Huhh!
Huhh!
Get a break, boss?
No break...
Huhh!
Pick up that hammer there, boy.
Yes, sir, boss.
Huhh!
Come on,
get it! Go!
Huhh!
Huhh!
Say...
any of you boys smithies?
Or if not smithies per se...
were you otherwise trained
in the metallurgic arts...
- Aah!
- Before straitened circumstances...
forced you into a life
of aimless wanderin'?
Jesus! Can't I count
on you people?
Sorry, Everett.
Well, all right.
If we take off
through that bayou...
Wait a minute.
Who elected you leader
of this outfit?
Well, Pete, I figured
it should be the one...
with the capacity
for abstract thought.
But if that ain't
the consensus view...
then hell,
let's put it to a vote.
Suits me!
I'm votin' for yours truly.
Well, I'm votin'
for yours truly, too.
Okay. I'm with you fellas.
Mind if we join you,
old-timer?
Join me, m' son.
Join me.
You work for
the railroad, grandpa?
I work for no man.
Got a name, do you?
I have no name.
Well, that right there
may be the reason...
you've had difficulty
finding gainful employment.
You see, in the mart
of competitive commerce...
You seek a great fortune...
you three
who are now in chains.
You will find a fortune...
though it will not be
the fortune you seek.
But first...
First you must travel...
a long and difficult road...
a road fraught
with peril. Mm-hmm.
You shall see thangs...
wonderful to tell.
You shall see
a... a cow...
on the roof
of a cotton house. Ha.
And, oh, so many startlements.
I cannot tell you how long
this road shall be...
but fear not the obstacles
in your path...
for fate has...
vouchsafed your reward.
Though the road may wind...
yea, your hearts grow weary...
still shall ye follow them...
even unto your salvation.
No, the treasure's
still there, boys, believe me.
But how'd he know
about the treasure?
I don't know, Delmar.
The blind are reputed
to possess sensitivities...
compensating for
their lack of sight...
even to the point of
developing paranormal...
psychic powers.
Now, clearly,
seeing in the future...
would fall neatly
into that category.
It's not so surprising, then...
that an organism deprived
of its earthly vision...
He said we wouldn't get it.
He said we wouldn't get
the treasure we seek...
on account of our obstacles.
What the hell does he know?
He's an ignorant old man.
Jesus, Pete. I told you
I buried it myself.
If your cousin still has
this here horse farm...
and a forge and some
shoein' impedimenta...
to restore liberty
of movement...
Hold it right there!
You men from the bank?
You Wash's boy?
Yes, sir.
Daddy told me...
I'm to shoot who's
ever from the bank.
Well, we ain't
from the bank, young feller.
Yes, sir.
I'm also supposed...
to shoot folks servin' papers.
We ain't got
no papers, neither.
I nicked the census man.
Now, there's a good boy.
Is-Is your daddy about?
Hello, Pete.
Who are your friends?
Pleased to make
your acquaintance...
Mr. Hogwallop.
My name's Ulysses
Everett McGill and...
And I'm Delmar O'Donnel.
How you been, Wash?
Been what, 12, 13 years?
Yeah.
I expect you want
them chains knocked off.
They foreclosed
on Cousin Vester.
He hanged hisself
a year come May.
And Uncle Ratliff?
The anthrax
took most of his cows.
The rest don't milk.
He lost a boy to mumps.
Where's Cora, Cousin Wash?
Couldn't say.
Mrs. Hogwallop up
and R-U-N-N-O-F-T.
She must have been
lookin' for answers.
Possibly.
Good riddance,
as far as I'm concerned.
I do miss her cooking, though.
This stew's awful good.
You think so?
I slaughtered this horse
last Tuesday.
I'm afraid
she's startin' to turn.
Well, that winds up tonight's...
Pass the Biscuits
Pappy O'Daniel Flour Hour.
This is Pappy O'Daniel...
hopin' you folks been enjoyin'
that good old-timey music.
And remember...
when you're fixin'
to fry up some flapjacks...
or bake a mess of biscuits...
use cool, clear water...
and good, pure
Pappy O'Daniel flour.
Well, guess I'll be turnin' in.
Say, uh, Cousin Wash...
I suppose it'd be the,
uh, acme of foolishness...
to inquire if you had
a hair net.
We got a bunch in yon bureau.
Mrs. Hogwallop's,
as a matter of fact.
Help yourself.
I won't be needing 'em.
All right, boys!
Unh. How's my hair?
It's the authorities!
We got you surrounded.
Damn, we're in a tight spot.
Just come on out
and grabbin' air!
And don't try nothin' fancy.
Your situation
is pretty nigh hopeless.
Damn! We're in
a tight spot!
What in the Sam Hill?
Pete's cousin turned us
in for the bounty.
What the hell are you saying?
Wash is kin!
Sorry, Pete!
I know we're kin, but they
got this depression on.
I got to do for me and mine.
I'm gonna kill you...
Judas Iscariot Hogwallop!
You miserable, horse-eatin' son of a...
Damn! We're in
a tight spot!
Damn his eyes!
Pa always said,
"Never trust a Hogwallop."
Come and get us, coppers!
You boys is
leavin' us no choice...
but to smoke you out.
- Damn!
- We're in a tight spot.
Light her up!
Hold up, boys!
Ain't you ever heard
of negotiatin'?
Bet we could talk
this thing out.
I hate fire!
You lousy, low-down,
yellow-bellied goat...
Pete, we got to
speak with one voice here.
Careful with that fire, now,
boys!
Light the loft, son.
Aah!
I hate fire!
Gapped-toothed, carpetbaggin',
motherless spawn of hell!
- Step back.
- Damn it. Look out.
Holy St. Christopher!
Get away from
that vehicle, chaps!
She's liquid fire!
Take cover, boys!
That ain't popcorn!
Let's get the hell out of here!
Scatter, boys!
Goddamn it!
Get in, boys!
I'm gonna R-U-N-N-O-F-T!
Come on, boys, come on!
Come on!
What are you doing here?
You ought to be
in bed, clump snatcher.
You ain't the boss of me!
You candy-butted,
car-thievin' so-and-so's!
I curse your name!
Go back home and mind your pa!
What's the damn problem?
I can get the part
from Bristol.
It'll take 2 weeks.
Here's your pomade.
Two weeks?
That don't do me no good.
Nearest Ford auto man's
Bristol.
Hold on, now. I don't
want this pomade.
I want Dapper Dan.
I don't carry Dapper Dan.
I carry Fop.
Well, I don't want Fop,
goddamn it!
I'm a Dapper Dan man!
Watch your language,
young fella.
This is a public market.
Now, if you want Dapper Dan,
I can order it for you.
Have it in a couple of weeks.
Well, ain't this place
a geographical oddity.
Forget it.
Just a dozen hair nets.
Well, didn't look
like a one-horse town...
but try finding
a decent hair jelly.
Gopher, Everett?
And no transmission belt
for 2 weeks neither.
Huh? They dam that river
on the 21 st.
Today is the 17th.
Don't I know it.
We got but 4 days
to get to that treasure.
After that, it'll be
at the bottom of a lake.
We ain't gonna make it walkin'.
That's right.
Gopher, Everett?
But the old tactician
has got a plan.
For the transportation, that is.
I don't know how I'm gonna
keep my coiffure in order.
How's this a plan?
How we gonna get a car?
Sell that. I figure
you can only have...
painful association for Wash.
"To Washington Bartholomew
Hogwallop."
From his lovin' Cora.
"Amor Fidel... is."
It was in his bureau.
I reckon it'll
fetch us enough cash...
for a good used auto voiture...
and a little leftover besides.
Whoo! You got some
light fingers, Everett.
Gopher?
You miserable little snake.
You stole from my kin!
Who was fixin' to betray us.
You didn't know that
at the time.
So I borrowed it
till I did know.
That don't make no sense!
Pete, it's a fool
who looks for logic...
in the chambers
of the human heart.
What the hell is that singing?
Appears to be some kind
of a... congregation.
Care for some gopher?
No, thank you, Delmar.
A third of a gopher would
only arouse my appetite...
without beddin' her back down.
Oh, you can have
the whole thing.
Me and Pete already had one.
We ran across
a whole gopher village.
Well, I guess hard times
flush the chumps.
Everybody's lookin'
for answers.
Where the hell's he going?
The Father, the Son,
and the Holy Ghost.
Well, I'll be a son of a bitch.
Delmar's been saved.
Well, that's it, boys.
I been redeemed.
The preacher done
washed away...
all my sins and transgressions.
It's the straight and narrow
from here on out.
And heaven everlasting's
my reward.
Delmar, what are
you talkin' about?
We got bigger fish to fry.
The preacher said
all my sins is washed away...
including that Piggly Wiggly
I knocked over in Yazoo.
I thought you said you was
innocent of those charges.
Well, I was lyin'.
And the preacher said...
that that sin's
been washed away, too.
Neither God, nor man's
got nothin' on me now.
Come on in, boys.
The water is fine.
Come on, boy. There, boy.
Good doggy.
All right, boys,
we got the scent.
The preacher said
it absolved us.
For him, not for the law.
I'm surprised at you, Pete.
I gave you credit for
more brains than Delmar.
But there was witnesses
seen us redeemed.
That's not the issue, Delmar.
Even if it did put you
square with the Lord...
the state of Mississippi's
a little more hard-nosed.
You should have
joined us, Everett.
It couldn't have hurt none.
Hell, at least
it would have washed away...
the stink of that pomade.
Joining you two
ignorant fools...
in a ridiculous superstition...
Thank you, anyway.
And I like the smell
of my hair treatment.
The pleasin' odor's
half the point.
Baptism!
You two are just dumber
than a bag of hammers.
Well, I guess you're
just my cross to bear.
Pull over, Everett.
Let's give
that colored boy a lift.
You folks going past
Tishomingo?
Sure, hop in.
How you doin', son?
Name's Everett.
These two soggy
sons of bitches...
are Pete and Delmar.
Keep your fingers
away from Pete's mouth.
He ain't had nothing
to eat for 13 years...
except prison food, gopher,
and a little greasy horse.
Thanks for the lift, sir.
My name's Tommy.
Tommy Johnson.
How you doin', Tommy?
Say, I haven't seen a house
out here for miles.
What are you doin' out
in the middle of nowhere?
Well, I had to be at that there
crossroads last midnight.
Sell my soul to the devil.
Well, ain't it a small world?
Spiritually speakin'.
Pete and Delmar just
been baptized and saved.
I guess I'm the only one
that remains unaffiliated.
This ain't
no laughin' matter, Everett.
What'd the devil give you
for your soul, Tommy?
Well, he taught me to play
this here guitar real good.
Oh, son...
for that you traded
your everlasting soul?
Well, I wasn't usin' it.
I've always wondered,
what's the devil look like?
Well, of course,
there are all manner...
of lesser imps
and demons, Pete...
but the great Satan hisself...
is red and scaly
with a bifurcated tail...
and he carries a hay fork.
Oh, no. No, sir.
He's white.
As white as you folks.
With empty eyes
and a big, hollow voice.
He loved to travel around
with a mean old hound.
That's right.
And he told you
to go to Tishomingo?
Well, no, sir.
Why, that was my idea.
I heard there's
a man down there.
He pays folks money
to sing into his can.
They say he pays extra...
if'n you play real good.
Tishomingo, huh?
How much he pay?
All right, boys,
follow my lead.
Hello?
Who's the honcho around here?
I am. Who are you?
Well, sir, I'm Jordan Rivers...
and these here are
the Soggy Bottom Boys...
out of Cottonelia, Mississippi.
Songs of salvation
to salve the soul.
Uh, we hear that
you pay good money...
to sing into a can.
Well, that all depends.
You boys do Negro songs?
Um... well, uh, sir,
we are Negroes.
All except for
our accomp... our accomp...
Uh, the fella
that plays the guitar.
Yeah, well, I don't
record Negro songs.
No, I'm lookin' for
some old-timey material.
You see, people can't seem
to get enough of it...
since we started
broadcasting it...
on The Pappy
O'Daniel Flour Hour...
so thank you
for stopping by, but...
Sir, uh,
the Soggy Bottom Boys...
have been steeped in
old-timey material.
Heck, we're silly
with it, ain't we, boys?
That's right.
That's right.
We ain't really Negroes.
All except for our accompanist.
Whoo!
Hot damn, son!
I believe you did sell
your soul to the devil!
Whoo-ee!
Boy, that was some mighty fine
a-pickin' and a-singin'.
I'll tell you what.
Ahem. You come on
in here, you...
You sign these papers here.
I'm gonna give you $10 apiece.
Uh, uh, okay, sir,
but Mert and, uh, uh...
Aloysious'll
just have to sign Xs.
Only 4 of us can write.
That'd be fine.
Ha ha!
Whoo!
Hey, mister, I don't mean...
to be tellin' tales
out of school...
but there's a fella in
there who'll pay you $10...
if you sing into his can.
I'm not here to make
a record, you dumb cracker.
They broadcast me
out on the radio.
That's Governor Menelaus...
"Pass the Biscuits"
Pappy O'Daniel.
And he'd sure appreciate it
if you ate his farina...
and voted him a second term.
Finest governor we ever
had in Mississippi.
In any state.
Oh, Lord, yes. Every
parish or precinct.
He was makin' the bigger point.
Well, ain't you gonna
press the flesh, Pappy?
Do a little politicking?
I'll press your flesh,
you dimwitted sumbitch.
You don't tell your pappy
how to court the electorate.
We ain't
one-at-a-timin' here.
We're mass communicatin'!
Oh, yes.
That's a powerful new force.
Mm-hmm!
Shake a leg, Junior.
Thank God your mammy died
givin' birth.
If she'd have seen you,
she'd have died of shame.
Well, hi there!
How you doin'?
Let's bed down here
for the night.
Yeah, it stinks
in that old barn.
Suits me.
Pretty soon it'll be nothin'
but featherbeds
and silk sheets.
Million dollars.
Million-point-two.
Pete, what are you gonna do...
with your share
of the treasure?
Go out west somewhere.
Open a fine restaurant.
I'm gonna be the maitre d'.
Greet all the swells.
Go to work every day
in a bow tie...
tuxedo.
And all the staff
say "Yes, sir" and...
"No, sir..."
and "In a jiffy, Pete."
And all my meals for free.
What about you, Delmar?
What are you gonna do
with your share of that dough?
I'm gonna visit them
foreclosin' son of a guns...
down at the Indianola
Savings and Loan.
Slap that money
on the barrel head...
and buy back the family farm.
You ain't no kind of man
if you ain't got land.
What about you, Everett?
What you have in mind...
when you stole it
in the first place?
I...
didn't have no plan.
Well, that hardly
sound like you.
- All right, boys!
- It's the authorities!
Your situation
is purty nigh hopeless!
Damn, they found our car.
We ain't got the time...
and nary the inclination...
to chat with you boys
any further.
Damn, we got to skedaddle.
I left my pomade in the car.
Maybe I can creep up.
Don't be a fool, Everett.
We got to R-U-N-N-O-F-T.
Where's Tommy?
Already lit out.
Scared out of his wits.
Let's go!
Well, hell,
it ain't square one.
Ain't no one gonna pick up...
And one of them
a know-it-all...
who can't keep his trap shut.
Pete, the personal rancor
reflected in that remark...
I don't intend to dignify
with comment.
But I would like to address
your general attitude...
of hopeless negativism.
Consider the lilies
of the goddamn field.
Or, hell, take a look
at Delmar here...
as your paradigm of hope.
Yeah. Look at me.
Now, you may call it
an unreasoning optimism.
You may call it obtuse...
but the plain and simple fact
is that we got close to...
Dam that river.
Is this a road to ltta Bena?
Uh...
Itta Bena?
Itta Bena?
Isn't that...
Isn't that, uh...
Stay on this here road.
Nah, that ain't right.
I was thinking of, uh...
Take this road...
Nah, nah, nah,
that ain't right.
It seems to me
there's a road...
cow road that used to
lead all the way...
Well, most of the way.
That ain't right, either.
Hop on in while you
give it a think.
Right. Delmar.
Any of you
boys know your way...
around a Walther P.P. K?
Well, see, that's where
we can't help you.
I don't believe
it's in Mississippi.
Friend, some of your folding
money has come unstowed.
Just stuff it down
that sack there, will you?
You boys aren't bad men,
I take it?
Well, it's funny
you should ask.
I was bad till yesterday...
but me and Pete here
been saved.
I'm Delmar,
and that there is Everett.
George Nelson.
It's a pleasure.
Grab the tiller,
will you, buddy?
Hand me that chopper.
Ha ha ha ha!
Say, what line of work
you in, George?
Ha ha ha ha!
Come and get me, coppers!
You flatfooted, lame-brained,
soft-ass sons of bitches!
Ah ha ha ha ha!
No one can catch me!
I'm George Nelson!
I'm bigger than any John,
live or limp!
I'm 101/2 feet tall!
Cows.
I hate cows worse than coppers!
Oh, George.
Not the livestock.
Come on, you miserable,
salaried sons of bitches!
Come and get me!
Come on, boys,
we're going for the record.
Okay, folks, hold the applause
and drop your drawers.
I'm George Nelson...
and I'm here to sack
the city ltta Bena!
He's a live wire,
though, ain't he?
All the money in a bag.
What are you
lookin' at, grandpa?
Pardon me, George...
you got a plan for
gettin' out of here?
Sure, boys.
Here's my plan.
Ha ha ha ha!
They ain't never
seen ordnance like this!
Thank you, folks.
And remember, Jesus saves...
but George Nelson withdraws!
Ha ha ha ha!
Go fix the auto voiture, Pete.
Is that Babyface Nelson?
Who said that?
What ignorant,
lowdown, slanderizin'
son of a bitch said that?
My name is George Nelson.
Get me?
She didn't mean nothin'
by it, George.
George Nelson!
Not Babyface!
You remember!
And you tell your friends!
I'm George Nelson.
Born to raise hell.
Well, that was some fun,
now, wasn't it, George?
Yeah.
Almost makes me wished
I hadn't have been saved.
Jacking up banks.
I can see how a fella'd
derive a whole lot of pleasure...
and satisfaction out of it.
It's okay.
Hoo, dawgies!
Well...
I'm takin' off.
You boys might as well...
keep my...
share of the riches.
Well, where
are you going, George?
I don't know.
Who cares?
Now, what do you suppose
is eatin' George?
Well, Delmar...
they say that with
the thrill-seeking personality...
What goes up must come down.
On top of the world one minute,
haunted by meekness the next.
Yes, sir, it's as if
our old friend, George...
is a alley cat
and his own damn humors...
are swingin' him by the tail.
I wouldn't worry, Delmar.
He'll be back on top again.
I don't think we've seen
the last of George Nelson.
Don't be saps for Pappy.
Homer Stokes for governor.
Let's sweep this state clean.
Vote for Stokes, brother.
Aw, shh shh. Hang on!
I'm gonna slap one on here.
Folks, here's
my cousin Ezra's niece...
Eudora from out of Greenwood,
doin' a little number...
with her cousin Tom-Tom...
which I predict you
gonna enjoy thoroughly.
Now, what can I do you for,
Mr. French?
How can I lay ahold of
them Soggy Bottom Boys?
Soggy Bottom.
I don't precisely
recollect them.
They cut a record
in here a few days ago...
with an old-timey
harmony thing...
with a guitar
accompany... accompany...
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
I remember them.
Colored fellas, I believe.
Yes, sir,
they a fine bunch of boys.
They sang into yonder can,
then skedaddled.
Well, that record...
is just goin' through
the goddamn roof.
They playin' it
as far away as Mobile.
No.
Whole damn state's goin' apey.
Well, it was a powerful air.
Hot damn,
we got to find them boys...
and sign 'em to
a big fat contract.
Hell's bells, Mr. Lund,
if we don't...
the goddamn competition will.
Oh, mercy, yes, we got
to beat that competition.
- Yes, sir.
- Yes, sir.
Delmar.
Over here.
Do you have
the Soggy Bottom Boys...
performing
"Man of Constant Sorrow"?
No, ma'am. We got
a new shipment in yesterday.
Sorry, but we just can't
keep 'em on our shelves.
How are you?
Delmar, come on.
Go. Go.
Shut up, Delmar.
Uhh! Ohh!
Pull over! Pull over!
Guess old Pete's got the itch.
Howdy do, ladies?
Name of Pete.
Ain't you gonna
introduce us, Pete?
I don't know their names.
I seen 'em first!
Ladies, my name
is Ulysses Everett McGill...
and, well, you three
ladies are about the...
the prettiest...
water lilies, uh...
Corn liquor.
Everett.
My hair!
Look at this.
Pete!
Where the heck are you?
Pete!
We ain't got time
for hide-and-seek!
Now, we ain't got time
for your shenanigans!
Sweet Jesus, Everett.
They left his heart.
Aah! Aah!
What the... Delmar,
what the heck's got into you?
Can't you see it, Everett?
Them sirens did this to Pete.
They loved him up...
and turned him
into a... horny toad.
Pete!
Pete! Pete!
Pete!
Pete, it's me... Delmar.
It's me... Delmar.
Everett.
Delmar, what the...
What are we gonna do?
I'm not sure that's Pete.
Of course it's Pete.
Look at him.
We got to find some kind of...
wizard can change him back.
I'm just not sure that's Pete.
You can't display a toad...
in a fine restaurant like this.
Why, the good folks here'd
go right off their feed.
Hey. I just don't
think it's right...
keeping him under wraps...
like we was ashamed of him.
Well, if it is Pete,
I am ashamed of him.
The way I see it,
he got what he deserved.
Fornicating with
some whore of Babylon.
These things don't happen
for no reason, Delmar.
It's obviously some kind of
judgment on Pete's character.
Well, the two of us was
fixin' to fornicate.
You're gonna have to
excuse my rusticated friend...
unaccustomed as he is
to city manners.
Hmm?
I guess we'll have ourselves...
a couple of steaks...
and some, uh,
gratine potatoes...
and wash it down with some
of your finest bubbly wine.
Oh, and I don't suppose
you have any...
Maybe the chef could prepare...
Just bring us a couple
of leaves of raw cabbage.
Yes, sir.
Thank you.
That kind of
barnyard language...
I don't believe I've seen
you boys around here before.
Allow me to introduce myself.
Name of Daniel Teague...
known in these precincts
as Big Dan Teague...
Or to those who
are pressed for time...
Big Dan tout court!
How you doin', Big Dan?
My name's Ulysses
Everett McGill.
This is my associate
Delmar O'Donnel.
I detect, like me...
you're endowed
with the gift of gab.
I flatter myself
that such is the case.
In my line of work,
it's plumb necessary.
The one thing you don't want...
is air in the conversation.
Once again we find
ourselves in agreement.
What kind of work
you do, Big Dan?
Sales, Mr. McGill, sales!
And what do I sell?
The truth,
every blessed word of it.
From Genesis on down
to Revelations.
That's right,
the Word of God...
which, let me tell you,
there is damn good money in...
during these times
of woe and want.
People are lookin'
for answers...
and Big Dan sells
the only book that's got 'em.
And what do you do...
you and your, uh,
tongue-tied friend?
We, uh...
we're adventurers, sir.
Currently pursuing
a certain opportunity...
but we're open
to others as well.
I like your style, young man...
so I'm gonna propose you
a proposition.
You cover my bill, so I don't
have to run back upstairs...
get your waitress to wrap
your dinner picnic-style...
And we shall retire
to more private environs...
where I will tell you how there
are vast amounts of money...
to be made in the service
of God almighty.
Well, why not?
If nothin' else...
I can use some
civilized conversation.
Don't forget
your shoe box, friend.
Languishin'!
Goddamn campaign
is languishin'!
We need a shot in the arm.
You hear me, boys?
In the goddamn arm!
Election held tomorrow...
that son of bitch Stokes
would win it in a walk!
Well, he's the reform
candidate, Daddy.
Yeah?
A lot of people
like that reform.
Maybe we should get us some.
I'll reform you,
you soft-headed son of a bitch.
How we gonna run reform
when we're the damn incumbent?
Is that the best idea
you boys can come up with?
Reform?!
Weepin' Jesus on the cross.
That's it!
You may as well start drafting
my concession speech right now.
Okay, Pappy.
I'm just making a point,
you stupid son of a bitch.
Give me back that hat!
Hurry up!
Pappy's just makin' a point.
Shut up!
Thank you, boys, for
throwing in that fricassee.
I'm a man of large appetites...
and even with lunch
under my belt...
I was feeling a mite peckish.
It's our pleasure, Big Dan.
Thank you as well for
the conversational hiatus.
I generally refrain from
speech during gustation.
There are those who attempt
both at the same time.
I find it coarse and vulgar.
Where were we?
Making money in
the Lord's service.
You don't say much, friend,
but when you do...
it's to the point
and I salute you for it.
Yes, Bible sales.
Now, the trade is not
a complicated one.
There are but 2 things
to learn...
One being where to find
a wholesaler...
the Word of God in bulk,
as it were.
Two... how to recognize
your customer.
Who are you dealing with?
It's an exercise in
psychology, so to speak.
And it is that
which I propose...
to give you a lesson in
right now.
Why, I like to think
I'm a pretty astute observer...
of the human scene,
too, Big Dan.
No doubt, brother.
I figured as much back
at the restaurant.
That's why I invited
you all out here...
for this advanced tutorial.
Unh!
What's going on, Big Dan?
It's all about the money, boys!
That's it!
Gol... durned... money!
I don't get it, Big Dan.
Raah!
I just take your show cards.
Yaah!
And whatever
you got in the hole.
What the...
there ain't nothin'
but a damn toad.
No, you don't understand.
That's Pete.
Pete.
You know these things
give you warts?
End of lesson.
So long, boys.
Hee hee hee.
See you in the funny papers.
Y'all seen the end
of Big Dan Teague.
Where are they?
Talk, you unreconstructed
whelp of a whore!
Where they headed?
Aah!
Your screams ain't
gonna save your flesh...
Aah!
Only your tongue is, boy.
Where they headed?
Aah!
Lump, I.O.
Sweet summer rain.
Like God's own mercy.
Your two friends
have abandoned you, Pete.
They don't seem
to care about your hide.
Okay.
Stairway to heaven.
We shall all meet by-and-by.
Goddamn it!
God forgive me!
Hold.
Believe me, Delmar, he would
have wanted us to press on.
Pete, rest his soul...
was one sour ass
son of a bitch...
and not given to acts of
pointless sentimentality.
It just don't seem right...
digging up that
treasure without him.
Maybe it's for the best
he was squished.
Why, he...
was barely a sentient
being and...
well, as soon as we get
ourselves cleaned up...
and we get a little
smellum in our hair...
why, we're gonna feel
and about...
life in general.
Must be near Parchman Farm.
Sorry sons of bitches.
Seems like a year ago
we busted off the farm.
Pete got a brother?
Not that I'm aware.
Heat must be getting to me.
That was wonderful.
That sure was.
Yes.
Now, I know the Sunnysiders
would agree with me...
when I say the great state
of Mississippi...
cannot afford 4 more years
of Pappy O'Daniel!
Nepotism! Rascalism!
Of service to the interests!
Now, the choice,
she's a clear 'un.
Pappy O'Daniel,
slave of the interests.
Homer Stokes,
servant of the little man.
Ain't that right, little fella?
He ain't lyin'!
Ladies and gentlemen,
the little man has admonished me...
to grasp the broom of reform...
and sweep this state clean!
It's gonna be,
"Back to the flour mill, Pappy!
The interests can
take care of themselves!"
Come Tuesday...
we're gonna sweep
the rascals out!
Clean government
is yours for the asking!
Folks,
now the little Wharvey gals!
Wharvey gals?
Did he just say
little Wharvey gals?
Come here, girls.
What y'all gonna sing for us?
"In the highways."
Goddamn it all!
You know them gals, Everett?
Hey, girls!
- Daddy!
- Daddy!
Ha ha ha!
Daddy? He ain't
our daddy.
Hell, I ain't.
What's this Wharvey gals?
Your name's McGill.
No, sir. Not since you
got hit by that train.
What are you talking about?
I wasn't hit by any train.
Mama says you was
hit by a train.
- Blooey!
- Nothin' left.
Just a grease spot
on the L & N.
Damn it,
I wasn't hit by any train!
That's why Mama's
got us back to Wharvey.
That's her maiden name.
You got a maiden name, Daddy?
No, Daddy don't have
a maiden name. See...
That's your misfortune.
That's right, and now
Mama's got a new beau.
He's a suitor.
Yeah, I heard about that.
Mama says he's bona fide.
Mmm.
He give her a ring?
Yes, sir.
A big 'un.
- Gotta gem.
- Mama checked it.
It's bona fide.
He's a suitor.
What's his name?
Vernon T. Waldrip.
Uncle Vernon.
Till tomorrow.
Then he's gonna be Daddy.
I am the only daddy you got.
I am the damn paterfamilias.
But you ain't bona fide.
Where's your mama?
She's at
the five-and-dime.
Buying nipples.
Daddy!
Hello, sugar! Ha ha!
How's my little girl?
Hi.
Who the hell's that?
Starla Wharvey.
Starla McGill, you mean.
How come you never
told me about her?
'Cause you was hit by a train.
That's another thing.
Why are you telling our gals
I was hit by a train?
Lots of respectable people
been hit by trains.
Judge Hobby over in Cookville
was hit by a train.
What was I supposed
to tell 'em...
that you were sent
to the penal farm...
and I divorced you from shame?
I take your point.
But it does put me in
a damned awkward position...
vis vis my progeny.
Hello, Penny.
Is this gentlemen
bothering you?
You Waldrip?
Uh-huh. That's right.
Hmm.
You been using
my hair treatment?
Your hair treatment?
Excuse me.
I got news for you.
In case you hadn't noticed,
I wasn't hit by a train...
and I have traveled
many a weary mile...
to be back with my wife
and my 6 daughters.
Seven, Daddy!
That ain't your daddy,
Alvinelle.
Your daddy was hit by a train.
Penny, you stop that!
No, you stop it!
Vernon here's got a job.
Vernon's got prospects.
He's bona fide.
What are you?
I'll tell you what I am...
I am the paterfamilias,
and you can't marry him!
I can, I am, and I will,
tomorrow.
I got to think about
the little Wharvey gals.
They look to me for answers.
Vernon can support 'em...
and buy 'em lessons
on the clarinet.
The only good thing you
ever did for the gals...
was get hit by that train!
Why, you lying
unconstant succubus.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
You can't swear at my fiancee!
Oh, yeah?
Well, you can't marry my wife!
Unh! Unh!
Who is that man?
He's not my husband.
Just a drifter, I guess.
Just some
no-account drifter.
Aah! Unh!
And stay out of Woolworth's!
I'll bet
she does imitations, too.
Deceitful,
two-faced she-wolf.
Never trust a female, Delmar.
Remember that
one simple precept...
and your time with me
will not have been ill-spent.
Okay, Everett.
"Hit by a train."
Truth means nothing
to a woman, Delmar.
Triumph of the subjective.
You ever been with a woman?
Well, I've...
I-I got to get
the family farm back...
before I can start
thinking about that.
That's right. If then.
Believe me, Delmar,
a woman is the most fiendish...
instrument of torture
ever devised...
to bedevil the days of man.
Everett, I never figured you
for a paterfamilias.
Ohh, yes.
I have spread my seed.
And look what it's...
- Goddamn it.
- What the hell's going on?
- Okay, boys.
- Enjoy your picture show.
Do... not...
seek the treasure.
Do not...
seek the treasure.
It's a bushwhack.
They're fixin' an ambush.
Do not seek the treasure.
We...
We thought you was...
a toad.
We... thought...
you... was... a toad.
Do not seek the treasure.
- Quiet there!
- Watch the picture!
I signed that bill.
I signed a dozen
agriculture bills.
Everyone knows I'm
a friend of the farmer.
What do I gotta do,
start tending livestock?
We can't do that, Daddy.
We might offend
our constituency.
We ain't got a constituency!
Stokes got a constituency!
Well, it's a well-run campaign.
Midget and broom and whatnot.
Devil his due.
Hell of an organization.
Say, I got an idea.
What's that, junior?
We can hire us
a little fella...
even smaller than Stokes's.
You slump-shouldered
sack of nuts!
Why, we'd look like a bunch
of Johnny-come-latelys...
breakin' out our own midget.
Don't matter how stumpy!
And that's the goddamn
problem right there.
People think Stokes
has got fresh ideas.
He's au courant
and we're the past!
It's a problem of...
- Perception.
- That's right.
Reason why he's pulling
our pants down.
Gonna paddle a little behind.
Ain't gonna paddle it.
Gonna kick it. Real hard.
No, I believe
he's gonna paddle it.
I don't believe that's
a proper description.
Well, that's how
I'd characterize it.
I believe it's more of
a kickin' situation.
God... God forgive me.
I could not gaze upon
that far shore.
Pete.
Hold still!
Can't... stand much longer.
It was... it was
a mo-moment of weakness.
Quit yer babblin', Pete.
We gotta skedaddle.
That's all I got.
They lured me out
for a bathe...
and then they dunked me,
trussed me up like a hog...
and turned me in
for the bounty.
I should have guessed it.
Typical womanly behavior.
We're just lucky we left...
before they came back for us.
We didn't abandon you, Pete.
We just thought you was a toad.
No, they never did
turn me into a toad.
Well, that was
our mistake then.
And we was beat up
by a bible salesman...
and banished from Woolworths.
I don't know, Everett.
Was it the one branch
or all of them?
Well, I ain't had it easy,
either, boys.
Frankly, uh, well, I...
I spilt my guts
about the treasure.
Huh?
I'm awful sorry
I betrayed you, fellas.
Must be my Hogwallop blood.
That's all right, Pete.
Awful white of you to take it
like that, Everett.
I feel wretched.
Spoiling your play for
a million dollar point two.
It's been eatin' at my guts.
Oh, that's all right.
You boys are true friends!
Ohh!
You're my boon companions.
Pete, I don't want you...
to beat yourself up
about this, eh?
I can't help it...
but that's a-a
wonderful thing to say.
Yeah.
Pete, uh...
the fact of the matter is...
damn it.
There ain't no treasure.
Fact of the matter is
there never was.
But...
So where's all the money
from the armored car job?
Never knocked over
no armored car.
Sent up for practicing
law without a license.
But...
Damn it, I had to bust out.
My wife wrote me
she was getting married...
I gotta stop it.
I had 2 weeks left
on my sentence.
I couldn't wait 2 weeks.
She's getting married tomorrow.
My added time for the escape...
I don't get out now
till 19... 87.
I am sorry about that.
I'll be...
I guess they'll tack on
Boys, we was chained together.
I had to tell you something.
Busting out alone
was not an option.
I'm sorry.
Well, I'll only be 82.
You! You ruined my life!
Unh!
You ruined my life!
I do apologize
about that, Pete.
I'll be going...
Delmar!
Now, boys. Boys.
- That's Tommy.
- They got Tommy.
Noose.
Sweet Jesus,
we got to save him.
The color guard.
Brothers!
Oh, brothers!
We have all gathered here...
to preserve our hallowed
culture and heritage...
from intrusion...
inclusion...
and dilution...
of color, of creed...
and of our old-time religion.
We aim to pull
evil up by the root...
before it chokes out...
the flower of
our culture and heritage.
And our women.
Let's not forget
those ladies, y'all...
Iooking to us for protection...
from darkies...
from jews...
from papists...
and from all
those smart-ass folks...
say we come descended
from monkeys.
That's not
my culture and heritage.
Yes!
Is that
your culture and heritage?
No!
And so...
we gonna hang us a Negro.
Hooray, hooray!
I ain't never harmed you...
Neither of you gentlemen.
Uh...
Mm-hmm.
I ain't never harmed nobody.
Hey, hey, Tommy.
Huh?
Tommy, we come to rescue you.
That's mighty kind
of you boys...
but I don't think nothing's
going to save me now.
The devil's come
to collect his due.
Don't be crazy, Tommy.
You don't want to get hanged.
Well, nah,
I don't reckon I do...
but that's the way
it seems to be working out.
Listen, Tommy, I got a plan.
No!
The color guard is colored.
Who made them the color guard?
Run, boys!
Whoa!
No, no, son!
Can't let that flag
touch the ground!
Ooh.
Heh heh.
- Leave me alone.
- Get your hands off me.
I can do this myself.
Get away from me.
I'm saying we should
hire this man away.
That's a good idea, Pappy.
Hell of an idea.
Can't beat 'em, join 'em.
Have him join us.
Run our campaign...
instead of that egghead's.
Enticements of power,
wealth, et cetera.
No one says no
to Pappy O'Daniel.
Oh, gracious, no...
Not with his blandishments.
And powers of persuasion.
What's his name again?
The campaign manager?
Yes.
Waldrip.
Vernon Waldrip.
Vernon T. Waldrip.
Hmm.
It's
an invitation-only affair.
We'll have to sneak in...
through the service entrance.
Hold on.
Wait a minute.
Who elected you
leader of this outfit?
Since we've been
following your lead...
we got nothing but trouble.
I've gotten this close
to being strung up...
and consumed in a fire
and whipped no end...
and sunstroked and soggied.
And turned into a frog.
He wasn't turned into a frog.
Almost loved up, though.
So, you're against me now, too?
Is that how it is, boys?
The whole world...
and God almighty...
Now you?
I guess I deserve it.
Boys...
I know that I made
some tactical mistakes...
but if you just
stick with me...
I got a plan.
Believe me, boys...
we can fix this thing...
and I can get my wife back...
and we can get out of here.
Goddamn disgrace!
Made a travesty
of the entire evening.
Ohh.
What I wouldn't give to get
ahold of those agitators.
I mean, whoever heard
of such behavior...
even amongst the colored?
Or mulattos, maybe.
I suspect some miscegenation
in their heritage.
How else you going
to explain it?
Using a confederate flag
as a missile...
Crazy! No one's
ever going to believe...
we're a real band.
No. It's going to work.
I just got to get
close enough to talk to her.
Taking off with us
has got more future...
than marrying
some guy named Waldrip.
I'm goddamn bona fide.
I got the answers.
Everett, my beard itches.
Hey. Hey.
"In the Jailhouse Now,"
fellers...
neighborhood of "B."
Psst!
Penny.
Ahem.
It's me.
No.
Honey, honey.
We're leaving the state.
Pursuing opportunities
in another venue.
I got big plans.
Not minstrels...
this here's just a dodge.
I'm going to be a dentist.
I know this guy
who'll print me up a license.
Why, that is
an improper suggestion.
I... I... I can't switch sides...
in the middle of a campaign...
Especially to work for a man
who lacks moral fiber.
Moral fiber?
Why, you little
pasty-face sumbitch.
I invented moral fiber.
Pappy O'Daniel
was displaying...
rectitude
and high-mindedness...
when that egghead
you work for...
was still messing his drawers.
Psst! Honey.
Go away.
I want to be what
you want me to be, honey.
I want you and the gals
to come with me.
What, dear?
What are you doing here, Pappy?
Well, I guess someone let on...
we was giving out liquor.
Yeah, well,
you'll be laughing...
out the other side
of your face come November.
Pappy O'Daniel
will be laughing then.
Not out the other side
of his face, though.
Oh, no, no, no.
Just the regular side.
They're my daughters,
too, Penny.
Ain't you ever heard of amor fidelis?
Hot damn!
It's the Soggy Bottom Boys!
Oh!
Whoo!
Holy moley!
These boys are a hit.
But, Pappy, they's integrated.
Wait a minute.
Well, I guess folks don't
mind they's integrated.
You's miscegenated.
All you boys is miscegenated!
Give me the microphone!
Give me the microphone!
Give me the microphone!
These boys is not white.
These boys is not white.
Hell, they ain't even
old-timey.
Look, I happen to know,
ladies and gentlemen...
that this band
of miscreants here...
this very evening...
interfered with a lynch mob...
in the performance
of its duties.
Oh, yeah, it's true.
See, I belong to a certain
secret society.
I don't believe I got to
mention its name, you know?
Let 'em play! Go on!
Hmm.
And these boys here...
they trampled all over
our venerated observances...
and rituals.
Now, this here music
is over, all right?
And I have... No! Hey!
Hey, I ain't...
listen to me.
Folks, listen to me. I...
These boys desecrated
a fiery cross.
We was all havin' a good time!
And they's convicts, folks...
Fugitives escaped off the farm.
Now, folks, these boys
got to be remanded...
to the authorities.
Criminals!
And I have it
from the highest authority...
that that Negro
sold his soul to the devil!
Ohh!
Wait, wait, wait
a minute, now, folks.
No! It's true!
It's true.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute, folks.
Is you is, or is you ain't
my constituency?
No!
Is you is, or is you ain't...
my constituency?
No!
Is you is...
Is you is, or is you ain't...
My constituency?
Oh, come on, folks.
No. It's Homer now.
Come on. I'm a friend
of the little man.
- Ha ha ha ha!
- Waah!
This is not fair!
Hey! Come on!
Come on, now, folks...
we got a little
misunderstanding here.
Goddamn!
Goddamn!
Opportunity knocks.
Get out of my way!
That's fine.
That's fine!
Ladies and gentlemens...
here and listening at home...
the great state
of Mississippi...
Pappy O'Daniel, governor...
Wants to thank
the Soggy Bottom Boys...
for that wonderful performance.
And it looks like...
the only man
in this great state...
who ain't a music lover...
is my esteemed opponent
in the upcoming...
Homer Stokes.
Yeah, well, there ain't
no accounting for taste.
He sounded to me
like he was harboring...
some kind of hateful grudge...
against the Soggy Bottom Boys...
on account of
their rough and rowdy past.
Looks like...
Looks like...
Homer Stokes
is the kind of fellow...
wants to cast the first stone.
Well, I'm with you, folks.
I'm a forgive and forget
Christian...
and I say if
their rambunctiousness...
and misdemeanoring
is behind them...
It is, ain't it, boys?
Yes, sir, it is.
Well, then, I say...
by the power vested in me...
these boys is hereby pardoned.
And furthermore...
in the second Pappy O'Daniel
administration...
these boys is going to be
in my brain trust.
What's that mean, Everett?
Well, Delmar, it means
that you and me...
and Pete and Tommy
are going to be...
the power behind
the throne, so to speak.
Oh, okay.
So, without further ado...
and by way of endorsing
my candidacy...
the Soggy Bottom Boys...
is going to lead us all
in a chorus...
of "You Are My Sunshine."
Ain't you, boys?
Governor, it's one
of our favorites.
Son...
you're going to go far.
I guess
Vernon T. Waldrip...
is gonna be going on relief.
Maybe I can throw
a little patronage his way...
Get him a job
digging ditches...
or rounding up stray dogs.
So, is the marriage off,
then, Miss Wharvey?
It's McGill.
No. The marriage will
take place as planned.
With a little change of cast.
Me and the little lady are
going to pick up the pieces...
and retie the knot,
mixaphorically speaking.
You boys are invited,
of course.
Hell, you're the best men.
I already got the rings.
Where's your ring, honey?
I ain't worn it since
our divorce came through.
It must still be in
the roll-top in the old cabin.
Never thought I'd need it.
Vernon bought one
encrusted with jewels.
Now's the time
to buy it off him cheap.
We ain't getting married
with his ring.
You said you'd changed.
Honey, it's just
an old pewter thing.
Ain't going to be no wedding.
It's just a symbol, honey.
No wedding.
We'll go fetch it
with you, Everett.
It's just a...
Shut up, Delmar.
It's just a symbol.
I've spoken my piece
and counted to 3.
She counted to 3.
Goddamn it.
She counted to 3.
Son of a bitch!
You have any idea
how far that cabin is?
George?
Hello, boys!
Well, these little men...
finally caught up with
the criminal of the century.
Looks like the chair
for George Nelson.
Yup, gonna electrify me.
I'm going to go off
like a Roman candle.
Ha ha ha!
chasing a rabbit
through yours truly.
Gol damn...
gonna suck all the power
right out of the state.
Gonna shoot sparks
out the top of my head...
and lightning
from my fingertips!
I'm George Nelson...
and I'm feeling 10 feet tall!
Looks like George
is right back on top again.
Cow killer!
Well, at least
you boys get to see...
the ancestral manse...
The home where I spent
so many a happy day...
in the bosom of my family...
refugin', if you will...
With a mighty oak tree
out front...
and a happy
little tire swing on it.
Where's the happy
little tire swing?
End of the road, boys.
No. Wait a minute.
Let's go, boys.
It's had its twists and turns.
Now it deposits you here.
Wait a minute.
You have eluded fate...
and you have eluded me...
for the last time.
Tie their hands, boys.
You can't do this, now.
Didn't know
you'd be bringing a friend.
He'll just have
to wait his turn...
share one of your graves.
You can't do this.
We just got pardoned
by the governor hisself.
It went out on the radio.
Is that right?
Well, we ain't got a radio.
God have mercy.
It ain't fittin'.
It ain't the law.
The law?
The law is a human institution.
Perhaps you should start
making your prayers.
Oh, my God.
Everett?
Tommy, I'm sorry
we got you into this.
Good Lord...
what do we do?
Oh, Lord...
please look down
and recognize...
us poor sinners.
Please, Lord.
I just want to see
my daughters again.
I've been separated
from my family for so long.
I know I've been
guilty of pride...
and sharp dealing.
I'm sorry that
I turned my back on you.
Forgive me.
We're helpless, Lord.
For the sake of my family.
For Tommy's sake.
For Delmar's and Pete's.
Let me see
my daughters again, Lord.
Help us, please.
Ahh. Ahh.
A miracle.
It was a miracle!
Delmar, don't be ignorant.
I told you they was
flooding this valley.
No! That ain't it!
We prayed to God
and he pitied us!
Well, it never fails.
Once again, you two
hayseeds are showin'
how much you want
for intellect.
There's a perfectly
scientific explanation...
for what just happened.
That ain't the tune
you was singin'...
back there at the gallows!
Well, any human being
will cast about...
in a moment of stress.
No, the fact is, they're
flooding this valley...
so they can hydroelectric
up the whole durn state.
Yes, sir, the South
is gonna change.
Everything's gonna be
put on electricity...
and run on a paying basis.
Out with the old
spiritual mumbo jumbo...
the superstitions,
and the backward ways.
We're gonna see
a brave new world...
where they run
everybody a wire...
and hook us all up to a grid.
Yes, sir, a veritable
age of reason.
Like the one
they had in France.
Not a moment too soon.
Not a moment too soon.
Hey, there's Tommy.
Tommy, what you ridin' there?
Unh! Whoa.
Roll-top desk.
"All's well that ends well,"
some poet said.
That's right, honey.
Don't mind telling you
I'm awful pleased...
my adventuring days
have come to an end.
Time for this old boy
to enjoy some repose.
That's good, honey.
You were right about
that ring, too.
Any other wedding band
wouldn't do.
This here was
fore-ordained.
Fate was a-smilin'
on me.
That's not my ring.
What? Not your ring?
That's one of Aunt Hurlene's.
You said it was
in the roll-top desk.
I said I thought it was
in the roll-top desk.
No, you said...
Or under the mattress.
Or maybe in my chifforobe.
I don't know.
Well, I'm sorry, honey.
We need that ring.
That ring is at the bottom
of a pretty durn big lake.
Uh-uh.
A 9,000-hectare lake.
I don't care if it's 90,000.
That lake was not my doing.
Of course not, honey...
I counted to 3, honey.
No, wait, honey.
Finding one
little ring in the middle...
of all that water
is one hell of a heroic task!