My first child died inside me,
inside my swollen womb.
The doctor said
it was her heart,
it wasn't growing
like it should've.
My mom said to me then
that death is not cruel,
death is a gift from god,
just as life is.
I told mom I wasn't so sure about god.
And then there was ed,
the still babe held tight
to his chest,
he looked thin and pale
as the underside of a leaf.
And I knew then that
it must have been my heart
that could not fill
her heart properly,
'cause I can see her tiny fist
between the folds of the cloth
and I know she was anything
but weak.
Okay, let's give the legs
a little break
and work on our upper body.
Stretch your hands up as wide
as you can up to the sky,
prayer hands
and snowflakes coming down,
snowflakes coming down,
snowflakes coming down.
And one more time
reach up as high as you can.
Reach, reach, reach
and snowflakes coming down.
Oh, beautiful, beautiful.
One more time, one more time,
feels so good.
Reach up prayer hands
and then snowflakes coming down.
Oh, good, good, good.
Okay, imagine you have
a giant ball in your hand.
Reach to the side
and to the other side
and get your ribcage involved
and scoop way up with one hand
and reach beautiful.
Just majestically,
you're a ballerina dancer.
Yes, reaching, reaching,
reaching.
Really good.
- You want some tea, dear?
- Say what?
You want some tea, dear?
Yeah, I'd love some, thank you.
Oh, here.
Got it.
- Here.
- Yes.
Oh.
Guess I got
a little drinking problem.
I spoke to don today.
Yeah, and?
Yeah, they need young guys.
I was afraid they might.
It'll be good for him.
He's gotta grow up sometime,
look after himself.
Least he'll have money
in his jeans.
I kinda like
brushed one with my hand,
like this, but I didn't like
stick my finger up in it
or anything.
Yeah, it's like a cave
or somethin' up there.
Like a fish mouth.
But it was good, right?
It felt good?
Yeah.
Get you kinda hard and shit?
I guess, ya.
Makes me hard
just thinkin' about it.
Yeah, I don't know.
Like I... I like to fuck
and shit, you know?
What?
Who did you fuck?
Laura!
Yeah, right?
Fuck Laura.
Yeah, right?
I did!
Shut up.
Okay, I like to fuck for sure,
you know?
For sure, for sure.
It's just all that other stuff.
Eddie?
Come here for a sec.
Sure.
- Do ya up?
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay, here.
- Okay?
- Yeah.
Here we go.
Yup.
You're gonna go in
and see don camdon today, right?
Maybe.
Maybe, what do you mean maybe?
I mean I'm busy is what I mean.
Well, you don't look busy.
Look clearly
I've got shit to do, okay?
Well, here's the thing,
I told don that
you're coming in today.
Why?
You could see if they need help
at the auto shop you know,
if you like instead.
Yeah, you know,
just talk to Glen.
I don't wanna talk to Glen, mom.
It's not a life sentence, Jamie.
It's a job.
Wash your bowl please.
Jamie?
Come on in, son.
18, you say?
You ready to find some hair
on that chest, are ya?
Worked on a drilling rig before?
No.
A camp, logging camp, something?
I worked at the mill
for a while.
Oh yeah, what happened there?
What do you mean?
Well, you don't work there
anymore.
No one does.
But you only worked there
for a month.
Yeah.
I kinda uh,
I kinda messed up the forklift.
You scared of heights?
Don't think so.
Don't think so?
I guess I've not done
a lot of climbing.
Not as a kid,
climbing trees and that?
Yeah, I guess I did that.
So were you scared then?
No.
Alright then.
Where do you see yourself
in five years?
On the lease?
Doin' what kid?
Think about where
you're gonna excel.
Maybe it could be a tool push.
Is that right?
We got your piss already,
didn't we?
Squeaky clean, are ya?
Criminal record?
No.
So you movin' out there?
Guess so, yeah.
When are you going?
Couple weeks, I don't know.
Give me a smoke.
I don't know.
What?
It's you I'm worried about.
Why's that?
You're gonna turn into some
fucking hipster-shit asshole
or something.
What am I supposed to do,
stay here?
You could blow me.
Even your jokes
don't make fuckin' sense.
Fuck that.
Mom?
What are you doing?
I'm cleaning the oven dear.
Oh, okay.
You're up early.
I think you've all
experienced this by now,
maybe you're having trouble
speaking,
people tell you to speak up,
ask you to repeat yourself.
As your voice is getting softer,
the words just don't
come as easy now.
- Right?
- Yeah.
Yeah, I'm seeing some nods here.
Okay, so today
we're gonna imagine
all those people leaning in
and saying "speak up,
speak up, speak up!"
We're gonna imagine
punching them in the face
with our voice, okay?
So sit up nice and straight
and as loud as we can,
all together now,
1, 2, 3...
Ahhhhhhhhh!
Good, I think I was Nadine
was the loudest that time.
Good, now push the air out
with your tummy,
ha-ha-ha.
Right in there, okay?
Ha-ha-ha.
Knock 'em out.
Okay, we're gonna go again.
1, 2, 3...
15-2, 15-4, there ain't no more.
Yeah.
Four.
3, 6, 8, 10, and a pair is 12.
Oh boy,
this stuff is strong, len.
Care for a refill?
She's had enough.
I haven't even finished yet.
Okay, I got nothin'.
Your deal, ma'am.
Oh yeah, okay.
- Want me to do it?
- Yeah.
So, Eileen,
she's been around lately?
Nah.
Then good thing
you didn't marry that one
is all I'd say.
Boy.
Well, I married her alright.
Oh Christ.
Oh Lenny, you did not!
He did.
Uh, she always wanted
to get it done in the summer
and I said, "heck, let's just
head on down in kamloops"
and get it done.
She gonna divorce you,
that's gonna be the question.
You got that, right?
3, 6, oh.
Quit lookin' at my cards.
Quit floppin' em
all over the place.
Okay.
Okay, let's see, let's see.
15 for two.
Shoot, 23.
Oh!
What'd you say, 23 is a go?
Oh.
And 31 for two
and a pair is four
and that is game.
Darnit, darnit.
Unbelievable.
Ugh!
Oh.
- You hear about Bob Duncan?
- No, what about Bob Duncan?
Crazy son of a bitch
drove hisself out past a point
and did hisself in.
No!
- Shotgun to the head.
- Christ.
Oh, that's awful.
Your ei still going?
Runs out this month.
You got jam on here
or something.
Oh, you missed your group today.
- That's tomorrow, eddy.
- Oh.
Barb's picking me up
in the morning.
Oh, I'll drive you.
Barb likes to drive.
Well, Barb doesn't like to keep
to her side
of the fucking road anymore.
Oh well, I'll keep an eye out.
You'll ruin the deck, bug.
Yeah, I think
I'll head into the fort,
see who's keeping my stool warm.
Maybe you oughta drive him,
eddy.
No, no, I'll be fine, kiddo.
As long as you didn't
tow my truck.
Hey, you guys say hey
to the kid for me.
Yeah, you behave yourself
out there.
Oh yeah.
Right on.
Poor Bob.
Rosario killed it last night,
hey?
Huh?
I said rosario killed it
last night, hey?
She was brutal,
took his eyes you know,
right through his skull.
I didn't catch it.
What the fuck you mean
you didn't catch it?
Were you back at camp
jerking off, what?
Were ya?
No.
No, don't even like
to give her a little tug.
I just don't see
what's the point.
What are you some kind of eunuch
or something?
Of people beating on each other,
I mean it just seems pointless.
The point is they make
a lot of money.
You know,
the guy that he cracked
looked a lot like you actually.
Little more meat on him.
All the same.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
What the fuck
are you doing here anyway?
Well, you told me to unload.
- Yeah, at the mud pump.
- Yeah.
Back at the fucking entrance,
man.
So I'm supposed
to hoof this shit from here
all the way over there,
ruin my fucking back.
Load it back up
get Andy to rip it
around the other side.
He said he had to leave
and then you needed them now,
so I mean I'm unloading, but...
But what?
- What?
- I'll walk them.
Yeah, you'll fucking walk them.
He's upped her dose, eh?
Oh.
Nightmares might increase.
She keeping you up as it is?
Well, she's giving me
a good kick once in a while.
Might have to sleep
in the kid's hockey pads.
Not a bad idea.
That'll run ya 575.
Bleedin' me dry here, Margie.
Boy, life is just all wrapped up
in itself, innit?
How's that, ed?
Well, I gotta spend the money
I made from the mill
that's maybe killing my wife
just to buy the meds
to stop the thing
from killing her faster.
Jude?
What happened, darling?
My finger.
I just need to take my ring off.
Goddamnit.
- Okay.
- Just be careful, bug.
Okay, well, if you just stop
your wiggling for a second.
I'll do my best.
Here I go.
You don't feel that.
- Hello?
- Hey, mom.
Hello you!
Oh.
You alright?
Yeah, I just thought
I'd check in.
The bugs eating you alive?
Yeah.
Oh, you sound tired.
Who's he working with?
Who are you working with now?
The drilling crew.
The drilling crew, yeah.
That's gonna do it.
Yeah, well, there is not much
to report here.
You wanna talk to your dad?
Okay.
So you still got
all your fingers or...
Yeah.
Come on, let's mix that mud!
Okay.
Oye, guide that on there.
When I was 14, my dog Nellie
caught a porcupine.
I found her under the deck
all covered in quills
on her muzzle
and all down her throat,
on her tongue.
I called dad out
and he grabbed her,
he told me to hold her down
and he started pulling
quills out with his pliers.
But Nellie,
she's shaking all over,
crying this high-pitched whine
and I can't stand
hearing her like that.
I'm not strong enough.
So I let go for just a second
and off she bolts
into the woods.
She never came back.
She never came back.
Goddamnit, here we go.
Yesterday, I was at field's
getting Harry some socks.
So picture me there in the aisle
with all the delicates...
Delicate stuff.
And I see the ones he likes
just on the rack
over there to the left
and I think,
"okay, Nadine, so there they are
and they're on sale
so let's get 'em
and get outta here."
'Cause here comes Jim fleury,
just come in.
And god knows, I do not want
to have to stand here
and talk to him for 20 minutes
or half an hour
"about the kids
and their chicken pox."
But what happens
when I try take a step
is nothin', nothin' happens.
So I say to my legs,
"this is not real,
you are working just fine,
so move,
you goddamn useless things."
But they just stick there,
stiff as the char
I still got in my deep freeze
since last year.
And then what do you know,
here comes Jim
strollin' towards me sayin',
"hi there, Nadine."
Down here
gettin' some socks for Harry,
"are ya?"
And I wish to god
he would just leave me be,
so I can concentrate
on movin' my fuckin' feet.
You try throwing your keys
on the floor?
What, I should throw my keys?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Why?
Well, that's what I do.
It wakes me up.
Next time when Jim comes around,
I'll throw them at his head.
Yeah.
Hello,
I've been thinking lately about
what coulda been different.
Yeah, I know, I know that's not
a good way to think.
I know.
But this year will be
our 23rd year together,
eddy and I, and only four
without this disease.
That's 18 with, four without.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
We were together six months
when he proposed.
I was so surprised.
I said yes, but then got nervous
'cause I'd lied to him
about my age.
He didn't know
I was five years older
than I'd said.
So a few days later,
I called up and I said,
"look,
you might not wanna marry me."
And he said...
"well, why's that?"
And I say,
"'cause I'm actually 33."
He said, "well, you'd better
stick with me then, old bag."
And I said,
"okay, that sounds okay."
He knew me then,
he knew what to say.
And now?
And now...
Sometimes now
I feel like wearing...
When they see me,
they don't see me,
they see her.
And I get so mad at him.
It's not... I'm still a woman,
I'm still the same woman.
And I just wonder,
I just wonder
if he would've been happier?
Happier, yeah.
That's just marriage, honey.
Shakes or not,
it's just marriage.
Hey, hey.
Eddy?
No!
No, no!
Judy, kiddo, I'm gonna need you
to call me the ambulance now,
okay?
Hello?
It's ed.
Yeah.
I used to dream of Jamie
being taken,
taken straight out of my body.
Ed would wake me,
"you were screaming,
you were asleep and screaming."
That was my medication.
This is different.
It is not a dream.
It's a memory.
It's a memory
that won't go away.
Try to think of ed
in the days before,
before any of it.
I am full of memories,
I am full of hope,
I am full of regrets.
You wanted to see me, boss?
Yeah, close the door.
Watch where you're going, man.
Would've been bored
out of his mind in there.
Could've thrown in
a joke or two, right?
More coffee?
I'll get it.
Fuck!
Oh gosh.
It's fine.
Oh.
Sorry.
Getting a bit fat, eh?
He is not.
He is.
Aren't you, buddy?
Hello?
Hey man.
Hey.
How you doing?
I'm fine.
My mom told me.
So just wanted to call
and say sorry.
He was a good guy, your dad.
How's the city?
It's cool.
I'm starting school in the fall.
Yeah, that's cool?
What are you gonna take,
marine biology?
Fuck no.
I'm taking psychology.
Psychology,
that sounds fucking boring man.
Marine biology
would've been dope.
You got an apartment down there?
Yeah, it's cramped as shit,
though.
Walls are so thin
I can hear my folks having sex,
it's disgusting.
Nice, nice.
You doin' okay on the lease?
Yeah, it's cool.
My back is fucking ripped.
Yeah, right.
My boss's breath is like...
It smells like a dog's ass,
like something
just crawled in there and died.
What are you smelling
his breath for?
'Cause he's always pushing me
in my fucking face.
'Cause you're slackin' off
or what?
No, 'cause he's an asshole.
I'm worried he's gonna give me
some disease,
like fucking aids
from his spit landing on me.
You should see
the kind of girls he fucks,
it's like...
Oh boy.
So what you can't hack it then?
Nah, I can take it.
No sweat, eh?
No sweat.
Maybe I'll come visit you
sometime.
So wait, is your mom alright?
Yeah, I was thinking about
getting a cell,
so maybe you could give me
a call sometime
and I can help you
with your homework and shit.
A lot of fucking help you'd be.
How's Danny?
Hot-shit city kid now.
Oh, I doubt that.
I keep thinking
he must just be out in the bush,
you know?
You want me to stick around?
No, no, no.
You don't have to do that, no.
No, you gotta live your life.
He was so proud of you,
workin' so hard.
Saving your money, are ya?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
That's a good boy,
that's a good boy.
Yeah.
Because you're a child
and an idiot
and because you see
in yourself a significance
that is not there,
you wait until 2:00 A.M.,
when alone at the tank
you get dramatic
and try to punch yourself
in the head.
You think of the kid
you called a retard in school,
how he blackened his own eye
and if you're better
than this place,
then why is this place so hard.
Some might say that makes it
grade a.
No man, that's not grade a,
'cause if you're nutting
right away,
that's the fault of pussy.
So it's the fault of the pussy,
huh?
Yeah.
It's like that shit you know,
you don't wanna be the last.
You won't be busting your nut
like in two minutes.
Yeah, well, who said
I did that anyway, okay?
I mean I don't know
where this guy
is getting his information from?
I'm just sayin
it's gotta be a perfect fit.
Like you're not gonna
take a bite of fried rice
and then be full all night
be satisfied.
No man, you're gonna
be hungry again in an hour.
It's the same thing.
You wanna be able
to make your money last.
You want to enjoy it, you know.
It's like have
a perfect balance.
Like your wife?
Hey, you talk about
my fucking wife again,
I'm gonna stick a chain tong
so far up your ass
you can choke on your own shit,
boy!
Hey, chill man.
No, you chill, man.
I've got the fucking
dune coon up my ass
pissin' me off all night,
telling me
how to do my fucking job.
Like buddy, I get it,
you guys have oil over there,
but this shit's gas.
Don't come over here
and tell me how to do my job,
man.
That shit drives me
fucking crazy.
I'm serious.
So you gonna remember
which way's up tonight, kid?
Hey, be careful, man,
he's been working out.
Oh yeah.
Pumping iron, getting stacked.
Better keep your brother
on a leash, man,
we got a shift coming on.
Uh, it helps him unwind.
It fucking winds him up
more like.
I'll talk to him.
Yo, let's take a walk.
Okay, here you go.
"Now my dears,"
said old mrs rabbit one morning,
"you may go into the fields
or down the Lane,"
but don't go into
Mr. McGregor's garden.
Your father
had an accident there;
"And he was put in a pie
by Mrs. McGregor."
Sorry.
"If he had not unfortunately
run into a gooseberry"
and got caught
by the large buttons
in his jacket.
It was a blue jacket then
with brass buttons.
Quite new.
So that'll be $50.50.
Please.
There you go.
Afternoon.
Afternoon, yeah.
Do you need any help
with your bags today?
No, no, I'm fine.
You know we've got
a new home delivery service.
If you ever need it.
You're doing quite
a bit of swerving back up there.
You had anything to drink today?
No sir...
I just need to take
my medication.
You got your medicine with you?
Yeah.
Alright ma'am.
I'm gonna ask you
to do something, okay.
For your own safety.
I am gonna ask you to stay off the
unless you've taken
all your medicine.
Will you do that for me?
Yeah.
And I don't think
you should be drivin'
when you're upset either.
Just take some time
get yourself back on the road.
Makin' a break for it, are ya?
I've forgotten how to swim.
Guess I won't Chuck you in then.
Every year more cabins,
more fucking ski-doos.
How'd you like it
if I ski-dooed
over your grave eh?
Ah shit.
Not too cold you think?
You think he feels cold, len?
No, I don't think so, Jude.
Sister Mary-Frances
could see us now, eh?
Rolling in her grave no doubt.
You know, I think
she'd take one look at you
and she'd say,
"kiddo, how do you stay so tough
through all this shit?"
That's what she should say.
You just disappeared.
You missed the funeral.
I'm not a strong man
that way, Judy.
Just never been.
Paychecks.
Nice, thanks.
You alright?
Yeah.
Always feel like
a trapped animal out here
in the winter.
Night.
Alright, see you in the morning,
man.
Oho, hey.
Hey, we don't need much, eh?
Hi ma'am.
Hello there.
Got your groceries.
Ooh, it must be -30!
Quick, come on in.
Oh, hey you.
Hey beautiful.
You surviving out there?
It's got some bite today.
I bet, yeah.
My kettle just boiled.
You stay and have a cup
if you like.
Best thing I heard all day.
You live out here on your own?
Uh, I just...
It's quiet, it must be nice.
Yeah, here.
You sit for a minute,
warm yourself up.
Hey you.
What can I call you?
Kaly.
Sometimes kal.
Huh, call me Jude then.
It's uh, 42.50 yeah?
Mhmm.
There... there's a tip in there
for you.
Thank you.
- Yeah.
- Here.
Yes, it's good to see,
having you come out here,
'cause I don't like to drive
in the snow anymore.
You know, the smaller boy
who came before,
I thought, "boy, he's not
even old enough to drive."
Just barely.
Yeah, you need a license
for those things?
No.
Is this your husband?
I've seen him at the store,
before.
Oh, he's passed now.
You have any kids?
A boy.
A little older than you maybe.
I'm 17.
Yeah, yeah, a little older then.
I'm havin' a baby myself.
Oh!
Wow, wow.
Yeah, that's wonderful, kal.
A lot of work though.
You have a family here
to help you out?
I'm stayin' with
my foster parents
- until my birthday.
- Huh.
And my boyfriend, he's got a job
and stuff.
Yeah?
Sky, I'm callin' it,
after my mom.
It works for a boy or a girl,
either way.
Yeah, it's a lovely name.
My foster mom,
she says maybe
it'll be quick for me,
won't hurt too much.
They always show in the movies
the women screaming like that,
but she says it's not
really like that,
but she's never had kids
herself eh, so.
Yeah, my boy took 18 hours.
18 hours!
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, he was a stubborn one.
You can tell like that, eh,
right from the get-go.
But you know, when it's over,
to hold them,
you can't imagine the joy.
I know, I know it will be.
I can feel it.
Yeah, a bit of sadness too,
yeah,
in what you feel.
For me anyway.
Maybe you know,
giving this new life
setting them out there
in the world, you know
your own body
gives something up for it.
But you know,
then there's this darn thing
in front of you,
and then you're in for it.
You know, you say, "okay, yeah",
I'll give it my best shot, eh?"
Yeah.
I'd better get back out there,
before it gets dark.
Smart girl you are.
Yeah, you stay warm out there.
Take care ma'am,
see you next week.
Call me Judy, dear.
Jeepers.
Come on man, I am.
I'm fucking trying.
Fuck man.
It's not your fucking
boyfriend's dick, man,
use the fucking thing, let's go.
Swear to god.
You're fucking killing us
out here.
You want to be working all
fucking night.
Is that what you want?
You wanna work
till fucking dawn?
You wanna be at work
and watching the sunrise
come up together?
Huh?
I'll trade you
for that fucking bitch
on temp in a heartbeat.
Get to fucking work.
Where the fuck are you going?
Get the fuck back up there.
Get your fucking ass
back up there and get to work.
I'm not gonna wait
for your bitch ass all night.
Huh, get the fuck...
Are you fucking crying, huh?
You'll freeze
your eyelid's shut,
rip your fucking eyelashes out.
Is that what you want?
Get your goddamn fucking
disgusting ass breath
in my face all the time.
The fuck it is!
It stinks worse
than your mom's cunt!
Watch your fucking mouth
on that.
I'll knock your teeth out,
right?
Daryl!
Daryl. What the fuck, Daryl!
Daryl!
He was just smashing
the kid with...
They just jumped in
at the wrong time.
You have any family around here?
My mum's she's out west,
near prince.
She's on her own.
Well,
my folks are in grand prairie.
Just need some piss, boys,
then you can go.
It's freezing.
It fucking stinks in here.
You got any money?
You gonna sit?
Yeah, I guess
I'm just gonna sit here.
That's it?
That's it.
That's all.
You're welcome.
Christ, shit!
Fuck!
- Hey.
- Oh, Jamie.
Surprise.
Jamie, what are you doing?
Oh, thank goodness.
Jamie.
My pipes are frozen solid.
Did you call a plumber?
Oh, who can afford a plumber?
I'd ask bud next door,
but he's such a pervert
you know, he looks at me funny.
I just thought well, you know,
I'll just get down there
with the iron myself,
but you know,
I burned my hand a touch,
so to hell with it I said,
I'll use the outhouse.
Where's goose?
You wipe him down
before you let him in here,
mister.
Yeah.
Oh my.
Oh Jamie.
You notice when it does that?
Yes.
What does it feel like?
Oh...
Like someone's pulling at it
or is it...
But I'm doing the pulling
and the being pulled.
When I was a kid I was sure
I could switch it off,
'cause I'd put my hand
on your foot
and it would stop.
What?
You just seem older.
I am.
That your son out there?
Jamie, yeah.
You're a single mom now, eh?
I guess so.
Hey.
Hey.
You work at the overweightea?
How do they pay there?
10 an hour.
Shit.
And a discount.
Sometimes free stuff
if it's gonna go to waste.
I like your boots.
Thanks.
You want one?
I quit.
Okay.
See ya.
Shoot.
Oh shoot, shoot.
Jamie, can you head in
and pick up my pills
before they close?
Sure, just give me a minute.
Yeah, yeah, I'll call it in.
Okay.
Hey, you've reached Danny,
leave a message.
Hey.
Hello.
Can I get you anything?
You got a break coming up?
You want my coat?
You got a boyfriend?
Sort of.
Sort of?
Shit, okay.
You like to fool around?
No.
Why not?
'Cause I got better things
to do.
Like what?
I got things to take care of.
Like what?
Work and shit.
School.
Other stuff.
What other stuff?
I'm havin' a baby.
You're having a baby?
Shit.
You're too young to have a baby.
Says you.
What grade are you in?
Bet you get good grades.
I bet you're smart, eh?
Huh?
I bet you're smart.
Not smart enough
to use protection though.
You don't know anything.
Can I see you later?
Your sort-of boyfriend be mad?
So why not?
I don't know.
Just to talk.
I like talkin' to you.
Do you like talkin' to me?
Hey.
Hey.
Where to?
Boat launch?
I got you something.
Merry Christmas.
Thanks.
What happened
to your windshield?
Uh, I smashed it.
Why?
That's pretty stupid.
Yeah.
You like living here?
Not really.
You'll probably go to college
and stuff, yeah?
I hope so.
My buddy Danny,
he goes to college.
You know him?
You don't like girls, do you?
No.
You like me?
I don't know.
How old are you?
You think that's hot?
Not really.
It's kinda sad actually.
Sad?
What's sad about being 20?
It's sad you're picking up
high school girls.
High school girls like you?
Who says I'm picking you up?
You want me to pick you up?
I don't know.
I'm 19 actually.
But you've been with
20-year-olds before, eh?
Yeah.
You have?
Yeah.
You lie all the time or what?
What'd you do with them?
I don't know.
Show me.
Why not?
You didn't like it?
You ever done anything
with a girl?
No.
So how do you know
you don't like girls?
I just know.
Do you like boys?
You've been with a guy?
No.
You haven't even been
with a girl I bet.
Hmm?
You haven't even been
with a girl I bet.
Shit, I've been with a girl.
Why would you say that?
You're weird.
My buddy Danny,
he's gay for sure.
That's cool.
But you two never...
No, no. Shit, no.
Seems like
you're pretty curious.
I mean I guess
I thought about it.
But more like I wanted to feel
how he felt like...
Like you know,
sometimes he just...
He just looked at me you know,
like...
Shit, you know, no one ever
looks at me like that ever?
Ever.
I get that.
You're cool kaly.
Cool kaly.
You work with
just guys on the rigs?
There's some ladies
in the office, but yeah mostly.
Do you have a girlfriend?
I got a few,
but nothing serious.
Hmm.
You like it up there?
Your hands are cold.
Sorry.
Where's your baby's daddy?
He went up north to the mines.
Is he coming back?
I think he got scared.
You're not scared?
I'm scared all the time.
What for?
Getting left.
Or leaving.
Or not leaving.
My mom she got this thing
with her brain.
When I was a kid
I always thought
she was like real tall you know.
And now she's so tiny.
It kinda freaks me out.
But you were just shorter.
Yeah, I guess
I was pretty short, yeah.
Just gently.
Faster.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
What for?
Did I mess it up?
No.
Did it feel okay to you?
Are you kidding?
Jamie?
Yeah?
Can you come in here?
What's wrong?
I can't get up.
You have to help me.
The water's freezing, mom.
Pills.
Pills?
Which one.
That?
This one?
Get some water.
I'm sorry.
Oh!
No.
I'm such a fuck up mom.
- I am sorry.
- No, no, no.
No, Jamie, no, no.
Shh.
It was my fault.
Not your fault.
Shhh.
No, no.
Tell me what's hurting.
I don't want...
I don't want to go back.
It's not a very nice life
out there, is it?
Are you warming up?
Are you okay?
I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.
Why, why?
This isn't how it's supposed to be.
I should be taking care of you.
I'm sorry.
Shh.
Merry Christmas, bug.
Merry Christmas.