Mother... shittin'...
son of a...
Ass! Ooh!
I just...
I was told...
Have you seen...
I was told that if...
I was late again I would be
summarily dismissed.
Mmm. No, no.
Just a moment.
Corporate accounts payable.
Nina speaking.
Just a moment.
Corporate accounts payable.
Nina speaking.
Just a moment.
Corporate accounts payable.
Nina speaking.
Just a moment.
Corporate accounts payable.
Nina speaking.
Just a moment.
Corporate accounts payable.
Nina speaking.
Hello, Peter. What's happening?
Ahh... we have
sort of a problem here.
Yeah.
You apparently didn't put...
one of the new cover sheets
on your T.P.S. reports.
Oh, yeah. I'm sorry about that.
I... I forgot.
Mmm... yeah.
You see, we're putting
the cover sheets...
on all T.P.S. reports now
before they go out.
Did you see the memo
about this?
Yeah. Yeah,
I have the memo right here.
I just, uh, forgot...
but, uh, it's not shipping out
till tomorrow...
so there's no problem.
Yeah.
If you could just go ahead
and make sure...
you do that from now on,
that would be great...
and, uh, I'll go ahead
and make sure...
you get another copy
of that memo, OK?
No. I have the memo.
I've got it... It's right...
Hello, Phil. What's happening?
Um...
I came by here yesterday...
Four teams
out on the Spanish point...
discovered a shipwreck
off the coast...
Milton?
Hi. Uh...
could you turn that down
just a little bit?
But I was told
that I could listen...
to the radio at a reasonable
volume from 9:00 to 11:00.
Yeah. I know you're allowed to.
I was just thinkin'
maybe like a personal favor.
Well, I... I... I told Bill
if Sandra's going to...
listen to her headphones
while she's filing...
then I should be able
to listen to the radio...
while I'm collating...
so I don't see why I should have
to turn down the radio.
Yeah. All right. OK.
I enjoy listening
at a reasonable volume...
Thanks.
from 9:00 to 11:00.
Hi, Peter.
What's happening?
We need to talk
about your T.P.S. reports.
Yeah. The cover sheet.
I know. I know.
Bill talked to me about it.
Yeah. Did you get that memo?
Yeah, I got the memo,
and I understand the policy...
and the problem is just
that I forgot the one time...
and I've already
taken care of it...
so it's not even really
a problem anymore.
Ah! Yeah.
It's just we're putting
new cover sheets...
on all the T.P.S. reports
before they go out now...
so if you could go ahead
and try to remember...
to do that from now on,
that'd be great.
All right!
Just a moment.
Corporate accounts payable.
Nina speaking.
Peter Gibbons.
Yes.
Corporate accounts
payable. Nina speaking.
Just a moment.
I have the memo.
No. Not again. I...
Why does it say paper jam
when there is no paper jam?
I swear to God,
one of these days...
I just kick this piece of shit
out the window.
You and me both, man.
That thing is lucky
I'm not armed.
Piece of shit.
"Samir...
"Na-Na...
"Na-Naga..."
- No. Thanks.
- Unh-huh!
Please.
"Michael... Bolton"?
That's me.
Wow! Is that your real name?
Yeah. Ahem.
So are you related
to that singer guy?
No.
It's just a coincidence.
Oh.
No one in this country
can pronounce my name right.
It's not that hard.
"Na-ee" and then "anajaad."
Nayanajaad.
At least your name
isn't Michael Bolton.
You know, there's
nothing wrong with that name.
There was
nothing wrong with it...
until I was
about twelve years old...
and that no-talent
ass clown became famous...
and started winning Grammys.
Hmm.
Well, why don't you just go
by Mike instead of Michael?
Why should I change?
He's the one who sucks.
Hey, guys.
What's up, G?
Wanna go to Chotchkie's,
get some coffee?
Oh, it's a little early.
I gotta get outta here.
I think I'm gonna lose it.
Uh-oh.
Sounds like somebody's
got a case of the Mondays.
Boy, I tell ya, some days.
One of these days,
it's just gonna be like...
Heh heh heh!
So, can I get you gentlemen
something more to drink...
or maybe something
to nibble on...
some pizza shooters, shrimp
poppers, or extreme fajitas?
- Just coffee.
- OK!
Sounds like a case
of the Mondays.
What if we're still doin' this
when we're fifty?
It would be nice to have
that kind of job security.
Lumbergh's gonna have me work
on Saturday.
I can tell already.
I'm gonna end up doin' it,
because, uh...
because I'm a big pussy...
which is why I work
at Initech to begin with.
Uh, yeah, well,
I work at Initech...
and I don't consider myself
a pussy, OK?
Yes. I am also not a pussy.
They're gonna find out
the hard way I'm not a pussy...
if they don't start treating
their software people better.
That's right.
They don't understand.
I could program a virus that'd
rip that place off big time.
Yeah.
Big time.
Whoa!
There she is.
Peter, you know,
you always talk about this girl.
If you're so obsessed with her,
why don't you just ask her out?
Oh, I can't do that.
I'm just another
asshole customer.
You can't just walk up
to a waitress and ask her out.
Besides, I'm still trying
to work it out with Anne.
Oh, that reminds me.
I can't play poker on Friday.
Why not?
I'm gonna see this occupational
hypnotherapist with Anne.
Dude,
an occupational hypnotherapist?
I know. Anne wants me to go.
She thinks it might help.
Um...
You know,
sometimes I think that...
I get thinking
that she's cheating on me.
Yeah. I know what you mean.
Yeah.
What is that supposed to mean?
Nothing.
Why don't you just tell Anne
that you're not into hypnosis...
and you wanna play poker
with us?
I can't do that.
She'll get all pissed off...
and, besides, I think the guy
might actually be able to help.
I mean,
he did help Anne lose weight.
Peter, she's anorexic.
Yeah, I know.
The guy's really good.
Yeah, well, I don't think any
occupational hypnotherapist...
is gonna help you solve
any of your problems.
Hey, and speaking of problems...
what's this I hear about you
having problems...
with your T.P.S. reports?
Yeah. Didn't you get that memo?
Hey! Hey, guys! Peter!
Is that Smykowski?
- Samir!
- What's he doing?
Oh, probably workin' on
another heart attack.
I've been lookin'
all over for you guys!
Have you seen this?
I knew it. I knew it.
What?
It's a staff meeting. So what?
So what?
We're all screwed. That's what.
They're gonna downsize Initech.
What are you talking
about? How do you know that?
How do I know? They're
bringing in a consultant.
That's how I know.
That's what this staff meeting's
all about.
It happened
at Initrode last year.
You have to interview
with this consultant.
They call them
efficiency experts...
but what you're really doing...
is interviewing
for your own job.
Every week you say
you're gonna lose your job...
and you're still here.
Not this time. I bet
I'm the first one laid off.
The thought of having to go to
the state unemployment office...
and stand in line
with those scumbags...
Shit.
You know there are people
in this world...
that don't have to put up
with all this shit?
Like that guy
that invented the pet rock.
You see,
that's what you have to do.
You have to use your mind...
and come up with some really
great idea like that...
and you can make millions...
never have to work again.
You think the pet rock
was a really great idea?
Sure it was.
The guy made a million dollars.
You know, I had an idea
like that once...
a long time ago.
Really? What was it, Tom?
Well, all right.
It was
a "Jump to Conclusions" mat.
You see, it would be this mat...
that you would
put on the floor...
and it would have different
conclusions written on it...
that you could jump to.
That is the worst idea
I've ever heard in my life, Tom.
Yes. Yes, it's horrible,
this idea.
Uh, look...
I gotta get outta here.
I'll see you guys later...
if I still have a job.
Yeah.
Our high school
guidance counselor...
used to ask us what you would do
if you had a million dollars...
didn't have to work...
and whatever you'd say
was supposed to be your career.
So if you wanted
to fix old cars...
then you're supposed
to be an auto mechanic.
So what did you say?
I never had an answer.
I guess that's why
I'm working at Initech.
No. You're working at Initech...
'cause that question
is bullshit to begin with.
If everyone listened to her,
there'd be no janitors...
because no one would clean shit
if they had a million dollars.
You know what I would do
if I had a million dollars?
I would invest half of it
in glorious mutual funds...
and then take the other half
to my friend Asadulah...
who works in securities...
Samir. Samir,
you're missing the point.
The point of the exercise is
you're supposed to figure out...
what you would want to do if...
"PC load letter"?
What the fuck does that mean?
Hey, Peter, man!
Check out channel nine!
Check out this chick!
Damn it! Lawrence,
can't you just pretend...
like we can't hear
each other through the wall?
Oh, sorry, man!
Anne over there or somethin'?
No, but...
If you want to talk to me,
just come over.
Hey, man, check this out, dude.
The key is early detection.
Tumors that are detected...
Aw, jeez, Lawrence.
Sorry, man. I thought
you'd want to see this.
Doesn't that chick
look like Anne?
Yeah.
A little bit. I...
Hey, she hasn't been over here
in a while.
You two still goin' out?
Yeah.
I guess. I... I don't know.
Sometimes I get the feeling
like she's cheating on me.
Yeah. I get that feeling,
too, man.
What do you mean by that?
I don't know, man.
I just get that feeling
lookin' at her, like...
she's the type of chick
that just...
Uhh.
Oh, I'm sorry, man. Look, I... I...
You know,
I'm talkin' outta my ass.
Forget it. Don't worry.
It's all right.
Just... I had a rough day.
Tell me about it, man.
Ohh...
Ooh, I gotta wake my ass up...
at six A.M..
every day this week...
drag up to Las Golindas.
I'm doin' the drywall up there
at the new McDonald's.
Let me ask you something.
When you come in on Monday, and
you're not feelin' real well...
does anyone ever say to you...
"Sounds like someone
has a case of the Mondays"?
No.
No, man.
Shit, no, man.
You'd get your ass kicked,
sayin' something like that, man.
Huh.
We still goin' fishin'
this weekend?
Ah, Lumbergh's gonna have me
come in on Saturday.
I just know it.
Well, you can
get out of that easily.
Yeah? How?
Well...
when a boss wants you
to work on Saturday...
he generally asks you
at the end of the day, right?
Yeah.
So all you gotta do is
avoid him... that's all right...
I got it... on the last few hours
on Friday...
duck out early...
turn off
your answering machine...
you should be home free, man.
That's a really good idea.
Fuckin' "A," man.
Lawrence, what would you do
if you had a million dollars?
I'll tell you what I'd do, man.
Two chicks
at the same time, man.
That's it?
If you had a million dollars...
you'd do two chicks
at the same time?
Damn straight. I've always
wanted to do that, man.
I think if I were a millionaire,
I could hook that up, too...
'cause chicks dig dudes
with money.
Well, not all chicks.
The type of chicks that would
double up on a dude like me do.
Good point.
What about you, now?
What would you do?
Besides two chicks
at the same time?
Well, yeah.
Nothing.
Nothin', huh?
I would relax.
I would sit on my ass all day.
I would do nothing.
You don't need a million dollars
to do nothin', man.
Take a look at my cousin.
He's broke, don't do shit.
Corporate accounts
payable. Nina speaking.
Just a moment.
Corporate accounts payable.
Nina speaking.
Just a moment.
Corporate accounts payable.
Nina speaking.
Just a moment.
So, you should ask yourself...
with every decision you make...
"Is this good for the company?
"Am I helping with..."
Is that the guy?
Yeah. We're screwed.
OK, then, um...
I'd like to go ahead
and welcome, uh...
a new member to our team here.
This is, uh...
Bob Slydell.
Yeah. Uh...
Bob is a consultant.
Yeah. He's gonna be
sort of, uh...
helping us out...
a little here...
asking some questions...
maybe seeing
if there are some ways...
we can make things run
a little more smoothly...
around here.
Yeah.
Oh, and remember, next Friday...
is Hawaiian shirt day.
So, you know, if you want to,
go ahead and, uh...
wear a Hawaiian shirt and jeans.
And I said I don't care
if they lay me off, either.
Because I told Bill...
that if they move my desk
one more time...
then I'm... I'm quitting.
I'm going to quit...
and I told Dom, too...
because they've moved my desk
four times already this year...
and I used to be over
by the window...
and I could see the squirrels,
and they were married...
but then they switched
from the Swingline...
to the Boston stapler, but
I kept my Swingline stapler...
because it didn't
bind up as much...
and I kept the staples
for the Swingline stapler.
OK, Milton.
No, it's not OK,
because if they make me...
If they take my stapler,
then I'll... I'll... I'll...
I'll set the building on fire.
OK, well, that sounds great.
Uh, I'll talk to you later,
all right? Bye.
Peter...
Good-bye.
Come on.
Oh, for cryin'...
Hello, Peter. What's happening?
Um...
I'm gonna need you...
to go ahead
and come in tomorrow...
so if you could be here
around...
nine, that would be great.
OK?
Oh, oh, and I almost forgot.
Um...
I'm also gonna need you
to go ahead and come in...
on Sunday, too, OK?
We, um...
lost some people this week...
and, uh...
we need to sort of play
catch-up.
Thanks.
So I was sitting
in my cubicle today...
and I realized, ever since
I started working, um...
every single day of my life
has been worse than...
the day before it.
So that means that every single
day that you see me...
that's on the worst day
of my life.
What about today?
Is today
the worst day of your life?
- Yeah.
- Wow. That's messed up.
I'm sorry.
Go on.
Is there any way
that you could sort of...
just zonk me out so that, like,
I don't know...
that I'm at work... in here?
Could I come home...
and think that I've been fishing
all day or something?
That's... really not what I do,
Peter.
Heh.
However...
the good news is,
I think I can help you.
I want you to do something
for me, Peter.
I want you to try and relax.
I want you to relax
every muscle in your body...
beginning with your toes
to your fingertips.
Now I want you
to relax your legs.
You're beginning to feel
your eyelids getting heavy...
as you slip deeper and deeper...
into a state
of complete relaxation.
All your cares and concerns
are disappearing.
Deeper and deeper.
Way down.
Your concern about your job...
melts away...
way...
way down.
Unh.
Now, when I count backwards
from three...
you'll be in a state
of complete relaxation.
Your worries, cares,
and inhibitions will be gone...
and you will remain
in that state...
until I snap my fingers.
Three.
Deeper and deeper.
Way...
way down.
Two.
Deeper and deeper...
W-w-w-way down...
Whu... whu...
One.
Oh, my God!
Dr. Swanson!
Ew... ew...
- Is he breathing?
- Call 911!
Oh! Where's the phone?
Where's the goddamn phone?!
Ahh...
Yeah, hi, it's Bill Lumbergh.
It's about...
ten o'clock.
Yeah. Just, uh...
wondering where you are.
Yeah. Hi.
It's Bill Lumbergh again.
Uh...
I just wanted
to make sure you knew...
that we did start
at the, uh...
usual time this morning.
Yeah. It isn't a half day
or anything like that...
so if you could just go ahead...
and get here
as soon as possible...
that would be terrific.
Ahh...
Yeah. Hi. It's Bill Lum...
Yeah. It's...
Yeah. Hi. It's Bill Lumber...
Yeah. It's me again.
Uh, I was away from my desk
for a minute.
Just checking in.
Hello?
Peter, what's going on?
Huh?
It's three-thirty.
Why aren't you at work?
Because I... I...
I didn't feel like it.
Peter, what's gotten into you?
First, you just sit there
while Dr. Swanson dies...
then you walk out and embarrass
me in front of my friends...
and don't blame this
on hypnosis, either.
That's total bull...
Listen, asshole.
Nobody hangs up on me.
We're through.
Oh, and one more thing...
I've been cheating on you!
So, from now on,
only use the new time sheets...
if you've worked on two or more
job codes in one day...
and you need the extra columns
to fit it all in.
Otherwise,
use the old time sheets...
Where's Peter?
I heard he didn't show up
this weekend.
Uh, I don't know.
...really, really help us out.
Who's that guy?
So, uh... any questions?
Hi. I'm Peter.
Hi. Can I help you?
What are you doin'
for lunch today?
Uh, well, our specials today
are blackened chicken.
It's actually right there
on the board. Excuse me.
Hey, look who's back!
Table for three to...
I was askin'
what you were doin' for lunch.
Would you like to have lunch
with me?
Are you... are you serious?
Yeah.
Yeah. I... I don't think
I'm supposed to do that.
Oh. OK, well,
I'll tell you what I'll do.
I'm gonna go next door
and get a table...
and if you'd like
to join me, uh...
no big deal, all right?
And if not, that's cool, too.
- OK?
- OK.
All right.
When you say,
"next door..."
do you mean
Chili's or Flinger's?
Flinger's.
OK.
What you do at Initech...
is you take the specifications
from the customers...
and you bring them down
to the software engineers?
Yes. Y-yes.
That's... that's right.
Well, then I just have to ask...
why couldn't the customers...
just take them directly
to the software people, huh?
Well, I'll tell you why.
Uh, because...
engineers are not good
at dealing with customers.
Uh-huh. So...
you physically take the specs
from the customer?
Well...
no. My secretary does that
or the fax.
Huh.
So then you must
physically bring them...
to the software people.
Well...
no.
I mean...
sometimes.
What... what would you
say you do here?
Well, look,
I already told you.
I deal with
the goddamn customers...
so the engineers don't have to.
I have people skills.
I am good at dealing
with people!
Can't you understand that?!
What the hell is wrong
with you people?!
I...
Let's see...
you are...
Michael...
- Bolton?
- Yeah.
Is that your real name?
Yeah.
Are you any relation
to the pop singer?
No, it's... it's
just a coincidence.
Ha ha.
To be honest with you...
I love his music. I do.
- I'm a Michael Bolton fan.
- Me, too.
For my money, I don't
know if it gets any better...
than when he sings
"When a Man Loves a Woman."
But you must really
love his music, huh?
Yeah, he's... he's...
he's pretty...
he's pretty good, I guess.
You're goddamn right, he is.
Right.
So tell me, what's
your favorite song of his?
Mmm...
I don't... I don't know.
Heh heh.
I mean, I guess I sort
of like them all.
That's a riot.
I'm the exact same way.
But it must be twice
as hard for you...
being you have
the same name as him.
I celebrate
the guy's entire catalogue.
Anyway, let's get down
to business, Michael.
You know,
you can just call me Mike.
Hi.
Hey.
I wonder if I'm allowed
to, uh, wear this in here?
I think it would be OK.
Would you like to sit down?
OK.
Ahh.
Wow!
This place is really... nice.
Yeah. Is it?
Yeah, my God,
compared to Chotchkie's!
I like the uniforms better,
anyways.
I like yours.
Ugh!
"We're not in Kansas anymore."
Yeah.
Really. Ha ha.
It's on your...
Ohh! Yeah. That's...
That's, uh...
That's one of my...
my pieces of flair.
What's a "piece of flair"?
Oh, it's, uh, where, you know...
like these suspenders and, uh,
buttons, they're all sort of...
We're actually required
to wear...
um, fifteen pieces of flair.
It's really stupid, actually.
Do you get to pick 'em
yourself?
Yeah, yeah, we do.
Although I didn't actually
choose these.
I just sort of grabbed,
you know, fifteen buttons.
I don't even know what they say.
I don't really care.
I don't really like
talking about my flair.
OK.
So, where do you, work, Peter?
Initech.
And... Yeah?
What... what do you do there?
I sit in a cubicle...
and I update bank software
for the 2000 switch.
What's that?
Well, see, they wrote
all this bank software...
and, uh, to save space...
they used two digits
for the date instead of four.
So like 98 instead of 1998.
Uh, so I go through these
thousands of lines of code...
and, uh...
It doesn't really matter.
I, uh, I don't like my job,
and, uh...
I don't think I'm gonna go
anymore.
You're just not gonna go?
Yeah.
Won't you get fired?
I don't know.
But I really don't like it,
and, uh, I'm not gonna go.
So you're gonna quit?
Nah-uh. Not really. Uh...
I'm just gonna stop going.
What?
Uh, when did you decide
all that?
About an hour ago.
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
An hour ago.
So you're gonna get another job?
I don't think I'd like
another job.
Well, what are you going to do
about money and bills and...
You know, I've never
really liked paying bills.
I don't think
I'm gonna do that, either.
Ahh...
well, so what do you want to do?
I want to take you
out to dinner...
and then I want to go back to my
apartment and watch "Kung Fu."
Do you ever watch "Kung Fu"?
I love "Kung Fu."
- Channel 39.
- Totally.
You should come over
and watch "Kung Fu" tonight.
- OK.
- Great.
OK. Can we order lunch first?
- Yeah.
- OK.
Took a stapler off my desk...
Anyway, sounds great, Bob.
See you in a few.
Hi, Milton. What's happening?
Nothing.
I'm going to have
to ask you to go ahead...
and move your desk
again, so...
if you could go ahead
and get it as far back...
against that wall as possible...
that would be great.
No, because I was...
That way,
we'll have some room...
for some of these boxes
and things...
we need to put in here,
and, uh...
Oh. Oh, there it is.
Here, let me just go ahead
and get that from you.
Great.
So if you could just get to that
as soon as possible...
that would be terrific, OK?
Thanks a bunch, Milton.
Good-bye.
OK.
I could set the building
on fire.
- Peter.
- Michael.
What the hell's going on, man?
I thought you'd come in here
and start shooting.
No. I just came to get
my address book.
I'm not gonna stay.
I got a phone number,
Mike, that I don't wanna lose.
What?
Peter, you're in deep shit.
You were supposed to come in
Saturday. What were you doing?
Michael, I did nothing.
I did absolutely nothing...
and it was everything
that I thought it could be.
I hope you have
a better story for Lumbergh.
You're supposed to be at your
interview with the consultants.
The who?
The consultants.
What has gotten into you?
Oh, yeah... right.
Wait, Peter.
You gotta postpone it, man.
Tell 'em you've been sick.
Make something up.
Oh, no way. No, I feel great.
It's the best day of my life.
Next batter
looks like a Peter Gibbons.
Uh-huh.
Ah, there you are.
We were just talking about you.
You must be Peter Gibbons.
Uh-huh. Terrific.
I'm Bob Slydell. This is
my associate Bob Porter.
Oh, hi, Bob. Bob.
Grab a seat
and join us for a minute or two.
You see, what we're
actually trying to do here...
is we're just,
we're trying to get a feel...
for how people spend their day
at work.
So if you would...
would you walk us through
a typical day for you?
- Yeah.
- Great.
Well, I generally come in
at least fifteen minutes late.
Uh, I use the side door.
That way Lumbergh can't see me.
And after that, I just sort of
space out for about an hour.
Uh, "space out"?
Yeah.
I just stare at my desk.
But it looks like I'm working.
I do that for probably
another hour after lunch, too.
I'd say in a given week...
I probably only do
about fifteen minutes...
of real, actual work.
Peter,
would you be a good sport...
and indulge us and just...
tell us a little more?
Oh, yeah.
Let me tell you something
about T.P.S. reports.
Ahh...
The thing is, Bob,
it's not that I'm lazy.
It's that I just don't care.
Don't... don't care?
It's a problem of motivation,
all right?
Now, if I work my ass off...
and Initech
ships a few extra units...
I don't see another dime.
So where's the motivation?
And here's something else,
Bob...
I have eight different bosses
right now.
- I beg your pardon?
- Eight bosses.
- Eight?
- Eight, Bob.
So that means that
when I make a mistake...
I have eight different people
coming by to tell me about it.
That's my only real motivation,
is not to be hassled.
That and the fear
of losing my job.
But you know, Bob...
that'll only make someone
work just hard enough...
not to get fired.
Would you bear with me
for just a second, please?
OK.
What if...
and believe me...
this is strictly hypothetical...
but what if you were offered
some kind of a stock option...
equity-sharing program?
Would that do anything for you?
I don't know. I guess.
Listen, I'm gonna go.
Uh, it's been really nice
talking to both of you guys.
- Yes.
- Absolutely.
Pleasure's all on this
side of the table, trust me.
Good luck
with your layoffs, all right?
I hope your firings
go really well.
- OK.
- Thanks a lot.
Great. Wow.
So, Peter, what's happening?
Listen, uh...
Joanna, would you
come here a minute, please?
Yeah.
I'm sorry I was late, but I
was having lunch, and I, uh...
We need to talk about
your flair.
Really?
I... I have fifteen pieces on.
I also...
Well, fifteen
is the minimum, OK?
Oh. OK.
Now, you know,
it's up to you whether or not...
you want to just
do the bare minimum or...
Well, like Brian, for example...
has thirty-seven pieces of flair
on today.
And a terrific smile.
OK, so you want me to wear more?
Look, Joanna...
Yeah?
People can get
a cheeseburger anywhere, OK?
They come to Chotchkie's for
the atmosphere and the attitude.
OK? that's what
the flair's about.
- It's about fun.
- Yeah.
OK, so more then, yeah?
Look, we want you
to express yourself, OK?
Now if you feel that the bare
minimum is enough, then, OK...
but some people choose
to wear more...
and we encourage that, OK?
You do want to express yourself,
don't you?
Y-yeah.
OK, great, great.
That's all I ask.
OK.
Right, so there's
three more people...
we can easily lose.
Then there's Tom Smykowski.
He's useless.
Gone.
Sounds good to me.
Here's a peculiar...
- Uh, Milton Waddams.
- Who's he?
You know, squirrelly
looking guy. Mumbles a lot.
Oh, yeah.
We... we can't actually
find a record...
of him being
a current employee here.
I looked into it
more deeply...
and I found that
apparently what happened...
is that he was laid off
five years ago...
and no one ever
told him about it...
but through some kind of glitch
in the payroll department...
he still gets a paycheque.
So we just went ahead
and fixed the glitch.
Great.
So, uh, Milton has been let go?
Just a second there,
professor.
We, uh, we fixed the glitch.
So he won't be receiving
a paycheque anymore.
So it'll just work itself out
naturally.
We always like to avoid
confrontation whenever possible.
The problem is solved
from your end.
I'd like to move us
right along to a Peter Gibbons.
Now, we had a chance
to meet this young man...
and, boy, that's just
a straight shooter...
with upper management
written all over him.
Eech. Ooh.
Yeah. Um...
I'm going to have to go ahead...
and sort of disagree
with you there.
Yeah, uh, he's been
real flaky lately...
and I'm just not sure
that he's the caliber person...
that we would want
for upper management.
He's also been having
some problems...
with his T.P.S. reports.
I'll handle this.
We feel...
that the problem
isn't with Peter.
Mm-mmm.
It's that you haven't
challenged him enough...
to get him really motivated.
There it is.
Yeah... Ah, well...
I'm just not sure about that
right now.
Yeah, Bill, let me ask
you a real quick question here.
How much time would you say
you spend each week...
dealing with
these T.P.S. reports?
Yeah...
Hey, Peter, man!
Check out channel nine.
It's the breast exams. Whoo!
Hi, Peter.
Oh, hi, Dom.
So... Peter...
what's happening?
Ahh, now,
are you going to go ahead...
and have those T.P.S. reports
for us this afternoon?
No.
Ahh... yeah...
So I guess we should
probably go ahead...
and have a little talk, hmm?
Not right now, Lumbergh,
I'm... I'm kinda busy.
In fact, I'm going to have
to ask you to go ahead.
Just come back another time.
I got a meeting with the Bobs
in a couple of minutes.
Uh, I wasn't aware
of a meeting with them.
Yeah, they called me at home.
That sounds good, Peter.
And, uh, we'll go ahead and...
get this all fixed up for you.
Great.
Hi, Milton. What's happening?
I... I didn't receive
my paycheque this week.
Uh, you're going to have to talk
to payroll about that.
I did and they said...
Milt, we're gonna go ahead...
and move you downstairs
into storage "B."
No, I... I...
New people are coming,
and we need the space.
But there's no space...
So if you could go ahead
and pack your stuff...
and move it down there...
that would be terrific.
OK?
Uh, excuse me...
I believe you have my stapler,
please. Hmm.
You've been missing
a lot of work lately.
I wouldn't say
I've been missing it, Bob.
Good one.
Oh, that's terrific, Peter.
I'm sure you've... you've heard
some of the rumors...
circulating
around the hallways...
about how we're going to do
a little "housecleaning..."
with some software people.
Well, Bob, I have heard that.
You gotta do what you gotta do.
We'll be getting rid
of these people.
First, Mr. Samir Naga...
Naga...
Naga-gonna work here
anymore, anyway.
And Mr. Mike Bolton.
Nobody's gonna miss him.
You're gonna layoff
Samir and Michael?
Yeah. We're gonna bring
in some entry-level graduates.
Farm some work out to Singapore,
that's the usual deal.
It's standard
operating procedure.
Do they know this yet?
No. No, of course not.
We find it's always better
to fire people on a Friday.
Studies have
statistically shown...
there's less chance
of an incident...
if you do it at the end
of the week.
Peter, what we'd like to do
is put you into position...
to have as many
as four people...
working right underneath you.
This is a big promotion, Pete.
So you're going
to fire Michael and Samir...
and give me more money?
Uh-huh.
Wow!
Hmm. Yeah.
That's it.
That's exactly what I need.
Give it to me.
Come on, you little fucker,
let's go.
That's what I need.
Let's do that.
Let's do exactly that,
you little fuck...
- Michael.
- Hey.
Listen to me.
What are you doing tonight?
Michael, there comes
a point in a man's life...
and maybe that time for you
is now...
when it doesn't hurt to start
thinking about the future.
Uh, no offence there, Peter...
but speak for yourself there,
sport.
I'm not the one who's been
flakin' out at work.
I know you had this religious
experience or whatever...
but get your shit together,
or you're gonna get canned.
Yeah, and, uh, and I... Listen...
That virus
you're always talking about...
the one that could
rip off the company...
for a bunch of money.
Yeah, what about it?
Well, how does it work?
It's pretty brilliant.
What it does is every time
there's a bank transaction...
where interest is computed...
there are thousands a day...
the computer ends up with
these fractions of a cent...
which it usually rounds off.
What this does is it takes
those little remainders...
and puts it into an account.
- This sounds familiar.
- They did it in "Superman III."
Right, uh...
An underrated movie, actually.
There were hackers that did it
in the seventies as well.
- So they check for this now.
- No, here's the thing.
Initech's so backed up with all
the software we're updating...
they'd never notice.
You're right.
Even if they wanted to, they
couldn't check all that code.
Thumbs up their asses.
Thumbs up their asses.
So, Michael, what's
to stop you from doing this?
It's not worth the risk.
I got a good job.
What if you didn't have
a good job?
Cock gobblers!
Samir and I are
the best programmers they got.
You haven't been showin' up,
and you get to keep your job.
Actually, I'm being promoted.
- What?!
- I know, Michael.
It's completely unfair.
And I realized something today.
It's not just about me
and my dream of doing nothing.
It's about all of us together.
I don't know what happened to me
at that hypnotherapist.
Maybe it was just shock,
and it's wearing off now...
but when I saw that fat man
keel over and die...
Michael, we don't have
a lot of time on this earth.
We weren't meant to spend it
this way.
Human beings were not meant
to sit in little cubicles...
staring at computer screens
all day...
filling out useless forms...
and listening
to eight different bosses...
drone on
about mission statements.
I told those fudgepackers
I liked Michael Bolton's music.
Ohh. That is not right, Michael.
For five years now,
you've worked your ass off...
hoping for a promotion,
profit sharing, or something.
Five years...
of your mid-twenties now gone.
And you're gonna
go in tomorrow...
they're gonna throw you
out on the street.
You know why?
So Bill Lumbergh's stock
will go up a quarter of a point.
Ugh.
Michael, let's make
that stock go down...
and let's take enough money
out of that place...
so that we never have
to sit in a cubicle ever again.
Your software works, right?
Of course it works.
That's not the point.
Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't
know how to install it.
I don't know the credit union's
software well enough. OK?
Yeah. But Samir does.
But that's not much money.
That's the beauty of it.
Each withdrawal, it's a fraction
of a cent, too small to notice.
But you take a few thousand
withdrawals a day...
you space it out
over a couple of years...
that's a few
hundred thousand dollars.
It's like "Superman III."
"Superman III"?
I have to leave now.
I have to get my rsum ready.
For another job where
they can fire you for no reason?
That's right. If I'm lucky.
I'm tired of being
pushed around. Aren't you?
Yes, but I'm not going to do
anything illegal.
Illegal?
Samir, this is America.
Come on. Sit down.
Come on. This isn't Riyadh.
They're not going
to saw your hands off here.
The worst they'd do is put you
for a couple of months...
into a white-collar,
minimum-security resort.
Shit, we should be so lucky.
They have conjugal visits there.
- Really?
- Yes.
Shit!
I'm a free man. I haven't had
a conjugal visit in six months.
So what do you think?
This thing is actually
pretty fail-safe, Samir.
Samir?
You came here looking
for a land of opportunity.
And this is the knock
of that opportunity.
Tomorrow is your last day
at Initech.
You have two options...
unemployment
or early retirement.
What's it gonna be?
- I have a question.
- Yes?
In this conjugal visits,
you can have sex with women?
Yep, you sure can.
OK, I'll do it.
That's what I'm talkin'
about when I talk about America!
Can we discuss the plan?
OK, yeah, good, right.
It works like a computer virus.
All we do is load it into
the credit union's mainframe.
It'll do the rest.
Get me that disk,
and I'll take it from there.
Before we go any further,
all right?
We have to swear to God,
Allah...
that nobody knows about this
but us, all right?
No family members,
no girlfriends. Nobody.
- Of course.
- Agreed.
Don't worry, man!
I won't tell anyone, either.
- What the fuck is that?
- Don't worry. He's cool.
All right. Here's how
I see it all going down.
Peter, congratulations.
This is one heck of a promotion.
Thank you, Bob.
We'll get some people
under you right away.
That was easy.
Yeah, I guess it was.
What'd you do with the...
Hey, man.
Oh, hey, Drew.
You guys hear
about Tom Smykowski?
That he got laid off?
No, man, check it out.
Last week, after he found out
he was getting laid off...
he tries to kill himself by
running the car in the garage.
Is he dead?
No, man, check it out.
His wife comes home early
and catches him.
He tries to play it off
like nothing happened.
I was having some trouble
with the shifter here.
It's jammed.
I... I couldn't get it
into drive.
- I... I... I mean, reverse.
- You OK, Tom?
Then as he's lookin' at her...
he decides he wants to live.
Yeah, I think I'm OK.
Right.
Seems to be working now.
See you later, honey.
Love ya.
But as soon as he backs
out of his driveway... Bam!
He gets slammed big-time
by a drunk driver.
- Is he OK?
- Sort of.
Broke both his wrists, legs,
a couple of ribs, his back...
but he's getting
a huge settlement out of this.
Like seven figures.
He's getting out
of the hospital tomorrow.
He's throwing a big party
this weekend to celebrate.
We're all invited.
I'm thinking I might take
that new chick from logistics.
Things go well, I might be
showing her my "Oh" face.
Oh, oh, oh...
You know what I'm talking about.
Oh.
Yeah. Right.
See you guys there.
Wow, our last day at Initech.
I can't believe
they had security escort us out.
It's not like
we're going to steal something.
I stole something.
Oh, yeah. I guess we all did.
No, I stole something else.
What did you steal?
Call it a going-away present.
Who's got my keys?
I'm driving.
Everything is gonna be OK.
All right? OK?
It's fun, and it's exciting.
I gotta... I gotta go. All right?
Joanna's coming over.
Don't worry.
You're worrying. All right?
Monday morning, we're gonna
check the account balance.
Everything will be OK.
Don't miss Tom's barbecue.
I'll see you there.
All right? Good night!
Back up in your ass
with the resurrection
What were you guys
celebrating last night?
Oh, um... I'm not really
at liberty to talk about it.
I really can't.
So, when the subroutine
compounds the interest...
it uses all these
extra decimal places...
that just get rounded off.
So we simplified
the whole thing...
and we round 'em all down
and drop the remainder...
into an account that we opened.
So you're stealing?
Uh, no.
No, you don't understand.
It's, uh, very complicated.
It's, uh...
It's aggregate, so I'm talking
about fractions of a penny...
and, uh, over time,
they add up to a lot.
Oh, OK. So you're gonna make
a lot of money, right?
- Yeah.
- Right.
It's not yours?
Uh... well, it becomes ours.
How is that not stealing?
I don't think
I'm explaining this very well.
Um, the 7-Eleven, right?
You'd take a penny
from the tray.
From the crippled children?
No, that's the jar.
I'm talking about the tray...
the pennies for everybody.
Oh, for everybody. OK.
Yeah.
Well, those are whole pennies.
I'm just talking about
fractions of a penny, OK?
But we do it
from a much bigger tray...
and we do it
a couple of million times.
So what's wrong with that?
I don't know.
It just seems wrong.
It's not wrong.
Initech is wrong.
Initech is an evil corporation,
all right?
Chotchkie's is wrong.
Doesn't it bother you that you
have to get up in the morning...
and you have to put on
a bunch of pieces of flair?
Yeah, but I'm not about
to go in and start...
taking money from the register.
Well, maybe you should.
The Nazis had pieces of flair
that they made the Jews wear.
What?
Look, we don't... I'm...
We don't have
to talk about this now.
Let's just go to the barbecue,
all right?
Michael, Samir,
how you doin'?
- Hey, Tom.
- Hello, Tom.
I'd like you to meet
my lawyer Rob Newhouse.
Rob, Michael. Samir.
Peter! How are you?
I'm glad you could make it.
Tom, hi. This is somebody
I'd like you to meet.
- This is, uh, Joanna.
- Hi.
Hi. Forgive me
for not getting up.
Ooh, ooh.
Peter, come here a minute.
I wanna show you something.
Well... what do you think?
It's a prototype.
Huh... that's...
that's exactly as you
described it.
Uh, listen, I heard about
your... your settlement.
Congratulations.
Well, thanks, Peter.
You know, I'm glad you're here,
because I wanted to talk to you.
I know how you get depressed
about your job and all, and...
I just wanted you to know
that I know how you feel.
I used to be the same way.
- Really?
- Sure.
Maybe I didn't whine as much.
But I bet I hated my job
even more than you...
and I'd been doing it
for over thirty years.
Wow.
Just remember, if you
hang in there long enough...
good things can happen
in this world.
I mean, look at me.
Thanks, Tom.
Ah, sure.
Conjugal visits?
Not that I know of.
Minimum-security prison
is no picnic.
I have a client in there
right now.
He says the trick is...
kick someone's ass
the first day...
or become someone's bitch.
Then everything
will be all right.
Why do you ask, anyway?
Oh, no, we just...
It's a...
- Hey, Peter.
- Drew.
That's something
about old Smykowski, huh?
- Yeah.
- Lucky bastard.
Hey, isn't that the girl
that works over at Chotchkie's?
Yep.
Who's she here with?
She's with me.
- Really?
- Yep.
All right, Peter.
Ooh, ooh, right on.
Make sure you wear a rubber,
dude.
Why's that, Drew?
Are you kidding me?
She gets around. All right?
She does, does she?
Oh, yeah, like a record.
Like with who?
Oh, let's see, uh...
Hell, Lumbergh fucked her.
Uh, let me see, who else?
Lumbergh?
What if you get caught?
Oh, I just don't know
if this was such a good idea.
Maybe it wasn't such a good idea
for you to sleep with Lumbergh.
What?
What are you...
Oh, right, Lumbergh.
Aah!
Oh... God... Lumbergh!
Peter, what is wrong with you?
That was, like, two years ago.
What? Did you know him?
Yeah, I know him. I know him.
He's my boss.
He's my unholy,
disgusting pig of a boss.
Oh, he's not that disgusting.
He represents all
that is soulless and wrong...
and you slept with him.
Hey, that is none
of your business, OK?
I didn't ask you who you slept
with before we were together.
I don't care.
I didn't think you
slept with guys like Lumbergh!
Listen to you.
Who do you think you are?
How dare you judge me?
I mean, what are you?
You think you're an angel?
No, you're just
this penny-stealing...
wannabe criminal man.
Yeah, well, that may be.
But at least I never
slept with Lumbergh.
OK, that's... I'm done.
I wanna get out of the car, OK?
Stop.
Call me when you grow up.
Wait. That's probably
never gonna happen.
So don't call me, OK?
Say hello to Lumbergh for me!
Hell, Lumbergh fucked her.
Lumbergh fucked her.
Lumbergh fucked her.
That is great.
I mean, she was seeing
the "Oh" face for sure.
Ohh, ohh, ohh.
Ooh.
If you could just move
a little bit to the left.
That's it. Great.
Peter, what's happening?
Um, could you give me
those T.P.S. reports ASAP, OK?
Oh!
- Joanna.
- Yeah.
We need to talk.
Do you know what this is about?
My, uh, flair?
Yeah.
Or your lack of flair,
because, uh...
I'm counting,
and I only see fifteen pieces.
Let me ask you a question,
Joanna.
What do you think of a person
who only does the bare minimum?
Huh, what do I think?
Um, you know what, Stan...
if you want me to wear
thirty-seven pieces of flair...
like your, uh, pretty boy
over there, Brian...
why don't you just
make the minimum...
thirty-seven pieces of flair?
Well, I thought
I remembered you saying...
that you wanted
to express yourself.
Yeah.
You know what? Yeah, I do.
I do want to express myself.
And I don't need thirty-seven
pieces of flair to do it.
All right? There's my flair. OK?
And this is me
expressing myself. OK?
There it is.
I hate this job.
I hate this goddamn job,
and I don't need it.
Oh, shit.
- Shit.
- Shit.
- Shit.
- Son of a bitch.
- Shit.
- This is a fuck.
I... I... Shit.
What happened?
You tell me, Michael!
It's your software!
Yes, it's your software.
Corporate accounting
is sure as hell gonna notice...
three hundred five thousand,
three hundred...
twenty-six thirteen, Michael!
Oh, shit.
They probably
won't know it's gone...
for another three or four days.
Michael! You said this thing
was gonna take two years.
What happened? You said
the thing was supposed to work!
Technically, it did work.
No, it didn't!
It did not work, Michael, OK?
OK.
I must have put a decimal point
in the wrong place or something.
I always do that. I always
mess up some mundane detail.
Oh! Well, this is not
a mundane detail, Michael!
Quit getting pissed at me.
This was all your idea, asshole.
All right. OK.
Let's try not to get
pissed off at each other.
Let's calm down, try to figure
this thing out together.
We gotta close that account
before it gets bigger.
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday, Mr. Lumbergh
Happy birthday to you
Looks terrific.
Mmm.
Here, Peg, you wanna
get everybody started?
Mmm.
Oh, that is terrific.
Just terrific.
Thanks, everybody.
I really, really appreciate it.
It's very special.
Now, Milton, don't be greedy.
Let's pass it along and make
sure everyone gets a piece.
But last time I didn't
receive a piece and I was told...
Just pass.
OK, here. But this...
The cake...
There's lots of cake?
The ratio of people to cake
is too big.
I could set
the building on fire.
Is there some way
to just give the money back?
Hand them a cheque for the exact
amount they're missing?
I... I think
they'd figure that out.
Well, we have to do something.
Maybe we could launder
the money.
That's a great idea.
OK, how do we do that?
I don't know.
I don't even know what it means.
I was hoping you knew.
I think coke dealers do it.
OK, all right.
Do we know any coke dealers?
My cousin's a cokehead.
Fuck.
We're in deep shit.
Yes, we are in very,
very deep shit.
- Milton.
- Yes.
What's happening?
Say, Milton,
you know what'd be great?
But... no.
Since you're down here...
it would be really great
if you could just sort of...
take care of the cockroach
problem we've had in here.
That's really not my job, and I
haven't received my paycheque...
For now,
why don't you go ahead...
and get yourself a flashlight
and a can of pesticide...
and crawl down...
Bill?
We need you upstairs right away.
We got a big problem... big.
Some major glitch in accounting,
a lot of money missing.
'Scuse me.
'Scuse me.
OK... but that's
the last straw.
Here we go, here we go.
Uh, launder.
"To clean," no. "To wash..."
"To conceal the source
of money...
"as by channeling it through
an intermediary."
"To conceal..."
That doesn't really
help us, Michael.
I can't believe
what a bunch of nerds we are.
We're looking up money
laundering in a dictionary.
Yeah, well, you guys
can both eat my ass, OK?
I can't believe Joanna
slept with Lumbergh.
That's what I can't believe.
- Yeah. You didn't know that?
- Yeah, you didn't know that?
A couple of years ago,
before he moved to Atlanta.
You mean Ron Lumbergh,
the Initrode guy? The young guy?
Yeah.
Who'd you think I meant? Bill?
Her fucking... Her children
would have hooves.
Ron's not related to Bill,
is he?
Who's that?
All right, nobody panic.
Probably just Lawrence.
Good evening, sir.
My name is Steve.
I come from a rough area.
I used to be addicted
to crack...
but now I'm off
and trying to stay clean.
That is why I'm selling
magazine subscriptions.
- No, no.
- Wait a minute.
You used to be
addicted to crack?
Yeah. Um...
Look, I'm very sorry.
I do not know anything
about any money laundering.
We're not asking you
about money laundering.
All we need is for you
to hook us...
If he doesn't
know anybody...
No. Wait a minute.
Look, you just give us
the name of one drug dealer.
I could talk to him.
I have good networking skill.
I lied.
All that stuff I said
about being a crackhead...
just helps me sell magazines.
I'm actually an unemployed
software engineer.
- You're a software engineer?
- Yep.
Things, they must be
very rough for you.
Actually, man...
I make more money selling
magazine subscriptions...
than I ever did at Initrode.
Heh. At Initrode?
Wait a minute,
you're not gonna tell anybody...
about all this stuff
we told you.
I mean, we know a lot of
the same people. That's...
Actually, um,
that all depends.
What am I gonna do with
forty subscriptions to "Vibe"?
We never should have done this.
What were we thinking?
You know what I can't
figure out?
How is it that all these stupid
Neanderthal Mafia guys...
can be so good at crime...
and smart guys like us
can suck so badly at it?
We're new to it, though.
If we had more experience...
No. You know what I think?
I think we're screwed.
I think
there's enough evidence...
all over that building
to link us to this.
Even if we could launder money,
I wouldn't want to.
What we've done is bad enough.
We get caught
laundering money...
we're not going
to white-collar resort prison.
No. We're going to federal
"pound me in the ass" prison.
I don't want to go
to any prison.
Why the hell did I do this?
I've never done anything wrong
in my whole life.
We weren't thinking clearly...
because you told us
we were losing our jobs.
Now look at us, we're worried
about going in a prison.
Don't worry about it.
I'll think of something.
I'm going home.
Me, too.
You are a very...
bad person, Peter.
Lawrence, you awake?
Yeah.
You wanna come over?
No, thanks, man.
I don't want you
fucking up my life, too.
In light of the senselessness
of these heinous crimes...
that you have committed
against Initech...
I hereby sentence you,
Michael Bolton...
and Samir Naan... Nanadajibad...
to a term of no less
than four years...
in a federal
"pound me in the ass" prison.
Peter Gibbons...
you've led a trite
and meaningless life...
and you're a very bad person.
Hey.
You're not working
at Chotchkie's anymore, huh?
No, no. I got fired.
- What happened?
- I flipped off my boss.
Some customers...
Actually, a line cook...
but he just happened
to be standing there, so...
I might be going away
for a while.
Uh... to jail.
You were right
about that computer scam.
That was a bad idea.
I'm gonna take the blame for it,
I decided.
I'm on my way now
to return the money...
and leave the confession
under Lumbergh's door.
Joanna, I want to apologize.
I had no right to get pissed off
at you about Lumbergh.
Lumbergh is not my problem.
It wasn't even
the right Lumbergh.
I don't know why I can't just...
go to work and be happy...
like I'm supposed to,
like everybody else.
Peter, most people
don't like their jobs.
But you go out there and find
something that makes you happy.
Yeah. Well...
I may never be happy
at my job...
but I think that if
I could be with you...
that I could be happy
with my life.
I've been a real asshole.
But, if you'd give it
another shot, I promise...
OK, shut up.
Whoa! Hey, what's going on here?
Get a room, you two! Ha ha!
I hate that guy.
Then Mr. Lumbergh
told me to talk to payroll...
and then payroll told me
to talk to Mr. Lumbergh.
And I still haven't received
my paycheque.
And he took my stapler,
and he never brought it back.
And then they moved my desk
to storage room "B."
And there was
garbage on it, and...
Why don't you go back down
and sit at your desk?
Mr. Lumbergh
should be here any minute.
- Mr. Lumbergh...
- Just go sit at your desk.
OK. But, I... I'm gonna just...
I have to take
my stapler back...
because I told him
it's my stapler.
It's my stapler.
A Swingline, the brand
I've been using for a long time.
Lawrence, you in there?
Whoa. Hey, Peter, man.
Hey.
So, I might be going away
for a while.
Yeah, I know, man.
It's a bummer, dude.
What can I say?
Yeah. Yeah.
Well, time to go face the music.
You take care of yourself
if I don't see you, all right?
You too, man.
Take her easy, bud.
All right.
Hey, Peter.
Yeah?
Watch out for your cornhole,
bud.
OK, Lawrence.
Stay clear, now.
Stay clear.
Holy shit.
Wait a minute.
Let me take a look at that.
You don't want that, Peter, man.
That's toasted, man.
I think I know someone
who might want this.
Hey, man.
Wanna go to lunch?
Brought mine in a pail...
plus Joanna's supposed
to come by a little later.
How do you like your new job?
Not too bad, not too bad.
How's Penetrode?
Initrode.
They're all right.
It's work.
Yeah, yeah.
Probably get you a job there.
No, thanks. I, uh...
I'm doing good here.
So, uh...
we're gonna be OK, right?
Yeah.
I think the fire pretty much
took care of everything.
I wonder if the money burn up.
It would be shame.
Yeah.
So you sure you don't
want us to get you a job?
That's one thing
I'm definitely sure of.
All right, chief.
You guys take care, all right?
All right.
Stay in touch, man.
OK. Will do.
This isn't so bad, huh?
Making bucks, getting exercise,
working outside.
Fuckin' "A."
Fuckin' "A."
Excuse me. Excuse me, seor.
May I speak to you, please?
I asked for a mai tai,
and they brought a pia colada.
And I said no salt, no salt...
for the margarita,
but it had salt on it.
Lo siento mucho, seor.
Pinche gringo.
I won't be leaving a tip,
'cause I could...
I could shut
this whole resort down.
Sir?
I'll take my traveler's cheques
to a competing resort.
I could write a letter
to your board of tourism.
I could have this place
condemned.
I could put, I could put
strychnine in the guacamole.
There was salt on the glass,
big grains of salt.
Give a ride
on the old bone roller coaster.
Aaaah!
Don't come back
in a dress, man.
Ha ha ha. You big fag.
I'm working
at Hooters now, you know...
and it's very cool.