( BIRDS SINGING )
( MUSIC PLAYING )
( MUSIC PLAYING )
( SWORDS SWOOSHING )
( TREES RUSTLING )
( SWORDS CLASHING )
( MUSIC PLAYING )
( SWORDS CLASHING )
( SWORDS CLASHING )
( ALARM BUZZES ) ( ON RADIO )
Another hot one outside today
as this heat wave continues.
Record highs today and all week
so let's keep you cool
on this morning commute
with cool new music
just released.
It's hot new music
on a very hot day
on Hot 99.7.
( MUSIC PLAYING )
Good morning,
Mr. Wigglesworth.
Num, num, num,
num, num, num, num.
( YAWNING )
Uh, morning, Kara.
In a rush?
Yeah, well, you know,
life is short.
Really, really short.
You never know,
you might just not
wake up tomorrow.
Welp, gotta get to kendo class.
Kara, wait.
You forgot your,
um, sword thing.
Thanks, Dameon.
Goodbye forever.
JK.
She is such a spazoid.
Can you pick a victor
or something.
You can totally do that, right?
She's not that bad.
Try sharing a bathroom with her.
I'm gonna walk in
on her one of these days
and find her slitting
her wrists or something.
Ew.
Yeah, well, at least
if she's got some blood on her,
she'd be wearing some color.
Yo, Lar-Dawg,
where my pop-tart at?
Catch.
Dawg, you burned it.
No, man.
I heard you get
more protein this way.
Nice.
Morning, boys.
Got anything in there for me?
Well, Trish,
you can have my pop-tart.
Uh, thanks, G.
But how about you
and Lar-Dawg just bring me
an orange sherbet
mochaccino later?
Sure thing, Trish.
Where you gonna be?
Around campus.
I'm gonna be working
on my econ paper.
Ow.
I don't know nothing about econ.
See you later, boys.
I hate to see you go.
But I love to watch you leave.
Pffew!
( INHALING )
Yeah.
Come on, guys.
You're gonna
get played like that?
Shut up. We're gonna
get laid like that,
while you lie in your bed
all alone
listening to the bumps
through the ceiling.
Sorry.
Just made me throw up
in my mouth for a second.
Don't cross swords.
Yo, shut your face.
Lameon.
Come on, guys, think about it.
( VIDEO GAME PLAYING )
You guys live downstairs,
remember?
Yeah, but the games
are up here, dingbat.
Aye, at last ye land lover.
Luke!
You're wearing a tunic.
Knights wear tunics.
Yar.
So why are you talking
like a pirate?
Yeah, yeah, whatever.
Come down to my car.
I have something awesome
to show you.
Hold on a second.
I want to get changed.
At least one of us
should look normal.
( MUSIC PLAYING )
Happy birthday, man.
Whoa, man.
These are awesome.
What do we use 'em for?
( CHUCKLING )
What won't we use 'em for?
Plus, I think they'd be great
to have in the show.
Yeah, good idea.
Well, and one of 'em's mine.
Yeah, of course.
Yes.
Hope anyone didn't see us.
Maybe we should put these away.
Hey, wait, wait.
Check this out.
What?
What is this?
And where do you get these?
At a tag sale.
They had this there too.
Whoa.
This is so cool.
I know, right?
Let's put these away
before the tenants
think we're on a crusade.
Speaking of which,
Kara is an angel.
Yeah, she's
a good tenant and all
but she can be
kind of weird sometimes.
Well, you do remember
what happened
to her brother, Tommy, right?
( CHEERING )
( MUSIC PLAYING )
( TIRES SCREECHING )
Yeah.
Watching your only brother be
impaled by a mailbox,
it just creates
a lot of baggage.
Well, she's still
kind of cute, though.
What part of "crazy"
don't you understand?
Mmm.. Pretty much all of it.
Anyways, can we get on
with the show?
( MUSIC PLAYING )
Hello, everyone.
Okay, three, two.
Hello, everyone,
and welcome to another adventure
in "This Week in Geek."
And we're your hosts,
Luke the Duke.
And I'm DK.
Last week,
we discussed the concept
for our next comic book.
And it's totally
gonna be space zombies.
Wait, well, hold on a second.
Wait.
We're not gonna do
zombies anymore?
Well, no, hear me out.
I know what this is.
You hate zombies, don't you?
Yeah, I mean, they kind of
drive me insane but...
I'm pretty sure you need to
hand over
your geek card right now.
All they ever do
is mope around and moan at you.
What kind of geek are you?
One that hates zombies,
apparently.
( SCOFFS ) What's next?
Are you gonna tell me
that Greedo shot first?
( MUSIC PLAYING )
You fought well.
Now, die with honor.
Ow!
Ow.
DAMEON:
As honorable as you think.
Wow, you guys are idiots.
Oh, uh, hey, guys.
( SHOUTING ) Dude, come on.
That was straight-up bullshit.
There's no way in hell
he made that pass.
Well, maybe you should
stop sucking.
Maybe you should stop
sucking your mother's dong.
( CONTROLLER KNOCKED TO FLOOR )
Hey, man.
No, ow, ow.
Please don't procreate.
Guys, you gonna pay rent
this month or what?
Who do you think you are,
the landlord?
No.
Then shut up.
Hey, Dameon, I'll have it to you
by tomorrow.
I've got to pick up
some product.
What?
Still selling pills
to 16-year-old kids?
( MUSIC PLAYING )
Yo, what up?
Yeah, yo, what up?
You got some ecs?
Where you going to,
like, a rave or something
with your Mickey Mouse gloves.
You know it, dog.
Yeah, girl, we can hook you up.
$20 a pill.
GIRL:
Give me two.
Just be aware,
ecs is a gateway drug...
...to getting laid.
Yeah.
Oh, easy money.
Yeah, these kids are so dumb,
they can't tell the difference
between ecstasy
and baby aspirin, man.
We're keeping these kids
off drugs.
Yo, it's like we're
the anti-drug superhero.
This is some straight-up
Robin Hood shit, man.
Uh, hey, uh, this came for you.
Happy birthday.
It's not from us.
Yeah, Lar-Dawg,
let's ditch these losers
and go get Trish
that frappe what's-it.
Yeah.
Man, forget about those
douche bags.
What's in the package?
"Dearest Dameon.
If you are reading this,
then it is your 25th birthday.
Happy birthday.
It also means
that we are all dead.
Sad.
You must work extra hard now
because of the secret
responsibility that you inherit.
This key is for the trunk
in the basement.
Make us proud.
Love, Mum, Dad and Albert."
Dude, didn't your family die
in a series of completely
unrelated freak accidents?
How'd they all know they died?
( SHOUTING ) Dude, will you
shut up
for a minute?
Well, here's the key.
You wanna go open up the trunk?
LUKE: Oh, man.
It smells like ass.
When was the last time
you came down here?
Not since I inherited the place.
Hey, over there.
So, you want to open it?
( MUSIC PLAYING )
TRISH:
Is that it?
Lame.
It looks like 16th century.
That is so cool you know that.
Can I touch it?
Yeah, it is kind of cool.
Hey, be careful.
It's, like,
really old and stuff.
Are you gonna
whip it out or what?
( SNIGGERING )
That's what she said.
Pffew!
No, not yet.
This is, like, a lot of stuff
to deal with right now.
I need to figure out
what it all means.
Maybe there's an explanation
in that scrolly-looking
book thingy.
What's it say?
I don't know.
I can't understand Japanese.
I do.
- Really?
LUKE: You do?
I'm taking
the fourth year advanced class
but it's not like I ever use it.
Yeah, right, you spend all day
watching those weird-ass
googly-eyed cartoons.
Yo, I didn't know
girls could be nerds too.
Hey!
She can still get it.
Watch it, ass-wipe.
I'm just saying.
I kind of dig that vampire shit.
Bet she's a freak
in the bed, y'all.
My throat ain't
the only thing she can suck.
Ugh, what the frack, guys.
Yeah, shut the frack up.
Did you just say "frack"?
I wouldn't touch you
with a 10-foot buster sword.
Bust-your-nut sword.
Real classy, guys.
Aw, come on.
You know you want a piece
of the Lar-Dawg, baby.
I told you to shut up, Larry.
Oh, what you gonna do
about it, little man?
I'll think of something.
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
Hey, just chill out, guys.
Yo, dawg, he ain't worth it.
Let's go shot gun some beers.
Sounds good, bro.
Wouldn't want this dork to get
any of his dork blood on me.
I'd be infected.
( MUSIC PLAYING )
( CRYING )
( KNOCKING ON DOOR )
Kara, are you okay?
Can I, like,
come in or something?
KARA:
Yeah, it's open.
Hey.
Don't let them get to you.
What makes them think
they can talk to me
like I'm some kind of sl...
I know.
They're meatheads.
Just don't let them bother you.
So why do you hang out
with them anyway?
Like, I don't know,
they're fun and predictable
and, when it comes down to it,
they're harmless.
They're all talk.
Yeah, but they
completely objectify you
and say gross things.
I mean, doesn't it make you
want to cut their tongue out
with a rusty steak-knife?
Ew, no.
Look, there's nothing wrong
with embracing your sexuality.
It's empowering.
Well, guess that works out
for you.
It does.
So why are you being
so nice to me?
Well, most of the time,
I don't know why
you're always freaking out
but this time I did.
( KNOCKING ON DOOR )
Hey, guys.
Is, um, everything okay?
Yeah.
You're actually really pretty.
When your face isn't
covered in that crap.
Let's just agree to disagree.
DAMEON:
Mmm.
So what do you think that is?
Samurai skills for dummies?
More like the truth
behind my family's death.
I'm sorry, I'm such an asshole.
Here, I'll do it tonight.
( MUSIC PLAYING )
Tommy, I wish you could be here.
This is, like, for real
feudal Japanese stuff.
( MUSIC PLAYING )
Wait a minute.
Holy crap!
( MUSIC PLAYING )
( SWORDS CLASHING )
( MUSIC PLAYING )
( MUSIC PLAYING )
( SWORDS CLASHING )
Aghh!
( MUSIC PLAYING )
( SWORDS CLASHING )
( SWORD PIERCING BODY )
Ahh
( MUSIC PLAYING )
( MUSIC PLAYING )
( MUSIC SWELLING )
( SWORD SLASHING )
( EXPLOSION )
What the hell was that?
Aghh!
( EXPLOSION )
( MUSIC PLAYING )
( GROWLING )
( SCREAMING )
( KNOCKING ON DOOR )
Hey, Kara?
( KNOCKING ON DOOR )
Is everything okay in there?
I couldn't help but notice
the extreme fear
and panic in your eyes.
( KNOCKING ON DOOR )
Kara?
( BREATHING HEAVILY )
( KNOCKING ON DOOR )
Yo, it's open.
Didn't Kara just get home?
Uh yeah, so?
Isn't everybody home already?
How the hell am I
supposed to know all that?
( FOOTSTEPS )
( GROWLING )
Yo, it sounds like somebody's
getting it on right now.
As if anybody gets laid
in this house besides us.
Pfft.
Yo, what the F?
I said, "Blitz."
You know what a blitz is, right?
Yeah, yeah, I know what...
( GROWLING )
Oh, G.
G.
( GROWLING )
Those boys are like children.
All four of them.
( GROWLING )
( MUSIC PLAYING )
( GROWLING )
Who the hell is that?
Yeah, die, you son of a bitch.
I can't believe
that bastard bit me.
Ugh, man.
Dude, what the hell?
Who is this guy?
( MUSIC PLAYING )
I don't know.
He just flew in here
and jumped at G.
Yeah, he bit me like
some type of crackhead.
Dude, what...?
It was right here.
What do you expect me to do?
Man, I hope he didn't
give me rabies or something.
Aghh! That's hot.
Hey! Be careful.
This is like a...
- You okay, man?
- Did you hear that?
- Hear what?
DAMEON: You didn't hear it?
( MUSIC PLAYING )
That's the last time
I buy anything online.
- That's my...
- Kara, do you know him?
Who killed my brother, again?
That piece of shit's
your brother?
Get outta my way.
( SCREAMING )
Kara!
( MUSIC PLAYING )
( SCREAMING )
What was that?
Trish.
No, no.
( GROWLING )
( SCREAMING )
Who are you?
( MUSIC PLAYING )
Trish!
You've got to be kidding.
Did you see that?
A zombie?
That's not a zombie.
That's a ninja zombie.
( SCREECHING )
LARRY: Trish!
( GROANING )
Ow!
( GROWLING )
What the frack, dude?
Where'd you learn
how to do that?
I don't know.
You guys, seriously, what the F.
Zombies?
Where do you think
they all came from?
A virus?
Meteorite?
Some sort of chemical?
GHOSTLY VOICE:
Dameon, listen to me.
You hold my sword.
Did you find my spirit?
Uh,
What was that?
Nothing.
Never mind.
Hey, Trish, you okay?
No.
Look at my room.
GHOSTLY VOICE:
The Hell Sword
has been released.
You have to find me.
What was that?
You guys hear that?
- Huh?
- What?
What?
Where am I?
Who are you?
I'm your ancestor,
Akechi Tenshu.
But how do you know English?
I'm not speaking English,
you son of a discount Kage.
Your mind is hearing
me in English.
Okay, Gramps.
Say I believe you.
Can you tell me
what the hell is going on?
I'll show you.
It all began
when I stole the Hell Sword
from Oda Nobunaga.
Since then,
it's been our family's mission
to safeguard the secret
of the Hell Sword
from those ninja
who still seek it.
Each generation,
the eldest child is trained
to take over this responsibility
at age 25.
Your brother died before
he ever reached that age.
The Kage ninja hunted him down
as they have done
to so many of our kin.
( MUSIC PLAYING )
The ninjas wasted no time
in attacking your parents next.
( MUSIC PLAYING )
( GROANING )
Your parents fought with honor.
No!
AKECHI TENSHU:
The ninjas did not.
Now the even greater
responsibility falls upon you.
The sword has been reawakened.
You have to seal it away.
But why didn't they tell me?
Your brother was supposed to
inherit this duty.
They hoped you'd never
have to bear this burden.
But how am I supposed to...
Use my sword.
I was 25 when I channeled
my soul into it.
Now that you're the same age,
you can fight with my skill
but only with this sword.
( SWORDS CLASHING )
The Hell Sword
brings the dead back
until you train the impules.
To complete their life's
last mission...
and to devour living flesh.
( GROWLING )
Though the Kage Ninja
have all been killed,
the Jigoku no Ken
has brought them back.
They do not feel pain.
They do not tire
and they will not stop
hunting the sword
until they bring their master
Nobunaga back to life.
You can't dump this all on me
and expect me
to take care of it.
You have to.
If you don't,
life as you know it
will come to an end.
Dameon.
Hey, Dameon.
I'm awake, I'm awake.
Stop shaking me.
Sorry, man.
You gave us a scare back there.
I just got lightheaded
for a little bit.
Yeah.
Let me help you up.
C'mon.
What happened?
Is everyone okay?
Well, Kara, she hasn't
really said anything.
And Trish, well,
she's pretty shaken up.
Her shoulder...
Would you look at my vest.
Ah, right.
Where's Tommy's body?
I tossed that shit
out the window.
Hey, man, we need to
figure out what to do here.
If these things are zombies...
LARRY:
Yo.
If these things are zombies,
does that mean
that G.'s infected?
( GROWLING )
I don't know if it's contagious
but everything we need to know
should be in the journal.
It holds the secret behind
this mystical legendary sword.
It's called the
"Jigoku no Ken."
Aghhh!
( BREATHING HEAVILY )
Okay.
I think the coast is clear.
The sword's under the bed.
Oh, wow.
Is that an original 1988 AKIRA
promotional poster from Japan?
No. It's in Spanish.
Oh.
But, I wish.
( BREATHING HEAVILY )
( SCREAMING )
( MUSIC PLAYING )
LUKE:
Dameon!
Dameon!
Dameon!
( GROWLING )
What? It's not,
like, the first time
I've played with a sword.
Ow, it's hot.
AKECHI TENSHU:
You fool.
You're the only one
who can fight with my sword.
I think this thing
has a real attitude problem.
You know, if this all
happened in the anime,
I'd think it was really cool.
I'm pretty sure
this has happened in anime.
True.
Just add blue hair
and tentacles.
Okay, screw this.
We got to get you
out of here, G.
Yeah, I'm down with that.
C'mon, Trish,
we're ditching these losers.
It's about time.
Let's take my car.
But don't, like,
bleed on my seats.
What the...?
( SCREAMING ) -
G., yo, G.
- Close the door, Lar-Dawg.
- A little help.
- I ain't getting bit again.
- Go grab the gun, asshole.
Do something.
( MUSIC PLAYING )
It's strong. What the hell.
( GUN FIRING )
Holy shit.
( GROWLING )
Yeah, you better run, Hanzo.
Is that a "Kill Bill" reference?
Well, that or
"Samurai Shodown" or...
Did I ever tell you
you're the coolest chick I know?
Dude, what the hell
do you have a gun for?
Protection, yo.
From who, Tupac?
Like the seventh graders
are gonna pop you
if they don't get their Nyquil?
It came in handy, didn't it?
Not with you using it.
You got to shoot 'em
in the head, bro.
Let me see that.
Ammo's in the side drawer, Dawg.
G., you don't look that good.
Yeah, I think
I need to see a doctor.
Are we getting out of here soon?
Um, hold on.
Can we just talk about
how that thing just spoke,
like, with words and then
just vanished into thin air?
Not your
run-of-the-mill zombies.
They seem intelligent.
Smart, fast and the living dead?
Great.
We're so gonna die.
Okay, Kara.
You, like, seriously
need to stop speaking.
Yo, dude.
Dude.
Maybe we should
get him some help.
I think it's too late.
( GROWLING )
I'll miss you, bro.
( GROWLING )
I'm so sorry, dude.
I didn't mean to.
I didn't mean...
you're my best friend.
You ( SOBBING )
Are my best friend.
AKECHI TENSHU:
Dameon, listen to me.
No!
No, what?
This isn't real.
This can't be real.
This is all some
twisted elaborate dream.
Hey, man.
Calm down.
No, I don't have to calm down.
I can freak out if I want to.
And guess what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna freak out.
Dameon.
La-la-la-la-la-la.
Here, take this shit.
Aghh.
What?
I don't want to get burned.
You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna go to bed
because that's where
I probably am, in
reality anyways.
Yes, that's what I'm gonna do.
I'm going to bed.
We're screwed.
Hey, Lar-Dawg?
You leave me
the hell alone right now.
Gimme the sword!
Gimme the sword!
( MUSIC PLAYING )
( SWORDS CLASHING )
( GROWLING )
( MUSIC PLAYING )
( GROWLING )
( MUSIC PLAYING )
Agh he's behind me!
( GROWLING )
You felt that a little bit,
you son of a bitch.
( THUDDING )
( BREATHING HEAVILY )
Hey, man.
I'm sorry, but this shit
just got real.
Yeah.
Can we, like,
get the hell out of here?
These things keep coming.
Maybe we should hole up here.
There's probably
more of them out there.
And they're really
hard to see in the night.
'Cause they're ninjas.
Well, yeah.
Who put you dorks in charge
all of a sudden?
You're gonna get us killed.
You mean, between
my encyclopedic knowledge
of the undead and Dameon's
new-found sword bad-assery?
Okay, fine.
Yo, if we're staying here,
I'm gonna set up watch.
I'll go first.
Dork number 1,
you take over after me.
Dork number 2,
get your head out your ass
and then take over for him
when he's done.
A few hours ago,
I'm just a normal person.
And now I find out my family
are murdered by ninjas
and I'm supposed to
save this world
from some zombie apocalypse?
Hey, wait.
What?
How do you know all this?
Why don't you ask Kara?
Yeah, Kara,
what's up with that
freaky Dark Sword?
Why did Mr. Undead Ninja
bug out after seeing it?
KARA:
I...
I just miss my brother so much.
I was going all crazy.
And you thought you'd found
a way to bring him back?
I translated this journal,
and it was all about
this spooky sword
called the Jigoku no Ken.
According to the legend,
it had the power
to raise the dead.
Some ultra-baddie
war lord, Oda Nobunaga,
got his hands on it
during the 1500s.
He used it to conquer
most of Japan.
His trusted general,
Akechi Mitsuhide,
disapproved of his use
of the sword
and betrayed him,
forcing him to commit seppuku.
Mitsuhide then gave the sword
to Akechi Tenshu,
your ancestor, to keep it safe.
He took it as far away
from Japan as possible
and that's how the sword
ended up here.
Nobunaga's elite assassins,
the Koga ninja,
wanted the Hell Sword
to bring their master back
and came after Tenshu.
One of them,
your ancestor, Yuriko,
was in love with Tenshu
and helped him
perform the ritual
to hide the sword
and seal away its magic.
Wait, Dameon,
your ancestor was a samurai?
I thought you were Korean.
Half.
My father's Korean.
My mother's Japanese/Chinese.
I'm kind of pan
North East Asian.
Well, that explains that.
Now, Kara.
You went and found the sword,
the Jiggy Haroken,
to bring your dead brother
back to life?
I know it was wrong
but I had to try.
I didn't think it
would end up like...
You mean, you knew
it could be dangerous
and you didn't care.
Do you have any idea
what it's like
to see a loved one in a dream
and wake up just to realize
they're not there?
Or to get really excited
to tell someone something
and then all of a sudden
remember that you just can't?
Yes.
I do.
Well, now so does Lar-Dawg.
Let's make sure he doesn't
find out about any of this.
Or else he's gonna go
ape shit on us.
He can just do it.
I deserve it.
Hey, don't say that.
What's done is done.
And killing each other,
that's not gonna solve anything.
What you whispering about
out here?
It's not creatine
or blasting or pecs.
So trust me, you wouldn't care.
Watch it, geek squad.
I know we have to seal it away.
Can we do that?
Kara, where'd you find it?
Graymalkin Cemetery.
It's only a few blocks
from here.
Then that's where
we'll head in the morning.
Why is this happening to me?
I just finished my econ paper.
It was good.
I was gonna turn it in tomorrow.
Don't worry, Trish.
You'll turn it in.
AKECHI TENSHU:
Dameon.
There's more you need to know.
Yeah, tell me about it.
Why did Kara raise
the Kage ninja
along with her dead brother?
Only a master
of the Jigoku no Ken
could raise a specific body.
Any unfocused use
of the sword's energy
could accidentally raise
random bodies in the area.
DAEMON:
And the Kage ninja
were in the area.
AKECHI TENSHU:
So was their leader, Shogun,
Nobunaga's best assassin.
He mortally wounded me
when he came after the sword.
( SCREAMING )
Daddy! Daddy!
( SCREAMING )
AKECHI TENSHU:
His fight is ruthless
and one of the best
I have ever seen.
( SCREAMING )
( GROWLING )
Go! Feast!
Spread our curse
and amidst the chaos,
we will find the Jigoku no Ken.
( MUSIC PLAYING )
Hey, Kara.
Couldn't sleep?
No.
I'll get plenty of sleep
when I'm dead.
There's that charm we all love.
So, big into anime.
Like, an otaku, right?
Clearly, I'm no cooler
for knowing this word.
So you're Japanese then?
Nepali, actually.
The anime thing?
I don't know.
I guess in school,
they never really
taught us much about Nepal
and, well, my parents tried,
but, it was just hard
to feel connected.
Yeah.
All I really know
is that they have those
really tall mountains out there.
Yeah.
My brother was adopted too,
but from Vietnam.
Well, I guess anime was
the only remotely Asian thing
that was accessible;
so we sort of made it our thing.
We bonded over it.
It didn't matter
that we got made fun of,
because we had each other.
That probably
doesn't make any sense.
No. No, it does.
This may surprise you
but, I still get made fun of
quite a bit.
Well.
I better get some rest.
Great.
I'll guard you...
everyone, I mean.
I'll stand guard... watch.
Yeah.
I'll stand watch.
( WHISPERS ) Idiot.
Sorry, Luke.
Doh!
Ugh.
( FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING )
Agh!
DAMEON:
Dude, what the hell?
Ugh.
You're supposed to be
taking watch.
I didn't get the license plate
on that truck.
Hey, wait.
Where's Kara?
Where's the sword?
Oh no, she went by herself.
She's taking the sword
to the cemetery.
We got to help her.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Why do we have to help her?
Are you serious?
Yes, I'm serious.
She's the one who stole
this thing in the first place.
It's her fault
that all this happened.
It doesn't matter.
She can't do this on her own.
She's gonna get killed.
She took you down, didn't she?
Dude, you're the zombie killer.
You have the power
to stop all this.
For all I know,
this thing could just
shut itself off at any time.
Look, man, I'm going after her.
Are you coming?
I'm not the one trying to
get in her pants, man.
You can go by yourself.
Wow. Really?
All right, man.
Nice knowing you.
( MUSIC PLAYING )
Holy shitty tits.
( MUSIC PLAYING )
I can't believe
you didn't go out with him.
I mean, that was low.
He's supposed to be
your best friend
and you just left him there
to die?
He just wants to impress a girl.
He's your friend
and that's all that matters.
If that was G. out there,
I'd be with him.
You're an asshole.
TRISH:
Here's a twist.
We actually made it to morning
so can we please
get the hell out of here?
I'm with you, Trish.
There's my car.
Yeah.
( MUSIC PLAYING )
( SCREAMING )
TRISH:
My car!
LARRY:
Trish, don't...
Trish!
( GUN FIRING )
Shit!
Trish.
Trish, no!
( MUSIC PLAYING )
( SWORDS CLASHING )
( MUSIC PLAYING )
Lar-Dawg you okay?
AKECHI TENSHU:
Do you see?
Yeah, Gramps.
I see.
Where are you going?
You were right, Larry.
I'm going to help Luke.
Yo I'm getting
these assholes too.
You're gonna get killed.
The way I see it,
I'm already dead.
( COCKS GUN )
But I'm gonna go out swinging.
All right.
Let's go.
Gimme a minute.
( HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING )
( GUN FIRING )
Okay, take that.
Ha-ha-ha-ha.
Ha-ha-ha-ha.
Hey, hey, c'mon in, c'mon,
get behind me.
Get behind me.
( GUN FIRING )
Thanks, man.
I... holy crap.
Are you Lloyd Kaufman?
Yeah, yeah.
You know, I've been telling
these bozoes all over town
for years this would happen.
I tried to warn 'em.
( GUN FIRING ) Agh, you bastard,
don't you come in.
Lloyd, sir,
what are you doing here?
Listen to me, kid.
We've got to get as far away
from here as possible.
I can't.
I got to go to
Graymalkin Cemetery.
Graymalkin Cemetery?
That's ground zero.
I know. But,
I have to help my friend.
Oh. Oh, a girl?
I mean, a gyno.
We don't say "girls."
It's politically incorrect.
Gyno American.
Is she a gyno American?
- Yeah.
- Yeah. She hot?
Yeah, a little.
She's got that whole
Goth thing going on.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Ha, ha.
Yeah.
( GUN FIRING )
Get outta here, you bastard.
Die, you savage bastard.
Oh!
Here, help me out.
Take a few shots.
Now, take it easy
with that thing.
Go ahead, shoot.
Hurry up, hurry.
( GUN FIRING )
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Ha, ha. You suck at shooting,
let me tell you.
Here, let me get...
there, see? Do you see?
Aim, you look... get the sights.
Use the sight.
Now, how are you
who can't shoot for shit,
how are you
supposed to save that gyno?
How are you gonna save
your gyno friend?
I don't know.
My best friend,
he was supposed to help me
but, he chickened out.
Chickened out?
Chickened out, that...
you mean, he turned into
a chicken zombie?
- No, no.
- No, no, no.
No, no, no, no.
No.
He was too scared
to come help me.
Well, kind of seems reasonable.
I mean, this is
some scary shit, man.
I know, but I've always
been there for him and...
You know, fear is
overpowering, young man.
If your buddy has a habit
of giving in to it,
he's gonna need your help.
Well, maybe.
You've got to ask yourself,
did he abandon you
or did you abandon him?
But he refused to help me.
Look, help him face his fear
and your friend will
follow you to hell and back.
Okay, ha, ha, ha.
Here we go.
Okay.
( GUN FIRING )
( LAUGHING )
How'd you like that, huh?
( GUN FIRING )
Ohh!
He said some pretty
messed up things.
Good friends
always forgive each other.
That's what life's all about.
That's called sensitivity.
Agh, you bastards.
I'll blow your balls off.
( GUN FIRING )
( LAUGHING )
Yeah.
I should have time
to go back for him.
Yeah, yeah.
You do that. You go.
Go catch him, go save the gyno
and be a hero.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'll hold them off.
Oh, yeah, out of ammo, again.
Ah-hah!
Okay, Guadalcanal,
ha, ha, ha, Vietnam,
ha, ha, Oliver Stone.
Yeah, yeah, you.
( YELLING )
Turn around and bend over,
you zombie douche bags.
Yeah. Hey, hey,
what are you doing to me?
( MUSIC PLAYING )
Let's take a short cut.
Isn't that just
asking for trouble?
What do you think this is?
C'mon.
( MUSIC PLAYING )
Well, shit.
At least we didn't get
dressed up for nothing.
( SCREAMING )
Let's go.
( GROWLING )
( SCREAMING )
( SCREAMING )
( MUSIC PLAYING )
That was...
that was freakin' awesome.
Thank you.
Yo, ass-wipe.
Lose your virginity later.
( MUSIC PLAYING )
Sorry, excuse me a second.
( MUSIC PLAYING )
What's the matter, Larry?
Can't keep up?
What?
I just took one down.
Is that all?
Two, three.
Oh, no, you didn't.
Hey, wait!
I'm Melody.
Um, I'm...
I just wanted to thank you.
Oh, it was nothing.
Really.
I was gonna kill it anyways.
LARRY:
What the hell are you doing?
I think I should go now.
Here, let me see your phone.
LARRY:
You got to be shittin' me?
See, look.
We can bump.
Oh, sick.
That's what that does?
LARRY:
Hey, you want to, oh,
I dunno, focus for two minutes?
( GROWLING )
( GUN FIRING )
And now we're tied.
Doesn't count.
Yo, she turned.
Damn, down to two rounds.
Hey, so...
Come on.
Guess I'll be seeing you.
World doesn't end,
I'll call you.
Was about to use
one of them two on you.
That's what I got
for taking the shortcut.
( MUSIC PLAYING )
LARRY:
Woo-hoo!
Dude, that was, like, 15 feet.
I think I could
really get used to
this whole superhero thing.
Oh, so you're a superhero now?
Would you look at that.
Dameon's all growns up.
Yeah, and I can't
wait to show Luke
all the ass I can kick
and all the numbers that I got.
He's gonna be so jealous.
Numbers?
Oh, boy, count 'em.
You got one.
For now.
( SOFT MUSIC PLAYING )
No.
- No.
- Hey, man.
We should keep moving.
I mean, Kara might be out there.
It can't end like this.
I was such an ass.
I should have went with him.
It's all right, man.
You thought you were losing
your best friend to a girl.
I get it.
I mean, if G. were around...
Kill it!
( MUSIC PLAYING )
( GROANING )
( MUSIC PLAYING )
- Did I get him?
DAMEON: Luke.
You're still alive.
Oh, barely.
Did we win?
You okay?
I'm sorry.
Dude, it's cool.
Sorry, I shouldn't have put you
on the spot like that.
No, man.
I should have went with you.
Will you two just kiss
and make up already?
We got more problems.
Well Dameon,
still too scared
to use that sword?
Hell, no.
These powers are bad-ass.
Watch.
( GROWLING )
( SCREAMING )
( MUSIC PLAYING )
( SCREAMING )
Kara.
Go find Kara, Luke.
- But...
- Go!
We can handle this one.
Oh!
Hey!
Get your damn hands off her.
Arghh!
( SWORDS CLASHING )
( GROANING )
Kara, look out.
( SWORDS CLASHING )
( GROWLING )
Go kill some
mother f-ing zombies.
I got to get rid of this sword.
( MUSIC PLAYING )
Hey!
Oomph.
LUKE:
Kara, do the ritual.
We'll hold them off.
( GROANING )
( MUSIC PLAYING )
( SWORDS CLASHING )
You undead bastard.
( GROWLING )
( GUN FIRING )
( SWORDS CLASHING )
Sorry, I can't help
you losers anymore.
( GUN FIRING )
No!
Don't be distracted.
Just be done with the ritual.
It must end now!
AKECHI TENSHU:
To seal away
the sword's magic,
a sacrifice must be made.
Wait, what?
( MUSIC PLAYING )
( DRUMS BEATING )
AKECHI TENSHU:
We raised Nobunaga
and if he gets the sword,
everyone will die,
this whole world.
Well, then, I guess
I'll just stop him too.
We got to get the sword back.
( MUSIC PLAYING )
Agh!
AKECHI TENSHU: The girl must
perform the ritual.
She must die.
And if you can't do it,
I'll take your body
and do it for you.
( SWORDS CLASHING )
It's not your duty anymore.
This is my world.
( MUSIC PLAYING )
AKECHI TENSHU:
Not my duty?
I gave my life, my soul,
everything, for this.
It cannot be for nothing.
It wasn't.
My world exists because of you.
( SWORDS CLASHING )
But I will not let
any more of my friends die.
If I can't save them,
I can't save anyone.
Go where your duty calls.
I'll take it from here.
No.
What did you do?
You're free.
You fool.
This burden will consume you.
There's no escaping it.
It's my responsibility now.
I accept that.
Only if you survive.
Wake up!
Luke!
( MUSIC PLAYING )
( SHOUTING )
Dameon!
DAMEON: Papa?
Albert?
Halt!
Thanks guys.
AKECHI TENSHU:
Let me help you
one last time.
Father!
( MUSIC PLAYING )
Thanks, Gramps.
Gramps?
We did it.
We won.
Right?
For now.
But we can't
complete the ritual.
We what?
Turns out there's something
about human sacrifice
in the fine print.
I guess I missed that.
But the ninjas zombies
they're dead, right?
Well, dead dead?
Just mostly dead?
And the Hell Sword,
it's safe with us now.
No.
Nobunaga's out there somewhere.
Shogun released him.
Shit.
Luke, your arm.
I'm all right.
Whoa!
You got to stop doing that, man.
I just have to catch my breath.
Without the ritual,
the zombie curse
could spread out of control.
I better get moving.
And I'm coming with you.
No, Luke, you don't have to.
Of course I'm coming.
I'm the Sam to your Frodo.
I'm coming too.
I guess I can't talk
you guys out of it.
Let's go kill some zombies.
( MUSIC PLAYING )
Was that your family back there?
The dead are driven
by their life's last mission.
They were protecting the sword.
But they don't have
a mission anymore.
They aren't going to
eat people, are they?
No.
No, they will.
( MUSIC PLAYING )
It's the night
Of the ninja dead
Shaolin hunter
On the kung fu zen
I got stealth speed
So you can never catch me
I'm the real meaning
Of silent but deadly
I don't mean to throw stars
Open my whole hogwash
And kick you out the driver's
Side of your old car
And with my ninja skills
Perfected
It's a matter of time
Before you're all infected
When I bite you
You'll turn into a zombie
But you won't turn
into a ninja as well.
Just the zombie part,
I'm afraid.
You could be zombie guy
that works at Best Buy.
( MUSIC PLAYING )
We are ninjas
Who eat brains
We are zombies
Wielding swords
We are pretty much
Invisible
But we travel in hordes
We are zombies
Who move fast
We are ninjas
From the dead
We are basically gonna
Eat your head
You might know us
From a video game
But this is no campaign
You're all
About to be slain
And you might complain
About a little neck pain
'Cause well do I even
Have to explain?
We'll cover everything
You own in blood stains
We live but somehow still
Travel faster than planes
We are the modern ninjas
But we're also insane
And we're hungry
So you better hide yo kids
Hide your brains
We are ninjas
Who eat brains
We are zombies
Wielding swords
We are pretty much
Invisible
But we travel in hordes
We are zombies
Who move fast
We are ninjas
From the dead
We are basically
Gonna eat your...
Guess who's back?
Yeah I was your first
Zombie ninja bitten
He must have been a ninja
In a compromised position
'Cause if not,
He can take
A million zombies
On his sword
Drawn at the dawn
Of the dead ( indistinct )
But somehow he had a bite
Taken out of his neck
Was dead for a while but
He's starting to resurrect
He went and bit the other
Ninja boys and girls
What's just one
Zombie ninja?
It's the end of the world
I'm rapping to you
From this lair I made
It's got a barricade
So don't be scared to stay
'Cause we're very safe
That's why
I'm all like yeah
The zombie ninjas
Could never...
( GROWLING AND SCREAMING )
We are ninjas
Who eat brains
We are zombies
Wielding swords
We are pretty much
Invisible
But we travel in hordes
We are zombies
Who move fast
We are ninjas
From the dead
We are basically
Gonna eat your head
We are ninjas
Who eat brains
We are zombies
Wielding swords
We are pretty much
Invisible
But we travel in hordes
We are zombies
Who move fast
We are ninjas
From the dead
We are basically
Gonna eat your head
We are basically
Gonna eat your head
We are basically
Gonna eat your head
( MUSIC FADES OUT )