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Nono, het Zigzag Kind (Nono, the Zigzag Kid) (2012)
Whether you want to or not...
Everybody has a family. Everybody has his roots. Most people are a little like their dad... ...and a little like their mum. Kind of a mix. I wouldn't know... ...because my mum died when I was one. I never knew her. And my dad never talks about her. All I have of my mother... ...is a picture. And her name. I do look like my dad though. At least... I try to. He is Inspector Feierberg, the best inspector in the country. Since I was three, he's been training me to follow in his footsteps. Look Nono: 'Identification Kit'. He's taught me all the tricks of the trade. Around the wrist, with just a little bit of force. See? And they're on. And I was a fast learner. Look here, invisible ink... Look... When I grow up, I'll be as good as he is. Nono! Nono! I might not have a mum, but of course there is Gaby. Keep on eating. I made a bit too much. Officially, she'sjust Dad's secretary. But she more or less lives with us. She wears black, because black is slimming. Vertical stripes as well. But what really makes you look slim... ...is standing next to someone fatter than you! Gaby loves music. Especially Lola Ciperola. The singer with the red shawl. Gaby? Gaby? But now even Gaby couldn't help me. Because they sent me away. To Uncle Shmuel? If I can't knock some some sense into you, he can give it a try. Uncle Schmuel! Author of the bestsellers... ...'Education and Discipline' and 'Child's Play'. I had been sent to him once before, after that incident with the burglar. Dad! I've got one! - I forgot my keys, that's all. - Tell that to the judge. He looks like a bird of prey. And he wears socks in his sandals! You're a difficult boy, Nono. Why do you keep disappointing your father? But let me start at the beginning. It all started at my cousin Micha's Bar Mitzvah. When you're 13, you become a Bar Mitzvah. Then you're an adult, so to speak. But I think my cousin Micha has been an old man since birth. So I didn't feel like going to that party at all. What kind of shoes is Gaby wearing? - White shoes with an open toe! - Yes! And that man at the gas station just now? - Brown shoes with laces! - Very good. And me? Don't look! The black ones? To outsmart criminals, you have to learn to look like they do. - Yes. - What do you see? There. Grandma Tjitska's purse is open. And there, an open window with a ladder, a burglar could easily climb in. And he could use that car to get away! The keys are still in the ignition! - Very good. - Jacob! Mother. Ready for the most boring afternoon of your life? - No - Neither am I. And that's why I'm proud and happy... ...to finally take my first steps into the world of adulthood. Because as a wiser man than me once said: 'Life is understood backwards, but has to be lived forwards. ' What kind of party is this? Surely this can't be my family. - I must be adopted or something. - I'm just holding on because of that cake. But you're right: This party needs a little more zap, something spectacular. So in fact it was Gaby's fault. One shouldn't say that kind of thing to me. That gives me ideas. Surprise! In my head things always work out great. But then, when I actually do it... - Are you alright? - I just wanted to do something nice. Where is that little brat? I've always said so! Bad blood! The curse of Zohara! - That boy has the curse of Zohara! - Calm down, mother. But what did Grandma mean exactly? About Zohara? Jacob? Jacob, he asks about it in the car! How long will she keep floating around? - When is there room for something else? - You want to talk about marriage again? - You just want everything to stay the same. - Did I say that? Feierberg. Yes... yes. I'll be there. - I have to go to the office. - Well, isn't that convenient! When Nono is gone, we'll quietly talk this over. 'Talk it over', that's always bad news. I could just see them sitting there. I just have to know if you'll ever marry me or not. You can't force these things. I thought you were smarter than that. I've been smart all my life, but still not married. Maybe I'd better act stupid. I want... I want to be a real wife to you. - And a new mother to Nono. - You know, 'new' is not that good. You'd better say: A real mother. And whatever you do, don't cry. Okay, let's continue. I want to be... I want to be a real wife to you. And a real mother to Nono. I'm just not ready yet. Spare me the dramatics. When Nono's back, I want an answer. And if you say no, I'll just jump on the train and go back to my mother. Until then I'll have just one thing to say: Adieu! Or is that a little bit too much? - What's wrong? - Nothing. What? Would you really leave then? I don't know. Maybe I'd have to... I did everything I could not to be sent away. Sorry! I just could not lose another mother. Nono! Nono! Nono? Gaby! Let me go! Quick! Jacob! Excusez. Behave yourself from now on. Show me that I can be proud of you. I think you will have a great time. Your ticket is in your backpack. Goodbye, Nono! Now everything was lost. And there was nothing I could do. Emergency brake Violators will be prosecuted Stop! Stop, stop! - You can't separate! - How did you get here? - The emergency brake. - The emergency brake? - It's clearly: Violators will be prosecuted. - It's a disgrace! And he's an inspector's son. How is it possible? - Sorry. - Ticket? - Present from Gaby, I guess. - Fascinating. Thank you. National police. Confidential. For Nono Feierberg. Dear Nono. When you read this letter, it means that everything has gone according to plan. Here's the good news: You are not going to your uncle Shmuel. In two days you'll be thirteen. Bar Mitzvah. From that moment on you'll be a man, responsible for your actions. To prove that you're ready for this... ...and that you are worthy of becoming an inspector... ...you'll have to complete a mission. A mission that's part of your training to be an inspector. If you dare, go to the last second-class compartment. Your teacher is waiting there. But first you have to give him a password. Who am I? Who am I? Nono Feierberg of course. Your first test is finding out who your teacher is. He's the only one who will answer with your name. If you ask the wrong person, you'll have to go to your uncle Shmuel anyway. So choose well and pay attention to the details. Who am I? What's difficult about that? Who am I? Your name is Amnon Feierberg, but your father calls you Nono. Please come with me. - Cup of tea? - Yes please. An extra cup, please! There you go. Are you the teacher? Yes, I'm a teacher and a student at the school of life. Enchanted, Herr Feierberg. Why are you calling me Herr Feierberg? - What else should I call you? - Just Nono. No-no? Impossible, we don't know each other well enough. But everybody calls me Nono. God spare me if I would act like everybody else. - There you go. - Thank you. Wow, watch out for pickpockets. My dad always says... ...that people on the train are very absent-minded, ideal for pickpockets. We have to go, or we will never be at the car at 9:33 exactly. Car? What car? Did I say car? I meant locomotive. Excuse us sir, but we are in a hurry. Present from Mr Conductor! There really are pickpockets on the train. Come on! Good morning, sir, it is lovely to meet you. Whoa, stop! The public is not allowed... Of course sir, but... ...little Michael here would love to see a real locomotive. That's out of the question! He'd really like to see it before it's too late. The wish of a sick child. Very sick. That was the moment I could have stopped it. I should just have said: My name is not Michael... ...and I'm as fit as a fiddle. But what I said was... That's terrible of course, and if it were up to me, I would allow it... You would allow it! Wonderful! How do we go faster? Here, by turning this wheel you'd make the train speed up... ...and this is how you slow it down. This is the emergency break. Don't touch that! This is unacceptable, you have to leave. - Just one minute and we're off. - No, you have to go now. Perhaps you didn't understand me. We'll get off in exactly 48 seconds. Our car is waiting for us, there at the crossing. That's enough! Out! Get out! Be quiet. Or you might obtain a second belly button. Mister Feierberg, would you? Or are you afraid? Mister Feierberg... Thank you again. You've been a great help. Maybe you would like to call the police right away? Here you go. That's style, no? Yes, that train driver was scared to death. Now he'll have a good story to tell in a bar, for years to come. And he was afraid of what? Of a toy gun! But you weren't afraid, were you? No no, I realized it immediately. Are you too warm? A little music? Say, how did you grab the keys from the conductor? A magician never reveals his tricks. You need fast fingers. Look! Voila, enjoy. Can you drive a car? But I thought it was a toy gun. What do you think, Herr Feierberg? Maybe they sold me a dud at the toy store. Come, we have to change all the time... - ... or the police will find us. - The police? But didn't my father arrange everything? Adventure isn't adventure without pursuit. Give me a hand. But what exactly is our mission? Today everything is possible. You decide and we'll do it. Today you're the inspector. Camouflage. Come on. - What's that? - The police is looking for a white car. We'll drive straight past them in this. Schonen tag, thank you, merci. And now... ...I want you to put this on. Girls' clothes? The ideal disguise. Yes, but I think I might go back to the other... Dispatching says we should check out the train first. Come on, or Jean-Pierre will beat us to it again. Alright already, let's go. See that? Camouflage. It works, doesn't it? Look, if you are too afraid... - ... I'll take you home in an instant. - No, I'll go with you. I know what our mission will be. You see, I had discovered the identity of my teacher. - You don't know Felix Glick? - No. He's only the biggest criminal that ever lived... Gaby was always telling me about this Glick. He had a private yacht and a thousand different lovers. So he opens the case... ... a different lady in every town... ...or that time he made that deal in Tokyo... Everywhere he striked, he left behind a golden lightning bolt. He operated all over the world. And no one could catch him. My jewellery! The Picassos! Only the most valuable paintings had disappeared. When we came back, everything was empty. He simply took everything. He left this. Oh, if only I had a golden lightning bolt from Felix Glick... ...and Lola Ciperola's red shawl... Then the world would be at my feet. - I tell you this before? - Only 864 times before. Look. I would wear the shawl... ...in my hair, like this... ...and the lightning bolt here. Maybe I'd become a criminal myself and steal your father's heart. Yes, I'm sure he could never resist that combination. So that's your plan, to get the red shawl from Lola Ciperola... ...and give it to Madame Gaby? That's it? Yes! And... ...that's it, yes. But Frau Ciperola, doesn't she live in France? Let's go! Suits you, that wig. Felix Glick had only been arrested once. By my dad. But of all people, why did my dad choose Felix Glick to train me? Thanks for meeting me. There's only one man who has been able to catch me. I greatly respect that. - What can I do? - My son needs training. In order to become the best inspector, he has to think like the best criminal. And that's you. When I'm done, he'll be a super cop. This Madame Gaby, she's lucky you want to give her such a nice present. I don't know her that well. Has she been your dad's girlfriend for a long time? Gaby is no 'girlfriend'. She's just Gaby! When she saw my dad changing my diaper on his desk, she fell in love with him. Feierberg the super cop, changing diapers? Yes, a long time ago. That was just after the death of Zohara, my mum. Yes, maybe you don't know... ...but she died when I was only one year old. Do you often think of her? Sometimes. I have a picture of her. You want to see it? You can't see her well, but I think she was very pretty. This is a very beautiful woman. I am an expert in women. And I think I know where this picture was taken. Is this Moon Mountain? What? Moon Mountain, a place in France, Mont de la Lune. You've never heard of it? - No. - Cool, a mother who rides a horse. Rides a horse? Look... Here's the horse... This is the neck... A leg... Like this... And so she sits like this... On the horse. That's my talent: To look closely. And Mrs Zohara looks like another woman I used to know... ...that also liked horse riding very much. Wig! Take a left here. Are we allowed back here? Down here. What if she doesn't want visitors? Why would we decide for her that she doesn't want to see us? After you, sir. Hey, don't touch that! Lola loves to hear her own voice! Felix! Keep your hands off her things! Felix? So you know who I am? There's only one person who has golden lightning bolts. And you didn't say anything. Congratulations. One day, you will be the best inspector in the world. I invented our mission after I saw those lightning bolts. Gaby... Ah, madame Gaby not only wants the shawl, yes? She always says: If only I had Lola Ciperola's red shawl... ...and Felix Glick's golden lightning bolts, the world would be at my feet. This Madame Gaby is a special woman, yes? You want to see them? I had 700 of these made by a goldsmith in Buenos Aires. - These are the last three. - Wow. Why did you choose a lightning bolt as your symbol? Well, you know, to tell you the truth... ...it wasn't meant as a lightning bolt, but as a golden zigzag. Like this, from here to there... ...and away again, always somewhere else, never the same. Quick, come. This way! Felix! - Come on! - Do you know each other? Pierre! This man is bothering me, throw him out, please. So this man is bothering you? Wow, you're twisting women round your little finger, aren't you? You already knew her! And you didn't say anything! Lola and I... It's a difficult story. Between her and me were beautiful things... ...but there was also pain and sadness. Some things happened that... Okay, I understand. I'm almost Bar Mitzvah, you know. Voila. Train stopped at gunpoint. 12-year-old Nono Feierberg kidnapped. Search for missing boy led by boy's father: Inspector J. Feierberg... - Have I been kidnapped? - No, listen... - You came of your own free will. - But my dad didn't know? You were in the wrong carriage! I was not supposed to go with you! You lied to me! - I haven't lied. - One more step and I'll scream! If you want... ...you're free to go. But then you'll never have the golden lightning bolt and the red shawl. And we won't investigate your mum. Maybe no one will ever tell you the story. The stupid thing was, I could have known! It was all so clear. Hejust wanted revenge. I will take revenge! I will take revenge on your son! Feierberg. Hello? Nono? - Is this you? - Yes. Are you alright? Where are you? - I'm in Nice. - In Nice? It's my fault. I misunderstood your instructions, I'm sorry. - What instructions? - Your letter! What letter? Where in Nice are you? - Did you really send me to Uncle Shmuel? - Of course. Nono, just answer me yes or no. Is Felix Glick around? Felix wants to go find out who Zohara was. - Dad? - Don't listen to Glick. What's the name of the street? I'll have the French police get you. Why am I not allowed to know? Why does nobody ever speak about her? - I don't know anything about her! - Just say where you are... You don't even listen! Because you don't want to know! Trust me. Maybe when you're a bit older... Go to the nearest police station. I'll come and get you. Nono? Nono? - It's somewhere in the south of France. - In Nice, you idiot. He just said so. And? Call inspector Leroy and tell him I'm coming. - Is he still with Felix? - Felix wants to go and look into Zohara. We could catch a flight at 8.15. I'm coming with you. You're alone? No police? Maybe I'll tell you something first. No, from now on I'll ask the questions and you do the answering. You knew somebody who looked like the woman in this photo. Who was it? A woman I was crazy about. - A girlfriend? - No, a partner. A colleague. Also a thief. What was her name? That's so bizarre. This woman's name was Zohara as well. You're lying. We need a starting point. What else do you know about her? Nothing at all! I told you! Let's just forget it. This is not going to work. You know often more than you think. For example, my Zohara, she loved chocolate. What? - No, it's stupid. - I love stupid! So... what? I once was in a store with my Dad and Gaby. No, no, no, the other one. The blue one! Yes! Out of all these candy bars, he has to pick that one. I really wanted the Luxor chocolate. My father reacted quite strangely. - Luxor chocolate? - Yes, I know, it's ridiculous. Come with me. But... where are we going? I have this feeling. My Zohara, she just loved Luxor chocolate. She always came here, just to smell it. Incredible. But there is more that is incredible. Come with me. Wow... What's that? The Diamond Museum. Here they store jewellery from all over the world. It's guarded day and night. Maybe my Zohara didn't just come here to smell. She had a ridiculous plan. She wanted to break into the Diamond Building, climb on the roof... - ... and play a melody. - A melody? Yes, she always carried a silver harmonica. Silver? Real silver? Of course, real silver! I gave it to her as a present. And did she do it? - Climb on the roof? - What do you think? I thought you were a boy with a huge imagination? - Style, no? - Yes! But the guards! They heard her! - What's that? - I would say it's a harmonica, boss. I know that, you fool. But where is it coming from? Go and find out! And then? She's discovered on the roof! Yes of course! And then the police arrive! Fully equipped. Attention please. Patrol number 1 take the north entrance... ...number 2 the south, number 3, you take the emergency exit! She's trapped. Let's go! - She has to escape! But how? - There is nowhere to go. What if there was a crane there? Yes! - It's too far! - She can make it! Cool. - But didn't they see her? - One policeman, he spotted her. Not an ordinary policeman, an Interpol inspector. Interpol? My Dad?! It's possible, isn't it? Didn't he used to work here? Yes, but... Yes, okay. My Dad was the only one who spotted her. She can't get away, and now? This was hers. Oops! Oops? Police! Don't move! Strange, isn't it? So my mother was... ...a thief? Not an ordinary thief. The best one in the world, except for me of course. Come on. Just your secretary? Zohara was like me: A zigzag person. Always different. For two years, we travelled around the world. Wonderful time. But the money we made, she immediately spent it. Or she was sitting in the cinema and suddenly... ...she threw ten little diamonds into the air. To her, everything was a game. And was my dad a game to her too? I think she adored your father. He was a solid man, very different from me. Do you know who lives here? Lola Ciperola. She does? Nono... Say, Felix, do I look like her? Yesterday, with that wig, like two drops of water. Look at this... Here she was about your age. Wow. So you knew her when she was still a child? For a while when she was a child, because I knew her mother. All women love Felix, what can I do? Excuse me. Zohara Katz. Katz! But that's the same last name as... But that means... Whoa, whoa! What's going on? Excuse me, please. They're his grandparents! They won't eat him alive. Will you please let me be the judge of how to raise my son? Inspector Leroy, we have a problem. It isn't fair that no one ever told me anything, is it? But there is someone who told you a few things, no? About golden lightning bolts, and the red shawl? Please tell me you didn't have anything to do with that letter. There is no one else who can get to my stationary. Please tell me it's not true. If that's what you want to hear... - If you prefer not to hear the truth... - Gaby. Just like you haven't told Nono the truth for years. - That's between Nono and me. - Well, I think it's wrong! Just because you never talk about it, doesn't mean it never happened! - It's so easy for you, isn't it? - It's not easy at all! - Any idea how dangerous it is for that kid? - He's not a kid anymore! He has the right to know the truth, and so do we. Well, you have lost him, you've lost us both. Jacob! Tada! Through here. Here you go, sir. Damn it! That bloody kid stole my scooter! Look, mummy. Let go, let go. So that's it? My mother committed suicide? They found her body here. Together with the horse. Dead in the water. But why? You should know! Seeing as you were so similar? You're angry with me, just like your father... ...but I'm also Zohara's father. I lost my daughter. Me, me, me! That's all you can think about, isn't it? Come on! Leroy! There! She must have sensed she would not be able to attend your Bar Mitzvah. Open it. For my dearest Nono, I love you. Mum. From me to Zohara... ...from Zohara to you. A family heirloom. And that is why your father is the best inspector in the world. Shut up. Come here, Nono. Come to me. - What about Felix? - He will go with Inspector Leroy. - Then it's up to the judge. - No! - Nono! - He's my grandfather! - He kidnapped you! - Forget kidnapped. I was invited. I had received a letter. - Gaby... - Gaby is behind this? This Gaby is a very special lady. I think she loves your son very much... - ... and you too. - Back off! Let him go, dad. You know I can't do that. Everyone will think he outsmarted me. But that's not true. This is the second time you caught him. No other inspector can say that. No one will know. But dad... ...I know, don't I? Get out of here! Mr Feierberg, Mr Nono... This is a present from her. She used to play this for you, when you couldn't sleep. Dad, why did she do it? - Was it because of me? - No, of course not. Your mother was a wonderful woman. But... she wasn't quite balanced. You know what I mean? But I've never seen her happier than when she was with you. She would have been very proud of you today. Where's Gaby? Come on! - What's that? - Present from the conductor. This is a special announcement for a special lady. Yes... a very special lady. A, a lady who... - Who outsmarted everybody. - A lady who outsmarted everybody! Our train will be delayed again, you'll see. ...who wrapped the biggest criminal of all times around her little finger. Who wrapped the biggest criminal of all times around her little finger. Not to mention the best inspector. A lady who is able to make an adventure of each day, even when it's raining. With whom each meal is a journey to the land of a thousand flavours. - A lady who... - Get to the point, Dad! Yes, all right. Gaby, what I wanted to ask you... ...is... Gaby, would you like to... Jacob Feierberg! Don't you dare propose to me over the intercom! Open it up, we don't have the key. Gaby... Gaby, will you marry me? Where's the ring? You are not proposing without a ring, are you? Dad, your handcuffs. What's going on over there? And that's my story. I've accepted that I won't ever be completely like my dad... ...or completely like my mum. But that's okay, because I am like me. And that's why I would like to thank the rest of the family... ...for being slightly boring. Because without you, I would not be who I am. And actually I'm quite happy to be me. Bravo! - Bravo! - Thank you, dad. One, two, three, four. What's wrong with socks in sandals anyway? |
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