of the road
If we lift our hearts to heaven
And reach out for the stars
Yes, we can climb the mountain
Cos the mountain is ours
Let the white winter weather
Try and hinder our climb
Yes, we can climb the mountain
Because it's Christmas time
It's Christmas time
I can see the castle!
Whoa.
Right, come on.
Let's get back from the edge.
Stay back, everyone.
We've got to turn back.
We've got to go back the way we came.
- We can't go back.
- Well, we can't fly off that.
- We've got to get to Song For Christmas.
- We can't fly off the cliff!
So we're not going to
Song For Christmas?
- Please, Mr Peterson.
- We can't... We can't fly. I'm sorry.
- Please, Mr Peterson.
- Look...
if you've got a way to get down
this cliff, we can talk about it.
It's not about us having a way,
is it, Mr Peterson?
You don't believe in
any way we do,
because you're always down on
everything I suggest.
- OK. Tell me how we're gonna do it.
- I've got a rope, actually.
Look, do you really believe we can suspend
14 children, a baby and a donkey
off the side of this mountain?
The problem is, Mr Peterson,
is you don't believe we can.
- Yes, we can, Mr Peterson.
- Yes, we can, Mr Peterson.
- Yes, we can, Mr Peterson.
- Yes, we can, Mr Peterson.
- Yes, we can, Mr Peterson.
- Yes, we can, Mr Peterson.
Yes, we can, Mr Peterson.
Tommy! Brilliant!
- Do you believe, Mr Peterson?
- Not really.
- Oh!
- But I'm willing to give it a go.
- Don't push your luck.
- Get the rope!
- You're fine.
- This is awesome!
Don't look down!
That's it.
- Hold on to the rope. That's it.
- Whoa!
Hold on. Steady. Steady.
Are you all right, Bill?
Careful.
Careful!
Are you all right, Lucy?
- Get the rope.
- Yeah, I've got it. No!
Whoa!
Don't let go!
Concentrate on the rope!
- I'm communicating with the donkey.
- It's heavy!
- Go, Tommy.
- Steady.
- You're fine.
- My whole strength. That's all I've got.
- Well, hold it tight. I'm losing grip.
- I'm holding it tight.
Whoa! Whoa! Tommy!
Tommy!
Tommy, are you OK?
Just hold on.
- Is everyone all right.
- Yes.
- Tommy!
- Just...
Just stay there. You're fine.
Keep looking up.
You have to go down there, Mr Peterson.
- I can't go down there.
- You have to go down.
- Well, why can't you do it?
- Because you're the teacher.
This is your moment, Mr Peterson.
You've got to go down there.
I'll spot you.
I'll hold the rope.
All right. All right, tie me off.
Come on.
- Tommy!
- Everything's gonna be fine.
You can do it, Mr Peterson.
All right?
Mr Peterson's coming down.
Slowly. Slowly.
Tommy, I'm nearly with you.
Tommy. It's gonna be all right.
Hang on in there.
OK, a bit lower.
That's it.
OK. Reach out.
Take my hand.
Take my hand.
That's it. I've got you.
OK, I've got you. I've got you.
You're not gonna fall.
You're gonna be OK. All right?
I've got you.
I've got him!
What's that?
Get their attention!
It's a helicopter.
It's gonna be all right, Tommy.
You're gonna be all right.
There they are!
Straight down there!
We need to put a line down.
Hold on!
Just hold on!
- Sarah!
- Donald!
My wife!
That's my wife!
I love you!
I love you too!
Grab hold!
You're gonna have to trust me
and come with me.
Here it comes.
One... two... three... go!
Grab hold!
Woo-hoo!
Fly!
Mr Poppy, can I come down now, please?
I love you, Mr Peterson!
We did it!
Whoo!
Right... to the castle!
And now please welcome to the stage
the voice of an angel-
Miss Angel Matthews!
Thank you. Thank you.
Hello.
Welcome to Castle Llawen
and the event of the year -
A Song For Christmas.
- Stay close. Good evening.
- Hi, there.
I need to speak to St Bernadette's.
I believe them to be here
and I believe there to be
14 abducted children and a baby.
- I'm afraid they're not here.
- I must look.
- Excuse me.
- I can't let you through, madam.
- You have to let me through.
- Unless you're registered...
This is a matter for the police
unless you move.
Where's your tie?
Smarten yourself up.
I didn't bring a tie,
but I can't let you through, madam...
This year, as every year,
we're looking for that special song
that embodies the spirit of Christmas.
I don't need to remind you
of what the prizes are.
They are phenomenal.
10,000.
A chance to record a record
with United World Music
and also a shot
at the Christmas number one -
and you can't put a price on that.
I know, cos I've had one.
And a number seven the next year.
So without further ado,
I would like to introduce to you
our esteemed panel.
From the world of opera,
Marina Scalachi, ladies and gentlemen.
From the West End stage,
Fangella Robinson.
Clark Dickinson,
the CEO of United World Music.
He's the one writing the cheques.
He's a lovely guy. Hey, Clark.
And Welsh Radio Personality Of The Year,
Jay Dean.
We love you, Jay Dean. Don't we?
He's got a great personality.
So, first up, it's the Christmas Puddings
singing Christmas Is For Crackers.
Christmas is for crackers
on the Christmas tree
Christmas is for kisses
that you give to me
Christmas is the footprints
in the fluffy snow
Christmas is the hanging
of the mistletoe...
- Mr Peterson?
- Yeah?
You know that feeling when you're really
looking forward to something
and it finally happens
and you feel a little tiny bit sick?
Mr Poppy, don't get cold feet now.
Not after everything we've been through.
We're here. We've made it.
It's a feeling you can't explain
Walking off your dinner
down a frosty lane
Singing a carol in the silent night
And back to stuff
your super-sizing appetite...
- We're here for Song For Christmas.
- St Bernadette's.
You've missed registration.
The show has begun.
- The show can only just have begun.
- Let us in!
We really wanna win Song For Christmas.
I'm afraid the rules state
no late entries.
- There's nothing I can do. I'm sorry.
- Mr Peterson!
I've tied the donkey up outside
and it's pooing all over the front steps!
Donkey? Poo?
Everybody, run.
Let's go. Let's go. Come on.
Quick!
Christmas is for Santa
and for Christmas pud
Christmas is for laughter
and for feeling good
Christmas is the only time
to fall in love
And that's why we call it
merry Christmas
And that's why we call it
merry Christmas
Merry Christmas, everybody!
- OK, come on. Come on.
- Where do we go? That way or that way?
- Oh, Donald!
- Baby!
Whoa!
- Mrs Peterson!
- Hey, hey, all right. All right.
- Desmond, thank you.
- I saw you in the helicopter.
- How's the baby?
- The baby's fine.
I was so worried about you.
Quick! Come on.
Come on, everyone. This way.
- Guys, I've found this place.
- Quick!
Come on! You can get changed in here.
- Brilliant.
- Quick! Before they see us.
And now for something
that's really gonna get you boppin'.
It's not my cup of tea,
but if you like Jason Bieber,
you're gonna love Lloyd And The Snowballs
singing Snow Angel.
Pickin' her up at eight
Calls me from the telephone
Says she's gonna be late
Cos she can't get home
Blizzard's comin' in
White skies up above
Says she's all snowed in
That's the end of love
Well, she's my snow angel
Pure as the driven snow
Yes, she's my snow angel
Come on, baby, let's go
Together we'll take things high
Run right through the sky
Snow angel
Be mine tonight...
You've got a few more places
before you're due to go on.
- We're on the programme.
- Yes.
- I feel sick. I don't want to do it.
- I've got butterflies, Mr Poppy.
- Why have you got butterflies?
- Cos I'm just so nervous and tense.
Hey, everybody.
- Whoa.
- Yes!
The luck's back.
Well, she's my snow angel
Pure as the driven snow
Yeah, she's my snow angel
Come on, baby, let's go
Together we'll take things high
Run right through the sky...
Boys, we're going to entertain
a slight alteration to our piece.
Are we going to cheat, Mr Peterson?
We do not cheat. We succeed.
Well, she's my snow angel
Snow angel
She's my snow angel
Snow angel
Together we'll take things high
Run right through the sky
Snow angel
Be mine tonight
- What now?
- Where are they? Where are my children?
I have no idea. Who are you?
Where is Mr Poppy and the 14 children
and the missing baby that you abducted?
- Anyone around?
- Are they in there?
- Hello! Can someone help me here?
- Can somebody call the police?
And next up, all the way from Ireland,
is An Irish Christmas
singing The Spirit Of The Trees.
- Madam, madam, please!
- Get off me!
Oh! Oh!
It's all right. Sorry about this.
Snow, snow is falling
Over the hill
Snow, snow is falling
Christmas is here
- Oh, what...?
- Urgh!
What's that stink?
Ohhh!
- Is it?
- Oh, yeah.
Elena, can you give me your scarf?
Mr Peterson, I'm going to go
and find a little place to change her.
I'll be back in a minute. Do not move.
All must come and all must learn
Christmas will for 'er return
Christmas come, so bang the drum
Christmas is here
Hey!
Go on, boys.
- Mr Peterson.
- Yes?
It's OK, I've changed her.
Ha! What are you doing?
You look ridiculous.
Why are you wearing that?
Because I'm about to step on stage.
- About to go on stage now?
- Of course.
God. You take the baby.
I'll go and get the children.
I'll be two seconds.
Bells ring out
Bells ring out
Christmas joy is here
Hey!
How did you get up here so quickly?
I've been up here learning the song.
You looked better
with the dicky bow and smart suit.
I've been up here the whole time.
What have you done with the baby?
I gave the baby to you.
No.
Roderick!
Right, we've got to save the baby.
We've got to save the baby right now.
Go, fairies
Yeah, yeah
Christmas fairies
Come here to me
Yeah, yeah
Go, fairies
Come to me, you pretty things
And let me ride your fairy wings
Give me wishes all night long
And sing to me your fairy song
Oh, oh, oh, Mrs Bevan!
Get away, you!
Changed your clothes again,
have you, smarty pants?
That's his twin Roderick.
I'll explain everything very soon,
I promise.
We've got to find Roderick and the baby.
Wait.
- Can you just tell me off after the show?
- Desmond, stop it!
I may not have any children of my own
but you are the nearest thing
and I've missed you
and I love you.
Oh!
Thanks, Auntie Pat.
Wishes, wishes
Little fairy wishes
We can give you all our tiny kisses
Wishes, wishes
Little fairy spell
Put you in our Christmas wishing well
That's our baby.
Thank you.
What a lovely surprise.
What are you doing here?
Well, right now I'm just recovering
the baby you kidnapped.
You've got the baby.
Whoa!
We're taking that baby back now.
Apparently the judges are rather tempted
by that kind of mawkish sentimentality.
This is not your baby
and you're not taking it from us.
Donald, I can take anything I want
from you. Give me the baby.
- Boys.
- No, no. No, you're not.
- Don't try and intimidate us...
- I'm not moving.
- ...With a dead eye.
- Take the baby.
Get back!
Give me your number,
call me, little fairy
You don't get our number,
we're too wary
Give me your number, you look good
Fairies don't give numbers
to boyz in the hood
Yeah
Come to me, you pretty things...
- Lock them in.
And let me ride your fairy wings
Give me wishes all night long
And sing to me your fairy song
Go fairies
Let us out! Let us out! Hey!
- Merry Christmas, darling brother.
- Roderick!
Roderick.
Can I help you?
Christmas is a time when we all start to
think about the real meaning of Advent.
Chocolates on the calendar.
Last-minute shopping on the internet.
Little boys and girls
looking out of the window,
wondering if Santa's
going to bring them that toy
they've been wanting all year round.
So now, without further ado...
Bring it up, bring it up.
...I would like to introduce to you
Shane and the Calendar Girls
singing Counting Down For Christmas.
You can keep your peace on Earth.
You can keep your holy birth.
Keep your frankincense and myrrh.
Christmas cheer... what's that worth?
I want something I can use.
Designer clothes or groovy shoes.
I want diamonds big and rough.
All I want is Christmas stuff
Counting down to Christmas every day
24 windows to go
Hoping that we're going to get stuff,
ho,ho,ho
Holding out for Santa, ho, ho, ho
Counting down to
Christmas all the way
Feeling kind of glad I'm alive
Waiting for my stuff to arrive
Hope I get a fast car I can drive
You can keep your peace on Earth
You can keep your holy birth
Keep your frankincense and myrrh
I want something with some worth
I want diamonds big and rough
Never stop, it's not enough
All I want for Christmas
Is Christmas stuff
Yeah, yeah
Oh, oh
Merry Christmas, everybody.
Oh, that was wonderful. Well done.
That's lovely. Aw.
Well, no-one likes a show-off, do they?
So, it is with great
pleasure and humility
that I introduce to you
a choir that is in my opinion
the best choir on the stage tonight.
St Cuthbert's.
They are singing Peace And Joy.
Enjoy.
Hear the good news
Sent from on high
Glory to God
A new king is nigh
We celebrate with peace and joy
The coming of a baby boy
We celebrate
A light across the world
Rejoice, rejoice, our hearts are strong
A saviour born to hear our song
To right the rights of all that's wrong
A joy across the world
Joy of joy
King of kings
Peace and joy
Peace and joy
Joy! Joy!
Joy! Joy!
Joy!
Where is Christmas?
Hiding underneath the tree?
- That's my song.
That... That's...
Christmas is coming to everyone but me
Where is Christmas?
Where is she?
Can it be that Christmas
has abandoned me?
Joy of joy
Joy of joy
King of kings
King of kings
Peace and joy
Peace and joy
Joy! Joy!
Joy! Joy!
Joy!
Wow, wow, wow!
Or in other words, game over.
Roderick Peterson OBE.
Mr Shakespeare!
Mr Shakespeare!
Mr Poppy, they've stolen my song!
St Cuthbert's locked
us in here!
Look, we can't get out.
Could you let us out?
So, without further ado,
I'd like to introduce the next act.
Though I'm not sure there's much point
in them coming out on stage after that.
Stay in your dressing rooms.
No, I'm only joking.
All the way from Coventry,
it's St Bernadette's.
I'm sorry.
Actually, they have been disqualified.
You've been disqualified.
How did that happen?
Um, it's Oakmoor Choir,
singing A Dickens Christmas.
Follow that!
You can be Oakmoor.
Pretend to be us. Take out place.
Just go on there.
Just beat that Roderick!
Hideous man.
Yeah, we'll beat him. Push us on.
Come on, guys. It's Shakespeare's Globe!
Yes!
Used to be afraid of my own shadow
Used to think I'd never make the grade
Too scared to even dream the dream
Unsure of everything it means
But now my hopes are high,
my life has changed
So bring on all your distant horizons
Make your climb just as steep
as the skies
Yes, we can climb the mountain
if we all share the load
Yes, we can reach the summit
at the end of the road
If we lift our hearts to heaven
And reach out for the stars
Yes, we can climb the mountain
cos the mountain is ours
The mountain is ours
Yes, we can, I'm sure we can
Never had too much belief in Christmas
Never had a Christmas wish come true
Never quite believed in why
a baby born into a sty
Should have a thing
to do with me or you
But now I feel the magic around me
And the stars shining down
light the way
Yes, we can feel the loving
and the hope on the way
Yes, we can keep on climbing
till the end of the day
Let the white winter weather
try and hinder our climb
Yes, we can climb the mountain
because it's Christmas time
It's Christmas time
This is our last Christmas together
We're going to make it last for ever
But don't forget about the baby
who was born in the hay
He was born in the hay
You want your big Christmas Day
You want your Santa and sleigh
But don't forget about the baby
who was born in the hay
He was born in the hay
Come on, Oakmoor,
unzip the back.
One, two, three, four!
Christmas tinsel and jingle bells
Presents beneath the tree
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Father Christmas and his little elves
Making stuff for you and stuff for me
Christmas magic, it wouldn't exist
A reindeer in the snow,
no,no,no,no
if Angel Gaby hadn't tried to resist
On something only he could know
You want your big Christmas Day
You want your Santa and sleigh
But don't forget about the baby
who was born in the hay
He was born in the hay
Danger danger in the manger
Don't give baby to a stranger
Nasty Herod on his way,
hide the baby in the hay
Don't be a sheep, just be a King
You want your big Christmas Day
You want your Santa and sleigh
But don't forget about the baby
who was born in the hay
He was born in the hay
He was born in the hay
He was born in the...
He was born in the hay
I've got it! I've got it!
Congratulations!
Congratulations!
- Yay! Oh, baby!
- You were amazing!
- Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
- All right.
Brilliant, wasn't it!
For the last few hours, we've been
trying to find you, you stupid boy.
We did an encore.
I don't know if you saw that, big man.
- But we did an encore out there.
- Who is this village idiot?
This is Mr Poppy,
and he's the one who wrote the song.
Oh, really?
Is that what you call it?
Which one? The first or the second?
Cos we did two.
Yeah, we did...
We're still going to
win the competition.
You know what?
Oh, I'm sure you are gonna win.
And I hope you take the prize
and I hope you shove it up your nose!
We went out there and had fun!
And that might not be important to you,
Roderick,
and it might not add up to all your OBEs,
and all your reviews in newspapers,
and all your international prizes,
but having fun
is pretty blooming important!
There is no need to be so
patronising to your brother.
Shut up!
How dare you speak
to your father like that?!
I dare! I dare to tell you to shut up!
And you!
- Both of you.
- Can I have a go?
- Yeah, go on.
- Shut up!
- And you shut up.
- I don't need you any more.
I've got a proper family now.
Look. And a baby on the way.
This is my family.
Yeah. Yeah.
And he's my family.
This... This stupid, crazy man
dressed like a star
who talks nonsense
and drives buses that swim
and gets us
stranded on mountains
and nearly drowns me in a river.
He, in one day, has been more of
a brother to me than you have ever been!
Can you please keep your voices down!
Oh, you can shut up, too!
Roderick, what's going on here?
Angel, you'll have to call security.
They have been disqualified
and are refusing to leave.
- Right, right. Rhys, Rhys.
- No! No!
Jahh!
Don't bother calling security.
We're leaving, very happily,
with dignity and our heads held high.
Good night, good luck,
merry Christmas,
thank you very much.
As of now, you are officially banned
from the building.
If you are found,
you will be arrested.
Get out of the way!
Can I just say
lam a huge fan of your work.
- Can I get an autograph?
- Go on, then. Have you got a pen?
- Have you got a pen?
- Poppy!
I can post it.
Cheer up, it's Christmas!
I'm gonna need a jab.
OK, so what an evening it's been,
ladies and gentlemen.
What an evening.
But now the moment of truth.
It's make-your-mind-up-time,
judges.
So while they come to the final -
and what some people feel
foregone - conclusion,
I'd like to share something with you.
Tonight, something very special
has happened here on the stage...
...and something very special
has happened here... in my heart.
And that's the spirit of Christmas.
We love you, Angel!
O, holy night
The stars are brightly shining...
- Oh!
- You all right?
- No, it's another one.
- Really?
Yes.
Here we go.
Good donkey. Good donkey.
That's it.
In sin and error pining
Till he appeared
And the soul felt its worth
- A thrill of hope...
- Follow me, everybody!
The weary world rejoices
As yonder breaks...
- Look! A barn.
A new and glorious morn
Fall on your knees
Breathe.
Oh, hear the angel voices
Oh, night
Divine...
Go on! Get in there!
- Roll the sleeves up!
- I can't do this.
Watch off.
- I'm going in.
- No.
- Fine.
- No, you're not. Get back here.
Divine
Oh, night...
- One, two, three...
Push! That's it!
Oh, here it comes. Here it comes.
Of faith serenely beaming
With glowing hearts
by his cradle we stand
O'er the world
A star is sweetly gleaming...
- What's wrong?
- Something's happening.
Now come the wise men
From out the Orient land...
- The baby's nearly there. Come on.
- OK.
Come on, you can do it.
I believe in you.
Lay thus lowly manger
In all our trials
Born to be our friends
- Oh!
He knows our need...
There's your mummy.
Our weakness is no stranger
O, night divine
The night when Christ was born
O, night...
Two of them?
The night...
- Come on in, Granddad.
This is amazing. Amazing.
Look, here's your granddad.
I'm really proud of you, Donald.
Really proud.
And now comes the moment
we've all been waiting for -
to crown the winners...
...of A Song For Christmas.
Rhys, I'm so excited.
I can't wait.
Right, thank you.
And...
.. the winners are...
St Cuth...
Oakmoor!
That's right?
Right, Oakmoor,
ladies and gentlemen.
Get out of the way!
- It wasn't even our song, sir.
- Shh. It doesn't matter.
Shut up. We've won. Yay!
I've won.
Yes!
I've won!
I've won! Whoo!
And so, on that magical night,
under the stars,
in a tumbledown barn,
the miracle of Christmas happened to me.
And, just as I'd hoped,
it really was the best Christmas ever.
Peace falls over the valley
Hearts are lifted with love
Joy falls into our lives
like a star from above in the valley
Everybody all over the world
Are you feeling this feeling tonight?
- Roddy.
Donald.
Well, it seems
congratulations are in order.
Yeah. Thank you.
And you're an uncle.
Yes. Yes, I am.
Twin boys.
Let's hope they get on a little better
than we've managed.
Yeah.
It would be nice...
...if perhaps we could get the family
together a little more often.
Yeah. I'd like that.
Mm.
Good.
Joy falls into our lives and makes
everything right in this valley
Everybody all over the world...
Thanks.
Merry Christmas.
It's all right if
the snow's coming down
And the blizzards engulf every town
Cos it's cold outside
But Hawaii in my heart this Christmas
This Christmas
It's all right if the snow
starts to fall
And the chill wind descends on us all
Cos it's cold outside
But Hawaii in my heart this Christmas
This Christmas
It's cold outside
But Hawaii in my heart tonight
Merry Christmas.
When Santa got stuck
up the chimney
Sorry. Who is it getting
stuck up there? Shnamna?
- Santa.
- Santa! Go on, then. Sing it.
When Santa got stuck
up the chimney
It's got... We're missing it, aren't we?
Oh, silent night
Holy night...
- Stop it there.
Yes, it's pathetic... in a very good way.
Um, Pixie,
what's your Christmas wish, Pixie?
I wish that it would be Christmas
every day.
I'm a little snowflake
We wish you a merry Christmas
We wish you a merry Christmas
You can go and sit down.
Why did the dog sit by the fire?
I don't know.
Why did the dog sit by the fire?
Because he wanted to be a hot dog.
I want you to be an elf.
Think of an elf. Picture that elf.
And then dance as that elf.
Ding-dong merrily on high
In heaven the bells are ringing
Why... on...
Why did the cow cross the road?
I don't know.
Why did the cow cross the road?
To go to the moo-vies.
- The what?
- Moooo-vies.
Back to the classrooms.
Hang your head in shame.
With th' angelic host proclaim
Christ is born in Bethlehem
Hark! The herald angels sing
Glory to the newborn king
Lewis, do you think that kind of singing
is gonna win The Song For Christmas?
- No, Mr Shakespeare.
- Nor do I. Sit down.
I do have a sad story
but I don't have a song or a dance.
We love sad stories.
Sad stories are the things
that inspire other things.
Um, my mum came home from work.
She went to my nanny's
and then she found out
that my nanny's dog died.
Counting down to Christmas every day
24 windows to go
Hoping that we're gonna get snow
Holding out for Santa, ho, ho, ho
Counting down to Christmas all the way
Feeling kind of glad I'm alive
Waiting for my stuff to arrive
I hope I get a fast car I can drive
You can keep your peace on Earth
You can keep your holy birth
Keep your frankincense and myrrh
I want something with some worth
I want diamonds big and rough
Never stop, it's not enough
All I want is Christmas stuff
Oh, counting down to Christmas...
Tis the season to be jolly,
fa-la la-la-la...
It's the most miserable "jolly"
I've ever seen.
Holding out for Santa, ho, ho, ho
Counting down to Christmas
all the way...
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Batman smells
Santa got stuck up the chimney
And then he lost his willy
Hoo-hoo! It's a bit blue!
You can keep your holy...
All is calm
All is bright
Let's see your eyes.
Round the virgin so...
Yes, all right, sit down.
I'll have to think about you.
All I want for Christmas...
Here we go. Christmas ain't for paupers.
Christmas ain't for paupers.
Now can you do it like
a working class person?
Christmas ain't for paupers.
Brilliant! It's so accurate.
You see, it's so authentic, that.
Did you feel it?
Twinkle, twinkle, little star
How I wonder what you are
Up above the world so high
Like a... star in the sky
Twinkle, twinkle, little star
How I wonder what you are
Wow!
Christmas is for crackers
on the Christmas tree
Christmas is for kisses
that you give to me
Christmas is the footprints
in the fluffy snow
Christmas is the hanging
of the mistletoe
Christmas is for stockings
that we like to fill
Christmas is for happiness
and all goodwill
Christmas means
I'm gonna need a slimmin' pill
And that's why we call it
merry Christmas
It's a feeling you can't explain
Walking off your dinner
down a frosty lane
Singing a carol in the silent night
And back to stuff
your super-sizing appetite
Christmas is for Santa
and for Christmas pud
Christmas is for laughter
and for feeling good
Christmas is the only time
to fall in love
And that's why we call it
merry Christmas
And that's why we call it
merry Christmas
Merry Christmas, everybody!