Gentlemen, we are in danger.
There is a storm coming.
My men are terrified. We must leave.
That tomb is here somewhere.
I can feel it.
- Please, Robert, it's been two months!
- Archie, I'm not stopping!
Dad!
What's going on with this wind, Pop?
C.J, go wait in the truck.
- I don't want to just wait in the truck.
- I said go! Windows up!
Robert!
- Mr. Fredericks!
- What?
Help!
Help!
C.J? Are you all right?
- Yeah, I'm fine!
- I'm coming down!
Yes!
I looked for the tomb of Ahkmenrah
for 20 years, and what do you do?
You fall right into it!
Amir, start loading the trucks.
Mr. Fredericks...
there is no time.
The storm is almost upon us.
Then you'd better hurry.
Come on. Everybody works.
Hey! What's the matter with you?
He said, "We must leave
this place immediately.
"If anyone disturbs this tomb...
"the end will come. "
"The end will come. "
We load the trucks.
I can't help feeling we're making
a terrible mistake!
We're not making a mistake,
we're making history!
Don't worry!
C.J! Let's go!
"The end will come. "
Welcome, everyone,
to the Grand Reopening...
of the newly renovated
Hayden Planetarium...
here at the Museum of Natural History.
New York's glitterati
have all turned out...
for what has promised to be
a memorable evening...
filled with the dazzling
special effects...
and technical wizardry we've all come
to admire from this museum...
and its renowned Night Program.
Tonight gonna be fun-fun!
Here come Dum Dum!
Hey, how we doing, Sac?
Rexy is waxed and buffed.
Teddy is grooming his moustache.
Oh, and I reviewed fire safety procedures
with the primordial men.
By the way, have you seen them lately?
- The museum has added a new one.
- What? No.
Oh, and make sure the
centurions stretch, all right?
They really went for it
in the dress rehearsal...
and they're just not used to
those kinds of dance moves.
Okay, everybody. Everybody, listen up.
I don't want to make anybody nervous...
but the mayor and the governor
are both out there.
And, I'm not 100 percent sure,
but I think Regis Philbin, too.
- Reeju Philbo?
- Yeah, Reeju Philbo.
Okay, Rexy, do me a favor.
Watch the tail, okay?
There's gonna be open flame.
Oh, Dexter...
how you doing, my man?
All limbered up?
Looking good. I like the tie.
Got kind of a Chippendales
thing going on.
All chalked up, ready to go?
Good. Okay, everybody relax
and have fun, okay?
Larry.
You better come see this.
- Have you ever seen it like this before?
- Never.
This corrosion has never
happened before.
It's always been exactly the same.
I wonder what's up with it.
I have no idea.
And to be honest...
my father knew the secrets of
the tablet better than I did.
Unfortunately,
he swore he'd never reveal them.
He never did.
You okay?
Yes.
Yes, I'm fine.
Just take it easy
out there tonight, all right?
You got 15 minutes till showtime.
We're gonna figure this out tomorrow.
All right.
Look at that! Doggone it!
Did you see that?
They're trying to catch the light.
I know. But you can't do it, boys!
You can't catch light!
It's as elusive as human happiness!
I should like to comment.
- Summon the apparatus.
- Yeah.
Summon the apparatus!
What are you gonna say?
L...
O...
L.
"Laugh out loud. "
Yeah, that's what I did.
Now, post these adorable kittens
with my edict of approval to Facebook.
Give a big Texas "hell yeah"
from old Jedediah...
because I loved it too!
Just send a smiley face.
Yeah, but with a wink!
A smiley face and a wink!
- Guys, what are you doing?
- We're just watching kittens.
You're on in five minutes.
You got to focus, here.
I told you we don't have time for this!
You gave it a Texas "hell yeah!"
- Hey, Teddy, ready to roll?
- Indeed, Lawrence.
- Great. - Battle of San Juan Hill
cool as a cucumber.
Right now, butterflies like you
wouldn't believe.
You're gonna be great.
- Lawrence?
- Yeah.
Have you seen the Neanderthals lately?
No. Why does everybody
keep talking about this?
You may want to give it a look!
Hey, guys, what's going on?
Okay.
All right, very funny. That's hilarious.
You don't have to come down.
It's okay, really.
Hi, how are you? I'm Larry.
I'm Laaa...
You're "Laaa"?
Laaa.
Laaa. Okay, nice to meet you, Laaa.
Welcome aboard, and...
Yes, we look similar.
Yeah, we look like each other, I know.
It's a joke that somebody played.
Dr. McPhee had you made to look like me.
It's just a...
Stop it. Stop, okay?
- Dada?
- What?
Dada.
No, not your Dada.
Yeah, Dada.
- No. Stop.
- Dada.
- Dada!
- Dada!
No, I'm not his... I'm not your Dada.
Dum Dum got a new son-son!
No, he doesn't.
Dada!
Dada!
DR. McPHEE:
A toast to our new chairwoman.
Cheers, everyone. Cheers.
Cue the music.
And Teddy in three, two...
Since 1869, when I was
a mere boy of 11...
this museum has been a
shining beacon to our great city.
Tonight we'll expand
our horizons even further...
to the Sun, the Moon, and the stars.
From our very beginning mankind
has looked to the heavens
and given names to what he saw.
The constellations.
I thought you might like to meet them.
Cue the constellations.
Orion, the hunter!
What?
All planned. All planned.
I knew that was gonna happen. So, yeah.
Good. Going great, guys. Going great.
Let's drop the silks.
And go with the monkey.
What?
Come on.
That's what I do.
Thank you for your patronage...
and for your unwavering support
of this fine institution.
This newly renovated planetarium
will serve as a lens...
"Once more unto the breach,
dear friends!"
What?
Charge!
Rough Riders!
- It's okay! Just hang on!
- Is this part of it?
Sorry folks, a little technical issue.
What are you doing?
Stick to the script. Stick to the script!
- It's me!
- I don't know you.
Pull!
I don't know what's come
over me, but I like it!
Drop 'em!
Yeah! Yeah!
What's going on?
Do something!
What are you doing?
Orion, don't!
Rexy!
Guys, what was going on out there?
Seriously, what were you thinking?
Laaa, I got this, all right?
Just... Go over there.
No, go over there.
Go.
Attila...
what were you doing
to that dolphin, man?
It's a dolphin!
It's one of the most
peaceful creatures on earth...
and you're hacking into it like
it was The Cove or something.
Did you see the look
on Regis Philbin's face?
Reeju?
Yeah, Reeju.
Teddy, what were you doing
pointing a gun at me?
Forgive me, Lawrence.
I don't know what came over me.
Do you even remember that?
Not at all.
Laaa, shut that down!
It's a defibrillator.
Put it down. It's dangerous!
Laaa, that's electricity.
Those aren't headphones.
Stop it!
Oh! Hey! Whoa! Dexter!
What are you doing?
Honestly, if you're gonna
act like a baby,
then I'll get you some diapers.
You want diapers again?
Ease up on the reins there, hoss.
Can't you see? He feels terrible!
Hell, we all do!
I don't know what's going on
with everybody here...
but tonight was really weird.
Really weird.
We feel awful.
Something took hold of us
like an evil spell!
Yeah, like we just weren't ourselves.
- Hello?
- Larry.
Hey, Dr. McPhee.
Yeah, hi. How's it going?
Okay.
Good, good, good, good, good, good.
You know that sound of when
you're hiding in a trash bin...
fearing for your life because a T-Rex
is using it as a Hacky Sack?
No. I don't know that sound.
You don't know that sound?
Oh, hold on one second.
That's the sound! That's the sound!
It will haunt my dreams!
I'm sorry. Look, really, I'm sorry.
I swear to you, I had no idea
this was going to happen.
"I had no idea it was gonna happen.
"I'm only in charge of
all the special effects. "
It was your fault!
They were your special effects!
- No, I know.
- That's a joke.
"Special effects"?
More like "special...
"defects!"
Look, I promise you,
I'm gonna find out what happened.
- Or they were "special rejects!"
- I'm sorry, Dr. McPhee. I gotta go.
Hey! Nicky! Nicky! Stop hopping!
- Dad, what are you doing?
- What are you doing?
It's 3:00 AM.
All right, party's over!
- Hey.
- Hey.
Who are you?
- I'm Sophie.
- Sophie?
Bye Bye Birdie?
- Right.
- It was good.
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
See you tomorrow night?
- Probably not.
- Probably.
Definitely not.
Bye.
You're in so much trouble.
I know.
I didn't really know
you were coming home early.
Yeah, that's pretty obvious.
I mean...
what makes you think this is okay?
When I'm not at Mom's
you leave me alone, like, every night.
Look, you can't be doing this right now.
You got finals, your NYU application
is due in what, two weeks?
I'm not gonna get into NYU.
- You don't know that.
- No, I do.
You don't know that.
I do very much know that,
in the sense that I don't intend to apply.
What?
I don't think that it's the place
for me right now, Dad.
Okay. All right, fine.
You want to spread your wings a little...
get out of the city,
go to school somewhere else.
I totally support that.
All you had to do was tell me.
Where do you want to go?
- What's the list?
- It's a short list.
Great. I like it. Focus.
I'mma hit you with a super short list,
man, because it's...
There's nothing on it.
There's...
I'm confused,
because there's not a list...
Dad?
I want to take a year off.
I would like to do exactly
what you just said.
I want to spread my wings.
You want to spread your wings,
that's great.
But you can't spread your wings
and fly to nowhere.
- Plans change.
- No, they don't.
No, they don't. Plans don't change.
We had a plan, it changed.
- It's disorienting at first.
- No.
You can't change the plan...
unless you check with the people
who are financing the plan...
which is, last time I checked,
your mother and I. Okay?
Dad, we could sit here and just have
this conversation about plans...
but for now, let's call it a night.
Let's not even clean up, right?
Let's come back tomorrow.
Let's reboot the whole energy,
the whole tone of this puppy...
and we'll kill it, man.
Team Daley! Not tonight, tomorrow.
Hey, Team Daley?
- Yeah?
- Stop talking.
Okay.
You're gonna clean up.
I'm gonna go to bed.
And then we're gonna finish
this conversation tomorrow.
Yeah! Get some!
Get some!
That's it. Yeah.
Hi.
I'm Larry Daley.
I'm head of the Night Program.
I know who you are.
You're the security guard.
Yeah, also head of the Night Program.
I'm doing some research...
and I was wondering
if you could help me out.
Night guard doing research.
Ooh la-la!
Yeah.
I'm just looking for anything
that you might have on
the tablet of Ahkmenrah.
Center aisle.
- Great.
- Halfway down, stacks on your left.
Get it!
So...
what makes you so curious
about the tablet?
Oh! Just...
Just a hobby, you know?
Kind of an interest of mine.
I wish I could talk to these guys.
Well, you can't.
Yeah.
Because they're dead.
Right.
But, look at that one.
Looks like a kid?
You didn't know him, did you?
C.J Fredericks.
He worked here.
- He worked here?
- Yeah, when he grew up.
- No.
- Yeah.
He was a night guard.
Same as you.
Wait a minute. C.J.
C.J Fredericks.
Cecil Fredericks?
Sexiest night guard we ever had.
Present company included.
Boy, could that man move.
Larry?
Hey, Cecil.
My God, it's been years!
You look like you're doing pretty good.
I've still got it, pal.
What are you doing here?
I need to talk to you about the tablet.
What the heck is Short Stack doing here?
Hey, Gus. You're looking well.
Reginald.
Are you here to frame us again?
Send us back to the slammer?
I didn't frame you.
You were actually stealing.
And I was the one
that got you out of jail, so...
- Yeah.
- We've got a nice life here.
The past is the past. We've moved on.
I don't think this guy's moved on.
Listen to him, monkey face.
We've put all that
tablet stuff behind us, Larry.
It's old news.
Besides, we really never knew anything
about that old tablet.
We just worked there.
Something's up with it.
I told you, I can't help you.
Maybe this kid can.
Maybe we'd better talk alone.
Expedition like that is a
pretty amazing thing...
for a 12-year-old boy.
I tried to move on...
but there was something
about that tablet.
It's turning green,
like some sort of corrosion.
And something's happening
to Teddy and Dexter...
Jed and Octavius.
They're all acting weird.
It's like the green rust
is affecting them.
"The end will come. "
What?
The locals, they warned us.
They begged us to leave that tomb alone.
I thought it meant the end of the world.
But maybe it meant the end...
End of the magic?
We should have listened.
Should have listened.
Instead, we shipped Ahk
and the tablet off to New York...
and his folks to England.
Wait. Wait.
Ahkmenrah's parents are in England?
It was a joint expedition.
Some of the artifacts stayed in Egypt.
The rest was divided up between
New York and the British Museum.
Ahk said that his father
knew the secrets of the tablet.
I think I have to go talk to him.
I need you to listen to me.
Our esteemed chairwoman
asked for my resignation.
She said, since the Night Program
was my brainchild...
that the buck starts and stops with me.
- I can fix it.
- How?
I need you to let me take the tablet
and Ahkmenrah to London.
Sorry. I'm just processing that.
Input data analysis.
I've just told you I'm being fired,
and the first thing you ask...
is if I'd allow you to take
some priceless artifacts...
away with you on holiday.
- Yes. Please.
- No way, Jos.
I'm asking you to please
go with me on this.
- Nah.
- Please.
Can't do it, dude.
Bye.
- Are you gonna mug me?
- What?
I don't know. Just be prepared.
- I need you to listen to me.
- Oh.
- Okay?
- Yep.
- You want to know the truth?
- Go on.
Truth is, the tablet...
The tablet is actually magic.
Things really do come to life at night.
- It's special effects.
- It's not special effects.
How could it be special effects?
How could it not be special effects?
- Because it isn't!
- Of course it is!
- I'm telling you, this is what happens.
- What?
Sun goes down...
the tablet starts to glow...
everything comes to life.
- Sure.
- It's real.
"Tablet starts to glow. "
Now I know you're mental.
Look, Leslie... Listen to me.
I'm not gonna hurt you.
I know. Just...
What?
Listen, nobody cares about this place
as much as we do, right?
Yeah.
If you don't help me...
everything that's special
about it might stop...
and it may never come back.
I'm not asking you to understand,
I'm just asking you to trust me.
I'd like to help you...
but I don't even work here anymore.
British Museum doesn't know that.
The mummy and the tablet, both.
Classic conservation job...
under authority of me, of course...
the director of this museum,
which I still am.
Yep, okay.
You're in.
I really could have just stayed
by myself in New York.
Yeah. No, that wasn't gonna happen.
- Beautiful?
- Yeah.
The River Thames.
Isn't this cool, man,
you and me in London?
- Huh?
- Yeah.
Hey, I've been thinking
about that, year off.
Yeah?
I think it could be cool.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
What are you thinking?
Yeah. Wow.
I think I want to DJ in Ibiza.
In Ibiza?
Ibiza, it's a small island
off the coast of Spain.
- Do you speak Spanish?
- No.
But that's the beautiful thing.
It's about the music.
It's not inhibited
by the language barrier.
No, but you are.
- Do you speak in beats?
- Why are you freaking out?
You just said this was
a really cool idea.
I'm not freaking out.
I just want to understand
what the plan is.
You didn't go to college.
Wait, now we're talking about
not going to college at all?
- Maybe. I don't know.
- Nicky.
Nicky. That's not...
Dad, you didn't go to college.
You turned out fine.
I turned out okay after about
20 years in a lot of dead ends.
Whatever, man.
Don't worry about me. It's fine.
Hey, I'm always gonna worry about you.
- I'm your dad.
- Thanks.
Sun is going down. We should get going.
All right.
Dad, what's the plan here, anyway?
When the tablet brings Ahkmenrah
to life, he's gonna sneak us in.
- Now, get down.
- What?
Just get down! Come on, man.
Part of the adventure.
Hello. Welcome to the British Museum.
My name's Tilly.
Hi. Thank you.
I'm Larry Daley from
Natural History, New York.
- Yeah, yeah.
- I got a delivery...
for your conservation department.
All right!
So they let you travel?
This is kind of unusual.
Well, they let me travel.
You know where?
- No.
- Home. Here. Home.
Back here.
Off to the toot-toot.
Five-minute maximum.
So that must be well wicked being
a security guard in America.
With your gun, with a silencer,
with your ninja swords.
Right.
That's not even a little bit true.
The only thing that I got is this.
- Oh.
- Hammer! It's for...
and I quote,
"minor repairs and beautifications"
to the shack.
You just hit things?
Yeah, that's catchy.
Basically worthless.
I can't believe
we're actually still talking.
- It's great, though, innit?
- It is.
This is the most conversation I've had
in the three years
that I've worked here.
I feel a connection, too.
Is it cool if I just make my drop?
- Oh, yeah.
- Wonderful.
But I will have to confirm.
Actually, that's not necessary...
because they've already confirmed
it on the slip I gave you.
Yeah, all right. Confirming.
- Okay.
- All right.
Hello. This is Dr. McPhee.
It's the British Museum, sir.
I'm just confirming a delivery
to our conservation department.
Yes, I signed the paperwork.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have a museum to run.
You, boy, get those grubby fingers
off my Ming vase.
See? Bye.
All right.
- Good?
- All right, you is legit.
I is legit.
- Wonderful.
- Confirm it.
- Thank you.
- All right, I'll open the gate.
Okay.
Yeah, so, like, my boyfriend...
he doesn't really like
the way I do my hair.
Says it looks like a golden poo
sitting on my shoulder.
But I really enjoy it.
Bye, Larry!
I'm not an expert...
but this is feeling, just,
really against the law.
No, they have a totally
different legal system here.
Okay.
How we doing?
All clear.
All right, let's go.
Larry, the others felt, perhaps,
we could use some help.
The others?
Lawrence, I couldn't sit idly by.
Our very survival is at stake.
All right. Hey, Teddy. Good.
Good man to have in a crisis.
Attila.
Okay, a little muscle.
Hi, Larry.
That is a deceptively large box.
Obviously, we came along, too!
You know you'd be lost
without us, Gigantor.
Are you serious?
And the monkey.
All right, basically everyone.
Dada!
Oh! No, no.
No possible benefit whatsoever.
He really wanted to come.
Yeah, this is my son...
my actual son, Nicky.
- Nicky, this is Laaa.
- What's up?
He's just tracking me.
Laaa.
So, Lawrence what's the plan of attack?
We need to get to the Egyptian wing,
find Ahk's father...
and hopefully get the tablet fixed.
All of us.
Laaa, that's not for eating.
That's not food.
Don't...
You know what? I got a job for you.
Come on, come on.
Come on.
I want you to stay here
and watch this door, okay?
Make sure nobody comes in or out. Okay?
Good. You're gonna be a guard,
just like me.
All right.
No. Come here.
Stay here...
and put your hands on the door.
- Good, stay.
- Stay!
Good. That's right. You stay here.
Stay here.
Stay. Right.
No. Stay.
- Stay!
- Stay.
Look there. Good. Stay.
No. Good. Stay.
No. Stay.
Stay!
Don't... Don't move.
Don't move.
No. Good. Okay.
Okay, listen up, guys.
This place is waking up
for the first time...
and we have no idea what's out there,
so stay together, all right?
I know it's spooky, big guy.
Just stay close.
What kind of haunted
hootenanny is this, boys?
We're all finding this
super creepy, right?
They're just a little freaked out.
First time we came alive
it took some getting used to.
Hey, there. Just heading to Egypt.
Come on. This way.
Hear that?
Hear what?
That.
We'll just be down here
if anyone needs us.
We're not scared.
It's just more comfortable.
Lawrence...
I think it's safe to say that
we're in a bit of trouble.
I know how to handle this guy.
You mind?
- Thanks.
- Dad, what are you doing?
How do you think I tamed your pal Rexy?
Hi, there.
I bet you're not so mean, are you?
I bet you're not so mean.
No, you're just a little puppy, right?
You're just a little puppy
who wants to play.
You want to play?
Want to play fetch?
Yeah?
You want to play with this bone?
Yeah!
Here you go. Go fetch.
Go fetch!
- Lawrence?
- Yeah?
- May I suggest a different plan?
- What?
Run!
Close it, close it!
Okay. I think we're...
Get back! Everybody, get back!
All right. You don't want to fetch?
- Fetch on this.
- What?
Oh! Oh!
- Oh, that's close!
- Need some help?
- What?
- Move.
Attila, you okay?
- You might want to...
- No.
Here hold this.
That was actually very cool.
Sir Lancelot, at your service.
Thank you. That was amazing.
Theodore Roosevelt...
President of the United
States of America.
I have no idea what that means.
I'm Larry, and this is my son, Nick.
You have a noble face, Nick.
- Thanks.
- Thanks for the help.
Now, you...
You remind me of a man
I once knew at Camelot.
Really?
One of the Knights of the Round Table?
No, Erik.
Erik?
Our fool.
He was the funniest fool I ever met.
He was so good,
he didn't even have to do anything.
He could just walk
into a room and you'd laugh.
- You have what he had. The gift.
- That's weird.
- You could be a fool.
- I don't know about that.
Oh, come on, of course you could!
We'd get you one of those hats
with the funny little dangly bells.
Dangly bells?
"Dangly bells. "
Didn't I tell you? The gift.
He does what seems like nothing.
A sort of deadpan...
tiny little...
"Hmm. " "Hmm. "
Expressionless, you know, sort of a...
"Hmm. Hmm. "
sort of thing.
Just like Erik.
Sounds like a great guy.
We got to get going, so...
Camelot.
Okay.
Someday, I shall return
to its mighty towers...
to King Arthur...
and Queen Guinevere.
Sweet...
beauteous Guinevere.
But I'm sworn not to until
I have completed my quest.
I must find the Holy Grail.
Well, good luck with that.
And thanks for the help again.
We got to get to Egypt,
so we'll see you.
- I will lead you.
- No, it's okay.
Halt, Dangly Bells!
There is strange magic in the air,
and dangerous beasts are afoot.
It is the duty of a true knight...
to protect and care for those in need.
We're off.
I guess he's coming with us.
Larry!
Jed and Octavius?
They must have fallen out
while we were running.
Jed?
Octavius!
Jedediah!
- Jed!
- Octo!
Oh, no.
Is that Octavius's cape?
Here.
- Nicky.
- Yeah.
Guys?
Gigantor!
Jed?
They won't last long in those
heating vents, Lawrence.
At their size, they'll bake like
tiny little scarabs in the Sinai.
Too dark?
This is the end, boy!
This is the last roundup!
Hold my hand!
Why?
Never mind.
We're a long way from home, boy.
Did you ask me to hold your hand?
No.
Jedo!
Octo!
They could be anywhere between
here and the intake vent.
What do you see, Dex?
You know he's a monkey, Lawrence.
He can't talk.
No, but he can fit.
Nicky... give me your phone.
- Why?
- For Dex.
I don't understand one thing
that's going on here.
I don't, either. Dad, what's going on?
I'm sort of set up to track your phone.
You're sort of set up to track my phone?
You track my phone?
Yeah, I'm your dad.
I'm looking out for you.
No. No. Hold up.
"Spying on" is not the same thing
as just looking out for someone.
You'll get it back, I promise.
But right now,
it's going on the monkey's back.
All right. Dex, come here.
Thanks, man.
Listen. I need you to go down there
and find them, all right?
Think you can handle it?
Good man.
Stay safe.
I think it's right here.
"Right here. "
Classic.
The gift of laughter.
Thank you, Dangly Bells.
First quest?
Not exactly.
I thought you were going to Egypt.
We are, but we got to do this first.
That's not how a quest works.
A quest is one thing. It's not,
like, "Holy Grail and a monkey. "
Yeah, well, my guys are missing
and Dexter's gonna find them.
What is the quest? Gold?
Fountain of Youth?
Magic tablet.
It's that thing Ahk is holding.
It shouldn't be too hard
to take it from him.
He seems well-toned and lean...
but weak.
It would be like taking candy
from a feeble Egyptian baby.
No, we're not trying to take it,
we're trying to fix it.
There's something wrong with it.
It's kind of complicated.
It might be less complicated if you
stopped following a chimpanzee.
He's not a chimpanzee, he's a capuchin.
The fool seems agitated.
That's often his way.
But I assure you, he's no fool.
Is it true what he says?
The tablet that you carry is magic?
It is, indeed.
Everything around you has come to
life tonight for the very first time...
all because of this tablet.
Amazing.
Then they're not real?
They're as real as any of us.
Yes, but we're real people.
They're just things.
And they don't even know.
They must be unbelievably stupid.
It can be confusing at first.
Hello, frog!
Keep hopping!
You're real!
Guys, I think we're gonna
have to cut through Asia.
Not a clue.
None.
I can't really see much.
We could jump down, hope for the best.
But we have no idea what's down there.
We don't know what's up here, either.
This is a Roman city.
I can feel the familiar pull of history
in its very foundations.
Where the heck is everybody?
I've seen this town before,
I'm sure of it.
Romans?
I see you have the name
of a lady on your arm.
Andrea. Yeah.
So this Lady Andrea is your Guinevere.
Does any man stand
between you and your ladylove?
Yeah, actually. My dad kind of messed
things up the other night.
- Nick.
- Oh, we're stopping.
Let no man stand
between you and your destiny.
Oh, "destiny" may be
overstating it a bit.
We just have calculus together.
It's more one of those...
fleeting moments of eye contact.
"Who's gonna look away first?"
But I get you. No man...
- Good.
- Okay.
"liepwop. "
liepwop.
Doesn't ring a bell.
Now who's this son of a gun?
- Pompeii!
- I'm sorry.
- I'm having trouble hearing you!
- Pompeii!
No comprendo, amigo...
because you got the thing
in front of you!
What are they doing?
Where in the blazes
are they stampeding off to?
Was it something we said?
Come on back to liepwop!
- There's plenty of room!
- Come on back!
They're as crazy as road lizards.
People are strange.
Hey, guy. We're just passing through.
- It's a Garuda from Tibet.
- A Garuda?
Hi, Garuda. How you doing?
Garuda! How you doing?
Cool, great.
Okay. We just...
You know what? We just got to get through.
I don't have time.
Please. Okay.
I'm not gonna play this game with you.
I got to go through. Really.
Get back.
- A dragon.
- No, it's not a dragon. It's a...
It's a Xiangliu.
Mythical snake demon.
It looks like a dragon.
I say we kill it.
What? No, it's asleep.
You're right. It's not very sporting
to kill it while it's asleep.
Let's wake it up and then kill it.
I shall go first,
and I shall take the boy.
What are you...? No!
You're not gonna take the boy.
- Why not?
- Because he's a boy!
Larry, there comes a time
in every man's life...
when he must slay his own dragon.
Not this kid, all right?
He still hasn't finished all his
thank-you notes from his bar mitzvah.
Anyway, that's just an expression.
Not where I come from.
He's not gonna
slay his dragon right now.
We're gonna go around it.
We're gonna go around now,
or else we're gonna lose the signal.
Come on.
liepwop.
Pompeii!
liepwop. Are you sure you're
reading that right, pal?
Pompeii!
"Pompeii. "
"Ask not what your country can do for you...
"Ask what you can do for your country. "
There it goes again!
Attila!
- Teddy!
- Charge!
Whoa!
Fantastic! It's awake!
Now we can kill it!
Whoa!
- Attila!
- Dad!
Nicky!
I'll get the boy!
- Ever used a blade?
- Only in World of Warcraft!
You're about to learn.
"The only thing we have
to fear is fear itself!"
"Doing a heck of a job, Brownie. "
Behind you!
Duck!
Last roundup, kemosabe!
Time to slap on the barbecue sauce, boy!
What?
No, no! You wouldn't!
He must!
Clear!
We must never speak
of what happened here today.
Come on! That wasn't necessary!
It's out!
These things really do save lives.
Are you all right?
Are you all right, my dear?
- You okay?
- Yeah, thanks.
You fought bravely, sire.
One day, I promise you,
we shall drink dragon's blood
from the victor's cup.
I'm good with just, like,
soda or water, too.
But I like the energy we got going.
From now on,
you must choose your own path.
And let no man tell you otherwise.
We better let Larry know we're okay.
Turn around.
Larry's probably worried about us.
How are we going to find them now?
Lawrence?
I fear we've turned a corner.
I'm becoming wax again, son.
All right. We'll look for them later.
We got to get to Egypt now.
Wait, shouldn't we keep looking
for Jed and Octavius?
Nick is right.
A true knight never shirks his duties.
If we don't get to Egypt soon
we're not gonna save anybody.
Dada say, "Stay!"
Stay!
Dada say Laaa no eat.
Stay, Laaa!
This is it.
Perhaps I should accompany you in.
No, I think we got it from here.
- Really?
- Yeah. No, we're good.
Right. Well...
friends...
Larry...
clown-faced keeper
of the magic tablet...
I shall never forget your bravery.
Nor your jests.
Bye.
I shall not say goodbye.
- I am.
- What?
I'm gonna say goodbye.
I have to go, I'm sorry.
I'll see you.
Really, man, thank you.
For everything.
I haven't seen these walls
for many a moon.
Ahkmen?
Mother.
Father.
Welcome home, my son.
I want you to meet my friends.
I am Merenkahre...
Pharaoh of the Nile and Father
to the Son of the Sun.
And I am Shepseheret...
the Glittering Jewel
of the Nine Kingdoms.
And I am Larry.
Guardian of Brooklyn.
Yes.
I actually live in Manhattan now.
I know, but it doesn't sound as cool.
Yeah.
We would be very honored if you
could take a look at the tablet.
There's something happening with it.
We don't understand what it is.
You are speaking with a pharaoh.
Kiss my staff.
Is it okay if I don't?
You will show respect.
I am the descendant of Ra, the sun god.
I understand that
and I totally respect you.
I just don't pray to Ra, so...
The Egyptian gods
are the only true gods.
Well, we try to stay
a little more open-minded.
I mean, Sacajawea,
she honors her spiritual ancestors...
and you pray to some sort
of goat god, Attila?
I'm half-Irish, half-Jewish...
You are? I love Jews!
We owned 40,000 of them!
- Such lovely people.
- Here we go.
They were very happy,
always singing with the candles.
Yeah. They really weren't happy.
- Really?
- No. They left.
They spent about 40 years
in the desert trying to escape.
Yeah. We have dinner once
a year and talk about it.
It's a big deal for us.
Listen, could you take
a look at that tablet?
There's something wrong with it.
It's losing its power.
Do you think you could fix it?
To do that, I would have to divulge
the secret of the tablet.
I promise we won't tell anybody.
No.
I'll kiss your staff.
Too late.
Father, why do you insist
on keeping this to yourself?
The secret was to be passed down
to you at the proper time.
Well, it has been 4,000 years.
Now seems like a good time.
You were born at midnight.
I was Pharaoh...
and I had seen wonders
most men only dream of.
But when I first gazed upon you...
you were instantly
more precious to me...
than all the wonders
of the ancient world.
I knew I could never bear
to say goodbye.
I commanded the High Priest to create
a gift to you, my son...
using all we had learned of
the mysteries of the afterlife.
Forged in the temple of Khonsu,
god of the moon...
and watcher over nighttime travelers...
the Tablet of Ahkmenrah.
Our tomb was designed to channel
Khonsu's rays down to the tablet...
rejuvenating its powers every night.
The moon god bestowed
his power upon the tablet...
so that, as long as
it bathed in his light...
our family could be together forever,
and not even death could part us.
It's been away
from Khonsu's light too long.
My son!
What is happening to you?
It needs moonlight...
otherwise we shall all
be dead by sunrise.
Hurry!
If the tablet dies...
nothing can bring it back!
What are you doing?
The tablet. Now.
Wait, listen to me. That thing is dying.
If it doesn't get moonlight...
everything ends, like, for real.
King Arthur wasted years searching
for the Holy Grail.
To think it was a tablet all along.
Would you just give it to me?
You don't know what you're doing!
My quest is complete.
I ride for Camelot tonight.
Just keep it, okay?
But just put it in the moonlight
and turn that center piece.
Sorry, not my first quest.
And by the way,
Erik was much funnier than you!
Go get the others.
We can't let him leave the building!
Whoa! Easy there, partner! Slow it down!
I don't know who you are...
but I'm pretty dang sure
that tablet don't belong to you.
Now wait a second!
Come back here! This ain't over!
You'll rue the day you
mocked us with your huge sword
and hypnotic blue eyes!
His eyes are very blue.
Speak softly and carry a big stick.
Lawrence, we have a problem.
This one turned to wax as well.
I have a saying, too.
"Speak loudly and carry a bigger stick. "
- It's over there!
- You mean up there.
Come on.
Got it.
- Teddy.
- The tablet, now!
I shan't ask you again, fool!
And this is giving me a headache!
Give me the tablet!
Let me go, Lawrence.
No! Teddy, no!
Teddy!
There.
That'll be mine.
Hey, that was a good one.
No idea that would work.
Larry!
Hey, you guys, how you doing?
Still in one piece!
- Octavius, I think this belongs to you.
- Thank you.
I don't understand.
Why is Lancelot staying strong
while we get weaker?
It's his first night.
Newborns are stronger
but it matters not.
Unless we succeed, he, too,
will be dead come the dawn.
We can't let him leave the building.
Sir, can you go back to Egypt,
in case he comes through there?
- Of course. - Nicky, take Attila,
check the loading dock.
- Got it. - Teddy, go to the South Wing,
cover the side doors.
I got the main entrance.
You! I knew you smelled a bit off!
- Didn't you just see that?
- See what?
The knight on the horse
that just rode through!
Stop trying to distract me
with your magical fantasy!
I found your filthy twin, here,
in the freight room!
He's not my twin.
I got him, and what could
he say for himself?
Shut up! Shut up in your face!
Shut up right now!
Do you want to be smashed?
Yeah, you can run,
but if you leave those gates...
I swear to you,
your hideous doppelganger...
who looks a lot like the lead singer
of the Counting Crows...
will get it!
Dada.
That's right.
It compute with him.
Dada.
Damn it!
Laaa.
If you see me do something dumb,
don't imitate me, okay?
It's basically what I keep telling Nick.
He just doesn't get it, you know?
I mean, he's a smart kid...
but I just want to give him
the tools that I didn't have.
I mean, get the degree,
then take a break.
Get the degree, then take a break.
Laaa! Laaa, stop that!
Stop it!
Okay.
What? Excuse me! Hey!
Hi. Hey. Sorry.
I'm Nick, this is Dexter,
Attila the Hun.
Oh, yes, so lovely to meet you.
Now meet this hammer!
Don't do that.
I'm super sorry. I know it's
a lot going on, Hun, monkey.
Wow, what? So much weird.
Huge amount to process.
Right? Okay, sorry.
- Thank you.
- You won't get away with this!
I'm making sketches of you
in my mind right now!
Boy with freckles,
fat Asian with hair extensions,
evil monkey.
I guess it's just parenting, you know?
And he comes from a divorced family...
so I'm sure he has a lot of conflicted
feelings about me...
and there might be some
Oedipal stuff at play in there, or...
I get it.
I wasn't there a lot of the time.
So I think I might be
projecting my own guilt...
and taking it out on him in ways...
that I'm not even aware of.
What?
Door.
Head.
Okay, I...
Open...
head.
Open your mind!
Yes! Yeah, well, you're right.
That's the challenge.
I mean, it's all contextual, and I do.
I keep looking at him through the lens
of how my parents raised me...
when, in reality, he's his own person.
And, yeah, we share the same DNA...
but honestly, he's much more
evolved than I ever was.
I don't want to let my own ego
and childhood history...
stop him from making the mistakes
he needs to make...
to become the person
that he's meant to be.
Open the door with your head.
Yes!
Good, Laaa. Let's go!
- Everybody okay?
- Yes, Lawrence.
Attila and your boy secured
the lady guard in her booth.
I don't know how long
it will hold her, though.
We gotta find Lancelot...
but somebody has to make sure
she doesn't get out.
Yeah. Laaa, okay.
You know what you have to do?
Stay!
That's right. Just make sure
she stays in there.
- Stay!
- Good! Go!
Dada say, "Stay"!
Lawrence!
I can't move my arms.
We're becoming less useful
by the minute.
Whoa, whoa!
Come on, big guy.
What? You okay there?
Something's up with your eye, but...
I don't know. It's just kind of going...
You gotta relax, okay?
Calm down!
Attila! Attila!
Attila doesn't hyperventilate.
You pillage!
You plunder!
You don't freak out. Okay?
Dad, there's, like,
8 million people in this city.
He could be literally anywhere by now.
We'll find him.
We have to.
I'm coming, my love.
Blimey!
He came this way...
traveling 4 leagues per hour.
No!
Never run from a big cat, Lawrence.
Gigantor, get your flashlight out!
These cats want to play!
Whoo-wee! He's got it, boy!
Well played, sir.
Run!
Where the devil could Lancelot be?
Come on!
You better let me out of here,
you revolting ape-man!
What are you staring at?
Stop looking at me!
Have you never seen a beautiful,
attractive, gorgeous woman before...
who could be a model if she
didn't love pizza so much?
I know what you're playing at...
and it ain't working.
Not working.
Wait, it is kind of working.
What have they done to Camelot?
In short, there's simply not
A more congenial spot
For happily ever-aftering
Than here in...
- Camelot
- At long last!
- Guinevere, my love.
- Hi.
Can I help you, mate?
It is I...
Sir Lancelot.
I have fulfilled my quest.
Sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm not actually Guinevere.
I'm Alice Eve, and I think
you got a bit confused.
- Maybe you saw me on stage...
- Your voice is like music...
but I have no idea what you're saying.
Okay. Hey.
Hey, man.
Hey, buddy.
What she's saying is she's not Guinevere
because she's an actor.
Okay? So am I.
An actor?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
You know?
Do the crown.
Oh, sorry, of course. Hugh Jackman.
It was the crown.
I know, the whole...
Huge Ackman?
That's a ridiculous name!
It doesn't even sound real!
Only a coward would conceal
his true identity, Arthur.
No, it's Hugh Jackman.
I, on the other hand...
carry the treasure you sought
but could never find.
Behold the key to life everlasting!
Okay, I love the costume...
I love the enthusiasm...
but you're gonna have
to get off stage now.
Sir Lancelot, ladies and gentlemen.
Sir Lancelot.
Yes!
Very good.
Shame on you, Arthur!
You don't deserve your crown,
and you don't deserve your queen!
Prepare to feel the cold kiss
of my blade...
Huge Ackman!
Hey, buddy, this is all pretend.
See, just...
Well, that's not real.
None of it is.
It's not real.
It was a good performance.
- We were right in there.
- You were tonight.
But it's not real-real.
It's not real.
Not real?
Do you know how long
I dreamed of Camelot?
And for what? For nothing!
- Jeez!
- Nothing!
No, no, no.
Please just take your seats and...
What's up?
We're just as God made us.
Why don't you take a picture?
It'll last longer.
Okay, I've tried being nice.
That's enough.
Get off the stage right now!
Stay back! You don't scare me...
Huge Ackman.
Listen, mate, you don't
want to fight me, all right?
If we go, I will break you.
Come on!
What is that?
What are you doing?
- He's doing his Wolverine thing.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- You know?
It's better with the claws and no shirt.
Fair.
Lancelot!
Lancelot!
Oi, mate!
Hey, buddy, that's not an exit!
Yeah, come on up.
Yep. Come on up!
Oh, monkeys. Terrific.
I love the costumes.
Sorry. I just gotta say,
you're the whole package, man.
Thanks, buddy.
- He recognized you.
- Yeah, that was awesome.
Hey! Give me the tablet!
Stay back! Stay back.
- Stand back!
- Whoa!
Back!
What?
Your..
- Your nose, it's...
- What about my nose?
Your nose is dripping.
- What?
- It's melting. From the fire.
Okay.
How bad is it?
It is not great.
But I'm Lancelot!
There never was a Lancelot!
Lancelot is a legend.
You're not real.
I don't understand!
I know it's a lot to take in,
but please, just give me the tablet.
Oh, and then what? Back to the museum?
Stand there as little children
ogle and point?
And learn.
And get inspired to do great things.
There are far less noble fates,
my friend.
Not for me, there aren't!
If there is no Camelot...
there is no Guinevere and no Lancelot...
then I'm nothing.
I'm just a sad lump of misshapen wax.
Stop looking at my nose!
- I wasn't looking at it.
- You were, I saw you.
You were like this. "Hmm, hmm. " Staring.
- I wasn't like that.
- You were!
Don't look at it!
It really is hard not to look at.
Yes, he is.
- I didn't.
- I saw you!
- No, I'm looking at your eyes.
- Monkey, stop it!
Could you give me the tablet, please?
Give me the tablet.
If you give me the tablet,
I promise I won't...
Do not look at my nose!
- Give me the tablet.
- Look away. - Give me the tablet.
How hard could it be
not to look at my nose?
I'm not gonna look at your nose.
- I can't help it!
- Look to the heavens!
It's disgusting.
Yet, he's still handsome.
No one shall look at, or mention,
my nose from this moment forward!
I'm sorry, I forgot
what we were talking about.
Lawrence.
Oh, Teddy!
Larry.
We've run out of time.
Listen to me.
You got to straighten the pieces.
Straighten the pieces right now
or they're all gonna die!
You too!
A world without Camelot is not
a world worth living in.
Dad!
Dexter, what is it?
You all right?
Hey.
Hey, man, you okay?
Hey, look at me.
Yeah, you want to slap me? Go ahead.
Go ahead, slap me in the face.
Dex?
Dexter?
Dexter?
Oh! No, no. No.
Dexter? No, no. Come on, man!
Dad, he's gone.
I'll take that hand now.
I understand now.
The monkey was the quest.
It was never about the tablet.
It was about them.
Forgive me.
It is I who have been the fool.
We're back, baby!
Lawrence!
Whoa!
Hey!
Welcome back, buddy.
Hey.
Well done, Larry!
There he is. That's our guy.
Come here!
Here's your tablet.
It feels good, doesn't it, Jedediah?
Boy, you said it!
Hey. Thank you.
How do I look?
You look like Lancelot.
Well done, my child.
Thank you...
for bringing my son home safely.
It's a strange thing...
seeing your boy become a man.
There were lions chasing us.
Yeah, it's crazy.
One day, they're riding a dinosaur
through Central Park...
and then the next day
they're DJ-ing in Ibiza.
You've served my family well.
We shall build a great tomb
and bury you with many riches.
I, personally, will see to it
that your organs are removed...
and placed in separate
jewel-encrusted jars.
Thank you.
It's the right thing to do.
Then we're agreed.
Lawrence...
may I have a word?
Yeah.
The others and I have been talking.
Ahkmenrah's place
is here with his family.
He must remain here.
And the tablet should
stay here as well, son.
This is where it belongs, Gigantor.
Yeah, but it...
That means you guys would have to stay.
We belong in New York.
Yeah, but if you...
If you guys go, then you...
you won't be alive after tonight.
We're museum exhibits, Laredo.
It's what we are.
Folks come to look at us,
maybe learn a little something.
That's alive, man.
But I'm...
I'm supposed to take care of you guys.
And you have.
It's okay, Lawrence.
We're ready.
I'm not.
Let us go, son.
Okay.
Thank you for giving me
back my family, Larry...
Guardian of Brooklyn.
Dad, if we leave right now,
we can still catch a flight...
get home with everyone still awake
before the sun comes up.
Yeah, okay.
Let's go home.
Whoa!
It's all right, Larry.
We've reached something
of an understanding.
- Really?
- Trixey, sit.
Wow! That's really good.
Good job, Lance.
Thanks.
Trixey, behave.
Good girl.
Steady.
He never even listens to me.
But you...
I just feel like
you really listen to me.
It's like our hearts are in
perfect sync with each other right now.
Do you feel what...
Hi. Sorry to interrupt whatever...
is happening.
Laaa, the guys are waiting outside.
We gotta go. Come on.
What? No.
No! Laaa, stay!
I know this sounds crazy...
but you and I could make a life
together here in England.
Whoa!
Wow. Okay.
I will never forget you.
You are the most rugged man
that I have ever, ever met.
Keep the scrunchies.
Okay, Laaa. We gotta go.
Come on.
I won't say anything if you won't.
Oh, I know you hate this job and
everything, but tomorrow night...
best job ever.
Sure is quiet around here.
Without the tablet,
it's just like any other museum.
You know what I'm gonna remember
most about you?
What?
How big you guys are.
Come here.
Come here.
Hold me.
My...
friend.
You speak English?
Okay.
Hey, listen.
Up there on the roof, when...
When you almost...
Yeah.
I just want you to know...
I really changed my perspective
on everything.
I know we have a weird...
We have this dynamic,
we have this tension.
Back and forth.
I mean, games, right? You know?
Roles that we put ourselves into,
but why does it have to be that way?
I feel like there's always been a mutual
sort of respect for each other.
Anyway.
I'll miss you, you know?
Okay. It's all right.
Go ahead. One last slap.
Yeah, I felt that was there
for a long time, too.
Thank you.
Who would have ever thought?
I'm wax, she's polyurethane.
But somehow, it worked.
I guess this is it.
Indeed.
And I know young Nick
will do great things.
Yeah, he's...
ready to take on the world
all by himself.
Then you've done your job.
You've done your job.
It's time for your next adventure.
I have no idea
what I'm gonna do tomorrow.
How exciting.
Bye, Teddy.
Farewell, Lawrence.
Bully!
Got you!
Smile, my boy.
It's sunrise.
- Hey.
- Hey. You good?
- Yeah, I am.
- Good.
So, Ibiza?
Yeah.
The whole DJ thing, Dad...
I don't know if that's
the thing for me...
I just know that it's the next thing.
After that, maybe college.
I'm figuring it all out, you know?
Sounds like a plan.
I should get back to Mom's,
or something.
Okay.
I love you.
I love you, too.
All right.
I'm not gonna let you go.
Okay. I'll see you later.
Three years, no Larry Daley.
He was the one that took the fall
for me, got me my job back.
I heard he went back to school,
got his degree, became a teacher.
I'm very glad.
Well, when he heard about
this traveling exhibition...
Larry insisted that I deliver this
to you personally.
The infamous,
supposedly magic, glowing tablet.
Larry Daley and his fanciful tales.
Larry said you could be trusted.
What do you mean?
With the top secret knowledge.
What are you doing?
- I'm winking.
- You're blinking.
No, I wink with both eyes.
That's blinking.
It doesn't matter, because right now...
you better get ready!
For what?
For this.
It does glow.
Come on.
Sorry.
Go ahead.
Have fun-fun, Dum Dum.
Stay!
I'm not going anywhere.
Stay!
I'm not going anywhere!