1
[somber tone]
My dad was making a sandwich
in the kitchen.
He toasted the bread
over the stovetop.
Mustard, mayonnaise,
chicken, no lettuce.
He closed the sandwich
and walked with it
into the living room.
He turned on the television
and watched standing up,
eating his sandwich.
He ate every bite
except the corner of one crust.
He set it, almost gently,
down on the table
in front of the TV.
He dusted his hands,
freeing himself from crumbs,
and walked out the front door.
That was the last time
I saw him.
I was three.
[airplane engines whirring]
Toothbrush, phone, three books.
Five pairs of underwear,
two pairs of shoes,
one lipstick, one mascara.
The only three photos
I have from my father.
[somber music]
One sweater, one coat,
two bras, sunglasses, no hat.
Wallet, sleeping pills.
Ladies and gentlemen, we've
now dimmed the cabin light.
If you wish to read,
please use the light
in the panel above you.
Thank you.
Last known address,
three pairs of socks,
one skirt.
I've been waiting
to do this my whole life.
[door closes]
[dog barking in the distance]
[water running]
[breathing sharply]
[distant TV chatter]
[distant children playing]
[breathing deeply]
[distant playful screaming]
[distant siren wailing]
[distant car horn honks]
[bed creaking]
[helicopter blades
thrumming overhead]
[door squeaks]
[cell phone chimes]
[coins clanging]
[panting]
Mm.
[gasps]
- Hello?
- Hi.
It's Lexi.
How you doing?
I've come to America.
You're in America?
I'm in Los Angeles.
- You're joking?
- No, I'm not.
I'm here.
I fucked everything up.
Everything's gone.
I've moved out my house.
It's just so horrible
with David.
It used to be really nice,
and now it's just so horrible.
It's completely over.
I don't really have
enough money to be doing this,
so I've basically
taken everything that I've got
and I've come here.
I don't know what I'm doing.
I don't know what I'm chasing.
I mean,
I've lived all of this time
without talking to my dad.
I don't really know...
- [child babbling]
- One sec, Lexi.
- [babbling continues]
- Off you go.
Just go ask Daddy.
Go speak to Daddy.
Close the door for me, baby.
Go on. Off you go.
Give me a second.
Mommy's on the phone, okay?
- [babbling continues]
- Just go ask Daddy.
[somber music]
[birds chirping]
[dog barking in the distance]
[dog barking in the distance]
[doorbell rings]
[low jazzy music playing]
I love the light.
And the table.
[chuckles]
And the view.
Yeah.
You just don't get that
in London.
[chuckles]
I guess.
No, they're...
Open. They...
It's so open.
It's so...
Yeah. It's lovely.
When I lived
in Northern California,
I thought L.A.
was the pits, you know?
And then I moved down here,
and it was a revelation.
Anything you want to do,
you can do in L.A. somewhere.
What do you think
I should do while I'm here?
Go to the beach.
[clock ticking]
It was 20 years ago.
He and the family
had been here for dinner,
and then the next thing we knew,
he was gone.
He had just deserted them.
We really didn't want
to stay in touch with John
because we felt
he was not a very good man.
I know that you don't know
where John is...
But I've come here today
because I'm hoping
that you'll be able
to give me Ethel's address
so that I can
get in touch with her.
Maybe she knows.
[waves crashing]
[seagulls crying]
[flies buzzing]
[exhales deeply]
[gasping]
[seagulls crying]
[flies buzzing]
[somber music]
[dog barking in the distance]
[game tune playing]
[vehicle approaching]
[engine stops]
[car door opens]
[car door closes]
[footsteps]
[door closes]
You're gonna do laundry?
[keys clatter]
Can you take out your earphones?
What?
You asked me
about doing laundry.
I did do laundry.
Yeah, but you just left it
in the basket without folding.
- It's clean...
- Whatever, it's fine.
- It's fine.
- I didn't finish.
I'll do it.
- I'll just have to do it myself.
- Jesus Christ.
How's she doing?
Do you have to complain
about everything that I do?
Ethel's fine.
She's fine, like she's
sleeping?
She's fine, she's resting?
She's watching TV? What?
- What is she doing right now?
- She's sleeping.
She's fine.
She's alive.
I talked to her.
I've seen her all day.
- What did you talk about?
- We talked about...
Okay, I don't remember
if we actually talked that much.
Whatever, I-I...
My mom has
congestive heart failure.
She's not just laying around
for the fun of it.
I just need you
to fucking help me, Angie.
Like, fucking chill out.
I was chill
until I walked into the house
- and I see shit everywhere...
- Yeah, well,
I was fucking chill
before you walked
into the house.
I was relaxing...
Oh, I'm sure, because
you're high and you're drunk.
I could get
somebody else to do it.
Great. However much you're
gonna pay that other person,
'cause nobody else is gonna take
slave wages the way I do.
Well, why don't you get
a real fucking job
rather than lying
on the couch...
I have a real job.
All day smoking pot
and getting drunk?
- Go and get a fucking job!
- I have a job at night!
If you got a real job, then
we could pool money together
to hire somebody
who actually cleans up.
You're mom is dying.
I can't save her life.
That's really fucking nice.
I can't...
I can't do it on my own,
and I need your help.
I'm sorry.
- [smooches]
- I love you.
I love you, too.
[distant chatter]
[distant music playing]
[music grows louder]
[indistinct chatter]
[distant dance music]
[knock at door]
Hey, it is her.
Hey.
[chuckles]
There she is.
- There she is.
- Hey.
- Wow.
- How's it going?
- This is Matt.
- Yeah, how are you?
- Hi, Matt.
- I brought...
- I brought a friend.
- This is America.
We do things big.
- Everything's bigger.
- Yeah.
Twice the size.
[both chuckling]
You like beer?
We brought some beer.
Yeah. Thanks.
- What's your name again?
- Matt.
Yeah. Yeah, we've known
each other a while.
- Hope it was okay.
- Yeah, yeah.
- [chuckling]
- Right.
- Yeah, so...
- Yeah.
- Whatever, man.
- I said it'd be okay.
[both laughing,
overlapping chatter]
Yeah, right?
It's okay if I'm here, right?
Yeah, I'm just gonna hang out.
If it wasn't okay,
I would've told you to leave.
- Oh, you would?
- Yeah. She's straightforward.
- Right? Yeah. That's why...
- She was.
- [chuckling]
- It's, like, yeah.
- She's, like, no bullshit.
- Yeah.
- She throws it back on you.
- Yeah, I like that.
- Yeah.
- You like that?
I do like that.
'Cause girls over here,
sometimes you don't really know
what they're thinking,
but with this one...
- Yeah.
- She thinks it and she says it.
- Sit down.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Sit down, Matt.
Do you pay by the week?
You pay by the hour,
or you... by the day?
What is it?
- Yeah, I pay by the day.
- By the day?
- Come here.
- Here?
- Yeah, right here.
- Right there?
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
- Does it feel good?
- Yeah, it's all right.
Yeah?
Is this what you had in mind?
Yeah, I guess.
[both chuckling]
- [breathes deeply]
- Is that what you had in mind?
Yeah. I was worried
when we knocked on the door.
- What about you?
- Yeah, I didn't think
she was gonna be here.
No, yeah, this is great.
- This is great.
- You got too many...
You got too much
clothes on, though.
I don't know why
you're wearing these.
- These are...
- What are those?
Are those uncomfortable?
- You want to take those off?
- No, love.
- No? They feel good?
- There all right.
- Yeah?
- They're all right.
- Ah, her accent.
- I know, right?
- Yeah.
- It's great.
[chuckles]
Right.
[chuckles]
[imitates British accent]
Hello.
[chuckles]
[imitates British accent]
Can I take this zipper down?
[bottle clangs on table]
[distant music playing]
Just slide that down.
I think... I think maybe
we do this, right?
Just take that off.
- [chuckles]
- Sit up.
- No.
- Take it off?
- What I'm interested in...
- Yeah?
- [whispering indistinctly]
- Yeah?
- [whispering indistinctly]
- Yeah?
- Do you want to see it?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Right.
- Go ahead.
- Okay. Right now?
Yeah, yeah, right now.
- Is that all right with you?
- Yeah, that's fine with me.
- You ready for this?
- I don't know.
- How can I possibly know that.
- All right, here we go.
[chuckles]
That's...
that's the equipment.
- Lie down.
- All right.
- Lie down.
- Okay.
[grunts]
You know what?
- I think I need a drink.
- Yeah.
We have plenty.
[breathing deeply]
- Open it.
- Yeah.
[light ambient music]
You look really fine.
[all laughing]
[laughing]
You have no idea what's coming.
- What...
- She can't hear us right now.
- The fuck is going on?
- I don't know.
Every time I touch her,
she pushes me away.
Now what?
- Now what?
- What do you want to do?
What do you think
I want to do?
[breathing deeply]
[grunts]
[panting]
[exhales deeply]
[ambient decrescendo]
[music stops]
[exhales deeply]
[somber tone]
David would pick the pub
and text me the address.
I loved the moment when
he saw me come in the door.
I wasn't me.
I was a prostitute.
And he was
some lonely drunk guy.
I'd had a few
shitty tricks that day
and was looking for someone
who wouldn't
just come on my face.
He'd seem nice, but also like
he could shove his fingers
up my ass
when he fucked me,
maybe pull my hair
just a bit too hard.
I'd walk straight up
to him at the bar
and slide my leg over his
so my cunt was pushing
into his thigh
and tell him if he made me come,
I wouldn't charge him.
That was
our favorite role-play...
100% success rate.
But I always thought...
What if I really did that?
Could I do that?
Would I still be me
if I did that?
But as it turns out,
the strangeness
is not what made it hot.
It was the familiarity.
I always learn
these lessons too late.
[birds chirping]
[dog barking in the distance]
[gate squeaking]
[birds chirping]
[car horn honking]
Hello?
Hey. Hi.
I'm sorry, I just wanted
to bring in these
for Tanya's mum, for Ethel.
I've just brought...
brought her some groceries.
Okay. Come on back.
Set them right here.
Sure.
Who are you?
I'm just a friend
of Tanya's.
Tanya ordered these from you?
Friend of Tanya's?
[scoffs]
I knew it.
You're fucking Tanya.
You are. You're fucking Tanya.
You're fucking...
Fucking bitch.
No.
- No.
- No?
No, you're not fucking...
- you're not fucking Tanya?
- No.
Don't fucking lie to me.
What you want me to say?
I just want you
to say the truth.
I just want you to say the truth
in your little British accent.
I'm her sister.
Fuck.
[chuckles softly]
You want?
Thanks.
Can I see Ethel?
Yeah.
She's just, uh,
right through here.
Go on in.
[light rustling]
[exhaling sharply]
[distant motor rumbling]
[distant motor rumbling]
Close the curtains.
Yeah.
They closed?
Yeah, but
I-I couldn't find...
so...
You gonna sit down?
[groans]
Yeah.
Don't sit there.
Sit there.
Oh. Okay.
[chuckles awkwardly]
- Okay?
- Yeah.
Yeah, it's good.
You remember Danny?
We were, uh...
we're in the field today,
and...
[chuckles]
That son of a bitch...
he gets out of the truck,
and comes over,
and he's, like, "Hey!"
I don't want
to hear about this.
- What's that?
- I'm not interested.
Yeah. Okay.
Take off your jacket.
[exhales deeply]
Thank you.
[chuckles]
[exhales deeply]
[key clatters]
So what are you doing here?
I, uh, just wanted
to see you again.
- Yeah? You like me?
- Yeah. Uh, yeah.
Yeah.
I had a good time.
Uh...
- Yeah, it was all right.
- Yeah, it was.
[exhales deeply]
[grunts]
[breathing sharply]
Just tell me what to do.
- Unbutton your fly.
- Yeah.
- Take off your shirt.
- Yeah.
[whispering] Are you gonna
do it and make a surprise?
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
Yeah.
[dramatic music]
[breathing sharply]
[grunts]
Tell me what you like.
Is this what you like?
Yeah.
- That?
- Yeah.
Just like that?
Tell me something I don't know.
You have a wife?
Uh, no. I don't have one.
You got a girlfriend?
No.
No. Don't have one.
You don't really...
you can't have sex.
I fuck a lot.
I've got fucked
by girls like you.
[laughs]
No, you don't.
- Yeah, I do.
- No, you really don't.
- I fuck girls just like you.
- Oh, just like me?
- Yeah.
- Yeah. And what...
what are they like?
They got cute hair
just like you.
They've got cute what?
Yeah, cute hair
just like you.
- Cute hair?
- Yeah.
- Just like me?
- Uh-huh.
You fuck girls
with hair like me?
- Yeah.
- That's what you like.
You know, I went to Cambridge.
Do you know that? Yeah?
No, I didn't
fucking know that.
Well, I went to Cambridge,
and I read English literature,
and I fucking don't go
all over the fucking world,
and now I'm here...
with you.
Do you...
do you like me at all?
No.
Yeah, you do.
No, I don't.
Go away now.
What?
I want you to leave.
"Then after an interminable time
"as it seemed to us,
"crouching and appearing
through the hedge,
"came a sound like
the distant concussion of a gun.
"Concussion of a gun.
"Another nearer,
"and then another,
"and then the Martian beside us
raised his tube on high
"and discharged it gun-wise
with a heavy report
"that made the ground heave.
[footsteps approaching]
The one towards Dais..."
Tanya doesn't have
John's number,
but I know he worked
for this company a while back.
I don't know any more than that,
and just so you know,
I was not involved in this.
[transmission screeches]
I'm not really sure
where he is.
He changed
his phone number a lot.
[exhales deeply]
I'm not sure
if I can help you out at all.
You know what?
I did work with him
at these old people's house
a few weeks ago.
I think I have the address
if you want it.
You could ask them.
Yeah, I know he went back...
[continues indistinctly]
[somber music]
[indistinct chatter on TV]
[doorbell rings]
Hold on just a minute.
- Hello.
- Can I help you?
Yes, I'm so sorry
to bother you.
I'm looking
for a man called John
who I think did some work
at your house the other day,
and I was just wondering whether
I might be able to find a way
- to get in touch with him?
- [coughs]
- I know it sounds strange.
- It does. Yes.
Um, I haven't been able
to get in touch with him
through his family,
'cause nobody really knows
where he is.
There was a man
through the handiwork agency...
- Yeah?
- That did do some work for me
several days ago.
Why don't you come in
and I'll look for the...
I think I have the card
in the other room.
And then he went upstairs and
put them in all the bedrooms.
And I believe he put a new one
in that hallway up there.
- That's good.
- And for safety reasons, I...
because I get
a little bit dizzy now
every once in a while
from my allergies,
a separate banister
on this side of the stairway
and then this side.
[device hisses]
[indistinct chatter on TV
continues]
Is it out?
Let it out slow.
Let me see...
let me see how high you can...
[breathes deeply]
What are you doing?
You have to breathe...
Let it out slowly.
Okay, one more time.
No, can you...
deep... deep breath.
That's not very good.
Here's that number.
Do you have something
to write this down?
I have my phone.
I'm all ready.
- Okay.
- Thank you so much.
[panting]
[ambient tone]
Hi, this is John.
Please leave me a message,
and I'll get back to you.
Bye.
Hello, this is Lexi.
If I have the right number,
that means I'm your daughter.
I'm calling
because I'm in Los Angeles,
and I'd like to see you...
to meet you,
so please call me back.
Okay.
That's all. Bye.
[somber music]
[birds chirping]
All right, buddy.
I'm gonna set you down.
Your ball. Get your ball.
- All right.
- Go!
Now I'm gonna get you out.
Come here.
Okay.
Oh, what do you got there?
Can I see it?
[children chattering]
[humming]
[humming continues]
[dog barking in the distance]
[breathing deeply]
[gentle music]
Hush, little baby
Don't say a word
Papa's gonna buy you
A mockingbird
And if that mockingbird
won't sing
Papa's gonna buy you
A diamond ring
And if that diamond ring
turns brass
Papa's gonna buy you
a looking glass
And if that looking glass
gets broke
Papa's gonna buy you
a billy goat
[groans]
Hush, little baby
Don't say a word
Papa's gonna buy you
A mockingbird
[chuckles]
That's me.
That's my mum.
You can't see her much there.
This is right before he left.
My mum sort of fell apart
after that.
I don't think she ever really
took to motherhood.
And there he is.
Hi.
Are you Lexi?
Yeah.
- Tanya?
- Yeah.
You've been spending
a lot of time at my house.
It's a little weird to come home
to somebody in my kitchen.
Yeah, I can see that.
It would have been nice
if you had introduced yourself
to me.
- Of course.
- Asked permission
if you could be spending
every day in my house
- while I'm at work.
- Yeah, I-I...
Rather than sneaking
behind my back.
Yeah.
Sorry.
Did you get what you came for?
Well, I assume
you came for something,
so what do you want?
You know what I want.
You said you wanted
to meet me. Here I am.
I mean,
you got what you came for.
I don't... I don't know
what you want from me.
I don't even think
that you should be here.
I think you should
get your stuff,
and then you can be on your way.
Really?
I can be on my way?
[scoffs]
I can be on my way?
I'm your sister.
Did you know I existed?
Did you know you had a sister?
You knew that I existed.
You knew that I was over there.
You knew
that I was there with my mum
looking after me
without my dad.
You knew that, and
you didn't get in touch with me.
You didn't write me a letter.
You left me
to come over here to find you.
I was a fucking kid.
You were not
a part of my childhood.
You were a part
of my existence.
And I clearly have
my fucking hands full!
Is that really all
you've got to say to me?
I mean, what...
how difficult can it be?
He said that he had
no contact with you.
That your mom just
took you and left
and that we didn't
have any idea...
I didn't know anything
about you or where you were.
Oh, come on.
All I want to do
is fucking meet you
and talk to you.
All I want to do
is try to speak to you.
All I've been trying to do
for the last fucking month
pretty much
is look for you
and look for my father
and look for my fucking family.
No, let's just brush her
under the fucking carpet
like the same thing that's been
happening for the last 40 years.
I'm the one
who's traveled here.
I'm the one
who's come all this way.
I'm the one
that was over there
while your dad was just having
fun over here with your mum
and taking you all out
to the fucking shops.
Oh, yeah, we had
so much fucking fun.
Or whatever you were doing.
You're being subversive
and sneaking
into my house
when I'm not here,
and then you come
to tell me that my life
was so much better
than yours,
and you just want
to cry in front of me?
No, that's not
what I'm saying.
And tell me that you
had a shit life
and I had a good life?
That's not how it was.
That's not how
it worked out.
And that's a really
fucked-up thing to do.
And I think
you should leave.
I don't think
that you should be here.
- Really? Is that it?
- Yeah.
- Is that it?
- Yeah, that's it.
I don't think
that you should be here.
I'm not exactly
proud of myself.
But I did try.
You can say that for me.
I know I fucked it up.
[sighs]
'Cause you just want
to fucking get rid of me.
Let's be honest.
Yeah.
[inhales deeply]
Oh, God.
[inhales deeply]
[sighs]
That went well.
Yeah.
That's why
I don't open my mouth.
Oh, God.
Will you say good-bye
to Ethel for me?
Because...
I don't want that
to be the last thing she hears.
[chuckles]
[door creaks open]
[door closes]
[sobs quietly]
Ah, shit.
[sighs]
[somber tone]
[cell phone beeps]
This is John.
Um...
Yes, we can meet.
Certainly.
That would be great.
I'm working in L.A.
I can text you
the address if you like,
and, um, yeah,
let's get together.
Okay.
Look forward to it.
Cheers.
I see him
before he sees me.
I panic a bit
because he's smaller
than I thought he'd be.
I'm about to run
when he lifts his head
and sees me.
And he can't stop
the huge smile
that comes to his face.
Same with the tears
that fill his eyes.
I walk slowly towards him,
and we're speechless.
But it doesn't matter.
He pulls me into a hug,
and I feel it.
This is my father.
He loves me.
It doesn't matter all the years
he didn't contact me.
He's loved me all along.
He says, "I want to take you
somewhere special."
And we get in his car,
and I know that I'm safe.
He'll take care of me.
He talks about making up
for lost time...
all the things he wished
he had seen me do.
I watch him closely.
I see his face in mine.
Everything bad
just floats out the window.
He's driving me home.
[distant traffic whirs]
[somber tone]
[hammer pounding]
[hammer pounding]
[hammer pounding]
[hammer pounding]
[breathing deeply]
[metallic clank]
[metal drags]
[metallic clanking]
[man grunts]
[metallic clanking]
[clanking continues]
Hey.
How you doing?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Good to see you.
Thanks for coming.
Um, that's all right.
You all right?
- I'm all right.
- You have a good trip?
Um, it was
all right.
[saw buzzes]
You work here?
This is your place?
Yeah, we're knocking
this place down.
Just moving the steel.
Folks coming to get it in a bit.
[hammer pounding]
- So...
- Well, it was a surprise
to hear your call,
that's for sure.
Got anything you want
to say to me?
Nice to see you.
You look like your mother.
Nice to see you.
Yeah, people say
that I look like my mother.
- How is she?
- Um, she's dead.
I'm sorry.
These things happen.
Yeah.
Talk to me.
What's up?
I don't know.
Um...
How long
have you got?
How long have I got
for what?
To talk.
Well, I got to get
this shit moved.
I have a bloke coming
for this steel
in about half
an hour, so...
Half an hour?
You know, I had
no idea you were coming.
Well, you did.
I called you.
Yeah, but I've
got to work.
What do you want? Just tell me
what you want from me.
I wanted to meet you.
I wanted to meet you.
- Well, now you've met me.
- No, I haven't.
I thought maybe
you might start something.
All right, so what do you do
for a living?
Let's start there.
Um, I work in theatre.
- Doing what?
- I work in theatre design.
What do you do
for a living?
- What does it look like?
- Yeah, right.
I'm a brain surgeon.
I'm doing a bit
of construction on the side.
Well, I don't know,
do I?
Well, it's pretty
apparent, I think.
Well, it is now,
but I didn't know.
Okay, okay.
Just show up in my life, and
I'm, what, gonna drop it all?
I didn't just
show up in your life.
- Yeah, you did.
- You had a child.
That was
a long time ago.
Look, I've come
a long way.
I wanted to see you.
And I just thought
that maybe
you might be able
to explain to me
why you haven't
been in touch
throughout
my whole life.
I left.
What can I tell you?
[sighs]
You could have
asked about me.
You could have left me
your phone number.
You could have
at least found a way
to leave me a way
to get in touch with you
without having
to fucking go around
all your fucking
second family.
I just wanted
to talk to you.
Well, now
you're talking to me.
Or should I say yelling?
I'm not yelling.
I'm just trying
to have a conversation.
Yeah.
Anything else?
Do you like yourself?
That's not a question
you should ask me.
- I'm interested.
- Yeah, I'm fine.
Nothing wrong
with me.
Probably not in your eyes,
but I'm fine.
Well, it's... I got this bloke
coming like I said.
So I got to get this stuff
out of here.
Sure.
All right.
Anyway, I'm glad
you came by.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- I'm not so sure.
- Anyway...
Give us a call.
All right?
Yeah.
See ya.
[somber music]
[lights clattering]
[overlapping chatter]
[horns honking]
[harmonica playing]
[somber music continues]
[overlapping chatter]
And what are you out
in Hollywood doing?
Like, what movie?
I'm just
having a walk.
[speaking indistinctly]
That we may roam
wherever we may want to
and be ourselves.
Maybe.
For single-mindedness
is all powerful indeed.
Yeah, for sure.
For sure.
Yeah.
You know there's carbon 14
in everything?
When the computer
tries to read it,
Everything has
too many neutrons in it.
It makes you sick.
I got this song I wrote
called "This Is How
You Make Me Feel."
It goes like this.
[rhythmically]
This is how you make me feel.
When life gets tough,
we keep it real.
Love is enough.
The coast is clear.
I need your trust.
My heart's so real.
This is how you
Make me feel
Oh, where's your lights?
Five, six, seven,
and there's a break.
Goes now.
Whoa, there we go.
One, two...
[insects chirping]
[knock at door]
Do you want
to come in?
Sorry, I can't really...
um, offer you much.
But I've got some water
if you want or...
You... Okay.
Ethel died
two days ago.
I'm so sorry.
[somber music]
I walk slowly towards him,
and we're speechless.
He pulls me into a hug,
and I feel it.
This is my father.
I see his face in mine.
And we get in his car,
and I know that I'm safe.
Everything bad
just floats out the window.
Do you think
we look at all alike?
I think here we do.
Yeah, it's a big square.
[both laugh]
[breathes sleepily]
[inhales deeply]
[dramatic music]