1
Everyone's heard of the city
that never sleeps.
What about the mothers who never sleep
because their boys move to the city
and never call?
This is a story about three such mothers
and their three sons.
Oh! Stop the cab! Stop the cab!
Look where we are.
You guys are such profound assholes.
- It's time, Daniel.
- I know. I'm still deciding.
- You decided. You got a ring.
- Yes.
- You're getting engaged!
- Yes.
Right now? Isn't that fantastic?
I'm not asking Erin to marry me
tonight, drunk with girls in the car.
- No offense.
- Come on! Go!
- We're going to Matt's.
- D, I love you, but get out.
- Come on. Come on.
- Bye.
Look...
you are happy with Erin.
Like, happier than I've seen you since...
sixth grade.
Dude! Remember when you said
you'd have your first novel finished
by the end of the year,
three ends-of-the-years ago?
- Horrible pep talk.
- These are the facts.
She's hot.
I'm gonna do it if you don't.
- That's actually a better pep talk.
- Erin!
All right.
Baby! Erin!
- This is why we don't hang out anymore.
- Listen to me, okay?
This would be romantic.
This is the story
that she's gonna tell your kids.
She's gonna say, "That's the night
that he stormed up the stairs
and got down on one knee..."
And you asked if she would marry you.
- That is novel material.
- Novel material.
- It would be a pretty great story.
- Ahhh!
We were there
for every big life event
and now we're lucky
if we hear about anything at all.
Erin?
Daniel?
What the fuck?
There's a lot you don't know as mothers.
In fact, that's what bonded us
when the boys' friendship
launched our friendship
on a playground in Poughkeepsie.
Sometimes in our lives
We all have pain
We all have sorrow
But...
We've been through
so much together.
Graduations, proms, skinned knees,
emergency room visits, family vacations,
bad days, bad jobs.
And at every scary and unfamiliar stage,
the answer was always "friends."
That's Gillian.
She still has kids in the house,
they're just not hers.
Why are you teaching today?
It's just one lesson. He wants to play
this later for his mother.
- He still likes her.
- Daniel texted you already.
Nothing says "I don't wanna talk to you"
like a text.
- He said he misses us.
- That's nice.
Hmm. It's a lie.
But it's a nice lie.
And that's Helen.
She never ages.
At least, not publicly.
Frank, I have to run
a few errands before I go to Carol's.
Would you tell her that I could sell
her house tomorrow
if she just gave me the listing?
Are you spray-painting
the top of your head again?
I'm tall enough, so no one even sees it.
Unless you're sitting.
Carol talks a good game, Frank,
but she will never sell that house.
You'd have to sell it with her in it.
The three of us don't see
each other as often as we used to.
The boys are gone.
Husbands have come and gone.
But one tradition remains.
- I'm so glad we're still doing this!
- Happy Mother's Day!
Without husbands and kids,
it might actually be fun.
- I brought donuts.
- Oh!
I brought bourbon.
Like, I'm really going to drink a mimosa?
It's Mother's Day.
I knew I should have Ubered.
Guys, I think the guy
at the liquor store was flirting with me.
Oh, I can't remember the last time
someone flirted with me.
I bet it happens all the time.
You're just not flirting back.
Why do you flirt back? You're married.
Well, my marriage
isn't as perfect as yours, Gillian.
Besides, flirting isn't cheating,
it's just a little pick-me-up
for your ego.
It keeps your in shape, sexually speaking.
Ah, so it's sexercise.
Yes, women should sexercise daily.
Ooh! Terrific,
another thing that I'm not doing.
Come on!
There's nothing you're not doing.
Look at this spread.
And you're always volunteering...
Oh, please. I teach art
in a retirement home two days a week.
I'm hardly Mother Teresa.
And look at your house,
it's spotless.
The key to a clean house?
Dead husband.
Oh, God. That came out
much darker than I intended.
No, that's a great household tip.
What is with these flowers?
Come on, they get bigger every year.
Did Matt send these?
Yes. Delivered this morning.
Matty is the perfect son.
He never forgets.
- Is he dating anyone?
- He doesn't have time.
And he's helping to launch
some new sports magazine.
So, he just works, works out and sleeps,
so he says.
No, Paul is the same way,
he never mentions dating anyone.
God, I wish Daniel would date
someone other than that Erin.
She's not good enough for him.
I told him that.
Oh! And how did that go?
- He unfriended me.
- See? Now, that's why I'm not on Facebook.
- Aww.
- Oh!
- Remember how cute they were?
- Remember how cute we were?
When did I turn 50?
Oh, several years after I did,
so shut up and enjoy your youth.
I love that with us,
we don't have to lie about our age.
I love with us, we don't have to lie
about anything.
Hmm.
Look, I've just polished off
a whole donut in front of you two.
I didn't even pretend to only want half.
Come on, that's friendship.
Aww, you are so right.
I sent myself the flowers.
I've been doing it for a while now.
And each year
it gets more and more depressing
so I get bigger and bigger flowers.
Well...
but you don't include a note, do you?
No!
I would not write my own...
Yes.
What did the note say this year?
- You are the best mother ever.
- Yes.
- Well, you are.
- What son forgets Mother's Day?
What kind of son sends
a Mother's Day text?
Pass the bourbon.
Come on, lazy!
Buy me some bath salts.
Is that so difficult?
Hmm. A candle. A frame, something.
I should have sent myself flowers.
It's brilliant.
Daniel can't call me
from Long Island City?
God, I have a girl for him to meet.
The little jerk won't even call me back.
Paul stopped caring about me
when I married Frank.
Matt hasn't been home
since Finn's funeral.
And he barely came home for that,
stayed 16 hours, and he wore sneakers.
They were nice ones. They were Gucci.
What did we do wrong?
We did everything right.
That's what we did wrong.
And we raised our children to be
free-thinking, independent beings
and now, they just don't need us anymore.
Well, they're gonna need us again
when they have kids.
- When we're grandmothers.
- I don't want to be a grandmother, but...
I would like one Mother's Day card.
Motherhood.
That sinking feeling that
as your child's growing up
that you're being broken up with,
on a gradual but daily basis.
It's inhumane emotional waterboarding.
That is the best description
of motherhood I've ever heard.
Mm-hmm.
Well, at this stage, it doesn't feel like
motherhood. It feels like "otherhood."
Oh, my God, you're so right.
I don't want to be an other.
Me neither.
But what are we going to do?
Drive to Manhattan,
storm their apartments?
No, we've got to respect their space,
let them individuate, blah, blah, blah.
Except...
it's fucking Mother's Day.
Come on, Carol!
We're doing this!
I'm so excited!
Okay. All set.
Oh, my God. See ya!
- I need some grown-up luggage.
- This is my good-luck bag from Guatemala.
Here we go! Yay!
And now someone else
Is getting all your best
These boots are made for walking
And that's just what they'll do
And one of these days
These boots are gonna walk all over you
- Go, go boots!
- Hear us, boys?!
We should go
on America's Got Talent.
You keep lying
When you ought to be truthing
What was wrong with the old bridge?
You keep losing
When you ought to not bet
She was sagging...
a little.
What's right is right
But you ain't been right yet
These boots are made for walking
And that's just what they'll do
One of these days these boots
Are gonna walk all over you
I think the bourbon just wore off.
Have we really thought this through?
What if the boys don't want to see us?
Mother isn't just a noun,
it's a verb. It requires action.
I read that some place.
- Well, I teach on Tuesdays.
- Just call in sick.
That's what I did for the first time
in... ever.
I brought five clean pairs of underwear.
Hey, I might be sick all week.
All week?
Well, how long are we staying?
Until we feel like mothers again.
Why can't we feel like mothers
from a hotel room?
Now, that is a valid question.
Because we're not on vacation,
we are on a mission.
And they can deal with having us
in their homes for a few days.
- They were in ours for 18 years.
- Hmm.
You got this, champ!
Go in and call us when you're in!
Gillian, I can't do this!
Oh, you can!
You're gonna do really great.
No, no. Let's stop this.
Yeah, you are!
Don't take no
for an answer. Make him love you!
Helen, Gillian! Wait!
- Yeah.
- Hi, I just happen to be in the neighbor...
I'm downstairs, it's your mo...
Mom?
- Uh, what are you...
- I was just missing you today.
- Shit, it's Mother's Day.
- Is it?
- I was gonna call.
- Can I come in?
Yeah. Of course. Please.
Please. Um...
I sent the elevator.
Oh, It's just five floors.
Well, can I get you something?
Well, you didn't even hug me.
I...
You caught me off guard.
Happy Mother's Day, Mom.
- Ah, let's just sit.
- Yeah.
Uh, let's just put this away.
That's gone. And stack that up.
That's not even...
I've been thinking about
our relationship and, um, I...
I don't think we have one.
What? Mom.
Mom, you are my mom.
How could we not have one?
What's my favorite flower?
- We have a relationship.
- Then tell me something about me.
Okay, there are a thousand things
that I know about you.
Irises.
I... I knew that.
Um, I want to stay for a few days.
What? No. Mom. I mean, why?
Because you still live
like a 15-year old, sweetheart,
I mean, look!
Look at this mess.
I'll clean while you think of ten things
that you honestly know about me.
Okay, Mom. Ten?
- It's going to take me days to clean...
- Mom! Mom!
I have a woman for that.
Well, how often does she come?
Biannually?
Mm-mmm.
Hey, it's Daniel Lieberman.
I'm guessing you know what to do.
Oh, God.
Did you get in?
Yeah. I got in.
Tell me something.
Does Paul have drapes?
Matt has 75 pairs of
brand new sneakers,
but no drapes.
Yes, Paul has drapes.
Listen...
would you mind
if I called you back tomorrow?
Oh, yeah, sure, sorry.
Enjoy!
Okay. Yeah, I will. Goodnight, honey.
Just stop.
I'm a coward, okay? Hey.
Hey. Thank you.
How's it going with Paul?
Good. Paul has been very gracious.
He just poured me a drink.
How's it going with Daniel?
I'm going to go by in the morning.
Daniel's not answering the phone.
I think he's got that caller ID thing.
But I'll tell you this, Long Island City
is the place to go
if you want to be stabbed.
'Cause I was terrified
to get out of my car.
Hey, have you heard of this place,
the Hudson Hotel?
It's where Joel got the best rate.
Oh, yeah. It's supposed to be cool.
It's really cool. I mean,
it's more like a club than a hotel.
And the bellboys are gorgeous.
Gillian, you scamp.
Uh, I'm gonna ambush
Daniel when it's light.
Oh, listen.
It is okay that you decided to wait.
It's a difficult thing to do.
I don't blame you.
Actually... I've...
I've...
Oh, hey,
can you tell Paul that I said hi?
Hmm.
Gillian says hello.
Paul says hello back.
- All right, sweet dreams.
- Okay.
- Night, hun.
- Good night.
I found some sausages
in your freezer.
Took the skillet I gave you for college
graduation out of the box.
Well, I don't eat breakfast.
You used to eat breakfast.
"Most important meal of the day."
Yeah, according to Dad,
and whoever said it originally.
Probably someone involved
in the cereal business.
I need to get dressed and get to work.
Oh, well, don't let me stop you.
- Are those banana pancakes?
- Mmm.
Well, I guess one...
wouldn't kill me.
- It's after 8:00, you're late.
- Hi. I...
And if you touch anything on my desk,
you're fired. Understand?
- I'm here to see Paul.
- He'll pay you. Andre!
- Don't mess up.
- Okay.
Oh!
- Hi.
- Hi.
You're the new housekeeper.
I'm Paul's mother.
I'm Helen.
- Right, yes, sorry. Hi, I'm Andre.
- Hi.
- Nice to meet you.
- Are you...
are you Paul's boyfriend?
I'll see if he's dressed.
Um... I just made some coffee.
- I'd love some coffee.
- Please, join me.
Uh...
Paul never officially came out to me,
you know.
- So...
- Did you ever ask?
It wasn't my place to ask.
It was his place to tell.
I'm sure at some point he knew I knew,
but we never, you know...
talked about it.
Ah, well, my parents are visually deaf,
I mean...
Hello?
What do you do, Andre?
Uh, as little as I can get away with.
Oh!
He never alters his pattern.
I can tell by the creaks in the floor
when he's about to come downstairs.
Oh!
Oh, my God. I owe you a blow job.
- Your mother.
- Your mother.
Surprise!
Hey, Mom!
Boo!
I know it doesn't make any sense
for me to try to maintain that house.
It's in constant need of repairs.
And no one's even been in the pool
since your father died.
- So, just sell it.
- But we've been there for 20 years.
- I haven't.
- He didn't want me to be alone,
and I don't want to be, but...
the mattress...
it sags where your father slept.
And I keep thinking,
"Maybe I should just buy a new one."
But if I did that, then...
the mattress wouldn't sag
where your father slept.
Well, that's a nice greeting
for your mother.
What's a nice greeting?
I didn't say anything.
That's what I'm talking about.
Are you and Dad fighting or something?
I came to see if you were okay.
I'm fantastic.
You... want a screwdriver or something?
Are you trying to make me cry?
Can you not threaten me with feelings, Ma?
Just don't worry about me.
Your life is your life. Mine is mine.
Oh, that's the stupidest thing
I've ever heard.
If everyone was just here for themselves,
life would be pointless.
Life is pointless.
Children give your life meaning.
You are the point of my life, Daniel.
Please, don't make me question
my existence.
- Oh, my God, Ma. What are you doing here?
- Really?
That's where we are? I drive for hours
and hours and the first thing
- you say is, "What are you doing here?"
- It wasn't the first thing I said,
- it was the last thing I said.
- Okay.
I'll go. If you don't want me, I'll go.
I'll just get my bag...
Ma, I'm not saying I don't want you.
I'm just wondering why you didn't call me
first to tell me you were coming.
You didn't call me on Mother's Day.
I'm not holding that against you.
I texted you.
I birthed you.
Anyway, that's not why I'm here.
I found you a nice Jewish girl.
You weren't even Jewish.
I converted, for you.
Okay, you converted for Dad.
Yes, so we could raise our kids as Jews.
So, stop dating the shiksas.
Are you talking about Erin?
Erin. What kind of name is that?
It's like the leftovers
of a Scrabble hand.
Mm-hmm. That's a character flaw now?
Her name?
You met her once,
you barely even spoke to her.
- You never even gave her a chance.
- I saw her social media.
A lot of Margarita nights.
She's a drinker.
- I'm a drinker.
- You're a thinker.
You use alcohol as a coping mechanism.
That's the definition of alcoholism.
You're an intellectual,
she's a hairdresser.
Hairstylist. And so what?
So, let her style your hair,
but don't procreate with her.
That is so classist and offensive.
And it's over.
So, why don't you just move on, okay?
I have.
Remember the Brimers?
- Ivan and Joan.
- No.
On the corner, with that horrible shih tzu
that bit you when you were six.
Yeah, I remember the dog.
Well, Joan's sister has a nephew
by marriage in Yonkers,
and he gave me this number
of this brilliant woman from his temple.
She's just been through a painful divorce,
which apparently was not her fault at all.
Okay, good to know.
And she is a beautiful person.
She's friends with his wife.
Oh, my God. Ma, you've never
even met her, have you?
I saw her social media.
She is smart.
She did a beach clean-up.
Daniel, she's starting to think
about dating again.
We got to get in there fast.
When I reached out to her,
I told her that you were nearby
and in a similar boat. She said
she would love to hear from you.
Why have you done this?
Her name is Alison.
She graduated from Brown.
She has a political science degree.
She does something in television.
Okay, let me get this straight.
You want me to go on a date
with this woman
based on the fact that she attends temple
with some guy in Yonkers,
who's somehow related to the woman
whose dog bit me when I was a kid.
You can't hold that horrible dog
against her.
I'm not talking about the dog, Ma.
I'm talking about your insanity.
Ooh! Good shot.
Have you had a date
since you've lived here?
I don't think this apartment
is helping at all.
It's like you're living in Gollum's cave.
Okay, Ma, thanks for the dating advice.
Please, just leave it. Please.
I'm not leaving New York
until you call her.
You can't force me
to go on a date with someone.
I call it prodding,
a gentle little nudge.
Okay, I'll be back at supper time.
I need my Mace and my keys.
I'll be back. Alive.
Hopefully.
Hi, is this Alison?
It's... It's... Daniel Lieberman.
My mom said I should call you.
So, Paul lives with his... Andre?
Yes, and some other people.
It's kinda great.
It's sort of a group home for gays.
There's an older Wall Street guy
that owns the place
and a tiny man who is very abrupt.
And I told Andre I was gonna cook
for the whole gang tonight.
You? Cooking? That's more shocking
than your son coming out.
Well, apparently he's been completely out
to everybody but me.
- Honey, he just assumed you knew.
- I did know.
- Well, we all knew.
- No, I didn't
Why am I the last to get the memo?
You're not. Larry is.
He had one foot out the door
by the time Paul was in high school.
So, I thought, "I'm gonna let him
find out by himself."
You know, his only son, it's gonna drive
that closed-minded, lying dickhead crazy.
Oh, Larry!
Can we talk about something else?
Absolutely. How is Daniel?
Ugh.
It's worse than I imagined,
and that's never happened to me before.
- I under worry.
- Hmm!
Well, all the more reason
for you to leave your hotel
and move in like Helen and I did.
Yeah, I'm in a hotel, too.
What?
Yes, I know what I said.
But, you know, Paul's got his plate full
and he doesn't need a house guest
on top of it, you know?
So, he forgot Mother's Day. Big deal.
- Big deal?
- Yeah.
What? You got me drunk
and made me come here.
But, seriously?
How do you live in this town
and forget Mother's Day?
Look! Mother, mom, mama, mtter,
madre, maman.
This is Joseph.
Look at these cute bags. Let's go in.
No. Paul does Joseph.
He did these windows.
I am so moving in with that fucker.
Hi.
Are you the famous writer?
Either my mom exaggerated,
or you're meeting someone else.
I'm Alison.
- Daniel. Hi.
- Hello.
You write for The New Yorker.
That's, um, pretty famous.
I don't write for The New Yorker.
Oh, I thought your mom said
that you did write for The New Yorker.
The New Yorker published
one short story of mine four years ago...
- Yay!
- ...which...
resulted in a very small book deal,
but as of yet, no book.
- Oh.
- The rest of my work
if you can call it that is in literary
journals no one's ever heard of.
- No, I might have heard of them.
- No, you haven't.
Come on, tell me.
- The Willacoochee River Journal.
- No.
- It's funny, right?
- You're making that up.
I wish I could make that up.
Sadly, that is nonfiction.
That is my life.
My mom should talk less.
Yeah, but if your mom talked less,
we wouldn't be here right now.
So, you know, thank God
for your mother, right?
Daniel!
If you're there
and you're pretending you're not,
I'm never talking to you again.
Or maybe that's what you want.
Daniel!
What?
My God! This is totally unsafe.
Oh, come on. It's open?
Come on, old girl. You still got it.
Okay.
Ah! Mice!
So, you lived in New York?
Did I ever.
I worked in fashion at the time.
I met Paul's father at Studio 54.
- No.
- Yeah.
Fabulous.
Oh, yes, and ridiculous.
You're supposed to have sex
with people you meet there.
Do drugs with them, not marry them.
I think Larry fell in love with me
for my looks
and just tolerated me
for everything else.
Does that sound terribly vain?
Uh, look who you're talking to.
I'm window dressing for a window dresser.
But you two are happy?
Yeah.
He says he'd like me
to be older or flabbier
so that when he leaves for work,
he won't have to wonder
if I'll be here when he gets home.
Since when is Paul so insecure?
Mmm.
He gets that from you.
You were...
You were preoccupied
between husbands, dating,
hosting charity events.
I mean, look...
you were hurt after the divorce.
Right? Lost? I get that.
But he felt a little abandoned.
Well, he never told me that.
Hey.
- Hey!
- There he is.
- Hi.
- Hey.
Are you cooking?
Well, yeah. Mm-hmm.
I was falling out of love
with him,
but really I thought I was falling
out of love with myself, you know?
- No, not really.
- Oh, okay.
Think of yourself as an egg.
Okay, why?
Because the egg is you, okay?
It's your self-love, your self-worth.
You're the egg, right?
So, good love presses on the ends of you,
but what happens
when you press on the ends of an egg?
I don't know.
Nothing. Good love challenges the egg,
it puts pressure on the egg,
but it allows the egg to stay whole.
But what does it take
to turn a good love into bad love?
An expiration date.
No. No, no, no. The egg twists, okay?
That's it. Now, suddenly,
the pressure is on the sides of the egg.
- Okay? And then, what happens?
- We break the egg analogy?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yes, Daniel. It breaks all right.
So, who broke your egg, Daniel?
I waited five weeks.
- To bang your trainer?
- Five weeks...
without a word.
I felt like you were happy
for the chance to walk away.
I came...
to tell you that I decided.
I always thought I had to finish my novel
first, or make something of my life.
Then I finally realized...
all I ever wanted was you,
and for us to be together, and...
maybe we'll...
one day have children.
And that would be
the purpose of our lives.
The best thing we'd ever do.
But I was wrong.
- No.
- Daniel.
Who broke your egg?
- Okay, look... Alison.
- Yep.
Im here to get rid of my mother,
and youre here to talk
about your ex-husband.
So, why don't we just call it over easy
and be done with it?
Okay, I'm going to give you
an answer to that question,
even though I dont think
youll understand it, and I definitely
don't think you deserve it.
- You're right, I dont deserve it.
- Okay.
- You don't have to tell me.
- Uh, you don't fix the egg.
It doesnt matter who twisted it.
Its broken. And you gotta let it go.
And once youve truly bid that egg
farewell, youll...
you'll find a new egg.
Thank you. That was, uh...
I really just need the check right now.
I don't think I can hear about the egg
anymore, I'm sorry.
All right, I was going to split the bill
with you,
but now Im not so... thank you.
- Fair. Good luck with your egg hunt.
- Thank you.
Well,
Im so glad we just finally get
to sit down and have a meal together.
- Mm.
- And...
did I mention that Paul
has never officially come out to me?
Shame on you, Paul.
You know, what is this bullshit
about having to come out?
It's not like straight people have
to gather their families around the table
when theyre 18 and find a way
to break it to them theyre heterosexual,
thank you, so...
why is it any different for us?
Why cant parents just see what they see
and figure it out for themselves?
- No.
- It is not a sin.
And it is not something I need to confess.
Shut up and tell her.
She deserves the truth.
Do it now! This is really good, Helen.
Aww.
- Mom.
- Yeah?
I'm gay.
Youre what?
I support you and I love you!
All right, kiss her already.
- I'm not gonna go kiss her.
- Get up.
Walk over to your mother
and kiss her the way you're supposed to.
- Kiss.
- Here I come.
Oh!
Beautiful.
You just made my night.
Now, all you have to do
is tell your father.
Oh, I told him a long time ago.
What?
- Uh, I mean a while ago.
- How long ago?
I dont know. A few years.
Why did you tell him and not me?
I figured you knew.
So... So, Im punished
for being perceptive?
I would like to know why he got to have
the conversation and I didn't?
Mom, you just forced me to come out
to three men who know I'm gay.
There's no way that this moment
wasn't going to be about you.
So, maybe this is the exact reason why.
This has nothing to do
with you coming out to me.
It's just...
It has nothing to do with that.
This is about how you treat me
and your father.
I mean, is he always the one that's...
Mom, there is no you and my father.
You're divorced!
Theres me and him.
And there is me and you.
But theres no you and him.
And I'm not willing to be
the you and the him,
which is what you have always wanted,
which is why youre blowing up now.
There is a me and him
because theres a you.
And you... You are just...
- You are just like him!
- Helen...
You know what? Please dont compare me
to someone you despise, Mom.
- How about that?
- I gotta go make a phone call.
Oh.
I'm gonna go ahead
and take this with me.
Am I interrupting?
No, Daniel isn't home yet.
Oh, neither is Matt.
I feel like Im being stood up,
and all of Tribeca knows it.
Ooh! These windows!
Oh, stop complaining.
Im in a basement apartment.
All I see are cockroaches and feet.
I'll call you later
if there are any new developments.
All right. Good night.
Bye.
- I'm sorry.
- Don't be sorry,
- There's nothing to be sorry about.
- I get emotional.
I know, I know. Just give it a sec, okay?
Andre said that I ruined your life
- and you hate me for it!
- That's...
Helen! No, no, no!
That's... No!
- Yeah.
- No. I said...
- When I was chopping cucumbers.
- That's...
I kind of said you have some abandonment
issues because of her. That's all.
That's... You told me...
Okay.
Mom.
Yeah?
Hey.
Yeah?
I love you.
Mom... I would do anything for you.
- Ah...
- And you know that.
I would like to stay here for a few nights
if that's all right.
- Oh, it's, um...
- Oh!
- Well, there's not really a guest room.
- It's okay.
Plague?
Ugh.
If I can't let this go
I'm telling you
I won't make it another year
If I go all the way
I'm telling you
I can see all these things
Coming clear
If we go on like this
I'm telling you
We won't make it another year
But if we go all the way...
Matthew Walker... Dartmouth graduate.
We'll finally see all these roads
Coming clear
'Cause we have
So much love
But we need so much more
'Cause we have
So much love
But we need so much more
Something smells good.
It smelled better at 6:00.
Mom! You were supposed to be gone!
Who said that?
I said, "Lock up when you leave."
I didn't leave yet.
Is this your, uh, girlfriend?
This is Angel.
Angel, this is Mom.
- Hi.
- How long have you two been together?
A while.
Been together about four months now.
Oh, wow!
Well, um, I'll make another plate.
- No. You don't need to!
- Thank you, Mrs. Walker.
You dont have to call her Mrs. Walker.
Thank you... Mom?
Wow!
How the hell...
Did she...
Unbelievable. She just...
comes in and makes her...
No boundaries.
So, what do you do, Angel?
Hmm. Im still in school.
Oh! Did Matt tell you
that he went to Dartmouth?
No. That's amazing.
Um...
I might take a year off to travel
before college.
Maybe go to Europe.
So, you're, um...
still in high school.
You were in a bar.
- Im 18.
- You don't look it.
- Next month.
- Seventeen.
You never said that you were 17.
You've been dating for four months.
You don't know how old she is?
You forced me to lie.
You make it sound like I cant be
in a long-term relation...
- I didn't force you...
- I just met her tonight, okay, Mom?
She was with friends drinking,
and I paid the bill.
I didnt go with you
because you paid the bill.
He asked me to model for his magazine.
Yeah, because you said
you were a model.
I am.
I used to model childrens clothing.
Oh! When was that?
Last year?
I think that you should go.
Would you make sure she gets
into a cab, at least?
You know what?
Id love to put you both in a cab.
It was nice to meet you.
Good night, Angel.
Happy Birthday! Next month!
No!
- Hey.
- Hi.
Thank you.
I wouldn't have yelled at her
if she were my mom.
- You hate your mom.
- Because she yells at me.
Okay.
- I will write her a note of apology.
- Thank you.
And I'll invite her to lunch
where Ill apologize again.
She doesnt really hear apologies
the first time through, so...
Thank you.
Oh! Do we have a cross
I can nail the note to?
Please, just write the note.
Please, just write it.
Mom. Mom?
- Mom, I said I have somebody for that.
- No, you said youd do it.
- Im sorry about last night.
- Why are you sorry?
- Because it was embarrassing.
- No, it wasnt embarrassing.
Statutory rape,
but lets not argue semantics.
It's never happened to me before.
I mean, 17.
- Im not interested, Matt.
- What?
If youre going to lie,
Im not interested.
- Im not lying.
- I saw your magazine.
- It is not about sports.
- I never said that it was.
You said it was a mens magazine
called All Balls.
I was supposed to think scrotum?
That is not a word I need to hear
out of my mother's mouth.
You are not the demographic.
Well, that much is clear.
So, now I know the truth about you.
My job has nothing to do
with that girl being underage. Young...
Younger than she has a right to be.
- So, how old is she, do you think?
- I dont know, Mom.
- Well, you're the editor.
- I'm the art director.
I design the look and the feel
of All Balls.
The magazine.
So, it reflects your taste?
Its my job, Mom.
A job that Im very good at.
To tailor the content to our audience.
And our audience happens to be young men,
and young men like young women.
This is not a magazine
for under the mattress.
We are Vanity Fair with half the brain
and twice the body.
We are totally mainstream.
Well, your father and I didnt raise you
to be mainstream.
We raised you to be exceptional.
- If your father were alive...
- What, he'd be disappointed?
Because, God forbid, I have to live
up to his standards, right?
But hes not here, Mom.
So, why are you still taking his side?
What are you talking about?
How come you never came
to any of my basketball games?
That was your time with your father.
He was the coach. You were the star.
I still have every trophy,
and you have to know how proud I was
- of every single win.
- What about when we lost?
- Well, you didnt lose very often.
- No, I didn't lose very often
because according to Dad
failure was not an option.
But apparently, now, it is.
- You are not a failure.
- No, I know that I'm not a failure.
So, why are you still lecturing me?
I just want you to expect
more from your life.
Make the most of your time
on this planet.
Im not the one who's still living
in the same house.
Ma, did you break in
to my apartment and steal my vodka?
Vodka?
That's crazy talk.
Hey, we were supposed to have dinner.
I baked you a pie.
I was on your date last night.
What? How was it?
Id rather be bitten by the dog again.
I had such hopes for that girl
from Yonkers.
You know, sometimes it's the second date
when the magic happens.
You want to meet me at the Met after work?
Uh, I can't.
I have a party at One Oak tonight.
A product launch for a shampoo/body wash.
- Are mothers invited?
- No.
I mean, no, it's, uh...
guest list only,
and you've got to RSVP.
It's not even a party.
Its work. And I shouldnt have even said
it was a party.
It's good to see you, Mom. Love you!
And if you decide to leave, just lock up.
Like I said.
I'm not leaving.
Okay.
Look. Oh, it has little bees.
Oh, cute.
My gosh, can you imagine?
It's sort of just...
What do we know about this party?
- Theres a list, apparently.
- For a shampoo?
Ugh! I feel naked.
Where have you been hiding those?
I try to de-emphasize.
Why? Theyre spectacular.
Oh, is this appropriate, you think?
That dress,
or crashing your sons work party?
Matt brought home
a girl almost half his age.
Well, Larry married a girl almost
half his age. It's just what men do.
Oh...
- How about these?
- Mmm.
Matt, he doesn't listen to me anymore.
So, Im trying to listen to him.
Im trying to understand his life here,
support what he wants.
Is that going too far?
No.
- That is admirable.
- Yes.
You should go to that party,
and you should wear this fabulous dress.
And we should get your hair done.
Oh!
That's her.
- Okay, well, is she any good?
- I dont know.
- Carol its time.
- Time for what?
- A new look.
- Yeah.
Now, come on.
I got to meet Paul for lunch at 1:00.
- Hi, I'm Erin.
- Oh!
And I see you brought your girl...
Oh, my gosh.
- Oh!
- Mrs. Lieberman.
How crazy.
Erin! Yes, its Gillian.
And this is Carol and Helen.
- Hi.
- Hello.
- I... I know this is weird.
- Yep.
And I'm sorry. But it was Carol.
- Carol wants a makeover.
- No.
No, I did not say "makeover," okay?
Look, um, I'm going to a party tonight.
But first things first,
I need to know what is your experience
with my texture of hair?
- Oh, yeah. I do all types of hair.
- See?
You're the perfect stylist.
Perfect.
Okay.
Okay.
Right?
Does Daniel know youre here?
Uh, no. This is all me.
But I remember
that you'd mentioned this salon
when we had brunch that one time.
Right, and then you asked me
what I wanted to be when I grew up.
Jesus.
Did I?
Eek!
Oh! I'm so sorry.
Anyhoo, I just...
- Get Carol started.
- Oh, no, no. No rush.
Let's not cut angry.
I'm sorry. Did I say that I'm sorry?
Yeah, no, three times now.
So, I think we're good.
Okay.
So, Carol.
- Yes?
- Are you open to a new shape?
She is.
Well, nothing severe.
You know, Finn always loved my hair
just the way that it is, so...
Well, you have a beautiful face.
We should frame your face
And I think we gotta rock these curls.
Hello!
- That's good.
- You're my first cut.
Okay, put your head back.
What do you think?
Oh, my gosh! If you looked any younger,
Matt would date you.
Youre a miracle worker.
- No.
- Really? Was it that tired?
Erin, thank you. I love it.
I just helped you be you.
Look, Erin, I really have to apologize.
Again?
Yes, again.
I should have tried harder before.
Listen, maybe I could take
you and Daniel out to lunch,
or maybe you could do my hair?
Now, you volunteer. Thank you.
No, I'm actually moving next week.
What? Why? Where?
My friend has a salon in Los Angeles,
so, Im gonna try the other coast.
But it was so good to see you again.
And enjoy your party, Carol.
Well, how can I not now?
- Thank you.
- Nice to meet you, Erin.
How is he?
He's, uh...
Yeah, well, you know, been better.
With you...
he was better.
Till I broke his heart.
But he broke mine first.
So, were even.
He did.
One thing I do know,
the problem is not that I meddled,
it's that I should've meddled sooner.
Mm-mmm. I wouldnt tell him that.
Theres Paul. There's Paul.
Look at him. He's so handsome.
We're not even here.
Go enjoy your apology.
- Hi.
- I don't want him to see us.
We're middle-aged women
in Manhattan. We're practically invisible.
Oh.
Thank you.
Thank you.
- You were so thoughtful with the note.
- Oh.
Was that Andre's idea?
- Excuse me.
- Yes?
I'm gonna have what she's having.
Without the taunting.
Listen, I'm...
really sorry I attacked you last night
about Dad.
Yeah. Okay.
- Yes.
- Sorry.
Um...
it's just not my problem
if you can't let go.
Oh, I usually get the fish.
Aww.
- So...
- What do you mean I can't let go?
I'm just saying that's the issue.
Well, youre absolutely wrong.
I am happily married
to someone I am in love with.
I will believe anything you tell me.
Please stop patronizing me. Thank you.
- Enjoy.
- Thanks.
Im not patronizing. Im apologizing.
So, accusing me of having a sham marriage
is what you call an apology?
Im not accusing you of anything.
Im just trying to apologize.
You know, it's what you always do.
You always make
some outrageous accusation
and then you act
as if Im being hypersensitive
to notice that youve said it.
- Ahh.
- It's a tiny observation.
It's something that was obvious to me.
Mom, if I was wrong,
you wouldn't be so upset.
Mom! Oh, my...
- We should go.
- Don't...
We should go!
You should be ashamed of yourself.
Carol Walker?
Oh. Oh.
Gillian Lieberman.
I dont know why she didnt tell you
that we're in town,
but I certainly wouldn't use
the word "conspiracy."
My feelings, or lack of them,
toward my husband and my ex-husband,
- are really none of your business.
- I didn't say they were.
- That was meant for me.
- Oh.
And you have no place speculating
on what I may or may not
be thinking or feeling,
Especially when your speculations
are inaccurate and deeply hurtful.
You are absolutely right.
Subject closed.
- Thank God.
- Yeah.
I think Carol and I should get going now.
Well, there's one more thing
I wanted to tell you.
Just... get everything out on the table.
Didn't want you to hear it from
somebody else or somebody else's son.
Or if I even needed to tell you
'cause it doesn't really involve you.
Just, come on, spit it out.
I... might not...
have children of my own.
That much I figured.
Gay people have children
all the time, Mom.
- Do you want children?
- No, I do not.
The point is that gay men have...
sperm, and lesbians have wombs
and we dont need straight people
- to tell us what we can or cant do.
- What?
This is why I didnt tell you.
You are too young
to make a decision like this.
- A decision like what?
- Two mommies and a sperm-daddy.
- Right?
- Mom, what Im saying is...
if I lent my sperm
to two women that I knew and trusted,
then I would know that the child
would be loved and cared for...
Are you saying you weren't loved?
Are you trying to make me feel guilty?
This has nothing to do with you.
- This is about me!
- And the gift you're giving your friends?
Yes. The gift I am giving my friends,
which I feel good about
because I love them,
and they love the baby.
Oh.
- Did he say "baby"?
- You have a baby?
There's a baby?
What did you think we were talking about?
Sperm!
I thought we were talking about sperm!
A baby takes nine months.
You've kept this from me for nine months?
- Mom, the more of a scene...
- This has been a lovely lunch,
even though we didnt have lunch.
So don't get up.
Please, just sit there and have more...
not your children,
so I can have more not my grandchildren
And we can get together
for the holidays
and have one big, not-happy, not-a-family,
because Im not a mother anymore,
Im an other.
- And now I am not a grandmother...
- What is...
...Im a grand-other!
- Helen, sweetie.
- Your hair looks very nice, Carol.
Well, thank you, Paul.
But that was not an apology.
Helen!
I thought you didnt want to be
a grandmother.
Well, I just don't want things
to be taken away from me.
I mean,
now someone else gets my grandchild.
Just like someone else got my husband.
How did this become about Larry?
Because divorce is not fair.
Divorce is great for men.
They get someone younger,
thinner, better,
and women get someone older
and fatter with thinner hair!
Sure.
I got a text from Daniel.
"Stop calling me." Ugh.
What should I reply?
Please, dont reply.
Let's just...
Let's just go home
before we do any more damage.
No. Carol.
You and your boobs are going out.
And I dont mean me and Helen.
Yeah. Carol, you go out and have fun.
I wish Larry had died on me, too.
You should think more about what you say
and less about what you feel.
So sorry.
What did I say?
- What?
- Really?
Oh, hi. Excuse me.
Um...
I'm a guest of Matt Walker.
Do you have him on the list?
He's All Balls.
Uh, the magazine.
- It's a magazine.
- Yeah. I know Matt.
Uh, he's already checked in.
He doesn't have a plus one.
Oh! I'm his mother. Carol Walker.
I have a driver's license.
- Um, there.
- Oh.
Oh! And a picture of Matt in the tub
when he was three.
Ah! Does he have a woody?
Oh, no! That's a toy boat.
Oh, my God.
It's for Instagram.
Oh!
She's good.
How long
Have I been on a hunt for you?
No sound
Of anything that I can do
But I don't mind
I don't mind
'Cause there's nothing left to lose
For the first time
The first time
I'm calling out for you
Okay.
Like an animal
Excuse me. Excuse me.
And I'm coming home
I'm coming home for you...
Ohh! I ruined your dress.
I'm so sorry.
- I never liked this dress.
- Oh, it's all my fault.
I was running from my son.
I'm Julia.
Carol. Walker.
Why are you running from your son?
He told me I couldn't come.
- That's not nice.
- Oh, maybe it was.
Maybe he knew everyone here
would be 30 years younger,
and I would feel like the last dinosaur.
- Well, thank you, Damon. Thank you.
- You're very welcome.
Damon, Damon, Damon.
Hey! Hey, hey, hey.
Would a grandma wear these?
No. Especially not to bed.
We are not going to bed,
we are going clubbing.
I didnt go clubbing
when I was supposed to go clubbing.
Would we even get into a club?
Well, I didnt think Id get
into these jeans and look at me now.
- Can you breathe?
- Sporadically.
Come on. Let's go downstairs.
This hotel is supposed to be
a huge party scene.
Just call for a bellboy.
One's more gorgeous than the next,
and they come to you.
I know. Youve called for ice twice.
Just fuck one of them already.
What? I'm thirsty.
Come on, we are in New York City.
Let's go.
Okay. Let me take a shower.
Yes!
I think this might be him.
Is he the most handsome guy in the room?
He's got swagger.
That's him.
I cant talk to him right now.
Matt... has never seen me drunk.
So, tell me more about this non-profit
that you're working with.
It's called micro lending.
We provide small loans
for the world's poorest of the poor.
Mostly women. So they can work
their own way out of poverty.
I want you to give my son a child.
Oh!
Matt, he may seem vain and superficial,
and so afraid of any real emotion
that it makes you cry.
But he's basically good.
He has it in him to be a really good man.
I need you to show him
how to be that man.
I think we should get you home.
Let's dance.
I used to love to dance.
Matt's dad used to take me dancing.
He's dead now. That's why he stopped.
Mom!
What are you...
What is all this?
What happened to your hair?
And mom, you did not have those
this morning.
Oh, Matt...
Im in love with Julia!
I love her. I think you might, too.
Okay, let go of her hand.
She is my mother.
Dancing does not make you a lesbian.
Your dad liked lesbians, by the way.
I found his videos after he died.
Please, please, stop talking.
And dancing.
Let's... You know what?
Let's just get you into a cab.
You get into a cab!
Im having dessert.
Ohh! I might stay out all night.
I may drink from a shoe.
I was a girl before I was your mother.
All right, does this outfit work?
I mean outside of Poughkeepsie.
- Hey.
- Gillian, oh!
I need my friends.
- He barely recognized me.
- Because of your new look?
No! Because I was having fun!
- Thats what we were supposed to do.
- You passed out.
By the way, you have incredible
new beauty products.
Yeah. Its all anti-aging.
Why is everyone anti-aging?
You know whats anti-aging?
Death.
Let's be happy we're aging.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
By the way,
do you know how long its been
since I have had...
Sex?
I was gonna say pizza.
Oh.
Oh.
Wow.
Im not going home tonight.
I mean, Matt's home.
I'm on vacation.
- So, were done with the mission?
- Mm, we have a new mission.
Dance till dawn.
Did we fail the first mission?
- Fuck the first mission!
- What about the boys?
Fuck the boys!
Wow!
Man, I love the new Carol! Yes!
Hey, ah huh, ah huh
Hey, ah huh, ah huh
Heartbeat, rewind
Turned up, amplified
We can do it how we like
Whoa, oh, oh
Bang bang, young drunk
Cheap thrills, big love
Do what makes us feel alive
Whoa, oh, oh
Everybody now here we go
Oh, oh
Everybody now here we go
Oh, oh
Whoa, oh, oh
Whoa, oh, oh
Like a super sonic boom
Love the way we're coming through...
One more.
Whoa, oh, oh
And we're shooting for the sky
Living young and running wild
That's just our style
Get it, girl. Get it!
One, two, three.
Black west, sparks fly
Light the fuse, electrify
We can do it how we like
Whoa, oh, oh...
Everybody now here we go
Oh, oh
Whoa, oh, oh
Whoa, oh, oh
Like a super sonic boom
Love the way...
Whoa, oh, oh
Whoa, oh, oh
And we're shooting for the sky
Living young and running wild
That's just our style
Oh, oh
That's just our style
Hey
Yeah.
Oh, it's you.
Your mother left this in the cab.
Thank you.
Do you know where she is?
Sleeping. It's early.
- Is she?
- Isn't she?
This isn't where I dropped her.
I got your address from her phone.
Mom?
Okay, where did you drop her?
At a pizza place in the Village.
She was meeting friends.
She doesn't eat pizza.
And she doesn't have any friends
in the Village.
And the hair, and the dress.
Like she...
wanted people to look at her.
That's not my mother.
Okay, she doesn't even like dancing.
She loves to dance.
Right.
Uh, my name and number
are on a napkin in the phone case.
I'd like to know she's okay.
Wait. Hey. Hi, Mrs. B.
Julia.
Look, thanks. That was...
That was nice.
Great photo on Instagram, by the way.
What?
Is that someone knocking?
Or is it just my head pounding?
- You go, Gill. Go.
- Why me?
Okay.
What is it?
- Hey, Mom.
- Daniel.
- Excuse me.
- What?
Matt?
- They're here.
- Yeah.
- Mom!
- Hmm.
Mom!
Is this why you couldn't make a call, hmm?
Your new friend dropped this off.
We were worried sick.
- Did I invite any of you in?
- Did we invite any of you to New York?
Could everyone just please stop shouting?
I have a hangover.
Aww. Yeah, Mom, that's what happens
when you get drunk at my work party.
And now there is a naked picture
of me on Instagram.
- I had nothing to do with a naked picture.
- In the tub.
Oh, yeah, well, I just showed one person.
Were allowed to be in New York.
I had no idea where you were last night.
I had no idea I had a grandchild,
so were even.
I told her.
See, Paul talks to his mom.
Why did you break up with Erin?
Ma, yesterday you told me
you were checking out.
Why are you still here again?
- Wait, hang on. Youve been in a hotel?
- Why? Is that a crime?
Why didnt you stay in a hotel?
Well, Helen and Gillian wouldn't let me.
Why? Whats wrong with a hotel?
Ill tell you whats wrong with this one.
The security stinks.
Would you put on a robe at least?
What do you care? Youre gay. Here.
You know what? I'm gay, not blind.
Okay, Matt. Ill see you at home.
Your home is in Poughkeepsie!
- That's not nice.
- I'm sorry.
- Ugh.
- Bye, Ma.
- I wanted to see those since I was ten.
- Those are some nice titties.
- Can we not talk about my mom's breasts?
- She's a lovely lady.
- Let's talk about going to lunch.
- How about we...
talk about Woody Walker?
- Oh, my God.
- You should be proud.
- It was a toy boat!
- A penis-shaped toy boat?
- Seventy-thousand likes?
- Oh, let me see that.
I am so mad at her.
Just breathe. Stop.
I forgive you.
Okay, good.
Did you tell Larry he has a grandchild?
Im gonna go to the store.
Yes. And he respected my decision.
I'm sure he did.
It does not matter anyway, Mom.
Dad does not have a grandchild.
- You do not have a grandchild.
- I know.
I do not have a daughter.
This was sperm only.
Oh, Paul, it's a girl?
I'm going home.
I shouldn't have come.
Well, what did you think
was going to happen, Ma?
I thought you wouldn't let me in.
That was an option?
Youre popular.
You're successful.
Mom, you're making it sound so depressing.
No. This is whats supposed
to happen to children.
Youre fully independent.
Mom, why does it feel
like were breaking up?
Matthew, I need to tell you something.
Your dad didnt want me at your games.
Thats why I didnt go.
I thought he drove you too hard.
And we would argue about it,
and finally he said,
"Well, stop coming if it bothers you."
And so I did.
And then all the trophies
started rolling in
and I thought he was right
and I was wrong.
And now it turns out that I was right.
And what's so ironic is that...
you did need me then,
and you dont need me now.
I'm fine.
Right? I turned out fine, right?
Matthew...
you know who you are without me.
I need to figure out
who I am without you.
So, apparently, the one
who didn't carry the baby
is saying that her mother
is the daddy granny.
So... I'm not anything.
And they even had the gall to tell Paul
they didnt want me to even see Ella.
- Well, what changed their mind?
- Nothing.
And you know what is most unfair?
I always wanted a girl.
Larry was one and done,
but I wouldve had three if we...
Wait, why are we here
if you cant see the kid?
I could be hijacking
Erins moving van right now.
- Its not a perfect plan, but its a plan.
- I thought we were going home.
Yeah, we are.
Were just stopping in Cobble Hill first.
I convinced Paul to give me the address,
and I dont want to show up empty-handed.
Well, we werent wanted by our sons.
That didnt stop us.
Yeah, I am so tired of being stopped.
Larry said if it meant so much to me
to have a girl, I shouldve had twins.
Larry, Larry, Larry! Enough with Larry!
We never want to hear his name again.
We never even liked him.
Look, youve been divorced
from that idiot for 11 years.
You still talk about him
in the present tense.
You're wasting a good marriage,
because you refuse
to let go of a bad one.
What about baby yoga mats?
Are you jealous?
Is that what this is about?
- What?
- Youre jealous
that Im the one that has a grandchild.
Helen, we are thrilled
that you get to meet Ella today.
I think what Gillian is trying to say
is that you have something special
in Frank.
The way he looks at you,
the way he talks about you.
You have no idea how fortunate you are
to have Frank instead of Larry.
We're not jealous of you.
Paul went in a room and jerked off.
If that makes you a grandmother,
then we're all grandmothers.
Let's stop, all right?
We have already pissed off our sons.
We are all that we have left.
Jealous? Oh, my God.
What is wrong with you, Helen?
Okay. Okay.
I'm gonna tell you whats wrong.
And it has been brewing for 11 years.
You know why I divorced Larry, right?
Yeah. He cheated on you.
Yeah. It was that year our husbands went
on that fishing trip to the Berkshires.
Okay, Helen. You win.
And Larry had a fuck buddy up there
and I found out about it.
And I had the courage
and the self-dignity to leave.
He was paying her rent
from Paul's college fund.
She was an anorexic blonde vegan.
And she had a friend
for Gillians husband.
Joel cheated on Gillian
just like Larry cheated on me,
but she forgave him!
I dont expect you to understand
why I forgave Joel.
Because the only person
youve ever truly loved is yourself.
Not Larry,
and not Frank, and not Carol, or me, or...
- your new sperm-daughter.
- Not even your own son!
The only person you ever loved was you.
Okay. Well, if you are
so much better at loving,
then why is your son the one whos broke,
depressed, and jobless?
Hmm? Ill tell you why.
Because you sabotaged
his chance at happiness.
That is bullshit, and you know it.
Is it? He had a ring.
But you, you planted so many doubts.
Not just about Erin, but about himself.
So that when he finally had the balls
to propose,
he caught Erin schtupping her trainer.
I think Daniel would have mentioned...
He didnt want to give you
the satisfaction.
You hated Erin until ten minutes ago.
Paul told me.
Did you know about this?
I think Matt mentioned something
once about a ring.
Helen, about that fishing trip...
- Carol, let's just go now.
- And Paul jerked off to create a person.
Helen, in the Berkshires...
did the vegan have someone for Finn?
Im sorry. She was full of friends.
All this time...
and neither of you said anything to me.
And I thought we were friends.
Oh, fuck.
Youre taking a train home.
Oh... Please, don't leave.
You guys, I'm sorry. Carol, I'm sorry!
Gillian, wait! Don't leave!
Oh, that was bad!!
Open the door
or I'm gonna start singing.
Do you need directions home?
I can show you how to Waze.
I don't want the government tracking me.
- Would it kill you to answer your phone?
- I've been working.
- On what?
- My novel.
I finally got inspired.
Its about an overbearing mother.
Its called Baking and Entering.
Daniel, this is important.
Do you still have the ring?
What ring?
The one you were planning on giving Erin.
Honey, why didn't you say anything?
Well, you never liked her anyway, Ma.
So, what's the difference?
Wha... Well, what do I know?
Im just some weird internet stalker.
And I was wrong.
I always wondered what it'd be like
to hear you say those words.
And is it turns out,
you were actually right. So...
No.
She's a lovely woman,
and you're a lovely man.
So, if you have that ring,
and if she is the love of your life,
then do something before it is too late.
Because for all you know, she might
be packing her bags and leaving town...
or something.
I love you. You're a grown man.
I just hope you do what is best
for your life and your future.
Did you see her somewhere or something?
Ma, wait.
Mom, did you break in to her place, too?
Is there a reason you're following me?
Paul said you wouldnt listen to us.
It's okay, honey. It's okay.
What is it that you want?
I...
I don't want... anything.
I'm not asking for anything.
I'm just saying what I am.
A grandmother.
She has grandmothers.
I brought...
a few...
hundred gifts.
Look, we talked about this
before the birth.
We adore Paul. We do,
and we want Ella to know Paul.
We hope she gets some of his great
qualities. Thats why we chose him.
But he's not the dad.
He's a sperm donor.
Okay, we all agreed. We signed papers.
But...
now that I have her...
and now that I know
what it feels like...
when she has a baby, if...
she has a baby...
if I couldnt see that baby...
Id probably chase that baby
all over the city, too.
Aww, it's okay, honey.
She looks just like Paul did.
Would you like to hold her?
- Say hi.
- Hi.
Aww.
Hi.
- Hi.
- That's a good girl.
I want to be a good grandmother.
Not a bad one.
Honey, five weeks is not late.
Five weeks is abandonment.
Sounds like she waited
a long time for you.
All right, Ma. You know what?
You and Dad have, like,
your perfect story, so, you wouldn't...
No. There is no perfect story.
In fact...
years ago, your father had an infidelity.
Before I was born or after?
You were 16.
How did you forgive him?
It wasn't easy.
I went crazy for a little while.
I went on this...
facacta five-week egg diet.
You remember?
Yes, I do. You were, like,
you wanted chickens or something.
- Yeah.
- A chicken coop?
Ah!
But, I realized...
I still wanted your dad.
And I decided to do
the harder thing instead.
But I think what really...
made it possible for me to forgive him
was...
he never fully forgave himself.
Mom, I really admire you.
And I get why you're sharing
this story with me.
I just don't think I'm built like that.
Hmm.
This is your life.
This big, bruised, bloody,
beautiful thing.
This is your life.
I'm not going to tell you what to do.
Since when?
Since today.
- Okay.
- Daniel, hey.
You have been under the water
for a long time.
But when you come up,
you need to decide what life you want.
You got this.
I love you.
Ma?
I think I'm locked out of my apartment.
Use the window.
That's what I do.
I'm out!
Hi.
You're back.
Oh, what's the matter, sweetheart?
You and Paul have a fight?
Oh, several.
And Gillian. And Carol.
We didn't even drive back together.
Everyone is...
sick of me. And so am I.
Frank, why did you marry me?
Well, I think what everybody wonders
is why you married me.
No, really.
Why?
You're kind.
And you're smart, you're funny as hell.
You have a lot of love to give.
- I do, right?
- Yes.
And youre opinionated and passionate.
And sometimes you have sharp edges
and I like that.
You tell it like it is.
My...
looks?
Oh, you think I married you
for your personality?
You come in a very...
beautiful package.
But thats not all
there is to Helen Halston.
- I am so lucky.
- Oh.
I'm so...
Oh... Oh, really?
Yes. We're doing it.
Thanks for coming.
Your texts wore me down.
Did you bring a pen?
Hey, Mrs. Walker.
More flowers.
Oh, it must be some mistake.
I didn't order any flowers.
Oh, uh, there's a note with them.
Her favorite flower is an iris.
Well, thank you, Shawn.
And I know that because she told me.
When she asked me for the ten things
I know about her.
Then, you can't use it.
What? Yes, I can. It's a freebie.
If you can't think of ten things
you know about your mother
without one of them being something
that she flat-out told you,
- then you're a shitty son.
- I'm not a shitty son.
Then think about
why you love her and write it down.
I know she loved my father.
And he wasn't that lovable.
He was always working.
Even when we played, it was work.
And my mom was the one who taught me
how to have fun.
When I was a kid,
she used to...
read me these bedtime stories and...
she'd pretend there was one more page.
And we'd make up a new ending.
- Write that down.
- Oh? Yeah.
Well, she did a lot of art
when I was a kid.
Pen and ink note cards,
oil paintings from photographs.
This one time she did this...
great mural on my wall.
One: You loved my father.
Two: You taught me how to have fun.
Three: You could have been an artist.
Number four,
she thinks you're a good person.
- No, she doesn't.
- She told me.
She told you that she thinks
that I'm good?
You can write she's the only person
in the world who thinks you're good.
I never knew that she thought that.
Four: You're the only person in the world
who thinks I'm good.
Five: You made me feel loved and safe.
Six: You cut up fruit for my snacks
even when I begged for junk food.
Seven: You still call me,
even when I ignore you.
Thank you.
Eight:
The only times
I've ever seen you angry
are times you deserved to be angrier.
Nine:
You love to dance.
Ten:
You're my mother.
Eleven:
You taught me there is room
in every story...
for a better ending.
Erin!
Erin!
Erin!
Erin!
Erin!
Erin!
Erin! Wait up!
I really... I need to...
- get to the gym more often.
- What are you doing?
- What are you doing?
- Im moving to LA.
Well...
- can I talk to you first?
- About what?
About us.
Oh, my... It's too late,
Daniel. My whole life is in this truck.
Thats funny.
I was just thinking the same thing.
Youre not going to stop me.
Okay.
Okay.
Can we talk on the way?
- You don't have anything to do?
- Please.
- You're gonna drive me to LA?
- I'm coming to LA.
I'm coming with you.
Coming to LA...
- I'm sorry.
- Sorry!
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, too.
Do you know how to drive
one of these?
I don't know what I'm doing.
Hey, where you going?
I swear she looks like both of you.
To be honest,
we think she looks like your mother.
Uh, acts like it.
- Oh, my goodness!
- Speak of the devil.
- Or angel, depending who you ask.
- Who's that?
Oh, grandma loves Ella!
- Look who it is!
- Grandma!
And you.
- And you. And you,
- Hi.
And you!
Well, this is kind of
a complicated garment, isn't it?
My mother's at her son's
semi Jewish wedding
- and she's still complaining.
- Okay.
You're not supposed to see the bride
before the wedding.
I know, but we broke a few rules
already. I think we can break one more.
Well, he's got a point. We can.
Ahh!
Thanks, Ma.
For everything.
No one's going to notice.
There's just one little thing, though.
Uh... it's too late for a thing.
I know. I know,
but this is a really important thing.
I think we should rehearse the kiss again.
I'm still so angry I can barely stand
to look at you.
I know. Thank you for the invitation.
I invited Frank. Youre his plus one.
- Did you get my messages?
- Yeah, about 20 of them.
- Did you get my texts?
- Uh-huh. "Stop calling me."
You know...
I am kind of responsible
for this whole wedding,
I mean, if we hadnt gone to New York...
So, now, were considering
that trip a success?
Well, look at where we are.
And Carol's in Italy.
She didnt even RSVP.
Shes probably too busy
painting, eating pizza,
- taking Italian lovers.
- Oh!
Im sure shes miserable
since she sold that house.
Hmm.
Dont start the wedding without us!
I knew she would come! I missed her
so much more than I missed you.
Same here. Only double.
Oh, its just his date.
Shes too old to be his date.
Shes, like, his age.
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Yes!
Oh!
I heard there was cake.
You dont call, you dont write.
- Oh, we missed you so much!
- Oh...
You look so glamorous.
By the way, I brought Bourbon.
- Oh.
- Oh, no!
- Not again.
- Of course she did.
Hey, ah huh, ah huh
Hey, ah huh, ah huh
Hey, ah huh, ah huh
Hey, ah huh, ah huh
Heartbeat, rewind
Turned up, amplified
We can do it how we like
Whoa, oh, oh
Bang bang, young drunk
Cheap thrills, big love
Do what makes us feel alive
Whoa, oh, oh
Everybody now here we go
Oh, oh, hey
Everybody now here we go
Oh, oh
Whoa, oh, oh
Whoa, oh, oh
Like a super sonic boom
Love the way we're coming through
Whoa, oh, oh
Whoa, oh, oh
And we're shooting for the sky
Living young and running wild
That's just our style
Whoa, oh
Whoa, oh
Hey
Whoa, oh, oh
That's just our style
Whoa, oh
Whoa, oh
Hey
Whoa, oh, oh
That's just our style
Hey, ah huh, ah huh
Hey, ah huh, ah huh
Black west, sparks fly
Light the fuse, electrify
We can do it how we like
Whoa, oh, oh
Everybody now here we go
Oh, oh, hey
Everybody now here we go
Oh, oh
Whoa, oh, oh
Whoa, oh, oh
Like a super sonic boom
Love the way we're coming through
Whoa, oh, oh
Whoa, oh, oh
And we're shooting for the sky
We'll be young and running wild
That's just our style
Whoa, oh, oh
Whoa, oh, hey
Whoa, oh, oh
That's just our style
Whoa, oh
Whoa, oh, hey
Whoa, oh, oh
That's just our style
Whoa, oh
Whoa, oh, hey
Whoa, oh, oh
That's just our style
You keep saying
You got something for me
Something you call love
But confess
Well, you've been a'messin'
where you shouldn't've been a'messin'
You're driving.
And now someone else
Is getting all your best
These boots are made for walking
And that's just what they'll do
And one of these days these boots
Are gonna walk all over you
You keep lyin'
When you oughta be truthin'
You keep losin'
When you oughta not bet
You keep samin'
When you oughta be a'changin'
Now what's right is right
But you ain't been right yet
All right.
These boots are made for walking
And that's just what they'll do
I love to dance.
One of these days these boots
Are gonna walk all over you
Get out the car!
You keep playing
Where you shouldn't be playing
And you keep thinking
That you'll never get burnt
I just found me
A brand new box of matches
And what he knows
You ain't had time to learn
These boots are made for walking
And that's just what they'll do
One of these days these boots
Are gonna walk all over you
Are you ready, boots?
Start walkin'
A'walkin'