(cheering, applause)
(muttering, indistinct)
I am. I drank
the whole bottle
of Baileys.
Oh!
Welcome to the news.
Oh, Pete,
it's time for your close-up.
Just kidding.
My name is Johnny.
I play guitar.
I'm Perry,
and I play the guitar,
and I sing.
Gary. Drums.
I'm Pete.
I'm drunk.
Did you say
"I'm drunk"?
I'm drunk.
PERRY: We're supposed
to be conducting an interview.
Does your band suck
or is your band good?
Suck. Suck.
(crowd chattering)
Puke stains and cigarettes
The party
is in my pocket
I'm lookin' for a drink
And a couch to call my own
Give me a bump
and I will come
And whisper dirty lies
The rapture in your ear
And we'll both be terrified
Bloodshot eyes
and you're peppermint
We could run like dogs
from the devil
Give me one last try
For your love tonight
I'll be the king forever
And you can be my sunshine
We are the devil's kind
We are the devil's kind
We are the devil's kind
And now I won't
back down
I said I won't back down
I am the devil's kind
Take me into the water
And pull me
from the slaughter
Because I've got
the shakes
And I'm so petrified
Bloodshot eyes
and you're peppermint
We can roll like dogs
from the devil
Give me one last try
for your love tonight
I'll be the king forever
And you can be
my sunshine
We are the devil's kind
We are the devil's kind
We are the devil's kind
And now I won't back down
Said I won't back down
I am the devil's kind
(cheering)
(cheering fading)
Yeah.
(hydraulics squeak)
Oh, shit!
Shit! Hey!
Wait, wait!
Check it out.
Excuse me!
It's Miller time.
Hey, excuse me.
What's the matter
with you, Miller?
I forgot to put
my cans out again.
Like we've never
heard that before.
Come on, man. Help me out.
It's my birthday.
You know that
can't happen, man.
Oh, come on!
Hey, Salome.
Hey.
Hey, use a coaster.
How many times
do I gotta tell you?
Why? It's not
a big deal, Daddy.
It's just juice.
It is a big deal.
It'll leave a ring, and Mom
will go apeshit and blame me.
What's "apeshit" mean?
Oh. Give me my guitar.
It's a...
Word you shouldn't say
It means gorilla poo
Okay, Dad.
And if you say it,
people think I'm a bad dad
Okay, Dad.
So please don't say it
Okay.
Okay, Dad. Okay.
All right.
See how easy that is?
You're crazy, Daddy.
(whirring)
Hey! Good morning, sexy.
WOMAN: What?
(whirring stops)
Sorry. What?
I said hi.
Oh, hi, hon.
Hey, uh, you up
for a little quickie?
(chuckles) Very funny.
I have to be in court
in 20 minutes.
All I need is five.
Okay, four.
Hey, I just want to say,
I'm sorry in advance.
It was an oversight.
What's that supposed to mean?
It's garbage day.
I forgot to get
the cans out again.
Perry, come on.
That's two weeks in a row.
I know. I'm sorry.
But I figured today
is a special occasion,
so I've earned a free pass?
What's the special occasion?
You know, special.
What?
You know.
No. What?
You're joking, right?
Oh, Perry, come on!
You're slowing me down.
I'm late.
Wow.
Hey! How you doing, man?
Oh, boy! Happy birthday!
Oh, man, thanks.
I think Mommy forgot.
Can you believe that?
All right,
who wants breakfast?
SALOME: I want breakfast!
Right there.
Let's see what kind
of trouble we can get into.
Salome, you want a cookie?
Really?
Yeah.
It's a special occasion.
What's the special
occasion?
Your talent show.
Tonight?
Are you gonna rock the house?
-I guess.
-What do you mean,
you guess?
Say, "Hell, yeah, Daddy!"
Hell, yeah, Daddy!
Boom! There you go.
Are you nervous?
No.
It's okay if you are.
I'm not really nervous,
but can I have
another cookie?
Of course.
Yes!
Can you do me
a huge favor, babe,
and come home at your lunch--
Why is she having
a cookie?
It's a special occasion.
Oh, what's
the special occasion?
-It's my--
-No, no, no, no.
Don't say anything.
Guess, Mom.
Mm-hmm.
Okay, wait.
Let me see.
Could it be...
your talent show?
Yes! The talent show.
'Cause we celebrate
important milestones
in this house,
'cause that's what we do.
Okay, do you want
a waffle, Salome?
No, Dad's gonna fix me
some apeshit.
(chuckles)
Did she just
say "apeshit"?
I think
she heard that at school.
Anyways, my parents
are coming in today,
and I need you to come home
and let them in.
The punisher is coming?
Yes! I told you that.
And they're coming
at noon.
Which reminds me.
Can you go pick up
Salome's new guitar?
She's gonna need it
for the show tonight. Okay?
And please...
Yeah, yeah, I'll do it.
Don't lose it.
I won't lose it.
Okay, great.
I gotta go. I'm late.
I love you.
I love you.
Mmm-mmm-mmm!
And don't forget my parents.
I won't forget.
Whoa! Didn't you
change his diaper?
I think I forgot.
I don't know how.
He smells like
a porta potty.
Okay.
(no audible dialogue)
Dad!
We're gonna be late.
Come on, Dad!
Hey, what do you think
of your playhouse?
My playhouse?
It's kinda boring.
Really? That sucks.
It's supposed to be fun.
It's a little fun.
Ah, nah, it sucks.
I'm a shitty carpenter.
I don't know
what to sing tonight, Daddy.
I know,
but I haven't figured out--
You haven't decided?
Right.
What do you
wanna sing?
I don't know.
Maybe, like,
the Dead Kennedys.
(chuckles)
Dead Kennedys?
That would be funny,
but there's, like,
a bunch of families
and kids and stuff.
Oh, yeah.
But-- I don't know.
Sing whatever you want.
My band never decided
until the last second.
Daddy, what do you do?
(chuckles) What do I do?
What does that mean?
Well, it's just because
it's career day,
and we're supposed to talk
about our parents' careers.
Oh!
I don't know. Just say
I'm in a band or something.
But you're not in a band.
Yes, I am.
We're just taking
a temporary hiatus.
What's a temporary hiatus?
Ah. It's a fancy way
of saying
we're taking a break.
Oh.
I don't know.
Why don't you
just talk about Mom,
how she's a public defender
and all that
important stuff?
Okay.
Yeah, you don't have
to mention me.
Come on. Let's do it.
(school bell ringing)
Get to school.
Have fun.
Hey, Dean!
Arrest that man!
Take him in
for questioning.
I'm trying to get him
to join Dad's Group.
I don't think it's working.
Is he being a pussy?
A little bit.
Come on. Don't be
a pussy, pussy guy.
(chuckles) Okay.
Hey, we were just joking.
We don't think you're a pussy.
-I don't even know
how that got started.
-I was just trying to be funny.
I'm sorry.
You guys
are pretty weird, man.
Dad's Group.
We need somebody cool
like you.
Honestly, if you think I'm cool,
then your Dad's Group
is kind of hurting.
(laughing)
We're just messing
with you.
There he goes.
(doorknob rattling)
(knocking)
Hey, Perry.
Got it for you.
Salome's first guitar.
This is
what my wife picked out?
Yeah. What do you think?
Why is there
a dinosaur on it?
(chuckles) I don't know.
I think it's a decal.
It probably comes off.
(strums)
Well, it sounds all right,
I guess.
Oh, can I tell you
something?
I have to tell somebody.
What happened?
Mm. I'm dating
this French chick.
Ingrid is her name.
Twenty-five.
Oh, smokin' hot.
Anyway,
she invites me to Paris
for a dinner party.
I'm like,
"Yeah, I like dinner."
So we get there.
Have you ever flown
first class?
Uh, no.
The seats are like
the size of my car.
Which means two people--
(sucks teeth)
That's your story?
You had sex on a plane?
No. I mean, yes. But no,
that is not the story.
So, get to Paris.
Here's
the dinner party table.
Me, Ingrid, Mom, Dad,
Paul McCartney.
Oh, come on!
Dude, I know.
I think her dad's, like,
an ambassador or something.
Come on.
Mm-hmm.
Anyway, dinner's over.
Parents go upstairs.
She's all passed out
on the couch.
It's just me and Paul,
hanging out,
just shootin' the shit.
And then he pulls out a guitar
and we start jamming.
What?
I sang "Let It Be."
I sang "Yesterday."
I sang "Glass Onion."
You gotta be kidding me.
I sang-- No, dude.
You're lying.
Now I know you're lying.
No, I am not lying.
You liar.
I will show you.
Paul gave me his number.
McCa.
That is what happens
when you fly by the seat
of your pants first class.
Boom!
So, how was your night?
My night?
My night was awesome.
I watched House Hunters
and went to bed.
You watched what?
House Hunters?
Oh, man. Never mind.
(chuckles)
All right, you want that guitar?
Should I wrap that up for you?
How much is that one
over there?
Don't be ridiculous.
That's a limited edition.
I'm not even sure
I'd be willing to sell that.
I tell you what though.
I'll trade you for the L6.
(scoffs) Are you kidding me?
(chuckles)
It's just a thought.
Dude, I've had that guitar
my whole life.
It's like trading
my wife and kids.
You know what?
Just give me
the dinosaur one.
Yeah.
I'll get you a strap.
It's fine.
Sorry, man.
There he is.
Perry Miller,
ladies and gentlemen.
Thank you so much
for joining us, Perry.
Only 30 minutes late.
No big deal.
Can I get you anything?
Any coffee?
How about a doughnut?
Let me run out and get you
a buttered bagel.
I had to pick up
Salome's guitar.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
That's cool.
It's always something
with you, man.
It must be nice
to be you.
Are you cool?
I'm great.
Thanks for being early.
Terrific.
Hey.
Yeah?
You're a great brother.
(rock intro)
Nothing ever happens
Nothing ever happens here
Nothing ever happens today
Today, today, today
(continues)
Things are fragile inside
I'm fragile, I'm fragile
(continues)
Nothing every happens
Nothing ever happens
Hey, man.
Hey, what's up?
We gotta talk.
Okay. What's up?
I had a guy come in
and say that you
recommended ammonia
for his marble countertops.
Why would
you do that?
Maybe because
I don't have anything
that has marble in it.
Okay, this is our business,
and we're supposed to be experts
on every product in the store.
That's how it works.
Experts?
Experts.
Give me a break.
Perry, I'm being serious
right now, okay?
Yeah, yeah.
Honestly, we have
a real problem.
And we're gonna have
to talk about it.
What are we gonna do about this?
Do we have
to do this now?
We have to do it now.
Please don't push me, okay?
And stop walking away
when I'm talking to you.
Hey, did you know
today's my birthday?
(scoffs) Come on, your birthday?
Birthdays
are for kids, Perry.
I know.
It's just--
Dude, never mind.
How old are you?
Forty.
Okay, well, happy birthday.
It's great.
(scoffs)
What are you gonna do?
You gonna hang out?
You gonna party tonight?
Karen forgot.
She forgot?
That sucks.
You forgot too.
No, I didn't. I thought
it was tomorrow or--
(scoffs)
I could call her.
You want me to call her?
No.
She's got enough
on her plate.
Don't say anything.
Okay.
Just drop it.
Promise you
won't say anything.
I'm not gonna say anything.
All right.
If the lecture's over,
I gotta go finish working.
Look, you know
what I think? I think
you should take the day off.
Blow off some steam,
find your buddies, throw
a little party for yourself.
Nah.
I was about to put this
in the safe.
I want you to take
some of this money.
Two, three...
What is that?
It's $500.
I'm not taking that.
Yeah, you are.
You're actually
gonna take a thousand.
That's a thousand.
And please, Perry,
get it out of your system.
I don't want this.
Yes, take it.
I'm tired of you
loafing around this place.
You're late all the time.
Your hair's a mess.
You-- You look like a goblin.
You don't know
jack shit about hardware
or the stuff we sell.
Oh, yes, I do.
That's so not true.
Okay, what do we have
in aisle ten?
Aisle ten?
Yeah.
Soap.
Soap?
Yeah, like dish soap.
Wrong.
Um, wait. Um, hoses.
No. Uh, shovels.
Wrong.
I know this. Hold on.
It's like sink stuff.
Okay, look,
there is no aisle ten.
All the aisles
are lettered.
I knew that.
It's been like that
from the beginning.
I thought you meant
something else.
Do me a favor.
Enjoy your birthday.
Blow it out.
Then it's over.
Okay? You got it?
All right. Happy birthday.
Oh, and we don't sell
dish soap.
It's a hardware store.
(line ringing)
Gary here.
You know what to do.
(line beeps)
Gary. What's up, man?
It's Perry. How's it going?
Hey, today's
my birthday, man.
Um, and I'm thinking
about having a party,
like a daytime
blowout kinda party.
So-- Yeah, dude, um,
as soon as you get this, or--
I'll call you back.
As soon as I get a location,
I'll call you back.
It's gonna be sick. Bye.
(rock intro)
I was sick
I was losing my mind
Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah
Couldn't make it,
so I told her why
Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah
(continues)
Oh, yeah
Oh, yeah
Sitting all alone in my room
Shootin' up some glue
And too crazy to do
Whoo!
All right
(ends)
-Hello.
-One moment, please, sir.
All right.
Cucumber water?
Yeah, sure.
Thanks, man.
It's refreshing,
isn't it?
Oh, my God.
It took you
a second.
I know. Christy, what's up?
Hi!
How are you?
Um, I'm-- I'm good.
You look good.
(scoffs)
Well, I don't know.
Uh-- I mean,
how are you?
You look amazing.
Thanks.
Yeah. Wow.
So what the hell's
going on?
Um, nothing.
Just working.
What, like,
for the hotel
or something?
No, I don't work
for the hotel.
I'm just staying here.
I'm just in town.
What about you?
Me?
Where do you live?
You know, still here
in the city.
Oh.
You know, doing--
You're not checking in?
Um, no, I am checking in,
but it's kind of a--
kind of a long story.
Mmm.
MAN: Welcome
to The Drake, sir.
-Sorry to keep you waiting.
-Oh, just give me
one second, okay?
At your leisure.
All right.
Well, I'll let you
finish up.
Oh, no, no.
No, no, no.
Um, it's awesome
to see you.
You still say "awesome."
Yeah, yeah.
I guess I kinda do.
Anyway, I'll see you later.
All right.
So what can
I help you with?
Yeah, um, Rup-ert.
Ru-pert.
Oh. Rupert.
Yeah, I'm looking
to get a room.
Oh. Okay.
Well, let me see
what we have available.
-Man, I can't believe that.
-What's that, sir?
Oh, I just haven't seen
that chick in, like, 15 years.
Chick, sir? Oh.
Was she an old flame?
Something like that.
Yes.
That's nice for you.
All right, well, we have
a few options available.
I assume you're looking
for a single, sir?
I don't know, Rupert.
Um, it's kind
of a special occasion.
Do you got
some kind of a suite?
A suite? Well--
Yeah.
Well, we have
the Presidential, but, uh...
What's that?
It's very expensive.
Oh, cool.
Can I take a look at it?
It's very,
very expensive.
Well, I wanna see it.
The Carlyle Suite.
It's occupied.
And here we are.
The Presidential Suite.
Whoa.
Oh, my God.
This is amazing.
Ten presidents have stayed
in the suite.
It was last remodeled
in 2010,
but it was restored
to its original design.
Have you ever felt
Egyptian cotton?
What is this,
a king size?
The dining room table
is made from mahogany
that has been imported
from Brazil.
Oh, my God.
There's a kitchen
in here?
Yes.
What's this,
a little whiskey?
Uh, no.
It's not a little whiskey.
This is a Maclarnan Reserve.
Forty-one years.
This is perhaps
the greatest whiskey
that was ever distilled.
Is it any good?
No.
No, it's not any good.
It's perfection.
It starts... mellow.
Sweet.
A little fruity.
But you're gonna wanna hang on,
'cause it's about to get bold.
Suddenly, you taste the earth.
It's gritty,
like there's dirt in your mouth.
Smoky. Oaky.
Perfection.
It lingers for just a moment
and then seamlessly
transitions
into a peculiar finish of lemon
with a hint of cranberries.
And it's
a thousand dollars a bottle.
So let's just leave this here,
and let's go find you
a deluxe queen with a mini bar.
Well, wait, wait, wait.
How much is this room?
Two.
Two what?
2,000.
$2,000 for one night?
This is not
the Sheraton, sir.
No shit, Rupert.
Look, why don't we
find you a very nice room
but something simpler.
I got an idea.
There's no one here,
so is there any wavering
on the price?
(chuckles)
No, there's
no wavering, sir.
Why is that so funny?
It's--
No, it's not funny.
So do you want it?
Can I do, like,
half cash, half credit?
Gary here.
You know what to do.
-(line beeps)
-Gary! It's on, dude!
I'm at the Drake Hotel.
The Presidential Suite!
And it's pretty sweet,
all right.
Hi. It's Johnny.
Please leave a message.
(line beeps)
Yo, Johnny, what's up?
It's Perry.
Hey, I'm having a party.
I'm at the Drake Hotel.
Uh, the Presidential Suite!
All right, call me. Bye.
Hi. This is Pete.
Who are you? Leave a message.
Hey, Pete. What's up, man?
It's Perry Miller.
Hey, uh, I'm having
a rad party today,
so give me a call.
Gary here.
You know what to do.
(line beeps)
Gary. What's up, man?
It's Perry calling again.
I don't know
if you're getting
my messages or what,
but, uh,
give me a call, man.
I, um, wanna have
this party, so...
All right.
Talk to you later. Bye.
(imitating engine)
(imitates crash)
(toy car clattering)
(doorbell rings)
Who is it?
MAN: Room service!
Room service?
I didn't order
any room service.
MAN: Room service!
(laughing)
Hey! Gary!
Birthday guy.
What's up, man?
Wow.
What's up, Johnny?
That was me
doing room service.
You knew that, right?
Yeah, yeah.
This is Gypsy.
Hey, welcome
to my party.
Wow!
Are we the first ones here?
Yeah. Hey, where's Pete?
He's hungover,
so he can't make it.
Oh.
You have a kitchen
in your hotel room?
Yeah. Right?
This is wild, huh?
Unbelievable.
What's this?
Uh, probably the finest bottle
of scotch ever made.
Guys.
Finest bottle of scotch
ever made.
You want a shot?
JOHNNY: Yes!
Hey.
Gypsy, you want a shot?
PERRY: Gary, you can't
do shots of that stuff.
Why not?
It's like an antique.
You can't just gulp it down.
It's antique alcohol?
It's a thousand bucks
a bottle.
Oh, wow.
I mean, I'm very thirsty,
so, you know, you're
the host of the party and...
Very funny.
I'm just kidding around.
It's a joke. All right?
We're not
doing shots?
No, we're not doing shots.
Come on, Gary!
We're not doing shots.
All right, calm down.
Uh, let's get
everything started.
-Gypsy, you wanna get ready?
Give him a happy birthday?
-Okay.
Just give me
a couple minutes to change.
Who's she?
Okay, this is
a birthday present.
She's a friend of mine,
so it's a freebie.
So we're gonna put you--
What do you mean
by "freebie"?
It means you need to relax.
Hey, Gypsy,
where should I put him?
Should I put him here?
Fine.
All right.
So sit here.
Just relax.
Is she gonna strip?
No, I think she might
just read us the Bible.
-(laughs)
-Yeah, she's gonna strip.
She's a stripper.
That's what she does.
All right?
You rent out
this huge suite.
We're gonna play Scrabble?
Man, come on.
You know, you don't wanna
do shots of scotch, okay?
-It's too expensive, right?
Have a beer, okay?
-All right.
Chill out.
Okay, all right.
We're your friends, okay?
She'll do anything
you want.
You want a hummer?
Dude, don't say that.
That's someone's daughter.
Shut it!
Have a good time.
This is a party.
All right?
This is for you.
You wanted
to go crazy, right?
Yeah.
Well, this is
going crazy.
All right, Gypsy,
you ready?
Dude, if you don't want
the hummer, I'll take it.
That'll be the one freebie.
All right? For me?
Yeah.
You ready for this?
Whoo!
Mm-hmm.
(Gary chuckles)
Yeah.
JOHNNY: Oh, man.
Oh!
-Do you dare touch it?
-(Johnny chuckles)
Sure. Why not?
No, no, no.
Guess not.
JOHNNY: Whoo!
Do you need music?
Do we have music around?
GYPSY: Mm-hmm.
(beatboxing)
(beatboxing)
GYPSY: Thank you.
(continues)
-Does that sound right?
- (continues)
Hey, do you mind
using a coaster?
(laughs)
Seriously, can you put
a coaster under that?
-JOHNNY: Dude,
are you serious?
-Yeah. Here, you too.
They're not even open.
You gotta.
-JOHNNY: Are you insane?
-Take the beers
off the table.
-It doesn't matter.
There's a show going on.
-Do it. Here.
One second.
JOHNNY: Are you insane?
-Is this a joke?
-Stop! Stop!
I'll do it.
My table at home
is full of rings.
My kid
never uses a coaster.
-There's a beautiful woman
right there.
-Okay. All right.
(beatboxing)
Look that way.
That's for you!
Yeah! Fun!
(continues)
Yeah, hold on.
Give me one minute, okay?
I'll be right back.
What are you doing to me?
There's a woman right...
(door opens)
I'm sorry.
(door closes)
Oh, my God.
What the hell is
the matter with you?
All you ever talk about
is hanging out
with your buddies,
and now you're acting
like a total freak.
I mean, God,
what the hell?
Hey.
What's your problem?
Nothing, man. I'm fine.
You're fine?
Yeah.
"Use a coaster"?
You sound like my mom.
When you're in dad mode,
you just think
about stuff like that.
This isn't about
you being a dad.
This is about you
celebrating 40 years.
Forty years.
Think about that.
Right? It's party time.
You gotta celebrate that.
You can't get
that time back.
That should make you
a little insane.
Oh, man.
You're right.
Dude, my life
is so straight now.
I-- I watch House Hunters
ten times a week.
Dude, I'm this close
to losing my shit right now.
Then lose it.
Just lose your shit.
I'm gonna lose my shit.
You wanna lose your shit?
Yeah.
Let's lose it.
Let's go insane.
Okay.
Let's do it.
You deserve it.
Right.
Celebrate it.
You're right.
All right?
I miss the band, man.
Mm-hmm.
I just wanna get
the band back on again.
I know. So here's
what we're gonna do.
Let's lay it down
like there's no tomorrow.
All right.
All right?
-I know.
-I'm with you.
All right. I'm in.
Feeling good?
I'm in.
Honestly, I feel great.
Gypsy, let's go. He's ready
for some sexy-ass dancing.
All right.
You know what?
I got something I gotta say.
GARY: Oh, speech.
(Johnny chuckles)
I'm gonna sit down.
We haven't hung out in a while,
so this is special. All right.
I may have a bad back
that aches every morning
when I have to get out of bed.
I might have
a wife and two kids
and a mortgage to pay.
But you know what?
There is a damn good chance
that that TV flies
out the window today.
That's what
I'm talking about, man!
-Out the goddamn window!
-Yes!
Like the old days!
The old days!
GARY: Yes, that's it!
And I don't need
a coaster!
You're a punk.
Look at that.
That's gonna leave
a huge ring.
(cell phone ringing)
Ring that shit!
Tremendous.
Hold on.
My phone's ringing.
So what?
(ringing)
It's my wife.
(snickers)
Don't answer it.
I'm sure it's nothing.
(ringing)
Hey, baby.
Why aren't you
at the house right now?
The house?
My parents are waiting
at the house, Perry.
They're locked out.
Remember?
You're supposed to let them in
at your lunch break.
Oh, damn it. Oh, God--
I'm so sorry.
Okay.
I'll be right there.
Okay? I'm sorry. Bye.
My in-laws are locked out.
So what? I don't care.
I have to let them in.
I told you not to answer
the phone, dumb-ass.
I know.
(sighs) I have
to let them back in.
Can't they just break in
or something?
Give me a break.
They can't break
in the house.
Well, you've
got people here
and everything.
Well, just make
yourselves at home.
Just hang out.
Watch TV or something.
But, hey, don't touch
the mini bar.
Okay? Because
I already ate, like,
a $10 box of Twizzlers.
You're being
a very bad host.
All right,
I'll be right back.
We just got here!
Well, I can see
I'm gonna have to clean out
these gutters while we're here.
And fix that mailbox.
And what's with all
the trash in the driveway?
Maybe you should
just clean it up
and not say anything, Walt.
Is that him?
Yep.
WALT: Look at his pants.
Hey. Hey, guys.
Oh, man,
I'm so sorry I'm late.
Hey, Joan.
Hi, Perry.
Hey, Walt.
Perry.
PERRY: There we go.
All right. I'm just
gonna let you in and--
Let me get that for you.
Thank you.
You bet.
I only got a second.
I gotta get back to work.
(exhales) Jesus.
Back to work.
You know, if you used coasters,
you wouldn't get marks
on the table like this.
Oh, yeah.
I tell Salome
all the time,
but she doesn't
always get it.
You know, I've been thinking.
Maybe I should take a crack
at that playhouse out there.
What do you mean?
Just spruce it up a little,
make it look like
an actual house.
Never mind.
Maybe I shouldn't
say anything.
What are you
talking about, Walt?
Nothing!
Forget it.
You promised.
(sighs)
You're right, Joanie.
Listen.
(whispering)
Yes, but--
(whispering continues)
Please, try to be nice.
Okay?
WALT: I don't mean
to be critical,
but, you know, your effort
is just kind of... lacking.
Walt.
I think Salome
likes the house.
He means
you didn't put
your heart into it.
But that's okay.
Not everyone is good
at putting their heart
into things.
I'm sorry I'm not
a professional wood person.
I know.
We can work on it together.
You wanna help me?
JOAN: That's a great idea.
You know,
that is a great idea,
but I have to--
All right. So we'll
get dessert then, right?
Yes. That's the whole--
(knocking)
Coaster, please.
Yeah, hold on.
Hey, Pete.
How you feeling?
I need a drink.
Yes, you do.
There's a little mini bar
over there.
I like your glasses very much.
Hello.
Oh, hi.
Uh, come on in, ladies.
Make yourself at home.
Yeah, seriously,
I gotta get back to work.
Hi, guys.
Not now, Joan.
We're in the middle
of something.
I just wanna
talk to Perry.
Can't it wait?
Perry,
you'll have to show us
Salome's fancy new guitar.
Didn't you guys get her
a new guitar
for the talent show?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, we did.
Well, where is it?
Uh--
You-- I got it.
He probably lost it.
No, I didn't lose it.
Well, then,
where is it, Perry?
(cell phone rings)
Um--
Can you guys
give me just one second?
(ringing)
(ringing)
Hey.
Hey, are you
coming back or what?
Yeah, I'm coming back.
Hey have you seen
a guitar around there?
A guitar?
Uh, I see no guitar.
Are you sure?
It's got a dinosaur on it.
I'm very sure I see
no guitar or a dinosaur.
Hey, I got a question.
Is it okay
if we put in an order
for, uh, room service?
Room service?
Maybe just
a couple simple things.
Maybe some pizza,
some BLT's kind of thing.
No, man.
That shit's expensive.
Oh, yeah.
But the thing is,
you know, we're very hungry.
Why didn't you eat
before you came?
Because it's
a birthday party.
There's food at parties.
Are you sure we can't
put an order in?
Because the thing is,
I already placed one
and everything.
What? No, man.
Call them back and cancel.
I don't think they
allow you to do that.
You know what?
They're delivering it
right now.
Gary!
Sorry, man.
We got hungry.
Ah, goddamn it, Gary.
Don't do anything else.
I'll be right back.
Did you find
the guitar, Perry?
Yeah. It's...
(sighs)
I know where it is.
Oh, shit.
The garbage
was today.
I didn't
put it out. It...
I'll see you.
I told you he lost it.
Hey, Denise.
Have you seen
a guitar around here?
I put it
in the office.
(sighs) Oh, my God.
I thought I lost it.
But Jake's having
a meeting in there.
JAKE: Yeah.
Sounds incredible.
I just, uh--
This is clear that--
Perry.
Hey, what's up?
What are you
doing here?
I was looking
for Salome's guitar.
You see it around?
Right over there.
(sighs)
Am I interrupting something?
No. No, man.
Uh, we're just, uh--
just talking.
You remember Drew,
our lawyer.
How you doing, Perry?
What are you guys
talking about?
Uh, we were--
Why don't you
have a seat, Perry?
Uh, so...
in your father's will,
where he left
you guys the business,
he also included
a little provision
pertaining to your stake
in the ownership.
What little provision?
Basically,
if I feel like you're
not pulling your weight,
I have the option
of buying you
out of the company.
Buying me out?
Yeah.
What does that mean?
That means
that you wouldn't
work here anymore.
Or receive any
of the profits.
Well, what
would I do then?
And what does
that mean for me?
First of all,
you'd get
a nice chunk of money.
Oh, yeah.
And then you'd have
to find another job.
What if I don't feel
like you're pulling
your weight?
Me?
You.
I mean, that's not--
It doesn't seem
like that's an option.
I am pulling my weight.
If I may, gentlemen.
Actually, he didn't actually
stipulate for Jake's weight.
Oh, my God.
That figures.
He always liked hanging out
with you more anyway.
That's not true.
I think it-- You know,
it's just... Jake's older.
What? He's not older.
No, I'm younger.
Oh. Sorry. I--
I thought you--
You seemed older, so--
Got it.
Yeah, we got that.
You actually seemed
younger, Perry, so I--
No, dude.
I'm the older brother.
He's the older brother.
Drew, you wanna give me
a second with my brother?
Sure.
Step outside.
No problem.
Thank you.
It was great
to see you.
You too, guys.
Just go upstairs,
and I'll be
up there in a second.
(chuckles)
(footsteps)
He doesn't know
what he's talking about.
You're seriously thinking
about buying me out
of the family business?
Hold on a second, okay?
I'm trying to help you.
That's all.
Of course you're gonna take it
like I'm doing something
personal to you, and I'm not.
I just-- I look at you
and, you know, you remind me
of one of those days
when it's rainy and sunny
at the same time.
You know what I'm saying?
What are you
talking about?
I'm talking about that I think
you're confused, Perry.
I am not confused.
I think you're very,
very, very confused.
I am not confused.
I like rainy, sunny days.
They're weird.
No, not rainy, sunny days.
I'm talking
about a sunny, rainy day.
What's the difference?
I'm talking about
a day that's raining,
but there's bits of sun.
It's mostly
sheets of rain.
You're confused.
And you're confusing
everyone around you.
Are you happy or sad?
It's coming down.
Forget it.
Look,
just be a regular day.
You know?
Like everyone else.
I mean, I feel--
Look, I'm gonna
be honest with you.
I feel like you're scared.
You're scared to live
in the normal world
like the rest of us.
You've always been like that.
What am I supposed
to say to Karen?
Don't worry about Karen.
I talked to Karen.
She supports this.
You talked to my wife
about firing me?
I talked to your wife
about her opinion,
not about firing you.
I'm not firing you.
If you wanna do this--
If you can fully commit
to the hardware store--
No.
You don't, right?
No, no.
You're right. I don't.
Full-heartedly commit
to the hardware store--
You're right. Whatever.
I'm a rainy,
sunny day, Jake.
You're a sunny, rainy day.
I'm a sunny, rainy day.
Yes, yes. You're confusing.
Whatever.
-I'm outta here.
-You're confusing me.
-You say you wanna do it,
then you don't.
-I'm outta here.
Perry--
I love you too.
Perry, come on.
Don't do this.
You're an asshole.
(sighs) Perry!
Perry!
Perry?
MAN: Perry!
There he is.
Oh--
What's up, big man?
Hey. I-- I gotta go.
I gotta go.
Hey, what do you think?
Snow blowers? Snow shovels?
What do
you recommend?
I have no idea.
Ask my brother.
Do you like poker?
We got a game tonight.
No, I don't
really play poker.
You gotta play.
You gotta play.
It's easy.
Guys, we--
Honestly, we have
nothing in common.
Or we have everything
in common. (chuckles)
-That's another way
to look at it.
-Yeah.
The way our kids do
everything together.
They go to school together,
play together,
do dance together.
Overnights.
Overnights.
Birthday parties.
Soccer practice.
I see this guy
12 times a week.
You think I like him?
I don't like him.
He's a nerd.
-I don't like him either.
-Oh, man.
But we share
a common bond.
I gotta go.
Yeah.
(horn honks)
(horns honking)
CHRISTY: Perry!
(sighs)
Hi again.
Hey, how's it going?
(chuckles)
You okay?
Not really.
I'm just running around
right now.
So...
Oh, shit.
What?
Oh, my God.
That's Joan Jett.
Yeah, I know.
No, no, no, no.
It's Joan Jett.
That's why I'm here.
I'm her manager.
She has a show tonight.
What?
Yeah.
You didn't want to
lead with that earlier?
Can I introduce you?
This is a really old friend
of mine, Perry.
-Sure.
-Oh, hey. How you doing?
Pleasure
to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
Pleasure to meet you too.
Yeah.
My mother-in-law's name
is Joan.
(soft chuckle)
(groans)
We should get going.
The car's outside, so...
All right.
See you, Perry.
Have a good day.
Say hi to your
mother-in-law.
I will.
Oh, God.
"My mother-in-law's name
is Joan"?
Jesus Christ.
Oh, Mr. Miller.
How are you
enjoying your stay?
Yeah. Uh, it's--
Great.
Listen,
I see you're carrying
a guitar
and I just wanted to
inform you that the hotel
has a strict no-party policy.
Uh-huh.
I'm not having a party.
Great.
Because if there
is any damage done
to that hotel room...
we will prosecute.
(scoffs)
Okay, cool.
(panting)
(laughter)
(rock)
(dog barking)
Oh, my God.
Finally, bro.
WOMAN: Whoo!
(man shouting)
Gary!
What the hell
is going on?
What do you mean?
Who are these people?
Friends.
Whose friends?
People's friends,
friends of friends.
I don't know.
So they're strangers,
basically.
Well,
not to each other.
You wanted to have a party.
This is a party.
Oh, look who's here.
Pete!
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, oh.
Lordy, Lordy,
look who's 40.
Yeah, yeah, it happens.
Hey, Pete, how you doing?
You got a hangover?
Yeah. It's good.
I concocted a remedy.
It's scotch and tomato juice.
That sounds disgusting.
It's better if you use
a really good scotch.
Which this is amazing shit.
Have you tried this?
-Oh, my God.
You drank the scotch?
-I had to. I had a hangover.
-Gary, what did I say?
-I don't know.
-I said don't drink the scotch!
-Okay, I'm sorry.
Oh, you're sorry?
Oh, great.
Oh, my God.
(shouts)
Everybody shut up!
Hey! Don't scream
at everybody!
You tryin' to
freak everybody out?
Calm down.
Have a beer.
There we go.
So much nicer.
How's that feel?
(burps)
I need a nap.
Hey, you know,
you've really changed.
What the hell is that
supposed to mean?
You're just
no fun anymore.
(door closes)
(inaudible)
Perry?
Perry.
(whispers)
Perry. Wake up.
Hey, what's happening?
Hi.
How's your birthday going?
Oh, man, it sucks ass.
(chuckles)
What time is it?
It's about 5:30.
Is it still going on?
Oh, yeah.
There's like 100 people
out there.
(scoffs)
How long have you
been sleeping?
Oh, God. I don't know.
Like a couple hours
or something.
(scoffs)
Oh, my God, my neck.
What?
Let me rub it for you.
No.
Oh. That's awesome.
Oh, I brought you
something.
Happy birthday.
What is this?
It's tickets
for Joan's show tonight.
No way! Really?
Yeah.
With backstage passes.
You should come
and hang out with me.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, how are things?
How's your life?
How have you been?
Things.
Things are...
Things are good.
Yeah?
Yeah.
That's good.
I mean,
seems a little weird.
You got this really
nice hotel room.
There's a bunch of people
out there partying,
but you're in here
taking a nap.
So...
what's really
going on?
Oh, I don't know.
I don't know
what the hell I'm doing.
Yeah?
Yeah.
I don't know. I--
I think I'm going through
some kinda, like, mid-life
freak-out or something.
(chuckles)
Yeah, it's like...
I'm just thinking
about the path not taken.
Mmm.
Like what?
(scoffs)
Oh, just stupid shit.
Like how we should
have never signed
that stupid record deal.
I put everything I had
into that record, and then
they just totally dumped it.
Yeah.
They did.
I really loved
that record though.
Really?
I thought
it was really great.
Wow. Thanks.
Mmm.
I think about you a lot.
Really?
Yeah.
I knew it was
your birthday.
I didn't know
it was today exactly, but...
I always know
this time of year,
when the weather changes.
Always reminds me.
What do you think about?
I think you're
my path not taken.
(chuckles)
Get outta town.
(chuckles)
Really?
Yeah.
We had
so much fun together.
You just have
this really great way
of sort of making
everything really exciting
and each moment
always just felt so alive
and...
I'm not like that anymore.
Yeah, you are.
You are. I can tell.
Well, I don't know.
I loved
how you'd always play me
your songs first.
(chuckles)
I always got to be
the first person to hear 'em.
(sighs)
(sighs) Oh, my gosh.
That was a long time ago.
Mmm.
Do you still write music?
Yeah, sometimes.
When I'm not totally
exhausted.
(inhales)
You smell the same.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Christy.
Yeah?
I can't go there.
I can't go there.
I'm s-- No, no, no.
No, no, no.
No, no, no, no.
Do you wanna, like,
hear a new song?
I have a new song.
Really?
Really.
Okay.
Okay, hold on one second.
Capo.
(chuckles)
(exhales)
All right.
I don't know
what I'm doing.
Here we go.
Where can I find the city
of shining light
In an ordinary world?
How can I leave a buried
treasure behind
In an ordinary world?
The days into years
roll by
It's well that
I live until I die
Ordinary world
Mmm
What would you wish
if you saw a shooting star
(phone chirps)
In an ordinary world?
I'd drive to the end
of the earth and afar
In an ordinary world
- Maybe I don't have much--
-(phone chirps)
Just ignore that.
I'm sorry.
I think you got a text.
I know, but it's... stupid.
Don't even...
We can do this
another time.
No, I'm sorry about that.
I didn't-- Please.
No, please, come on.
Please.
No, that's cool.
No, Perry, I swear.
I loved it.
It's okay.
I loved it.
Please finish.
It's all good.
I feel like Joan
would really love it.
I would love
to play this for her.
(door opens)
-Dude, wake up!
-I am awake.
Good news.
The band is gonna play.
-Really?
-Yeah.
We're setting up right now.
Holy shit.
-(panting)
-MAN:
Two-two-two two-A.
Thanks for coming,
you guys.
Uh, where's Perry?
Where's Perry?
Perry, get out
of that bedroom!
WOMAN: Perry!
GARY: Wanna hear some music?
Yeah!
Very important to get
your rest these days.
There's a handicapped ramp
over here if you wanna--
(chuckles)
My friend here had the audacity
to turn 40 today.
MAN: No!
Four-zero.
Ahh! Timber!
(chuckles)
This guy, we love him.
I love him.
He's the best.
He's got a new job
right now.
What is it you're doing?
You're changing
baby diapers and
filling up baby bottles?
-GUESTS: Aww.
-I'm telling you, this guy--
I am a witness to this.
He was a lunatic.
He was nuts. He was crazy.
All right,
this guy right here was
rock 'n' roll to the core.
Still am!
(microphone feedback)
-Yeah!
-(chuckles)
-You're looking good, though.
-Come on, man. Let's do this!
You see the wrinkles
up close.
Wait!
He needs his guitar!
What's that? We have a guitar
on its way here.
What is this?
Hold on, man.
That's my daughter's guitar.
Be careful.
-What is it?
-Oh. I'm so sorry.
Yes, we've got
children's music
for you today.
A dinosaur.
(scattered laughter)
(bumps)
Easy. That's my daughter's
guitar, man.
Rock and roll! Dinosaurs.
Gary, come on, man.
(laughs)
Sit there, man.
Pull up a chair so he can see.
I want him to see the band.
I am looking for Seor Newt.
Newt, where are you?
There he is.
Get up here!
(cheering)
MAN: Go, Newt!
Let's do this.
Shut up!
-What's going on?
Who the hell is this guy?
-That's Newt.
Is he-- Is he in the band?
Yeah.
You're not gonna wanna
stand there, buddy.
-When the hell did this happen?
-Are you kidding?
I'm not in the band?
-You haven't been in the band.
-Get off the stage, old man!
Shut up!
Get out of my room!
-Asshole, it's my room!
- (heavy rock)
- (drums pounding)
-(cheering)
(screaming)
No one wants to
hang out with me
Like I'm a social disease
With a mental deficiency
I got a growth on my lip
and my face
(continues)
But it's bleeding
like an open sore
(continues)
I look so repulsive
I look so repulsive
I got such a fever
Breaking out is useless
Have my nervous breakdown
It's my mental shakedown
(continues)
(growls)
(continues)
That I wander
through the city
That's my daughter's guitar!
(grunting)
(grunting)
I look so repulsive
I look so repulsive
I got such a fever
Everybody out.
(amplifiers crackle)
What? What? What?
You're a communist!
Get off of me!
RUPERT:
The party is over.
Everybody out!
I told you. No parties.
Get him
in the bedroom.
Get them
into the bedroom.
Cops are on their way.
Salome, come on, babe.
We're gonna be late!
I'm right here, Mom.
Oh, good.
Where's Dad at?
I don't know, hon.
I'm having trouble
getting ahold of him.
Well, can I call him?
Yes, sure.
In the car.
Come on, guys.
Mom, Dad!
(vacuum whirring)
GARY: What is your problem?
You say you wanna have a party.
Then when it happens,
you're all bent out of shape.
Well, maybe if you invited
some people I know, Gary.
What? You think I wanted
to spend my entire Tuesday
organizing a birthday party?
I wake up
to your voice mails.
You're all fired up,
ready to go,
ready to burn down the city,
so I drop everything
for you.
I gotta say.
It's very typical of you.
What do you mean,
typical?
This is just what you do.
I mean, I should have learned
my lesson years ago
when you walked out
on the band.
(scoffs)
I did not walk out on the band.
You walked out--
You know you did.
I did not walk out
on the band.
Are you kidding me?
What was it then?
Gary, I had a kid.
Mm-hmm.
We were having a baby.
We had to take a break.
It was just a hiatus.
It was a hiatus?
Yeah.
Give me a break.
How long is that hiatus?
Forever?
You remember the tour?
Right? With Mudhoney.
You remember that?
Thirty cities.
That would have
been huge for us.
It was all lined up.
Do you ever think about
what that could have led to?
Every day.
Yeah.
A million things.
You know, we could have been
touring right now.
I mean, we struggled for
how many years together?
You know, I put
my heart and soul
into the band.
And...
I was counting on you.
I don't know. I guess
I just never understood
the whole kid thing.
(door opens)
You can go.
Gary. (sighs)
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
I'm over it.
Hey, you want
these tickets?
To what?
Joan Jett.
I can't go.
I got a talent show
for my kid.
Hell, yes.
Thank you very much.
-Yeah.
-You know,
we should play sometime.
-Just get together and jam.
-Yeah, man.
That's all I wanna do anyway.
Yeah, that's so great.
Come on. Let's go.
You're free.
Oh, not you,
Mr. Miller.
Cuff him.
Yep.
-What?
-All right, turn around.
You gotta be
kidding me. I--
Can you get my cell phone out?
I warned you,
Mr. Miller.
Have a seat.
(sighs)
I gotta call my wife.
Dude, I need to make a call.
-Wait here.
-(sighs)
I need to call my wife.
(line ringing)
-(cell phone ringing)
-(scoffs) God!
I gotta call my wife.
Perry, call me.
This is ridiculous.
We need the guitar.
Get over here.
Where is the guitar?
Hi. Can you tell me
when Salome Miller is?
Uh, seventh.
Seventh.
C-Could she go last?
Yeah, sure.
Great, thank you.
You're going last.
Last but not least.
Are you okay, Mom?
Yeah.
Yeah. No, I'm--
Know what?
Maybe I'm a little nervous,
but it's just because
I'm so proud of you.
It's not because
Dad's not here?
No. No.
Come on. Shit.
-Well, I'll be damned.
-Dean!
I heard "Perry Miller"
on my radio,
and I thought it might be you.
(sighs)
Man, I'm so stupid.
I had a party.
It got out of hand.
Stupid, that's right.
Let me talk to him.
Wait, wait, wait!
Can you get my pho--
Aw.
-Ten minutes, you guys.
Ten minutes.
-Ten minutes?
I'm gonna go back to the car
and get your dad's guitar.
Just in case. Okay?
I'll be right back.
(giggling)
-Okay, Miller.
-All right, Perry.
PERRY: Oh. Thanks, Dean.
Don't thank me.
Thank this nice gentlemen here
for showing you some compassion.
Thanks, Rupert.
Happy birthday, Mr. Miller.
Talent show.
(sighs)
Man, thank you so much
for getting me out of that.
They're gonna send you
a bill for the damages.
I'm screwed.
Yep.
Perry. Perry!
Oh, hey, Christy.
What's going on?
Are you okay?
Perry.
Oh, it's fine.
-He's a friend of mine.
-Oh.
Salome. Okay.
Break legs.
(kisses)
(sighs)
Look, I'm sorry.
I can't stop thinking
about that song.
I really love it, and
I want Joan to hear it.
Could you play it for her?
Perry!
It's starting, man.
I-I gotta go.
I cannot miss this.
(applause)
(woman speaks,
indistinct)
(siren wails)
(classical)
(exhales)
(snoring lightly)
(whispers)
Sorry I'm late.
Where have you been?
Has she gone up yet?
She's up next.
Where's
the new guitar?
(Simon fusses)
Perry.
Does she have my old one?
I can't believe you.
(applause)
(babbling)
(plucks string)
Hey, my name
is Salome Miller.
This is a song
that my dad taught me.
I think because
it's about him, so...
Look me in the eyes
And tell me
I'm satisfied
Are you satisfied?
Look me in the eyes
And tell me
I'm satisfied
Are you satisfied?
Everything goes so slowly on
Everything I've ever wanted
Tell me what's wrong
I'm so
I'm so
Unsatisfied
I'm so
Unsatisfied
KAREN: So proud of you.
SALOME: Go!
(chattering)
You are amazing.
Are you happy with it?
I'm proud of you.
It was fun.
I love watching you play.
I love you.
Can I come in?
Oh, look.
It's Mr. Forgetful.
Oh, yeah.
Mmm. In case
you can't remember,
your name is Perry Miller,
and this is your house, and
this is your daughter's bedroom.
I feel terrible.
Okay.
(scoffs)
Great song, kiddo.
It was all right.
All right?
I'm so proud of you.
I'm really sorry
about the guitar.
It really sucked, Dad.
I told all my friends
about the new guitar.
You did?
(sighs)
Well, just to let you know,
I'm not unsatisfied.
Sometimes
you're just not there.
Like this morning.
I was late to school
because you were, like,
playing your guitar.
And... you always say
we're supposed to support
each other in this family.
(sighs)
You're right.
I let you down.
But you know what?
It'll never
happen again, okay?
Hey, look at me.
I'm serious.
It will never happen again.
Okay.
By the way,
how was career day?
I just said you were in a band.
Really?
(sighs)
I'm not really
in a band anymore.
Unless you wanna
start a band with me.
Really?
Hell, yeah.
I don't
have a guitar.
Oh, yeah.
Well, we'll figure
something out.
Okay. I might be
in a band with you.
(chuckles)
Cool.
Hey, by the way,
how pissed is Mom?
About a six or a seven.
That's it?
I think she's just glad
you made it.
(scoffs)
Yeah. Me too.
Are we cool?
Yeah.
You sure?
Yeah.
Okay.
All right,
get some sleep, okay?
Okay.
Wow.
Big improvement on mine.
Really big improvement.
(creaks)
What do you think?
It's really cool,
man.
It's a good job, Dad.
Well, look inside.
Oh, I love it!
Wow. This is amazing.
It's pretty good.
But it's not finished yet.
I'm sorry about the guitar.
I know you're pissed.
I don't blame you.
Oh, you don't blame me?
No.
(laughs)
Well, thank you, Perry.
Thank you for not
blaming me for you
losing the guitar.
(chuckles)
Did Jake talk to you?
About me?
He always
talks about you.
No, but did you know
he was gonna fire me?
'Cause he fired me.
Yeah. Yeah,
he did say something.
Yeah.
And I thought
it was a good idea.
Get you out
from under the store.
So you guys were
talking about me?
No. I mean, I guess,
you know, sort of.
Maybe.
Maybe a little bit.
You know, but, Perry,
you hate that job.
Now you can do something
that inspires you.
Yeah, it sucks
you guys were talking
about me.
No, no, no, no.
It was a brief phone call.
He said he would
discuss it with you.
I didn't know he'd do it today.
I thought he'd wait
after your birthday.
Well, he did it today.
On my birthday.
-Today is not your birthday.
-(scoffs)
Karen.
I hate to break it to you,
but today is my birthday
and you forgot.
I'm not even mad.
I don't know.
I mean, I guess
I did kinda flip out,
and I feel bad about that.
I spent
a few thousand dollars.
What?
I know.
I think I'm going through
some kind of mid-life crisis.
Normally I wouldn't even care
if you forgot my birthday.
Today is not
your birthday.
Today is the 16th.
Tomorrow is your birthday.
What? No, it's not. I--
Didn't we talk about Salome's
talent show was on the same day
as my birthday?
We had that conversation.
Yes. Because
originally it was.
They had to move it back,
because there's a PTA thing
at the school tomorrow.
Today is the 16th.
Tomorrow is your birthday.
Oh, shit.
You spent
a few thousand dollars?
-On what?
-A hotel room and stuff.
-I'm sorry. I didn't know.
-You're lucky Jake is
giving you some money.
Karen, wait. Oh.
(thunder rumbles)
(raindrops pattering)
DEAN: Okay.
You can't play
if you don't know
the rules.
You don't know the rules.
I know all of the rules.
This happens
every single week.
-Hey, guys.
-DEAN: Whoa, whoa.
Shut up.
-Somebody said something.
-I didn't hear anything.
Guys, down here.
-JOE: Hey.
-PERRY: Hey.
-DEAN: What the hell
you doing in there?
-Just thinking.
TED: We were wondering
if you're up for poker.
Oh, not tonight, man.
I got a little family issue
I gotta take care of.
Fallout from today?
Yeah.
Thanks
for bailing me out,
by the way.
No, man, it was easy.
Hey, but next week,
I'm in.
Oh, you're in?
Yeah, I'm in.
I'm in the Dad's Group,
if you'll have me.
-Yeah.
Yeah, we accept criminals.
-Yeah, we'll make an exception.
Good to have you aboard, sir.
Good.
TED: He's in the group.
DEAN: Yeah.
Let's go get
some doughnuts.
JOE: How many are we gonna get?
DEAN: We should form
a doo-wop group.
What do you think?
A doo-wop group? Anybody?
Hey, it's the birthday boy.
Hey, Walt.
Did Karen go to bed?
Yeah.
She was all fired up.
Sounds like you're
in the doghouse.
Yeah.
-You want a drink?
-Um, yeah, sure. Why not?
You know, Perry,
I've been a little
hard on you sometimes,
but I just
want you to know,
I really appreciate
how much you love
and care for my daughter.
Thanks, Walt.
Yeah, I think I screwed up
pretty big this time.
Have you apologized to her?
Oh, yeah.
Mmm.
Then I'll tell you
what you do.
You go upstairs and tell her
you're sleeping on the couch.
You just grab
your pillow and say,
"Hey, honey, I'm sorry.
I'll just give you
a little space.
I'll sleep
on the couch tonight."
(whispers)
I don't wanna sleep
on the couch.
Don't worry.
You won't have to.
She'll forgive you
on the spot.
Trust me. I've done it
a thousand times.
Hmm.
(knocking)
Hey.
You know,
I was thinking, um--
Maybe I should sleep
on the couch tonight.
The couch?
Yeah, I figured I'd
give you your space and...
I'll just grab my pillow
and sleep on the couch.
Did my dad
tell you to say that?
No.
Hmm.
Sounds like something
my dad would say.
Yeah, he did.
Hmm. Well, that's not
gonna work with me.
So enjoy the couch.
All right.
(sighs)
KAREN: How's the couch?
Sucks.
I'm sorry.
Do you think this is something
we could look back on
and laugh about someday?
I have to be mad first.
How long is that
gonna take?
Long.
So this means
I get a free pass, right?
A freak-out pass?
If I ever decide to go
off the deep end.
Sure, you can freak out
if you want to.
Just let me know
in advance.
You don't want
the whole house
to burn down, do you?
You know what
freaks me out?
We're parents. Us.
Parents.
(chuckles)
I know. It's, like,
really weird, right?
For their entire lives,
we're gonna be
their mom and dad.
And when they go off to college
and they think about home,
they're gonna think about us.
When they get older
and have kids,
we're gonna be these
wise old grandparents.
But the truth is,
we're not wise.
We're just a couple of people
who met on the subway.
(scoffs)
We're not parents.
(chuckles)
You are.
You're good at it.
You're, like, Mom 101.
I'm just making stuff up.
No, you're not.
I'm acting like a mom
so they'll let me be in charge.
Well, that's smart.
That's what
makes you a natural.
Ohh.
I'm glad it looks that way.
You know,
you don't have to
freak out, babe.
Okay.
Neither do you.
I don't want you
to take this the wrong way.
But wanna watch
House Hunters
and get it on?
How am I supposed
to take that?
Just 'cause
it's your 40th birthday.
It's not because
you love me?
Because I love you.
I might love you.
Well,
you have to because
we have two kids.
Perry, you have two kids.
I have three.
(chuckles)
What? What are you
talking about?
Are you talking about me?
(chuckles)
What are you talkin' about?
SALOME: Dad!
(SIMON fussing)
SIMON: Dad! Dad!
Hey, what's up, homey?
How are you doing?
Yeah!
Oh! Let me see.
Hold it. Oh!
All right. Let's go.
Where can I find the city
of shining light
In an ordinary world?
How can I leave
a buried treasure behind
In an ordinary world?
The days into years
roll by
It's well that
I live until I die
Ordinary world
Mmm
What would you wish
if you saw a shooting star
In an ordinary world?
I'd walk to the end
of the earth and afar
In an ordinary world
What do you
guys wanna listen to?
The Beatles?
No, I want to
listen to Dad's band.
Me too.
Les Skunks!
Really?
I want you to play
"Devil's Kind."
I love that song.
She listens to it
all the time.
All right!
Les Skunks it is.
Yeah!
Happy birthday.
(rock intro)
Puke stains and cigarettes
The party is in my pocket
I'm lookin' for a drink
And a couch to call my own
Give me a bump
and I will come
And whisper dirty lies
The rapture in your ear
And we'll both be terrified
Bloodshot eyes
and you're peppermint
We could run like dogs
from the devil
Give me one last try
For your love tonight
I'll be the king forever
And you can be my sunshine
We are the devil's kind
We are the devil's kind
We are the devil's kind
And now I won't back down
I said I won't back down
I am the devil's kind
Take me into the water
And pull me
from the slaughter
Because I've got the shakes
And I'm so petrified
Bloodshot eyes
and you're peppermint
We can run like dogs
from the devil
Give me one last try
for your love tonight
I'll be the king forever
And you can be my sunshine
We are the devil's kind
We are the devil's kind
We are the devil's kind
And now I won't back down
I said I won't back down
I am the devil's kind
We are the devil's kind
We are the devil's kind
We are the devil's kind
And now I won't back down
I said I won't back down
I am the dev... kind
(ends)
She knits me
a plastic purple sweater
I'm staring blankly
to the sky
All right
She reads me
like a scarlet letter
She holds my heart
and arms to die
All right
Sometimes it ain't so bad
Like a soul lies on a slab
This is my life
in a body bag
She's got a diary of madness
She has a man of mystery
Oh, yeah
She dumped me
in a brand-new address
With a brand-new sweater
made for me
Oh, yeah
Sometimes it ain't so bad
Like a soul lies on a slab
This is my life
in a body bag
Oh, yeah
(ends)