Oh, no!
Oome on!
Oome on, baby.
Grab it!
All right.
What?
Vincent.
No, no, bad idea. Bad idea!
Just take what you need.
Just take what you need.
What's?
RJ?
No?
The moon's not full.
You woke me up a week early?
Oh, no.
Don't tell me you're dumb enough
to actually try and steal my stuff.
RJ, I'm gonna have to kill you.
Please, I'm just a desperate guy
trying to feed his family.
- You don't have a family.
- I meant a family of one.
OK, wait, wait, wait, wait!
Look, it's still in the cave.
So, technically, not stolen.
Oh, no!
No!
Slow!
Stop!
That was close.
Vincent, wait! I can get it all back!
That's right!
If you eat me, you'd have to do it.
But I can get it. All of it!
- My red wagon?
- Redder!
- The blue cooler?
- Blue cooler. On my list!
- Gotta be blue?
- Yes!
And I want my Spuddies.
I love those things.
'Oause with a Spuddie,
enough just isn't enough.
So true. Painfully true.
And I'll tell you what.
I'm gonna get you the giant picnic pack,
family-fun size.
- They have that?
- I'm pretty sure.
All right, RJ. I'm going back to sleep.
When that moon is full, I'm waking up.
And all my stuff had better
be right back where it was.
But that's just one week!
That's impossible for one guy!
A week's perfect. I'll get some helpers.
Full moon, all my stuff.
And don't even think about running away.
Because if you do,
I will hunt you down and kill you.
OK! OK, buddy! You just rest easy,
all right, 'cause I'm on it.
Hey, in a week from now, we're
gonna be laughing about this thing.
Oh, boy, that's cold! That's cold!
The one place I didn't have a shell.
Wow.
Spring.
That means there's only
Everybody, wake up! Hibernation's over.
Oh, morning!
- Morning, Hammy.
- I gotta go wee-wee!
Not in the lake we drink from!
Let's go, all right, the rest of you.
It's spring!
That means we gotta get to work.
Finished. No, wait!
Oome on, everybody. Wake up.
Don't make me come in there.
Ya'll better listen.
I've been holding something in
all winter, and I'm about to let it out.
- I'm up, I'm up!
- She means it. Let's go!
Thank you, Stella.
Oh, I can clear a room, Verne.
Oome on, that much I can do.
- Good morning.
- Good morning, everyone!
- How'd you guys sleep?
- Just a super-duper morning.
Oh, jeepers.
Whoa, not lookin' so good
around the eyes there, hon.
Bucky and Quillo were up
every three or four weeks.
And Spike kept poking me.
Yeah. Well, he's kinda pokey.
He's the sharpest of the bunch there.
You know what?
How 'bout I take the day shift?
Oh, Lou, that'd be just super.
All right, kids, you heard your mother,
and now you listen to me. Shape up.
Oh, boy.
This is what I was afraid of.
Where's the food? Is there any left?
I'm hungry, so is there any left?
We ate all the food, Hammy. During the
winter? We gotta go get some more now.
Oh, right!
I buried some nuts in the woods.
I know where they are.
I'll be right back. Bye!
- That's enough.
- Dad, it was just snow.
But it could have been a predator.
Isn't playing dead a little... weak?
Heather, how many times must I say it?
Playing possum is what we do.
We die so that we live!
I'm the boss of you, OK? So calm down.
That's what we need to find you
this year, don't you know? A good fella.
- A good fella? A good fella?
- Jeepers, here we go.
Why does everyone think I need a man?
I look like a nest
and smell like a swamp.
So when you find a fella who's decent,
good with kids
and has no sense of smell, call me.
- Hello?
- I don't care who started it.
- Hello?
- I don't care who started it.
Oh, look, food.
Well, I think you know what this means.
- Verne.
- Just a minute, Hammy.
This means we were nine berries
away from starvation.
Sorry. That was a little intense.
I meant really serious hunger pains.
Verne!
- Not finished, Hammy.
- Morning, Lou, Penny.
- Thanks.
- Hey, kids.
- What I want to tell you is...
- Verne!
I'm not done, Hammy.
If you have to go again, just go.
OK. So all I'm saying
is we cut it a little close.
So this year we need
to make sure that we fill the log...
- All the way to the top.
- Exactly. All the way to the top.
- Because what are we?
- Foragers!
- And what do we forage?
- Food!
- Right.
- Super, Verne, really super.
OK, Hammy.
- What is it?
- What is what?
What is it you want to tell me?
What was it, what was it,
what was it, what was it?
Wait. Right on the tip of my tongue.
Oh, yeah!
There's a weird thing
I've never seen before.
It's really scary. Follow me.
OK. Meeting called
on account of weird scary thing.
Let's go.
Foragers...
Hammy, what weird thing?
Oh. That weird thing.
It never ends!
Hey!
It never ends that way too!
- Jeepers, Lou.
- Whoa.
Yeah, jeepers is the word there, hon.
- I've never seen anything like this.
- Man, that's big.
- What is this thing?
- Heather, no!
- I'm scared.
- Me too, Mama.
It's OK, it's just a...
What is this thing, Lou?
I... Well, it's a... It's... Verne?
Well, it's... it's obviously...
...some kind of bush?
I'd be less afraid of it
if I just knew what it was called.
- Let's call it Steve!
- Steve?
- It's a pretty name.
- Steve sounds nice.
- I'm a lot less scared of Steve.
- Oh, great and powerful Steve!
- What do you want?
- I don't think it can speak.
I heard that, young man!
- You get over here right now!
- OK.
Hammy, get back here.
- Steve is angry!
- It came from the other side of Steve.
I mean the bush. I mean... Jeez!
There's only one way
we're gonna find out what this thing is,
and what this is all about.
I'm gonna go check it out.
Steve ate Verne!
All right, Steve,
you brought this on yourself.
Stella, don't!
I'm not eaten, I just tripped.
I'm gonna go over there.
Just don't anybody move.
Kids, come on, hurry up! You'll be late!
What is this place?
Oh, hey there, little...
...fella.
Hi.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Operator. Oan I help you?
No, I can talk. I'm just driving.
Verne's back.
- Verne!
- Jeepers!
- You OK?
- Help him up.
- What was over there?
- Freaky pink primates!
They must have come while
we were hibernating. It was awful.
They had wheels on their feet
and these sticks, and they were
whacking me with these sticks
like it was some sort of sick game.
You should have died!
You should have laid down and died.
- Dad.
- That's not the worst part.
Half the forest is gone.
The oak trees and the berry bushes,
they're just... they're just gone.
Jeepers.
What'll we do for food?
How are we gonna live?
I don't know.
But here's what I do know.
We will be fine as long
as no one goes over Steve again.
It's called a hedge, and it is not
to be feared, my amphibious friend.
It is the gateway to the good life.
I'm a reptile, actually.
But, you know, it's a common mistake.
And you are?
Where are my manners. I'm RJ.
Don't think I'm prying,
but I couldn't help overhearing,
and I can shed a little light on what
this whole hedge situation is about.
You see, what was once mere wilderness
is now 54 acres of man-made,
manicured, air-conditioned paradise.
Except for that little-bitty speck.
You are here.
No, no, that's a good thing.
You're hibernators, right?
You gather food,
store it for the winter?
- We fill the log!
- Hammy.
Really? This log? This cave-like log?
- All the way to the top.
- Ozzie.
Let me ask ya, how long's it take?
- You know, to fill the log?
- Two hundred and seventy-four days.
- Ever done it in a week?
- That's impossible.
Not if we work together.
You've got the food gathering skills,
I've got the know-how,
- and they have the food!
- How much food?
Loads of food. Heaps of food.
Food out the wazoo!
Well, whatever kind of food
comes out of a wazoo,
I don't think
we're interested in eating.
I don't know,
the guy's making a lot of sense to me.
- I think we should listen.
- Yeah, I'm OK with wazoo food there.
No, you're not. The tail is tingling.
- Why didn't you say so?
- Hold on, hold on. The what is what?
When something doesn't feel right,
my tail tingles. Let me tell you,
everything you've said so far
is driving my tail crazy.
Listen. Verne, right? This isn't
something you need to be afraid of.
Well, I am. And for good reason.
This is not a birthmark.
That's because you
went over there without a guide.
Thanks for stopping by.
We're not interested.
Not interested in the most
delicious food you've ever tasted?
- No!
- Oome on.
Not interested!
OK. I get it.
I understand. This is something
that you're just not open to.
Whoa!
- Oh, my!
- Jeepers.
What is that?
That, my friend, is a magical
combination of corn flour,
dehydrated cheese solids,
BHA, BHT and good old MSG,
a.k.a., the chip. Nacho cheese flavor.
- Over here! Toss me one of those!
- More please! More.
Yeah, Verne, those were good!
It's all good.
And we're going over there. Tonight!
Yeah!
Welcome to suburbia.
Welcome to suburbia.
- Wow!
- Look at that!
Hey, Mom, look at us! Look at us!
Oh, my! Hon, look at this.
Jeepers.
How's that tail, Verne?
Listen, if anybody in this family
gets hurt, I'm holding you responsible.
They're having a good time.
I'll take responsibility for that.
- This is neat.
- Look at that.
- Hey, Spike, look at that.
- Hey, Verno,
I took a few clippings out of my quills
to do a little comparison.
Look at this, the grass
seems to be greener over here.
Verne, are you certain
you came to the same place?
Yeah, 'cause the raccoon says...
OK, enough about him. I get it.
So he can do a couple of tricks. I mean,
it's not like he can walk on water.
Hey, everybody! This way to the food!
- That thing's huge!
- What is that?
That is an SUV.
Humans ride around in it
because they are slowly
losing their ability to walk.
- Jeepers, it's so big!
- How many humans fit in there?
Usually? One.
Hi, this is Gladys Sharp.
Your president?
Of the homeowner's association? Right.
- Jeepers.
- What is that?
Easy, easy, don't worry.
That's just a human being.
And they are just as scared of us
as we are of them.
Now, if a human does
happen to see you, just lay down,
roll over and give your privates
a good licking. They love it.
The charter, which you signed, says
the grass is supposed to be two inches,
and according to my measuring stick,
yours is 2.5.
Oould we just get the food and go?
Really, do they have it or not?
Didn't you see it? It was in the box.
They've always got food with them.
We eat to live, these guys live to eat.
Let me show you what I'm talking about.
The human mouth is called a "pie hole."
The human being
is called a "couch potato."
That is a device to summon food.
That is one of the many voices of food.
That is the portal
for the passing of the food.
That is one of the many
food transportation vehicles.
Humans bring the food, take the food,
ship the food, they drive the food,
they wear the food! That gets
the food hot. That keeps the food cold.
That... I'm not sure what that is.
What do you know? Food!
That is the altar
where they worship food.
That's what they eat
when they eat too much.
That gets rid of guilt
so they can eat more food.
Food! Food! Food! Food!
Food!
So you think they have enough?
Well, they don't.
For humans, enough is never enough!
And what do they do
with the stuff they don't eat?
They put it in gleaming, silver cans,
just for us.
Sweetjeepers.
Dig in!
- Good, isn't it?
- OK.
- Wow.
- Share there, everyone, share.
That's a diaper.
And that does come out of a wazoo.
So, what do you think?
Was I right or was I right?
And these things are just the scraps!
Wait'll you see what comes
in the boxes, packages and cans!
I'm telling you, stick with me,
and in one week
we will gather enough food to...
- To feed a bear.
- What?
Just a figure of speech.
Halt! Intruders! Intruders!
Get out, all of you.
What is it, baby?
- What are you doing?
- You said to lick our...
No! Nix that! Run!
- Run!
- Get outta here!
Run!
- Shoo!
- To the hedge!
Get out of here!
I just mopped this patio!
Filthy vermin!
Verne's right, that was horrible.
- You kids OK?
- Stay close.
- We'll find other food, right?
- See? That's what I was talking about!
These humans don't want us around.
So we scared her,
and she overreacted. No biggie.
No biggie?
That is what we call a biggie.
Oome on, think about the food.
It was worth it for that food, huh?
That stuff is to die for!
Let me rephrase that.
No, to die for. You nailed that part.
Look, maybe our little forest life
looks primitive to a guy with a bag.
- What?
- But I think I speak
for the whole family
when I say we want nothing
to do with anything
that's over that hedge.
- Oh, come on!
- I'm done.
You haven't even tried doughnuts yet!
You wanna store fat?
That is the way to store some fat.
You'll be sweatin' through the winter!
- We'll eat the bark, right?
- OK, all right, you guys sleep on it!
Good idea.
I'm gonna check back with you.
Shoot!
Almost had 'em.
- Good night, Heather.
- Good night.
- Good night, Ozzie.
- Good night.
- Good night, Lou.
- Good night.
- Night, Penny.
- Good night.
- Good night, Hammy.
- Good night.
- Night, Bucky.
- Good night.
- Good night, Spike.
- Good night, Uncle Verne.
- Good night, Quillo.
- Night, Uncle Verne.
When we wake up,
only 273 days left till winter.
- That's enough, Verne.
- Good night, 273.
Spuddies...
Oooler... Wagon... Redder wagon.
Time's up, RJ.
But I have six more days! No!
OK. Four paws, fur.
Still alive, still alive.
So, what are you saying?
You want me to take 'em to his house?
- No.
- Then what are you saying?
Jimmy was pushing me on the bus.
- He likes you.
- No way, he's a creep.
Next time he shoves you, beat him up.
Yes!
OK, kids, dive in. There it is.
Bark for breakfast!
- I want a doughnut!
- I want pizza.
No, you don't.
OK. This is great.
Granted, it takes some time to chew.
But that...
That was very satisfying.
And, by the way,
lots of fiber in there too.
- Lots.
- I gotta admit, that does look tasty.
What are you doing here?
I'm here to help you with your...
foraging thing.
Look, Verne, you said a word
yesterday about your little gang here.
It starts with an F,
do you remember what it was?
- Family?
- Right, right, that.
You know, that got me right here.
You see, Verne,
I used to have all of that.
My own place, surrounded by loved ones,
universal remote.
But then all that went away with...
...the weed hacker incident.
Oh, God.
Oh, come here.
Yeah, that feels good, doesn't it?
- Oh, brother.
- Jeepers, Verne.
We could always use
the extra hand there, you know.
The weed hacker, Verne.
The weed hacker.
OK.
Not your problem. I'll just go.
This is me...
...going.
- Been nice.
- Don't hit.
Really nice getting to know you.
Hey, I'm sure I'll see you
around the forest.
- Take care.
- All right, all right.
Hey, RJ?
You can... you can stay.
- Oome here, ya big lug!
- No.
I knew beneath this hard,
crispy outside
there was a soft,
nougat-y center in there.
- Do you mind if I call you Uncle Verne?
- With every bone in my body.
Great. Hey, can I work with Hammy?
Wanna help me find my nuts?
Very tempting, Hammy, very tempting.
But first, I want to show you this.
You like this cookie?
- Well, this cookie's junk!
- I like a cookie.
Easy, easy. Don't worry.
I know where we can get
some cookies so valuable
that they are hand delivered
by uniformed officers.
- The Doyles' is the yellow house.
- They only ordered one box.
- The Doyles' is the yellow house.
- They only ordered one box.
There they are.
America's most coveted cookies.
Love Handles, Skinny Mints,
Neener Neeners and Smackeroons.
And guess what? They're all yours!
Whoa, Hamilton. Hold on there, fella.
I love your energy,
but you can't take 'em.
- You said they're mine.
- They will be,
if we successfully marry your
manic energy to my brilliant plan!
- You with me, kid?
- I... I... I...
The I's have it! Let's ride.
Mrs. Johansson
was allergic to chocolate.
- Really?
- Yeah, if she eats it,
- her face explodes or something.
- That is, like, so unfair.
- Wait, wait. How many boxes of?
- Hey!
You stay away from those cookies.
They're mine!
This guy's not coming, is he?
I don't want him to.
Oh, we have so much work to do.
Oome on, step into my office.
Now, listen up.
What we're going for here is
a vicious, man-eating, rabid squirrel.
- Oan you handle that?
- Excuse me?
Yes... Hammy.
OK. Rabbits aren't vicious.
They're all cute and cuddly, so...
Rabid, not rabbit.
Oh... What?
OK. So first we're gonna muss the hair.
That's looking good.
All right, now we're gonna...
We're gonna mat the fur a little bit.
A little puff on the tail...
Stop it! Puffier.
Liking that a lot.
Show me that wild look in your eye.
Oome on!
- I can burp my ABOs! A, B, O.
- Hammy!
I just really need you
to focus right now, OK?
- OK.
- Thank you.
Let's see. There we... Hang on a minute.
Not that, not that. No, no.
Nice!
Hammy?
Done! Now, come on.
I'll be right behind you.
Go on, get out there. Shoo, shoo!
I am a crazy rabid squirrel!
I want my cookies!
I'm rabid! I'm foaming at the mouth.
I'm foaming, very scary rabid squirrel.
Rabies!
- Hey, it's working!
- Behind you!
I know. You're right behind me...
Got it! Stand back!
- No, no, no, no! Oh, no!
- Take that!
- Walk it off! Walk that one off!
- What's going on? Is that Hammy?
- Everything's under control. Go back.
- You call that under control?
- He's under attack!
- He's working!
- I'm coming, Hammy!
- Verne! No!
What are you doing? Watch out!
- Hold still! I got it! Stay still.
- Help me! Get off of me!
- Yuck!
- Gross!
- Nasty!
- Oh, my God, this is so gross!
Verne!
That was great!
You, my friend, are a natural.
Or, should I say, au naturel.
Hammy, you were awesome, my man!
You had me scared. I was about to come
out and beat you with a book myself.
You're all right, aren't ya?
Of course you are. You are Hammy!
Those bruises are gonna heal.
You know what? Ohicks dig scars.
- There!
- Over there!
That's where the squirrel attacked us!
He has rabies or something.
There was this gross,
naked, amphibian thing.
- Reptile.
- It's OK, girls.
Go inside, have a cookie,
turn on the TV and calm down.
Thanks, Mom.
I'm sorry, Janis, did I
just hear them say "rabid squirrel"?
I think they mightjust be overreacting.
What if they're not? What if we have
a potential pandemic on our hands?
Vermin running loose, spreading disease
and lowering our property values?
Yeah. I have a casserole
in the oven. Gotta run.
Fine. Worry about your casserole,
and I'll worry about the end
of suburban peace and tranquility!
That's right. Don't push.
Plenty for everybody.
Got a box right over here for ya,
Penny.
That is good. Eat up! Anything that
tastes this good has to be good for you.
Feel buzzing in the back of your skull?
That's called a sugar rush.
It's what keeps humans going, why they
don't hibernate. Add a little of this,
and what usually takes you
all summer will take us a week.
I like it! I like it!
Hold on, Hamsquad.
The last thing you need is caffeine.
That's right. Oome on, dig in.
Because this, my friends,
is just the beginning.
What?
- Up, down! Up, down!
- He's getting away!
Oh, yeah!
Read it and weep.
Hello? I need every business listing
you have under "exterminator."
Ozzie!
- Whoa, Mom! You hit a possum.
- Oh, my goodness.
Do you think it's dead?
Oh, no.
- Wow!
- Touch it.
- Oan I poke him?
- No!
These poor little creatures.
- What's going on?
- Oome check it out.
Debbie? I don't remember seeing
a permit app for a gathering.
Groups of more than one
who wish to get...
Timmy, get the shovel from the car.
Lights fading, limbs growing cold.
- I see a tunnel.
- Oh, no.
Mother, is that you
beckoning me into the light?
Must move toward the light.
- What do you think he's doing?
- Maybe we knocked his brains loose.
You went too far.
Let's get out of here and leave this...
This...
- Nice catch, Verne.
- Yes! Yes!
- You're dangerous. You're insane!
- Sweet music, I'm going home!
Goodbye, cruel world!
Rosebud.
- Now can I poke him?
- No!
You see? This is exactly why
I called the exterminator.
To kill them
before they get hurt like this.
Everybody, get out of here right now!
Right! Kids, grab those handles.
Get the stuff.
- What?
- Here we go. I threw out my back.
- Let's go.
- Get down.
Oh, no.
I believe someone phoned
about an animal problem?
The solution is standing before you.
Dwayne LaFontant is here.
Where have you been? I'm throwing
a "Welcome to the Neighborhood" party,
and so far Debbie's car has killed
more animals than you have.
Stand down, sister.
I personally guarantee that there will
not be a living thing at this party.
The Verminator is on the job.
Leave it. Leave it!
What do we have here?
Didelphis marsupialis virginianus.
Approximately ten pounds.
Male.
- I think he's dead.
- Oh, really?
Do you, in fact, have an
associates degree from Vermtech?
I think he wants you to think he's dead.
- Go! Go!
- Move, move!
- That's it! Run! Go!
...voluntary shock state.
Look at him closely.
You can see him breathing.
I certainly hope he's not in any pain.
What the?
Kill it! Kill it!
Thank you all for coming!
You were a great audience!
Oh, man!
All right, what am I up against here?
Possum, porcupine, skunk, squirrel,
raccoon, amphibian.
- Reptile.
- No.
Reptile.
That's what I call
a super-duper performance there.
- I wanna do it again!
- Beyond super.
They were riveted. You were awesome!
All right!
Dad. I just gotta say,
that was... that was pretty good.
Props for the Ozman!
- Ozman!
- Yeah! Yeah!
But let's not forget
our brilliant leadership:
RJ.
RJ!
Brilliant!
RJ, come this way.
We wanna show you something.
- Yeah, sure.
- Sweet.
- What a team!
- That raccoon knows what he's doing.
You're my hero there, fella.
- Over here, this way.
- RJ, come on!
Yeah, we wanna show you something.
Oome on, hurry!
Oheck it out.
Your new home!
And look,
we got a place for you right here!
That's for me?
Yeah, is this anything
like what you had, RJ?
This isn't anything
like what I had, Lou.
- Here, I'm not supposed to drink this.
- Thanks.
- Is that my bag?
- Yeah, we brought it in here
so you wouldn't have
to sleep in that tree.
Really? Wow.
Hey, RJ, check this out!
We totally hooked up the TV.
- I hot-wired the HD converter.
- We get a thousand channels!
Oan you take the remote
before my dad does?
Wow. A universal remote?
This is nice, guys. Really nice.
We now return to A Scoundrel Among Us.
You should be ashamed of yourself.
We let you into our family,
and you've deceived us.
I gave you my heart, and you
ripped it into a million pieces.
Get real, Kevin. When you feel like a
dirtbag, it's because you're a dirtbag.
Right? So just own it,
just say it out loud. "I am a dirtbag."
Dirtbag.
I don't think that guy's a real doctor.
What do you think there, RJ? RJ?
Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, RJ.
What are you doing, man?
You are getting in way too deep.
Just get the food.
Feed the bear. Get the food.
Feed the bear.
Where's the food? Where's the food?!
Verne. What are you doing?
Getting things back
to the way they were.
- No, don't. How about I just leave?
- Good.
You leave, and I return
this stuff to the rightful owners.
What?! Why?
Because we've angered the humans.
And we don't wanna end up
like that rabbit.
Hence, I'm giving this back
so they won't kill us.
Verne, you don't understand!
We need this stuff!
No, we don't!
You can't take it!
Yes, I can!
- Let go!
- You let go!
- I have to have it.
- No!
Verne. Move slow,
keep your voice low and follow me.
What?
No.
No. I'm not falling
for any more of your smooth talk!
I don't know what you're up to,
but my entire shell is tingling.
Know what?
I'm listening to it this time,
- and I'm putting my foot down.
- No, no.
Play?
Play!
Play! Play! Play!
Play! Play! Play! Play! Play!
Play!
Let's play!
Play!
Jeez...
Play! Play! Play! Play! Play! Play!
- Down, boy. Sit. Roll over!
- Play!
- Play dead!
- Play!
Attaboy, Verne. Save the food.
I'll lose the dog.
Play.
Play, play, play, play.
Play, play, play, play.
Oh, no! No, no, no, no.
You're dropping all the food, man!
- Here, catch.
- Play!
Are you hungry? Look, food.
Oh, my back!
Look, people! Play with them!
- Look out!
- Stop! What's he doing?
- What was that?
- Play, play, play, play.
I'm all right,
I'm fine. It's OK. It's...
Verne, unhook the chain.
Play!
No.
Yes.
Bad.
Oh, boy.
Verne, I told you to unhook the chain.
Garbage cans are not to be
on the curb before eight...
You're the devil.
No! No!
Verne, you all right there?
- Gimme a hand, Oz.
- Sure, sure.
- What happened?
- What happened?
It's gone. The food! Gone!
- What?
- Gone?
- How's it gone?
- Ask him!
- Verne?
- I returned it
- to its rightful owner.
- What?
We, like, worked
our tails off, you know?
Like, a lot. And the food
we gathered was totally...
You know. And you're...
You're all, whatever.
Yeah, Verne, what were you thinking?
The log was full!
- Full ofjunk.
- So, what are you saying there?
That the food we gather our way isn't as
good as the food we gather your way?
Your way? You mean his way.
Oan't you see RJ is just using you?
Verne! Shame on you.
RJ wouldn't do that.
You have got to trust me on this.
Don't you understand
there's something wrong with him?
My tail tingles
every time I get near him.
So we're supposed to go hungry
because your butt's vibrating?
I'm starting to think that tingle
is just you being jealous.
- Jealous? Of him?
- Yeah.
He's embracing the future there,
and you're just holding us back.
I hold you back, all right.
From extinction.
See what you've done here?
If they listened to half the stuff
you're telling them,
they'll be dead within a week. You are
only interested in taking advantage
because they're too stupid
and naive to know any better.
I'm not stupid.
OK, I didn't mean...
I meant ignorant.
To the ways over... over there.
Oome on, you guys.
You know I didn't mean it like that.
Don't... don't do this.
Stella? Ozzie?
Hammy? You know I didn't...
- Hammy...
- I'm not stupid.
Please.
- Good night, Uncle RJ.
- Good night, kiddo.
Moon's full, RJ. See ya in the morning.
This'll cut you down to size!
I got ya!
- Is it done?
- Affirmative.
Did you put this one in?
This Depelter Turbo?
That's a contraband item, ma'am, as it
is illegal in every state, except Texas.
I don't care if it's
against the Geneva Oonvention.
- I want it!
- I thought you might.
So I took the liberty
of installing it for you.
Adios, animal infestation.
Oh, my.
What have I done?
- Shouldn't have taken all that food.
- What?
I shouldn't have taken all that food.
I was just trying to return
things to the way they were.
I was just being cautious.
'Oause that's what I am.
I'm naturally tentative.
There's even places in my shell
I haven't been.
You, on the other hand,
you're like... cool.
And crazy and fearless.
I think they're right.
I think I'm justjealous.
Verne, believe me,
you should not be jealous of me.
You got a good thing here. You're trying
to do what's best for your family.
And I think you're
what's best for them now.
What about your tail?
My head says listen to my tail, my tail
says listen to my head, and I just...
...end up with an upset stomach.
That's why you need
to be in charge now.
- You don't know what's going on.
- And you do.
- So, what's the problem?
- This, Verne, is the problem.
- You see this?
- I'm listening.
Just...
Just hang on a second. All right?
I...
- You throwing the party?
- Yes. To the right.
There are protective booties
to put on over your shoes.
Yes! Yes!
- What is this?
- What?
Oh, that...
...is a...
...list of all the stuff
that you lost, Verne.
- Really?
- It's a big, long list. You can see.
You're a... organized little guy,
aren't you? Nice job.
You know what? I know a place
so chock-full of food,
we could get it all back in one night.
Great. Let's go. Where is it?
- Inside that house.
- What?
- What is the point of this thing?
- Just send it down.
What Verne is trying to say is...
What Verne is trying to say is...
I mean, it's hard to really
sum it all up in just one word.
- But...
- I'm sorry.
Oh, come here.
- Oh, come here, Verne.
- That's right.
OK! Listen, stay in the huddle.
Here's the plan.
Now, the traps are set here, here, here,
here, here, here, here, here, here,
here, here, here and here.
Here, here, here, here.
Big one here, here,
- and maybe a few over here.
- Gee, is that all?
No. There's a bunch
of red lights all over here.
OK, Verne? Looking a little green.
I blacked out for a second there,
but I get the idea.
There's lights, traps...
I might need to change my shell.
OK, this is us.
- Oan I be the car?
- I wanna be the car!
- I'm the car. You be the shoe.
- The shoe is lame.
Why don't you be
that snazzy-looking iron?
Hey, it's not important!
Besides, I'm the car.
I'm always the car.
The plan works in three simple steps.
Step one, kill the lights.
Step two, get inside. Step three,
get out with mountain of food.
But this place is like a fortress.
Walls, so high. Doors, impenetrable.
- How will we get in?
- The collar is the key.
Literally, the collar.
It's like a key
that opens the door and if...
And what? You think he's just
gonna hand over his collar to you?
Not to me, my femme fatale. To you.
- Her?
- Me?
You, Stella, will get that cat
to give you his collar by using...
- My stink.
...your feminine charms.
Was that out loud?
Look, raccoon, maybe that mask
you're wearing is obstructing your view,
but if you haven't noticed, I'm a skunk.
On the outside, maybe. But I'm looking
inside, Stella, and I see a fox.
And all we gotta do is get her out.
- Scissors.
- Scissors?
- Here we go.
- Watch the...
- Oharcoal.
- Oharcoal?
- Air freshener.
- Tomato juice.
- Oork.
- Oork? Don't you dare.
- Get 'em!
- Score! Yeah!
One more thing.
Stop. That's it.
Ladies and gentlemen,
our work here is done.
Oh, my.
- Big jeepers.
- She's all like, wow.
What?
Meow.
- Whoa!
- Amazing!
Gosh, she looks...
Wow.
All right, gang, this is it.
We're going in.
Not again. Dang it!
Those things are so lifelike.
Ourse you, plastic moldsman.
OK, Hammy.
Hammy!
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Hammy, I told you that cookie's junk!
But I like a cookie.
What's going on? Is everything OK?
Here we go!
Oome on, Hammy, come on. Follow the
pretty light. There it is, that's it.
That's it, that's it.
There it is. Go get it.
That's it, that's it.
Go get it, you little nut!
Bingo! OK, step two.
I thought we'd be dead by step two,
so this is going great!
OK, gorgeous, you're on.
Man, this better be one stupid cat.
Audio, go!
She's supposed to be a cat.
Put it on cat.
Maybe the cat likes a cow.
Who goes there?
You're a cat! You're a cat!
You're a cat!
I mean, I'm a cat.
- Meow.
- Yeah, right.
Shoo. Go on, get away from here.
My owner does not give scraps
to common strays.
Oommon strays?
All right, you asked for it.
- Get the collar!
- Gee, that's a nice collar you got on.
- Mind if I have a look?
- No! Oome no closer!
I must not be so near
a creature of the outdoor woods.
- Away with your filth!
- My filth?
- My filth?!
- Oh, jeepers, here we go.
OK, that's it. I am sick and tired
of everybody taking one look at me
and running away
'cause they think I'm filthy.
Well, I got news for you.
I didn't get all primped and preened
to have some over-fed, pompous puffball
tell me he's too good for me.
I got makeup on my butt, dude!
And you don't even
wanna know about the cork!
Stop! No one has ever
spoken to me like that!
It is bold. I like it.
Well, believe me,
there's more where that came from...
...puffball.
- All right, team, let's boogie.
You are strong.
Your essence is overpowering.
- What? What do you mean by that?
- It is your eyes.
- My eyes.
- They are luminous.
Luminous? Dang.
You know, I think this
is the part where I blacked out.
Did the little shoes and cars
actually get into the house?
- So you got a name?
- Yes.
It is a Persian name,
for I am Persian.
I was born Prince
Tigeriess Mahmood Shabaz.
That's a mouthful.
Oan I just call you Tiger?
- This place is huge.
- Wicked cool.
Animals are in the house.
Wow!
- Oh, my goodness.
- This is so cool.
- Yes! OK, stations, everybody.
- Let's boogie!
- We got it.
- Here we go.
No grip, no grip, no grip.
- Hammy! Less claw, more pad.
- Oh, OK.
That hurt.
- Just a minute, I'll be right there.
- What was that?
Lt... That's just the sound
of my heart. Oan't you hear it?
This way, this way!
OK, OK, we're good. Go back to work.
There ya go.
Here, catch!
Oh, boy.
Yes, I'm gonna make it.
My father, he had
an exceptionally flat face.
He was so beautiful,
he could barely breathe.
Fascinating.
...inside, I have a multi-leveled
climby-thing with shag carpet.
- Oome, I show you.
- No, no!
I haven't told you about my life.
Good, good. Going great, going great.
What is that?
That is what gets the humans
out of bed in the morning.
Where'd she go?
Get down and stay down.
Move. Move.
Oome on! We've gotta go
before she comes back.
- No! Not without those Spuddies.
- What?
Lou, Penny, back to the TV.
Heather, keep an eye on that human.
- I'm on it, RJ.
- No, Heather. Wait!
The tingle, the tingle.
RJ! The wagon's full,
let's get out of here.
Vincent, this'll only take a second
- Vincent?
- Where?
- Who's Vincent?
- Oh, Verne, Vincent.
Simple slip of the bear. Tongue!
Just bear with me
is what I meant to say.
There's no bear.
Lights fading. Limbs growing co...
Heather.
Oh, Heather!
There's a dead, white rat
on my staircase.
I thought you were dead.
I learned from the best, Dad.
That's my girl.
Oome to Papa.
We better hurry.
We don't have much time.
- What's going on, RJ?
- Nothing!
Let's get out of here
because we have what we need.
- No, we don't.
- What are you talking about?
- We have more than enough.
- Hey, listen.
I've got this long to hand over that
wagon of food to a homicidal bear.
If these Spuddies aren't on the menu,
then I will be. Now let go of my tail.
What?
Let go!
Hey, whoa!
I'm sorry, I've gotta go.
Stella, Stella,
where are you going? Stella!
Stella!
Look, it's not you.
It won't work, OK, because I'm a...
Skunk!
Yeah, that. Sorry you have to see this.
Fire in the hole!
- Oh, my...
- This smell doesn't bother you?
No. This face was bred for beauty.
I cannot smell a thing.
You can't smell?
To the door! Go, go, go, go, go, go!
- Run!
- This way!
Let's party.
Bunnies!
Flee, my love.
Run, that way. Outside!
Move, kids! Oome on!
Buenos das, reptile.
You've just been verminated.
You stink.
That's because you let them
into my... house!
- Those...
- Hey, Nancy, stop your honkin'.
These little guys will be
disposed of quickly and humanely.
No! Not humanely.
As inhumanely as possible.
It was a pleasure
doing business with you, ma'am.
- What's he gonna do to us, Mama?
- I don't know, baby.
I don't wanna die, Dad. Not for real.
There, there, there, sweetheart.
We'll be OK.
You were right about him, Verne.
We shoulda listened. Sorry there.
No.
I knew we couldn't trust him,
and I got us into this.
I should've known better.
Wow!
Vincent?
So I was on my way
down here to kill you.
But I stopped to watch the show,
and I gotta say...
...that, right there,
is a thing of beauty.
That is the most vicious, deceitful,
self-serving thing I've ever seen.
Olassic RJ.
You take the food,
and they take the fall.
You keep this up,
you're gonna end up just like me.
Having everything you ever wanted.
But I already had that.
What, them? Who are you kidding?
You said it yourself,
you're a family of one.
Always will be.
It's how guys like you and me survive.
So a few saps got hurt in the process.
Tough. That's life.
Trust me, you don't need them.
Actually, I do.
And right now, they really need me.
So I really need this!
RJ!
What the?
- There goes my back again.
- Are you OK?
You sorry sack of rat dung.
Whoa, Stella, this is a rescue.
I'm rescuing you.
I'm gonna gas you so hard
your grandchildren'll stink.
- Bear!
- What's that?
- Bear!
- Hair?
- Bear!
- Dare?
- Bear!
- Oh, bear!
What?
- We're out of control!
- We can drive.
- It's just like Auto-Homicide 3!
- What?
Verne, let me in!
Wrong button! Wrong button!
- Please select destination.
- Take us home! Take us to the log!
Previous destination selected.
Make a legal U-turn.
We got it!
- Hammy! Let me in!
- Not listening to RJ.
Kids, lose that bear!
What weapons do we have?
- We've got a hammer.
- Oool.
You little...
Thank you. Yes, yes! Hey!
- Let me in, let me in!
- No! Ring-tailed charlatan!
Ozzie!
He's trying to help us. Just let him in.
- After what he did to us?
- But he came back.
And he brought a bear.
- No fighting while we're driving.
- We will turn this van around, mister.
He started it.
I'm telling you, he's trying to help us.
But, Verne, you're the one
who always says trust your tail.
But it's not tingling.
- Why didn't you say so?
- Hey!
Thank you, thank you.
- You're dead, RJ!
- Duck!
- And your friends are next.
- Look out!
Make an immediate left turn.
Bonus points!
Yeah!
RJ!
Yeah!
- Look out.
- High score.
No, no, no, no!
You have arrived.
Everybody all right?
- Oome on!
- We've gotta go, we've gotta go!
The old jazz dance injury.
- Oome on, come on. Quillo!
- Go, go, go.
- Did we make it?
- That was close!
- All right!
- Are we here?
Penny? The kids here? Hammy?
Scary clown.
Look out!
A weed hacker, Verne. A weed hacker!
- Hey!
- Up, up, go up.
Show your little rat faces.
Filthy creatures.
Stay in the woods where you belong.
Watch out!
You guys wanna party, do ya?
All right, then, let's party.
- Mom!
- Kids!
Penny, Lou, look out! Down!
That's it! Verne, get everybody
out of here. I'll distract him.
- Are you crazy? He'll kill you.
- Well, I'm the one he wants.
Take care of your family, Verne.
I intend to. The whole family.
- There's got to be something we can do.
- There's no time.
Hammy!
Hey, Vincent. You were right.
With a Spuddie,
enough just isn't enough.
RJ!
Now, Hammy. Go, go, go!
OK...
I got the cookie.
- That's the...
- The Depelter Turbo.
Prepare for a lot of stinging.
Oh, no! No, no! No, no! No!
Ouch!
That stung like I knew it would!
- Yeah!
- All right!
Good job, everybody. That's teamwork.
Oome here, Hammy, come here.
You are a genius, my boy.
Oh, thank you.
And, Verne,
don't you ever fix this shell!
Yeah. Glad it's working for ya.
Take it off, give it back.
Here we go, off to the
Rockies for you, Smoky.
Now, you do realize
that was a Depelter Turbo?
Officer, please. It was that Verminator.
He sold it to me.
This has nothing to do with me.
Hey, hey, it was in your yard.
Your name's on the contract,
so tell it to the judge.
- No! It's not my fault! Let go of me!
- Ma'am...
I can't be arrested! I'm the president
of the homeowner's association!
Take her down!
She's getting away!
- We got a twitcher! Watch it! Ma'am!
- Get her!
- Stop that!
- Oan I get help over here?
Somebody get a hold of her legs!
- Play?
- Oh, no!
No, no! No, no!
High five, Hammy!
- Yes!
- It worked!
We did it!
- Oh, yes!
- Stella!
- Stella!
- Over here, Tiger.
Oh, Stella.
So this is the outdoor woods? I like it.
Oome on, big boy.
You're coming with me.
You know, RJ, just for the record,
if you had told us that all
that food you were trying to get
was to pay back an angry bear,
we would've given it to you.
- Really?
- Yeah, that's what families do.
They look out for each other.
- I've never had anything like that.
- I know. But believe me, this...
This is the gateway to the good life.
Wish you would've told me that sooner.
Well, that's bad communication.
Also something families do.
So, what do you say?
You wanna be a part of it?
Oome here, come here.
I promised I wouldn't do this. OK.
Welcome to the family!
- Hey!
- Group hug!
OK, OK.
What a first week of spring.
Wait a minute! That means
there's only 267 days left till winter.
What are we gonna do for food?
Yes, Hammy.
I filled the log.
- Jeepers!
- What?
Look, look! I found my nuts!
That, my friends, is the object
of all human attention and devotion.
- And they call it a TV.
- Wicked cool!
Humans feel an inner need
to connect with the world around them.
That is super-duper.
They also feel a need
to sit on their fat butts.
Watching TV fulfills both needs
at the same time.
Wow. Interesting.
Oome on, kids. Family time there,
in front of the TV. Got your snack food?
Buy a vowel. Buy a vowel!
Buy a "Y". Please buy a "Y".
- I can't find the remote.
- Hey, Spikey, race ya!
- Has anybody seen the remote?
- Dad, chill.
I could do a little TV.
Today's the day we find out
if the baby is gifted
or if Saxon is really an alien.
Like Khan in Star Trek II!
The Genesis Project
was in the hands of the Enterprise,
but Khan had his plan
to steal the invention!
- Well, that was specific.
- I saw it on TNT, a retrospective.
- Gummi Worm, anybody?
- Let me have one.
Bucky, pass this to Lou.
- Taste this.
- Don't you take that.
- This is the perfect food.
- Fat-free cookies?
Might as well be eating dirt.
I've had dirt. I don't like dirt.
It tastes like dirt.
The show is starting.
Hang on a minute.
I can't wait. I can't wait.
Yes! Here we go.
- Kind of anticlimactic.
- Shoot!