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On ne choisit pas sa famille (2011)
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Toyota, Audi, Mercedes... they've been after my dealership for 10 years. Then why not sell? Papa would turn in his grave. At your age, you should enjoy life. But I am. See the convertible blocking the garage? Your garage is blocked? I mean the red car parked out front. The latest Lancia Flavia. V6 engine, 3.6-liters, 283 horsepower. It's sold. I deliver it Monday. Want to take a spin out to the Deauville casino? Excuse me. Yes, Irene. Hurry, I'm with a client. What? Mr. Borgnoli! You can't leave like that! Quick, the car keys! Quick, quick. The keys! Rinse it or it'll come out too red. - I have no choice. - Really, really red! You Can't Choose Your Family Their fast cars don't even move! I can't believe it. You can't do this! Where is he, Irene? In your office. What's that dripping? Nothing! This is no time! Mr. Borgnoli? You can't take my cars away. Irene, lie down in front of the truck! I have a writ. No payment, no merchandise. It's normal. What do I sell now? Oysters? Look, I'll settle this fast. Let me call the bank. Hello, Mrs. Flappy? Cesar Borgnoli. I'm with... What's your name? Chaumeil & Berton debt-collectors. Reassure Mr. Burton about my bank guarantees. Here he is. Mr. Chaumeil speaking. The debt comes to 234,000 euros. That's nothing in my business. 10 cars. Take the cars down, fella! It's settled! Fine. Have a nice day, madam. Papa's bank since '56. They're terrific. What'd she say? That they're cutting you off. I'm sorry, sir. It's okay! Keep loading. We take the two Deltas inside, too? Of course! - Please, ma'am. - I won't move! Oh, my god, don't stay there, please. The convertible, too. I'm going to need help. Go ahead. What? You two? You want a child? Why, yeah. We've been together 3 years. Couples have children. What's wrong? We fought for it. You look blown away. No, darlings! That's great! Can he have one? The whole bowl, if you like. Just concentrate. Are you watching? - You with us, Jean-Paul? - I'm with you. It's here in this incredible village on stilts... - You're a knockout in a tank top! - Cut! What? What now? There's too much noise! Tell them to be quiet. They can watch, but quietly. Why "Cut!" during the show? It's not the show. It's the making-of. So in the heart of traditional Thailand... That old guy's all tangled up. It's Video Gag! No one gives a damn that the old man fell in the drink? Old people falling is always funny. - Hand me my tobacco, honey. - It is funny! Be quiet and watch. - What's that? - A shrimp net. - And where are you? - In the net. You jumped in that yucky water? This is wild. Hear that, Cocteau? The old guy's spitting. How gross! Who's the little girl? Looks like a sad clay figurine. That's Maily. - The old man's granddaughter. - Cocteau, stay. What did Daddy say? Now a longboat is taking him to the hospital. They go to the hospital by longboat? What a weird country! Where are you? Working. That bitch of a host kept on shooting. Make him stop. Stay. Behave. What a hunk! Who's the big fellow? He's not Chinese. He's a French doctor. Well done, Kim. You saved a man's life. Not so fast. The grandfather died. The only family Maily had. What a horrible story! Spit it out, Cocteau! He ate the foil. Spit it out! Go on, Cocteau. There, he spit it out. That's for sure. Fizzy water will get it out. Why show me such a grim movie? We want to adopt the girl. I'll be the godfather. You can be more than that. What do you mean, "more"? The Thais just changed adoption laws. Singles can't adopt. And both parents must be present. They only want married couples. That's where you come in. Play my husband and pick up the child with me. Who else but you? I'd have loved to, darlings. But I get tinnitus when I fly, and Cocteau can't handle 10 hours in the hold. The pig still isn't potty-trained. What if he... "went" in the cabin? Of course. Had we known Cocteau wasn't potty-trained, we'd never have asked. Never. It's all sewed up, Herv! A friend at City Hall will do us a marriage certificate. - A fake one. - No, a real one. A real fake. I tell you, there's no risk with these papers. I'd have loved to, but I don't have vacation time. What'd I do with my cuffs? Must have left them at Brice's last night. You're doing wonders for the community. I'm with you all the way. Maybe we should try a hetero. There are more of them. That's for sure. - Say... - What? Weren't you married in a past life? Trouble is, Nadine's expecting twins. - Congratulations. - Two? That's wonderful. Sure! She's confined to bed, feet up. I can't say I have to go to Thailand with my ex-wife as her fake husband when I was her real one before. Understand? I just can't see it. No problem. Not finished? Anyway, she's awfully cute. She's got something. Turn off the TV. - We'll never find anyone. - That's for sure. That's for sure. Unless it's someone in the family. Meaning? I only have sisters. But don't you have a brother? Yes. But we fell out three years ago. I wouldn't bail him out on Papa's misrun garage. Anyway, you two'd never get along. - Why not? - He's everything you detest. His ideal women: Mama and bimbo hairdressers. I can handle his kind. Anyway, it's only for 48 hours. Leave that bunny alone. - It's Maily's bunny. - She's not here yet! If I go with him, your brother's name will be on the adoption papers. Meaning yours. Wouldn't that be better? Hello, Gwen. How is she today? So-so. - Is that you, Cesar? - It's me, Mama. Be right there. She got dizzy throwing bread to the pigeons. ' Are you okay? - Yes. Why? No reason. By the way, your sister's here. I know, we're meeting here. No need to whisper. No need to shout either! How are you doing? Yesterday, I thought my time had come. I'll call Dr. Fitoussi. Too late! Call a lawyer instead. What's that on your head? Did you get burned? Hello, Cesar. Hi, Alex. How nice to see you together again. An image I'll carry with me. Carry it where you like. See her in her grave? Whose grave? No one's, Mama! General de Gaulle's! Enough, Cesar. General de Gaulle died last year. Is it ready, Gwen? She's hungry. No more food for me. I have a shrinking glottis. Stop it, Mama! There's no such thing! There is. Kim's cat died from it. Kim? Who's Kim? This little girl means a lot to me and my relationship. I can't leave Mama alone. She has Gwen. And I'll look after her for the 3 days. I'm not going with you. Keep it down. You're our last chance. I get it. Relax, I get the picture. But this falls right on my open house weekend. Shit! I forgot about that. Postpone it? The date's set by the car maker. And right now, I'd better sell some cars. How's business? As Papa said: We're headed down the drain. What if I gave you that money you asked for? It wouldn't hurt. I'd have to go over my books. I might still be short. I'll add to it. Sure your scheme is airtight? In those places, trouble comes easy. It's not a war zone. I'm your sis. And a lawyer. By the way, know any auctioneers? - Yes, why? - Because... I have the entire Renault 4 collection. From Day 1. I'm only missing the Savanna. With a large roof rack. It'd be great if you find me one. So, if I add 50,000 euros will you go with Kim? Your Viet orphan boy story moves me. She's Thai and she's a girl. That's not the problem. The sad thing is, she's an orphan. I'll jot down the name. It's a four, like the number. And Savanna. Like Savanna. - Want her name? - Whose? The girl's. Maily. Isn't that a pretty name? Sure. I can't really tell. They say Thailand's paradise. To Bangkok? Doctors are money! Money! Money! I understand, Mrs. Ling, but I'm a G.P. I don't reduce ears. Dr. Luix! We have confidence in you! Please! Kiss! Kiss! They too big! Too big! No good for nothing! What matters is to hear well. Ugly! They define you. He can't even wear no cap! Others yes, but him no cap. Anyway, that's nature. Two organs continue to grow as you age: the nose and the ears. And there is also an organ that gets smaller with age! Patai-Chung Orphanage NO, stop! - Stop! Not here! - It's the law! Not here! Stop. It's Dr. Luix! Hi, pumpkin. Go and play. Mother Marie-Souye, what'd they want? To post the new adoption laws. Over the children's pictures! Ah, yes. I heard. Only married couples can adopt now. A fine thing. A child should be raised by a father and mother. Your malaria acting up again, Mother? Roll up your sleeve. You know little Maily is leaving us this week. Her new parents are arriving. I hate shots. I have to fetch them at the airport. Not like this. Send someone else? Sister Lucienne had an accident. She ran into an elephant with the tuk-tuk. Driver's license confiscated. Why don't you pick up the parents? Bangkok holds bad memories. It's been over 5 years since the Lord took your wife. End your penitence. You have a right to happiness. And they're French. You should be glad. I usually avoid them. The mother works for French television. And the father? In cars. A pump attendant, I think. - How old is he? - About 50. I see. Pump attendant at 50. I hope they send Maily to college. They arrive tomorrow at 3 p.m. Flight Thai 807. Where the hell is he? - He'd better not back out. - He gave me his word. I hate latecomers. There he is. What's that hair color? Bordeaux-mahogany? Sorry I'm late. Wrong airport. A Club Med habit. So this is the Beast. Beauty! Sorry, Beauty! Pleased to meet you. Kim. Cesar. Maybe we should kiss. As husband and wife. That way, it'll be done with. Angela by Cacharel. Reminds me of an ex. No, it's Meow by Gamahuche. Remind you of anyone? Gamahuche? Just a sec. C'mere. - I told Irene you'd wire the money. - When you're back with the kid. Natch'. It's just to say, lrene's in the know. She seems nice, funny and all that. She reminds me of someone in that tank top. But who? It'll come back to you. - A problem? - No, honey. Everything's cool. Let's go to check-in. I'll take your bag, Kim. Thanks, that's sweet. It weighs a ton! What have you got in there? My kitchen sink. I'm afraid someone'll steal it. Just like me. A laugh a minute! We could start an act in Bangkok. We won't have time. From behind you remind me of... Another ex? My high school gym teacher, Mr. Chauvelau. I worshipped him! "Muscle Man." He always wore a muscle shirt! Like you. - I might not last 48 hours. - I warned you. What a line! Bangkok. Business, 1st Class, this way, please. Don't worry. It's cool. Everything'll be fine. Hold this. - It's dumb to make a spectacle. - What spectacle? When straights kiss, it's normal. We're obscene. Is that it? It looks like my wife is cheating with another woman. Who do you mean? You and me! Mr. and Mrs. Borgnoli. So, you're in television? Alex told me you hosted "Of Horses and Men." I'm a sound man. For "Of Houses and Men." I stopped watching TV in 2004. Like you, I'd rather read. Oh, no. That's all we needed! I can close up shop! What's wrong? They're reinstating the road tax! I'll go sell lemons in Cavaillon. Melons. What melons? Cavaillon melons. Not lemons. It was an image. Champagne? - A glass of champ? - I don't drink alcohol. Juice then, soda? What sodas do you have? It's okay, Cesar. I'm not thirsty. I'll stick with the champagne. - The stewardess is cute. - Yes, very. Very cute. Sorry about earlier. I overreacted about your... little "peck." It was no peck. We kissed as lovers do. Sure, of course. That's why... Did you see that western with the two cowboys who... What was it called again? Great movie. Baden-Baden Mountain. Brokeback Mountain. Baden-Baden's a town in German. Miles from Cavaillon. Okay, but it was still a mountain. An ex dragged me to see it. Well, it really got to me. Even though I'm not... No, really. But it's true... Two guys, but really in love. In love like... you and Alex, but as guys. I'll try to sleep. If you can't, just ask. Take your pick: Auto Buyers' Guide, Auto News, Auto Plus and The Auto Monitor, which, if you ask me... I'm not asking. ...Is still the bible. Gladly. What's your name? I'll find Out. - Time to wake up. - Okay. - Where are we? - In the air. We land soon. We have to go over stuff. What stuff? My head weighs a ton. For the nun we've been married 10 years. We have to rehearse. - Shit. - What? I lost a sock. We'll look later. Focus! You have to answer her questions right. - Where'd we meet? - At the airport. Anyone find a sock in the night? Your sock didn't run away. It's on the plane somewhere. I'll start again: Where'd we meet? Wherever. Someone stole it. Lisle socks aren't cheap. A one-legged cripple, maybe. We met through your sister. You listening? I don't think it's wise to get my sister mixed up in this. - Why not? - It's obvious. You're together. If anyone cross-checks, they'll be on to us. Then let's say at friends. That seems smarter. I can't wear just one sock. They'll spot me right off. The attendant must have extras. Not lisle socks. On this company, they have them. Okay. Neither. Adoption. Over there. Hey,you! Honey, get over here. Your passport. Chief! - What'd you tell them? - The truth. Why lie? They have different names. There's your answer. What's this paper for? A permit to travel around the country. They kept my passport. Only until we leave with Maily. With who? Maily, our daughter! Take it easy. Jet lag's got me confused. And these Chinese names! They checked the certificate! Calm down. Maybe they found your sock. Walk slowly and carry my bag. We don't even have the embassy phone number. - Shit. - Now what? It's the French doctor. Good news. A doctor on hand in such a country isn't a bad thing. - I'll do the talking. - Watch your tone. Shut up! Honey. Yes, that's me. Glad to meet you. Dr. Luix lzkeban. Mother Marie-Souye is ill. She asked me to come. Hello, Doctor. Sorry... The damp heat makes my palms sweat. Yet the airport is air-conditioned. Right... It must be lovely outside. lzkeban. Is that a Spanish name? No relation. I'm Basque. No relation? It's still pretty close. They run bulls on both sides. The Basque Country isn't just bullfights. Where exactly are you from, Doctor? I was born in Arcangues. Wasn't Dario Moreno from the same place? That was Luis Mariano. Mariano, Moreno... Kinda like Tweedledee and Tweedledum. Even Tweedledum and Tweedledum, if I may. The car's outside. Lead the way. - He seems nice. - Shut up. We going straight to the orphanage? Not until tomorrow. A force 9 typhoon is still blowing. Shit! How long are we gonna be holed up here? For as long as we have to, honey. For tonight, I've booked rooms in a fine hotel. I'm sure you'll like it. Mostly Japanese makes here. What an eye. Figures, for a pump attendant. - Who is? - You. Who said so? It's in the adoption file Mother Superior showed me. She's off her rocker! Take it easy, Cesar. It's my fault. I said mechanic, and she wrote pump attendant. Pump attendant, mechanic. It's Tweedledee and HumptyDo, as you say. I'm not a mechanic either. Why'd you say that? Just what do you do in automobiles? I'm the exclusive dealer for Italian prestige cars in Western Paris. I wasn't far off. You're a car salesman. So I'm a car salesman. Now I've heard it all! It doesn't matter as long as you're a good father to Maily. The doctor's right. That's what counts. Anyway, attendants are a thing of the past. Now it's self-service or credit cards. Tell that to Marie-Stewya. Marie-Souye. I'll pass it on. Wow! Your pickup's had it. Junkyard material. Never. It was my wife's car. She loved it Forgive us, Doctor. We didn't know. We had no idea. Bags there. Climb in. We didn't know what? Shut up, I said. - Move it, Cesar. - Hang on a second. Old, but this pickup makes tracks. They sure knew how to build engines back then. Is it normal to be stuck so long? That's Bangkok. I'm curious by nature. An observer. But this staggers me. What does? The city's energy? Me, too. I meant the size of ears. Whose ears? People's. Lots of them have huge ears. Stop talking nonsense, Cesar. He's joking, Doctor. He's right. It's something I've often noticed but I can't explain. Bangkok isn't Thailand. The city's ruined by cars. Plus certain Westerners and their sexual abominations. A sin and a shame. Right, honey? Basically, it's still the land of the elephant. That might explain the big ears. We've said enough about ears. And child trafficking, to boot. They arrested a New Zealand couple, supposedly married, who came to adopt with fake papers. That's awful. It's appalling. What happened? They got 25 years. In Pachay. They don't play around. They're child traffickers, sweetie. They deserve it. I'd have shot them. - I think it's moving. - Yep, it's moving. Welcome. Thank you, Sam. What a classy place! Nice work, doc. We're just crossing the lobby to get to the pier. Oh, yeah? No tourist trap for you. - Too bad. - I prefer. International palace hotels depress me. Never mind the rates. So what? My sister's paying. She is? Do you have money problems? Not at all! It's just because... - Excuse me. - It's me, sweetheart. Who is it? - I'll catch up with you. - Okay. Actually, my sister... I lent my sister money. In her line she can't pay back in cash, so she said, "Treat the kid to a luxury hotel, it's on me." Word for word. What's your sister do? Lawyer in a huge firm. Getting cash out of that loony bin is touch and go-go. - Touch and go-go? - You bet. Your brother's a prize schmuck. - Where is he now? - Driving the doctor nuts. - A Thai? - No, French. A sort of bush doctor. - Tush? - Not tush. "Bush" with a Why'd he come to meet you? - No idea. - He suspicious? Not at all! Luckily. He must think I'm married to a jerk. That's all. Wait while I watch his next screw-up. He's getting in a boat, I bet he'll fall in. Nope, not him. His bag. - Drop it. - No way! It's got all my Lacoste shirts and my Lancia suede jacket! I'll pay if he dives for it. For $10 he'd swim across the river. Hand me your sandwich. I don't want his sandwich. Throw it in the water. You'll see. Throw it in, I said. What's it got to do with my bag? Holy cow! How gross! - It's teeming with them. - Catfish. They're sacred. The river's full of them. Below are man-sized monitor lizards. Your bag's already history. What's going on? You lose something, sweetie? Lizards ate my polo shirts. There! They ate my polo shirts! A great start! Looks charming. - It's here? - There. What do we do? Get out. We get out? Okay. Here I go. - Go on. - Gimme a second. I almost fell. The bag. Right, I take the bag. - It's Mama. - Yes, Mama, I hear you. Did you arrive? No news. Yes, I'm in Deauville. It's windy on the boardwalk. I can't hear you. Shit! It keeps cutting off. Why say you're in Deauville? Yes, why lie to your mother? When I'm abroad, her heart races. Once her pulse jumped to 196. Like Lance Armstrong. - Minus his bike. - Of course. Something smells good. It definitely smells. Do we have far to go? - Is that you? - Who else would it be? Gwen dressed the cat as a fireman. And pooped on the rug. Now Mama, Gwen didn't poop on the rug! It must be the cat. Cut off again! It's sad to get old. - What's your mother got? - You name it. Just before we left, her glottis shrank. Never heard of it. So where's this hotel? We're in it. Isn't it darling? Like a dollhouse. Next to the other one, it sucks. Here. Literally: "The nest of swallows in love for life." That's us! Please. It's tiny, too. That's a bed for two? Thais consider married couples sleep in each other's arms. We'll kill two birds with one stone: adopt and take a second honeymoon. Settle in. I'm next door. Meet in a half-hour for dinner. I booked a traditional Thai restaurant. Let go of me, right now! I'm playing my part, like we said. Don't act stupid, you'll regret it. That guy freaks me out. Did you hear him? If that Basque learns the truth, he'll have us shot. I heard him. Try not to screw up so much. - When did I screw up? - My bag. Every second. You haven't missed a trick. I warn you: If I go home without Maily, you don't get your money. So get smart. If your garage matters. - What's this water? - Close it. It's boiling hot! For cooking noodles or what? Asian refinement. Hot water. The cult of cleanliness. Why a hot tub in a room? It doesn't make you cleaner. Not even a couch! How do we sleep tonight? Me on the floor. You on the bed. Fine with me. You smoke a pipe? Smoke bother you? No, it's just that... Who'd have thought I'd be paired with a woman who smokes... And that I'd be paired with a guy with mahogany hair! I'm going down for a drink. Keep off alcohol. You'll lose your socks. This place is falling apart. The hotel is ancient! Confuses Luis Mariano and Dario Moreno. Big Oedipus complex. Tax dodging tendencies... A real traditional Thai restaurant. You take off your shoes. They're right. Hygiene first. I don't see the point, but here goes... Hope no monkeys pinch them, after those lizards... This is nice. Take a seat. I get the idea. I'll pull a muscle before dinner. There's no legroom. How do they do it? You should have left your long legs at the hotel, honey. Welcome to Thailand. Bottoms up. Go easy. It's very high proof. It tastes like soap. What is it? Rice wine with star anise. It could serve as both toothpaste and cocktail. I ordered a real Thai fisherman's meal. My mouth is watering. We love fish, don't we, honey? I hope it's not lizard pastry. You might find your shirts. I'd love steak and fries, and a chair with legs. The house specialty. What do you think this is? If I don't know I won't eat it. A big Slug We're not among savages. This is a refined country. She's right. It's a sea slug in garlic, marinated in nuoc mam and spices. The Thai fisherman's favorite dish. Swell... Pass me your plate. I prefer the French hunter's dish. Just a little. Well? It's good. You have to get used to the rubbery texture of the skin, which is thick. Their slugs are so fresh, you feel like you're at sea. Right. Out at sea. I feel seasick. Mother Marie-Souye gave me this questionnaire. Now? No more questionnaires. - Don't drink if you don't eat. - Eat what? Without this and my favorable report, you can't take the child. Sure. Let's begin. Do you believe it's worth having the child learn Thai? Indispensable. What for? Honestly, teaching her Thai is totally pointless. Her roots! It's her mother tongue. They all speak English here. Badly, but they speak it. There's a disagreement box. I check it? Check it! You get used to the soapy taste. Don't check it. We'll discuss it later. You're tired from jet lag, honey. I'm not tired. I'm against the child learning Chinese! - Thai. - I'm against Thai, too. - What'd I say? - Nothing but crap. What's he doing? The guy's a brute on top of it. Sorry, sorry. Noi! - I'll pay for all the damage, Noi. - Never mind. Are you homophobic? No, but I'm against prostitution. So am I. I applaud with two hands. Sure he was prostituting? It was obvious, honey. They both were. It's a scourge here. Dr. Louis told you. That boy left his village two weeks ago to find work. I got him a kitchen job here. The owner knew my wife. But he'd rather hustle. He's 15. The beauty from Cadiz has velvety eyes The beauty from Cadiz offers love without disguise Anyway, we had a marvelous dinner. - Fabulous! - It's not over. It's not? Stuffed fish head with herring liver. I really can't. They're staring at me. I'd feel like a cannibal. A Sunday dish. It's Tuesday. Say, if you know the owner, ask her to turn that music off. It's torture. It sounds like a cat that got stuck in a door. She's butchering a great song. They wreck everything here. That's enough, honey. Was your wife French? No,Thai Her name was Ty-Pong. She was a very popular singer here. She died five years ago. That's her singing. Now? She's the cat. That's her? Too bad we don't get the words. They're in French. That's for sure, honey. Listen good... You can make out the French. He's right. I don't have an ear for music. See a specialist. I think I'll have some of these stuffed fish heads. Me, too. How do you eat this? It's a surprise. We don't know what's inside. You can recognize the refrain. It's got something. We'll finish with an indiscreet question, but it's the doctor asking. Shoot, doc. Monthly frequency of intercourse? A loaded question. That certainly is a very private matter. Do we have to answer? It's the $64,000 question. And you must answer separately in writing. A good way of detecting bogus couples. Ah, clever. Downright sneaky. We have a problem. Really? What? It's just a rough idea. We don't keep track very carefully. Yes, but the ratio is 1:3. Meaning? Your wife says 4 and you say 12. Can you explain that? Well, I'll be damned! My mistake. Cesar's right. Ah, for once! I was thinking, does she have amnesia or what? I gave a woman's answer. He gave the number of times and me, climaxes. There's your explanation. Careful, honey. You're crushing people's shoes. They're not shoes, they're flip-flops. Respect is a rule of life in Asia. But they shouldn't leave them lying around. Good night. Sorry about the restaurant brawl. I usually stay cool. Bangkok gets to me. Thank you for taking care of Maily. It means a lot to us. That's right. Gute nacht! What got into you to speak German? I did a workshop at Mercedes. Those fish heads aren't going down. Same here. But don't belch in my face. Well... we really ate... What are you doing? That's stupid. Don't sleep on the floor. You'll kill your back. Come on the bed with me, baby doll. Know what baby doll says? Tie it in a knot and bug off. "Wife: motherly. "Husband: many faults. "Some qualities, I hope." You haven't always been gay. You're too much of a dish. You're nuts. It burns like hell! See if it's blistering. No, it's not. I'll get the Biafine. Calm down. Lie down on the bed. Lie on the bed. I'll put this on. It's cold. I'm going slowly so it penetrates. That hurts. Relax, or it'll never penetrate. That feels so good. "Wild sexual habits!" I don't feel well. Put more cream on. Doctor, I feel sick. - What now? - I'm sorry. Something I ate... Do you have an antiemetic, Dr. Louis? Luish. Dr. Luish. Eesh, as in quiche, or as in leash! Is that so hard? - Go to bed, it'll pass. - It's worse lying down. I see fish heads laughing at me. I'm going to puke again. I'll get some anti-acid tablets. That all you have? It's my wife's jacket. Lizards ate my clothes, remember? To think I have to wear a chick's threads! What "chick"? My wife. It's her jacket. By the way, know where I can get driving gloves? A gift for my mechanic. Plus he's missing 2 fingers. No idea. You seem better. Don't you want to go back? No! The heads are right here. In your glottis? That sort of thing is often hereditary. Think so? I have a stitch. Hope it's not a fish bone piercing my lung. It's pretty wild here. It's the only all-night pharmacy. Do they sell real drugs here? Just asking, since they copy everything. Do we both need to wait? Those heads make me feel weak in the knees. It's Alex. My sister. Now he's starting. This place is hell! I can't hear you. Let me step inside somewhere. I'm just asking you to do your best with Kim. I'm sweet as pie to her. - How's Mama? - Just stick to our agreement. You didn't answer. What about Mama? She locked Gwen in the cupboard and hid the key in the butter. Good. At least she's having fun. I'm sure not. Don't imagine that I'm enjoying... Where are you? What's that racket? What's free? Frenchie! Pierre Cardin! I'm mistaken for someone else. Who's talking to you? I'm not Pierre Cardin There's some mistake What a scum! You will not see any money! Are you crazy? I do not ... I am standing in a line for drugs with a doctor from a shelter. - You're lying! - I am sick! - Come with me! - No, go away. - Bornoli! - Doctor! - Cesar! - How did you get into this dump? My sister does not believe me that we are at the pharmacy! Tell her that she's wrong. - Good evening, you are a doctor from a shelter? - All right, he is sick. - Nothing serious? - Nonsense! Only severe vomiting... goodbye, madam! You did not explain! She will not believe it! This Gervstop is a drastic medication. Good, so it's drastic... As long is working. Bitch, she stole my watch! - Corporate "Lancia" watch! - Where are you going? Bornoli! Where are you going? Return the watch, or you'll be sorry! This is polite warning, don't make me more angry! I saw a white train and it run over me. Yes, it was electroshock. Three thousand volts! Considering the shock from fear, you could move a horse. To move a horse? Ah, yes... horses, race track ... A good sign: connects. Connects, connected... Connecticut... Where were you? Have you been at the hairdresser at three o'clock in the morning? I was at the pharmacy! I was sick! I should wet my hair, or it's gonna remain like that. Excuse me, could you leave me alone? What is it, Doctor? I shouldn't have come to Bangkok. I knew it ... - Do you know how my wife died? - No. I killed her. That's how it ... Did you hear, my dear? I? I've heard... She asked me to arrange demo match of Basque pelota, on the release of her new album with songs of Mariano. This is something that is playing now! I know this song. - This is his wife singing again! - Yes, I understand ... We built a platform in the parking lot of supermarket in Bangkok. - All the Basques in Thailand arrived. - A lot of them here? Forty three. I put the ball in pelota's chistera. Ty-Pong smiled to the photographer. She didn't see the ball flying straight at her. 280 kilometers per hour! - She died instantly. - 280 kilometers per hour! Such a game! It doesn't happens, but it happened to me. To her... That is ... Yes, the event... On that day my life stopped. Don't say that. I have a friend to whom same thing happened. - He killed his wife? - No, the dog. - I do not see the connection. - He was closing the garage... ...and did not notice the dog, well ... ...small Matese into halfs! We chipped in and bought him a new doggie, - Giant Schnauzer. And everything was like before! I was right... no connections. How does... - You don't understand your own happiness. - No. - Yes. Good night. Inside he is a good man! Next time do not compare his wife to Maltese dog. Sir, the phone. What, me? I'm listening. Is this Pierre Cardin? I have a passport of your wife, and documents. - And the documents? - 10 o'clock, Sukhumvit subway, escalator downstairs. - I really need these documents! - For you 50 000 baht. Lush! Dr. Lush, open up! - What is it? - That a prostitute stole the watche... ... and documents! Carefully. Do not worry, you won't give them fifty thousand. Haggle for yourself, you know these people much better. We will not bargain. Basques never deal with the blackmailers! But I'm not a Basque, I better insure. Why stop? We need to go there... My uncle Etchegaray said ... - Excuse me... don't know Spanish. - This is Basque! "Hew rooster's comb until he got angry! " - Listen to me, or do it itself! - Wait...! Here! Do as she says, I'll be waiting here. Do not disappear. And I am at the forefront! There is only one real bill... they check, your plan fails! They will not open immediately, but pass the package to the accomplices. Triad always works this way. - What is a triad? - The Chinese mafia. - Black sunglasses, black suits ... - And, dressed all in black. Be careful! Take care of yourself. For the sake of her daughter. Newspapers! Leave me alone! Let me go! Triad! Devil's Triad! I do not have one leg! And he attacked me! Just like that! - I did not do anything! - I made a mistake! He wears black suit! All the French - crooks! Help! Killer! - Documents! Hurry! - Good! No, wait! This is a mistake! Big mistake! My documents were stolen! Embassy! French Embassy! - I am a Frenchman! - Got in the car! - Shut up! - Dr. Louis! - What happened? - The Frenchman almost killed disabled! Probably some kind of freak! Where have you gone again? It's disaster! - I lost all documents. - No, I have them. - And why you have them? - I'll tell you later. Your husband was arrested and was taken to the police station. - What did he do? - He beat up a disabled person. - Disabled? - Yes. - But why? - No one knows. And I realized, this is your place ... Easy, do not irritate him. He is mega-crazy! One month ago he bit off guard's finger. Really? Okay, then ... ...then... Where do I sit? My friendly advice - on the first night is better not to stand out, - ... sleep standing up. - Standing? Standing ... Do not worry, madam Bornoli, I still have connections in Bangkok. - Do you need some valerian? - No, thanks... I'd rather let the nerves, it's more efficient. We came... in a Thailand... here... ...to adopt a little... little girl ... OK? And all... all became big nightmare! - You got that...? - I was studied philology at the Sorbonne. I am ashamed. I am very ashamed. - I am ashamed, mister ...? - Mister Piok. - Niok. - Excuse me? - Mister Niok. - But the sign says "Piok". - Niok! Piok Niok! - Is not Niok Piok? - Piok Niok! - Niok Piok? - Piok - that's my name. - Got it! Piok - is his name. Of course! Piok Niok! And I decided that on the contrary: Niok Piok! Although this is stupid on my part: "Niok" in Thailand is not used as a first name! In Laos - opposite! Is not it true master of Piok? - Niok! - Ah, again! I'm very nervous! - Well, why am I nervous? - Yes, I do not care! Piok, Niok, Flok, Pluk... anyway you want! I just want my husband out of jail! No problem, ma'am Bornoli. Your husband was facing 10 years in prison. Thanks to me, will serve only 5. - Come on! - No, it's mine! - He takes 10% of our food. - But he took whole 100% of mine! - He has a crush on you. - Crush? This fat slug laid eyes on you. Today, he's horny again! My advice to you. Sleep on your back. It's not right that we drew into this your husband's sister. Listen. She is a first-class lawyer. - She is a woman. - Oh that? Then I tell you... No man-lawyer can hold a case like her. Willing to believe. Only, we are in Asia. I warned you. - Here she is. - Hey! - That's her? - Yes, that's her. It is another thing... What "another thing"? I mean ... She doesn't look like her brother. - She is younger. - Of course, there is 15 years difference. Well, Alexander Bornoli, my sister-in-law. Dr. Luix Izkeban, I told you about him on the phone... Spelled "Luix" and read "Luish." That's right, Doctor? - Call me as you wish. - So now, nobody cares? Thank you for your help and support, doctor. Kim said that you are like a stone wall. I always try to help our own! This is a wonderful country... ...could be dangerous for a foreign visitor. - A beautiful picture. - Let's go? He brings simular issues all the time. You will get your chance to laugh. Doctor, take the suitcase, please! We must try to get a visit. I think it's our main task. I'm sorry, but I have a different strategy. In an hour, at the bar "Shangri-la"... ...I'm set to meet the victim's lawyer, Mr. Dang. Dang? This is a first or last name? - Here, it's not easy. - Just do not start. Ding, Dong, Dan - I do not care! Let her call him, anyway she wants. Wow! Ford "Sitting Bull"! My dad owned the same! I loved that old pick-up truck. Though it's an old man, runs well! You are lucky... Clean up for you. Kim! Do you mind to throw this into the trash? And I try to open the that damned door. Excuse me... So Alexandra will be more comfortable. - Yes, exactly ... - All in order! No! Sit back! I worked so hard to open the door. - Did you find the trash? - Yes, on the other side. Just lucky. I sit in the back? Yes, there is a comfortable sofa. They say in France... ...that the prisons here have very harsh conditions. Is this true? Yes, the French prisons - are the hotels compared with the local. Thai lawyers never lose themselves in front of a woman. Even before such a beauty like your sister-in-law. What do you mean? She will not drag him to bed. Less than 10 minutes. I'm afraid I was right. The battle was bloody, but the suit is withdrawn. In an hour we go to pick up Cesar. How can I thank you! Here's how ... - May I kiss you? - Yes. Yes, kissing is very nice... ...but in the meantime, my husband is rotting behind the bars. Sit down. Bastards! Bastards all of you! Left me rot here for two days! And no news! Alex! Why are you here? - My mother died? Yes? - No, mom is okey. - All is taken care of. - Do you have anything to eat? - For two days I ate nothing! - Hold this, chewing gum would kill the appetite. - I brought a shirt with elephants. - Beware, old boy! You can get volvulus from eating chewing gum on empty stomach. I spit on the volvulus! I want to drink! Drink! Water! Give me some water! Water! Are you crazy! Drop it! It's windshield washer fluid. Get in the car, I'll buy you a soda. Only the orange, no lemon! - Lemon is just chemistry. - I understood. - Cesar! You're going to drink what is given! - I've got to go to Paris. I must pay for the salon! No, dear, first we take away the girl, it is most important. - Shut your mouth! - He is in state of shock! I'll take care of this. Listen, friend, you travelled half the world for the sake of this girl, You'll see her soon! You'll see her smile! - Do not give up now! - That's it! But to me this your shrimp means nothing at all! You are absolutely knocked out? Cesar! - He is raving, doctor. - It's Wahlberg's syndrome. - Lasts long? - All! The commander to the airport! What a fool! Hope it's not smashed! - I just shut the door! - Do not sit here! Climb to the back! - I just closed the door ... - You can't leave him alone for a minute! We'll go back, Alex. Won't fight anymore. We eat pasta together. - You're both so beautiful! - He is exhausted. We eat a big juicy steak with potatoes! - Isn't it truely a great idea? - Yes... ...but first let's go to the orphanage. - We do not go to Paris? - We know that you survived. You do not know anything! How do you know! There are so many of them! And put their hands everywhere! I need to get out of here! - Screw your Thailand! - Calm down! - Quiet! - Get away from me, you homosexual! You see? Profanity is typical for Wahlberg's syndrome! - Keep it up, girl, hold! - Let go! - Let go, you bastards! - Alex! Let me. - Do not move, or it will hurt! - What are you doing, fascists! I hold him! I hold him, doctor! All done, Cesar? Gotcha! - No needle, no needle! - Carefully. Sleep standing up, sleep on your back. Standing! On the back! Standing! On the back! - Gotcha! - No! Why are we here? You can not go to the shelter without gift for Maily. Kim, you better stay with your husband. Valium, can cause difficulties with breathing. And turn on the air conditioner! Mom ... Thank you. - What you think? - Nice, I think, it will do. - How many children are in the orphanage? - About fifty. Tell him that I buy everything. - You are like a wizard. - Or a witch. Snake! Good, buy! And the balls too. Are you serious? How's your husband? Comes to life. Alex came up with wonderful idea... ...to give the presents to all children. - The idea came to me... ...but the doctor insisted and paid for everything. Yes, just like fairy prince. Rather, his father. Wow, it is hell in here! You did not turn on the air conditioning? - I did! - You turned on the heat! 62 degrees here! - He's all red! - He is hot! We must to pour water on him! - Why did you turn on the heat? - I didn't do it! - It's his stupid car. - Kim, hold his head! We need to ventilate him. Overheating in the connection with Walberg syndrome... I do not know what to do! I never had such a precedent before! Messed up the whole machine. God, what a shit you poured at me? All hair is stuck! Do not worry, couldn't be worse. And the color is noble. Once we arrive you wash your head. - Do they have running water here? - They have a pond. It's good, you've come. Girl will see the whole family at once. So ... Alex! I will call Mother Superior. Here! - Run here! - We have gifts for you! What about you, boys? You see these teddy bears! You prefer cars? That's right. I like them, too. - Cesar! You do not want to help us? - Why you are getting the girl? I think that the boy is also a good option. Cesar, what are you talking about? No, I understand that you have already chosen girl, the issue resolved. If you want to - we will change. - My friends! - Let's talk to the seller. My friends! God be with you! - Hello, my dear. - Madame ... So you - you're a father? Yes. An angel is coming soon to your home. - Cool. - Yes, we understand that. - In a house full of love, isn't it? - Yes, all the way. Full of love, but until now infertile. But after today, Maily's light will illuminate your life. - Yes. - By the way, where is Maily? She hid in the shower. This is normal. Children are always afraid to leave familiar world. And everything started so well ... I do not mind, that girl needs time to get used to us. - But how long will it take? - Fuck you! Shut up, Nixon! I have people! You see, I have in Paris very sick mother! Do you think, God would call her not allowing to see her granddaughter, first? Well, no... - Fuck you! Fuck you! - Nixon! - No, she has only a sore throat. - Otherwise she is as fit as a fiddle. - Fuck you! Fuck you! - Shut up! - Then what's the problem? - Yes, no problem. Look, Maily, your mom came... Aren't you happy? Come here, baby. - Hey, Maily. - Hello. It's aunt Alex, sister of the dad. - And dad is there, sitting on a chair. - Hey, Maily! We don't know each other, yet, but I think you are very cute. - Come to me! - Do not squeeze her... I do not squeeze. She needs to get used to ... She poked her finger in my eye! - Now it tears... - Fuck you! Fuck you! You, too, "fuck you"! Pardon me, madam, that's me. You have a blue house, and you, Alex - pink... ...and I give you a mosquito net. Well, we - are not edible mosquitoes will not bite us. Yes. There is something about the doctor that I do not like... ... he's always glued to her! - Well, so what! Let them get laid - faster we leave. You know what, hubby... do not flatter yourself. He can be a nightingale, but Alex will not come out to the balcony. Well, yes, of course. - Of course, it's not five stars. - It's perfect... - We did not come to rest. - For breakfast, I'll bring patties. I bake them myself... with stuffing from the tokay. - What is tokay? - A little gecko. Cesar! Help me bring the bags! Tell me, Cesar... Does your sister have children? - No. - Yes, me either. Wasn't given to me discover this happiness! She can not have children? No... That's why she got divorced ... She believes that men are selfish, and don't need children. But life is - to meet new people! Recall your friend with a dog. What an idiot! How is that possible? Can not you be more careful? Damn! - How are you, Louis? - It is very painful. Dominic, Nick, Nick, Barefoot is walking... And singing a song ... Wait a minute, but it's cheating now! Why I've been stuck here? What about the dealership? This was my father's showroom! The money for the dealership were used to pull you out of jail! - They didn't wanted for free... - Who asked you to beat up the disabled? How can that be! Now... No passport, no showroom, I almost died in the prison - and all because of that gnat... ...who can not stand me! And I am to blame? There are limits! I'm leaving! I'm going to Paris. Back to my mother. - She never tripped me up! - This is not fair! If you go away, they will never give her to us! He does not care! He is not interested in anything except... ...rusty wheelbarrow and his hysterical mother! No, you saw? He was never touched by these poor.. ...abandoned orphans! He has no soul, no heart! What you want? - Good evening, ma'am. - Hello, ma'am. Lovely little quarrel? Maily likes you, Cesar! You make her laugh. Yes, it's true. He is very funny ... Makes you cry sometimes. Come on, Maily. I want to look at the drawning elephant with you and mom. Of course, baby! Come to me. And what is "drawning elephant"? A new breed? Drawning elephants? "Drawing elephant" Maily! Drawing! She is learning French only for a year. And sometimes makes mistakes. - I see. - OK Miley, it's time to sleep. - Good night, sweetheart. - Good night, Aunt Alex. - Good night, Mom. - Good night, sweetheart. Good night, Daddy. And you too, baby. Tomorrow will go to see drawing elephant. - Yes? - Okay. Luix will be here at 5:30 in the morning. How sweet. - Good bye, madam. - Good bye, my dear. Did you see how she glues to me? And she even did not look at you! Cesar, go back... I'll wake you up at 4:30. - And you staying? - No, I'll be back soon... ...we need to discuss something. - Okay? - Do you ... Well, it's ... Here he is! - Hallo Alex, how did you sleep? - Well, thank you. - Me too! Thank you. - Wasn't sleeping but baking... Who came up with idea of steel roofs in here? - Good morning, my children! - Good morning, ma'am. Luix, you show the neighborhood to Aunt Alex... ...and sister, Marie-Kong will take Maily with parents to the elephant farm. We wanted all together... The whole family. The girl would love it. Maily should spend more time with the parents. It is important! Come on, Alex. And they, by the way, look good, right? - Yes ... - Then, lets watch the drawing elephant? - Well... - "Drawing"? Why is "drawing"? It is amazing! He draws an elephant! Do you see? - He draws an elephant! - Look, Maily! Elephant draws a drawing elephant! He makes a self-portrait. Look, the ears! It's an elephant! Just van Gogh among elephants! Yes! Hello! Yes, Mom! I can hear you better than yesterday. And we hear you perfectly. Can't you step aside? I also want to see. Who are you talking about? Where are you? Are you alone? Yes, of course, alone. I'm coming back from Deauville. Beware, deer walks across the road! I know, Mom. Deer walks across the road. What did they do to me? I drive carefully... How many people are in the car? Who's laughing? Cesar! It's my dad! - Shakes but it's nice. - Do not be afraid, trust me. The last time I rode an elephant was with my wife. - If you want, let's stop. - No. Oddly enough, my conscience is silent, when I ride with you on this animal. That's right... we don't do anything bad. Yes, but still ... Once Aishwarya Krishna said: "Shut up, if you want to be heard." Impressive. We understood each other. Yes, in any case, I have heard you. Well, shall we go? Yes. Damn! Tire is blown away. - This doesn't mean that you are blown away? - No. Dominic, Nick, Nick Barefoot is walking! Wow, Look at King Kong: In general ... does she pedals? And then we go uphill... - It is a loop, or what? - Sing, Cesar! It will be easier! She already sings! - Enough is enough! I can not... - Cesar, Sing! Thank you, Luix. It's been a while I had a such a good time with a man. Me too ... That is, of course, with a woman. Until tomorrow? - Are you still awake? - And you, check the time sometimes? But where were you? Nowhere! A flat tire. Your brother snores so badly. Can I stay? - Stay. - Good night. What is the matter? Alex! This is Luix. Alex, we need to talk. I have long forgotten those feelings... ...which I feel for you, now. I can say, you brought me back to life. I ask one thing. Tell me... Can I at least have hope? If not now... then maybe later? Believe me, I do not want to rush things... But I'm not young. Alex, tell me. I can sit here even till dawn. How true that is! Tomorrow is a new day. God bless you, Maily. We will remember you. Well, what did you put in? - Kids! Bye! - Good bye! Children will never forget you, Cesar! Exactly. They never were laughing so long. You should be a clown, not a gas station attendant. - No, wait a minute! - Such talent is lost! I'm not a gas station attendant! Although, who cares. OK, kids, so long! Good-bye, madame... That is, Mother. Bye everyone! No, not here. There are already three and a girl. - Sit in the back. - That's right, as always. "Gas station attendant"! It is necessary to correct the papers... ...otherwise they will think I'm a gas station attendant. Madame... Mother! Change to "Lancia dealer". No, better - "Exclusive Lancia importer"! Goodbye, kids! Have a nice day! Good luck! Good bye! Do not chase! THREE MONTHS LATER Hello! Can I park the van at the gate? Good! - Hey, Maily. - Papa Cesar! - Play with me and the cars? - I just put the bag - and come, kid. Mom Alex says you have five A's? - Yes. - Well done! Is there something for me in the bag? Could be. - Good day ladies? - What have you brought in? - You have a new color? A light brown shade, very modest... - No one will notice. - Still visible a bit. As you knocked over the head "Nestea." Nothing but fresh. - And why van? You changed the job? - Sort of. This is a company car. I'm on probation at "Renault." At "Renault", it seems, the colors - yellow and black? - I'm talking about the hair, just in case. - I have noticed! In six months I'll be in the top ten. And I will buy back dealership, in memory of my father. In the meantime, pass the candles for the cake. I bought her a garbage truck! Wonderful! There's garbage in it! This is mother and Gwen. Would you open? Coming! Eh you, Bogeyman! This... This is Luis! Luesh! Sheila, Shuli ... Doctor from a shelter! - Wow, what a surprise. - Yes, I think I surprised all of you. - A little bit. - Yes, but we are glad to see you. - You are with us for long? - It depends how things go ... I brought an application for citizenship for Maily... ...adoption is invalid, until this matter is not resolved. - Luix! Dr. Luix! - Maily! Look what I brought for you! This is for you. What a beauty! If he learns about fictitious marriage - they take her back! Okay, I understand. We're married again. God, again twenty five. - Again twenty five ... - Come on, mix tomatoes, salt... ...there's no taste. I pour some olive oil - he is Basque, they like it? - Fish sauce! - Open the wine. You don't mind if we drink some wine? - Get the bottle, where is it? - No, my dear! And after your departure my heart was so empty. I turned the page, began a new chapter. Is that so? About what? - More wine? - Pour. - I came for your sister. - What do you mean? I wish she was always next to me. I've got a job offer in a shelter. I am moving back to Paris. - No! - Yes. Do you realize there is "a thing" with my sister. You... have no chance! Absolutely no way! Why not? She has a boyfriend? No, wrong... Then what's the problem? - A woman... - I know that she's a woman. No, her boyfriend is a woman. What a nice kitchen. Yes, a bit tiny, but there is everything that is necessary. Well, the fact is that Alex... ...no one was able to convince her. So she's willing? You have no idea. Is she in love with her? Very. That's OK. - You haven't rented an apartment, yet? - No. Thanks God. Okay, I will not leave you. l'll take you to the airport. Your life is in Asia, my friend! Do not worry... ... we'll come to visit you with the girl. Yes, you're right. I will take six-hour flight. Don't go, Luix! Never, never, never! Take it easy. - What is it? - Nothing! We just talked... ...and she screamed when the doctor said he was going back to Thailand. It should be easy to explain and she will understand! Maily, honey... The doctor does not live here. - Whew! - No, he lives here! - What is it? What is happening? - She gasps! - This is a spastic crying. - What? Spastic crying - a form of blackmail... ...do not give the child what he wants and he stops breathing. Maily! Easy. Everything comes to life in peace. Maily. That's all behind us. - You want this? - Yes. You see, Maily, the doctor is going nowhere. He stays in France with us! - Are you happy? - Yes. Although France is huge... and he doesn't have tail us. - It is not good to lie to a child! - I'm not lying, I'm staying. What? Don't you understand! With Alex... it is a dead issue! Yes, but the Basques always distinguish generosity! I'll make your sister happy. You can believe me. - Do not stay behind, Luix! - I'm coming, my girl! - You know what? - No. Now it seems to me... My family - it's you. And I am so happy because of it. Yeah, me too. We all are. It's cool, right? |
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