1
- What can you
say about a crazy world?
A crazy world since time began.
If you wanna believe
the good book it says
crazy began with Adam and Eve.
Followed by Kane versus Abel.
Sins crouching at the door.
Kane lures his brother,
kills him in the field.
Don't know what's so good
about a book with
stories like that.
It's not so much what you say
about this crazy
world, or what you do.
- Come in.
- Your angel door
knocker is so beautiful.
I feel better already.
- Yes, every door
should have one.
Can I help you, miss?
- If you dare.
Come on, Doctor.
Doctor, by the smell of things,
I can see that it's
your lunch hour.
But if you could please give
me the hour of your time.
I really need it.
- That is highly
irregular, Jane,
I'm not familiar
with your history.
- Please.
I don't wanna hurt myself.
- Or anybody else.
If you insist.
- So this is the shrink lab
where the sick are reborn.
Sad, really.
Thank you so much for
seeing me, Doctor.
You're saving my life.
Should I lie?
Or should I sit?
- There are no rules,
Jane, just be comfortable.
- Christina said that
you knew her soul
and nobody else could get
into her the way that you did.
How did you get
into her like that?
- I didn't.
It was all just--
- You, you did.
How do you get into
anybody like that?
Tell me, Doctor,
what's your secret?
- Well, I acutely
investigate what's deeply
bothering my patient and
use interesting tools
to help that patient
free of that bother.
- All in an hour.
- Well, yes.
Once I win over their
goodwill it's over in an hour.
- Well, I guess I better shut
up and let you get started.
- We're gonna start by me
giving you some suggestions
to put you into an imaginative
role enactment mental state.
- Are you talking
about hypnosis?
You know, Doctor,
you're freaking me out.
- All hypnosis really
is is self-hypnosis.
I just help you put
yourself into a progressive
relaxation state of heightened
suggestibility, that's all.
So please, lean back and relax.
Now, look into the
cuckoo hologram,
nothing but the hologram.
Very good.
Now with every word I say to you
you will become more
and more relaxed.
Good.
First your pupils will contract.
Good, perfect.
Then they will dilate.
Excellent.
Now they will assume
a wavy motion.
And as I move the hologram
closer to your eyes,
the lids will get very
very heavy and close.
Excellent.
Now, Jane, take this
pencil and rub it over
the textured surface and
interpret the phantom image.
This is known as
Paranoid Critical Method.
The mind will evoke
unconscious acts.
Now, Jane, put the
pencil down and tell
me what you see
that bothers you.
- I see you.
- Tell me what you see
that bothers you about me.
- I see your suffering.
I need to end it.
- Excuse me?
- To be...
or not to be.
- Interesting.
Jane, tell me, how do you
feel about your sexuality?
- How do you feel about
my sexuality, Doctor?
Does this excite you?
- Um.
Jane.
- Do you hear that music?
It's our hearts
pounding in desire.
My precious caress is
more savory than honey.
My warm lustful
body touching yours.
Seems like a dream, but is it?
- Um.
- Feel the raging blood
pumping into my bosom.
Filling it, perky.
And firm, soft, and hard.
Erotically filling my
veins wayward down lower.
Down into my trembling thighs.
Down into every man's
greatest desire.
A desire to do
something forbidden.
Something forbidden
to stop the pain.
The need is so strong
it is hypnotizing.
Yearning to surrender
to become one with me.
To stroke my wounds.
The yearning is so great.
The yearning to surrender
to become one with me.
To die, to save no more.
For in that dream
what's they make 'em.
- Wait.
- For in that sleep of
death, dreams will come.
How do you think you got me?
- What?
- When we have shuffled
off this mortal coil.
Must give us pause.
Hoo!
Yes, hello, police?
Yes, it would seem like I
have a dead body in my office.
Yeah, I would appreciate
it if you could
send someone to take care of it.
Thank you kindly.
- Hey!
I told you to calm down.
- It's a free country, man.
- Yeah, so is jail, pal.
Come on.
Hey, what did I say?
You don't me to
hurt you, do you?
- Poor Claire.
- You must remember,
technically Dominican Order,
or if you're up for the
pun, Helms of the Lord.
Either way, I'm the poor
poor cloistered nun.
- Quickly, come in.
- I have left the papal
enclosure of the monastery
for my medical emergency.
My appointment with
the big placebo.
God.
- That is a big cross.
- Better to remind me of my
lord when my thoughts stray.
- Please, follow me.
Have a seat.
Ingenuity of the past.
See, this is an ancient
Chinese candle clock.
As it burns down in
10 minute intervals,
the weights fall into
the sounding plate below
notifying me of time left.
The final weight
at the hour's end
pings distinctly as
if a lovely lullaby.
- Um, I feel a
little uncomfortable.
Would you mind if I
remove my wet wimple?
- Are you comfortable now?
- I'm dead to the world.
My five years spent as a novice
deemed me ready by the
abest to join the monastery.
I've accepted, secretly
hiding a skeptical heart.
My solemn vow is to
the spiritual life
but it's left me with more
questions than answers.
- For instance?
- Why am I here?
- 'Cause you wanna be here.
- I mean, why is anybody here?
What's the point?
- So religion hasn't given
you the answers you need.
- I'm sorry to say, no.
Loved ones die and then they
leave us behind to mourn.
What great plan is that?
I don't understand it.
I mean, I'd rather
not exist than to have
this understanding
of not understanding.
It's just too painful.
- So you have any
enjoyment in life at all?
- Split seconds don't erase
history nor stop the future.
I dare to venture
into the taboo land
of blasphemy to
whisper my doubts.
Maybe there is no God.
Oh God, I said it.
Maybe it's only imagination,
that we urgently try to
fill the darkness with.
I don't know.
- There are believers
who would argue
that you are
clinically depressed
and not open to any
divine surrounding you.
- And you say?
- Boltzmann brain paradox
leans on your shoulders
as you face your abyss.
- Self-awareness, more likely,
to have formed
out of chaos, huh?
Facing my alter ego Atlas,
supporting the heavens.
So you're the
doctor, which am I?
- Dogma only knows the lie,
philosophy goes both directions.
- No philosophy.
When I die, I'm dead and I'm
not coming back to argue.
I guess my imaginary god doesn't
like me talking that way.
See, why must I wear this cross?
What have I been
saying, what am I doing?
I am tortured by his torture
and my eternal pain
knows my own soul
by I can not feel him back.
I cannot touch the
warmth of his skin.
To have him hold me.
Only to feel the
cold prickly brass
that this really
breeds not enough.
It's not enough.
I feel really hot.
I feel like, I feel
like I'm suffocating.
Please.
Help me.
Please help me.
Hold me.
Please.
Hold me.
I need to feel the
tangible love of man
and not just a symbol of a man.
Please.
Please lay me down.
Make me feel real.
Make love to me.
Hold me for the first time.
I think that I am troubled.
I don't wanna go
inside the booth.
Thank you.
Forgive me, Father.
For I have sinned.
- You are forgiven.
Ah, a magician.
- My hobby.
My profession,
Detective Lighthaze.
Sorry for my
inconvenience, Doc.
Can I come in?
- Uh, what may I
be of help with?
- Well, this visit
isn't actually official,
I'm here on my accord.
You see, something's
been stoking me, Doc.
- Like what?
- Can we sit down, Doc?
- Honestly, Detective,
I have another patient
scheduled any moment so why
don't you come back at six?
Okay then, see you at six.
- Oh, there's one
other thing, Doc.
I'm crazy.
So whatever I have to do to
get the truth, I'll do it.
- Oh, how childish of us
playing hide and seek.
- You scared me to death.
- Yes, it used to
be my favorite game.
- I'm supposed to meet
Detective Lighthaze in here.
- Oh, yes, well
you just missed him
but he'll be back though.
So, why don't you
come in and wait?
- No, thanks.
You're a bit weird to my taste.
- Well, miss, this floor
is filled with loonies.
Crazies.
Just a little while
ago, a police officer
removed a vile
character to cuffs, so.
Who knows what's
behind that corner.
- Okay, well.
I, I, I guess it's
better with a weirdo.
- Well, be my guest.
- I'm Sharon.
I need to pee really badly.
Can I use your bathroom?
- Fright affects the bladder.
- Hello?
Hello, Doctor?
I'm stuck in the bathroom.
Open it up!
The door is jammed.
Doctor?
I don't like dark,
locked bathrooms.
Doctor?
Hello?
Hello?
Doctor?
- You sure are jumpy.
Regular or diet?
- Diet.
- You know regular is healthier?
You see, the
chemicals in diet soda
screws with your metabolism
and causes weight gain.
- Okay.
- I am a doctor you know.
Cheers.
Cheers.
- Please, come in.
How do you know
the good detective?
- One night stand
became a two night stand
and three night
stand and I haven't
missed a single
night for six months.
- Hm.
Well that sounds promising.
- Very.
I wouldn't miss a single
night for anybody.
And what about you?
Why does he come to see you?
- Sorry, that's
doctor-patient privilege.
- All I gotta do
is ask, ya know?
- Well, why haven't you?
- I will.
If he's hiding something...
- Sharon, the incline
position is for patients only.
- Not every night.
Thursday night is card
night with the boys.
How boring.
- Unless you're a card geek,
52 cards, 13 ranks
each of the four suits,
diamonds, clubs,
spades, and hearts.
Ace of spades.
Unique with its
large ornate spade.
Said to be the death card.
The king of hearts.
The only king
without a mustache.
Shown with a sword
behind his back
making him appear as if
he's stabbing himself.
But on closer examination,
you can see four hands.
And the sleeve of the
hand holding the sword
doesn't match the
sleeve of the king.
So, in fact, the king
is being murdered.
Sharon?
Never switch drinks.
Clever, you held your breath.
In here.
Now where did she go?
Pure frantic adrenaline.
Crawl into hiding.
She must have fallen back
into unconsciousness.
Huh, two crazies.
I have an hour.
- Out of my way.
- Now, wait
for me, Hercules.
- Don't call me Hercules.
Hercules was a myth.
Samson was real.
- Samson.
I'm curious, how
much do you bench?
- Look at my chest.
Look at my chest!
Bench press, bench press!
Tons, baby, tons!
- How many reps is that?
- All day long!
- What about our biceps?
- Biceps?
Biceps?
Whatever I want!
- Well, I doubt it.
- What do you mean?
- No one can carry
that much weight.
- You callin' me a liar?
- Wishful wishing.
- You'll wish you
didn't say that!
- Prove it to me then, Maximo.
This pen that I use
for my note taking,
how much do you think it weighs?
An ounce?
Less?
I bet you can't even lift it.
- Give me that pen!
Ow, what the heck?
- Even small me is
stronger than you.
Watch.
I'll lift this heavy table
with just one finger.
- My God, you are, you
are stronger than me.
I've never felt good enough.
I've never been strong enough.
Everybody's always
been stronger.
I'm, I'm nothing.
I'm weak.
I don't mean shit, do I, Doc?
Does that mean I
gotta go now, Doc?
- Don't you wanna be strong?
- Yes.
- Maximo, I wanna
admit something to you.
I hypnotized you.
- What?
- But now I shall bring you
out of your hypnotic state
by the sound of the
snap of my fingers.
You see?
In order to test
your real strength,
you need to use your
mind or your body.
Your subconscious
mind is much stronger
than any physical
part of your body.
Watch, I'll show you.
Hello?
Oops.
Now, read this.
It's your own handwriting.
- I have a reoccurring dream.
I have the strength
to kill myself.
- 12 steps to end the addiction,
one step to beat it all.
You say you can lift well
over your own weight, right?
- Yeah.
- Why don't we try that out?
Now, you see this
is a special knot.
Which will not get any
tighter than I want it
so you don't have to be
afraid of strangling yourself.
Now, pull this free
end as hard as you can.
No matter the pain,
and hoist your
entire body up up up and away.
Up you go.
Nice.
- Height.
- Keep pulling.
Excellent.
Keep pulling.
- Heights.
They make me nauseous.
- Overcome your fears, Maximo.
Keep pulling.
Just another inch, and
you're off the ground.
Yes, yes you are Samson.
Now pull yourself up, pull!
Higher!
There you go!
Do you feel strong now?
Woo-wee.
And you're there!
Keep going, Samson.
Aye aye aye aye aye
aye, up up up and away!
Woo-wee!
That came right off.
Would you pretend
to hang yourself?
Sharon, I owe you your hour.
Later.
- Sorry, later.
- Make any new friends?
- Yeah, the rats.
When you said you'd start me
out with an entry level job
I didn't know you
meant the basement.
- Yeah, well, when I started out
I was cleaning up the dead
rats, so stop complaining.
- Got your pics.
- Nice trick.
- Gets trickier.
- Whoa, shit.
How's that work?
- If I told ya--
- You'd have to kill me?
- I'd have to kill them.
So who are these guys you
had me trailing anyways?
- Police business.
What the fuck, kid?
- Hey.
- Are you some kind
of goddamn voyeur or something?
- You said have fun.
- Yeah, I said have
fun with the targets,
not me and my girl.
- Look, you shut me
out anyways, all right?
Don't sweat it.
- Jesus.
What's that thing?
- Still working on it.
Look, I'm a snoop by
nature, but you get me out
of this rat hole and into a car,
I'll show you the
real stuff, all right?
- You're doing just fine
down here, kid, all right?
There's rules and regulations.
- And rules and regulations
aren't gonna cut it anymore.
I need a real job
with the department.
- Gotta be old enough,
smart enough, tough enough.
- Smart enough to know
you got something going on
you don't want the
department knowing about.
- Smart enough but
not tough enough.
- Let me take a
bullet for you then.
Prove it, I'm tougher
than you think.
- That's
what we all think.
- Do your own work then.
- You better watch
yourself, Gavin.
Or I'll have you
parking the cars.
- If you, uh, ever get tired
of the dame you're with,
and you're with a
nice getaway sticks,
you'll make a great lover.
- What goes on
behind the curtain
stays behind the
curtain with me.
I'm dizzy for the dame.
She's a keeper.
- Hold that, won't ya?
Oh, thanks pal.
Here, go like this.
You look like you
could use a shower.
Ladies and gentlemen,
boys and girls,
children of all ages, welcome
to the greatest show on Earth.
It's circus time!
See the ferocious lions.
Thrill to the
gargantuous elephants!
Laugh to death with
America's favorite clown.
And here he is,
Thumba the clown!
Well, what do you think
of my act so far, Doc?
- How do you fit in the car?
- Can't tell ya.
- Love the smell
of breeze makeup.
- It's my mother's lipstick.
Imagine.
Thumba the circus clown,
self-proclaimed
ambassador of humor.
What's left of me, any way?
Too pooped to pop.
Clowns are supposed
to live forever.
Laughs never ending.
Came to radiation, chemo.
I'm done with the laughs.
- You were in the
three ring today?
- Yeah, kids laughed, all right.
Done my routine,
opened up my mouth,
pantomime laughs.
I did them for years.
Rain or shine, always count
on the clown for laughs.
Only, on this cloudy day I
was crying on the inside.
- What will make you
laugh again, Thumba?
- If the docs told me
they made a mistake.
And that they
misdiagnosed it and
it's just the chemo
that's killing me.
Laughing my whole life.
Guess it's my time
now to cry, cry, cry.
Party's over.
Thanks.
I'm really sorry.
Poison's taken my dignity.
Oh, come on.
Not you, too.
Here.
- I guess it's me
acting the bozo now.
Humor makes more out of chaos
by dissolving
threatened anxiety.
Psychoneuroimmunology
has been a breakthrough
therapy for psychiatrists
in emotional healing.
And the poor bum's head,
all I want is a chance
to show that money
can't buy you happiness.
- That's good.
Frankel, survivor
of the Holocaust.
He says that, uh, humor is
another of the soul's weapons
in the fight for
self-preservation.
What's the matter?
Business so bad you
can't afford a clock?
- Knock, knock.
- Who's there?
- Tank.
- Tank who?
- You're welcome.
- Oh, knock knock.
- Who is there?
- Wayne.
- Wayne who?
- Wayne, Wayne, go away,
come again another day.
- Knock, knock.
- Who's there?
- Acid.
- Acid who?
- Acid sit down and be quiet!
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Disguise.
- Disguise who?
- This guy's killing me
with all these jokes!
Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Kill me.
- Kill me who?
- If the cancer don't kill
me, this balloon will.
En garde!
- The doctor replied, don't
worry, I'll push you through.
- In the liver.
- I could die laughing with you.
Any way.
I feel a humor litany
snickering forth.
Oxymoron.
Jumbo shrimp.
Dry wit.
Why are hemorrhoids
called hemorrhoids
instead of asteroids?
Sarcasm, if you're having a
hard time laughing at yourself,
I'd be happy to do it for ya.
Oh, how many people
have telekinetic powers?
Raise my hand.
A laugh is the shortest
distance between two people.
- I'm sorry, Thumba.
Laugh time's over.
- Wait.
Can't stop now.
I'm on a roll.
Vaudeville slapstick!
That's the best!
Hey, Joe, whattaya know?
That's what I call
a banana split!
Whoa, oh.
Shouldn't of done that.
Oh man, come.
Can't a clown have no dignity?
- It's clogged all the time.
Couple of good plunges, all
your troubles down the drain.
- Thanks.
- Go for it.
- Freak.
I hate bathroom humor.
- Pie in
the face slapstick.
- That's what I call
eating humble pie.
You're killing me.
- Take the magic
seat, Detective.
Tell me what's
been bothering you.
- Basically I'd like to
ask you some questions
off the record if
that's okay, Doc.
- Sure.
- Chinese clock candle.
- You know clock history?
- Grandfather sure did.
Owned a small clock
and watch repair.
Had on display every known
time piece since time began.
You charging for the hour, Doc?
'Cause if so, I'll make
my questions quick.
- Oh no, on the house.
Least I can do for
a public servant.
Let's have a look.
Oh, you're on antidepressants
for clinical depression,
four years--
- That's now why I'm here, Doc
The department shrink
prescribed those to me
after my wi...
After my wife was shot
and killed by a parolee.
One who I arrested
for prior murder
who should've got the chair.
I hunted him down to an
abandoned warehouse, Doc.
Just me, him, and
my Glock, alone.
Wanted to put a
bullet in him bad.
And I owe it to the
system that stopped me.
After some bureaucratic
legal warfare with his lawyer
concocting every
lie in the bad book.
He walked away with a slap on
the wrist for breaking parole.
And a misdemeanor for
peeing in the red zone.
Rotten justice system,
Doc, I tell you.
Pissed away.
Anyways, the side effects
for the meds, they
they made me suicidal.
I nearly jumped a bridge.
- So he got away with murder.
That musta been hard
for you to live with.
- Concession was that
me and the department
came to a quiet understanding.
- Promotion to detective.
- No, I earned that.
- Oh, yes you did.
- How'd you wind up with
the folder anyways, Doc?
Part of the settlement
was that it would
never again see
the light of day.
Was supposed to go into the
one-eyed purple paper eater.
- One-eyed purple paper eater.
Burbed up evidence.
Conscience nearly
shredded within.
The one-eyed purple paper eater
regurgitated the settlement.
Now drop that
detective staying pass.
The only way to
make the truth last.
- I'm beginning to
take offense, Doc.
- Oh, Detective, please.
My last patient was a clown.
I'm just in a funny mood.
Would you like some tea?
Copy of the settlement.
It's classified.
Bureaucratic incompetence again.
Typical misfiling.
Was supposed to go
to psychiatry 0083,
but winds up here,
psychiatry 8300.
Too bad it wasn't your
settlement check they sent, huh?
- Things that
go bump in the night?
- Mice.
- Rats.
Make a lot of thuds.
- What was it you wanted
to ask me, Detective?
- Patient?
- He used to be.
- What happened to him?
- He moved on.
- Moved on.
- Are they under investigation?
- Perhaps.
- For what?
And are they all part of
the same crime syndicate?
- I can take this.
You expecting company, Doc?
- Sharon, I do
owe you your hour.
Haven't forgotten.
And Detective Lighthaze,
well you must think
me the big bad wolf.
I do apologize for
the sudden concussion.
See, you're not on the roster
so you shouldn't be involved.
Except for that good old
detective's hunch interfering.
Yeah, I knew you knew a lot
more than you were telling me.
What?
You probably knew they
were all dead in the closet
all by the virtue of my
expertise in facial coding.
The analyzing of facial movement
and atomically
based action units.
Clearly visible on the face.
See, Charles Darwin said
even a person born blind
has facial expressions.
just like you and I.
Hardwired.
Now.
By birth, most core emotions
like fear, anger, sadness,
truth, happiness, surprise,
is shown on the face.
Now, means is curling
of an upper lip.
Sign of disgust.
Or averted eyes, alerting
something hidden.
Widening and raising
of nostril rings,
I can even read the contraction
of the orbicularis oculi.
See, I trained for
two years studying
the muscles on my face.
Even going through the
pain, placing needles
into areas uncertain.
Then those muscles were
involuntarily fired
and electricity from
the needle placement
verified that it indeed
was the intended muscle.
Now, as this method
was quite painful,
I learned to read
anyone at any time.
If I let you go, would
you promise not to tell?
Let me help you.
Are you familiar with
the Chinese handcuffs?
The tighter you pull,
the harder its grasp.
See, your initial reaction
is to pull outward,
but that only tightens the trap.
You see, the solution to
escaping is to push inward
towards the middle
thus enlarging
the opening and
freeing the hands.
There you go.
Oops, sorry.
See, that is known
as the handcuff knot.
Identical to the
fireman's chair,
but not used for saving people,
but for handcuffing prisoners.
I could tell you about
the hangman's knot,
but I don't think that needs
an introduction, does it?
So, now, Detective,
would you like to observe
the Sharon patient-doctor
relationship?
Or should I put you
under so as to save
you from any bad memories?
- Fuck you!
- I guess that means
you wanna watch.
Are you sure?
Okie dokie.
But if you change your mind,
do not hesitate to tell me.
I do apologize for removing
your personals but,
but you being tied up and all
it wouldn't be of
any use to you,
so why don't I just have
it right here beside me
in case any unwanted company
decides to show up again.
Huh.
Only a simple solitary shell.
Now, we weren't thinking
about suicide now, were we?
- Damn it!
- Now, were we, Detective?
No kissing.
I don't wanna jump again
- Hey.
You're doing that shit again.
- You coming or not?
- All I'm saying is
last time you almost
got us in really deep shit.
- Almost.
No more almost.
Tonight we're going all the way.
- Okay, see you later.
- All the
way detective stuff.
- Right, so another sucky date?
- Are you with me or not?
- Sucky date's better than
staying home and being bored.
- You know, keep your
eye on the red dot.
- Who's the target?
- Lighthaze.
- Wait, isn't he the good guy?
- Something like that.
Pull the trigger around here
'Cause I don't
wanna jump again
Just wanna--
- Jesus, I'm not trying
to get all the way killed.
Tell me I'm you're best
I've been starving
for affection
I need your tenderness
You can tell just
by looking at me
How lonely I feel
dreaming of your kiss
Right outside
- Expose the card.
You're bluffing.
Raise you a quarter.
- Six, nine.
When I step outside I'm
always looking around
- Good luck.
I'm longing for you
Sweet girl
- Two queens, the sixth kiss.
- Come to here.
I need your tenderness
You can tell just
by looking at me
How lonely I feel
- Eight, six.
Dead man's hand.
Dreaming of your kiss
- I'll fold.
There's got to
be a connection
Emotions overload
- And six.
- Lapping hearts.
- The devil.
- Gee.
If it's you, won't
you get inside
A hand I can hold
- Come on, who's dealing?
Pay up, you stud.
- I'm down to shock.
- Okay.
Well let me help you, Doctor.
Yeah baby
Oh
- Oooh.
War wounds.
I've been starving
for affection
- I raise your pair of kings.
I need your tenderness
I'm longing for you
- Oh yeah.
Lucy and Ricky both.
- Sharon, speed limit's 55.
Huh?
I've been starving
for affection
- Let me help you.
I need your tenderness
Tenderness
You can tell just
by looking at me
- Peeling one layer at a time
is enough to make it through.
Detective, both you
and Sharon here have
been injected with
sodium thiopental
known as the truth serum.
The decree is higher
or it'll break.
It works the same way
as the Chinese cuffs.
The more you fight it,
the tighter its hold.
See?
Look at Sharon, look at
how much fun she's having.
Be fun.
Yeah, babe
- What is that?
I've been starving
for affection.
- Yes, Sharon, that
means there's 20 minutes left.
- Oh.
Well, I love to play a
little bit before the ending.
- Oh, that's good.
Sharon, how would you like
to join me in the bathroom,
playing doctor?
You can tell just
by looking at me
- Oh, look who's still nurse.
- Well, after you, nurse.
Dreamin' of your kiss, baby
- I say you hang out
at your boring IT job,
you know, at least
you'll stay alive.
- Self-sacrifice is for
the betterment of society.
Look at these.
- What is this?
- Surveillance taken
by Lighthaze, no doubt.
Hidden cameras.
- How did you get 'em.
- Uh, artful dodging.
- You know,
pickpocketing is larceny.
- And?
I'll commit a crime
for the greater good.
Just trust me, I've got a good
feeling on this, all right?
Which way?
- Uh, take a right.
Got so much to figure out
- What's with the six pack?
- Been working out.
- I mean the beer.
- Buzz the senses,
maybe get lucky.
- Oh, you are so
lucky I don't hit
you over the head with one.
To right now
Girl, dim the lights
- You're just coming off the
drugs, nothing to worry about.
Now, I'll give you some
privacy to throw up.
How did you get loose?
- Magic.
Sharon, take deep breaths.
It'll pass.
Let's go.
- You'll be happy to
know that she consented
to a full body exam and
no, she's not pregnant.
- You're dangerously close to
pronouncing yourself dead, doc.
Sharon, get dressed.
- And what about me?
- Never judge a man
by his clothing.
You stay as you are.
You fraud.
- Honey, are you okay?
- Depends on which one
of us you're talking to!
- Stop it, you know I was
drugged, it was all lies!
Stop it, it was drugs!
- It was truth serum.
- Get up, you pervert.
I could kill you for
what you've done.
- Sharon, you're a trigger
away from capital punishment.
Surely you can think
of someone else
who's done worse to you.
- It's okay, kitten.
Let me handle this.
Now move away from the window.
I can kill you for
what you've done.
- You mean you could, but won't.
- Whatcha gonna do, Gary.
- Get a confession.
I'll put a bullet in
his worthless body.
Okay Doc, sing.
- Gary, you're still
under the influence
of the truth serum.
- No, it's gone, it's all gone.
- Not quite, see, I gave
you a double on the house.
Public servant, remember?
It's only half of you who's
fighting me right now,
the other half despises the fact
that you may waste a perfectly
good bullet on worthless me.
- What if this bullet
costs 25 cents.
- That lousy bullet has
your lousy name on it, Gary.
That one and only
bullet needed to kill
that scum before he
killed your wife.
But on that misaligned day,
your chamber was empty!
Such pity, such pity.
Having emptied it
all at the range,
pelting away at
that stupid target
with its bad boys
going bang bang bang.
Bullseye.
Your suicide thoughts never
really went away entirely,
did they, Gary?
Just tucked away in
some nook and cranny
of your subconscious
waiting for the right moment
to come knocking at your door.
You know this world is
crazy and you're stuck in it
knowing that you
will never be able
to bring your wife back and
that your substitute girlfriend
Sharon here, she just played
doctor with the doctor.
- No, don't listen to him, Gary.
He's just playing
with your mind.
- You don't have to
listen to me or her.
Just listen to that inner voice.
You hear it?
It's telling you to
turn the gun around.
Yes.
- No, don't, stop.
Don't, no that's crazy.
- But she's right, Gary.
An erratic heart blocks the
ability to think clearly.
- Stop, Gary.
- The heart is the seed
for love and emotion,
it only takes one sixth of
a second to fall in love.
Draining all of its
euphoria-induced chemicals
like adrenaline,
dopamine, vasopressin.
A love's high is
like a cocaine rush.
But if you put a
bullet in your heart,
all of that love
bleeds forever away
and any possible hereafter never
to return for all eternity.
- No.
- It's better to aim up north.
Towards the gray
matter, the brain.
There you go.
Parietal lobe.
Turns spatial sense, navigation.
The occipital lobe is the
visual processing center.
The frontal lobe only
control voluntary movements.
X marks the spot.
The temporal lobe, home
for long term memory.
Put a bullet in there and all
that is crazy cease to exist.
Huh.
- That lousy bullet
means, time's up Doc.
- Touch, Detective!
Crazy mind play, you
almost had me checkmate.
- Well if I'm gonna kill myself,
it's not gonna be for the
likes of you, Doctor Jekyll.
- Oh.
Eccentric creator types
are never fully understood.
Then each man lurks the
impulses for good and evil.
- So sorry, Gary.
- Forgiven.
Just don't give me any
sorrys later, will ya?
When I ask you to marry me.
- Oh, how sweet and cuddly.
How I miss those
befuddled delusional days.
- You think it's impossible
to be in love, Doc?
- Not at all, just
impossible for us humans.
Apes, fish, bacteria, maybe.
But us?
With our infinite
gaping free will.
The rapture of love is
eventually contaminated
by our lust for more.
- And what makes you the expert?
- Tap once.
Heart break oh
sweet heart break
- You're lucky I had that
empty coffee cup back there.
- When nature calls.
Keep your eyes on
the road, perv.
- Whoa, okay, okay.
- Drive.
- Okay, okay, okay.
- AC/DC.
- I didn't even like that band.
I don't know.
- AC/DC means
codeine cough syrup.
- Are you dry?
Have you got any antifreeze?
- What are you talking about?
- I'm an all star.
- Okay, you're the star.
- I'm an all star.
- You are the star.
- An all star, it means
he does all drugs.
He's freaking out, don't
do anything stupid.
- I'm not gonna do
anything stupid.
Just be cool, all right?
Everybody just relax, okay?
- Hey, look out.
You got lucky.
Oh.
- You only got one bullet,
Doc, but two of us.
- I have contemplated
the options.
If I put a bullet in Sharon,
you survive to overcome me.
But if I put a bullet
in you, she survives,
whom I can easily overcome.
There is a third option.
I line the two of you up
side by side and put a bullet
in both of your heads
at the same time,
putting both of you
out of your misery.
Two love birds with
one stone, per se.
- For what greater reason?
- Oh, you will understand
when the time comes.
- Boom, you were easy.
Oh, we went all the way.
- Yeah, we did.
- Who the hell are you guys?
- Oh, Lighthaze's sidekick
and my girlfriend, Kara.
- Don't count those
chickens quite yet.
- Grand show, kid, but how
the hell you'd find me?
- Oh, GPS I put in
your pocket earlier.
Sorry.
- But then, the
signals got scrambled
by Hank William's Jambalaya
and we found ourselves
in some super
shady neighborhood,
until I figured
cut the car radio.
And then there was that super
crazy drug addict car jacking,
but I busted him in the head
with a beer that dreamer boy
here was trying to
get me drunk with.
- Hey, that dreamer.
- You're here, but you'll
never leave, not alive anyway.
- What the hell?
- Got you on both side
effects of the drug.
See, slow reflexes and impaired
precognitive awareness
on your part.
On my part, I've been
studying the mechanism
of the aquatic meat
eating bladderwort.
The fastest trapping
carnivorous plant on the planet.
They suck their prey
less than a millisecond.
- You moron, I knew this
was gonna be a sucky date.
Suck, suck, suck.
Here we are with another sick
dude pointing a gun at us.
- Like, what else
were you gonna do?
Sit at home and
watch Model Runway
like you're ever
gonna be a model?
- What are you trying to say
you lanky four-eyed freak?
That I'm not beautiful?
- Well, I mean
perhaps if the eyes
of a blind beholder.
- Issues, I love it.
New patients, why don't you two
go sit on the couch over there?
Yeah.
Come, come.
I promise I won't bite.
There you go.
And you two, why
don't you go watch?
Do I have to repeat myself?
Move over, have Sharon there.
Yes, and Lighthaze,
please sit down.
- What the freak is that?
He's lighting that creepy thing.
- It's a candle.
- It's got weird little
baby things hanging from it.
- I don't have time
for the entire hour,
so I'm gonna cut your session
down to the last 10 minutes.
- Okay, I am starting
to freak out.
I'm gonna have to see a
psychiatrist after this.
- What do you think he is?
- Not hypocrites,
but a hypocrite.
- And you're beautiful.
Now please, let me
ask the questions.
- No.
I don't want you
asking me anything.
- Anger, interesting.
Let's investigate the
origin of that anger.
- Okay, buckle up buddy.
Age two, I was put for adoption
by my drug addict mother
after my alcoholic
father left town.
My foster family molested the
crap outta me till I was old
enough to run away with
my abusive boyfriend.
I ran away from him and
now I'm here with some
psychotic freak pointing
a gun at my face.
So, yeah, I am fuming
with resentment,
betrayal, abandonment,
you name it.
Okay?
Session's over.
- Very good, beautiful.
Very good.
- Don't call me beautiful.
- It usually takes
months for someone
to reach this awakened state.
And what about you
young detective?
- Me?
- Yes, what's ticking
inside that sly, smart,
but yet so confused
brain of yours?
- Nothin'.
Nope.
- Your life is perfect?
- Um, yeah, splendid.
Life of Riley really.
- Well that sounds sarcastic.
Nothing a little
death couldn't fix.
- Remember that little
problem you had with
one bullet and two targets, Doc?
Now there's four of us.
- See our bullet is for
Detective Lighthaze.
- Oh, my God.
- Hidden dagger is for the
rest of you, now move over.
I do apologize,
but because of time
there will be no
last wishes granted.
- Why don't you
take it easy, Doc.
Proposition.
- Proposition?
Until I shoot you, you'll
all obey my instructions.
I'll just have you
tie the others up,
thus ensuring no escape.
- Thanks, kid.
- Just a little slap
for skin croaker.
A little taste of blood
before your neck cracks
taking big dance.
- You're so beautiful.
- That one's for
calling me beautiful.
- Gavin, pick up that rope.
Tie this rat bastard's hands
behind his back real good.
In the mood for some good ole'
fashion capital punishment, Doc?
'Cause it's comin' your way.
- Actually, I don't think so.
- Oh, is that right?
Gavin, you got a phone?
- Yeah, here.
- Colts, it's Lighthaze.
I need you to send in the cavs,
we got ourselves a horse seed.
You got signal on my 20?
Good.
The wonders of GPS, right?
Why you say that, Doc?
- A little birdy told me so.
- Sharon, grab those.
- Court on record, my
name is Eileen Schafer
and I will be acting as
independent council and witness
for the current transaction,
as both parties have so agreed.
Good doctor, if you've
signed, can you please hand
the form to Nun Agatha so
she can sign for the camera?
- My depression is
no longer bearable.
- Cancer's
worth than death.
- We must finish this
interview and have you sign
the voluntary euthanasia
consent and release waiver.
- Suicide?
Yes, correct.
- You sign the
voluntary euthanasia.
Euthanasia.
Euthanasia.
Euthanasia.
- The grim reaper.
The grim reaper.
Who is dancing now?
- Oh, that's so
type cast medieval.
I don't carry a scythe, nor
am I clothed in a black cloak
and a hood, how about
the angel of death.
If I did it without
permission from my patients,
I would be a murderer.
- Jesus Christ, Doc.
A crucifix shoved
through one's throat.
Another suffocation by balloon.
One's head ripped off.
One stabbed to death.
That ain't gonna fly.
- All patients have
the right to choose.
I just added a little
flare, that's all.
- Huh, they're right.
Well, we'll just let a tired,
hungry, angry jury decide that.
How's that sound, pal?
- I hope you don't mind
if I snooze for a while,
while you discuss
your scare tactics.
You know as well as I do,
that my right to die
defense team will shame
any prosecution into
complete annihilation.
You've seen the clear
and convincing evidence.
Not only did they all
ask for my services,
they consented to it in writing,
which I believe you are
holding onto right now
and on camera with witnesses.
Any jury would think of
me as a saint for all
the help I've been
giving my patients.
I'll be acquitted and
all you'll wind up
with is just bad memories.
- I'll have 'em anyway.
Hold me against my will.
- I'm sure they'll put me
away for life on that one.
- Okay, what about
forced entry, huh?
Assault and battery,
how's that sound.
- Well, I am a doctor, any
the exam I did was consented
to by my patients.
What are you gonna do?
Oh, that felt good.
Well, I guess
everything's in order now.
So I'll be going, unless
you wanna ticket me
for parking in the red zone,
detective, across the street.
- Untie the rat.
- What?
After all of his--
- Just fuckin' untie him.
- Are you for real?
- I hope you get caught
by a real good sting
and I'm not talkin' about.
- Well, excuse me darling.
Making all of your acquaintances
has been pleasurable.
Until next time,.
- Hey guys, part
of the team, Gavin.
- Hey, Chief.
- What's goin' on, Colts?
- Man, they must be cookin'
something good for you
to get out here and do
your own legwork, huh?
- Yeah, you want something
done, do it yourself, right?
- I hear that.
- Oh, I am up for
insomnia tonight.
- So why
are you lookin'?
- Oh, morbid curiosity.
- And the closet too, boys.
Stiff model in the
clothes in there.
- Matty, do me a favor.
See how many skeletons
they got in there.
- Hey, uh, detective.
means don't judge
a book by it's cover.
- The burlesque queen
wasn't in that DVD.
- No.
- And she wasn't
in those either.
And neither is
the stiff outside.
- Right.
- Hey Mancioni, lift
up his left hand.
- Yes, Chief.
Chief, look what
we found on him.
- The sheer magnitude
of my patients
suffering depression has
finally gotten to me.
I can no longer live a normal
life without anger, guilt,
so therefore I have
decided to end my own life,
as I've done so neatly and
simply for my patients.
Why don't you bag that
up for me, all right?
- Okay, sure, bag that up.
- Colts.
- Yeah, what's up, Chief?
- I've been hoodwinked
- Hoodwinked, what
are you talkin' about?
- The man I let go
wasn't our mercy doctor.
- No?
- No, no, our good
doctor's outside, dead.
- Dead?
- He got sick and tired of
killin' off his sick patients
and decides to
join in on the fun.
- All right.
- So he hangs himself.
Problem is though, the rope
didn't do it quick enough.
Half conscious and dizzy,
he releases himself
and in desperate search for
breath, he collapses outside.
Our clever Dr. Jekyll
was no ordinary killer.
He's a devilish mastermind
to be reckoned with.
What better way
for serial murder
than a psychiatrist's
office with an easy
by appointment line
up for mercy killings?
I mean, he didn't even
have to go to his prey.
They came right into his
trap begging him to kill 'em.
My God.
- Wait.
That leaves the
burlesque queen, right?
- Hey fellas, look
what I found sticking
out of her underwear.
- Jeez, how deep did you have
to dig for one there, Leroy?
- Really, you're disgusting.
In glove, come on.
- Why don't you take the
chatter outside, boys.
- Go ahead.
What have you got there?
- Revenge.
- Revenge?
- He says he was put to
rest through euthanasia.
She came in to do
the good doctor in,
but met up with the wrong guy.
- Yeah, I'll say.
- I gotta get some air.
- All right.
Yeah, I got this.
- Gavin, get off
the table, come on.
- Hey uh, Chief, uh.
I was wondering um,
can I stick around and
learn a few things?
- All right, everyone listen up.
Gavin here just got promoted,
so let him take notes.
Looks good.
- Thanks, Chief.
- Uh, where's the bathroom?
- Down the hall to the left.
- Hey, um, maybe later
we might go all the way?
- Oh, okay.
- Okay.
- You played it
too close to call.
- Look who's talking.
So, why'd you let him go?
Wait, you knew all along.
- Dr. Jekyll better hide.
It hasn't been long
since I've been gone
But I'm right here
Where I belong
I'm free of the pain,
just call my name
There's no need to cry
I'm near, I'll hear
you with a prayer
Close your eyes,
just dream of me
I'm everywhere
you want me to be
All the things I didn't do
Just know I did my best
I want you to know
there's so many chances
For your life's quest
Believe and you'll see
Just call my name
There's no need
to cry, I'm near
I'll hear you with a prayer
Close your eyes
Just dream of me