How d'you know
all of this?
I asked Gary.
Gary? So none of this
has come from Robert then?
You've never even
talked to him, have you?
Um...
No, but, like, Gary said he's
like proper fucked up his arm.
Like ripped the skin right off.
Holly, I don't wanna know.
I'd love it if my boyfriend
tried to kill himself
'cause I died.
But he didn't kill himself,
did he?
He's back here,
stacking shelves
on minimum wage.
All right, but...
Imagine being fucked
by someone that intense.
Has anyone ever told you you're
a really weird little girl?
Anyway don't
kid yourself.
You don't wanna fuck him.
You wanna be the one
that ids the body
when he finally gets it right.
Nah. She wants to save him.
Don't ya?
You won't be able
to fix him, Holly.
If she ever speaks to him,
that is.
You've been like
my angel.
You know, like everything
with mum and dad and crap
and all that shit
with Steve.
I don't know.
I just don't think that...
Look, it's not been working
for a while, has it?
I'm sorry about the bear.
I just wanted to, you know.
Can we be friends?
Oh, yeah.
No, that would be cool.
Of course we can be friends.
So you're not--
you're okay?
Yeah.
I just think I'm a bit...
A bit dark for you.
Dark?
I mean... I mean...
You're a bit vanilla.
What?
I mean you're just so nice.
Not that that's--
i mean, it's great.
You're a lovely person and--
fuck off, David.
You know nothing about me.
Whoa! Whoa! Easy!
You okay?
Samira, get a mop,
clean this up, yeah?
Let me have a look.
I'm a paramedic.
I'm a paramedic...
Trainee.
I'm a student when I'm not here
at the supermarket.
Can I?
I heard you came off
your bike.
I'm gonna sell it.
I thought it'd be better
in the open air.
At least you're not in a box.
You should have kept this moist.
It might scar now.
I know. They told me.
What you listening to?
What are you listening to?
What do you think?
- You don't like it, do you?
- Yeah, I do.
No, you don't.
Orange?
That's a pomegranate.
Whatever. It's free.
What made you talk to me?
No one else in that place does.
They stare at me and treat me
like I'm gonna kill myself.
Well, you do a pretty good
impression.
Come on!
It's the short cut!
Cinema's over there!
You're too good for me,
and I don't want to hurt you.
You're not going to.
Now, the eagle-eyed
amongst you
will notice I'm wearing
a funny costume today.
But the thing is that's
out of respect for the uniform.
You don't go shopping in it.
You don't go down
to the pub in it,
even though you think
you might pull in it.
It's not just a uniform for me.
It tells the whole world
who I am.
Even though we're all here,
none of us are wearing green.
But don't forget.
You are different
from the others here.
You're not a media student,
not a sports science student.
You're training to be
a paramedic.
And training doesn't begin
when you put on the uniform.
It starts up here.
Three ds.
Discipline.
You're not just wearing
the uniform to look good.
Determination.
To live up to what
the uniform means.
And finally,
most importantly of all...
Distance.
When you put on that uniform,
it sets you apart from others.
Doesn't make you superhuman.
Some people
you will not save.
Oh, shit!
Rob, I'm so sorry.
I'm so, so sorry.
You're so sweet.
Oh, my god.
Fuck me.
Oh, fuck yeah.
Oh, fuck.
Yeah, grab my feet.
Oh, my god, that's amazing.
I'm not holding your feet.
Oh, god, not again.
What the...
Where...
Rob?
Are you there?
What's going on?
Nina?
Rob.
It is you.
Rob.
What is happening?
Who's this?
You're dead.
You're- you're dead.
Who the fuck is this girl?
Rob, who is this?
Come on, rob, introduce us.
Nina...
This is Holly, who...
Works in the supermarket
with me.
Holly...
This is Nina, my...
Girlfriend.
Dead...
Girlfriend.
This isn't...
This isn't happening!
How could you, rob?
Rob, she isn't real.
She... isn't!
How old is she?
No, you can't--
you're dead!
Sure, but I've kept
my standards.
I mean...
Supermarket?
Holly, just go.
You...
This...
This is my...
Uh, you should just go.
You can.
You should just leave me.
This has to be a dream.
Oh, fuck!
Can't be real.
I can't believe this.
You're my boyfriend's
dead ex-girlfriend.
You think I'm his ex ex?
I'm not.
And don't even think
about calling me
his late ex-girlfriend
because that gives completely
the wrong impression.
I'm not an ex.
You're dead!
Doesn't mean we're on a break
though, does it?
Get the fuck
out of my bedroom.
You have to help me,
my love.
I can't. I can't. Please.
I think I remember
six or seven seconds.
My mouth filled
with my own blood.
And then no change.
- Rob.
- Just the mortuary slab...
With you and dad
bonding over my naked body.
I don't want this.
And then the funeral.
Then you... and her.
I don't want this.
Rob, just move.
Kiss me, rob.
Kiss me, beautiful.
Kissing you
isn't how it used to be.
Ow!
Holly!
Ow, fuck!
Fuck's sake.
Wait here for a minute.
Holly!
Holly, wait.
Fuck.
Oh, you'll check your phone
whilst giving mouth-to-mouth,
will you?
Hello? Yeah, uh...
Ah, we lost him.
Shame, I know, but I did get
a text from my boyfriend.
Oh, sorry,
i don't mean boyfriend.
I mean supermarket fuck buddy.
Keep pumping the chest.
You don't want to lose him.
- The doll, I mean, not the--
- fuck off, Josh.
You all right?
Look like you've seen a ghost.
How are things going
with your sexy suicidal guy?
Has he mentioned her yet,
dead girlfriend?
It came up, yeah.
I don't quite know
how to say this, so...
I'm just going
to go ahead and say it.
Have you met someone?
Sorry.
That sounds so...
I just mean...
- I mean you can.
- I haven't.
But you can.
You should know
that you can move on...
If you want to.
It's okay.
We all need to move on.
God, the bulbs are out,
did you see?
First sign of spring.
Yeah.
Spring would be nice.
Is rob here yet?
Yes, he's in
the front room. He's--
I think he's come off
his bike again.
Oh, god,
is he still doing that?
- Don't mention it.
- Of course I won't.
Hey, rob.
Good to see you.
How's things?
Yeah. You know.
Yeah.
Yep.
Drink before the performance.
I've certainly earned it.
- Have you been writing?
- Well, I call it that.
Did you get to read
that chapter I sent you?
That's how Martin amis
does it, rob.
Gets all his feedback
from reluctant dinner guests.
Rob's not reluctant, is he?
Why does he come here
every week?
- Well, not to read your book.
- You don't mind, do you, rob?
Well, how's he going
to answer that?
He's a free man.
He can say whatever he wants.
When did she do the painting
in the front room?
It was her a-level piece.
Very strong.
Best one there.
Just gonna use the loo.
Have you thought
any more about...
Starting up your studies again?
I'm not sure.
Feel like my maths brain
has dried up.
Seems a bit pointless.
And working
in a supermarket isn't--
you're sounding like
a nagging grandmother, sal.
So... how's that motorbike
of yours, rob?
Quite a mean machine
you've got there.
Yeah.
It's fine.
I used to have a moto guzzi
myself once.
This is ridiculous.
Fine machine.
Come on,
while we have a moment.
Shall we adjourn
to the parlor?
Here.
Oh, sorry! Um...
Cheers.
Cheers.
Do you mind?
No. Of course.
Oh, you don't have
to read it now.
I just really like this bit.
"Silvio bulge pissed.
Reaching inside himself,
he ejaculated piss
in the urinal before him.
Reaching inside himself,
he pissed in the way
only men can,
with his hands."
You know what I mean?
That just came out!
"With his hands."
You know.
I will. I'll... definitely
read the rest of this.
This is all
a new thing for me.
But that-- that's why
it's so good, you know?
Scary, but exciting,
you know?
It'd be good for you to--
I mean, uh...
Not that it has to be
that phd.
You could do anything, rob.
Don't let her put you off.
Take care, won't you?
- I'll see you next week.
- Okay.
Is she...
Do you want her to be?
No.
I thought you'd gone.
You stopped texting.
There you go.
Jesus, you're freezing.
She'll be there.
We can cope.
What?
Are you okay?
Okay.
Kiss me. Kiss me.
You're so warm.
Thank you, Holly.
It's not gonna work.
I have tinnitus.
And these lights
zigzagging in my eyes.
I have a shard of glass
in the back of my throat,
and that's about
all I can feel.
You might as well stop.
- I wanna make you happy.
- Stop.
He's using you.
God, rob, she is young.
Naked, you could pass for 16.
You're not old.
No.
I'm dead.
If I was just
his old girlfriend,
then I could see why you'd get
your frothy little hopes up,
but..
Come on.
That first morning
when I was naked in the sunshine
by the window,
pushing his hands
into the sand
as we fucked on the beach
in cornwall.
Or the time
i went down on him
on the sofa
in my parents' front room,
just before he met them
for the first time.
These things
will stay in his head
precisely because I am dead.
You're an oil painting
that's still wet.
Any good memories
you slather out
will just get mushed in
by what happens next.
I have no next.
Nina.
Holly is my girlfriend now.
I don't know how we're gonna
deal with this... situation,
but that's just how it is.
No, it isn't.
We never broke up.
- You died. I couldn't.
- Did you want to?
- No.
- Well, then.
- I'm breaking up with you now.
- You can't.
- What do you mean? Why not?
- Because I'm dead.
Didn't change you
very much, did it?
Well, that's sort of the point.
Why do you always have to
be like this when we row?
I'm not being like anything.
I'm dead.
I'm very literally not being
like anything at all.
Holly is my girlfriend,
and you are dead,
and that means that
we can't be together anymore.
You can't expect me to be on
my own for the rest of my life.
You're not.
This doesn't mean
I'm gonna forget you.
What the fuck do you think
you mean by that?
You're impossible.
I never know what you want.
I don't want anything.
I think that I should
give her a memorial.
I know there's a grave
but she's not there, is she?
Besides, I want to show her
how I feel.
You know you were right
about her grave.
She's not there.
She's not anyplace, is she?
I used to take flowers to
the road where she died, but...
It's just a field
with a broken fence.
You know, what matters,
all that matters is us.
You, me,
Sally and Dan,
what we carry with us.
Like when I came off my bike
the first time, I...
I wanted a lorry to come.
I wanted to be crushed.
Lose my legs or...
I wanted scars,
so she'd always be there.
But you're right.
This is better.
She drew it on my t-shirt
one night when we were out
to wind me up.
She'd decided I'd die first.
Put a picture of me
being eaten by sharks.
Put my name and a date.
So I said, "what about you?"
She said she'd never die,
and wrote it underneath.
So was it after her crash
that you had it done?
Nope. That night.
Neither of us felt permanent
marker was permanent enough.
Her art was all about
leaving a mark,
like a needle in a record.
She loved letterpress.
Old printing.
Seeing the indentation.
The impression stuff made
always...
Are you sure you wanna
hear all this shit?
Yeah, of course.
Don't know why
you bought white.
What the hell, rob?
You're branding them now?
It was her idea.
I know what this is about.
You're scared
you'll be forgotten.
You don't want me
to take your place. I won't.
I never will.
You can go now.
I'm honoring you.
Jesus wept.
You're a very silly little girl,
aren't you, Holly?
This has nothing to do with me.
It's him.
Oblivion would beat this.
Would beat lying next
to the heat of your heart
beating in your little
living chest.
The smell of your sweet stink
rising between your legs
as my boy puts his hand
inside your pussy.
Nina, don't do this.
I'm just-- I'm trying to help.
I'm sorry.
No, you're not.
You didn't even notice
i didn't do anything this time.
You just rode him like
a little toy rocking horse.
No. Last time you said--
I'm not doing this to get off.
I don't want this.
I don't... want.
Fine.
Far as I'm concerned,
the least you could have done
was leave me a book.
Right now
that'll be my pleasure.
You know, I'll fuck him
all day and all night
and leave a fucking library
for you.
You won't drive me away.
Trust me. I don't intend
to drive again.
I've had a bad experience.
Rob, are you...
Are you going to say anything?
What can I say?
I love you.
But it's me he can't forget.
I'm honoring you.
You won't be forgotten.
Don't you see?
That is the problem.
And you've certainly
made that one worse.
- Do you want her to come back?
- No.
But I don't know how
to make her stop.
Would you meet Nina's parents,
Sally and Dan?
O-okay, but i--
- how's that gonna--
- I think I need you to.
You know, to show them
I'm moving on.
With you.
Perhaps she'll accept it too.
So what the hell
was that, rob?
I'm sorry
i forgot to ask.
Is there anything
you don't eat, Holly?
We're having a roast.
Um, I'm a vegetarian.
Oh. Um, well,
there's potatoes and peas.
It's no bother. I'll, um...
I can do omelet.
I didn't think
it would go like that.
Dan's writing a novel.
Oh, cool.
Is that what you do?
- Uh...
No. It's a...
It's a new thing.
Our friend
the maths phd over there
helped me set up
my writing den.
And every Sunday
poor old rob
has to come over and give his
opinion on the latest chapters.
Every Sunday?
Why don't I know
about your phd, rob?
Why don't I know
anything about you?
What?
Should I be writing equations
on the fucking windows?
Are you all right?
I'm sorry.
It's just...
It's just...
What just happened?
You're sitting
in Nina's chair.
Oh, my god.
What was with the mum, rob?
What was that?
- If I can help in any way...
- No, just leave him to it.
If there's anything
i can do...
It's just something we all
have to live with, isn't it?
We just have
to keep on living.
Don't we, rob?
So, Holly,
what books do you like?
I don't really-- textbooks.
But I mean I don't really
enjoy reading those.
So do you really have
to go to university
to be an ambulance driver?
Paramedic.
So first time away from home.
I bet your mother misses you.
What are you, twenty?
Uh, no, I'm nineteen.
I guess rob is your first
proper boyfriend.
They need me.
Fine. Whatever.
Holly!
Excuse me, I'm just--
thank you.
I'm sorry.
Holly!
Come on, look, I'm sorry.
Don't ignore me.
Oh, come on, Holly,
stop being so fucking childish.
What's there to talk about?
You wanna fuck
your ex-girlfriend's mum.
Fuck off, Holly!
Just 'cause I hold her hand
doesn't mean
i want to actually--
can we talk about this
somewhere else?
- Do you wanna sit here?
- No, you're fine.
It just felt like
i mean nothing to you.
I'm sorry.
I'm all she's got left.
And I wanted her
to meet you because...
I love you.
- Do you?
- Yes, I love you.
Prove it.
God, you are dark.
Finally, he realizes!
- Oh, Jesus, it's fucking cold!
- Shh! Someone will hear us.
I really don't fucking care!
I'm sorry.
Oh, fuck yeah.
Say goodbye to her.
Don't you think
that's a bit rude?
What the--
fuck!
Ugh! Fuck!
What the fuck
are you doing here?
Where else would I be?
I'm not gonna apologize
if that's what you want.
We make each other happy!
You don't make happiness.
It blooms on anything
you don't scrub too hard.
Nina, stop!
You don't think this is love,
do you, Holly?
I mean sure,
he's made you feel useful.
Every drop of semen that has
trickled down your belly
has been a splash of sunshine
on his grief-stricken brow.
But basically you're
Florence nightingale
job-sharing
with Linda lovelace.
Jesus, Nina!
This is fucking ridiculous.
Nina, come on. Is this really
how you want to say goodbye?
No, but neither was going
through the windscreen
of a triumph spitfire,
but sometimes you don't
get a choice, honey.
Besides...
You never can say goodbye.
Ever.
What?
What are you doing here?
Don't even mention
the word "closure."
Face it, Holly.
You've been swaddled and carried
your whole life through.
All these fucking lectures?
You know nothing.
You mean nothing.
To him or me.
You can't even
put your own trousers on.
Would you just stop?!
Nina.
This is the end, Nina.
I'm saying goodbye to you now.
I'm never gonna see you again.
Poor rob.
I'm clearing everything
out of the flat.
There's not going to be
a single trace of you left.
I think he's going to ask you
to move in with him.
Do you think you can
manage that, Holly?
Living in my house?
Do you really think
you can eradicate
every last trace of me?
Yes.
I love you, Holly.
Yes.
After you.
You know you won't be able to
see her parents anymore, right?
I mean, if this is gonna work.
Yeah, no, yeah.
I figured.
Would a car be useful?
What d'you mean?
For you.
Now that you're here,
rather than on campus.
Yeah, all right.
What if I sold the bike?
Rob, you can't do that.
What?
I don't ride it.
It's a waste.
I think walking is
all I'm about ready for.
Yup. That's where mine
used to go.
Can't believe
you threw all my shit away.
The least you could've done
was gone to oxfam.
Yup. There too.
Well, this is weird.
Why do you think I'm still here?
Okay, ignore it.
Good idea, sugar lump.
You can finish
reading it for me.
Fuck you, Nina.
You already tried that.
Rob is never gonna
see you again.
You missed a bit.
Hiya! Did you see
the letterpress sold on ebay?
I said we'd deliver it,
could be your first trip
in your new car.
Holly, what the fuck?
Why is this all white?
Is that... a new top?
If I was her,
I'd want you for myself
for the whole weekend!
You know what I mean.
You deserve it.
Thanks.
I don't just mean, um...
I couldn't get through
without you.
Sorry.
I don't mean
to offload on you.
No, it's-- it's okay.
I can't even
walk out on him, can I?
I mean, I could...
Walk out of here.
But it's all the other stuff,
you know.
How can you take
30 years of hang-ups
into a new relationship?
Wouldn't stand a chance,
would it?
Oh, you won't leave us,
will you?
No. No, of course not.
This'll be good though,
won't it?
Get to see the sea.
Drop this off to them
in the morning.
Make a weekend of it.
Go to the beach.
We could do anything.
What are you doing?
I dropped my phone.
Come on. Let's go.
Getting out of here
will do us both a world of good.
You're driving.
Yup. Sure.
All right, mate?
After all that,
i bet they don't want it.
"It didn't look that heavy
on ebay."
Don't mess me about, old man.
I'm a motherfucking
power seller.
So what d'you want to do now?
Fancy that chip shop we passed?
Ah! Oh!
What are you doing?
- Printing.
- Ah ha ha!
- Stay still!
- Uh!
- Oh, shit.
So... what's happening about
fish and chips then?
- Oh, my god.
Scratch me.
Hmm?
Scratch me.
Make me bleed.
I-i don't want to.
Wuss.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Come on.
You'll break your arm.
You are such a pussy.
- Oww!
- Nina! Please! Stop!
Shut up, rob.
This is what she wanted.
This is what darkness is, Holly.
Flesh trapped between metal.
Metal on bone.
Almost makes me nostalgic.
Oh, I can almost
taste the petrol.
- Please, I don't want this.
- Tough... shit.
You won. You fixed him.
Shame you don't
want him anymore.
What do you want, Nina?
Nothing.
Honey, you know it's not me
bringing me back.
Even if he's not here,
you've let me under your skin.
This is what you've won.
I'll always be here.
It's not true. It's my fault.
It's all my fault.
Get off!
You should thank me, really.
Now is definitely
the right time to end it.
You're not ready for someone
who doesn't need fixing, Holly.
A quiet job,
pint on the weekends,
it's rushing towards you,
coming to crush you.
Oh, fuck! Are you okay?
I'm so sorry.
I'm so, so sorry.
It's got nothing
to do with you, rob.
I can't.
I can't do this anymore.
I can't look at you
without seeing her.
It's never going
to work out, is it?
If you don't mind me saying,
that's a very living way
of looking at the situation.
I'm mean, from my perspective,
it already hasn't...
Worked out.
Right?
What's happening?
Hello?
Please?
Uh...
Am I hurt?
Yes, but you're
gonna be all right.
I need you to
just keep talking to me.
Just keep talking to me, okay?
Now, what's your name?
Cassie.
Okay, Cassie, my name's Holly.
You're gonna be okay.
You're gonna be okay.
Everything's going
to be all right.
Just hold my hand,
squeeze my hand.
You're gonna be all right.
It's gonna be alright.
Everything is gonna be
all right.
Everything's gonna be
all right.
This is amazing!
I mean, not--
i mean everyone.
But we saved
someone's life tonight!
Look, take this.
You're gonna freeze.
I mean, did you see
her fucking leg?
I don't know how you kept
your shit together.
Don't know how I kept
my shit together!
But I mean that's just it,
isn't it?
After that, I'm a fundamentally
changed person, you know?
From now on,
everything is different!
Fuck me!
Helping people is like the
baddest drug on earth, you know?
Whew!
Who's Nina?
Is she an ex?
Holly, are you bi?
It wasn't...
It wasn't anything.
Okay.
It's not a problem.
I mean, I'm cool with it.
I mean--
I mean I'm gonna stop talking.
- Not on the bed.
- Huh?
- Not on the bed!
- Are you okay?
- Just don't let me think.
- Okay.
So then, rob, old son,
what's the celebration?
I got a job
as a data analyst.
Brilliant! Oh, well done, mate!
That's brilliant news!
Yeah, well done.
Thanks.
Yeah, and, well...
Thanks.
You know, that's why...
Just... to say thanks.
I see.
I just mean that isn't...
This isn't actually helping
any of us. I mean...
I mean me being the one person
you can both bear to be with
- isn't exactly...
- No. That's not fair.
...isn't actually
helping anyone, is it?
Well, that's funny.
Because I'd say we've been
helping you massively.
That's not what I'm saying.
You think you've been doing
all of it on your own?
You think it's been easy for us,
seeing you?
Supporting you all through it?
Helping you get back on
your feet, find a new job,
shaking you out of the lows,
all the while...
Having you
as a constant reminder
that our daughter is dead
and you're not?!
And I do mean that!
I'm sorry, but you
can't help but think...
You can't help...
But look at kids,
I mean people your age,
and not think...
Why are they still there,
and she isn't?
Like that bloody child
you paraded at us
like some fucking ghost
of our girl.
Well, you can do that, rob.
You can find someone else.
We can't.
So don't sit there
thinking that we've not been
doing anything for you
because we bloody have.
I'm sorry.
Hold on, Josh, one sec.
What, did I do
something wrong?
You are so kinky!
Holly, I think I...
Just fuck me.
Please.
Please!
No!
Oh, god,
Holly, you're amazing!
Please, no.
Are you coming?
I gonna come!
Typical.
Jesus Christ!
Ah! God, I love this song!
I'm gonna love it
forever now.
This is not what I want.
Join the club.
Who is it?
Hi.
Hi.
You didn't answer my texts.
Holly, this is stupid. I'm--
I love you.
I'm sorry, rob.
You know this won't work out.
That's a...
I don't know why you say that.
Yes, you do.
I had to come here.
I had to speak to you.
I know I didn't do
everything I should've,
but I'm a different person.
Believe it or not,
I'm happy now.
I'm sorry.
It wasn't you, rob.
It was never you.
Are you gonna be okay?
Yeah.