Miss Grant, when Mirror Magazine
gives you an assignment...
Very well. I resign.
Hallelujah! Miss Grant!
Mr. Christley... Very busy.
Yes, Christley? Miss
Grant has resigned again.
Christley, Miss Grant never
resigns without provocation.
What have you been doing this time?
Isn't it within a managing editor's domain.
...to tell a member of his
staff that her work stinks?
It is, if the accusation is
true. But you're well aware.
...that Miss Grant is among the foremost
women photographers in this country.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But she doesn't make sense.
Remember, furthermore, that you're
speaking of the woman I hope to marry.
All right. All right. Now, look...
I appreciate that we're supposed to
be running a class picture magazine.
But when there's a legitimate chance.
...to slip a little leg
art into the world today...
...and she comes back with
this, I don't know what to say.
Yes, well... Well...
What was her assignment?
Backstage at the ballet. Not
a sign of a dancer in tights.
Not a leg. Not even a foot.
Christley, you have been informed.
...that Miss Grant may photograph
her assignments as she sees fit.
The point is, her assignment
isn't in the pictures.
Now you're quibbling.
Please telephone Miss Grant
and apologize immediately.
For what?
You know we can't afford to lose her...
...and we would regret losing you.
Sometimes I feel like you must feel.
Aren't you carrying art a
little far, even as a hobby?
Did you ever see an exciting
photograph of an egg?
Honey, the only time an egg can
excite me is when I'm hungry.
Katherine Grant Studio,
this is her sister speaking.
Oh! Just a minute.
The monster. I'm busy.
One minute, please.
Come on, let the man apologize...
...so you can stop fooling around.
with a tired egg and get back to work.
I don't need that job, there are other
places, where the managing editor.
won't try to conceal his own
ignorance by belittling my work.
Oh, you'll break Henry's
heart if you don't go back.
Come on, be a sport.
Yes.
Miss Grant, on behalf of my wife.
...and three children, who must eat...
I apologize for what I said this morning.
...and beg you to return to work.
Are you insinuating you were forced
to make this call by Mr. Fulton?
Well, I only know what I know.
Mr. Christley, I defy you to prove.
...that I have ever taken advantage
of my friendship with Mr. Fulton.
I ask for no soft assignments,
no special courtesies.
I see.
May I take you at your word, Miss Grant?
Naturally. Why?
Well, the Interborough Vehicular
River Tunnel Project is well underway.
Would you care to crawl into the hole.
...and point your talented
camera at what goes on?
You mean under the river
while they're still digging?
Mr. Christley, you know that
that's not my type of photography.
Perhaps later, when the tunnel's
finished and there's an opportunity.
...to achieve some geometric
patterns with lights and shadows.
But the point is, my dear young lady...
...that there wouldn't be any tunnel.
...if it weren't for the men
who are risking their lives.
...in creating it right now. We're
interested in them, not the walls.
Of course, if you demand
some preferred assignment...
...naturally I'm helpless to...
All right, all right. I told you
I'll take whatever I'm assigned...
...regardless of the childish,
revengeful spirit behind it.
You go ahead and make the
necessary arrangements.
And don't forget to feed your wife.
You're in again? "In" is right.
In a hole, under the East River!
Photographing all those groundhogs?
Sandhogs.
Will you tell me why it's become a crime.
...to photograph inanimate beauty?
Why must there be only crossed legs.
...and rouged faces and grime and sweat?
Don't look at me, I had a bath this morning.
Now we're under the river.
Before we reach the point at
which the men are working...
we have to go through the compression tank.
Some people collapse at that
point, and others on the way out.
Do I have my choice?
We're all subject to the bends.
Nitrogen bubbles in the blood stream.
That's from the high
pressure we have to maintain.
...to equalize the water pressure around us.
Liberty boat.
Let's get going.
Let me take your things, Miss Grant.
No, thanks. I always pay my own way.
Hurry up. I got a date with an
angel in a dive on Second Avenue.
Who's that?
Guess they're getting short of men!
Visitor, Mike, take it easy.
Okay, Mike.
Well, I don't feel any difference.
The only place you will
feel it is in your ears.
If you do, hold your nose and blow like this.
It's like deep sea diving. We
increase the air pressure in this tank.
...until it equals the pressure under
which the men are working in the tunnel.
Could I take a picture of this?
Help yourself.
Give me the heading.
Come on, you apes.
Come on, come on, come on.
That's right. Come on.
On the phone.
Yo!
Moran? Stick your ear
into the phone and listen.
I'm bringing a woman down.
On the company's time?
Stop clowning. She's a
photographer from Mirror Magazine.
...and is going to shoot some
pictures of the men working.
So, for the love of mud, have
them watch their language.
What's the temperature in here? Way over 100.
Quiet down.
Quiet! Quiet! Quiet, up there.
When I say quiet, I want it quiet.
Listen, you fatheads,
there's a lady coming down...
...so the cussing is out.
If you can't talk without
cussing, then make faces.
What's the idea of bringing a dame down here?
Don't they know it's bad luck?
I'm getting out while I got my health.
If we had brains, we'd all get out.
You can suit yourself about
that, but whatever happens...
...keep your snouts out of the
gutter, you muck-covered baboons...
...or I'll kick you out of
your hairy hides and throw...
Moran!
Mr. Taylor, the men say they won't work.
while there's a woman in the tunnel.
It's an old superstition,
there's nothing I can do about it.
They're a jinx underground.
We ain't inviting trouble.
Well, I'm sorry. I didn't realize.
You see, they told me that
this was where I'd find.
...real, honest-to-goodness
fearless men.
Nobody mentioned anything
about superstitious children.
Well, you heard what the lady
said. Come on, back to work.
Back to work. Come on, come on, come on.
And mind your language.
Thank you very much.
Mr. Morrisey, might I have your
assistance with this slave bracelet?
Mr. Hanagan, it's a pleasure to help you.
And it's my turn to carry the heavy end.
Thank you, Mr. Hanagan.
What you expected?
It's like small-time vaudeville!
Easy, easy.
Little over this way.
Lower. Lower.
Little more. Little more. That's it.
Pardon me. What do you do?
I'm a butterfly presser.
I mean, what's your title?
No titles down here. We're all democrats.
What do you want?
Would you like to pose for me?
I didn't bring my butterflies.
Now, look, you needn't be cute.
I just need a fairly human
model for some pictures.
That's out. My mamma done told me.
Ryan, I suggest you
cooperate with Miss Grant.
The president of the
company seen fit to do so.
Maybe she's his type.
Listen, you... Hey, Ryan, get to it now.
Pardon me, folks. Work.
Sorry, Miss Grant.
Oh, that's all right.
After all, the sun isn't
shining and he's a groundhog.
Come on, lean on it, boys.
Listen, Superman, for two bits.
I'd slug that big yap
of yours shut so tight...
Shut up, both of you.
Stand back. Take it away.
Okay!
Take it easy. That's it.
That's it.
Here it comes, Ryan.
Look what's down there. Hey,
Jack, Willie, pipe the Jane.
How about looking up here
so we can see your kisser?
What are you doing Thursday night?
Hiya, babe. How about taking my picture?
Mr. Taylor, can he lean a little farther out?
Ryan, lean out a little
more. Make it look good.
A little more. Little further, Ryan.
I can't see her face, but
she looks kind of cute.
Hey, watch the plate! What
are you doing up there?
Miss Grant, are you hurt?
No. No, I'm all right.
Fast thinking, miss, but
now they know you're a jinx.
All right, men, get him
into the compression tank.
Three of you, easy now. He
may have busted something.
You'd better go with them. All
right, get that plate back in place.
My camera. Come on, come
on, get back to work.
Where do you think you are, you baboons?
Why didn't you watch what you're
doing? Come on, back to work.
Okay, punks. Get back
inside. Come on. Break it up!
Okay, take it away.
Get me the clinic.
Moran speaking. Had an accident.
Do you think he'll be all right?
Lady, he's an Irishman. He's
either all right now or he's dead.
It was all my fault.
If it hadn't been for you, that
nutcracker would have beaned him.
But you should have stood out of the tunnel.
Here comes Ryan.
Come on, quit stalling.
Shake your head and see what happens.
Nothing loose.
Are you still here?
Is that the thanks she gets
for saving your no-good life?
Huh?
Who do you think rolled you out
of the way of that powder puff?
She did? She did.
A man can't turn his back without... Thanks.
If you'd quit showing
off in front of skirts...
...you wouldn't be taking spills.
Who was showing off? She asked
me to lean out, didn't you?
I didn't mean for you to lean that far.
Pay no attention to him, lady.
You big, bull-headed goof.
Trying to blame a woman for
them mud barges he calls feet.
One more crack from any of
you and you get a free lump.
Jiggers, kids. Superman's getting sore.
Maybe he thinks the lady's
gonna save him again.
Oh, here, gentlemen!
Oh, no! Help! Help!
Help! Help! Help! Help!
Oh, help! Help!
Now, who was saying what?
Hiya, Doc.
Hey, it's the Doc with the checker.
Clancy. Clancy. It's the Doc
with the checker. Morrisey.
Morrisey. Come on, Morrisey.
The Doc and the checker. Come on, get up.
Put him on the bench, right there.
Come on, Morrisey. Come on.
Come on, sit down.
What about that one?
Oh, Pete! Wake up, Pete.
Pete, come on. Wake up, Pete!
Come on, Morrisey.
Let's put him on the bench.
Breathe deep, that's right.
The Doc and the checker.
Let's put him on the bench.
Hiya, men. Hi.
You're bleeding.
Don't tell a soul or I'll get fired.
Confidentially, I was in a fight.
Funny, the way the doctor
got the wrong patient.
You men are quite loyal
to each other, aren't you?
Against outsiders.
Oh, you can take the chip off your shoulder.
I'll be out of here in a few
minutes, and I don't expect to return.
There's no chip. I still
don't think you're a jinx...
...but you're just not my
type of dame, that's all.
Type of dame?
You've been on the prowl
ever since you met me.
Aren't you old enough to know it?
What...
Why, you conceited ape!
Maybe there's something about
you I could like, I don't know.
Right now I'm booked solid,
so I figured I'd wise you up.
...that you're wasting
your time. End of the line.
You are living proof that men
can exist without mentality.
Is it actually within the limits.
...of your exalted ego to believe.
...that a woman of education and love.
...of the finer graces could fall for you?
I don't get all that.
Well, may I put it this way?
At home, in my bedroom, I have
an inanimate object, a chair...
...that has 10 times more
quality and character than you.
A chair? A chair, Mr. Groundhog. Good day.
A chair.
Hey, mush mouth, this belongs to the lady.
If you run, you can catch her.
Hey, wait a minute. I'll
see that she gets it.
How about a ride back? No,
dearie, you're too knobby.
Well, next time...
Safe to come in? Yes, all right.
I'm dying to see the ape.
Can he talk or does he
just grunt and make signs?
Wait till you see his picture.
A mental throwback to the alphabet soup era.
Maybe we could put him under
contract and exhibit him.
King Kong! Looks as though
he would eat his own folks.
That's a good picture. The
lighting on the shoulder.
Yeah, I'll say it is!
Wait till I call the mob.
Oh, no, Hoppy!
Hey, come see what Kate found in a hole.
A mouse? Oh, where?
No, the abysmal brute. Come on.
What? What is it? Come on.
Ladies and gentlemen, It. Well, what is it?
It's a tableau representing
the brotherhood of man.
It's one sandhog against the world.
The world being the other
three sandhogs he knocked out.
He did all that alone? He's sweet.
Well, he's the nearest thing to
primordial man I've ever encountered.
And the one encounter was more than enough.
But, Kate, one can't be expected
to have all those muscles and think.
Well, dear, Christley wanted you
to photograph life in the raw...
...and you've given it to him. With onions.
Christley is not getting
that picture for publication.
Why not?
Well, Henry, if that were published...
...those men would lose their jobs.
I don't want to be responsible for that.
Excuse me.
You know, beneath her exalted
exterior, there actually beats a heart.
Oh.
You left this in the tunnel.
Thanks, I was going to phone.
And while I'm here, I'd
like to see that chair.
What chair? The one that's better than me.
Oh.
Well, perhaps I was exaggerating a little.
I can decide that. Just show me the chair.
All right.
This? That.
What do I owe you?
An apology.
A chair's supposed to
be made to sit on. I sat.
I'm not speaking about the chair.
You made certain remarks today.
I'd rather hear about the chair.
What was it you said?
That it had 10 times more
quality and character than me?
"Had" is right. Will you go now?
You kind of spoiled my supper tonight.
When a guy gets a feeling he
knows a little about women...
...and then along comes something like you...
...it puts him right back in short pants.
How was that chair better than me?
Well, it had grace and
quiet dignity, and beauty.
Oh.
Naturally you don't understand.
I think you're talking through your ears.
Like I said, a chair is
made to hold people up.
That one couldn't. I can.
Put me down this minute.
If you want to leave a chair,
you get up and walk away from it.
Try and get away from me. If you
don't let me go, I'll scream for help.
Now you've got something to scream about.
Oh, you coward. Kissing a woman.
What am I supposed to kiss?
Well, I feel better now. I've
got my long pants on again.
Wait a minute. What are you insinuating now?
Why didn't you scream?
I'm no child.
I see you're not, but I
don't think you know it.
No, I might get interested. So long.
Superman!
Mr. Ryan, of all the conceited...
Look, everybody. See what I found.
Isn't he gorgeous? Superman.
Mr. Ryan, these are friends of mine.
This is Mr. Ryan, the sandhog
you saw in the pictures.
He just came to return a tripod.
In the bedroom?
Well, couldn't he return
it in the living room?
Miss McDonnell, Mr. Ryan. Hello.
And my sister, Miss Grant. How do you do?
Mr. Fulton, the publisher of Mirror Magazine.
How're you? Mr. Dunbar, the playwright.
How do you do? Hello.
Mr. Kent, the... And Mr.
Roger Winant, the composer.
Kate was telling us how
you destroyed Local 908
...of your union today. Only three.
Don't be bashful, man, we know
there must have been a dozen.
I said there was three.
"Were" three, chum.
Thanks, dollface.
But you haven't a mark.
Did you blow them down?
Oh, leave him alone.
My dear, do you think we
could harm this Viking?
Perhaps Mr. Ryan would like
to enlarge on the gory details.
Great idea. Act it out, will you?
I'll give you some background music.
That's enough. It's okay, babe.
Well, if you really want to
hear it... We're breathless.
May sound sort of bragging. Oh, naturally.
Well, as I said, there were three
of them. Weren't you frightened?
No, I always remember something
my father told me years ago.
He said, "If it's Saturday night
and a horse steps on your head...
"get out of the gutter
because you're drunk. " Get it?
Frankly, no.
So, the three of them come charging in.
Clancy leads with his stomach, like yours.
So I hook him, like that, only harder.
Then I grabbed the other two guys.
And banged their heads together, like that.
After that we all had a beer and went home.
What does it say in the
book about head bandages?
So long. So long, kid. Thanks for the laughs.
Darling, I think you owe me an explanation.
About what?
About what happened in the other room.
I haven't the slightest idea.
Oh, don't say that.
Which of the new plays interested you?
I see. No, I missed Abie's Irish Rose.
Have you read any good books lately?
Books?
B-O-O-K-S.
Well, of course, if you
have no mind to read...
...or even if you're of no mind...
Pardon me, your spoon,
it's in your coffee cup...
...and it's likely to be in your eye.
So, at last, he's driven you crazy.
Oh, hello.
Dreams again last night?
Mmm-hmm.
Those liver pills didn't help, eh?
Well, as the brainy half
of this sister act...
...it's up to me to pull
you through the crisis.
But how the devil do you fight dreams?
Hoppy, I think I have the answer.
Honestly? Mmm-hmm.
I've analyzed the situation
coldly and without prejudice.
What is upsetting me to the point.
where I can no longer
call my emotions my own?
Not the man himself, but dreams about him.
Therefore, I've decided to
have such dreams when I'm awake.
...and have some control over my mind.
You've been talking that way
since you were six years old.
It must have been something Mother ate.
You interrupted one of my conscious dreams.
Mr. Ryan's having breakfast with me.
I see. It was something Mother ate.
You will note that Ryan is completely
without the glamour he assumes at night.
He's simply a muddy man
who works in a tunnel.
His shoes are dirty, his napkin
is tucked under his chin...
...he goes blank when I
mention books and plays...
...and he's utterly incapable of
contributing to an intelligent conversation.
Pardon? Toothpicks? No, I'm sorry.
No. You have a cavity? Yes, I see.
Certainly you may use your fork.
Oh, hello, Hilda. Just
pretend you're not here.
Doesn't he pick his teeth gracefully? Duck!
Aren't you glad I warned you? The
man's utterly without breeding.
If he did what I think he did,
I ought to kick his ears off.
Hoppy, isn't it marvelous?
He's becoming revolting.
Great! Only how do you know
that's the way he actually is?
Well, I... Of course, it could be.
...that you've imagined him
correctly, down to his last tooth.
So, if I am correct...
...a few well-chosen hours with the mug.
would snap me out of this adolescent daze.
Hoppy, I'll deliberately see
him and make these things happen.
Well, I don't see that it's
necessary to carry things that far.
What if something went wrong?
You're likely to find yourself
living in a tunnel for two.
I know what I'm doing, and I
have faith in my own intelligence.
Well, I haven't. And furthermore, I...
Oh, answer that, Hoppy, will you?
I'm going to make a phone call.
All right, all right, I'm coming.
Doorbells should ring once and
then electrocute the ringer.
Oh.
Won't you come in?
Do you know anything about this?
Go get your sister.
Ryan. Ryan, Ryan, Ryan...
Like rabbits.
I can't find him. Do you
think he might be listed.
...in the business directory under "sandhog"?
He's in the living room under his hat.
He is?
Hey, I thought your approach
was to be strictly scientific.
What do you suppose he wants?
Well, I think there's been a mistake.
A mistake?
Hello.
Sweet kid. What's the matter?
You knew I'd be in a jam the
minute this picture was printed.
But to make yourself look good on the job...
...you're willing to turn it in
and get me four months' suspension.
How did they get this?
Look, if I want acting, I'd go to a show.
But I swear I had nothing... Hoppy!
Mr. Ryan, before you make any accusations...
...you should be ready
to prove your statements.
You took the picture, didn't
you? For that magazine, wasn't it?
So now, at a time when I
need every cent I can get...
...along comes this, and
I get tossed out on my ear.
Hoppy!
Coming, sister dear.
Well?
Nice, isn't it?
You knew this particular
picture was not to be released.
Now, who got it?
Henry. But why didn't you tell me?
After the way this gorilla
cracked Henry's skull...
...he had every right to print it.
Who does he think he is anyway...
...barging into people's
apartments uninvited?
Keeping them awake nights.
Awake nights? What are you talking about?
Why, certainly, she hasn't been
able to... She's hysterical.
Mr. Ryan, I was not responsible
for the publication of this picture.
I want you to believe me.
Okay. Doesn't help anything,
but I'll take your word for it.
Of course, I was involved to the extent of.
...taking it and not destroying the negative.
Forget it.
But you've been suspended at a time.
when you say you need money badly.
If it's a question of going hungry...
Who's going hungry? You angling
to toss some charity my way?
No.
I'd like to offer you a job for
the duration of your suspension.
Working for you? Like what?
Well, I have certain plans.
I get it. Lady, I told you
once I don't want to play.
If you want to buy some muscles,
go out and get a cheap cut of beef.
Why, you...
Listen, you big ape. I'm not
interested in your nauseating charm.
I was offering you a job!
What can I do around here?
Well, you could carry heavy
equipment, couldn't you?
With the proper training,
you might even learn.
...to turn on a light by snapping a switch.
No posing?
No, Mr. Ryan.
You have my permission to
conceal your magnificent figure.
...at all times under an
overcoat and three heavy blankets.
Man's got to be careful
these days. What's the pay?
What were you getting? 150 a week.
Well, naturally that's...
I know. What can you afford?
Say, 35? Forty at the most.
Well, I wouldn't take the job if I
didn't figure you owe me something.
I'll start at 35 and
find out if I'm worth 40.
That's a deal. What do I do first?
Take off your hat.
Backstage at the Marquis
Theatre. Sounds good.
A day in the lives of 40 little
bleached, arrested mentalities.
It's a wonderful assignment.
People like to know about them.
What people? You, for instance?
I already know.
Oh, naturally.
Ryan, I hope there's no need
to warn you about any horseplay.
Remember, we're here on business.
Yes, teacher.
You can do without the humor,
especially when it isn't.
You wait here while I get the stage manager.
Mr. Ryan, Mr. Sweetzer. How do you do?
Hello. Now let's see. Give me the camera.
Say, that's quite an effect, isn't it?
Yes, it is.
Back home we call it a rope.
Believe it or not, you were
trying to catch a streetcar.
If you can spare the time, Mr.
Ryan, there's some work to be done.
Visitors, girls!
Girls, this is Miss Katherine Grant and...
Hello. Jim Ryan. Hi!
These people are from the Mirror Magazine...
...and I want you to give
them your fullest cooperation.
Mirror Magazine! Oh, wonderful!
If you should need me,
Miss Grant... We won't.
...I'll be right down the hall.
Thank you very much.
Hello, Mr. Ryan. Are you
going to skip poor little me?
Not if I can help it.
Oh.
You for me.
Oh, I'm just crazy for Mirror Magazine. Yeah?
Give me a break, will you, beauty?
What a job! Sure thing, cushions.
The name's Darlene.
Now, how do you want me to pose?
Strictly legit or ranky-tanky.
Oh.
I leave all the picture-taking
to my assistant over there.
I can show you how to look good, though.
Oh, you're awfully nice. But most men are.
Get up on the table. All right.
Cross you legs.
Now turn a little more, so we
can get a little more of the...
Yeah, that's...
Ryan! Huh?
Be back in a minute. All right.
I thought you understood this is no time.
...for personal projects. Now, stand by.
What are you beefing about? I just lined up.
...the snappiest fruit basket
in the show for a picture.
Oh, I suppose that took effort.
All I know is what men like to see in
a picture. Why don't you take a look?
What is she? An old friend as of today?
Come on, be a good guy. Give the kid a break.
No. Why not?
We're interested only in certain types.
Oh, afraid, huh?
Afraid I might bag a homer with your
boyfriend here. I'm wise, sister.
My boyfriend?
Looks like her round.
Well, far be it from me to
hide a light from a bushel.
If that's what the great American
public wants, we'll give it to them.
All right. Smile, Miss... Darlene.
Now, try to look intelligent. Huh?
Thank you. Hey, my face was open.
I wasn't ready. Oh, you looked great, honey.
With your picture on the cover,
we'll sell two million magazines.
See you later, huh? Uh-huh.
One at a time, girls. We'll
get around to all of you.
Take my word for it.
Ryan, you're an absolute genius.
Not only do those girls
think you're my boss...
...but they also believe
you own the magazine.
Can I help it if I look like an executive?
And that Darlene.
Where on earth could she
find a name like that?
Sounds like a substitute for butter.
She's a swell kid.
I'm well aware of your opinion...
...but I don't have to share it, do I?
She can do five shows a day. Can you do that?
Those simple little dance steps?
I've seen children dance better
than that, on their hands.
And if I bleached my hair, I could look just.
...as cheap and tough as
Darlene and six friends.
Maybe you could, at that.
You better watch yourself.
You know, you're not a bad egg. Mmm?
Nothing razzle-dazzle...
...but you could be a lot of
woman if you ever got the urge.
You're talking to your employer, Ryan.
I like it. You got brains,
ability, good looks.
Everything a man admires in a woman.
Well, thanks.
Say, are we working tonight?
No. What are you doing?
Nothing.
Then would you be as sweet as
you look and lend me your car?
What? Thanks. You're a pal.
I maneuvered a date with Darlene.
Oh, that's fine.
In these times, with my
tires, you're going joy riding.
Oh, no, you got me wrong. All
I want to do is park it out.
...in front of her apartment for a flash.
After all, I'm supposed to be a big shot.
You know, this is wonderful.
Positively wonderful!
Exactly as I'd hoped.
What's wonderful?
You're proving my point, you ape.
Look at her. Brazen, bleached,
not a brain in her head.
What did she do to you?
Nothing.
Only wouldn't you know she'd
be just the type for Ryan?
They were attracted to each
other like syrup to a pancake.
Can't be this light that's turning you green.
I told you, you can't
fight fire by eating it.
I'm doing all right. One more day like this.
...and I'll be so fed up with the man...
...it'll be an effort to listen to his name.
I don't think.
Who's here besides Roger? Henry.
Oh, what does he want?
Don't ask me. He's your boyfriend.
Hello. Oh, hello, dear.
I had hopes that you might
be lonely this evening.
Lonely? With 200 pounds
of manhood on her payroll?
Who told you that? Wasn't I supposed to tell?
Tell what?
She hired that big sandhog as an assistant.
...in a crazy attempt to get fed up with him.
Silliest idea I ever heard of.
I don't think it's silly. I
ate a whole jar of honey once.
What? Period.
You hired that ditch digger
who was here the other night?
Mmm-hmm. Is there a law against it?
Well, what does he know about photography?
Nothing.
Have you lost your mind, Kate?
Are you letting yourself be
completely swayed by emotionalism.
Oh, no. Exactly the opposite.
I was attracted to the man.
Now I'm deliberately proving how
ridiculous that attraction is.
But you were attracted.
Isn't that what she said?
Katherine, I insist that you
end this association immediately.
Go ahead and insist.
Meanwhile, I'll continue settling
my own problems in my own way.
Katherine Grant speaking.
Hi. This is Ryan. Say, how'd
that picture of Darlene come out?
Where are you?
It did, huh? That's great.
Ryan, you'd better tell
that girl immediately.
...that her picture will not be used.
RYAN... On the cover, huh?
Hey, that's a break, isn't it?
Yeah, she'll be glad to
hear it. Won't you, honey?
Oh, gee, yeah!
Listen to me. I don't care what you do...
...but I demand the
return of my car right now.
Do you understand? Right now!
Oh, sure, I'll explain it takes a
couple of weeks before publication.
Well, don't work too hard, kid. Good night.
Oh, gee, you're wonderful!
Just keep that in mind.
Oh, morning.
Nice to see you, too.
This should be very interesting.
Oh, you mean about the car?
Well, it was so late last
night when I finished...
I figured it'd be better
if I... Finished what?
Are you kidding?
Well, I'm not surprised to learn
why you're in need of money.
But if you think I'm going to
let you use your job with me.
...as a persuasive influence.
...on the blondenes of Broadway...
You mean I'm a bad boy?
You're positively disgusting!
Fair enough.
Oh, you owe me one day's
pay. Are you quitting?
Wasn't I just fired? No!
You were being reprimanded.
Oh, well, let's get to work.
You know, I was thinking...
...those girls at the
theater yesterday were okay...
...but I know a spot that's
got some that are really choice.
Want me to show you today?
No, we're working right
here. Oh, anything good?
Special assignment. The Body Beautiful.
Oh, where is she?
Who? The... What you said.
All ready.
All right? Hmm? Oh, yes. This way, Mr. Brice.
Will you stand by the pedestal, please?
Oh, Ryan, at the Annual Convention
of Physical Culture Directors.
Mr. Brice was voted to have the
most beautiful body in America.
This is my assistant, Mr. Ryan, Mr. Brice.
Glad to know you. It's a pleasure, Ryan.
What was the idea of that?
Sorry, I guess I don't know my own strength.
Mr. Brice, if you...
Catching a guy off guard, eh?
I said I was sorry.
Come on, introduce us again.
Come on, shake hands fair
and square, I dare you.
Say, what's going on there? Stop that! Here.
I happen to be paying your salary, Ryan.
You can play games on your own time.
Now get down.
Wise guy.
Tip that light down a little, will you?
The one near his right shoulder.
Sorry, pal.
What happened? He poked me!
I did not. I was fixing the
light and my elbow slipped.
Ryan, I'll thank you to
concentrate on your duties.
Adjust the light above him. I want
to accentuate those chest muscles.
Chest muscles.
Now, take your position, please, Mr. Brice.
Yes, give me a little more of...
Hmm. Hmm. That's enough.
Now tip the light a
little more this way. More.
There, that's it. Now tighten it there.
I doed it.
Ryan!
I guess I tightened it too loose.
Oh, are you hurt?
What are you trying to do? Kill me?
Not by hitting you on the head.
No, no, no! Here, here, here, stop it!
Stop, stop!
Go on. Let him go. I'll
toss him out the window.
Stop it! Mr. Brice, there's
work to be done. Now let's do it.
Ryan, clear this mess out of the way.
You just told me not to touch him.
You know what I'm talking about. Now do it.
You, take your position. Goodness.
All right, Mr. Brice, now let's see.
Now turn around, let's see the back.
Fine, that should be good. Get it up, Ryan.
Ryan! Never mind, I'll
take care of that. Get back.
Will you turn around?
Little higher.
There, that's all right.
That's fine. Leave it alone.
All right, Mr. Brice. Hold it.
It's a still picture, Mr. Brice.
Stop rippling those muscles.
All right. Okay, now I'm going
to take one more for protection.
After this, we'll take one with
the barbell. Get it for him, Ryan.
There, that's fine. Give
him the barbell, Ryan.
Sure. Here you are, pal.
Ryan! Have you gone mad?
Oh, Mr. Brice! Ryan! He's
a strong man, isn't he?
If I can throw it, he ought
to be able to catch it.
Get me up. I'll kill him!
Get out, you! Get out of here.
You better go take a walk or something.
You mean so he won't kill me?
Oh, get out! No, come here and help him.
No. Why should I help somebody I don't like?
So long, Atlas.
Hello, Mr. Brice. Resting?
That's probably Henry. Will you tell
him I'll be with him in a minute?
Yeah.
Oh, hello, Roger. Hello, Hoppy.
Come on in.
It's Roger. Why?
Why not? Food and drink here are free.
Hello, Kate. Ready?
I'm sorry, Roger. I'm dining
with Henry this evening.
No need to be sorry. Henry has to work.
I'm entertaining you tonight at his expense.
Well, of all the...
Why didn't he phone?
There might have been something
else I'd rather do, you know.
That's what he's afraid of.
Go on out with him, Katie.
Any man as understanding as Roger.
...deserves the best food Henry can buy.
Might as well.
Say, eat a good square meal, will you, Roger?
Stop raiding our ice box.
I brought this myself. A nickel.
Oh, spendthrift.
Where's your sandhog?
Probably in his cage for
the night. Bye, Hoppy.
Goodbye, kids. Have fun.
Goodbye, Hoppy.
How is the campaign coming?
Has he nauseated you yet?
Well, confidentially, I'm
not making much headway.
Whatever he does, he does well.
Maybe you've never had
him out of his element.
As a matter of fact, I
haven't, except by imagination.
Well, imagination is all right
for people with no teeth...
...but you're young enough to face things.
You want to prove he's a lout, huh? Hmm.
Well, do it.
Take him to a literary tea at Cond's.
...or the open forum at Carnegie.
Places where he'd stand
out like a starched penguin.
Wouldn't that be a touch on the nasty side?
Oh, I wouldn't wish the
treatment on a neighbor's cat...
...but if you honestly want
to get fed up with the man...
As long as I have time
on my hands this evening.
What are you going to do?
Oh, excuse me!
May I ask? You may.
We're being honored at dinner, I hope...
...by the presence of James
Ryan, Esquire, Local 908.
Kate, you're not going to...
You look very nice, dear.
I love this place.
You could be thrown into a panic
by a waiter with squeaky shoes.
This way, sir.
Roger, wake up, he's coming.
Oh.
Oh, Katie.
Well, look at you! Oh, hello.
Ryan, you remember Roger.
Oh, the little piano
player. How are you? Hello.
This is quite a joint. I've got a rich uncle.
who was buried in one of these.
Ryan, I'm sorry our assignment
has fallen through...
...but the people we were to photograph
have canceled their reservation.
I don't blame them. Why
don't we get out of here?
Oh, Ryan. Miss Grant and I are celebrating.
Celebrating what?
Well, Tchaikovsky and I have just composed.
...a number which looks like being a hit.
Perhaps, you'd join us for dinner, would you?
If this is your idea of
celebrating, I'm game.
Oh, good.
Say, Tchaikovsky is dead, isn't he?
That's right.
How do you feel?
What's "soupe du jour"?
I'll have it. You have it, too.
I'll have it, too.
What's this here?
Monsieur, that is corned beef and cabbage.
Why don't they put it down?
I'll have some of that.
Three bucks for corned beef and cabbage!
Ryan, not so loud.
I'll bet you couldn't lift three bucks'
worth of corned beef and cabbage.
Monsieur is complaining?
The name isn't "Monsieur", it's Ryan.
This is Miss Grant, and that's
Mr. Roger. Get off your horse.
Glad to know you. My name
is O'Conner. How are you?
Patrick Aloysius.
Now look, pal. We got roped
in here on a bum steer.
What's the word?
Confidentially, the corned
beef and cabbage stinks.
What's good then? Nothing.
Nothing in the joint is good.
Now, don't be letting
on that I wised you up...
...but did you ever hear of a
place by the name of Murphy's?
Did I ever hear of Murphy's?
Hey, that's an idea.
Come on, let's get out of
here. I'll show you how to eat.
Thanks, O'Conner.
Tell Murphy that I ain't
been able to be around lately.
...on the account of me old lady
is using me for Red Cross bandages.
Sure, I'll do it. You
owe for two drinks, bud.
Adios, butch.
Now you're talking.
Here you are, pal.
Thanks. So long.
Here you are. What are you doing in here?
Come on, let's go home. Come on.
Oh, sit down, you!
Drinks? Yeah, coffee.
Coffee. Milk.
Not bad for four bits, huh?
I know men with ulcers
who'd give $10 for a whiff.
And whatever else Murphy
is, he's certainly generous.
Come on, eat up. You've needed
something like this for years.
Just how do you mean that?
Don't get touchy. I mean you need
a little ketchup in your life.
What a thought!
Ketchup.
Well, blow my torch, if it ain't Superman.
How are you, noisy?
You remember Clancy. Miss Grant.
Oh, Lady Bad Luck, glad to see you.
Hiya, Clancy. The name's
Kate. How's things in the cave?
The name's Roger. Glad to know you, pal.
Who you hitting?
Thought it was the custom.
The tunnel ain't been the same without
you. Not a good fight in two days.
What's happened to Morrisey?
He'd challenge a dead duck.
He's in the back room with
the mob, spoiling for a brawl.
Come on, bring your friend.
We just came in here for a bite.
The lady means she's a lady.
The lady means she didn't want
Ryan to lose his beautiful teeth.
Lead on, Clancy.
Now there's a woman with a head of her own.
She get like this often? Only
when annoyed by men named Ryan.
Hey! Look what I found. Hello.
Hey, what's the idea? You
know the rules. No dames.
Morrisey, your mouth is too loud.
You know, all I've heard from
sandhogs are rules against women.
It would be interesting to
learn how a sandhog is born.
That's telling them, Miss Kate. Grab a chair.
Oh, don't be so formal. Call me "Toots. "
Hiya, slaves. Oh, Superman.
The old windbag himself.
This is Roger. He's a friend of Miss Grant's.
I guess you remember her from the tunnel.
I'd give a buck and a
half if I could forget her.
She cost you your job. What
are you hanging around her for?
Or am I being too commercial?
I could poke you in the nose for an answer.
When you grow up, you could.
Oh, and there's plenty of room to fight here.
Now, you stay out of this, Peter,
or I'll join in and choose you.
You try a punch and I'll be in it. Me, too.
Which side? Either side.
Waiter, could I have a check?
Well, somebody hit somebody
so we can get going.
Now wait a minute... Let him alone.
I wanna see if I can send him
through the door without opening it.
Oh, now listen to me, all of you.
You're acting like a bunch of children.
What good is fighting if you don't
know what you're fighting for?
We're gonna see who's head man.
I've no illusions.
The head man doesn't get
there by brute strength.
He uses a combination of
qualities. Brains, agility.
Hey, that sounds like dirty
fighting to me. Shut up!
Listen, tell them what you mean,
so I can understand it better.
Well, I mean, here you are, ready
to beat each other's brains out.
...over a simple argument that
could be settled without a blow.
Like how? Like...
Roger, get over to the piano. Oh, piano.
Now, the rest of you, move
this table out of the way.
Come on. Well, come on!
Come on, you heard what the lady said.
Put it over there, will you?
That Ryan sure picks some
pips. Now look what he brings.
I remember as a girl we used this method.
...to decide who was our natural leader.
What are you getting at? Musical chairs.
Musical chairs with these kiddies?
Well, why not? They want
to find out who's the boss.
Why should everybody bleed to death?
Now let's see. One, two, three...
...four, five, six, seven, eight, nine!
Now I want eight chairs. One,
two, three, four, five, six.
Now two more. You see? There's
one less chair than there are men.
Now you form a circle around
here. Come on. Right over here.
And you keep marching so
long as the music plays.
The minute it stops, you sit down.
The one who's left without
a chair is out. See?
I remember this. This is a game for babies.
What else do you think you are? Babies.
Oh, no, come on, boys. Oh, please.
Now if you'll give me half a chance...
I'll prove to you the superiority
of mind over a broken jaw.
Yeah, let Toots show us how it
works. Bring back the chairs.
Thank you, Clancy. Now put that
down, Roger, and play. Go on.
Now, all right, march.
Now remember, grab a
chair when the music stops.
Oh, no, no. Don't fight, boys. Just sit down.
No! Not here. Wait.
Stop it!
Oh, my goodness! No, stop.
Here, here, get over it. No, stop it.
Who hit me?
No, no, Clancy. Clancy, you're eliminated.
Now where are the chairs? Here.
Here's mine. All right, put them down.
Put them down. Just like they were.
That right. That's fine now. Here.
All right? Now we're ready again.
Roger.
Now, boys, don't fight. Use
your heads. Use your heads.
All right, you're eliminated.
Oh, no, boys, you haven't got the
idea at all. Now play it right.
Now, now, now. Stop it. Stop it!
All right.
He horned in after I sat
down. That ain't fair.
What are you talking about?
I sit while you're trying to
make up your big, fat mind.
No, no, no. Morrisey, I'm
sorry, Pete was here first.
Yeah? I'm staying where I'm sitting.
Oh, you are? Boys.
Making your own rules, huh?
Let go of me now, you goofs.
Let go of me, you goofs.
You're right, this is a
lot better than fighting.
Well!
I could have dropped you off at
your place, the same as Roger.
After all, the champ deserves the best.
It'll be simpler to take the subway.
Good night. Ryan...
Yeah?
You don't think much of me, do you?
What difference does it make?
I'd like to know why.
I didn't say I don't like you.
You looked pretty good
tonight with your hair down.
Could have had any sandhog in the place.
Except you.
You want me?
Why should I? Then quit playing.
I'll see you tomorrow.
You see what your trouble
is? Your head's full of hash.
You could say, "Ryan, I'm nuts about you. "
You might find out I feel
the same way about you.
Instead of that, you play Chinese checkers.
What on earth gave you the
idea that I'm nuts about you?
Well, are you or aren't
you? Well, of course not.
Then what do you want from me?
Why can't I catch the subway?
Go ahead and catch it.
Would you mind if I quit my job?
If you want to. But do
you mind telling me why?
Because the longer I'm
around you, the goofier I get.
I'm a grown man. I've taken care
of myself ever since I was a kid.
By my standards, I'm as
good as anybody on earth.
And then you come along and I
start asking myself questions.
Like maybe one person
is better than another...
...and there couldn't be any real
happiness, just momentary infatuation.
Yeah. Yeah, how did you know?
Because I'm nuts about you, Ryan.
Well, I'm not nuts. Katherine
Grant, are you drunk?
Where are your manners?
Can't you see she's busy?
Katherine.
I'll see you inside, Hoppy.
Ryan, if my own sister hasn't the willpower.
...to do as she intended, I'll do it.
If you want to avoid a kick in the pants...
...you'd better clear
out of here and stay out.
What's she talking about?
I haven't the faintest idea.
Have you lost your head completely?
Do you deny that ever
since you met the man...
...you've been deliberately
plotting to make a fool of him?
Tell me that wasn't your plan.
Yeah, go ahead, tell her.
He's got me all mixed up. You see,
that was my intention, but I...
Why do you lie to involve yourself?
You know you've been making
a game of ridiculing him.
Pretending to be attracted.
...so you'd be fed up with
him as quickly as possible.
You've even told that to Henry.
To Henry, huh?
Hoppy, would you please go
inside? I want to talk to Ryan.
No need.
I know what you'd say.
That maybe you weren't on the
level before, but you are now.
That wouldn't be right.
In the morning, you'd wake up
cold-blooded with that same old routine.
...about maybe one person
is better than another.
I guessed right the first time, kid.
You're a phony from heel to heel.
Sleep good.
It's a pretty serious proposition.
If they have to call off the project
for good, the city will lose millions.
So you want me to go down and
photograph a hole that's filled up?
No, not exactly.
You see, there's a man who
says he can save the tunnel...
...and they're giving him
a chance to prove it today.
How's he going to do it?
Now that I don't know.
I realize that this is a spot news
assignment, a bit off your block.
But it's darned important, and, after
all, you're familiar with the work.
Okay. But the idea of one man
saving an entire tunnel project.
...sounds like Aunt Minnie's
pipe dream. What's his name?
Ryan. James Ryan.
Ryan? Do you know him?
Not as well as I thought.
The facts are these...
...this tunnel project has been condemned.
...because of cave-ins
and escaping pressure.
...that make it impossible for the men to
continue working with any degree of safety.
A few years ago, Ryan
went to work as a sandhog.
...to familiarize himself with the
problems of underwater construction.
During this time, he's developed a machine.
which he claims will
permit resumption of work.
Well, we don't know. But
if what he claims is true...
...then Ryan will have
accomplished something.
...that's been attempted
for years without success.
Can't we go in for pictures?
Sorry, but we're not risking any more
lives than is absolutely necessary.
There will be only the officials
and the volunteer sandhog group.
Here's your chance to speak to
Ryan now and photograph his machine.
Couldn't you have hired a small
boy to carry all this junk?
What's he saying?
He's still having trouble
getting the pressure up.
The air is blowing right into the river.
Ryan, these people want to ask some
questions and take a few pictures.
The press, huh?
I used to be in the racket myself.
What about the machine?
Well, the idea for this machine came to me.
while I was watching a
sideshow barker at Coney Island.
This barker put a chemical powder
into a glass of water and froze it.
Of course, the trick was
supposed to have been magic.
It took me a couple of months at
engineering school to find out.
...that it was simply a well-known
endothermic chemical reaction.
How do you spell it? I don't.
So here we are.
The chemical in this feedbox here.
...is forced through these
pipes and into the drills here...
...goes from the drills into the muck...
...freezing any portion of the tunnel end.
...to prevent cave-ins and pressure escapes.
Mind looking this way? Any questions?
We'll fire the questions if it works.
All set, Ryan. The pressure
is as steady as she'll ever be.
Okay. Hey, Clancy. Follow me, please.
Right with you, as soon
as we finish this hand.
Now, you knucklehead.
Coming, Superman.
Sorry, they won't let you
photograph the machine in action.
He's sorry about the nicest things.
A publicity break like that
would be a great help right now.
Good luck. Hope I don't need it.
Hey, Ryan, am I in charge
of your water remover?
Give me those flashbulbs. What goes on?
Didn't I tell you to take it
in through the machine lock?
Yeah, so you did.
Keep your mouth shut. I'm gonna
photograph that machine in action.
But, Kate...
Didn't I tell you I'd meet
you inside in the high air?
Yeah. So what the devil do you wanna know?
What are you waiting for,
you brainless baboons?
Hello, kid, where's your girlfriend?
She...
Oh, I forgot. You ain't very bright.
Well, come on, you lugs, we can't
keep that air high till doomsday.
What's your hurry?
We're working for nothing,
my high and mighty.
And it is doomsday.
Oh, pardon me, dearie, I forgot
you were a bundle of nerves.
Gentlemen...
You can see it from up here.
Then you'll be able to get back in the tank.
...in a hurry if anything happens.
I'll be down with the crew.
Here's hoping.
I'm not worried.
All right in there?
Not enough pressure to
begin to hold back that pump.
when they loosen the boards.
It's as high as we can get it.
Ryan knows what he's up against...
...and he still claims he can do it.
The trouble with me is I keep
volunteering for things without thinking.
Some morning I'm gonna wake
up in the maternity ward.
Did you expect a ride in the
tunnel of love? Bring it down easy.
Keep it coming.
Come on, easy.
All right, hold it there.
Morrisey, get a power hookup for the machine.
Right.
I see eight spots ready to give.
...and bury us in muck in two seconds flat.
I see six spots where we can
get sucked into the river bed.
Those spots you're seeing are from bad booze.
Come on, give me a hand, get the cover off.
All set? Give her the juice.
Throw it out there, you guys.
Untangle that line.
You all set? All right.
Now there can't be any mistakes in this.
...because your first one will be your last.
When you yank that boarding
loose, yank it all the way.
Get clear or we'll be shoving
these drills through your backs.
Got to freeze that muck
before it can bury us.
Do you understand?
Okay. You give us the count.
All right, one, two, three...
Here we go!
We're holding our own.
Wait. What's happening?
It's working. She's slowing down.
Why wouldn't it work? This is my baby.
I'll hang on till it's up
to my ears, but no longer.
It's a dame.
It's that bad-luck dame.
Get her out of here.
No, I'm all right. Get back to your drill.
I got to get you out of here
and see that you're safe.
No, please.
All right, you guys. Hurry up...
...it's gaining on you. Get in there.
Mike, get ready to grab that track.
Here they come, boys.
We'll get the lowdown now.
Is everything all right? What happened?
Did it work or didn't it?
It didn't.
Well, we had a little tough luck.
Everyone accounted for?
Yeah.
Well, gentlemen, officially the
test must be classed as a failure.
If you have anything to
add to that, go ahead.
I guess not.
Except that the cave-ins can't
be controlled with one machine.
If we had six... Thanks for trying.
Thanks. Thank you, boys.
You fellas tried hard. I want
you to know I appreciate it.
I'll see you above when
this mob clears out of here.
Where's Kate?
What happened to you?
You look like a mud pie.
Ryan.
Why don't you get out of here?
I had to ask you if there's
anything in the world I can do.
...to make up for the trouble I caused.
No. Anything else?
I wish things had turned
out differently because.
I admire you so much, and
I believe in your ability.
I was pulling for you with all my heart.
Look, the farther you step out
of your stall to square things...
...the more it smells like charity.
You don't owe me anything. And
if you did, I wouldn't collect.
That's clear, isn't it?
What's he pouting about?
Oh, shut up. Yeah, shut up.
Oh, I see.
Clancy, we've got to help him.
I was trying to figure...
What do you mean "we"?
You and Roger and I. There's
something lost in there.
...that might mean all the difference
in the world to Ryan's chances.
Lady, anything that's lost in
there is going to stay lost.
I've got to get that camera.
Have you gone daffy?
You mean that the three of us
should traipse right back in there.
where it took 10 men to get you out?
But they were caught in the
mud. We can go along the wall.
Wait a minute. Apart from
being afraid of the dark...
I hate tunnels, even after they are finished.
Those officials weren't close enough.
...to see that his machine
was having any effect.
If we can get the camera,
and the film isn't ruined...
...the pictures will show that the machine.
was actually stopping the muck.
Why do you say it that way so I
feel like I ain't doing all I can?
You've answered your own
question. Let's get out of here.
Shut up.
It might be that the muck
has plugged those leaks.
...so that the pressure has built up again.
We could take a look.
Clancy, you're a darling.
But that ain't saying
we're going all the way in.
Blow your nose like this.
End of the line.
I wish I knew what it was like up there now.
If it's like I think it is,
I got no business down here.
Well, the air pressure
seems to be holding it back.
Come on, let's try it.
Should I roll up my trousers?
I'm all right.
Over there is where I lost the camera.
Here? Now, let's see, I...
I was standing facing the tunnel and...
When it broke, I...
I must have thrown it that way.
You didn't stand there, you were under there.
What am I supposed to do?
There's not even a piano.
Feel for the camera, Roger,
it's bound to be here.
All right, I've got a grip.
Whoa.
Muck! Roger!
There's the first reason why we
should have stood out in the tunnel.
Roger, what on earth were you doing?
I don't remember.
Roger! Look!
Come on.
This was taken right after
they applied the drill.
You remember my flash light
bulb going off at the time.
And this was taken a minute later.
Now you can see that the machine.
...has cut the flow of
muck to less than half.
If Ryan and the men hadn't
stopped to rescue me...
I'm certain they would have
completed the experiment successfully.
Look, you can see here.
...that the cave-in
which buried the machine.
...is developing at a different point.
You say this picture was
taken first and this second?
Yes.
How do we know they're not reversed?
Well, among other things, by the
relative amount of mud on the men.
How could they be cleaner on a later picture?
It's a fact, sir, that the dang thing.
was on the level doing its stuff.
Apparently it was. Too bad we
couldn't see more clearly at the time.
But now that you have proof,
don't you think it worthwhile.
...to finance Ryan in construction.
...of enough of these
machines to save the tunnel?
Well, that would take some discussion.
Of course, we thank you for
this very encouraging evidence.
Thank you. If you do give him another
chance, I must insist on one thing.
Yes?
Don't tell him why you're doing it...
...other than that you think
he deserves another try.
I mean, don't mention these pictures.
Is there any particular reason?
Well, I prefer that he didn't
feel indebted to me in any way.
Well, I'm willing to oblige you...
...but I must say I don't understand.
Very few men do understand,
each other, I mean.
Goodbye. Goodbye.
"Katherine Grant, prominent
magazine photographer...
"today announced her
engagement to Henry Fulton...
"publisher of Mirror Magazine.
"Date of the wedding is indefinite...
"but the engagement is
to be celebrated tonight.
"by a group of intimate
friends of the bride-to-be. "
Well, that's the most sensible news.
...this paper has printed in years.
So he finally did it.
Oh, why waste words on him?
He put me in my place, and it's
a darn good place, if you ask me.
Well, I agree, don't I?
Romantic marriage went
out with smelling salts.
Today it's a common-sense institution...
...and if you don't have intelligence
enough to better your position...
...then you deserve to fall
in love and starve to death.
Okay, okay.
Quit poking your chin out
at me, I'm on your side.
What do you want from me?
An argument, you dope.
Oh, Kate.
Oh, sorry.
Mr. James Ryan? Who wants to see him?
Roger Winant.
Come in here. Thank you.
Sit down.
According to the river bottom samples...
we won't have any more trouble
till we reach this point.
Start doubling your bracings
50 feet before you get to it.
Be sure that Clancy and his
special crew is standing by.
There's a Mr. Roger to see you.
Roger?
Oh, send him in.
And Miss... Maggis.
...is getting a little impatient.
Tell her I'll be out in a couple of minutes.
Okay.
You can go in, and, you, wait here.
Hello, Ryan.
Quite a busy place you've
got, if you don't mind mud.
Dust off a chair for yourself. Thanks.
Listen, big shot.
Darlene, this is Roger Winant.
He's a friend of Miss Grant's.
I'm very happy.
Listen, if you invite a lady for
dinner, you take her to dinner.
I've been sitting on that
hard bench so long, my...
How soon will you be ready?
I'll be out pretty soon...
...if Roger doesn't have
anything important on his mind.
I wouldn't have bothered you, except
that my carrier pigeon was sick.
Okay, panty waist. Wrap it up, will you?
Yes, ma'am.
What brought you out in fresh air?
Have you read this morning's paper?
Haven't had time.
There's a picture of you on the
front page, almost recognizable.
Never mind me. What brought you here?
Don't rush me, I'm being diplomatic.
There's also an announcement
of Kate's engagement to Henry...
...right alongside the obituaries.
Congratulate her for me. He's a nice fellow.
Are we talking about the same Henry?
Look, Roger, you're a sweet little
guy, but what brought you here?
I think Kate should be
marrying you instead of Henry.
What does she think?
She knows it.
I see.
What did she say?
Nothing.
But I know for a fact that, from the first...
Kate fell for you like a ton of oats...
...and in trying to prove
you were no good for her...
...she proved just the opposite.
Then why is she marrying Henry?
You ask that with your toes bruised.
...from the kicks you've planted on her?
And if you ever feel like taking any
bows for what you're doing here...
...it might interest you to know that.
Kate's responsible for
the second chance you got.
No. Yes.
We went back into the tunnel with Clancy.
I fell down and came up
loaded with Kate's camera.
Then she presented photographic proof.
...to the officials that
your machine would work.
Why can't that woman let
me alone? I've got pride.
Just once in his life, a guy likes to feel.
...that he's getting somewhere on his own.
What are you trying to
tell me, that I'm a stooge?
Personally, Ryan, I think you're a goof.
Hoppy, you show all the
brilliance of an Italian general.
Sophie, will you be kind enough to
keep your eyes in their own sockets?
Play your hand as you see fit, my dear.
I'm simply outmaneuvering her.
You're getting a little bald, Henry.
Please, dear.
Do they have to make so much noise in there?
We can't concentrate.
May I ask if you've picked
up the nine of clubs?
You may, but I won't tell you.
When you pick up a card, Hoppy...
...you're supposed to lay one down.
I know rules are aggravating,
dear, but so is the way you play.
You put things so nicely, Henry.
All the charm of an
eight-year-old brat.
Hello. Yeah.
Well?
If you would be so kind as
to remove your bodyguard.
I and you could settle
this thing, man to man.
All right, Hilda. Settle what?
Oh, you know what I'm talking
about. A guy named Ryan.
Nothing remains to be settled about Ryan...
...and it's obvious you don't realize.
...you've intruded into my engagement party.
Now don't give me that ersatz.
This is strictly a front.
You're still just bursting
your stays trying to get my man.
Your man?
Yeah, my man.
Oh, now, lookie here, fluffy
face. Don't get me mad.
Because if I get mad, I'm liable
to throw you a dirty look...
...and where I look dirty,
no grass grows. Ever.
It so happens that I'm not after
Ryan, and he's not after me.
Okay, okay, okay, so he not after
you, but he ain't forgot you.
So I'm just warning you to keep
your chassis out of the way.
Now is that enlightenment clear enough?
Or do I gotta make it clearer?
Apparently Ryan didn't teach you anything.
You punched me.
So she did, right on the button.
Did you think I wasn't going to show up?
See what I mean?
Katherine, this is positively fantastic.
Did you have the audacity to
invite this man here tonight?
No, that was somebody else's idea.
Hey, put me down! Pardon me, folks. Come on.
No, Ryan... Put me down!
Ryan, put him down. No, look...
They've locked the door.
Ryan, just what do you think you're doing?
You had it fixed, huh?
You know, once you said this chair
had more character that I did.
I think you were moving a little fast there.
Ryan, if you don't release me
this instant, I'll call the police.
Go ahead and call.
I think you're moving too fast again.
So I thought we better
have a little check-up.
Well, figure it this way.
The law allows you to have only
one of us, and we all want you...
...regardless of what's
been said on both sides.
Well... Go ahead, make your pick.
Katherine, are you going to
be a party to this nonsense?
You big ape.
That makes you an ape's wife.
Oh, no.
Goodbye, Henry.
Ryan. Ryan, here I am.
Hey, hey, hey. Let her go.
No, Hop. Somebody open the door for him.
Thanks, pal. Drop over for dinner sometime.
Tomorrow night? Oh, no, not tomorrow night.