How do you do?
My name is Doctor Falke,
I live here in Vienna.
The title of doctor is purely honorary.
I've come a little early because the music
will start any second now,
and once the music has started
we can't have our little talk.
You see the place will be
crowded with foreigners.
English, American,
Russian, French officers,
and I'll be very busy.
I'm the fellow who gets French
champagne for the Russians,
Russian vodka for the French,
Scottish whisky for the English,
and German cameras for
the Americans, duty free.
Come a bit closer.
Is there anything I can do
for you, or you, or you?
You need a pass from the French zone
into the Russian zone, or vice versa?
Or a ticket for the ballet?
Or the whole Corps de Ballet?
Are you in trouble,
because I can get you out.
Just watch how I get
out of my own troubles
when I get arrested by
the Four Power Police.
Oh, not because of these
little deals, oh no.
Because a French colonel
plays a practical joke on me.
On me.
But I have useful friends,
and you'll see how I have ways
and means to get my revenge.
So do you want anything?
Just a little thing, huh?
Anything at all, no?
Pity.
Then let's go.
For instance this morning,
the Russian newsreel reports:
Vienna five a.m.,
Dr. Falke, well-known Viennese
man about town arrested.
In the international
zone early this morning
when capitalists were still asleep
and the workers were going proudly
and conscientiously about their work
the citizens of Vienna
were shocked to discover
high on the lap of the statue
of Little Mother Agricultura
recently erected and pointing the way
to the Soviet Cultural Exhibition
a well planned insult,
obscene and frivolous,
which passers by recognised as...
Die Fledermaus
A woman actually collapsed.
The Four Power Patrol arrived
on the scene, much too late,
and were appealed to by
the insulted proletariat:
Die Fledermaus, the bat.
A bat in the lap of
Little Mother Agricultura?
Order were given.
Whistles were blown.
Our men carried out a highly
complicated operation.
I have here before me a report
giving the first word
spoken by this individual.
Mm, Rosalinda.
Party halt!
Stand at ease!
Well, Falke, how about it?
It all started at fancy dress ball.
I was the bat.
Rosalinda was a Golden Hind.
Who is Rosalinda?
The most attractive woman in Vienna.
But who is Rosalinda?
The wife of Colonel
Eisenstein of the French Army.
Of course, Zachary Eisenstein.
How does she come into it?
How does she come into it?
Please tell us in your own words.
It seems to me with great respect,
to have happened, like this.
Hopeless, but not serious.
The colonel says and when daylight came
the Military Police have arrested you.
Quite rightly.
Da, da, da.
Colonel Lebotov wishes
to make an announcement.
He withdraws the
charge against Dr. Falke.
And apologises for any inconvenience
- he may have caused.
- Congratulations, pal.
Glad you made it, chum.
Thank you.
Congratulations.
Colonel Lebotov will demand.
The court marshal of
this Colonel Eisenstein.
"The Biter Bit".
Dr. Falke, well-known
practical joker had the tables
turned upon him in the
early hours of this morning.
Overwhelmed by the
fatigues of last night's
Four Power costume ball,
he fell asleep, and fellow merry makers,
led by Colonel Eisenstein
of the French army
dressed in the authentic uniform
of the Vienna Fire Brigade
carried him off and placed
him on the matronly knees
of the Russian Agricultural Statue.
Only the personal intervention
of General Orlofsky, USSR,
who knows Dr. Falke, saved
him from serious trouble.
Knowing Dr. Falke, we
expect prompt retaliation.
Hello, hello.
No, no, this is not the fire brigade.
Hello?
What is it darling?
I don't know.
I must appear before the
Four Power Commission
next Wednesday, but what have I done?
Oh!
Revenge.
Thank you, pop.
- Good morning, Captain.
- Good morning.
Steady, buster, don't rush me.
Thank you Mein Herr.
Bitte my foot.
Look, you pay the cab
and I'll see you later.
Later, later.
Be careful with that thing,
it's got glass in it.
First floor, madam.
My bill, please? Will
you send for my bags,
I'll should be leaving in five minutes.
Page.
Good Evening, Captain.
Good Evening.
You have a reservation for me, Whig.
That's right, Captain Alfred Whig,
- United States Air Force.
- Yes, that's right.
Will you sign in, please Captain?
Do you have your passport?
Mm-hmm.
Staying long with us?
Three days, three days in Vienna.
And, of course, three nights.
A room with a bath, please.
First floor, second floor, third floor?
If the bed's good the
floor doesn't interest me.
Oh, I'll need a telephone.
Our rooms have all the niceties.
They do, huh, all the niceties?
Sign here, please, Captain.
How did she get behind the iron curtain?
This hotel is in the
Central Zone, Captain,
governed by all Four Powers.
This month the British
are responsible for order.
Wait a minute, Rosalinda
I beg your pardon, sir?
Paris, spring of '49, no, '50.
- Rosalinda.
- Madame Rosalinda...
Rosalinda Bouchet, Fouchet, Touchet?
She loved my voice, I sing you know.
Professionally, Captain?
No, not really.
What you'd call a sort of
bathroom tenor, I suppose.
Rosalinda Rouchet, something - chet?
Married, Captain.
Married?
To a French Colonel, Captain.
Colonel Eisenstein.
A French Colonel?
And his name is Eisenstein?
And then she could be called Eisenstein.
Anything is possible
when people get married
Is she living here?
My apologies, Captain,
we can't give information
about our guests.
Then she is living here.
Number 29, page.
On the first floor, with
bathroom and balcony.
And all the niceties?
Our bathrooms have excellent acoustics.
Lovebird on my window sill
Tell my love I greet her
- Adele!
- Yes?
- See who it is.
- Mm-hmm.
Lovebird ask her if she will
Say where I can meet her
- A yank.
- What rank?
Captain.
Lovebird how my heart's afire
Burning to a cinder
Melt your heart or I expire
Lovely Rosalinda
Melt your heart
Or I expire
Lovely Rosalinda.
Alfred, Paris.
Spring of '49, or was it '50?
Oh, what a voice.
What a heel!
Answer the telephone.
I'm invited by my
sister, the airhostess
To a dance
All the other girls are going
B.E.A, Pan Am, Air France
One of Comrade Orlofsky's little do's
There'll be jars of
caviar and lots of booze
Meet me, usual place
All the Four Powers will be staring
Down a Hofburg vista
Love and kisses from your sister
Wish I were an airhostess too
On an air line, any sort
Then my dreams would all come true
I'd have a man in every port
Yes, every port
Oh
If I had the wings to fly
I'd take off and roam the sky
If one man bored me I would fly
To find another man
To sigh to
What a trick the fates have played
To make me just a lady's maid
To make me just
A lonely maid
Who are you telephoning?
I'll try, auntie dear,
good bye auntie dear.
That was my aunt, madame.
Tell her not to telephone you here.
Okay.
I have some sad news, madam.
Sad news, that means you
want the evening off, no.
Top floor, Colonel Eisenstein.
I said first floor.
You say up, up, up, I bring you up.
I said down, down, down, first floor.
Oh, darling.
How did it go?
How did it go?
Good evening, sir.
Is it a good evening?
Well, how did it go?
Appeal dismissed, sentence confirmed.
I must report to International
Barracks tonight.
Yes, tonight or at nine o'clock
they come here and arrest me.
My poor darling.
United States Air force,
Colonel Bradley, urgent.
And that's not all.
You know that Falke advised
me to call him in evidence.
- Well?
- Well, they had already
given me five days confined to barracks.
Gabriel, five nights?
Give me the colonel, Shirley.
Colonel Bradley?
Hi, Hank, it's Alfred.
Say, you've got to make
my leave five days.
Hold it, bub.
Now darling let me calm you down
You know your sentence, no don't frown
So serve your time and five days later
Just five days later you'll forget
You felt so sore
Just five days you say
No, it's three more
Eight days because
Falke proved a traitor
Did I say five, I meant eight.
That's what I'm furious with him for
Tonight I must report to jail
Or they'll arrest me if I fail
That isn't fair
The second rater
Duty?
This is love, Colonel.
Oh, my poor dear husband say
Do you really have to go today
What can I say for consolation
Oh, how can I bear a separation
Servus Leopold.
Good evening, Doctor Falke.
Anything on?
Big party tonight.
How much champagne can you get?
I can scratch up a dozen for you.
A dozen, I need a hundred dozen.
1200 bottles?
A hundred dozen doesn't
necessarily mean 1200 bottles
800 of the best, hm,
it's for the Russians.
I'll try the French officers
mess, I might get 50 dozen.
Free market, of course
it'll cost some dough.
No importance, one of
General Orlofksy's parties.
And we pay for it?
We've been paying for it any way.
Let some of it come back to papa, huh?
I've got nothing left,
I'm very, very sorry.
How does it go?
50 dozen from the French.
We've got about 60
dozen here in the hotel,
but the old man won't sell
them off the premises.
Can't you hold the party here?
No, yes.
Part of it, mm-hmm, I
might be able to fix it.
- Any brandy?
- Huh?
I've got a source of
old Napoleon brandy.
Left behind in Austria after
the battle of Austerlitz.
1805, I know, all right 100 bottles.
How genuine are they?
The bottles?
Guaranteed genuine.
Not the brandy.
All right, here's some
- invitation cards.
- Are you coming
- to the bar, Falke?
- Yes.
Only the prettiest girls, please.
None left behind by Napoleon.
Oh, no.
Is Colonel Eisenstein in?
Just got in.
- How does he look?
- Gloomy.
Count on me.
Dr. Falke is here.
Falke, I want to see him.
Adele.
May I come in?
- Traitor.
- I?
You, you promised to
talk to the Russians.
But I did.
Oh, it was the photographs did it.
Instead of five days I got eight.
You call that help?
Because of you Rosalinda
is practically a widow.
Hm, what a widow.
Who had the wonderful idea
to put the bat up there?
Ha, Rosalinda.
Who stole the fire
escape from the fire station?
The chief of the fire brigade?
And who's the bosom friend of the chief
of the fire brigade?
Adele, of course.
And who sent for the photographers?
- You.
- I?
- You.
- But I was fast asleep.
How could I have done it?
I don't know.
All right, I'll tell you.
I telephoned the photographers
and we restaged the whole
thing for "Time and Life".
Well, I live on publicity.
How could I miss such a chance?
What's this, battle dress?
What do you expect me to wear?
Evening mess kit?
Just the thing.
Yes, you seem to forget
that I am going to jail
tonight at nine o'clock.
Oh no you won't.
What do you mean I won't.
You won't.
Take those things off.
Are you crazy?
Ah, here we are.
Navy blue mess kit, silver braid,
silver buttons, blue waistcoat.
Oh, mm.
Silk socks, patent shoes.
Stiff shirt.
Where's your kepi?
Ah, I beg your pardon.
Here you are.
No, not that, the pale blue one.
Oh, I beg your pardon.
Now listen, do you General Orlofsky?
Do I know General Orlofsky?
No, no, and again, no.
That must been after
only two bottles of vodka.
He's a charming fellow after three.
Anyway, he's giving a party tonight,
one of those fabulous Russian parties.
The best food, the best wine,
and the prettiest girls.
If you know what I mean.
Ah, now you are crazy.
What time do you have to report?
Oh, nine o'clock.
Simple, instead of nine you report
shortly after midnight.
- But, but, but...
- No, don't butt in.
I know the chief of the
British military police.
He's a very charming
fellow, a friend of mine.
I'll telephone him and fix it.
Do you think he likes people
arriving at nine o'clock
is his prison when everybody in Vienna
is at the theatre or dancing or opera?
Of course he doesn't.
He'd be grateful to me.
It's the way I make
friends, my dear fellow.
But this Soviet general, he doesn't want
a French officer at his party.
Don't be so silly.
Everybody wants a French
officer at his party.
Er, here's your invitation card.
Uh-huh, Colonel le
Marquis de Toulouse Lautrec.
That's me, but...
Do you want want to come
to the party or don't you?
- Of course I do!
- All right then,
I'll go and telephone Major Frank.
Is this telephone safe?
International barracks?
This is Dr. Falke speaking,
will you put me through
to Major Frank, please.
He's expecting my call.
Hello, Frank.
This is the Fledermaus speaking
about this evening.
I've got your invitation card.
Yes, I should think so, half
Vienna would like to have one.
I'll send it around.
Don't be too late, I've got a reason.
Of course, I've got a reason.
A very attractive reason.
Especially for you.
She's an actress.
No, not a film actress,
not yet, just an actress,
but lots of talent, lots of talent.
So long, Frank.
Everything fixed, you report
as soon after midnight
as you can manage.
Wonderful, who says so?
The commandant, he was very sympathetic.
I told him you had some very important
family business this evening.
I have, oh, I have.
But Rosalinda must not know
Give her a kiss before you go
Say with a smile you'll miss her so
No, no, no smiling, I should say
No, no, no smiling
No, no smiling
Till on tiptoe
We have got carefully away
And while she's safe asleep
It won't be to barracks you'll creep
For we've an appointment to keep
- Gabriel.
- Rosalinda.
Ah, Rosalinda, we've
got good news for you.
I know the British
commandant at the prison.
You would.
Why are you dressed for a gala, hmm?
A gala, er, oh, because um,
you and I are going to dine, my darling.
Those who are about to die salute you.
And let me see you as I
would wish to remember you.
Put on our naughtiest dress,
put diamonds in your ears
and in your eyes and meet me
downstairs in the bar, hm.
Come along, Falke.
Woohoo!
Ros.
Alfred.
Hiya, skinny, have you missed me?
I have forgotten you completely.
Have you forgotten
everything completely?
Everything, and before
you go any further,
Alfred, I'm married.
But I'm not going any
further, I like it here.
Right next door.
How about having a drink
together, just for old times sake?
You know I think I've got
just enough muscle left
to shake you up an Alfred Special.
Remember, out like a light.
You must be mad to think
I would come into your room.
Well, uh, we can start in the bar then.
My husband is in the bar.
It stays open after
he goes to jail, I hope.
You don't think seriously that...
You know me, I never think seriously.
Oh, Ros.
Well?
Have you really forgotten
about the old times in Paris?
Yes, and I don't think that a gentleman
should talk about old times to a lady.
All right, I'll stop talking.
Lovebird how my heart's afire
Burning to a cinder
Melt your heart or I expire
Lovely Rosalinda
Mm, brute, singing brute.
Melt your heart or I expire
Brute.
Lovely Rosalinda
Adele.
Can I help you, madam?
Give me my shoes, please.
Yes, madam.
The black ones.
And Adele, we are dining downstairs.
Do stop this mournful acting.
I keep on thinking of my poor aunt.
Melt your heart
- Well, if it's as bad
as all that, I don't mind.
Or I expire
I can go?
You may, finish your work here.
I shall go to bed early and you may go.
Oh, thank you.
Shut the window, it's getting chilly.
Okay!
Lovely Rosalinda
I cannot eat for thinking
You're going oh so far
No, I've not the heart for drinking
When next shall we be meeting
The days will go so slow
Neither of us will be eating
Mon Dieu, this hurts me so
T'will be of you I'm dreaming
Each day when I get up
In vain my coffee's steaming
For there's your empty cup
Our breakfast rolls are wasted
My cup is bitter, so
I leave it there untasted
Mon Dieu, this hurts me so
Mon Dieu, that hurts me so
Oh boy.
Oh boy, oh boy, that hurts me so
It makes me feel so bad
Without you I'll be sighing
Alone my meals I'll plan
What's boiling
What is frying
What's roast without my man
When night the world has shrouded
Heartbroken tears will flow
My life with grief is clouded
Oh boy, oh boy, that hurts me so
It makes me feel so bad
Oh
boy, oh boy, that hurts me so
Do stop this noise you're making
My head's like cotton wool
My heart is numb and aching
And mind with joy is full
Goodbye, I dare not stay
Goodbye, no do not stay
But full of hope you go
But full of hope I go
It's time to say goodbye
We all must say goodbye
A long, long goodbye
Goodbye, goodbye
Goodbye, goodbye
Oh boy, oh boy, that hurts me so
It makes me feel so bad
I feel so bad, I feel
so bad, I feel so bad
Oh, entree.
Who is it?
Open the bottle, a pleasure.
Oh, yes, it's good and fresh.
I'll say.
Alfred!
Ol!
Cosy, huh?
What are you doing in my room?
How did you get in?
Walked.
You wolf!
What crazy teeth you've got grandma,
how about a night cap?
So you ordered the champagne.
You must go at once.
Oh, Ros, shucks.
You are compromising me.
What's a little
compromise between friends?
Go to bed!
Not there, in your own bed.
Go back to your room,
I'll see you tomorrow.
How about one little drink.
Just one little drink, hmm Ros?
Just one.
Okay, one
drink, then you go, promise?
Ah, I'm mad, I'll get the glass.
Oh no, I'll get the glass.
Oh!
Alfred!
What are you doing?
Drink my darling, drink away
Drink till eyes are bright as day
Sparkling eyes when clear and bright
See the world in truest light
See how love's a crazy dream
Though twas real before
See vows are not what they seem
So why trust them more
Why not drop that haughty air
That facade, I know it all
Have a drink, let down your hair
No one's in the hall
Who can say
Will love stay
Let's be happy while we may
So today why delay
For dreams will fade away
Kling, kling, sing, sing, sing
Drink with me, sing with me
La, la, la, la, la, la
Sing, sing, sing, drink with me
Sing, sing
Okay with me
Who can say
Will love stay
Let's be happy while we may
So today why delay
For dreams will fade away
He'll stay here forever,
I wish he would go
I though I was clever
Drink up, drink up
No, no, no, no
Ah
Drink my darling, drink with me
Either swim or sink with me
Must I see you frowning so
Come on honey, don't say no
Though you stood me up before
Now it gives you pain
Why not promise just once more
You'll be kind again
Just pretend you love me still
Don't pretend you don't know how
Say you will, I know you will
Make me happy now
Who can say
Will love stay
Let's be happy while we may
So today, why delay
For dreams will fade
Away
Good heavens,
somebody's at the door.
Let them ring,
they'll wait, they'll go away.
Oh, who cares?
I care,
I must see who it is.
No, Alfred, let me go,
heavens what a situation.
Bonsoir madam, Major Frank,
Militaire Police Britannique.
My interpreter.
Frosh.
Tell Madam Eisenstein that I apologise
for this intrusion.
Don't you speak French?
Don't you speak English?
What do you wish to say, sir?
Oh, thank you, that's much better.
I'm sorry about him.
One of the night staff,
not one of the regular interpreters.
You see?
If you are looking for Colonel
Eisenstein, he's not here.
We are looking for Colonel Eisenstein,
that's why we closed the door.
We don't want any more
gossip than we can help.
I protest, I am the
wife of a French officer
- and I don't understand.
- I know, and I do sympathise.
I admire you madam.
Your husband will receiver every courtesy.
I shall escort him personally
to the international barracks.
- But my husband is not here.
- Oh, Ros.
- Hello.
- How are you?
Nice to see you.
A little farewell party,
I do understand, madam.
Monsieur le Colonel, I
have a car downstairs.
How nice for you.
Who can say, will love stay
Let's be happy while we may
How right you are, sir.
Taking the whole thing in
the right spirit, I see.
Well, why not?
How well you speak English.
Oh, thank you, you don't
speak it too badly yourself.
How about a drink, have a drink.
Drink with me, sing with me.
Sing, sing, sing.
If you instead, um, give me a note.
Ah
Who can say
Will love stay
Let's be happy while we may
So today, why delay
For dreams will fade away
I grant singing songs with you is fine,
but now let's pop along dear Eisenstein.
What shall I do?
But Major, I'm not Eisenstein.
The man you want isn't me, sir.
He's silly.
Not Eisenstein?
Dog-gone it, no.
No swearing, if you please sir.
We're man and wife, pretend it's so.
Are they deceiving me, or no?
Fishy.
My dear, how odd it would appear
If you were thought a stranger here
A compromising touch
Just now within an inch you came
Of casting doubts on my good name
That hurts me very much
So pretend that you are mine
And admit you're Eisenstein
But Ros, if you'll admit you're mine,
I'll admit that I'm...
Shh.
Eisenstein.
With me so late in a tete a tete
So cosy and alone
In dshabill at home we feel
I've him alone to call my own
- Say when.
- Oh, when.
So why be so amazed to see
My husband all alone with me
And neither of us dressed
That anyone who came along
And saw this scene could get it wrong
I never would have guessed
It's to sleep he longs to go
Don't you see his yawning so
In tete a tete with me so late
So frowsy and drowsy he's grown
He's been so bored
And snored and snored
And he alone is all my own
He's been so bored
and snored and snored
And he alone is all
My own
Madam, I sympathise and
I apologise for this
But we must go, so say goodbye
And give a parting kiss
A parting kiss
Well then, it's come to this
So come and get your kiss
If I'm to take the trouble
To stand in for Eisenstein
Then as your husband's double
My dear wife, a double kiss is mine
Dear sir, I hate to break this up
But I am invited out to sup
We really cannot stay
So if I may
I'll lead the way
Suppose you and my husband
Should meet face to face
I bet we'll be parked
in the very same place
Please don't let him know
Oh no, no, no
If you let him know
No, no, no, no
Come on let us go
Come on, come on, let's go
My birdcage is so fine and large
And not so far away
To perch inside I make no charge
They're in and out all day
So this is my polite request
When people stay with me
If you will be my honoured guest
My more than welcome honoured guest
How happy I shall be to
see you come along with me
Well if must
Then I will go
But not a word
I know, I know
Let's go, let's go
I'm ready standing by, sir
But just one more goodbye, sir
Enough, enough, now do be good
Do you think that I am made of wood
No, no, no more, don't overdo this
A kiss is the dope to
pull me through this
Please don't go on in such a way
Or we shall never get away
We can't stay here all day
My birdcage is so fine and large
And not so far away
To perch inside he doesn't charge
They're in and out all day
So this is my request you see
That you his guest will be
And so I hope you will agree
I fear it has to be
To sup with you would
be so entertaining
It's far the best you see
What?
Wrong number, goodbye.
Oh!
What impertinence, do you
know what the time is?
Of course I know, 10 past 10.
This is the Fledermaus speaking.
The bat, your own bat.
No, no, not at the belfry,
I'm at the party that
General Orlofsky is giving
at the Palais Krotzenburg.
Wait a minute Rosalinda,
did I ever telephone you without reason?
Of course I've got a reason, you see,
this is a wonderful party, lots of people,
oh I know you're not
interested in people but,
I thought you might be
interested in something.
For instance there's a young lady,
a very charming young lady,
she wants to be an airhostess.
Or an actress, or anything.
She's wearing a Paris gown which looks
familiar to me, mm-hmm.
I think you must both go
to the same coutelier.
The gown, oh very little
up top, a very full skirt.
Sequin and lace.
Chiffon.
Hold on!
Oh!
Hello.
Yes, yes.
Well, the other one is a French gentleman.
Yes, very tall, very charming.
Mad about dancing, I
thought you might like him.
Although some people say
he is a escaped prisoner
from the international barracks.
Well, you know how silly
people are with their opinions.
Yes, it's a masked ball.
Everybody's wearing masks.
Yes.
The French gentleman too.
Huzzah, what a night
I was never so excited
But it's rare to be invited
Was there ever such a sight
Everybody knows from coast to coast
Orlofsky's parties are his boast
Everybody choose to drink and toast
And rising to our host
What a host, such a host
What a host, what a host, what a host
I was ever so excited
Was there ever such a sight?
Too short the night for our delight
Too soon we'll see the morning sun
What is the password here tonight
Have some fun, have some fun
Have some fun, we'll have some fun
This is the password here tonight
Everything under control, General.
The prettiest girls in
Vienna, the best orchestra.
A picked lot of officers
from all Four Powers.
and a first class practical joke.
Oh, Falke, good evening.
How do you do?
Have you read this book?
"5,500 Ways of Saying No", no.
Ah, it's a good standard work.
Yes, but in Vienna, it would
only be read by the ladies.
The ladies, ah well, Falke,
how is my party going, huh?
Everything under control, General.
The prettiest girls in
Vienna, the best orchestra.
A picked lot of officers
from all Four Powers.
That I like.
And a first class practical joke.
Um, Lebatov.
What is practical joke in our language?
Continue my friend.
You remember Eisenstein?
Ja, da.
Well, I've been persuaded him...
Lebatov, what...
No, no, I mean instead of letting him go
to the barracks right away
I brought him here to your party
under the pseudonym of the
Marquis de Toulouse Lautrec.
Lebatov, what is
pseudonym in our language?
Pseudonym, Tovarich General.
Pseudonym, ah.
The commandant of the
prison will come too.
A Major Frank, an Englishman,
without knowing who
Eisenstein is, of course.
Mm-hmm.
And then I've invited Eisenstein's maid.
Pretty?
And I've just telephone
Madam Eisenstein.
She'll be here very shortly,
and then you will see.
Whew, fireworks.
Yes, I know, I have ordered fireworks.
Yeah, hmm.
Yes, there's only one thing, General.
We are a little short
of caviar and champagne.
Ah, these shortages in
the capitalistic countries
are deplorable.
Quite so, quite so, but leave it to me.
I've got reserves somewhere.
Lebatov, what is reserve?
I'll look it up.
And if you will trust me, General,
I have every reason to believe...
Lebatov, what is reason in our language?
I'm afraid you haven't
got a word for that.
You know, I think we
have met before somewhere.
But in any case, the masks
will be coming off very shortly
and then we shall be able to see, hmm.
You don't have to wait
if you're interested.
I've got nothing to hide.
You mean we can cheat
a little?
Ah, adorable.
I have something to show you, listen.
How do you like my watch?
Oh, it's pretty.
Is it valuable?
It's no ordinary watch, now listen.
Oh, a chiming watch.
What do you use that for?
I use it to count the
heartbeats of beautiful ladies.
Do they beat different?
Do they beat differently!
Now, yours for instance...
Tell me how I can hear yours.
- It's going boom, boom, boom.
- But that dress.
Just one moment, no please.
All right my dear, I will
be back very shortly.
Excuse me, Adele, what are you doing here
and in that dress?
Who are you talking to,
Mein Herr?
Ha ah, I am talking to you, Adele.
What is this French
colonel talking about?
I'm talking about that dress.
My dress!
What is wrong with my dress?
- It's lovely.
- You know perfectly well
what I mean.
- Boom.
- Isn't he funny.
Adele, how dare you!
My name is Olga.
Your name is Adele, you
are my wife's personal maid
and that dress belongs to your mistress.
Not before midnight, old boy.
No doubt your wife can
support your statement.
My, my wife has nothing
whatever to do with it.
With her own dress, really,
Mein Herr.
But why are you so nervous, Marquis?
Now listen Falke my
friend, you know the truth.
You know that this is Adele.
But, but, but this is Olga.
Olga, Olga who?
Olga Volga, the movie star
from behind the Iron Curtain.
I say old man, you
really must be more careful
about making allegations of this sort.
My dear sir, I don't
think we have the honour
of each other's acquaintance.
May I introduce you, please.
The Marquise de Toulouse Lautrec,
the Marquis de Stratford upon Avon.
Thank you so much, just call me Frank.
- Enchante.
- Elated.
Are you a Marquis?
Only on my mother's side, dear.
Well now, le Monsieur Marquis,
you know who this lady is
I'm sure you would like to apologise.
Oh no, that is going too far, apologise!
I say come over here now.
I've never heard such rot.
The ladies over here now.
What's up, what's up, what's up
Do tell us what
This pretty little lady
By him was thought to be a
No, it's too inhuman
A what then
Wait and see
A lady's maid, upon my word
Now isn't that absurd
Ha, ha, ha, ha
Ha, ha, ha, ha Ha, ha, ha, ha
Ha, ha, now isn't that absurd
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
My friend I fear you're much to blame
For being so mistaken you are to blame
You are to blame
You are to blame
A striking likeness all the same
You are to blame
For the moment I was shaken
Tell me Marquis
How can it be
You have no savoir faire
Surely you know
What it takes to show
A tramp from a millionaire
This hand now so dainty and neat
Ah, ah, ah, ah
This foot too so arched and petite
My accent when I'm talking
My carriage when I'm walking
Why such were never
made for any lady's maid
No such were never made
for any lady's maid
You must admit I'm much afraid
A most amusing slip you've made
Most amusing, ha, ha, ha
So confusing, ha, ha, ha
You accuse me, ha, ha, ha
Do excuse me, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
Most amusing ha, ha, ha
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
This so amuses me
Hee, hee, hee, hee
Marquis
With this profile
In Parisian style
Was I endowed at birth
In case my waist
Doesn't suit your taste
I'll bring you down to Earth
Come closer and say what you see
Ah, ah, ah, ah
Now is this a housemaid's knee
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah
I'm certain it is passion
That blinds you in this fashion
You think you see her everywhere
A most amusing fault, I swear
Most amusing, ha, ha, ha
So confusing, ha, ha, ha
You accuse me ha, ha
Do excuse me, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
Magda, dear.
May I introduce the Marquise
de Toulouse Lautrec to you.
He collects watches and hearts.
Beautiful Magda, I am sure
you have nothing to hide
and very soon the masks must come off.
Oh how lovely, a chiming watch.
Is it useful, or is it just for fun?
Beautiful mask, the answer is for both.
Show me the useful part.
I use it to measure the heartbeats
of beautiful ladies.
Why should you be doing this?
Just for fun.
But I'm only interested
in the useful part.
Ladies and gentlemen,
your host, General Orlofsky.
Speech.
Speech, speech, speech.
That peace is best
For east and west
Every statesman knows
But how you get it, huh
If I'm pressed
I say the wine that flows
It makes us comrades
But tonight, not comrades, no
But friends, cheerio
With caviar and vodka, right
Our meetings make no ends
What do you know, Joe?
To nothing will I answer no
Have we that word?
I think, if I can think
It is, I know a word dissolved
By drink
Mink?
No is a word
Oh yes, I know
That is dissolved in drink
Now ask me, hand on heart
If I think that to be true
You think that too be true
I answer it's my party
I mean don't leave my party
Before the party's through
Four Powers in 3/4 time is fine
So let us all be free
To waltz, to take your partners in
A one, two, three, one two three
A bubbles in this air to burst
Before we go to bed
Strauss and the Kremlin say we must
Paint the Blue Danube red
But when at dawn the ball is done
And for your cars you call
Between the west and the rising sun
You'll see the curtain fall
Yes, between the west
and the eastern sun
An iron curtain fall
So ask me
If you can, sir
What can a party do, huh
A Four Power party do
I give you as my answer
Meaning keep the party cleaner
Before it cleans up you
Yes, please?
Oh, Rosalinda.
How do I look?
An angel.
An avenging angel.
Will he recognise me?
Well, I would.
Nobody's got a back like that.
No, no, no.
I'll prepare your entrance.
Did he see me?
Who did not?
You hooked him all right.
Here's to love.
To revenge.
It suits me too.
Mm, here he comes.
He dropped his partner like a hot potato.
- Does he?
- No.
He doesn't know your back
as well as he ought to.
Ah!
May I introduce Marquis
de Toulouse Lautrec.
Madame de...
Madame de...
Madame is here incognito.
Madame is Russian.
I do not speak your beautiful language.
Please, please, please,
your mask, take it off.
I cannot, I'm a Russian spy.
Ah, will you spy upon me?
Have you any secrets?
Have I any secrets?
Madame, will you dance?
Are you married?
I was.
What happened to her, to your wife?
Please don't ask me, I lost her.
You did, was she beautiful?
Yes, very, very, beautiful.
But not so beautiful as you.
How do you know.
I trust my eyes, my arms, my lips.
Ah, I only trust your eyes.
You have no heart.
But I have.
Is it beating?
- Yes.
- Fast?
Let me feel.
I can count your heartbeats.
And I can count yours.
Two, three, four
Five, six, seven
Eight, nine, 10
11, 12
- Midnight.
- Midnight, mon dieu!
I have to go.
Ah, me too.
Madame, madame, stop!
I don't even know your name!
Madame de...
Falke, Falke!
Steady.
She's got my watch, my chiming watch.
It's midnight, I, I have to go.
Don't worry.
You mean you can arrange for me
to stay a little bit longer?
I'm afraid I can't,
but I can arrange about your watch.
You'll find it at home.
Huh?
Goodnight.
Goodnight, no but you know
it's not just the watch,
I must see this beautiful creature again.
You shall see her again
sooner than you think.
Thank you, you are a good friend.
But, you sure you can't phone
your friend at the prison?
Quite sure, so sorry.
Cuckoo, cuckoo.
Satisfied?
How charming he is.
Uh-huh.
Ah, Monsieur le Marquis.
Ha ha, bon jour Monsieur le Marquis.
Going home already all the
way to Stratford on Avon?
No, I don't think I
could get there tonight.
Duty calls, duty, my cloak.
- Cinderella.
- Pardon?
Cinderella, Cinderella, glass slipper.
Cinderella, stroke of
midnight, back to barracks.
Ah, yes, back to barracks.
Well, goodnight Monsieur le Marquis,
or rather good morning.
Ah, haha, au revoir.
Now you be a good boy, both of you.
Haha, we're in.
Sergeant?
Sergeant, anybody about, sergeant?
Here, Major, here sir.
Major, sirs, how do you do, how do you do?
Interpreter Frosh.
Interpreter Frosh, you are drunk!
Both of you, drunk.
Drunk, yes sirs, here sirs.
Have a drunk sir, er sirs.
Now let's get this clear, Frosh.
You say you see two majors?
Two doors, two water taps, all two.
But, Colonel Eisenstein,
I see Vier, four.
Four Eisensteins?
Yeah, four.
Two Eisenstein in Zelle Funf
and two Eisenstein in Guard room.
Throw 'em out, Frosh, kick 'em out.
Good, I kick,.
They say no Eisenstein.
Not even one Eisenstein.
Not two yanks, one yank.
Ah ha, only one of you.
What does Eisenstein sing, quartets?
No, duets.
Huh, Frosh, Frosh?
- Sir?
- Oh.
This is the place, General.
I have arranged with the manager.
We can have 500 bottle of champagne
from his special reserve.
Reserve huh, good, good.
And the third act of my practical joke
will be played here.
Good, good.
Good morning, Dr. Falke, sir.
Everything arranged with the manager,
we are going to have a little party here.
Yes, Dr. Falke, sir.
The manager gave me
the keys of the cellar.
We shall need some waiters.
I'm afraid they've all gone to bed.
Wake them up, wake the orchestra up too.
But, our guests in the hotel, Doctor.
It's very late.
What are you talking about?
Isn't this a first class hotel?
But, the night patrol, sirs,
the Russians are very sharp these days.
Oh, beg your pardon, Mr. General, sir.
Oh, Lebatov, wake everybody up.
Don't worry about the
Russians, I take the blame.
If you say so, Dr. Falke, sir.
Everything under control, General.
Good, good.
What are we waiting for, Boris?
What is signal in
your language, General?
Who can say
Will love stay
Let's be happy while we may
So today
Why delay
For dreams will fade away
Sing, sing, sing
Sing, sing, what am I saying?
I gotta get out of here.
Let me out!
Oh you poor devil, you.
Hey!
Oh.
Haha, wait a minute, hmm.
- Haven't we met before?
- Well not that I know of.
Are you gonna release me, Colonel?
Say, I think we have, in fact.
Oh, enchante, release you?
You are prisoner?
I'll say I am, but I'm
innocent, Colonel, innocent.
Oh, well what have you done?
It's funny you know, because
I want to be a prisoner,
they don't want to take me.
What did you do, tell me?
Nothing, nothing, I was um,
trapped with a lady.
Oh, my poor boy, husband?
Oh no, he wasn't there.
How did it happen?
Well, it was in their apartment.
She was in negligee, I was in his robe.
Who's robe?
Well this robe, the husband's.
Oh, well that's perfectly reasonable.
They shouldn't expect
you to bring your own.
- Well, hardly.
- Who caught you?
Why these idiots here.
They weren't after me, they
were after the husband.
You mean the police
were after the husband?
What could I do, I mean it was just like
a French bedroom farce.
Just like a French bedroom farce, ha ha.
There was I looking
like a husband, I suppose.
There was she, looking so like a wife.
She, she was a blonde of course?
Who? Ros?
What did you say the lady's name was?
Ah, ah, ah, Colonel,
as we say in America,
Excuse me.
Does the name Eisenstein
mean anything to you?
Not a thing.
Eisenstein!
You mean you're Eisenstein?
Well, well, wait a minute,
you should be in here and I should be
- out there.
- Oh, no!
Help!
Talk to my wife first.
- Murder!
- And after
I have talked to her, I will talk to you.
Let me out of here!
Help!
I'm not Eisenstein, he's got away.
Murder, fire!
Help.
Frosh.
Oh, come on Major, we got to go get him.
It'll be a crime passionel,
you know these French husbands.
Good morning,
Colonel Eisenstein.
Shall I take you up, sir?
Hello.
My husband!
Rosalinda.
Mm, darling.
Darling, have you escaped?
Rosalinda, what is this?
A tunic, darling, an officers tunic.
It's yours, no?
No, it is an American officer's tunic.
I ask you Rosalinda, what is
an American officer's tunic
doing in a French officer's bathroom?
I don't know.
You don't know?
Lease lend I suppose.
No, no, it is not lease lend.
It is, it is...
I cannot say the word.
What word, darling?
The moment your
husband is safely in jail
you are entertaining
strangers in our home.
Americans.
Don't be silly,
Americans are not stranger.
They are allies.
I want to know the truth.
And you'd better tell me, I warn you,
I know everything.
If you know everything
what do you expect
to learn from me?
The reason why!
Don't I give you everything you want?
Don't I adore you?
Do I ever give you a moment's anxiety?
Of course you don't.
Of course I don't.
Do I ever flirt with another woman?
Of course you do.
Of course I...
Huh, what are you saying?
I say you are a charming husband
who is mentally unfaithful to me
with every pretty woman he meets.
How dare you.
Only luckily for you, most
of the women you flirt with
don't take you seriously.
Ah, what are you
saying, give me one proof.
That's all I ask, just
one proof, ha, ha, ha.
Tra la la la la la la la
Oh, Rosalinda.
You Mormon!
Take your watch.
And your tunic.
And this, and that.
And take your silly
photo out of my bedroom.
Liar, cheat, swindler.
Boom, lousy boom.
Rosalinda, please darling listen,
I assure you...
Don't assure me.
I wouldn't be assured by you
if you were a whole company of assurance.
Rosalinda, please, darling, don't shout,
don't wake the whole hotel, I can explain.
Hahaha, explain indeed, as if you can.
I wish the whole hotel
could hear your lies.
Rosalinda, please darling.
Don't shout, I, please,
calm yourself, please.
Imagine you coming here
with your gun in your hand.
Huh, why don't you use it?
Shh, darling,
you don't want the people
in the next room to hear you!
I do, I want the
whole of Vienna to know it.
Ask your friend, Falke.
Oh gentle bat, oh gentle bat
No longer leave your victim flat
The wretched man, the wretched man
Has taken all he can
Please will someone help me out
What is this whole thing all about
I just don't what I'm at
That's the vengeance of the bat
Follow me.
Hey, what's that?
Oh gentle bat, oh gentle bat
No longer leave your victims flat
The wretched man, the wretched man
Has taken all he can
Help me out, I beg you do
You're the mouse and I'm the cat
That's the vengeance of the bat
And we all were in it too
Our Russian host
Was in it too
And Adele
Was in it too
That tunic there
A prop, no more
My dressing robe
Stage decor
That is marvellous
Oh that is good to hear
Come my love and kiss me do
All was not like that, I fear.
But why should we deprive him
of the thoughts that so revive him?
Flying high's the life for me.
Hop inside my cage and see.
If a lovebird's life is too exacting
I'll have you trained for acting.
As patron of the Moscow Arts
I can get you Bolshoi parts.
For that just my way sir
For that is just your way, sir
Rosalinda, darling.
Oh, look, it was not serious, hmm.
Oh, it was just bubbles, that's it.
Bubbles that burst in the air
and leave only a little broken rainbow
on the end of your nose, hmm.
Just bubbles, Rosalinda.
Will you please stop singing?
Here we go again.
Champagne with golden bubbles
Tra la la la la la la
Started all our troubles
But still the truth it taught me
And home again it brought me
My husband for his sentence
True love and fond repentance
Agreed, agreed
Then let us all combine
To praise the king of wine
Let's praise the king of wine
Agreed, agreed, agreed
His majesty we all
acclaim, all acclaim
Wide his fame
Here's to king champagne
Champagne the first we name
The first we name
You're drunk with acclamation
By every kind of nation
Tra la la la la la
By drinking Scottish whisky
Here folk who like their food'll
Drink wine with apple strudel
Get up, get up
So drink and then how can you
Be blue as the Blue Danube
So blue as the Blue Danube
Fill up, fill up, fill up
Wide his fame, here's
to king champagne
From wine a fire is flowing
It gets all life aglowing
In Russia every peasant
Drinks champagne with his pheasant
Where wine was first invented
So let us all combine
To praise the hero of
the Soviet Union, wine
So comrade wine we now acclaim
Now acclaim, wide his fame
Here's to pink Champagne
The first of wines we name
When Boris wants to screen me
On champagne he'll wean me
I'll brush my teeth in vodka
And gargle with zoubrovka
The healthiest and purest
Airhostess of Intourist
Fill up, fill up
And let us all combine
Champagne with all its bubbles
Redoubles all our troubles
It's love and wine that rule us
Although they sometimes fool us
But if we are forgiving
They make for better living
To sing to love and wine
Here's to dry champagne
Champagne is his
Name
Ladies, sweet charming ladies,
and gentlemen.
It's four o'clock in the morning,
and the air of Vienna is like champagne.
And when I'm soaked in
champagne I love everybody.
I love the whole world.
In particular, of
course, our dear friends,
the British and the French,
the Russians and the Americans.
Who have been spoiling us Viennese
for so many years now.
And when I say spoiling
I'm not thinking only of your champagne,
and whisky,
vodka,
and Coca-Cola.
We are very proud that
you love us so much,
and I can assure you, we love you too.
But even the dearest friend
loses a bit of his attraction
if he overstays his time.
Don't you agree?
So if you don't mind,
go home, come back,
as our guests,
but please,
go home.
Comrade General, after you.
After you.
You'll have a drink, mon cheri
Merci, merci, merci
And you Major Frank, a drink with me
Adele, Alfred, and Orlofsky
Merci
Ha, ha, ha, merci, merci, merci
Everyone here, I've an idea
Let us hear
I see so many couples are pairing
And thoughts of love
Their hearts are ensnaring
I see now that all of you
Seem to have found
It's love that makes
the world go round
Ah, it's love that
makes your world go round.
It's love that makes
our world go round
And will you, my love
Make my world go round
When all are kissing
Should we be missing
Be my friend
Be my friend and stay my friend
We'll be friends to the end
So I intend
Be my friend
Be my friend and stay my friend
Here's a friendly
Hand to hold you
And in future say
What we say today
In my arms let me
Enfold you
Here's a kiss
Kiss me too
Do, do, do
You love me
I love you
Do, do
Then oh then, it's true
Be my friend
Be my friend and stay my friend
We'll be friends to the end
So I intend
Here's a friendly hand
To hold you
And in future say
And in future say
What we say today
What we say today
In my arms let me
Enfold you
Here's a kiss
Here's a kiss
Kiss me to
Do, do, do
Make it true
You love me
I love you
Do
Do, do, do
Do, ah, do
La
So, you're Colonel Eisenstein?
Who me, er, moi?
We took over from the
British at midnight.
Seems you broke jail, Colonel.
Let's go.
Oh, la la, oh, Rosalinda.